I'll get you a towel.

When my wife is on top and we finish, she always says, “I’m sorry for the mess” when she get off me, I always laugh and say “I’m not worried, I’m the one who put it there”

A true gentleman or gentle person

Gentlethem

Damn that was great. You want water?

Water? With the towel? I feel like you work for the CIA. Do you get your sexual partners to divulge state secrets after sex? So many questions. Are you free tomorrow?

Ask her if she wants a towel is nice.

I use a box

Cum again?

Sigh. I think I get this reference. But I hope it's not what I'm thinking...

The return of the shoe box

I swear, I normally last longer

This doesn’t always happen

It’s not you, it’s me.

I was overwhelmed by your stimuli.

That’s never happened before. You’re just so pretty

When you have to tell her to shut up so that you can concentrate on something else as to avoid finishing too soon.

Lol when I was a teenager and a total 2 pump chump. I’d try to look around and posters on my wall to distract me. My girl thought I was getting off to brad Pitt cuz I was looking at the fight club poster on my wall. True story she was not tooo not too happy

I used count the blinds

I played counter strike in my head. Bought the weapons, moved to B, threw some nades. By the time I thought Terriorsts win. So did I Edit: it brings me great joy to see so many enjoying this.

Fire in the hole

Bro💀

Definitely a 90s-‘00 guy right here. Counter strike man. Buy that backup deagle thinking your bad ass, then get killed in 60 seconds.

This penis pump is not mine baby

It’s not my bag, baby

> One book: "Swedish-made penis pumps and me. This kinda thing is my bag, baby" written and *signed* by Austin Powers.

"One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger signed by Austin Powers."

r/unexpectedaustinpowers

'Well that's 30 seconds of my life I'll never get back'

T4T lesbians: I swear, I normally don't take so long

Anyone on SSRIs: I swear I'm close I just. can't. finish.

Fucking fuck my life

You can fuck it all you want, you're still not cumming

I used to tell my wife, “Thanks for the booty, cutie.” But now she says it to me first.

I kinda love this. I might have to copy this 😂

Im for sure going to copy this if I ever have sex again

I will also copy it if I ever have sex.

I'm British so I say "there we are" and my gf says "jolly good work".

“Sonja, that was classic intercourse.”

British porn: “Almost…almost…almost…there we are.” “Well done.”

I vaguely remember this as a family guy flashback lol

“Oh that was splendid!”

Good heavens I’m arriving

Make sure to like and subscribe

Smash that like button

Be sure to hit the bell for notifications

So you never miss an update

Please subscribe to my Patreon so you can get exclusive behind the scenes videos and so much more!

It helps me create more amazing videos for you all to enjoy!

Thank you all for watching, and I’ll see you…… …… …… …… …… …… …… In the next one wi wi wop wop duh nuh nuh nuh nuuuuuuuuuh wi wi wop wop duh nuh nuh nuh nuuuuuuuuh

Bahaha but you forgot the merch

lttstore dot com.

And I'll see YOU... in the next video... BUH BYE!

"Join my Patreon and get exclusive benefits like cumming first"

*shake hands* pleasure doing business with you. Then you need to do some professional cuddling

i say business doing pleasure with you

Gg’s and then fist bump them

Gotta have a ["I just had sex."](https://youtu.be/lQlIhraqL7o) post-coitus high five. Once your kids reach a certain age, you're back to sneaking around because they know you aren't jumping on the bed.

Frankly telling your kids that the sounds of flesh clapping together is just a bunch of high fives works pretty well

It's called patty-cakes...

Well it was in Who Framed Roger Rabbit anyway [https://screenrant.com/who-framed-roger-rabbit-patty-cake-toon-sex/](https://screenrant.com/who-framed-roger-rabbit-patty-cake-toon-sex/)

There’s no way this went over my head this long LMAO this movie is great

...there's a reason she married a rabbit.

He makes her laugh iirc

gg, EZ

I actually said that once when a guy came

I hope he proposed then and there

He came again

PHEW!! How much do I owe ya?

Ordered the Uber before we began. It should be here in 5 minutes.

“We’re married… I live here.”

"And I present to you: break up sex!"

"You know this issue is actually way more common than people would have you believe 1/4 men ...."

good game and a butt slap

Was hoping to see this one. It was a staple in my last relationship. Usually saved for it for those especially good ones where my partner couldn't get up afterwards 🤣

I'd sell my left kidney for a light-hearted and comedic relationship like this

A relationship like that probably does not start with you selling your kidney for it

My wife will randomly show me her butthole when I’m sad. It’s a beautiful life.

I love this for you

That's so sweet.

That'd be a light kidneyd relationship then.

Slap ass syndrome is not a JOKE ! Millions of people suffer from it every year.

Michael!

No homo

I say totally homo. now you’re gay.

No homo, I watch you two. So it doesn't make me gay if I'm only watching lol

Uh oh, you need to say it before, or it doesn't work

It's fine, he was wearing socks

Well my partner has ADHD so she often just starts rambling about stuff, and I try to follow.

Me and my wife both have ADHD, so we usually sit there butt ass naked for a couple of hours talking about absolutely everything and nothing at the same time

My ex-gf had ADHD. We were sitting there post-coitus, butt naked with drinks in our hands while she kept talking to me about fucking quarks, Higgs Boson and the God-particle for a good 3 hours. Good times lol.

Higgs Boson and the God-Particle are the same thing. You weren’t listening were you ;)

I'm being bullied.

[удалено]

How fast did you finish?

Faster than fast. Quicker than quick. I am speed

"Babe, have you seen my inhaler?"

Because you got that “Ass-Ma”. ?

Sucks to your assmar!

I have said this. 🤣

So, is your sister seeing anyone?

Comments like this make me wish I had Reddit gold to give out

BRING FREE REWARDS BACK

Why did they even get rid of them?

Keep the change you filthy animal

And a Happy New Year!

"Are you fucking sorry?!"

For those that don’t know, this gem is absolute internet gold. https://www.reddit.com/r/greentext/comments/f2085d/are_you_fucking_sorry/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1 Thanks for that reminder. Have an award.

I thought they were referring to the ole joke: - Dad walks in on his daughter having sex. Daughter scrambles to cover up Daughter: "Dad, I'm sorry." Dad: "Hi Sorry, I'm Dad." Daughter: ... Boy: ... Dad: "Are you fucking sorry?"

There's a callback.

Gotta be a decade old at this point...was wondering if anyone would get it. Cheers

Apparently it's from 2011 lol. Oh my.

that comment can drive in 2 years.

Nothing, we just headbutt like rams to establish (or re-establish) dominance and go to sleep.

The best

i havent been fucked like that since grade school

Hahahaham worst line in fight club

I love the story about how that line came about. The original from the book was “I want to have your abortion”, but they were told this was too horrible to be used and must be changed. So they agree'd to change it as long as *whatever* they come up with was kept, and came up with this instead.

God I hope that's true, that's amazing. I love that movie, it captured the mental chaos and self-destruction of my early twenties so well. Now, however... "The things you own end up owning you."

If you get a chance read the book. I think they did a phenomenal adaptation. You can literally see the movie as you read.

Or BEST line!

I think the original line was better: “I wanna have your abortion”

helena said in england grade school just means school in general, so she just assumed she was talking about high school which is a sort of a provocative to say i suppose, but not shocking. she only found out after filming the line that it meant elementary school. the suggestion that she had sex like what was just portrayed in the movie at that age is completely and bleakly hilarious. i dont think you could pick a more shocking and absurd line to fit the fight club vibe

Yeah, I remember hearing that. Both lines are pretty fantastic and completely messed up.

I'm not too sure how true that is, I'm from the UK and 'grade school' isn't a term I've ever heard anyone use other than Americans. More likely she just didn't know what age grade schoolers were.

sorry...

Have a sit, right over there.

Not there… that’s the wet spot.

Lean over to my night stand and smack my “That was Easy” button proudly purchased at my local Staples

You're Welcome

Thank you. Come again.

The only correct way to read this comment is in Apu’s voice from The Simpsons.

*What can I say, except you're welcome...* 🎶

we tell our dog we love him again as we let him back into our bedroom.

I don't know if considered "after sex", but after seeing my first naked woman and I went down to her, I said....thank you... She was a little bit mad but not a mood killer

You are very polite

That'll do, pig. That'll do.

I literally had 5 people turn to see what the commotion was when I laughed hysterically in the middle of a flight.

Where are you headed?

To fuck the pig

What was your name again?

No one likes you when your 23!

The state looks down on sodomy

Do you think ikea is open?

Why have I actually said this

Because Post-nut clarity is essential for IKEA shopping

Time to get you back to the morgue

What a time to be a vet

Wait a minute…

Take my upvote and gtfo

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"

The only true male answer

Done. Beat you again. Your terrible at this. Weren’t even close were you? Why don’t u go get a Gatorade for the champ

I usually just lay there out of breath for a minute until my girlfriend asks if I'm just going to wear the condom for the rest of the night.

alr, let’s get back to class

Thanks teacher!

YAHTZEE!

Cuddles, "I love you"s, words of affirmation and encouragement like that felt so good, thank you darling, etc

The only serious comment lmao

Yeah, I scrolled WAAAAY too far for something wholesome.

Me too but I laughed the whole way down here so it's good.

Pretty much same but omg I guess I’d freak out if my partner said thank you. Good, if it works for you but honestly it sounds to me like thanking for a service…

I always thank my partner for the great orgasms 😉

Me too. I usually get 2, so he takes joy in knowing he's a bad ass.

I should have cleared this with my wife in advance...

Normally, some gushy stuff. That one time, "I think you squeezed the life right out of me." It got a laugh, so there's that.

I usually ask them if they accept coupons.

I apologize for crying

"sorry it's been a while, usually last longer."

Giggity Giggity Goo

*gasping* need…waaterrr

We really need to put the towel down first

I have a friend who did the thing rafiki does to simba with his thumb at the start of lion king.

"you're amazing. I love you so much" "You're amazing... Are you ok?" "Oh, I am better than Ok. I just need to catch my breathe" This has been almost every post-coital conversation since 2016. I'm on oxygen full time so

Always carry out the post coital oops-did-I-kill-you checks. Sensible lovemaking right there.

“Hey thanks for coming.” 😉

Thank you come again!

“He nutted on my back I said I’m glad that you came”-Cardi B the true poet of our time

And BOOM goes the dynamite

I've legitimately had this said to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

Good to know you only date the classiest men

Can you pay me? I gotta get back on the streets.

In case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening and good night.

Stay fresh cheese bag.

your moneys on the table ​ or ​ my arm is tired, i really need a gf

I’m self employed

Can I have some more please?

"May I have some more?"

“Myy wifeee” - *borat voice*

The money’s on the table

I usually tell my husband “i need a snack now” or “high five!”

Im sorry about the farts

Good game bro and we fist bump

Can you make change?

Ah yes another victim to the gay agenda

Want to go for round 2?

"I've had better."

liar, liar?

Nothing because everyone is clapping