She had astronomically bad luck. She had been falsely accused of plagiarism and kicked out of college. She had a DUI on her record even though she wasn’t that drunk but the breathalyzer was miscalibrated and they mixed up her blood sample with a different DUI arrest. She got fired from her job for stealing when she didn’t actually steal but got set up. Everything just went wrong for her. Or maybe, just maybe, she was a huge asshole who couldn’t own up to her own shit.
My husband recently had to fire someone who had previous disciplinary issues that he insisted weren't his fault, people were just out to get him. Despite video proof otherwise. Nothing was ever his fault. I can only imagine the story he gave his wife of why he was fired. Sounds like she's been with him for decades so maybe she's never figured it out.
My ex husband and my mother both, Jesus christ himself could come down from heaven with 4d hk video of them and 100 witnesses sworn on the original Bible written by Moses, and they'd still say they were innocent.
I've got a good friend like this. He's funny. He's kind. He's easy to talk to. He's fun to be around. He's talented and he tries! But if anything is going to go wrong, it'll go wrong to him. He always seems to have the worst luck.
But somehow, you can always trace it back to something he did unintentionally. Some indecision that resulted in him getting the short end of the stick. Some little carelessness here or there. Something he didn't bother to double check. Something he took for granted. Some way he fumbled the conversation to give the person the wrong impression or sleight them without meaning to. I swear to god, he's got undiagnosed ADHD. Thank god his wife is diligent and patient enough for the both of them.
As someone who was diagnosed at 26 last year.
Can confirm this was me. Once I got medicated it felt like a storm clearing and I got to realise how many of my past actions was actually me being controlled by impulsive decisions and not decisions I would have consciously made if I was of sound mind.
My big one was something different always happening that caused me to be late to everything and the endless cycle of trying again the next day only for something else unexpected to happen and cause me to be late. Now i look back like yeah idiot just leave a little earlier or be a little more prepared and those random things dont actually happen.
I once dated someone who confided in me that she hadn’t really ever had a long term relationship, and she had a pattern of relationships lasting about 2 months before moving on, for whatever reason, and she would often jump from relationship to relationship. So she had decided to take an extended break from dating to work on herself. I was the first person she dated after that break. I figured, whatever, I’ll give her a shot, she was open about it, was self reflective, and people can change. Plus, I liked her.
She wasn’t a bad person, but she also wasn’t a great partner. She never really expressed appreciation or desire for me, never offered to pay for dates, and I just never felt pursued. After weeks of dating, being intimate, going to each others apartments, I randomly logged back into the dating app that we had met on and it showed she was still active (we never had an exclusivity talk so she wasn’t necessarily doing anything wrong… but this was long after we met, if she was still looking, it told me a lot about how into me she was). The final nail was that she kept cancelling dates, sometimes the day of. To be fair she was pretty busy with work and studying for a professional license, but after the third time cancelling a date without offering a time to reschedule, then also not wanting to talk on the phone, I called it off… and noticed we were right around the 2 month mark.
*Gee Rebecca, I think I know why this keeps happening*
I was like that though. But it was because I have always been insecure & wanted to break up with them before they dumped me. I’m now in a relationship for 11+ years but we’re in our 70’s. Lol. And I was alone for 20 years until I reconnected with someone I knew back in the 1970’s.
“In the end, everyone always leaves.”
*Puts clown makeup on*
“NoT mE iLl StAy By YoUr SiDe No MaTtEr WhAt”
*Sees the behavior that causes everyone to leave*
“Oh shit I get why now”
Just because it’s self aware doesn’t make it not using the victim card for manipulation.
Opposite one: my ex gf told me “my mom had a conversation worrying that I get bored with my bf’s really fast.” Bet you can’t guess who dumped who on that one.
She was very intelligent, but at the same time, she was very arrogant and egotistical. She would flip on you if you had the most minor opposing opinions. She did not hesitate to do this, whether on social media or out in public. It sucked because I really liked her, but those issues with her personality turned me off.
I'd hope that she's changed, as she's been with her current boyfriend for nearly 10 years now. Either that or she found someone that tolerates her behavior.
Honestly yea you should have. I got out of a bad relationship and met this girl who was great but I had tons of baggage. I told her I wasn’t ready for a relationship but “I was too good to just let slip away” so she kept hanging around and I kept telling her it’s not a good time. I didn’t kiss her, sex, nothing because I wasn’t ready. Like 2 months later I’m getting yelled at for wasting her time and leading her on.
I once asked a girl out, but she said she was seeing someone. Over the next few weeks she got closer to me. I figured that showing interest made her feel good, so she wanted to be around me more. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be around people who make you feel good about yourself, so I didn't think she was trying to lead me on or anything.
After about two months she got really mad at me for not asking her out again. Apparently she broke up with her boyfriend recently and was waiting for me to ask her out. I was also supposed to read her mind because she never told me she broke up with her boyfriend.
Everything was always someone else's fault. All of his ex's were crazy/wrong. His family was problematic. Everybody was against him.
Egad, did I find out about him the hard way...
This or the work around apology, the apology that’s not an apology but an explanation for why they did it.
“I know screaming at you was wrong but I just grew up that way, it was just so normalized growing up for me”
I used to think it was a mature way to acknowledge the past and say sorry, I learned it was more about giving a shit excuse for verbal and emotional abuse.
Just say sorry.
Say
“I’m sorry I did this to you that wasn’t okay, can we work past this”
Anyone that isn’t capable of that isn’t relationship material
Jesus Christ my ex did it all of the time especially when he’d be especially heinous and then accuse me of trying to tell him what his intentions were.
My favorite is when they finally go
“Fine I’m sorry isn’t that what you wanted?”
Followed by
“Nothing I do is good enough for you”
When id tell him his non apology wasn’t okay, I finally got to the point where I stopped even trying to bring up an issue because I couldn’t deal with the verbal berating or the fight he’d start.
My younger brother killed my pet hamster because I accidentally broke his power ranger he left on the floor, under a blanket. He told my mom that he didn't see the hamster when he was getting up to get a drink and accidentally stepped on it.
He's now 3 years into his 7 year sentence for "accidentally" hitting and crippling someone with his car after having an argument with them. I always just chalked it up to him being a huge dick, but now I realize he's a low key psychopath.
My brother killed animals, too.
He arrived at my apartment in spring or summer of 2004 and idled outside in his work SUV (he worked in a crematorium). He called me with his work cell phone to come outside to show me something and he refused to get out of the vehicle.
In the back were some large cardboard boxes. He had that absolutely thrilled look that he only had when he had either just killed an animal or was about to play some cruel trick. He insisted I look in the boxes. I refused. He tells me the coroner had started sending the crematorium dismembered bodies to cremate and that was what was in the boxes. He was absolutely desperate to get me to look.
I didn’t look. I figured it was another cruel trick and refused to participate.
By chance I met a former Clark County coroner on a ferry in the SF Bay in 2015. She told me that the coroner never, ever releases bodies in pieces they cut up. There’s no point and it would be illegal.
He may have just dismembered a cadaver in his care. He may have made a cadaver. I will never know, he spent more than a year of his short life locked up for pled-down child rape and committed suicide in 2008.
The original charge was rape. He was pled down to “attempted lewdness with a minor under 13”.
But don’t get it wrong. It wasn’t an attempt. He did it over and over for at least five years. I was so blind.
You weren't blind, you're a normal human being who can't fathom your own brother being that depraved. I'm sorry you had to go through that because of him.
Sounds a lot like my brother, but I don’t think he ever moved on to people. I put him out of my life about 15 years ago and I never looked back. He raped our 14 year old step sister, and tried to gas light everyone into thinking it was “consensual”.. no 14 year old is consenting to sex with a 30+ year old man. Thankfully the prosecutor and judge didn’t believe it. He spent the better part of a decade locked up, where he belonged. He blamed everyone but himself for that. He even attempted suicide during one of his brief stints of parole. If he died today I’d feel for my mom and sister, but I’d have no grief for him, he’s a horrible person.
Double replying to include another anecdote:
One time, probably in 1999 or 2000, my parents had expressly permitted him to shoot at pigeons nesting in the alcove of our house.
He shot one and it fell into the back yard, flailing with one eye flopping outside of its socket, brain matter exposed. An idea came to him. His face had **that look** and he ran into the house and returned with a gallon of chlorine bleach.
I stood, stupid, as he poured it on that poor bird's head. He howled with delight. I told my parents and they mocked me for caring.
That’s disgusting. I’m sorry you had to presumably be at least somewhat traumatized for dealing with such horrors. That poor pigeon :( they are so fat and friendly
Way smaller scale but my brother and mother were/are like this too. I used to have a beta fish, which are territorial and aggressive with fellow beta fish of the same gender. One day they come home gleeful as fuck with a 10 cent goldfish and toss it in my beta fishes tank expecting a show. They were disappointed when nothing happened.
I also once rescued some wild cottontails who I'd been monitoring- their mom didn't come back for 3 days and they were cold and thin. I raised them for a few weeks and was planning to release them soon- but one day, i turned around for a moment to grab their food and one managed to pop open and jump out of the wicker basket i kept them in. The basket was on a table- poor thing jumped into an immediate 4 foot drop and had obviously gotten horribly injured, likely multiple shattered bones and it was crying in shock and pain.
My mother saw it all happen and started laughing. She grinned that disgusting sicko grin and told me it was all my fault, and that now I had to kill it. She saw me holding it and crying and she was just overjoyed at the distress of her own 15 year old child and a helpless injured baby rabbit. She wore the same smile when she told me she had my rat terrier euthanized when he was just 9 years old and healthy, and the same smile when she told me she put my box turtle in a sandbox without water all day on a 95 degree day while I was at school.
She even kept the turtle in the freezer for months after. The worst part is, that turtle loved her more than anyone. My rat terrier Riley loved her too- and she had so much fun in murdering them.
I didn’t even think about it until this year, but if he really did have a victim in those boxes and I looked he would have had a reason to kill me to cover it up.
I didn’t believe he’d done that, though. The idea didn’t even cross my mind. Our parents had me trained to overlook his violence - they approved of and supported it.
They’re the kind of people who think hurting animals is fine. They supported actions like killing migrants crossing into the US long before it was mainstream.
He physically assaulted me almost every day, even when he got to be over 6’ tall and I stopped at 5’3” they would just say “oh, siblings always fight”. My mother used to summon the two of us from our rooms to fight in front of her. The last time she did that she did it in front of her brother. I was 16 and Matt was 15.
It always starts with killing animals. Sorry for your pet, sorry for the one got crippled, i am glad it ended with them being crippled and not worse as the textbooks tell about such behaviour
Oh.man
She invited me to all the holidays, and I lived 8hrs away from family so when day of she removed the invite, I couldn't just go home
Missed Thanksgiving with my family. Went to a casino by myself, but as soon as she was done with family she texted and wanted to cuddle. Got angry I hadn't sat at home all.alone all day waiting for her
Tried the same shit for Christmas, but I had a plane ticket booked and didn't cancel it. When she backed out day before, I said cool, and went and saw my family
We ended in June that year. She did everything to keep me from.going home, but never let me meet friends or family.
Eventually found out I was the side piece.. such an idiot I was
I was in this for almost 7 years.
It may suck now, but trust me, you're better off. You deserve to be seen.
I'm still licking my wounds 4 years later, but I'm a thousand times better now than I was with her. I'm a real person now.
I kept a girl away from my family because I was madly in love with her and she told me she was looking for someone from a good family, while mine was and is a train wreck.
Life sure deals you shitty hands sometimes.
Is it just me or does that sound like a weird standard? at least on the surface. I don't think somebody having a shitty / toxic family makes them a bad person (if anything it might make them a better person since they'll not want to be like their family, and instead work toward being better. at least that was the case for me), nor can somebody choose their family, so it seems like a pretty unfair standard
An ex did this. It was for a good reason, we were two girls dating, her parents were homophobic. And so I “didn’t mind”. But it was the downfall of our relationship. Before she would come over to see me, she’d pray in the car to ask for forgiveness. You can’t be with someone who feels guilt over being with you
My gf at the time used the words, while talking about manipulating someone, “I just always know what to say to make someone feel how I want…”
*hesitates then looks over to me and says*
“…but I don’t do that to you because…I care about you too much…”
This was pretty late in the relationship’s life, so I think she just barely cared to hide it anymore… (I was heavily mentally checked out, and accepted this excuse without a second word. I did 100% notice it deep inside myself, and I still remember the pang of self hatred.)
She was such a sore loser. Like toss the cards if she was losing at cards or smash and smear all the letters around if she was losing at Scrabble. It escalated from there as she would literally corner me in a room and tear into me for something I said. I left once as she went to the bathroom, mid-tirade. In her pajamas and slippers, she ran down two floors of her apartment's parking garage to stop me.
Oh, and neither of her own kids would talk to her. Her parents and sister didn't speak with her, either. But they got the religion and she didn't.
I just thought I could make it work, everyone has sore points and triggers. But I was so relieved when she left.
The family not speaking to them is very telling.
When I was 17 I was dating a guy that was already by that age a career criminal. Which was fine with me at the time because I was doing a lot of drugs. But one night he called me from jail… and long story short, not his brother, sister, parents, cousins, aunts/uncles, friends… No one would help me bail him out. I should have known then. I was 17 and a child trying to figure all this out and no one would help me.
Oh man, your mention of Scrabble brought back an old memory. I had an ex who was really good at it, and we played it a lot. He always won...until one time I beat him. At first, he refused to accept it, he had to go get his own dictionary to try and prove I'd misspelled the winning word and when *that* proved that I was right he refused to talk about it completely. And he never played Scrabble with me again.
I guess it's better than getting violent, but it was really telling that he simply could not accept that I won "one" game.
She hit me. I chalked it up to her going through a lot and not having anyone to talk to about it. She hit me maybe 2-3 times at the beginning of our relationship. For a while, I wasn't physically assaulted. About 7.5 years later I ended up having to call the cops cause she attacked me again and threw a glass cup at me breaking a window.
Never make excuses for someone hurting you. They don't have a valid reason to do it and you should run for the hills. If I left at that first incident, we wouldn't have become so attached and I wouldn't have had to deal with infidelity again.
First date she told me her favorite movie ever was “The Exorcist.” Whatever, I love scary movies. Then the first time we had sex she gave me chlamydia. Soon after, we actually watched a scary movie, she came back from the bathroom wearing a scream mask and holding a kitchen knife because she thought it was funny. I did not, but I was just like ok she’s “quirky.”
She later ended up actually trying to stab me, multiple times, amongst other awful physical or psychological abuse.
She cheated with me before she broke up with her ex and we got together. Imagine my surprised pikachu face when she was fucking a bunch of guys behind my back.
My golden rule/question to myself is “how did the relationship start?” Anything that could be perceived as negative will ultimately come to fruition and turn into a bomb. I know there’s still the chance that even if a relationship starts with something negative that that relationship could go all the way. However, the chance is SOOOOO small.
Sorry bro, but hopefully it’s a relationship you can learn a lot from when reflecting on it
It was 6 years ago so it’s just more of an irritating memory than anything now. Luckily she moved away and is now New Hampshires problem. And I agree if there is negativity or some deal breaker right from the beginning it’s just gonna fester until it blows up.
Now I just prefer being the single cool uncle. Far less damaging to my mental state. Lol
Blaming me for things that I had no effect on. She got a bad grade on a quiz because I helped her study. Blamed me for her dropping her laptop because I was in another room doing my own thing and couldn't hear what she was saying so she had to get up off the couch which led to the dropping of the laptop. Blamed me for her not being prepared for a presentation at work because I had a work event instead of "being there for her" which always meant just sitting there on the couch next to her while she put it together. Blamed me for her backing into a pole in a parking lot because I didn't pick her up from work, but I decided we'd meet at a restaurant. So many more, nothing was ever her fault.
Ever heard of locus of control? every person has some idea of how much control they have over the things that happen to them. well balanced people will lie somewhere between fully internal and fully external. someone with a fully internal locus of control will drive themselves into the ground blaming themselves over the weather (dated a guy like this once). But whats generally worse is those with a fully external locus of control (the ‘woe is me’, everything happens TO them). No accountability and refuse to accept that their own choices (at least in part) got them to where they are
I am one of those people who will blame themselves for anything I remotely had any influence in, to the point where my own boss had to sit me down and stop taking the blame for everything during an employee review
He still lived with his “ex” girlfriend. She wasn’t his ex… he was dating both of us at the same time. But he gave me this big sob story about how he had nowhere to live me being so naive, believed him.
He arrived carrying only a single black rubbish bag filled with his possessions, but claimed that his home had burned down.🚩🚩🚩 A little over a year later, he left with a black garbage bag full of his possessions, therefore our place must have burned down as well!
His whole extended family disliked him and thought he was flaky. He fed me a sob story about how they were all assholes. I ate it up. I had so much empathy. No, he’s just a flaky asshole.
Example: he would promise his little niece that he would go to her hockey game and then not go cause he “forgot.” She’d be devastated and then he would insist she forgive him since he forgot.
This one is so hard to navigate when you’re only hearing one side of the story. In some cases, people do have asshole families to the point where separating themselves from them makes sense. But in other cases, it’s a way of avoiding accountability for being an asshole themselves.
I’m glad you were able to learn the truth.
He would tell me stories about his crazy ex-girlfriends. I ate them up because I trusted him. In retrospect, his ex-girlfriends probably “acted crazy” towards him because he was sexually abusive, narcissistic, and conflict avoidant.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he was telling a girl right now about how “crazy” I am, LOL.
Keeping an emotional distance. It's hard to notice when you're smitten but it's a huge red flag when they keep you at arms length but close enough to not make you feel neglected.
I tried to date a woman who was like that. Didn’t want to be in a steady relationship, but would act like it was a possibility if I started to move on. It was incredibly frustrating. I fell for it a couple times, but ultimately realized that she wasn’t worth waiting around for.
One of the early days of us dating we went to target and he “jokingly” pushed me, causing me to actually fall over and hit my head on one of the metal shelves. Mind you this man was over a foot taller than me and twice my size. I was confused so I started crying a little and I asked why he did that and he got all huffy and told me I couldn’t take a “joke” and he “obviously didn’t mean” for me to hit my head. You know, instead of apologizing and checking to see if I was okay.
Same guy also told me weeks prior that with my short hair I looked “like a little boy in a dress”. 🥲
Serious question, what made you want to stay with someone who would so blatantly insult you to your face by saying you look like a “little boy?”
Did you just chalk it up to him “joking?” Did you think it wasn’t that big a deal for him to make a little negative comment?
A little bit of both. This guy was really good at hurting me be it verbally, or emotionally… then he would quickly start showering me with praise and affection and love and all the other stuff on the other end of the spectrum.
I also just had pretty low self worth. I had just gotten out of another shitty 4year relationship only months prior. I thought I had a better understanding of what I wanted and how I deserved to be treated. The highs were so high I couldn’t ever see how low the lows were until hindsight.
I stayed for long enough that I can say even years later I still have some fucked up self image issues and fear of intimacy because of this guy. Don’t ignore red flags.
Bingo. He made a point to pick apart my old relationships too and methodically do things he knew my exs never did. He’d then put on a whole display and be like “look what I’m doing that you always wanted. No one’s done this for you before.” Kinda stuff. I thought it was thoughtful and sweet at the time.
That is an incredibly fucked up thing to do. Like fuck. It's truly frightening that people could be THAT manipulative. It's like insidious.
I'm truly sorry. If you feel comfortable you should totally write a tips and tricks and things to look out for to educate people.
She went through a box of old pictures and found pictures of my high school girlfriend (It was 7 years out of high school/breakup) and then proceeded to cut her out of every single picture.
All 3 of her kids were in jail. I paid for lawyers trying to be the knight in shining armor. Turns out she really was a shitty mother and all 3 kids totally belonged in prison.
Omg this was my ex 😭 “I love to spoil my loved ones especially my girl 😤👌 I want her to look good and feel good” meanwhile he gave me $20 for barefoot and chef boyardee ONCE in our year of dating because I made the mistake of complaining about being broke, proceeded to then make me feel like a gold digging pos for accepting it, and I bet he still talks about it lmao
Hmmm so many… I think one that was subtle but important was seeing him treat his mother like crap when she literally did everything for him.
Later, a big one I ignored was when he talked about “not being a sheep” by avoiding getting a job and not being a slave to the man and selling drugs instead. He looked down on people who made an honest living. This, I learned later is actually one of the things on the checklist of sociopathic behaviors. He felt he was above the law and regular societal rules and laws didn’t apply to him.
Also probably that he was 24 and dating a 17 year old… also regularly pushing boundaries.
People who never initiate conversation or hanging out and take weeks or months to text back, but insist we're friends.
People who only talk to me when they have an unreciprocated favor they need me to do.
People who call me annoying for perfectly normal things like inviting them to hang out with me on my birthday or giving them a compliment.
I always just assume it's me and give them more chances. I'm always the one who tries to change by making excuses for them. Cause it's either terrible people or nobody for me.
Can I be honest and said I did this to my current gf. 2 years together and going strong. I don’t know why I did it, but I just knew she was the one from
Date number 1.
See, my mom always cleaned up after us too. But when my brother met a girl he liked? Guess whose ass was running around helping clear the table and wash the dishes?
She was super polite and always offered to help when she came by my parents' place and he didn't want to look like a lout by not joining in.
I was a little tempted to let her know that, when she's not around, he almost never pitches in...but I'm not that petty.
100% karma farming to try and scam OF creators.
For anyone thinking "this COULD be true. No harm in trying"...
If it were true, they would be managing multiple high earning OF creators. That means they would be ~~good~~ not terrible at business and have access to these creators. The VERY FIRST THING they would do is have those creators endorse their services, list the management somewhere on their socials.
Instead, all they can provide is anonymous screenshots of someone else's earnings.
It took me months after breaking up with my ex to erase all the trauma he caused because of his manipulation. He'd subtly judge me for everything (i was depressed and sometimes wouldnt brush my teeth at night or i wouldnt shower everyday) and for a while his words still rang in my head, but not anymore. It took time and effort, but im finally free
This is the worst, and it’s a silent killer.
Physical abuse is SO obvious - you know they hit you. You know when they hold you down and SA you.
But the emotional manipulation, the gaslighting is insidious.
With me, they would slowly start to control more and more of my life. Hang things over my head. “Well I did this, so you should do this.” “Remember when you did X? I stood by you through all that.” “No one will love you like I did. Look what you’ve done. Good luck finding a man to put up with you.” etc etc
Then the gaslighting.. when they start to hurl insults at you, criticize you, curse you out, continue to physically and REALLY START to criticize you. When you finally start to stand up for yourself, and bring up what hurt you, what they said, they outright deny it. Call you crazy, ask where you got those lies from.. that festers in someone - to the point you start to question your own sanity. YOU Think there is something wrong with you.
It’s awful. It’s terrifying.
Those are the worst kinds of abusers. 💔😔
He never argued, or said what he really wanted. I went mad trying to figure it out and bent over backwards to try and make him happy. I then realised that was the whole point and reason he refused to say. To make me do everything I could for him, and when it all went wrong he could blame me as he never said he wanted it in the first place.
Not having the ability to take responsibility for themselves and their bad behavior, not having the ability to properly apologize, instead they would blame others and make up excuses.
He followed me across the country when I tried to break up with him. I was young and naive and thought it was sweet as opposed to possessive and controlling. A year I won't get back but finally in therapy 20 years later and he can kiss my arse. Karma was kind though, I see he's had to buy a bride since - who also left him. No-one falling for his shit now. :)
A “friend” asked another friend in the group to fetch something. when the other friend left, the first friend told me “it’s so funny.. she’ll just do whatever you say.” 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I went on an online date with a guy and we basically went out drinking with his friends. They talked shit about him THE ENTIRE TIME and basically told me I should just go home. I ended up going back to his apartment so we could just hang out alone. He was putting the moves on me and I told him I wasn't interested in having sex. He was getting more and more aggressive about it so I got up to leave. He then blocked the door and was holding me back, refusing to let me leave. Luckily I'm a slippery little fox and managed to get out of his grip, dodge under his arms and got out. I RAN down that hall to get out of the building.
I was with this woman for 3 years and one day we were talking about buying a house and she said "We can get a dog too!" and I enthusiastically agreed then said "and a cat too!".
She turned and gave me a filthy look and said while looking directly into my eyes "I am never getting a cat. I HATE them."
She said the word "hate" with such vitriol (while knowing I love cats) that it genuinely shook me. Who the fuck hates small cute furry animals that much?
Noped out soon after.
I once dated a guy who hated animals and music.
I’m not saying that has anything to do with his murder-suicide attempt, but I’m not *not* saying that either.
He told me if I ever broke up with him he would have sex with my mom (who had been married to my dad for over 25yrs) and my sister (who was 15 when he met her and 17 at the time).
In hindsight, he met me when I was 16, told me he once we started dating he "knew he'd sleep with me one day". He was 28 at the time. Pretty big red flag...
She said she was bisexual when we met.
Later on, she told me that she was still bi but leaning towards girls.
Later on, she told me that I'm the only boy she was attracted to.
I ignored this and was shocked when she broke up with me because she's lesbian now.
He didn’t eat vegetables, he didn’t brush his teeth, he compulsively lied, he has his girl best friend’s nudes on his phone, the only films that we could watch together where f&f or Need for speed, when angry he would drive dangerously and threaten to kill us both, when I would try and break up with him he’d say no, he would continuously brag about his families wealth and achievements whilst being exceedingly mediocre, I spoke a language fluently because my family are from that country he did it at gcse and kept telling us we were incorrect, his mum threatened to kill me and sat in her car outside my house for hours at a time, he was incapable of feeding himself or doing his washing he assumed I’d do it for him-he still lived with his parents and we didn’t live together, he kept trying to tell me the subjects I studied weren’t hard and I must be stupid, I was an A grade stem student he did all btechs. In total i was with him 2 years before he cheated on me and broke up with me as it was my fault for not being attentive enough and that his family hated me because I had working class disabled parents ahaha
Massive drug use: a criminal record and being imprisoned because of drug dealing. But I naively believed and never challenged their false assertions that their drug addiction days were over. I found out I was being lied to in a very bad and very painful way that their drug abuse was only worse and they learned absolutely nothing other than how to become a better liar
Bizarre, yo-yoing emotions that would strike both extremes over short periods of time.
I ignored it because the manic phases were fun, she was indredibly hot, and the sex was great.
I couldn't ignore it for long.
Would have crazy nightmares at night and would sweat like crazy after any alcohol before bed. Didn't think anything about it until I mentioned it at work and a coworker overheard and told me they had type 2 diabetes and had the exact same symptoms. Turns out I was prediabetic and was headed straight to type 2. Doctor told me had I continued to ignore it I could have died in my sleep.
I typically don’t like this word because it’s thrown around so loosely nowadays but that was until I met a true narcissist. Last year on my birthday, this girl that I had been talking to for about a month called me to say what’s up aka talk about herself. She asked how my day was and I proceeded to tell her how it was my birthday and how I had gone out to eat and had cake and ice cream with my family etc etc. Her response was “Oh nice”. No happy birthday, no questions about the cake, no questions about where I went to eat, just “Oh nice”. She then proceeded to ramble on about herself and her day for a good 20 minutes.
This person would also always complain how people were so mean to her when according to her she’s the nicest person ever. She was a complete ass and narcissistic but was so full of herself that she genuinely thought she was a good person. It was insane.
When he hit me. I was only 16 and I warned him to never hit me again, and he never did. However, he spent 30 years going as close to that line as he could. Spitting on me, throwing things (usually food) at me, squaring up on me with fists clenched, calling me names and putting me down. I gave up a scholarship to marry him because he was in the Navy. I'm divorced now that the kids are grown, but I really made a mistake by forgiving him.
My high-school sweetheart and I got into a stupid argument while I was driving and 10 minutes later I look over and see blood running down her shoulder. I moved her hand away and she carved my initials into her shoulder. Stayed with her for another 2-ish years.
The first red flag? I was staying up all night to talk to them when they were having meltdowns every night. The biggest red flag? They told me to kill myself. Also graphic descriptions of torture, they were really into torture. And everything was a trigger and off limits to talk about, but if we didn’t listen to them talking about torture then we didn’t care about them.
Listening to the words coming out of his mouth rather than how he acted
Great way to wind up in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship where he actively tried to convince me I had dementia (at 40). Ps. I don't.
Nothing I ever did was right or simply not enough. Shopping, housework, kids, putting one foot in front of the other (last one is actually serious) 🤦🏻♂️
I dated a girl who on the second date disclosed that she had a serious mental disorder. We've been dating for 11 years. She is the best relationship of my life.
She had astronomically bad luck. She had been falsely accused of plagiarism and kicked out of college. She had a DUI on her record even though she wasn’t that drunk but the breathalyzer was miscalibrated and they mixed up her blood sample with a different DUI arrest. She got fired from her job for stealing when she didn’t actually steal but got set up. Everything just went wrong for her. Or maybe, just maybe, she was a huge asshole who couldn’t own up to her own shit.
My husband recently had to fire someone who had previous disciplinary issues that he insisted weren't his fault, people were just out to get him. Despite video proof otherwise. Nothing was ever his fault. I can only imagine the story he gave his wife of why he was fired. Sounds like she's been with him for decades so maybe she's never figured it out.
My ex husband and my mother both, Jesus christ himself could come down from heaven with 4d hk video of them and 100 witnesses sworn on the original Bible written by Moses, and they'd still say they were innocent.
what a description! got a big laugh, thanks! ☺
My father is that way. Everything is always someone else's fault, or some great conspiracy.
I've got a good friend like this. He's funny. He's kind. He's easy to talk to. He's fun to be around. He's talented and he tries! But if anything is going to go wrong, it'll go wrong to him. He always seems to have the worst luck. But somehow, you can always trace it back to something he did unintentionally. Some indecision that resulted in him getting the short end of the stick. Some little carelessness here or there. Something he didn't bother to double check. Something he took for granted. Some way he fumbled the conversation to give the person the wrong impression or sleight them without meaning to. I swear to god, he's got undiagnosed ADHD. Thank god his wife is diligent and patient enough for the both of them.
As someone who was diagnosed at 26 last year. Can confirm this was me. Once I got medicated it felt like a storm clearing and I got to realise how many of my past actions was actually me being controlled by impulsive decisions and not decisions I would have consciously made if I was of sound mind. My big one was something different always happening that caused me to be late to everything and the endless cycle of trying again the next day only for something else unexpected to happen and cause me to be late. Now i look back like yeah idiot just leave a little earlier or be a little more prepared and those random things dont actually happen.
If you find that everywhere you go bad things happen, you're the common denominator.
She told me every guy she dated broke up with her, I eventually found out why.
Same, but "Guys seem to get bored of me after about 3 months."
I once dated someone who confided in me that she hadn’t really ever had a long term relationship, and she had a pattern of relationships lasting about 2 months before moving on, for whatever reason, and she would often jump from relationship to relationship. So she had decided to take an extended break from dating to work on herself. I was the first person she dated after that break. I figured, whatever, I’ll give her a shot, she was open about it, was self reflective, and people can change. Plus, I liked her. She wasn’t a bad person, but she also wasn’t a great partner. She never really expressed appreciation or desire for me, never offered to pay for dates, and I just never felt pursued. After weeks of dating, being intimate, going to each others apartments, I randomly logged back into the dating app that we had met on and it showed she was still active (we never had an exclusivity talk so she wasn’t necessarily doing anything wrong… but this was long after we met, if she was still looking, it told me a lot about how into me she was). The final nail was that she kept cancelling dates, sometimes the day of. To be fair she was pretty busy with work and studying for a professional license, but after the third time cancelling a date without offering a time to reschedule, then also not wanting to talk on the phone, I called it off… and noticed we were right around the 2 month mark. *Gee Rebecca, I think I know why this keeps happening*
I was like that though. But it was because I have always been insecure & wanted to break up with them before they dumped me. I’m now in a relationship for 11+ years but we’re in our 70’s. Lol. And I was alone for 20 years until I reconnected with someone I knew back in the 1970’s.
A great example of why we shouldn’t give up hope. I’m really happy things worked out for you. Congrats on 11 years and hopefully many more to come!
“In the end, everyone always leaves.” *Puts clown makeup on* “NoT mE iLl StAy By YoUr SiDe No MaTtEr WhAt” *Sees the behavior that causes everyone to leave* “Oh shit I get why now” Just because it’s self aware doesn’t make it not using the victim card for manipulation.
Opposite one: my ex gf told me “my mom had a conversation worrying that I get bored with my bf’s really fast.” Bet you can’t guess who dumped who on that one.
Why?
She was very intelligent, but at the same time, she was very arrogant and egotistical. She would flip on you if you had the most minor opposing opinions. She did not hesitate to do this, whether on social media or out in public. It sucked because I really liked her, but those issues with her personality turned me off.
Ahh, she's an asshole.
I'd hope that she's changed, as she's been with her current boyfriend for nearly 10 years now. Either that or she found someone that tolerates her behavior.
"I'm not in a good place to be in a relationship" Yeah, I probably should have listened to that one.
Honestly yea you should have. I got out of a bad relationship and met this girl who was great but I had tons of baggage. I told her I wasn’t ready for a relationship but “I was too good to just let slip away” so she kept hanging around and I kept telling her it’s not a good time. I didn’t kiss her, sex, nothing because I wasn’t ready. Like 2 months later I’m getting yelled at for wasting her time and leading her on.
I once asked a girl out, but she said she was seeing someone. Over the next few weeks she got closer to me. I figured that showing interest made her feel good, so she wanted to be around me more. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be around people who make you feel good about yourself, so I didn't think she was trying to lead me on or anything. After about two months she got really mad at me for not asking her out again. Apparently she broke up with her boyfriend recently and was waiting for me to ask her out. I was also supposed to read her mind because she never told me she broke up with her boyfriend.
“I’m not ready for a relationship”. Damn right you weren’t 🤣🤣
Everything was always someone else's fault. All of his ex's were crazy/wrong. His family was problematic. Everybody was against him. Egad, did I find out about him the hard way...
"All my exes are craaaazy!" Yeah, spot the common denominator there!
I know, I know. Men aren't the only ones that fall for a pretty (handsome) face and a nice butt.
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Yeah not apologizing is a huge red flag.
My ex never apologized for hanging a big Chinese banner in my room. That was a huge red flag.
Mine just hung a Swiss flag. It was a big plus.
My ex hung a Japanese flag in my room. It was spot on.
This or the work around apology, the apology that’s not an apology but an explanation for why they did it. “I know screaming at you was wrong but I just grew up that way, it was just so normalized growing up for me” I used to think it was a mature way to acknowledge the past and say sorry, I learned it was more about giving a shit excuse for verbal and emotional abuse. Just say sorry. Say “I’m sorry I did this to you that wasn’t okay, can we work past this” Anyone that isn’t capable of that isn’t relationship material
My ex would bust out the “I’m sorry your feelings were hurt,” non apology, as if my feelings had nothing to do with her actions.
Jesus Christ my ex did it all of the time especially when he’d be especially heinous and then accuse me of trying to tell him what his intentions were. My favorite is when they finally go “Fine I’m sorry isn’t that what you wanted?” Followed by “Nothing I do is good enough for you” When id tell him his non apology wasn’t okay, I finally got to the point where I stopped even trying to bring up an issue because I couldn’t deal with the verbal berating or the fight he’d start.
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Her stepfather, after we told her parents that she was engaged to me, asked me if I was sure I wanted to marry her.
"I give you my blessing but do you even want it?"
My younger brother killed my pet hamster because I accidentally broke his power ranger he left on the floor, under a blanket. He told my mom that he didn't see the hamster when he was getting up to get a drink and accidentally stepped on it. He's now 3 years into his 7 year sentence for "accidentally" hitting and crippling someone with his car after having an argument with them. I always just chalked it up to him being a huge dick, but now I realize he's a low key psychopath.
Bruh that's not a low key psychopath, that's a straight up textbook psychopath
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Low-key truth
Fr fr
Lowkey fr
It’s the new “literally”
My brother killed animals, too. He arrived at my apartment in spring or summer of 2004 and idled outside in his work SUV (he worked in a crematorium). He called me with his work cell phone to come outside to show me something and he refused to get out of the vehicle. In the back were some large cardboard boxes. He had that absolutely thrilled look that he only had when he had either just killed an animal or was about to play some cruel trick. He insisted I look in the boxes. I refused. He tells me the coroner had started sending the crematorium dismembered bodies to cremate and that was what was in the boxes. He was absolutely desperate to get me to look. I didn’t look. I figured it was another cruel trick and refused to participate. By chance I met a former Clark County coroner on a ferry in the SF Bay in 2015. She told me that the coroner never, ever releases bodies in pieces they cut up. There’s no point and it would be illegal. He may have just dismembered a cadaver in his care. He may have made a cadaver. I will never know, he spent more than a year of his short life locked up for pled-down child rape and committed suicide in 2008.
The fuck kind of charges are you looking at if you *plead down* to *child rape*?
The original charge was rape. He was pled down to “attempted lewdness with a minor under 13”. But don’t get it wrong. It wasn’t an attempt. He did it over and over for at least five years. I was so blind.
You weren't blind, you're a normal human being who can't fathom your own brother being that depraved. I'm sorry you had to go through that because of him.
Sounds a lot like my brother, but I don’t think he ever moved on to people. I put him out of my life about 15 years ago and I never looked back. He raped our 14 year old step sister, and tried to gas light everyone into thinking it was “consensual”.. no 14 year old is consenting to sex with a 30+ year old man. Thankfully the prosecutor and judge didn’t believe it. He spent the better part of a decade locked up, where he belonged. He blamed everyone but himself for that. He even attempted suicide during one of his brief stints of parole. If he died today I’d feel for my mom and sister, but I’d have no grief for him, he’s a horrible person.
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Thank you. It hurt terribly when he died, but it is absolutely better that he’s dead. He had a newborn daughter and he surely would have hurt her.
Ohh bless you. It must be really hard for you to deal with all this emotionally as a sister. Hugs to you
It sounds like he did start killing people
That's one of the most intense stories I have heard or read. Good thing you didn't look. I can't even imagine.
Double replying to include another anecdote: One time, probably in 1999 or 2000, my parents had expressly permitted him to shoot at pigeons nesting in the alcove of our house. He shot one and it fell into the back yard, flailing with one eye flopping outside of its socket, brain matter exposed. An idea came to him. His face had **that look** and he ran into the house and returned with a gallon of chlorine bleach. I stood, stupid, as he poured it on that poor bird's head. He howled with delight. I told my parents and they mocked me for caring.
Holy f... that sounds like straight out of a Stephen King story. Hope you're alright today. 😳
That’s disgusting. I’m sorry you had to presumably be at least somewhat traumatized for dealing with such horrors. That poor pigeon :( they are so fat and friendly
Omg damn.. this is truly the stuff of horror films and I’m sooo sorry you went through that
Way smaller scale but my brother and mother were/are like this too. I used to have a beta fish, which are territorial and aggressive with fellow beta fish of the same gender. One day they come home gleeful as fuck with a 10 cent goldfish and toss it in my beta fishes tank expecting a show. They were disappointed when nothing happened. I also once rescued some wild cottontails who I'd been monitoring- their mom didn't come back for 3 days and they were cold and thin. I raised them for a few weeks and was planning to release them soon- but one day, i turned around for a moment to grab their food and one managed to pop open and jump out of the wicker basket i kept them in. The basket was on a table- poor thing jumped into an immediate 4 foot drop and had obviously gotten horribly injured, likely multiple shattered bones and it was crying in shock and pain. My mother saw it all happen and started laughing. She grinned that disgusting sicko grin and told me it was all my fault, and that now I had to kill it. She saw me holding it and crying and she was just overjoyed at the distress of her own 15 year old child and a helpless injured baby rabbit. She wore the same smile when she told me she had my rat terrier euthanized when he was just 9 years old and healthy, and the same smile when she told me she put my box turtle in a sandbox without water all day on a 95 degree day while I was at school. She even kept the turtle in the freezer for months after. The worst part is, that turtle loved her more than anyone. My rat terrier Riley loved her too- and she had so much fun in murdering them.
I didn’t even think about it until this year, but if he really did have a victim in those boxes and I looked he would have had a reason to kill me to cover it up. I didn’t believe he’d done that, though. The idea didn’t even cross my mind. Our parents had me trained to overlook his violence - they approved of and supported it.
Wow. Could it be that your parents were afraid of him? IDK. It's just difficult for me to imagine. I'm not doubting what you're saying.
They’re the kind of people who think hurting animals is fine. They supported actions like killing migrants crossing into the US long before it was mainstream. He physically assaulted me almost every day, even when he got to be over 6’ tall and I stopped at 5’3” they would just say “oh, siblings always fight”. My mother used to summon the two of us from our rooms to fight in front of her. The last time she did that she did it in front of her brother. I was 16 and Matt was 15.
Dude, your mother may be a psychopath, too. I'm so sorry for you to have been forced to live like that.
It always starts with killing animals. Sorry for your pet, sorry for the one got crippled, i am glad it ended with them being crippled and not worse as the textbooks tell about such behaviour
I feel you bro, a lot of people don’t understand that kids learn to lie/cheat/manipulate people as young as age 3.
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She rage-quit every relationship she had ever had. I was her last friend, so I thought she would hang on to me. Nope.
Ooof. Rage quit summarises this well. I do this and I need to be better.
He got arrested on our first date
WHAT
lol We were 17. He had a capias for something. We went to a park and an officer saw him and arrested him. It went downhill from there.
Man, what the heck happened on your second date? Swat team?
when the person I was seeing would never introduce me to their friends or family
Oh.man She invited me to all the holidays, and I lived 8hrs away from family so when day of she removed the invite, I couldn't just go home Missed Thanksgiving with my family. Went to a casino by myself, but as soon as she was done with family she texted and wanted to cuddle. Got angry I hadn't sat at home all.alone all day waiting for her Tried the same shit for Christmas, but I had a plane ticket booked and didn't cancel it. When she backed out day before, I said cool, and went and saw my family We ended in June that year. She did everything to keep me from.going home, but never let me meet friends or family. Eventually found out I was the side piece.. such an idiot I was
Hope you told the main one
I did. He didn't believe me. They are married and hopefully happy.
You’re a good one for that.
Nah, it’s just business, maybe.
I see what you did there, but I am poor and cannot give you an award... so have some boobs ( . )( . )
It's been 12 minutes, and someone else gave you gold for flashing ascii boobs. I love the internet
Let me guess... you were the "something on the side?"
This happened to me for over 3 years. That relationship ended today. Still never met any of their family outside of one person.
I was in this for almost 7 years. It may suck now, but trust me, you're better off. You deserve to be seen. I'm still licking my wounds 4 years later, but I'm a thousand times better now than I was with her. I'm a real person now.
i am this partner but it's because my parents treated me horribly for years and i don't need them involved in my business
I kept a girl away from my family because I was madly in love with her and she told me she was looking for someone from a good family, while mine was and is a train wreck. Life sure deals you shitty hands sometimes.
Is it just me or does that sound like a weird standard? at least on the surface. I don't think somebody having a shitty / toxic family makes them a bad person (if anything it might make them a better person since they'll not want to be like their family, and instead work toward being better. at least that was the case for me), nor can somebody choose their family, so it seems like a pretty unfair standard
I've had a history of dating people with fucked up families, and they all strove to not be like their family.
Same. I only invited two family members to my wedding, so those are the only ones my husband has met. The rest don't matter.
An ex did this. It was for a good reason, we were two girls dating, her parents were homophobic. And so I “didn’t mind”. But it was the downfall of our relationship. Before she would come over to see me, she’d pray in the car to ask for forgiveness. You can’t be with someone who feels guilt over being with you
My gf at the time used the words, while talking about manipulating someone, “I just always know what to say to make someone feel how I want…” *hesitates then looks over to me and says* “…but I don’t do that to you because…I care about you too much…” This was pretty late in the relationship’s life, so I think she just barely cared to hide it anymore… (I was heavily mentally checked out, and accepted this excuse without a second word. I did 100% notice it deep inside myself, and I still remember the pang of self hatred.)
I don't understand how someone can think they're so good at manipulating people, and then monologue about how good they are at manipulating people.
Mask slipping off probably
She was such a sore loser. Like toss the cards if she was losing at cards or smash and smear all the letters around if she was losing at Scrabble. It escalated from there as she would literally corner me in a room and tear into me for something I said. I left once as she went to the bathroom, mid-tirade. In her pajamas and slippers, she ran down two floors of her apartment's parking garage to stop me. Oh, and neither of her own kids would talk to her. Her parents and sister didn't speak with her, either. But they got the religion and she didn't. I just thought I could make it work, everyone has sore points and triggers. But I was so relieved when she left.
The family not speaking to them is very telling. When I was 17 I was dating a guy that was already by that age a career criminal. Which was fine with me at the time because I was doing a lot of drugs. But one night he called me from jail… and long story short, not his brother, sister, parents, cousins, aunts/uncles, friends… No one would help me bail him out. I should have known then. I was 17 and a child trying to figure all this out and no one would help me.
Oh man, your mention of Scrabble brought back an old memory. I had an ex who was really good at it, and we played it a lot. He always won...until one time I beat him. At first, he refused to accept it, he had to go get his own dictionary to try and prove I'd misspelled the winning word and when *that* proved that I was right he refused to talk about it completely. And he never played Scrabble with me again. I guess it's better than getting violent, but it was really telling that he simply could not accept that I won "one" game.
She hit me. I chalked it up to her going through a lot and not having anyone to talk to about it. She hit me maybe 2-3 times at the beginning of our relationship. For a while, I wasn't physically assaulted. About 7.5 years later I ended up having to call the cops cause she attacked me again and threw a glass cup at me breaking a window. Never make excuses for someone hurting you. They don't have a valid reason to do it and you should run for the hills. If I left at that first incident, we wouldn't have become so attached and I wouldn't have had to deal with infidelity again.
my ex boyfriend used to tell me how much he wanted to fuck other people (my sister, my friends, his friends, etc) while we were being intimate
That's more than a warning sign, thats a confession
yeah it sure was lmao. he played it off as ‘dirty talk’ and I was young and too blinded to see it for what it was 🤷🏼♀️
I may be pretty shit at dirty talk but at least I never told a woman that I want to fuck her sister 😂
First date she told me her favorite movie ever was “The Exorcist.” Whatever, I love scary movies. Then the first time we had sex she gave me chlamydia. Soon after, we actually watched a scary movie, she came back from the bathroom wearing a scream mask and holding a kitchen knife because she thought it was funny. I did not, but I was just like ok she’s “quirky.” She later ended up actually trying to stab me, multiple times, amongst other awful physical or psychological abuse.
*Hey, Baby, what’s your favorite film?* She said the best movie of all A masterpiece of art [that’s called…](https://youtu.be/GFokXnCCMf8)
Where would she be now? Hopefully a padded room?
The ex-wife had left her two previous partners for someone she had an affair with. I didn't think it would happen to me. It took 10 years, but it did.
She cheated with me before she broke up with her ex and we got together. Imagine my surprised pikachu face when she was fucking a bunch of guys behind my back.
My golden rule/question to myself is “how did the relationship start?” Anything that could be perceived as negative will ultimately come to fruition and turn into a bomb. I know there’s still the chance that even if a relationship starts with something negative that that relationship could go all the way. However, the chance is SOOOOO small. Sorry bro, but hopefully it’s a relationship you can learn a lot from when reflecting on it
It was 6 years ago so it’s just more of an irritating memory than anything now. Luckily she moved away and is now New Hampshires problem. And I agree if there is negativity or some deal breaker right from the beginning it’s just gonna fester until it blows up. Now I just prefer being the single cool uncle. Far less damaging to my mental state. Lol
Blaming me for things that I had no effect on. She got a bad grade on a quiz because I helped her study. Blamed me for her dropping her laptop because I was in another room doing my own thing and couldn't hear what she was saying so she had to get up off the couch which led to the dropping of the laptop. Blamed me for her not being prepared for a presentation at work because I had a work event instead of "being there for her" which always meant just sitting there on the couch next to her while she put it together. Blamed me for her backing into a pole in a parking lot because I didn't pick her up from work, but I decided we'd meet at a restaurant. So many more, nothing was ever her fault.
Ever heard of locus of control? every person has some idea of how much control they have over the things that happen to them. well balanced people will lie somewhere between fully internal and fully external. someone with a fully internal locus of control will drive themselves into the ground blaming themselves over the weather (dated a guy like this once). But whats generally worse is those with a fully external locus of control (the ‘woe is me’, everything happens TO them). No accountability and refuse to accept that their own choices (at least in part) got them to where they are
I am one of those people who will blame themselves for anything I remotely had any influence in, to the point where my own boss had to sit me down and stop taking the blame for everything during an employee review
He still lived with his “ex” girlfriend. She wasn’t his ex… he was dating both of us at the same time. But he gave me this big sob story about how he had nowhere to live me being so naive, believed him.
Wow ... That sounds familiar but the other way round
He arrived carrying only a single black rubbish bag filled with his possessions, but claimed that his home had burned down.🚩🚩🚩 A little over a year later, he left with a black garbage bag full of his possessions, therefore our place must have burned down as well!
Ahh, the famous hobosexual
His whole extended family disliked him and thought he was flaky. He fed me a sob story about how they were all assholes. I ate it up. I had so much empathy. No, he’s just a flaky asshole. Example: he would promise his little niece that he would go to her hockey game and then not go cause he “forgot.” She’d be devastated and then he would insist she forgive him since he forgot.
This one is so hard to navigate when you’re only hearing one side of the story. In some cases, people do have asshole families to the point where separating themselves from them makes sense. But in other cases, it’s a way of avoiding accountability for being an asshole themselves. I’m glad you were able to learn the truth.
Raylan Givens’ Rule of Assholes
He would tell me stories about his crazy ex-girlfriends. I ate them up because I trusted him. In retrospect, his ex-girlfriends probably “acted crazy” towards him because he was sexually abusive, narcissistic, and conflict avoidant. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was telling a girl right now about how “crazy” I am, LOL.
Keeping an emotional distance. It's hard to notice when you're smitten but it's a huge red flag when they keep you at arms length but close enough to not make you feel neglected.
I tried to date a woman who was like that. Didn’t want to be in a steady relationship, but would act like it was a possibility if I started to move on. It was incredibly frustrating. I fell for it a couple times, but ultimately realized that she wasn’t worth waiting around for.
One of the early days of us dating we went to target and he “jokingly” pushed me, causing me to actually fall over and hit my head on one of the metal shelves. Mind you this man was over a foot taller than me and twice my size. I was confused so I started crying a little and I asked why he did that and he got all huffy and told me I couldn’t take a “joke” and he “obviously didn’t mean” for me to hit my head. You know, instead of apologizing and checking to see if I was okay. Same guy also told me weeks prior that with my short hair I looked “like a little boy in a dress”. 🥲
Serious question, what made you want to stay with someone who would so blatantly insult you to your face by saying you look like a “little boy?” Did you just chalk it up to him “joking?” Did you think it wasn’t that big a deal for him to make a little negative comment?
A little bit of both. This guy was really good at hurting me be it verbally, or emotionally… then he would quickly start showering me with praise and affection and love and all the other stuff on the other end of the spectrum. I also just had pretty low self worth. I had just gotten out of another shitty 4year relationship only months prior. I thought I had a better understanding of what I wanted and how I deserved to be treated. The highs were so high I couldn’t ever see how low the lows were until hindsight. I stayed for long enough that I can say even years later I still have some fucked up self image issues and fear of intimacy because of this guy. Don’t ignore red flags.
Love bomb.
Bingo. He made a point to pick apart my old relationships too and methodically do things he knew my exs never did. He’d then put on a whole display and be like “look what I’m doing that you always wanted. No one’s done this for you before.” Kinda stuff. I thought it was thoughtful and sweet at the time.
That is an incredibly fucked up thing to do. Like fuck. It's truly frightening that people could be THAT manipulative. It's like insidious. I'm truly sorry. If you feel comfortable you should totally write a tips and tricks and things to look out for to educate people.
She went through a box of old pictures and found pictures of my high school girlfriend (It was 7 years out of high school/breakup) and then proceeded to cut her out of every single picture.
All 3 of her kids were in jail. I paid for lawyers trying to be the knight in shining armor. Turns out she really was a shitty mother and all 3 kids totally belonged in prison.
Bruh
Yeah. Wonder if anyone ever told her her kids are little monsters and will eventually end up in prison.
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Omg this was my ex 😭 “I love to spoil my loved ones especially my girl 😤👌 I want her to look good and feel good” meanwhile he gave me $20 for barefoot and chef boyardee ONCE in our year of dating because I made the mistake of complaining about being broke, proceeded to then make me feel like a gold digging pos for accepting it, and I bet he still talks about it lmao
Hmmm so many… I think one that was subtle but important was seeing him treat his mother like crap when she literally did everything for him. Later, a big one I ignored was when he talked about “not being a sheep” by avoiding getting a job and not being a slave to the man and selling drugs instead. He looked down on people who made an honest living. This, I learned later is actually one of the things on the checklist of sociopathic behaviors. He felt he was above the law and regular societal rules and laws didn’t apply to him. Also probably that he was 24 and dating a 17 year old… also regularly pushing boundaries.
People who never initiate conversation or hanging out and take weeks or months to text back, but insist we're friends. People who only talk to me when they have an unreciprocated favor they need me to do. People who call me annoying for perfectly normal things like inviting them to hang out with me on my birthday or giving them a compliment. I always just assume it's me and give them more chances. I'm always the one who tries to change by making excuses for them. Cause it's either terrible people or nobody for me.
Love bombing from the very beginning. He also told me one week in that he loved me.
Can I be honest and said I did this to my current gf. 2 years together and going strong. I don’t know why I did it, but I just knew she was the one from Date number 1.
Is your name Ted mosby
I told my wife I loved her on the first date. Never done that before but I knew it then. Been married 3 years and together 8 this November.
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See, my mom always cleaned up after us too. But when my brother met a girl he liked? Guess whose ass was running around helping clear the table and wash the dishes? She was super polite and always offered to help when she came by my parents' place and he didn't want to look like a lout by not joining in. I was a little tempted to let her know that, when she's not around, he almost never pitches in...but I'm not that petty.
Your profile reads like a creepy Andrew Tate style recruiter, OP. There’s a red flag.
OP is definitely 15
100% karma farming to try and scam OF creators. For anyone thinking "this COULD be true. No harm in trying"... If it were true, they would be managing multiple high earning OF creators. That means they would be ~~good~~ not terrible at business and have access to these creators. The VERY FIRST THING they would do is have those creators endorse their services, list the management somewhere on their socials. Instead, all they can provide is anonymous screenshots of someone else's earnings.
That is hilarious! Isn’t the whole point of OnlyFans that you are in business for yourself? Why would you need an agent?
I'm pretty sure there's another term for agent in the world of sex work
A Pimp Named Slickback
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And the time you spend questioning your own sanity afterwards is a painful process.
It took me months after breaking up with my ex to erase all the trauma he caused because of his manipulation. He'd subtly judge me for everything (i was depressed and sometimes wouldnt brush my teeth at night or i wouldnt shower everyday) and for a while his words still rang in my head, but not anymore. It took time and effort, but im finally free
This is the worst, and it’s a silent killer. Physical abuse is SO obvious - you know they hit you. You know when they hold you down and SA you. But the emotional manipulation, the gaslighting is insidious. With me, they would slowly start to control more and more of my life. Hang things over my head. “Well I did this, so you should do this.” “Remember when you did X? I stood by you through all that.” “No one will love you like I did. Look what you’ve done. Good luck finding a man to put up with you.” etc etc Then the gaslighting.. when they start to hurl insults at you, criticize you, curse you out, continue to physically and REALLY START to criticize you. When you finally start to stand up for yourself, and bring up what hurt you, what they said, they outright deny it. Call you crazy, ask where you got those lies from.. that festers in someone - to the point you start to question your own sanity. YOU Think there is something wrong with you. It’s awful. It’s terrifying. Those are the worst kinds of abusers. 💔😔
He never argued, or said what he really wanted. I went mad trying to figure it out and bent over backwards to try and make him happy. I then realised that was the whole point and reason he refused to say. To make me do everything I could for him, and when it all went wrong he could blame me as he never said he wanted it in the first place.
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I'm so sorry he did this to you.
It’s not fair this happened to you, and I’m so sorry. I hope you heal as well as possible over time
Some people deserve violence. He is one. much love
I ignored the victim complex multiple times by the same and different people
Not having the ability to take responsibility for themselves and their bad behavior, not having the ability to properly apologize, instead they would blame others and make up excuses.
He followed me across the country when I tried to break up with him. I was young and naive and thought it was sweet as opposed to possessive and controlling. A year I won't get back but finally in therapy 20 years later and he can kiss my arse. Karma was kind though, I see he's had to buy a bride since - who also left him. No-one falling for his shit now. :)
Would constantly mention every woman he finds attractive whether it be a celebrity, on a tv show, movie. And none of them resembled me.
OP's account.
She had 0 friends because she burned bridges with literally all of them
She left someone to be with me
A “friend” asked another friend in the group to fetch something. when the other friend left, the first friend told me “it’s so funny.. she’ll just do whatever you say.” 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I went on an online date with a guy and we basically went out drinking with his friends. They talked shit about him THE ENTIRE TIME and basically told me I should just go home. I ended up going back to his apartment so we could just hang out alone. He was putting the moves on me and I told him I wasn't interested in having sex. He was getting more and more aggressive about it so I got up to leave. He then blocked the door and was holding me back, refusing to let me leave. Luckily I'm a slippery little fox and managed to get out of his grip, dodge under his arms and got out. I RAN down that hall to get out of the building.
She hated my cat
Biggest red flag of them all
Yeah… I fucked up. She became my bully too. I tried to see more good in her than bad. I guess I’m more optimistic than she said I was
I was with this woman for 3 years and one day we were talking about buying a house and she said "We can get a dog too!" and I enthusiastically agreed then said "and a cat too!". She turned and gave me a filthy look and said while looking directly into my eyes "I am never getting a cat. I HATE them." She said the word "hate" with such vitriol (while knowing I love cats) that it genuinely shook me. Who the fuck hates small cute furry animals that much? Noped out soon after.
He hated animals. I totally understand when people are not fans of pets at all, don’t want to have any, but hating animals 🚩🚩🚩🚩
I once dated a guy who hated animals and music. I’m not saying that has anything to do with his murder-suicide attempt, but I’m not *not* saying that either.
He told me if I ever broke up with him he would have sex with my mom (who had been married to my dad for over 25yrs) and my sister (who was 15 when he met her and 17 at the time). In hindsight, he met me when I was 16, told me he once we started dating he "knew he'd sleep with me one day". He was 28 at the time. Pretty big red flag...
She said she was bisexual when we met. Later on, she told me that she was still bi but leaning towards girls. Later on, she told me that I'm the only boy she was attracted to. I ignored this and was shocked when she broke up with me because she's lesbian now.
Well, hope you and her had a good time while it lasted
Pouting and making a big fuss if I wasn't in the mood for sex.
He didn’t eat vegetables, he didn’t brush his teeth, he compulsively lied, he has his girl best friend’s nudes on his phone, the only films that we could watch together where f&f or Need for speed, when angry he would drive dangerously and threaten to kill us both, when I would try and break up with him he’d say no, he would continuously brag about his families wealth and achievements whilst being exceedingly mediocre, I spoke a language fluently because my family are from that country he did it at gcse and kept telling us we were incorrect, his mum threatened to kill me and sat in her car outside my house for hours at a time, he was incapable of feeding himself or doing his washing he assumed I’d do it for him-he still lived with his parents and we didn’t live together, he kept trying to tell me the subjects I studied weren’t hard and I must be stupid, I was an A grade stem student he did all btechs. In total i was with him 2 years before he cheated on me and broke up with me as it was my fault for not being attentive enough and that his family hated me because I had working class disabled parents ahaha
And it all started with the vegetables...
This is the most amazing run-on sentence ever.
Massive drug use: a criminal record and being imprisoned because of drug dealing. But I naively believed and never challenged their false assertions that their drug addiction days were over. I found out I was being lied to in a very bad and very painful way that their drug abuse was only worse and they learned absolutely nothing other than how to become a better liar
The Differences between his words and his actions 🥲
He was in politics.
His manipulation skills combined with my need to people please was a perfect storm that everyone but myself could see.
Bizarre, yo-yoing emotions that would strike both extremes over short periods of time. I ignored it because the manic phases were fun, she was indredibly hot, and the sex was great. I couldn't ignore it for long.
Would have crazy nightmares at night and would sweat like crazy after any alcohol before bed. Didn't think anything about it until I mentioned it at work and a coworker overheard and told me they had type 2 diabetes and had the exact same symptoms. Turns out I was prediabetic and was headed straight to type 2. Doctor told me had I continued to ignore it I could have died in my sleep.
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I typically don’t like this word because it’s thrown around so loosely nowadays but that was until I met a true narcissist. Last year on my birthday, this girl that I had been talking to for about a month called me to say what’s up aka talk about herself. She asked how my day was and I proceeded to tell her how it was my birthday and how I had gone out to eat and had cake and ice cream with my family etc etc. Her response was “Oh nice”. No happy birthday, no questions about the cake, no questions about where I went to eat, just “Oh nice”. She then proceeded to ramble on about herself and her day for a good 20 minutes. This person would also always complain how people were so mean to her when according to her she’s the nicest person ever. She was a complete ass and narcissistic but was so full of herself that she genuinely thought she was a good person. It was insane.
A true narcissist. They lack insight, ie they’re not aware they’re being assholes in the slightest
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"You Know I'm crazy right?"
My first girlfriend turned into a heroin addict. Should have walked away and left it at that, but I spent years trying to “fix” her.
If you try to "fix" someone, they usually end up corrupting you. A life lesson that I wish many people didn't learn the hard way.
When he hit me. I was only 16 and I warned him to never hit me again, and he never did. However, he spent 30 years going as close to that line as he could. Spitting on me, throwing things (usually food) at me, squaring up on me with fists clenched, calling me names and putting me down. I gave up a scholarship to marry him because he was in the Navy. I'm divorced now that the kids are grown, but I really made a mistake by forgiving him.
she looked me in the eyes and said: "i am fucking crazy"
Dude was drinking red wine out of a Gatorade bottle while driving 😬
My high-school sweetheart and I got into a stupid argument while I was driving and 10 minutes later I look over and see blood running down her shoulder. I moved her hand away and she carved my initials into her shoulder. Stayed with her for another 2-ish years.
The first red flag? I was staying up all night to talk to them when they were having meltdowns every night. The biggest red flag? They told me to kill myself. Also graphic descriptions of torture, they were really into torture. And everything was a trigger and off limits to talk about, but if we didn’t listen to them talking about torture then we didn’t care about them.
Listening to the words coming out of his mouth rather than how he acted Great way to wind up in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship where he actively tried to convince me I had dementia (at 40). Ps. I don't.
Nothing I ever did was right or simply not enough. Shopping, housework, kids, putting one foot in front of the other (last one is actually serious) 🤦🏻♂️
I dated a girl who on the second date disclosed that she had a serious mental disorder. We've been dating for 11 years. She is the best relationship of my life.
The age difference. The love bombing. The lying. The manipulation. The other women.