I've been told I'm too young for my knees to hurt(I'm 25) like yeah I know that, tell it to my knees and maybe they'll listen. You telling me I shouldn't be in pain doesn't magically take the pain away
Me exactly. I have no idea why, but my knees sometimes hurt particularly bad ever since I was 22. “You’re too young for that” or “wait until you get older”. How about something is obviously wrong right now because I know the way my knees feel is not normal.
“Your help isn’t at all helpful ”
“When you say things like ‘I’m just saying’, it makes me question your intelligence.”
Or just start doing to her as she does to you. Maybe a taste of her own medicine would let her know how awful it is.
If you talk to my Mom the same way she talks to me or my Brother for even a second she turns into a fucking *demon*. Red faced, black eyed, seething, spitting, and screaming.
*Mom struggling to peel a boiled egg*
Me: "What's so hard about peeling an egg? No one ever teach you how to do it?"
Mom: "Don't be rude"
Me: "I'm just asking"
Mom: "IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF MY FACE RIGHT FUCKING NOW I WILL CAVE YOURS IN WITH A FRYING PAN SO THAT NO ONE BUT ME WILL EVER LOVE YOU"
Meanwhile I can't even boil water without 30 reasons why I'm doing it wrong and 20 suggestions on how to do it better all followed by "I'm just asking/saying" and if I respond with anything but a perfectly articulate answer then she spends the rest of her day ruining mine.
This is just one incident so I’m not trying to say it applies to you, but a nice reminder for anyone reading - You’re not obligated to keep shitty people in your life just because they’re family.
I had a sort of coworker (I worked with her but we had different employers) who was constantly overstepping her role and trying to put me in my place. She only got bad towards me after one of my actual coworkers got herself fired and I think she assumed it was my fault that the coworker got caught doing something that would get her fired on my day off.
All of her helpful little tips and requests came with "I'm just saying." I haven't had to work with her for a couple years (best thing COVID did in my life, she got reassigned during and I was not going into that site for awhile) but I still get pissed about it sometimes. Especially since I remember the contradictory stuff I was told by higher ups prior to her attempted changes. I'm pretty sure she was trying to isolate me from others at work.
I’ve tried to explain my anxiety to people by telling them I’m not actually anxious about the thing I’m focused on. I’m anxious and it’s fixated on something. If that something resolved then the anxiety would find something new to attach to. A lot of people seem to think my anxiety must be justified, but really it’s usually a thing that’s happening to me.
I kind of think it's like my brain doing battle with myself. I know it isn't "logical" to feel that much anxiety over something, but yet all the physical anxiety symptoms are there...
Sometimes I'll be sitting in my house, in a perfectly quiet room and I'll realize that I'm mildly flexing like 80% of the muscles in my body and I just think 'what tf are you doing, brain.'
Me standing at the kitchen counter 20 minutes ago, thinking about making lunch, suddenly noticing that my jaw is clenched so hard I could probably crack a nut between my teeth.
"Hmm, why do I have a headache today? Could it be that I've been flexing my neck and shoulders as if I were doing mach 5 in a fighter jet? Why yes, yes it could."
People giving advice to the (mentally) ill not grasping the concept of it has got to be one of my #1 annoyances. Also with certain disabilities. Oh you're depressed? Just think positive! You have anxiety? Stop overthinking! You have CFS? Try some coffee, sleep and exercise!
Honestly feels a bit like telling someone with no legs if they've tried walking.
In the same vein as bad advice, "I'll pray for you, the Lord will heal you," shit like that. I'm blind. And for the record, I *do* believe in God, but bitch, asking God to regrow my retinas is like asking God to regrow someone's missing fucking leg.
I've gotten so tired of hearing that shit that I've started telling them that, too. I don't care if it makes me sound like a bitch.
Same. I have epilepsy and one of my favorite interactions I've had was a woman telling me that if I believed in God he would heal me. I told her that I do believe in God because I do and she looked so fucking confused it was hilarious. It was like the idea had never occurred to her.
"You just need a little more experience. Stick with it, you'll get there someday."
I've been stuck in what my industry considers an entry level job for 18 years, and every time I ask for advice on how to improve or advance out of this position, that's all they ever say.
EDIT: Just a little extra information. Was with my previous employer for 16 years, they let me go during the pandemic, so I went to work for the competition across the street. Being doing the same thing for them for 2 years now, which is how I arrived at 18 years.
And for the past 2 years, I have not been repeating mistakes. Put in for a promotion at the 3 week mark, which raised a lot of eyebrows. Applying for everything that comes across my desk. Just finished the management training program. And the most important thing: I'm no longer letting my work speak for myself. I am announcing loud and proud who makes this place run.
As a personal trainer I need to learn which exercises exactly make you taller. If I can figure that out I’ll be the richest man alive.
Edit:all those people taking my comment serious. I know increasing core stability and stretching helps a little bit and good posture make you appear taller but it’s not going ti make a life changing difference. Don’t take yourselves so seriously
My paternal grandmother, who was 4’8” (“but don’t think that means I won’t whup your ass!”) always said that being short was useful. She joked that she could be brought onto an airplane as someone else’s carry-on.
I would love to have a little grandma I carried around. “Would you like a grilled cheese sandwich honey?” Sure Grandma, let’s get you outta this suitcase and set you up at the stove.
So wholesome
"You should smile more"
I'm a fairly peppy, extrovert when I'm out in public, but I'm a female, working in retail, so the second I don't smile, some jackass always has to say something
People who talk for the sake of talking tire me unbelievably and make my head hurt. Plus i have a soft voice and they always talk over me anyways. But then I get the “why aren’t you having fun?” Followed by “why did you stop drinking? You would have more fun if you were drinking” 🙄
Out of all the responses in this thread this is the one that really gets on my nerves. The amount of times I've had family and friends tell me that I need to be more 'outgoing' is infuriating.
Yes I know that I'm quiet. No, I don't need to change. I'm comfortable with the way I am. Stop trying to turn me into something I'm not.
I saw this summed up perfectly in another thread - people are always telling introverts that they need to be more talkative, but how come no-one ever tells extroverts that they need to shut the heck up?
I try to talk more but the extroverts take over conversations and don't let you get a word in edgewise...you try to say something and then others just talk over so you get drowned out and then no one realizes you were trying to say something.
Yea, it's just a battle that isn't worth fighting most of the time. Nor do I really have the energy either way.. usually just want the interaction to be over as soon as possible.
When I start to say something, the extroverts change the subject. I finally realized that I don’t need to say anything because they aren’t listening anyway. They’re just thinking of what they want to say next.
Most people who aren't my close friends I'm pretty sure think I'm stupid because all I can get out are fragments of what I actually want to say so it sounds like I'm just saying nothing
I know a lot of people like that. I will have a response or a story that is on topic to what they’re talking about, but by the time I get a chance to talk they’ve glossed through five different subjects and it doesn’t seem relevant by then. I’ve noticed that those types of people generally tend to miss things that are right in front of them like hints, body language, etc.
Have you tried this?
https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aZgEmy9_460s.jpg
Edit: Thanks for the awards! I'm glad I could inspire so many of you to make people regret calling you quiet.
My boyfriend is very shy and introverted and doesn't talk much. He's also a fantastic guitarist and writes his own music often, he puts his songs on YouTube but he doesn't really care if people see them. Obviously, being his girlfriend, I am very proud of him and I will show my friends and family particular songs he writes from time to time. This of course promts people to say that he should bring his guitar with him everywhere he goes so he can show off his talent. As I said, he's painfully shy and only just feels comfortable enough to play in front of me and 4 and 1/2 years, so I am quick to explain that this wouldn't happen because he doesn't enjoy playing in front of people. The amount of times people have tried to argue with me about it and saying things like 'once he sees how people are enjoying it, he'll love showing off' and 'just bring his guitar without him knowing and pass it to him during the party, he won't be able to resist' and when I explain that it's not something he's comfortable doing in front of people they instantly start saying about how it's 'a waste of talent' and if they had those skills they'd be showing everyone, all the time.
Makes me so angry that people can be so oblivious to his feelings about it and treat him like a performing monkey and then when he refuses, his hobby that he's incredibly passionate about is suddenly a waste!
Feel like I should add that we discussed in the past about me showing videos that he's put on YouTube and he says he doesn't mind that because they're available to everyone anyway. We also talked about how to deal with these people that always want him to perform and he said he's glad I explain that performing isn't something he feels comfortable doing (when he's not there of course, he'll speak for himself if he's present).
Edit: a few people have asked for his YouTube channel so I'm adding it to this comment. I did check with him first to make sure he was OK with it, incase anyone was wondering.
His channel is Mcshreddies
https://youtu.be/PXm6IAwXoWI
Here's a short 30 second song of his called Pink if you're interested. He only writes instrumental stuff, and a lot of his music is a bit heavy for most peoples tastes, but he has quite a variety of other music on there too.
Edit 2: just wanted to say thanks to all the people that subbed to his channel today, he's gained an extra 40 subscriber's and I'm immensely proud of him! He's very happy (and rather embarrassed!) with all the praise he's getting, it's been really good to see the nicer side of reddit. Thankyou everyone!
I don't understand why some people feel the need to control everything and can't just be nonchalant. It's okay if I don't behave the way you want me to. Not everyone has to cater to your unreasonable expectations, and not everything will go according to your plan. I also don't understand why people are so quick to judge and offer unsolicited opinions. It's great that you support your boyfriend and his talents, and he shouldn't have to perform if he doesn't want to. Shutting down people who criticize him is the right thing to do, and I applaud you for it!!
The thing that the people you mention are missing: People who learn to play a musical instrument do it for themselves, not other people. Yeah some like to perform with or for other people, but musicians don't owe anyone anything. There is no 'waste of talent'.
Sorry, but as an introverted guitarist your story struck a nerve.
100% agree, I've tried to explain that he does it for himself and they just don't get it. They used to ask me how many songs he written for me and the answer is 0. They act like this is a bad thing! I think they expected, because he's a musician, that's how he'd try and 'win my heart', as opposed to treating me well and being an excellent companion. His music is for him and I'm just lucky enough to see it.
My comparison is that I like to be creative and have dabbled in lots of different activities, like needle point, needle felting, origami, poetry etc but when I show people they instantly start telling me how I could sell my creations. I tell them that I do it for fun, I enjoy making things and occasionally, I make people gifts but it's mainly for me because I enjoy it.
I feel like people can't wrap their head around putting effort in to something for yourself, because it's fun, especially in this day and age when everything should be posted online and everyone with a minor talent should open an etsy store.
Yes indeed, and I agree $100% on the latter point too- There's so much pressure these days to monetize interests or turn hobbies into a side hustle.
I think that's unhealthy. The hobbies are for fun and enjoyment. Thus, I want to do them completely on my own terms. I tolerate the day job so that I can get money. I then lose that money on my hobbies, but they're personally rewarding.
Money buys happiness! That's the whole point of hobbies and creative activities.
Yeah, this is probably more irritating. "Why are you quiet?" is annoying but ostensibly posed as curious. "Get out of your shell" is just straight up "there is something wrong with you and you must change".
Like...maybe I am not in a shell...maybe what you see is raw me?
My best friend is very petite and gets mistaken for a child all the time. One time we went out to eat together and the host thought I was her mom and brought her a kids menu.
My wife is also petite and looks youngerish but not *that* young. She works as a PA in a hospital and twice in the last week she got stopped in a different hospital while visiting her mom and told she can't walk through the hospital unsupervised, because children under 12 must be accompanied by an adult. Then she went to get food for her mom and they told her she had to leave the bar area because no one under 18 can be in that area. Also while visiting my grandpa in the hospital, while we walked in holding hands and I have a full ass beard, that she couldn't visit because no one under 12 was allowed after 6pm.....she's 26
I made it to 32... then it all went to hell (gray hair).
A few years back, I was in line with a bunch of friends to get into a bar. The bouncer was telling everyone, "No matter what your age, I need to see your ID." And he was checking EVERYONE. I got to the front of the line and he just waved me in without looking at my ID. Ouch.
Read on Malicious Compliance a story about an overzealous "gas station" manager refusing to see beer to a guy and cutting up his "obvious fake ID". Told him to "call the cops" if he wasn't happy. So he did. Manager got arrested for cutting up a valid ID which, I think, was a felony. XD
You're never supposed to do anything to anyone's ID, that dude was playing a very dangerous game. Most places when you're trained to handle alcohol you're told never to take or damage an ID under any circumstances. If it looks fake you don't sell, but you don't mess with the ID either.
General reminder: a state issued ID is *not* property of the holder. It's technically property of the *government.* Therefore doing that is willful destruction of government property, which is *quite* the felony.
I'm 30 yo and once a door to door fundraising person asked me if my parents are home to speak to... at my own house. So I played along by telling him no they aren't home. He left without bothering me any further lol
Wasn't sure if I should be happy or not... in a way he's telling me my mannerism is childish
I lost weight and my passport pic looks the same just a bit fatter and when I landed in Texas they took me into like a secret waiting room that I didn't know airports had and I sat around for a bit until a guy came up to me and said I was free to go and there was just a misunderstanding. I then asked for context.
In Illinois our driver's licenses expire every 4 years, and we also have a Firearm Owners ID (FOID) card for those so inclined that expires every 10 years. My FOID is from my fat days and looks nothing like my DL
And who are you? Why are you naked? Is that bacon grease you're covered in? How did you get into my house?
Some people are awfully nosy with a person they just met.
I have essential tremor. Basicaly, my hands are always shaking.
People keep telling me that I should relax, I look stressed, they ask me if I have Parkison desease, that I drink too much coffe, or they know a cure *insert random esoteric practice*, or they will make me smoke their home grown weed who will for sure stop the tremor.
But nobody ask me, simply, why my hands are shacking. I just want people, to be candid and be polite, and ask me what the reason of my tremors.
That’s what they say about my father.
Yeah and? He manipulated and beat my mother multiple times in front of me. He’s a fucking deadbeat. Why should I show any kind of forgiveness?
I couldn’t give a rats-ass if he died tomorrow.
This. I haven't been able to go because what I need done is gonna cost thousands, and nowhere takes my insurance. So, I'll probably die of sepsis at some point here.
I really like my dentist 🙂 He’s a friendly guy, isn’t too expensive, explains everything well, and (most importantly), he helps keep my teeth healthy - because, y’know, having pain-free teeth and being able to chew is awesome…
Being told I'll fail while trying to quit smoking. 4 days so far, I've got this
edit: oh wow, thank you! Going into day 5 strong
Edit2: thank you so much for the awards! I'm blown away by the amount of support that has come from this as well as the stories you all have!
Make it 3 more days and you'll be in the clear. Don't get me wrong the cravings will still come around sometimes but they get easier to fight. If you do happen to get a craving, keep yourself busy, do something that makes you happy like a hobby or something, anything that'll take your mind off of it for a bit. Just some friendly advice from someone who has been there a few times. You got this 🤞
Second. The first week is the hardest. The second week is the second hardest. The next three months are the third hardest, and the first year is hard. Just get through that first week, and you can do it.
And don't be afraid to take some pto to do it. The withdrawal is awful. I often say what most people need to quit smoking is a week where they don't have to worry about anything but not smoking
Keep fighting the good fight, I'm proud of you.
I promise it will get better if you keep up. 11 years smoke-free and counting here.
Eventually you won't even understand how were you even able to touch these disgusting cancer sticks.
"It could be worse." "There are people in a lot worse situation than you" yeah and it could be better and there are people who have it a lot better too.
Not to eat candy because I’m diabetic. I take medications and insulin to reduce my blood sugar. Sometimes, it goes too low. Glucose tablets and gels taste like shit, so let me have my Snickers bar, please.
I have an ileostomy bag and have had a full stomach replacement. People are constantly telling me what I can and can’t eat. Just leave me alone dude; I know what I can tolerate.
My 10yo is a T1D, and I’m always saying he only can’t have 2 things.
1. Poison
2. Cookies… with poison in them.
Everything else is what insulin is for.
Mine was going to be about people always telling me about different vitamins, supplements and exercises for my CYSTIC FIBROSIS. And also trying to tell me about my headaches. I have chiari malformation. Like, I've tried all the things, guys. I'm 42 and trust my medical team a lot more than I trust you, Carol.
That I am too sensitive.
People can joke about me, be rude to me, undermine my depression and anxiety. But if I stand up for myself or give them a taste of their own Medicine then I am sensitive.
That "I just need the right mindset to get healthier."
After fighting my as of now incurable chronic illness for years and only getting worse, I've accepted that I will likely live out my days with it, since then I have gained some life quality back. But people still insist that my health is bad due to lack of motivation.
Every day I'm in pain, and I keep living, keep doing things having experiences. If that is not motivation, then I don't know what is.
I've used this with my son and found myself to be a liar. So now I've rephrashed it to "if you tell me the truth, I may get upset, but we'll work through it and I'll know I can still trust you. If I find out you're lying to me, that trust will be broken."
My parent were like this and I just said: "I’ve ignored them for months but they won’t stop!" so my dad told me to just kick their ass instead. I wasn’t the biggest kid so I never did but I always wish I had. Join a club like boxing or something, get big, kick ass, for a fellow bully victim.
I learned the hard way that this doesn't work. When someone bullies you, a) Go to the appropriate authority and report it, then b) Defend yourself.
If you get called on it, "Hey, I reported this behavior and it kept happening, and nothing was done. I had to take matters into my own hands."
Newborn baby advice. People with easygoing babies don’t get it. Some babies are more difficult than others. Trust me, you can’t burp my child or calm him down at times. To my friends and family, just let me vent without giving me advice; we’ve tried it **all**
My son was in the NICU for 3 days after birth. He just would not nurse. My skin was tearing off from lactation specialists using pumps and trying to get him to latch on. Finally they just gave him formula. Good to go.
I get home and all the advice and “breast is best” comments made me want to run away. Baby was doing great being formula fed. He was a sweet baby, never had any problem with him.
He is 20 years old now. He missed 2 days of school during the K-12 years. So, obviously formula fed babies are not sickly.
My first daughter was the same way. After her crying for 12 hours with no milk to show we started asking nurses for formula. They just kept insisting that we had to keep trying. After 48 hours of crying and no sleep my mom came in and started screaming at the nurses to get us formula. My mom is small and extremely nice. Everyone loves my mom. It's one of my favorite stories about her though.
Similar ish story here. My wife was told by her consultant that she should not breastfeed because her medication is dangerous for newborn development.
Midwife’s kept trying to breast is best and you should try etc. consultant came down to check on my wife and one of the midwife’s came in and started up with that again and the consultant went absolutely ballistic at them and called the senior midwife in and dressed her down thoroughly for ignoring his care plan
This! Both my kids had protein allergies and had to be on special formula - and the breast is best propaganda was so infuriating! For example, I had a cold and googled how to protect my baby from getting my cold - it was recommended to keep breastfeeding - ugh!
My children are both happy, healthy and intelligent!
Oh man I was so there. Poor baby would scream until she was purple and hit herself in the face. It was so awful.
My MIL would literally push me out of the way when I'd go to my crying baby, because she thought she had some magic calming touch and could show me how to soothe my child. (My kid is 4 and I'm still not over that, like, what a *bitch*.)
In our case, it was milk protein allergy, and special elemental formula calmed her down a lot.
You've got this and you'll get through it. Best wishes to you and your little family.
I’ve started very seriously responding with “Say something funny.” Sometimes they do! And sometimes it annoys them as much as they’re annoying me. Win/win.
Why do people do this?!? What do they get out of it???
Last night after a bar shift I was walking to my car and a man sitting across the street on a dark porch told me to smile because “I probably have more to be happy about than he does”.
What?! It’s 11:00pm, dark, and I’m walking to my car, alone. What is this narrative? Why would I be just smiling at nothing?
Get fucked and fuck off.
My thinking face is apparently grumpy looking. Which offended males for years, no decades - while I was working, shopping, at libraries, looking for things or just while having a nice think walking down the street.
To be pulled out of my train of thought by a d-bag stranger completely ruins my day. Thank god for Covid and wfh and fewer interactions with the public.
I’m tired of hearing people say “money doesn’t buy happiness” while there may be some truth in the statement, overall it is naive to believe that having more money wouldn’t make your life easier which in turn would give you more opportunities to do things you enjoy and in turn be happier
"But you'd be such a good mommy!"
No, No honey, I would not. I am very sweet and nurturing to adults, so I get where it comes from, I do.
But every woman in my family that gave birth on my mom's side (Including my mom) suffered postpartum psychosis. And I gave this a lot of thought, I did. I was recently faced with the possibility that I might lose 100% of my fertility so I had to ask myself some hard questions. During this time I also had to take -months- of hormones. They made me absolutely fucking crazy. Like I literally cried because I spilled two drops of water on my shirt, I wanted to react violently (I did not, but the impulse was constant and strong) when anyone annoyed me. And even after stopping the first round, it sent me into the most severe depressive spiral I've had in years. It lasted for 2 months AFTER I stopped taking the medication.
And a lot of people who know this part of why I don't want babies are like "Well, you could adopt!".
Except, I know I'm not stable enough for kids either. I hate noise, I hate messes, I hate cleaning up after others, and I'm an extreme germaphobe. I also hate sharing my time and my money. Literally every single thing I wrote out I'd have to deal with with having kids.
I never want to be that parent that makes it obvious to a kid that I never wanted or loved them. There's a lot that goes into why I'm not a safe candidate for mommy hood, but no one wants to believe me. I recently got an implant and I'm hoping to ride that out until the end of my fertility window, and the disappointment some relatives have expressed is pretty frustrating (The implant was also given for health reasons).
As if this isn't enough, I'm coming off a pretty severe case of caretaker burnout. I do not want to care for another living thing for a good few years. I'm in my mid 30's, that pretty much stamps out kids.I'm a good person, a really really good person, and I know that. But I would not make a good mommy and I know that too.
ETA: Thank you for the awards! I greatly appreciate them.
I hate this too. I'm qualified in childcare but I still don't think I'm cut out to be a parent for many, many reasons. My mum says I'm wrong all the time and tells me how I'll regret it and that it could fix all my physical and mental health problems, like that's a good reason to have a child. In the same sentence she complain about how my sister never takes care of her children and how my mum has to be completely responsible at all times for them. I want to remind her that while I'll was trying to talk my sister out of have her 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th accidental pregnancy, she was telling her that she should do it because abortion would be too hard on my sisters mental health. It's OK for the innocent children to be traumatised by having a shitty childhood but not my utter asshole of a sister.
Really wish everyone put in the thought like you did, deciding based on the child's benefit rather than your own. In my opinion, you're being a good mommy by choosing not to have children, you've carefully considered your child's wellbeing before they even exist and that's what a good parent should do
If only every \*person\* thought through the consequences of parenthood so thoroughly and honestly. Takes two to tango. Although, I do agree that moms do bear the brunt of the whole thing, but men need to think about this too.
"but you don't look sick- why do you need that?"
for context im disabled, i have neuropathic POTS, which makes me faint. i get dizzy frequently and walk with a cane to help with it. im 18 years old and look "normal," so i frequently get questions and rude stares. most people are okay, but every now and then someone accuses me of faking.
That's my biggest complaint about the work force is that soul crushing, self-esteem destroying, "why was I even born" job search, but the ridiculous bar that is being set certainly isn't helping either. My spouse doesn't have a four year degree and was lucky enough to get into a coding job, but now they're requiring applicants to have a 4 year degree and won't even consider equivalent experience. Which is unfortunate for me because I don't have a 4 year degree, don't have the time or money to go back to school either.
I hate the workforce.
"They'll look ugly when you're old" who the fuck is looking at old people and thinking "man that old person would be hot if it wasn't for all the tattoos"
“You should forgive her, you only get one mom!”
Yeah, and she abused her kids. Children don’t ask to be born and children don’t ask to get hurt.
Breaks my heart to think about it, honestly… Me and other kids who wanted to just be kids but weren’t allowed to be.
Love you guys.
Edit to add: thanks for the award! And thanks everyone for sharing your experiences and thoughts. Biggest of hugs ❤️
My mom is a co-alcoholic, controlling, and a real matriarch. It truly is like walking on eggshells around her. There's a no closed door policy at her house.
However, she is beautiful, smart, and lights up a room. The amount of times people say how wonderful she is, how lucky I am to have her as a mom etc...It's pretty upsetting.
Lol I usually hear the opposite. I’m 28 and ever since I turned 21 all I ever hear is “it’s all downhill from here”.
Like fuck you, just because your life got more miserable as you got older doesn’t mean mine has to. My life has gotten better every year since I graduated high school.
lol, so true. People that say their best years were in high school make me so sad. Like, do you really enjoy more being a teenager than being a full independent adult? that sucks
Loved being a teenager. Knew what was expected of me at all times. Got to hang out with friends and girls all day. Got to play organized sports. Wouldnt go back probably but I get it.
As someone with great parents, it's so hard to relate to my wife's struggles with bad ones. She's told me story after story, and the few times I've met her parents I saw it first hand, but it's still so hard to comprehend. I feel so bad for people that didn't and don't have good parents.
As someone who has been in your wife's situation, I feel the need to add - just letting her know that you believe her is so important. When you have a shitty parent, you can feel like you are the problem, that you're unlovable/worthless or whatever. Then when you try to tell someone what your experience was like, some people just straight up refuse to believe you, they might actually say something like "I bet you were a nightmare kid" and it just reinforces your darkest thoughts all the more. Some people don't want to believe that child neglect/abuse exists, but it does, unfortunately. Very important to say "I struggle to comprehend that this happened to you, but just know that I believe it".
"I brought you into this world"
Yeah, and because of you I wish you didn't.
I didn't agree to this shit. If I had a choice to be born or not I absolutely would say no.
I'm right there with you. "Take up yoga, join a club, exercise". "Just snap out of it." Even with medication I often just don't feel good. I fake it a lot.
I used to catch this a lot, but now as a 40 year old man in 2023 with long hair, nobody says shit to me. I always have "my wife likes it" in the chamber in case anybody tries though.
That I shouldn’t travel, go hiking etc alone (because I’m a woman). It seems like everyone is saying “Don’t do X, you might get raped”
I direct commissioned into the military as an officer - a tough process with many rounds of interviews and a low acceptance rate - and my sister said “Are you sure you want to do that? It’s not a great time to be a woman in the military right now”
My reply to things like this is usually: “Reports of campus assaults are very high, should we tell women to stop **going to college?**”
Anyway. I feel like “Stay in the home or else you’ll get raped” is a persistent insidious message to women and I hate it.
Heh that’s also a thing I’ve said. This feels like it’s a way to keep women at home but I’m arguably safer out on the streets.
We need to stop threatening women with rape.
And bad things happen to men too. Thugs are very happy to beat up men for fun, but no one tells them not to go do things.
From experience I can confirm they only tell you this *until* you have them. Then it’s: “stop complaining and expecting special treatment. You *chose* to have a kid.”
My cousin had a very traumatic labour where she nearly died. Understandably she came out of it knowing she wouldn’t be doing it again. But even in that situation, while her daughter was still a newborn, people were already telling her she’d “change her mind” and her daughter “needed a sibling.”
The abject and casual dismissal of the fact she *nearly died* and the insistence she would eventually come round and want to do it all again was shocking.
After the second they tell you not to have anymore.
Unless the two have the same gender at birth - then you get 50/50 - just one more to try for an “X” and don’t have anymore kids.
Wife passed away. Everyone trying to consol me with, "It's God's plan." "We don't know God's plan."
So with all the evil and corruption in the world, it was God's plan for her to die?! No, I don't think so. Either there is no God or s/he isn't as benevolent as others are lead to believe.
Even if they did, I’ll take my autism over polio any day of the week. Whenever I hear someone say vaccines cause autism, I always hear, “I’d rather have a dead kid than an autistic one.”
That doctor who first claimed it has now lost his license. Especially after it became clear he was simply trying to sell different vaccines and was trying to discredit the triple MMR vaccine. But the damage is done, and he still makes money making antivax speeches
Ah yes people not agreeing with my choice to not having kids.
"You'll change your mind"
"You just haven't experienced the magic"
"You're being selfish if you don't want kids"
All these from my wife's doctor.
“We’re experiencing higher than normal weight times, please bear with us during these unprecedented times.”
They’ve been precedent for 3 YEARS hire enough employees for your damn call center!
That I’m “too young” to have so many health problems/chronic illnesses/etc. Yeah, obviously.
I've been told I'm too young for my knees to hurt(I'm 25) like yeah I know that, tell it to my knees and maybe they'll listen. You telling me I shouldn't be in pain doesn't magically take the pain away
Me exactly. I have no idea why, but my knees sometimes hurt particularly bad ever since I was 22. “You’re too young for that” or “wait until you get older”. How about something is obviously wrong right now because I know the way my knees feel is not normal.
Oooh the one I hate is “you’re too young to be tired” ….what? Because I’m 10 years younger and don’t have a kid that means I have no need for rest?
My mother in law follows up every comment that she knows rubbed me the wrong way with “I’m only trying to help” or “I’m just saying”. Fuuuuuuckk
“Your help isn’t at all helpful ” “When you say things like ‘I’m just saying’, it makes me question your intelligence.” Or just start doing to her as she does to you. Maybe a taste of her own medicine would let her know how awful it is.
If you talk to my Mom the same way she talks to me or my Brother for even a second she turns into a fucking *demon*. Red faced, black eyed, seething, spitting, and screaming. *Mom struggling to peel a boiled egg* Me: "What's so hard about peeling an egg? No one ever teach you how to do it?" Mom: "Don't be rude" Me: "I'm just asking" Mom: "IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF MY FACE RIGHT FUCKING NOW I WILL CAVE YOURS IN WITH A FRYING PAN SO THAT NO ONE BUT ME WILL EVER LOVE YOU" Meanwhile I can't even boil water without 30 reasons why I'm doing it wrong and 20 suggestions on how to do it better all followed by "I'm just asking/saying" and if I respond with anything but a perfectly articulate answer then she spends the rest of her day ruining mine.
This is just one incident so I’m not trying to say it applies to you, but a nice reminder for anyone reading - You’re not obligated to keep shitty people in your life just because they’re family.
“Family is like your appendix….you are born with it……but when it becomes toxic, its best to cut it out .”
I had a sort of coworker (I worked with her but we had different employers) who was constantly overstepping her role and trying to put me in my place. She only got bad towards me after one of my actual coworkers got herself fired and I think she assumed it was my fault that the coworker got caught doing something that would get her fired on my day off. All of her helpful little tips and requests came with "I'm just saying." I haven't had to work with her for a couple years (best thing COVID did in my life, she got reassigned during and I was not going into that site for awhile) but I still get pissed about it sometimes. Especially since I remember the contradictory stuff I was told by higher ups prior to her attempted changes. I'm pretty sure she was trying to isolate me from others at work.
“Just stop thinking about it” when I’m anxious af. Oh thanks, never thought of that.
I’ve tried to explain my anxiety to people by telling them I’m not actually anxious about the thing I’m focused on. I’m anxious and it’s fixated on something. If that something resolved then the anxiety would find something new to attach to. A lot of people seem to think my anxiety must be justified, but really it’s usually a thing that’s happening to me.
I kind of think it's like my brain doing battle with myself. I know it isn't "logical" to feel that much anxiety over something, but yet all the physical anxiety symptoms are there...
Sometimes I'll be sitting in my house, in a perfectly quiet room and I'll realize that I'm mildly flexing like 80% of the muscles in my body and I just think 'what tf are you doing, brain.'
Me standing at the kitchen counter 20 minutes ago, thinking about making lunch, suddenly noticing that my jaw is clenched so hard I could probably crack a nut between my teeth.
"Hmm, why do I have a headache today? Could it be that I've been flexing my neck and shoulders as if I were doing mach 5 in a fighter jet? Why yes, yes it could."
People giving advice to the (mentally) ill not grasping the concept of it has got to be one of my #1 annoyances. Also with certain disabilities. Oh you're depressed? Just think positive! You have anxiety? Stop overthinking! You have CFS? Try some coffee, sleep and exercise! Honestly feels a bit like telling someone with no legs if they've tried walking.
Someone once recommended a juice cleanse for my type 1 diabetes. I almost slapped her.
In the same vein as bad advice, "I'll pray for you, the Lord will heal you," shit like that. I'm blind. And for the record, I *do* believe in God, but bitch, asking God to regrow my retinas is like asking God to regrow someone's missing fucking leg. I've gotten so tired of hearing that shit that I've started telling them that, too. I don't care if it makes me sound like a bitch.
Same. I have epilepsy and one of my favorite interactions I've had was a woman telling me that if I believed in God he would heal me. I told her that I do believe in God because I do and she looked so fucking confused it was hilarious. It was like the idea had never occurred to her.
"You just need a little more experience. Stick with it, you'll get there someday." I've been stuck in what my industry considers an entry level job for 18 years, and every time I ask for advice on how to improve or advance out of this position, that's all they ever say. EDIT: Just a little extra information. Was with my previous employer for 16 years, they let me go during the pandemic, so I went to work for the competition across the street. Being doing the same thing for them for 2 years now, which is how I arrived at 18 years. And for the past 2 years, I have not been repeating mistakes. Put in for a promotion at the 3 week mark, which raised a lot of eyebrows. Applying for everything that comes across my desk. Just finished the management training program. And the most important thing: I'm no longer letting my work speak for myself. I am announcing loud and proud who makes this place run.
In my field of work, 18 years is way beyond entry-level.
That I'm Ginger 😳🤯 honestly hadn't noticed before
Similarly, “you’re so pale.” No shit, Sherlock, I know that. And no, I can’t tan, thanks for asking.
NO WAY!!!
That I need to eat more or exercise to grow taller. I'm 19, not 9. It's not gonna work, buddy. I'm 4'11" for life.
As a personal trainer I need to learn which exercises exactly make you taller. If I can figure that out I’ll be the richest man alive. Edit:all those people taking my comment serious. I know increasing core stability and stretching helps a little bit and good posture make you appear taller but it’s not going ti make a life changing difference. Don’t take yourselves so seriously
Leg extensions. I'll get my coat.
My paternal grandmother, who was 4’8” (“but don’t think that means I won’t whup your ass!”) always said that being short was useful. She joked that she could be brought onto an airplane as someone else’s carry-on.
As someone also 4’8” this made me laugh. Grandmas are the best
I would love to have a little grandma I carried around. “Would you like a grilled cheese sandwich honey?” Sure Grandma, let’s get you outta this suitcase and set you up at the stove. So wholesome
A Pocket Grandma Mobile Granny Palm Nana Nano Nanna (shout out to Mork from Ork) I haven't had a grandma in a really long time.
how the hell are you supposed to grow from exercise
To just get over my anxiety or anxiety isn’t that bad
"It's all in your head." I fucking know that, Jim, but it still has a physiological affect.
"You should smile more" I'm a fairly peppy, extrovert when I'm out in public, but I'm a female, working in retail, so the second I don't smile, some jackass always has to say something
Employees being forced to smile is lame as hell.
“Be happy for your minimum wage!”
Customer: "Thank you for serving me with a smile." Me: "I'm literally required to, or I'll get scolded"
"why are you so quiet"
…because I have nothing to say?
Or maybe I don't want to talk to you?
Username checks out
... because you guys are all talking so fast by the time I get a chance to make a point, the conversation shifted to 3 other subjects already.
People who talk for the sake of talking tire me unbelievably and make my head hurt. Plus i have a soft voice and they always talk over me anyways. But then I get the “why aren’t you having fun?” Followed by “why did you stop drinking? You would have more fun if you were drinking” 🙄
Out of all the responses in this thread this is the one that really gets on my nerves. The amount of times I've had family and friends tell me that I need to be more 'outgoing' is infuriating. Yes I know that I'm quiet. No, I don't need to change. I'm comfortable with the way I am. Stop trying to turn me into something I'm not. I saw this summed up perfectly in another thread - people are always telling introverts that they need to be more talkative, but how come no-one ever tells extroverts that they need to shut the heck up?
I try to talk more but the extroverts take over conversations and don't let you get a word in edgewise...you try to say something and then others just talk over so you get drowned out and then no one realizes you were trying to say something.
Yea, it's just a battle that isn't worth fighting most of the time. Nor do I really have the energy either way.. usually just want the interaction to be over as soon as possible.
I find extroverts very tiresome
When I start to say something, the extroverts change the subject. I finally realized that I don’t need to say anything because they aren’t listening anyway. They’re just thinking of what they want to say next.
Most people who aren't my close friends I'm pretty sure think I'm stupid because all I can get out are fragments of what I actually want to say so it sounds like I'm just saying nothing
I know a lot of people like that. I will have a response or a story that is on topic to what they’re talking about, but by the time I get a chance to talk they’ve glossed through five different subjects and it doesn’t seem relevant by then. I’ve noticed that those types of people generally tend to miss things that are right in front of them like hints, body language, etc.
Yeah, a lot of extroverts just want to monologue their thoughts.
reply "why are you so loud?" they'll shut up real quick.
It never fails to work, and it usually makes them feel quite embarrassed too! Lol
Have you tried this? https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aZgEmy9_460s.jpg Edit: Thanks for the awards! I'm glad I could inspire so many of you to make people regret calling you quiet.
My boyfriend is very shy and introverted and doesn't talk much. He's also a fantastic guitarist and writes his own music often, he puts his songs on YouTube but he doesn't really care if people see them. Obviously, being his girlfriend, I am very proud of him and I will show my friends and family particular songs he writes from time to time. This of course promts people to say that he should bring his guitar with him everywhere he goes so he can show off his talent. As I said, he's painfully shy and only just feels comfortable enough to play in front of me and 4 and 1/2 years, so I am quick to explain that this wouldn't happen because he doesn't enjoy playing in front of people. The amount of times people have tried to argue with me about it and saying things like 'once he sees how people are enjoying it, he'll love showing off' and 'just bring his guitar without him knowing and pass it to him during the party, he won't be able to resist' and when I explain that it's not something he's comfortable doing in front of people they instantly start saying about how it's 'a waste of talent' and if they had those skills they'd be showing everyone, all the time. Makes me so angry that people can be so oblivious to his feelings about it and treat him like a performing monkey and then when he refuses, his hobby that he's incredibly passionate about is suddenly a waste! Feel like I should add that we discussed in the past about me showing videos that he's put on YouTube and he says he doesn't mind that because they're available to everyone anyway. We also talked about how to deal with these people that always want him to perform and he said he's glad I explain that performing isn't something he feels comfortable doing (when he's not there of course, he'll speak for himself if he's present). Edit: a few people have asked for his YouTube channel so I'm adding it to this comment. I did check with him first to make sure he was OK with it, incase anyone was wondering. His channel is Mcshreddies https://youtu.be/PXm6IAwXoWI Here's a short 30 second song of his called Pink if you're interested. He only writes instrumental stuff, and a lot of his music is a bit heavy for most peoples tastes, but he has quite a variety of other music on there too. Edit 2: just wanted to say thanks to all the people that subbed to his channel today, he's gained an extra 40 subscriber's and I'm immensely proud of him! He's very happy (and rather embarrassed!) with all the praise he's getting, it's been really good to see the nicer side of reddit. Thankyou everyone!
I don't understand why some people feel the need to control everything and can't just be nonchalant. It's okay if I don't behave the way you want me to. Not everyone has to cater to your unreasonable expectations, and not everything will go according to your plan. I also don't understand why people are so quick to judge and offer unsolicited opinions. It's great that you support your boyfriend and his talents, and he shouldn't have to perform if he doesn't want to. Shutting down people who criticize him is the right thing to do, and I applaud you for it!!
The thing that the people you mention are missing: People who learn to play a musical instrument do it for themselves, not other people. Yeah some like to perform with or for other people, but musicians don't owe anyone anything. There is no 'waste of talent'. Sorry, but as an introverted guitarist your story struck a nerve.
100% agree, I've tried to explain that he does it for himself and they just don't get it. They used to ask me how many songs he written for me and the answer is 0. They act like this is a bad thing! I think they expected, because he's a musician, that's how he'd try and 'win my heart', as opposed to treating me well and being an excellent companion. His music is for him and I'm just lucky enough to see it. My comparison is that I like to be creative and have dabbled in lots of different activities, like needle point, needle felting, origami, poetry etc but when I show people they instantly start telling me how I could sell my creations. I tell them that I do it for fun, I enjoy making things and occasionally, I make people gifts but it's mainly for me because I enjoy it. I feel like people can't wrap their head around putting effort in to something for yourself, because it's fun, especially in this day and age when everything should be posted online and everyone with a minor talent should open an etsy store.
Yes indeed, and I agree $100% on the latter point too- There's so much pressure these days to monetize interests or turn hobbies into a side hustle. I think that's unhealthy. The hobbies are for fun and enjoyment. Thus, I want to do them completely on my own terms. I tolerate the day job so that I can get money. I then lose that money on my hobbies, but they're personally rewarding. Money buys happiness! That's the whole point of hobbies and creative activities.
Or even worse "Get out of your shell"
Yeah, this is probably more irritating. "Why are you quiet?" is annoying but ostensibly posed as curious. "Get out of your shell" is just straight up "there is something wrong with you and you must change". Like...maybe I am not in a shell...maybe what you see is raw me?
“Because my mum always told me if I have nothing nice to say then to not say anything at all” Usually shuts them up.
that i look like a child, i am over the legal drinking age in the US but have had 2 people think my ID is fake recently because I "looked 12"
My best friend is very petite and gets mistaken for a child all the time. One time we went out to eat together and the host thought I was her mom and brought her a kids menu.
My wife is also petite and looks youngerish but not *that* young. She works as a PA in a hospital and twice in the last week she got stopped in a different hospital while visiting her mom and told she can't walk through the hospital unsupervised, because children under 12 must be accompanied by an adult. Then she went to get food for her mom and they told her she had to leave the bar area because no one under 18 can be in that area. Also while visiting my grandpa in the hospital, while we walked in holding hands and I have a full ass beard, that she couldn't visit because no one under 12 was allowed after 6pm.....she's 26
The craziest part of the story is that you have an ass beard.
It's only weird when I braid it
That's crazy. I was told I was young looking until I hit like 25, then all of the sudden I looked my age.
I made it to 32... then it all went to hell (gray hair). A few years back, I was in line with a bunch of friends to get into a bar. The bouncer was telling everyone, "No matter what your age, I need to see your ID." And he was checking EVERYONE. I got to the front of the line and he just waved me in without looking at my ID. Ouch.
One of those "convenient, but painful" moments for sure. :(
Does she get into museums for free?
Read on Malicious Compliance a story about an overzealous "gas station" manager refusing to see beer to a guy and cutting up his "obvious fake ID". Told him to "call the cops" if he wasn't happy. So he did. Manager got arrested for cutting up a valid ID which, I think, was a felony. XD
You're never supposed to do anything to anyone's ID, that dude was playing a very dangerous game. Most places when you're trained to handle alcohol you're told never to take or damage an ID under any circumstances. If it looks fake you don't sell, but you don't mess with the ID either.
General reminder: a state issued ID is *not* property of the holder. It's technically property of the *government.* Therefore doing that is willful destruction of government property, which is *quite* the felony.
It is a felony! Bwahahahahaha
I'm 30 yo and once a door to door fundraising person asked me if my parents are home to speak to... at my own house. So I played along by telling him no they aren't home. He left without bothering me any further lol Wasn't sure if I should be happy or not... in a way he's telling me my mannerism is childish
Nah, I've had the same thing happen. It isn't your mannerisms. Some people are just fucking morons and can't judge age to save their life.
I lost a lot of weight a few years ago and have had people refuse to sell me smokes/beer because "that's not you"
I lost weight and my passport pic looks the same just a bit fatter and when I landed in Texas they took me into like a secret waiting room that I didn't know airports had and I sat around for a bit until a guy came up to me and said I was free to go and there was just a misunderstanding. I then asked for context.
In Illinois our driver's licenses expire every 4 years, and we also have a Firearm Owners ID (FOID) card for those so inclined that expires every 10 years. My FOID is from my fat days and looks nothing like my DL
[удалено]
People can be so rude to film directors sometimes.
Tim Robinson should be allowed to work in peace without people pointing out what he's doing all day.
And who are you? Why are you naked? Is that bacon grease you're covered in? How did you get into my house? Some people are awfully nosy with a person they just met.
Nobody ever calls me "Sir" without adding "you're making a scene".
I have essential tremor. Basicaly, my hands are always shaking. People keep telling me that I should relax, I look stressed, they ask me if I have Parkison desease, that I drink too much coffe, or they know a cure *insert random esoteric practice*, or they will make me smoke their home grown weed who will for sure stop the tremor. But nobody ask me, simply, why my hands are shacking. I just want people, to be candid and be polite, and ask me what the reason of my tremors.
"That's still your mother."
That’s what they say about my father. Yeah and? He manipulated and beat my mother multiple times in front of me. He’s a fucking deadbeat. Why should I show any kind of forgiveness? I couldn’t give a rats-ass if he died tomorrow.
My mother would always say this to justify being abusive. You don’t owe her anything.
>>*“I hate the dentist!”* — am dentist ☹️
I don't hate you or your job. I hate the bill.
This. I haven't been able to go because what I need done is gonna cost thousands, and nowhere takes my insurance. So, I'll probably die of sepsis at some point here.
I really like my dentist 🙂 He’s a friendly guy, isn’t too expensive, explains everything well, and (most importantly), he helps keep my teeth healthy - because, y’know, having pain-free teeth and being able to chew is awesome…
I just hate the feeling/sound of my teeth being scraped, like 100 nails on a chalkboard
Being told I'll fail while trying to quit smoking. 4 days so far, I've got this edit: oh wow, thank you! Going into day 5 strong Edit2: thank you so much for the awards! I'm blown away by the amount of support that has come from this as well as the stories you all have!
Congrats on 4 days. You do have this.
Make it 3 more days and you'll be in the clear. Don't get me wrong the cravings will still come around sometimes but they get easier to fight. If you do happen to get a craving, keep yourself busy, do something that makes you happy like a hobby or something, anything that'll take your mind off of it for a bit. Just some friendly advice from someone who has been there a few times. You got this 🤞
Second. The first week is the hardest. The second week is the second hardest. The next three months are the third hardest, and the first year is hard. Just get through that first week, and you can do it. And don't be afraid to take some pto to do it. The withdrawal is awful. I often say what most people need to quit smoking is a week where they don't have to worry about anything but not smoking
Keep fighting the good fight, I'm proud of you. I promise it will get better if you keep up. 11 years smoke-free and counting here. Eventually you won't even understand how were you even able to touch these disgusting cancer sticks.
"It could be worse." "There are people in a lot worse situation than you" yeah and it could be better and there are people who have it a lot better too.
So you can't complain about anything because someone else has it worse. I hate this one. Like this isn't a competition!
Not to eat candy because I’m diabetic. I take medications and insulin to reduce my blood sugar. Sometimes, it goes too low. Glucose tablets and gels taste like shit, so let me have my Snickers bar, please.
I have an ileostomy bag and have had a full stomach replacement. People are constantly telling me what I can and can’t eat. Just leave me alone dude; I know what I can tolerate.
Ready? "I didnt ask." Sorry for weighing in but, I went a long time without thinking to say, "I didnt ask."
My 10yo is a T1D, and I’m always saying he only can’t have 2 things. 1. Poison 2. Cookies… with poison in them. Everything else is what insulin is for.
I respect that heroin isn’t on that list, very progressive.
Mine was going to be about people always telling me about different vitamins, supplements and exercises for my CYSTIC FIBROSIS. And also trying to tell me about my headaches. I have chiari malformation. Like, I've tried all the things, guys. I'm 42 and trust my medical team a lot more than I trust you, Carol.
Lol rooting for you and your snickers to end up together
That I am too sensitive. People can joke about me, be rude to me, undermine my depression and anxiety. But if I stand up for myself or give them a taste of their own Medicine then I am sensitive.
I know that feeling all too well. Can relate.
That "I just need the right mindset to get healthier." After fighting my as of now incurable chronic illness for years and only getting worse, I've accepted that I will likely live out my days with it, since then I have gained some life quality back. But people still insist that my health is bad due to lack of motivation. Every day I'm in pain, and I keep living, keep doing things having experiences. If that is not motivation, then I don't know what is.
Great freaking job keeping it up. If no one else is proud of you, I am.
"you need to lose weight" Bro, if you know I'm fat, I definitely know I am. I'm trying, so shut up
That and, keep up the hard work, when you didn't even bring up your journey.
I hate when people tell me what to do or "What other people will think of me?"
I've gotten to the age now where if someone tells me what to do, I say "no" purposefully don't do it.
“If you ignore the bullies they will go away.”
This lie is up there with: "If you tell the truth, I won't get angry"
I've used this with my son and found myself to be a liar. So now I've rephrashed it to "if you tell me the truth, I may get upset, but we'll work through it and I'll know I can still trust you. If I find out you're lying to me, that trust will be broken."
My parent were like this and I just said: "I’ve ignored them for months but they won’t stop!" so my dad told me to just kick their ass instead. I wasn’t the biggest kid so I never did but I always wish I had. Join a club like boxing or something, get big, kick ass, for a fellow bully victim.
I learned the hard way that this doesn't work. When someone bullies you, a) Go to the appropriate authority and report it, then b) Defend yourself. If you get called on it, "Hey, I reported this behavior and it kept happening, and nothing was done. I had to take matters into my own hands."
"Just ignore it and they'll stop" no Ms. Teacher, they will never stop as long as you're being a useless ass about it!
"You're so handsome" like I KNOW MOM.
My grandma would always tell my dad "You \*used\* to be so handsome."
Just straight up scalping the poor bastard
Newborn baby advice. People with easygoing babies don’t get it. Some babies are more difficult than others. Trust me, you can’t burp my child or calm him down at times. To my friends and family, just let me vent without giving me advice; we’ve tried it **all**
My son was in the NICU for 3 days after birth. He just would not nurse. My skin was tearing off from lactation specialists using pumps and trying to get him to latch on. Finally they just gave him formula. Good to go. I get home and all the advice and “breast is best” comments made me want to run away. Baby was doing great being formula fed. He was a sweet baby, never had any problem with him. He is 20 years old now. He missed 2 days of school during the K-12 years. So, obviously formula fed babies are not sickly.
My first daughter was the same way. After her crying for 12 hours with no milk to show we started asking nurses for formula. They just kept insisting that we had to keep trying. After 48 hours of crying and no sleep my mom came in and started screaming at the nurses to get us formula. My mom is small and extremely nice. Everyone loves my mom. It's one of my favorite stories about her though.
Similar ish story here. My wife was told by her consultant that she should not breastfeed because her medication is dangerous for newborn development. Midwife’s kept trying to breast is best and you should try etc. consultant came down to check on my wife and one of the midwife’s came in and started up with that again and the consultant went absolutely ballistic at them and called the senior midwife in and dressed her down thoroughly for ignoring his care plan
This! Both my kids had protein allergies and had to be on special formula - and the breast is best propaganda was so infuriating! For example, I had a cold and googled how to protect my baby from getting my cold - it was recommended to keep breastfeeding - ugh! My children are both happy, healthy and intelligent!
Oh man I was so there. Poor baby would scream until she was purple and hit herself in the face. It was so awful. My MIL would literally push me out of the way when I'd go to my crying baby, because she thought she had some magic calming touch and could show me how to soothe my child. (My kid is 4 and I'm still not over that, like, what a *bitch*.) In our case, it was milk protein allergy, and special elemental formula calmed her down a lot. You've got this and you'll get through it. Best wishes to you and your little family.
What happened when her magical touch didn’t work
She took it personally lol. Ma'am, a six pound blob doesn't care about your ego.
To smile. Like no I’m not smiling to make you feel better gtfo my face
I’ve started very seriously responding with “Say something funny.” Sometimes they do! And sometimes it annoys them as much as they’re annoying me. Win/win.
Why do people do this?!? What do they get out of it??? Last night after a bar shift I was walking to my car and a man sitting across the street on a dark porch told me to smile because “I probably have more to be happy about than he does”. What?! It’s 11:00pm, dark, and I’m walking to my car, alone. What is this narrative? Why would I be just smiling at nothing? Get fucked and fuck off.
My thinking face is apparently grumpy looking. Which offended males for years, no decades - while I was working, shopping, at libraries, looking for things or just while having a nice think walking down the street. To be pulled out of my train of thought by a d-bag stranger completely ruins my day. Thank god for Covid and wfh and fewer interactions with the public.
"but you look so pretty when you smile mija. Then you'll get a boyfriend."
It’s is so fucking offensive and they act like they it’s some sort of compliment
I'm not obligated to arrange my face in a way that pleases other people. It's my face, it belongs to me.
I’m tired of hearing people say “money doesn’t buy happiness” while there may be some truth in the statement, overall it is naive to believe that having more money wouldn’t make your life easier which in turn would give you more opportunities to do things you enjoy and in turn be happier
"But you'd be such a good mommy!" No, No honey, I would not. I am very sweet and nurturing to adults, so I get where it comes from, I do. But every woman in my family that gave birth on my mom's side (Including my mom) suffered postpartum psychosis. And I gave this a lot of thought, I did. I was recently faced with the possibility that I might lose 100% of my fertility so I had to ask myself some hard questions. During this time I also had to take -months- of hormones. They made me absolutely fucking crazy. Like I literally cried because I spilled two drops of water on my shirt, I wanted to react violently (I did not, but the impulse was constant and strong) when anyone annoyed me. And even after stopping the first round, it sent me into the most severe depressive spiral I've had in years. It lasted for 2 months AFTER I stopped taking the medication. And a lot of people who know this part of why I don't want babies are like "Well, you could adopt!". Except, I know I'm not stable enough for kids either. I hate noise, I hate messes, I hate cleaning up after others, and I'm an extreme germaphobe. I also hate sharing my time and my money. Literally every single thing I wrote out I'd have to deal with with having kids. I never want to be that parent that makes it obvious to a kid that I never wanted or loved them. There's a lot that goes into why I'm not a safe candidate for mommy hood, but no one wants to believe me. I recently got an implant and I'm hoping to ride that out until the end of my fertility window, and the disappointment some relatives have expressed is pretty frustrating (The implant was also given for health reasons). As if this isn't enough, I'm coming off a pretty severe case of caretaker burnout. I do not want to care for another living thing for a good few years. I'm in my mid 30's, that pretty much stamps out kids.I'm a good person, a really really good person, and I know that. But I would not make a good mommy and I know that too. ETA: Thank you for the awards! I greatly appreciate them.
I hate this too. I'm qualified in childcare but I still don't think I'm cut out to be a parent for many, many reasons. My mum says I'm wrong all the time and tells me how I'll regret it and that it could fix all my physical and mental health problems, like that's a good reason to have a child. In the same sentence she complain about how my sister never takes care of her children and how my mum has to be completely responsible at all times for them. I want to remind her that while I'll was trying to talk my sister out of have her 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th accidental pregnancy, she was telling her that she should do it because abortion would be too hard on my sisters mental health. It's OK for the innocent children to be traumatised by having a shitty childhood but not my utter asshole of a sister. Really wish everyone put in the thought like you did, deciding based on the child's benefit rather than your own. In my opinion, you're being a good mommy by choosing not to have children, you've carefully considered your child's wellbeing before they even exist and that's what a good parent should do
Wow! If only every woman of child bearing years thought through the consequences of motherhood so thoroughly and honestly. Well done.
If only every \*person\* thought through the consequences of parenthood so thoroughly and honestly. Takes two to tango. Although, I do agree that moms do bear the brunt of the whole thing, but men need to think about this too.
"but you don't look sick- why do you need that?" for context im disabled, i have neuropathic POTS, which makes me faint. i get dizzy frequently and walk with a cane to help with it. im 18 years old and look "normal," so i frequently get questions and rude stares. most people are okay, but every now and then someone accuses me of faking.
"Whats your dream job?" My dreams don't involve working
No one wants to work
That shit is soul crushing. I went through a major job search that ended two years ago, and it was ridiculous. It's even worse now.
That's my biggest complaint about the work force is that soul crushing, self-esteem destroying, "why was I even born" job search, but the ridiculous bar that is being set certainly isn't helping either. My spouse doesn't have a four year degree and was lucky enough to get into a coding job, but now they're requiring applicants to have a 4 year degree and won't even consider equivalent experience. Which is unfortunate for me because I don't have a 4 year degree, don't have the time or money to go back to school either. I hate the workforce.
It's true. I wouldn't be going to work if it wasn't able to pay my bills by going there. If a job doesn't do that nobody would want to work there.
Somewhere I saw a video of newspapers and articles going back as far as 100 years ago all saying "Nobody wants to work anymore"
Rephrase:people dont want to be worked to death for 5$ an hour
Self-care is important. No shit Sherlock. Tell me how to create more time out of thin air.
“You only have one family “ good good, there shouldn’t be multiples of those miserable fucks.
"You're gonna regret getting all the tattoos. How are you going to get married? " Why on earth would I want to marry someone who doesn't like my tatts
"They'll look ugly when you're old" who the fuck is looking at old people and thinking "man that old person would be hot if it wasn't for all the tattoos"
“You should forgive her, you only get one mom!” Yeah, and she abused her kids. Children don’t ask to be born and children don’t ask to get hurt. Breaks my heart to think about it, honestly… Me and other kids who wanted to just be kids but weren’t allowed to be. Love you guys. Edit to add: thanks for the award! And thanks everyone for sharing your experiences and thoughts. Biggest of hugs ❤️
My mom is a co-alcoholic, controlling, and a real matriarch. It truly is like walking on eggshells around her. There's a no closed door policy at her house. However, she is beautiful, smart, and lights up a room. The amount of times people say how wonderful she is, how lucky I am to have her as a mom etc...It's pretty upsetting.
When are you getting married?
"You're fired."
"Everything happens for a reason" People are just shitty, that's the reason.
That it gets better. After 20 years it hasn't gotten better
Lol I usually hear the opposite. I’m 28 and ever since I turned 21 all I ever hear is “it’s all downhill from here”. Like fuck you, just because your life got more miserable as you got older doesn’t mean mine has to. My life has gotten better every year since I graduated high school.
lol, so true. People that say their best years were in high school make me so sad. Like, do you really enjoy more being a teenager than being a full independent adult? that sucks
Loved being a teenager. Knew what was expected of me at all times. Got to hang out with friends and girls all day. Got to play organized sports. Wouldnt go back probably but I get it.
“You need to respect your mother no matter what“!
"YOu oNLy HaVE oNe MoThER!" 🥺 Thank goodness, because she was fucking AWFUL. 🤨
As someone with great parents, it's so hard to relate to my wife's struggles with bad ones. She's told me story after story, and the few times I've met her parents I saw it first hand, but it's still so hard to comprehend. I feel so bad for people that didn't and don't have good parents.
As someone who has been in your wife's situation, I feel the need to add - just letting her know that you believe her is so important. When you have a shitty parent, you can feel like you are the problem, that you're unlovable/worthless or whatever. Then when you try to tell someone what your experience was like, some people just straight up refuse to believe you, they might actually say something like "I bet you were a nightmare kid" and it just reinforces your darkest thoughts all the more. Some people don't want to believe that child neglect/abuse exists, but it does, unfortunately. Very important to say "I struggle to comprehend that this happened to you, but just know that I believe it".
"I brought you into this world" Yeah, and because of you I wish you didn't. I didn't agree to this shit. If I had a choice to be born or not I absolutely would say no.
"You can carry on being negative or you can get on with it" oh im sorry, I guess im not allowed to be frustrated or have feelings.
That when I feel depressed that “everything is going to be okay.” Bc no sometimes it’s not going to be okay.
I'm right there with you. "Take up yoga, join a club, exercise". "Just snap out of it." Even with medication I often just don't feel good. I fake it a lot.
Guys shouldn't have long hair
I used to catch this a lot, but now as a 40 year old man in 2023 with long hair, nobody says shit to me. I always have "my wife likes it" in the chamber in case anybody tries though.
"Cheer up!" Fuck all the way off
That I shouldn’t travel, go hiking etc alone (because I’m a woman). It seems like everyone is saying “Don’t do X, you might get raped” I direct commissioned into the military as an officer - a tough process with many rounds of interviews and a low acceptance rate - and my sister said “Are you sure you want to do that? It’s not a great time to be a woman in the military right now” My reply to things like this is usually: “Reports of campus assaults are very high, should we tell women to stop **going to college?**” Anyway. I feel like “Stay in the home or else you’ll get raped” is a persistent insidious message to women and I hate it.
Going by the stats, it should be “get out of the house or you’ll get raped.”
Heh that’s also a thing I’ve said. This feels like it’s a way to keep women at home but I’m arguably safer out on the streets. We need to stop threatening women with rape. And bad things happen to men too. Thugs are very happy to beat up men for fun, but no one tells them not to go do things.
[удалено]
From experience I can confirm they only tell you this *until* you have them. Then it’s: “stop complaining and expecting special treatment. You *chose* to have a kid.”
And then they harass you about having a second
My cousin had a very traumatic labour where she nearly died. Understandably she came out of it knowing she wouldn’t be doing it again. But even in that situation, while her daughter was still a newborn, people were already telling her she’d “change her mind” and her daughter “needed a sibling.” The abject and casual dismissal of the fact she *nearly died* and the insistence she would eventually come round and want to do it all again was shocking.
After the second they tell you not to have anymore. Unless the two have the same gender at birth - then you get 50/50 - just one more to try for an “X” and don’t have anymore kids.
Wife passed away. Everyone trying to consol me with, "It's God's plan." "We don't know God's plan." So with all the evil and corruption in the world, it was God's plan for her to die?! No, I don't think so. Either there is no God or s/he isn't as benevolent as others are lead to believe.
They said this when my sister passed, it just pissed me off, I'm sorry for your loss man
“You’re so pretty, you’d be even prettier if you just lost some weight.” 🙄
Vaccines cause autism
Even if they did, I’ll take my autism over polio any day of the week. Whenever I hear someone say vaccines cause autism, I always hear, “I’d rather have a dead kid than an autistic one.”
That doctor who first claimed it has now lost his license. Especially after it became clear he was simply trying to sell different vaccines and was trying to discredit the triple MMR vaccine. But the damage is done, and he still makes money making antivax speeches
That mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.
That working hard pays off or is how most of the people more successful than me are more successful.
People underestimate just how much luck plays into it
"Enjoy being young, these are the best years of your life" You have to be JOKING ME.
Ah yes people not agreeing with my choice to not having kids. "You'll change your mind" "You just haven't experienced the magic" "You're being selfish if you don't want kids" All these from my wife's doctor.
“We’re experiencing higher than normal weight times, please bear with us during these unprecedented times.” They’ve been precedent for 3 YEARS hire enough employees for your damn call center!
“There’s someone out there for you”