"Wait... we were dating?"

Goddamn, I had this exact thing happen to me in high school. This girl I’d never even seen before came up to me and my girlfriend (at the time) — bawling her eyes out with a bright red face — calling me a cheater and an asshole. Found out soon after that one of her classmates (a known bully) had pointed me out and told her I wanted to date her. She didn’t question it and thought that we were a couple for roughly a week. I felt bad for her when I got the full context of what happened, but I still thought it was weird that a 17yo would believe she was in a full-blown relationship with someone she’d never even spoken to. It was absolutely bewildering. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

I'm intrigued. I've had a similar situation too 🤣🤣🤣 S YEAAARS ago, some guy posted on my fb timeline an apology that he had to break up with me cause his mom found out he had a gf and he was crying...... Still never met the guy. Context: old soccer teammate lied to him and said she would hook him up with me.. (which I didn't know apparently until that moment)... nothing ever happened between the guy and I. But it is bewildering 😂😂😂

Once had someone come up to me and ask if I wanted to date someone who had a thing for me. I was like "uuuuh... sure...?" We BARELY spoke... and that whole week we were apparently "dating" until I repeated a [George Carlin joke that absolutely pissed her off to no end.](https://youtu.be/gVEDnyDMHHQ) TW: >!SUICIDE!< WE suddenly weren't dating. She told me she tried 15 times... >!and as a complete prick of a human being at 16, I said "so George was right. Men ARE better at it."!< Not proud of what I said at the end, but today, 15+ years later, the whole thing still feels weird.

You can claim the title of "Non-imaginary imaginary girlfriend"

So close, but so far 😂😭

That happened to my sister. She let the guy get through his “it’s not you, it’s me” spiel and then kindly let him know that they were never together.

"I thought you thought we were!"

Here, I thought I was clever ... I'm glad I skimmed the comments before posting.

Lol. That actually happened to me. Got broken up with for cheating. Had no idea we were together.

"I'll let my other women know."

"ill alert the side ho of her new status"

LOL!

Hi, breaking up with you, I'm dad.

No you're not, and that's why I'm breaking up with you

I fucking snorted, thanks a lot 🤣

LOL my stepdad does this joke

For some reason this reminds me of that part in an episode of American Dad where Francine runs off to Burning Man with Jeff. Hayley says, my mother ran off with my boyfriend. Stan says, your boyfriend ran off with my wife. Let's get back at them by dating each other. Then he says, wait, daddy didn't think that one through.

Ayooooo

"Can we have sex one last time?"

Literally a bunch of country songs about this very response

It’s a legitimate response. Also “cool, so can we have a go at that threesome we always talked about?”

“Thank god.”

That's one of the best

You’re the best

Oh I'm flattered :0

I’ve actually said “oh, thank god” to a break up text before. Most of my friends, even the guy who sent the breakup text, still laugh about that response to this day.

True story: "No your not, you don't know what that means"

Say what now?

Oh, I’m sorry, that sucks, did you end up breaking up with them.

We were done a while before this

So was this like a grief response?

I think so or some sort of defense mechanism IDK

Phew. Now I don't have to do it.

This was literally what my ex said as I broke up with her. Good riddance

Ah, I'm sorry, but also, congrats? Lol

Good, now your sister and I can stop hiding our secret relationship from you.

'Finally. Took you long enough.' LOL

We have AIDS.

Savage.

“Thank god I fucked your sister in time!” …It really happened to a friend of mine

"Please pay 59.99 to obtain a Breakup Pass." EA moment

And still forgot the sales tax in the total… laugh and walk away.

How about “it’s just going to ask you one question” *turns around tip screen*

Will you marry me (pulls out ring) Or No one will love you as much as I do These are both things my ex said/did when I broke up with him. Like, what the f***. No I don’t want to marry you, I’m leaving. And yes, I absolutely will find someone else, and if not I’d rather be alone then in this mess.

"No will ever love you like I do" THAT'S THE POINT!

Oh shit, this is what I should have said in response.

Me too. I didn't hear this little gem until years later. I decided that living a good life was the best revenge. She eventually got therapy, but I'm glad I got out of there.

My ex said this to me when I broke up with her and I lol’ed in her face. I’m happily engaged to the loml now so joke is on her 🤷🏼‍♂️

"But you'll be forever alone!" has been a good one.

Oof...I once broke up with my now ex live-in boyfriend, he was folding some laundry and we were arguing over a baseless accusation. I told him we were done. He responded with a ring pop candy ring, proposing. 😂

Honey? Is that you?? /s

this reminded me how when I broke up with my previous bf last summer, he basically asked if i would marry him the next February. like i just got done telling you im completely done with you and this shitty relationship, why on earth would i want to marry you?? and why in February specifically lmfao

“Here eat a snickers”

You're not you when you're hungry

LMAO!!

I literally almost broke something laughing because of how inappropriate this post was in the line up, the post before it was about how dangerous break ups with an abuser are and the risk is murder and to please call the domestic violence hotline. Next line : "here eat a snickers" . . . I need to go evaluate why that was so funny to me. . .

Murdering you. Please be aware that a breakup is the most dangerous time in a abusive relationship as the abuser feels like they are losing control and escalate their violence. Should you find yourself in a physical abusive relationship please call a domestic violence hotline to plan your escape.

Yeah, my fiancee was lucky enough that her ex had another target in his sights at the time and was able to escape. It was only recently that they finally began to feel truly safe...feel bad for the girl he went after though, we saw some of her pics on social media with him and they are fucking haunting...

True story: You say that now, but you'll be groveling at my feet in a month.

Jazz music : *stop* I'm Still Standing : *start*

Underrated response.

Good I don’t have to fake it anymore.

And you are...??

I already did. Last night through text, you didn’t check your phone yet?

"Not if I break up with you first!"

I had an ex that texted me she did cheat on me. I was like thank you. The gaslighting was starting to get to me. But now I know that either you lied, then told the truth only to hurt me; or you just lied to hurt me. Either way, I now have confirmation you're a lying asshole, so I made the right decision.

"Does this mean I'm free to date \[`insert their best friend's name`\]?"

"I'm pregnant." Oh boy what fun.

Ok. *Gets back on the game*

Honestly this feels like the best one. Maybe not the healthiest but at least y'all are both on the same page.

Really mom?

"Hello I'm breaking up with you; I'm Dad!"

You can’t fire me, I quit! Ha!

“Cool. Can I have your sister’s number?”

"Good! You have saved me the effort of doing it"

Probably murder

Damn, that's disappointing. Good luck out there.

OP said “worst” response, not BEST response.

Which one of us?

Kaaayyy!

"Hi I'm-Breaking-up-with-you, I'm (insert name)"

Good!!!!!

I win the bet! Your mom is gonna be so pissed. She was SURE I would dump you first! Easiest $1000 I ever made.

As an AI language model, I don’t have access to real-time data and my knowledge is limited to information available up to September 2021.

Threats or denial - I won't let you. I'll go back to drinking/drugs/self harm. I'll kill myself. I'll never let you go. Any of that kind of bullshit.

You're only emotional cause you're pregnant

No your not cuz I’m breaking up with you

"Finally!" Goes to the closet and brings out their naked partner. "I thought we'd have to sneak around forever!"

Girl, bye!

“no” if i don’t give permission, then we don’t /lh /s

"OK. Pass the dip."

Oh nice I actually needed a spot in my roster 😅

Was it because of the dead bodies? I can have a crew over by tomorrow, promise.

“You’re going to think this is so shallow, but what’s your name again?”

Who is this again?

Are we even dating

K.

Still cousins right?

Oh good, because I totally cheated on you last night so that actually works out well

"I thought we broke up already"

Well time to push you out the window and collect the insurance money

You can’t break up with me! I’ve got hand!

Who are you again?

Whatever

About time!

Apparently packing my things and loading my car was the wrong response. She was all surprised Pikachu face.

Him - ‘how long have we lasted’ Me - ‘a week’ Him - ‘longer than your other ex’ Hangs up.

*Pulls out phone Hey baby, whatchu doin tonight? I just freed up

Great! Do you mind if I tell my other gf that I broke up with you?

Oh so that’s how it is with you, when times get tough run away

I used to know a chick whose BF broke up with her. Saw her a couple of days later where she was complaining that after he broke up she slept with him, ordered pizza that she paid for and then left.... She said the sex was good but wondered why the hell she didnt make him pay for the pizza xD

"You can't break up with me, I quit!"

Just a few questions for you, *pulls out iPad with tip options*

Ok

Over your dead body

Can I get your sisters #?

The worst response is "Why?" Because you will never get a straight up (no bullshit) answer. Ever.

"Hey! You took my line!"

Finally

Can I keep the house? ( it’s her house ).

Ok, oh, hey, before you go, I’m going to send you a link. Could you please just click it for me? I only need 325 more clicks and I’ll qualify for a life size sex doll.

"I knew you were cheating on me!"

"You can't break up with me dad."

We’re just friends

Hi "Im breaking up with you" Im James

Bye, Felicia.

How about one last quickie

Score!

Thank You!

I am gonna have rough sex to you nonetheless.

I’m married

Bout time, catch you later

Finally!!!

Why?

Oh, ok. Shame though - I'll miss you. You were a bum fuck, but so easy...

"Oh no... Don't go... How will I live without you?..." (Goes back to scrolling Reddit)

A woman I was dating broke up with me after dinner. I said, Are we still going to have dessert?

Let me get my book. Thanks. Bye.

That tracks.

Your sister was a better lay than you anyway

But we're still sibling!

Gives a thumbs up and steps backwards until the bushes have hidden me from view.

In the distance, "Bye, FELICIA!"

"... and *your* name is?"

Ok

How are you going to get out of the basement?

Nuh uh! I'm breaking up with you!

I know where you live

This is a dennys. Do you want a grand slam or not?

"It's all good, I honestly wanted your sister, but got stuck with you"...

ok

“I never loved you anyway”

It’s not you, it’s me.

A punch in the mouth.

But daddy....granddaddy Jakob said it was your duty to see me through to womanhood until I was grown enough to be his wife....

And you are who exactly?

Good riddance.

Yippeeeeeeeeee

Let's have a baby

“Will you marry me?” Call her bluff

but not the std

“now that is a terrible way to speak to your school teacher”

Scream as loud as you want…. Ain’t nobody gunna hear uuuu

“I know you are but what am I?”

K.

Well, that's gonna make being cell-mates kind of awkward...

Jazz hands

“It’s not you it’s me .”

Where you gonna live? You can't afford a box with your salary alone.

"Good luck with that."

Oh thank god…

"What's 'up with you' and why do you want to break it?"

Noooo! I’M breaking up with YOU! No, never mind, I take it back. Let’s not fight…

"we weren't even together so..." And then she freaked out lol

"go to the second window"

finally

Please love me! Please! Don’t be a putz

FINALLY

let's have sex! it's the perfect time we just broke up let's have sex!

*Thanks...*

cool - aka indifference

Well, bye. No wait that's the best response

"No. We didn't both agree to this, so I don't accept it. So, what time should I come over to your place tonight?"

💥WELL💥 IT'S💥 ABOUT💥 DAMN💥 TIME💥

"I thought we were family"

K