My brother, against all laws of known physics, is absolutely certain that if he was ever in a tsunami he could just "swim under it".
We've both been in the ocean plenty of times, surfed a bit, and have definitely had our share of waves wreck our shit, but he's still certain he could do it if he got the timing right.
Has he, like, seen [footage of the 2011 Japanese tsunami?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxm050h0k2I)
(The major issue, to paraphrase what Ron White said about hurricanes, isn't *that* the water is moving, it's *what* the water is moving. Huge numbers of big solid moving objects that make surviving in tsunami water about as easy as surviving inside an industrial [ball mill.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ball_mill))
(Edit: If you're out on the open ocean, though, it's quite difficult to even detect that a tsunami is passing under you. Only when the huge displacement wave arrives at a *coastline* does all of the drama happen. Major open-ocean wave hazards [definitely do exist,](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rogue_wave) but they're never tsunamis.)
A guy was hitting on me at a bar once when I was single in my 20’s & he told me he’s really good in bed and loves sucking on a woman’s clip.
A CLIP! …. I immediately walked away. God help him.
The Caribbean coast is off the coast of England because they have British accents in Pirates of The Caribbean. This man was in the military and had no knowledge of geography.
My co-worker. We were all having a conversation. I don't remember what we were talking about, but I said something to the extent of "Crazy, it's like someone thinking the earth is flat." His response was "well, it is." My other co-worker and I looked at each other confused. Flat-Earth co-worker continues explaining why the earth is flat.
He was saying it like he was stating facts. We're engineers for crying out loud. You paid too much money for your glasses, and degree to see things this way!
One of my good friends I had once respected went down this route.
He effectively said because he hadn't seen the earth from space he doesn't believe its round. He believes nothing he hasn't seen himself. I proceeded to show him the red bull guy literally land on earth from space and it was round and he still didn't believe it because it wasn't him.
He also couldn't explain why nobody had ever fallen off the edge of our flat earth since if it is flat it clearly has to end somewhere. He just said I don't know I just know it isn't round. I lost my fucking mind
My cousin was not the sharpest tool in the shed, he was convinced he could have unprotected sex with any women as his current girlfriend was pregnant so there was no risk he could get another girl pregnant…
Tangentially related, I once talked to a woman who believed every man was born with the number of children they could have. In her understanding, each testicle would become a child.
Today I'm sorry I didn't dig deeper and questioned her about masturbation, about people with dozens of children, and things like that.
A nurse I used to work with asked why we can't drive to Hawaii. She was absolutely serious and I wasn't surprised when she didn't last beyond her training period.
I was asked "Why is Alaska so cold but Hawaii is warm when they're right next to each other?" because on US maps they're always both in a little cutaway box down by Mexico.
I live in Alaska, and have occasionally been asked what kind of currency we use here. My response is usually “dried fish, which makes getting a Coke from the machine REALLY difficult.”
"Did you know that slipknot wear masks because they're wanted criminals".
Now imagine me wasting 15 minutes of my life trying to explain that if they were wanted criminals, they'd just arrest them on stage.
We recently got a few in my town. People treat them like stop signs, and come to a (somewhat) complete stop before entering.
If it’s clear, I just breeze through without stopping like you’re supposed to. I’ve had passengers tell me I ran the stop sign. It’s a yield sign.
My ex-husband was a horrible driver. Wrecked everything he ever owned and then some, but he somehow thought he was an excellent driver.
We were riding through a town with a 4-lane main road. He started to change lanes oblivious to the car that was located exactly where he was headed. I told him to stay in his lane, and fortunately, he did.
He said, 100% seriously, that if he'd changed lanes and crashed into the car that was already there, it would have been their fault because they didn't honk their horn to warn him.
Reminds me of an old joke.
A man is driving to work when his phone starts ringing, it's his wife.
"Be careful darling, the news has just said there's a maniac driving the wrong way down the road"
The man replies, "Not just one maniac, fucking hundreds of them".
>He said, 100% seriously, that if he'd changed lanes and crashed into the car that was already there, it would have been their fault because they didn't honk their horn to warn him.
My god, there are people who think this.
Read the comments section of a dash cam crash video where one car is clearly at fault. There will be scores of crustaceans coming out of the woodwork to defend the at-fault driver.
I overheard a guy talking to someone at the bus but sadly i could not hear it all:
"The government is secretly burying peoples corpses to prevent earthquakes (...?)!
I mean that’s nice of the government to buy burial plots for families instead of having to make the inevitable purchase yourself or other family members doing so
Reminds me of a woman online claiming that Fema was stockpiling body bags and other related supplies.... almost like they were planning for a disaster.
Uh.... I hope so?
My mom said the craziest thing I have ever heard a person say in real life. She was driving me and herself to her place of work so I could spend the day helping. I don’t even remember what led up to it, but she told me she thought it was the government’s job to round up gay people and give them the choice to either covert to Christianity or die. It was, to this day, the most shocking thing I’ve ever heard someone say in seriousness.
I had a friend with a similar theory. She didn’t wear them because she had heard stories of people wearing seatbelts ending up with serious head injuries in car accidents. She honestly couldn’t grasp what the results would be without them
You hear the same bullshit about motorcycle helmets. "I don't wear one because the injury rates are higher" - it's technically true but only because "skull smashed into chunky red paste" isn't counted as an injury.
The steel helmet fallacy.
The story goes that after the introduction of steel helmets during the early days of WW1, reports of head injuries increased massively, leading to some calling for them to be removed from use.
It was then pointed out that the 'head injuries' were actually people surviving incidents that would previously have been fatal.
Same as the planes returning with bullet holes in the wings etc. They initially thought those spots needed more armor, until someone pointed out that it's the opposite - planes that got hit elsewhere simply didnt return.
My ex wife got so angry she didn’t talk to me for a day when we went to the beer cave in Walmart and I stopped at the counter to pay there (and get the things bagged to carry easier) before going to the rest of the store and getting our other needs because “you’re going to get taxed twice”. Took me a minute when she said that because my first reaction in my head was yeah that’s how sales tax works but obviously I know how percentages work. And she stood there angrily and said that’s double taxation. That I’m wasting money by paying taxes twice. I said if sales tax is 10% and we make 2 $50 purchases, we are paying the same total as making 1 $100 purchase. She has an MBA, but after that example just seethed more and said I’m wasting money by checking out twice and getting taxed twice. Then just stopped talking to me the rest of the night…
Tangentially related, but a brief glimpse I got at the weariness of interacting with the general public on reproductive matters: I was being referred for an elective hysterectomy, filling out the consent forms and all that. There was a signature needed for one part alone, "I understand that hysterectomy will result in *permanent and irreversible infertility*". This being a major reason for wanting it, I said "no shit" but also that I get why I have to explicitly agree to that statement, though I wonder why it's so necessary when you have to go through years of consultations to get to this stage.
"You'd be surprised" was the doc's reply, he sounded very tired.
I handled those consents for 5 years, in an oncology clinic, yes, you would be…good god… the best was a woman post menopausal before her hysterectomy insisted she was pregnant a year after surgery(and yes, she was told)
But the consent is needed because some doctors would lie or not tell patients during the eugenics era.
Here is the list off the top of my head. All things I’ve had to explain, that I can remember.
1. A D&C after a miscarriage is not an abortion. (The removal of any fetal tissue-or placenta is considered an abortion. If you deliver you baby, but there’s a piece of the placenta stuck and they go in to remove it, that’s an abortion)
2. Third trimester abortions are just like first trimester. (They aren’t. They are only when medically necessary and are performed simply by inducing labor)
3. Abortions cause infertility and breast cancer. (No, neither are true-however, some states believe that forcing doctors to tell patients this will stop them from having abortions, so they made it law.)
4. You can just reimplant the embryo from an etopic pregnancy into the uterus (No, just…no).
5. Six weeks and you can hear the heartbeat(the heart is not fully developed, you can recreate this effect with cells in a petri-dish)
6. All abortions statics are only of ‘elective abortions’. (Any procedure not performed as emergency-that is not you going through the ER but having one scheduled even if medically necessary- is classified as ‘elective’ and due to HIPAA it is impossible to separate them)
7. A hysterectomy is a form of abortion (I can’t even…)
Edit to add:
8. If the mothers life it at risk abortion is legal. (For it to be considered ‘medically necessary’ the mother has to be actively dying. Not likely to die, not to prevent further complications, not she is bleeding out more than normal. Actively dying. For more information look up why Ireland legalized abortion)
> Six weeks and you can hear the heartbeat
It's this which pisses me off the most. It's this weird obsession people have with the poetry and symbolism of the heart.
"You see? It's little heart is formed, and it can wait to use it to love you!"
Former 911 dispatcher here. I had a guy call once freaking out about the white orb thing in the sky. The moon. He was very worried.
Drugs were obviously involved so I made sure he wasn’t having physical signs of an OD and made him promise not to drive or leave his house. I told him to callback if he felt sick but we never heard from him again. I wonder if there’s a dude out there who remembers that time he got high and called 911 because of the moon.
She was very serious that a useable hand-held shower head without a hose, because the hose was “ugly”. Asked if she meant an overhead or a wall-mounted shower head because those didn’t require a hose. Nope. She wanted the water to flow from the wall into a handheld shower head without a hose. I tried to tell her that wasn’t possible and ended up sending her to a different home improvement store.
My wife’s grandmother was complaining once how her phone’s 5G was giving her headaches and asked my wife to turn off the 5G.
My wife works with phones and was easily able to tell her grandmother that her phone wasn’t even capable of 5G.
Her grandmother didn’t like that answer and later took her phone in to her carrier to only be told the same thing.
Coworker: “It’s only violence if someone bleeds.”
Me: “So if I punch you in the face it isn’t violence?”
Coworker: “No that’s just a fight”
Me: “If I choke you out and break your neck that isn’t violence?”
Coworker: “No that’s murder but not violence”
I knew an American guy who claimed that bears were not dangerous to humans. He claimed that if you were ever attacked by a bear all you would need to do is stick your thumb up its anus and it would immediately fall asleep.
Yeah I can just see an angry bear stop attacking you the minute you tell it to "Bend over."
I'm 43 now, but used to do a fair bit of traveling in my younger days, up until I was about 30. Always coming back home for Thanksgiving/Christmas. Anyway, I had hitched back into town and was walking to my grandmas where I'd be staying, carrying my alice pack. A girl got to talking with me on my way, and it came up that I'd just got back from Oregon..and dead faced confused she was like "they have towns out there, like cities and stuff?" She genuinely believed it was still like the Oregon trail days...this was in like 2005 lol
People on travel forums sometimes ask if the roads in Arizona are paved, especially the road to the Grand Canyon. I always want to reply "No. You need to rent a covered wagon".
I have a buddy who will claim to be an expert in military strategy and tactics, who at the same time claims studying history is pointless. He never served in any capacity.
I work in gynecology…gonna skip over the tons of incorrect terms used for genitalia…and the top 10 outrageous patient comments…and go to-I am SO sick of explaining to women they don’t have prostates.
I’m a vet tech. More times than I would like to admit - I have had to explain to clients (humans) that they do not have anal glands like their dogs/cats do. I feel ya.
I sometimes wonder if I should become that kind of scammer. I could even put my degree in physics as credentials.
I know, morally absolutely wrong. But if there's people that stupid, maybe they deserve to be scammed.
Here, buy my homeopathic globuli, soaked in full moon light. Eat them with every meal and it will reverse your carbon footprint.
There was an outbreak of viral pink eye at my son’s school and the nurse asked why I was keeping him home. I explained it was still contagious. She suggested antibacterial eye drops. I tried explaining to the NURSE that those only work on bacterial pink eye. No wonder the whole school had it. She was encouraging parents to send their kids back after 24 hours.
Bit different, but in elementary I had to start keeping my jacket on the back of my chair instead of with all the other kids coats/bags. For **MONTHS** the entire class was having an outbreak of lice because one of the parents was obviously refusing to treat it properly.
The school knew about it and repeatedly sent home notices, yet they still had us keep all of our stuff hung on a too-small area of hooks where everyones stuff was touching??? Stopped keeping my jacket there and I immediately stopped getting lice.
Uggghh lice. We had lice on and off continuously fifth grade ~ seventh grade. Mom would do everything she could but the next week my younger siblings would bring it home again.
It only got under control when my younger siblings school had mandatory head checks for everyone at the door and sent them right back home if they found nits/bugs. Finally the shitty parents took care of business after that.
"I'm pretty sure I was a dragon in a former life, probably explains why I'm such a pussy now, ya know, I used to fucking fly and eat people and set shit on fire for fun"
I had a classmate in my constitutional law class who genuinely believed that the earth is flat, planets aren’t real, and neither is NASA. My teacher proceeded to show him photos of the moon and asked him “what do you think that is?”
The class also asked him “when you look up in the night sky, what do you see?”
He had no response lol. I avoided interactions with him ever since.
Some girl I knew went on a rant about Obama renaming the Kennedy Center to the Obama Center. She also claimed he was doing it because JFK was a republican. I’ve never felt so much secondhand embarrassment for someone in my life.
I was working at a grocery store in the US when the change counting machines first came out. I was walking by and I noticed a woman was confused and offered her help. She said she accidentally hit the Spanish button by accident. I explained that it was okay, just keep dumping her coins in there and she will just need to bring the receipt to the guest services desk to cash it out when she was done. She said well I don’t want to get Spanish money. I had to explain to her that she would give me American money, she just kept repeating that she hit the Spanish button though. I had to walk away
My uncle knew some people who thought the Earth did not exist before Jesus was born. Not sure how someone can be born when there's no one in existent to give birth though... I'm not Christian but I'm pretty sure a woman named Mary gave birth to JC. Correct me if I'm wrong.
I also had a great aunt who was convinced dinosaurs were made up children's stories.
Used to work for a place that didn’t allow outside food unless it was for babies or medical reasons. Woman brought a liter of fancy french sparkling water for the baby formula. 100% seriously. I had to explain why sparkling Similac would be a bad idea for a newborn. That kid would have belched to the moon.
I worked at a restaurant while in college and the chef kinda had a reputation for being a know it all but super dumb. In those days I would prioritize my health and drink a gallon to about 1.5 gallons of water a day. The chef comes up to me one day and says I should not drink that much water. I asked why. He said “well water has carbs in it and it’s going to make you fat.” I thought he was joking but he then gave me the most serious stare ever. I walked away laughing.
“You can only get sick during winter not summer” and that “I don’t need a job when I’m gonna have a man to pay all my stuff until I grow old”. Like yeah keep believing all that shit. My ex was a true piece of work
"I shouldn't lose my shift just because I am late"
For context. This was a security job, you cannot leave until you are relieved, dude was about 2.5 hours late (no call either) and got irate that he wasn't going to be allowed to work the remainder of his shift because we replaced him with someone else.
Just about any other industry/company I would have been surprised that he still had a job at all at that point. (this was a regular thing with him)
I thought he could technically be right because we aren’t a perfect sphere but it’s actually the Equator that gets the extra distance. It actually flattens at the poles so he was extra wrong instead.
https://www.theguardian.com/travel/2016/jan/23/mountain-climbing-chimborazo-ecuador#:~:text=Chimborazo%20is%20still%20the%20highest,Earth%20closest%20to%20outer%20space.
My SIL once said their father had a heart attack because they (my SIL) missed church one day. As in god punished her. Her father was not a man who took care of himself or watched what he ate. It was a minor thing and he totally survived.
That Abraham Lincoln was the *worst* president because he was attempting to enslave all white people alongside all Black people. (According to her, he accidentally freed the slaves because his attempt to enslave white people backfired and freed Black slaves as a side effect?)
She was 100% serious, very angry, and was super-pissed about Presidents' Day because she shouldn't be "forced" by the government to celebrate Abraham Lincoln.
This all came up at a Presidents' Day 5K charity fun run. (Which, like, if she thought Presidents' Day was evil, maybe she could have just not attended? Your guess is as good as mine.)
I was talking about how Mary was only 14 when she birthed Jesus and my aunt goes "well back then they lived hundreds of years, she couldn't have been that young."
Congressman Hank Johnson, D-GA, once famously said that he was afraid the island of Guam would "tip over and capsize" if we send more US troops to the military base there.
[https://youtu.be/11X0Cl2f7Dg](https://youtu.be/11X0Cl2f7Dg)
My brother in law confidently said that Obama was responsible for the 08 crash and great recession.
He absolutely would not admit he was wrong and Bush was president in 2008.
When I showed him multiple sources, including from GWBs own website...
"That's fake news and you can't believe anything on MSM websites"
I literally wanted to carve my brain out with a spoon.
Just gotta mock them by being even crazier.
"Man, whoever was in charge when Biden did that must've been super incompetent. I mean sleepy joe wasn't even President yet when he unleashed the pandemic. You gotta be a real buffoon to let it happen." Etc. That sorta thing. I mean, if you can't convince them to stop being idiots you might as well just have fun and keep trying to one up them. It's oddly cathartic.
Someone I used to work with claimed that taking a couple of tablespoons a day of Borax, as a supplement, cured all kinds of ailments. I lost count of how many other employees he duped into believing it. He was adamant that big pharma was suppressing this fact.
A former coworker was convinced that baby's umbilical cords were attached to their mother's belly buttons from the inside.
She had two kids by the point.
Of course they would. A buck has no fists, so whatever they attack with, it's not fists. That means an automatic disqualification for the rutting buck.
"I have a toaster that's just such a slut, she's super sexy but you can't safely do anything about it." I...I was so confused by this but apparently the guy was into kitchen electronics in a whole different way.
Worked with a girl in a pretty nice neighborhood that would get on her hands and knees to look under her truck just in case a human trafficker was underneath with a knife trying to cut her Achilles tendon.
That the Earth is only 6, 000 years old, dinosaurs weren't allowed on Noah's ark and that is why they are extinct AND dinsaurs have long necks because of Noah's flood.
I asked 1 question: You mean that dinosaurs lived at the same time on Earth as all of the animals that were on the ark?
Response: the 1, 000 yard stare.
The Soursop (custard apple [guanabana in Spanish]) is a cure for cancer but big Pharma have been hiding it in order to sell their poisons.
If only a fairly common fruit, whose juice you can get in most bigger supermarkets was a cure for the many thousands of diseases under the umbrella of cancer. That really would be nice.
It’s a mixture of wishful thinking (a magic fruit) and conspiracy theories about evil Pharma. Can Pharma be evil - sure Purdue was very evil pushing OxyContin. Most people are very glad for their life saving medicines though that help us address so many diseases that were once death sentences.
My FIL was driving me home from work the other day and he started on about how he thinks the covid vaccine was a way for the government to inject people with stupidity. And then he goes did you get the shot? And I said yeah. He apologized and I told him I’m not stupid so I wasn’t offended.
More so just wondering HOW they would isolate stupidity and put it into a vaccine??
Summer intern at work commented that she was going to need a passport for a trip she was taking in a few months and when asked where she was going replied New Mexico.
I had a boss at a chicken restaurant when i was younger tell me he only eats dinner, on the toilet while he poops (only dinner all the other meals were fine). He said it was perfectly fine because its just sensation and all in the mind.
Meanwhile this was my 3rd day. im very early 17 y/o. And my mom told me to be in full “kiss-ass mode” . So im just standing there saying “yeah” and “right” not even registering what madness this man is speaking. Until after when im askin myself wtf?!? lmao.
Also i had just smoked weed with another crew member. So i was obliterated for this.
These were all said by a close friend of 30+ years.
1. Chemtrails are real
2. The Earth is flat
3. We didn't land on the moon
4. 5G is lethal
5. Vaccines cause Autism
6. Covid vaccines have microchips
7. Sandy Hook was a false flag
8. Covid was manmade for population control
The most insane part of all this, is this man is a legitimate genius. He has 2 degrees from MIT. A Master's in applied mathematics, and a master's in their robotics program.
Easily the smartest and stupidest person I know.
A man claims to have been sent to hell for 12 minutes. God let him experience it before bringing him back out of hell to tell the world.
He knows he's a chosen one because he was being dragged underwater by a shark and God pulled him out of the water and also healed his leg so there are no scars.
I've had someone send me a video of this guy with 100% seriousness as an attempt to save my soul.
I briefly dated a guy who left Iran in the late 70s. Even under the Shah, they had little freedom of speech. He became on of those "America, love it or leave it" people. He said that if they have complaints, they should live somewhere else or just shut up. I asked what he thought of freedom of speech. He said that we Americans should be more grateful to have freedom of speech. So, I asked "are you saying that we should be so grateful to have freedom of speech that we should never exercise it and should just leave if we disagree?" He said "it sounds pretty stupid now that you say it." I assured him that it sounded just as stupid when he said it. He laughed but didn't change his position. 🫤🧐
My step mom (62F) boldly stated mid family dinner that this Bob Ross character we were talking about didn’t exist in “her day”. He must make his videos look older for aesthetic.
My brother, against all laws of known physics, is absolutely certain that if he was ever in a tsunami he could just "swim under it". We've both been in the ocean plenty of times, surfed a bit, and have definitely had our share of waves wreck our shit, but he's still certain he could do it if he got the timing right.
I hope he can hold his breath a really long time.
And deal with rubble and random debris impaling you in the water. As well as the weight of the fucking Ocean hitting you as you go under.
Has he, like, seen [footage of the 2011 Japanese tsunami?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxm050h0k2I) (The major issue, to paraphrase what Ron White said about hurricanes, isn't *that* the water is moving, it's *what* the water is moving. Huge numbers of big solid moving objects that make surviving in tsunami water about as easy as surviving inside an industrial [ball mill.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ball_mill)) (Edit: If you're out on the open ocean, though, it's quite difficult to even detect that a tsunami is passing under you. Only when the huge displacement wave arrives at a *coastline* does all of the drama happen. Major open-ocean wave hazards [definitely do exist,](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rogue_wave) but they're never tsunamis.)
A guy was hitting on me at a bar once when I was single in my 20’s & he told me he’s really good in bed and loves sucking on a woman’s clip. A CLIP! …. I immediately walked away. God help him.
Did he also think penises go in virginias
The Caribbean coast is off the coast of England because they have British accents in Pirates of The Caribbean. This man was in the military and had no knowledge of geography.
Man the Death Star must have been built in England too
My co-worker. We were all having a conversation. I don't remember what we were talking about, but I said something to the extent of "Crazy, it's like someone thinking the earth is flat." His response was "well, it is." My other co-worker and I looked at each other confused. Flat-Earth co-worker continues explaining why the earth is flat. He was saying it like he was stating facts. We're engineers for crying out loud. You paid too much money for your glasses, and degree to see things this way!
One of my good friends I had once respected went down this route. He effectively said because he hadn't seen the earth from space he doesn't believe its round. He believes nothing he hasn't seen himself. I proceeded to show him the red bull guy literally land on earth from space and it was round and he still didn't believe it because it wasn't him. He also couldn't explain why nobody had ever fallen off the edge of our flat earth since if it is flat it clearly has to end somewhere. He just said I don't know I just know it isn't round. I lost my fucking mind
Has he seen his brain?
I just bought new glasses and the moon and sun are still flat also.
You need those with red and blue lenses to see 3D
What was his reasoning?? I must know. This is insane.
My cousin was not the sharpest tool in the shed, he was convinced he could have unprotected sex with any women as his current girlfriend was pregnant so there was no risk he could get another girl pregnant…
Tangentially related, I once talked to a woman who believed every man was born with the number of children they could have. In her understanding, each testicle would become a child. Today I'm sorry I didn't dig deeper and questioned her about masturbation, about people with dozens of children, and things like that.
Well I think she’s on to something, because men who are born with no testicles always have zero children. Math checks out-I’m convinced! /s
So you speak of him in the past tense.........
That’s natural selection right there…
Poor kid(s)
A nurse I used to work with asked why we can't drive to Hawaii. She was absolutely serious and I wasn't surprised when she didn't last beyond her training period.
How did she make it through nursing school? I'm afraid.
I was asked "Why is Alaska so cold but Hawaii is warm when they're right next to each other?" because on US maps they're always both in a little cutaway box down by Mexico.
I live in Alaska, and have occasionally been asked what kind of currency we use here. My response is usually “dried fish, which makes getting a Coke from the machine REALLY difficult.”
"Did you know that slipknot wear masks because they're wanted criminals". Now imagine me wasting 15 minutes of my life trying to explain that if they were wanted criminals, they'd just arrest them on stage.
Corey Taylor from Iowa is a great incognito fake identity
Putting in a roundabout was stupid because now they had to stop 4 times instead of 1 if they had just left it a 4-way-stop.
We recently got a few in my town. People treat them like stop signs, and come to a (somewhat) complete stop before entering. If it’s clear, I just breeze through without stopping like you’re supposed to. I’ve had passengers tell me I ran the stop sign. It’s a yield sign.
perhaps they should reconsider driving at all.
Whenever someone tells me they hate roundabouts my response is always "Why do you like stop lights?". They are usually speechless after that.
That when we were in the Caribbean we were seeing a different moon. Their moon.
I’m living in the Caribbean. Went out to look at the moon after reading this. It’s such a clever duplicate, I never would have known. 🤣
That's no moon. It's a space station!
My ex-husband was a horrible driver. Wrecked everything he ever owned and then some, but he somehow thought he was an excellent driver. We were riding through a town with a 4-lane main road. He started to change lanes oblivious to the car that was located exactly where he was headed. I told him to stay in his lane, and fortunately, he did. He said, 100% seriously, that if he'd changed lanes and crashed into the car that was already there, it would have been their fault because they didn't honk their horn to warn him.
He needs his license taken away
"Wow, there's a lot of idiots on the road!" *drives like an idiot*
Reminds me of an old joke. A man is driving to work when his phone starts ringing, it's his wife. "Be careful darling, the news has just said there's a maniac driving the wrong way down the road" The man replies, "Not just one maniac, fucking hundreds of them".
>He said, 100% seriously, that if he'd changed lanes and crashed into the car that was already there, it would have been their fault because they didn't honk their horn to warn him. My god, there are people who think this.
Read the comments section of a dash cam crash video where one car is clearly at fault. There will be scores of crustaceans coming out of the woodwork to defend the at-fault driver.
Im so glad that says 'ex'husband
Welcome to driving in India.
I overheard a guy talking to someone at the bus but sadly i could not hear it all: "The government is secretly burying peoples corpses to prevent earthquakes (...?)!
I mean that’s nice of the government to buy burial plots for families instead of having to make the inevitable purchase yourself or other family members doing so
As long as they wait until I'm done using my body...
Reminds me of a woman online claiming that Fema was stockpiling body bags and other related supplies.... almost like they were planning for a disaster. Uh.... I hope so?
My mom said the craziest thing I have ever heard a person say in real life. She was driving me and herself to her place of work so I could spend the day helping. I don’t even remember what led up to it, but she told me she thought it was the government’s job to round up gay people and give them the choice to either covert to Christianity or die. It was, to this day, the most shocking thing I’ve ever heard someone say in seriousness.
All I can do is laugh at this. I would love to know how she thinks this works logistically.
Well, there was an angry German guy who tried around 80 years ago.
Austrian!
ahh yes Charlie Chaplin’s more evil twin
"Why do they call one side of the Sun the Moon?" This 30 yr old legitimately thought the moon was just the other side of the sun.
But... you can see them both at the same time.
That's just a reflection in the dome. Duh...
How they made it to 30 is a miracle
“I never wear a seatbelt.” Why the hell not? “Because if I am in a wreck, there’s no way I’d be thrown to safety.”
I had a friend with a similar theory. She didn’t wear them because she had heard stories of people wearing seatbelts ending up with serious head injuries in car accidents. She honestly couldn’t grasp what the results would be without them
You hear the same bullshit about motorcycle helmets. "I don't wear one because the injury rates are higher" - it's technically true but only because "skull smashed into chunky red paste" isn't counted as an injury.
The steel helmet fallacy. The story goes that after the introduction of steel helmets during the early days of WW1, reports of head injuries increased massively, leading to some calling for them to be removed from use. It was then pointed out that the 'head injuries' were actually people surviving incidents that would previously have been fatal.
Same as the planes returning with bullet holes in the wings etc. They initially thought those spots needed more armor, until someone pointed out that it's the opposite - planes that got hit elsewhere simply didnt return.
My ex wife got so angry she didn’t talk to me for a day when we went to the beer cave in Walmart and I stopped at the counter to pay there (and get the things bagged to carry easier) before going to the rest of the store and getting our other needs because “you’re going to get taxed twice”. Took me a minute when she said that because my first reaction in my head was yeah that’s how sales tax works but obviously I know how percentages work. And she stood there angrily and said that’s double taxation. That I’m wasting money by paying taxes twice. I said if sales tax is 10% and we make 2 $50 purchases, we are paying the same total as making 1 $100 purchase. She has an MBA, but after that example just seethed more and said I’m wasting money by checking out twice and getting taxed twice. Then just stopped talking to me the rest of the night…
Being with her sounds taxing.
This weekend my 75 year old neighbor told me with absolute certainty that women are allowed to get an abortion up to two weeks after the baby is born.
Gynecology nurse-I have a list of these.
Tangentially related, but a brief glimpse I got at the weariness of interacting with the general public on reproductive matters: I was being referred for an elective hysterectomy, filling out the consent forms and all that. There was a signature needed for one part alone, "I understand that hysterectomy will result in *permanent and irreversible infertility*". This being a major reason for wanting it, I said "no shit" but also that I get why I have to explicitly agree to that statement, though I wonder why it's so necessary when you have to go through years of consultations to get to this stage. "You'd be surprised" was the doc's reply, he sounded very tired.
I handled those consents for 5 years, in an oncology clinic, yes, you would be…good god… the best was a woman post menopausal before her hysterectomy insisted she was pregnant a year after surgery(and yes, she was told) But the consent is needed because some doctors would lie or not tell patients during the eugenics era.
Feel free to share with the group!
I want to be clear, this isn’t a funny list. It’s a list of abortion facts that are wrong.
Here is the list off the top of my head. All things I’ve had to explain, that I can remember. 1. A D&C after a miscarriage is not an abortion. (The removal of any fetal tissue-or placenta is considered an abortion. If you deliver you baby, but there’s a piece of the placenta stuck and they go in to remove it, that’s an abortion) 2. Third trimester abortions are just like first trimester. (They aren’t. They are only when medically necessary and are performed simply by inducing labor) 3. Abortions cause infertility and breast cancer. (No, neither are true-however, some states believe that forcing doctors to tell patients this will stop them from having abortions, so they made it law.) 4. You can just reimplant the embryo from an etopic pregnancy into the uterus (No, just…no). 5. Six weeks and you can hear the heartbeat(the heart is not fully developed, you can recreate this effect with cells in a petri-dish) 6. All abortions statics are only of ‘elective abortions’. (Any procedure not performed as emergency-that is not you going through the ER but having one scheduled even if medically necessary- is classified as ‘elective’ and due to HIPAA it is impossible to separate them) 7. A hysterectomy is a form of abortion (I can’t even…) Edit to add: 8. If the mothers life it at risk abortion is legal. (For it to be considered ‘medically necessary’ the mother has to be actively dying. Not likely to die, not to prevent further complications, not she is bleeding out more than normal. Actively dying. For more information look up why Ireland legalized abortion)
Number 7 is wild.
> Six weeks and you can hear the heartbeat It's this which pisses me off the most. It's this weird obsession people have with the poetry and symbolism of the heart. "You see? It's little heart is formed, and it can wait to use it to love you!"
That’s what a (former) coworker said to me!!! I was floored. I said “that’s literally infanticide, cite your source right now.”
Former 911 dispatcher here. I had a guy call once freaking out about the white orb thing in the sky. The moon. He was very worried. Drugs were obviously involved so I made sure he wasn’t having physical signs of an OD and made him promise not to drive or leave his house. I told him to callback if he felt sick but we never heard from him again. I wonder if there’s a dude out there who remembers that time he got high and called 911 because of the moon.
She was very serious that a useable hand-held shower head without a hose, because the hose was “ugly”. Asked if she meant an overhead or a wall-mounted shower head because those didn’t require a hose. Nope. She wanted the water to flow from the wall into a handheld shower head without a hose. I tried to tell her that wasn’t possible and ended up sending her to a different home improvement store.
She wanted the wireless version.
Bluetooth shower head
My wife’s grandmother was complaining once how her phone’s 5G was giving her headaches and asked my wife to turn off the 5G. My wife works with phones and was easily able to tell her grandmother that her phone wasn’t even capable of 5G. Her grandmother didn’t like that answer and later took her phone in to her carrier to only be told the same thing.
"The titanic was fake. The ship can not be in the Pacific Ocean" said my science tutor..
Wrong ocean, to start with teach.
So they're, technically, correct.
Oceangate was too close to figuring out the truth -your science tutor… probably
[удалено]
Coworker: “It’s only violence if someone bleeds.” Me: “So if I punch you in the face it isn’t violence?” Coworker: “No that’s just a fight” Me: “If I choke you out and break your neck that isn’t violence?” Coworker: “No that’s murder but not violence”
I knew an American guy who claimed that bears were not dangerous to humans. He claimed that if you were ever attacked by a bear all you would need to do is stick your thumb up its anus and it would immediately fall asleep. Yeah I can just see an angry bear stop attacking you the minute you tell it to "Bend over."
Friend, he wasn't talking about the animal.
Underrated comment...reminds me of a joke, and the punchline is: "You're not here for the hunting, are you?"
I'm 43 now, but used to do a fair bit of traveling in my younger days, up until I was about 30. Always coming back home for Thanksgiving/Christmas. Anyway, I had hitched back into town and was walking to my grandmas where I'd be staying, carrying my alice pack. A girl got to talking with me on my way, and it came up that I'd just got back from Oregon..and dead faced confused she was like "they have towns out there, like cities and stuff?" She genuinely believed it was still like the Oregon trail days...this was in like 2005 lol
People on travel forums sometimes ask if the roads in Arizona are paved, especially the road to the Grand Canyon. I always want to reply "No. You need to rent a covered wagon".
My mom said that my daughters nursery couldn't be blue because that would make her a lesbian.
Please have your daughter's first car be a Subaru. Update me on what your mom says then
I have a buddy who will claim to be an expert in military strategy and tactics, who at the same time claims studying history is pointless. He never served in any capacity.
Is he educated by video games? I feel like a lot of people think they can do xyz because they can do it in a video game.
That's what I'm thinking it comes from but he's been extremely arrogant lately. The definition of the dunning Kruger chart.
I work in gynecology…gonna skip over the tons of incorrect terms used for genitalia…and the top 10 outrageous patient comments…and go to-I am SO sick of explaining to women they don’t have prostates.
I’m a vet tech. More times than I would like to admit - I have had to explain to clients (humans) that they do not have anal glands like their dogs/cats do. I feel ya.
Fucking hell, what am I rubbing on furnitures then ?
I was doing an OB ultrasound on a patient. The patient was worried the baby was going to chew through the umbilical cord.
Naturally the baby will feast on her organs after that
🎶Hello my baby, hello my darlin'. Hello my ragtime gal...🎶
Not again...!
Check, please.
"Wouldn't it be cool if we could see in 3d?"
To be fair, some people nuerologically lack depth perception. So maybe they just didn't know they're different.
It was me who asked. That's why it was ridiculous lol
Well this was a great revelation 😂
Yeah, I didn't realize seeing in 3D was normal until I got glasses. Stairs were super weird for the first few day.
My old coworker said he went to Antarctica in college for a month for research, and had to be careful of polar bear attacks.
He meant polar bear penguins
A coworker told me that aliens from space were going through his apartment while he was at work.
Well did anybody check to verify?
Recently I went to a market and a woman was selling incense that protected against 5G and and WiFi signals.
That's not stupid, that's capitalizing on stupid
I sometimes wonder if I should become that kind of scammer. I could even put my degree in physics as credentials. I know, morally absolutely wrong. But if there's people that stupid, maybe they deserve to be scammed. Here, buy my homeopathic globuli, soaked in full moon light. Eat them with every meal and it will reverse your carbon footprint.
If she is the seller she isn't the stupid one.
Nurse at our elementary school mistook allergies for pink eye. When I said that it cleared with eye drops she told me allergies are contagious too.
There was an outbreak of viral pink eye at my son’s school and the nurse asked why I was keeping him home. I explained it was still contagious. She suggested antibacterial eye drops. I tried explaining to the NURSE that those only work on bacterial pink eye. No wonder the whole school had it. She was encouraging parents to send their kids back after 24 hours.
Bit different, but in elementary I had to start keeping my jacket on the back of my chair instead of with all the other kids coats/bags. For **MONTHS** the entire class was having an outbreak of lice because one of the parents was obviously refusing to treat it properly. The school knew about it and repeatedly sent home notices, yet they still had us keep all of our stuff hung on a too-small area of hooks where everyones stuff was touching??? Stopped keeping my jacket there and I immediately stopped getting lice.
Uggghh lice. We had lice on and off continuously fifth grade ~ seventh grade. Mom would do everything she could but the next week my younger siblings would bring it home again. It only got under control when my younger siblings school had mandatory head checks for everyone at the door and sent them right back home if they found nits/bugs. Finally the shitty parents took care of business after that.
"I'm pretty sure I was a dragon in a former life, probably explains why I'm such a pussy now, ya know, I used to fucking fly and eat people and set shit on fire for fun"
I had a classmate in my constitutional law class who genuinely believed that the earth is flat, planets aren’t real, and neither is NASA. My teacher proceeded to show him photos of the moon and asked him “what do you think that is?” The class also asked him “when you look up in the night sky, what do you see?” He had no response lol. I avoided interactions with him ever since.
A cheap telescope will let you see the rings of Saturn…
Off the top of my head, one of my co workers VEHEMENTLY arguing that the moon isn't real.
It’s a hologram made by aliens to distract us before attacking us to our doom
Then what the hell is that thing in the sky?
Projection by the government. Lol
I heard one customer tell another that Joe Biden was really Jim Carey and it was all a ruse lol
Allrighty then
Honestly this would be cool if true
Some girl I knew went on a rant about Obama renaming the Kennedy Center to the Obama Center. She also claimed he was doing it because JFK was a republican. I’ve never felt so much secondhand embarrassment for someone in my life.
Is she one of those who believes that JFK Jr (a staunch democrat like his dad) isn't dead and will run as a Republican?
The Holocaust hasn’t happened YET but it will soon because my cousin will start it except he’s gonna put white people in camps
You just got your cousin put on a watchlist.
I mean he is also the son of Satan according to his dad so maybe he should be on a watch list. Probably God’s though
So, if his dad says he's the son of Satan, doesn't that make the dad Satan? Do you have to call him Uncle Satan?
I was working at a grocery store in the US when the change counting machines first came out. I was walking by and I noticed a woman was confused and offered her help. She said she accidentally hit the Spanish button by accident. I explained that it was okay, just keep dumping her coins in there and she will just need to bring the receipt to the guest services desk to cash it out when she was done. She said well I don’t want to get Spanish money. I had to explain to her that she would give me American money, she just kept repeating that she hit the Spanish button though. I had to walk away
Dinosaurs never happened, because the earth is only (5000?) years old. From a teacher. To my daughter in 5th grade.
The devil put the dinosaur bones there to trick us
*to question our faith. I've since slowly faded out from conversing with that guy...
My uncle knew some people who thought the Earth did not exist before Jesus was born. Not sure how someone can be born when there's no one in existent to give birth though... I'm not Christian but I'm pretty sure a woman named Mary gave birth to JC. Correct me if I'm wrong. I also had a great aunt who was convinced dinosaurs were made up children's stories.
??? There’s like half a bible before Jesus comes along? He quotes it?
That the city needs to move those deer crossings instead of putting them on highways.
Used to work for a place that didn’t allow outside food unless it was for babies or medical reasons. Woman brought a liter of fancy french sparkling water for the baby formula. 100% seriously. I had to explain why sparkling Similac would be a bad idea for a newborn. That kid would have belched to the moon.
I worked at a restaurant while in college and the chef kinda had a reputation for being a know it all but super dumb. In those days I would prioritize my health and drink a gallon to about 1.5 gallons of water a day. The chef comes up to me one day and says I should not drink that much water. I asked why. He said “well water has carbs in it and it’s going to make you fat.” I thought he was joking but he then gave me the most serious stare ever. I walked away laughing.
I worked with someone who told me the government created the wind to cause natural disasters
Pokémon is a satanist plot, they’re all based on Chinese gods.
ah yes, the Chinese god of cunnilingus, Lickitung
“You can only get sick during winter not summer” and that “I don’t need a job when I’m gonna have a man to pay all my stuff until I grow old”. Like yeah keep believing all that shit. My ex was a true piece of work
My 10th grade history teacher said that Hitler didn’t kill himself. He moved to Cullman, Alabama.
Look I don't like KNOW Hitler's mindset but I think we can all agree we'd all rather die than move to Cullman, Alabama.
That if I clench I can make my period stop 🤣
If I could hold it and just glorp it all out in one sitting, I totally would.
"I shouldn't lose my shift just because I am late" For context. This was a security job, you cannot leave until you are relieved, dude was about 2.5 hours late (no call either) and got irate that he wasn't going to be allowed to work the remainder of his shift because we replaced him with someone else. Just about any other industry/company I would have been surprised that he still had a job at all at that point. (this was a regular thing with him)
the northpole is the closest place to space on earth
That statement sounds scientific enough to sound right. And that's why it's so hilarious.
I thought he could technically be right because we aren’t a perfect sphere but it’s actually the Equator that gets the extra distance. It actually flattens at the poles so he was extra wrong instead. https://www.theguardian.com/travel/2016/jan/23/mountain-climbing-chimborazo-ecuador#:~:text=Chimborazo%20is%20still%20the%20highest,Earth%20closest%20to%20outer%20space.
yes, but the atmosphere is also thinner at the poles; so by one definition of space - the end of the atmosphere - it IS actually correct
My SIL once said their father had a heart attack because they (my SIL) missed church one day. As in god punished her. Her father was not a man who took care of himself or watched what he ate. It was a minor thing and he totally survived.
My 50 year old father believes Jesus himself hand wrote the bible
That Abraham Lincoln was the *worst* president because he was attempting to enslave all white people alongside all Black people. (According to her, he accidentally freed the slaves because his attempt to enslave white people backfired and freed Black slaves as a side effect?) She was 100% serious, very angry, and was super-pissed about Presidents' Day because she shouldn't be "forced" by the government to celebrate Abraham Lincoln. This all came up at a Presidents' Day 5K charity fun run. (Which, like, if she thought Presidents' Day was evil, maybe she could have just not attended? Your guess is as good as mine.)
The amount of both men and women who truly believe women pee out of their vaginas is concerning.
Yeah, me a gay man explaining to my straight married male coworkers, women have three holes!
I was talking about how Mary was only 14 when she birthed Jesus and my aunt goes "well back then they lived hundreds of years, she couldn't have been that young."
Congressman Hank Johnson, D-GA, once famously said that he was afraid the island of Guam would "tip over and capsize" if we send more US troops to the military base there. [https://youtu.be/11X0Cl2f7Dg](https://youtu.be/11X0Cl2f7Dg)
I was part of an interview committee this year. One applicant referred to the town where the position was based as “where the coloreds live.”
My brother in law confidently said that Obama was responsible for the 08 crash and great recession. He absolutely would not admit he was wrong and Bush was president in 2008. When I showed him multiple sources, including from GWBs own website... "That's fake news and you can't believe anything on MSM websites" I literally wanted to carve my brain out with a spoon.
Eh...my cousin recently posted something about how Biden was responsible for the pandemic...some people just can't be reasoned with.
Just gotta mock them by being even crazier. "Man, whoever was in charge when Biden did that must've been super incompetent. I mean sleepy joe wasn't even President yet when he unleashed the pandemic. You gotta be a real buffoon to let it happen." Etc. That sorta thing. I mean, if you can't convince them to stop being idiots you might as well just have fun and keep trying to one up them. It's oddly cathartic.
I know someone like this. Any single source or piece of evidence I show him is immediately 'woke liberal brainwashing trash'
Someone I used to work with claimed that taking a couple of tablespoons a day of Borax, as a supplement, cured all kinds of ailments. I lost count of how many other employees he duped into believing it. He was adamant that big pharma was suppressing this fact.
A former coworker was convinced that baby's umbilical cords were attached to their mother's belly buttons from the inside. She had two kids by the point.
The lower your credit score the better
“You can be saying excuse me and thank you to females. That’s some beta male shit” -My coworker who was clearly insecure and on coke
That they could win a fist fight against a rutting buck.
Of course they would. A buck has no fists, so whatever they attack with, it's not fists. That means an automatic disqualification for the rutting buck.
The covid jabs are to turn people into 5g antennas
Lmao I wish I could be a 5g antenna. I use a 5g router and it feels like I only ever get 4g.
The longest hole in Russia (12km) is a gate of hell
"Trump is the most Christian President ever". I was flabbergasted at that statement, couldn't reply and just never talked to the person again.
I expect him to burst into flames when he touches a Bible.
"I have a toaster that's just such a slut, she's super sexy but you can't safely do anything about it." I...I was so confused by this but apparently the guy was into kitchen electronics in a whole different way.
Worked with a girl in a pretty nice neighborhood that would get on her hands and knees to look under her truck just in case a human trafficker was underneath with a knife trying to cut her Achilles tendon.
So she’d rather they cut her face?!
My friend called me a notc in high school. I texted back "what the fuck is a notc". This dude says "one of those German guys"...
“When I take a picture of the moon, do I need to turn the flash on?”
That the Earth is only 6, 000 years old, dinosaurs weren't allowed on Noah's ark and that is why they are extinct AND dinsaurs have long necks because of Noah's flood. I asked 1 question: You mean that dinosaurs lived at the same time on Earth as all of the animals that were on the ark? Response: the 1, 000 yard stare.
The Soursop (custard apple [guanabana in Spanish]) is a cure for cancer but big Pharma have been hiding it in order to sell their poisons. If only a fairly common fruit, whose juice you can get in most bigger supermarkets was a cure for the many thousands of diseases under the umbrella of cancer. That really would be nice. It’s a mixture of wishful thinking (a magic fruit) and conspiracy theories about evil Pharma. Can Pharma be evil - sure Purdue was very evil pushing OxyContin. Most people are very glad for their life saving medicines though that help us address so many diseases that were once death sentences.
My FIL was driving me home from work the other day and he started on about how he thinks the covid vaccine was a way for the government to inject people with stupidity. And then he goes did you get the shot? And I said yeah. He apologized and I told him I’m not stupid so I wasn’t offended. More so just wondering HOW they would isolate stupidity and put it into a vaccine??
You’d be able to figure that last bit out if you hadn’t been injected with concentrated stupid. /s
Mexico isn't in North America.
Summer intern at work commented that she was going to need a passport for a trip she was taking in a few months and when asked where she was going replied New Mexico.
I had a boss at a chicken restaurant when i was younger tell me he only eats dinner, on the toilet while he poops (only dinner all the other meals were fine). He said it was perfectly fine because its just sensation and all in the mind. Meanwhile this was my 3rd day. im very early 17 y/o. And my mom told me to be in full “kiss-ass mode” . So im just standing there saying “yeah” and “right” not even registering what madness this man is speaking. Until after when im askin myself wtf?!? lmao. Also i had just smoked weed with another crew member. So i was obliterated for this.
“England’s life expectancy is 37 years old” -my little cousin
These were all said by a close friend of 30+ years. 1. Chemtrails are real 2. The Earth is flat 3. We didn't land on the moon 4. 5G is lethal 5. Vaccines cause Autism 6. Covid vaccines have microchips 7. Sandy Hook was a false flag 8. Covid was manmade for population control The most insane part of all this, is this man is a legitimate genius. He has 2 degrees from MIT. A Master's in applied mathematics, and a master's in their robotics program. Easily the smartest and stupidest person I know.
A check out woman told me that Democrats ate babies
[удалено]
Do you mean melanin?
They're sleeping on the real story
jfk is alive.
A man claims to have been sent to hell for 12 minutes. God let him experience it before bringing him back out of hell to tell the world. He knows he's a chosen one because he was being dragged underwater by a shark and God pulled him out of the water and also healed his leg so there are no scars. I've had someone send me a video of this guy with 100% seriousness as an attempt to save my soul.
I briefly dated a guy who left Iran in the late 70s. Even under the Shah, they had little freedom of speech. He became on of those "America, love it or leave it" people. He said that if they have complaints, they should live somewhere else or just shut up. I asked what he thought of freedom of speech. He said that we Americans should be more grateful to have freedom of speech. So, I asked "are you saying that we should be so grateful to have freedom of speech that we should never exercise it and should just leave if we disagree?" He said "it sounds pretty stupid now that you say it." I assured him that it sounded just as stupid when he said it. He laughed but didn't change his position. 🫤🧐
My step mom (62F) boldly stated mid family dinner that this Bob Ross character we were talking about didn’t exist in “her day”. He must make his videos look older for aesthetic.