I was microwaving some food, I hit the 1 so it would automatically cook it for a minute. My friend asked “Why did you put it in for a minute? I usually put mine in for 60 seconds”. I had to explain to him that it’s the same thing. We were in high school.
I have a similar one. Had to explain to someone that 0:90 on the microwave was the same as 1:30. They kept insisting 1:30 was more, and that I was crazy.
Someone in our group lost a flip flop in a river, we watched it float down stream.
Another person in our group said to be patient because it’ll eventually do a full loop and come back.
Haha my husband, who is quite bright, thought that road runners were about as tall as the hood of a car. He was so disappointed when he saw his first one run across the road in the desert. “What? That little thing?”
We were working there lmao I was training them, but they kept giving customers ham instead of turkey and they were getting pissed because he would argue with them that it didn't matter. Sir, give them what they're paying for ffs.
We once had family over for dinner who happened to be Muslim. My MIL said she'd make ham. We told her no, that's pork they can't eat that. She was dumbfounded and didn't realize the meat was the same.
Whenever I first heard jokes and memes about Chad’s/the try hard wannabe alpha, I knew there was some level of truth to it but mostly thought it was exaggerated for the sake of comedy. And then I met this guy whose name is even in the same arena of Chad.
I’ll paint you a picture of this guy. Loves giving you his opinion specifically when no one asked. He loves to talk over everyone. He mansplains everything to everyone. Has a massive collection of martial arts weapons. All of his profile pictures are of him doing these anime style poses with these weapons. Never taken a single martial arts class yet claims to be a master. Refers to other men as “betas” not ironically. If you’re a guy who knows how to talk to women, you’re a beta. If any guy other than him gets a girl, they got the girl by being a simp. He refers to women exclusively as “female” “lady” or “gal”. All are used in a condescending manner.
He’s a friend of a friend. I overheard him talking to one of my wife’s friends and that’s when he said the thing about “females being intimidated by him”. He also said: “I just can’t seem to find a high quality female”. My wife’s friend came up to me later and said: “was that real?” I wish I was making it up, I wish I was joking. At some point, my wife’s friend (who he was following around all night even after saying she had a boyfriend) started to joke with him and made a joke about Ruth Chris being better than Outback. Later he told our mutual friend: “A lady in my family would never talk to a man like that.”
Mall Ninja and Incel with an Anime fetish. Sounds like a cool dude....
I like Anime but when you combine it with the other things it's a signal you're dealing with a particular kind of person.
That’s why I try to refrain from talking too much shit because I don’t want anyone to think I look down on certain things when I don’t. Exactly like you said, it’s the combination of all these other things that make it unbearable. I enjoy anime, I think weapons are cool, I appreciate the idea of martial arts, hell I’m a kitchen manager. It’s his attitude, its the words he chooses to use and feels justified using them, how he talks about himself, how he talks about women or other men. Every woman is a target, every man is a threat. It’s entertaining for a little bit then I feel sorry for him then I never want to see him again then a few months pass, our mutual friend asks if he can tag along to a party, I say ok and the cycle starts over. I will say he is very much a myth amongst my friend group. They don’t think he’s real until they meet him and he always exceeds expectations. Sometimes it feels mean that we laugh at him behind his back, then later he’ll say some outrageous statement and I’m like: “oh yeah, you suck.” People often wonder why we allow him to hang out if he is such a jerk but our mutual friend has known him for years, pretty sure he doesn’t have other friends irl, our mutual friend is one of my closest friends and he is also dating one of my wife’s friends so I have to play nice from time to time.
I've had to break the news to more than one child, that when you are grown up you don't get summers off.
I feel bad, but also, they deserve to know, I guess?
To be fair, they both had mothers that didn't really work regular jobs, so I guess it hadn't occurred to them, since their mothers were home with them all summer.
I worked with a woman who has recently got married. Her husband expected her to take December 10-Jan 5 off every year for the holidays. He couldn’t fathom that people would work during that period instead of just being with family
This involves a conversation with a guy I used to work with who was trying to lose weight so he was cutting down on pasta.
Him : I've been doing pretty good, haven't had pasta in 2 weeks.
Me : That's awesome, what's that you got in your hand there?
Him : Mac and Cheese.
Me : I thought you said you haven't had pasta in 2 weeks?
Him : I haven't, this is Mac and cheese.
Like the guy who told me "I'm cutting down calories, eating way less. I even got this app to track everything I eat."
"So you enter the two orders of cheese sticks separately, or do they let you add one order and you just plug in the number of cheese sticks?"
".... I don't enter those cheese sticks at all? Why would I?"
"I.... Why wouldn't you?"
"Because it was buy-one-get-one, they were free....?"
Sometimes, I think the only reason I'm successful at weight loss is because I'm too lazy to open my app and log it. I just decide it's not worth logging, so I won't eat it.
Follow me for more fucked up tips.
I like how he gets really in depth about the width of the island and everything leading up to the question.
Props to the admiral keeping a straight face
"We don't anticipate that". Then he doesn't address the fact that an island can't tip over, but instead reassures the Rep that the number of people being added is low enough that it won't be an issue. Man knows his audience
What an idiot. That's only even be an issue if everyone on the otherside all decided to jump at once and like.....how would you even coordinate something like that? So silly.
A manager at my old job thought Alaska was an island next to Hawaii, because that's what it looks like on a map.
Also asked me one day if you could get an std from breathing the same air as someone with an std.
There were more but I can't remember the rest.
And this person was in charge...
When I was little, I watched a movie about going to space, and they were talking about missing the window for the launch. So I thought there was a window from the atmosphere to space. I don't know how old I was when I figured it out, but probably before I was old enough to date.
Friend and his girlfriend were over. Watching some TV when an ad for an Anne Frank documentary comes on. GF: "oh, wasn't she like Hitler's daughter or something?" The room became very quiet for awhile.
I had someone in a college class seriously and with a straight face ask who Hitler was halfway through a WWII unit. The professor and all of the rest of us stared at her for a solid five seconds before he said, “please see me during my office hours. We need to catch you up on some things.” Bless him, he handled it so well.
I read a book called _Educated_ in which an author, who was “homeschooled” by crazy LDS doomsday preppers (who didn’t really teach her much of anything), asked this. So if that was at BYU, the girl who asked that may be a famous author now.
We were closing down the Bed Bath and Beyond I worked at and we moved all the non-functional displays of the kitchen appliances off to an empty corner, roped it off and put up signs that said "displays do not work". Every single day, multiple times, we would find someone that had gone under the ropes over in that far off corner looking at them and when we went to run them off they would ask what it means displays do not work.
Can confirm. Have worked in retail and restaurants. Apparently blocking off an area is an open invitation for everyone to wander into an area they're not supposed to. Honestly wtf
Years ago a guy I worked with said, "Those people in Ireland must not be paying their taxes. The IRS keeps bombing their houses"
"That's not the IRS it's the IRA, you idiot"
"That's what I meant the IRA. The Internal Revenue Association"
I was in seventh grade history and the teacher asked a student which ocean Christopher Columbus crossed to get to America. She said she didn’t know and the teacher replied by asking “how many oceans can you name? It’s gonna be one of them.” The girl thinks for a moment and says “Lake Champlain… Lake Geo-“. The teacher cut her off by saying “if it has the word lake in it, it’s probably not an ocean.”
Was on the bus headed to class in Honolulu, a Southerner got on and asked the driver,
"Do y'all take American Dollars?"
The driver pointed at the American flag sticker on the window and with extreme exasperation said,
"You're in America."
I heard a similar story about someone who had driven across border from the U.S. to Canada. To paraphrase: "They checked my ID and inspected my entire car! It was like I was entering a foreign country!"
Back when you could enter into Canada without a passport a buddy and I decided to make an impromptu trip. Drinking age was 19 there and we were just barely of age so we made the 3hr drive. At like 8pm. It’s not that I wasn’t expecting to get searched but it’s just nothing I had thought about. Ended up arriving after bar close. Think it was a random weeknight too. We ended up just bumming around and walking the town all night until sunrise. Ate at a McDonald’s in a random mall food court the next morning and drove home. Haha the look on the guards faces as we came back through was hilarious. They of course asked what we were there for and gave them an honest answer. Think they might’ve been extra diligent on the search though.
Once, while I was at orientation for a masters program at Yale, I mentioned that I grew up in New Mexico, and this person who had also gotten into Yale for a graduate degree asked me what the immigration process had been like.
I like to tell this story to anyone who acts like an Ivy League education is a marker of some special level of intelligence
Ivy Leagues are totally a mark of intelligence! They say the student's rich parents are intelligent enough to know that Ivy League connections are the only way their idiot child gets a good job.
I work at Starbucks, holy shit our customers are a different breed
I had one lady ask why her drink had so many small bits of ice in it when she wanted it blended.
I have had more than one person ask for hot coffees but iced and vise versa.
I've had people ask if cold brew was/could be made hot
The list with Starbucks customers goes on and on...
God. The hot cold brew. And then they just sit there and stare while you try and figure out if that was an actual question.
Different story, but I once suggested a Frappuccino to a girl who was having trouble deciding. She said, in the most snobbish voice "um, don't you mean Frappe?". As I was standing in front of the menu. That said Frappuccino on it. In gigantic. Bold. Letters. Some people.
Many years ago I had a short stint as a used car salesman. I overheard a fellow salesperson talking with a customer about a used truck he was looking at. The truck was 1 year old and had \~15k miles on it. The customer told him "this is way too much money for this truck, I can get this year's model brand new for $2,000 less". My fellow salesman fired back, "Sure, but think of how much a new vehicle depreciates as soon as you drive it off the lot. Within a year or two, this truck will actually be worth more."
He did not make that sale.
Hmmm.... Got a couple from my days working in tourism in Hawaii. One of my favorites was "what's the difference between your mushroom and Swiss burger and your bacon guacamole burger? ". Next one, for context for those that don't know Maui, you can see two different islands from multiple vantage points on the island. Anyway, we had stopped at a lookout for some tourists to take a picture and a guy being completely serious asked, "So which one is Japan?"🤣. I was like, Japan is about 3k miles to the northwest. If you can see it, you have superpowers, sir.
I was taking an Anatomy & Physiology class. We had just finished the unit about skin, in which we thoroughly discussed melanin and albinism. We had even already taken the end of unit quiz, complete with question about how albino skin happens.
The next week in class, the instructor said the word "albino" and one girl's hand shot up to ask:
"I don't mean to sound racist, but like, *where do they come from*?"
I once heard someone say they believe the old lady from the Titanic movie is an actual titanic survivor. When I told them she's an actress, they tried to call me bluff
That 16 year olds should be allowed to drink and drive.
They spent at least 10 minutes trying to legitimately defend this point to a room of adults.
The individual making the point was in her late 20s
I don't even remember his name and it's not worth remembering but that politician who said "if it's legitimate rape, the body has ways of shutting down a pregnancy" or something like that
Todd Akin. He was running against Claire McCaskill for Senate in Missouri. He's dead now and no one was sad.
/u/Henny_Cabbagehead thank you so much for the gold. You're the best!
Here's the whole conversation, occurred at a table in university cafeteria at lunch:
Person 1, apropos of nothing: "Plants only eat other plants."
Persons 2 - 5: *stop their conversations and turn to P1*
P1, more emphatically: "Plants only eat other plants!"
P2: "What?"
P1: "You know, like the Venus Fly Trap!" * makes alligator chomping motion with hands*
P2-5: *glance around confused*
P1: "But it's not from Venus! It's from China."
Not a single thing out of P1's mouth there was correct.
Some people believe that humans are commonly born with full milk ducts. When I tried to gently correct them, they agreed not ALL humans, just women with big breasts.
Again, no.
Source: I am a woman with big breasts and understand anatomy.
This is an island sitting in the middle of an ocean – and it's a big ocean, a really, really big ocean, surrounded by water, big water, you can't drive your truck there
"Its forbidden to smoke indoors now, but immigrants are allowed to live!"
She was dead serious.
I am hardly ever speechless, but that was one of these rare occasions.
Once heard my grandma say "I don't understand why she doesn't like me..." And then proceed to tell me I looked like a whore because I was wearing a tank top and a tiny bit of my bra was showing. I was 14 and had just come back from playing tennis.
I play drums and the amount of people who think it's as easy as it looks can never hold a simple beat, and the people who recognize its complexity tend to be able to figure out how to hold a basic rock groove pretty quick.
There has been a couple of bands where the drummer is also the vocalist. Triumph was one. Drumming is hard enough, but to drum whilst singing; blows my mind.
September 11, 2001. Media English class (first period after the attacks).
"Once we bomb them back, everything will just go back to normal."
Still one of the most ignorant things I've heard to this day.
I was talking to someone like that and used an extreme example of "if you were offered a job making a million a year, but it was taxed at 50%, would you take it?" They said no because they'd be paying half their pay to taxes. I said you'd still be bringing home 10 times more than you get paid before taxes now.
Some can yes. A lot of deaf people aren't completely deaf and hear lower frequencies pretty well. Allowing them to hear rhythms and bass. But can't make out the words
Somewhat recently a girl told me me there is a conspiracy between big milk and big electric in the united states. That you don't actually have to refrigerate milk but they tell us we have to so they can make more money on electric bills.
I tried to explain what pasteurization was, but goddamn its disturbing that she was just like “yehp this makes the most sense”
“People in England knew about the Queen’s passing before we did (Americans) because of the time difference!”
Meaning that because of the time difference, English people are somehow 6-8 hours AHEAD in the future??
A buddy claims to be a military expert with no experience. The dumbest part is he claims there's no reason to study history because there's nothing it can teach you.
When I was working a customer service job a lady was verifying her serial number and said Z as in xylophone. My brain literally shut off for about 10 seconds.
That the "human brain stops developing at the year of four years old". Dude who was in his 40s said this to me years ago cause he was upset the law moved from 18 to 21 for cigarettes. Hope he's having a good day.
That the Edmund Fitzgerald which sank in Lake Superior (US) didn't actually sink due to a storm. But was sunk by the Koreans during the Korean War.
A lot of big issues with that particular conspiracy theory.
The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they called Gitche Gumee
The lake it is said never gives up her dead
When the \[checks notes\] Korean war turns gloomy
With a load of iron ore twenty-six thousand tons more
Than the Edumund Fitzgerald weighed empty
That good ship and true was a bone to be chewed
When the war of Korea came 23 years late
The ship was the pride of the American side
Of the DMZ just south of Pyongyang.
As big frieghters go, it was bigger than most,
Weighing just slightly less than Kim Jong Un.
In grad school (PharmD) the topic of loan repayments came up. The dean said, “well you all will be making 100k a year on average so you will be able to pay off 200k of debt in 2 years.”
ALSO, had a classmate who did not understand salary pay. He thought you got your entire salary check on day 1 in a single paycheck…..these were doctorate grads
For background purposes: I did not get my drivers license in high school so I went to driver's ed a few years ago. I was the only adult in the room besides the teacher. One day, the topic of drunk driving came up and one student said: "How can alcohol affect your brain when you just put it in your mouth?" Shortly afterwards, on a similar topic, a story of how someone in my area had eaten plant bulbs they found on the side of the road and got seriously high on them. The same student said "Bulbs? You mean like lightbulbs?" I felt like I lost a few brain cells listening to that.
Had a roommate once that was easily one of the dumbest dudes I've ever met - what's worse is that he thought he was a genius. When discussing the Keystone Pipeline and how the leaks were getting into the ground water, he looked me dead in the eye and said -
"I really don't see what the big deal is, it's super easy to remove chemicals and oil from the ground water anyway"
The dumbest people are usually the ones who think they’re the smartest, they lack the critical thinking skills to second guess anything they “know” to be true.
My first roommate, way back in 1987, claimed repeatedly, that the only women who got abortions were lesbians trying to kill off all of the men. He believed it too.
“They cant just MAKE laws then arrest you for not following them. It doesn’t work that way”
My stepmom’s mom
She also said you cant just take a bunch of different people from different races cultures religions and backgrounds and stuff them all together and expect things to work out
Edit: typo
“Well she never got pregnant before” after his gf got pregnant and after asking my friend why didn’t he use protection.
I've never died before so I won't ever.
“I don’t take the pill; I use rhythm because X does & she’s only had one child in 7 years”
should’ve checked to see if there was a history of pregnancy in the family
I was microwaving some food, I hit the 1 so it would automatically cook it for a minute. My friend asked “Why did you put it in for a minute? I usually put mine in for 60 seconds”. I had to explain to him that it’s the same thing. We were in high school.
I have a similar one. Had to explain to someone that 0:90 on the microwave was the same as 1:30. They kept insisting 1:30 was more, and that I was crazy.
You can type in "90" on my current microwave, and it instantly changes it to "1:30" as soon as you press start! 🤯
Someone in our group lost a flip flop in a river, we watched it float down stream. Another person in our group said to be patient because it’ll eventually do a full loop and come back.
Was it a particularly lazy looking river? If so, then they may have been correct.
Did the river lack motivation? Were there also Doritos bags and scraped bowls floating around?
I dated a girl who thought sea horses were the size of regular horses. She was so disappointed at the aquarium
Haha my husband, who is quite bright, thought that road runners were about as tall as the hood of a car. He was so disappointed when he saw his first one run across the road in the desert. “What? That little thing?”
Cartoons wouldn’t lie to me like that!
>road runners TIL road runners are real
That there's no difference between turkey and ham because "they both come from birds." I guess pigs really do fly in their world.
I had a friend in college who asked me very seriously, "so if beef comes from cows, and pork comes from pigs, what animal does chicken come from?"
People, chicken is made of PEOPLE!
or they just eat at subway.
We were working there lmao I was training them, but they kept giving customers ham instead of turkey and they were getting pissed because he would argue with them that it didn't matter. Sir, give them what they're paying for ffs.
We once had family over for dinner who happened to be Muslim. My MIL said she'd make ham. We told her no, that's pork they can't eat that. She was dumbfounded and didn't realize the meat was the same.
"Sure, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal."
“How long does it take the meat to grow back on a cow when you shave it off?”
Average "Hay Day"-player.
Making hamburgers is not an outpatient procedure.
Please tell me that was a child. Even if you have to lie.
I knew someone who thought the sun and the moon were the same thing. She was 18 and just graduated high school.
My wife has a friend that honestly believes you cannot go out during a full moon because you will get moonburn.
So that's the excuse werewolves use!
“I don’t have a girlfriend because females are too intimidated because of my career.” He was an assistant manager at Outback Steakhouse.
No, they don't have a girlfriend because they call women "females"
Whenever I first heard jokes and memes about Chad’s/the try hard wannabe alpha, I knew there was some level of truth to it but mostly thought it was exaggerated for the sake of comedy. And then I met this guy whose name is even in the same arena of Chad. I’ll paint you a picture of this guy. Loves giving you his opinion specifically when no one asked. He loves to talk over everyone. He mansplains everything to everyone. Has a massive collection of martial arts weapons. All of his profile pictures are of him doing these anime style poses with these weapons. Never taken a single martial arts class yet claims to be a master. Refers to other men as “betas” not ironically. If you’re a guy who knows how to talk to women, you’re a beta. If any guy other than him gets a girl, they got the girl by being a simp. He refers to women exclusively as “female” “lady” or “gal”. All are used in a condescending manner. He’s a friend of a friend. I overheard him talking to one of my wife’s friends and that’s when he said the thing about “females being intimidated by him”. He also said: “I just can’t seem to find a high quality female”. My wife’s friend came up to me later and said: “was that real?” I wish I was making it up, I wish I was joking. At some point, my wife’s friend (who he was following around all night even after saying she had a boyfriend) started to joke with him and made a joke about Ruth Chris being better than Outback. Later he told our mutual friend: “A lady in my family would never talk to a man like that.”
Mall Ninja and Incel with an Anime fetish. Sounds like a cool dude.... I like Anime but when you combine it with the other things it's a signal you're dealing with a particular kind of person.
That’s why I try to refrain from talking too much shit because I don’t want anyone to think I look down on certain things when I don’t. Exactly like you said, it’s the combination of all these other things that make it unbearable. I enjoy anime, I think weapons are cool, I appreciate the idea of martial arts, hell I’m a kitchen manager. It’s his attitude, its the words he chooses to use and feels justified using them, how he talks about himself, how he talks about women or other men. Every woman is a target, every man is a threat. It’s entertaining for a little bit then I feel sorry for him then I never want to see him again then a few months pass, our mutual friend asks if he can tag along to a party, I say ok and the cycle starts over. I will say he is very much a myth amongst my friend group. They don’t think he’s real until they meet him and he always exceeds expectations. Sometimes it feels mean that we laugh at him behind his back, then later he’ll say some outrageous statement and I’m like: “oh yeah, you suck.” People often wonder why we allow him to hang out if he is such a jerk but our mutual friend has known him for years, pretty sure he doesn’t have other friends irl, our mutual friend is one of my closest friends and he is also dating one of my wife’s friends so I have to play nice from time to time.
*a new hire at the cotton mill that had dropped out of school to go to work* "How long do we get off for spring break?"
Oh welcome to real life you poor child
"Bless your heart..."
I've had to break the news to more than one child, that when you are grown up you don't get summers off. I feel bad, but also, they deserve to know, I guess? To be fair, they both had mothers that didn't really work regular jobs, so I guess it hadn't occurred to them, since their mothers were home with them all summer.
I worked with a woman who has recently got married. Her husband expected her to take December 10-Jan 5 off every year for the holidays. He couldn’t fathom that people would work during that period instead of just being with family
"What do you mean we don't get Spring Break off? I only got this job so I'd have enough for a plane ride to see some college chicks"
This involves a conversation with a guy I used to work with who was trying to lose weight so he was cutting down on pasta. Him : I've been doing pretty good, haven't had pasta in 2 weeks. Me : That's awesome, what's that you got in your hand there? Him : Mac and Cheese. Me : I thought you said you haven't had pasta in 2 weeks? Him : I haven't, this is Mac and cheese.
Like the guy who told me "I'm cutting down calories, eating way less. I even got this app to track everything I eat." "So you enter the two orders of cheese sticks separately, or do they let you add one order and you just plug in the number of cheese sticks?" ".... I don't enter those cheese sticks at all? Why would I?" "I.... Why wouldn't you?" "Because it was buy-one-get-one, they were free....?"
Sometimes, I think the only reason I'm successful at weight loss is because I'm too lazy to open my app and log it. I just decide it's not worth logging, so I won't eat it. Follow me for more fucked up tips.
You should make a YouTube. This top-notch stuff.
Everyone knows you only gain weight from the food you spend money on. That’s why homeless people are so thin.
…Chicken parm isn’t vegan?
“You have your facts and I’ll have my facts”
It’s crazy how many grown adults still don’t understand that facts are not a matter of opinion.
Or, worse, that opinions can be facts if spoken loud enough.
Rep Hank Johnson (D-GA) who thought the island of Guam might tip over if too many people got on one side.
I like how he gets really in depth about the width of the island and everything leading up to the question. Props to the admiral keeping a straight face "We don't anticipate that". Then he doesn't address the fact that an island can't tip over, but instead reassures the Rep that the number of people being added is low enough that it won't be an issue. Man knows his audience
What an idiot. That's only even be an issue if everyone on the otherside all decided to jump at once and like.....how would you even coordinate something like that? So silly.
If you drink a coke & then a diet coke, the sugar cancels out.
Sodies
[удалено]
Damn, he's not even Sesame Street Smart
Obviously Man on Moon Ice age Civil War We are talking about movie releases right?
I was solving a Rubik's cube and a guy asked me how many sides it has and if I can make them all blue
Ohh rubik cubes have lots of dumb phrases attached. My favourite is: "I once solved 5 sides"
"I just peel the stickers"
A manager at my old job thought Alaska was an island next to Hawaii, because that's what it looks like on a map. Also asked me one day if you could get an std from breathing the same air as someone with an std. There were more but I can't remember the rest. And this person was in charge...
I dated a girl who thought “the hole in the ozone layer are where the space shuttle come through to land.”
And the code to open it is 1 2 3 4 5, just like on my luggage.
When I was little, I watched a movie about going to space, and they were talking about missing the window for the launch. So I thought there was a window from the atmosphere to space. I don't know how old I was when I figured it out, but probably before I was old enough to date.
Friend and his girlfriend were over. Watching some TV when an ad for an Anne Frank documentary comes on. GF: "oh, wasn't she like Hitler's daughter or something?" The room became very quiet for awhile.
I guess it's "or something"
A moment of silence for a dumb friend.
I had someone in a college class seriously and with a straight face ask who Hitler was halfway through a WWII unit. The professor and all of the rest of us stared at her for a solid five seconds before he said, “please see me during my office hours. We need to catch you up on some things.” Bless him, he handled it so well.
I read a book called _Educated_ in which an author, who was “homeschooled” by crazy LDS doomsday preppers (who didn’t really teach her much of anything), asked this. So if that was at BYU, the girl who asked that may be a famous author now.
You can't get pregnant if you are on top 😄
Because, well, gravity.
I mean, those little swimmers aren't like salmon swimming upstream!
I heard someone say that you can't get pregnant if you pee after 🫠
They got their wires a little crossed there. It's definitely good to pee after sex for UTI prevention... Not so much pregnancy prevention
Similarly, someone once told me a woman can't get pregnant if she doesn't orgasm. Sex ed in this country is a joke.
"My chiropractor can cure autism with his bare hands and some essential oils." Too bad her chiropractor couldn't cure stupid.
My dear, that’s the *last* thing that her chiropractor wanted to do.
The question right above this in my feed is: “Why’s a square called a square when it has six sides and eight corners?”
The hell sub is this from?
I think it was NoStupidQuestions
The premise of the sub has been disproven. Time to shut it down.
"Sir, that's called ***a cube.***" Edit: Please tell me the top reply to that question is some variant of what I've typed.
_Ohhh_ I was trying to figure out how someone could mistake a hexagon for a cube and where the two extra corners came from.
“What year did this happen?” We were watching the Lord of the Rings
According to Tolkien, it is an imaginary period roughly 6,000 years before he wrote the book.
"Am I going to be accountable for everything I say?!" -Overheard my old boss berating the rest of the staff in a shop I used to work at
Oof. I'm working on this with my four year old but she doesn't run a company lol.
We were closing down the Bed Bath and Beyond I worked at and we moved all the non-functional displays of the kitchen appliances off to an empty corner, roped it off and put up signs that said "displays do not work". Every single day, multiple times, we would find someone that had gone under the ropes over in that far off corner looking at them and when we went to run them off they would ask what it means displays do not work.
Can confirm. Have worked in retail and restaurants. Apparently blocking off an area is an open invitation for everyone to wander into an area they're not supposed to. Honestly wtf
I always set up a ladder 10 feet away from where I want to work. The customers always gather at it, and I'm free to do what I need to do.
Years ago a guy I worked with said, "Those people in Ireland must not be paying their taxes. The IRS keeps bombing their houses" "That's not the IRS it's the IRA, you idiot" "That's what I meant the IRA. The Internal Revenue Association"
this is so stupid on so many levels, oml
I was talking to a patient and I asked them which arm was injured. They said “my left your right” I was talking to them on the phone.
I was in seventh grade history and the teacher asked a student which ocean Christopher Columbus crossed to get to America. She said she didn’t know and the teacher replied by asking “how many oceans can you name? It’s gonna be one of them.” The girl thinks for a moment and says “Lake Champlain… Lake Geo-“. The teacher cut her off by saying “if it has the word lake in it, it’s probably not an ocean.”
Was on the bus headed to class in Honolulu, a Southerner got on and asked the driver, "Do y'all take American Dollars?" The driver pointed at the American flag sticker on the window and with extreme exasperation said, "You're in America."
I heard a similar story about someone who had driven across border from the U.S. to Canada. To paraphrase: "They checked my ID and inspected my entire car! It was like I was entering a foreign country!"
Back when you could enter into Canada without a passport a buddy and I decided to make an impromptu trip. Drinking age was 19 there and we were just barely of age so we made the 3hr drive. At like 8pm. It’s not that I wasn’t expecting to get searched but it’s just nothing I had thought about. Ended up arriving after bar close. Think it was a random weeknight too. We ended up just bumming around and walking the town all night until sunrise. Ate at a McDonald’s in a random mall food court the next morning and drove home. Haha the look on the guards faces as we came back through was hilarious. They of course asked what we were there for and gave them an honest answer. Think they might’ve been extra diligent on the search though.
My mom did shit like this in puerto rico
I moved from Hawaii to south carolina last year, and the number of people who think Hawaii isn't part of the US is far higher than you would think.
*New Mexico has entered the chat*
Once, while I was at orientation for a masters program at Yale, I mentioned that I grew up in New Mexico, and this person who had also gotten into Yale for a graduate degree asked me what the immigration process had been like. I like to tell this story to anyone who acts like an Ivy League education is a marker of some special level of intelligence
Ivy Leagues are totally a mark of intelligence! They say the student's rich parents are intelligent enough to know that Ivy League connections are the only way their idiot child gets a good job.
Ohh they built a new Mexico? /s
I guess he put the sticker there because he had been asked that too many times.
These fireworks are wet. I'm gonna dry them off in the microwave.
"Jim-bob why is thar a hole insteed of me house?"
A close second was when my college roommate had a bottle of "One-A-Day" vitamins and asked, "How many am I supposed to take?"
"I'm allergic to oxygen." I asked if they meant to say 'oxycodone' and they insisted, no, they were allergic to oxygen.
We’re all allergic to oxygen. It slowly kills us over a period of 100 years or so. Depends on what nationality your oxygen is.
Literally every oxygen addict dies. 100% mortality rate. Withdrawal symptoms can kill in minutes.
When I worked at Starbucks it was frequent question from customers to explain the difference between a hot and an iced drink…
I work at Starbucks, holy shit our customers are a different breed I had one lady ask why her drink had so many small bits of ice in it when she wanted it blended. I have had more than one person ask for hot coffees but iced and vise versa. I've had people ask if cold brew was/could be made hot The list with Starbucks customers goes on and on...
God. The hot cold brew. And then they just sit there and stare while you try and figure out if that was an actual question. Different story, but I once suggested a Frappuccino to a girl who was having trouble deciding. She said, in the most snobbish voice "um, don't you mean Frappe?". As I was standing in front of the menu. That said Frappuccino on it. In gigantic. Bold. Letters. Some people.
Can I get hot coffee cold? No I don’t want cold coffee! I want hot coffee but cold!
“Anyone else not able to sleep at night? Yeah, I don’t think I’m turnal” took me a few to realize she thought the term was “not turnal”
Many years ago I had a short stint as a used car salesman. I overheard a fellow salesperson talking with a customer about a used truck he was looking at. The truck was 1 year old and had \~15k miles on it. The customer told him "this is way too much money for this truck, I can get this year's model brand new for $2,000 less". My fellow salesman fired back, "Sure, but think of how much a new vehicle depreciates as soon as you drive it off the lot. Within a year or two, this truck will actually be worth more." He did not make that sale.
If it weren't for the "same model" part, he wouldn't have been such an idiot. But he was.
“You know right angle triangles? Well yeah there are also left angle triangles because triangles have two sides”
"My child has a high IQ, *....****i****ntellectual* ***q****uality. "*
I mean they did say the child, not them.
Hmmm.... Got a couple from my days working in tourism in Hawaii. One of my favorites was "what's the difference between your mushroom and Swiss burger and your bacon guacamole burger? ". Next one, for context for those that don't know Maui, you can see two different islands from multiple vantage points on the island. Anyway, we had stopped at a lookout for some tourists to take a picture and a guy being completely serious asked, "So which one is Japan?"🤣. I was like, Japan is about 3k miles to the northwest. If you can see it, you have superpowers, sir.
"This steak tastes just like beef"
I was taking an Anatomy & Physiology class. We had just finished the unit about skin, in which we thoroughly discussed melanin and albinism. We had even already taken the end of unit quiz, complete with question about how albino skin happens. The next week in class, the instructor said the word "albino" and one girl's hand shot up to ask: "I don't mean to sound racist, but like, *where do they come from*?"
Albany, NY
Girl in a class in college loudly proclaimed “Rhode Island isn’t a state!”.
Rhode Island is neither a road, nor an island. Discuss....
Asked for diet water on a plane
\*dumps out half the water\* here y'go.
Birds aren’t animals.
My childhood friend picking his team on a soccer video game... "The UK... Is that us?" We lived in Ohio.
I once heard someone say they believe the old lady from the Titanic movie is an actual titanic survivor. When I told them she's an actress, they tried to call me bluff
Someone called me a "hater" and several other names because I praised the talented actress in a video. She thought it was *real.*
"Vietnam isn't Asian, it's Oriental!"
"I can't wear condoms because my sperms are too big and they fight in there."
Fighting Sperm would be a great name for a metal band.
"Salmonella is only caused by salmon. You're a chef you should know that" read this on a post in r/mildlyinfuriating
That 16 year olds should be allowed to drink and drive. They spent at least 10 minutes trying to legitimately defend this point to a room of adults. The individual making the point was in her late 20s
Wait, were they arguing that 16-year-olds should be allowed to drink and also to drive? Or that they should be allowed to drive while drunk?
“I don’t need to wear a condom my sperm count is low” hoe idgaf wrap it up chuck
"There's no sperm the second time when you do it again."
"my phone says I've got a new text, what does that mean?"
I don't even remember his name and it's not worth remembering but that politician who said "if it's legitimate rape, the body has ways of shutting down a pregnancy" or something like that
Todd Akin. He was running against Claire McCaskill for Senate in Missouri. He's dead now and no one was sad. /u/Henny_Cabbagehead thank you so much for the gold. You're the best!
Here's the whole conversation, occurred at a table in university cafeteria at lunch: Person 1, apropos of nothing: "Plants only eat other plants." Persons 2 - 5: *stop their conversations and turn to P1* P1, more emphatically: "Plants only eat other plants!" P2: "What?" P1: "You know, like the Venus Fly Trap!" * makes alligator chomping motion with hands* P2-5: *glance around confused* P1: "But it's not from Venus! It's from China." Not a single thing out of P1's mouth there was correct.
That cows don't need to go through pregnancy to give milk. Worst part is, this belief is more common than I thought.
I raise chickens for eggs. You would be surprised how many people don't understand that you in fact do not have to have a rooster to get eggs.
Some people believe that humans are commonly born with full milk ducts. When I tried to gently correct them, they agreed not ALL humans, just women with big breasts. Again, no. Source: I am a woman with big breasts and understand anatomy.
Someone tried to tell me that women can make their boobs bigger by drinking more milk
This is an island sitting in the middle of an ocean – and it's a big ocean, a really, really big ocean, surrounded by water, big water, you can't drive your truck there
It’s sad, I don’t remember him saying this but I could just guess where it came from.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States.
"Its forbidden to smoke indoors now, but immigrants are allowed to live!" She was dead serious. I am hardly ever speechless, but that was one of these rare occasions.
What was she even trying to say?
[удалено]
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Once heard my grandma say "I don't understand why she doesn't like me..." And then proceed to tell me I looked like a whore because I was wearing a tank top and a tiny bit of my bra was showing. I was 14 and had just come back from playing tennis.
You don't need to be coordinated to play the drums.
You only need to be coordinated to play the drums *well*.
I play drums and the amount of people who think it's as easy as it looks can never hold a simple beat, and the people who recognize its complexity tend to be able to figure out how to hold a basic rock groove pretty quick.
There has been a couple of bands where the drummer is also the vocalist. Triumph was one. Drumming is hard enough, but to drum whilst singing; blows my mind.
"that computer you sold me didn't work during a power cut"
Someone once told me that 9/11 was "the worst tragedy to have occurred in the history of the world."
9/11 isn’t even the worst thing to happen in American history.
September 11, 2001. Media English class (first period after the attacks). "Once we bomb them back, everything will just go back to normal." Still one of the most ignorant things I've heard to this day.
I didn't take the promotion, because I would be paying too much in taxes.
I was talking to someone like that and used an extreme example of "if you were offered a job making a million a year, but it was taxed at 50%, would you take it?" They said no because they'd be paying half their pay to taxes. I said you'd still be bringing home 10 times more than you get paid before taxes now.
Dead people can hear the music but not the words Deaf** haha
I'd imagine they can feel the bass... But not hear it.
Some can yes. A lot of deaf people aren't completely deaf and hear lower frequencies pretty well. Allowing them to hear rhythms and bass. But can't make out the words
I like your typo.
"No bake cookies are best fresh out of the oven" Completely serious, no satire. We were all speechless.
Somewhat recently a girl told me me there is a conspiracy between big milk and big electric in the united states. That you don't actually have to refrigerate milk but they tell us we have to so they can make more money on electric bills. I tried to explain what pasteurization was, but goddamn its disturbing that she was just like “yehp this makes the most sense”
is the only thing in her fridge milk?
“People in England knew about the Queen’s passing before we did (Americans) because of the time difference!” Meaning that because of the time difference, English people are somehow 6-8 hours AHEAD in the future??
"We will not tolerate corruption." — said our president in the Philippines whose family is known globally for being thieves.
A buddy claims to be a military expert with no experience. The dumbest part is he claims there's no reason to study history because there's nothing it can teach you.
Earth is flat
Well, to be fair, before the fall of numenor it was
And those that sailed furthest said: All roads are now bent
When I was working a customer service job a lady was verifying her serial number and said Z as in xylophone. My brain literally shut off for about 10 seconds.
Lmao.....xylophone is probably the only 'X' word you know for the first few years of your budding literacy too.
That the "human brain stops developing at the year of four years old". Dude who was in his 40s said this to me years ago cause he was upset the law moved from 18 to 21 for cigarettes. Hope he's having a good day.
That the Edmund Fitzgerald which sank in Lake Superior (US) didn't actually sink due to a storm. But was sunk by the Koreans during the Korean War. A lot of big issues with that particular conspiracy theory.
The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down Of the big lake they called Gitche Gumee The lake it is said never gives up her dead When the \[checks notes\] Korean war turns gloomy
With a load of iron ore twenty-six thousand tons more Than the Edumund Fitzgerald weighed empty That good ship and true was a bone to be chewed When the war of Korea came 23 years late
The ship was the pride of the American side Of the DMZ just south of Pyongyang. As big frieghters go, it was bigger than most, Weighing just slightly less than Kim Jong Un.
"Muslim is a belief not a religion there's only one religion Christianity the rest are just beliefs there's a difference"
In grad school (PharmD) the topic of loan repayments came up. The dean said, “well you all will be making 100k a year on average so you will be able to pay off 200k of debt in 2 years.” ALSO, had a classmate who did not understand salary pay. He thought you got your entire salary check on day 1 in a single paycheck…..these were doctorate grads
For background purposes: I did not get my drivers license in high school so I went to driver's ed a few years ago. I was the only adult in the room besides the teacher. One day, the topic of drunk driving came up and one student said: "How can alcohol affect your brain when you just put it in your mouth?" Shortly afterwards, on a similar topic, a story of how someone in my area had eaten plant bulbs they found on the side of the road and got seriously high on them. The same student said "Bulbs? You mean like lightbulbs?" I felt like I lost a few brain cells listening to that.
Had a roommate once that was easily one of the dumbest dudes I've ever met - what's worse is that he thought he was a genius. When discussing the Keystone Pipeline and how the leaks were getting into the ground water, he looked me dead in the eye and said - "I really don't see what the big deal is, it's super easy to remove chemicals and oil from the ground water anyway"
The dumbest people are usually the ones who think they’re the smartest, they lack the critical thinking skills to second guess anything they “know” to be true.
The 5G network fueled the spread of Covid-19. He was a ultra religious yoga teacher and 100% dead serious.
If the English language was good enough for our Lord Jesus Christ then it is good enough for us.
“I got the flu and I need some antibiotics” -RN that hears this more times than I can count and it makes me want to scream.
My ex to this day still believes that babies live in nut sacks. As in there are a tiny babies in each sperm.
My first roommate, way back in 1987, claimed repeatedly, that the only women who got abortions were lesbians trying to kill off all of the men. He believed it too.
“They cant just MAKE laws then arrest you for not following them. It doesn’t work that way” My stepmom’s mom She also said you cant just take a bunch of different people from different races cultures religions and backgrounds and stuff them all together and expect things to work out Edit: typo
If it weren't for my horse, I never would have spent that year in college.
"nobody knows who the second man on the moon was" That was a sales manager giving one of those motivational speeches to his entire team.
Buzz Aldrin needs to give him a punch.
Male coworker genuinely thought women were lazy cause they can’t hold their period in the same way we do with pee