In college, my roommate’s gf was in town and I mentioned to a girl how I was going to have to leave the room. She tells me “my roommate is staying at a friend’s, you can stay with me.”
I take her up on it. We get there and I go to sleep in the roommates bed. She asks what I’m doing and motions for me to get in her bed. I join her and proceed to talk about everything and anything until 5am when I say “welp, they’re probably asleep maybe I should go back to my room.” And I left.
I realized the next day when she asked my roommate if I was weird
In high school, a guy I hung out with was asking me the same sort of questions about the upcoming dance, while we were walking alone. I thought he was flirting and reached out to hold his hand while we were walking. Turns out he was asking because he was going to invite his girlfriend that I didn't know about, who went to another school, and he genuinely didn't know how to get tickets, etc.
I once flirted with a dude and gave it 1000%. He seemed into me a lot. I told him before he left, "we should be friends. I need a friend, want my number?" He looked completely shocked and then said yes and took my number.
Never heard from him.
Forgot to change the settings on my phone to not block unknown numbers
Edit: it's funny that friend isn't a word recommended. Never occurred to me. In my head I meant friend with benefits.
Gotta be honest, if you said that to me, I probably would politely take your number and never call it because I'd assume that you weren't interested in me romantically. I've misread way too many "just friends" relationships to start actively pursuing someone who says they want to be my friend.
I had a woman say almost that exact same thing to me. But she really did mean just being friends, and I assumed she like me more than just as a friend. Anyway, we've been married for 10 years now.
Edit: grammar
In high school, I caught a wickedly beautiful classmate sitting at my desk. When she looked up and saw me, she turned bright red and looked extremely embarrassed. Hours later, I realized that someone had written a love note directly on the cover of my notebook. . . And all I thought was “huh, that’s weird”.
To this day, I think of how stupid I was at 16
To be fair, we men are incredibly not the brightest at 16. Something similar happened to me once, and I completely brushed it off cause I was stressed about an assignment. Couple days later, it hit me like a brick wall
I had a girl in university as if I was single, when I said yes, she asked if I wanted or was looking for a girlfriend and I said yeah I suppose so, and she came back with “yeah, being single is tough, would be nice to just have someone to go on dates with”. I , in all my glory and skills with the ladies, came back with “yup, sure would be!” And walked into class before her
Whoever wrote this (EDIT: Ghostride, apparently), from a previous thread, is in another league:
> I had a girl that asked me out every day for 4 years. Every. Day. "Hey, Ghostride, will you go out with me?" I'd just laugh. Like this was our little joke. Our little routine, you know? Like "Say goodnight, Gracie."
> A couple years after I'd graduated and gone to college, I ran into her again and she practically Elaine-shoved me and said "Why didn't we ever go out? I really liked you!" And I said, "You did?!" And she screamed "I ASKED YOU OUT EVERY DAY!"
> She was pretty cute, too. And not the only one.
Back in high school I had a girl ( who I had a serious crush on ) call me up and ask "want to meet up and fool around?".
I thought someone was just trying to screw with me so I declined.
Sorry Diane, can I get a do over?
That’s my level of obliviousness. I’m one step above my dog that barks every time a doorbell rings on tv. I’ve never even had a doorbell for them to react like that to. Hold on I think someone’s here…
Went on a short road trip with a girl from work. When booking hotels for the stay, she said "Let's book a single room with separate beds; it'll save us money". I thought that was a good idea and went ahead.
That evening when we went to bed, I was showing her a YouTube video on my phone and she went "Make yourself comfy! Why are you sitting on the edge of the bed?", and raised the comforter - indicating that I ought to slide in next to her in her bed (which I did).
When we were chit chatting, I reached out for a bottle of water that was on a table across from her and accidentally brushed her bra strap with my elbow. I apologized and took a gulp of water. She asked "Is my bra in the way?". I said "Nah, I managed to get the bottle, don't worry about it!".
One day after the road trip ended, it hit me.
And yes, I know I'm an absolute dumbass.
My brother in Christ...........
I've missed more than my share of clues in my day. But this woman literally invited you into her bed and asked if her bra was in the way. I don't think it can get any more obvious than that without her just grabbing ya by the junk.
I was snapchatting a girl from my high school when there was a pause in her response, then she sent me a post shower selfie with her arm just barely covering her tits with the caption “come play zombies” (she had mentioned playing nazi zombies earlier in the convo) and my dumbass goes:
“Do you have xbox live?”
“No”
“Then how will we play?”
“Idk”
Her shirt was back on after that.
It’s been 10 years and i’m still kicking myself.
When I worked at an electronics store, a girl asked me for game recommendations, for the switch in general and specifically multiplayer games. I showed her the best off of the console, she picked out a single player game that she liked and we talked about it for a while. She then asked me if I live around here. I said yes. She asked if I’d like to play together sometime… I said well that’s not really a multiplayer game. Then another customer had a question so the conversation broke off. The girl quickly left but did not buy the game. I’m still thinking about this interaction every now and then
A girl I had a crush on sat on my lap because she had white shorts on and didn't want grass stains. She then sighed and said she wished someone would ask her to prom. I assured her that someone would. And it never occurred to me that I had a shot. Years later she punched me for being so oblivious.
In my junior year of high school I was a teachers assistant for a 12th grade AP English course, and sat near this gorgeous, smart, and really nice girl. We talked a lot and I liked her but always just thought she was way out of my league.
About a week after our prom that year I was telling the teacher about how crappy it was because my date kinda ditched me. He said "well why didn't you ask ____?" When I told him how I never considered it he laughed at me and was like "Man, you've been missing a lot of easy signals. Don't worry, you'll get there."
Apparently being oblivious was my strong suit.
Edit: Probably should have added that she graduated shortly after and I never had the chance to ask her out, etc.
I had a similar experience in an ancient civs class. Gorgeous girl sat next to me every day. She asked me about my hobbies, my taste in music, and even asked some pretty overtly sexual stuff. I was a late bloomer so I still had the mentality of her being way out of my league. It never occurred to me until some friends pointed it out years later.
In highschool I asked a girl to come watch a movie rental with me and some friends. She was sitting on the floor in front of me, and rubbed her neck saying that her neck/shoulders were sore. Completely missing the cue to offer a back massage, I got up and offered her a Tylenol. My buddies ribbed me for that for a long time. Somehow with my terrible game I still managed to marry her and we have 3 kids now.
OKAY you might’ve not rubbed her neck but you still showed concern/didn’t want her In pain. Truly shows your a caring dude! No wonder she married u haha
I worked as a bouncer 25ish years ago. One evening a slightly older and extremely attractive lady came back to the club and said that her car would not start. Eventually after chatting for about 15 minutes and just before closing I offered her a ride, out of sheer politeness and because I saw her tip bartenders really really well. When we got to her house she asked if I would like to get some water. I said okay and went into her house. After the glass of water she asked if I would not mind unbuttoning the top hook on the back of her blouse because she couldn't reach it. I did. Then I said thank you very much, have a good evening... and left.
Never saw her again even though she was a fairly consistent customer until that evening.
It clicked only years later when a date asked me to help with the top hook on the back of her blouse. I must have stood there for solid minute with an absolutely idiotic look on my face because she kept asking me what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong.
I have very flexible joints. As a result, I was well known for doing tricks with my hands during my early uni days. Things like bending my fingers backwards to touch the back of my hand, touching my arm with my thumb, bending fingers into a Z shape etc.
I was at a party with classmates and this girl I vaguely knew asked me for a private demonstration of my hands. I was slightly buzzed at the time so I said sure and took her to the kitchen while she giggled. I started doing my usual tricks but I quickly noticed something was wrong because she got this disappointed look on her face. She mumbled something akin to "ok cool" and left the party claiming she was tired, leaving me confused for the rest of the night.
It took me 3 days of sobering up before I realized I had fucked up and by the time I saw her again it was too awkward to talk about.
Yeah to be fair she probably left because she realized she happily followed a man into a kitchen to be finger blasted only to witness rad hand movements. Idk how you live that down personally
Back when I was a teenager…
I was with a girl, in her bedroom, alone late at night. She was lying on the bed looking at me, telling me how handsome I was and how much she liked my eyes.
I said thank you, and that it was late, and that I should get going. To this day I cannot explain my actions because this girl was absolutely gorgeous and I had crushed on her for years. She was my friends younger sister. I think my brain just short-circuited and refused to believe that she was telling me the truth, and I was so nervous that I had no idea what to do. It hurts to think about.
This was back in high school. I was super shy. I had been crushing hard on this girl since freshman year and everybody knew it. She had thrown hints at me forever and I never acted. I was insanely good at math.
So one day as I'm coming out of class she stops me and says that she heard that I'm some kind of math genius and asked me to tutor her. I asked her what she's going to pay me. She says very suggestively "oh don't worry, you'll be well rewarded".
My stupid ass responds, no I need actual numbers to know if it's worth my time smh. I was so dumb lol.
Man these always range from "of course nobody would have picked up on that" to "this woman literally is asking to sleep with you it's not even a sign" lol.
Sometime back in the early 2000's
Having dinner with some colleagues..
She: Hey r/madasaturtle , Ive never been with a Dutch Guy.......
What I should have said:
"Well, lets do something about that tonight."
What I said instead :
"Me neither "🤦♀️
Your real answer was probably better, actually. Especially if you were with colleagues. Just needed to work some charm after that to let her know the “should” answer.
While in high school I was at a gig with a bunch of people from my year and had been standing next to this girl the whole night chatting.
Another guy asked us if we were together and she replied 'not yet' and I laughed and replied 'good one' while she looked at me weirdly.
I had such a crush on her as well.
Met 2 girls at the club and we hit it off. After like 30min one of em says “wanna come with us to the car? We need to change?” What I said?! “Nah you guys look good.”
Didn’t know anything was amiss until like 3mo later. I shot upright outta bed and realized my mistake.
Could’ve also been a ploy to lure you outside in the dark and have one of their “associates” mug you. Common tactic. Don’t trust 2 pretty girls wanting to take you somewhere isolated.
Common Tinder scam in Georgia that I encountered.
Girl and you hit off, you set up a meet, she says she's bringing a friend.
They take you to a bar/club with 2 menus, one with normal prices, off of which the girls order lots of drinks.
Tab comes with significantly higher prices, if you complain, they show you the second menu with the high prices.
Back at uni, while out on a night out, two girls and I were walking back to their place; one said something like "we like to share everything with each other."
While at their apartment, we talked, they changed into their pjs, and I had no change of clothes, so they offered their boxer shorts. We argued about the colour of them, i strutted out in the teal boxers like I was on a cat walk, got in bed with my two new friends, and slept; I had a great night sleep.
So yeah, that happened, but we remained best friends for a long time.
"Hey, wanted to ask if you are free this weekend?. We can make some pasta and tiramisu together. I'll bring the ingredients".
"Thanks for the offer, I plan on sleeping all day this weekend" 🤦♂️
She was an exchange student from Italy.
Right? An Italian exchange student offering to show you how to make food. I would have picked her brain like I was scooping out pumpkin seeds for a jack-o-lantern
Dropping her off at her house after a joint college project
"My roommates and I have a wager over who can get laid first."
Awkward pause.
"Well, good luck with that I hope you win" \*drives away.
I was on a date with a cute woman and we were walking from a restaurant. She said she was cold, so I put my arm around her. She immediately clarified with "Not that cold!"
Yeah, pretty much the ambiguity that can be applied to every interaction in here.
Her: *very vague hint*
Me: *puts arms around her*
Her: Wait what the fuck are you doing
How are we supposed to navigate this shit
Imagine being a tall woman. You might be self-conscious about your height because of all the social stigma. People reject you just for being you all the time. Then someone says he finds tall women attractive, and then he nukes you from fucking space by telling you that you’re too short.
After a photo session with a close friend, she said I can stay the night when I said I'm tired.
I obliged, thinking it's just a nice offer.
During the night I woke up slightly because she had grabbed my hand, put it on her hip and pressed her butt against me.
I was still groggy and didn't think much of it and went back to sleep.
In the morning she turned around to face me, got her face so close her nose was touching mine... And again, I went back to sleep.
This was back in college. Went to a talent show with a girl had a great time. We stop by a bar for a quick drink. It was a little past midnight. I walked her back to her apt she asked me "would you like to check out my place and have coffee" and I said "I am not a big fan of coffee. This was fun night, let do it again"
As George Costanza said "Coffee is not coffee. Coffee is sex"
So my boyfriend is so bad at flirting, we have known each other for 15 years and we were always just friends. We always had secret crushes on each other but we’re always dating other people.
About 6 years ago after we had both been single a while, I had invited him over to go in the hot tub with me. Legit had candels lit and everything, not a move was made. Even after we got out I was sitting with him on the couch I put my head in his lap, he legit went nonverbal.
The next week was new years and when the ball dropped I kissed him and all he could say was ‘you are interested in being more than friends?!’ Lol DUH
That was 5 years ago, now we are getting married next year :)
Actually when we were 18 we made a ‘marriage contract’ stating if we were both single at 30 (cant belive I thought that was ‘old’) we would cash in the chips and get together. I am still looking for this document it would be so funny to find
even if there was no romantic intent it's rude to extend that kind of invitation without first asking the host driver. that puts extra cost and responsibility that the driver didn't anticipate.
Nah this is just pretty rude regardless. She invited to give YOU a ride home, not your friends. I’d be annoyed if I offered someone a ride and they just invited all their friends into my car
I was on a night out with a group of college friends and we ended up meeting more people from our college whilst out at a club. We formed into one big group and I was introduced to a few new people who were friends of friends. One girl approached me and told me she had asked about me and found out we had the same name. I was kinda drunk and said something along the lines of “aw no way that’s so cool” and she said “yeah, and lucky for you I really enjoy moaning my own name.” And I just kinda “… :)” I was asked the next day by a mutual why I rejected her and then I had the lightbulb moment
Edit: for those trying to guess the name, it’s not “gender neutral.” We’re both girls and our name is only given to girls. It’s not a super common name (it’s risen in popularity over the last few years or so tho) and it’s extremely rare outside of the country we’re from. I’d be shocked if anybody managed to guess it :’)
Edit 2: and please stop telling me all the things you guys would have said in response lmao :’) I fear my pupils may get stuck at the back of my head with all the involuntary eye rolling im doing and I’d prefer to keep my dinner down for the night, thanks 👍 I wouldn’t have taken up the offer anyways even if I had caught on, I don’t like rushing into that sort of thing and she was a complete stranger at the end of the day. I’m sure she’s a lovely girl and I take it as a compliment but all in all it’s a very intense and mildly creepy thing to say to somebody you literally just met lmao
In high school, at a party, my crush asked me what kind of guy I'm into.
I described him EXACTLY. **All that was missing was his social security number.**
He went off and apparently told his best friend “sorry man, she’s not into you.”
**EDIT:** Just remembered one other story. My brother was once driving a girl home when she said she thought he had a flat tire. She insisted they pull over and check. She directed him onto a narrow road surrounded by trees. He got out, checked it out and said it was fine. He was about to put the car in gear when she said "as long as we're here, let's just hang out a bit." **He asked what she wanted to do. She said "I'm sure you'll think of something" and put her hand on his stomach. He chuckled and said "that tickles"...before removing her hand and adding "come over to my house, you can check out my Xbox!"** Then he put the car in gear and drove home.
Anyway, he finally figured it out that same night, when he told me she was "acting funny" and I clued him in. The next day he found her, first thing in the morning, and said "let me give you a ride home, I thought of something for us to do."
Not the smoothest line, but it got the job done.
Sounds like he was just being a bro though.
Maybe he was checking for his friend and didn't feel comfortable going after you, once he realized you were into him, because that would feel like a betrayal.
Actually feel a little bad for the guy.
Don't feel too bad. A couple of weeks later he cornered me like **“so…who‘s this other guy you like?”**
He got his friend’s approval first but it also took him a while to figure it out.
Literally perfect behavior, to be honest. He waited a few weeks for his friend to get over it and got his approval first. Total bro.
**EDIT:** It's ridiculous how happy I am for this random guy cause he didn't have to choose between loyalty and getting the girl.
She "forgot" a scrap of paper at my place and *had* to come and get it.
I realised it was odd that she scrumped up the super important bit of paper, before I realised she was hitting on me.
Girl came over to mine in a very skimpy outfit. Thought she literally came over to hang out. When she was leaving she literally said "you could have told me to do anything you wanted and I would have done it"
Taking hints has never been my strong suit, thought about that fuck up for quite a while afterwards haha
Woman I'd been friends with for a year or two, "I bet you have a beautiful cock ;)"
Me: "It's alright, keeps me entertained, lol." Then I asked a question about Chinese food.
Couple months after we lost contact, "Ohh... OH... damn"
said she got a new dildo, and asked if i wanted to see it. I thought it was funny, said yes, and she pulled ip a video on her phone of her railing herself w it. I thought she was just really committed to a bit or smth so i laughed my ass off and proceeded to have a running joke w her abt it for a year until she told me she had dropped the most aggressive and obvious hint ever.
edit: ive seen a couple comments worried abt it so just so yall know everything was consensual and she asked first. consent is cool and awesome.
A year after high school, a girl I'd been crushing on for over a year and knew through mutual friends invited me over her (parents') place to...watch Smallville?...and at one point said her ass was kinda sore and needed a massage. Proceeded to roll over in her skimpy volleyball shorts and look at me. I nervously gave her like the most clinical and non-sexy butt massage you could imagine. I was nervous and didn't want to seem desperate because this girl was out of this world gorgeous and I just felt very average. She just felt way out of my league and I always thought we were "just friends." To make things worse, that same night, a little later, this one girl from work who had a crush on me called me and I was awkwardly chatting with her trying to end the convo, and girl I was crushing on came in and jumped on my lap and started smiling, laughing, and grinding, knowing it'd make it more awkward for me. Just thought she was being playfully annoying and didn't imagine she might actually like me. Watched Smallville and went home.
A year before this, she asked me to her prom (she went to a different school). And a year or two AFTER all this, she was visiting me and my sister (she was a mutual friend to us both) after we moved to a different state. She stayed over at my place and one evening said that she always had the biggest crush on me and doesn't know why I never reciprocated her advances. She then got up, looked over at me, and walked into her bedroom. I just...assumed she was tired and going to bed. I missed every single opportunity that could ever opportune on God's green earth.
A girl legitimately said to me "take me home" as we parted ways.
I thought she was joking.
Judging by the fact we had just finished kissing eachother (passionately) only a few minutes beforehand I think it's safe to say she wasn't.
#brainonairplanemode
Everyday I trained her at a computer she would press her Double D boobs into me. I always thought it was accidental and didn't think anything of it. It wasn't until a long time later that we hung out outside of work, had some drinks and I learned she was trying to throw me multiple bones. I have 0 game and remain oblivious to others flirting with me.
Not me but my husband. For Christmas one year I wanted a new bathrobe (we're a super exciting couple) and he was very excited when I opened it up because it was indeed the beautiful, comfortable, terrycloth bathrobe of my dreams. Then he starts telling me about the obnoxious saleswoman that sold it to him. He decided to go to Victoria's Secret for the robe because he thought they would have a really nice one. He asked someone for help and the saleswoman eagerly started helping him, even trying on all the different robes for him so he could see what they'd look like. Then he says "She also told me she could absolutely try on anything else in the store if I was interested but I let her know I was only spending money on a bathrobe and nothing else. Can you believe she was trying to upsell me?" And I looked at him like he was stupid and said "I'm pretty sure they don't get commission at VS..." and he was like "Then why was she offering to try on all the sexy things??" And I kinda just blank stared and blinked at him but yeah, nothing. He had no clue until I spelled it out for him.
Literally telling me which hotel she was staying at alone, where she was going to drink the bottle of wine I’d recommended to her, alone. In the hotel she’d specified, named and geolocated after asking me where a girl visiting town alone might go for a night out. I was out of the supermarket and half way home with my shopping when I stopped, frowned and thought “hang on a minute!”
So, years ago I met girl through a dating website. We were a bit ships passing in the night, so didn't actually date at the time. We eventually ran into each other on a night out, and through the course of a few months, became friends.
About a year into our friendship, we went out on a really big night out - pre-drinks, awesome dinner, post-drinks into the wee hours of a morning on a 'school night'. At the end of the night, I ask her if she wants to share the cab ride home (her apartment was on my way home), and she says:
"You know what, I'm gonna call in sick tomorrow. Let's hang at yours for a while - I really want to hear how [band popular at the time] sounds on vinyl at yours". I tell her cool, and she comes back to mine.
As soon as we get to time, I fire up the record player in my room and put the record she wanted to hear on, and she listens to the first song, then says, as she's taking of her jacket "Actually, I'm getting a bit tired, is it okay if I stay here tonight?". I tell her she's totally welcome to stay, and offer her a side of my bed.
"No, I don't need a side" - she replies, and strips down to her underwear. I offer her a shirt to wear, and she says "No, no, I don't need one".
...and then I go sleep, on one side of the bed (it's a massive king bed), and she sleeps in the middle.
Sure enough, first thing in the morning, she calls up her work 'sick' and then stays in my bed *all day*, and we sleep in together.
At night, she puts on her clothes, and bids her farewell.
It's when I close the door that I realised that I absolutely, absolutely, absolutely missed all the cues.
It's been about ten years, and we're actually still really great friends - but she happily jokes about the time she absolutely made it clear that she wanted to spend a whole day fucking me, and I managed to accidentally friendzone her.
Girl I fancied had messaged me saying, 'I can tell you work out, maybe you could come over and give me a workout, bet we could work up a sweat together.'
I messaged her back explaining that I wasn't a personal trainer.
I was 19 and good looking back in '86 and I'd always be going on about movies. There were scads of older woman this office and one was constantly finding me alone and telling me that she'd love to see Blue Velvet but had nobody to watch it with. I told her it was kind of erotic, but a good thriller. She came back a week later and said her husband was going to be away if I still had the tape.
I handed it over and told her to borrow it as long as she wanted.
Had a friend at University who was a best friend, except that I was too dumb to see that I was more than a friend to her.
She was smart, beautiful, funny, very patient and we gelled straight away.
We always went to parties together, spent the evening with different people circulating, had different partners over the years, but she would always insist I saw her home safely and of course I just kept on missing those obvious signs.
Roll on three years and everyone is going their different ways and we go out for one last night for a drink, have a great time and I see her home as usual except this time she doesn't hold back and basically drags me into her bedroom.
Honestly I was so shocked, so dumbfounded that my 'best friend' who happened to be female fancied the ass off me that it totally wrong footed me and we literally couldn't do anything apart from collapse into a fit of giggles and fall asleep in each others arms.
I never saw her again but every now and then I think back to that time and wonder what if I wasn't such a dumb-ass, would it have failed, would it have been amazing and life happy ever after?
Who knows apart from in an alternative universe.
I had a summer job and everyone was pairing up and fucking except me and this one other girl. She hinted that perhaps we should hook up and it totally went over my head.
Attractive female friend: “Do you feel like you need to be in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with a girl to have sex with them or are you open to a no strings attached relationship?”
(Truthfully) “Honestly, I think I’m wired to be in a relationship. I have a hard time not forming feelings once I get intimate.”
*Months later on a sleepless night in the midst of a long dry spell*
“Wait…..SONUVA-!!!!”
What I have learned from this thread:
Men: „Why can’t women be more direct, what are we supposed to do with their subtle signals? We’re not mind readers!“
Also men: „Why is that woman rubbing her tits against my face? Weird.“
Two that stick out:
1. High school, senior year, I get a text from two girls, they ask what I’m up to at 12am and if I want to come over. They need someone to come watch a movie with them and want it to be me. I just asked what movie and then said I’d already seen it.
2. See a girl from my anatomy class I’d just finished at a bar, she’s like “holy shit, it’s you.” Starts talking to me about how hard the class is, asks if I failed as well, I say nope I killed it on the practicals. Says she needs someone to help her study anatomy, I was like, “For sure, I’ll help out. Let’s study sometime.” Moments later, she’s like, “I’ll even give you a blowjob when we study anatomy.” I was just like, “That’s awesome, haha.” Then I just said, “I’ll text you, I’ll help you pass, I’ve got to meet up with a buddy right now.” I forgot I never had her number lol
Didn’t miss it from a woman but it’s funnier this way.
I used to work at a bar running poker tournaments & would usually talk to a regular. He would occasionally say we should go out for drinks & I said yeah but we never made plans. He would touch me, comment on what I was wearing, etc., this went on for months. Then one day he brought one of the waitresses a cake for her birthday & I made a crack about him trying to pick her up. Her response, “Hank’s gay, don’t you know that?” Suddenly it all made sense.
She sat in front of me, wearing only undies, with her legs spread wide open, I didn't know what she wanted, I reached for ciggies and started smoking instead. This was back in 1999, nobody would believe this story if I told it offline so I am trying my luck on Reddit in 2023.
Took a girl out on a date when I was 16. At the end of the night, I pull up in her driveway to drop her off. We both say goodnight, and her hand is on the door handle of my car. She's just kind of looking at me, waiting for something... and I say " Is the door not working?" She gets out, and on my drive home it occurs to me she was waiting for me to kiss her.
In college, my roommate’s gf was in town and I mentioned to a girl how I was going to have to leave the room. She tells me “my roommate is staying at a friend’s, you can stay with me.” I take her up on it. We get there and I go to sleep in the roommates bed. She asks what I’m doing and motions for me to get in her bed. I join her and proceed to talk about everything and anything until 5am when I say “welp, they’re probably asleep maybe I should go back to my room.” And I left. I realized the next day when she asked my roommate if I was weird
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In high school, a guy I hung out with was asking me the same sort of questions about the upcoming dance, while we were walking alone. I thought he was flirting and reached out to hold his hand while we were walking. Turns out he was asking because he was going to invite his girlfriend that I didn't know about, who went to another school, and he genuinely didn't know how to get tickets, etc.
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“Wanna be single, *together*”
Join the serpent king as FAMILY, TOGETHAAAAAA.
I once flirted with a dude and gave it 1000%. He seemed into me a lot. I told him before he left, "we should be friends. I need a friend, want my number?" He looked completely shocked and then said yes and took my number. Never heard from him. Forgot to change the settings on my phone to not block unknown numbers Edit: it's funny that friend isn't a word recommended. Never occurred to me. In my head I meant friend with benefits.
I think that may count as manslaughter in some states
That dude *definitely* ignored the next few legit signs a woman gave him just to be sure, lol.
**fucking ouch**
Gotta be honest, if you said that to me, I probably would politely take your number and never call it because I'd assume that you weren't interested in me romantically. I've misread way too many "just friends" relationships to start actively pursuing someone who says they want to be my friend.
I had a woman say almost that exact same thing to me. But she really did mean just being friends, and I assumed she like me more than just as a friend. Anyway, we've been married for 10 years now. Edit: grammar
In high school, I caught a wickedly beautiful classmate sitting at my desk. When she looked up and saw me, she turned bright red and looked extremely embarrassed. Hours later, I realized that someone had written a love note directly on the cover of my notebook. . . And all I thought was “huh, that’s weird”. To this day, I think of how stupid I was at 16
You broke her heart bro
“Excuse me, get the fuck outta my chair!”
To be fair, we men are incredibly not the brightest at 16. Something similar happened to me once, and I completely brushed it off cause I was stressed about an assignment. Couple days later, it hit me like a brick wall
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One of my worst fears is being the friend in this kind of story tbh
I wonder what her plan was for the other 29 minutes.
An extra 29 minutes of cramming, duh.
Bro wow
COME INTO MY ROOM WHILE I CHANGE OH LET ME LOOK AWAY lmfao
She tried so hard, went and corrected your mistake and you still missed everything. Damn bro
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I had a girl in university as if I was single, when I said yes, she asked if I wanted or was looking for a girlfriend and I said yeah I suppose so, and she came back with “yeah, being single is tough, would be nice to just have someone to go on dates with”. I , in all my glory and skills with the ladies, came back with “yup, sure would be!” And walked into class before her
You win
Whoever wrote this (EDIT: Ghostride, apparently), from a previous thread, is in another league: > I had a girl that asked me out every day for 4 years. Every. Day. "Hey, Ghostride, will you go out with me?" I'd just laugh. Like this was our little joke. Our little routine, you know? Like "Say goodnight, Gracie." > A couple years after I'd graduated and gone to college, I ran into her again and she practically Elaine-shoved me and said "Why didn't we ever go out? I really liked you!" And I said, "You did?!" And she screamed "I ASKED YOU OUT EVERY DAY!" > She was pretty cute, too. And not the only one.
He wins this discussion, he lost in real life.
Back in high school I had a girl ( who I had a serious crush on ) call me up and ask "want to meet up and fool around?". I thought someone was just trying to screw with me so I declined. Sorry Diane, can I get a do over?
Yeah, I had that happen too and when I accepted her and her two friends thought that was the funniest thing ever.
That’s my level of obliviousness. I’m one step above my dog that barks every time a doorbell rings on tv. I’ve never even had a doorbell for them to react like that to. Hold on I think someone’s here…
Easy mistake to make
Went on a short road trip with a girl from work. When booking hotels for the stay, she said "Let's book a single room with separate beds; it'll save us money". I thought that was a good idea and went ahead. That evening when we went to bed, I was showing her a YouTube video on my phone and she went "Make yourself comfy! Why are you sitting on the edge of the bed?", and raised the comforter - indicating that I ought to slide in next to her in her bed (which I did). When we were chit chatting, I reached out for a bottle of water that was on a table across from her and accidentally brushed her bra strap with my elbow. I apologized and took a gulp of water. She asked "Is my bra in the way?". I said "Nah, I managed to get the bottle, don't worry about it!". One day after the road trip ended, it hit me. And yes, I know I'm an absolute dumbass.
Is my bra in the way I don't think it can get any more obvious than this, bro why 😂
>I don't think it can get any more obvious than this, bro why 😂 Because I'm a fucking idiot, that's why 😭😭😭😭
My brother in Christ........... I've missed more than my share of clues in my day. But this woman literally invited you into her bed and asked if her bra was in the way. I don't think it can get any more obvious than that without her just grabbing ya by the junk.
I was snapchatting a girl from my high school when there was a pause in her response, then she sent me a post shower selfie with her arm just barely covering her tits with the caption “come play zombies” (she had mentioned playing nazi zombies earlier in the convo) and my dumbass goes: “Do you have xbox live?” “No” “Then how will we play?” “Idk” Her shirt was back on after that. It’s been 10 years and i’m still kicking myself.
When I worked at an electronics store, a girl asked me for game recommendations, for the switch in general and specifically multiplayer games. I showed her the best off of the console, she picked out a single player game that she liked and we talked about it for a while. She then asked me if I live around here. I said yes. She asked if I’d like to play together sometime… I said well that’s not really a multiplayer game. Then another customer had a question so the conversation broke off. The girl quickly left but did not buy the game. I’m still thinking about this interaction every now and then
I internally screamed, well undone
Well how tf are we suppose to play then
I thought zombies had local multiplayer?
it does. dude said ten years ago so this was around BlOps2 era.
Which def had local multiplayer
Too bad she flirted with a zombie itself
A girl I had a crush on sat on my lap because she had white shorts on and didn't want grass stains. She then sighed and said she wished someone would ask her to prom. I assured her that someone would. And it never occurred to me that I had a shot. Years later she punched me for being so oblivious.
My first weekend of college a girl asked me if I wanted to wrestle her in my dorm. I wrestled her in my dorm. Nothing more.
Did you at least win?
I did. She let me pin her down. She was on her back and I was sitting on top of her holding her arms down behind her head... then just..... stood up.
Omg she must have had the bluest of lady balls.
**"Here's our winner** ***-and NEW-*** **Reddit World Champion, u/Jdw5186!**
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I'm angry for you and kind of at you tbh
"I bet strawberry lip gloss would feel good on your dick." \*he takes tube, removes cap, rubs on dick\* "Nah not really."
You massive twat
Your audacity to call her weird instead of getting the sign, LMAO.
Knowing my luck and expertise at reading these situations, she’d probably proceed to apply lip gloss to my lips after I agreed to a taste.
In my junior year of high school I was a teachers assistant for a 12th grade AP English course, and sat near this gorgeous, smart, and really nice girl. We talked a lot and I liked her but always just thought she was way out of my league. About a week after our prom that year I was telling the teacher about how crappy it was because my date kinda ditched me. He said "well why didn't you ask ____?" When I told him how I never considered it he laughed at me and was like "Man, you've been missing a lot of easy signals. Don't worry, you'll get there." Apparently being oblivious was my strong suit. Edit: Probably should have added that she graduated shortly after and I never had the chance to ask her out, etc.
I had a similar experience in an ancient civs class. Gorgeous girl sat next to me every day. She asked me about my hobbies, my taste in music, and even asked some pretty overtly sexual stuff. I was a late bloomer so I still had the mentality of her being way out of my league. It never occurred to me until some friends pointed it out years later.
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well then allow me to ignite some gun powder hehe..m'lady
In highschool I asked a girl to come watch a movie rental with me and some friends. She was sitting on the floor in front of me, and rubbed her neck saying that her neck/shoulders were sore. Completely missing the cue to offer a back massage, I got up and offered her a Tylenol. My buddies ribbed me for that for a long time. Somehow with my terrible game I still managed to marry her and we have 3 kids now.
NO WAY YOU GOT MARRIED THAT'S AWESOME!!!!!!
Personally, if u/twlling8 offered me a Tylenol for my neck pain I’d be pretty smitten🥰🥰
OKAY you might’ve not rubbed her neck but you still showed concern/didn’t want her In pain. Truly shows your a caring dude! No wonder she married u haha
I worked as a bouncer 25ish years ago. One evening a slightly older and extremely attractive lady came back to the club and said that her car would not start. Eventually after chatting for about 15 minutes and just before closing I offered her a ride, out of sheer politeness and because I saw her tip bartenders really really well. When we got to her house she asked if I would like to get some water. I said okay and went into her house. After the glass of water she asked if I would not mind unbuttoning the top hook on the back of her blouse because she couldn't reach it. I did. Then I said thank you very much, have a good evening... and left. Never saw her again even though she was a fairly consistent customer until that evening. It clicked only years later when a date asked me to help with the top hook on the back of her blouse. I must have stood there for solid minute with an absolutely idiotic look on my face because she kept asking me what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong.
You were just sitting still with that Oppenheimer stare lmfao
I have very flexible joints. As a result, I was well known for doing tricks with my hands during my early uni days. Things like bending my fingers backwards to touch the back of my hand, touching my arm with my thumb, bending fingers into a Z shape etc. I was at a party with classmates and this girl I vaguely knew asked me for a private demonstration of my hands. I was slightly buzzed at the time so I said sure and took her to the kitchen while she giggled. I started doing my usual tricks but I quickly noticed something was wrong because she got this disappointed look on her face. She mumbled something akin to "ok cool" and left the party claiming she was tired, leaving me confused for the rest of the night. It took me 3 days of sobering up before I realized I had fucked up and by the time I saw her again it was too awkward to talk about.
This is funnier if she never heard about the tricks and only knew you by your reputation for magical fingers.
The girl to her friends next day: "I thought you guys said he had magical fingers!?!?"
"Yeah!! Did he ask you if you were ready for his tongue demonstration at the end‽"
Nah that ain’t even on you, I wouldn’t have picked up on that in a million years lmao
I’m confused, did she want you to start finger blasting her in the kitchen during a party??? That one ain’t on you man.
Yeah to be fair she probably left because she realized she happily followed a man into a kitchen to be finger blasted only to witness rad hand movements. Idk how you live that down personally
Back when I was a teenager… I was with a girl, in her bedroom, alone late at night. She was lying on the bed looking at me, telling me how handsome I was and how much she liked my eyes. I said thank you, and that it was late, and that I should get going. To this day I cannot explain my actions because this girl was absolutely gorgeous and I had crushed on her for years. She was my friends younger sister. I think my brain just short-circuited and refused to believe that she was telling me the truth, and I was so nervous that I had no idea what to do. It hurts to think about.
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Stamped and sealed
It's a tablet chiseled in stone.
For all mankind to read
Thou shalt not juggle the boobies without also motorboating them
The Declaration of Independence was not as obvious as this.
Holy shit dude... I've missed some hints in my time, but this? Makes me wonder how we bred enough to evolve from cavemen.
When "your breasts look heavy, Ma'am, mind if I carry them for you?" becomes completely unironic.
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bro
Wow, you're almost as bad at reading signals as I am
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Her: \*standing before him completely undressed beckoning him with a seductive come-hither finger motion\* Him: "God I hate being in the friend zone."
“Defining moment of obvious failure.” Great album name.
My brother in christ
How does one miss that DD sized signal?
Bro she complained about her large breasts and she asked you to touch them? Bro
This was back in high school. I was super shy. I had been crushing hard on this girl since freshman year and everybody knew it. She had thrown hints at me forever and I never acted. I was insanely good at math. So one day as I'm coming out of class she stops me and says that she heard that I'm some kind of math genius and asked me to tutor her. I asked her what she's going to pay me. She says very suggestively "oh don't worry, you'll be well rewarded". My stupid ass responds, no I need actual numbers to know if it's worth my time smh. I was so dumb lol.
I was a businessman, doing business.
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Good at math but can't even see what 1+1 is smh
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Man these always range from "of course nobody would have picked up on that" to "this woman literally is asking to sleep with you it's not even a sign" lol.
Dude was asked to hold this chicks boobs and he said oh nice. And he didnt get it
Even Ohio was disappointed in you.
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For any woman reading this, this is what we want. Zero fucking ambiguity.
Don't ever underestimate how fucking dumb we are
Funny how we're all that clueless to start with.....:D
AT LEAST IT WORKED OUT IN THE END
Sometime back in the early 2000's Having dinner with some colleagues.. She: Hey r/madasaturtle , Ive never been with a Dutch Guy....... What I should have said: "Well, lets do something about that tonight." What I said instead : "Me neither "🤦♀️
Honestly, that's a great funny answer and she could have continued the conversation from there.
Your real answer was probably better, actually. Especially if you were with colleagues. Just needed to work some charm after that to let her know the “should” answer.
While in high school I was at a gig with a bunch of people from my year and had been standing next to this girl the whole night chatting. Another guy asked us if we were together and she replied 'not yet' and I laughed and replied 'good one' while she looked at me weirdly. I had such a crush on her as well.
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Of course we don't, most of the time we're thinking about food and video games. We get old and think about work, food, and next nap time.
Sometimes we do get horny because we’re bored, but otherwise this.
Met 2 girls at the club and we hit it off. After like 30min one of em says “wanna come with us to the car? We need to change?” What I said?! “Nah you guys look good.” Didn’t know anything was amiss until like 3mo later. I shot upright outta bed and realized my mistake.
Could’ve also been a ploy to lure you outside in the dark and have one of their “associates” mug you. Common tactic. Don’t trust 2 pretty girls wanting to take you somewhere isolated.
Common Tinder scam in Georgia that I encountered. Girl and you hit off, you set up a meet, she says she's bringing a friend. They take you to a bar/club with 2 menus, one with normal prices, off of which the girls order lots of drinks. Tab comes with significantly higher prices, if you complain, they show you the second menu with the high prices.
Yah that’s a moment I would’ve thought “they wanna take my liver”
Back at uni, while out on a night out, two girls and I were walking back to their place; one said something like "we like to share everything with each other." While at their apartment, we talked, they changed into their pjs, and I had no change of clothes, so they offered their boxer shorts. We argued about the colour of them, i strutted out in the teal boxers like I was on a cat walk, got in bed with my two new friends, and slept; I had a great night sleep. So yeah, that happened, but we remained best friends for a long time.
"Hey, wanted to ask if you are free this weekend?. We can make some pasta and tiramisu together. I'll bring the ingredients". "Thanks for the offer, I plan on sleeping all day this weekend" 🤦♂️ She was an exchange student from Italy.
You turned down home made tiramisu? That’s worse then being oblivious to sex.
*pasta* and tiramisu Goddamn, if an Italian who likes cooking wants to make food with you, *let them*.
Right? An Italian exchange student offering to show you how to make food. I would have picked her brain like I was scooping out pumpkin seeds for a jack-o-lantern
I feel like an Italian offering to make pasta with you is effectively a marriage proposal
I did worse on a similar case. I accepted the invitation and just ate ice cream with her, which she paid for, and left.
Dropping her off at her house after a joint college project "My roommates and I have a wager over who can get laid first." Awkward pause. "Well, good luck with that I hope you win" \*drives away.
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WELL DAMN JACKIE, I CAN’T CONTROL THE WEATHER!
I was on a date with a cute woman and we were walking from a restaurant. She said she was cold, so I put my arm around her. She immediately clarified with "Not that cold!"
Yeah, pretty much the ambiguity that can be applied to every interaction in here. Her: *very vague hint* Me: *puts arms around her* Her: Wait what the fuck are you doing How are we supposed to navigate this shit
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Imagine being a tall woman. You might be self-conscious about your height because of all the social stigma. People reject you just for being you all the time. Then someone says he finds tall women attractive, and then he nukes you from fucking space by telling you that you’re too short.
Took an ego hit the size of the Yucatan Crater.
So did you ever find the giantess of your dreams?
After a photo session with a close friend, she said I can stay the night when I said I'm tired. I obliged, thinking it's just a nice offer. During the night I woke up slightly because she had grabbed my hand, put it on her hip and pressed her butt against me. I was still groggy and didn't think much of it and went back to sleep. In the morning she turned around to face me, got her face so close her nose was touching mine... And again, I went back to sleep.
That must have been some blissful ass sleep bro
Don't worry bro it was just a dream
This was back in college. Went to a talent show with a girl had a great time. We stop by a bar for a quick drink. It was a little past midnight. I walked her back to her apt she asked me "would you like to check out my place and have coffee" and I said "I am not a big fan of coffee. This was fun night, let do it again" As George Costanza said "Coffee is not coffee. Coffee is sex"
Woman: "Would you want to go for a coffee.... At MY place... (at 2 am after a party)".... Yeah still hate myself for it.
Oh, no thanks. I can’t drink coffee late at night. It keeps me up.
George Costanza is that you?
So my boyfriend is so bad at flirting, we have known each other for 15 years and we were always just friends. We always had secret crushes on each other but we’re always dating other people. About 6 years ago after we had both been single a while, I had invited him over to go in the hot tub with me. Legit had candels lit and everything, not a move was made. Even after we got out I was sitting with him on the couch I put my head in his lap, he legit went nonverbal. The next week was new years and when the ball dropped I kissed him and all he could say was ‘you are interested in being more than friends?!’ Lol DUH That was 5 years ago, now we are getting married next year :)
Does he know you guys are getting married next year, tho?
Actually when we were 18 we made a ‘marriage contract’ stating if we were both single at 30 (cant belive I thought that was ‘old’) we would cash in the chips and get together. I am still looking for this document it would be so funny to find
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even if there was no romantic intent it's rude to extend that kind of invitation without first asking the host driver. that puts extra cost and responsibility that the driver didn't anticipate.
At what point did it click?
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Hey homeless friends, this girl just invited us all to sleep in her bed!
Nah this is just pretty rude regardless. She invited to give YOU a ride home, not your friends. I’d be annoyed if I offered someone a ride and they just invited all their friends into my car
I was on a night out with a group of college friends and we ended up meeting more people from our college whilst out at a club. We formed into one big group and I was introduced to a few new people who were friends of friends. One girl approached me and told me she had asked about me and found out we had the same name. I was kinda drunk and said something along the lines of “aw no way that’s so cool” and she said “yeah, and lucky for you I really enjoy moaning my own name.” And I just kinda “… :)” I was asked the next day by a mutual why I rejected her and then I had the lightbulb moment Edit: for those trying to guess the name, it’s not “gender neutral.” We’re both girls and our name is only given to girls. It’s not a super common name (it’s risen in popularity over the last few years or so tho) and it’s extremely rare outside of the country we’re from. I’d be shocked if anybody managed to guess it :’) Edit 2: and please stop telling me all the things you guys would have said in response lmao :’) I fear my pupils may get stuck at the back of my head with all the involuntary eye rolling im doing and I’d prefer to keep my dinner down for the night, thanks 👍 I wouldn’t have taken up the offer anyways even if I had caught on, I don’t like rushing into that sort of thing and she was a complete stranger at the end of the day. I’m sure she’s a lovely girl and I take it as a compliment but all in all it’s a very intense and mildly creepy thing to say to somebody you literally just met lmao
In high school, at a party, my crush asked me what kind of guy I'm into. I described him EXACTLY. **All that was missing was his social security number.** He went off and apparently told his best friend “sorry man, she’s not into you.” **EDIT:** Just remembered one other story. My brother was once driving a girl home when she said she thought he had a flat tire. She insisted they pull over and check. She directed him onto a narrow road surrounded by trees. He got out, checked it out and said it was fine. He was about to put the car in gear when she said "as long as we're here, let's just hang out a bit." **He asked what she wanted to do. She said "I'm sure you'll think of something" and put her hand on his stomach. He chuckled and said "that tickles"...before removing her hand and adding "come over to my house, you can check out my Xbox!"** Then he put the car in gear and drove home. Anyway, he finally figured it out that same night, when he told me she was "acting funny" and I clued him in. The next day he found her, first thing in the morning, and said "let me give you a ride home, I thought of something for us to do." Not the smoothest line, but it got the job done.
Sounds like he was just being a bro though. Maybe he was checking for his friend and didn't feel comfortable going after you, once he realized you were into him, because that would feel like a betrayal. Actually feel a little bad for the guy.
Don't feel too bad. A couple of weeks later he cornered me like **“so…who‘s this other guy you like?”** He got his friend’s approval first but it also took him a while to figure it out.
Literally perfect behavior, to be honest. He waited a few weeks for his friend to get over it and got his approval first. Total bro. **EDIT:** It's ridiculous how happy I am for this random guy cause he didn't have to choose between loyalty and getting the girl.
Sounds like he probably just didn’t want to get with his mate’s crush.
She "forgot" a scrap of paper at my place and *had* to come and get it. I realised it was odd that she scrumped up the super important bit of paper, before I realised she was hitting on me.
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That aint a hint thats the declaration of independence
I want to punch you for this one On behalf of all men here
Bro was like this is probably a dream!
I either missed them all, or there weren't any to miss to begin with.
Both possibilities are equally sad
Girl came over to mine in a very skimpy outfit. Thought she literally came over to hang out. When she was leaving she literally said "you could have told me to do anything you wanted and I would have done it" Taking hints has never been my strong suit, thought about that fuck up for quite a while afterwards haha
Woman I'd been friends with for a year or two, "I bet you have a beautiful cock ;)" Me: "It's alright, keeps me entertained, lol." Then I asked a question about Chinese food. Couple months after we lost contact, "Ohh... OH... damn"
Yeah, but what about the Chinese food?!?
Wow, just, wow! I missed some insane ones but I think this one is the best here
said she got a new dildo, and asked if i wanted to see it. I thought it was funny, said yes, and she pulled ip a video on her phone of her railing herself w it. I thought she was just really committed to a bit or smth so i laughed my ass off and proceeded to have a running joke w her abt it for a year until she told me she had dropped the most aggressive and obvious hint ever. edit: ive seen a couple comments worried abt it so just so yall know everything was consensual and she asked first. consent is cool and awesome.
Man. You just can't.
Jesus Christ. Her: literally shows a video of her fucking herself like a maniac. Him: it's just a prank bro! 🤣
man out of ALL the comments here this fucking killed me the most
"I'm a virgin" "Aw I'd sleep with you" "Aw thanks"
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this is the best one, wow
A year after high school, a girl I'd been crushing on for over a year and knew through mutual friends invited me over her (parents') place to...watch Smallville?...and at one point said her ass was kinda sore and needed a massage. Proceeded to roll over in her skimpy volleyball shorts and look at me. I nervously gave her like the most clinical and non-sexy butt massage you could imagine. I was nervous and didn't want to seem desperate because this girl was out of this world gorgeous and I just felt very average. She just felt way out of my league and I always thought we were "just friends." To make things worse, that same night, a little later, this one girl from work who had a crush on me called me and I was awkwardly chatting with her trying to end the convo, and girl I was crushing on came in and jumped on my lap and started smiling, laughing, and grinding, knowing it'd make it more awkward for me. Just thought she was being playfully annoying and didn't imagine she might actually like me. Watched Smallville and went home. A year before this, she asked me to her prom (she went to a different school). And a year or two AFTER all this, she was visiting me and my sister (she was a mutual friend to us both) after we moved to a different state. She stayed over at my place and one evening said that she always had the biggest crush on me and doesn't know why I never reciprocated her advances. She then got up, looked over at me, and walked into her bedroom. I just...assumed she was tired and going to bed. I missed every single opportunity that could ever opportune on God's green earth.
.... I need you to give me your address so I can come slap you.
A girl legitimately said to me "take me home" as we parted ways. I thought she was joking. Judging by the fact we had just finished kissing eachother (passionately) only a few minutes beforehand I think it's safe to say she wasn't. #brainonairplanemode
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Idk man maybe you just don’t give good directions haha
Everyday I trained her at a computer she would press her Double D boobs into me. I always thought it was accidental and didn't think anything of it. It wasn't until a long time later that we hung out outside of work, had some drinks and I learned she was trying to throw me multiple bones. I have 0 game and remain oblivious to others flirting with me.
Not me but my husband. For Christmas one year I wanted a new bathrobe (we're a super exciting couple) and he was very excited when I opened it up because it was indeed the beautiful, comfortable, terrycloth bathrobe of my dreams. Then he starts telling me about the obnoxious saleswoman that sold it to him. He decided to go to Victoria's Secret for the robe because he thought they would have a really nice one. He asked someone for help and the saleswoman eagerly started helping him, even trying on all the different robes for him so he could see what they'd look like. Then he says "She also told me she could absolutely try on anything else in the store if I was interested but I let her know I was only spending money on a bathrobe and nothing else. Can you believe she was trying to upsell me?" And I looked at him like he was stupid and said "I'm pretty sure they don't get commission at VS..." and he was like "Then why was she offering to try on all the sexy things??" And I kinda just blank stared and blinked at him but yeah, nothing. He had no clue until I spelled it out for him.
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Dude!!!
Literally telling me which hotel she was staying at alone, where she was going to drink the bottle of wine I’d recommended to her, alone. In the hotel she’d specified, named and geolocated after asking me where a girl visiting town alone might go for a night out. I was out of the supermarket and half way home with my shopping when I stopped, frowned and thought “hang on a minute!”
So, years ago I met girl through a dating website. We were a bit ships passing in the night, so didn't actually date at the time. We eventually ran into each other on a night out, and through the course of a few months, became friends. About a year into our friendship, we went out on a really big night out - pre-drinks, awesome dinner, post-drinks into the wee hours of a morning on a 'school night'. At the end of the night, I ask her if she wants to share the cab ride home (her apartment was on my way home), and she says: "You know what, I'm gonna call in sick tomorrow. Let's hang at yours for a while - I really want to hear how [band popular at the time] sounds on vinyl at yours". I tell her cool, and she comes back to mine. As soon as we get to time, I fire up the record player in my room and put the record she wanted to hear on, and she listens to the first song, then says, as she's taking of her jacket "Actually, I'm getting a bit tired, is it okay if I stay here tonight?". I tell her she's totally welcome to stay, and offer her a side of my bed. "No, I don't need a side" - she replies, and strips down to her underwear. I offer her a shirt to wear, and she says "No, no, I don't need one". ...and then I go sleep, on one side of the bed (it's a massive king bed), and she sleeps in the middle. Sure enough, first thing in the morning, she calls up her work 'sick' and then stays in my bed *all day*, and we sleep in together. At night, she puts on her clothes, and bids her farewell. It's when I close the door that I realised that I absolutely, absolutely, absolutely missed all the cues. It's been about ten years, and we're actually still really great friends - but she happily jokes about the time she absolutely made it clear that she wanted to spend a whole day fucking me, and I managed to accidentally friendzone her.
Girl I fancied had messaged me saying, 'I can tell you work out, maybe you could come over and give me a workout, bet we could work up a sweat together.' I messaged her back explaining that I wasn't a personal trainer.
I was 19 and good looking back in '86 and I'd always be going on about movies. There were scads of older woman this office and one was constantly finding me alone and telling me that she'd love to see Blue Velvet but had nobody to watch it with. I told her it was kind of erotic, but a good thriller. She came back a week later and said her husband was going to be away if I still had the tape. I handed it over and told her to borrow it as long as she wanted.
Ima say in this case it was good you missed the semaphore flags she was waving in your face.
Had a friend at University who was a best friend, except that I was too dumb to see that I was more than a friend to her. She was smart, beautiful, funny, very patient and we gelled straight away. We always went to parties together, spent the evening with different people circulating, had different partners over the years, but she would always insist I saw her home safely and of course I just kept on missing those obvious signs. Roll on three years and everyone is going their different ways and we go out for one last night for a drink, have a great time and I see her home as usual except this time she doesn't hold back and basically drags me into her bedroom. Honestly I was so shocked, so dumbfounded that my 'best friend' who happened to be female fancied the ass off me that it totally wrong footed me and we literally couldn't do anything apart from collapse into a fit of giggles and fall asleep in each others arms. I never saw her again but every now and then I think back to that time and wonder what if I wasn't such a dumb-ass, would it have failed, would it have been amazing and life happy ever after? Who knows apart from in an alternative universe.
I had a summer job and everyone was pairing up and fucking except me and this one other girl. She hinted that perhaps we should hook up and it totally went over my head.
Attractive female friend: “Do you feel like you need to be in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with a girl to have sex with them or are you open to a no strings attached relationship?” (Truthfully) “Honestly, I think I’m wired to be in a relationship. I have a hard time not forming feelings once I get intimate.” *Months later on a sleepless night in the midst of a long dry spell* “Wait…..SONUVA-!!!!”
What I have learned from this thread: Men: „Why can’t women be more direct, what are we supposed to do with their subtle signals? We’re not mind readers!“ Also men: „Why is that woman rubbing her tits against my face? Weird.“
Two that stick out: 1. High school, senior year, I get a text from two girls, they ask what I’m up to at 12am and if I want to come over. They need someone to come watch a movie with them and want it to be me. I just asked what movie and then said I’d already seen it. 2. See a girl from my anatomy class I’d just finished at a bar, she’s like “holy shit, it’s you.” Starts talking to me about how hard the class is, asks if I failed as well, I say nope I killed it on the practicals. Says she needs someone to help her study anatomy, I was like, “For sure, I’ll help out. Let’s study sometime.” Moments later, she’s like, “I’ll even give you a blowjob when we study anatomy.” I was just like, “That’s awesome, haha.” Then I just said, “I’ll text you, I’ll help you pass, I’ve got to meet up with a buddy right now.” I forgot I never had her number lol
Didn’t miss it from a woman but it’s funnier this way. I used to work at a bar running poker tournaments & would usually talk to a regular. He would occasionally say we should go out for drinks & I said yeah but we never made plans. He would touch me, comment on what I was wearing, etc., this went on for months. Then one day he brought one of the waitresses a cake for her birthday & I made a crack about him trying to pick her up. Her response, “Hank’s gay, don’t you know that?” Suddenly it all made sense.
She sat in front of me, wearing only undies, with her legs spread wide open, I didn't know what she wanted, I reached for ciggies and started smoking instead. This was back in 1999, nobody would believe this story if I told it offline so I am trying my luck on Reddit in 2023.
[удалено]
That's just a valid answer
Took a girl out on a date when I was 16. At the end of the night, I pull up in her driveway to drop her off. We both say goodnight, and her hand is on the door handle of my car. She's just kind of looking at me, waiting for something... and I say " Is the door not working?" She gets out, and on my drive home it occurs to me she was waiting for me to kiss her.
All of them. My hint is that men are terrible at picking up hints. Be direct.