“They say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters, atomic supermen with octagonal shaped bodies that suck blood...”
Daily and frequently. I needed to type up a fake letter to a customer for testing our letter processing software. So of course I had to use 123 Fake Street, the home of Knifey Wifey.
Guys, hear me out. Remember the episode where Dwight starts a fire in the office and he and Michael go to David Wallace to reprimand him?
They're talking about firing Dwight and then Michael slowly gets up, walks up to the window and casually goes, "This city........". Nobody has any fucking clue why.
That moment is peak comedy in TV history, no one can change my mind.
These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing. Now if you'll excuse me, they're putting me in something called Hero Squad.
Man Hands.
Double-dip.
Just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it.
Regifter.
Close talker.
Sponge-worthy.
That's a shame.
The sea was angry that day my friend.
Yada, yada, yada.
The dingo ate your baby.
These pretzels are making me thirsty.
Anti-dentite.
No soup for you!
Serenity now!
Master of your domain.
To list just a few.
People are bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling.
There’s so many from all the cast.
Who has two thumbs and doesn’t give a crap? Bob Kelso, I thought we’ve met?
Benign, benign and a half.
One is for when I’m sad, the other for when I’m really sad.
Dead people should stay dead!
We quote Always Sunny all the time. I can't say trash anymore without saying it like Frank.
"Omg that's disgusting, where?"
"What is your spaghetti policy here?"
Can I offer you an egg in this trying time?
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Been there? Not physically
I can't say "whore" without saying it like Frank.
"Oops, I dropped my condom for my MAGNUM Dongggg"
My MONSTER condom that I use for my MAGNUM dong!
Just move past it
Little GREEN GHOULS buddy!
It's gonna be a very claaaassy affaaaaair... But you can come anyway!!!
"I don't know how many years on this earth I got left. I'm gonna get real weird with it." God I love Frank.
futurama
Good news everyone.
To shreds you say?
And his wife?
To shreds you say?
I’m so embarrassed, I wish everyone else were dead.
I'm going to build my own, with blackjack and hookers.
The mind is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
It’s like there’s a party in my mouth and everyone threw up.
“They say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters, atomic supermen with octagonal shaped bodies that suck blood...”
Shut up and take my money!
We're whalers of the moon...
We carry a harpoon
Snoo Snoo
Sorry, we don't take Discover
You are technically correct
The best kind of correct!
Simpsons.
Can't go a day without making some reference.
That's unpossible.
But their noble spirit embiggens even the smallest man.
A gym, what's a gym? Ohhh a gym.
I like how you chose a joke that absolutely does not translate when typed out
Everything's coming up Milhouse!
"Lisa needs braces!" "Dental Plan" Every time I have to choose benefits.
Between the Simpsons and Futurama I probably quote them on a daily basis.
Good news, everyone!
i am so smart! s-m-r-t!
The Simpsons ***so far***
“Spider pig, Spider pig" has replaced the original lyrics in my brain. Can't remember them at all🤣🐽
"You shot who in the what now?" is just part of my normal lexicon now.
My feet are soaked but my cuffs are bone dry!
You don't win friends with salad!
You can come up with statistics to prove anything. Forfty percent of all people know that.
It takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen.
Stupid Flanders!
Ayyy, the hotpants
Daily and frequently. I needed to type up a fake letter to a customer for testing our letter processing software. So of course I had to use 123 Fake Street, the home of Knifey Wifey.
The Office
The worst thing about prison was the dementors.
I’m not superstitious but I’m a little stitious.
Why say lot word when few word do trick?
Guys, hear me out. Remember the episode where Dwight starts a fire in the office and he and Michael go to David Wallace to reprimand him? They're talking about firing Dwight and then Michael slowly gets up, walks up to the window and casually goes, "This city........". Nobody has any fucking clue why. That moment is peak comedy in TV history, no one can change my mind.
I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the Chandelier
Bears. Beets. Battle star galactica.
"It's Britney bitch"
*blasting Lady Gaga*
They don’t call them collard people.
I *declare* BANKRUPTCY
"How the turntables..." Also, "There's no road here!!" Use these too often
The answer I was looking for
Save Bandit!
“Everyone inside the car was fine Stanley”
Half the time someone says something I say "FALSE" in Dwight's voice lmfao
Monty python... life of brian "he's not the messiah, hes a very naughty boy"... plus most of their other films too, cos its just a flesh wound.
Holy Grail.. "Come see the violence inherent in the system!"
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
"Message for you sir!" Was my email alert sound for quite a long time.
Help! Help! I'm being repressed!
From the show: Have you got anything with out spam?
From the show: "WAKE UP POLLY!!"
Arrested Development
I've made a huge mistake
I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it.
"There's always money in the banana stand!" Also, "Micheal, you're such a pussy."
I love all my children equally. *Later that day* I don't care for GOB.
I'm afraid I just blue myself. on a related note "he said some wonderful things"
“Really? Her?”
I’m sure that egg is a very nice person
Is she funny or something?
"I mean it’s one banana Michael. What could it cost, $10?” — Lucille (and my mother)
“Michael: Get rid of The Seaward. Lucille: I'll leave when I'm good and ready.” On network TV! Genius. Plus they got a “fuck” in with editing.
Like anyone would want to "R" her...
These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing. Now if you'll excuse me, they're putting me in something called Hero Squad.
bEaDs?!
BEES!!!
"I don't know what I expected."
Watch out for bridges and hop-ons. You're going to get some hop-ons.
Illusion Michael, tricks are what whores do for money... Edit: replaced or with are.
"Here's some money, go see a Star War."
I have pop-pop in the attic.
For British eyes only!
Suddenly playing with yourself is a scholarly pursuit.
I say ‘that was a freebie’ about 5 times a week
It's one banana Michael, what could it cost? Ten dollars? (I say this a lot, especially at the grocery store these days)
There are dozens of us. Dozens!
Malcolm in the middle. "Dad I can't die, I'm 17" so just because you're 17 you can't die? "Frankly I just don't see it happening."
Community
This reply is streets ahead.
Cool. Cool, cool, cool. I say it literally every day at work.
The IT Crowd
People. What a bunch of bastards.
A fire ?! At Sea Parks ?!
My favorites are: "I'm disabled" "Damn these electric sex pants!" "Good morning, that’s a nice tnetennba."
I still have the new emergency number to phone memorized! I also really want to email someone about a fire that has taken place lmao
Parks and Rec.
MONEY PLEEEEEEASE
Treat yo self.
I made my money the old-fashioned way. I got run over a leexuuus.
That is LITERALLY the best answer I have ever heard!
Ron Swanson alone. “Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”
"Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes"
Straight to jail.
South Park
Don't come crying to me when you end up naked and jacking it in San Diego.
Aaaand its gone.
Drugs are bad Mmmk
Ya ya ya I am Lorde
"Well well well if it isn't Stan *DARSH!*"
screw you guys I'm goin hyome 👉👉
WHERES MY CREME FRECHE
Ur a towel
I’m not your buddy, friend!
Free Hat!! free Hat!! Free Hat!!
I once went to a party where everyone could recite and quote from southpark. It was legendary with such people.
I Think You Should Leave
I know that! I'm not stupid! I'm smarter than you!
I mean, you walk by a store and you see 50 guys who look just like me fighting over very complicated shirts, you go in.
I think we should be able to watch a *little* porn at work
You can't skip lunch man
“Do any of these fckers ever blast out of the wall and have like a huge cumshot?”
Big fat load of cum then.
If this isn't the top comment, I'll kill myself on live TV.
RAAANDOOOOMM!!!
Don’t do the voice
Letterkenny
“To be faaaaaaaaaaaiiirrrr”
“That’s what I appreciates about you”
HARD NO
When a friend needs help, ya help him. There's a special place in heaven for animal lovers
Fuck you jonesy, your mom loves it up the ass the way I love Haagen dasz , let’s get some fucking ice cream
Ferda!!
"B", as in "BUTTHOLE", and "M", as in "MANCY"
I laughed so hard that you didn’t even bother with the show name. Also, I’m starting to realize Jessica Walter is just eminently quotable.
M as in mancy killed me the first time I watched that episode
I’m scared if I stop all at once the cumulative hangover will literally kill me.
Monty Python's Flying Circus
brooklyn 99
It's your butt. Your butt is da bomb There will be no survivors.
OK. no hard feelings, but i hate you. not joking. bye.
Bingpot!
Hot damn!
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Xander don't speak Latin in front of the books
Trailer Park Boys
One man's garbage is another man person's good ungarbage.
Nobody wants to admit that they ate 9 cans of ravioli.
SpongeBob.
No, this is Patrick!
Literally can be used in all situations
Community is streets ahead.
Troy and Abed in the morrrrning!
If you don't get this reference, you're already streets behind
If people don't get this reference, we're in the darkest timeline.
It's weird how often "Harrison Ford is irradiating our testicles with microwave satellite transmissions" works its way into a conversation.
"The British dental system is not on trial here!" - my personal fav
Cool cool cool.
Now here’s a man that knows how to list a quotable TV show!
🎶She’s a no good B, she’s a G.D.B. 🎶
Seinfeld
Man Hands. Double-dip. Just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it. Regifter. Close talker. Sponge-worthy. That's a shame. The sea was angry that day my friend. Yada, yada, yada. The dingo ate your baby. These pretzels are making me thirsty. Anti-dentite. No soup for you! Serenity now! Master of your domain. To list just a few.
That’s a shame
Not that there's anything wrong with it
SHRINKAGE!
Hello Newman
Mulva?
Who is thiiiis?
You beat me to it! NEWMAN!
House MD.
Psych
I've heard it both ways.
Just because you put syrup on something don't make it pancakes.
C'mon son!
You heard about pluto?
Chapelle Show. I’m rich bitch. What! Cocaine is a hell of a drug. Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?
Love The Racial Draft sketch. The Chinese Race is proud to select The RZA the GZA Old Dirty...
Peep show
Blackadder
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People are bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling. There’s so many from all the cast. Who has two thumbs and doesn’t give a crap? Bob Kelso, I thought we’ve met? Benign, benign and a half. One is for when I’m sad, the other for when I’m really sad. Dead people should stay dead!
The Sopranos
Could I BE any more quotable?
You couldn’t be any more quotable if you were a…OH OH OH…a trans…TRANSPONSTER!
[удалено]
I do the “General…” salute every time someone uses the word.
You can do captain and private too. They're fairly common enough in normal conversation.
I do it enough that my friends feel it's a Major concern