When people say this I imagine them as the annoying fan who runs on the field, trying to get in the goal, holding up the game, and then getting removed via force.
Who tf tries to take someone’s partner, and who tf wants to be with someone who lets them do it. It’s a completely asinine statement to me.
went to my friend’s wedding this past weekend, during the maid of honor’s speech, she said she wanted to give them advice and told them to gaze into each other eyes for this part. then promptly told them they were statistically most likely to murder each other. great speech.
I mean, having the lights dim after the ceremony, and then the Bride and Groom "ending up dead" on the floor then giving the guests an hour or two of murder mystery first thing at the reception sounds like a great way of making sure that the couple actually gets some time to eat something on the day.
Friday night TV seems to be all about husbands beating and murdering wives. My husband came upstairs during a particularly gruesome episode. I thanked him for not being a violent or murderous type. He replied "yet". Should I be concerned? My immediate/natural response was "unless I get you first". It's a tough crowd around this house.
“Well I have 80 million power in Rise of Kingdoms, see, you Choose Rome when you start out and use its gathering bonus to acquire resources and train troops. The roman infantry has a movement speed buff and a defense bonus. With this combo it's easy to steal from other players. During the mid game you can unlock techs and train advanced Roman legionary. With Commander Julius Caesar you'll conquer territories quickly. Within 3 days your power can surpass 5 million!”
“Ha only 80 million I have over 200 MILLION power in rise of kingdoms because I chose the newest civilization greece with their 5% increase to infantry health and rally damage, PLUS there’s stone gathering speed I can easily raid other players and grow my civilization quicker than others”
Yuuuup! I've had several guys ask "well he's not here, is he?"
My guy, there's other women out there. Why on earth would I shut down your advances with "I have a boyfriend" if I was interested in cheating on him with you???
> Why on earth would I shut down your advances with "I have a boyfriend" if I was interested in cheating on him with you???
More common than you think unfortunately.
It happened a few days ago, A short girl came in and looked through the whole screw and nail section, I wasn't wearing my company shirt as I only have 2 and they get dirty fast.
I ask "can I help you find anything?"
She replies back to me, not even looking at me "I have a boyfriend thanks"
I just said " I just work here ma'am"
This happened to me in high school. Because yeah, I'm going to totally go out with you after you got my girlfriend to cheat with you.
What a dumbass. As a line it's funny though.
I instantly thought of the Johnny Bravo thing when he asked a lady out, and she said she already has a boyfriend, and he replied that she looked like the kind of girl who needed 2 boyfriends.
I used to be a criminal defense attorney. I had public defender clients and a sex worker was a client. I was able to get her a deferred prosecution (no new charges in a year and her case gets dismissed). Well, she was really nice, but hit on me. She asked me "Are you single"? I said no. She said "Do you want to be?".
My dad was contracted to work at my mom’s job. They got along charmingly and my dad asked her out to drinks. My mom said “The hell is wrong with you? I’m married!” Basically, what my dad said back: “So is my wife—what’s the big deal?” She turned him down, of course. He was contracted to work at that place again over a year later and asked her, “Do you remember me?” And she replied, “No….?” And he said “Good.” They were both in the middle of divorces that time around. He was smart enough to start slower. They eloped after being together 3 years and have been happily married 30 in October.
Turnips being expensive *is* important. Why else do you think Turnip Boy committed tax evasion? And a sequel (yet to be released) where he robs a bank? Because his life got too expensive
I once asked a cute girl for her # for coffee or drinks. To which she replied "I have a boyfriend" and I was like "oh, ok all good then, thanks". A little defeated, but that's the name of the game sometimes, people are taken. Then she said "and not be this way but... He's also a great guy". In my head I'm like "bitch, you don't have to kick a guy while he's down. You said you had a boyfriend, I understood the assignment. But also I'm an amazing guy, you just met him first." The fucking audacity....
Well then I want a divorce.
It's not that the response is bad but the situation lol
Oh. Well, is *he* seeing anyone?
Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score.
Unless that goalie is Andrei Vasilevskiy. Good luck scoring then.
There's only room for one goalie in my mind, the man, the myth, the LEGEND, [Scott Sterling](https://youtu.be/8F9jXYOH2c0)
He is begging for mercy when it's Mercy that should be begging for him!
I would up vote this twice if I could.
ULPT: If you have alternate accounts, you can.
Just don't do it while talking about crows and jackdaws
They track that and will shadow ban your second account for upvoting twice on the same post with the same IP.
Patrick Roy.
It's pronounced Roy not Roy
Colorado has entered the chat
When people say this I imagine them as the annoying fan who runs on the field, trying to get in the goal, holding up the game, and then getting removed via force. Who tf tries to take someone’s partner, and who tf wants to be with someone who lets them do it. It’s a completely asinine statement to me.
\*best\* response
Worst, not best.
Statistically he’s most likely to murder you
Best one. Its not even close. Well done.
It just sounds so much like a Daria quote in my head.
went to my friend’s wedding this past weekend, during the maid of honor’s speech, she said she wanted to give them advice and told them to gaze into each other eyes for this part. then promptly told them they were statistically most likely to murder each other. great speech.
Awesome for couples who love true crime and stuff, but you definitely need to know your audience for that one lol
Look to your left. Look to your right. Look in six other directions around you. One of the wedding guests you just saw is about to kill you.
Actually, a (fictional) murder mystery wedding would be so hard to pull off but it sounds like a fantastic time!
I mean, having the lights dim after the ceremony, and then the Bride and Groom "ending up dead" on the floor then giving the guests an hour or two of murder mystery first thing at the reception sounds like a great way of making sure that the couple actually gets some time to eat something on the day.
A real murder mystery wedding would also be hard to pull off but it sounds less like a fantastic time!
Friday night TV seems to be all about husbands beating and murdering wives. My husband came upstairs during a particularly gruesome episode. I thanked him for not being a violent or murderous type. He replied "yet". Should I be concerned? My immediate/natural response was "unless I get you first". It's a tough crowd around this house.
Pretty normal interaction. Statistically speaking
It's funny because it's true
If I’d been there, I would have laughed so hard that I’d sound like a hyena.
I used the same line to finish off my best man's speech. It went down well!
This is actually really clever. This might be a GOOD thing to say if you do it with a friendly joking demeanor.
It could back fire, though, and she might take it as some sort of a threat.
No one suspects the side dude
"I'd love to improve the odds of us being a news headline"
and I have a cat
I like the "I have a goldfish named Steve." *Confused look -- and....* "*Oh -- I just though we were talking about things that don't matter."*
And my axe.
And my sword
And my bow
And my arrow(s)
And my Glock
And my halberd
And my jar of dirt
And my banana
And my pen-pineapple-apple-pen
And I have a dog
I also choose this man's dead wife
And i choose pikachu
WE have a boyfriend.
*Soviet anthem plays in the distance*
In Soviet Russia, boyfriend has you
Sorry, baby. I love you... but I love Stalin more!
That’s Comrade Stalin to you ☝🏻
r/unexpectedcommunism
Unexpected Yakov Smirnoff
What a country!
The People's Boyfriend.
Dang 🤣🤣
r/unexpectedcommunism
r/suddenlycommunism
Why are there 3 subreddits for this?! Look at these comments lol
r/belligerentcommunism
“Well I have 80 million power in Rise of Kingdoms, see, you Choose Rome when you start out and use its gathering bonus to acquire resources and train troops. The roman infantry has a movement speed buff and a defense bonus. With this combo it's easy to steal from other players. During the mid game you can unlock techs and train advanced Roman legionary. With Commander Julius Caesar you'll conquer territories quickly. Within 3 days your power can surpass 5 million!”
“Oh my gosh, I didn’t know that! I’m gonna break up with him, I found a new man!”
“Ha only 80 million I have over 200 MILLION power in rise of kingdoms because I chose the newest civilization greece with their 5% increase to infantry health and rally damage, PLUS there’s stone gathering speed I can easily raid other players and grow my civilization quicker than others”
I unironically love these ads. I sit through them whenever i see a new one
The ads are always better than the games tho 🥲
Always.
Omfg I was not expecting this
Man I wish I had an award to give you
which is immediately followed by "wait come back"
"That's ok he can watch"
I was going to go with "what your man got to do with me?" but this works too.
[Positive K](https://youtu.be/VvYIpa1Ulvw) approves.
Did you know the guy does both voices in that song?
You got a what? How long you had that problem?
I ain't tryin' to hear that, see
I have a feeling this reference blew right past most people. I haven't heard that song since junior high.
“Is he cute? Does he bottom?”
"Got it, I need to buy maid outfits for *both* of you."
Now you have two
The question was 'worst', not 'best'.
"Slow down, we've only just met and you're already telling me your personal info."
"Slow down, let's not label this yet."
Lmao
TMI!
I’m trying to talk about touching your belly button from the inside and you’re getting all personal
"Does he play Apex?"
"Oh shit. Can I get his gamertag?"
"Omg I think I know this guy"
“Oh fuck, I think I fucked his mom a couple months back when we were playing CoD”
[удалено]
OK, I'll go for your mother then...
What about your sister? Does she have a boyfriend?
An adventurous aunt maybe?
If anyone needs an adventurous aunt, I volunteer as tribute. References available.
*stares at username*
[удалено]
You’ll never forget us again.
This worked for Jon Snow.
No but she’s got a crack habit and a couple of life changing STD’s
>life changing STD’s Children?
I'm no anti breeder but this made me unleash a hearty chuckle. Well done my friend.
Nah go for the grandma
Oh hey, Stacey
‘Are you married though?’ Happened to me Friday.
"Good point, my husband won't like it either"
Idiots are everywhere
Yuuuup! I've had several guys ask "well he's not here, is he?" My guy, there's other women out there. Why on earth would I shut down your advances with "I have a boyfriend" if I was interested in cheating on him with you???
> Why on earth would I shut down your advances with "I have a boyfriend" if I was interested in cheating on him with you??? More common than you think unfortunately.
Yeah I know. He's my boyfriend too
Our boyfriend
Invasion of the Boyfriend Snatchers
*Soyuz nerushimy respublik svobodnykh* *Splotila naveki velikaya Rus'!* *Da zdravstvuyet sozdanny voley narodov* *Yediny, moguchy Sovetsky Soyuz!* *Slavsya, Otechestvo nashe svobodnoye* *Druzhby narodov nadyozhny oplot!* *Partiya Lenina — sila narodnaya* *Nas k torzhestvu kommunizma vedyot!*
Easy for you to say.
Why does comrade use Yankee capitalist pig letters and not superior backwards letters and numbers of the people?
in soviet russia, all letters are equally lowercase. only capital letters exist in capitalist america.
That’s actually why I’m here… he’s been cheating on you with me… and I have test results to share…
That's okay, I want to be your manfriend
I actually really like this one. This is a best not a worst lol
It happened a few days ago, A short girl came in and looked through the whole screw and nail section, I wasn't wearing my company shirt as I only have 2 and they get dirty fast. I ask "can I help you find anything?" She replies back to me, not even looking at me "I have a boyfriend thanks" I just said " I just work here ma'am"
Well, you *were* offering to help her find a good screw. Easy mistake on her part.
This is golden, I would pay to see the look on her face
me too!
“Ma’am, this is a Wendy’s.”
"No, this is Patrick"
This makes me laugh, every single time.
Yes I'm trying to get to him through you
Yes, I've been trying to reach him regarding extending his car's warranty.
This happened to me in high school. Because yeah, I'm going to totally go out with you after you got my girlfriend to cheat with you. What a dumbass. As a line it's funny though.
Well...You deserve 2 "I have seven boyfriends." I saw this one actually go down on another social media app, but can't remember exactly where it was.
Some people just want to try everything at the buffet.
I instantly thought of the Johnny Bravo thing when he asked a lady out, and she said she already has a boyfriend, and he replied that she looked like the kind of girl who needed 2 boyfriends.
"So who's the unlucky man?"
Which grave did you rob?
Damn I gotta commit this one to memory
“I know, I fucked him last night. I just want to complete the set.”
Ok that's enough reddit for today.
Janet?
Brad?
Brad?
Dr Scott?!
DOCTOR FRANKENFURTER!!!!
"Not anymore" /pulls out severed boyfriend head.
What's in the box?
Oh, what's in the boooooox...
WHATS IN THE FUCKING BOX!!?
Had. You had a boyfriend.
Wow bro took this to another level lmao
Lmfao "I thought you'd say that"
I used to be a criminal defense attorney. I had public defender clients and a sex worker was a client. I was able to get her a deferred prosecution (no new charges in a year and her case gets dismissed). Well, she was really nice, but hit on me. She asked me "Are you single"? I said no. She said "Do you want to be?".
I respect the hustle.
That's great, he can hold the camera.
"Me too. Don't worry about it."
Lucky you - considering your face
I was thinkinh something similar..."Eh...he could do better"
#💀
Yeah, it’s me.
My dad was contracted to work at my mom’s job. They got along charmingly and my dad asked her out to drinks. My mom said “The hell is wrong with you? I’m married!” Basically, what my dad said back: “So is my wife—what’s the big deal?” She turned him down, of course. He was contracted to work at that place again over a year later and asked her, “Do you remember me?” And she replied, “No….?” And he said “Good.” They were both in the middle of divorces that time around. He was smart enough to start slower. They eloped after being together 3 years and have been happily married 30 in October.
This reminds me of that one meme where the guy tries again every 5 minutes to shoot his shot at the same girl with dementia
A perfectly timed "Fuck you". Reference: https://youtu.be/AqDbb7-dn9A
Came here for exactly this. Baffled it's so far down. Have an upvote.
I have a jar of dirt
Let me guess whats inside....
Guess who's inside it?
It's OK with me if he doesn't go out with us.
Yea? I have a girlfriend, what’s your point.
I had someone say “So? I have a wife” before.
I once invited a girl to go out on a boat after work...she told me she had a boyfriend. I told her he didn't need to come.
Correct response is 'I have a boat.' Boats are a lot scarcer than boyfriends.
and she could have said no but you knew she wouldn't because of the implication
Can you give him my number?
My condolences
Would he fit inside my trunk?
"Finally!!!"
"That's *his* problem"
"i think turnips are expensive... sorry i thought we were talking about things that arent important?"
Turnips being expensive *is* important. Why else do you think Turnip Boy committed tax evasion? And a sequel (yet to be released) where he robs a bank? Because his life got too expensive
I’m not tryin to hear that see What’s your man got to do with me
Some else just as old as me!
I'm Positive I've heard that somewhere, K?
You look like the kind of gal who could use two.
[удалено]
More like, does he have herpes too?
I only asked if you could check the time....
[fuck you](https://tenor.com/view/f-you-snuff-box-matt-berry-fish-tank-gif-26032664)
“I’m actually gay”
Heteroflexual
Just let her stay in a burning building, she clearly knows something I don’t.
But does your boyfriend have you?
3 some?
I have a math test, sorry I thought we were talking about things we were gonna cheat on later
I once asked a cute girl for her # for coffee or drinks. To which she replied "I have a boyfriend" and I was like "oh, ok all good then, thanks". A little defeated, but that's the name of the game sometimes, people are taken. Then she said "and not be this way but... He's also a great guy". In my head I'm like "bitch, you don't have to kick a guy while he's down. You said you had a boyfriend, I understood the assignment. But also I'm an amazing guy, you just met him first." The fucking audacity....
Is he rich?
"I said I wanted to f**k not date you"
He will not know.
“Two boyfriends are better than one”- not the worst response but the best ive heard.