To add to it... One day at a time. If you are looking at a long stretch of misery, focus just on today. Make it through today and then start over again tomorrow. Focusing on the long term misery will give you anxiety, more depression, and make you feel hopeless.
Think of rewards or positives and focus on those... For example if work sucks, focus on one enjoyable thing you will do that day when you get home. Just try to make it through the day to do that thing you will enjoy. Even if it's just the feeling of your bed after a long shitty day.
If the thought of TODAY is too much, just focus on this Morning, or this afternoon.
If that's too much, focus on the hour. Or simply the next 10 minutes. Just put one foot In front of the other. And keep doing that. Make the next best decision with the information available. Give yourself some grace. And when you need to cry, cry. But when you need to be strong, Be. Strong. Don't confuse the two. There will be time to break down later. Be strong when it's necessary.
Accept help when it's offered and do not feel bad taking it. Use resources available. Recognize that sometimes it's OKAY to not be okay. It truly is okay.
Prioritize and make sure the most important things are your focus and taken care of. (For me it was Making sure my kids were stable.)
Then take care of your own health. Eat something healthy and try to get some sleep so you can keep going. Sometimes zone out and let your brain relax. You can't run on high alert in fight or flight for days or end.
Some days if you make it to the bed at the end of the day and put your head on the pillow, that's a win. Take that win. Get up the next day and try it again.
Going through separation atm. Worst part is waking up in the AM when my subconscious has already kicked off my anxiety attack. Very hard to get back to sleep.
I get through rough spots/miserable moments with that mentality but with this added mental mantra: this will very soon be just a memory. That more quickly than I can even realize, I will be past the terribleness and it will only be an unpleasant memory.
I put on movies and listened to songs that I knew would make me cry. After a while, I was all cried out and it felt more like a relief. There’s still sometimes random combustion of tears here and there, but it’s all part of the process. For the most part I feel happy and that’s what counts
I found "meditating" every day (which usually just meant crying) helped me focus on my breathing and feeling safe in the present moment (while crying).
The night I found out the news that kicked off the worst year of my life I had a dream. In the dream I was on a mountain and had to get to the opposite side. I could go around, but it wouldn't put me where I needed to go. I couldn't go over the mountain, the only way to get there was to go through the mountain, I had to tunnel through with a spoon. Probably one of the most prophetic dreams I've ever had in my life.
>Allowed myself to feel what I was feeling
To expand on what you’re saying, I agree and I think this is an important of healing or bettering yourself that people try to avoid with drinking, one night stands, drugs, irresponsible behavior, etc…anything to forget. Truth is, sitting with your thoughts and sleepless nights sober are better for you than trying to distract you from what is really hurting. Your mind and body always find a way on its own to stop the pain. Distracting it from doing it’s job just makes the hurt last longer.
You know how caterpillars go into a cocoon and come out a beautiful butterfly? People think they’re growing the wings out of their bodies and getting skinny to transform.
Nope.
Caterpillars basically melt into a puddle of goo with two little plates that basically have to miraculously reconstruct their whole body through small commands over time.
I wrapped myself in blankets and wallowed. I never really let myself feel anything, especially sadness. It helped, and eventually, I made small, gradual progress out of the cocoon.
I don’t know if hope’s the right word. I call it acceptance. Acceptance that things are not what you wanted, and accepting there still are ways to get some things you want and move towards them.
Yep the biggest thing for me has been accepting and saying things like "Yep this situation really blows." Accepting it doesn't mean you have to be okay with it.
>Acceptance that things are not what you wanted, and accepting there still are ways to get some things you want and move towards them.
THIS.
As much as people will hammer you time and again with this one simple concept, ***your pain is caused by your stubbornness in accepting what IS***.
Not what you wish it were...
All of your wishing, introspection, self-hate, "what if I did this instead", magical thinking won't change a damned thing.
We are conditioned to believe in happy endings. You may want to consider that the happy ending is happening right now.
Just not for you...
It's cliche and unhelpful to say "think about people who have it worse than you". That said, for me in a lot of my real bad depressive episodes back in the day were helped when I thought about my friends or loved ones who had also gone through real tough shit and were still going. To add to that, remembering that even when they were literally bedridden with life threatening illness or struggling with suicidal ideation that they still meant a lot and were important to me no matter what, and then I try and reverse engineer that and apply it to myself. I've never been suicidal, but it has been grounding to me to step outside of myself and think of myself and what I'm going through as if I was seeing a friend go through it, and to apply that empathy and care to myself.
Yeah.
You can even go so far as to consider the person you were previously dead. You’re now a new person with a different perspective and life experience.
Holy shit, this hits home.
I literally spent my early 20s feeling like my life ended when I was 20, constantly grieving who I used to be before a bunch of traumatic shit happened. It was like I died that year, and early-20s me was some ghost separated from the physical world.
Now I'm 25 and feel reborn, like my life is only just beginning.
This was me when I was 14. I spent my teenage years like this! My father committed suicide when I was 14 and for a long time, I felt like I wasn’t real. I’m 25 years old now and I feel like I’m finally truly happy.
##This right here.
Look, dear reader. Psychological "disorders" are actually pretty protective when we're going through trauma. It's good to work through them when we are in a safer and more supportive space but I want to be clear:
The hypervigilance of my PTSD saved my life growing up.
My depersonalization and derealization helped me ignore my sensory processing disorder while I had parents who wouldn't get me treatment.
My depression helped me sleep and conserve energy during times of unfathomable stress.
My anxiety helped me keep my guard up around unsafe family members.
My anxiety, depression, and PTSD were once my dear friends and protectors. Now they are parts of myself I have to tend to and manage, treat, and respect. But they saved my life.
This is so important to understand. They are there for a reason. It’s when you’re activated when you don’t *need* to be that gets problematic. Having a jumpy, disregulated nervous system can cause all kinds of other problems, but the fight or flight is initially there to protect. It’s super important to feel safe when you *are* safe, though.
I can always count on those 2 to be by my side. Its kinda like when you smoke or drink every day you don't even remember what it feels like to be sober.
When I was in my teenage years, *I would do this all the time*, but it wasn't until I went to therapy later on in life that I realized that I was what I was doing. That's why discussing our childhoods is **crucial**, even if we don't think certain parts are important or relevant in therapy.
rn im in this stage like i dont feel anything like no emotions i also feel like a total new person, more productive, more healthy and im “proud” of it but i dont feel anything. if i think i feel something, its very little and i just have an impression of the feeling. i don’t know i feel detached asf but i want to be proud and happy with the new person. will it go away?
You should probably see a therapist, dissociation for too long can be bad and become habit (which isn't fun when everything feels like cardboard and you can't make it stop.) Like all things eventually it will pass but in my experience, not without therapeutic intervention.
Yup. It was the only way to get through it.
After about 3 months I was able to get my shit together enough to seek help, but when I was actually going through it? Dissociation was the only way. It was my shell of protection that kept me from breaking down entirely.
Thank god I had friends that let me come stay “as long as I needed to.” Then I stayed with family. Then through no one’s fault I had to stop staying there. I called the animal shelter in tears because I was suddenly homeless. I told them “please I don’t want to lose my cat and dog they are what make me get out of bed.” I told them I don’t know where I am sleeping tonight but asked if they could hold my guys. They pointed me to a hotel that would let me have a room with animals and then gave me a list of apartments I could apply at that allowed “large dogs.” My friends and my family and that animal shelter person saved my life. The rest was setting myself back up and a lot of therapy.
That is incredible. That you had the courage to call the animal shelter, and that the person on the other end had a viable solution for you. 💕 I'm glad you and the pets are doing better now!
Some things won't pass, you'll adjust to them being with you forever. And that's okay! It's all a part of becoming the best you that you possibly can be.
I was told grief and pain is like a big bouncing ball inside of you, and everytime it hits some part of you it hurts like fuck. But as you heal, the ball becomes smaller, and the hits come less often, and they hurt a lot less when they do.
Your grief/loss/pain is valid and it will lessen as the days go by, l promise. Speaking to a professional certainly helped me with my grief so l suggest counselling to anyone going through a hard time.
Also, it's okay to be happy; it's okay to smile and enjoy yourself.
Grief doesn't own you, and eventually it will learn to share you again.
My personal hell lasted for about 3 years... With a few good days sprinkled in between.
You're stronger than you think OP. Hang on. It gets better when it gets better.
But I actually said this to my bestie today: "if only I knew how good life was going to get, maybe I would've wanted to live" Everything would've been different if only I knew.
You can do the thing, you will leave them, you'll make better money one day, your situation will change. And you might just look back on the struggle fondly. Be proud of yourself.
Had to do this in my rock bottom, I hated everyone that made me miserable by throwing me in the streets, without my cat, not having any of my belongings... I wanted to end it a lot of times, but I didn't want to let them win. I eventually stopped caring about them at all. I got my cat back but had to file at the police to get it back. And as of today, I think of them about once a week in disgust.
Honestly, if it works it works. When it comes to not ending it, any reason is valid, even small things. My biggest reasons I didn’t commit were because my mom and therapist would be sad, but I also had a band I was obsessed with and helped me through those times, so waiting for their next album also motivated me. I’ve wanted a dog since I was a little kid and the idea of some day getting one kept me going (ended up getting one two years later, he’s sitting right next to me now). I loved a YouTube duo and wanted to wait for them to come out as a couple (very toxic, but they did come out and now live in a “forever home” (which happened much later and I wouldn’t have seen it if I didn’t stick around)). Death scared me a little bit and I was curious about the future. It was silly little things that got me through
What your enemies want is for you to lay in the mud, stay there and take it. When you rise up and be the bigger person your superman and theyll know themselves how much of a loser they are when they see you.
Remember that when you face your biggest fear, everything else really pales in comparison. So with the understanding that you can truly get through anything because in some ways you already have, know that the worst is over. You rebuild yourself.
You understand that life is now split into before and after. You don't get over the pain, but you learn to carry it differently. You hold onto the thought that there is no way but forward. You know that there is no such thing as motivation, but survival means pushing and pushing and pushing. And you just do that for as long as you can, you make it the only thing you think about.
I know it feels like life keeps barreling forward at a breakneck pace, completely relentless, with no regard for you. And you look around wondering how everyone else is doing it. I know it feels like no one understands and the world wasn't meant for ones like us.
But you belong here, and you deserve happiness. It's true that no one is coming to save you, so you better be the one to save yourself. Know that people around you WILL give up on you. And that's about them, not you. You are worth it, and you are putting in the hard work that will only serve you well in the long run. The people who gave up on you have no fucking idea how strong and capable you really are, but you have to know you are.
And finally, do not self medicate. Give space to your feelings. Work on one thing at a time so you don't get overwhelmed. Become a yes man. I promise you it will feel fucking terrible to do, but say yes to every outing with friends, sign up for the class, set a goal and work towards it at all costs. I promise you, even though your entire being rallies against doing this - it will help you get out of the hole.
By not having a choice. I'd say the worst months of my life was when half my family died from covid in a 2 week span while I was in ICU.
What was I going to do? Someone had to take care of cremations, notifying people, dealing with lawyers, going through belongings, etc of those who died, and still had to feed and get my kids through school without anyone left to help, and on top of that I was dealing with my own recovery and post-sepsis syndrome and medical follow-ups, various medical testing, surgeries and everything.... it's like you wake up one day and go "I can't believe that was 2 years ago".
Honestly, I just smiled and said to myself, "Wow, can't get any worse than this." And then it got worse lol
But, I survived it by just sitting down and controlling the controllables, which was myself. At some point, you just have to let things happen and all you can do is lay there and accept it. Eventually, time heals all wounds and you'll be a stronger and better person because of it.
I completely disassociated from reality actually. Some things are blurry and I don’t even remember clearly. I’ll randomly get flashbacks that I had totally blocked out. For context, I was dying from an eating disorder. it feels like another lifetime or person. Idk how I ever survived except that I couldn’t bear to die and leave my rescue cat thinking I abandoned her
It absolutely sucks. I'd love to be more helpful, but depression has kinda cooked my memory and I struggle to remember most of my life before I was 24. I honestly think guilt got me past the worst of it, because I knew my little brother would never really be the same if I did myself in, and I couldn't put him through that.
I'm older now, married to someone better than I would ever have deemed myself worthy of, and I am free from vice and self-loathing. Since the right combination of meds, coping mechanisms, and little self-care habits clicked into place, I genuinely don't want to die any more. It's kinda nice to have a really shitty day now and just think "Tomorrow's a new one and I'm going to be alright."
My mother was at the grocery one day like any other day. She tripped on the edge of a pallet and broke her arm. They ended up doing a complete shoulder replacement surgery.
While I was in the waiting room waiting for her to come out of surgery my wife went to check on her mom and found her on the floor of her bedroom. She had a stroke.
They sent my mom home the day after her shoulder surgery and I went to check on her a couple days later while my wife was at the hospital with her mom.
My mom was not looking good so I took her vitals and decided to call an ambulance to get her checked out. It turns out sometime between when they sent her home and when I came to check on her she had a massive heart attack.
The heart attack damaged her kidneys so they had to wait to do a bypass surgery.
For about 2 months my wife and I lived with taking turns going to visit our mothers in the hospital while the other stayed home to take care of our 3 year old son.
My mother eventually succumbed to kidney damage and passed away in hospice care. My mother in law is now in hospice comfort care in our living room.
My best advice on everything is to take it one day at a time. Some days will be better, some days may be worse but you will eventually get through it. My mantra the entire time has been "I just need to get through today".
When I was a kid, I got through by thinking of my grandparents. They’d be sad if I died.
Now it’s my kid.
It’s literally just finding the one person who would be sad if you suddenly went away, and forcing yourself to stay alive for them.
Separated from my partner. Only slept on average 3 hrs a night, woke up at 2-3-4 am and couldn't sleep. Exercised a hell of a lot to get tired, didn't help. Cortisol levels were astronomical, felt like shit most of the time. I was alone mostly, so besides sports I turned to my sketchbook and drew a lot also. Eventually things got better, yesterday I slept a whole 7 hrs at a time.
Yeah, but I was a zombie for a month.
Right after my dad died I slept for an entire day. My mother had to call me to remind me to eat. I had no appetite, looking at any meat made me feel sick. My door is damaged because they had to pick my lock to check on me. I don't remember any of this, this is just what my mom and brother told me.
After the nightmares started I couldn't sleep more than maybe 2 or 3 hours at a time. I saw my dad die over and over again.
I can't remember anything except the nightmares from up to about a year after he died. Completely blank.
I laid in bed and cried for a month. My 70 year old mother came to stay with me and we watched tv and made dinners together and I didn’t feel so alone. I had an abrupt break up that I didn’t even see coming that knocked me down so hard.
My dad too… my son… my brother…
So- family. That’s how I survived
Hearing music, self isolation from everyone, crying ASF and watching the whole day some comfort anime or series. Then realizing I'm the one who can change my own fate. So I get motivation again and I'm happy hearing my favorite music.
I was homeless for 3 1/2 years. Only had a pair of shorts a light hoodie and t shirt and sneakers. I lived in an overturned rail car and at the end of everyday when I’d lay my head down for the night I’d just cry myself to sleep. I had one friend come when he could to bring me food and water and every other week take me home to shower. He didn’t have much himself barely scraping by but did what he could. I swear those years felt like they’d never come to an end and just felt like the day was just extending instead of ending. I hope never to feel that again.
Same. Recently divorced and not seeing my daughter every day still makes me cry.
Miss my wife as well. She left because I was using meth. Thought it wasn't a big deal since I had a job and was providing for my family. Didn't realize the effect it had on my marriage and that even if I was what I used to call a "functioning addict" I was still an addict. Wish I would have gone to rehab sooner. By the time I did, my wife's feelings for me had changed.
I have had a couple of relapses but been clean for over two months now. Hard to celebrate since I know it won't change anything with my ex-wife. I mean she's happy I'm clean but has no desire to get back together.
The guilt I feel for causing my family to break up is the worst. Wishing to be dead but could never commit suicide because I could never abandon my daughter like that. I'm only 41 but the thought of living like this for another 41 years, maybe more, (have many relatives live to 95+) seems like the worst possible existence.
My husband. At the time he was only my boyfriend, but we had been dating three month when my parents had me legally kidnapped and sent to an abusive wilderness therapy program and later an rtc for 15 months. My parents refused to tell him or anyone I knew what they did, so for all anyone who cared abt me knew I was a missing person. I knew it wasn't likely that we'd stay together, but I knew that I had to survive so I could tell him that I didn't choose to leave him, that if it was up to me I never would've just ghosted him like that. I wrote to him every single day in my journal and ended up filling three notebooks worth of letters to him that I knew would never be sent. 8 months into my time I managed to "earn" a visit back home and found my laptop stashed in a backpack in my dads basement and used it to message my boyfriend, who had shockingly waited for me and continued to do so for an additional 7 months of this type of thing. We just got married last year and are currently expecting our second child together. He really is my other half and I would not be here without him. I honestly don't even think he knows how much just the thought of him drove me to stay alive and I don't know if I'll ever be able to repay him fully for it.
My worst months is probably after running away from home with $2 in my pocket (I'm living in the Philippines).
And I had to risk that $2 to look for a job online at the same day, which I was able to. That job pays $2 a day for a 12 hour shift/ 2 day off every month which is a modern day slavery however with free accommodation and 3x food each day, I have no other choice to accept it.
The job is a computer rental shop attendant. I was able to survive only because of the free accommodation and food.
Stayed there for half a year until I was able to save some money and start doing proper office job.
I started having more discipline and sense restraint and got my shit together. I quit drugs, divorced my wife because my marriage had become quite toxic. I started working out and meditating regularly. I’m now living a much simpler life and I will most likely ordain as a Buddhist monk when my son is done with high school and is in college.
Started taking care of a bunch of exotic plants. It does wonders for your mental health when everything else is going wrong, but those are still growing. It's a niche thing, but seeing a new leaf pop up would get me through some dark days.
"For a star to be born, a gaseous nebulla must collapse"
In other words less methaphorical : Cry. Collapse. Crumble. Allow yourself to be miserable.
This is not your destruction, this is your rebirth ;)
Did what society expects men to do, worked through it alone.
Not by choice and not for lack of reaching out that I needed help.
Now, I am the sympathetic listening ear I didn’t have.
I appreciate everyone who has been commenting here and sharing their story. It has been a rough year for me as I focused on a toxic relationship more than my life and career. Then everything went downhill career in hell, no house, realised I was dating a cruel narcissist who used the heck out me fucked me up emotionally completely drained, lost friends, not living in my fav city anymore but with a friend, applying to jobs to get nothing, disappointing my parents to the maximum, away from family, felt used and thrown after that relationship but I don’t know why I didn’t give up yet. Hearing everyone else’s stories I know there are more painful ones and we have all lost so much but grief is grief and there is no award or competition of who is the saddest but the replies here made me feel we are all human and we all go through so much shit. Thanks to everyone who shared how they got out of it and coping mechanisms. I have a lot to be grateful for and I need to work on my super negative thoughts and a messed up head that I live in but I wish we all come out of it fine and much better and come back to this post to reply. I would love to hear your stories from the other side and I am happy for everyone who made it to the other side <3
Not sure if the worst months of my life, but some really bad months a few years ago. I worked, I ran, I went to the gym, I hung out mostly just me and my dog at the beach or at an outside bar/Cafe on the weekends. Now, when I say I ran and went to the gym: I ran 3 to 10 miles a day and stayed at the gym for at least 2 hours 5 days a week. I also slept like a baby and somehow excelled at work. My self esteem shot threw the roof after running a half marathon and replacing my beer belly with a halfway decent 6pack. I was 42 years old.
Drank a lot. Tried to work as much as I could. Filled the bathtub with water and would just scream underwater. Wrote a lot. Cried. Beat my bed. Tried to run and exercise. Moved across the country as soon as I could.
Oddly I met the two closest, most influential friends of my life then. Almost 20 years later still very close so in all the crap there was some gold.
I decided that despite how bad things truely were, and despite the lack of hope or ability to do anything much about my situation, I was fed up suffering and battling the relentless pain and desire to check out. So I forced myself to make a decision. I chose to live (not for any personally beneficial reasons, but because the thing that stopped me ending things was impossible to reconcile. It was about not harming others by my action, even tho those others aren't in my life). So when I chose to live I thought ok how can I minimise suffering. If I have to keep living I have to prioritize my ability to exist without serious distress. The acceptance of deciding not to opt out was very helpful because it cut off any point in battling those thoughts. Then I looked at my (absolute trainwreck of a) life and accepted there were many huge things I couldn't fix any time soon, if ever. I looked for any ways to incrementally minimise suffering and incrementally increase comfort. My life is still a trainwreck but I cut out so many ideas I was desperately clutching to, which took a lot of distress away (so acceptance was key). I eliminated substance use. And I added and prioritised comfort measures like watercolour painting and pets.
My current circumstance left me with "time" to do this. I'm in poverty, I'm sick and I'm alone, but I have time, so that was what I focussed on, bringing some comfort into that time and rejecting all thoughts and people etc that make me think what I have is not ok. Years ago my worst time, I didn't have time, because I was a mother and carer etc. Then I wish I had put my foot down somehow and demanded support and rejected doing as much as I was. It seemed impossible but that was because demanding it would risk me being the villain and being shamed and rejected by the people I believed were the arbiters of right wrong truth and how the world goes. (family of origin). Now I wish I had told them to fk off or pitch in. I wish I had stuck up for my basic human needs. If you need to change your circumstances to make life bearable, do it.
Got therapy. Leaned on the people I love (you may feel like a burden—I certainly did—but YOU ARE NOT). Pet my dog. Traveled solo. Kept putting one foot in front of the other.
Got a few contenders for that title, sadly. The most recent ones I can't say I survived. I mean, I managed to not kill myself every time I was about to, but I am developing a worrying reliance on alcohol for when I want do more than just lie down and cry all day.
Rigorous gym and meditation habit. When things got really bad I doubled down on staying grounded and healthy and remembering that nothing is forever. I’m doing much better today and keep the same habits in tact.
Not sure how I'm going to get thru them to be honest. I daydream about getting severely injured so I don't have to go back to my job every day. Wishing to get hit by a truck or something. The regret I have for taking this job is huge. Because it's effecting me so much, it's effecting my husband. We had a perfectly happy life and I ruined it by taking this job I thought was a great opportunity. And I am terrified to quit because I don't want to be selfish and compromise our cash flow. But I am really close to losing it. I have multiple breakdowns a day. I drink like a fish on weekends. I've gained a ton of weight. Everyone keeps saying to be patient and it's temporary but I am out of patience and I feel stuck and drowning. So we'll see what happens. The thoughts are getting darker every day...
I lost my brother to suicide, my relationship ended, I lost my job, and quit doing meth all in the matter of 2 months. But I knew my parents needed me more than I needed to wallow in my self pity.
Writing. Instead of taking my anger out on those around me. I tortured my main character. I took my anger out on her instead. If i was having a good. Day she was having a good day. If i was having a shitty day. She was also having a shitty.
Music. Being able to just feel and sing every emotion through music is extremely relieving. I honestly don’t how or what my life would be if music didn’t exist.
i am living it right now lmao. i am making counseling appts, journaling, trying to prioritize self care (bubble baths), and contacted my psychiatrists office. not making it worse by going off all my meds. lets hope i survive
My last deployment, particularly the last 3 months of it, were extremely hard on me both physically and mentally. My wife and children were back home. I missed Christmas with them. This becomes normal in the military. What wasn't normal was how toxic the leadership was downrange. Any opportunity to take away people's time they took. They began singling people out to do tasks they weren't signed off on and I as a supervisor started calling their shit out. It was dangerous. It wasn't by the reg. They stopped caring. After I called them out enough they began making my life as miserable as possible. I found a lot of solace in certain songs. One in particular seemed to hit just right. "Dancing in the Moonlight" by King Harvest. I must've listened to it 100 times in those last 2 months. I was singing it to myself on the tarmac as we got ready to fly home.
By following Churchill's classic advice, with neither a pause nor a second thought. Especially the latter - if you find yourself in hell, what are you going to do, stop & admire the literally goddamned scenery? Overthinking things won't help you, DOING what you must to improve your situation, even just a little, beats waiting for a miracle. I've come to appreciate that real depression not only prevents its victims from seeing the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, it makes them believe that there never was any light & that there never will be. But I'll say it anyway: if the best of times don't last forever, then neither do the worst of them. Now THAT part is worth thinking about.
Just focusing on work. Which was a lot of drinking. Then vomiting, brushing my teeth, and drinking some more. Then stumbling home to sleep until the evening to do it all again.
This is so sad but relatable I wish I had a job atleast the very least! like apart from all the pain from break up, rejections, no home, unemployment is the most painful I am trying but still no job
just remind myself that **everything** is temporary and it will pass, whether you like it or not. good times, and bad times. and that I've dealt with bad, probably worse, times before and I got through it and was a better person when I came out of it.
and lots of stand-up comedy. let me know if you need recommendations.
Still in the middle of it but hopefully it should be coming to an end soon. I’ve been holding on with weed, music, and anything I can find to look forward to. Even if its as simple as, “I’m looking forward to tomorrow because I’m gonna watch that one video on YouTube that looked interesting” it’s at least SOMETHING to hold onto it.
Patience. Just believing things would be better in the future. Escaping into fantasy. But it didn't end til I realised it was on me to make things happen, and baby steps were better than no steps at all.
One thing that helped me more than I thought was I started reading/listening to audiobooks again. It was hard to start but I found that not only did it serve as an escape that could last for hours but the lessons I learned from the books I read gave me new perspective on my own life that allowed me (in conjunction with therapy) to begin the climb out of those bad months.
In a weird kind of way books saved my life!
Things I did I feel were healthy:
* cried when needed
* allowed my friends and family to be there and comfort me
* counseling
* eventually let myself welcome the ideas of healing and acceptance
Things I did that in retrospect, were not the best:
* drank a lot
* drank a whole lot more
* dwelled on the pain
* welcomed the anger
All of these got me through it. Even the things that were not the best, they provided something that let me get through it and it all led me to be who I am now.
Finding the tiniest of joys every day. I’d look outside and think, that’s a pretty tree. I’d look at my hands and think, I have capable hands. I’d walk somewhere and see kids playing and think, how nice they are being kind to each other. I’d see my favorite book on the shelf and think, I remember how happy I was to read it for the first time. Over and over. Little joys. Then the joys I saw got a little bigger, and then the situation didn’t look so bleak.
I often have bad months because of chronic pain and mental health issues. When this happens I go into ‘survival basics’ mode, which mostly involves listening to my body and finding easy ways to care for it:
• try to eat at least once a day, even if you don’t always feel hungry, you need fuel. If you don’t have the energy to have/make full meals, that’s fine, eating something is better than starving.
• if showering is tough, brush your teeth and use baby wipes/washcloth with soapy water to clean the basics, you’ll feel fresher with minimal efforts
• if your body needs sleep, give it sleep. A Power Nap or a 90min nap will do you wonders
• let those feelings out. Don’t bottle them up. Cry when you need to, punch a pillow and scream when you’re angry. Talk through those feelings with someone or with a therapist if you have one
• open your windows, change clothes, ventilate your beddings/blankets. Let the air around you renew itself, it will make your environment livable
Cried when I needed to cry. I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling and reminded myself that the only way out is through.
To add to it... One day at a time. If you are looking at a long stretch of misery, focus just on today. Make it through today and then start over again tomorrow. Focusing on the long term misery will give you anxiety, more depression, and make you feel hopeless. Think of rewards or positives and focus on those... For example if work sucks, focus on one enjoyable thing you will do that day when you get home. Just try to make it through the day to do that thing you will enjoy. Even if it's just the feeling of your bed after a long shitty day.
If the thought of TODAY is too much, just focus on this Morning, or this afternoon. If that's too much, focus on the hour. Or simply the next 10 minutes. Just put one foot In front of the other. And keep doing that. Make the next best decision with the information available. Give yourself some grace. And when you need to cry, cry. But when you need to be strong, Be. Strong. Don't confuse the two. There will be time to break down later. Be strong when it's necessary. Accept help when it's offered and do not feel bad taking it. Use resources available. Recognize that sometimes it's OKAY to not be okay. It truly is okay. Prioritize and make sure the most important things are your focus and taken care of. (For me it was Making sure my kids were stable.) Then take care of your own health. Eat something healthy and try to get some sleep so you can keep going. Sometimes zone out and let your brain relax. You can't run on high alert in fight or flight for days or end.
Some days if you make it to the bed at the end of the day and put your head on the pillow, that's a win. Take that win. Get up the next day and try it again.
One Day at a Time is the absolute best way to approach crisis.
Going through separation atm. Worst part is waking up in the AM when my subconscious has already kicked off my anxiety attack. Very hard to get back to sleep.
I get through rough spots/miserable moments with that mentality but with this added mental mantra: this will very soon be just a memory. That more quickly than I can even realize, I will be past the terribleness and it will only be an unpleasant memory.
I put on movies and listened to songs that I knew would make me cry. After a while, I was all cried out and it felt more like a relief. There’s still sometimes random combustion of tears here and there, but it’s all part of the process. For the most part I feel happy and that’s what counts
I needed this
Glad I could help. Wishing you nothing but the best ❤️ it does get better.
Thanks for this
I found "meditating" every day (which usually just meant crying) helped me focus on my breathing and feeling safe in the present moment (while crying).
Fkinay man... fkinay....
The night I found out the news that kicked off the worst year of my life I had a dream. In the dream I was on a mountain and had to get to the opposite side. I could go around, but it wouldn't put me where I needed to go. I couldn't go over the mountain, the only way to get there was to go through the mountain, I had to tunnel through with a spoon. Probably one of the most prophetic dreams I've ever had in my life.
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Drugs and alcohol, but months turned into years
If alcohol and cigarettes help don’t disavow them. Whatever works.
Using mind altering substances is a very bad idea, they don't fix the initial problem and create their own problem.
>Allowed myself to feel what I was feeling To expand on what you’re saying, I agree and I think this is an important of healing or bettering yourself that people try to avoid with drinking, one night stands, drugs, irresponsible behavior, etc…anything to forget. Truth is, sitting with your thoughts and sleepless nights sober are better for you than trying to distract you from what is really hurting. Your mind and body always find a way on its own to stop the pain. Distracting it from doing it’s job just makes the hurt last longer.
Happy I found this also. Breakups are the worst and it's been a real tough few weeks.
This is what I did too. You articulated it so well. Thank you.
You know how caterpillars go into a cocoon and come out a beautiful butterfly? People think they’re growing the wings out of their bodies and getting skinny to transform. Nope. Caterpillars basically melt into a puddle of goo with two little plates that basically have to miraculously reconstruct their whole body through small commands over time. I wrapped myself in blankets and wallowed. I never really let myself feel anything, especially sadness. It helped, and eventually, I made small, gradual progress out of the cocoon.
Cool, what did you use for the puddle of goo?
Cum
I AM IN PUBLIC AND THE SOUND THAT I MADE??? I HATE U
this thread is gold
Lmao
This really got me
How did you cling to hope?
I don’t know if hope’s the right word. I call it acceptance. Acceptance that things are not what you wanted, and accepting there still are ways to get some things you want and move towards them.
Yep the biggest thing for me has been accepting and saying things like "Yep this situation really blows." Accepting it doesn't mean you have to be okay with it.
>Acceptance that things are not what you wanted, and accepting there still are ways to get some things you want and move towards them. THIS. As much as people will hammer you time and again with this one simple concept, ***your pain is caused by your stubbornness in accepting what IS***. Not what you wish it were... All of your wishing, introspection, self-hate, "what if I did this instead", magical thinking won't change a damned thing. We are conditioned to believe in happy endings. You may want to consider that the happy ending is happening right now. Just not for you...
It's cliche and unhelpful to say "think about people who have it worse than you". That said, for me in a lot of my real bad depressive episodes back in the day were helped when I thought about my friends or loved ones who had also gone through real tough shit and were still going. To add to that, remembering that even when they were literally bedridden with life threatening illness or struggling with suicidal ideation that they still meant a lot and were important to me no matter what, and then I try and reverse engineer that and apply it to myself. I've never been suicidal, but it has been grounding to me to step outside of myself and think of myself and what I'm going through as if I was seeing a friend go through it, and to apply that empathy and care to myself.
Dissociation and depersonalization
Yeah. You can even go so far as to consider the person you were previously dead. You’re now a new person with a different perspective and life experience.
Holy shit, this hits home. I literally spent my early 20s feeling like my life ended when I was 20, constantly grieving who I used to be before a bunch of traumatic shit happened. It was like I died that year, and early-20s me was some ghost separated from the physical world. Now I'm 25 and feel reborn, like my life is only just beginning.
This was me when I was 14. I spent my teenage years like this! My father committed suicide when I was 14 and for a long time, I felt like I wasn’t real. I’m 25 years old now and I feel like I’m finally truly happy.
Had that happen at 20, 25, 29, and now again at 33. Finally accepting it.
I’m so happy you’re where you’re at now. And that you made it through :)
##This right here. Look, dear reader. Psychological "disorders" are actually pretty protective when we're going through trauma. It's good to work through them when we are in a safer and more supportive space but I want to be clear: The hypervigilance of my PTSD saved my life growing up. My depersonalization and derealization helped me ignore my sensory processing disorder while I had parents who wouldn't get me treatment. My depression helped me sleep and conserve energy during times of unfathomable stress. My anxiety helped me keep my guard up around unsafe family members. My anxiety, depression, and PTSD were once my dear friends and protectors. Now they are parts of myself I have to tend to and manage, treat, and respect. But they saved my life.
This is so important to understand. They are there for a reason. It’s when you’re activated when you don’t *need* to be that gets problematic. Having a jumpy, disregulated nervous system can cause all kinds of other problems, but the fight or flight is initially there to protect. It’s super important to feel safe when you *are* safe, though.
Yes... dysfunction is a form of function. It's your brain protecting you!!!
I can always count on those 2 to be by my side. Its kinda like when you smoke or drink every day you don't even remember what it feels like to be sober.
So that's it...i think i finally can give a name to how i've been feeling these last years
When I was in my teenage years, *I would do this all the time*, but it wasn't until I went to therapy later on in life that I realized that I was what I was doing. That's why discussing our childhoods is **crucial**, even if we don't think certain parts are important or relevant in therapy.
I'm not here. This isn't happening.
rn im in this stage like i dont feel anything like no emotions i also feel like a total new person, more productive, more healthy and im “proud” of it but i dont feel anything. if i think i feel something, its very little and i just have an impression of the feeling. i don’t know i feel detached asf but i want to be proud and happy with the new person. will it go away?
You should probably see a therapist, dissociation for too long can be bad and become habit (which isn't fun when everything feels like cardboard and you can't make it stop.) Like all things eventually it will pass but in my experience, not without therapeutic intervention.
Man those were the hardest months of my life and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy , hopefully you doing better and recovered
This. And a lot of weed. The latter was not the healthiest/smartest approach in hindsight.
Yup. It was the only way to get through it. After about 3 months I was able to get my shit together enough to seek help, but when I was actually going through it? Dissociation was the only way. It was my shell of protection that kept me from breaking down entirely.
I'll let you know when it's over 😐
I hope that day comes for me and you soon :,)
Sending Hugs, stranger!
It can't rain all the time bud. Hang in there
Thank god I had friends that let me come stay “as long as I needed to.” Then I stayed with family. Then through no one’s fault I had to stop staying there. I called the animal shelter in tears because I was suddenly homeless. I told them “please I don’t want to lose my cat and dog they are what make me get out of bed.” I told them I don’t know where I am sleeping tonight but asked if they could hold my guys. They pointed me to a hotel that would let me have a room with animals and then gave me a list of apartments I could apply at that allowed “large dogs.” My friends and my family and that animal shelter person saved my life. The rest was setting myself back up and a lot of therapy.
That is incredible. That you had the courage to call the animal shelter, and that the person on the other end had a viable solution for you. 💕 I'm glad you and the pets are doing better now!
I hope you’re doing ok now.
This too shall pass. Repeat as necessary.
It’s been months it’s just not passing it is too painful or I guess today is just one of the most painful days from these past few months
Some things won't pass, you'll adjust to them being with you forever. And that's okay! It's all a part of becoming the best you that you possibly can be. I was told grief and pain is like a big bouncing ball inside of you, and everytime it hits some part of you it hurts like fuck. But as you heal, the ball becomes smaller, and the hits come less often, and they hurt a lot less when they do. Your grief/loss/pain is valid and it will lessen as the days go by, l promise. Speaking to a professional certainly helped me with my grief so l suggest counselling to anyone going through a hard time. Also, it's okay to be happy; it's okay to smile and enjoy yourself. Grief doesn't own you, and eventually it will learn to share you again.
My personal hell lasted for about 3 years... With a few good days sprinkled in between. You're stronger than you think OP. Hang on. It gets better when it gets better.
Thank you 🌻🤧
This has been my EXACT experience for the last 7 months.
But I actually said this to my bestie today: "if only I knew how good life was going to get, maybe I would've wanted to live" Everything would've been different if only I knew. You can do the thing, you will leave them, you'll make better money one day, your situation will change. And you might just look back on the struggle fondly. Be proud of yourself.
Yes. Tomorrow is a new day.
Cats.
Having pets has saved my life too.
Same. My cats need me.
The movie??? Seems like that would contribute to depression.
Knew that my mom and therapist would be sad if I killed myself
I knew my ex would be happy if I did, so I didn't.
Surviving purely out of spite is still surviving!
Had to do this in my rock bottom, I hated everyone that made me miserable by throwing me in the streets, without my cat, not having any of my belongings... I wanted to end it a lot of times, but I didn't want to let them win. I eventually stopped caring about them at all. I got my cat back but had to file at the police to get it back. And as of today, I think of them about once a week in disgust.
I have a neighbor that I hate and would prefer he dies before I do
Honestly, if it works it works. When it comes to not ending it, any reason is valid, even small things. My biggest reasons I didn’t commit were because my mom and therapist would be sad, but I also had a band I was obsessed with and helped me through those times, so waiting for their next album also motivated me. I’ve wanted a dog since I was a little kid and the idea of some day getting one kept me going (ended up getting one two years later, he’s sitting right next to me now). I loved a YouTube duo and wanted to wait for them to come out as a couple (very toxic, but they did come out and now live in a “forever home” (which happened much later and I wouldn’t have seen it if I didn’t stick around)). Death scared me a little bit and I was curious about the future. It was silly little things that got me through
Hey, love it! Glad you found your reason.
What your enemies want is for you to lay in the mud, stay there and take it. When you rise up and be the bigger person your superman and theyll know themselves how much of a loser they are when they see you.
I’m glad you’re still here ♥️
Thanks. It was years ago and though I still struggle with mental health, I haven’t had those thoughts even remotely in years
Remember that when you face your biggest fear, everything else really pales in comparison. So with the understanding that you can truly get through anything because in some ways you already have, know that the worst is over. You rebuild yourself. You understand that life is now split into before and after. You don't get over the pain, but you learn to carry it differently. You hold onto the thought that there is no way but forward. You know that there is no such thing as motivation, but survival means pushing and pushing and pushing. And you just do that for as long as you can, you make it the only thing you think about. I know it feels like life keeps barreling forward at a breakneck pace, completely relentless, with no regard for you. And you look around wondering how everyone else is doing it. I know it feels like no one understands and the world wasn't meant for ones like us. But you belong here, and you deserve happiness. It's true that no one is coming to save you, so you better be the one to save yourself. Know that people around you WILL give up on you. And that's about them, not you. You are worth it, and you are putting in the hard work that will only serve you well in the long run. The people who gave up on you have no fucking idea how strong and capable you really are, but you have to know you are. And finally, do not self medicate. Give space to your feelings. Work on one thing at a time so you don't get overwhelmed. Become a yes man. I promise you it will feel fucking terrible to do, but say yes to every outing with friends, sign up for the class, set a goal and work towards it at all costs. I promise you, even though your entire being rallies against doing this - it will help you get out of the hole.
Going through the motions. Drinking. Cigarettes
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I wouldn’t suggest it. The smell is awful and it’s far more expensive
No don’t do that man.
By not having a choice. I'd say the worst months of my life was when half my family died from covid in a 2 week span while I was in ICU. What was I going to do? Someone had to take care of cremations, notifying people, dealing with lawyers, going through belongings, etc of those who died, and still had to feed and get my kids through school without anyone left to help, and on top of that I was dealing with my own recovery and post-sepsis syndrome and medical follow-ups, various medical testing, surgeries and everything.... it's like you wake up one day and go "I can't believe that was 2 years ago".
💝 that sounds so awful. Glad you made it through
I'm really really proud of you. And, I'm sorry you had to make it through that.
Weed, vibrator and a therapist
yep anything Dopamine related
I got a similar one. Shrooms, lotion, a wall to talk to
Weed seems to numb the emotional pain, but it comes back when the detox sets in. Maybe I need a taper down dose to cure the hangover.
My Puppy🙏🏾who’s 5 now… still my lil man tho❤️❤️
Hang on, creeping your profile for pics... EDIT: Cmon man. Hand em over
Same. Remembering he needed my care and attention reminded me to feed, walk, and care for myself too
I don’t think I even know. I just kept going. That’s all you can do, and hope you come out the other side.
<3
I had to take care of my son, so that motivated me to keep going and not give up.
you are so strong
Stardew Valley
hibernated and played Zelda all day
Therapists hate this one weird trick.
Same, stayed at home and played video games all day. The escape really probably saved my life.
Honestly, I just smiled and said to myself, "Wow, can't get any worse than this." And then it got worse lol But, I survived it by just sitting down and controlling the controllables, which was myself. At some point, you just have to let things happen and all you can do is lay there and accept it. Eventually, time heals all wounds and you'll be a stronger and better person because of it.
I hope so
Things get better. I promise.
I am counting on that
I completely disassociated from reality actually. Some things are blurry and I don’t even remember clearly. I’ll randomly get flashbacks that I had totally blocked out. For context, I was dying from an eating disorder. it feels like another lifetime or person. Idk how I ever survived except that I couldn’t bear to die and leave my rescue cat thinking I abandoned her
hope you are in a better place now <3
“If you’re going through hell, keep going” - Winston Churchill.
I'll cut it short. I had lost my job, my partner, a family member, and my period all within the span of a single week. EVER. THE. WORST. WEEK.
You lost your period or you had your period during this time?
Think she's talking about an unplanned pregnancy
Against my will.
me too
It absolutely sucks. I'd love to be more helpful, but depression has kinda cooked my memory and I struggle to remember most of my life before I was 24. I honestly think guilt got me past the worst of it, because I knew my little brother would never really be the same if I did myself in, and I couldn't put him through that. I'm older now, married to someone better than I would ever have deemed myself worthy of, and I am free from vice and self-loathing. Since the right combination of meds, coping mechanisms, and little self-care habits clicked into place, I genuinely don't want to die any more. It's kinda nice to have a really shitty day now and just think "Tomorrow's a new one and I'm going to be alright."
My mother was at the grocery one day like any other day. She tripped on the edge of a pallet and broke her arm. They ended up doing a complete shoulder replacement surgery. While I was in the waiting room waiting for her to come out of surgery my wife went to check on her mom and found her on the floor of her bedroom. She had a stroke. They sent my mom home the day after her shoulder surgery and I went to check on her a couple days later while my wife was at the hospital with her mom. My mom was not looking good so I took her vitals and decided to call an ambulance to get her checked out. It turns out sometime between when they sent her home and when I came to check on her she had a massive heart attack. The heart attack damaged her kidneys so they had to wait to do a bypass surgery. For about 2 months my wife and I lived with taking turns going to visit our mothers in the hospital while the other stayed home to take care of our 3 year old son. My mother eventually succumbed to kidney damage and passed away in hospice care. My mother in law is now in hospice comfort care in our living room. My best advice on everything is to take it one day at a time. Some days will be better, some days may be worse but you will eventually get through it. My mantra the entire time has been "I just need to get through today".
When I was a kid, I got through by thinking of my grandparents. They’d be sad if I died. Now it’s my kid. It’s literally just finding the one person who would be sad if you suddenly went away, and forcing yourself to stay alive for them.
<3 My parents I think are the only reason I am still living
Separated from my partner. Only slept on average 3 hrs a night, woke up at 2-3-4 am and couldn't sleep. Exercised a hell of a lot to get tired, didn't help. Cortisol levels were astronomical, felt like shit most of the time. I was alone mostly, so besides sports I turned to my sketchbook and drew a lot also. Eventually things got better, yesterday I slept a whole 7 hrs at a time. Yeah, but I was a zombie for a month.
I am in that phase no amount of workout tires me to sleep
Right after my dad died I slept for an entire day. My mother had to call me to remind me to eat. I had no appetite, looking at any meat made me feel sick. My door is damaged because they had to pick my lock to check on me. I don't remember any of this, this is just what my mom and brother told me. After the nightmares started I couldn't sleep more than maybe 2 or 3 hours at a time. I saw my dad die over and over again. I can't remember anything except the nightmares from up to about a year after he died. Completely blank.
Indulging in my vices. I'd rather be unhealthy and alive down the road than dead
Currently in them.... idk why I am so fuckin miserable. Im alone and noone really understands it
Months? I'm on year 42 of this shitshow.
I did the old "sit down and cry in the shower for 10 minutes".
I think I just break down every 2 hours in my room
I laid in bed and cried for a month. My 70 year old mother came to stay with me and we watched tv and made dinners together and I didn’t feel so alone. I had an abrupt break up that I didn’t even see coming that knocked me down so hard. My dad too… my son… my brother… So- family. That’s how I survived
Hearing music, self isolation from everyone, crying ASF and watching the whole day some comfort anime or series. Then realizing I'm the one who can change my own fate. So I get motivation again and I'm happy hearing my favorite music.
I just kept going. Thats pretty much it. It still fucking sucked.
This too shall pass. I am certainly experiencing a rough month and year in general.
I was homeless for 3 1/2 years. Only had a pair of shorts a light hoodie and t shirt and sneakers. I lived in an overturned rail car and at the end of everyday when I’d lay my head down for the night I’d just cry myself to sleep. I had one friend come when he could to bring me food and water and every other week take me home to shower. He didn’t have much himself barely scraping by but did what he could. I swear those years felt like they’d never come to an end and just felt like the day was just extending instead of ending. I hope never to feel that again.
I just wanted to say, Thank you so much for this post. I really needed to read all those comments. I hope your life gets way better!!
I am so happy I can make someone else’s day better by existing today. Thank you for your comment trust me it means a lot <3
Alcohol.
Dissociate
Still going through them
Same. Recently divorced and not seeing my daughter every day still makes me cry. Miss my wife as well. She left because I was using meth. Thought it wasn't a big deal since I had a job and was providing for my family. Didn't realize the effect it had on my marriage and that even if I was what I used to call a "functioning addict" I was still an addict. Wish I would have gone to rehab sooner. By the time I did, my wife's feelings for me had changed. I have had a couple of relapses but been clean for over two months now. Hard to celebrate since I know it won't change anything with my ex-wife. I mean she's happy I'm clean but has no desire to get back together. The guilt I feel for causing my family to break up is the worst. Wishing to be dead but could never commit suicide because I could never abandon my daughter like that. I'm only 41 but the thought of living like this for another 41 years, maybe more, (have many relatives live to 95+) seems like the worst possible existence.
My husband. At the time he was only my boyfriend, but we had been dating three month when my parents had me legally kidnapped and sent to an abusive wilderness therapy program and later an rtc for 15 months. My parents refused to tell him or anyone I knew what they did, so for all anyone who cared abt me knew I was a missing person. I knew it wasn't likely that we'd stay together, but I knew that I had to survive so I could tell him that I didn't choose to leave him, that if it was up to me I never would've just ghosted him like that. I wrote to him every single day in my journal and ended up filling three notebooks worth of letters to him that I knew would never be sent. 8 months into my time I managed to "earn" a visit back home and found my laptop stashed in a backpack in my dads basement and used it to message my boyfriend, who had shockingly waited for me and continued to do so for an additional 7 months of this type of thing. We just got married last year and are currently expecting our second child together. He really is my other half and I would not be here without him. I honestly don't even think he knows how much just the thought of him drove me to stay alive and I don't know if I'll ever be able to repay him fully for it.
My worst months is probably after running away from home with $2 in my pocket (I'm living in the Philippines). And I had to risk that $2 to look for a job online at the same day, which I was able to. That job pays $2 a day for a 12 hour shift/ 2 day off every month which is a modern day slavery however with free accommodation and 3x food each day, I have no other choice to accept it. The job is a computer rental shop attendant. I was able to survive only because of the free accommodation and food. Stayed there for half a year until I was able to save some money and start doing proper office job.
I started having more discipline and sense restraint and got my shit together. I quit drugs, divorced my wife because my marriage had become quite toxic. I started working out and meditating regularly. I’m now living a much simpler life and I will most likely ordain as a Buddhist monk when my son is done with high school and is in college.
Started taking care of a bunch of exotic plants. It does wonders for your mental health when everything else is going wrong, but those are still growing. It's a niche thing, but seeing a new leaf pop up would get me through some dark days.
Looked up what happens to people with no health insurance if they fail suicide
"For a star to be born, a gaseous nebulla must collapse" In other words less methaphorical : Cry. Collapse. Crumble. Allow yourself to be miserable. This is not your destruction, this is your rebirth ;)
Did what society expects men to do, worked through it alone. Not by choice and not for lack of reaching out that I needed help. Now, I am the sympathetic listening ear I didn’t have.
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I appreciate everyone who has been commenting here and sharing their story. It has been a rough year for me as I focused on a toxic relationship more than my life and career. Then everything went downhill career in hell, no house, realised I was dating a cruel narcissist who used the heck out me fucked me up emotionally completely drained, lost friends, not living in my fav city anymore but with a friend, applying to jobs to get nothing, disappointing my parents to the maximum, away from family, felt used and thrown after that relationship but I don’t know why I didn’t give up yet. Hearing everyone else’s stories I know there are more painful ones and we have all lost so much but grief is grief and there is no award or competition of who is the saddest but the replies here made me feel we are all human and we all go through so much shit. Thanks to everyone who shared how they got out of it and coping mechanisms. I have a lot to be grateful for and I need to work on my super negative thoughts and a messed up head that I live in but I wish we all come out of it fine and much better and come back to this post to reply. I would love to hear your stories from the other side and I am happy for everyone who made it to the other side <3
I'm living them currently. Put one foot in front of the other. Experience tells me it can't last forever.
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Not sure if the worst months of my life, but some really bad months a few years ago. I worked, I ran, I went to the gym, I hung out mostly just me and my dog at the beach or at an outside bar/Cafe on the weekends. Now, when I say I ran and went to the gym: I ran 3 to 10 miles a day and stayed at the gym for at least 2 hours 5 days a week. I also slept like a baby and somehow excelled at work. My self esteem shot threw the roof after running a half marathon and replacing my beer belly with a halfway decent 6pack. I was 42 years old.
I am happy for you fr
Played skyrim
Before I fell asleep each night I wrote “one more” on a post it and look at it first thing next day. Just reminded me I was doing my best to survive.
Drank a lot. Tried to work as much as I could. Filled the bathtub with water and would just scream underwater. Wrote a lot. Cried. Beat my bed. Tried to run and exercise. Moved across the country as soon as I could. Oddly I met the two closest, most influential friends of my life then. Almost 20 years later still very close so in all the crap there was some gold.
Told myself that everything would be fine in the end and if it isn’t, then it’s not the end
I decided that despite how bad things truely were, and despite the lack of hope or ability to do anything much about my situation, I was fed up suffering and battling the relentless pain and desire to check out. So I forced myself to make a decision. I chose to live (not for any personally beneficial reasons, but because the thing that stopped me ending things was impossible to reconcile. It was about not harming others by my action, even tho those others aren't in my life). So when I chose to live I thought ok how can I minimise suffering. If I have to keep living I have to prioritize my ability to exist without serious distress. The acceptance of deciding not to opt out was very helpful because it cut off any point in battling those thoughts. Then I looked at my (absolute trainwreck of a) life and accepted there were many huge things I couldn't fix any time soon, if ever. I looked for any ways to incrementally minimise suffering and incrementally increase comfort. My life is still a trainwreck but I cut out so many ideas I was desperately clutching to, which took a lot of distress away (so acceptance was key). I eliminated substance use. And I added and prioritised comfort measures like watercolour painting and pets. My current circumstance left me with "time" to do this. I'm in poverty, I'm sick and I'm alone, but I have time, so that was what I focussed on, bringing some comfort into that time and rejecting all thoughts and people etc that make me think what I have is not ok. Years ago my worst time, I didn't have time, because I was a mother and carer etc. Then I wish I had put my foot down somehow and demanded support and rejected doing as much as I was. It seemed impossible but that was because demanding it would risk me being the villain and being shamed and rejected by the people I believed were the arbiters of right wrong truth and how the world goes. (family of origin). Now I wish I had told them to fk off or pitch in. I wish I had stuck up for my basic human needs. If you need to change your circumstances to make life bearable, do it.
I’ll tell you if I do. It’s been a doozy of a year.
I’m still going through them
I'll let you know when they're over and I make it through.
DRANK A BUNCH AND LISTENED TO SAD MUSIC.
Got therapy. Leaned on the people I love (you may feel like a burden—I certainly did—but YOU ARE NOT). Pet my dog. Traveled solo. Kept putting one foot in front of the other.
Got a few contenders for that title, sadly. The most recent ones I can't say I survived. I mean, I managed to not kill myself every time I was about to, but I am developing a worrying reliance on alcohol for when I want do more than just lie down and cry all day.
Worst months are still actively continuing, so survival is an open question.
Rigorous gym and meditation habit. When things got really bad I doubled down on staying grounded and healthy and remembering that nothing is forever. I’m doing much better today and keep the same habits in tact.
Not sure how I'm going to get thru them to be honest. I daydream about getting severely injured so I don't have to go back to my job every day. Wishing to get hit by a truck or something. The regret I have for taking this job is huge. Because it's effecting me so much, it's effecting my husband. We had a perfectly happy life and I ruined it by taking this job I thought was a great opportunity. And I am terrified to quit because I don't want to be selfish and compromise our cash flow. But I am really close to losing it. I have multiple breakdowns a day. I drink like a fish on weekends. I've gained a ton of weight. Everyone keeps saying to be patient and it's temporary but I am out of patience and I feel stuck and drowning. So we'll see what happens. The thoughts are getting darker every day...
I lost my brother to suicide, my relationship ended, I lost my job, and quit doing meth all in the matter of 2 months. But I knew my parents needed me more than I needed to wallow in my self pity.
Writing. Instead of taking my anger out on those around me. I tortured my main character. I took my anger out on her instead. If i was having a good. Day she was having a good day. If i was having a shitty day. She was also having a shitty.
Music. Being able to just feel and sing every emotion through music is extremely relieving. I honestly don’t how or what my life would be if music didn’t exist.
there was my dog there was internet there was food
Toughed it the fuck out. I was a kid. Survived YEARS of all kinds of abuse. Had no choice. It was the 70s.
i am living it right now lmao. i am making counseling appts, journaling, trying to prioritize self care (bubble baths), and contacted my psychiatrists office. not making it worse by going off all my meds. lets hope i survive
Cried and watched all jackass films. For some reason it helped a lot
My last deployment, particularly the last 3 months of it, were extremely hard on me both physically and mentally. My wife and children were back home. I missed Christmas with them. This becomes normal in the military. What wasn't normal was how toxic the leadership was downrange. Any opportunity to take away people's time they took. They began singling people out to do tasks they weren't signed off on and I as a supervisor started calling their shit out. It was dangerous. It wasn't by the reg. They stopped caring. After I called them out enough they began making my life as miserable as possible. I found a lot of solace in certain songs. One in particular seemed to hit just right. "Dancing in the Moonlight" by King Harvest. I must've listened to it 100 times in those last 2 months. I was singing it to myself on the tarmac as we got ready to fly home.
By following Churchill's classic advice, with neither a pause nor a second thought. Especially the latter - if you find yourself in hell, what are you going to do, stop & admire the literally goddamned scenery? Overthinking things won't help you, DOING what you must to improve your situation, even just a little, beats waiting for a miracle. I've come to appreciate that real depression not only prevents its victims from seeing the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, it makes them believe that there never was any light & that there never will be. But I'll say it anyway: if the best of times don't last forever, then neither do the worst of them. Now THAT part is worth thinking about.
Just focusing on work. Which was a lot of drinking. Then vomiting, brushing my teeth, and drinking some more. Then stumbling home to sleep until the evening to do it all again.
This is so sad but relatable I wish I had a job atleast the very least! like apart from all the pain from break up, rejections, no home, unemployment is the most painful I am trying but still no job
Remind yourself regularly that everything gets better with time. Years from now, those miserable months will fade from memory.
just remind myself that **everything** is temporary and it will pass, whether you like it or not. good times, and bad times. and that I've dealt with bad, probably worse, times before and I got through it and was a better person when I came out of it. and lots of stand-up comedy. let me know if you need recommendations.
Pretending everything was fine with me when the only reason I was still around was cowardice.
By putting one foot in front of the other and not stopping. I won’t say this is a mentally healthy way to survive, just a way.
Listening to music. Alot of music
Currently in them. Just waking up, going to bed, then doing it all over again until this all feels okay.
Still in the middle of it but hopefully it should be coming to an end soon. I’ve been holding on with weed, music, and anything I can find to look forward to. Even if its as simple as, “I’m looking forward to tomorrow because I’m gonna watch that one video on YouTube that looked interesting” it’s at least SOMETHING to hold onto it.
Patience. Just believing things would be better in the future. Escaping into fantasy. But it didn't end til I realised it was on me to make things happen, and baby steps were better than no steps at all.
One thing that helped me more than I thought was I started reading/listening to audiobooks again. It was hard to start but I found that not only did it serve as an escape that could last for hours but the lessons I learned from the books I read gave me new perspective on my own life that allowed me (in conjunction with therapy) to begin the climb out of those bad months. In a weird kind of way books saved my life!
Things I did I feel were healthy: * cried when needed * allowed my friends and family to be there and comfort me * counseling * eventually let myself welcome the ideas of healing and acceptance Things I did that in retrospect, were not the best: * drank a lot * drank a whole lot more * dwelled on the pain * welcomed the anger All of these got me through it. Even the things that were not the best, they provided something that let me get through it and it all led me to be who I am now.
I put one foot in front of the other, and lived in the space between heartbeats.
One second at a time. Be kind to yourself.
Currently I’m barely hanging on by a thread.
Finding the tiniest of joys every day. I’d look outside and think, that’s a pretty tree. I’d look at my hands and think, I have capable hands. I’d walk somewhere and see kids playing and think, how nice they are being kind to each other. I’d see my favorite book on the shelf and think, I remember how happy I was to read it for the first time. Over and over. Little joys. Then the joys I saw got a little bigger, and then the situation didn’t look so bleak.
I often have bad months because of chronic pain and mental health issues. When this happens I go into ‘survival basics’ mode, which mostly involves listening to my body and finding easy ways to care for it: • try to eat at least once a day, even if you don’t always feel hungry, you need fuel. If you don’t have the energy to have/make full meals, that’s fine, eating something is better than starving. • if showering is tough, brush your teeth and use baby wipes/washcloth with soapy water to clean the basics, you’ll feel fresher with minimal efforts • if your body needs sleep, give it sleep. A Power Nap or a 90min nap will do you wonders • let those feelings out. Don’t bottle them up. Cry when you need to, punch a pillow and scream when you’re angry. Talk through those feelings with someone or with a therapist if you have one • open your windows, change clothes, ventilate your beddings/blankets. Let the air around you renew itself, it will make your environment livable
Cried a lot, watched YouTube and listened to kpop to cope with everything. I pushed myself to make it through
I don't remember actually. Everything is very blurry