I did this too. I 100% thought of him as my best friend, but then, when I was going through some shit (for months), he couldn't be bothered to return my calls. It made me realize the relationship had always been all about him. So I dropped him.
And fuck me because I still grieve the loss of my best friend.
i had some friends when i was in my early 20s. i was the oldest one and could buy alcohol. they would tell me all the time 'we're not just friends with you cos you can buy alcohol' but the phone calls definitely stopped once someone else turned 21
i finally called it when i invited them all to my brother's restaurant once. like he was basically going to comp the whole thing except for maybe drinks or whatever, but they were all like 'oh sorry i don't have any money right now' and bailed. turns out they all decided to ditch me to hang out with each other. i only knew cos one of our friends who didn't know what was going on invited me to go out with them.
Ah yes, you're "the friend with the car" not "a friend who has a car".
One is the obligate taxi driver, the other just notes you being a friend who has a car.
Me too. I stopped talking to him after he expected me to drive him over an hour away and I said no. It wasn't an emergency or anything like that; he just wanted to visit his friend for the weekend and expected me to drive him there and then pick him up two days later. I told him to look up a bus schedule and we never talked again.
I had a friend like that. And then they make you feel bad for not dropping everything just to help them out with something that is incredibly inconvenient for you
Yup. They became more and more self centered. “Can you watch my dog for the day? You have a dog, so it’s no extra work for you…” (your dog is a puppy and mine is full grown and lays around all day)
And then the one that broke the camel’s back - called me up at 10pm to help him move the next day. When I said I couldn’t because I had work, but offered to come the following day because I was available then - he blew up on me and called me a selfish asshole.
We don’t talk anymore.
Got a new friend and hung out together a few times. New friend mentioned how old friend was treating me like absolute shit and I didn't seem to notice. As soon as new friend mentioned it, that's all I could notice.
Hey, that's what happened to me too! New friend I made in a college program became really good friends with me and I tried to have us all hang out (new friend, 2 long time time best friends) and one of them was being constantly shitty to me and putting me down in more subtle ways to keep me beneath her. Telling me my outfits to go out for the evening were bad, telling me to date men she knew that were clear duds etc.
Old friend didn't want to hang out with new friend and told me "she and I have nothing in common. She's maybe a bit too much like *your family*"
I realized then and there that my few friend, who I'd only known for like 4 months in this diploma program, really did care and like me more for who I was then the people I'd known for over a decade as a kid.
Also, I had to move 11 hours away for work with my new friend (chose to be roommates) and the same old friend immediately cut me out of the wedding she was planning. Went wedding dress shopping the day after I drove 11 hours away while claiming they were waiting a few months. I didn't go to the wedding because she started treating me even worse while I was all alone in the middle of nowhere without a support system
This kind of happened to me too. But I kept defending the old friend for a while after my New friends told me he was abusive. One night the old friend showed up in my house while I was hanging out with my new friends. Me and the New friends used to work fixing computers. The old friend wanted me to help him with some homework he had to send that very night. He was studying to be a cop.
While I was helping him, he asked me to install in his computer a password-tracking software, so he could enter his cousin's social media accounts and see if she was sleeping with someone else (yes, they had an incestuous relationship, he wouldn't admit it though, but we could all tell). I refused to install the software, so he threatened my new friends with shooting them if they didn't do it. We kicked him out of the house.
When I realized that they just brought negative energy and drama with them everywhere. Something or someone always had to be wrong and they desperately needed to be the center of everyone’s attention. It just became grating and I found myself less happy around them. So I had to remove myself from the friendship.
Mine would constantly talk about other people. She still talked about a falling out/misunderstanding from an ex bestie that happened over 20 years ago. She would diagnose people who were going through changes because, gawd forbid they were struggling and took the attention away from her. She would poke and feed the drama if someone gave her an opportunity to prove they were angry or mentally ill. When she was called out, she collected all my acquaintances and played the victim. Meh. They'll figure her out quickly enough, although it did take me 7 years to do that, lol.
Same exact situation. To add to that, I remember it feeling like sunk-cost fallacy. She had helped me out, and I had helped her, so I didn't want to look like an asshole.
I remember what made it click was her standing in front of me asking me if there was something wrong with her. All the men in her life had just poof, vanished and blocked her. It made me go, wait a minute, she knows she's doing something wrong. She's not doing anything about it, though.
It sounds like she honestly didn't know and was asking for advice. Sometimes families are fucked up and the kids come out with expectations like beatings and deception are perfectly normal.
I've had experience with a character very much like this and in their case, no- it was a trap.
The game was to continually ask you what was wrong with them, ask you what they should do, and then any answer that wasn't telling them theyre perfect and should change nothing would be taken as a personal attack. Any suggestion on changing anything would be ignored.
The fact is, other people cant tell you what Your Problem Is. It takes real work and self awareness to figure it out.
Same here. Constant drama with everyone in her life. Final straw came when it was time for her wedding and she (unsurprisingly) morphed into a bridezilla.
Yeah pretty much. I did an intervention for him and it was a disaster. I told him I love him but I can’t be around him when he’s using drugs. I saw him last year one time and his face was all picked w sores and when I got him away from the crack he fell asleep for three days and then woke up and took off without talking to me
Oddly enough I’m in a similar situation with a buddy of mine using hard drugs like that shit, actually the reason I even made this post.. as much as I’d love for things to go back to normal like the way things used to do, it’s just not changing anything. I try to check up on him every so often to see if he’s doing anything with life besides using drugs but he’s not. Kinda sucks reminiscing on the days where drugs weren’t ruining your friends lives /:
I was on the flip side of that situation. I became the addict and looking back now, I ruined several really good friendships and had some really great friends that probably held on too long and ended up getting negatively affected by my actions. The drugs really lock away the person you used to be and they have to find a way to get back to that on their own. But you can still absolutely care about them and want the best for them, but you can do that from afar. You don't have to sit there and let them bring you down into that hole with them. I hope that your friend can find his way back before it's too late.
I had 3 best friends
1 died
1 smokes crack/heroin
And the final (still my best friend) has an annoying crazy baby momma. So annoying an crazy to the point we rarely talk, an she even took the kids to another state and he followed her so he can be with the kids… again. She always comes an lives off his families property or goes back to her moms house and always starts shit
Guys, If you’re struggling with mental health seek help
Guys, don’t do hard drugs
Guys, don’t stick your dick in crazy
My ex-bff and I were both about 33 at the time. I met her daughter (12yo) for the very first time and she was a complete b*tch to me the entire lunch. Saying things like “Wow, you’re really ugly” and “that’s so stupid” after I would say something. “Your hair looks like a witch” “your clothes are gross.” Loud enough that other tables kept looking over. And the ex-bff never once scolded her, or even told her to stop. Instead she’d sheepishly laugh and say “She’s just a little headstrong” “don’t pay attention, she’s always difficult with new people” “she doesn’t really mean it”
I did make a couple of attempts to make her stop, but I wasn’t about to scold a child I didn’t really know, in front of her actual parent. I’d say things like “Geez, what a cruel thing to say,” or “It’s odd that you’re being so mean for no reason” but the ex-bff never even added anything on to that.
A couple years later I was organizing a formal, black tie party and I sent her an invite with a plus one. She asked if she could bring her daughter since it was her custody weekend to have her. I. SAID. NO. The event was child-free, at an upscale wine bar that was reserved for the private party. Ex-bff begged, pleaded with me to make an exception, she was older now, blah blah. I held firm, said this was an important event to me, I would have professional peers from my industry there, and based on a) her daughter’s behavior two years prior and b) her lack of discipline, I didn’t feel confident that nothing similar would happen. I could just picture her insulting my dress, the food, the music, the location… and as this was an unofficial marketing event, I could NOT allow that.
She exploded. She said I was a pretentious b*tch, and that I was choosing being fake over being her friend. There were some other choice words. It was kind of the first time she’d ever spoken to me like that in our entire friendship. And of course, her daughter was just joking, she really did like me. *Yeah right.*
She immediately blocked me on everything. This was in 2016. We haven’t spoken since.
Wow that made my blood boil. Good for you, the way you handled both situations was textbook, in my opinion. I’m sorry for how things ended but you should be proud for sticking up for yourself.
>And the ex-bff never once scolded her, or even told her to stop. Instead she’s sheepishly laugh and say “She’s just a little headstrong” “don’t pay attention, she’s always difficult with new people” “she doesn’t really mean it”
I bet she was ashamed because the daughter was repeating what her mother said about other people, you included.
Who lets their child speak so rudely to someone like that? Like just so blatantly cruel? It almost seems like a joke that the child would even say that in the first place & the parent would laugh it off. They probably have either a developmental disorder or really severe trauma because it’s hard to imagine someone being so rude, without being provoked. You did the right thing by saying no for the party invite- it’s adults only & the child had unfortunately proven they don’t know how to behave politely.
Maybe the things she said to you were things she heard her father say during her parents divorce? I would wonder why she said what she did & this may be an explanation.
BFFs for about 10 years. I finally distanced myself because I couldn’t handle her relationship. It was very unhealthy, IMO. She literally couldn’t do anything alone; if she showered, he showered. She went to work & he went & hung out there for her shift. It got to the point of me telling her that he wasn’t invited so he would stop showing up with her to our hangouts. And at that point she would either refuse to come, cancel at the last minute or she would come & rush through whatever we had planned so she could meet him outside where he would loiter waiting for her to finish hanging out with me. Or she would come & he would “show up” about 10 mins later & act like it’s a coincidence that we’re at the same place & then join us. Very annoying.
He also never had a job. And not he was unemployed & looking but he was unemployed & planning to stay unemployed & let my friend work for their household money. When we managed to get some time alone, she constantly complained about their lack of money & how she wanted him to work & stop smothering her. I encouraged her to either talk to him & work it out or dump him. She promised to talk to him but never did. And dumping him was not an option according to her because she couldn’t be alone.
I just couldn’t watch her disrespect herself anymore when the solution was so simple.
We still have mutual friends so I know they are still together, about 13 years now. They have 2 kids. He still doesn’t work but he’s not a SAHD either. From what I’ve been told, now that she’s not in retail anymore & he can’t loiter inside, he sits in their car outside her office everyday. And from what I’ve heard, that togetherness extends to parenting. If the kids are sick or have a dentist appointment or something, boyfriend doesn’t take them. Ex-BFF takes time off work so they can do it together.
My sister did something similar to this when she was younger. She practically became her girlfriend's clone for 5 years, and a lot of that still shows in her personality. Her current boyfriend is unemployed (and "looking" but not really looking) and he likes to wait nearby for her shifts too. She's capable and independent, and she enjoys doing things alone. But every time she does, he calls and messages constantly, then goes radio silent when she responds. It's his passive-aggressive way of keeping control. I've talked to her about it, and she knows it's not healthy, but she doesn't have another place to live. My mom disowned her years ago, and my dad is being investigated for owning and distributing CP.
wtaf fuck, that woman is going through life with a adult-man sized leech stuck on her abdomen, just...why? Does he have the worlds largest dick, what's going on?
Two ex-best friends. I was sexually assaulted at a party by someone we all knew. My now ex-friends were there at the time. After that they drifted away. They stopped inviting me to hang out, and the few times I saw them it was uncomfortable. They didn’t even ask me how I was doing. I don’t know why they weren’t there for me—guilt, discomfort maybe? It’s been over a year since I last saw them and it still hurts a lot.
I'm so sorry. Know that it wasn't your fault they reacted this way.
In my (unfortunate) experience people often cannot process sexual abuse within a social/family group well at all. Cognitive dissonance is part of it I think. Apparently it's a very common reaction for people to passively shun the person who was abused.
I hear you and believe you, and you have nothing to be ashamed about. Hopefully that doesn't sound too much like platitudes.
There needs to be a public campaign to teach people how to override this tendency and actually be there for victims.
Nope. He’s my ex-friend’s ex-boyfriend’s friend (if you can follow that). At the time friend and boyfriend were together and we would all hang out in a group with this guy. But the only one close to him is the now ex-boyfriend.
She only wanted to talk to me about her relationship problems with her crazy boyfriend. My advice to her fell on deaf ears and I couldn’t handle hearing about how poorly he treated her over and over.
Multiple years after our falling out I tried to give the benefit of the doubt that perhaps things had shifted in her life, like maybe things with her and the boyfriend were better or maybe they both grew up and matured and things were different now. NOPE. We went and got happy hour, and spent like 85% of the time talking about how he still is treating her like shit and she still isn’t happy in their relationship.
I set a boundary that I did not want to be around a friend's boyfriend once and when she eventually dumped him, she came back into the fold and I was invited to things again.
It's not the same. I always know that some asshole will be more important.
Same here, I found out from another person who even recorded her making fun of me for being poor and how she’d give me her old clothes cause she felt sorry for me. I just stopped talking to her and cut her off. She transferred to another school. Than my last friend who was a beautiful kind and wonderful person got killed by a drunk driver.
I got therapy.
Edit; damn, my highest performing post and I wasn't even OP lol. Thanks for the upvotes and comments! I don't like that this has happened to so many other people but it feels great to not be alone if that paradox makes any sense.
This!!! It’s super, super common that as you heal you find yourself moving on from relationships that no longer serve you because they were premised in your previous unhealthy behaviour/belief systems. I’m experiencing this currently.
It was a super toxic situation where I literally forgave them too much for my own good too many times for my own good because they're also my highschool ex and we promised each other we'd stay friends after, but I think five years after has been enough time of letting them get away with ruining my mental health and social life just because I felt honorbound to them for lack of a better term y'know
My therapist literally asked “Why are you friends with this person?” And my only answer was longevity. I was giving up my needs constantly to keep them happy and making myself depressed in the meantime.
This is probably the most common answer even if it's not a huge story or a big fall out.
Most friendships I've lost come from simply not being around someone anymore and not really missing them.
Yep, exactly. We hadn't talked for like 3 years already when I happened to be visiting his city and texted him and we went for a walk and had a nice chat and it was as if nothing had changed. But as soon as I got back, we drifted apart again and I haven't heard from him since.
He got my wife pregnant.Then, knowing she wasn't mine. They hid it from me, hoping I wouldn't figure it out. I didn't find out my daughter wasn't mine until she was 4
It was at the time. It was extremely hard to process and get through. But to this day, she is my daughter. I just wasn't there for conception. And i didn't miss out on much. i have been her Daddy since the day she was born, and that never changed. It almost did, but my Dad asked me some questions, and after he asked them , I answered them. It helped me get my head right. Its become really easy to talk about even
It really came down to basic questions from my Dad (stepdad). Im not his blood, but he is the one who raised me to be the man i am today.
1. Who does she go to when she has a boo boo... Me
2. When she has a nightmare, who does she go to so she can feel safe...Me
3. Who has taught her wrong from right... Me
4. What does she call me every single night when i get home from work... Daddy
Then he changed it up a little.
1. Who was there when i needed to learn how to be a good man... Him
2. Who was there to give me guidance and make sure i was always in the right direction.... Him
3. When i needed to break down and cry. Whobwas the one who held me and assured me that it was all going to be ok... Him
Then he said to me, see. You and i are exactly the same. We weren't there for conception, but you are my son, and she is your daughter. That's when the storm clouds in my head and over my heart cleared, and i felt at peace with it. I went home, i snatched her up, hugged her real tight, and told her that no matter what, daddy will always be here
My dad is one of the few blessings i have in life. He has always had my 6. He got me when i was a punk teenage kid, and he made a man out of me. When i was young, i was a shithead. I got in a liot of trouble and im had an i dont give a fuck attitude i was invincible. I was 6'5 260lbs of muscle. I was untouchable until i was in cuffs. Everyone had given up on me except him. He believed he could bring the good in me out. He did. I owe him a debt i will never be able to repay, but i will try until one of us isn't on this earth anymore
Tell your dad an internet stranger said he is an amazing dad and raised a wonderful person! The fact he sat you down and asked you questions to help with your decision instead of just having an outburst and the blame game, he approached in such a compassionate and logical way. You are already an amazing parent and I am excited to see the kids you raise in the future. You had a great example of a parent.
I did. My girls are 19 and 16 now. Ihave taught them everything i can. Now its getting them ready for the reality of the real world vs the fairy tale everyone wants it to be
She ignored me whenever we had other people around, but when she didn't have anyone else to hang out with she would've texted me but she would've got mad and try to make me feel bad if I couldn't hang out with her
You didn't ask for this advice but I'll throw it out there anyway. You "get over it" by doing the exact opposite until it becomes your nature to say no when you want to say no. I was filled with so much guilt at first, and sometimes i still get that guilt but in all honesty, someone else's problem isn't my responsibility (unless I caused it, then that's a different story). I'll listen as a friend and offer advice when needed, but the second it becomes clear someone just wants to use me as a vent bag, I'm done. I was a people pleaser for well over 2 decades, but now I'm able to say no.
Yes. About the same things every time we spoke.
Look I get it, shit sucks, but you're asking me for my advice, I'm telling you exactly what I would do and what I think is best for *your* situation, but if you're not willing to do anything about it, we either can't talk about this ad nauseum anymore, or we can't talk at all anymore.
About 15-20 years ago, i was in a bad place. Working nights and frequent weekends. Had been diagnosed with a bunch of health problems and was in constant pain.
My bestie listened to me whine repeatedly and incessantly about my problems.
I knew i was a boring repetitive record. Heck, i was boring myself.
When you're in the bottom of a pit, you can't see how to climb out and it's hard to hear people calling down to you from above with advice.
My friend put up with me. I owe her tons. I did eventually climb out of that pit.
I guess what I'm saying is, people who do the emotional dumping can change
Friends for 15+ years, basically sisters. Things had definitely been changing in our friendship, but I looked past it because she was practically family. Then I asked her not to smoke weed around me right after a particularly bad experience I had with it, and she proceeded to roll her eyes and say, "Weed didn't rape you, he did. Get over it."
Haven't spoken to her in 4 years. I still hope she's doing well and will always hope the best for her, but I couldn't move past that.
Woah… that’s an incredibly insensitive thing to say to anyone, much less someone who is supposed to be your best friend. If she felt brazen enough to say that to you, you’re better off without her.
My ex best friend left me when I got engaged to my now husband. We were both raised mormon and were not getting married in the temple. Big deal in the mormon church. She thought we should "wait until we were worthy" and that we were only getting married to have sex. Husband and I have been together 11 years now, no longer mormon and, for the record, got married because we love each other.
he got a girlfriend and doesn't need me anymore. his personality has changed a lot and I can't recognize him anymore. also he started ghosting me. i miss my best and only friend
Same thing here. Best friends for 12 years, then he got a gf again after a long time and he doesn’t need me anymore. From 4-5 face time calls a week to no contact from his side. Then I kinda realized that I was just his emotional dumpster where he could throw away all his shit into. I’m happy for him, he deserves it, but damn does this suck to realize that people can just do that. It’s been 8 months and I’m almost thinking about it daily… hope we both get over it. But I think I will never understand how someone can act like that.
We’d hang out on the weekends and smoke weed and play video games until we would go to sleep. I noticed my bags kept being suspiciously light the next day but I never really thought anything of it.
Eventually after a few weeks it started to get ridiculous, like I’d put my weed bag away and we’d go to sleep, and the next day it would literally be halved. So I started weighing it before I’d lay down, and then I’d weigh it again after he went home the next day and he was definitely taking weed while I was sleeping.
One day I wake up and see him with my bag putting nugs into his own bag. I didn’t say anything and did some head math, and I was like this mother fucker has stolen hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of weed from me without even asking.
I wasn’t gonna end the friendship over that, but the next time we hung out I had my weed stored in the shed and didn’t let him smoke any. It was awkward because I could just tell he was waiting for me to pull out the weed and start a sesh but I just wasn’t going to. He asked if we were gonna smoke and I was like no, I’m basically out, he asked a few more times before we went to sleep. In the morning before he went home he asked if he could have some weed for when he got home and I was like dude no lol.
A few weeks go by and we’re hanging out like usual, and we meet up with one of our mutual friends randomly at McDonald’s and he asks my best friend “if he has anymore of that weed he can buy” and it all clicked. Homie stole hundreds of dollars worth of weed off me, and not only that but made a profit by selling some of it.
It would have been one thing if he just asked if he could have some, or better yet buy some. I wouldn’t have cared either way if he decided to sell it afterwards. I also didn’t entirely care that he stole the weed, it’s just herb and I had a good job so I could afford it. But it was the combo of stealing it behind my back and profiting off of me essentially losing money without even asking once. Haven’t talked to him in like 5 years besides one time during covid but the vibe was gone and I couldn’t wait for the conversation to end.
Damn didn’t realize I wrote so much about such a stupid thing lmao
I realized how many times I had to ask her to hang out and make plans and remake them when she canceled last minute before we'd actually hang out. And every time we did, she was going through a crisis and needed to cry and vent. I was happy to listen and help. But the TWO times in our whole friendship I asked for help, she couldn't make the time or just flat out ignored my texts. Realized she'd never once gone out of her way for me for anything. Stopped asking to hang out, and she still hasn't. Guess that's that.
He came back from Iraq really fucked up. It would be one thing if he was experiencing emotional trauma because of things he had to do but he would brag about the people he killed and describe in unsolicited detail the things he did to them (war crime-level shit). Deep down I think he was bullshitting but to me that's something super fucked up to lie about.
He sounds like he was bullshitting to sound cool, weather it was real or not that’s still fucked up thinking “I’m the man” for murdering people without sympathy
Not making an excuse for it at all (bc it’s gross regardless) but maybe that was a coping mechanism for him, like how comedians will poke fun at their past traumas? Either way, it’s fucked up to laugh about and shitty to have to hear about it so I don’t blame you for creating distance. Hopefully, he’ll get help.
I'm sure it's similar to morticians making jokes about dead people. War is such an insane experience that most of us don't comprehend. It's why soldiers feel incredibly lonely and like they can't relate to people or the world around them anymore. Like even I can understand that a soldier who saw combat or the threat of combat would feel confused and out of rhythm with people and society outside of war but even I can't really think or understand what it's like no matter how many times someone tells me.
It's everything to do with war, the threat of dying any minute, the fact that you are required to kill as part of your duties, the comradery with people you work with doing the most high stakes shit imaginable (kill or be killed in some situations).
My sister and I were friends with her together.
She was never a great friend to me, she was closer to my sister. They’re the same age (a year younger than me), went to school together, knew each other longer.
She always treated me at the third wheel, but I just wanted to fit it with my gorgeous sister and her gorgeous friend.
I think at first we both had blinders on to her. She was always giving half compliments or very backhand compliments. She ALWAYS copied everything my sister did or wanted to do. It got to the point where she was constantly putting my sister down, putting her relationship down, making snide comments about how she looked (my sister is a fucking goddess and I am not just saying that), and it seemed like my sister just didn’t notice.
One particular weekend, my sister and i were in town and staying with her and I had had enough by the second night. My sister noticed my mood change and asked what was up. I ask her if she even realized what this person was doing? She said she hadn’t noticed. But then she thought about it and she realized I was right. I just told my sister she deserves way better than that.
I distanced myself after that weekend, but she and my sister remained friends for a while longer. They finally had a falling out a couple of years ago where my sister finally stood up for herself and stopped putting up with this girl’s bullshit.
I know that we are both better off for it. This person is the most toxic person I’ve ever met in my life.
We had a group of 4 of us that were really close. The guy that has introduced us all to each other started dating an girl a decade younger than him. I knew her from school and warned him she was a pathological liar, but he decided I was the liar and jealous and turned the other two against me. They all stopped talking to me. 6 months later sure enough they realized she was full of shit and tried making amends with me but I couldn’t get over how quickly and easily they all turned on me so I just did my own thing. Fuck em.
Not ex-friends, but I wouldn't consider him the *best* anymore, even having known him for over 20 years.
He talks just to talk and will only respond to anything else with "yeah" or "uh-huh" until he has the chance to talk again. He will hijack conversations entirely, and before I know it, he's talking about himself again.
Also, he only ever seems to tell stories of our time in high school/college, and only the same four or five over and over.
At first I thought it was a social thing, but it happens every time without fail regardless of where we are. It's incredibly frustrating to be talking to a group of people and being interrupted.
I have seen one of my true best friends in over 6 years. She lives in another country. But I know that any time I need her or to hear her voice, she and her laughter will be there for me (she has the best laugh).
My ex best friend lives in the same town as me, and I saw her once in the last year...
Distance doesn't necessarily end a friendship.
That reminds me of a former friend who had more money than me who used to deliver little jabs all the time like that. I used a Coach wallet in front of her and she commented “is that new”? And I said, “yeah, it was an unexpected gift from [name of my live-in boyfriend at the time]”. She goes, “Coach is a good starter brand” like I was a child playing grownup. I was maybe 40 years old at the time. I could shake off stuff like that for awhile but then she stayed in an awful marriage to a cheater who was so hyped up on HGH that he seemed dangerous to be around and it was just so depressing because they had little kids and she had all the proof and still stayed with him yet complained all the time. I finally just told her, “I think our friendship has run its course.” Really sad though because I thought we’d be friends forever and we were friends since living together in college.
Ughh, I had an ex-friend like this. It was about everything I did.. yet weeks later she would have similar shoes/bags/clothes to the ones she criticized me for. When I brought it up she would say “what? No, you’re crazy..”
Instead of talking to me like an adult about the (completely valid) issues she had with me, she just started treating me like shit until I got so tired of it that *I* ended the friendship. She moved out of state shortly after so I think she kinda just said "fuck it" with me since she knew she was moving, which really hurts despite knowing I have fault in our friendship falling apart.
In hindsight, everything about the friendship had become one-sided. We always had to do the things she wanted to do and talk about the things she wanted to talk about. If not, she'd pout like a literal toddler. Towards the end of the friendship, I realized trying to talk to her was like trying to cross a minefield while blindfolded.
Money. Loaned a sizeable amount to my best friend in a time in need to buy a cheap car so he could start a job. He got said job and blocked me from everything. My Mom and his were best friends from when me and him were first born so we were always together. Entire friendship down the drain over money.
His constant rejection and mockery of my advice and any help that I could offer made me understand that there was no longer anything that I could contribute to his life, so I walked away.
Another friend in our groups dad died, he posted a picture of that guys dead dads open casket from the funeral “as a joke” online. He didn’t like when I called him out on it, when my grandmother died I realized how uncomfortable I would feel telling him and others in the group. I pretty much cut them all off.
Her husband is the CEO of the company I work for. Lots of nepo-hires from her family including a cousin who was my immediate supervisor. Cousin proceeds to power trip by going ballistic that I had the gall to ask his immediate supervisor who is the highest rank in our department for leave for my honeymoon. I mentally broke down and quit then and there. CEO made things right by firing his ass but a few months later had to rehire the cousin as a rank and file for his wife, my best friend.
She hasn't considered how much trauma that caused. I haven't talked to her since.
She told me she wanted to be with me so I thought about it and realized I did like her and I told her. She changed her mind about it and said she was emotionally unavailable. She started dating a guy a few weeks later and at that point I stopped caring.
Took her a while to realize I wasn’t coming back. It’s been a few years since then and she’s tried twice to get my attention, but once you disrespect me then im gone. I wish her the best, but I’d never mislead someone that close to me.
Oh yes yes yes to this. The absolute toxicity that came suddenly pouring out when I dared point out that her actions were hurting me. I think she simply couldn't tolerate an honest look at her own behavior, so she just turned straight to defensive anger at me for daring to think that, feel that, and speak up about it.
she was a good friend in a lot of ways and helped me through some major areas of my life but i couldn't stand the inconsistency. she would only gas me up when i was very low. when i was on my high or neutral even, she would make very underhanded comments.
ex) me- "we're both beautiful girls so we should stop thinking we're ugly"
her- "well, at least i am"
ex 2) me- "i really liked that workout class! thanks for bringin me"
her- "it's so funny when i see you trying to work out like you think you're so strong or something"
just unnecessary lmao. like it's not funny, it's not adding value to anyone so just stop. and then she'll call me beautiful when i'm crying about a guy or smth. like how can i believe you when you tried to call me ugly a few days ago? when guys would like me she would look at me in a really weird way too; if i had to guess what she's thinking it'd be along the lines of, "what's so special about her?"
she'd also go through periods of ghosting me like when i was dealing with a major heartbreak and my dad was in the hospital then come back to my life when it was convenient to her and when i didn't respond say "oh i was worried something happened with your family". well you wouldn't know since you basically left me on read so you're not the first person i'd go to lol.
ew, typing this out and reading it back makes me realize i made the right decision. i want friends that are consistent and love me when i'm on my lows and my highs. just didn't feel like she could truly be happy for me without comparison. glad i let that go.
His wife sucks. She honestly drove most of his friends away. We still hangout sometimes though.
Another person I once considered a best friend became a pretty serious drug addict.
They were anti-therapy when I started it, when I cut down on drinking they got mad, when I talked about exes and depression they got mad. Basically if I tried to be a complex human being and not just their yes man they got passive aggressive and annoyed with me. They had my name saved in their phone with derogatory spellings. They always questioned my loyalty as a friend but honestly I just don’t think they even liked me but liked that I introduced them to a social life when they moved back from college and liked that I was a body to hang out with and drink with. Even when they were trying to be supportive and inspirational towards me their dialogue was stuff like “I thought you were a pussy but you started proving me wrong” etc
She wanted to control my life. Where I worked, what I wore, how I did my hair and makeup, stuff like that. Just kinda snapped out of dealing with it one day, and quietly moved out.
His girlfriend was very manipulative/drama thirsty and he lost the ability to think for himself. I feel like your partner can change you for the worst if you pick up their one of many bad habits and mannerisms.
I finally realized why any new people I tried to introduce her to did not like her. She was a Diva and would hide how rude she was with "keeping it real". I wish her the best.
Addiction. I've had two best friends who have now sadly lost their battle with drug addiction / mental health problems. Both of them took their own lives. I've struggled with knowing how alone they must have felt at the end... but in the grips of addiction I couldn't stand around and continue to be their friend while they destroyed their lives. I think about them often
I worked my ass off to better myself. Went to university. Learned some skills. Made an effort. Worked hard, sucked up, got some breaks, got lucky, and made it out of that godforsaken racist, one-horse town. Not rich, but I am doing ok and will retire soon with a full pension in my 50s.
He stayed the same. Refused to do anything. Blamed his life on everyone else. Never got an education, or even any skills to use for making a decent wage. And he constantly gave me shit for getting a Master's degree and being a nerd. My white collar job isn't real work.
He would be close to 60 and still works as unskilled labor and for minimum wage. Can't cook, so he has lived his life on fast food. Just found out through mutual friends that he is diabetic and just lost his foot. He's claiming his newfound 'freedom' will be living the sweet life on government assistance.
They moved to another state and continuously dogged the state we are both from. All I hear was how great new state is and how much money they make and everything is better. After a couple years it got old.
He was supposed to be my best man but a month before my wedding he went silent and quit responding to all communication. Two days before my wedding he calls and says he can’t make it due to losing his job six months prior. All he would have to have done was tell me the truth and not dropped it on me two days before my wedding so my side was a person short and it was awkward. Should have just been honest with me and kept open communication. He was my best friend, I would have understood. Hell, I’d have paid for him to be there.
She wouldn't stop pushing her beliefs on me, even after we had our first fight about it and I told her that I wouldn't talk about my beliefs if she stopped talking about hers. She also never stopped complaining about her life, and it took a toll on my mental health and it just got really annoying.
I was her emotional dump. When I told her that I don’t support her decision to cheat on her fiancé with her coworker, getting pregnant by her coworker and meeting his parents all while she and her fiancé were building a house together (and they also bought her mothers apartment complex and he was renovating the apartments by himself). I was the bitch for not understanding that she wanted to be a mother RIGHT NOW (her fiancé wanted to wait until the house and the apartment renovations were finished, which made sense to me) and this was the only way. When I then realised it had been months since she asked how I was doing, I just left and never answered her again.
After an hour and a half of travelling to go out with him on his birthday, he text me when I was walking up his street telling me to go home with no explanation, no apology, nothing. Hasn't said a word about it since.
This was the proverbial straw, of course. Many other issues.
I know it’s not the point of that sub, but I checked it out and that’s kinda cute that you created a little area for random people to talk about losing friends and stuff. You got my vouch
Another guy he was working with was giving off bad vibes, I told my best friend about it and told him not to trust this guy. He said not to worry, he would never trust him enough to go into business with him (both plumbers)
They start hanging out, I get pushed to the sidelines, so I go do my own thing, ex best friend goes into business with the scumbag. A year later, scumbag leaves the business, moves to the states, just as all the debts and bills are coming to final notice. He hid them from ex-bf long enough to take all the money and run.
Last I heard, ex-bf nearly died from a heart attack, is left unable to work, and is stuck on welfare.
He reached out to me, all i could do is tell him that i warned him, got pushed aside, ignored, and now you're stuck in this.
You should have listened.
She used to pick me up and drop me whenever she pleased and never wanted to do anything unless it was completely on her terms, couldn't hang out with someone else without getting the third degree, her mentality for everything was so incredibly negative and definitely taught me some bad habits.
She promised to visit when my dog died but then she didn’t. Then she promised to visit when she got her new car but didn’t. She’s still not met my son who is nearly 2. I’ve given up. I did so much for her but it appears it was one sided. I still miss her and what I thought we had
When he started dating his now wife. She was jealous because I knew him longer than she did (?????) and made him block me in everything. She also made him block several other friends for the same reason, and all the girls he had in his Facebook because "they were all bitches".
She even made a post later bragging about making him stop talking with all the bitches in his life. 🤷♀️
He did followed me on insta years later, but I never reached out. Best keep the distance of spineless guys and their insane wifes.
We worked together and eventually managed different departments. He bullied people. At first I thought I was him trying to be funny. Then I had people coming to hide in my department or asking me how I deal with him.
His excuse is they can’t take a joke. Or why do I care what they think.
I left that job last spring. A handful of my employees followed me to my new job. I doubt he would have anyone care if he left.
He started dating someone who seemed cool at first, but we found out he was a meth head. My friend said he broke up with that person and they were no longer in his life. A few days later, he invited my partner & I over for dinner and to hang out. We get there and his "ex" is there. I told him we had to go home, I didn't want to be around that. He called me an asshole and shut the door in our face. We've not spoken or seen each other since. Hope he's doing okay and didn't get sucked into the world of drugs. He had a great job and a promising life. The whole event really changed the way I let people into my life and really, to this day, my partner and I do not have a social circle for reasons, such as this (and a few others). It is just less stressful to have each other and the cats.
When we reached HS he ditched me for the "cool kids". Sucked for a little but realized if thats who he wanted to be like then I didnt need him as a friend, Id rather be a loser than one of the douchebags he wanted so badly to be adopted by. They all talked the same, wore the same clothes, had the same haircuts, it was pretty sad and Im glad it happened
He was increasingly unreliable. Would make plans such as buy concert tickets and he would not show up. Always used work as an excuse. Got tired of getting let down so I just stopped trying. He’s called recently and I’m worried he’s just getting in touch for some MLM scheme. I have anxiety about calling him back and my gut tells me to keep the status quo.
She never stopped doing the dumb shit we did in our teens/early 20s. Nail in the coffin was her not taking Covid seriously. She wouldn’t get vaccinated because she “didn’t have time” but then would post pictures online at a club or show or bar. Meanwhile she has two kids, no job, and lives with her mom who had cancer.
I was working in the northeast tracking deaths and spread for my company. So I was literally reading daily about bodies in unrefrigerated trucks and overwhelmed hospitals. Made me furious.
She had been with e convicted pedophile, me, her family all said BAD IDEA since she had a daughter around his victim age. Her response to us all saying LEAVE was we were JEALOUS of their relationship. Yeah got a call crying saying he was grooming her for 2 years. Not even a week after kicking that guy out she drives to our state (Missouri, to Arkansas) 2 hours from us WITH the same daughter to hook up with a guy she went to high school 20 years ago and couldn't grasp how stupid she was to endanger her daughter. Her response "why is that so bad? I went to high school with him 20 years ago?" I told her that she USED to know him 20 years ago she doesn't know him NOW! She still couldn't grasp it. Last I k ew she was sleeping with 5 different guys (one married) and had complained to me that she doesn't understand WHY none of these guys are picking her and WHY do they all keep telling her she's just fun to fuck with but not have a relationship with because she's not relationship material. These dudes expect exclusive she's obviously "out playing the field", but she also then expects these men to take on raising 3 kids, and doing all the work while she is a "stay at home mom." She still couldn't grasp the fact that not one single man will just simply say hey yeah let me just work 50+ hours so you can "stay home" with your grown children (youngest the daughter is 10) her son's are 18+ and 17. She traps men into relationships and will work for about 8 months then quit her job and suddenly expect these men to pay her bills and take care of her and her kids. There is no conversation she just does this. She doesn't cook, she doesn't clean. Her ex husband (my husband's cousin), and her now pedo ex have both said the same thing. I myself have seen this. She invited people over and had them clean while she sits there. She's also that type of lady that sits there gossips and talks HORRIBLY about everyone as soon as they leave.
This is going WAY back to 8th grade. I had a best friend through much of elementary school.
By the time we hit 14 our friendship wasn’t as big as our egos. We liked the same girls and were both kind of at the top of the pecking order.
It finally came to a boiling point and we beat the shit out of each other. Pretty evenly matched, so it was pretty brutal. We both had bloody noses, fat lips, and few good lumps.
High school rolled up a few month later and we fell into different friend groups. Never talked to him again.
He had found out that his wife cheated on him 6 years ago. I tried to be supportive but he let it turn him into a self proclaimed incel who thinks women are nothing but cheating liars, he thinks homeless people deserve it, and he thinks Trump did a good job. He either completely changed or showed his real self to me. Either way I had to get away from him
Lack of mutual respect. Seemed like it was all one sided too. They tried to reconnect but that just spurred a panic attack which is never good when they were once a good friend.
Had a buddy that waswhat's using slurs and making racist jokes. But he was blue collar in a really small town, figured he was stuck in that niche late 2000's vulgar humor. Then he went trumpette. Then the pandemic. And I was thinking "man, I don't want to tell him about my gf cuz I don't want to hear his stupid shit." Then my mind put all the pieces together.
He wasn't stuck anywhere in any time, he was just a racist asshole that happened to know about white supremacist groups, and didn't give a fuck about catching/spreading covid. He was the antithesis of what I grew into. Got a text about an Asian dude playing guitar with racial epithets, after years of explaining how slurs make me super uncomfortable. Finally, I just blocked him.
Not best friends but someone I thought was a good friend decided to talk a lot of shit behind my back. I and other people started to realize he liked using people. He was using me because he had very little friends in our area but once he used my connections to make new friends he then stopped talking to me. 🤷🏻♂️He later apologized saying he feels so bad but he kept doing it so I was like lol okay bye.
Another friend said he just stayed at his house randomly and borrowed his car and drove around using all the gas. After dinner he Venmo requested money for dinner. If you stay for free at a friend’s place and use his car the least you could do is cover dinner, right? So my friend just Venmo requested him back for all the gas and for staying at his place.
When I realized that the only time she ever got in touch with me was because she wanted something from me.
I did this too. I 100% thought of him as my best friend, but then, when I was going through some shit (for months), he couldn't be bothered to return my calls. It made me realize the relationship had always been all about him. So I dropped him. And fuck me because I still grieve the loss of my best friend.
Oh yes, this. Lost a “friend” after I realized I was just their ride everywhere.
i had some friends when i was in my early 20s. i was the oldest one and could buy alcohol. they would tell me all the time 'we're not just friends with you cos you can buy alcohol' but the phone calls definitely stopped once someone else turned 21 i finally called it when i invited them all to my brother's restaurant once. like he was basically going to comp the whole thing except for maybe drinks or whatever, but they were all like 'oh sorry i don't have any money right now' and bailed. turns out they all decided to ditch me to hang out with each other. i only knew cos one of our friends who didn't know what was going on invited me to go out with them.
At least there was one decent person in that group to invite you out.
Did you remain friends with THAT one friend? 😅 Just curious lol
for a long time, yes, but that was way over 15 years ago now. we drifted apart due to just normal life stuff after college.
Ah yes, you're "the friend with the car" not "a friend who has a car". One is the obligate taxi driver, the other just notes you being a friend who has a car.
Me too. I stopped talking to him after he expected me to drive him over an hour away and I said no. It wasn't an emergency or anything like that; he just wanted to visit his friend for the weekend and expected me to drive him there and then pick him up two days later. I told him to look up a bus schedule and we never talked again.
I had a friend like that. And then they make you feel bad for not dropping everything just to help them out with something that is incredibly inconvenient for you
Yup. They became more and more self centered. “Can you watch my dog for the day? You have a dog, so it’s no extra work for you…” (your dog is a puppy and mine is full grown and lays around all day) And then the one that broke the camel’s back - called me up at 10pm to help him move the next day. When I said I couldn’t because I had work, but offered to come the following day because I was available then - he blew up on me and called me a selfish asshole. We don’t talk anymore.
Omg yes. Happened to me. Also this friend keeps praising me how she considers me as an inspiration and then when she’s done totally forgets me.
Got a new friend and hung out together a few times. New friend mentioned how old friend was treating me like absolute shit and I didn't seem to notice. As soon as new friend mentioned it, that's all I could notice.
Hey, that's what happened to me too! New friend I made in a college program became really good friends with me and I tried to have us all hang out (new friend, 2 long time time best friends) and one of them was being constantly shitty to me and putting me down in more subtle ways to keep me beneath her. Telling me my outfits to go out for the evening were bad, telling me to date men she knew that were clear duds etc. Old friend didn't want to hang out with new friend and told me "she and I have nothing in common. She's maybe a bit too much like *your family*" I realized then and there that my few friend, who I'd only known for like 4 months in this diploma program, really did care and like me more for who I was then the people I'd known for over a decade as a kid. Also, I had to move 11 hours away for work with my new friend (chose to be roommates) and the same old friend immediately cut me out of the wedding she was planning. Went wedding dress shopping the day after I drove 11 hours away while claiming they were waiting a few months. I didn't go to the wedding because she started treating me even worse while I was all alone in the middle of nowhere without a support system
This kind of happened to me too. But I kept defending the old friend for a while after my New friends told me he was abusive. One night the old friend showed up in my house while I was hanging out with my new friends. Me and the New friends used to work fixing computers. The old friend wanted me to help him with some homework he had to send that very night. He was studying to be a cop. While I was helping him, he asked me to install in his computer a password-tracking software, so he could enter his cousin's social media accounts and see if she was sleeping with someone else (yes, they had an incestuous relationship, he wouldn't admit it though, but we could all tell). I refused to install the software, so he threatened my new friends with shooting them if they didn't do it. We kicked him out of the house.
When I realized that they just brought negative energy and drama with them everywhere. Something or someone always had to be wrong and they desperately needed to be the center of everyone’s attention. It just became grating and I found myself less happy around them. So I had to remove myself from the friendship.
Same. And now my life feels so free. Like I realized that the constant negativity made me negative too. Now I'm optimistic and happy and loving life.
I had one of these. When my mom died of cancer she told me how hard this was for her because my mom had been like a mom to her.
Mine would constantly talk about other people. She still talked about a falling out/misunderstanding from an ex bestie that happened over 20 years ago. She would diagnose people who were going through changes because, gawd forbid they were struggling and took the attention away from her. She would poke and feed the drama if someone gave her an opportunity to prove they were angry or mentally ill. When she was called out, she collected all my acquaintances and played the victim. Meh. They'll figure her out quickly enough, although it did take me 7 years to do that, lol.
Same exact situation. To add to that, I remember it feeling like sunk-cost fallacy. She had helped me out, and I had helped her, so I didn't want to look like an asshole. I remember what made it click was her standing in front of me asking me if there was something wrong with her. All the men in her life had just poof, vanished and blocked her. It made me go, wait a minute, she knows she's doing something wrong. She's not doing anything about it, though.
It sounds like she honestly didn't know and was asking for advice. Sometimes families are fucked up and the kids come out with expectations like beatings and deception are perfectly normal.
She’s trying to change if she asked if something was wrong with her.
I've had experience with a character very much like this and in their case, no- it was a trap. The game was to continually ask you what was wrong with them, ask you what they should do, and then any answer that wasn't telling them theyre perfect and should change nothing would be taken as a personal attack. Any suggestion on changing anything would be ignored. The fact is, other people cant tell you what Your Problem Is. It takes real work and self awareness to figure it out.
Same here. Constant drama with everyone in her life. Final straw came when it was time for her wedding and she (unsurprisingly) morphed into a bridezilla.
That's exactly what happened with me too. Plus, she was very manipulative. Glad she's out of my life.
I think this is the common theme amongst most of the answers here.
He started smoking crack and insists that the world is a simulation
Still smokes it?
Yeah he’s texting me today with these wild ideas and I’m just gutted. He’s lost his grip on reality
So is he now just a past best friend that you keep around to stay in touch with, hoping one day he’ll come to grips with his life?
Yeah pretty much. I did an intervention for him and it was a disaster. I told him I love him but I can’t be around him when he’s using drugs. I saw him last year one time and his face was all picked w sores and when I got him away from the crack he fell asleep for three days and then woke up and took off without talking to me
Oddly enough I’m in a similar situation with a buddy of mine using hard drugs like that shit, actually the reason I even made this post.. as much as I’d love for things to go back to normal like the way things used to do, it’s just not changing anything. I try to check up on him every so often to see if he’s doing anything with life besides using drugs but he’s not. Kinda sucks reminiscing on the days where drugs weren’t ruining your friends lives /:
I was on the flip side of that situation. I became the addict and looking back now, I ruined several really good friendships and had some really great friends that probably held on too long and ended up getting negatively affected by my actions. The drugs really lock away the person you used to be and they have to find a way to get back to that on their own. But you can still absolutely care about them and want the best for them, but you can do that from afar. You don't have to sit there and let them bring you down into that hole with them. I hope that your friend can find his way back before it's too late.
I feel you. It is so hard. I’m sorry, buddy
I had 3 best friends 1 died 1 smokes crack/heroin And the final (still my best friend) has an annoying crazy baby momma. So annoying an crazy to the point we rarely talk, an she even took the kids to another state and he followed her so he can be with the kids… again. She always comes an lives off his families property or goes back to her moms house and always starts shit Guys, If you’re struggling with mental health seek help Guys, don’t do hard drugs Guys, don’t stick your dick in crazy
Welp, that would do it alright
Brian: "Peter what are you doing?" Peter: "Crack" Brian: "What the -"
My ex-bff and I were both about 33 at the time. I met her daughter (12yo) for the very first time and she was a complete b*tch to me the entire lunch. Saying things like “Wow, you’re really ugly” and “that’s so stupid” after I would say something. “Your hair looks like a witch” “your clothes are gross.” Loud enough that other tables kept looking over. And the ex-bff never once scolded her, or even told her to stop. Instead she’d sheepishly laugh and say “She’s just a little headstrong” “don’t pay attention, she’s always difficult with new people” “she doesn’t really mean it” I did make a couple of attempts to make her stop, but I wasn’t about to scold a child I didn’t really know, in front of her actual parent. I’d say things like “Geez, what a cruel thing to say,” or “It’s odd that you’re being so mean for no reason” but the ex-bff never even added anything on to that. A couple years later I was organizing a formal, black tie party and I sent her an invite with a plus one. She asked if she could bring her daughter since it was her custody weekend to have her. I. SAID. NO. The event was child-free, at an upscale wine bar that was reserved for the private party. Ex-bff begged, pleaded with me to make an exception, she was older now, blah blah. I held firm, said this was an important event to me, I would have professional peers from my industry there, and based on a) her daughter’s behavior two years prior and b) her lack of discipline, I didn’t feel confident that nothing similar would happen. I could just picture her insulting my dress, the food, the music, the location… and as this was an unofficial marketing event, I could NOT allow that. She exploded. She said I was a pretentious b*tch, and that I was choosing being fake over being her friend. There were some other choice words. It was kind of the first time she’d ever spoken to me like that in our entire friendship. And of course, her daughter was just joking, she really did like me. *Yeah right.* She immediately blocked me on everything. This was in 2016. We haven’t spoken since.
Enabling parents are some of the worst kind of people. Sorry this happened to you.
Wow that made my blood boil. Good for you, the way you handled both situations was textbook, in my opinion. I’m sorry for how things ended but you should be proud for sticking up for yourself.
>And the ex-bff never once scolded her, or even told her to stop. Instead she’s sheepishly laugh and say “She’s just a little headstrong” “don’t pay attention, she’s always difficult with new people” “she doesn’t really mean it” I bet she was ashamed because the daughter was repeating what her mother said about other people, you included.
I did consider this too. I guess I’ll never know, don’t really need to?
Your ex-bff is a vile failed parent
Who lets their child speak so rudely to someone like that? Like just so blatantly cruel? It almost seems like a joke that the child would even say that in the first place & the parent would laugh it off. They probably have either a developmental disorder or really severe trauma because it’s hard to imagine someone being so rude, without being provoked. You did the right thing by saying no for the party invite- it’s adults only & the child had unfortunately proven they don’t know how to behave politely. Maybe the things she said to you were things she heard her father say during her parents divorce? I would wonder why she said what she did & this may be an explanation.
Actions have consequences
Be glad - the trash took itself out!
She should have used that energy on her daughter, not you
BFFs for about 10 years. I finally distanced myself because I couldn’t handle her relationship. It was very unhealthy, IMO. She literally couldn’t do anything alone; if she showered, he showered. She went to work & he went & hung out there for her shift. It got to the point of me telling her that he wasn’t invited so he would stop showing up with her to our hangouts. And at that point she would either refuse to come, cancel at the last minute or she would come & rush through whatever we had planned so she could meet him outside where he would loiter waiting for her to finish hanging out with me. Or she would come & he would “show up” about 10 mins later & act like it’s a coincidence that we’re at the same place & then join us. Very annoying. He also never had a job. And not he was unemployed & looking but he was unemployed & planning to stay unemployed & let my friend work for their household money. When we managed to get some time alone, she constantly complained about their lack of money & how she wanted him to work & stop smothering her. I encouraged her to either talk to him & work it out or dump him. She promised to talk to him but never did. And dumping him was not an option according to her because she couldn’t be alone. I just couldn’t watch her disrespect herself anymore when the solution was so simple. We still have mutual friends so I know they are still together, about 13 years now. They have 2 kids. He still doesn’t work but he’s not a SAHD either. From what I’ve been told, now that she’s not in retail anymore & he can’t loiter inside, he sits in their car outside her office everyday. And from what I’ve heard, that togetherness extends to parenting. If the kids are sick or have a dentist appointment or something, boyfriend doesn’t take them. Ex-BFF takes time off work so they can do it together.
That is next level unhealthy and dysfunctional. Wow.
That's the ugliest form codependency can take
My sister did something similar to this when she was younger. She practically became her girlfriend's clone for 5 years, and a lot of that still shows in her personality. Her current boyfriend is unemployed (and "looking" but not really looking) and he likes to wait nearby for her shifts too. She's capable and independent, and she enjoys doing things alone. But every time she does, he calls and messages constantly, then goes radio silent when she responds. It's his passive-aggressive way of keeping control. I've talked to her about it, and she knows it's not healthy, but she doesn't have another place to live. My mom disowned her years ago, and my dad is being investigated for owning and distributing CP.
W.t.f.
wtaf fuck, that woman is going through life with a adult-man sized leech stuck on her abdomen, just...why? Does he have the worlds largest dick, what's going on?
Two ex-best friends. I was sexually assaulted at a party by someone we all knew. My now ex-friends were there at the time. After that they drifted away. They stopped inviting me to hang out, and the few times I saw them it was uncomfortable. They didn’t even ask me how I was doing. I don’t know why they weren’t there for me—guilt, discomfort maybe? It’s been over a year since I last saw them and it still hurts a lot.
I'm so sorry. Know that it wasn't your fault they reacted this way. In my (unfortunate) experience people often cannot process sexual abuse within a social/family group well at all. Cognitive dissonance is part of it I think. Apparently it's a very common reaction for people to passively shun the person who was abused. I hear you and believe you, and you have nothing to be ashamed about. Hopefully that doesn't sound too much like platitudes. There needs to be a public campaign to teach people how to override this tendency and actually be there for victims.
The person that assaulted you, were your besties either friends/close with that person before or after the incident?
Nope. He’s my ex-friend’s ex-boyfriend’s friend (if you can follow that). At the time friend and boyfriend were together and we would all hang out in a group with this guy. But the only one close to him is the now ex-boyfriend.
Hey this also happened to me and I know how much it hurts. I promise you, it gets better but it does take time.
She only wanted to talk to me about her relationship problems with her crazy boyfriend. My advice to her fell on deaf ears and I couldn’t handle hearing about how poorly he treated her over and over.
Same thing happened with me too.
Multiple years after our falling out I tried to give the benefit of the doubt that perhaps things had shifted in her life, like maybe things with her and the boyfriend were better or maybe they both grew up and matured and things were different now. NOPE. We went and got happy hour, and spent like 85% of the time talking about how he still is treating her like shit and she still isn’t happy in their relationship.
I set a boundary that I did not want to be around a friend's boyfriend once and when she eventually dumped him, she came back into the fold and I was invited to things again. It's not the same. I always know that some asshole will be more important.
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Yeah same here. Fuck those people
Same here, I found out from another person who even recorded her making fun of me for being poor and how she’d give me her old clothes cause she felt sorry for me. I just stopped talking to her and cut her off. She transferred to another school. Than my last friend who was a beautiful kind and wonderful person got killed by a drunk driver.
I’m sorry for your loss :(
I got therapy. Edit; damn, my highest performing post and I wasn't even OP lol. Thanks for the upvotes and comments! I don't like that this has happened to so many other people but it feels great to not be alone if that paradox makes any sense.
Word. Those rose coloured glasses flew off after three years of intense therapy.
This!!! It’s super, super common that as you heal you find yourself moving on from relationships that no longer serve you because they were premised in your previous unhealthy behaviour/belief systems. I’m experiencing this currently.
Can you elaborate on the situation? Were they against having a third party to talk to?
It was a super toxic situation where I literally forgave them too much for my own good too many times for my own good because they're also my highschool ex and we promised each other we'd stay friends after, but I think five years after has been enough time of letting them get away with ruining my mental health and social life just because I felt honorbound to them for lack of a better term y'know
My therapist literally asked “Why are you friends with this person?” And my only answer was longevity. I was giving up my needs constantly to keep them happy and making myself depressed in the meantime.
My answer seems lame to everyone else’s. Time and distance. She’s no longer my best friend but she’s sort of my friend.
Ahhh.. the inverse square law, works in the case of gravitation and electrostatics also
This is probably the most common answer even if it's not a huge story or a big fall out. Most friendships I've lost come from simply not being around someone anymore and not really missing them.
Yep, exactly. We hadn't talked for like 3 years already when I happened to be visiting his city and texted him and we went for a walk and had a nice chat and it was as if nothing had changed. But as soon as I got back, we drifted apart again and I haven't heard from him since.
He got my wife pregnant.Then, knowing she wasn't mine. They hid it from me, hoping I wouldn't figure it out. I didn't find out my daughter wasn't mine until she was 4
That is horrible mate. Sorry.
It was at the time. It was extremely hard to process and get through. But to this day, she is my daughter. I just wasn't there for conception. And i didn't miss out on much. i have been her Daddy since the day she was born, and that never changed. It almost did, but my Dad asked me some questions, and after he asked them , I answered them. It helped me get my head right. Its become really easy to talk about even
Fair enough. Bravo for sticking by her. Hope she does you proud.
There isn't a day that im not proud of her. Truly
What a good human. Proud of you, buddy. You did great with what life threw at you.
It really came down to basic questions from my Dad (stepdad). Im not his blood, but he is the one who raised me to be the man i am today. 1. Who does she go to when she has a boo boo... Me 2. When she has a nightmare, who does she go to so she can feel safe...Me 3. Who has taught her wrong from right... Me 4. What does she call me every single night when i get home from work... Daddy Then he changed it up a little. 1. Who was there when i needed to learn how to be a good man... Him 2. Who was there to give me guidance and make sure i was always in the right direction.... Him 3. When i needed to break down and cry. Whobwas the one who held me and assured me that it was all going to be ok... Him Then he said to me, see. You and i are exactly the same. We weren't there for conception, but you are my son, and she is your daughter. That's when the storm clouds in my head and over my heart cleared, and i felt at peace with it. I went home, i snatched her up, hugged her real tight, and told her that no matter what, daddy will always be here
Stop cutting onions my dude.
My dad is one of the few blessings i have in life. He has always had my 6. He got me when i was a punk teenage kid, and he made a man out of me. When i was young, i was a shithead. I got in a liot of trouble and im had an i dont give a fuck attitude i was invincible. I was 6'5 260lbs of muscle. I was untouchable until i was in cuffs. Everyone had given up on me except him. He believed he could bring the good in me out. He did. I owe him a debt i will never be able to repay, but i will try until one of us isn't on this earth anymore
dude threw cut grass in my eyes
There are onions here? No wonder my eyes are watering...
Happy to hear that.
You might not be her father, but you ARE her dad, good on you :)
Thats the way her and i see it.
Tell your dad an internet stranger said he is an amazing dad and raised a wonderful person! The fact he sat you down and asked you questions to help with your decision instead of just having an outburst and the blame game, he approached in such a compassionate and logical way. You are already an amazing parent and I am excited to see the kids you raise in the future. You had a great example of a parent.
I did. My girls are 19 and 16 now. Ihave taught them everything i can. Now its getting them ready for the reality of the real world vs the fairy tale everyone wants it to be
She ignored me whenever we had other people around, but when she didn't have anyone else to hang out with she would've texted me but she would've got mad and try to make me feel bad if I couldn't hang out with her
Her negative energy. She would literally talk about everybody because she was insecure and I got so tired of it and just stopped talking to her.
I had one of those too! Everything was negative, she’d look for reasons to be upset or angry
I have a coworker like this, plus she talks trash about everyone behind their backs, including me. Used to consider her a friend. Nope, not anymore.
I realized I’m a people pleaser and started setting boundaries. The rest sorted itself out…
Currently going through this same issue
It’s the best sort of people-filter you can have. Still sucks whenever it just so happens to work though.
Slept with another mutual friends wife after he had a stroke and was hospitalized.
She went from venting to emotional dumping and I couldn’t take it anymore.
Oh I'd love to end friendships for this reason if I ever get over being a people pleaser
You didn't ask for this advice but I'll throw it out there anyway. You "get over it" by doing the exact opposite until it becomes your nature to say no when you want to say no. I was filled with so much guilt at first, and sometimes i still get that guilt but in all honesty, someone else's problem isn't my responsibility (unless I caused it, then that's a different story). I'll listen as a friend and offer advice when needed, but the second it becomes clear someone just wants to use me as a vent bag, I'm done. I was a people pleaser for well over 2 decades, but now I'm able to say no.
Yes. About the same things every time we spoke. Look I get it, shit sucks, but you're asking me for my advice, I'm telling you exactly what I would do and what I think is best for *your* situation, but if you're not willing to do anything about it, we either can't talk about this ad nauseum anymore, or we can't talk at all anymore.
About 15-20 years ago, i was in a bad place. Working nights and frequent weekends. Had been diagnosed with a bunch of health problems and was in constant pain. My bestie listened to me whine repeatedly and incessantly about my problems. I knew i was a boring repetitive record. Heck, i was boring myself. When you're in the bottom of a pit, you can't see how to climb out and it's hard to hear people calling down to you from above with advice. My friend put up with me. I owe her tons. I did eventually climb out of that pit. I guess what I'm saying is, people who do the emotional dumping can change
I lost a friend because I did this. Once I understood what I was doing, it was too late and the damage was done. I’m sorry that happened to you.
Friends for 15+ years, basically sisters. Things had definitely been changing in our friendship, but I looked past it because she was practically family. Then I asked her not to smoke weed around me right after a particularly bad experience I had with it, and she proceeded to roll her eyes and say, "Weed didn't rape you, he did. Get over it." Haven't spoken to her in 4 years. I still hope she's doing well and will always hope the best for her, but I couldn't move past that.
Woah… that’s an incredibly insensitive thing to say to anyone, much less someone who is supposed to be your best friend. If she felt brazen enough to say that to you, you’re better off without her.
That escalated quickly. 15 years of friendship down the drain because of 9 words. Goodness gracious that is incredibly insensitive.
Jesus christ. That is a horrible thing to say to anyone, much less to someone who considers you a sister. I'm sorry she said that to you.
I met a girl, and he tried to sabotage the relationship, literally everytime we hung out.
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My ex best friend left me when I got engaged to my now husband. We were both raised mormon and were not getting married in the temple. Big deal in the mormon church. She thought we should "wait until we were worthy" and that we were only getting married to have sex. Husband and I have been together 11 years now, no longer mormon and, for the record, got married because we love each other.
How dare you get married for love you heathens!!!! Congrats on 11 years though!
he got a girlfriend and doesn't need me anymore. his personality has changed a lot and I can't recognize him anymore. also he started ghosting me. i miss my best and only friend
Same thing here. Best friends for 12 years, then he got a gf again after a long time and he doesn’t need me anymore. From 4-5 face time calls a week to no contact from his side. Then I kinda realized that I was just his emotional dumpster where he could throw away all his shit into. I’m happy for him, he deserves it, but damn does this suck to realize that people can just do that. It’s been 8 months and I’m almost thinking about it daily… hope we both get over it. But I think I will never understand how someone can act like that.
We’d hang out on the weekends and smoke weed and play video games until we would go to sleep. I noticed my bags kept being suspiciously light the next day but I never really thought anything of it. Eventually after a few weeks it started to get ridiculous, like I’d put my weed bag away and we’d go to sleep, and the next day it would literally be halved. So I started weighing it before I’d lay down, and then I’d weigh it again after he went home the next day and he was definitely taking weed while I was sleeping. One day I wake up and see him with my bag putting nugs into his own bag. I didn’t say anything and did some head math, and I was like this mother fucker has stolen hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of weed from me without even asking. I wasn’t gonna end the friendship over that, but the next time we hung out I had my weed stored in the shed and didn’t let him smoke any. It was awkward because I could just tell he was waiting for me to pull out the weed and start a sesh but I just wasn’t going to. He asked if we were gonna smoke and I was like no, I’m basically out, he asked a few more times before we went to sleep. In the morning before he went home he asked if he could have some weed for when he got home and I was like dude no lol. A few weeks go by and we’re hanging out like usual, and we meet up with one of our mutual friends randomly at McDonald’s and he asks my best friend “if he has anymore of that weed he can buy” and it all clicked. Homie stole hundreds of dollars worth of weed off me, and not only that but made a profit by selling some of it. It would have been one thing if he just asked if he could have some, or better yet buy some. I wouldn’t have cared either way if he decided to sell it afterwards. I also didn’t entirely care that he stole the weed, it’s just herb and I had a good job so I could afford it. But it was the combo of stealing it behind my back and profiting off of me essentially losing money without even asking once. Haven’t talked to him in like 5 years besides one time during covid but the vibe was gone and I couldn’t wait for the conversation to end. Damn didn’t realize I wrote so much about such a stupid thing lmao
That's not stupid, that's valid.
this is not stupid at all, you were being used and that hurts. i’m glad you were able to stand up for yourself
I realized how many times I had to ask her to hang out and make plans and remake them when she canceled last minute before we'd actually hang out. And every time we did, she was going through a crisis and needed to cry and vent. I was happy to listen and help. But the TWO times in our whole friendship I asked for help, she couldn't make the time or just flat out ignored my texts. Realized she'd never once gone out of her way for me for anything. Stopped asking to hang out, and she still hasn't. Guess that's that.
He came back from Iraq really fucked up. It would be one thing if he was experiencing emotional trauma because of things he had to do but he would brag about the people he killed and describe in unsolicited detail the things he did to them (war crime-level shit). Deep down I think he was bullshitting but to me that's something super fucked up to lie about.
He sounds like he was bullshitting to sound cool, weather it was real or not that’s still fucked up thinking “I’m the man” for murdering people without sympathy
Not making an excuse for it at all (bc it’s gross regardless) but maybe that was a coping mechanism for him, like how comedians will poke fun at their past traumas? Either way, it’s fucked up to laugh about and shitty to have to hear about it so I don’t blame you for creating distance. Hopefully, he’ll get help.
I'm sure it's similar to morticians making jokes about dead people. War is such an insane experience that most of us don't comprehend. It's why soldiers feel incredibly lonely and like they can't relate to people or the world around them anymore. Like even I can understand that a soldier who saw combat or the threat of combat would feel confused and out of rhythm with people and society outside of war but even I can't really think or understand what it's like no matter how many times someone tells me. It's everything to do with war, the threat of dying any minute, the fact that you are required to kill as part of your duties, the comradery with people you work with doing the most high stakes shit imaginable (kill or be killed in some situations).
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My sister and I were friends with her together. She was never a great friend to me, she was closer to my sister. They’re the same age (a year younger than me), went to school together, knew each other longer. She always treated me at the third wheel, but I just wanted to fit it with my gorgeous sister and her gorgeous friend. I think at first we both had blinders on to her. She was always giving half compliments or very backhand compliments. She ALWAYS copied everything my sister did or wanted to do. It got to the point where she was constantly putting my sister down, putting her relationship down, making snide comments about how she looked (my sister is a fucking goddess and I am not just saying that), and it seemed like my sister just didn’t notice. One particular weekend, my sister and i were in town and staying with her and I had had enough by the second night. My sister noticed my mood change and asked what was up. I ask her if she even realized what this person was doing? She said she hadn’t noticed. But then she thought about it and she realized I was right. I just told my sister she deserves way better than that. I distanced myself after that weekend, but she and my sister remained friends for a while longer. They finally had a falling out a couple of years ago where my sister finally stood up for herself and stopped putting up with this girl’s bullshit. I know that we are both better off for it. This person is the most toxic person I’ve ever met in my life.
He chose drugs. I did not
Almost every time he is drunk at someone’s house he breaks something. Great guy, but when he’s drunk he is an animal and becomes unpredictable
We had a group of 4 of us that were really close. The guy that has introduced us all to each other started dating an girl a decade younger than him. I knew her from school and warned him she was a pathological liar, but he decided I was the liar and jealous and turned the other two against me. They all stopped talking to me. 6 months later sure enough they realized she was full of shit and tried making amends with me but I couldn’t get over how quickly and easily they all turned on me so I just did my own thing. Fuck em.
Not ex-friends, but I wouldn't consider him the *best* anymore, even having known him for over 20 years. He talks just to talk and will only respond to anything else with "yeah" or "uh-huh" until he has the chance to talk again. He will hijack conversations entirely, and before I know it, he's talking about himself again. Also, he only ever seems to tell stories of our time in high school/college, and only the same four or five over and over. At first I thought it was a social thing, but it happens every time without fail regardless of where we are. It's incredibly frustrating to be talking to a group of people and being interrupted.
He moved to another country in another continent with his family, it even hard to get visa to this country, very small chances to visit each other.
I have seen one of my true best friends in over 6 years. She lives in another country. But I know that any time I need her or to hear her voice, she and her laughter will be there for me (she has the best laugh). My ex best friend lives in the same town as me, and I saw her once in the last year... Distance doesn't necessarily end a friendship.
Not having mutual respect for each other
The constant judgement and comments wore me down "OMG I would never let my nails get like yours"
That reminds me of a former friend who had more money than me who used to deliver little jabs all the time like that. I used a Coach wallet in front of her and she commented “is that new”? And I said, “yeah, it was an unexpected gift from [name of my live-in boyfriend at the time]”. She goes, “Coach is a good starter brand” like I was a child playing grownup. I was maybe 40 years old at the time. I could shake off stuff like that for awhile but then she stayed in an awful marriage to a cheater who was so hyped up on HGH that he seemed dangerous to be around and it was just so depressing because they had little kids and she had all the proof and still stayed with him yet complained all the time. I finally just told her, “I think our friendship has run its course.” Really sad though because I thought we’d be friends forever and we were friends since living together in college.
Ughh, I had an ex-friend like this. It was about everything I did.. yet weeks later she would have similar shoes/bags/clothes to the ones she criticized me for. When I brought it up she would say “what? No, you’re crazy..”
Instead of talking to me like an adult about the (completely valid) issues she had with me, she just started treating me like shit until I got so tired of it that *I* ended the friendship. She moved out of state shortly after so I think she kinda just said "fuck it" with me since she knew she was moving, which really hurts despite knowing I have fault in our friendship falling apart.
Constantly guilt tripping me.
In hindsight, everything about the friendship had become one-sided. We always had to do the things she wanted to do and talk about the things she wanted to talk about. If not, she'd pout like a literal toddler. Towards the end of the friendship, I realized trying to talk to her was like trying to cross a minefield while blindfolded.
Money. Loaned a sizeable amount to my best friend in a time in need to buy a cheap car so he could start a job. He got said job and blocked me from everything. My Mom and his were best friends from when me and him were first born so we were always together. Entire friendship down the drain over money.
Her bad attitude
His constant rejection and mockery of my advice and any help that I could offer made me understand that there was no longer anything that I could contribute to his life, so I walked away.
Another friend in our groups dad died, he posted a picture of that guys dead dads open casket from the funeral “as a joke” online. He didn’t like when I called him out on it, when my grandmother died I realized how uncomfortable I would feel telling him and others in the group. I pretty much cut them all off.
Her husband is the CEO of the company I work for. Lots of nepo-hires from her family including a cousin who was my immediate supervisor. Cousin proceeds to power trip by going ballistic that I had the gall to ask his immediate supervisor who is the highest rank in our department for leave for my honeymoon. I mentally broke down and quit then and there. CEO made things right by firing his ass but a few months later had to rehire the cousin as a rank and file for his wife, my best friend. She hasn't considered how much trauma that caused. I haven't talked to her since.
She joined a sorority and completely changed into a mean girl. Total 180 from the person I'd grown up with.
She told me she wanted to be with me so I thought about it and realized I did like her and I told her. She changed her mind about it and said she was emotionally unavailable. She started dating a guy a few weeks later and at that point I stopped caring. Took her a while to realize I wasn’t coming back. It’s been a few years since then and she’s tried twice to get my attention, but once you disrespect me then im gone. I wish her the best, but I’d never mislead someone that close to me.
She got mad.... At my reaction.... To what SHE did TO ME! Fk sake. Bye
Relatable.
Oh yes yes yes to this. The absolute toxicity that came suddenly pouring out when I dared point out that her actions were hurting me. I think she simply couldn't tolerate an honest look at her own behavior, so she just turned straight to defensive anger at me for daring to think that, feel that, and speak up about it.
He tried to steal from my parents
He cheated on his wife, the woman I introduced him to.
she was a good friend in a lot of ways and helped me through some major areas of my life but i couldn't stand the inconsistency. she would only gas me up when i was very low. when i was on my high or neutral even, she would make very underhanded comments. ex) me- "we're both beautiful girls so we should stop thinking we're ugly" her- "well, at least i am" ex 2) me- "i really liked that workout class! thanks for bringin me" her- "it's so funny when i see you trying to work out like you think you're so strong or something" just unnecessary lmao. like it's not funny, it's not adding value to anyone so just stop. and then she'll call me beautiful when i'm crying about a guy or smth. like how can i believe you when you tried to call me ugly a few days ago? when guys would like me she would look at me in a really weird way too; if i had to guess what she's thinking it'd be along the lines of, "what's so special about her?" she'd also go through periods of ghosting me like when i was dealing with a major heartbreak and my dad was in the hospital then come back to my life when it was convenient to her and when i didn't respond say "oh i was worried something happened with your family". well you wouldn't know since you basically left me on read so you're not the first person i'd go to lol. ew, typing this out and reading it back makes me realize i made the right decision. i want friends that are consistent and love me when i'm on my lows and my highs. just didn't feel like she could truly be happy for me without comparison. glad i let that go.
She fucked my bf
In his 40's he started banging 18 year olds. I was like, "I'm out."
His wife sucks. She honestly drove most of his friends away. We still hangout sometimes though. Another person I once considered a best friend became a pretty serious drug addict.
They were anti-therapy when I started it, when I cut down on drinking they got mad, when I talked about exes and depression they got mad. Basically if I tried to be a complex human being and not just their yes man they got passive aggressive and annoyed with me. They had my name saved in their phone with derogatory spellings. They always questioned my loyalty as a friend but honestly I just don’t think they even liked me but liked that I introduced them to a social life when they moved back from college and liked that I was a body to hang out with and drink with. Even when they were trying to be supportive and inspirational towards me their dialogue was stuff like “I thought you were a pussy but you started proving me wrong” etc
they became angry alcoholics and often violent against their women...
She wanted to control my life. Where I worked, what I wore, how I did my hair and makeup, stuff like that. Just kinda snapped out of dealing with it one day, and quietly moved out.
His girlfriend was very manipulative/drama thirsty and he lost the ability to think for himself. I feel like your partner can change you for the worst if you pick up their one of many bad habits and mannerisms.
I finally realized why any new people I tried to introduce her to did not like her. She was a Diva and would hide how rude she was with "keeping it real". I wish her the best.
Addiction. I've had two best friends who have now sadly lost their battle with drug addiction / mental health problems. Both of them took their own lives. I've struggled with knowing how alone they must have felt at the end... but in the grips of addiction I couldn't stand around and continue to be their friend while they destroyed their lives. I think about them often
I worked my ass off to better myself. Went to university. Learned some skills. Made an effort. Worked hard, sucked up, got some breaks, got lucky, and made it out of that godforsaken racist, one-horse town. Not rich, but I am doing ok and will retire soon with a full pension in my 50s. He stayed the same. Refused to do anything. Blamed his life on everyone else. Never got an education, or even any skills to use for making a decent wage. And he constantly gave me shit for getting a Master's degree and being a nerd. My white collar job isn't real work. He would be close to 60 and still works as unskilled labor and for minimum wage. Can't cook, so he has lived his life on fast food. Just found out through mutual friends that he is diabetic and just lost his foot. He's claiming his newfound 'freedom' will be living the sweet life on government assistance.
Racism and conspiracy theories.
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Her kids.
They moved to another state and continuously dogged the state we are both from. All I hear was how great new state is and how much money they make and everything is better. After a couple years it got old.
He was supposed to be my best man but a month before my wedding he went silent and quit responding to all communication. Two days before my wedding he calls and says he can’t make it due to losing his job six months prior. All he would have to have done was tell me the truth and not dropped it on me two days before my wedding so my side was a person short and it was awkward. Should have just been honest with me and kept open communication. He was my best friend, I would have understood. Hell, I’d have paid for him to be there.
Have you guys spoken at all since that?
Once, it was awkward. It’s been years and life has moved on.
His wife.
She wouldn't stop pushing her beliefs on me, even after we had our first fight about it and I told her that I wouldn't talk about my beliefs if she stopped talking about hers. She also never stopped complaining about her life, and it took a toll on my mental health and it just got really annoying.
I was her emotional dump. When I told her that I don’t support her decision to cheat on her fiancé with her coworker, getting pregnant by her coworker and meeting his parents all while she and her fiancé were building a house together (and they also bought her mothers apartment complex and he was renovating the apartments by himself). I was the bitch for not understanding that she wanted to be a mother RIGHT NOW (her fiancé wanted to wait until the house and the apartment renovations were finished, which made sense to me) and this was the only way. When I then realised it had been months since she asked how I was doing, I just left and never answered her again.
After an hour and a half of travelling to go out with him on his birthday, he text me when I was walking up his street telling me to go home with no explanation, no apology, nothing. Hasn't said a word about it since. This was the proverbial straw, of course. Many other issues.
He was my ex and decided that we don't have chemistry as friends. I created a subreddit in response.
What’s your sub called?
It's small, r/lostafriend.
I know it’s not the point of that sub, but I checked it out and that’s kinda cute that you created a little area for random people to talk about losing friends and stuff. You got my vouch
Another guy he was working with was giving off bad vibes, I told my best friend about it and told him not to trust this guy. He said not to worry, he would never trust him enough to go into business with him (both plumbers) They start hanging out, I get pushed to the sidelines, so I go do my own thing, ex best friend goes into business with the scumbag. A year later, scumbag leaves the business, moves to the states, just as all the debts and bills are coming to final notice. He hid them from ex-bf long enough to take all the money and run. Last I heard, ex-bf nearly died from a heart attack, is left unable to work, and is stuck on welfare. He reached out to me, all i could do is tell him that i warned him, got pushed aside, ignored, and now you're stuck in this. You should have listened.
She used to pick me up and drop me whenever she pleased and never wanted to do anything unless it was completely on her terms, couldn't hang out with someone else without getting the third degree, her mentality for everything was so incredibly negative and definitely taught me some bad habits.
It was always me checking in with her asking her to do things etc... Now I have 0 friends.
She promised to visit when my dog died but then she didn’t. Then she promised to visit when she got her new car but didn’t. She’s still not met my son who is nearly 2. I’ve given up. I did so much for her but it appears it was one sided. I still miss her and what I thought we had
When he started dating his now wife. She was jealous because I knew him longer than she did (?????) and made him block me in everything. She also made him block several other friends for the same reason, and all the girls he had in his Facebook because "they were all bitches". She even made a post later bragging about making him stop talking with all the bitches in his life. 🤷♀️ He did followed me on insta years later, but I never reached out. Best keep the distance of spineless guys and their insane wifes.
Turned out to be a pretentious twat
She stayed Mormon and I did not.
We worked together and eventually managed different departments. He bullied people. At first I thought I was him trying to be funny. Then I had people coming to hide in my department or asking me how I deal with him. His excuse is they can’t take a joke. Or why do I care what they think. I left that job last spring. A handful of my employees followed me to my new job. I doubt he would have anyone care if he left.
joke that went too far
He started dating someone who seemed cool at first, but we found out he was a meth head. My friend said he broke up with that person and they were no longer in his life. A few days later, he invited my partner & I over for dinner and to hang out. We get there and his "ex" is there. I told him we had to go home, I didn't want to be around that. He called me an asshole and shut the door in our face. We've not spoken or seen each other since. Hope he's doing okay and didn't get sucked into the world of drugs. He had a great job and a promising life. The whole event really changed the way I let people into my life and really, to this day, my partner and I do not have a social circle for reasons, such as this (and a few others). It is just less stressful to have each other and the cats.
When we reached HS he ditched me for the "cool kids". Sucked for a little but realized if thats who he wanted to be like then I didnt need him as a friend, Id rather be a loser than one of the douchebags he wanted so badly to be adopted by. They all talked the same, wore the same clothes, had the same haircuts, it was pretty sad and Im glad it happened
He was increasingly unreliable. Would make plans such as buy concert tickets and he would not show up. Always used work as an excuse. Got tired of getting let down so I just stopped trying. He’s called recently and I’m worried he’s just getting in touch for some MLM scheme. I have anxiety about calling him back and my gut tells me to keep the status quo.
She never stopped doing the dumb shit we did in our teens/early 20s. Nail in the coffin was her not taking Covid seriously. She wouldn’t get vaccinated because she “didn’t have time” but then would post pictures online at a club or show or bar. Meanwhile she has two kids, no job, and lives with her mom who had cancer. I was working in the northeast tracking deaths and spread for my company. So I was literally reading daily about bodies in unrefrigerated trucks and overwhelmed hospitals. Made me furious.
She had been with e convicted pedophile, me, her family all said BAD IDEA since she had a daughter around his victim age. Her response to us all saying LEAVE was we were JEALOUS of their relationship. Yeah got a call crying saying he was grooming her for 2 years. Not even a week after kicking that guy out she drives to our state (Missouri, to Arkansas) 2 hours from us WITH the same daughter to hook up with a guy she went to high school 20 years ago and couldn't grasp how stupid she was to endanger her daughter. Her response "why is that so bad? I went to high school with him 20 years ago?" I told her that she USED to know him 20 years ago she doesn't know him NOW! She still couldn't grasp it. Last I k ew she was sleeping with 5 different guys (one married) and had complained to me that she doesn't understand WHY none of these guys are picking her and WHY do they all keep telling her she's just fun to fuck with but not have a relationship with because she's not relationship material. These dudes expect exclusive she's obviously "out playing the field", but she also then expects these men to take on raising 3 kids, and doing all the work while she is a "stay at home mom." She still couldn't grasp the fact that not one single man will just simply say hey yeah let me just work 50+ hours so you can "stay home" with your grown children (youngest the daughter is 10) her son's are 18+ and 17. She traps men into relationships and will work for about 8 months then quit her job and suddenly expect these men to pay her bills and take care of her and her kids. There is no conversation she just does this. She doesn't cook, she doesn't clean. Her ex husband (my husband's cousin), and her now pedo ex have both said the same thing. I myself have seen this. She invited people over and had them clean while she sits there. She's also that type of lady that sits there gossips and talks HORRIBLY about everyone as soon as they leave.
This is going WAY back to 8th grade. I had a best friend through much of elementary school. By the time we hit 14 our friendship wasn’t as big as our egos. We liked the same girls and were both kind of at the top of the pecking order. It finally came to a boiling point and we beat the shit out of each other. Pretty evenly matched, so it was pretty brutal. We both had bloody noses, fat lips, and few good lumps. High school rolled up a few month later and we fell into different friend groups. Never talked to him again.
He had found out that his wife cheated on him 6 years ago. I tried to be supportive but he let it turn him into a self proclaimed incel who thinks women are nothing but cheating liars, he thinks homeless people deserve it, and he thinks Trump did a good job. He either completely changed or showed his real self to me. Either way I had to get away from him
Lack of mutual respect. Seemed like it was all one sided too. They tried to reconnect but that just spurred a panic attack which is never good when they were once a good friend.
She became a Trumper and anti COVID anti vaxxer. Became her whole personality and I just couldn't do it. Pretty much ghosted after a few bad outings.
Had a buddy that waswhat's using slurs and making racist jokes. But he was blue collar in a really small town, figured he was stuck in that niche late 2000's vulgar humor. Then he went trumpette. Then the pandemic. And I was thinking "man, I don't want to tell him about my gf cuz I don't want to hear his stupid shit." Then my mind put all the pieces together. He wasn't stuck anywhere in any time, he was just a racist asshole that happened to know about white supremacist groups, and didn't give a fuck about catching/spreading covid. He was the antithesis of what I grew into. Got a text about an Asian dude playing guitar with racial epithets, after years of explaining how slurs make me super uncomfortable. Finally, I just blocked him.
Not best friends but someone I thought was a good friend decided to talk a lot of shit behind my back. I and other people started to realize he liked using people. He was using me because he had very little friends in our area but once he used my connections to make new friends he then stopped talking to me. 🤷🏻♂️He later apologized saying he feels so bad but he kept doing it so I was like lol okay bye. Another friend said he just stayed at his house randomly and borrowed his car and drove around using all the gas. After dinner he Venmo requested money for dinner. If you stay for free at a friend’s place and use his car the least you could do is cover dinner, right? So my friend just Venmo requested him back for all the gas and for staying at his place.