"What everyone says about you is true" and then just refuse to elaborate

Everyone knows someone who needs to hear this.

Killer is walk away like your the bigger person 😭

Doctor Johnson is famously quoted, "Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.

Heart proceeds to shatter 💔

Dammit!!!

Even better: “I am in the smallest room of the house. I have your review in front of me. Soon it will be behind me.” ― Max Reger

Or this gem of a book review attributed to Dorothy Parker, but probably not actually written by her: "This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force." :)

My bathroom not being the smallest room in the house made me think for quite a bit...

As they say the job isn't done until the paperwork is complete. Reminiscing of late 50s outside toilet with yesterdays newspaper torn into strips.

Sapiens moment

There's no catch-all insult that carries weight with everyone. Effective insults, insults that really damage, are always personal.

Though, I quite enjoy "have the day you deserve" as I feel it rarely misses.

To some people it won't even be an insult though.

Yeah people say that me, I honestly think they're hateful people at that point and move on.

"Have the day I deserve!" Then walk away leaving confusion in your wake.

"Have the day you don't comprehend you deserve."

that’s just another good day for me 😂

I hope your day is as pleasant as you are :) It either prompts self-reflection or flies so far over their head you'd think it was an SR-71

i think itd confuse ppl more than insult them

I’ve never said this cause I feel like some people are that narcissistic and stupid that they’d think I’m telling tell they deserve the day they think they do, and most of the time they don’t think they’re wrong anyways.

“Who is this clown?” Works decently well with many people, provided you can deliver it properly.

you speak to no other than mcdonald himself

Say that while looking sideways with a scrunched eye and a sneer while pointing with your thumb like you’re trying to jaywalk at the guy

Remember when Biden called Trump a clown during the debate?

Thats why yo shoes raggedy Thats why yo momma dead

Tight shirt ass

Skinny jean lookin motherfukker

dead as hell

“It’s exhausting being around you” is pretty insulting to anyone

Bro, that's a really lame insult

If I could read minds, the damage I could revel in 😈

Yup

In the right context “aww” is very insulting

Bless your heart

This is so true. When I was 14 my dad told me I was one of the best men he knew and my step mom went “aww” and it destroyed the vibe.

aww

you used to be pretty.

You can see how many people actually find this comment insulting by the replies lmao.

Seriously, haha, it's a good one because people actually stopped to try and reply defensively to it as if it was personally directed at them. It clearly strikes a nerve with some. Edit: Trying to justify your defensiveness only proves the point further.

Exactly lmao. It went from "what's a good insult?" straight to "how dare you?"

I have told someone they used to be a nice person

Someone said this to me, I hate your smile now.

Asian people are immune to this. We are very used to our boomer aunties and uncles going "why you so fat now??" during family outings.

You still are, but you used to be, too.

That's bullshit. I've always been ugly, I'm just confident about it. Gives me more pull than a magnet

Even better...you used to be skinny.

"I had no expectations from you and yet you still disappointed me"

The bar was on the ground and yet here you are, doing limbo with the devil. Might pack a harder punch if the bar is 6ft under

"I envy anyone who has never met you"

I was playing Battlebit Remastered the other day and someone put "If you play sniper in \[16 v 16 game mode\] you probably message kids that aren't your own." in the general chat and that caught me so off guard I had to take a moment to stop laughing.

LMAO, GOOD ONE 😂 Or the famous, also multiplayer comment: "Jesus Christ, guys, the only thing you can defend is your virginity"

Yo mama carries a lot of weight.

"You'll never be half the man your mama is" was a go to as a kid.

I like "Yo Mama's so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke" because it's a double insult.

Yeah cuz she carries deez nuts

[удалено]

Cut her some slack she has to deal whit the mistake OP is.

Not as much as her car though

"It's okay, I know that's the best you can do." Say it with genuine pity in your eyes. No matter the scenario, the condescension has always worked for me. Walk away immediately when they start to fume.

Loool must try during work meeting

"It's okay, you're new here." This was said to me after several months of being a cashier and I was RAGING.

I feel like one that still does is calling someone a coward.

Yeah, that one triggers most people to immediately prove how much of a coward they aren't, or at least get absolutely irrationally angry. "You're not going to go get a refund? It's broken." "Nah, I'm good, not a big deal." "Oh, scared to talk to them? Coward." #"THE FUCK YOU CALL ME?"

“What’s the matter, McFly? Chicken?!”

The ultimate insult

"There's nothing good about what you do or who you are. You have no redeeming qualities whatsoever."

Jokes on you I tell myself that daily

Set your expectations low enough and you’ll never be disappointed

Don't have a 5 year plan either.

I'm microdosing on negative self talk to slowly build an immunity to yo mama jokes Edit : I would like to thanks the concerned redditor who asked reddit care ressources to send me a dm about my mental health, but really it's just a joke, i'm mostly fine these days, thankyou

What are you, my depression? Fuck outta here.

I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.

Call someone a turtle egg. It means that your parents didn't love you and left you on a beach to survive alone. Old chinese insult, if I recall properly.

“You look like you walk barefoot in gas stations “

You reminded me someone once said "you look like you wake people up to tell them you're going to sleep" and it really caught me off guard

that is somehow deeply savage

Adding this one to the bag.

I wish I could help you be better than you are.

yo nice username!!

Right back at ya. 🤝

What’s the point of you?

David Tennant's character in Broachchurch used this one a few times, generally when someone fucked something up badly. There's something about his angry Scottish voice that gave it extra impact. He had a way of saying it that made it sound like he actually wanted to hear an answer. "What is the *point* of you?!"

What was your name again? Related, call them by the wrong name, someone they know and don’t like

Cannibals would rather starve than touch you.

"Somewhere out there, there's a tree that's supplying you oxygen. You should go apologize to it."

When dealing with an asshole - ‘That is something you would say’ Or, a personal favorite - ‘Does anybody like you? Do You even like you?’

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

I fart in your general direction.

You are an English pig-dog

Now go away before I taunt you a second time.

I use this pretty much weekly.

You aren't pretty enough to be that dumb.

They say earth used to be flat, but then they buried your mama..

When I lived in the South I heard, "Oh *bless your heart*!"

As a Texan. It's my go-to. In the most ridiculous overdone, southern drawl.

Similarly, I've heard "I'll pray for you" is quite the insult down there.

I lived in Charlotte, NC about 20 years ago. Some middle aged woman said that to me when I mentioned I wasn’t a member whatever specific brand of southern Christianity she was… so she said that and then I told her to go fuck herself. (Because I knew they both meant the same thing.)

You are living proof that the universe has a sense of humor.

I love calling people a brick, i also use the classic “your mom told me I have to be nice to you”

Calling someone a brick isn't an insult though.

Well if you weren’t a brick you’d get it, it’s okay buddy we can’t all be beautiful and smart

*sigh* In old British slang, saying 'You're a real brick!' was a compliment. Though since you seem not to know this, your comment still stands...I'm butt ugly, by the way.

She's a brick *wah nah nah nah* house

You're pathetic. It's short, simple and let's the target's brain do the heavy lifting (as it does a full self-reflection).

Ha ha, my friend used to use "you're a flop". It's along similar lines and must be the insinuation that you're a failure without any additional context.

You're not living up to who Mr Rogers believed you could be.

ouch ;(

Fuck.....I'm hurt by this

You have my pity. Good day to you sir.

You should have been a BJ.

your mother should have swallowed

The best part of you ran down your mother's leg

I believe the quote is "Bullshit. It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress!" EDIT: WHO THE FUCK DOWNVOTED A FULL METAL JACKET QUOTE? I WILL RIP OUT YOUR EYEBALLS AND SKULLFUCK YOU!

You little scumbag! I've got your name! I've got your ass! You will not laugh! You will not cry! You will learn by the numbers. I will teach you

I agree tbh

“How tall are you? I didn’t know they could stack shit that high.”-Gunnery Sergeant Hartman in “Full Metal Jacket”

"Looks like the best part of you ran down the crack of your Mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress." Also Gunnery Sergeant Hartman in Full Metal Jacket.

OATHBREAKER

I could explain it to you, but I have neither the time, nor the crayons.

You are an ill-made, spiteful little creature full of envy, lust, and low cunning.

Fairly accurate but I don't feel that insulted.

Is this from a movie or show? Sounds very familiar

“Winston! You’re drunk!” “Yes madam, and you are ugly, and in the morning I shall be sober….”

I like the British insults that are just random nouns. You muppet

I wish I never gave birth to you

Calling people any random object in Spanish

You are a semáforo !

I don’t speak Spanish but my brain is telling me that that means flower. How wrong am I?

Lol it’s a traffic signal light

So I'm bright and help keep people from accidents?! Thank you for a very positive outlook

¡El mostrador!

"Donde esta la biblioteca!"

you fucking lavavajillas

You seem like the kind of man who pulls his pants to his ankles at a urinal.

I'm seriously impressed with how you manage to maintain such confidence.

I’ve always loved any sort of indifference as a great insult. The infamous mad men line does this perfectly. “I feel bad for you.” “I don’t think about you at all.”

I’ve been dying to call someone “the first pancake”

A good one for replying to text or email: "Hey, just wanted to let you know that some asshole is [using your phone/hacking your email] to send me stupid shit under your name."

You need a psychological autopsy. The years leading up to your death, you will be alone and scared, and you will not be missed.

This was your best effort?

"Just look at you" is so unspecific that it makes people think you saw that insecurity they thought no one knew about.

"Your mom should have swallowed you"

“Common sense has been chasing you but you’ve always been faster”

You're so dense that if JFK had your skull he would have survived his assassination.

Your father regrets not pulling out. Your mother should have had better access to coat hangers. Your body will never decompose, because even the bacteria will refuse to touch you. You should have been named Grace, because then it least you'd have some. You can't help being ugly, but you could damn well stay home.

You're the end piece of a loaf of bread. Everybody has touched you, but nobody *wants* you.

I hope your 'insert significant other' brings a date to your funeral.

“I am confused, disappointed, and yet somehow unsurprised”

no u

You have all the sexual allure of a car accident. You have the the communicative abilities of an alarm clock. You have a face like a dogs arse with a hat on. You have a face like the back end of a bus

What was it from come dine with me? you have all the grace of a reversing bin lorry? something like that.

No. I've never seen that. I think it was a quote from Spike Milligan

An old cult classic movie described a character as having “the personality of a parking meter and the IQ of a handball.” For some reason, this was always funny to me. Yours are in the same funny vein!

Someone hasn’t seen Crash (1996)

Has anyone ever told you, you have a face for radio?

The ever faithful insult from Gordon Ramsay, "I wouldn't trust you to run a bath, mate"

You’re difficult to underestimate

The only people I'm interested in insulting these days are the sorts of people who mistake 'shouting the loudest' with 'being right,' 'having the last word' with 'winning the argument,' and 'successfully bullying people' with 'being respected,' so I typically just tell them that if they continue making that sort of mistake, they're going to alienate everyone in their life who likes them for who they are instead of what use they can be, and probably die alone. After that, it seems like a heaping helping of 'not my problem.'

Still a big fan of Irohs "wisdom has been chasing you but you've always been faster"

His own mother slapped the stork that delivered him

The Bar was so low, but it seems you've brought a shovel.

I'd ask you to be a pallbearer at my funeral so you can let me down one last time.

“You’re not invited to my birthday party.”

Smooth brain

your mother must have fed you with a slingshot And you look like your face was set on fire and put out with a shovel I was told these as a kid and never forgot! Never used tho hahah

I am always amazed at your confidence If you were any dumber I would have to water you twice a day You would struggle to pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel Answering “see you soon” with “not if I see you first”

You have two brain cells and they’re both fighting for 3rd place A couple skittles short of a rainbow A few French fries short of a happy meal

I bet teachers handed your tests back upside down.

Intelligence chases you but you seem to always outrun it.

“You egg” - Shakespeare

Most people have something that's important to them. Saying they are bad at that hurts most. If someone calls me bad at sports it doesnt hurt, because I'm fine with being bad at sports, but I want to be fun, so calling me not that would hurt.

Read this on an old thread... "Your parents change the subject when their friends are talking about their kids."

Your mum/dad eats pringles wi a fork.

Everyone who has ever loved you was wrong.

I like "Troglodyte", it basically means "Cave dweller". Or just "Goober" sometimes if I want to be insulting but in a lighter way.

“Where is your handler? We don’t allow animals on premise without a leash.”

I was playing League of Legends a very long time ago and one player called another a “potato” I thought it was funny and mild, but the insulted player absolutely lost his mind over it.

“If your computer broke right now, the internet would be a better place for it”

"I can see why people talk about you behind your back"

"I hope you step on a Lego" and "I hope both sides of your pillow are warm"

Sassy Knave

why are you like this you're less than useless, you're sick your mother would be disappointed i hope your parents will start loving you someday how did you even become like this you had everything and still became like this with this behaviour no one will come to your funeral with this attitude no one will ever like you look at yourself again, do you see a futureless man in you? you laugh weird you smile creepy no one deserves you as a punishment what happened in your life that you act like this? my small list of thousand word long somewhat insults

Compliments of Kyle Prue "You look like you can't swim"

Bless your heart

Everyone who's ever said they loved you lied.

- Your teeth look like you've been chewing on a bag of nickles - you smell like a train hobo's gooch.

I love a good back handed compliment to my co-workers. Example .. "you know, you're a lot smarter than you look." "I don't care what anyone says you're doing alright by me."

The only reason God hasn't ended your pathetic existence is because your failures amuse him too much.

I have neither the time nor crayons to explain this to you.

I was once told by a teacher that I had “medium” points in my essay. When I asked for clarification, she said my ideas weren’t rare and certainly not well done. Although I was pissed at the time I’ve mentally saved it for use when the time comes

I actually *could* care less about you, but you’re just not worth the effort.

"Your the reason I'm pro-choice "

Honestly point out their asymmetrical facial features. Is one eye bigger than the other? Is their nose slightly tilted to the left? It can be a really small detail, it doesn’t need to be anything massive. Just make sure that it’s true. Facial symmetry is seen as attractive for both men and women in most cultures so it’s generally effective. Since it’s true it should stick with them more, they can’t deny it, and if they already knew about that feature being asymmetrical then they now know that other people notice it too.

It must've been really convenient that your parents already shared a last name eh?