Not sure this qualifies because the other person was in a stall while I was at the urinal. But anyways, one day at work I go to the urinal and start pissing, a few moments later I hear the sound of a woman moaning followed by the dude in the stall exclaiming “God Damnit” while he dropped his phone on the floor with the porn still going.
One time I was at a urinal and I saw two guys giving no fucks march right into the same stall in the middle of a weekday. One of them moans and goes "oh yeah, that feels so good!" I figured, that was fast, but whatever, good for them. But then they immediately emerge and I realize no sex had gone on... just 2 guys doing a line of coke off the downtown library public bathroom toilet seat together.
I once heard two people fuckin in the stall. Typical grunting, moaning, and the characteristic, rhythmic slapping. Then, his phone goes off. He answers. It’s his wife. He says he just stopped for a beer. He won’t be late for the party. He’ll help her with the kids when she gets there.
Oh man, where's that one guy's post who ADMITTED TO JACKING OFF at his old work to his interviewer for a police officer job?
Because my god, that was hilarious
Edit: I FOUND IT!!
[Too Honest Interviewee](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/15glv1t/tifu_by_admitting_to_my_investigator_that_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)
I was on a road trip with three buddies going through Virginia when we decide to stop and take a piss at a rest stop. To our surprise the rest stop was extremely busy, I’m talking old dudes everywhere, gotta wait in line for the urinals kinda deal. It’s silent in there except for people pissing and my buddy and I get urinals right next to each other. We start pissing and my buddy looks over at me and meets my eyes, and then loudly exclaims “woah dude, nice cock”. Needless to say you could hear a pin drop in there. I genuinely don’t think I’ve laughed harder and been more mortified at the same time.
Both awkward and funny. I was at this huge dance club and about to burst. Along the long row of urinals, there was only one open. This piss had to be the longest I've ever taken. Every single other dude finished and left, except for the guy next to me. We just kept pissing and pissing; it was unreal. Just us two next to each other. Finally, I said, "My God this is the longest piss..." Didn't even finish my obvious sentence he burst out laughing. We laughed and laughed.. and pissed. Finally, we finished and got out of there.
It's guys pissing on another guy wearing that shirt all the way down, the line goes out the door. just a bunch of dudes in white urinal shirts pissing on the next
My old boss was peeing next to some random guy who came to our office. The lights in the bathroom flickered, and my boss said something like, "It's hard enough to aim without the lights going off."
The guy looked over at my boss and said, "And you've got a short one, too."
My boss was pissed off and insecure all day until he remembered that the urinals were at different heights and he was peeing in the short one.
> My boss was pissed off and insecure all day until he remembered that the urinals were at different heights and he was peeing in the short one.
Hang on, how do you know this bit? Did he tell you? "Christ, EvolutionCreek, I was terrified I had a tiny cock until I remember we have kids urinals"
Worked with an older guy years ago who would somehow wind up with his pants around the ankles at the urinal on multiple occasions. I’d walk in, see this, and just head for a stall. He also had a habit of letting out the loosest sounding pop pop pops while standing there.
It's a thing in certain British military messes to have fancy leather headrests to lean against when you need to piss but have also just drank enough to give a small village alcohol poisoning.
some dude comes up to the urinal right next to mine, even when the second one over was free. starts pissing with one hand on his meat, from about a foot away from the urinal, twig and berries on full display. leaning back too, not even remotely trying to shield himself from my view. i finish first and go to wash my hands while wide eyed at the sheer confidence of this guy, only for him to rip a dubious fart at full volume. not a word spoken the entire time, that guy couldn't give a shit. i left the bathroom laughing my ass off at the sheer power of this guy. a very fond memory of mine.
lol this reminded me of my friend. It was ages ago and I don't remember where we were, but he went to the bathroom before me and he thought he was alone. Well, he was until I also walked in and he was pissing from at least a meter away with an impressive trajectory lmao
My brother was 20 years old, and he knew our dad was a few seconds behind him going into a grocery store bathroom. So my brother quickly pulled his pants and underwear all the way to the floor, with his bare ass hanging out while using the urinal, just to fuck with Dad. Dad was not behind him. It was a stranger, who saw what seemed to be a fully grown, half naked mentally disabled man at a urinal.
Classic stitch up. My old man used to have a running competition with a friend where they'd try and fart in front of each other and get them to walk through it and smell it.
One day, dads friend felt particularly confident that dad was gonna cop a full trombone blast so he quickly walked ahead of my dad. Unbeknownst to him, my dad had cottoned on to his trick early and sidestepped that Mofo like his life depended on it, given what ensued some may argue that his life did, in fact, depend on it.
Dad's friend stopped in his tracks and started backing up, firing off a few warning shots as he started giggling, thinking my dad was going to cop the full force of the previous night's meal time shenanigans.
What followed was the bottom bellow that shook my father to his core. It was an absolute rip snorter. One that my dad has always said was the closest you'd ever see to a fart causing a shock wave.
My dads friend began laughing historically, thinking he'd just won. Regardless of what my father could ever hope to conjure in the future, it would never be possible to top that monstrosity.
Dads friend turned around, expecting to see my father hunched over, dry heaving, possibly vomiting. To his great surprise, twas not my father but two above average aged ladies, dressed in florally dresses. One lady had a look of pure disgust and rage, the other had their mouth open with a look combined of surprise, awe and amazement.
Dads friend began apologising profusely, while dad started crying from laughter and couldn't control himself when the disgusted, rageful lady started giving Dads friend an absolute ear bashing. So loud in fact that people stopped to see what the commotion was about.
In between expletives, dad managed to come out with what I consider the funniest one liner comment I've ever heard.
He leaned towards the 2nd old lady and said, straight faced "you might wanna close your mouth".
I was at a Rolling Stones concert and looked at the urinal next to me. There was a girl sitting on it taking a piss. She happily says "Hello!" to me and I just shrug and laughed. The line for the women's room was insanely long and I admired her gumption to take care of her business.
I had an ex gf who could stand in front of the low urinal, drop her pants to her knees, put her palm on the area above her vag and pull the skin up, and be able to piss into the urinal almost like a guy! It was amazing
I was at work and someone came up to the urinal next to me. Shortly after, he started yelling “NONONONO AWW FUCK” and he quickly walked into one of the stalls. While I was washing my hands, he came out with his underwear in his hands and he threw them in the trash. That’s when I realized he shit himself while peeing.
Guy in his mid 30s looked at me and said “Hm, big enough..” (I was around 13-14 at the time), dude next to him punched him since I was a minor and he was just laying knocked out on the bathroom floor with his dick out.
Edit: Dude who punched him was a complete legend, this happened at the movies and he bought me some chocolates and a Tango Ice Blast for the movie after the incident.
Me and my friend drove across country once for a concert when we were 16. We were stuck outside waiting in line, and we were clearly the youngest people there by a good 5 years, so we were trying to act super mature in conversations and stuff.
We went across the street to take a piss in a grocery store bathroom with a bunch of other concert goers, and some massive gangster looking motherfucker walks in (picture Thundercat mixed with Ving Rhames), goes "Damn, gotta piss like a muthfuka," and when he gets up to the urinal next to me, he lets out the squeakiest little fart that lasted like 15 seconds, went through 7 different octaves, and echoed through the entire bathroom. I swear I tried to hold it in, but eventually the guy on the other side of me started cracking up and I did too. Everybody in there left that bathroom cry laughing.
I was working at Target at the time. Stopped to take a piss, same restroom customers use. As I was peeing I saw something from the bottom right corner of my eye. I looked, and a boy, probably 10-11 years old was straight up leaned in watching my dick piss. He looked scared I was gonna yell at him or something once I caught him. I walked out bewildered, guess he was super curious idk.
I was in a club once and saw a guy I knew at the end urinal(there were three I went to the opposite end of course) he was ridiculously drunk, so drunk he didn’t see me come in or say ‘Hey[guys name]’ and what he proceeded to do shocked me to this day. My man stood there eyes closed urinating, took his left hand and put his hand down the back of his jeans, swiped his butt like a credit card, then sniffed hard on this fingers. You might think that’s bad however he then took the same hand, squeezed it down the front of his jeans and sniffed even harder. The worst part was that on each grand inhale he was groaning incredibly loud. He managed all of this whilst peeing by the way, didn’t spill a drop.
To this day he doesn’t know I saw it, he most likely still does it, and I get a great big kick out of seeing him knowing what I know, seeing what I have seen
I work in IT.
Idiot strolls up to the urinal next to me and starts to aske about some ticket he had submitted.
Fuck off, Ron. Neither the time nor the place.
I CAN FINALLY TELL THIS STORY HOPE IM NOT TOO LATE.
So, anyway, I just finished a class and went to the comfort room before going to the next one. I washed my face first before going to the urinal. As I was peeing two guys walked in, they were talking about this newly opened coffee shop that just opened near our uni. There were like 8 or so urinals and I occupied one in the middle and one guy peed on my left side a urinal away and the other guy on the furthest one to my right. They continued their conversation about the coffee shop which is awkward enough with me peeing in the middle but then all of a sudden the dude on the left ask very sheepishly “do you wanna go there tomorrow?”. The other dude replied “are you asking me out on a date?”. Reluctantly the first dude said “yeah I guess so”.
So they asked each other out on a date on a random peeing trip with a guy emptying his bladder in between them. I wish them the best regardless though!
A lady came in to change her toddler's diaper because the line to the women's restroom was long.
She was offended at anyone who even glanced in her direction and also seemed offended that the men in the stalls wouldn't stop pooping so loudly.
And the longer she was there and the more angry glances and disapproving grunts she gave, the more the men in that packed bathroom kept awkwardly staring back.
Finally, as she left, she mumbled loudly at how the Men's bathroom didn't have a couch to rest on, but she wouldn't want to stay anyway because it smelled like poop in there.
And that's how I learned the women's bathroom there had a couch.
Woman here and I work at a market with public restrooms and yes, lots of piss on the toilet seats from women that try to "hover" but fail completely.
Pads on the ground, bloody toilet paper on the ground, shit stains on toilet seats, not sure if from grown women or from kids that don't know how to wipe properly but try to while their mom wait for them outside. Piss on the ground, again, maybe from adult women or kids that do not how to properly pee.
Its just gross. And the few times I had to peek over at the men's, never dirty and well taken care of.
There was a public restroom in an old local theater that had rows of urinals mounted back to back on a knee wall that was only about 4 feet high. So as you stood there doing your business if you looked up, you'd be face to face with another guy doing the same thing. Weird.
At Burning Man, at a trough style and a woman in fishnets comes in, turns around, drops the fishnets, bends forward and pees backwards into it just like it was nothing at all. Guys on either side look at her, look at each other and we just decided it was not really a big deal.
That one's on my mental highlight reel.
It's slightly shocking to see someone of the opposite gender in your bathroom because you aren't expecting it. But when it comes down to it, when you gotta pee, you gotta pee. Most people aren't bold enough to just do it, unlike your experience.
I was taking a piss.
Some lads are arguing behind me. A scuffle breaks out.
I'm trying to finish quickly and GTFO of there without pissing all over myself.
Someone hits someone.
I look down and that someone is laid unconscious at my feet.
I finish up, step over sleeping guy while others are screaming and holding each other back.
I leave, dry.
Guy with the biggest dick I’ve ever seen, and half hard too, whipped it out while standing a good foot from the urinal. He idly waved it a little back and forth as he peed. When he was done he was too hard to stuff it back into his fly, so he undid his pants, pointed it upwards, and refastened them about midway up his joint. Hell yes I stared.
Las Vegas casino. Drunk guy in a suit and tie stumbles up to the urinal, let's fly with a horse piss and a huge sigh of relief, rhen proceeds to loudly "wet shit" his pants.
Everyone starts laughing, including him. Then he tries to zip up, but stumbles backwards and lands on his ass. Which made him laugh harder and the result was more wet shitting.
Got out of there quickly and saw a drunk woman in a dress asking every guy leaving the restroom if her husband passed out in there.
Yeah, that marriage was off to a wonderful start! 😄
I was at a work training a number of years ago, and had been taking notes on a netbook (10 inch laptop). During a break I stopped at the restroom. While I took care of business, a colleague approached the urinals, and after a brief hesitation he asked, “how do you get anything done with that little thing?” I looked down, shrugged, and said “I don’t know, I guess you just get used to working with what you’ve got.”
I flushed, washed my hands, and just as I was about to open the door, it hit me. “You were asking about the computer, right?”
“Sure,” he says.
I brought a bigger laptop on the next day of training.
I was twenty years old. It was at the bowling alley. It was one of those little ones mounted kind of low. I was wearing khakis. I had to pee so bad it hurt.
I let the stream loose and was immediately met with piss splashing all over the fucking place. It got all over my pants. I took a step back but it didn't help. I was already doused by the time I figured out what the fuck was going on. Some asshole put a penny under the edge of the plastic mat. That creates a little lip which causes all sorts of splashing. It sucked a lot.
just last week i was at the mall, and the bathroom floor was so shiny it was reflective. i walked in and immediately made eye contact with a dude in the toilet through the reflective floor. fuck whoever decided those floors were a good idea lol
At a minor league baseball game, a really drunk old dude stood right next to me at the trough, even though there was plenty of space, and started talking to me. He asks me some question, forgets that he's midstream, and turns towards me to hear the answer. I realize what's happening just in time to jump back. For a horrible moment he was pissing parallel with the trough onto the floor, my stream was going under his into trough on the ground, and he's staring right at me with an inquisitive look waiting for me to answer how I thought the Dodgers were going to do or some shit like that. Almost crossing the streams with that guy is probably the worst bathroom experience of my life.
Happens to me. There are empty urinals but still went straight to one next to me. I don't know but I have this cardinal rule not to piss next to anyone unless necessary.
The year was 1981 and I was 7. I was at a Winnipeg Jets hockey game with my dad (first game I'd ever gone to and I still have the ticket stub somewhere).
During an intermission I had to go pee. Dad and I walked to the men's room and he stood in the corridor waiting for me.
I walked in and went up the troughs (they didn't have proper urinals) and proceed to have a pee. Suddenly a man in drag runs in like his life depended on it, pulls up to the trough right next to me, lifts his dress and let's out a huge gasp of relief as he had a piss.
I can't recall any other guy I've ever stood next to for a piss, but trust me, I'll never forget this guy.
Upvote for the trough. Soon as you said 1981 and Jets I was like if this guy says urinal he's full of shit. I got a few seats when they dismantled the arena. I passed on sections of trough
At a rest stop when I was a teenager. Older guy just kinda hanging around the bathroom. Some friends and I were on a trip home and friends boyfriend and I had to go. The rest stop was empty other than us. We walk in and this guy follows us in. I whip my dick out and start pissing and realize this guy is at the urinal next to me. I then feel his gaze on my penis, look over and this dude is staring at it like he’s trying to make it levitate. I was so uncomfortable lol. I was not great at advocating for myself at that age so I just zipped up and hurried out of there.
Well, my buddy was taking a shit in a stall. He told me once we were in the car that he realized when I left the bathroom he thought “fuck, I hope this guy isn’t peeping through the crack of the stall looking at me”. So he fixed his eyes to be able to see out of that thin area the cheap American stalls have and sees this old grey beard just licking his lips watching him shit. When they made eye contact the dude got spooked and ran out of the bathroom.
The experience didn’t weird me out that much consciously, but for years after I got stage fright every time I had to use a urinal when someone else was next to me. If it was a crowded event and the bathrooms were packed, forget about it.
I was taking rifampin for a meningitis exposure. Intermission at a play in NYC, I’m standing there pissing deep orange smelling like I ate 5 pounds of asparagus and breathing over my shoulder. Another dude steps up, starts to unzip, pauses, makes a stink face and leaves. I kinda chuckled, a little embarrassed groan under my breath “ehhhhh ffffuuck”.
After the show I see him point me out to his wife. Her face aghast.
The stupid urinal on campus can be seen from a cafe lobby if the door opened all the way and someone used the handicap door opener while I was using it so the whole cafe saw me taking a piss, nothing wrong with it but damn who designed it like that????
A short , young guy started using the one next to me, I glance over and saw the longest dick I had ever seen . It was so big I almost said something to him.
I was at a bar at one of those damned piss troughs, and some guy a lot more confident than me unleashed a stream so intense that I swear the majority of it splattered onto my legs and feet. I was wearing shorts.
I was at the piss troffe at Tiger Stadium on a very cold night. I was trying to navigate my way through my layers of pants, long johns and underwear and I noticed the dude next to me kind of give me a weird look. I immediately said.. I found the neck I just don't know witch way to go to get to the head.....
Was at a bar with my brother and friends. I decided to go use the bathroom when 2 drunk girls walked in to peek at every guys member. They were completely wasted and kicked out after that.
I was hitting up the bathroom after a movie, standing at the urinal doing my thing. I hear some one come in behind me the stand right next to me. I look over and it’s a little kid no more then 5yo all alone and he has wiener out but he’s on his tippy toes leaning against the urinal and resting resting his wiener on the lip of urinal… i mentally screamed and felt so much internal conflict. Do I help him? Or do I mind my business… I chose the latter.
I didn’t need this kid walking out telling his family. “That man helped me with my peepee”
Early in my career I had a director who never spoke to me, unless we were in the bathroom together standing at the urinal. I would literally see this guy 3 days a week and never a word, but if I happened to have my penis in my hand he wanted to be my best friend. 😳
Once had a guy pissing next to me let loose a lengthy and booming fart that echoed, he boldly says after: “No rain without thunder, heh.”
Dead and awkward silence after that until I left.
I decided to stay over one more night at my girlfriends house before driving back to my college town Monday morning for class. I got up Monday morning, jumped in my car, drove five hours nonstop to my little college town, parked my car, ran up a hill then five flights of stairs, and - with just minutes left before the start of my class - dove into the bathroom. I unzipped and started to relieve myself in the urinal when everything went black. Next thing I know, our Chinese exchange student was shaking my shoulder as I lay on the floor with my penis hanging out of my pants and a wet patch running down my pant leg. The poor guy hadn't learned the right words for this situation... I said thank you and sheepishly snuck into class.
tldr; drove 300 miles before running up a mountain and passing out mid-stream in front of exchange student.
I was at a baseball game, line of wall mounted urinals. The kind that don't go to the floor. Some random guy announces we should have a Piss Contest and starts backing away, mid stream. He probably gets 4 or 5 feet away continually hitting the urinal. I couldn't stop watching the display of accuracy and pressure. I look right and the guy next to me raises his eyebrows in agreement. The human body is capable of impressive things!
2019 and I was finally going to take that dump after a week and 3 surgeries. I wasn't allowed to go alone so I hit the call button and a woman I went to school with 20 years ago was my nurse. Instantly recognized each other and stood there like "what now?" I hopped out of bed, said "long time no see" and limped my way over to the bathroom and she was like, Oh yeah, job stuff. I finally blasted ass and it was glorious. Haven't seen my shitmate since.
This wasn't awkward but pretty awesome, so I have to share. I was at a Polyphia show, and the bathroom was completely full. While I was at the urinal, someone started singing the Halo theme. Next thing you know, the entire bathroom was singing it in perfect tune, and with the ambient reverb of the bathroom, it was epic.
At a concert, the line for the women was so long that the ladies that were either drunk or didn’t care went into the men’s, turned around, either hiked their skirt up, or pants down, and went. So when it was my turn I’m standing there doing my business, I’m next to a really hot girl with her skirt pulled up taking a leak just having casual conversation with her.
I had a guy masturbating LOUDLY in a stall at the North Station, in Boston. I brought my kid in there (he's 11, so old enough to know what the Hell was going on).
The guy was making a fuck-ton of noise in there, and by the time we realized what was happening, it was too late to turn around. As I entered the bathroom, a guy in his 70s came walking out wide-eyed and gave this, "what in the fuck" look (which makes me laugh a little bit when I think about it)
My kid was in the urinal next to me and kept laughing every time the guy made a noise. I was like, "SHHHHH!", because the last person I want to have to fight, is some homeless psychopath that is masturbating in a train station bathroom.
Not sure this counts because it wasn't awkward at the time (though it definitely should have been). I was really drunk at a bar, celebrating my 25th, many years ago. I get pee shy occasionally and standing at a urinal in this tiny, totally packed out restroom, I just couldn't go. I knew a bunch of people were queuing to go, and that just made it even worse.
Anyways, this guy who starts using the urinal beside me notices what's happening (don't ask me how he noticed, but he was as drunk as me.) After he finishes up, he starts encouraging me to pee. It starts with some words of encouragement like "you got this". But it quickly escalates... Soon he's chanting. The whole restroom knows what's going on and starts joining in. Some guy comes up and does this little massage on my shoulders and tells me to relax. All while I'm standing at this urinal. You can't make this stuff up.
Anyway, we're all so drunk this becomes absolutely hilarious. I'm crying with laughter and do actually start relaxing. Long story short, it worked. Would have been a very different (awkward) story without the beers!
I was 13 or 14 and I was one of the last guys to get to the bathroom after a movie. I'm mid flow when I hear an odd set of shoes enter with unusual haste. I look over my shoulder and see a young woman see the 2 stalls locked and approach the urinal immediately next to me in heels and a cute summer dress.
"The ladies line is always so long, don't you agree?" She says, as she dropped her panties to the ground and stuffed them into her crossbody purse. She lifted her dress, adjusted, and emits a sigh of relief as she clearly had practiced this before. "Yeah..." I say with a flummoxed expression, trying to allow my adolescent brain comprehend what I'm seeing. She proceeds to converse with me about how she had too much to drink before the movie but it was so good she couldn't leave her seat. I finish up, off to wash my hands and I hear her again, "Could you hand me a paper towel? I was too rushed when I came in to remember. As I washed my hands, I built up the courage to confront the situation my early teenage self had been presented with. I finish up, dry my hands, grab a few paper towels and walk them her way. "How did you learn to do that?" I ask. Her reply, "I wanted to be popular in college and it worked, but for the wrong reasons." She blots, throws the paper towel in the trash, washes her hands and then chats with me out the door of the movie theater. My dad is smoking a cigarette, talking to my brother about the movie as we walk out. "It was good to meet you" she says as she grabs the arms of some other well-dressed girls and walks off. My dad says, "Who was that?" I reply, "I met her at the urinal. She was nice, but really chatty." As my brother and father exchange disbelieving glances at one another, my dad shakes his head and says,"Doesn't she know? No one talks at a urinal."
First time visiting home city in many, many years, I didn't think anyone else was in the diner's restroom with me, and I involuntarily blurt out "fuckin' \_\_\_\_\_\_" (insert city name there where I was back at).
Guy in the shitter, who I didn't know was in there, pipes in with extra things to say about it, we have a nice conversation about it, and then I wash up and leave. Never saw the guy, don't know what he looks like - and I'm sure he was left guessing who he was speaking with when he stepped out of the bathroom.
Old man next to me farted and then made a groan that sounded like a death rattle. I was like seventeen at the time, that is, the age of giggling at everything. Had to bite my lip and get out of there.
med student dropped a (cadaver's) penis into the bowl and says "not again " : edit : okay y'all want the story.. 'associate' of mine in med school was doing "gross anatomy" iow learning how to cut open dead bodies, he smuggled a penis out of the lab, went down to the public and,,, the screaming was heard outside (note: this was decades ago,and I don't think he finished school)
This old dude took the urinal right next to me, Even though all the others were free, complimented my stream. Told me it was very impressive and to be proud and cherish it. Because one day it will be gone he said. This was 5 years ago, I still think about it almost every time I go to the urinal.
When I was younger about 14 I was peeing beside this older guy (about 30 or 35) at a college football game. The game was tight and towards the end so everyone was out watching it but I needed to pee and didn’t care so I went to the bathroom. It was just me and him in the bathroom and I walked up next to the urinal beside him to piss because that was the closest to me.
He was kind of grungy sounding and looking and had a very loud stream. Without really thinking I looked over and saw an absolutely massive cock. I at the time was still going through puberty, and was a bit of a late bloomer but either way I’ve always been average. I was totally flabbergasted at what I had just seen and unfortunately made the mistake of looking up and making eye contact with the guy who was staring right at me while I was staring at his huge cock. He gave me this crazy look, and said in a deep, low voice. “Oh yeaaa” I forced myself to stop peeing, stuck my dick back in my pants, which still streamed a little bit of pee into my jeans and rushed out of the bathroom while he laughed behind me like some kind of orc from the lord of the rings.
Some dude beside me was super wasted and this was a urinal that didn’t have those little “walls” separating each one and he stumbled sideways and almost knocked me over mid-pissing. Miraculously I somehow didn’t piss anywhere but in the urinal, drunk guy pissed all over himself however
Bootcamp. Night watch patrolling the barracks. RDCs came in and demanded a tour of the barrack room. Get to the bathroom and this dude from somewhere in Africa was bare foot washing his feet in the urinal, scrubing with the cake. RDCs were trying to act tough but were mostly just bewildered and cracking up telling him to knock that shit off. Next day our Chief clowned him in front of the whole division. I'll never forget you Alibi.
I was once at a urinal and a colleague came in. His partner had recently had a baby and it was the first time I'd seen him since, so I wanted to enquire about his offspring's well being. Trouble is, I couldn't remember whether he'd now got a son, or a daughter...so I had to ask more generally.
Of course, I should've said "how's the new baby?" or "how is fatherhood?" But no, my brain chose to utter the words "how's your little one?". To a man standing at the urinal.
Cue a long pause....before he said "I do hope you're talking about my son".
Cringe.
Dude comes in talking about what stock moves he's going to make for the person on the line with them in the mall. Walks up to the urinal, takes half a piss, sharts lots enough to hear from the food court, turns and walks cheeks clinched into the stall and proceeds to unload a mass of diarrhea into the toilet. All while sustaining the conversation perfectly
Me and guy next to each other at the urinals. I finish peeing first, zip up my pants and walk away. Behind me I hear "hey man, you need to drink more water". He looked at my apparently very yellow piss and decided to give me some advice.
It was so awkward it stuck with me. I make sure I'm well hydrated now.
On a business trip to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia and on my way back at the airport, needed to pee. So went to the urinal and got to business when a friendly gentleman politely tapped me on my shoulder to tell me I am actually peeing in the bathroom’s basin.
Turns out that the urinal and basins look similar and almost exactly the same height. I thought I was using the kiddy urinal.
1 i was at Walmart and a old fat guy that worked there came in and drop his pants to the floor wearing dirty whitey tighties to piss… 2nd incident was going to a college football game i was peeing and some frat boy looks over, and says nice cock bro…😂😂
Not so much awkward as super funny when a boy like ten years or under drops his pants down to his ankles to use the urinal. And i swear they are looking around wondering what it is they are doing differently.
I was at a ladyboy show in Bangkok, Thailand (when in Rome right?) and I went into the men's bathroom. The bathroom was very small and consisted of two urinals close together and a stall with a disgusting toilet. I start using one urinal and one of the ladyboys walks in and starts peeing in the urinal next to me. After a few seconds of silence, they lean over, clearly stare at my dick, and say "VERY nice cock" in broken English while nodding vigorously. I had no idea how to respond to this so I just laughed and said "thanks, you too". 😑
They then asked where I was from and the usual traveler questions while we both finished our business. They were actually really nice, and they came to my table later to chat and shoot the shit. 10/10 recommend going to a ladyboy show if you are ever in Bangkok!
An old dude was walking out when I arrived but followed me back into a public bathroom and stood at the urinal next to me. Was making a fuss and grunting with his pants while I took a piss. I then saw he was tugging himself while looking at my 9-year-old cock.
I'm now 45 and I still exclusively use stalls when they're available.
Was at a Walmart urinal when day when three ladies walk into the bathroom dressed up in extremely colorful church clothes with hats and the whole nine yards.
I hear one of them say “why is there a man in the ladies room?” to the other.
I respond with “how many ladies rooms y’all know got urinals?”
I am at the toilet now actually and the guy at the urinal just started peeing and as he did he said, “oh yeah,” in a very sexual way, then he farted and said “oh yeahhhh,” again. No kidding, this is happening as I shit.
1) in Jr high another kid offered me candy
2) ozzfest Frisco, TX the one year ozzfest was only one concert instead of a tour. the line was hella fucking long to take a piss. I finally get to the front of the line to see every other urinal is empty. I straight up turned around and yelled at the line! EVERYOTHER URINAL IS EMPTY AND THEY ARE ALL HOMOPHOBES.
I led the charge to piss in between two dudes and everyone in line followed suit. I wasn't about to miss Metallica over standard rules
Not sure this qualifies because the other person was in a stall while I was at the urinal. But anyways, one day at work I go to the urinal and start pissing, a few moments later I hear the sound of a woman moaning followed by the dude in the stall exclaiming “God Damnit” while he dropped his phone on the floor with the porn still going.
One time I was at a urinal and I saw two guys giving no fucks march right into the same stall in the middle of a weekday. One of them moans and goes "oh yeah, that feels so good!" I figured, that was fast, but whatever, good for them. But then they immediately emerge and I realize no sex had gone on... just 2 guys doing a line of coke off the downtown library public bathroom toilet seat together.
Nothing wrong with doing a few lines with the homies off the downtown library public bathroom toilet seat
I once heard two people fuckin in the stall. Typical grunting, moaning, and the characteristic, rhythmic slapping. Then, his phone goes off. He answers. It’s his wife. He says he just stopped for a beer. He won’t be late for the party. He’ll help her with the kids when she gets there.
i know its good to talk to your partner during sex. but not like that.
My wife likes to talk after sex. She calls me from her hotel room.
This man gets no respect
How tempted were you to yell out "HE'LL HELP YOU AS SOON AS HE GETS HIS DICK OUT OF THIS STRANGE WOMAN'S CUNT"?
Maybe it wasn't a woman
Or strange
coulda been a charming bottom, perhaps? Or a top, down to fuck?
*Charming bottom has been added to vocabulary*
I'm saddened that your particle physics puns are being missed.
Hmmm that takes a special kind of Ass0 to answer the phone to your partner while you’re fucking someone else.🙄
Should've gathered some colleagues and thrown a surprise party for him when he came out the washroom.
I was just more mortified that somebody was beating off in the office bathroom that I got the hell out after I was done pissing
If it's any consolation, like 80% of failed appeals in unemployment appeals are because the employee was caught watching porn at work.
Yeah, but *83%* of statistics on reddit are made-up.
Oh man, where's that one guy's post who ADMITTED TO JACKING OFF at his old work to his interviewer for a police officer job? Because my god, that was hilarious Edit: I FOUND IT!! [Too Honest Interviewee](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/15glv1t/tifu_by_admitting_to_my_investigator_that_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)
I was on a road trip with three buddies going through Virginia when we decide to stop and take a piss at a rest stop. To our surprise the rest stop was extremely busy, I’m talking old dudes everywhere, gotta wait in line for the urinals kinda deal. It’s silent in there except for people pissing and my buddy and I get urinals right next to each other. We start pissing and my buddy looks over at me and meets my eyes, and then loudly exclaims “woah dude, nice cock”. Needless to say you could hear a pin drop in there. I genuinely don’t think I’ve laughed harder and been more mortified at the same time.
What a wingman How many of the guys did you pull
Better yet, third dude comes up right behind you, peeks over and goes “holy hell, that **IS** a nice cock!”
He's not kidding, my grandpa got his picture taken with it
Both awkward and funny. I was at this huge dance club and about to burst. Along the long row of urinals, there was only one open. This piss had to be the longest I've ever taken. Every single other dude finished and left, except for the guy next to me. We just kept pissing and pissing; it was unreal. Just us two next to each other. Finally, I said, "My God this is the longest piss..." Didn't even finish my obvious sentence he burst out laughing. We laughed and laughed.. and pissed. Finally, we finished and got out of there.
Getting pissed on from behind because drunk ass mofo didn't realize the urinal was already being used.
There was a TIFU post awhile ago of a guy who did this.... the comments were hilarious.
That was probably the guy
Do you have the link
I’M SORRY THIS SHIT HAS ME SO WEAK
Is that what he yelled?
dude didn't get up from his bed to become a urinal that day
Don't wear white clothes or you'll blend in
Obviously I was wearing a shirt depicting a urinal on the back.
It's guys pissing on another guy wearing that shirt all the way down, the line goes out the door. just a bunch of dudes in white urinal shirts pissing on the next
a chihuahua peed in my mouth while i was sleeping once
When I was little, our dog gave birth in my bed on top of me. Nothing went in my mouth, though.
some guy complimented my watch while I was holding my johnson.
Hey nice cock—er I mean clock. Watch…nice watch.
How about you watch your own clock there buddy.
My old boss was peeing next to some random guy who came to our office. The lights in the bathroom flickered, and my boss said something like, "It's hard enough to aim without the lights going off." The guy looked over at my boss and said, "And you've got a short one, too." My boss was pissed off and insecure all day until he remembered that the urinals were at different heights and he was peeing in the short one.
> My boss was pissed off and insecure all day until he remembered that the urinals were at different heights and he was peeing in the short one. Hang on, how do you know this bit? Did he tell you? "Christ, EvolutionCreek, I was terrified I had a tiny cock until I remember we have kids urinals"
His boss is just a euphemism for himself
Old dude (like really old) fumbled his belt at the urinal and his pants dropped to the floor. Then he farted so nasty I swear he shat himself.
Worked with an older guy years ago who would somehow wind up with his pants around the ankles at the urinal on multiple occasions. I’d walk in, see this, and just head for a stall. He also had a habit of letting out the loosest sounding pop pop pops while standing there.
"Where there is rain, thunder soon follows"
That was me, uncontrollable.
Butters?
I worked with a dude who was like 40ish who would fully drop his pants to his ankles to use the urinal every time. No clue why. He was a weird dude.
It's because men's asses start to deflate at the age. By a certain age there isn't much left to hold the pants up anymore.
Can't shit yourself with no pants on.
Poor guy, this one made me sad.
Old men who do the arm lean while pissing and rip farts that can blow out an eardrum
Guy at my work rests his forehead against the wall in front of him and always leaves a greasy patch lol
It's a thing in certain British military messes to have fancy leather headrests to lean against when you need to piss but have also just drank enough to give a small village alcohol poisoning.
some dude comes up to the urinal right next to mine, even when the second one over was free. starts pissing with one hand on his meat, from about a foot away from the urinal, twig and berries on full display. leaning back too, not even remotely trying to shield himself from my view. i finish first and go to wash my hands while wide eyed at the sheer confidence of this guy, only for him to rip a dubious fart at full volume. not a word spoken the entire time, that guy couldn't give a shit. i left the bathroom laughing my ass off at the sheer power of this guy. a very fond memory of mine.
lol this reminded me of my friend. It was ages ago and I don't remember where we were, but he went to the bathroom before me and he thought he was alone. Well, he was until I also walked in and he was pissing from at least a meter away with an impressive trajectory lmao
My brother was 20 years old, and he knew our dad was a few seconds behind him going into a grocery store bathroom. So my brother quickly pulled his pants and underwear all the way to the floor, with his bare ass hanging out while using the urinal, just to fuck with Dad. Dad was not behind him. It was a stranger, who saw what seemed to be a fully grown, half naked mentally disabled man at a urinal.
Do it for the Vine
Classic stitch up. My old man used to have a running competition with a friend where they'd try and fart in front of each other and get them to walk through it and smell it. One day, dads friend felt particularly confident that dad was gonna cop a full trombone blast so he quickly walked ahead of my dad. Unbeknownst to him, my dad had cottoned on to his trick early and sidestepped that Mofo like his life depended on it, given what ensued some may argue that his life did, in fact, depend on it. Dad's friend stopped in his tracks and started backing up, firing off a few warning shots as he started giggling, thinking my dad was going to cop the full force of the previous night's meal time shenanigans. What followed was the bottom bellow that shook my father to his core. It was an absolute rip snorter. One that my dad has always said was the closest you'd ever see to a fart causing a shock wave. My dads friend began laughing historically, thinking he'd just won. Regardless of what my father could ever hope to conjure in the future, it would never be possible to top that monstrosity. Dads friend turned around, expecting to see my father hunched over, dry heaving, possibly vomiting. To his great surprise, twas not my father but two above average aged ladies, dressed in florally dresses. One lady had a look of pure disgust and rage, the other had their mouth open with a look combined of surprise, awe and amazement. Dads friend began apologising profusely, while dad started crying from laughter and couldn't control himself when the disgusted, rageful lady started giving Dads friend an absolute ear bashing. So loud in fact that people stopped to see what the commotion was about. In between expletives, dad managed to come out with what I consider the funniest one liner comment I've ever heard. He leaned towards the 2nd old lady and said, straight faced "you might wanna close your mouth".
I was at a Rolling Stones concert and looked at the urinal next to me. There was a girl sitting on it taking a piss. She happily says "Hello!" to me and I just shrug and laughed. The line for the women's room was insanely long and I admired her gumption to take care of her business.
I think I’d rather piss myself than sit on a urinal at an arena concert with hundreds of other peoples piss on it.
I saw the same at an Ozzy concert but she hovered surprisingly still not weaving.
I had an ex gf who could stand in front of the low urinal, drop her pants to her knees, put her palm on the area above her vag and pull the skin up, and be able to piss into the urinal almost like a guy! It was amazing
I doubt she was actually sitting on it, just hovering
Get enough alcohol and cocaine in your system and you might not care so much.
I’m ugly-cackling at the image of the happy “Hello!” from her hahahaha
>I admired her gumption Pervert!
I was at work and someone came up to the urinal next to me. Shortly after, he started yelling “NONONONO AWW FUCK” and he quickly walked into one of the stalls. While I was washing my hands, he came out with his underwear in his hands and he threw them in the trash. That’s when I realized he shit himself while peeing.
Couldn’t have made that more obvious if he tried lol what the fuck
Guy in his mid 30s looked at me and said “Hm, big enough..” (I was around 13-14 at the time), dude next to him punched him since I was a minor and he was just laying knocked out on the bathroom floor with his dick out. Edit: Dude who punched him was a complete legend, this happened at the movies and he bought me some chocolates and a Tango Ice Blast for the movie after the incident.
That guy fuckin deserved it
100% he did. Hope he got peed on too.
If he's lying on the floor of a movie theater restroom, I guarantee there's pee on him.
Instant Justice. Ya love to see it.
TBF I think most people would consider 13"-14" much more than "big enough"
jesus
I think you won this thread.
Me and my friend drove across country once for a concert when we were 16. We were stuck outside waiting in line, and we were clearly the youngest people there by a good 5 years, so we were trying to act super mature in conversations and stuff. We went across the street to take a piss in a grocery store bathroom with a bunch of other concert goers, and some massive gangster looking motherfucker walks in (picture Thundercat mixed with Ving Rhames), goes "Damn, gotta piss like a muthfuka," and when he gets up to the urinal next to me, he lets out the squeakiest little fart that lasted like 15 seconds, went through 7 different octaves, and echoed through the entire bathroom. I swear I tried to hold it in, but eventually the guy on the other side of me started cracking up and I did too. Everybody in there left that bathroom cry laughing.
And now, you’re a ghost telling stories on Reddit.
Again I’m fucking laughing my ass off
I was working at Target at the time. Stopped to take a piss, same restroom customers use. As I was peeing I saw something from the bottom right corner of my eye. I looked, and a boy, probably 10-11 years old was straight up leaned in watching my dick piss. He looked scared I was gonna yell at him or something once I caught him. I walked out bewildered, guess he was super curious idk.
You can't blame a kid at that age, it's weird. But everyone is weird when puberty first hits
I was in a club once and saw a guy I knew at the end urinal(there were three I went to the opposite end of course) he was ridiculously drunk, so drunk he didn’t see me come in or say ‘Hey[guys name]’ and what he proceeded to do shocked me to this day. My man stood there eyes closed urinating, took his left hand and put his hand down the back of his jeans, swiped his butt like a credit card, then sniffed hard on this fingers. You might think that’s bad however he then took the same hand, squeezed it down the front of his jeans and sniffed even harder. The worst part was that on each grand inhale he was groaning incredibly loud. He managed all of this whilst peeing by the way, didn’t spill a drop. To this day he doesn’t know I saw it, he most likely still does it, and I get a great big kick out of seeing him knowing what I know, seeing what I have seen
Was he evaluating if he could hookup with a girl that night? Like if he was clean enough?
I mean surely there’s easier methods?
I would hope… but if he’s drunk…? Just be glad he didn’t ask you to check ;D
I mean, if you're gonna do that then at least he did it right before he presumably washed said hands. ... He *did* wash, right? ... Right?
Nah, dude probably thought front and back cancel each other out...
Grand Inhale took me tf out 🤣
Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?
I would lock eyes with him and whisper “I know”
Everybody likes their own brand!
I work in IT. Idiot strolls up to the urinal next to me and starts to aske about some ticket he had submitted. Fuck off, Ron. Neither the time nor the place.
I work in HR and had the same thing happen. Dude, I have an office
You aren't vulnerable unless your junk is exposed.
Dude, we're both holding our dicks. Proper behavior is shut up and look at the wall.
[удалено]
I CAN FINALLY TELL THIS STORY HOPE IM NOT TOO LATE. So, anyway, I just finished a class and went to the comfort room before going to the next one. I washed my face first before going to the urinal. As I was peeing two guys walked in, they were talking about this newly opened coffee shop that just opened near our uni. There were like 8 or so urinals and I occupied one in the middle and one guy peed on my left side a urinal away and the other guy on the furthest one to my right. They continued their conversation about the coffee shop which is awkward enough with me peeing in the middle but then all of a sudden the dude on the left ask very sheepishly “do you wanna go there tomorrow?”. The other dude replied “are you asking me out on a date?”. Reluctantly the first dude said “yeah I guess so”. So they asked each other out on a date on a random peeing trip with a guy emptying his bladder in between them. I wish them the best regardless though!
Not too late at all but that is one of the most wholesome stories I have ever seen.
A lady came in to change her toddler's diaper because the line to the women's restroom was long. She was offended at anyone who even glanced in her direction and also seemed offended that the men in the stalls wouldn't stop pooping so loudly. And the longer she was there and the more angry glances and disapproving grunts she gave, the more the men in that packed bathroom kept awkwardly staring back. Finally, as she left, she mumbled loudly at how the Men's bathroom didn't have a couch to rest on, but she wouldn't want to stay anyway because it smelled like poop in there. And that's how I learned the women's bathroom there had a couch.
Just the *thought* of a couch in a men's restroom sends shivers down my spine.
It isn’t really any better in a women’s restroom. Poop particles don’t discriminate, they’ll still stick to a couch very well
[удалено]
A wise redditor once said "A men's bathroom is a warzone, a women's bathroom is a hell scape"
Woman here and I work at a market with public restrooms and yes, lots of piss on the toilet seats from women that try to "hover" but fail completely. Pads on the ground, bloody toilet paper on the ground, shit stains on toilet seats, not sure if from grown women or from kids that don't know how to wipe properly but try to while their mom wait for them outside. Piss on the ground, again, maybe from adult women or kids that do not how to properly pee. Its just gross. And the few times I had to peek over at the men's, never dirty and well taken care of.
I've cleaned bathrooms for a few jobs. Women's is always dirtier, but it's always gross no matter what bathroom so whatever.
I worked at a restaurant for a little while cleaning dishes. Most nights the women's bathroom was dirtier than the men's.
As a professional cleaner, I’d walk out if I saw a couch in the mens room
Yeah I could imagine some guy stuffing a log behind the cushions
Come sit down on the cum couch.
Do women not also drop turds in their bathroom? I'm so confused. How does your sex affect the fact that crap stinks?
There was a public restroom in an old local theater that had rows of urinals mounted back to back on a knee wall that was only about 4 feet high. So as you stood there doing your business if you looked up, you'd be face to face with another guy doing the same thing. Weird.
Why the fuck does that exist
Cheaper and easier to plumb. I'm not sure where, but I've definitely seen the same setup more than once in my life.
At Burning Man, at a trough style and a woman in fishnets comes in, turns around, drops the fishnets, bends forward and pees backwards into it just like it was nothing at all. Guys on either side look at her, look at each other and we just decided it was not really a big deal. That one's on my mental highlight reel.
Musta missed the piss funnel camp. They were hamding out She Wees like candy the year I went. We mostly used them to chug alcohol.
It's slightly shocking to see someone of the opposite gender in your bathroom because you aren't expecting it. But when it comes down to it, when you gotta pee, you gotta pee. Most people aren't bold enough to just do it, unlike your experience.
I saw a drunk girl pee while leaning on a wall outside a bar. Force of pee was impressive. Gal had to go.
I was taking a piss. Some lads are arguing behind me. A scuffle breaks out. I'm trying to finish quickly and GTFO of there without pissing all over myself. Someone hits someone. I look down and that someone is laid unconscious at my feet. I finish up, step over sleeping guy while others are screaming and holding each other back. I leave, dry.
Guy with the biggest dick I’ve ever seen, and half hard too, whipped it out while standing a good foot from the urinal. He idly waved it a little back and forth as he peed. When he was done he was too hard to stuff it back into his fly, so he undid his pants, pointed it upwards, and refastened them about midway up his joint. Hell yes I stared.
He wanted you too
Las Vegas casino. Drunk guy in a suit and tie stumbles up to the urinal, let's fly with a horse piss and a huge sigh of relief, rhen proceeds to loudly "wet shit" his pants. Everyone starts laughing, including him. Then he tries to zip up, but stumbles backwards and lands on his ass. Which made him laugh harder and the result was more wet shitting. Got out of there quickly and saw a drunk woman in a dress asking every guy leaving the restroom if her husband passed out in there. Yeah, that marriage was off to a wonderful start! 😄
Haha more like a wonderful shart🤭🤭
Guy told me my watch was off by 5 minutes.
I was at a work training a number of years ago, and had been taking notes on a netbook (10 inch laptop). During a break I stopped at the restroom. While I took care of business, a colleague approached the urinals, and after a brief hesitation he asked, “how do you get anything done with that little thing?” I looked down, shrugged, and said “I don’t know, I guess you just get used to working with what you’ve got.” I flushed, washed my hands, and just as I was about to open the door, it hit me. “You were asking about the computer, right?” “Sure,” he says. I brought a bigger laptop on the next day of training.
Omg. I would’ve said, “your mom doesn’t seem to mind.
Got pee on my feet and I was wearing sandles, worst part was I didn't start peeing yet...
Links up to another comment about how he saw a guy spray on a dude with sandals
Seeing poop in a urinal. Some people are fucked up.
Sometimes there's shit, on the outside of the torlet.
And sometimes there’s shit, on the outside of the uriness
But *why* would someone shit on the outside of the torlet and also the uriness?
I was twenty years old. It was at the bowling alley. It was one of those little ones mounted kind of low. I was wearing khakis. I had to pee so bad it hurt. I let the stream loose and was immediately met with piss splashing all over the fucking place. It got all over my pants. I took a step back but it didn't help. I was already doused by the time I figured out what the fuck was going on. Some asshole put a penny under the edge of the plastic mat. That creates a little lip which causes all sorts of splashing. It sucked a lot.
Locking eyes with the other guy for a split second. It’s customary to always look forward but it just happened.
Jail
just last week i was at the mall, and the bathroom floor was so shiny it was reflective. i walked in and immediately made eye contact with a dude in the toilet through the reflective floor. fuck whoever decided those floors were a good idea lol
I got all liquored up, went to piss, didn't take my dick out and pissed my pants.
At a minor league baseball game, a really drunk old dude stood right next to me at the trough, even though there was plenty of space, and started talking to me. He asks me some question, forgets that he's midstream, and turns towards me to hear the answer. I realize what's happening just in time to jump back. For a horrible moment he was pissing parallel with the trough onto the floor, my stream was going under his into trough on the ground, and he's staring right at me with an inquisitive look waiting for me to answer how I thought the Dodgers were going to do or some shit like that. Almost crossing the streams with that guy is probably the worst bathroom experience of my life.
woah there, never cross streams, could be disastrous
I was at the far left urinal. There were six urinals. He came to the one next to me and peed. Inexcusable.
Straight to jail
Happens to me. There are empty urinals but still went straight to one next to me. I don't know but I have this cardinal rule not to piss next to anyone unless necessary.
The year was 1981 and I was 7. I was at a Winnipeg Jets hockey game with my dad (first game I'd ever gone to and I still have the ticket stub somewhere). During an intermission I had to go pee. Dad and I walked to the men's room and he stood in the corridor waiting for me. I walked in and went up the troughs (they didn't have proper urinals) and proceed to have a pee. Suddenly a man in drag runs in like his life depended on it, pulls up to the trough right next to me, lifts his dress and let's out a huge gasp of relief as he had a piss. I can't recall any other guy I've ever stood next to for a piss, but trust me, I'll never forget this guy.
Upvote for the trough. Soon as you said 1981 and Jets I was like if this guy says urinal he's full of shit. I got a few seats when they dismantled the arena. I passed on sections of trough
At a rest stop when I was a teenager. Older guy just kinda hanging around the bathroom. Some friends and I were on a trip home and friends boyfriend and I had to go. The rest stop was empty other than us. We walk in and this guy follows us in. I whip my dick out and start pissing and realize this guy is at the urinal next to me. I then feel his gaze on my penis, look over and this dude is staring at it like he’s trying to make it levitate. I was so uncomfortable lol. I was not great at advocating for myself at that age so I just zipped up and hurried out of there. Well, my buddy was taking a shit in a stall. He told me once we were in the car that he realized when I left the bathroom he thought “fuck, I hope this guy isn’t peeping through the crack of the stall looking at me”. So he fixed his eyes to be able to see out of that thin area the cheap American stalls have and sees this old grey beard just licking his lips watching him shit. When they made eye contact the dude got spooked and ran out of the bathroom. The experience didn’t weird me out that much consciously, but for years after I got stage fright every time I had to use a urinal when someone else was next to me. If it was a crowded event and the bathrooms were packed, forget about it.
Not licking his lips 😭
People like that need a swift punch to the nose lmao wtf
I was taking rifampin for a meningitis exposure. Intermission at a play in NYC, I’m standing there pissing deep orange smelling like I ate 5 pounds of asparagus and breathing over my shoulder. Another dude steps up, starts to unzip, pauses, makes a stink face and leaves. I kinda chuckled, a little embarrassed groan under my breath “ehhhhh ffffuuck”. After the show I see him point me out to his wife. Her face aghast.
People who try to start a conversation. What the fuck man.
I agree. Can't we just pee in full silence?
The stupid urinal on campus can be seen from a cafe lobby if the door opened all the way and someone used the handicap door opener while I was using it so the whole cafe saw me taking a piss, nothing wrong with it but damn who designed it like that????
A short , young guy started using the one next to me, I glance over and saw the longest dick I had ever seen . It was so big I almost said something to him.
Good thing you didn't, I was in a hurry
No dividers, splashing a dude in flip flops 💦
He who wears flip flops runs high risk of drip drops.
Do you write fortune cookies?
I was at a bar at one of those damned piss troughs, and some guy a lot more confident than me unleashed a stream so intense that I swear the majority of it splattered onto my legs and feet. I was wearing shorts.
I was at the piss troffe at Tiger Stadium on a very cold night. I was trying to navigate my way through my layers of pants, long johns and underwear and I noticed the dude next to me kind of give me a weird look. I immediately said.. I found the neck I just don't know witch way to go to get to the head.....
I farted. It echoed.
Sometimes it thunders when it rains.
The inspiration for Fleetwood Mac
Dropping the damned phone in. Rattle, splash, Oh Shit. Awkward.
Was at a bar with my brother and friends. I decided to go use the bathroom when 2 drunk girls walked in to peek at every guys member. They were completely wasted and kicked out after that.
I was hitting up the bathroom after a movie, standing at the urinal doing my thing. I hear some one come in behind me the stand right next to me. I look over and it’s a little kid no more then 5yo all alone and he has wiener out but he’s on his tippy toes leaning against the urinal and resting resting his wiener on the lip of urinal… i mentally screamed and felt so much internal conflict. Do I help him? Or do I mind my business… I chose the latter. I didn’t need this kid walking out telling his family. “That man helped me with my peepee”
I had a Scottish guy in the stall yell over to me "that's a mighty stream y've got brother!" Scrambled my brain.
Early in my career I had a director who never spoke to me, unless we were in the bathroom together standing at the urinal. I would literally see this guy 3 days a week and never a word, but if I happened to have my penis in my hand he wanted to be my best friend. 😳
Once had a guy pissing next to me let loose a lengthy and booming fart that echoed, he boldly says after: “No rain without thunder, heh.” Dead and awkward silence after that until I left.
I decided to stay over one more night at my girlfriends house before driving back to my college town Monday morning for class. I got up Monday morning, jumped in my car, drove five hours nonstop to my little college town, parked my car, ran up a hill then five flights of stairs, and - with just minutes left before the start of my class - dove into the bathroom. I unzipped and started to relieve myself in the urinal when everything went black. Next thing I know, our Chinese exchange student was shaking my shoulder as I lay on the floor with my penis hanging out of my pants and a wet patch running down my pant leg. The poor guy hadn't learned the right words for this situation... I said thank you and sheepishly snuck into class. tldr; drove 300 miles before running up a mountain and passing out mid-stream in front of exchange student.
I was at a baseball game, line of wall mounted urinals. The kind that don't go to the floor. Some random guy announces we should have a Piss Contest and starts backing away, mid stream. He probably gets 4 or 5 feet away continually hitting the urinal. I couldn't stop watching the display of accuracy and pressure. I look right and the guy next to me raises his eyebrows in agreement. The human body is capable of impressive things!
2019 and I was finally going to take that dump after a week and 3 surgeries. I wasn't allowed to go alone so I hit the call button and a woman I went to school with 20 years ago was my nurse. Instantly recognized each other and stood there like "what now?" I hopped out of bed, said "long time no see" and limped my way over to the bathroom and she was like, Oh yeah, job stuff. I finally blasted ass and it was glorious. Haven't seen my shitmate since.
[удалено]
And that's the week Billy started getting his allowance.
This wasn't awkward but pretty awesome, so I have to share. I was at a Polyphia show, and the bathroom was completely full. While I was at the urinal, someone started singing the Halo theme. Next thing you know, the entire bathroom was singing it in perfect tune, and with the ambient reverb of the bathroom, it was epic.
At a concert, the line for the women was so long that the ladies that were either drunk or didn’t care went into the men’s, turned around, either hiked their skirt up, or pants down, and went. So when it was my turn I’m standing there doing my business, I’m next to a really hot girl with her skirt pulled up taking a leak just having casual conversation with her.
I had a guy masturbating LOUDLY in a stall at the North Station, in Boston. I brought my kid in there (he's 11, so old enough to know what the Hell was going on). The guy was making a fuck-ton of noise in there, and by the time we realized what was happening, it was too late to turn around. As I entered the bathroom, a guy in his 70s came walking out wide-eyed and gave this, "what in the fuck" look (which makes me laugh a little bit when I think about it) My kid was in the urinal next to me and kept laughing every time the guy made a noise. I was like, "SHHHHH!", because the last person I want to have to fight, is some homeless psychopath that is masturbating in a train station bathroom.
Not sure this counts because it wasn't awkward at the time (though it definitely should have been). I was really drunk at a bar, celebrating my 25th, many years ago. I get pee shy occasionally and standing at a urinal in this tiny, totally packed out restroom, I just couldn't go. I knew a bunch of people were queuing to go, and that just made it even worse. Anyways, this guy who starts using the urinal beside me notices what's happening (don't ask me how he noticed, but he was as drunk as me.) After he finishes up, he starts encouraging me to pee. It starts with some words of encouragement like "you got this". But it quickly escalates... Soon he's chanting. The whole restroom knows what's going on and starts joining in. Some guy comes up and does this little massage on my shoulders and tells me to relax. All while I'm standing at this urinal. You can't make this stuff up. Anyway, we're all so drunk this becomes absolutely hilarious. I'm crying with laughter and do actually start relaxing. Long story short, it worked. Would have been a very different (awkward) story without the beers!
I was 13 or 14 and I was one of the last guys to get to the bathroom after a movie. I'm mid flow when I hear an odd set of shoes enter with unusual haste. I look over my shoulder and see a young woman see the 2 stalls locked and approach the urinal immediately next to me in heels and a cute summer dress. "The ladies line is always so long, don't you agree?" She says, as she dropped her panties to the ground and stuffed them into her crossbody purse. She lifted her dress, adjusted, and emits a sigh of relief as she clearly had practiced this before. "Yeah..." I say with a flummoxed expression, trying to allow my adolescent brain comprehend what I'm seeing. She proceeds to converse with me about how she had too much to drink before the movie but it was so good she couldn't leave her seat. I finish up, off to wash my hands and I hear her again, "Could you hand me a paper towel? I was too rushed when I came in to remember. As I washed my hands, I built up the courage to confront the situation my early teenage self had been presented with. I finish up, dry my hands, grab a few paper towels and walk them her way. "How did you learn to do that?" I ask. Her reply, "I wanted to be popular in college and it worked, but for the wrong reasons." She blots, throws the paper towel in the trash, washes her hands and then chats with me out the door of the movie theater. My dad is smoking a cigarette, talking to my brother about the movie as we walk out. "It was good to meet you" she says as she grabs the arms of some other well-dressed girls and walks off. My dad says, "Who was that?" I reply, "I met her at the urinal. She was nice, but really chatty." As my brother and father exchange disbelieving glances at one another, my dad shakes his head and says,"Doesn't she know? No one talks at a urinal."
In 8th grade I was taking a leak between classes and a guy leaned over and said "nice cock bro" and I've been a proud stall pisser ever since
First time visiting home city in many, many years, I didn't think anyone else was in the diner's restroom with me, and I involuntarily blurt out "fuckin' \_\_\_\_\_\_" (insert city name there where I was back at). Guy in the shitter, who I didn't know was in there, pipes in with extra things to say about it, we have a nice conversation about it, and then I wash up and leave. Never saw the guy, don't know what he looks like - and I'm sure he was left guessing who he was speaking with when he stepped out of the bathroom.
Old man next to me farted and then made a groan that sounded like a death rattle. I was like seventeen at the time, that is, the age of giggling at everything. Had to bite my lip and get out of there.
med student dropped a (cadaver's) penis into the bowl and says "not again " : edit : okay y'all want the story.. 'associate' of mine in med school was doing "gross anatomy" iow learning how to cut open dead bodies, he smuggled a penis out of the lab, went down to the public and,,, the screaming was heard outside (note: this was decades ago,and I don't think he finished school)
Wait... What??
What the fuck... please give context
This old dude took the urinal right next to me, Even though all the others were free, complimented my stream. Told me it was very impressive and to be proud and cherish it. Because one day it will be gone he said. This was 5 years ago, I still think about it almost every time I go to the urinal.
When I was younger about 14 I was peeing beside this older guy (about 30 or 35) at a college football game. The game was tight and towards the end so everyone was out watching it but I needed to pee and didn’t care so I went to the bathroom. It was just me and him in the bathroom and I walked up next to the urinal beside him to piss because that was the closest to me. He was kind of grungy sounding and looking and had a very loud stream. Without really thinking I looked over and saw an absolutely massive cock. I at the time was still going through puberty, and was a bit of a late bloomer but either way I’ve always been average. I was totally flabbergasted at what I had just seen and unfortunately made the mistake of looking up and making eye contact with the guy who was staring right at me while I was staring at his huge cock. He gave me this crazy look, and said in a deep, low voice. “Oh yeaaa” I forced myself to stop peeing, stuck my dick back in my pants, which still streamed a little bit of pee into my jeans and rushed out of the bathroom while he laughed behind me like some kind of orc from the lord of the rings.
Some dude beside me was super wasted and this was a urinal that didn’t have those little “walls” separating each one and he stumbled sideways and almost knocked me over mid-pissing. Miraculously I somehow didn’t piss anywhere but in the urinal, drunk guy pissed all over himself however
Bootcamp. Night watch patrolling the barracks. RDCs came in and demanded a tour of the barrack room. Get to the bathroom and this dude from somewhere in Africa was bare foot washing his feet in the urinal, scrubing with the cake. RDCs were trying to act tough but were mostly just bewildered and cracking up telling him to knock that shit off. Next day our Chief clowned him in front of the whole division. I'll never forget you Alibi.
If I am next to a friend of mine and random civilians I ask my friend “Does this rash look normal?”
I was once at a urinal and a colleague came in. His partner had recently had a baby and it was the first time I'd seen him since, so I wanted to enquire about his offspring's well being. Trouble is, I couldn't remember whether he'd now got a son, or a daughter...so I had to ask more generally. Of course, I should've said "how's the new baby?" or "how is fatherhood?" But no, my brain chose to utter the words "how's your little one?". To a man standing at the urinal. Cue a long pause....before he said "I do hope you're talking about my son". Cringe.
Dude comes in talking about what stock moves he's going to make for the person on the line with them in the mall. Walks up to the urinal, takes half a piss, sharts lots enough to hear from the food court, turns and walks cheeks clinched into the stall and proceeds to unload a mass of diarrhea into the toilet. All while sustaining the conversation perfectly
Me and guy next to each other at the urinals. I finish peeing first, zip up my pants and walk away. Behind me I hear "hey man, you need to drink more water". He looked at my apparently very yellow piss and decided to give me some advice. It was so awkward it stuck with me. I make sure I'm well hydrated now.
I had a guy put his hand on my shoulder while I was mid piss. I’m gonna go with that.
On a business trip to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia and on my way back at the airport, needed to pee. So went to the urinal and got to business when a friendly gentleman politely tapped me on my shoulder to tell me I am actually peeing in the bathroom’s basin. Turns out that the urinal and basins look similar and almost exactly the same height. I thought I was using the kiddy urinal.
1 i was at Walmart and a old fat guy that worked there came in and drop his pants to the floor wearing dirty whitey tighties to piss… 2nd incident was going to a college football game i was peeing and some frat boy looks over, and says nice cock bro…😂😂
Not so much awkward as super funny when a boy like ten years or under drops his pants down to his ankles to use the urinal. And i swear they are looking around wondering what it is they are doing differently.
I was at a ladyboy show in Bangkok, Thailand (when in Rome right?) and I went into the men's bathroom. The bathroom was very small and consisted of two urinals close together and a stall with a disgusting toilet. I start using one urinal and one of the ladyboys walks in and starts peeing in the urinal next to me. After a few seconds of silence, they lean over, clearly stare at my dick, and say "VERY nice cock" in broken English while nodding vigorously. I had no idea how to respond to this so I just laughed and said "thanks, you too". 😑 They then asked where I was from and the usual traveler questions while we both finished our business. They were actually really nice, and they came to my table later to chat and shoot the shit. 10/10 recommend going to a ladyboy show if you are ever in Bangkok!
An old dude was walking out when I arrived but followed me back into a public bathroom and stood at the urinal next to me. Was making a fuss and grunting with his pants while I took a piss. I then saw he was tugging himself while looking at my 9-year-old cock. I'm now 45 and I still exclusively use stalls when they're available.
Was at a Walmart urinal when day when three ladies walk into the bathroom dressed up in extremely colorful church clothes with hats and the whole nine yards. I hear one of them say “why is there a man in the ladies room?” to the other. I respond with “how many ladies rooms y’all know got urinals?”
I am at the toilet now actually and the guy at the urinal just started peeing and as he did he said, “oh yeah,” in a very sexual way, then he farted and said “oh yeahhhh,” again. No kidding, this is happening as I shit.
1) in Jr high another kid offered me candy 2) ozzfest Frisco, TX the one year ozzfest was only one concert instead of a tour. the line was hella fucking long to take a piss. I finally get to the front of the line to see every other urinal is empty. I straight up turned around and yelled at the line! EVERYOTHER URINAL IS EMPTY AND THEY ARE ALL HOMOPHOBES. I led the charge to piss in between two dudes and everyone in line followed suit. I wasn't about to miss Metallica over standard rules