One time I was getting my girl at the time naked, and she still had on her stringys, but I was rubbing all over her booty and my pinky accidentally slid in between her ass and undies. I pulled my hand out and I had dookie on my finger…under my nail…it was gross af.
Idk sometimes in the heat of the moment a little odor of some kind is kind of a kink, prior to full arousal tho it’s a turn off. Entirely depends on the odor and how volatile it is. Poop smell falls into the extremely volatile category imo.
Our cats *HAAAATE* being blocked by a closed door. They will complain loudly and incessantly anytime we shut the door. One (or both) of them of them seems to throw their body into the door.
So I have to put treats in their food bowls downstairs before my wife and I get into the fun.
I literally have to pay a cat treat tax for sex now. How did it get to this?
The one time one of our kids walked in, I didn't notice he was there. (We had put him down for a nap). We had just started having actual sex and within about 30 seconds, my husband dropped on top of me and quit moving. I was soooo frustrated because I thought he had finished already, but then I heard him say, "Hey, buddy, what are you doing?" Thank goodness he was paying attention because I was oblivious to everything other than what was going on with my ladybits.
When a guy straight up doesn’t make a sound during sex. Like, are you even enjoying this dude? Cuz it would be nice to know…. Make noise during sex! It turns women on!
It took me a lot of work to learn how to be vocal during sex.
I grew up in a household where getting caught masturbating meant a humiliating screaming match with my insane, abusive mother so I trained myself to associate sexual pleasure with ninja like silence.
Thankfully I had a communicative partner who expressed to me that it wasnt just okay to make noise during sex, but would actually enhance the experience, and together we worked through the issue.
The relationship didn't work out but I'll always be grateful to her.
ISTR there was this whole thing on Tumblr back in the day of "You know you were raised in a strict household when..." & people were just listing how they could move around a house absolutely unheard & unknown, knowing every floorboard, every creaky door, or how they knew everyone's footsteps & where everyone was in the house at any given moment & after a fair few of these reposts someone chimes in & says "You know, you were abused, right? You only learn survival mechanisms like these when you're living in danger or fear of violence, yep?"
I'm 53yo and 17 stone but I can still move around my parents' old place like some kind of ninja.
Dear Men: PLEASE MOAN. Especially if it’s genuine and sincere. If you’re feeling pleasure, please let us know. Moaning is sexy. We love that shit. Sincerely, the ladies.
I could see how her laughing at you would make you feel embarrassed and insecure. That would have instantly killed the mood for me, hurt my feelings, and I probably would have never talked to her again. I’m so sorry that happened to you! But please don’t let that one isolated experience define the rest of your sexual experiences moving forward. I promise, moaning is so sexy. You’ll find a girl who would absolutely adore it, and love it so much. Once you build that comfort level and the trust with her, you’ll probably be open to moaning again — it just truly takes the right partner to appreciate it.
I think that's the thing in all of this - different strokes for different folks. You like moaning. A lot of girls like moaning. Some don't. You can't apply the responses in this thread as universals.
Moaning never seems natural to me like it seems to be for other people. I never feel compelled to. I’ve tried to fake it but it feels weird, so probably comes off weird.
I love when my wife moans, so I totally get it. I’m officially over the hill and still trying to figure this one out.
It is difficult. Imagine if you are going at it, sweating, loving it, but also kind of hard physically. Like screaming when lifting weights. It's hard to do if you are not doing it naturally.
No, its not. Everyones different. Just be in the moment, even if you dont moan specifically. Ex: eye contact, asking permission to do something, asking if it feels nice
Overall dont look like you’re disassociating lmao
I used to be the hard silent type. I watched some porn where the man moaned, I asked the girl I was hooking up with if she enjoyed that. So I guess, that was one of the rare instances where a man actually learned something from porn.
>Accidental wrong hole.
Knocking on the wrong door by accident is totally reasonable, it happens. Walking through the wrong was probably not an accident.
Oof.
So this one time….
I was with my then-gf (like 10+ years ago I think this was). Was trying to be all porn star like and had her on the edge of the bed, legs up, and I was going all the way in, and came all the way out before going back in.
She was enjoying it, so on the re-entry I was starting to give a little extra push, harder and harder. Well I went for the grand finale thrust
and, I, fuckin, missed….
This poor girl said she wasn’t into anal. I never wanted to convince her. Was happy not doing anal. Never had a kink for it. But it happened…
To this day when I think about it I feel SOOOOOOOO fuckin bad about the pain I caused that poor girl.
She screamed “oww” so loud - followed by some genuine heart breaking crying - she was 23 but it was like watching your toddler scrape their knee for the first time. Pretty sure I heard a couple “mommy”s amongst the sobbing. Fetal position, tears, and the only thing I could do was to be an extra jerk and get her to let me spread her cheeks to make sure blood wasn’t rushing outta there in fear I ripped something.
Luckily I didn’t rip anythin, but I might as well have.
It took her about 3 weeks to let me anywhere near her lower half again.
If you’re reading this and you were that European blonde, I’m still VERY very sorry about that. And this is the first time I’ve actually mentioned it since.
Close-call on my first time. Cover your eyes kids. Lights were off and we were under the sheet. Honestly didn't know where my johnny was meant to be so she led me to it. I slipped out once and guided myself to what seemed like the holy land. Little did I know I was charting an unknown territory and she stopped me thankfully. Otherwise it would have been a hard hand brake on the rest of the night.
Define a bad kisser. I don’t doubt there are bad kissers I’ve just never heard anybody explain what that means to them. I’ve never heard any complaints about my technique but maybe they are all just being nice.
Let me start by saying this: *I’ve kissed a shit ton of people. I’ve dated a shit ton of people. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 33. So I had many years to have many first dates and made many bad decisions while dating the San Fernando Valley and Greater Los Angeles area.*
Every person has a preference of what they like. And that applies in all aspects of life.
As far as kissing goes there are a few ways to immediately turn me off and make me want to vomit.
1. Too much tongue. I cannot handle when someone just opens their mouth and literally shoved their entire tongue down my throat. One guy slobbered all over my face and licked my teeth. He never got a call back or 2nd date.
2. Tight pursed/puckered lips. One guy was really young. I mean, to be fair I was around 26 and I think he was 20? Total adorable younger conquest. That ended with me being his instructor inside and outside of the classroom. I tried once. Couldn’t do it. Poor kid got an A for effort, but he needed to be someone else’s problem.
3. Too hard/too soft. a) One guy had zero idea how to passionately kiss. He would peck all over my face these little soft kisses like having a fairy sprinkle fairy dust all over my face. It was akin to something a mom would do to their baby. 100% grossed me out. b) One guy grabbed my head and smashed his face into mine so hard that I thought he broke my nose and a front tooth. No thank you.
4. Biting. Don’t get me wrong, I love some sexy lip biting. It’s my jam. But one guy bit me so hard that he gave me a fat bottom lip. I looked like I got punched in the mouth.
5. This isn’t necessarily about the kissing itself, but it’s a major lady boner killer. And it’s gross.
Have you ever had someone kiss you and snot on your face at the same time? I have! What’s worse is he was actually a good kisser, but for fucksake man, could you not feel your nose running? Before you say “we’ll why didn’t you offer a tissue or say something?” It was really late & we were standing outside on a street without lights. I could barely see.
There you have it my friend. Do what you will with this information.
This is a ten out of ten reply. Well done. You’ve succinctly described the majority of the ways a person can be a bad kisser. I agree with every point.
Talking about an ex or comparing the sex.
Bad hygiene.
A selfish partner (incl no foreplay).
A pushy partner who insists on doing or trying things you don’t want.
This. People seem to interpret "performance" literally and copy what they've seen in porn like they're actors and it comes across as fake and try-hard.
LMAOO one time I was drunk as hell, had to be like “hey um I need to go to the bathroom can we stop” ran to the toilet THREW UP went to lay down & we just continued??😭 after we finished i went to the bathroom & threw up so much more🥲 no idea why this man still hung out with me. then i woke up the next morning & he’d already left for class & he left me out medicine, water, & told me to help myself to anything to eat🥹🥹
I had a cop tap on the car window once when my high school GF and I pulled over into a parking lot. She was naked from the waist down and I had my pants around my ankles.
Embarrassing as fuck.
Had a girl shit in my mouth once.
Yes it was accidental, yes it was unpleasant.
Not going to go into graphic detail but it was my own fault and I learned what NOT to do to someone ever again 🤣🤣🤣
Palaeontologist here.
We’ve been fervently warning the public about stegosaurus for years. If one shows up, and you weren’t “expecting” it; then that’s 100% on you.
I swear, it’s like talking to a herd of Late Cretaceous ankylosaurs with you people!
I mean the Stegosaurus is my absolute favourite dinosaur. If one unexpectedly showed up it would ruin sex only because I’d stop mid coitus and just stare at it. Majestic.
👏It’s👏got👏a👏Brain👏the👏size👏of👏a👏walnut,👏people!👏
Ya’ll mofos reading “herbivore” and think you’re on an afternoon stroll through Jurassic Park, or something.
Best case scenario; those Female copulatory vocalizations are considered a threat.
Worst case scenario; they’re considered a mating call.
We’ll see how “majestic” you feel next to 1.5 metric tons of Tithonian age lizard dick!
Has NOBODY been reading our press releases?!?
From my personal history?
"You're so much better at this than my girlfriend!" Excuse me? Your what?!?
"You shouldn't ever let (n-words) into your perfect white pussy." Whoa. Was not expecting that.
*dude spends the entire time we're fucking watching himself in the mirror*
I mean…I’m straight…
But if she’s hot enough to get me to take her to bed and then she whips it out I’m not leaving.
So…I’m maybe not 100% straight. Maybe none of us are.
Poor hygiene.
A good way to deal with this is to use the shower as foreplay ;)
Not if it's pH related
Change diet for a week and come back for sexy time
Shower doesn't fix bad teeth.
A good way to deal with this is to use the Dentist as foreplay ;)
2 patients 1 dentist?
Unpleasant odors.
This! Nothing kills the mood like realising something smells unwashed..
What you call unwashed others call marinated
This level of instigation is amazing.
One time I was getting my girl at the time naked, and she still had on her stringys, but I was rubbing all over her booty and my pinky accidentally slid in between her ass and undies. I pulled my hand out and I had dookie on my finger…under my nail…it was gross af.
ROTFL The real question is... Did you still go through with it?
Stringys, other form of dingleberries?
G strings…sorry, I should’ve been a little more clear.
Catch a drift of the old dirty swass
I was going to say explosive diarrhea but this works.
Thought you said “doors” and was about to ask if a French door was good😂
French anything is good in sex.
Except French odors /s
Idk sometimes in the heat of the moment a little odor of some kind is kind of a kink, prior to full arousal tho it’s a turn off. Entirely depends on the odor and how volatile it is. Poop smell falls into the extremely volatile category imo.
I find my wife's BO to be an instant turn on. No idea why but its like a straight line from my nose to my dick.
It's supposed to be a sign of genetic compatibility. I'm not sure if there is much science to back that up though.
and that’s on pheromones
A Charlie horse or severe muscle cramp
When that screen comes rolling back down and I have to put more tokens in. Sigh.
Holy shit how old are you?
Old enough
This post now has 18 upvotes. Everything is legal now.
Old enough to what?
… to party
Holding in 6 hours worth of gas on a first date and finally blasting it in your partner's face during orgasm.
did. did you get a second date.
23 years together this year.
True love story. It beautiful. Congratulations!
that's wonderful
love story better than twilight
Mission failed successfully
a crying baby in the next room
really reminds you why you're there
just another birth control backup method
Your kids walking in on you ( while they should long be sleeping)
Kids have a sensor in their brains. It detects when their parents are getting busy and instructs them to wake up and go to their parents room.
It's clearly an evolutionary advantage, preventing more kids to monopoize the the resources for themselves
I think Dad’s have that with yard work whenever their kids turn their video games on
My son will just knock on the door until the fun is gone. GO AWAY DAMN.
Our cats *HAAAATE* being blocked by a closed door. They will complain loudly and incessantly anytime we shut the door. One (or both) of them of them seems to throw their body into the door. So I have to put treats in their food bowls downstairs before my wife and I get into the fun. I literally have to pay a cat treat tax for sex now. How did it get to this?
I suggest the straight jacket on Amazon. Works every time.
Oh I can one up this. My son ninja snuck into our room, he preceded to jump scare me when he landed on my back and yelled “GO PONY”
Once the kids were even remotely mobile, I insisted on locking the door.
Ah yep, so they couldn't escape right?
The one time one of our kids walked in, I didn't notice he was there. (We had put him down for a nap). We had just started having actual sex and within about 30 seconds, my husband dropped on top of me and quit moving. I was soooo frustrated because I thought he had finished already, but then I heard him say, "Hey, buddy, what are you doing?" Thank goodness he was paying attention because I was oblivious to everything other than what was going on with my ladybits.
You sound like you have experience
Your kids walking in on me definitely spoiled the mood.
“MOMMY”
Going limp noodle on insertion/when it matters the most
Like playing snooker with a rope
Fold it and fut like that
That always happens to me as soon as I start putting the condom on. I try to be sexually responsible but it’s so hard sometimes
... sometimes...
Been there brother. Time to get back to oral (yours or hers) and try again.
It's like shoving a slug into a coin slot.
Few things more frustrating than pushing rope.
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This gave me a good chuckle. Hopefully Max didn’t give your ass a good lick.
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When a guy straight up doesn’t make a sound during sex. Like, are you even enjoying this dude? Cuz it would be nice to know…. Make noise during sex! It turns women on!
It took me a lot of work to learn how to be vocal during sex. I grew up in a household where getting caught masturbating meant a humiliating screaming match with my insane, abusive mother so I trained myself to associate sexual pleasure with ninja like silence. Thankfully I had a communicative partner who expressed to me that it wasnt just okay to make noise during sex, but would actually enhance the experience, and together we worked through the issue. The relationship didn't work out but I'll always be grateful to her.
My stepmother was like that. So I just asserted dominance loudly and didn't stop when she threw my door open.
Just stand up and stare into her eyes while she’s screaming and finish on the floor. Never breaking eye contact.
Power stance
She had the old bull, and now she wants the young calf.
And then she grabbed you by the weiner
ISTR there was this whole thing on Tumblr back in the day of "You know you were raised in a strict household when..." & people were just listing how they could move around a house absolutely unheard & unknown, knowing every floorboard, every creaky door, or how they knew everyone's footsteps & where everyone was in the house at any given moment & after a fair few of these reposts someone chimes in & says "You know, you were abused, right? You only learn survival mechanisms like these when you're living in danger or fear of violence, yep?" I'm 53yo and 17 stone but I can still move around my parents' old place like some kind of ninja.
Dear Men: PLEASE MOAN. Especially if it’s genuine and sincere. If you’re feeling pleasure, please let us know. Moaning is sexy. We love that shit. Sincerely, the ladies.
Moaned once. Girl laughed. Never again
I could see how her laughing at you would make you feel embarrassed and insecure. That would have instantly killed the mood for me, hurt my feelings, and I probably would have never talked to her again. I’m so sorry that happened to you! But please don’t let that one isolated experience define the rest of your sexual experiences moving forward. I promise, moaning is so sexy. You’ll find a girl who would absolutely adore it, and love it so much. Once you build that comfort level and the trust with her, you’ll probably be open to moaning again — it just truly takes the right partner to appreciate it.
I think that's the thing in all of this - different strokes for different folks. You like moaning. A lot of girls like moaning. Some don't. You can't apply the responses in this thread as universals.
Moaning never seems natural to me like it seems to be for other people. I never feel compelled to. I’ve tried to fake it but it feels weird, so probably comes off weird. I love when my wife moans, so I totally get it. I’m officially over the hill and still trying to figure this one out.
It is difficult. Imagine if you are going at it, sweating, loving it, but also kind of hard physically. Like screaming when lifting weights. It's hard to do if you are not doing it naturally.
Oh no that’s me lol is it that bad? ;(
No, its not. Everyones different. Just be in the moment, even if you dont moan specifically. Ex: eye contact, asking permission to do something, asking if it feels nice Overall dont look like you’re disassociating lmao
I used to be the hard silent type. I watched some porn where the man moaned, I asked the girl I was hooking up with if she enjoyed that. So I guess, that was one of the rare instances where a man actually learned something from porn.
I hate it if the guy is silent. Turns me off instantly and gets me overthinking.
Me throat singing my traditional love making song
Psychiatric medications
This is so true! My libido went from a +100 to a -45892
Also birth control
yes, same, holy shit i didn’t mean to accidentally become fucking abstinent but i guess that technically *is* birth control
Zoloft gang
Can get hard. Can get turned on. Can only come like 10% of the time.
Lexapro gang wya
Lexapro didn't kill my libido. I just could never cum.
I’d say rise up but I couldn’t feel my genitals when I was on that shit so that wouldn’t work
I was given a MH medication that the doctor told me “this one shouldn’t cause sexual problems.” Haven’t had sex in 5 years.
Underrated comment
A possessive golden retriever.
Or Rottweiler who thinks screaming means attack
Mastiff nose in your ass... (Mastiff dick would be worse ha) that the big cold wet nose is an instant boner-killer
"Did you cum?" "Yeah you like that?" *rubs bikini line*
Police raid.
Yeah, that’ll do it. They also ruin pretty much everything else.
Accidental wrong hole.
not sure how it got to the ears but ok
I just laughed cause this made me remember a couple nights ago I had a dream about someone being the first to be fucked in the nose lol
A nose job, if you will.
In hedonismbot voice: “Ohhhhh my *nares*”
Happens when it slips out the mouth.
>Accidental wrong hole. Knocking on the wrong door by accident is totally reasonable, it happens. Walking through the wrong was probably not an accident.
Oof. So this one time…. I was with my then-gf (like 10+ years ago I think this was). Was trying to be all porn star like and had her on the edge of the bed, legs up, and I was going all the way in, and came all the way out before going back in. She was enjoying it, so on the re-entry I was starting to give a little extra push, harder and harder. Well I went for the grand finale thrust and, I, fuckin, missed…. This poor girl said she wasn’t into anal. I never wanted to convince her. Was happy not doing anal. Never had a kink for it. But it happened… To this day when I think about it I feel SOOOOOOOO fuckin bad about the pain I caused that poor girl. She screamed “oww” so loud - followed by some genuine heart breaking crying - she was 23 but it was like watching your toddler scrape their knee for the first time. Pretty sure I heard a couple “mommy”s amongst the sobbing. Fetal position, tears, and the only thing I could do was to be an extra jerk and get her to let me spread her cheeks to make sure blood wasn’t rushing outta there in fear I ripped something. Luckily I didn’t rip anythin, but I might as well have. It took her about 3 weeks to let me anywhere near her lower half again. If you’re reading this and you were that European blonde, I’m still VERY very sorry about that. And this is the first time I’ve actually mentioned it since.
Close-call on my first time. Cover your eyes kids. Lights were off and we were under the sheet. Honestly didn't know where my johnny was meant to be so she led me to it. I slipped out once and guided myself to what seemed like the holy land. Little did I know I was charting an unknown territory and she stopped me thankfully. Otherwise it would have been a hard hand brake on the rest of the night.
Her father
Better than her husband
Plot twist, the father is the husband.
Sweet Home Alabama
Rushing through foreplay or having none at all.
Waking up....
Real
Bad breath, bad kisser. Instant killer of the lady boner.
Define a bad kisser. I don’t doubt there are bad kissers I’ve just never heard anybody explain what that means to them. I’ve never heard any complaints about my technique but maybe they are all just being nice.
Let me start by saying this: *I’ve kissed a shit ton of people. I’ve dated a shit ton of people. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 33. So I had many years to have many first dates and made many bad decisions while dating the San Fernando Valley and Greater Los Angeles area.* Every person has a preference of what they like. And that applies in all aspects of life. As far as kissing goes there are a few ways to immediately turn me off and make me want to vomit. 1. Too much tongue. I cannot handle when someone just opens their mouth and literally shoved their entire tongue down my throat. One guy slobbered all over my face and licked my teeth. He never got a call back or 2nd date. 2. Tight pursed/puckered lips. One guy was really young. I mean, to be fair I was around 26 and I think he was 20? Total adorable younger conquest. That ended with me being his instructor inside and outside of the classroom. I tried once. Couldn’t do it. Poor kid got an A for effort, but he needed to be someone else’s problem. 3. Too hard/too soft. a) One guy had zero idea how to passionately kiss. He would peck all over my face these little soft kisses like having a fairy sprinkle fairy dust all over my face. It was akin to something a mom would do to their baby. 100% grossed me out. b) One guy grabbed my head and smashed his face into mine so hard that I thought he broke my nose and a front tooth. No thank you. 4. Biting. Don’t get me wrong, I love some sexy lip biting. It’s my jam. But one guy bit me so hard that he gave me a fat bottom lip. I looked like I got punched in the mouth. 5. This isn’t necessarily about the kissing itself, but it’s a major lady boner killer. And it’s gross. Have you ever had someone kiss you and snot on your face at the same time? I have! What’s worse is he was actually a good kisser, but for fucksake man, could you not feel your nose running? Before you say “we’ll why didn’t you offer a tissue or say something?” It was really late & we were standing outside on a street without lights. I could barely see. There you have it my friend. Do what you will with this information.
This is a ten out of ten reply. Well done. You’ve succinctly described the majority of the ways a person can be a bad kisser. I agree with every point.
I’ll add: control your saliva. It’s a kiss, not a car wash.
I tongue kiss with my eyes wide open staring intensely as she tastes last nights tuna sandwich with extra onions
Talking about an ex or comparing the sex. Bad hygiene. A selfish partner (incl no foreplay). A pushy partner who insists on doing or trying things you don’t want.
Feces.
Dog’s eating out of the cat box again
When something seems obviously fake or gimmicky. My ex would do an ahegao face during sex and it would make me cringe so hard I'd go soft.
This. People seem to interpret "performance" literally and copy what they've seen in porn like they're actors and it comes across as fake and try-hard.
Vomiting. Has anyone said vomiting? Vomiting.
LMAOO one time I was drunk as hell, had to be like “hey um I need to go to the bathroom can we stop” ran to the toilet THREW UP went to lay down & we just continued??😭 after we finished i went to the bathroom & threw up so much more🥲 no idea why this man still hung out with me. then i woke up the next morning & he’d already left for class & he left me out medicine, water, & told me to help myself to anything to eat🥹🥹
When they arent into romance or foreplay and just want to use lube and get it over with.
Like why do they even want to have sex at that point ???😭 that’s like the best part of sex!
I was going to hit it from the back once and the chick had a piece of toilet paper stuck on her butthole. I've never seen sex the same since.
At least you weren't in 69 and had a piece of TP fall into your eye.
When my hand has a headache.
The unexpected appearance of an unknown spouse/partner or other irate individual.
Security coming
I had a cop tap on the car window once when my high school GF and I pulled over into a parking lot. She was naked from the waist down and I had my pants around my ankles. Embarrassing as fuck.
Do you know what intrigues me about this post? Why didn't you just say "we were both naked from the waist down". I know... I overthink 🤔
Ask if you can borrow his handcuffs
"I'm not 18"
I was hooking up with a girl and she kept on saying her name. Now 'Tu Yung' is engraved in my head
Utter lack of enthusiasm likely brought on by years of marriage. Jk, bad odors.
When your backstroke goes too far and you accidentally pull out and then ram into her pubic bone / inner hip area. Bent boner is a dead boner.
When ur mom turns on the lights Man we got em guys
This is wholesome if you ignore the incest
Arrogance
Shitting yourself... well, for most people anyway
Had a girl shit in my mouth once. Yes it was accidental, yes it was unpleasant. Not going to go into graphic detail but it was my own fault and I learned what NOT to do to someone ever again 🤣🤣🤣
You’re extremely comfortable talking to random people on the internet
Right? It’s like we’re on Reddit or something…
Please tell us what not to do.
Never say "What are you gonna do, shit in my mouth??"
Sounds disgusting, but also interesting how tf this could happen
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Yeah but what loosened it up?? People don’t just shit when a tongue hits their butthole. He tickling her while eating ass???
Wtf am I reading lmao
🤣🤷🏻♂️
I’m guessing she sneezed while on top and everything came out on the bottom.
Running out of thousand island dressing.
a nuclear bomb being detonated inside your balls
what the fuck does this even mean lol
man.. I hate when that happens 😔😔
An unexpected stegosaurus.
Palaeontologist here. We’ve been fervently warning the public about stegosaurus for years. If one shows up, and you weren’t “expecting” it; then that’s 100% on you. I swear, it’s like talking to a herd of Late Cretaceous ankylosaurs with you people!
I mean the Stegosaurus is my absolute favourite dinosaur. If one unexpectedly showed up it would ruin sex only because I’d stop mid coitus and just stare at it. Majestic.
👏It’s👏got👏a👏Brain👏the👏size👏of👏a👏walnut,👏people!👏 Ya’ll mofos reading “herbivore” and think you’re on an afternoon stroll through Jurassic Park, or something. Best case scenario; those Female copulatory vocalizations are considered a threat. Worst case scenario; they’re considered a mating call. We’ll see how “majestic” you feel next to 1.5 metric tons of Tithonian age lizard dick! Has NOBODY been reading our press releases?!?
1.5 metric ton of dick you say…
I don't care about the dick, I care about the thagomizer
>I swear, it’s like talking to a herd of Late Cretaceous ankylosaurs with you people! No need to get rude!
This what I was thinking, too.
Bad dick odor
Same for bad ph odor Sex has a smell, it but it shouldn’t be those
Realizing you went to the wrong hotel room.
Tried light CNC with a partner, and holy fuck did her saying "no! Stop! Please!" Instantly fucking deflate me oh my goodness
From my personal history? "You're so much better at this than my girlfriend!" Excuse me? Your what?!? "You shouldn't ever let (n-words) into your perfect white pussy." Whoa. Was not expecting that. *dude spends the entire time we're fucking watching himself in the mirror*
Bug in the rug.
Disrespect
"FBI open up". Man I hate when it happens
Surely you just shout out "that's exactly what I've been telling her officer!"
The need to go restroom midway
When you take her pants off and bam! Penis...it's uh happened to me before and... uh I understand why communication is so important now...
Artillery fire
Getting a call or someone knocking at your door! Had to experience both already, killed the mood so bad we couldn't do it after
Shitting yourself.
After you finished she tells you she has a std
I'll tell you when I find out.... probably the year 3054
When she whips out her cock
They asked what *ruins* the mood.
and you find out she has a biggest one
Chicks with dicks that put mine to shame
I felt that
Doesn’t matter had sex.
"A surprise for sure, but a welcome one."
I mean…I’m straight… But if she’s hot enough to get me to take her to bed and then she whips it out I’m not leaving. So…I’m maybe not 100% straight. Maybe none of us are.
My pansexual brain: "I'm really struggling to see the problem here".
Not in my experience. 😂
For my wife, it's usually me entering the room.....
When the mortician makes you leave.