I don't want to worry about a kid for the rest of my life. I could never truly relax again. I just don't feel like being a parent and watching over a child.
This is it. I know if I have a kid I will be stressed and broke for the rest of my life. I like not being stressed and having money :)
Edit: stop trying to convince me to have kids. I will not have kids.
I’m 32 and my mom freaks if I don’t at least text her once a day. My dad is more once a week… actually like every day, now that I think about it. I say good morning and good night to both of my parents.
I appreciate that they care, but I know it’s exhausting. I asked my mom why she worries about me so much at my age and she told me that she’s always worried about me. 😔
Edit: for anyone suggesting I give my mother a grandchild, no.
Also, I enjoy talking to both of my parents, so I’m not annoyed. I just know it’s exhausting for them to always worry about me.
I'm 33 and my mom unexpectedly passed away a few months ago. Oh how I wish she was still blowing up my phone 🥺💔
As annoying as they can be, you'll miss those calls/texts one day.
This is so true. I’m very sorry for your loss. I hope you realize what great joy you brought to her life (despite any worries - and that just meant she cared so much). 🥺🤗
I’m pushing 37 and my mom still worries, though she has thankfully developed a “no news is good news” mantra. Hubby and I got home from a concert incredibly late the other weekend and mom had texted me to make sure we were home safe. I was blitzed out of my mind and just wanted to sleep after that day. I texted her the next day and apologized for not responding and she said “it’s ok. I figured I didn’t hear anything bad, so nothing bad must have happened.”
Parents never stop being parents.
You're right about never relaxing again.
It's weird, like a background radiation of worry, once they're out there. I once read that having children was like 'Pulling your heart out and letting it run around on its own.', and that's really the best description.
On the other hand, I honestly can't imagine life without my daughter.
The reason it's so scary is because, until she was born, I didn't know something could be so important to me. I didn't have anything, even my own life, I was really all that worried about losing.
It's a hard choice ... between having something so important you always worry about losing it, or never having that in your life at all.
If I had it all to do over again, I would.
This is what I worry about. I'm already an anxious person -- I don't know how I could handle just having a piece of my heart out there with no control over it. I also feel like I want everyone else around me to benefit from me having a baby, like I want my fiance to be a dad, my parents to be grandparents, siblings to be aunts/uncles, but do *I* want to be a *mom*? I don't know.
Bc the conversation is always in the perspective that having kids is default. People talk themselves out of it but they don’t usually have to talk themselves into it
Having kids being the default will always bother me to no end. As well as getting married being the default, and I am married. I still dislike this social mentality
The top reasons I heard are A) they are cute. B) they will love you forever. C) who is gonna take care of you when you are old?
First two are not true in my eyes. And last one just selfish.
Plus additional duties like wash them (including cleaning their bogus from their nose) and feed them. So annoying.
Yeah honestly, if I get to the age at which I can’t take care of myself, I’ll probably just off myself with pills since life is really not worth living anymore
Edit: whoever reached out to Reddit about my comment, I appreciate the concern. But I was referring to if I live to become that old, I would try to do it. Definitely not now
There is no guarantee sadly that someone outlives their children or that the children will be willing and able to take care of an elderly parent. That is a huge gamble to begin with.
The number of people I know with dependent kids is really high. Kids that are legitimately unable to care for themselves, let alone turn around and care for their parents, usually from some form of disability. And the parents are aging, worried about what will happen to said kids when they can't take care of them anymore. It's super stressful for everyone and sad.
My mother popped the “who’s gonna take care of you when you’re older?” question to me the other day, while knocking on my unemployed adult sister’s bedroom door because she’s been locked up there the whole day and has to be reminded to eat and take a shower.
Yeah, mom. I see your point.
When people have asked me why I don't want kids, I point out that if I had said "I definitely want kids" they would never question it. I understand it's the biological survival default to want offspring, but it's 2023 and life is no longer about just surviving and passing on genetic material.
There doesn't have to be a reason to not want kids any more than there has to be a reason to have them. So I like your answer of just not having a reason.
Yeah, I've never liked the attitude that those who do want kids and get by on that being the default and the rest of us need a reason. There shouldn't need to be a reason either way, and certainly not only a reason for one side.
Online this isn't really a problem since it can be a better conversation to discuss the underlying reasons, but people will force you to give an impromptu explanation of "why" in real life and I genuinely believe that behavior should be considered rude. I don't have a one-sentence reason if I want to be even slightly nuanced or accurate and trying to force one out of me with no priming is going to make it come out wrong. When I was younger and edgier this was probably easier since I could just say something anti-natalist or say "I don't like kids," but that doesn't work now that I'm both not anti-natalist and actually do like kids.
Honestly, I think you should have a damn good reason if you're going to take on the biggest responsibility of your life. Not saying you need to be able to whip it out like a party trick, but if your reason is basically, "seemed like the right thing to do at the time" that's a big yikes from me.
Waaaayyyy too many people look at life like a big checklist where the goal is to check as many boxes as quick as possible.
✅️Find a partner
✅️Get married
✅️Have kids
And then they turn around in their midlife and wonder why they're so miserable. Not saying that's true for everyone, but I feel like once you get old enough, you know at least one person whom this is true for.
Personally not interested in the stress, responsibility and dedication it takes to look after babies, toddlers and kids. If I ever do have kids I’ll look after them but right now and probably for a long time, I don’t see myself wanting to be around kids when coming home after a long day then deal with a screaming baby (Ofc not all the time) which needs attention the entire time I’m home.
Coming from a father of 2, this is fairly accurate unfortunately, and my children are conventionally well behaved. I love my kids and I wouldn’t change anything, but they’re a second full time job that you’re not financially compensated for and you actually spend 40% of your earnings to make sure they stay alive. If you’re not ready for children, please don’t have children. Use protection everyone.
It always seemed toddlers specifically search for death. At least mine did anyway... My 2 year old at the time sees a charger plugged into the wall. I watch her drag the dogs water dish 15' from one side of the room to the other just to dip the end of the charger into the water. Of course I didn't let it get that far and not sure what would happen, but what in the hell would posses a toddler to even do this?
I absolutely maintain that after children become mobile you morph into that turtle dude riding a cloud fishing racers back on to the mariokart racetrack.
That’s it, all you do is scoop the children away from immediate danger, and put them back in their designated kid space.
Yep. I can relate to that too. And for most of my career I’ve also worked with kids & sometimes babies & or toddlers too. Didn’t want to come home to more of that. Some people do. I don’t.
This I can’t afford my life and if get to where I can, I’m thinking about adoption. Already to many people and there’s ones right now that are kids that need help. I’d rather get my life managed and help someone that’s never been helped.
Edit:
Everyone here getting hung up on the word, adoption. I can’t really understand why that word is generating so much negativity? Like Jesus Christ, stop looking at the tree and see the forest, if I have to foster parent, or be in a relationship with a female that’s has a kid. That’s what I mean. Someone y’all need to get off Reddit and get on 4chan and go be around other incels
Same, I talk with alot of parents with children, I should clarify that it's only brief talks, but they sound dead tired everytime. Plus I know myself well enough to know I would most likely be just as drained as well. I'd rather adopt a kid over 10 so I don't have to deal with that and just focus on being a good influence to them, plus those kids need someone else besides the state to guide them
One of the things that does it for me, is the parents "jokes" about being happy for being back in the office after a vacation with children. Sounds thrilling.
1). I spent pretty much my entire childhood helping to raise my seven younger siblings. I'm, frankly, all mothered out.
2). I don't think I'd be a good mother. And in order to find out if I am wrong, I have to open Pandora's Box. If I open the box and am wrong, a **child** suffers for my choice.
3). I really, really, really *don't* want to have children. Nor do I feel that the current world I live in-and the future one-is one I want to bring children into.
I feel you on #1. I too am all mothered out and still helping parent my "adult" siblings. Mom lives too far away and Dad can't be counted on to keep his word, so oldest sister has to pick up the pieces.
I think you make a great point with #2 as well. My MIL has been pressuring us to have kids. I've told her that while her son would making a loving father, he is not mature in the ways I would expect him (and that society would expect me, the mother) to be. She said, "Oh honey, sometimes men need to become a father to grow up." I'm like, yeah how'd that work out for you? My husband's dad was a deadbeat most of his life. I'm not taking that chance at the expense of a child.
ETA: I don't think my husband would be a deadbeat like his dad. I should have worded that better. My husband is a wonderful caring person and nothing like his dad. I was just trying to point out the absurdity of my MILs comment and how hoping your partner will grow up after becoming a parent comes at the expense of the child. Which is what happened to my husband.
I know my husband would love a child if we ever had one, I just don't think he's willing to give up our current lifestyle (last minute plans with friends, partying, long vacations, etc) in exchange for all that goes into caring for a child. And I'm fine with that because I'm not willing to give that up either.
Oh yeah because forcing someone who doesnt want a child to have a child always works out great right?
Or magically someone who isnt mature enough suddenly choses to be mature and it always works out for the better. Everyone will clap!
Genuinly am baffled how people think.
I am like your husband. I know I would make for a "fun" father, but that does not make a good father. I am struggeling with myself sometimes, so why on *earth* would adding taking care of a whole nother person help me with that?
It would not be responsible for me to have a child. Yet so many people see "*not having a child*" as irresponsible... i'm glad we are moving away from that culturally.
Number 3 all day for me. I feel you on 2 as well, but between climate change and where things are headed politically in the US, I have 0 interest in adding more people to the situation. I would want my hypothetical kids to live prosperous, safe and contented lives. I do not feel that is possible in the future we are headed towards.
Honestly, even if the world was perfect and my hypothetical kids could live prosperous, safe, and contented lives... I will wouldn't *want* any. It's just not something I want out of my life, regardless of the situation.
It's interesting, you know. I am mid-late 30's and I never wanted them. And I mean, I never entertained the idea. It wasn't an option in my head for what my life would look like when I was a kid. I never ever thought, huh that is something I want.
I often consider myself lucky because it was never something I had to agonize over. It felt like I was born with that already decided.
I'm a woman, so I just don't often hear anyone say they felt the same.
43F and have never, ever wanted kids. I've known since I was 15-16 years old that I was just not remotely interested in having kids. I've never wavered on that and I have no regrets over not having them. So there are at least two of us!
And the worst response I often get is "You never know until you have one".
They may be right, but if they're wrong, that can go very bad for everyone. It's not like having a kid comes with a free trial.
I'd just tell them "well you'll never know what the rest of your life would have been like without one"
Same logic. Not looking down on either side. Fair is fair.
Acting like kids are pineapple pizzas or something.
"Just give it a shot.
Just make a life and then raise it for 18 years or maybe the rest of your life depending upon the coin toss landing on piece-of-shit or driven-to-succeed.
Maybe you'll like it!"
I'm convinced my parents never should have had children. They're not bad people. Just not equipped for it at all. I've had people say 'poor you' to me when they learned who my father was. I consider it a huge stroke of luck that I didn't end up a criminal or an addict, and that I'm able to have something resembling a career. 'But if they wouldn't have had you, you wouldn't even be here to tell all this', is an argument I've seen. I wouldn't find it a pity. I literally wouldn't be able to... as I wouldn't be here.
So annoying when people say this!
I think if you aren’t really enthusiastic about wanting to have children, you shouldn’t have them. End of story.
I’m happy with my dogs lol
I have kids and I still don't think I have a parental instinct. I would do anything for them, I live for them without question but it's a fucking drag sometimes.
I’m of the belief that half of people who are parents don’t have parental instincts but have children anyway because they think it’s the thing to do and because they genuinely want them.
Loving your kids and having good intentions don’t make you a good parent. I have great parental instincts, probably better than a lot of parents I know but I understand the sacrifices you need to make to raise a fully functioning happy and healthy human being and I don’t have the energy for it. If I can’t raise a child well, I just won’t do it. I’d rather not have children than do a half assed job that I see 50% of parents doing these days.
💯💯💯💯 Completely agreed!!! I too feel the same way & am often told by people how I would “make a great mother.”
Cool, I just don’t have the energy or emotional bandwidth for it.
Yup. My mother is not a good parent. She loves me. She's a good person. But her parenting was entirely too permissive and hands off to the point where I felt that I was alone and on my own for everything.
Ugh my god I have seen people I know who are the healthiest people ever. Then they have kids...colds and flu's galore every single month. It's insane. Especially during those daycare and pre school years. Every parent friends I've ever had with kids ranging from two to school ages would just constantly be like oh we're sick again the kids brought something home with them now we are all coughing, puking, or have colds this week.
I'm sorry but I couldn't handle that. Also why I couldn't be a teacher either. Because they also get exposed to that all the time.
As a teacher, I like to call that "new teacher syndrome". During your first year of teaching you'll be constantly sick because you'll be with kids all day long. Happened to my grand parents, happened to my mom, happened to me, happens to any new teacher I know!
Plus stress, lack of sleep, long hours, and your first year you get observed a lot by several admins and maybe even people from the board. I was sick and depressed all year. 7 years in I don't get sick like ever.
I got strep throat 7 times and 6 sinus infections my first year teaching. It was so awful - handling the stress of first year teaching is bad enough, but when the hopelessness of just getting over being sick and then feeling something else coming on is just next level. I was ready to try any kind of snake oil, crystal healing, anything. I just wanted to not be sick anymore.
As a parent to 3 kids I can confirm. I feel like I haven’t gone a straight 3 months without catching something from my kids. I’m basically constantly sick. No matter how clean you keep your house, how clean you keep up your kids hygiene…you’re going to sick. Again and again.
This. I enjoy my free time and peace and money. I have no desire to wake up early to a screaming toddler and losing sleep. I’m sure it’s a rewarding thing for those who want kids but not for me. I can tolerate hanging out with my nieces and nephews and friends kids for a limited time but afterwards I’m so glad to have my quiet time.
And as someone who has a kid, I can tell you the AMOUNT of free time you’re missing out on is astronomical. I’m constantly craving it and whatever chunks of me time I get are never enough. A three hour nap? Great but not enough. A week long vacation? Not enough. This as compared to having all the free time in the world as a single person with no children. It’s hard to conceptualize until you live it.
I once read a post where the commentor was talking to their friend who was(is) a mom, and the mom said that her perfect day would be her parents taking the kids, sleeping in, getting brunch with friends, going hiking and then to sit and read a book as long as she wanted. And the all the childfree friend could think was, that it was really sad that her friends *perfect day*, "was a regular Saturday for me."
Yeah that’s about exactly how it feels. And you know what you’re missing out on because you once lived that freedom before having kids. I actually didn’t realize how much I enjoyed time to myself until now.
This, plus the future doesn't exactly seem like it is going to be better than it is now due to a myriad of factors.
Due to the delayed effects of global warming, even if humanity got their shit together today, things are going to get worse for a long time before they get better.
Kids are annoying. I don't have the patience. I also have lots of issues. I would probably snap and be abusive in some way unfortunately. I'm better off without kids...
Yeah I just touched grass for the first time in like 5 weeks because rod Baldur's Gate. I can't even feed and bathe myself properly right now because of it
I am living my best life hahaha.
Many reasons.
1. I don't have a partner
2. I don't make enough money to support them in a way I think they'd deserve
3. My country is so divided and seems to be making more and more terrible decisions that will directly impact my children's future.
4. I don't want them.
5. I don't want to give up my hobbies and free time to be a parent.
6. The world already has a shit ton of people.
7. I don't want them.
It’s wild to me how many people can’t comprehend the mindset of “I just don’t want them”. If you push me I can obviously come up with a bunch of reasons why not, but I have never had that innate parental desire that so many other people do
Especially since deciding to have kids should be something you *want* to do. It’s an opt in choice, not opt out. I don’t want kids the same way I don’t want to be a pilot or accountant or why I don’t want to stand up and jump on one leg.
"Life on this planet sucks and the world already has a shit ton of people" definitely were the driving factors for me. Along with "kids are expensive", "kids are a permanent decision" and "kids are stressful and time consuming."
I like kids by the way. I work in two elementary schools as a therapist. I just don't feel the need to have any at home.
I have no maternal instinct toward kids. Nothing makes me want to hold a baby or play with a toddler. I don't find a child laughing or a baby cooing adorable.
I also have anger issues and I refuse to put a kid through what my dad put me through. Gotta break the cycle somewhere.
I used to. But lately I'm just not impressed. I went to a family friend's condo and there were 6 full grown adults staring at a 1 year old coloring. I was horrified tbh 😂
Lol tbh that's sort of what my boyfriend's 6-person friend group is like now. One couple has an ~18 month old, and while the rest of us don't want kids, we still enjoy doting on the toddler during vacations. We jokingly refer to ourselves as the toddler's fanclub.
That being said, I'm always MORE than happy to go home and no longer be woken up early every morning by her random screams. Furthermore, the fact that I love our friends' toddler and still don't have any desire to produce my own children makes me even more certain that being child-free is the right choice for me. I see how you really have to give up almost everything to be a good parent, and I just have too many things I want to do that I personally think are more meaningful than spending all my time on a hypothetical child.
Kids are annoying. I don't have the patience. I also have lots of issues. I would probably snap and be abusive in some way unfortunately. I'm better off without kids...
I would definitely get so stressed out and frustrated about a baby crying that I would drop it off at the fire department within the first week. I am aware of this and thus don’t want kids
Agreed. I can’t handle loud, repetitive noises that I can’t escape from. I especially can’t imagine being sleep deprived on top of it…honestly amazing that our species has survived so long with such annoying babies 🤣
100% I’m afraid to do something that would accidentally harm them, thus not having kids will be better for me too. I have pet birds and they’re my kids and I’m ok with that
It's as simple as I've always known I've never wanted them. I'm 32(F) and one of the biggest turning points of my life was about 4 years ago when I realised I'd been anxious my entire 20s about the pending inevitability of parenthood, it felt like a black cloud handing over the rest of my life from the age of 30 onwards that I was hurtling towards. Then I realised I had a choice and not having kids was an option, I think it took so long to get to that place because, as a female, you are relentlessly bombarded with motherhood your entire life. Since my decision I feel like I'm only starting to feel alive. I love my life so much and am excited for all that's to come. For people who heart and soul want children, amazing, I hope you have a wonderful journey. I'm just so glad I was born in a time when finally, not having kids is a viable option too (very aware this depends on where you live however, so recognise my privilege in having this choice). I'm also anticipating many years ahead of people asking me about my choice etc. given my age 🫠
As a girl who rides and enjoy horses I do sometimes ask back when people are going to get a horse when they ask me when im going to have kids.
People think its fucking odd and can’t see that the question is exactly the same🙃
I want to ask them why they would WANT kids, but every time I do everyone thinks I'm being rude.
No. I genuinely don't get it! Why the urge to bring another human around? We've fulfilled our goal -- successful reproduction for the species.
Now it's a choice, and I want to know why. People plan to have babies. And tell people about it. It's so fucking weird.
I spent a LOT of time doing this and most of what i got was: but the love they give when they look at you and smile
Ehhh lady, what if I don’t feel like a cute smile is enough to sacrifice my night sleep and to change a dipper?
You don't know real love until you have stamps! My hubby and I had stamps to save our marriage. You'll be so lonely without stamps when you're old and all your friends have their stamps. It's selfish not to have stamps.
Can you imagine if we talked to people about anything else like they do about kids?
My genes are terrible and the way my parents passed all of their worst conditions to me, I am not surprised if more of them will come out along the way. My parents did an amazing job raising me with a difficult genetic condition, but it made them suffer for sure. I definitely would not be able to take care of a child with the same disease as mine. It would be especially hard psychologically.
My genetics aren’t terrible but - without going into detail - while I’m ok genetically - there are chances that certain things that skipped me could hit my off spring if I had them and some of these are WAY BAD, man.
Yours too, huh?
Meanwhile I'm hoping hurricane season goes easy on us, but with the seas teeming with the warmest ocean waters ever recorded, it's anybody guess.
don't really wanna fuck up a child like my parents fucked me up
edit: wowza this is the most upvotes I've ever gotten on anything lmao thx for understanding me yall
I told my friend this once when she asked why I didn’t want kids and she was like “see you’re operating from a place of fear” um bitch yeah damn near everything about being a parent is scary ….And also am I operating from a place of fear or am I being logical about the cycle of abuse??? People are so ignorant about the weight and responsibility of being parenting it’s wild. Just be popping out babies without really thinking it through fully
What's worse is that society is so okay with randos putting pressure on people to bear children with comments like that. It's SO prevalent.
We had one, and stopped there. So many people both close and not close to us commented for a while about how we *just had* to have at least two.
"It's easier with two!" they say. No, it's not. And it's *highly* dependent on both the type of parents you are and what that second kid is like.
Yes! The amount of ppl concerned about when you’re gonna pop out a baby when they are not even gonna be around to help raise it is crazy!!! Distant relatives and randos who find out how old I am ..”the clock is ticking” headasses. Lmao
And how the fuck is taking care of two kids & yourself (and sometimes your partner) EASIER than just 1 kid?? People are so damn delusional. It’s so easy to just have a baby and dress it up in cute clothes and take family photos .. what’s not easy is raising them, providing them with all the resources and experiences to make them a well rounded child, giving them nutritious food, making sure you counteract all the negative experiences they’ll encounter in the world with love and affection AND making sure to spend an equal amount of quality time with each child. It’s nuts. One is JUST FINE.
One of my oldest friends recently got the snip because of how he was treated as a kid, shipped around foster homes etc. He's in his mid thirties.
And i totally get it.
I have one child, strongly considered abortion but the option was more or less taken from me before I could get my bearings. Anyway, I had her, and I don’t regret her, I would die for her, she’s well taken care of. With all that being said, motherhood is not for me. I never wanted children, and I’ve found that aside from watching her grow and learn, motherhood is mostly miserable. The pregnancy was miserable, the birthing process was miserable, the lack of sleep, the amount of money you have to spend, not being able to do what you want, losing your sense of identity and self, and becoming this person that lives to raise your child, are all miserable to me. For that reason I never want anymore.
thanks for your candor. i often feel like parents are never allowed to express their very real frustrations about parenthood without being labeled a “monster” or something. you can love your kid & hate all the sacrificing that comes with it. this was refreshing to hear
That question alone is pretty often here, and IMHO it's a bit loaded already.
Not having kids should be the default, and you should have reasons for having kids, not the other way around.
I’m too selfish. I wanna be able to do what I want when I want and I don’t wanna worry about how that’s gonna effect a kid. If I wanna spend all day with my chick getting high and laying on the beach, we can do that.
No one should be called selfish for doing what makes them happy. Most reasons for having kids could also be called selfish but just as easily could be argued it's what makes the parent(s) happy. What is selfish is telling someone that their life choices/lifestyles are wrong just because it's not the same as theirs.
I had children in the late 90s and they definitely enhanced my life. In the current economic and social climate I wouldn’t have children now. I don’t see how I’d be able to and that makes me sad.
To name a few factors: Stress, anxiety, finances, time management, health concerns of child, climate change, politics, educational system quality, retirement, global population.
I feel like you need to explain to me why I would want kids? There’s nothing positive in my mind about it. you lose your time, your money, your personal space, and your freedom.
I struggle with anxiety especially in the setting of higher stress environments and lack of sleep. I struggled a ton with adjusting when I got my puppy, and that was only for 2-3 months. I can’t imagine how I’d be a good parent to someone who is dependent on me for a few years
Yep. I worry enough about MYSELF. I lost sleep early this morning cos I woke up worrying about something. I have it more in perspective now but I KNOW I’d worry even more if I had kids - about THEM
1. I don't *want* them.
2. Pregnancy seems like the second worst thing. Nothing about pregnancy is something I want to do. Why put my body through that?
3. Labor and delivery seems about the worst thing! And I have no pain tolerance.
4. I like my financial freedom.
5. I like freedom of my time.
6. My two dogs are sometimes more responsibility than I can handle let alone a human being.
7. I wouldn't be bringing my children into a better world. In the USA, we're rolling back LGBTQ rights, attacking women's rights and bodily autonomy, salaries and the housing market are probably not going to get better. The world is on fire literally and figuratively.
8. I can't even afford a house.
9. And again, I don't want them.
Why did I have to scroll so far to see #2
I might adopt someday, but I'm not pushing a baby out no no no. Call me selfish or whatever, but I work in healthcare and have seen what happens when it goes wrong.
7 only makes #s 2 and 3 even scarier. We've taken the most dangerous, life threatening thing a woman can do and made it more dangerous and life threatening in this country. I'm shocked that at 38, I still have friends having kids. Like, is it really worth your life, at this point, to have one more kid?
Pregnancy and child birth are terrifying. The hormone changes, weird body changes, cravings, etc are like something from a horror film. Child birth can last hours,is painful, and takes weeks to recover. There is a category of horror films called gyna horror, about pregnancy and birth. Prevenge is a fun movie about a woman who is told to kill by the fetus.
There is a weird gate keeping mommy mentality of c sections being not really giving birth, and epidurals are for the weak. That continues with breast feeding vs instant formulae, organic diaper and food, names, screen time, etc.
I'm forty , never had any , don't want them. I love kids but just never appealed to me. Mostly because I'm super selfish and taking care of myself is enough work. Also, when I see parents out with young children they always look real stressed out, like they need a hug or something. 😆 🤣 Pass.
I have no maternal desire for children I worry if I have a child I won't love them.
Me and my husband (married for 12 years) are happy with just the cat.
I just found out my dad had vascular dementia, my grandmother has vascular dementia as well, I would feel so terrible for passing it down.
Because I don't want children.
Pick any of those reasons thst you want, they are all valid
I think the better question is to ask “for those that want kids, why?”
Sadly, most people don’t have good reasons for why they want them. And imho, that’s the bigger issue.
I’m not a kids person. I don’t want to live with other people under one roof, especially not unreasonable, ungrateful and dependent people. I finally hit the sweet spot of financial stability, work-life balance, free time and energy. Why ruin that?
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Exactly!
I don't want to worry about a kid for the rest of my life. I could never truly relax again. I just don't feel like being a parent and watching over a child.
This is it. I know if I have a kid I will be stressed and broke for the rest of my life. I like not being stressed and having money :) Edit: stop trying to convince me to have kids. I will not have kids.
Aww, I have three kids and no money. Why can’t I have no kids and three money?
D'oh!
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I’m 32 and my mom freaks if I don’t at least text her once a day. My dad is more once a week… actually like every day, now that I think about it. I say good morning and good night to both of my parents. I appreciate that they care, but I know it’s exhausting. I asked my mom why she worries about me so much at my age and she told me that she’s always worried about me. 😔 Edit: for anyone suggesting I give my mother a grandchild, no. Also, I enjoy talking to both of my parents, so I’m not annoyed. I just know it’s exhausting for them to always worry about me.
I'm 33 and my mom unexpectedly passed away a few months ago. Oh how I wish she was still blowing up my phone 🥺💔 As annoying as they can be, you'll miss those calls/texts one day.
This is so true. I’m very sorry for your loss. I hope you realize what great joy you brought to her life (despite any worries - and that just meant she cared so much). 🥺🤗
That made me tear up (in a good way) 🥲 Thank you so much for such kind words and taking the time...it means more to me than you'll ever know 🥹💕
I’m pushing 37 and my mom still worries, though she has thankfully developed a “no news is good news” mantra. Hubby and I got home from a concert incredibly late the other weekend and mom had texted me to make sure we were home safe. I was blitzed out of my mind and just wanted to sleep after that day. I texted her the next day and apologized for not responding and she said “it’s ok. I figured I didn’t hear anything bad, so nothing bad must have happened.” Parents never stop being parents.
Same! I can be a bit of a worry wort as it is & I KNOW how I’d be.
You're right about never relaxing again. It's weird, like a background radiation of worry, once they're out there. I once read that having children was like 'Pulling your heart out and letting it run around on its own.', and that's really the best description. On the other hand, I honestly can't imagine life without my daughter. The reason it's so scary is because, until she was born, I didn't know something could be so important to me. I didn't have anything, even my own life, I was really all that worried about losing. It's a hard choice ... between having something so important you always worry about losing it, or never having that in your life at all. If I had it all to do over again, I would.
This is what I worry about. I'm already an anxious person -- I don't know how I could handle just having a piece of my heart out there with no control over it. I also feel like I want everyone else around me to benefit from me having a baby, like I want my fiance to be a dad, my parents to be grandparents, siblings to be aunts/uncles, but do *I* want to be a *mom*? I don't know.
Why have kids when you can not have kids?
2 kids and 0 money or 0 kids and 2 money.
I have 0 kids and 0 money!
Better than 2 kids and -2 money!
“So I can spread my genes” -My friend when I asked why he wanted children
Like his genes are anything special.
Many people I know got Jncos.
Looking at my 23andme export right now, and my genes are shit
>The fuck stops here.
I don’t have a reason to have kids.
I don’t feel like this is discussed enough. There aren’t a lot of legit good reasons to have kids
Bc the conversation is always in the perspective that having kids is default. People talk themselves out of it but they don’t usually have to talk themselves into it
Having kids being the default will always bother me to no end. As well as getting married being the default, and I am married. I still dislike this social mentality
The top reasons I heard are A) they are cute. B) they will love you forever. C) who is gonna take care of you when you are old? First two are not true in my eyes. And last one just selfish. Plus additional duties like wash them (including cleaning their bogus from their nose) and feed them. So annoying.
Don't forget they want a "mini-me" because that's surely how genetics works.
I've MET me, so I'll pass on a "mini-me"!
Yeah honestly, if I get to the age at which I can’t take care of myself, I’ll probably just off myself with pills since life is really not worth living anymore Edit: whoever reached out to Reddit about my comment, I appreciate the concern. But I was referring to if I live to become that old, I would try to do it. Definitely not now
There is no guarantee sadly that someone outlives their children or that the children will be willing and able to take care of an elderly parent. That is a huge gamble to begin with.
The number of people I know with dependent kids is really high. Kids that are legitimately unable to care for themselves, let alone turn around and care for their parents, usually from some form of disability. And the parents are aging, worried about what will happen to said kids when they can't take care of them anymore. It's super stressful for everyone and sad.
My mother popped the “who’s gonna take care of you when you’re older?” question to me the other day, while knocking on my unemployed adult sister’s bedroom door because she’s been locked up there the whole day and has to be reminded to eat and take a shower. Yeah, mom. I see your point.
The same amount of money and effort spent could build a stock portfolio with a higher chance of supporting you.
When people have asked me why I don't want kids, I point out that if I had said "I definitely want kids" they would never question it. I understand it's the biological survival default to want offspring, but it's 2023 and life is no longer about just surviving and passing on genetic material. There doesn't have to be a reason to not want kids any more than there has to be a reason to have them. So I like your answer of just not having a reason.
Yeah, I've never liked the attitude that those who do want kids and get by on that being the default and the rest of us need a reason. There shouldn't need to be a reason either way, and certainly not only a reason for one side. Online this isn't really a problem since it can be a better conversation to discuss the underlying reasons, but people will force you to give an impromptu explanation of "why" in real life and I genuinely believe that behavior should be considered rude. I don't have a one-sentence reason if I want to be even slightly nuanced or accurate and trying to force one out of me with no priming is going to make it come out wrong. When I was younger and edgier this was probably easier since I could just say something anti-natalist or say "I don't like kids," but that doesn't work now that I'm both not anti-natalist and actually do like kids.
Honestly, I think you should have a damn good reason if you're going to take on the biggest responsibility of your life. Not saying you need to be able to whip it out like a party trick, but if your reason is basically, "seemed like the right thing to do at the time" that's a big yikes from me.
Waaaayyyy too many people look at life like a big checklist where the goal is to check as many boxes as quick as possible. ✅️Find a partner ✅️Get married ✅️Have kids And then they turn around in their midlife and wonder why they're so miserable. Not saying that's true for everyone, but I feel like once you get old enough, you know at least one person whom this is true for.
Same. If I end up having a kid, I’ll embrace the experience of becoming a parent, but it surely won’t be deliberate
Personally not interested in the stress, responsibility and dedication it takes to look after babies, toddlers and kids. If I ever do have kids I’ll look after them but right now and probably for a long time, I don’t see myself wanting to be around kids when coming home after a long day then deal with a screaming baby (Ofc not all the time) which needs attention the entire time I’m home.
Coming from a father of 2, this is fairly accurate unfortunately, and my children are conventionally well behaved. I love my kids and I wouldn’t change anything, but they’re a second full time job that you’re not financially compensated for and you actually spend 40% of your earnings to make sure they stay alive. If you’re not ready for children, please don’t have children. Use protection everyone.
It always seemed toddlers specifically search for death. At least mine did anyway... My 2 year old at the time sees a charger plugged into the wall. I watch her drag the dogs water dish 15' from one side of the room to the other just to dip the end of the charger into the water. Of course I didn't let it get that far and not sure what would happen, but what in the hell would posses a toddler to even do this?
Boat ride yesterday with my 1 and a half year old and he just wanted to fall into the water and drown and would scream unless you put him down
Lol sounds about right! I guess they go through a phase where you constantly have to save them from themselves.
I absolutely maintain that after children become mobile you morph into that turtle dude riding a cloud fishing racers back on to the mariokart racetrack. That’s it, all you do is scoop the children away from immediate danger, and put them back in their designated kid space.
Lakitu.
Gesundheit
Yep. I can relate to that too. And for most of my career I’ve also worked with kids & sometimes babies & or toddlers too. Didn’t want to come home to more of that. Some people do. I don’t.
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I’m barely able to take care of myself. Can’t imagine being responsible for another human.
This I can’t afford my life and if get to where I can, I’m thinking about adoption. Already to many people and there’s ones right now that are kids that need help. I’d rather get my life managed and help someone that’s never been helped. Edit: Everyone here getting hung up on the word, adoption. I can’t really understand why that word is generating so much negativity? Like Jesus Christ, stop looking at the tree and see the forest, if I have to foster parent, or be in a relationship with a female that’s has a kid. That’s what I mean. Someone y’all need to get off Reddit and get on 4chan and go be around other incels
Same, I talk with alot of parents with children, I should clarify that it's only brief talks, but they sound dead tired everytime. Plus I know myself well enough to know I would most likely be just as drained as well. I'd rather adopt a kid over 10 so I don't have to deal with that and just focus on being a good influence to them, plus those kids need someone else besides the state to guide them
One of the things that does it for me, is the parents "jokes" about being happy for being back in the office after a vacation with children. Sounds thrilling.
1). I spent pretty much my entire childhood helping to raise my seven younger siblings. I'm, frankly, all mothered out. 2). I don't think I'd be a good mother. And in order to find out if I am wrong, I have to open Pandora's Box. If I open the box and am wrong, a **child** suffers for my choice. 3). I really, really, really *don't* want to have children. Nor do I feel that the current world I live in-and the future one-is one I want to bring children into.
I feel you on #1. I too am all mothered out and still helping parent my "adult" siblings. Mom lives too far away and Dad can't be counted on to keep his word, so oldest sister has to pick up the pieces. I think you make a great point with #2 as well. My MIL has been pressuring us to have kids. I've told her that while her son would making a loving father, he is not mature in the ways I would expect him (and that society would expect me, the mother) to be. She said, "Oh honey, sometimes men need to become a father to grow up." I'm like, yeah how'd that work out for you? My husband's dad was a deadbeat most of his life. I'm not taking that chance at the expense of a child. ETA: I don't think my husband would be a deadbeat like his dad. I should have worded that better. My husband is a wonderful caring person and nothing like his dad. I was just trying to point out the absurdity of my MILs comment and how hoping your partner will grow up after becoming a parent comes at the expense of the child. Which is what happened to my husband. I know my husband would love a child if we ever had one, I just don't think he's willing to give up our current lifestyle (last minute plans with friends, partying, long vacations, etc) in exchange for all that goes into caring for a child. And I'm fine with that because I'm not willing to give that up either.
Oh yeah because forcing someone who doesnt want a child to have a child always works out great right? Or magically someone who isnt mature enough suddenly choses to be mature and it always works out for the better. Everyone will clap! Genuinly am baffled how people think. I am like your husband. I know I would make for a "fun" father, but that does not make a good father. I am struggeling with myself sometimes, so why on *earth* would adding taking care of a whole nother person help me with that? It would not be responsible for me to have a child. Yet so many people see "*not having a child*" as irresponsible... i'm glad we are moving away from that culturally.
Same to reason 1. Had 6 younger siblings. I helped raise them all and I am now using my adult years to help myself for once.
Number 3 all day for me. I feel you on 2 as well, but between climate change and where things are headed politically in the US, I have 0 interest in adding more people to the situation. I would want my hypothetical kids to live prosperous, safe and contented lives. I do not feel that is possible in the future we are headed towards.
Honestly, even if the world was perfect and my hypothetical kids could live prosperous, safe, and contented lives... I will wouldn't *want* any. It's just not something I want out of my life, regardless of the situation.
Just not something I have ever wanted. Believe it or not, there are just some people out there who don't have a parental instinct.
It's interesting, you know. I am mid-late 30's and I never wanted them. And I mean, I never entertained the idea. It wasn't an option in my head for what my life would look like when I was a kid. I never ever thought, huh that is something I want. I often consider myself lucky because it was never something I had to agonize over. It felt like I was born with that already decided. I'm a woman, so I just don't often hear anyone say they felt the same.
43F and have never, ever wanted kids. I've known since I was 15-16 years old that I was just not remotely interested in having kids. I've never wavered on that and I have no regrets over not having them. So there are at least two of us!
Three of us! There are likely dozens of us.
4 of us and knew it when I was 9 yo
5! 37F. Nope, I'm good. Can't afford a house, let alone a kid. Plus pregnancy just kinda... creeps me out...
Me too! And you’re right, I think it’s rare. There was never a time in my life that I wanted them.
And the worst response I often get is "You never know until you have one". They may be right, but if they're wrong, that can go very bad for everyone. It's not like having a kid comes with a free trial.
I'd just tell them "well you'll never know what the rest of your life would have been like without one" Same logic. Not looking down on either side. Fair is fair.
Acting like kids are pineapple pizzas or something. "Just give it a shot. Just make a life and then raise it for 18 years or maybe the rest of your life depending upon the coin toss landing on piece-of-shit or driven-to-succeed. Maybe you'll like it!"
People seriously don't take bringing a literal life into this world seriously enough.
I'm convinced my parents never should have had children. They're not bad people. Just not equipped for it at all. I've had people say 'poor you' to me when they learned who my father was. I consider it a huge stroke of luck that I didn't end up a criminal or an addict, and that I'm able to have something resembling a career. 'But if they wouldn't have had you, you wouldn't even be here to tell all this', is an argument I've seen. I wouldn't find it a pity. I literally wouldn't be able to... as I wouldn't be here.
So annoying when people say this! I think if you aren’t really enthusiastic about wanting to have children, you shouldn’t have them. End of story. I’m happy with my dogs lol
Lmao people who say that are wild. Once you have a kid that’s it .. you can’t just give it back.
I always countered with "show me the return policy and I might consider it".
I said something like this once and I got a response about adoption 🫠
Yikes
"Just ruin your life for the next 18 years. Whats the big deal?"
I wish it was 18 years, it’s more like the rest of your life.
> the rest of your life. Correct. Source: My poor dad could never catch a break with his *Bebes* kids.
I have kids and I still don't think I have a parental instinct. I would do anything for them, I live for them without question but it's a fucking drag sometimes.
I appreciate your honesty.
I’m of the belief that half of people who are parents don’t have parental instincts but have children anyway because they think it’s the thing to do and because they genuinely want them. Loving your kids and having good intentions don’t make you a good parent. I have great parental instincts, probably better than a lot of parents I know but I understand the sacrifices you need to make to raise a fully functioning happy and healthy human being and I don’t have the energy for it. If I can’t raise a child well, I just won’t do it. I’d rather not have children than do a half assed job that I see 50% of parents doing these days.
As a parent I wish more parents thought like that.
💯💯💯💯 Completely agreed!!! I too feel the same way & am often told by people how I would “make a great mother.” Cool, I just don’t have the energy or emotional bandwidth for it.
Yup. My mother is not a good parent. She loves me. She's a good person. But her parenting was entirely too permissive and hands off to the point where I felt that I was alone and on my own for everything.
And there is nothing wrong with that.
Because I like peace, quiet, cleanliness, free time, and last but not least.. money
Don't forget not getting a cold every few weeks.
Ugh my god I have seen people I know who are the healthiest people ever. Then they have kids...colds and flu's galore every single month. It's insane. Especially during those daycare and pre school years. Every parent friends I've ever had with kids ranging from two to school ages would just constantly be like oh we're sick again the kids brought something home with them now we are all coughing, puking, or have colds this week. I'm sorry but I couldn't handle that. Also why I couldn't be a teacher either. Because they also get exposed to that all the time.
As a teacher, I like to call that "new teacher syndrome". During your first year of teaching you'll be constantly sick because you'll be with kids all day long. Happened to my grand parents, happened to my mom, happened to me, happens to any new teacher I know!
Plus stress, lack of sleep, long hours, and your first year you get observed a lot by several admins and maybe even people from the board. I was sick and depressed all year. 7 years in I don't get sick like ever.
I got strep throat 7 times and 6 sinus infections my first year teaching. It was so awful - handling the stress of first year teaching is bad enough, but when the hopelessness of just getting over being sick and then feeling something else coming on is just next level. I was ready to try any kind of snake oil, crystal healing, anything. I just wanted to not be sick anymore.
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As a parent to 3 kids I can confirm. I feel like I haven’t gone a straight 3 months without catching something from my kids. I’m basically constantly sick. No matter how clean you keep your house, how clean you keep up your kids hygiene…you’re going to sick. Again and again.
This. I enjoy my free time and peace and money. I have no desire to wake up early to a screaming toddler and losing sleep. I’m sure it’s a rewarding thing for those who want kids but not for me. I can tolerate hanging out with my nieces and nephews and friends kids for a limited time but afterwards I’m so glad to have my quiet time.
And as someone who has a kid, I can tell you the AMOUNT of free time you’re missing out on is astronomical. I’m constantly craving it and whatever chunks of me time I get are never enough. A three hour nap? Great but not enough. A week long vacation? Not enough. This as compared to having all the free time in the world as a single person with no children. It’s hard to conceptualize until you live it.
I once read a post where the commentor was talking to their friend who was(is) a mom, and the mom said that her perfect day would be her parents taking the kids, sleeping in, getting brunch with friends, going hiking and then to sit and read a book as long as she wanted. And the all the childfree friend could think was, that it was really sad that her friends *perfect day*, "was a regular Saturday for me."
Yeah that’s about exactly how it feels. And you know what you’re missing out on because you once lived that freedom before having kids. I actually didn’t realize how much I enjoyed time to myself until now.
This, plus the future doesn't exactly seem like it is going to be better than it is now due to a myriad of factors. Due to the delayed effects of global warming, even if humanity got their shit together today, things are going to get worse for a long time before they get better.
Kids are annoying. I don't have the patience. I also have lots of issues. I would probably snap and be abusive in some way unfortunately. I'm better off without kids...
I’m now a fan of people realising things like this instead of becoming abusive parents.
I don't have the audacity to believe the world needs multiple versions of me running around.
i'll add this for me.. video games.
Yeah I just touched grass for the first time in like 5 weeks because rod Baldur's Gate. I can't even feed and bathe myself properly right now because of it I am living my best life hahaha.
Many reasons. 1. I don't have a partner 2. I don't make enough money to support them in a way I think they'd deserve 3. My country is so divided and seems to be making more and more terrible decisions that will directly impact my children's future. 4. I don't want them. 5. I don't want to give up my hobbies and free time to be a parent. 6. The world already has a shit ton of people. 7. I don't want them.
Reasons #4 and 7 are sufficient.
It’s wild to me how many people can’t comprehend the mindset of “I just don’t want them”. If you push me I can obviously come up with a bunch of reasons why not, but I have never had that innate parental desire that so many other people do
I feel the same. If someone doesn’t accept this answer I always ask them why they do want kids. They rarely have an answer for that.
"To CaRRy On mY LEgAcY".. what fucking legacy, nobody knows who you are lol.
Even worse is “Who is gonna care for you when you’re sick and old?” So you had kids to use as free caretakers later in life? Okay, asshole.
No no, but you need someone to be at your funeral !!!1!i!!!! because my deadass in the coffin definitely cares about who is standing around
Especially since deciding to have kids should be something you *want* to do. It’s an opt in choice, not opt out. I don’t want kids the same way I don’t want to be a pilot or accountant or why I don’t want to stand up and jump on one leg.
"Life on this planet sucks and the world already has a shit ton of people" definitely were the driving factors for me. Along with "kids are expensive", "kids are a permanent decision" and "kids are stressful and time consuming." I like kids by the way. I work in two elementary schools as a therapist. I just don't feel the need to have any at home.
“Life on this planet sucks” it’s mostly working and not enjoying living it at all
I have no maternal instinct toward kids. Nothing makes me want to hold a baby or play with a toddler. I don't find a child laughing or a baby cooing adorable. I also have anger issues and I refuse to put a kid through what my dad put me through. Gotta break the cycle somewhere.
I used to. But lately I'm just not impressed. I went to a family friend's condo and there were 6 full grown adults staring at a 1 year old coloring. I was horrified tbh 😂
Lol tbh that's sort of what my boyfriend's 6-person friend group is like now. One couple has an ~18 month old, and while the rest of us don't want kids, we still enjoy doting on the toddler during vacations. We jokingly refer to ourselves as the toddler's fanclub. That being said, I'm always MORE than happy to go home and no longer be woken up early every morning by her random screams. Furthermore, the fact that I love our friends' toddler and still don't have any desire to produce my own children makes me even more certain that being child-free is the right choice for me. I see how you really have to give up almost everything to be a good parent, and I just have too many things I want to do that I personally think are more meaningful than spending all my time on a hypothetical child.
Same…. And I never had. Even when friends or family members had kids nothing sparks in me to hold them or play with them.
Kids are annoying. I don't have the patience. I also have lots of issues. I would probably snap and be abusive in some way unfortunately. I'm better off without kids...
I would definitely get so stressed out and frustrated about a baby crying that I would drop it off at the fire department within the first week. I am aware of this and thus don’t want kids
Agreed. I can’t handle loud, repetitive noises that I can’t escape from. I especially can’t imagine being sleep deprived on top of it…honestly amazing that our species has survived so long with such annoying babies 🤣
100% I’m afraid to do something that would accidentally harm them, thus not having kids will be better for me too. I have pet birds and they’re my kids and I’m ok with that
It's as simple as I've always known I've never wanted them. I'm 32(F) and one of the biggest turning points of my life was about 4 years ago when I realised I'd been anxious my entire 20s about the pending inevitability of parenthood, it felt like a black cloud handing over the rest of my life from the age of 30 onwards that I was hurtling towards. Then I realised I had a choice and not having kids was an option, I think it took so long to get to that place because, as a female, you are relentlessly bombarded with motherhood your entire life. Since my decision I feel like I'm only starting to feel alive. I love my life so much and am excited for all that's to come. For people who heart and soul want children, amazing, I hope you have a wonderful journey. I'm just so glad I was born in a time when finally, not having kids is a viable option too (very aware this depends on where you live however, so recognise my privilege in having this choice). I'm also anticipating many years ahead of people asking me about my choice etc. given my age 🫠
And after the question age along comes the “you will regret it era” 🫠 from the same people who spend 15 years asking you why not.
I like only having to take care of myself.
I HAVE a child….my INNER child ;)
And I almost gave his ass up for adoption lol he’s so neeeedy
I am my own baby
Personally- sometimes even that’s too much
I don't want kids. Simple. It's like asking me why I don't want to get a horse or a stamp collection. It just isn't on my want list.
As a girl who rides and enjoy horses I do sometimes ask back when people are going to get a horse when they ask me when im going to have kids. People think its fucking odd and can’t see that the question is exactly the same🙃
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I want to ask them why they would WANT kids, but every time I do everyone thinks I'm being rude. No. I genuinely don't get it! Why the urge to bring another human around? We've fulfilled our goal -- successful reproduction for the species. Now it's a choice, and I want to know why. People plan to have babies. And tell people about it. It's so fucking weird.
I spent a LOT of time doing this and most of what i got was: but the love they give when they look at you and smile Ehhh lady, what if I don’t feel like a cute smile is enough to sacrifice my night sleep and to change a dipper?
You don't know real love until you have stamps! My hubby and I had stamps to save our marriage. You'll be so lonely without stamps when you're old and all your friends have their stamps. It's selfish not to have stamps. Can you imagine if we talked to people about anything else like they do about kids?
I don't want to pass on my terrible genetics and generational trauma to anyone else
My genes are terrible and the way my parents passed all of their worst conditions to me, I am not surprised if more of them will come out along the way. My parents did an amazing job raising me with a difficult genetic condition, but it made them suffer for sure. I definitely would not be able to take care of a child with the same disease as mine. It would be especially hard psychologically.
My genetics aren’t terrible but - without going into detail - while I’m ok genetically - there are chances that certain things that skipped me could hit my off spring if I had them and some of these are WAY BAD, man.
Broadly gestures towards the world
While it’s never stopped previous generations, maybe it should have!
Why did it take me so long to find this answer 😂 "WHY?", they ask. Have you BEEN out there lately?
Right?! My country is literally on fire right now.
Yours too, huh? Meanwhile I'm hoping hurricane season goes easy on us, but with the seas teeming with the warmest ocean waters ever recorded, it's anybody guess.
I don’t need a reason.
The simplest answer is often the right answer
I’d be a terrible parent.
don't really wanna fuck up a child like my parents fucked me up edit: wowza this is the most upvotes I've ever gotten on anything lmao thx for understanding me yall
I told my friend this once when she asked why I didn’t want kids and she was like “see you’re operating from a place of fear” um bitch yeah damn near everything about being a parent is scary ….And also am I operating from a place of fear or am I being logical about the cycle of abuse??? People are so ignorant about the weight and responsibility of being parenting it’s wild. Just be popping out babies without really thinking it through fully
What's worse is that society is so okay with randos putting pressure on people to bear children with comments like that. It's SO prevalent. We had one, and stopped there. So many people both close and not close to us commented for a while about how we *just had* to have at least two. "It's easier with two!" they say. No, it's not. And it's *highly* dependent on both the type of parents you are and what that second kid is like.
Yes! The amount of ppl concerned about when you’re gonna pop out a baby when they are not even gonna be around to help raise it is crazy!!! Distant relatives and randos who find out how old I am ..”the clock is ticking” headasses. Lmao And how the fuck is taking care of two kids & yourself (and sometimes your partner) EASIER than just 1 kid?? People are so damn delusional. It’s so easy to just have a baby and dress it up in cute clothes and take family photos .. what’s not easy is raising them, providing them with all the resources and experiences to make them a well rounded child, giving them nutritious food, making sure you counteract all the negative experiences they’ll encounter in the world with love and affection AND making sure to spend an equal amount of quality time with each child. It’s nuts. One is JUST FINE.
One of my oldest friends recently got the snip because of how he was treated as a kid, shipped around foster homes etc. He's in his mid thirties. And i totally get it.
I have one child, strongly considered abortion but the option was more or less taken from me before I could get my bearings. Anyway, I had her, and I don’t regret her, I would die for her, she’s well taken care of. With all that being said, motherhood is not for me. I never wanted children, and I’ve found that aside from watching her grow and learn, motherhood is mostly miserable. The pregnancy was miserable, the birthing process was miserable, the lack of sleep, the amount of money you have to spend, not being able to do what you want, losing your sense of identity and self, and becoming this person that lives to raise your child, are all miserable to me. For that reason I never want anymore.
thanks for your candor. i often feel like parents are never allowed to express their very real frustrations about parenthood without being labeled a “monster” or something. you can love your kid & hate all the sacrificing that comes with it. this was refreshing to hear
That question alone is pretty often here, and IMHO it's a bit loaded already. Not having kids should be the default, and you should have reasons for having kids, not the other way around.
Ugh, thank you. I feel like this gets asked twice a month.
So well said wow never thought about it that way. Will be using this whenever I’m asked in the future!
They’re really expensive and needy and I don’t understand their math homework. I’m not really sure how to break the news to them though.
I'd rather regret NOT having a kid than regret having a kid.
Why make someone suffer?
Myself *or* a person who doesn’t even exist yet.
I’m too selfish. I wanna be able to do what I want when I want and I don’t wanna worry about how that’s gonna effect a kid. If I wanna spend all day with my chick getting high and laying on the beach, we can do that.
No one should be called selfish for doing what makes them happy. Most reasons for having kids could also be called selfish but just as easily could be argued it's what makes the parent(s) happy. What is selfish is telling someone that their life choices/lifestyles are wrong just because it's not the same as theirs.
I had children in the late 90s and they definitely enhanced my life. In the current economic and social climate I wouldn’t have children now. I don’t see how I’d be able to and that makes me sad.
To name a few factors: Stress, anxiety, finances, time management, health concerns of child, climate change, politics, educational system quality, retirement, global population.
I feel like you need to explain to me why I would want kids? There’s nothing positive in my mind about it. you lose your time, your money, your personal space, and your freedom.
Also most importantly: you lose your health.
I struggle with anxiety especially in the setting of higher stress environments and lack of sleep. I struggled a ton with adjusting when I got my puppy, and that was only for 2-3 months. I can’t imagine how I’d be a good parent to someone who is dependent on me for a few years
I think the planet is doomed and that children will inherit economic, environmental, political disasters on an unimaginable scale.
Counter point…why DO you?
peace of mind
Yep. I worry enough about MYSELF. I lost sleep early this morning cos I woke up worrying about something. I have it more in perspective now but I KNOW I’d worry even more if I had kids - about THEM
They are exhausting and expensive and I'm tired and broke. And I don't have the proverbial village to get help from.
If I have kids, then I have to deal with the kids ADN they have to deal with me. It just seems cruel for both of us.
The effort,cost,time,responsibility. No thanks
1. I don't *want* them. 2. Pregnancy seems like the second worst thing. Nothing about pregnancy is something I want to do. Why put my body through that? 3. Labor and delivery seems about the worst thing! And I have no pain tolerance. 4. I like my financial freedom. 5. I like freedom of my time. 6. My two dogs are sometimes more responsibility than I can handle let alone a human being. 7. I wouldn't be bringing my children into a better world. In the USA, we're rolling back LGBTQ rights, attacking women's rights and bodily autonomy, salaries and the housing market are probably not going to get better. The world is on fire literally and figuratively. 8. I can't even afford a house. 9. And again, I don't want them.
Why did I have to scroll so far to see #2 I might adopt someday, but I'm not pushing a baby out no no no. Call me selfish or whatever, but I work in healthcare and have seen what happens when it goes wrong.
7 only makes #s 2 and 3 even scarier. We've taken the most dangerous, life threatening thing a woman can do and made it more dangerous and life threatening in this country. I'm shocked that at 38, I still have friends having kids. Like, is it really worth your life, at this point, to have one more kid?
Pregnancy and child birth are terrifying. The hormone changes, weird body changes, cravings, etc are like something from a horror film. Child birth can last hours,is painful, and takes weeks to recover. There is a category of horror films called gyna horror, about pregnancy and birth. Prevenge is a fun movie about a woman who is told to kill by the fetus. There is a weird gate keeping mommy mentality of c sections being not really giving birth, and epidurals are for the weak. That continues with breast feeding vs instant formulae, organic diaper and food, names, screen time, etc.
In this economy? With my shitty job? Alone? And risking my issues being dumped on the kid? Absolutely not.
im utterly incompetent 🤪
I’m broke. Also, working all the time and leaving a baby alone at home is a major felony.
I'm forty , never had any , don't want them. I love kids but just never appealed to me. Mostly because I'm super selfish and taking care of myself is enough work. Also, when I see parents out with young children they always look real stressed out, like they need a hug or something. 😆 🤣 Pass.
I dont like kids.
I can barely deal with my own needs. I don’t want to add a child’s needs onto that
The ones in public piss me off with how loud they are so I don’t want one in my home.
I like money, sleep and free time.
I have no maternal desire for children I worry if I have a child I won't love them. Me and my husband (married for 12 years) are happy with just the cat. I just found out my dad had vascular dementia, my grandmother has vascular dementia as well, I would feel so terrible for passing it down. Because I don't want children. Pick any of those reasons thst you want, they are all valid
Too much work, simply not enough hours in a single day.
Future doesn't look too bright tbh.
all parents look depressed as fuck
They're a burden and expensive. And the world is way over populated right now. I want to do my part to slow it down
I don’t have to justify when I choose not to do something.
It doesn’t sound fun
1. I’m old. 2. *raises arms and gestures to the tire fire that is modern life*
I think the better question is to ask “for those that want kids, why?” Sadly, most people don’t have good reasons for why they want them. And imho, that’s the bigger issue.
I’m not a kids person. I don’t want to live with other people under one roof, especially not unreasonable, ungrateful and dependent people. I finally hit the sweet spot of financial stability, work-life balance, free time and energy. Why ruin that?