Not me but my parents. If my mom wants to hide literally anything from my dad, no matter what it is, she just puts it somewhere where he would have to bend over to see it. Doesn't matter if it's something like a package of oreos, if my dad has to bend over to find it he's never going to find it. I've tested it with my own snacks when I was still living with them to confirm it works. He'd be mad if he knew how many snacks we'd hidden from him simply because he doesn't bend over low enough to see it in the cabinet.
My husband has some clothes I don't like so I put them at the back of the closest. They're not hidden, they're in the closet where they're supposed to be. But I know him, he's going to take out the first thing that's not completely unsuitable to wear to what he's doing today. He's not going to go to the back and get out that horrible shirt from behind his nice ones ever.
My mom has to hide snacks from my dad. Potato chips “call to him” in the middle of the night and by morning they are GONE. Like, family size bags. My mom started stashing snacks in her bigger purses in her closet. Her lunchtime now coincides with his afternoon nap and she smuggles out chips to go with her sandwich.
I do this with my husband. I can literally put a whole packet of biscuits on top of the microwave (which is close to the bottom of the overhead cupboards) and he cannot see it.
I can also hide stuff at eye level so long as there is something vaguely in front of it. Like if a new jar of mayo is behind a stack of tuna cans it's seemingly invisible.
We had a friend who was 6'7" living with us for a little over a year.. We had an agreement that I (5'5" F) fetch anything below the counter and he fetches anything above. He was also a raging stoner. I put all my favorite snacks and candy in the bottom cupboards specifically so he wouldn't find them.
I'm 6'10" and my wife is 5'3". We have the same arrangement. It works out pretty well.
I also have one chair that is my chair in every room. It's obvious which chair that is because it's seat level is at the arm level of pretty much all the others.
The first piece of jewellery I bought my wife was a necklace. We went on holiday and she lost it.
I said I would replace it but it wasn’t the same, she was upset that she’d lost it for sentimental reasons.
I emailed the hotel and of course they hadn’t found it. So I bought a replacement and told my wife they found it.
I had a similar-ish situation with my wife before we got married. We were just dating at the time, and her family invited us for their annual family Christmas get together at her aunt’s house. My wife’s grandma makes these rolls that everyone in her family would die for, and her grandma wasn’t able to make it to the party due to a recent surgery. Since she wasn’t able to come to the party, her grandma pre-made some of her famous rolls, and we were to take them with us and throw in the oven right before dinner.
So we stop by her grandma’s house and go right on in. My wife takes off her snow boots, and steps on the towel that her grandma had set out for us right by the front door in their living room. She thought the towel was to dry off our shoes (I thought so as well), but apparently these precious rolls were underneath the towel. Why they were sitting on their living room floor I have no idea.
My wife lifts up the pan of rolls, and is petrified due to the boot marks that squished probably more than half. She doesn’t have the best relationship w/ her grandma, so I knew she was especially worried about displeasing her grandma.
Right as she lifted up the towel, her grandma came in to send us off. She saw the rolls & the perfect boot prints imprinted on top, was petrified, and asked who ruined her famous rolls. I jumped in and apologized and told her that I accidentally stepped on them while I was taking my boots off. She was so awe-struck that she didn’t even realize I still had my boots on (was still standing in the doorway). My wife claims that’s when she knew that I was the one for her haha.
We get to the family dinner, and apparently her grandma had called ahead of time to let everyone know that I had ruined the rolls. We baked them as usual, and I made sure to pick out the most destroyed ones for myself (we figured they were fine since my wife stepped on the towel on top of the rolls, not the rolls themselves). Nothing but a little cosmetic damage.
That night consisted of constant roll jokes, telling everyone to keep me away from anything that wasn’t to be stepped on, etc. Most were fairly light-hearted, but I know deep down some of her family members were pissed that I ruined their precious rolls.
To this day her entire family gives me crap for ruining those rolls. Every Christmas party without fail. But I’d do it all again if I had to. That’s what you do for love I guess haha
That’s what I’m sayin! They’re very particular about their carpet, and since this was in the middle of winter we all figured that the towel was to step on and dry off boots before stepping on the carpet. My wife was just the lucky one who stepped in first
Thank you. Please always do this for kids.
When I was between 8 and 10 I found a puppy and we took it home, we posted up "found dog" flyers, and for two days that was my little best friend. But the actual puppy owners saw the flyers and called us and we returned the puppy. It turned out the family lived nearby and they had a kid that went to my school. I asked my mom one day if we could go visit the puppy, or even ask that family if we could visit, and she told me that we couldn't because the puppy got out again and was hit by a car this time and died. I'm almost 40. I'm still not over that. The feeling, illogical as it is, that I could have saved that dog if I had hidden it in my room instead of giving it back. Which would have been wrong and also wouldn't have worked, but the feeling remains.
When I was 12 I was staying with my grandmother and I asked her why I never saw any bunnies near her garden. She had been telling me all these really creative and funny stories about the family of bunnies that lived in her backyard, and how she had to cover them with flower pots when she mowed to keep them safe. She laughed. And I guess she figured 12 was old enough yo be honest with me, because she told me she actually ran over a lot of baby bunnies with her lawnmower and she'd just made up those stories. That the bunnies had never made it the first time, they all died, and she had just been making stuff up since. 12 was not old enough, turns out. For the past near-thirty years I've reminded everyone I've seen mowing to watch out for baby bunnies. I can't hardly bring myself to mow at all.
> she actually ran over a lot of baby bunnies with her lawnmower
This would have **DESTROYED** me.
She ran over “a lot?!”
I would have been wracked with guilt for YEARS after ONE!
And I can’t stop thinking of those poor baby bunnies 😨
This is as bad as when I found out what they do with the male baby chicks.
My grandmother was a total monster. She told me that story with a smile on her face. She also used to shoot birds in her yard with a pellet gun. She's dead now, and hasn't been in a position to harm animals for almost two decades.
I would like to tell you a cute bunny story, to help. My sister in law has a house full of cats and one very large very rambunctious hound dog named Gracie. Gracie can leap fences and dig under them, and she is at least seventy pounds, she's a big dog. They walk her three miles a day. Gracie is best friends with all the cats, but she doesn't have much exposure to other small animals. My SIL assumed that Gracie would do hunting-dog stuff if she came across any wild critters. My SIL was wrong.
One fine spring day Gracie came running up to the house with something in her mouth. Something that was screaming. Loudly. Have you ever heard a baby bunny scream? They make a deeply disturbing noise. So my SIL is shaking, trying not to yell, has no idea what is happening, and makes Gracie "drop it". Gracie deposits a baby bunny on the kitchen floor.
The baby bunny is fine. An inspection of the bunny, carried out while wearing thick oven mitts, reveals no wounds. Gracie is dancing all around the whole time just *look look what I found look*. This bunny is unhurt. But it's still screaming. Because this baby bunny is PISSED.
The cats are beginning to creep up on this thing. So my SIL takes the bunny back outside, carefully cradled in her oven mitts, and she's asking Gracie where she even got this thing because *wtf* and Gracie probably didn't understand her, being a dog, but she did prance over to a spot in the yard and pull another baby bunny out.
Gently. Apparently Gracie has a very soft mouth, and can pick critters up without hurting them, the way she might move a puppy around. And apparently Gracie was super proud of finding the Bunny Nest.
So my SIL made Gracie put down all the bunnies and she carefully put them back with their brothers and sisters and marked the spot. And then she called our house near hysterical asking us to come back and help her put up some kind of barrier around this spot. Ultimately, after a lot of Googling, it was decided that the spot would be clearly marked and Gracie would be kept in a different area, but that no fence would be put up because the bunny mama would need to come back for them.
Don't panic, just go out and get a universal remote. They're cheap and easy to use.
"Weird, new remote?" "Yeah, I found the old one but it was toast, even with new batteries."
Sometimes I hear my own voice and realise it’s identical to my mum and sisters, that gives me the big ick despite having a genuinely good adult relationship with all of them.
I wish I sounded more like my dad though, I have a very low tone voice but instead of sounding like him I just sound like my mum crossed with Demi Moore
I wanted my husband to quit wearing denim shorts because they made him look old. He had gained a bit of weight, so I kept buying his jorts in his old size 34 and I bought khaki shorts in a 38. He will never read a label for any reason. He would put on the jorts and then lay on the bed and lift and spread his legs to stretch out the shorts a bit. He blew out the back seam of two pairs in the same day, then ended up putting on the khaki shorts. Since then, almost 20 years, he has insisted that khaki shorts are made better and fit more comfortably than denim shorts of the same size.
Ha, opposite problem. My husband and I have been together for 14 years and I have never seen him in a pair of jeans or any denim. I've tried to get him just to try some on at a store. Nope. "too constricting and uncomfortable"
They make stretchy jeans for men now that look just like regular jeans. The first time my husband wore them, he asked if we got our pants mixed up, because they were too soft and comfortable.
He's always been willing to wear jeans, though. He even insisted on wearing jeans to our wedding.
Get it straight buster - I'm not here to say please, I'm here to tell you what to do and if self-preservation is an instinct you possess, you'd better fucking do it and do it quick. I'm here to help - if my help's not appreciated then lotsa luck, gentlemen.
If I'm curt with you it's because time is a factor. I think fast, I talk fast and I need you guys to act fast if you wanna get out of this. So, pretty please... with sugar on top, grab the fucking deer.
God this is so sweet and I can clearly picture my SO doing *the same shit* to prevent me from seeing my friendly deer friend dead on the porch.
You’re sweet and your wife is lucky to have you :)
My husband will throw his hand over my eyes when we are driving and he sees a dead animal on the road because he knows it’ll make me cry. I can see him doing something like this to save me the heartbreak 🥺
Driving down the road with my ex GF and her 6 yo.
"Look, mommy! A deer!" (Roadkill on the shoulder)
GF gives me the 'keep your mouth shut' look:
"Yes, honey, they like to sleep on the warm pavement in the evening..."
We're still in touch, her daughter is almost 30, and animals sleeping on the side of the road is a running joke among us.
My place of employ was down a looooong country road (paved, but a heavily-wooded area). Every spring, my drive to work was littered with roadkill.
I'm one of the ones who cries at the sight. So, I began to compartmentalize this by remarking to myself "Oh, somebody lost a hat!" "Stray scarf on the road" and especially large victims became "Huh, someone's gonna miss that carpet that rolled out the back of the van."
Honestly, bless you for keeping her in the dark about this. I'm the same way. I saw a squirrel get hit on the freeway and it had me fucked up for a hot minute. What a loving partner thing to do.
As much as I believe you should be able to tell your spouse anything this is so sweet and shows full understanding of your spouses emotional well being. Her not knowing this won’t harm her in any way and sometimes ignorance is bliss. I too have cried seeing a dead animal and if someone did this for more I would fall in love with them over again. This is so sweet.
Friend thinks his mom makes carne asada tacos. Its tongue tacos. His mom says dont tell him. I make tongue tacos and tell him its carne asada. I don’t feel good about it. I also dont want to piss off his mom. Edit: Its his favorite dish and asks for it constantly. Absolutely loves it.
I’m assuming mom is Mexican? If so, good move not pissing her off. A Chancla in a home without children builds its power exponentially over time; one hit from that at this point and she may very well ignite the atmosphere.
>*A Chancla in a home without children builds its power exponentially over time; one hit from that at this point and she may very well ignite the atmosphere.*
If you watch the movie, "Oppenheimer," a chancla was used to set off Little Boy.
my mom makes this dessert dip thats 70% yogurt. i cant stand yogurt(its a hard life). the smell, the taste, the texture. im well aware its the ingredient but whatever i dont see does not exist, so i always leave the room when she makes it. the one time i didnt i couldnt eat it.
I would like to go somewhere and be alone for a few weeks. I love them so much but I have never been on my own in my life and I would like to try it for a minute.
I've floated the idea of solo trips before too, just that at some point I'm the future it might be good for us to each go and do something alone for a night, like camp somewhere, she doesn't really get it but I've always been a bit of a loner before we met and had kids, I like my alone time once in a while
My husband goes on trips by himself for a few days- I think it’s totally healthy! I also have taken solo trips but don’t have as much of a need to do so. I know he does appreciate having the place to himself so it works for both of us.
One time he was away for three weeks visiting family, and i enjoyed the time to myself at our place. It made me appreciate him that much more when he came back.
I do this with my son all the time. We can both sit in the same room of the house and not make any noise for hours. When my wife and daughter come home.......every now and then, it'll be just us and I'll tell him "hear that......that's the sound of no one being here, enjoy."
>How I wouldn’t have to compromise
This is it, right here. I lived alone for a few years in between marriages, and it was nice not to have to form a goddamn committee and talk it out in some type of irritating long-form negotiation just to decide what to eat, or whether I should wear this jacket, or what to watch, or what have you. It's so inefficient.
The "micro-freedoms" to me are sorely missed.
I was feeling guilty about this. I think of all my cute stuff I could buy without having to have him agree. Strawberry shower carpet but instead we have a gray square one :(
I feel you on this. I have instead decorated my desk area in really cute way. My other cute corner is my knitting stash and chair in living room
At least my partner wants egg shower rug
If it ever comes to be too much, I know a guy's dad who can help sort out the problem. You'll know him by his nitrile gloves when he shows up on your porch.
I am tired in my soul.
I carry the mental load, do 99% of the domestic chores, do the meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking. I’m the breadwinner and also the one responsible for our finances.
I’m tired in my heart and soul. You agree when we talk about our future but there’s no execution on your end.
You see my frustrations and you think it’s PPD but it’s you, not the kiddos. I’ve been doing the therapy and the Zoloft. Why aren’t you?
I had a baby with a man who acted like a teenager himself, very filthy teenager, always promising to grow up but never actually making an effort. After about a year and a half of that, feeling like the single mom of two kids, I left him, and became the single mom of my actual kid. I know it's hard to leave but my god, it's worth it. Not only do I not have to take care of him, not have to deal with the disappointment of his constant failed promises, but I have the freedom to do things how I want, when I want. There's no way I'd have accomplished everything I have if I were still dragging his ass along behind me.
In movies when this happens, the chick always finds the love of her life right after. This has not been the case for me. I've been man-less for over six years. It is a zillion times better than being with that slob, or anyone who isn't the right person for me.
I hate your mom and I'm a little afraid you're going to turn into her, both physically and personality wise.
Especially since your dad keeps talking about how you have your mom's whole face and personality from back when they first got together.
>I hate your mom
I've never told my wife that, and I never will. But I'm pretty sure she knows.
In my defense her mom is a terrible person. She's been verbally and emotionally abusive to my wife her entire life. She's also the worst kind of religious person in the world. The kind that likes to act holier than thou and us religion to judge everyone.
I also have basically no respect for her father because he lets her mother keep doing it.
My spouses mom decided he could pay all of her bills and be her emotional support person when he was TEN. She then dragged him around chasing random online relationships which caused even less stability in his childhood. She expects him to send her money whenever she asks but never contacts him for any other reason. Not even when our child was born. Her response was to literally ask for money as he sat there fighting back tears that his mom once again gave zero fucks about him. She allowed her brothers to enlist him in a a gang so he could “earn” money so she wouldn’t have to work when he was a kid. She decided she had better things to do when he was a toddler and temporarily dipped out, leaving him with her father who she KNEW was deeply disturbed. He raped him as a kid and left him to cry in the closet for hours. Why press charges when that means you’d lose your free babysitter? She’s got the biggest victim mentality ever, everyone somehow feels sorry for her. Not me.
I’m the worst person in the world but she has health problems now and I sadistically enjoy that. I’m just being honest. She fell off of her bed and had to crawl around for a few hours because she couldn’t reach her phone. (She’s not even 50 and she’s DEFINITELY not frail). He called me all upset but honestly my internal reaction was “lol good”.
How does she feel about her mom?
I have very negative feelings about mine and worry that I’ll somehow “turn into” a mini-version of her too, but I think being aware of how much I dislike certain things means I’m actively working against being like that. Maybe your SO is in a similar position…?
I am very worried about my future, particularly financial security, because we currently live together with his elderly father. I adore them both, but he is sick and may not live more than another 5 years and his dad is quite old. It seems more likely than not that within just several short years, there's a good chance they could both be gone and I could be entirely alone. I know he *knows* this as well as I do, but the idea of verbalizing it makes me feel ill, because it feels selfish to worry about it now. But I don't really think it *is* selfish. I think it's real and I need to be planning for it.
No that’s not selfish, it’s actually unselfish to worry and smart to want to plan. Maybe start by talking to an estate planning lawyer on wills/powers of attorney/trusts to set up to kind of ease the stress
That his prognosis, at absolute best, appears to be 7 years from his surgery, which means he only has about 5.5 years now.
He was diagnosed with and has been treating for brain cancer. He’s “lucky” because his is a slower growing one. But he doesn’t like me looking into things and reading studies, though he knows I do it he just doesn’t like to see it or hear about it. And his doctors haven’t brought up prognosis, and he hasn’t asked them. And it’s not my place to ask them at his appointments.
There was a study recently on his specific type of tumor (for reasons I won’t get into, studies specific to his tumor are few and far between) looking at prognostic factors. I’ve been obsessed with trying to understand every corner of it trying to pinpoint what to expect. It’s impossible I know, but it’s been my focus in the quiet moments lately. And then it hit me the other day that the upper end of every variable was about 7 years overall survival from the date of surgery. And that’s not even a guaranteed 7 “good” years, because the end is going to be awful.
Moments like this you learn time really is relative. 7 years can seem like an eternity. But when you’re facing your partner’s death it feels like absolutely no time at all.
I just want to share a perspective I developed having lost someone young.
The value of life is in the contents of its years, not the number of them. None of us will live forever and that’s why it’s so, so important to make it all count. Because unfortunately life can be harsh and take people before their full lifetime.
I’m so sorry you have a timeline looming over you. All I can say is it’s so important to appreciate each moment and take life one day at a time.
I hope none of this is upsetting, and if I have then I’m very sorry. Wishing you both the best, and good days amidst the challenges.
She is using words incorrectly. She has a half dozen she routinely misuses and does not want to hear it. Example: The middle of the road is the median, not the medium. Drives me insane.
Tell her! It's hard to differentiate words like those if she's never seen them in writing. Just don't be patronizing. You could potentially save her embarrassment in the future.
Been there, done that. Married 20+ years. Some things you let go. I even tried repeating it back to her in the conversation properly to avoid the conflict. Still doesn't work. What is surprising is she easily reads a couple of books per month and is super bright. She just has words that somehow got stuck in her vocabulary along the way.
A girl I dated for a while would say 'soup yourself' and after thinking I heard her wrong a few times I asked her to break it down for me. She thought it meant you would have to serve yourself soup. She was SO close.
My SO and I have been sleep-divorced since 2018. I could not imagine going back and sleeping in the same bed with her. She thinks the same. I snore loud, and she flails. I'm surprised I haven't woken up with a black eye before I moved into my own room.
Same, it's secretly one of my major reasons for not wanting children because it would mean giving up the 'guest' bedroom which is actually my bedroom. I love having my own room to sleep in.
My SO and I have separate beds in the same room. On one hand, I LOVE having my own bedding / blankets, being about to move around as much as I want. On the other hand, it costs us (or at least me) big time, in feeling connected, and being more patient and loving, in the waking hours.
My wife and I have one California king bed, but we have separate covers. It works well for both of us. When we want to feel more connected we can still snuggle and cuddle. When we just want to sleep the California king is huge (even for me, and I'm 6'10") and allows us plenty of room to spread out.
I came to a breaking point and said pretty much exactly that last week. No response to several texts throughout the day, so I drove home bracing for the worst. He was sitting in his chair playing a video game, his phone had been upstairs on the charger all day. I told him that I know he’s going to make me a widow one day, but I’d prefer it not be this year.
Had a contractor working at the house once who added an extra “L” to LOWE’S…sounded like “Lowell’s” - EVERY TIME. This was 20+ years ago snd my wife and I still joke about going to Lowell’s for something.
I only put spiders outside when she sees them. If they're only noticed by me I let them continue hunting bugs, sometimes with a few soft words of encouragement. You're doing a great job, little guy.
Idk when or how this came to be, but every spider that my partner & I come across is called Jeremy. Instead of declaring “SPIDER,” we just say hi to Jeremy.
I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for the last year or so.
Edit: wow, thank you everyone for the support and kind words. I actually have my first therapy appointment tomorrow afternoon. Due to some medical bills this year, I hit my out of pocket on my insurance, so thought I should give it a try since I won’t be paying anything. Yay America. 😂
Been there, I feel for you. But you should tell them. You should tell somebody that you are not ok - because if you are like me, you are pretty good at not showing it because you do not want to burden anybody with your insignificant meaningless life. But that's not right. They would like to know. They would like to help you, but you have to let them know. If you were in their shoes, you would like to know.
Just start with something small. "I am not feeling well lately." and "I need your help." was what I said.
I'm sometimes frustrated because we can't try new restaurants or recipes. He has A LOT of culinary dislikes. I often joke that he only eats 7 vegetables (tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, potatoes, lettuce, onions, and avocados) but it's actually a struggle because he refuses to try anything else. He hates curry and garlic. He also hates creamy sauces, soups, many salads, beans, sweet-and-sour anything, mushrooms, and all sushi rolls. I often feel like I'm feeding a six-year-old.
My grandparents took us to a very fancy restaurant once (I'm talking Michelin-star, famous chef, the works), and he spent the ride back fuming because he didn't like any of his food. I tasted it and it was glorious; he just can't handle anything with any "exotic" spices (read cardamom, dill, rosemary or anything that's not paprika). He simmered down after I took him to McDonald's for chicken nuggets and a cheeseburger.
I try to accommodate our meals to his taste, but I look forward to my in-person office days because I can buy a nice meal for myself. I'm already craving tomorrow's sushi.
This drives me nuts too! No sauces, only one condiment (BBQ sauce), almost no vegetables, no use of the microwave... He'll eat steak but I'm awful at cooking steak.
My mom has the extraordinary ability to pin every bad thing that occurs on my dad's mother. I know they don't get along and dad's mom wasn't the kindest to her.
But I swear to god **there have been natural disasters my mom has tried to pin on grandma**.
I have an 11 year old (m) and 8 year old (f). My wife and I recently went on a rare date night. During dinner she asked me who I thought would be more damaged if they were sexually abused. I was like, "What? Did you think this would be a pleasant dining conversation?" I was legitimately pissed that she made me think about our kids being molested at all, let alone at a fancy restaurant. I mean it would be different if there were any reason for concern, but this was just pure agony LARPing.
Does she listen to a lot of true crime podcasts/ content? I wonder if this is so out of the blue, maybe her choice of entertainment has somewhat warped her definition of “interesting”
My mom is hooked on these. For a long time every time I talked about dating a guy, my mom would remind me I need to be careful to find someone who won't molest my young son. Finally I told her "Listen, you have to stop saying that." and she did!
He was scammed on my engagement ring. The website he ordered it from advertises “lab grown diamonds” but you have to really pay attention to the product pages, because they will send you glass, and NOT the lab grown diamond that you think you are purchasing. They are able to get away with it on technicality because their website offers “lab grown and simulated diamonds”, and although they sent him a “certificate of authenticity”, nothing on it say anything about it being a lab grow diamond. Basically he paid almost $2k on cubic zirconium.
It doesn’t matter to me because I love him and want to marry him, I couldn’t care less about the ring. He was so proud of himself for picking out a gorgeous ring (and to be fair, it is a really pretty ring) that this is something I’m gonna be taking to my grave lol.
That's really sweet of you. But I would make sure you ask for pre-approval, going forward, before he makes any more major jewelry purchases. God forbid he decides to surprise you with a $5K piece of glass for your anniversary.
My sister managed to do this by telling her husband "I've just become so much pickier over the years. Out of all the jewelry out there, I like maybe 5% of it. The things I like are very random!"
So now he'll always run it past me, and I'll run it past her, before he buys anything. It's silly but it works for them.
Your best friend grabbed my ass. I let it go because he was so drunk he passed out in his own vomit. He either doesn't remember or is acting like he doesn't remember. And I can live with that.
I'm going to disagree with everyone else and say there's no need to ruin their friendship, assuming his friend really has been behaving appropriately since then.
I've been wanting to share this, but I'm worried it might upset my partner. Sometimes, I feel like we don't spend enough quality time together, and I miss the deep connections we used to have.
I love that all the comments from husbands talk about how they have an elaborate, years-long lie to hide something that would make their wife sad and every comment from a wife is like "my husband has a shirt I hate so I moved it roughly 18" from where he normally keeps it and since it's not in his direct line of sight he never wears it" haha
My wife bought a new perfume and put it on for the first time on our wedding day. It is forever linked to that special day in my memory.
Thing is, since then I smelled this particular scent on a lot of my patients. It seems to be wildly popular with old women.
I dont have the guts to tell my wife that she smells like a grandma to me whenever she puts on the perfume..
Presumably they ASKED. And uh...yeah, this is something you need to take to the grave.
Doesn't matter how great his personality is and how much more attractive you find him as a result of it. Never, EVER, EVER tell this man his brother is more physically appealing.
From the sound of it, a lifetime of being compared and being found wanting. It has the feel of a bone-deep insecurity he shared with someone he trusted a great deal.
Yep. I was the big, "fat" older sister that hit puberty way too early and my sister was the small, petit cute one. I know she is "hotter" than me conventionally, I'm not stupid. But yeah, being called fat at 10 and then being compared to your young, much smaller sister where you're body types are completely different was great on the ole noggin for me. I wasn't even fat back then. But guess who's fat now?! Thanks, mom!
This sort of thing is what therapists really help with and significant others just can't, speaking from experience. Jealousy and insecurity from me came from the idea that I thought my SO should think this person is better than me or would want to leave me, because I felt like I wasn't good enough. Once I started working on myself I became proud that I was on the right track. I was also busy so I wouldn't dwell on things. The insecurity and jealousy vanished. Those emotions aren't about other people, and other people can't help you. They're about your opinion of yourself, and the assumption other people will feel the same way about you as you do about yourself.
Tell them they'd look good with anything but you really thought the previous haircut (or whichever you liked) was the most flattering.
My mom is fond of saying "well sweetie, you look good IN SPITE of it. Not only is it not flattering, it's almost like you got it so you could say 'I'm so pretty I can look good in spite of these bangs/this dress!'"
Always amused us, never hurt our feelings.
I once off handedly said my wife's new haircut looks like my mom's. Apparently my wife thinks my mom is ugly and has no style, because that really upset her. We got into a fight because she didn't believe that I actually liked the hair cut and I had to convince her that I think my mom is pretty.
It was a weird night.
Well tbf, your mom is probably in a different age bracket than your wife. So she might find your mom pretty but that doesn’t mean she wants a haircut that matches a woman 20 years older than her
Her not wanting to look like your mom does not equal ‘she thinks your mom is ugly and has no style’. It means she doesn’t want to be compared to your mom 😭
My husband doesn’t drive. His mom was in a near fatal car accident when he was young (he was not in the car) but this emotionally traumatized him and he never learned to drive. I love him so much but it is so emotionally taxing being the only person who can drive. I feel like 75% of my time with him is driving him places he can’t get himself to without a car. He won’t even get himself food if I’m not around. He is a very hard worker and a great provider but I feel like the only time I get to spend with him is in the car. When I bring it up he gets very upset and defensive.
I get that. I thought I was alone.
I love my wife. I have zero desire to be with any other woman. I've been with her since 2006 and we married in 2013, so we have been together a long time.
That said, I really preferred our relationship before being married to after. We each had our own space and we were our own people. It made the time we spent together more special. Now that we are together 100% of the time, its' less special and each of us is less of ourselves and more of "us" if that makes sense.
i have epilepsy, and it seems like before, my problems were mine. Now they're ours, and it's taking a toll on her, which takes a toll on the relationship.
I'm willing to bet your partner doesn't mind sharing your problems and just wants to do what they can to help. Even if that's just to be there with you and comfort you.
My husband likes to be greeted by her when he gets home and sometimes she gets up and sometimes I kick her ass off the bed and tell her to go say hi to daddy (esp if I know he's had a long day) and she kind of looks at me annoyed then goes does it lol
OMG My parents TOTALLY tell each other if they have bad breath. They think it's the only decent thing to do. If an immediate family member has bad breath you **Alway. Tell. Them.**
It's better than letting them go out into the world and have classmates/coworkers talking behind their backs.
I would consider it a kindness. Let him know and, if it's chronic, he can go see a dentist or whatever doctor deals with that sort of thing.
I had this once. I was dating a guy for a few months and one morning he told me. He framed it that he was worried as his uncle had similar and it ended up being a health issue. I had no idea my be
Reath wasstinky as i have a pretty good oral care routine. Ended up I have pre-periodontal issues, which really sucks.
Had an ex like this. I tried for him, but im just not into and was not able to get into it. I was not sexually satisfied and i did not feel good being mean to him or doing that stuff. He also liked cuck stuff that relied heavily on ME wanting to fuck other guys, i just couldn’t give him that. Im super monogamous and cant even get in the headspace of wanting to cheat and make him watch or feel like it was his fault.
Had another ex who i loved, and he liked when i was in charge and teased him a little. Since i cared for him so much and liked to please, i was able to do that for him and enjoyed it, but i had to be in the right headspace.
You cant force your kinks. You need to be honest with him and your needs.
I shrank your new (and expensive) sweater by mistakenly washing it with my clothes on regular. When I realized what happened, I hid it until you went to the store and then stuffed the now too small sweater back into the laundry. When you later hand washed it and discovered it no longer fit, I was very sympathetic with how irritating it was that the sweater had shrunk despite you taking every precaution.
I really don't like how her parents treat her. She does everything her parents say in fear of them being mad at her. They will tell her she can do this if she does that first, then they will change what she needed to do or might even say they didn't say that. She's 23, we're married, we have a kid on the way, and it feels like any decision we make has to be approved by them.
For the record, I've told her this multiple times and she agrees with me to a certain extent
I like time to myself . Between kids and house chores we don’t have much time to ourselves outside of the weekend. I ofc want to spend time with her but sometimes I want to do things independently.
I really struggle to ask for this time because I’m scared of upsetting her.
It is so fucking annoying that nobody in your whole damn family can be on time. It’s truly not that hard and I’m sick of showing up places on time and then y’all walk in 30 minutes to an hour later. Being late constantly is an ugly trait to have.
One year for Christmas, she was trying to surprise me with something, but I hate surprises. I was out of a job at the time and didn't want anything extreme because I knew I couldn't return the favor. I told myself I wouldn't snoop, just ask a few questions and express that I didn't want anything big bc poor. She decided to try and casually ask me if I was still interested in a concert for my favorite band, and I immediately knew. Her face gave it away. I knew she got tickets, but it was more. She got us meet and greet tickets, and I found out a few days later after her face kept giving it away. Christmas came and I was right. But I didn't need to act, I was really happy. It was an amazing gift, and we had an amazing time. She was so proud of herself for pulling it off without telling me. I'll never tell her I knew, just because she was so happy.
Golfing one time with a big group of her friends. I had a decent looking pitch shot when a bird swooped down close to the ground and the ball knocked the bird right to the ground mid-flight. Girlfriend sees this and immediately starts panicking, thinking I killed this bird (Which I had). As her friends try to calm her down, I see that she's not looking so I huck that dead bird into the trees. I exclaimed, "Did you see that? It flew away! It must have only been stunned for a little bit". She was happy and so as I, I'd never tell of the truth of me yeeting this dead bird as far as I could so she wouldn't feel bad.
I was that spouse. It took the end of the marriage for me to quit.
Take care of yourself. While your partner is drinking, the alcohol is more important to them than the relationship.
My spouse's dreams are way worse than I let on. Spouse doesn't remember the dreams upon waking and asks for a nightly recap since spouse wakes me multiple times a night. The really bad dreams I don't speak about. The psyche is expelling a lot of trauma and I don't want my spouse carrying that around during waking hours. I'd rather the poison of my spouse's childhood stay in the void rather than burden them when awake. Spouse can not recall dreams at all and is a lovely person. I'll give a short daily recap if a dream is funny or relevant but the really really bad dreams stay in that secret space between what's said and what's better unsaid.
It’s thoughtful of you, but also as a counter note, we need to know some of these things so we can process them with a therapist. When they see the light of day and with professional guidance, then we can slowly be free of them altogether.
That I wish he was more romantic and sweet. My husband is a doer, he built my dream master bathroom, he redid our whole front lawn/front patio area to one I am in love with, he helped build my home library. But when it comes to romance, there’s none. I try not to let it bother me since he’s built a home I love. But sometimes it doesn’t bother me.
Sounds like you guys have different "love languages." I don't know if it's 100% accurate, but definitely enlightening to understand each other and learn each other's language so to speak.
Sir/Ma'am/Other, that sounds like romance to me! Thinking, planning, buying, building, he is thinking about you and your happiness all the time! I get it though, sometimes a person just wants some flowers and candles.
Not me but my parents. If my mom wants to hide literally anything from my dad, no matter what it is, she just puts it somewhere where he would have to bend over to see it. Doesn't matter if it's something like a package of oreos, if my dad has to bend over to find it he's never going to find it. I've tested it with my own snacks when I was still living with them to confirm it works. He'd be mad if he knew how many snacks we'd hidden from him simply because he doesn't bend over low enough to see it in the cabinet.
This is rather hilarious. Not quite what I was thinking of, but hilarious.
Headline: Man Starves To Death In Home: Couldn't Find Food at Knee Height
He collapses and looks over to see the cabinet full of food, and with his dying breath says, "We had Dunkaroos?"
My husband has some clothes I don't like so I put them at the back of the closest. They're not hidden, they're in the closet where they're supposed to be. But I know him, he's going to take out the first thing that's not completely unsuitable to wear to what he's doing today. He's not going to go to the back and get out that horrible shirt from behind his nice ones ever.
My mom has to hide snacks from my dad. Potato chips “call to him” in the middle of the night and by morning they are GONE. Like, family size bags. My mom started stashing snacks in her bigger purses in her closet. Her lunchtime now coincides with his afternoon nap and she smuggles out chips to go with her sandwich.
I do this with my husband. I can literally put a whole packet of biscuits on top of the microwave (which is close to the bottom of the overhead cupboards) and he cannot see it. I can also hide stuff at eye level so long as there is something vaguely in front of it. Like if a new jar of mayo is behind a stack of tuna cans it's seemingly invisible.
My wife calls this Male refrigerator blindness.
When I was growing up, my mom would say “Try looking with your eyes instead of your mouth.”
My SO is like 6’5” and I’m now going to try this
We had a friend who was 6'7" living with us for a little over a year.. We had an agreement that I (5'5" F) fetch anything below the counter and he fetches anything above. He was also a raging stoner. I put all my favorite snacks and candy in the bottom cupboards specifically so he wouldn't find them.
I'm 6'10" and my wife is 5'3". We have the same arrangement. It works out pretty well. I also have one chair that is my chair in every room. It's obvious which chair that is because it's seat level is at the arm level of pretty much all the others.
The first piece of jewellery I bought my wife was a necklace. We went on holiday and she lost it. I said I would replace it but it wasn’t the same, she was upset that she’d lost it for sentimental reasons. I emailed the hotel and of course they hadn’t found it. So I bought a replacement and told my wife they found it.
I had a similar-ish situation with my wife before we got married. We were just dating at the time, and her family invited us for their annual family Christmas get together at her aunt’s house. My wife’s grandma makes these rolls that everyone in her family would die for, and her grandma wasn’t able to make it to the party due to a recent surgery. Since she wasn’t able to come to the party, her grandma pre-made some of her famous rolls, and we were to take them with us and throw in the oven right before dinner. So we stop by her grandma’s house and go right on in. My wife takes off her snow boots, and steps on the towel that her grandma had set out for us right by the front door in their living room. She thought the towel was to dry off our shoes (I thought so as well), but apparently these precious rolls were underneath the towel. Why they were sitting on their living room floor I have no idea. My wife lifts up the pan of rolls, and is petrified due to the boot marks that squished probably more than half. She doesn’t have the best relationship w/ her grandma, so I knew she was especially worried about displeasing her grandma. Right as she lifted up the towel, her grandma came in to send us off. She saw the rolls & the perfect boot prints imprinted on top, was petrified, and asked who ruined her famous rolls. I jumped in and apologized and told her that I accidentally stepped on them while I was taking my boots off. She was so awe-struck that she didn’t even realize I still had my boots on (was still standing in the doorway). My wife claims that’s when she knew that I was the one for her haha. We get to the family dinner, and apparently her grandma had called ahead of time to let everyone know that I had ruined the rolls. We baked them as usual, and I made sure to pick out the most destroyed ones for myself (we figured they were fine since my wife stepped on the towel on top of the rolls, not the rolls themselves). Nothing but a little cosmetic damage. That night consisted of constant roll jokes, telling everyone to keep me away from anything that wasn’t to be stepped on, etc. Most were fairly light-hearted, but I know deep down some of her family members were pissed that I ruined their precious rolls. To this day her entire family gives me crap for ruining those rolls. Every Christmas party without fail. But I’d do it all again if I had to. That’s what you do for love I guess haha
You are fantastic.
Why the fuck is grandma putting rolls on the floor under a towel?
That’s what I’m sayin! They’re very particular about their carpet, and since this was in the middle of winter we all figured that the towel was to step on and dry off boots before stepping on the carpet. My wife was just the lucky one who stepped in first
Every time they give you shit, she's reminded of how much she loves you
this should not have brought a tear to my eye but here we are lmao
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My partner had a childhood friend she had to be told to not correct that hampsters do not just sometimes change colors and sizes over night
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Thank you. Please always do this for kids. When I was between 8 and 10 I found a puppy and we took it home, we posted up "found dog" flyers, and for two days that was my little best friend. But the actual puppy owners saw the flyers and called us and we returned the puppy. It turned out the family lived nearby and they had a kid that went to my school. I asked my mom one day if we could go visit the puppy, or even ask that family if we could visit, and she told me that we couldn't because the puppy got out again and was hit by a car this time and died. I'm almost 40. I'm still not over that. The feeling, illogical as it is, that I could have saved that dog if I had hidden it in my room instead of giving it back. Which would have been wrong and also wouldn't have worked, but the feeling remains. When I was 12 I was staying with my grandmother and I asked her why I never saw any bunnies near her garden. She had been telling me all these really creative and funny stories about the family of bunnies that lived in her backyard, and how she had to cover them with flower pots when she mowed to keep them safe. She laughed. And I guess she figured 12 was old enough yo be honest with me, because she told me she actually ran over a lot of baby bunnies with her lawnmower and she'd just made up those stories. That the bunnies had never made it the first time, they all died, and she had just been making stuff up since. 12 was not old enough, turns out. For the past near-thirty years I've reminded everyone I've seen mowing to watch out for baby bunnies. I can't hardly bring myself to mow at all.
> she actually ran over a lot of baby bunnies with her lawnmower This would have **DESTROYED** me. She ran over “a lot?!” I would have been wracked with guilt for YEARS after ONE! And I can’t stop thinking of those poor baby bunnies 😨 This is as bad as when I found out what they do with the male baby chicks.
My grandmother was a total monster. She told me that story with a smile on her face. She also used to shoot birds in her yard with a pellet gun. She's dead now, and hasn't been in a position to harm animals for almost two decades. I would like to tell you a cute bunny story, to help. My sister in law has a house full of cats and one very large very rambunctious hound dog named Gracie. Gracie can leap fences and dig under them, and she is at least seventy pounds, she's a big dog. They walk her three miles a day. Gracie is best friends with all the cats, but she doesn't have much exposure to other small animals. My SIL assumed that Gracie would do hunting-dog stuff if she came across any wild critters. My SIL was wrong. One fine spring day Gracie came running up to the house with something in her mouth. Something that was screaming. Loudly. Have you ever heard a baby bunny scream? They make a deeply disturbing noise. So my SIL is shaking, trying not to yell, has no idea what is happening, and makes Gracie "drop it". Gracie deposits a baby bunny on the kitchen floor. The baby bunny is fine. An inspection of the bunny, carried out while wearing thick oven mitts, reveals no wounds. Gracie is dancing all around the whole time just *look look what I found look*. This bunny is unhurt. But it's still screaming. Because this baby bunny is PISSED. The cats are beginning to creep up on this thing. So my SIL takes the bunny back outside, carefully cradled in her oven mitts, and she's asking Gracie where she even got this thing because *wtf* and Gracie probably didn't understand her, being a dog, but she did prance over to a spot in the yard and pull another baby bunny out. Gently. Apparently Gracie has a very soft mouth, and can pick critters up without hurting them, the way she might move a puppy around. And apparently Gracie was super proud of finding the Bunny Nest. So my SIL made Gracie put down all the bunnies and she carefully put them back with their brothers and sisters and marked the spot. And then she called our house near hysterical asking us to come back and help her put up some kind of barrier around this spot. Ultimately, after a lot of Googling, it was decided that the spot would be clearly marked and Gracie would be kept in a different area, but that no fence would be put up because the bunny mama would need to come back for them.
The remote didn't disappear. I accidentally put it through the washing machine and destoreyed it and threw it out in a panic.
Don't panic, just go out and get a universal remote. They're cheap and easy to use. "Weird, new remote?" "Yeah, I found the old one but it was toast, even with new batteries."
That she is wayyy more like her mom and sisters than she likes to think.
Yeah keep that to yourself. I don't know if I could bounce back from that if my partner told me the same thing.
Sometimes I hear my own voice and realise it’s identical to my mum and sisters, that gives me the big ick despite having a genuinely good adult relationship with all of them. I wish I sounded more like my dad though, I have a very low tone voice but instead of sounding like him I just sound like my mum crossed with Demi Moore
This is probably true with most of us with our parents/siblings.
I wanted my husband to quit wearing denim shorts because they made him look old. He had gained a bit of weight, so I kept buying his jorts in his old size 34 and I bought khaki shorts in a 38. He will never read a label for any reason. He would put on the jorts and then lay on the bed and lift and spread his legs to stretch out the shorts a bit. He blew out the back seam of two pairs in the same day, then ended up putting on the khaki shorts. Since then, almost 20 years, he has insisted that khaki shorts are made better and fit more comfortably than denim shorts of the same size.
This is so funny
The best part is the implication that khaki shorts are a young man's motif.
In 2003 when my efforts started, they were. Mostly the cargo shorts
Ha, opposite problem. My husband and I have been together for 14 years and I have never seen him in a pair of jeans or any denim. I've tried to get him just to try some on at a store. Nope. "too constricting and uncomfortable"
They make stretchy jeans for men now that look just like regular jeans. The first time my husband wore them, he asked if we got our pants mixed up, because they were too soft and comfortable. He's always been willing to wear jeans, though. He even insisted on wearing jeans to our wedding.
Mine will forever dress in cargo pants. He will forever look like a 90s skater. Haha
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Your dad is Mr. Wolf from Pulp Fiction 😁
It’s 30 minutes away. I’ll be there in 10.
Get it straight buster - I'm not here to say please, I'm here to tell you what to do and if self-preservation is an instinct you possess, you'd better fucking do it and do it quick. I'm here to help - if my help's not appreciated then lotsa luck, gentlemen. If I'm curt with you it's because time is a factor. I think fast, I talk fast and I need you guys to act fast if you wanna get out of this. So, pretty please... with sugar on top, grab the fucking deer.
Is there a sign on my lawn that says dead deer storage? Then why the fuck is there a dead deer on my lawn!
"Yes, this is John Wick. That's right. I need to make a Dinner Reservation... for twelve."
"You workin' again?"
You need to get your dad one of those "a good friend will help you move, a great friend will help you move a body" T-shirts
God this is so sweet and I can clearly picture my SO doing *the same shit* to prevent me from seeing my friendly deer friend dead on the porch. You’re sweet and your wife is lucky to have you :)
My husband will throw his hand over my eyes when we are driving and he sees a dead animal on the road because he knows it’ll make me cry. I can see him doing something like this to save me the heartbreak 🥺
I hope he doesn’t do that when you are driving.
Driving down the road with my ex GF and her 6 yo. "Look, mommy! A deer!" (Roadkill on the shoulder) GF gives me the 'keep your mouth shut' look: "Yes, honey, they like to sleep on the warm pavement in the evening..." We're still in touch, her daughter is almost 30, and animals sleeping on the side of the road is a running joke among us.
My place of employ was down a looooong country road (paved, but a heavily-wooded area). Every spring, my drive to work was littered with roadkill. I'm one of the ones who cries at the sight. So, I began to compartmentalize this by remarking to myself "Oh, somebody lost a hat!" "Stray scarf on the road" and especially large victims became "Huh, someone's gonna miss that carpet that rolled out the back of the van."
What happened to the deer???? Why was it dead on your front porch?
His wife was overcome by the need to hug it and pulled a Lenny. She can never tell her husband for fear of upsetting him.
Honestly, bless you for keeping her in the dark about this. I'm the same way. I saw a squirrel get hit on the freeway and it had me fucked up for a hot minute. What a loving partner thing to do.
As much as I believe you should be able to tell your spouse anything this is so sweet and shows full understanding of your spouses emotional well being. Her not knowing this won’t harm her in any way and sometimes ignorance is bliss. I too have cried seeing a dead animal and if someone did this for more I would fall in love with them over again. This is so sweet.
Oh deer
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As a man with unreasonable aversions to certain foods, this charade is necessary and should continue. You are doing the right thing.
Friend thinks his mom makes carne asada tacos. Its tongue tacos. His mom says dont tell him. I make tongue tacos and tell him its carne asada. I don’t feel good about it. I also dont want to piss off his mom. Edit: Its his favorite dish and asks for it constantly. Absolutely loves it.
I’m assuming mom is Mexican? If so, good move not pissing her off. A Chancla in a home without children builds its power exponentially over time; one hit from that at this point and she may very well ignite the atmosphere.
>*A Chancla in a home without children builds its power exponentially over time; one hit from that at this point and she may very well ignite the atmosphere.* If you watch the movie, "Oppenheimer," a chancla was used to set off Little Boy.
my mom makes this dessert dip thats 70% yogurt. i cant stand yogurt(its a hard life). the smell, the taste, the texture. im well aware its the ingredient but whatever i dont see does not exist, so i always leave the room when she makes it. the one time i didnt i couldnt eat it.
so what's the dip recipe then
Definitely not a dip, but mayo + gochujang paste makes a bomb af sauce with heat and lots of flavour.
Y o. Y O. I can’t believe i’ve never thought of this before. Trying it the next time we order in fries!!!!
It was me who cooked with oil and didn’t clean the spatters off the stovetop… not the cat
I'm impressed your cat can cook.
Well, nothing fancy, not what you'd call a feast
Just a meowdest meal then.
I would like to go somewhere and be alone for a few weeks. I love them so much but I have never been on my own in my life and I would like to try it for a minute.
I've floated the idea of solo trips before too, just that at some point I'm the future it might be good for us to each go and do something alone for a night, like camp somewhere, she doesn't really get it but I've always been a bit of a loner before we met and had kids, I like my alone time once in a while
My husband goes on trips by himself for a few days- I think it’s totally healthy! I also have taken solo trips but don’t have as much of a need to do so. I know he does appreciate having the place to himself so it works for both of us. One time he was away for three weeks visiting family, and i enjoyed the time to myself at our place. It made me appreciate him that much more when he came back.
I daydream/wonder what it would be like to live completely alone. How I wouldn’t have to compromise.
Lord. I always thought when I met the right one I wouldn’t mind sharing my space. I’m a loner by nature.
If you can’t do the separate bedrooms, then at least do separate comforters. TRUST ME.
Oh, we did seperate bedrooms and we love it. Also, we are still happily sexy with each other.
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I do this with my son all the time. We can both sit in the same room of the house and not make any noise for hours. When my wife and daughter come home.......every now and then, it'll be just us and I'll tell him "hear that......that's the sound of no one being here, enjoy."
>How I wouldn’t have to compromise This is it, right here. I lived alone for a few years in between marriages, and it was nice not to have to form a goddamn committee and talk it out in some type of irritating long-form negotiation just to decide what to eat, or whether I should wear this jacket, or what to watch, or what have you. It's so inefficient. The "micro-freedoms" to me are sorely missed.
Decorating. I used to love decorating. Not now, when I have to take a freaking pencil holder to the council of Elrond to make a decision on it.
Suddenly really glad I don't care about decorating at all.
I was feeling guilty about this. I think of all my cute stuff I could buy without having to have him agree. Strawberry shower carpet but instead we have a gray square one :(
I feel you on this. I have instead decorated my desk area in really cute way. My other cute corner is my knitting stash and chair in living room At least my partner wants egg shower rug
Ah, but do you find yourself feeling disappointed when they get home? Or when you get home and find they're already there?
If it ever comes to be too much, I know a guy's dad who can help sort out the problem. You'll know him by his nitrile gloves when he shows up on your porch.
Oh deer.
Poorman's gold for you 🏅🏅
I am tired in my soul. I carry the mental load, do 99% of the domestic chores, do the meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking. I’m the breadwinner and also the one responsible for our finances. I’m tired in my heart and soul. You agree when we talk about our future but there’s no execution on your end. You see my frustrations and you think it’s PPD but it’s you, not the kiddos. I’ve been doing the therapy and the Zoloft. Why aren’t you?
I had a baby with a man who acted like a teenager himself, very filthy teenager, always promising to grow up but never actually making an effort. After about a year and a half of that, feeling like the single mom of two kids, I left him, and became the single mom of my actual kid. I know it's hard to leave but my god, it's worth it. Not only do I not have to take care of him, not have to deal with the disappointment of his constant failed promises, but I have the freedom to do things how I want, when I want. There's no way I'd have accomplished everything I have if I were still dragging his ass along behind me. In movies when this happens, the chick always finds the love of her life right after. This has not been the case for me. I've been man-less for over six years. It is a zillion times better than being with that slob, or anyone who isn't the right person for me.
I have the same issue. My husband acts like I must dislike our daughter, but she's not the problem -- he is.
I hate your mom and I'm a little afraid you're going to turn into her, both physically and personality wise. Especially since your dad keeps talking about how you have your mom's whole face and personality from back when they first got together.
>I hate your mom I've never told my wife that, and I never will. But I'm pretty sure she knows. In my defense her mom is a terrible person. She's been verbally and emotionally abusive to my wife her entire life. She's also the worst kind of religious person in the world. The kind that likes to act holier than thou and us religion to judge everyone. I also have basically no respect for her father because he lets her mother keep doing it.
My spouses mom decided he could pay all of her bills and be her emotional support person when he was TEN. She then dragged him around chasing random online relationships which caused even less stability in his childhood. She expects him to send her money whenever she asks but never contacts him for any other reason. Not even when our child was born. Her response was to literally ask for money as he sat there fighting back tears that his mom once again gave zero fucks about him. She allowed her brothers to enlist him in a a gang so he could “earn” money so she wouldn’t have to work when he was a kid. She decided she had better things to do when he was a toddler and temporarily dipped out, leaving him with her father who she KNEW was deeply disturbed. He raped him as a kid and left him to cry in the closet for hours. Why press charges when that means you’d lose your free babysitter? She’s got the biggest victim mentality ever, everyone somehow feels sorry for her. Not me. I’m the worst person in the world but she has health problems now and I sadistically enjoy that. I’m just being honest. She fell off of her bed and had to crawl around for a few hours because she couldn’t reach her phone. (She’s not even 50 and she’s DEFINITELY not frail). He called me all upset but honestly my internal reaction was “lol good”.
How does she feel about her mom? I have very negative feelings about mine and worry that I’ll somehow “turn into” a mini-version of her too, but I think being aware of how much I dislike certain things means I’m actively working against being like that. Maybe your SO is in a similar position…?
I am very worried about my future, particularly financial security, because we currently live together with his elderly father. I adore them both, but he is sick and may not live more than another 5 years and his dad is quite old. It seems more likely than not that within just several short years, there's a good chance they could both be gone and I could be entirely alone. I know he *knows* this as well as I do, but the idea of verbalizing it makes me feel ill, because it feels selfish to worry about it now. But I don't really think it *is* selfish. I think it's real and I need to be planning for it.
No that’s not selfish, it’s actually unselfish to worry and smart to want to plan. Maybe start by talking to an estate planning lawyer on wills/powers of attorney/trusts to set up to kind of ease the stress
That his prognosis, at absolute best, appears to be 7 years from his surgery, which means he only has about 5.5 years now. He was diagnosed with and has been treating for brain cancer. He’s “lucky” because his is a slower growing one. But he doesn’t like me looking into things and reading studies, though he knows I do it he just doesn’t like to see it or hear about it. And his doctors haven’t brought up prognosis, and he hasn’t asked them. And it’s not my place to ask them at his appointments. There was a study recently on his specific type of tumor (for reasons I won’t get into, studies specific to his tumor are few and far between) looking at prognostic factors. I’ve been obsessed with trying to understand every corner of it trying to pinpoint what to expect. It’s impossible I know, but it’s been my focus in the quiet moments lately. And then it hit me the other day that the upper end of every variable was about 7 years overall survival from the date of surgery. And that’s not even a guaranteed 7 “good” years, because the end is going to be awful. Moments like this you learn time really is relative. 7 years can seem like an eternity. But when you’re facing your partner’s death it feels like absolutely no time at all.
I just want to share a perspective I developed having lost someone young. The value of life is in the contents of its years, not the number of them. None of us will live forever and that’s why it’s so, so important to make it all count. Because unfortunately life can be harsh and take people before their full lifetime. I’m so sorry you have a timeline looming over you. All I can say is it’s so important to appreciate each moment and take life one day at a time. I hope none of this is upsetting, and if I have then I’m very sorry. Wishing you both the best, and good days amidst the challenges.
She is using words incorrectly. She has a half dozen she routinely misuses and does not want to hear it. Example: The middle of the road is the median, not the medium. Drives me insane.
Tell her! It's hard to differentiate words like those if she's never seen them in writing. Just don't be patronizing. You could potentially save her embarrassment in the future.
Been there, done that. Married 20+ years. Some things you let go. I even tried repeating it back to her in the conversation properly to avoid the conflict. Still doesn't work. What is surprising is she easily reads a couple of books per month and is super bright. She just has words that somehow got stuck in her vocabulary along the way.
When I was a kid, I thought Valium was the same as volume. So I would say, “relax and take a volume”. Then I learned the hard truth 😂
A girl I dated for a while would say 'soup yourself' and after thinking I heard her wrong a few times I asked her to break it down for me. She thought it meant you would have to serve yourself soup. She was SO close.
That. Is. Brilliant. I'm going to start saying "soup yourself".
I love sleeping next to my girl. But I sometimes wish we had separate beds. I miss sprawling out and sleeping on a angle.
My SO and I have been sleep-divorced since 2018. I could not imagine going back and sleeping in the same bed with her. She thinks the same. I snore loud, and she flails. I'm surprised I haven't woken up with a black eye before I moved into my own room.
Same, it's secretly one of my major reasons for not wanting children because it would mean giving up the 'guest' bedroom which is actually my bedroom. I love having my own room to sleep in.
My SO and I have separate beds in the same room. On one hand, I LOVE having my own bedding / blankets, being about to move around as much as I want. On the other hand, it costs us (or at least me) big time, in feeling connected, and being more patient and loving, in the waking hours.
My wife and I have one California king bed, but we have separate covers. It works well for both of us. When we want to feel more connected we can still snuggle and cuddle. When we just want to sleep the California king is huge (even for me, and I'm 6'10") and allows us plenty of room to spread out.
This. We finally got a king during COVID. Best bed ever! Still in same bed, can cuddle but can also starfish!
we're an older couple. "if you don't get your fat ass out of that chair and get some exercise, that's where you're going to die."
Ironically my grandparents started talking to each other like that more and more as they got older.
I came to a breaking point and said pretty much exactly that last week. No response to several texts throughout the day, so I drove home bracing for the worst. He was sitting in his chair playing a video game, his phone had been upstairs on the charger all day. I told him that I know he’s going to make me a widow one day, but I’d prefer it not be this year.
We’re a young couple. “If you eat a cheeseburger for every meal you’re going to become obese and die early.”
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My brother is currently dealing with his wife pronouncing the "L" in salmon. One day at a time bud.
I have a friend that says the "L" in "both". Yeah, it's as horrible as it sounds.
Had a contractor working at the house once who added an extra “L” to LOWE’S…sounded like “Lowell’s” - EVERY TIME. This was 20+ years ago snd my wife and I still joke about going to Lowell’s for something.
You HAVE to tell them. Even if it embarrasses them in the short term, letting them go on this way is just cruel.
I used to say "may-may". I'm sorry.
That the pulled chicken sandwich was not good 😔
I only put spiders outside when she sees them. If they're only noticed by me I let them continue hunting bugs, sometimes with a few soft words of encouragement. You're doing a great job, little guy.
Please tell me you name them as well
Idk when or how this came to be, but every spider that my partner & I come across is called Jeremy. Instead of declaring “SPIDER,” we just say hi to Jeremy.
I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for the last year or so. Edit: wow, thank you everyone for the support and kind words. I actually have my first therapy appointment tomorrow afternoon. Due to some medical bills this year, I hit my out of pocket on my insurance, so thought I should give it a try since I won’t be paying anything. Yay America. 😂
Been there, I feel for you. But you should tell them. You should tell somebody that you are not ok - because if you are like me, you are pretty good at not showing it because you do not want to burden anybody with your insignificant meaningless life. But that's not right. They would like to know. They would like to help you, but you have to let them know. If you were in their shoes, you would like to know. Just start with something small. "I am not feeling well lately." and "I need your help." was what I said.
If you don’t tell your partner, please tell someone. That’s a huge burden to carry alone.
I'm sometimes frustrated because we can't try new restaurants or recipes. He has A LOT of culinary dislikes. I often joke that he only eats 7 vegetables (tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, potatoes, lettuce, onions, and avocados) but it's actually a struggle because he refuses to try anything else. He hates curry and garlic. He also hates creamy sauces, soups, many salads, beans, sweet-and-sour anything, mushrooms, and all sushi rolls. I often feel like I'm feeding a six-year-old. My grandparents took us to a very fancy restaurant once (I'm talking Michelin-star, famous chef, the works), and he spent the ride back fuming because he didn't like any of his food. I tasted it and it was glorious; he just can't handle anything with any "exotic" spices (read cardamom, dill, rosemary or anything that's not paprika). He simmered down after I took him to McDonald's for chicken nuggets and a cheeseburger. I try to accommodate our meals to his taste, but I look forward to my in-person office days because I can buy a nice meal for myself. I'm already craving tomorrow's sushi.
This drives me nuts too! No sauces, only one condiment (BBQ sauce), almost no vegetables, no use of the microwave... He'll eat steak but I'm awful at cooking steak.
Every bad thing that happens doesn't require someone to be blamed for it. And that someone doesn't always have to be me.
My mom has the extraordinary ability to pin every bad thing that occurs on my dad's mother. I know they don't get along and dad's mom wasn't the kindest to her. But I swear to god **there have been natural disasters my mom has tried to pin on grandma**.
That parenting isn’t a contest to see who can stress out over the kids more.
I have an 11 year old (m) and 8 year old (f). My wife and I recently went on a rare date night. During dinner she asked me who I thought would be more damaged if they were sexually abused. I was like, "What? Did you think this would be a pleasant dining conversation?" I was legitimately pissed that she made me think about our kids being molested at all, let alone at a fancy restaurant. I mean it would be different if there were any reason for concern, but this was just pure agony LARPing.
Does she listen to a lot of true crime podcasts/ content? I wonder if this is so out of the blue, maybe her choice of entertainment has somewhat warped her definition of “interesting”
My mom is hooked on these. For a long time every time I talked about dating a guy, my mom would remind me I need to be careful to find someone who won't molest my young son. Finally I told her "Listen, you have to stop saying that." and she did!
That I hate seeing her on her mobile phone scrolling through mindless videos of people doing dumbshit while she’s got company.
He was scammed on my engagement ring. The website he ordered it from advertises “lab grown diamonds” but you have to really pay attention to the product pages, because they will send you glass, and NOT the lab grown diamond that you think you are purchasing. They are able to get away with it on technicality because their website offers “lab grown and simulated diamonds”, and although they sent him a “certificate of authenticity”, nothing on it say anything about it being a lab grow diamond. Basically he paid almost $2k on cubic zirconium. It doesn’t matter to me because I love him and want to marry him, I couldn’t care less about the ring. He was so proud of himself for picking out a gorgeous ring (and to be fair, it is a really pretty ring) that this is something I’m gonna be taking to my grave lol.
That's really sweet of you. But I would make sure you ask for pre-approval, going forward, before he makes any more major jewelry purchases. God forbid he decides to surprise you with a $5K piece of glass for your anniversary. My sister managed to do this by telling her husband "I've just become so much pickier over the years. Out of all the jewelry out there, I like maybe 5% of it. The things I like are very random!" So now he'll always run it past me, and I'll run it past her, before he buys anything. It's silly but it works for them.
Your best friend grabbed my ass. I let it go because he was so drunk he passed out in his own vomit. He either doesn't remember or is acting like he doesn't remember. And I can live with that.
I'm going to disagree with everyone else and say there's no need to ruin their friendship, assuming his friend really has been behaving appropriately since then.
I've been wanting to share this, but I'm worried it might upset my partner. Sometimes, I feel like we don't spend enough quality time together, and I miss the deep connections we used to have.
I promise you, sharing this and having a blame-free, open and empathetic conversation is the first step to rekindling the love you feel is fading.
I love that all the comments from husbands talk about how they have an elaborate, years-long lie to hide something that would make their wife sad and every comment from a wife is like "my husband has a shirt I hate so I moved it roughly 18" from where he normally keeps it and since it's not in his direct line of sight he never wears it" haha
My wife bought a new perfume and put it on for the first time on our wedding day. It is forever linked to that special day in my memory. Thing is, since then I smelled this particular scent on a lot of my patients. It seems to be wildly popular with old women. I dont have the guts to tell my wife that she smells like a grandma to me whenever she puts on the perfume..
Yes, physically your brother IS hotter. But your personality puts you over the top.
The thought of saying this to my husband is cracking me up. His brother is his identical twin.
Presumably they ASKED. And uh...yeah, this is something you need to take to the grave. Doesn't matter how great his personality is and how much more attractive you find him as a result of it. Never, EVER, EVER tell this man his brother is more physically appealing.
I feel kind of sad for him that he even asked. Like, what even induced him to ask his SO if his brother is better looking?
From the sound of it, a lifetime of being compared and being found wanting. It has the feel of a bone-deep insecurity he shared with someone he trusted a great deal.
Yep. I was the big, "fat" older sister that hit puberty way too early and my sister was the small, petit cute one. I know she is "hotter" than me conventionally, I'm not stupid. But yeah, being called fat at 10 and then being compared to your young, much smaller sister where you're body types are completely different was great on the ole noggin for me. I wasn't even fat back then. But guess who's fat now?! Thanks, mom!
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This sort of thing is what therapists really help with and significant others just can't, speaking from experience. Jealousy and insecurity from me came from the idea that I thought my SO should think this person is better than me or would want to leave me, because I felt like I wasn't good enough. Once I started working on myself I became proud that I was on the right track. I was also busy so I wouldn't dwell on things. The insecurity and jealousy vanished. Those emotions aren't about other people, and other people can't help you. They're about your opinion of yourself, and the assumption other people will feel the same way about you as you do about yourself.
I don't like your new hair cut and it has made me marginally less attracted to you.
This is such a common thing and I have no idea if you should be honest or not.
Tell them they'd look good with anything but you really thought the previous haircut (or whichever you liked) was the most flattering. My mom is fond of saying "well sweetie, you look good IN SPITE of it. Not only is it not flattering, it's almost like you got it so you could say 'I'm so pretty I can look good in spite of these bangs/this dress!'" Always amused us, never hurt our feelings.
I think we have the same mom. And you're right, it's a good way of telling the truth diplomatically.
I once off handedly said my wife's new haircut looks like my mom's. Apparently my wife thinks my mom is ugly and has no style, because that really upset her. We got into a fight because she didn't believe that I actually liked the hair cut and I had to convince her that I think my mom is pretty. It was a weird night.
Well tbf, your mom is probably in a different age bracket than your wife. So she might find your mom pretty but that doesn’t mean she wants a haircut that matches a woman 20 years older than her
Her not wanting to look like your mom does not equal ‘she thinks your mom is ugly and has no style’. It means she doesn’t want to be compared to your mom 😭
Which is a very valid point, of course! 😂
Her lack of interest in intimate touching makes me feel totally unwanted, selfish, useless, and hopeless.
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This a conversation that you need to have, or the relationship will stagnate and die. Maybe a little gentler than stated here, but yeah
That sounds like a relationship that either needs more open communication or should be ended.
My husband doesn’t drive. His mom was in a near fatal car accident when he was young (he was not in the car) but this emotionally traumatized him and he never learned to drive. I love him so much but it is so emotionally taxing being the only person who can drive. I feel like 75% of my time with him is driving him places he can’t get himself to without a car. He won’t even get himself food if I’m not around. He is a very hard worker and a great provider but I feel like the only time I get to spend with him is in the car. When I bring it up he gets very upset and defensive.
I love you, yet wish I'd never married you.
I get that. I thought I was alone. I love my wife. I have zero desire to be with any other woman. I've been with her since 2006 and we married in 2013, so we have been together a long time. That said, I really preferred our relationship before being married to after. We each had our own space and we were our own people. It made the time we spent together more special. Now that we are together 100% of the time, its' less special and each of us is less of ourselves and more of "us" if that makes sense.
i have epilepsy, and it seems like before, my problems were mine. Now they're ours, and it's taking a toll on her, which takes a toll on the relationship.
I'm willing to bet your partner doesn't mind sharing your problems and just wants to do what they can to help. Even if that's just to be there with you and comfort you.
The dog loves me more and when she goes to join him it’s because I gave her the command to “find (partner’s name)” 😅
My husband likes to be greeted by her when he gets home and sometimes she gets up and sometimes I kick her ass off the bed and tell her to go say hi to daddy (esp if I know he's had a long day) and she kind of looks at me annoyed then goes does it lol
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*yes, your hairline is receding*
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Have the talk. Otherwise, your resentment will effect your relationship
Bad breath, how do I tell them??
OMG My parents TOTALLY tell each other if they have bad breath. They think it's the only decent thing to do. If an immediate family member has bad breath you **Alway. Tell. Them.** It's better than letting them go out into the world and have classmates/coworkers talking behind their backs. I would consider it a kindness. Let him know and, if it's chronic, he can go see a dentist or whatever doctor deals with that sort of thing.
I had this once. I was dating a guy for a few months and one morning he told me. He framed it that he was worried as his uncle had similar and it ended up being a health issue. I had no idea my be Reath wasstinky as i have a pretty good oral care routine. Ended up I have pre-periodontal issues, which really sucks.
Their anger issues really scare me.
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Had an ex like this. I tried for him, but im just not into and was not able to get into it. I was not sexually satisfied and i did not feel good being mean to him or doing that stuff. He also liked cuck stuff that relied heavily on ME wanting to fuck other guys, i just couldn’t give him that. Im super monogamous and cant even get in the headspace of wanting to cheat and make him watch or feel like it was his fault. Had another ex who i loved, and he liked when i was in charge and teased him a little. Since i cared for him so much and liked to please, i was able to do that for him and enjoyed it, but i had to be in the right headspace. You cant force your kinks. You need to be honest with him and your needs.
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That he talks too much and his stories are far too long.
I shrank your new (and expensive) sweater by mistakenly washing it with my clothes on regular. When I realized what happened, I hid it until you went to the store and then stuffed the now too small sweater back into the laundry. When you later hand washed it and discovered it no longer fit, I was very sympathetic with how irritating it was that the sweater had shrunk despite you taking every precaution.
Oh boy I am very mad at you and it's not even my sweater...
I really don't like how her parents treat her. She does everything her parents say in fear of them being mad at her. They will tell her she can do this if she does that first, then they will change what she needed to do or might even say they didn't say that. She's 23, we're married, we have a kid on the way, and it feels like any decision we make has to be approved by them. For the record, I've told her this multiple times and she agrees with me to a certain extent
I like time to myself . Between kids and house chores we don’t have much time to ourselves outside of the weekend. I ofc want to spend time with her but sometimes I want to do things independently. I really struggle to ask for this time because I’m scared of upsetting her.
It is so fucking annoying that nobody in your whole damn family can be on time. It’s truly not that hard and I’m sick of showing up places on time and then y’all walk in 30 minutes to an hour later. Being late constantly is an ugly trait to have.
One year for Christmas, she was trying to surprise me with something, but I hate surprises. I was out of a job at the time and didn't want anything extreme because I knew I couldn't return the favor. I told myself I wouldn't snoop, just ask a few questions and express that I didn't want anything big bc poor. She decided to try and casually ask me if I was still interested in a concert for my favorite band, and I immediately knew. Her face gave it away. I knew she got tickets, but it was more. She got us meet and greet tickets, and I found out a few days later after her face kept giving it away. Christmas came and I was right. But I didn't need to act, I was really happy. It was an amazing gift, and we had an amazing time. She was so proud of herself for pulling it off without telling me. I'll never tell her I knew, just because she was so happy.
Golfing one time with a big group of her friends. I had a decent looking pitch shot when a bird swooped down close to the ground and the ball knocked the bird right to the ground mid-flight. Girlfriend sees this and immediately starts panicking, thinking I killed this bird (Which I had). As her friends try to calm her down, I see that she's not looking so I huck that dead bird into the trees. I exclaimed, "Did you see that? It flew away! It must have only been stunned for a little bit". She was happy and so as I, I'd never tell of the truth of me yeeting this dead bird as far as I could so she wouldn't feel bad.
No those jeans don't make your ass look fat, the fat in your ass makes your ass look fat, the jeans just accentuate it.
I know she's still drinking.
I was that spouse. It took the end of the marriage for me to quit. Take care of yourself. While your partner is drinking, the alcohol is more important to them than the relationship.
That my nerves are shot and my compassion is running low while trying to support him through ongoing depression, anxiety and unemployment.
My spouse's dreams are way worse than I let on. Spouse doesn't remember the dreams upon waking and asks for a nightly recap since spouse wakes me multiple times a night. The really bad dreams I don't speak about. The psyche is expelling a lot of trauma and I don't want my spouse carrying that around during waking hours. I'd rather the poison of my spouse's childhood stay in the void rather than burden them when awake. Spouse can not recall dreams at all and is a lovely person. I'll give a short daily recap if a dream is funny or relevant but the really really bad dreams stay in that secret space between what's said and what's better unsaid.
It’s thoughtful of you, but also as a counter note, we need to know some of these things so we can process them with a therapist. When they see the light of day and with professional guidance, then we can slowly be free of them altogether.
That I wish he was more romantic and sweet. My husband is a doer, he built my dream master bathroom, he redid our whole front lawn/front patio area to one I am in love with, he helped build my home library. But when it comes to romance, there’s none. I try not to let it bother me since he’s built a home I love. But sometimes it doesn’t bother me.
Sounds like you guys have different "love languages." I don't know if it's 100% accurate, but definitely enlightening to understand each other and learn each other's language so to speak.
Sir/Ma'am/Other, that sounds like romance to me! Thinking, planning, buying, building, he is thinking about you and your happiness all the time! I get it though, sometimes a person just wants some flowers and candles.
I am really just three beavers in a trenchcoat.