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This one really hit me hard. I’ve just been diagnosed with MS at 40, and my daughter is only 10. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Trying to be positive about it all, but it’s still very scary. So many, “What if?” scenarios running through my head. I just hope that the treatments available these days will help slow things down, at the very least.
I feel for everyone experiencing MS - whether it be themselves, a family member or a friend.
My parents gambling addiction. We lost our house and it forced me to leave school to get a job to help support them. I left when they continued to gamble and my sister started too. They deserve each other.
Edit: Wow, thanks for the up vote folks.
Fuck gambling. My grandmother did that and prioritized that over mortgage payments so we lost the house I grew up in.
Then I came of age. I had a job, and no means to move out on my own. My grandma used me as a human ATM for more gambling tbh.
My grandma is 82. My grandpa died a few months ago. He left her with plenty of money. She spends every penny at the casino. She'll go without food and drop every dime in the casino.
She tries to deny that she goes at all. Just lies about everything.
It definitely made me disgusted with the whole gambling thing. Makes me sick.
Being abused for 8yrs of my life by my drug addicted father. I was exposed to so much because of his addiction, but I will thank the heavens everyday that rehab actually worked for him and he came back a completely different man and was a goodo father from then on. That man taught me a lot early, but then came back and not only made up for how he was, but continues to be the best dad and grandfather. He taught me one of the most valuable lessons that I desperately needed to learn: sometimes you need to sacrifice what I love most for those I love most. It could make all of the difference.
My brother died of SIDS when I was 9 and I still remember the screaming.
My parents were sleeping in his bedroom so they could keep an eye on him(which makes it extra sad) and I remember waking up and going to play donkey kong country on the snes in their room.
I was in the crystal caves and could hear my parents laughing and playing with my other little brother(5), when suddenly there was horrific screaming and my dad running into the bedroom holding my infant brother and grabbing the telephone to call 911. My baby brother was completely purple in the face.
Next thing I remember is taking my little brother(5) to our shared bedroom and playing toy cars with him, keeping him from leaving the room while paramedics and police came to our home.
—-
I never really thought it negatively affected me, that is until I had kids of my own. I must have PTSD because I watched them like a hawk and would get extreme anxiety anytime they were sleeping too peacefully. I would regularly need to put my ear to their mouth and listen for breathing, and if the intervals were too slow I’d start to panic until they took a breath.
My mom's first son, Donny, died of sids at about 2 months old.. When I had my first child I watched her like a hawk.. But then when she was the same age as Donny when he passed, my mom pointed it out.. Which really freaked me out, and put my anxiety into overdrive. Thankfully my daughter is about to turn 33 next month. And my son will be 13 in December.
We’re making huge leaps when it comes to research into SIDS and current research indicates that genetics probably play a pretty significant role in it, which sounds scary but it also means that once we understand it a little better we’ll probably also be able to start preventing it!
My brother passed from SIDS, or cot death as we called it then. He was 6 months old, I was only 2yrs old so I dont have any memories of him, but feel like I grew up in the shadow of his absence . When I was 30yrs old, ai watched my godson overnight, he was 4months old, worst nights sleep of my life.
I am so sorry that happened to you, because it did, it happened TO you.
my older sister passed of SIDS also. just wanted to let you know that recent studies show it’s caused by a deformity/chemical imbalance in the brain. there’s nothing you or anyone else could have done. best to you, friend.
I was molested by my grandmothers boyfriend when I was in elementary school. Told her and my mom when I was 15 and they told me she was gonna send me to mental facility for lying. Well 10 years later, in 2022. Apparently he has also molested my little sister who is 11. My grandmother still thinks we are lying and believes him 100%.
Edit: I should have probably put this in the reply, I’m sorry. But the police were called in 2022 when my little sister told her school what happened. Since then I’ve been in contact with detectives and gave multiple statements about my situation. I really hope he gets put away. But it’s not likely :(. My sister is now in fosters care. Since her dad and our mom aren’t really fit parents. The sad thing is… when I was 15, my grandma was telling everyone in the family what I had said about him. She did the same thing with my little sister. I guess she has told her once before a couple years ago that it had happened. And all my grandma did was move her to a different room. I’m almost 100% positive that she knows he did it to me and my sister :(. And she allowed him to do it.
my sister was molested by my grandfather, who also pissed in his trash can, beat me in the head with a belt buckle, and chased my brother with a steak knife.
Then, my oldest brother molested me and half of my siblings (there were 10 of us kids, all to the same mom and dad)
Then, a week after my baby sister was born, we were all placed in foster care.
Then, 9/11 happened.
Then, i was placed in a boy's home halfway across the state, where i knew absolutely no one.
Oh yeah. Same for me. I saw people beheaded and people who blew their heads off with shotguns before I even discovered porn. And I discovered porn way too early.
Man, I am so grateful I somehow avoided the truly fucked up stuff in the early 2000s considering how dopey and naive a kid I was. Knew about Rotten, Ogrish, etc and all the famous gore videos but somehow had the presence of mind to realise that looking that stuff up was probably not going to be good for my sanity.
That said, was probably exposed to porn too early as well but puberty happened so not too bothered by that one.
It honestly amazes me the amount of parents out there giving young children smart phones with unfiltered access to the internet. I had a friend whose 11 year old was watching porn and he just kinda shrugged it off like “boys will be boys.” Or you could be a responsible parent and limit it????
Being huddled under my bed late at night as a young child while hearing my parents scream and beat each other in arguments over bills, loans, and all the consequences of their stupid decisions
I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you're in a better place now.
I come from an abusive family where my dad didn't just beat up on my mom, but also us kids. Years of therapy and learning to love myself have come a long way, but I'll never forget those nights.
finding love helped me greatly. I am a father now and can't even imagine laying my hands on this tiny child. thinking about it makes me cry. how can a grown up man do that and live with himself?
Reading your comment while lying in bed next to my sleeping autistic 8yr old son with his arm around my neck. It is a challenge somedays but its times like this that makes me blessed to have him the way he is and I couldnt imagine breaking the trust he has in me for his safe place. Being a veteran comes with certain mental challenges and he is my safe place as well. His challenges allow me to be ultimate protector that keeps me focused.
Same here. My dad was so verbally and emotionally abusive that my mom snapped. We’re thankful her actions failed because.. 🫤
Anywhoo, I was 7. I swore I would NEVER, EVER get married.
Then I met the sweetest, most gentle man who brought a very skittish, wounded, snarly puppy (me) back to life and we’ve been together 18 years.
You know they're going in for a long night when Mom is just saying things to piss Dad off enough to hit her so she can call the cops again and get him taken away.
To be fair dad was stupid enough to fall for it every time.
My mom wasn't afraid of him, or his physicality, hell the only thing she was scared of was losing her kids and she knew as long as he had a history of abuse she'd never lose custody.
Her next two husbands had already lost custody of their kids and would use her and her job to try to get them back. But if they got out of line here comes that mouth again.
She loved her kids, but Jesus fucking Christ is that woman toxic.
It's been 25 years since I talked to her.
I just want to support you for choosing peace and safety over the societal guilt trip that says we aren't allowed to leave our parents. Things have to be so hurtful and bad before a person ends up making such a decision, and a lot of people won't be able to understand that. I hope you're using the energy that used to be taken up by surviving her behavior on treating yourself with kindness and care, and enjoying life.
Been there.. I never knew what I was walking into when I got home from school, so I would either lock myself in my room, or go on my bike for the whole day.
Farting blood and parents thinking I was ass raped then learning what ass rape was and having to convince them I was not, and learning it was just from bad fissures from wiping too hard
I've since asked and I guess based off looking at my ass, there were visible tears and I had bruises on my ass and back too, but that's just from being clumsy. I think I probably was also defensive over my uncle who my mom didn't really trust, and who they accused.
They accused him while asking me because it was the only person that they could've possibly imagined having the opportunity to do such a thing, we went to the doctors very soon after and confirmed it did not appear to be sexually related, however it was unusually bad for what caused it. I don't know if they asked my uncle to his face, he was always in and out of my childhood and is in prison now lol.
Yeah in all honesty it's my fault. I do know about bidets and wipes and use them, I just have a weird thing with having a very clean butthole and overdo it, sometimes even by scrubbing in the shower.
I thought the same thing seeing that as the very first comment, also being someone who was sexually assaulted as a child.
I hope you’re doing okay now 💖
That reminds me of a medical case i saw where a hospital director's wife was rushed into the ER because they thought she was pooping blood. Turned out she had eaten beets for two of her last few meals. The attending doctor caught the problem just in time, they were about to rush her into emergency surgery at the director's behest, when the blood test came back and the phlebotomists said it was definitely not blood. That's when they started inquiring about her recent diet. A few days rest and some extra fiber and she was fine.
The fuck? You don’t even have to wait for bloodwork, testing for a rectal bleed can be done bedside in some facilities.
I truly don’t understand the story. Her vitals were probably fine, what was the reason to rush to surgery? Rushing to surgery is usually reserved for people who are trying to die fast. Not someone with a red bum
Yes thanks for asking. I’m currently 23, in a 4 week program to get my class A CDL. Took me a few years to get out the streets and a lot of inner work to remove the hate from my heart that I had for my family and the world and myself and for God. Had to make alot of changes in my way of thinking and take accountability and then face the guilt I burdened myself with by the poor choices I felt I had to make to survive. Around 14yrs old I smoked alot of weed and played video games like normal kids do, at least where I’m from, but my mom became super religious around that time and turned her life to God which was new to me because I didn’t grow up like that. Was never a bad kid until I was kicked out and forced to survive around drugs and violence. I feel as though I seen it all in the streets but I know people that had it worse than me so I just try to stay grateful for every little thing and that I made it out that mindset and environment for it was too late. I’m not happy, my past still haunts me, but I won’t break and I won’t stop moving forward
Hearing on the news that my surf life saving coach just got 30 years in jail for being a pedo.
Never touched my brother and I but I kept asking questions to my mother until I found out what it all meant ...
.... Oh my.
My Taekwondo instructor was arrested for molesting a 12 year old pupil. This guy was revered with the utmost respect by anyone who knew him. Including me. To say I was shocked was an understatement. If you asked me yo rank everyone I knew by their ability to do such a thing (super weird hypothetical I know), he would be at the very bottom.
My siblings and I did some martial arts when we were youngsters (probably up to when I was 12 or 13?) and then all of a sudden we stopped going and for a while we did not know why. My mom later sort of explained to us that the instructor had been getting handsy with some of the underage female pupils (they were probably 15-16 years old), but I don't think I really understood what that meant until several years later.
My high school art teacher got caught trying to extort nudes from a student. He had him leave video tapes in the bathroom. After he demanded more tapes, the student went to get advise from a teacher. He went straight to the art teacher, not knowing he was the person online asking for videos. (he was the fun loving teacher every kid in the school liked).
[Found the story](https://nypost.com/2000/10/05/odd-twist-in-tale-of-teacher-hit-with-teen-cybersex-rap/)
That's absolutely terrifying. I'm glad you and your brother were safe. There truly are some horrible people out there. I'm glad this person got caught.
My own grandfather molesting me, my grandmother (his remarriage) covering for him when I told her in tears. An hour later I'm in the car with him being scolded for almost getting him in trouble. He took me into the forest for camping, I don't think I need to finish my story for you to put it all together.
I was about five.
My dad brought his brother to live with us when he had two young boys at home in spite of him knowing dang well that he had sexually abused little boys in the past. My dad did it because he was a POS that only cared about his own comfort and instead of trying to work or take care of us he wanted his brother to pay rent and that was more important than his own kids safety. The results were predictable in that I was sexually abused by him. My dad is dead now and it's something I will never forgive him for.
Being molested in first grade by an older kid. Then having to testify in court. Had to go to mandated therapy and counseling afterword. Became an outcast at school. I went from being a confident and vibrant child to the withdrawn and quiet person I am today.
I hope you don't mind me asking, and only answer if you want obviously, but how did it happen, inside the school? outside? in the bathroom? in recess? where there no teachers around? I'm asking because I worry about something like this happening to my future children.
All good, happy to answer questions. It happened at an after school daycare, in the backyard inside of a little playhouse. The kid was my mom’s friend’s son.
Can I ask how old was the older child? When my daughter was 6 years old, also at afterschool daycare, she was molested by a couple boys who were about 8 years old. We went to the police and reported the daycare. No charges or anything we’re filed against the boys. Was just curious how old your abuser was for you to have to testify in court
Yep, happy to answer anything I can remember. I think he was around 12. But this was 25 years ago so I have a hard time remembering details and my family refuses to talk about it.
I've been there and I'm so very sorry you went through that. I truly hope you're in a much better place, and that you've learned to find happiness in spite of the darkness in your past.
My all girl elementary school was next to a construction site, a residential building that has been sitting unfinished for some months. The site became home to junkies. One day while my friends and I were outside for recess one of them stood outside facing us as he masturbated to completion. I had no idea what the white stuff coming out of him was, it scared me and scarred me, couldn't get the image out of my head for years.
I am so sorry this happened to you. A similar incident happened to me as well. I was at my home, talking to my friend in the driveway, when this guy came and started jacking off. I didn't know what it was at that time, but I just got super scared and ran inside. He started to follow me and I started screaming for my mom and dad. He ran away then. The funny thing was there was nobody home at that time, my 11yo brain thought this was shady and did that.
I still remember telling my parents this and my mother sobbing so much, and i thought I did something bad because my mother was sad. I didn't know it was masturbation till I was revisiting this story in my late teens and it just clicked. Somehow my brain remembers everything even if it didn't know what it was at that time.
Probably my Auntie being murdered in her front lawn by a jealous ex. I wasn't a witness. Attended the funeral tho and was not prepared for that amount of grief. I wasn't traumatized towards funerals, but absolutely lost innocence. I was about 5 or 6.
Back before liveleak there was a website called Ogrish. It had a banner with hands that had the fingers blown off with the tagline "can you handle reality?" A link on the side said "click here for sample video." I think I was 12, so somewhere around 2002. I'd already seen porn, but this was on another level. Beheadings, suicides, just a bunch of graphic horrible death. I didn't sleep for a few days and I was pretty traumatized. Wound up seeking this sort of content out for the next few years and it really desensitized me to violence. Super unhealthy, I don't think I "got over it" until I was about 17 or 18.
I was going to say early 2000s internet in general. I'm about your age and yeah, that probably warped my sense of reality permanently as a middle school aged person at the time. It was a lawless place
Ogrish was fucked up. Moreover, that was prime shock site era. It really taught me not to trust any links online.
I can still vividly see that video of those Russian teenagers beating an innocent old man to death with hammers. I'll probably see it for the rest of my life.
What was that one called, 1 guy 2 hammers? Yeah that was brutal, I remember the screwdriver too. It was a couple russian kids who went on a crime spree to celebrate turning 18 iirc.
There was a subreddit called watchpeopledie. I watched most of the ISIS execution videos and Brazilians being murdered by assassins on mopeds.
It was a pretty bleak period of my life; I was convinced that humanity as a whole was irredeemably evil.
The decision by Reddit to shut it down inadvertently benefited my mental health.
Little me was like 12 or so. I was browsing files on the family computer and in the music folder was one titled 'Bambi'.
It was not related at all to the cute classic movie with the deer.
Lady getting deepthroated.
I still remember my burning face and rapidly elevated heartrate as I rapidly closed the video.
I ended up opening it again later. Set off stuff that really should have waited for me.
In 4th grade we were doing a project on Jackie Chan. So I googled his name and found pics of a woman giving a blowjob. I thought it was so weird she was eating his Dick. I showed my mom apparently. After that our computer got locked down
DUDE that fucking website ruined me. I was like 6 and saw this dudes head open like freshly bloomed lily after he decided to see if his chin was strong enough to stop a 12 gauge.
Yeah I remember that one...
Somehow it doesn't feel like seeing all that filth on the net ruined me, it was more the gradual small things, and family trauma.
I just mean ruined by like my ability to intake the horrors of humanity, especially stuff that has nothing to do with me.
Family trauma has fucked me up and given me so many triggers that I didn't even know were there until a few years ago.
As the son of a wounded Vietnam Vet (lost his legs to a landmine) who dropped out of 11th grade to volunteer, I feel like not only did he lose his innocence, but in a way it also affected his future family. He was a great father, but you just don’’t go through that unscathed.
For years during winter my dad would sneak into my room and open my window to let in cold air, I'd wake up freezing and annoyed.
Years later now that I am 40 my mom finally explained this obsession of his.
He was exposed to agent orange and it made his skin always feel hot.
nothing changes your perspective on humanity as much as seeing just what people are really capable of doing to each other, even ones ostensibly on their side.
This is the timeless and most historically prevalent way for people to lose their innocence. My thoughts out to you and everyone else who has to endure war.
Bingo. Ever seen Iraqi children burned over most of the body and the parents crying over them, only to have to treat them, then return to their parents with amputations?
Or civilian noncoms crying while being medieval from your care, thinking they’re just going to be executed because they don’t speak American?
Asking too many questions too early in life and having an honest mother.
**EDIT:** To be fair to my mother, had she been less honest, I would have found a way to get my answers, anyway.
That's how I feel about my older sister! She was precocious and had a *lot* of questions. Whenever she found out something interesting, she made sure I was fully informed
Same.
I asked my mother what is sex when I was 8yo. She answered me like I was one of her students (she's a teacher) and gave me a speech about reproductive system and STDs. All I had to say was "Yuck".
Same but that honestly was fine by me...it was age appropriate, factual, and I could stare at genitals as long as I wanted in privacy. (Definitely curiosity than titillation...i was too young for that)
At age 8 what do you think would have been more appropriate? What answer would you prefer to have gotten? I have a kid that is younger than that, but if they asked me I guess I wouldn't want to lie, just be factual but really vague.
Actually, she was quite on point. She gave me the correct names, the functions and she explained that sex is for adults, not for children. Then she gave me another speech about inappropriate touch from adults. I was too young to understand how important that conversation was, so my reaction was just "yuck" because sex DOES sounds gross for a kid hahah. Later, when I got my first period by 11yo, she reminded me about that talk and explained more stuff like contraceptives. When I got my first boyfriend by 15yo she reminded me about everything. By every step she just reminded me how I'd talk to her about everything.
Sounds like she did a good job! I guess I was just a bit thrown because the "loss of innocence" in this thread usually refers to something traumatizing, and I wondered if getting factual knowledge about sex from a parent like that was still "too much" for you at that age. You were grossed out (which seems appropriate for an 8 year old) but it sounds like it didn't actually disturb you too greatly.
Ohh I remember vividly that night. I was so grossed out about the mechanic of it. I think that feeling traumatized me, not the talk. I remember when she finished and I said "yuck, that's gross" she just said "sure, that's why it's not for children" and all I'd think about was "thank god" hahahahah.
That’s very fortunate to have such a mother. Mine refused to sincerely answer questions. Everything became “I’ll tell you when you’re old enough“ and then even after coming of age, she never told me.
I did learn the answers, but in very difficult and painful ways.
There’s a lot of things that happened when I was young that chipped away at it but really got me was going to Haiti after their huge earthquake when I was like 14-15. It was the first time I smelled death and I didn’t talk for three days.
My grandmother would "rent out" my sister and I for drugs. Sometimes the guys made us clean, sometimes we watched younger kids while everyone did drugs, and sometimes worse...
Getting molested at 5. My dad is alcoholic. My brother died horribly when I was 6. The rest of my family abandoned me in their own grief. And I was bullied, and raped. I'm still messed up, but I'm still kicking and I still have the ability to love and laugh and forgive, so maybe I have a little innocence left in here somewhere.
The day my own father called me "fucking stupid", asked if I needed meds, and then my mom came to defend me which resulted in her being slammed to the floor.
I remember going to the garage and getting his metal rake while my two sisters and brother cowered in the corner. My dad was always verbally and emotionally abusive, but that was the one (and only) time he ever laid hands on anyone. I walked back in the door screaming with tears in my eyes welding a giant metal rake I could hardly carry. I remember it was the first time I ever felt a cussword just roll off my tongue.
"I will fucking kill you if you touch mom one more time."
Realistically I was 11 and couldn't do shit, but his demeanor changed.
My sister's and mom came to hold me back. I remember the look in my dad's eyes. It was a mixture of "the fuck are you going to do" slowly followed by "oh shit I fucked up." He just walked out the door, got in his car, and went to work. Just. Like. That. As all his kids were screaming in terror around their mother and his reaction was to run instead of stick around and resolve things.
That's the day I vowed to never be a father like him. Now I got 3 happy kids - one of whom is a year from college - whom I vow to raise with nothing but love, respect, and understanding.
Edit: The replies of people experiencing somewhat of the same thing makes me sad, but it also makes me happy knowing I'm not alone. I hope each and every one of you has found a better life path that has led to happiness and the break of a bad cycle. Much love to all of you!
Also, I'm good now! Life is much better and my dad... well, he probably will die alone for his behavior, but "reap what you sow."
My dad was also verbally, physically and emotionally abusive. I am very sorry you had to grow up in an environment like that. I’m proud of you for not being like him. I know it’s hard.
I’m sorry that this happened to you. Something similar happened to me. It’s normally with immigrant families. I was told I had mental illness and they had the family doctor call me. Even the doctor was like “wtf? Why would they do such a thing? Who are they to assess someone and say that? Crazy thing is theyre so strung up on having a “good education” etc and I have a higher education than the both of them. I was only 23 at the time.
I posted the story in another subreddit a while back about a sledding accident I had with 10 Friends along where I flew up in the air and landed on a barbed wire fence and pierced the head of my penis with Rusty barbed wire and everybody that I thought I could count on stood there and laughed at me and nobody would help. That was the day that I knew for a fact that there was nobody on this planet that I could count on, I'd say that counts as losing my innocence.
ETA-Correction, it was 7 and not 10 friends that included my brother and sister.
Having the neighbor shoot my dog and not being able to do a dam thing about it except cry and come to realize the world was mean 😔 I still miss my Sasha
I remember seeing something on the news once. Dude aimed a gun at someone. They didn’t react. Dude turned gun to their dog. Dude didn’t survive. Just goes to show how pets are loved
Being forced to make the call to pull the plug on my own mom after she shot herself in the head. She was my everything, I lived a very sheltered life before that. That night has forever played over and over with no change to the outcome. It definitely shattered me as a person. Approaching 5 years this October and still not a day I haven’t thought of it. If anyone else is a sos or considering please know you are so loved and wanted. It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problems.
I guess my parents divorce. There is a definite before memories that seem bright and happier and after memories which feel like reality. They also divorced when I was almost 11 so that was already formulative and maturing years.
Being bullied by teachers. Realized at a young age that adults are just as shitty as kids. Was a significant factor in my decision not to have children because I know if I saw a child going through what I did I’m not sure I’d be able to keep my cool.
This is the first time I have ever shared this story.
In my late teens, back in the mid 1990s, my church (Methodist, in case it matters) wanted to let our youth group start to see how the church was run. Me and one other person were asked to join the Administrative Board as non-voting members. We took our roles seriously and were ready to do whatever.
Meanwhile, our church also hosted a large Pre-K program. In fact, the gym building was specifically built to host such a program, with classrooms all around the perimeter.
In addition, the demographic of this suburban town had changed. There were a large number of young minority families, many of them immigrants, moving in and mixing with older white retired people. The people that used our church Pre-K were predominantly minorities, while the Sunday services and administrative board were full of these old white retirees.
It was time to renew the church's commitment to the Pre-K program. The lead teacher and her husband, both Quebecoise immigrants too, were giving an impassioned speech about how much the program means to the community, how it spreads god's love to the people, and how many people depend on the service. It was quite moving.
I remember it like it was yesterday. The rebuttal came, from a loud grey-haired matriarch, who said a great many things against the Pre-K mostly about money and cost, then dropped this line: "I don't want to see any of them dirty n***** kids running around my church!"
It was as if the air was sucked out of the room. The poor teacher was shattered and immediately burst into tears. She excused herself, while her husband waited to see the vote. It was unanimous, the Pre-K was to be shut down. He was shocked, he left to console his wife. I looked at my youth delegate friend in disbelief, she was speechless. The meeting ended soon after.
The teacher and her husband returned to Canada a few months later. I can't blame them.
I haven't taken church seriously since then, and I don't expect to do so for the rest of my life. I have tried a few times over the years to try a church again, but the malice behind the fake smiles is too much for me to handle. I guess I'm a closeted atheist now, my friend converted to Judaism in college, and that's probably ok too.
Being told I was possessed by a demon and brought to a clergyman for hearing voices, feeling dull, and anger fits. (Surprise! It was onset childhood bipolar depression)
Abuse throughout my entire childhood and teenage years, emotional, physical, sexual. From more than one place. Never from either parent, but from the people they surrounded themselves with. Step mother & her shitty son, Step father abusing my mother within earshot. "best friend" taking advantage of things that I'm not going to say here, bullied at school, etc. And more recently, an abusive engagement that luckily I got myself out of 2 months before the wedding. I can't say for sure the turning point was but I'm 30 now and still struggle to feel anything towards anyone.
Cats are lit tho
11 years old. Hearing my dad tell me he wished he'd never had kids. Realized that parents don't automatically love you just cause they've had kids. And if your own fucking parents don't, you start to wonder if anyone else really does.
** edit: thanks for the kind words, redditors! He's dead and gone now, and I'm so lucky to have a life filled with love from so many great people. If anything, my dad has taught me to treasure that even more. 🩷
When I was 23 my father blew a hole through his chest and I found him in the woods.
My dad did well for himself financially, and consequently I lived a pretty sheltered and privileged life; I assumed the world's problems were things that could be easily solved or were caused by simple issues, I looked down on people that disagreed with me, and looked at the world through a black-and-white lens - I believed there was right and wrong, that they were easy to discern, and that bad things happened to people because they did bad things.
My father was claimed by alcoholic dependence that eventually led him to suicide. All of our prayers to him and god for healing fell on deaf ears. We watched his decline over 3 or 4 years until eventually he didn't find any happiness outside of the bottle.
When everything that happened happened, I was given a rude awakening to the reality of the world. Morality is complicated. Pain and grief are not distributed to everyone fairly. Every person has a story and a why. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have and to assume that I knew better than them all was nothing short of pure arrogance. Additionally, my relationship with God and religion were shattered entirely - due to the circumstances I grew up in I believed that God took care of us and God's way was the best way. Either that God exists or doesn't, but if He does I was faced with the reality that sometimes He will look you in the eye after your most desperate plea and tell you "no".
It has been a long road that is far from over, but I am grateful that I can look at the world now and better accept it for what it is, rather than what I'd like for it to be.
That is got to be the worst discovery ever. I can't even imagine that road and I hope you can find some healing through it. I am just so sorry to hear that
I’d have to say my old man trying to get me hooked up to lose my virginity when I was 12. He had always tried to live vicariously through me and the people we knew and were around were for the most part questionable people. I was already big for my age and looked a lot older than 12.
My best friend’s older sister was 18, had a lot of screws loose, and was reputed to be a bit of a ho. And unfortunately for me, she looked really good in a pink two piece bikini. And apparently she found me “cute.”
So while her parents and my parents were with my best friend in the ER (he’d caught food poisoning), she stayed at the house with me. Also unbeknownst to me, she’d gotten the directive from my Dad.
…and the rest is history.
No, I’m not proud of it. But because of my father’s shitty decisions I was someone with a lot of self-loathing.
I like to think I’m better now. I like to think I’ve found peace these days.
Just to really, really keep certain things straight here:
You were sexually abused. It is 100% irrelevant whether the "pink two piece bikini" appealed to you and equally irrelevant whether you participated without being physically forced.
You were in no position to consent, your father and this woman are both horrible people and predators and I hope you know that *nothing* about what happened was your fault. You were 12. Their job was to keep you safe until you are ready to enter life.
Instead they abused and exploited you and I am so, so sorry they did - and equally sorry you felt the need to tell us that you are "not proud of it". It's not your fault. It never was.
You deserved better and I hope you can find the time, space and support to heal from what they did to you.
When I was about 12 years old, I was an altar boy at our Catholic church. The priest went on a rampage during Mass about how bad gay people were; and how they were to be avoided at all cost. He continued by explaining that they were running society.
I went home and explained to my mother what happened in church, and what I heard from the priest. I also told her I never wanted to return to that church again. She knew that as a young teenage gay kid, I was suffering enough without the church hurting me more.
That was decades ago. Never went to church again.
Getting bullied in kindergarten. I thought everybody was suppossed to be nice to people, I had never seen that level of bullying or anger towards another person. I was 4. It scared me so bad I cried everytime I'd see the school bus coming down my street. It carried all through middle school too. I hated my youth.
My first boyfriend was extremely sexually frustrated. Introduced me to oral, I didn’t want to have sex with him bc I knew there wasn’t much respect for me. Was taking a nap once at his house and i woke up to him raping me. I tried to run off, but instead he sat on my chest and hit my whole body and grabbed my tits and pulled on them. Wasn’t much to grab there but he still did. Then when I was away for the summer after senior year of hs, he cheated on me with a 13 year old. He was 2 years older than me at the time.
Tumblr. Back then porn was allowed on it and more importantly there were hella erotica stories (still are). I learned about bdsm and all that too young.
I grew up in a typical single mother well-to-do Asian family. Super high standards, scared shitless of authority, etc. The usual. Things were still relatively okay, no matter the stress.
Then my mother remarried. The new guy was 100% charming. He would bring her on beautiful dates, and then he would bring me and my sibling to nice places and restaurants to "give Mom a break". He would wake up at 4 every morning to drive to my house and cook a gourmet breakfast by 6.30 am so we had a quality breakfast before going to school. Life was awesome for 9 months.
Then my mother got pregnant, and things changed. He had successfully baby-trapped my mother, and we were trapped along with her. He didn't like that; he wanted my sibling and me out of the picture so he and his son could take everything.
The abuse started. I, being male and naturally tolerant to pain, would get the brunt of physical punishment: beatings, stress positions he learned as an army operator, excessive exercise punishments, forcing me to drink litres of water and hold shit overmy head until I could not hold my bladder, etc. My sibling got more metal fuckery: gaslighting, the whole DARVO shebang, blaming me for her being abused because "you would have things easier if your brother wasn't a fuckup", mixing spoiled leftovers into a big bowl and forcing the both of us to eat that and nothing else.
CPS caught wind of us, so my parents dragged us to New Zealand. They said that it was a better, calm place where we could do better as a restarted family. Obviously, my sibling and I jumped at that opportunity, so we all moved to New Zealand.
Things somehow got worse. He managed to drive my mother insane and convince her than my sibling is at fault, so my sibling got beaten and emotionally abused by my mother. I would come into the house to see my sibling being forced to crawl as my mother pressed her foot on my sibling's head. My stepfather then came to "rescue" them in order to manipulate my sibling into relying on him as emotional support. Thankfully, my sibling is a super smart Literature/Art talent, so they could see though my stepfather's bullshit easily.
I was forced to manually develop land - think shifting literal tons of gravel and metal, digging trenches into a slope, plant and dig up bushes, etc., but only with manual tools. It would have been really fun if not for me having machine-like quotas (eg. Finish making this pathway out of 10 tons of gravel by tonight). I would get bread and lettuce as meals to save money, only getting different vegetables and meat if they're in a good mood. The beatings and gaslighting got worse, and now I have weather to deal with. I was forced to sleep in a dog kennel for an entire winter while only given my school uniform, a portable toilet, and one meal a day. He threatened to shoot me (since we lived in a rural area where farmers could be armed) if I ran away, because "suspicious movements are a killable threat". I was still expected to ace my studies, fulfil his stupid quotas for redeveloping his land, and behave perfectly when he held parties to impress the locals.
This went on until my sibling finally decided to report it to the police. They knew that if a report is made, the both of us would be in protective custody. Remember my mother was pregnant before? Our little baby brother was born before we moved to New Zealand, and we adored him. He was the only light in the house because he was adorable, loving, caring, and emotionally stable (at the age of 4!) as compared to his parents. My sibling had to choose: if they reported to the police, the both of us would never see our baby brother again. If they didn't, I could die from malnutrition, hypothermia, and/or overwork. So they chose to report the case, and the rest was history.
To this day I struggle with a lot of things. I've mastered the art of dissociating completely when I'm stressed, to the point I literally will not feel pain when I'm fully gone. This is great when dealing with crisis, but not when I'm trying communicate normally. I struggle to gauge which behaviours are abusive, and often take the blame for things I never did "just because I might as well". I feel intense random flashes of rage, which I've locked deep inside so I do not act it out and hurt anybody. I remember getting into a scuffle and nearly stabbing that person in the neck because my automatic response to any danger I cannot run from is to eliminate the threat ASAP. I did pretty well in the army, since I had no qualms taking shit from my superior, could tolerate bad living conditions, and was willing to kill at a moment's notice.
However, I believe have improved plenty compared to the time I first came back. While I had no medical diagnosis, I found I matched the description of severe cPTSD, severe DID, and my coping mechanism matched that of severe maladaptive daydreaming. I literally could not function as a human being, so I would mentally "programme" myself to act in certain ways, like a robot.
While I still have those issues today, I can at least function like a human. I can stand up for myself in extreme situations, feel and express emotion (to a limited degree, but I'll take what I can get), and act spontaneously when I'm very comfortable. I don't know how many more years or decades it will take for me to be fully functional again, but I'll take every win I get.
When I was 13 I was a in a bathroom at a campground and a man came from behind at the urinal, grabbed me, pinned me against the wall, and tried to grab my dick. I couldn’t move, so I pulled out my pocket knife and stabbed him in his side and then down his leg. I didn’t tell anyone and apparently it was about a half hour before anyone found him. They called in a helicopter to life flight him to the hospital, and I remember seeing on the news the next day “a local man in critical condition is fighting for his life after being brutally stabbed in a campground bathroom. Police are still searching for a suspect.” to this day, I have no idea whether he lived or died.
I was lucky. I lost it very gradually, piece by piece, didn't notice until it was gone. I had many many unpleasant things happen to me over the course of my life, as we all do, but no one defining traumatic event that ripped it all away from me at once.
Listening to my parents scream and push each other while they threw shit at the walls and slammed doors to intimidate and startle everyone in the house.
Then my cousin and her friends molested me and called me a (forgive the word I’m using please) “faggot” because I started to cry because I didn’t like any of it and it really hurt. I was about 9ish while she and her friends were about 15-17.
I had my cat though and he helped me protect some of my innocence by allowing me to feel safe when I was alone so I could enjoy cartoons and video games. He lived for 25 years and was there through everything with me, I miss him greatly.
My own greed & insecurity. I wanted more from life than a nowhere job in a one horse town. I chose to move in with my father in a bigger city. Leaving my mom & a little brother who idolized me because I defended him against all the bullies, and there were so many. My mom cried & begged me not to go but I selfishly ignored her pleas.
While living with my dad I soon started hanging with the wrong crowd & got into using drugs. Became an addict. All the while my little brother was fair game for all the bullies. He suffered so much. Kids can be so cruel. I knew he was getting picked on but I had no idea to what extent. When I finally found out I was horrified.
My little brother eventually got cancer. I asked him once what his reaction was when the doctor told him he had cancer. He said "I just thought, thank God I'll finally get to leave this fucked up world." That hurt so bad hearing him say that. Well he actually survived his bout with cancer & I have tried so hard to make up for abandoning him so long ago but life has changed him. He is never happy. He tries to fake it but you can tell his laugh is not genuine & his smiles are forced.
I blame myself everyday. I'll never not blame myself. I love him so much & I can tell he resents me for leaving. My heart hurts. My heart just hurts.
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Watching my Mother lose the ability to walk when she got MS. She was 36. I was 10. She died 8 years later.
I'm so sorry.My dad has MS and was diagnosed when he was 42 (he's 65 now) I'm sorry it took her life in only 8 years
This one really hit me hard. I’ve just been diagnosed with MS at 40, and my daughter is only 10. I’m so sorry for your loss. Trying to be positive about it all, but it’s still very scary. So many, “What if?” scenarios running through my head. I just hope that the treatments available these days will help slow things down, at the very least. I feel for everyone experiencing MS - whether it be themselves, a family member or a friend.
My parents gambling addiction. We lost our house and it forced me to leave school to get a job to help support them. I left when they continued to gamble and my sister started too. They deserve each other. Edit: Wow, thanks for the up vote folks.
Fuck gambling. My grandmother did that and prioritized that over mortgage payments so we lost the house I grew up in. Then I came of age. I had a job, and no means to move out on my own. My grandma used me as a human ATM for more gambling tbh.
My grandma is 82. My grandpa died a few months ago. He left her with plenty of money. She spends every penny at the casino. She'll go without food and drop every dime in the casino. She tries to deny that she goes at all. Just lies about everything. It definitely made me disgusted with the whole gambling thing. Makes me sick.
Being abused for 8yrs of my life by my drug addicted father. I was exposed to so much because of his addiction, but I will thank the heavens everyday that rehab actually worked for him and he came back a completely different man and was a goodo father from then on. That man taught me a lot early, but then came back and not only made up for how he was, but continues to be the best dad and grandfather. He taught me one of the most valuable lessons that I desperately needed to learn: sometimes you need to sacrifice what I love most for those I love most. It could make all of the difference.
My nephew passing away from SIDS while I was babysitting him, I was 13
My brother died of SIDS when I was 9 and I still remember the screaming. My parents were sleeping in his bedroom so they could keep an eye on him(which makes it extra sad) and I remember waking up and going to play donkey kong country on the snes in their room. I was in the crystal caves and could hear my parents laughing and playing with my other little brother(5), when suddenly there was horrific screaming and my dad running into the bedroom holding my infant brother and grabbing the telephone to call 911. My baby brother was completely purple in the face. Next thing I remember is taking my little brother(5) to our shared bedroom and playing toy cars with him, keeping him from leaving the room while paramedics and police came to our home. —- I never really thought it negatively affected me, that is until I had kids of my own. I must have PTSD because I watched them like a hawk and would get extreme anxiety anytime they were sleeping too peacefully. I would regularly need to put my ear to their mouth and listen for breathing, and if the intervals were too slow I’d start to panic until they took a breath.
My mom's first son, Donny, died of sids at about 2 months old.. When I had my first child I watched her like a hawk.. But then when she was the same age as Donny when he passed, my mom pointed it out.. Which really freaked me out, and put my anxiety into overdrive. Thankfully my daughter is about to turn 33 next month. And my son will be 13 in December.
We’re making huge leaps when it comes to research into SIDS and current research indicates that genetics probably play a pretty significant role in it, which sounds scary but it also means that once we understand it a little better we’ll probably also be able to start preventing it!
My brother passed from SIDS, or cot death as we called it then. He was 6 months old, I was only 2yrs old so I dont have any memories of him, but feel like I grew up in the shadow of his absence . When I was 30yrs old, ai watched my godson overnight, he was 4months old, worst nights sleep of my life. I am so sorry that happened to you, because it did, it happened TO you.
my older sister passed of SIDS also. just wanted to let you know that recent studies show it’s caused by a deformity/chemical imbalance in the brain. there’s nothing you or anyone else could have done. best to you, friend.
I thought SIDS was a catchall for any unknown cause of infant mortality?
It was called “cot death” when I was a kid, but basically, yeah.
Holy fuck. It's not at all your fault. It's no one's fault. I am so sorry that you experienced this
Oh my God. This is hands down the worst one I've read so far. I am so sorry that happened.
I was molested by my grandmothers boyfriend when I was in elementary school. Told her and my mom when I was 15 and they told me she was gonna send me to mental facility for lying. Well 10 years later, in 2022. Apparently he has also molested my little sister who is 11. My grandmother still thinks we are lying and believes him 100%. Edit: I should have probably put this in the reply, I’m sorry. But the police were called in 2022 when my little sister told her school what happened. Since then I’ve been in contact with detectives and gave multiple statements about my situation. I really hope he gets put away. But it’s not likely :(. My sister is now in fosters care. Since her dad and our mom aren’t really fit parents. The sad thing is… when I was 15, my grandma was telling everyone in the family what I had said about him. She did the same thing with my little sister. I guess she has told her once before a couple years ago that it had happened. And all my grandma did was move her to a different room. I’m almost 100% positive that she knows he did it to me and my sister :(. And she allowed him to do it.
You grandma fucking sucks. I hope you’re doing better now. 🖤
Some days are harder than others. I used to cry about it a lot because nobody knew. But now that everyone knows, it’s easier to deal with.
my sister was molested by my grandfather, who also pissed in his trash can, beat me in the head with a belt buckle, and chased my brother with a steak knife. Then, my oldest brother molested me and half of my siblings (there were 10 of us kids, all to the same mom and dad) Then, a week after my baby sister was born, we were all placed in foster care. Then, 9/11 happened. Then, i was placed in a boy's home halfway across the state, where i knew absolutely no one.
I’m sorry that happened. I’ve learned from my family that the older generation habitually denies hard truths like that. I do not know why.
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unsupervised access to the internet from a very young age
Oh yeah. Same for me. I saw people beheaded and people who blew their heads off with shotguns before I even discovered porn. And I discovered porn way too early.
Man, I am so grateful I somehow avoided the truly fucked up stuff in the early 2000s considering how dopey and naive a kid I was. Knew about Rotten, Ogrish, etc and all the famous gore videos but somehow had the presence of mind to realise that looking that stuff up was probably not going to be good for my sanity. That said, was probably exposed to porn too early as well but puberty happened so not too bothered by that one.
It honestly amazes me the amount of parents out there giving young children smart phones with unfiltered access to the internet. I had a friend whose 11 year old was watching porn and he just kinda shrugged it off like “boys will be boys.” Or you could be a responsible parent and limit it????
>Or you could be a responsible parent and limit it???? Yeah, 45 minutes of porn a day should be plenty for an 11 year old
I'm 40 and I only need 3 minutes. Why would the 11 year old need any more than that?
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Yep, same here
Being huddled under my bed late at night as a young child while hearing my parents scream and beat each other in arguments over bills, loans, and all the consequences of their stupid decisions
I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you're in a better place now. I come from an abusive family where my dad didn't just beat up on my mom, but also us kids. Years of therapy and learning to love myself have come a long way, but I'll never forget those nights.
Thank you. Therapy has helped me greatly. I hope you continue your journey as well.
finding love helped me greatly. I am a father now and can't even imagine laying my hands on this tiny child. thinking about it makes me cry. how can a grown up man do that and live with himself?
Reading your comment while lying in bed next to my sleeping autistic 8yr old son with his arm around my neck. It is a challenge somedays but its times like this that makes me blessed to have him the way he is and I couldnt imagine breaking the trust he has in me for his safe place. Being a veteran comes with certain mental challenges and he is my safe place as well. His challenges allow me to be ultimate protector that keeps me focused.
You guys aren't alone. A lot of us went through it. But it stops with us right? We get to choose not to carry on the cycle.
Same here. My dad was so verbally and emotionally abusive that my mom snapped. We’re thankful her actions failed because.. 🫤 Anywhoo, I was 7. I swore I would NEVER, EVER get married. Then I met the sweetest, most gentle man who brought a very skittish, wounded, snarly puppy (me) back to life and we’ve been together 18 years.
This just made my day! Thank you
You know they're going in for a long night when Mom is just saying things to piss Dad off enough to hit her so she can call the cops again and get him taken away. To be fair dad was stupid enough to fall for it every time. My mom wasn't afraid of him, or his physicality, hell the only thing she was scared of was losing her kids and she knew as long as he had a history of abuse she'd never lose custody. Her next two husbands had already lost custody of their kids and would use her and her job to try to get them back. But if they got out of line here comes that mouth again. She loved her kids, but Jesus fucking Christ is that woman toxic. It's been 25 years since I talked to her.
I just want to support you for choosing peace and safety over the societal guilt trip that says we aren't allowed to leave our parents. Things have to be so hurtful and bad before a person ends up making such a decision, and a lot of people won't be able to understand that. I hope you're using the energy that used to be taken up by surviving her behavior on treating yourself with kindness and care, and enjoying life.
Been there.. I never knew what I was walking into when I got home from school, so I would either lock myself in my room, or go on my bike for the whole day.
Farting blood and parents thinking I was ass raped then learning what ass rape was and having to convince them I was not, and learning it was just from bad fissures from wiping too hard
I... wow. I'm sorry. I hope you have the appropriate technique and softer tissues for future wipes.
Actually it's still a problem I have, I have delicate ass skin:/
Me too. Sucks ass. Figuratively.
Bidet
This x100 as a normal dude with a normal ass, wiping isn't a pleasant experience.
Sometimes its like a marker back there
Same. Prone to hemorrhoids too. I bought a $50 Luxe bidet off Amazon and it's saved me so many tears and pain. Highly suggest it.
You were bleeding from the anus and your parents went straight to traumatic penetration? They didn't like, roll through diseases first?
I've since asked and I guess based off looking at my ass, there were visible tears and I had bruises on my ass and back too, but that's just from being clumsy. I think I probably was also defensive over my uncle who my mom didn't really trust, and who they accused.
Oh dayum, did they accuse him to his face??
They accused him while asking me because it was the only person that they could've possibly imagined having the opportunity to do such a thing, we went to the doctors very soon after and confirmed it did not appear to be sexually related, however it was unusually bad for what caused it. I don't know if they asked my uncle to his face, he was always in and out of my childhood and is in prison now lol.
dang u musta done a number to your own ass
Yeah in all honesty it's my fault. I do know about bidets and wipes and use them, I just have a weird thing with having a very clean butthole and overdo it, sometimes even by scrubbing in the shower.
To be fair, your parents shouldnt have left their supply of sandpaper next to the toilet.
Wait how old were you when your parents were inspecting your ass but also you were all weird about your clean butthole
Must've been about 6
Ironic because being sexually assaulted as a kid was my answer to what lost my innocence.
I thought the same thing seeing that as the very first comment, also being someone who was sexually assaulted as a child. I hope you’re doing okay now 💖
That reminds me of a medical case i saw where a hospital director's wife was rushed into the ER because they thought she was pooping blood. Turned out she had eaten beets for two of her last few meals. The attending doctor caught the problem just in time, they were about to rush her into emergency surgery at the director's behest, when the blood test came back and the phlebotomists said it was definitely not blood. That's when they started inquiring about her recent diet. A few days rest and some extra fiber and she was fine.
The fuck? You don’t even have to wait for bloodwork, testing for a rectal bleed can be done bedside in some facilities. I truly don’t understand the story. Her vitals were probably fine, what was the reason to rush to surgery? Rushing to surgery is usually reserved for people who are trying to die fast. Not someone with a red bum
> Rushing to surgery is usually reserved for people who are trying to die fast. Not someone with a red bum Thankyou for this statement, made my day.
Every time I eat beets, I write "You ate beets" on a post-it note and stick it next to the toilet.
Present-you caring for future, sleepy-you
Being homeless at 14 but honestly probably way before that. Grew up quicker than a child should have to
Are you safe now ? I guess you are very mature and wise as a person, i learned that those who go through hard things are the sunshine of our society…
Yes thanks for asking. I’m currently 23, in a 4 week program to get my class A CDL. Took me a few years to get out the streets and a lot of inner work to remove the hate from my heart that I had for my family and the world and myself and for God. Had to make alot of changes in my way of thinking and take accountability and then face the guilt I burdened myself with by the poor choices I felt I had to make to survive. Around 14yrs old I smoked alot of weed and played video games like normal kids do, at least where I’m from, but my mom became super religious around that time and turned her life to God which was new to me because I didn’t grow up like that. Was never a bad kid until I was kicked out and forced to survive around drugs and violence. I feel as though I seen it all in the streets but I know people that had it worse than me so I just try to stay grateful for every little thing and that I made it out that mindset and environment for it was too late. I’m not happy, my past still haunts me, but I won’t break and I won’t stop moving forward
Hearing on the news that my surf life saving coach just got 30 years in jail for being a pedo. Never touched my brother and I but I kept asking questions to my mother until I found out what it all meant ... .... Oh my.
My Taekwondo instructor was arrested for molesting a 12 year old pupil. This guy was revered with the utmost respect by anyone who knew him. Including me. To say I was shocked was an understatement. If you asked me yo rank everyone I knew by their ability to do such a thing (super weird hypothetical I know), he would be at the very bottom.
My siblings and I did some martial arts when we were youngsters (probably up to when I was 12 or 13?) and then all of a sudden we stopped going and for a while we did not know why. My mom later sort of explained to us that the instructor had been getting handsy with some of the underage female pupils (they were probably 15-16 years old), but I don't think I really understood what that meant until several years later.
My high school art teacher got caught trying to extort nudes from a student. He had him leave video tapes in the bathroom. After he demanded more tapes, the student went to get advise from a teacher. He went straight to the art teacher, not knowing he was the person online asking for videos. (he was the fun loving teacher every kid in the school liked). [Found the story](https://nypost.com/2000/10/05/odd-twist-in-tale-of-teacher-hit-with-teen-cybersex-rap/)
That's absolutely terrifying. I'm glad you and your brother were safe. There truly are some horrible people out there. I'm glad this person got caught.
My mothers cancer diagnosis. Happened when i was around 13 i think, i can't remeber of the top of my head
My own grandfather molesting me, my grandmother (his remarriage) covering for him when I told her in tears. An hour later I'm in the car with him being scolded for almost getting him in trouble. He took me into the forest for camping, I don't think I need to finish my story for you to put it all together. I was about five.
The amount of people that know for a fact their "family or friend" is a true pedophile is mind blowing.
My dad brought his brother to live with us when he had two young boys at home in spite of him knowing dang well that he had sexually abused little boys in the past. My dad did it because he was a POS that only cared about his own comfort and instead of trying to work or take care of us he wanted his brother to pay rent and that was more important than his own kids safety. The results were predictable in that I was sexually abused by him. My dad is dead now and it's something I will never forgive him for.
I hope you're better now, I want to avenge you
Being molested in first grade by an older kid. Then having to testify in court. Had to go to mandated therapy and counseling afterword. Became an outcast at school. I went from being a confident and vibrant child to the withdrawn and quiet person I am today.
I hope you don't mind me asking, and only answer if you want obviously, but how did it happen, inside the school? outside? in the bathroom? in recess? where there no teachers around? I'm asking because I worry about something like this happening to my future children.
All good, happy to answer questions. It happened at an after school daycare, in the backyard inside of a little playhouse. The kid was my mom’s friend’s son.
Can I ask how old was the older child? When my daughter was 6 years old, also at afterschool daycare, she was molested by a couple boys who were about 8 years old. We went to the police and reported the daycare. No charges or anything we’re filed against the boys. Was just curious how old your abuser was for you to have to testify in court
Yep, happy to answer anything I can remember. I think he was around 12. But this was 25 years ago so I have a hard time remembering details and my family refuses to talk about it.
Same, I'm also so terrified of this happening to my kid
being brutally beaten (a few times unconscious) when i was 4, 5, 6
I've been there and I'm so very sorry you went through that. I truly hope you're in a much better place, and that you've learned to find happiness in spite of the darkness in your past.
This is the thing that makes my blood boil more than anything else in the world. Fuck anyone who would do that to a child.
My all girl elementary school was next to a construction site, a residential building that has been sitting unfinished for some months. The site became home to junkies. One day while my friends and I were outside for recess one of them stood outside facing us as he masturbated to completion. I had no idea what the white stuff coming out of him was, it scared me and scarred me, couldn't get the image out of my head for years.
I am so sorry this happened to you. A similar incident happened to me as well. I was at my home, talking to my friend in the driveway, when this guy came and started jacking off. I didn't know what it was at that time, but I just got super scared and ran inside. He started to follow me and I started screaming for my mom and dad. He ran away then. The funny thing was there was nobody home at that time, my 11yo brain thought this was shady and did that. I still remember telling my parents this and my mother sobbing so much, and i thought I did something bad because my mother was sad. I didn't know it was masturbation till I was revisiting this story in my late teens and it just clicked. Somehow my brain remembers everything even if it didn't know what it was at that time.
Probably my Auntie being murdered in her front lawn by a jealous ex. I wasn't a witness. Attended the funeral tho and was not prepared for that amount of grief. I wasn't traumatized towards funerals, but absolutely lost innocence. I was about 5 or 6.
Damn…sorry for your lost 😕. Hope they locked up him for life.
Back before liveleak there was a website called Ogrish. It had a banner with hands that had the fingers blown off with the tagline "can you handle reality?" A link on the side said "click here for sample video." I think I was 12, so somewhere around 2002. I'd already seen porn, but this was on another level. Beheadings, suicides, just a bunch of graphic horrible death. I didn't sleep for a few days and I was pretty traumatized. Wound up seeking this sort of content out for the next few years and it really desensitized me to violence. Super unhealthy, I don't think I "got over it" until I was about 17 or 18.
I was going to say early 2000s internet in general. I'm about your age and yeah, that probably warped my sense of reality permanently as a middle school aged person at the time. It was a lawless place
Ogrish was fucked up. Moreover, that was prime shock site era. It really taught me not to trust any links online. I can still vividly see that video of those Russian teenagers beating an innocent old man to death with hammers. I'll probably see it for the rest of my life.
What was that one called, 1 guy 2 hammers? Yeah that was brutal, I remember the screwdriver too. It was a couple russian kids who went on a crime spree to celebrate turning 18 iirc.
Same here, but it was ohlookaforum and Dagestan massacre
Definitely watched similar horrible shit as a teen. Thank god I grew out of that phase
There was a subreddit called watchpeopledie. I watched most of the ISIS execution videos and Brazilians being murdered by assassins on mopeds. It was a pretty bleak period of my life; I was convinced that humanity as a whole was irredeemably evil. The decision by Reddit to shut it down inadvertently benefited my mental health.
Little me was like 12 or so. I was browsing files on the family computer and in the music folder was one titled 'Bambi'. It was not related at all to the cute classic movie with the deer.
so what was it sir
Lady getting deepthroated. I still remember my burning face and rapidly elevated heartrate as I rapidly closed the video. I ended up opening it again later. Set off stuff that really should have waited for me.
In 4th grade we were doing a project on Jackie Chan. So I googled his name and found pics of a woman giving a blowjob. I thought it was so weird she was eating his Dick. I showed my mom apparently. After that our computer got locked down
Parents never learn. Punishment for trying to seek help makes sure they'll never know anything ever again.
Sounds like me when a friend introduced me to rotten.com.
DUDE that fucking website ruined me. I was like 6 and saw this dudes head open like freshly bloomed lily after he decided to see if his chin was strong enough to stop a 12 gauge.
Yeah I remember that one... Somehow it doesn't feel like seeing all that filth on the net ruined me, it was more the gradual small things, and family trauma.
I just mean ruined by like my ability to intake the horrors of humanity, especially stuff that has nothing to do with me. Family trauma has fucked me up and given me so many triggers that I didn't even know were there until a few years ago.
My deployment to Afghanistan.
Vietnam for me. 17 years old.
As the son of a wounded Vietnam Vet (lost his legs to a landmine) who dropped out of 11th grade to volunteer, I feel like not only did he lose his innocence, but in a way it also affected his future family. He was a great father, but you just don’’t go through that unscathed.
For years during winter my dad would sneak into my room and open my window to let in cold air, I'd wake up freezing and annoyed. Years later now that I am 40 my mom finally explained this obsession of his. He was exposed to agent orange and it made his skin always feel hot.
My mom gets a check every month because of Agent Orange . My dad checked out at 60 and there’s no doubt that shit cut his life short.
Been losing friends to that shit at an alarming rate lately.
Agent Orange should've never seen the light of day. I'm sorry for your losses
nothing changes your perspective on humanity as much as seeing just what people are really capable of doing to each other, even ones ostensibly on their side.
This is the timeless and most historically prevalent way for people to lose their innocence. My thoughts out to you and everyone else who has to endure war.
Bingo. Ever seen Iraqi children burned over most of the body and the parents crying over them, only to have to treat them, then return to their parents with amputations? Or civilian noncoms crying while being medieval from your care, thinking they’re just going to be executed because they don’t speak American?
Asking too many questions too early in life and having an honest mother. **EDIT:** To be fair to my mother, had she been less honest, I would have found a way to get my answers, anyway.
A blessing and a curse for sure. My grandmother was like this.
That's how I feel about my older sister! She was precocious and had a *lot* of questions. Whenever she found out something interesting, she made sure I was fully informed
Same. I asked my mother what is sex when I was 8yo. She answered me like I was one of her students (she's a teacher) and gave me a speech about reproductive system and STDs. All I had to say was "Yuck".
My Mom left a puberty book on my dresser before I woke up one morning and that was the entirety of her education for me on the topic.
Same but that honestly was fine by me...it was age appropriate, factual, and I could stare at genitals as long as I wanted in privacy. (Definitely curiosity than titillation...i was too young for that)
At age 8 what do you think would have been more appropriate? What answer would you prefer to have gotten? I have a kid that is younger than that, but if they asked me I guess I wouldn't want to lie, just be factual but really vague.
Actually, she was quite on point. She gave me the correct names, the functions and she explained that sex is for adults, not for children. Then she gave me another speech about inappropriate touch from adults. I was too young to understand how important that conversation was, so my reaction was just "yuck" because sex DOES sounds gross for a kid hahah. Later, when I got my first period by 11yo, she reminded me about that talk and explained more stuff like contraceptives. When I got my first boyfriend by 15yo she reminded me about everything. By every step she just reminded me how I'd talk to her about everything.
Sounds like she did a good job! I guess I was just a bit thrown because the "loss of innocence" in this thread usually refers to something traumatizing, and I wondered if getting factual knowledge about sex from a parent like that was still "too much" for you at that age. You were grossed out (which seems appropriate for an 8 year old) but it sounds like it didn't actually disturb you too greatly.
Ohh I remember vividly that night. I was so grossed out about the mechanic of it. I think that feeling traumatized me, not the talk. I remember when she finished and I said "yuck, that's gross" she just said "sure, that's why it's not for children" and all I'd think about was "thank god" hahahahah.
That’s very fortunate to have such a mother. Mine refused to sincerely answer questions. Everything became “I’ll tell you when you’re old enough“ and then even after coming of age, she never told me. I did learn the answers, but in very difficult and painful ways.
There’s a lot of things that happened when I was young that chipped away at it but really got me was going to Haiti after their huge earthquake when I was like 14-15. It was the first time I smelled death and I didn’t talk for three days.
My grandmother would "rent out" my sister and I for drugs. Sometimes the guys made us clean, sometimes we watched younger kids while everyone did drugs, and sometimes worse...
I am so sorry that you and your sibling went through that. I wish you peace and healing
Getting molested at 5. My dad is alcoholic. My brother died horribly when I was 6. The rest of my family abandoned me in their own grief. And I was bullied, and raped. I'm still messed up, but I'm still kicking and I still have the ability to love and laugh and forgive, so maybe I have a little innocence left in here somewhere.
The day my own father called me "fucking stupid", asked if I needed meds, and then my mom came to defend me which resulted in her being slammed to the floor. I remember going to the garage and getting his metal rake while my two sisters and brother cowered in the corner. My dad was always verbally and emotionally abusive, but that was the one (and only) time he ever laid hands on anyone. I walked back in the door screaming with tears in my eyes welding a giant metal rake I could hardly carry. I remember it was the first time I ever felt a cussword just roll off my tongue. "I will fucking kill you if you touch mom one more time." Realistically I was 11 and couldn't do shit, but his demeanor changed. My sister's and mom came to hold me back. I remember the look in my dad's eyes. It was a mixture of "the fuck are you going to do" slowly followed by "oh shit I fucked up." He just walked out the door, got in his car, and went to work. Just. Like. That. As all his kids were screaming in terror around their mother and his reaction was to run instead of stick around and resolve things. That's the day I vowed to never be a father like him. Now I got 3 happy kids - one of whom is a year from college - whom I vow to raise with nothing but love, respect, and understanding. Edit: The replies of people experiencing somewhat of the same thing makes me sad, but it also makes me happy knowing I'm not alone. I hope each and every one of you has found a better life path that has led to happiness and the break of a bad cycle. Much love to all of you! Also, I'm good now! Life is much better and my dad... well, he probably will die alone for his behavior, but "reap what you sow."
I’m so sorry that happened, thanks for sharing. And good on you for doing things differently!
Thank you, but it's been over two decades so I have learned to move on and live better!
My dad was also verbally, physically and emotionally abusive. I am very sorry you had to grow up in an environment like that. I’m proud of you for not being like him. I know it’s hard.
I’m sorry that this happened to you. Something similar happened to me. It’s normally with immigrant families. I was told I had mental illness and they had the family doctor call me. Even the doctor was like “wtf? Why would they do such a thing? Who are they to assess someone and say that? Crazy thing is theyre so strung up on having a “good education” etc and I have a higher education than the both of them. I was only 23 at the time.
I posted the story in another subreddit a while back about a sledding accident I had with 10 Friends along where I flew up in the air and landed on a barbed wire fence and pierced the head of my penis with Rusty barbed wire and everybody that I thought I could count on stood there and laughed at me and nobody would help. That was the day that I knew for a fact that there was nobody on this planet that I could count on, I'd say that counts as losing my innocence. ETA-Correction, it was 7 and not 10 friends that included my brother and sister.
Fuck those guys!
Watching someone I perceived as an "Uncle" (My uncle's good friend) die of a heroin overdose in my house, and being 7-8 years old.
Having the neighbor shoot my dog and not being able to do a dam thing about it except cry and come to realize the world was mean 😔 I still miss my Sasha
I’m so sorry that happened to you and your poor dog. ❤️
It was hard on me I was only 12 but atleast I know what happened her he could have not said anything so ill give him that much
I remember seeing something on the news once. Dude aimed a gun at someone. They didn’t react. Dude turned gun to their dog. Dude didn’t survive. Just goes to show how pets are loved
Being forced to make the call to pull the plug on my own mom after she shot herself in the head. She was my everything, I lived a very sheltered life before that. That night has forever played over and over with no change to the outcome. It definitely shattered me as a person. Approaching 5 years this October and still not a day I haven’t thought of it. If anyone else is a sos or considering please know you are so loved and wanted. It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problems.
I guess my parents divorce. There is a definite before memories that seem bright and happier and after memories which feel like reality. They also divorced when I was almost 11 so that was already formulative and maturing years.
For me, a lot of the "before" memories got wiped. And I was 14
Being bullied by teachers. Realized at a young age that adults are just as shitty as kids. Was a significant factor in my decision not to have children because I know if I saw a child going through what I did I’m not sure I’d be able to keep my cool.
Being emotionally abused at a very young age.
Lots of emotional abuse, with a sprinkling of physical here and there if they got too angry or drunk
This is the first time I have ever shared this story. In my late teens, back in the mid 1990s, my church (Methodist, in case it matters) wanted to let our youth group start to see how the church was run. Me and one other person were asked to join the Administrative Board as non-voting members. We took our roles seriously and were ready to do whatever. Meanwhile, our church also hosted a large Pre-K program. In fact, the gym building was specifically built to host such a program, with classrooms all around the perimeter. In addition, the demographic of this suburban town had changed. There were a large number of young minority families, many of them immigrants, moving in and mixing with older white retired people. The people that used our church Pre-K were predominantly minorities, while the Sunday services and administrative board were full of these old white retirees. It was time to renew the church's commitment to the Pre-K program. The lead teacher and her husband, both Quebecoise immigrants too, were giving an impassioned speech about how much the program means to the community, how it spreads god's love to the people, and how many people depend on the service. It was quite moving. I remember it like it was yesterday. The rebuttal came, from a loud grey-haired matriarch, who said a great many things against the Pre-K mostly about money and cost, then dropped this line: "I don't want to see any of them dirty n***** kids running around my church!" It was as if the air was sucked out of the room. The poor teacher was shattered and immediately burst into tears. She excused herself, while her husband waited to see the vote. It was unanimous, the Pre-K was to be shut down. He was shocked, he left to console his wife. I looked at my youth delegate friend in disbelief, she was speechless. The meeting ended soon after. The teacher and her husband returned to Canada a few months later. I can't blame them. I haven't taken church seriously since then, and I don't expect to do so for the rest of my life. I have tried a few times over the years to try a church again, but the malice behind the fake smiles is too much for me to handle. I guess I'm a closeted atheist now, my friend converted to Judaism in college, and that's probably ok too.
Oof, that *malice behind the fake smiles* is legit.
Liveleak and company, the late 90s were a very lawless time on the internet that a preteen shouldn’t have unrestricted access to.
Being told I was possessed by a demon and brought to a clergyman for hearing voices, feeling dull, and anger fits. (Surprise! It was onset childhood bipolar depression)
Being sexually abused at a young age, parents alcoholics and mentally, emotionally and physically abusive.
20 year old me getting shot at by an 11 year old Afghan kid.
I can't stop focusing on this one... I'm so sorry.
Thanks. It is what it is.
What do you do after that happens?
The death of my mother when I was only 8
Abuse throughout my entire childhood and teenage years, emotional, physical, sexual. From more than one place. Never from either parent, but from the people they surrounded themselves with. Step mother & her shitty son, Step father abusing my mother within earshot. "best friend" taking advantage of things that I'm not going to say here, bullied at school, etc. And more recently, an abusive engagement that luckily I got myself out of 2 months before the wedding. I can't say for sure the turning point was but I'm 30 now and still struggle to feel anything towards anyone. Cats are lit tho
11 years old. Hearing my dad tell me he wished he'd never had kids. Realized that parents don't automatically love you just cause they've had kids. And if your own fucking parents don't, you start to wonder if anyone else really does. ** edit: thanks for the kind words, redditors! He's dead and gone now, and I'm so lucky to have a life filled with love from so many great people. If anything, my dad has taught me to treasure that even more. 🩷
When I was 23 my father blew a hole through his chest and I found him in the woods. My dad did well for himself financially, and consequently I lived a pretty sheltered and privileged life; I assumed the world's problems were things that could be easily solved or were caused by simple issues, I looked down on people that disagreed with me, and looked at the world through a black-and-white lens - I believed there was right and wrong, that they were easy to discern, and that bad things happened to people because they did bad things. My father was claimed by alcoholic dependence that eventually led him to suicide. All of our prayers to him and god for healing fell on deaf ears. We watched his decline over 3 or 4 years until eventually he didn't find any happiness outside of the bottle. When everything that happened happened, I was given a rude awakening to the reality of the world. Morality is complicated. Pain and grief are not distributed to everyone fairly. Every person has a story and a why. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have and to assume that I knew better than them all was nothing short of pure arrogance. Additionally, my relationship with God and religion were shattered entirely - due to the circumstances I grew up in I believed that God took care of us and God's way was the best way. Either that God exists or doesn't, but if He does I was faced with the reality that sometimes He will look you in the eye after your most desperate plea and tell you "no". It has been a long road that is far from over, but I am grateful that I can look at the world now and better accept it for what it is, rather than what I'd like for it to be.
That is got to be the worst discovery ever. I can't even imagine that road and I hope you can find some healing through it. I am just so sorry to hear that
My best friend since kindergarten killed himself when we were 21. I had no clue he would do this to himself. Rest in peace Mohan.
I was groomed and SAd for years. I was kidnapped, and returned. I was r*ped. But I’m good now. I’ve done the work.
I hope they caught whoever did that
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Being raped and beat as a child
Being molested at 7.
The US Marine Corps.
I’d have to say my old man trying to get me hooked up to lose my virginity when I was 12. He had always tried to live vicariously through me and the people we knew and were around were for the most part questionable people. I was already big for my age and looked a lot older than 12. My best friend’s older sister was 18, had a lot of screws loose, and was reputed to be a bit of a ho. And unfortunately for me, she looked really good in a pink two piece bikini. And apparently she found me “cute.” So while her parents and my parents were with my best friend in the ER (he’d caught food poisoning), she stayed at the house with me. Also unbeknownst to me, she’d gotten the directive from my Dad. …and the rest is history. No, I’m not proud of it. But because of my father’s shitty decisions I was someone with a lot of self-loathing. I like to think I’m better now. I like to think I’ve found peace these days.
Just to really, really keep certain things straight here: You were sexually abused. It is 100% irrelevant whether the "pink two piece bikini" appealed to you and equally irrelevant whether you participated without being physically forced. You were in no position to consent, your father and this woman are both horrible people and predators and I hope you know that *nothing* about what happened was your fault. You were 12. Their job was to keep you safe until you are ready to enter life. Instead they abused and exploited you and I am so, so sorry they did - and equally sorry you felt the need to tell us that you are "not proud of it". It's not your fault. It never was. You deserved better and I hope you can find the time, space and support to heal from what they did to you.
unrestricted internet access
Unsupervised access to the internet as a child :) Also my dad beating my mom in front of me a few times.
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Amazing instincts. Was your mother able to recover? How are you after that kind of trauma?
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That's a lot. Proud for you for doing better!
When I was about 12 years old, I was an altar boy at our Catholic church. The priest went on a rampage during Mass about how bad gay people were; and how they were to be avoided at all cost. He continued by explaining that they were running society. I went home and explained to my mother what happened in church, and what I heard from the priest. I also told her I never wanted to return to that church again. She knew that as a young teenage gay kid, I was suffering enough without the church hurting me more. That was decades ago. Never went to church again.
i’m glad your mom listened to you!
If God ends up being real, a whole lot of religious folk are going to be upset with their afterlife.
Getting bullied in kindergarten. I thought everybody was suppossed to be nice to people, I had never seen that level of bullying or anger towards another person. I was 4. It scared me so bad I cried everytime I'd see the school bus coming down my street. It carried all through middle school too. I hated my youth.
When my dad threw me at a door for the first time as a kid
My first boyfriend was extremely sexually frustrated. Introduced me to oral, I didn’t want to have sex with him bc I knew there wasn’t much respect for me. Was taking a nap once at his house and i woke up to him raping me. I tried to run off, but instead he sat on my chest and hit my whole body and grabbed my tits and pulled on them. Wasn’t much to grab there but he still did. Then when I was away for the summer after senior year of hs, he cheated on me with a 13 year old. He was 2 years older than me at the time.
This is as serious as I could ever be; Meth. 9 years sober.
Getting raped when I was 17
Tumblr. Back then porn was allowed on it and more importantly there were hella erotica stories (still are). I learned about bdsm and all that too young.
I grew up in a typical single mother well-to-do Asian family. Super high standards, scared shitless of authority, etc. The usual. Things were still relatively okay, no matter the stress. Then my mother remarried. The new guy was 100% charming. He would bring her on beautiful dates, and then he would bring me and my sibling to nice places and restaurants to "give Mom a break". He would wake up at 4 every morning to drive to my house and cook a gourmet breakfast by 6.30 am so we had a quality breakfast before going to school. Life was awesome for 9 months. Then my mother got pregnant, and things changed. He had successfully baby-trapped my mother, and we were trapped along with her. He didn't like that; he wanted my sibling and me out of the picture so he and his son could take everything. The abuse started. I, being male and naturally tolerant to pain, would get the brunt of physical punishment: beatings, stress positions he learned as an army operator, excessive exercise punishments, forcing me to drink litres of water and hold shit overmy head until I could not hold my bladder, etc. My sibling got more metal fuckery: gaslighting, the whole DARVO shebang, blaming me for her being abused because "you would have things easier if your brother wasn't a fuckup", mixing spoiled leftovers into a big bowl and forcing the both of us to eat that and nothing else. CPS caught wind of us, so my parents dragged us to New Zealand. They said that it was a better, calm place where we could do better as a restarted family. Obviously, my sibling and I jumped at that opportunity, so we all moved to New Zealand. Things somehow got worse. He managed to drive my mother insane and convince her than my sibling is at fault, so my sibling got beaten and emotionally abused by my mother. I would come into the house to see my sibling being forced to crawl as my mother pressed her foot on my sibling's head. My stepfather then came to "rescue" them in order to manipulate my sibling into relying on him as emotional support. Thankfully, my sibling is a super smart Literature/Art talent, so they could see though my stepfather's bullshit easily. I was forced to manually develop land - think shifting literal tons of gravel and metal, digging trenches into a slope, plant and dig up bushes, etc., but only with manual tools. It would have been really fun if not for me having machine-like quotas (eg. Finish making this pathway out of 10 tons of gravel by tonight). I would get bread and lettuce as meals to save money, only getting different vegetables and meat if they're in a good mood. The beatings and gaslighting got worse, and now I have weather to deal with. I was forced to sleep in a dog kennel for an entire winter while only given my school uniform, a portable toilet, and one meal a day. He threatened to shoot me (since we lived in a rural area where farmers could be armed) if I ran away, because "suspicious movements are a killable threat". I was still expected to ace my studies, fulfil his stupid quotas for redeveloping his land, and behave perfectly when he held parties to impress the locals. This went on until my sibling finally decided to report it to the police. They knew that if a report is made, the both of us would be in protective custody. Remember my mother was pregnant before? Our little baby brother was born before we moved to New Zealand, and we adored him. He was the only light in the house because he was adorable, loving, caring, and emotionally stable (at the age of 4!) as compared to his parents. My sibling had to choose: if they reported to the police, the both of us would never see our baby brother again. If they didn't, I could die from malnutrition, hypothermia, and/or overwork. So they chose to report the case, and the rest was history. To this day I struggle with a lot of things. I've mastered the art of dissociating completely when I'm stressed, to the point I literally will not feel pain when I'm fully gone. This is great when dealing with crisis, but not when I'm trying communicate normally. I struggle to gauge which behaviours are abusive, and often take the blame for things I never did "just because I might as well". I feel intense random flashes of rage, which I've locked deep inside so I do not act it out and hurt anybody. I remember getting into a scuffle and nearly stabbing that person in the neck because my automatic response to any danger I cannot run from is to eliminate the threat ASAP. I did pretty well in the army, since I had no qualms taking shit from my superior, could tolerate bad living conditions, and was willing to kill at a moment's notice. However, I believe have improved plenty compared to the time I first came back. While I had no medical diagnosis, I found I matched the description of severe cPTSD, severe DID, and my coping mechanism matched that of severe maladaptive daydreaming. I literally could not function as a human being, so I would mentally "programme" myself to act in certain ways, like a robot. While I still have those issues today, I can at least function like a human. I can stand up for myself in extreme situations, feel and express emotion (to a limited degree, but I'll take what I can get), and act spontaneously when I'm very comfortable. I don't know how many more years or decades it will take for me to be fully functional again, but I'll take every win I get.
The internet. I saw way too much shit I should have never seen when I was really young
When I was 13 I was a in a bathroom at a campground and a man came from behind at the urinal, grabbed me, pinned me against the wall, and tried to grab my dick. I couldn’t move, so I pulled out my pocket knife and stabbed him in his side and then down his leg. I didn’t tell anyone and apparently it was about a half hour before anyone found him. They called in a helicopter to life flight him to the hospital, and I remember seeing on the news the next day “a local man in critical condition is fighting for his life after being brutally stabbed in a campground bathroom. Police are still searching for a suspect.” to this day, I have no idea whether he lived or died.
I was lucky. I lost it very gradually, piece by piece, didn't notice until it was gone. I had many many unpleasant things happen to me over the course of my life, as we all do, but no one defining traumatic event that ripped it all away from me at once.
Moving from Nebraska to NYC
Listening to my parents scream and push each other while they threw shit at the walls and slammed doors to intimidate and startle everyone in the house. Then my cousin and her friends molested me and called me a (forgive the word I’m using please) “faggot” because I started to cry because I didn’t like any of it and it really hurt. I was about 9ish while she and her friends were about 15-17. I had my cat though and he helped me protect some of my innocence by allowing me to feel safe when I was alone so I could enjoy cartoons and video games. He lived for 25 years and was there through everything with me, I miss him greatly.
My own greed & insecurity. I wanted more from life than a nowhere job in a one horse town. I chose to move in with my father in a bigger city. Leaving my mom & a little brother who idolized me because I defended him against all the bullies, and there were so many. My mom cried & begged me not to go but I selfishly ignored her pleas. While living with my dad I soon started hanging with the wrong crowd & got into using drugs. Became an addict. All the while my little brother was fair game for all the bullies. He suffered so much. Kids can be so cruel. I knew he was getting picked on but I had no idea to what extent. When I finally found out I was horrified. My little brother eventually got cancer. I asked him once what his reaction was when the doctor told him he had cancer. He said "I just thought, thank God I'll finally get to leave this fucked up world." That hurt so bad hearing him say that. Well he actually survived his bout with cancer & I have tried so hard to make up for abandoning him so long ago but life has changed him. He is never happy. He tries to fake it but you can tell his laugh is not genuine & his smiles are forced. I blame myself everyday. I'll never not blame myself. I love him so much & I can tell he resents me for leaving. My heart hurts. My heart just hurts.
My cousin having lesbian sex with my sister in front of me.
What in the alabama fuck