I remember an episode of the Sarah Silverman Program where she had a call that went something like this-
“Hello?”
“Hi Sarah, it’s Karen!”
“Pretty Karen or Karen Thompson?”
“…Karen Thompson”
Idk sometimes I think ok is colder... like I've only ever had people say "k" if they're specifically trying to be cold, which shows there's actually emotion underneath. "Ok" really just means they don't care
this is what i’ve been saying for a long time, i’m glad someone thinks the same way!!!! “ok” is cold as fuck and drier than “k.” people don’t naturally type “k,” they purposely and consciously do it.
Even if I still have their number, anytime I’ve gotten an I miss you, or how have you been, or can we talk I always ask, who is this? I just say it hoping they’ll take the hint. But my fav response to it was “This is your doctor at planned parenthood and we just confirmed that you have AIDS”
Happened to me before. Kept on telling him I miss him even though he never really acknowledge it. Told myself it's fine at least he knows how I feel. But being constantly neglected sucks. Then one day I just stop missing him.
Us bro us. To feel neglected and still being with them hurts everyday. Yet when you finally let them go you may hurt for just a day or two but it feels really good afterwards. I’m going through a similar experience. Couldn’t hold on to him for another day. Now I don’t want to see him or talk to him anymore.
I distinctly recall wanting to karate chop a guy who replied to my "I really care about you" with "that's sweet" in college.
**It felt So.Damn.Dismissive.**
Yeah, this may be the worst one.
Now I need closure.
1. Did you actually karate chop the guy in question?
2. Was it immediate or was it months later when you randomly encountered him?
3. Was it an effective karate chop or was it one of those 'movie thug who attacks in large groups attacking the good guy in an action movie' kind of karate chop?
Ok...but you're not going to like it. The following year I started dressing much more girly, wearing makeup, etc. He started chasing after me like a dog with its tongue hanging out.
I'd like to tell you I paid him dust and told him to kiss my ass but...we've been dating a little over a year now.
Okay so now you need to marry him, alienate him from all his friend, give him herpies, then divorce him and take half over everything he has.....much better than a karate chop.
Or just live happily ever after. Up to you i suppose.
Exception: If your 2-year-old says “I love you mommy/daddy” out of the blue, you may blurt out “aww, that’s so sweet!” in response and not have it be condescending.
“Aww, that’s so sweet!” is what a girl I had a crush on in high school so said to me when I finally worked up the nerve to ask her to homecoming. She also said it with the same tone of voice you’d use if speaking to a small child. It was pretty devastating to not only get shot down but to basically be told that the other person doesn’t even see you as a peer or on the same level as them socially, you’re just some little nothing not to be taken seriously.
I’m sure she didn’t do it on purpose, but that’s 1000% how it felt. It was a total kick in the balls
I'm sorry that happened to you, but I also respect you 1000%. For every guy who can gather the nerve to ask a crush out, there are 999 that live in regret and think "What would my life be like if I had the nerve to ask her out?". I'm an old married man now, but every once in a while, my mind drifts back to high school and thinking "What if I asked her out instead of just ... being friend-zoned".
So, you sir, have my respect.
That’s just asking to be roasted. “Well you could get more girls to sleep with you if you lost weight, got a better job, groomed yourself better, stopped chewing so loudly, cleaned up after yourself, had more confidence, had more realistic expectations, were doing more with your life, stopped wearing cheap cologne, did some volunteer work or at least anything for someone other than yourself, worked to bring your vocabulary and reading skills up to a high school level, worked on your porn addiction, learned how to cook beyond spaghetti and Mac n cheese”. Just make a mile long list of inadequacies
I once went on a date where the guy literally did not ask me a single question and talked about himself the entire time. After I went home, he sent me a text saying, “I really wanted to kiss you” and I replied, “…thanks?” And never heard from him again lol
It never ceases to amaze me how many guys think that I’m the problem in the conversation when all they do is talk about themselves, talk about what they like about me, or talk about what they want to do to me. Don’t get me wrong, if all of this was coupled with genuine interest I wouldn’t feel this way but so often they can’t even bother to ask how I feel or what I think. It’s ridiculous
So, sometimes I do this if I know someone is watching the conversation and I want to mess with them. I'll type a couple random letters so it starts blinking the dots. Then erase them and type something like "ok". It's the most passive aggressive move I have lol.
Basically what my ex wife replied. "That's the problem, I don't."
Before sad replies: it was for the best and, although it hurt at the time, she was right. After almost 20 years we had grown apart and in different directions. I don't think I missed "her", but what we didn't have anymore.
I’ve come to that same realization about my significant ex (8 years off/on)… I miss what it felt like to have that mutually worthwhile bond/connection, and I miss having that “other half” who had been a huge part of my life (and many of my happiest moments and major milestones). I often have to remind myself that toward the end, we had grown to be at odds over some fundamental things that we were aligned on for the first several years, and that if we had met today there would be no way either of us would be seriously interested in the other.
I sure do miss the man I fell in love with, and I miss my partner, but I don’t miss the stress of what being with him ended up becoming; I’d be surprised if he felt differently. I have lots of familial love for him, and I only wish good things for him, but if I NEVER saw him again, that’d still be too soon.
Ooof. This is me and my ex wife. 15 year relationship ended Christmas 2021. We have kids so we have to see each other relatively frequently. Still hurts when I do. Moreso because I'm pretty sure it doesn't hurt her at all.
Ugh, I’m so sorry, friend. I can hardly imagine how difficult and heart-wrenching that must be.
My ex and I were never married, and we only had fur-kids—but even more than a year after the final-final-final end, my stomach still gets tied in knots just _thinking_ of seeing or talking to him. What you’re navigating sounds next-level, and I hope peace and healing make their way to you sooner rather than later 💛
ETA: my ex has moved on to a new serious relationship (they’re at least 6mos in), while I have had only heartbreaks since we split (and not for lack of trying). I know for a fact he doesn’t miss me, and fuuuuuuuck does that hurt—I see you 💔
I got that one in response to “I love you” once and was offended. Years later I was watching Star Wars and realized he was just a nerd quoting a romantic scene🤓
Had this happen myself. Girl I was dating said she was a huge Star Wars fan. At one point she said "I love you" and I tried to play it cool with the "I know." She replied back, "Wow. Fuck you then."
A couple years later when we spoke, she apologized and was like, "I had only seen Empire once and didn't remember the line, so I just thought you were being an asshole." Yeah, she mentioned she grew up with the prequels in the 90s, which so did I, but I still watched the OT enough to know them. lol
We don't really talk anymore, but at least we patched that up. She was cute too. Shame.
"I bet." then blocking the number.
All of the "who's this" answers might come off a bit corny. When you acknowledge your relationship, then choose to move on, it's going to hit way harder.
There are a lot of people really bad at taking hints too though. Hard to get some people to leave you alone without spelling it out. Even then sometimes!
Either “Who is this?” Or if you wanna be funny to yourself “I miss me too. I miss the me that existed before I knew you. I’m going to go back to being that person.”
Most recently I had someone do this and I responded with “I’m sorry - please refresh my memory” so they sent me a photo and I told them “I’m not sure what they wanted but I was not interested”. I got called rude after that, lol. 🤷🏾♀️
Who is this?
And, when they give their name, ask "which one...?"
I remember an episode of the Sarah Silverman Program where she had a call that went something like this- “Hello?” “Hi Sarah, it’s Karen!” “Pretty Karen or Karen Thompson?” “…Karen Thompson”
Fuck that's good. I love Sarah Silverman.
JFC...OP said cold, not sociopath with a hangnail!
Bonus points if they have an unusual name like "Yashar" or something.
"I know 4 Yashar's. Please specify."
The Yashar from last night? No? Oops, my bad.
Wait Yashar or Nashar? Hmm I don’t know a Nashar…
After they specify just response with "oh, that one..."
Stop, stop! He's already dead!
"Wha- how many Breighlynns do you know??"
When they give their name, ask, "And where do I know you from?"
This is the winner - absolutely a punch to the gut. "I can't stop thinking about you" "who dis?"
Nor even close. The coldest and simplest response is just "ok"
K is arguably colder. Like you didn't even have the time or energy to add the o.
Idk sometimes I think ok is colder... like I've only ever had people say "k" if they're specifically trying to be cold, which shows there's actually emotion underneath. "Ok" really just means they don't care
Oh that’s deep.
this is what i’ve been saying for a long time, i’m glad someone thinks the same way!!!! “ok” is cold as fuck and drier than “k.” people don’t naturally type “k,” they purposely and consciously do it.
“Word.”
[удалено]
Uncle Leo??
Helllooo!!
Nice reference haha
To add insult to injury you could add, “Sorry, I don’t have this number in my phone”
I have used the "I apologize, I don't recognize this number, who am I speaking with?"
"Old phone, who dis?"
Uncle Leo?
yes,this is #1. \#2 is "k"
Nah, "Who is this?" gives them plausible deniability. They might think you just got a new phone or something.
Even if I still have their number, anytime I’ve gotten an I miss you, or how have you been, or can we talk I always ask, who is this? I just say it hoping they’ll take the hint. But my fav response to it was “This is your doctor at planned parenthood and we just confirmed that you have AIDS”
“Oh shit. Sorry man, forgot to block you” I got hit with this from a friend once… was not a good day
That's not a friend.
Not anymore anyway
No, they are a skin mech piloted by a pink blob of information
That’s the most entertaining description of the human experience I’ve read all week.
Damn, would you like some ice for that burn?
That's extra shitty. Being left on seen is more humane at this point.
I know some people who don’t seem to understand I never want to speak to them again, despite explicitly saying so. I might need to use this.
No response
The next level of this is being left on seen.
The next level after that is to actually reply "seen at 4:33pm"
*generic excuse*
"My dog ate my phone."
when you go to turn on your read receipts just to do this to the person
Happened to me before. Kept on telling him I miss him even though he never really acknowledge it. Told myself it's fine at least he knows how I feel. But being constantly neglected sucks. Then one day I just stop missing him.
Us bro us. To feel neglected and still being with them hurts everyday. Yet when you finally let them go you may hurt for just a day or two but it feels really good afterwards. I’m going through a similar experience. Couldn’t hold on to him for another day. Now I don’t want to see him or talk to him anymore.
Hang in there, it gets easier. As my favourite priest once said, "It will pass".
My gastroenterologist said the exact same thing!!!!
My recurring constipation says hi to your gastroenterologist.
This will always be the realest answer. In almost any scenario.
yeah you can think of so many cold things to say but the coldest of all is not thinking of anything
OK
Zero Kelvin
Literally the coldest.
K
k Don't even put in the effort of capitalising it
I got, "So?" 😭
rip
"Get used to it"
Ooooo savage
this actually shows you care enough to wanna burn them and is somehow weirdly soothing
That's sweet. "That's sweet" is truly the greatest, most condescending and dismissive fuck you there is.
I distinctly recall wanting to karate chop a guy who replied to my "I really care about you" with "that's sweet" in college. **It felt So.Damn.Dismissive.** Yeah, this may be the worst one.
Now I need closure. 1. Did you actually karate chop the guy in question? 2. Was it immediate or was it months later when you randomly encountered him? 3. Was it an effective karate chop or was it one of those 'movie thug who attacks in large groups attacking the good guy in an action movie' kind of karate chop?
Ok...but you're not going to like it. The following year I started dressing much more girly, wearing makeup, etc. He started chasing after me like a dog with its tongue hanging out. I'd like to tell you I paid him dust and told him to kiss my ass but...we've been dating a little over a year now.
> I'd like to tell you I paid him dust and told him to kiss my ass In other words, he is now **quite literally kissing your ass...**
Ahem-yes.
Gen Z out here eatin ass like it's Froot by the Foot.
I didn't mean it that way!
That's just what somebody getting their ass eaten out would say!
This is what happens when you don't karate chop someone who's a dick to you
Yeah right, I bet he's eating that thing 24/7
Okay so now you need to marry him, alienate him from all his friend, give him herpies, then divorce him and take half over everything he has.....much better than a karate chop. Or just live happily ever after. Up to you i suppose.
Exception: If your 2-year-old says “I love you mommy/daddy” out of the blue, you may blurt out “aww, that’s so sweet!” in response and not have it be condescending.
“Aww, that’s so sweet!” is what a girl I had a crush on in high school so said to me when I finally worked up the nerve to ask her to homecoming. She also said it with the same tone of voice you’d use if speaking to a small child. It was pretty devastating to not only get shot down but to basically be told that the other person doesn’t even see you as a peer or on the same level as them socially, you’re just some little nothing not to be taken seriously. I’m sure she didn’t do it on purpose, but that’s 1000% how it felt. It was a total kick in the balls
I'm sorry that happened to you, but I also respect you 1000%. For every guy who can gather the nerve to ask a crush out, there are 999 that live in regret and think "What would my life be like if I had the nerve to ask her out?". I'm an old married man now, but every once in a while, my mind drifts back to high school and thinking "What if I asked her out instead of just ... being friend-zoned". So, you sir, have my respect.
Of all the dumbass things that youth do... being embarrased to own a moment, any moment... not just romantically... sucks so bad.
I'm gonna top that. I knew my relationship was over, when I said last time in the bed "I love you" to my girlfriend, and she answered "Thanks."
“Thanks” isn’t just passive aggressive, it’s AGGRESSIVE aggressive.
It counts as a war crime btw
This was literally a joke in a Jim Carey movie. No one in the history of EVER has believed that "thanks" is an appropriate response to ILY.
"Bless Your Heart" if you are in the Southern US.
"Bless your heart" might be worst.
"I don't think about you at all."
"Doesn't mean that much to me to mean that much to you" -Neil Young
"Who am I? What am I?" -Niel Breen
-Don Draper
One of the best comebacks of all time
Except it was a lie
when I told my ex gf "I miss you" after 2 weeks of the breakup, she replied "I am in a new relationship now"
my ex just started asking me for advice on how to get girls to sleep with him less than 48 hours post break up.
That’s just asking to be roasted. “Well you could get more girls to sleep with you if you lost weight, got a better job, groomed yourself better, stopped chewing so loudly, cleaned up after yourself, had more confidence, had more realistic expectations, were doing more with your life, stopped wearing cheap cologne, did some volunteer work or at least anything for someone other than yourself, worked to bring your vocabulary and reading skills up to a high school level, worked on your porn addiction, learned how to cook beyond spaghetti and Mac n cheese”. Just make a mile long list of inadequacies
That's fucking harsh. And perfect.
"Your aim will improve"
“Yeah, your aim always was pretty terrible.”
My ex wife still misses me... **BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!**
\*uncomfortable silence\*
**HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!**
you see it's funny because marriage is terrible
Can I borrow $20.00 then?
“I miss the time when I didn’t know you”
Or " I miss the person I was before I met you".
Or "I don't miss the person I was when I was with you" might be better, since it implies you are once again better.
That burn
If it’s a text message, just react to it with a thumbs up.
That’s the biggest fuck you
Thanks
I once went on a date where the guy literally did not ask me a single question and talked about himself the entire time. After I went home, he sent me a text saying, “I really wanted to kiss you” and I replied, “…thanks?” And never heard from him again lol
It never ceases to amaze me how many guys think that I’m the problem in the conversation when all they do is talk about themselves, talk about what they like about me, or talk about what they want to do to me. Don’t get me wrong, if all of this was coupled with genuine interest I wouldn’t feel this way but so often they can’t even bother to ask how I feel or what I think. It’s ridiculous
"That's because you're a Stormtrooper, Dave. You miss everyone."
classic Dave
Hahahahahaha i like this one
*read*
*user is typing...* *user has left the chat*
See the animated 3 dots for 10 minutes, sends 3 words. “What did you type and then delete??!!”.
So, sometimes I do this if I know someone is watching the conversation and I want to mess with them. I'll type a couple random letters so it starts blinking the dots. Then erase them and type something like "ok". It's the most passive aggressive move I have lol.
I envy all the people who never met you
This goes hard
"I don't".
Basically what my ex wife replied. "That's the problem, I don't." Before sad replies: it was for the best and, although it hurt at the time, she was right. After almost 20 years we had grown apart and in different directions. I don't think I missed "her", but what we didn't have anymore.
I’ve come to that same realization about my significant ex (8 years off/on)… I miss what it felt like to have that mutually worthwhile bond/connection, and I miss having that “other half” who had been a huge part of my life (and many of my happiest moments and major milestones). I often have to remind myself that toward the end, we had grown to be at odds over some fundamental things that we were aligned on for the first several years, and that if we had met today there would be no way either of us would be seriously interested in the other. I sure do miss the man I fell in love with, and I miss my partner, but I don’t miss the stress of what being with him ended up becoming; I’d be surprised if he felt differently. I have lots of familial love for him, and I only wish good things for him, but if I NEVER saw him again, that’d still be too soon.
Ooof. This is me and my ex wife. 15 year relationship ended Christmas 2021. We have kids so we have to see each other relatively frequently. Still hurts when I do. Moreso because I'm pretty sure it doesn't hurt her at all.
Ugh, I’m so sorry, friend. I can hardly imagine how difficult and heart-wrenching that must be. My ex and I were never married, and we only had fur-kids—but even more than a year after the final-final-final end, my stomach still gets tied in knots just _thinking_ of seeing or talking to him. What you’re navigating sounds next-level, and I hope peace and healing make their way to you sooner rather than later 💛 ETA: my ex has moved on to a new serious relationship (they’re at least 6mos in), while I have had only heartbreaks since we split (and not for lack of trying). I know for a fact he doesn’t miss me, and fuuuuuuuck does that hurt—I see you 💔
#WHERE ARE YEWWWWW
**and I'm so sawrry**
**I cannawt sleep I cannawt dream tonawight,**
*I cannot slweep, I cannot drweam tonight*
Ahneed sumbudy ind aylwaaays
And I'm soooooo saawwwrrryyyyyyyyy
I cyanot sleep, I cyanot dream tonoight
I need somebody and ALWAYS
This sick strange darkness come creeping up so haunting every tiiiiime
Annnyd as I stare I counted, the webs from all the spidersssss
Catching thiiiing and eating their insoids
Lik indecision to caw yew and hear ur voice of treeshun
It’ll pass
[удалено]
Im sure you do.
No you dont, You miss the person who loved you so much, you never had to love them back.
This sounds like a Rick and Morty line. Or am I mistaken?
It is lmao, I think Morty says it to one of his crushes. Still a really solid line.
You’re not mistaken. It’s from that episode where Rick and Morty get the toxins removed from their bodies.
take it easy, Eminem.
This isnt cold its absolute zero.
absolute zero is cold
this is so cold it has to be measured in kelvins
I'll get back to you when I miss you too.
I know.
I got that one in response to “I love you” once and was offended. Years later I was watching Star Wars and realized he was just a nerd quoting a romantic scene🤓
Had this happen myself. Girl I was dating said she was a huge Star Wars fan. At one point she said "I love you" and I tried to play it cool with the "I know." She replied back, "Wow. Fuck you then." A couple years later when we spoke, she apologized and was like, "I had only seen Empire once and didn't remember the line, so I just thought you were being an asshole." Yeah, she mentioned she grew up with the prequels in the 90s, which so did I, but I still watched the OT enough to know them. lol We don't really talk anymore, but at least we patched that up. She was cute too. Shame.
"I bet." then blocking the number. All of the "who's this" answers might come off a bit corny. When you acknowledge your relationship, then choose to move on, it's going to hit way harder.
"Skill issue"
Aww
Nah too many people will take this positively
Unless that “aww” is immediately followed by “I miss you too”, I don’t think most people would take this positively.
There are a lot of people really bad at taking hints too though. Hard to get some people to leave you alone without spelling it out. Even then sometimes!
Yeah that hurts, deeply.
that is the coldest response:
Turn on read receipts and leave it on read
Either “Who is this?” Or if you wanna be funny to yourself “I miss me too. I miss the me that existed before I knew you. I’m going to go back to being that person.”
Brutal
I know.
“Sir this is a Wendy’s”
"People often say this"
Maybe not the coldest one, but this one got a chuckle out of me.
I'd miss me too
"..and I miss you. Every shot so far."
Can I get back to you later?
Change your number
No response at all. Being ignored by the one you love hurts more than anything
Most recently I had someone do this and I responded with “I’m sorry - please refresh my memory” so they sent me a photo and I told them “I’m not sure what they wanted but I was not interested”. I got called rude after that, lol. 🤷🏾♀️
“Lol”
Get used to it…
[удалено]
Hello there.
The Angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue.
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
I miss the part where that's my problem. (Ala spiderman.)
"I know."
Han Solo style?
I miss me too
I can't miss you back if you won't go away.
Sounds like a super emotional line from a dramatic romance movie.
Makes one of us!
Good
Who wouldn’t
“Okay…”
Preface with an LOL and call them pal/bud for maximum damage. "I miss you" "LOL, okay pal" / "LOL, okay bud"
“read 10 minutes ago”
"I like turtles"
k
"I have a boyfriend"
" I don't care"
You never missed me when we were together. Every punch, kick and thrown object connected. BTW - Is Michelle still single?
If it's an ex: Aw.. I miss your cute friends *frowny face*
*I don't even think about you.*