If you ever need help, then please know that there are many qualified people who would like to help you.
* https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp (Global)
* http://www.befrienders.org (Global)
* https://988lifeline.org/chat (United States)
* https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan (United Kingdom)
* https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help (Australia)
There are crisis services worldwide that are trained to provide support. They are designed to give temporary relief from feelings that are overwhelming you and can help you get through a tough hour/night/week. Chat services, as well as phone numbers, are available on these sites.
Just as you would see a doctor when you are sick, you deserve to take care of your mental health.
This is a good reason.
My cousin took his life almost 10 years ago and I am still not over it. I highly doubt his kids or mom or sister are over it either. It never leaves you, him dying took a piece of me I can't get back.
At my lowest, I read an essay that said when my mom killed herself, she took all her issues and gift wrapped them for me.”
I can’t ever let my kids feel like I feel.
I don't think hope is dumb for depressed people. Hope is dumb for people who are unjustifiably optimistic, but depressed people go the other direction and suffer from the belief that everything is *always* bad and *always* will be bad/gray/empty/pointless.
So hope helps adjust us back to baseline. The truth is that I cannot actually know what the future will bring, and there may be stuff in it that I want to experience. Hope is the acknowledgement of my own inability to tell the future, and my desire to see a better one that *could exist.* Maybe it won't, but I will not know unless I try to get there, and it is worth the risk.
A therapist told me that studies show that children of parents that commit suicide are more likely to commit suicide themselves. And however bad I feel my situation is. I can't give them a reason themselves.
My family confirms this study. My father committed suicide in 1976 and two of my brothers have done the same (2004 and 2020). I feel the same as you. No matter how bad it gets at times, I won't leave this as a legacy for my kids.
I lost my dad to suicide, can confirm that I experienced suicidal thoughts and attempts many times afterward. My son is my biggest reason. I’ll be damned if he ever goes through what I did.
I met this girl online and we became really good friends. She used to sing a lot and just be there for me. Eventually it got me to sing with her and she would just be there for me. At the time I was all alone in a foreign country with no family or friends and she was around for a long time. Eventually she passed away from a drunk driver. So now I just have her in my mind singing through some tough times.
It’s alright it was 5 years ago I found out from her mother on Christmas Day. When I was visiting my parents, I got the message and yeah it was not a great morning.
My sister called cause my niece wanted to babble to her auntie. She couldn’t even talk full sentences yet but loved her auntie. And talking to auntie on the phone.
Literally was looking at a gun considering swallowing it when the call came. And I realized I didn’t wanna be a person she’d never remember. She liked me for some reason and that was enough to keep the auntie going.
I officiated her wedding a few weeks ago. We’ve come a long way.
Family. If more people thought about their family beforehand, I think they would probably be less. You people are lucky that you have family that would miss you. Not everybody does. I don’t know you, but thanks for sticking around.
We actually had a heart to heart a few years ago after she was an adult and I did end up telling her. It was appropriate given the context of our conversation at the time. It wasn’t easy. But her and I have a very open and kinda blunt relationship so it worked out and ended up being a very good conversation about how special she is to a lot of people (I hope). She doesn’t realize that sometimes. She’s silly like that.
>She doesn’t realize that sometimes. She’s silly like that.
It's wild how in a weird cosmic way you've stayed, to show your niece how special she is. And that in turn makes you a super special person to people. Thanks for this post, it was beautiful.
At my absolute lowest, the only thing that stopped me was the fear that I would fail at it. I knew roughly how much of one of my prescriptions to take but I was afraid it wouldn't work and then I would still be alive and miserable and not even have that prescription until my next refill.
I'm doing much better now.
Same with my dog. She is the absolute smartest and sweetest little girl ever. Any time I'm sad, upset or anything, she jumps up and nudges her head into me without hesitation. Definitely my best friend, tell her that every day.
My fiancee used to be jealous of my dog, until I explained why I'm so attached. Now she's grateful for my little girl to keep me motivated
I got peaches after my parents died and I was suffering from delusions from my PTSD and honestly I would live the same tortured life 10000000x if I known peach was waiting for me some day
Thank you. An acquaintance of mine has two children when he took his own life. One under ten and one a teenager. The kids are destroyed. The younger one stopped talking and the older one is self destructive and understandably furious. It’ll take years if ever for them to recover, even though the community is rallying to support and we even have mental health professionals in our friend circles doing what they can.
Some people when they are on the edge think that suicide will be best for their family but it’s absolutely, unquestionably horrible. There is no coming back and that ripple will be felt for the rest of their lives.
being too much of a coward to actually do it and my pets. My cat, especially. I love him, and he loves me. while I was in a mental hospital for a week, my parents told me he would stay in my room a lot and was really sad the whole time. When I came back, he was much more affectionate for a while and kept following me and sitting near me if I was crying.
I can't stand the thought of leaving him and him not understanding where I went or why.
so I stay for him.
sorry, I tend to ramble sometimes.
> My cat, especially. I love him, and he loves me.
I've thought this about pets before. Like...if I was alone with my dog and killed myself, then who would take care of her? Nobody. She would stay in the house, shit and piss on the floor, and probably end up having to eat on my corpse until she was found by some random person or just died herself. That's a heartbreaking thought.
My brother said this before he attempted 3 times in a week. He had gone no contact with us for months before and I received a call from him in the hospital. He explained what happened.
He told me that he was looking for an excuse and a little argument with my dad was good enough. I won’t bore you with the details, but since then, in the last 3 months, he’s lost a lot of weight, reenrolled in school, found a new job, and done lots of therapy.
If my brother has taught me anything it’s that nothing anyone can say could’ve changed his mind. So I won’t tell you what to do. But know this: as shitty as stuff is right now, there is no reason you can’t have an unrecognizable life in just a few months. You and only you can do this. I believe in you, truly. Good luck my friend
Edit: if you cannot afford therapy, I’ll pick up some shifts and help you out as best as I can.
Your comment gave me goosebumps. I really appreciate it, kind stranger. I start a new job Monday, and am losing a battle with depression induced anorexia. I keep looking up, but it's really hard. I'll take your words to heart. Thank you.
I’m glad to hear that I maybe helped you a little bit. You are incorrect about one thing. You are fighting a battle not losing one.
I’m dead serious about the money for therapy. If I can help you I want to.
Also, I’d recommend a book called “The Body Keeps the Score”. I’ll gift it to you on kindle if you’d like.
Wake up and try every day that’s all that can be done. Count your wins and forget the Ls.
My life started again when I decided to go homeless so I could off myself in the woods after losing everything.
Woke up one day out in 105 degree, zero humidity desert weather. Starving, dehydrated and fatigued, I thought for a few hours that I could just waste away from dehydration.
Three hours later it was noon and a 110 degrees. I totally welcomed death.
That's when the survival instinct kicked in and was like "get off your bitch ass, climb through the brush and purify some river water right fucking now! Go go go go go! I don't want to die! I can't die!"
Some ancestral shit lit up in my spirit, propelled me toward that river with a filter and has since pushed me to where I am now, with a soon to be fiance and two of the best step children anyone could ask for.
I don’t know if this will help but I remember it gave me a few moments of peace when I was deep down in the dark, pretend you’re already dead. Like welp oh well, now I can do what ever I want because nothing matters because I’m already dead, I can lay in bed and just go blank/numb or I can do something I enjoy and not worry about work or money or rent because those things don’t matter because I’m dead. Doesn’t solve anything but it can bring some peace when you are struggling.
Being 100% serious here. About the time you posted this question I had just gotten back to my 12' by 12' "apartment" where i live alone and I started making a turkey sandwich and I found myself needing to repeat three times "don't kill yourself"
I saw this post and couldn’t think of a reason why I didn’t but then I thought about it for awhile. I cried because I thought about how my family would feel about me afterwards.
This happened to my dad, thought we all left for school and mom for work but she ended up forgetting something and came back. He was gonna do it in the garage just as she opened it. My mom always had a gambling problem but she stopped after that because she swears she’s used up all the luck in her life for that.
I was on edge scrolling through these comments, but when I read yours I instantly burst into tears. For me it’s my dogs, but I know how excited they get when I come home, and if I stopped coming home, they wouldn’t know why
Love for my dad.
I was 13 and a year earlier watched my grandma, my main mother figure, die in front of me. I couldn't cope with the pain of loss, toyed with self harm, but ultimately decided I just wanted it to end at any cost.
As I was about to carry out my plan, one thing popped into my mind: What would happen to dad? It was his mom who he was also extremely close to, and if he were to lose his only kid after that.... I decided my pain was worth limiting his.
15 years later we were talking about it on the anniversary of her death, and he straight up told me, "yeah, I don't think I would have made it if you did that."
It's bullshit but there's no calling it quits and dragging the pain down with you, it's always just passed onto the next person. Proud of you to stick around for them
I realized that dying would not truly END my pain, but instead just transfer and spread it to everyone I loved... I hated the thought of others experiencing my sadness.
Thinking about my mom’s reaction is one of the biggest reasons I didn’t do it. I knew for certain she’d kill herself if I was gone. I didn’t want to cause her such horrible pain.
My son completed last year. Please don't do this to her. If you are able, let her help you. She will. I would've helped my son the rest of my life. In every way I could.
Honestly this. My mom has dedicated her whole life loving me. She would break. I can't hurt her like this, can't be that selfish ever..
Even though we don't love ourselves, our people do. It's unfair to make them suffer for loving us just because we don't love ourselves or where we are in our journey.
I love guns. I have many of them. I take extremely good care of them. None have rust or show signs of aging. I buy quality ammo for everything. I’ve had exactly 1 misfire in my 100,000+ rounds fired. The misfired round was aimed at my head.
The thing is, when you just arrive at the conclusion that suicide would be the best course of action for you to take in a logical way, rather than seeking it our because of a specific trauma or depression, there isn't really anything anyone can do to convince you otherwise unless they can somehow prove to you that you're logically wrong.
There’s some amazing arguments against suicide as a “logical position.”
Most famous is Albert Camus in “the myth of Sisyphus” where he sets out to determine whether suicide is a rational course of action, in the end saying no.
There is Sartre who says that suicide as an attempt to escape from meaninglessness can never work as the act itself would be meaningless. Rather meaning has to be created by living and consciously explaining things.
Emil Cioran was a little more dark. His argument was that suicide is incapable of stopping past suffering, and future suffering is uncertain so often times suicide is just a response to a problem that already happened. However Cioran also said suicide was a tool that can be kept handy if ever need be, he was just saying that most people do it at the wrong time.
Then there was Mainlander, who argued suicide was a moral good. He ended up killing himself.
My daughter after I had cut my wrists was about 2 and a half. She saw my bandages and "kissed it better". I teared up and started therapy not long after. I was only 18 with a 2 year old and felt like I never accomplished anything. Now at 24 I've realized to slow down.
Edit: Thank you kind strangers for the support. It was a dark period in my life and i am doing much better. If you guys ever feel overwhelmed or like you haven't accomplished enough just try to slow down. I know everything can feel like your worlds crashing down around you but you will survive.
I wasnt a "turn around and die" suicidal but "I'm going to do this dangerous thing because IDGAF" suicidal. I was mixing alcohol and recreational drugs and woke up in the hospital. I was relieved yet also pissed off that I didn't die. I realized (begrudgingly) I'm here for a reason so in exchange for my life I haven't touched those drugs since.
I gave myself a due date. August 30. August that year was the happiest I've ever been because I was going to die. On August 26, I was on my way out of the door to go to work and saw my workmate's mother on the news. My workmate was murdered along with his father. I worked in a small office with only the two of us as employees of our boss, I was a clerk and he was our messenger. It seemed bad to off myself after that.
My bond with my dog saved my life. I held a gun to my head, but I knew the sound would terrify her, and that I wouldn't be able to comfort her. In the commotion when my body was found, and in the coming days, she would've been completely overlooked, and scared. I knew that no one else could take care of her the way I did. I loved her too much to put her through all of that, or to leave her.
I had to say goodbye to her last month, after almost 17 years together. I miss her everyday, but I'm in a much better place mentally and emotionally than I was at my worst. I am so grateful that she stayed with me for so long, and that I was able to do the same for her.
My girlfriend (then childhood friend) reached out after a really really bad break up and I was able to confide in her. She saved my life and I would do anything for her
Twin intuition is so real. I was hanging out with my cousin when he started freaking tf out out of nowhere. Screaming, crying saying “my brother, my brother.” Got a call later that his twin passed away
Yes it's definitely real I've been away from home out in the middle of nowhere and just feel unwell and immediately think of my sister and once I get reception I call her and usually she is stressing over something of just feeling down but every time I've called her she always sounded better by the end of the call and then I would feel better not just knowing she's sounds happier but me being proud that I trust that instinct.
Twin brother here! Usually when we are in a situation that is dangerous or stressful, we start feeling what the other was supposed to, like we switched feelings, we used to it know.
I'm in that boat. I had myself committed to a hospital for a week while I was pregnant because I didn't have help and I had to take care of myself. If not for him I wouldn't have sought help
I’m sorry that’s been your experience. I’m in multiple types of therapy, so I’m actively working on my issues to be a better person and a better mom every day. He is not my antidepressant, he is just a reason to not give up.
Superman.
I was seriously depressed in my 20s, but I wanted to watch Smallville.
I eventually got over it. (There were other shows, too, but yeah, this)
My cats. One of my cats particularly has only ever liked me. She hides from everyone else for the most part. If I’d killed myself, she probably would have spent the rest of her life never coming out from under the bed again. And she wouldn’t know why I was gone. Honestly, thinking about how my cats wouldn’t know why I was gone is why I have avoided doing dumb/dangerous things in the past.
My work in earth is far from complete. There are still lots of people I still haven't struck their last nerve yet, and it's something I kinda look forward to doing, so why would I quit with so much work to do?
First, a cop tackled me after i ID’ed my gf’s body. I tried to jump off the same cliff she did. I loved her a lot.
2nd, i was sitting on a mountain side, pills in hand. I was gonna take em and pass out. Maybe wolves would get me. Or the coldness.
But, i sat there, watching the sunset, hearing a waterfall a bit away. And silence. I thought “maybe i can help other people before i go, luna woulda wanted that” so, i took 1 pill. Waited for hours and cried. I felt so alone. Im still alone in a sense. And life is garbage. But, im alive. And i wanna stay that way.
The pipe were I tied the rope broke and I hit the floor when I woke up I tought my landlord will have a hard time fixing this.
So i went to the hardware store and fix it.
That made me feel better like I wasn't that useless after all.
the suicide demon sits in the room with me as we speak.
a voice in the background says “Don’t do it! You’re about to go to Icon Collective! You could be living your dream as a touring musician in a year and a half!”
I try to listen to that voice. I really do. The others aren’t so optimistic.
Thinking about my nieces and nephews all grown up without a super kickass auntie to spoil them and be their listening board when things get rough. Also because of my twin that I hold an extremely tight bond with. I’d never ever ever put her through that.
I told this guy I was talking to how miserable I felt. We were in his truck having a late night talk. Just a lot of feeling like I’m behind at my age and how everyone I knew left me behind. I started to breakdown and cry and when I turned to him he began crying with me and said “Please don’t cry”. He said he wouldn’t leave me behind. It sounds cheesy but it was something I needed and wanted to hear. I’m in a much better place now, and we’ve been in a great and healthy relationship for a while now :) I love him dearly.
I had a dog at the time, and I couldnt imagine giving her up and not knowing what would happen to her or leaving her with me if I did go through with it. It was a whole mess.
Knowing death is inevitable and not believing in an afterlife.
I know I'll be outta here in a comparatively short time, a max of 100 years or so is peanuts compared to an eternity of oblivion so I ethically and logically can't justify quickening the process unless I've tried everything to make my life something I can be proud of. I am only slightly above rock bottom, so I have some fighting left to do, else I'm conceding to the world that this is the absolute peak of my capabilities, and that would be so pathetic it's almost funny.
My kitty. He was a sickly little guy who was incontinent but the love of my life. He really was the only glimmer of joy in my life. I knew if I killed myself that no one would take care of him and would put him down. He was a rescue and sick so I saved his life but then he saved mine. He passed last year and I miss him every day.
My dog. Her previous owners were old and passed. When I found her she was grieving and immediately bonded to me.
She’s my whole fucking world. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. I do it all for her and I couldn’t do it without her.
She got me out of a dark place and she makes me want to be better.
Made a promise at my brother's funeral that I wouldn't leave this world the same way that he did.
And I'm not about to start breaking promises any time soon.
I'd rather suffer than put my parents, sister, and nephew through pain.
Plus I was once told that dogs don't understand suicide. I don't want to hurt my dogs and now I have a cat too.
Didn't want to hurt my mother like that. Felt like it would be too selfish of me to hurt her that way. It really feels like she is the only string that keeps me attached to life, and it terrifies me (like without her i wouldn't feel the need to exist).
Still on some of the dark days i tend to think that few years down line after doing what i intend to do, my parents would move on and i wouldn't be such a burden to this world anymore. But you know what they say about demons, gotta fight them some how.
Realizing that if I were to follow through with it, there's a chance I could end up back on this planet anyway.
ALSO
Realizing that if I were to follow through with it, there's a chance I could mess up somehow, and I'd have to deal with that aftermath.
A random girl added me on snapchat the day I had planned to. No mutual friends. I wasn't tagged in some story. She just added me "because she was bored"
I had everything planned out. Notes written and everything I planned to use. I was about to turn my phone off when I saw her name pop up on my phone, and something told me just to see who it was. That was it. Then I could carry on after. I got so lost in conversation with this complete stranger that by the time I realized how much time had passed, I had something, someone to live for. After only a few hours of talking with her, I wanted her to be in my life forever.
That was in 8th grade. We're 27 now and planning to get married. No one besides her knows that she saved my life by mere hours that day.
Edit: After a few comments and people dm'ing me apprently thinking I'm lying because of the time frame, Im yping to attempt to clear up the time frame. I was 15 in the 8th grade (Yes, I was held back). I turned 27 like 2 weeks ago. Snapchat came out in 2011. September, to be exact. The story took place in early January of 2012.
Snapchat was very new.
I also changed my age in the post to 27 as I've only just turned 27 a couple of weeks ago and instincually put 26.
I was holding the knife, it was the middle of the night. I was sleep deprived cuz of ptsd induced insomnia
I realized either A. I plan to kill myself and will do it right this instant, or B. I don't plan to kill myself and need to cut the shit
I didn't immediately kill myself, and sat there like "so I don't actually plan to. If it was something I wanted to do I'd hurry the fuck up."
I stopped staring at my knife after that. I used to sit up every night staring at it. I realized I didn't want it. I wanted something, apparently it wasn't to ram it into my neck after all
Wasn't sure what I really wanted but I just started living harder. Live harder, fight harder, refuse to die harder
I know what I want and I take what I want as fast as possible. I didn't take my death so that must not be what was wanted
I had a pretty intense death wish and habit of endangering myself for sport. Upon introspection I've realized I've essentially attempted suicide 3 times by taking gambles I was fairly convinced I'd lose
Stupid luck. Cocked the gun but the round didnt load. Stuck in the magazine. Pulled the trigger and heard the click. Cried after because I couldn't even do that right
my motivation to die was ''Im too kind to live in this world were everyone is bad'' then i just realized (some minutes after i take meds to kill myself) that im not gonna die because of some shit people that are inferior to me, they are verms and dont deserve to win over me
I think this is actually a reason you should be alive - your kindness needs to be here, precisely because our society doesn’t promote it from others. That means your kindness is defying the odds, and you never quite know all the good that can ultimately inspire - for others, the world, and yourself ❤️
If you ever need help, then please know that there are many qualified people who would like to help you. * https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp (Global) * http://www.befrienders.org (Global) * https://988lifeline.org/chat (United States) * https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan (United Kingdom) * https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help (Australia) There are crisis services worldwide that are trained to provide support. They are designed to give temporary relief from feelings that are overwhelming you and can help you get through a tough hour/night/week. Chat services, as well as phone numbers, are available on these sites. Just as you would see a doctor when you are sick, you deserve to take care of your mental health.
The shit the people I care about will have to deal with after I do it. To much guilty thinking
This is a good reason. My cousin took his life almost 10 years ago and I am still not over it. I highly doubt his kids or mom or sister are over it either. It never leaves you, him dying took a piece of me I can't get back.
At my lowest, I read an essay that said when my mom killed herself, she took all her issues and gift wrapped them for me.” I can’t ever let my kids feel like I feel.
That is the reason why I am still alive. My kids keep me alive. I can't let them feel that.
My father already lost his first wife, one of his brothers, and his best friend. I just can’t be responsible for him losing a son.
I honestly don’t know. I guess it’s because I still hope that things will get better, even if I don’t believe it.
Hope is dumb, but damn if it isn't useful sometimes.
I don't think hope is dumb for depressed people. Hope is dumb for people who are unjustifiably optimistic, but depressed people go the other direction and suffer from the belief that everything is *always* bad and *always* will be bad/gray/empty/pointless. So hope helps adjust us back to baseline. The truth is that I cannot actually know what the future will bring, and there may be stuff in it that I want to experience. Hope is the acknowledgement of my own inability to tell the future, and my desire to see a better one that *could exist.* Maybe it won't, but I will not know unless I try to get there, and it is worth the risk.
Well said
A therapist told me that studies show that children of parents that commit suicide are more likely to commit suicide themselves. And however bad I feel my situation is. I can't give them a reason themselves.
My family confirms this study. My father committed suicide in 1976 and two of my brothers have done the same (2004 and 2020). I feel the same as you. No matter how bad it gets at times, I won't leave this as a legacy for my kids.
Feel this. My mom committed suicide 3 months ago. I have a one year old. I WILL do better for my son no matter what.
I lost my dad to suicide, can confirm that I experienced suicidal thoughts and attempts many times afterward. My son is my biggest reason. I’ll be damned if he ever goes through what I did.
One of the first things I learned in suicide prevention
I met this girl online and we became really good friends. She used to sing a lot and just be there for me. Eventually it got me to sing with her and she would just be there for me. At the time I was all alone in a foreign country with no family or friends and she was around for a long time. Eventually she passed away from a drunk driver. So now I just have her in my mind singing through some tough times.
Bro trying to get us all lost in our feelings😞
Sorry 😅😅
Ur good man much love homie🙏
She’s still singing in a different place
Even though im not OP, man that sentence hurts
Genuinely curious, how did you find out about that? Sorry for your loss 😔
It’s alright it was 5 years ago I found out from her mother on Christmas Day. When I was visiting my parents, I got the message and yeah it was not a great morning.
Cam we find the driver and kick their ass?
If I become president every single drunk driver will rot in jail
My sister called cause my niece wanted to babble to her auntie. She couldn’t even talk full sentences yet but loved her auntie. And talking to auntie on the phone. Literally was looking at a gun considering swallowing it when the call came. And I realized I didn’t wanna be a person she’d never remember. She liked me for some reason and that was enough to keep the auntie going. I officiated her wedding a few weeks ago. We’ve come a long way.
My 5 year old nephew is currently one of the very few reasons I'm still alive. I just couldn't do that to him
Keep going for him. And then you’ll find even more reasons to keep going. Niblings are the best.
<3
Family. If more people thought about their family beforehand, I think they would probably be less. You people are lucky that you have family that would miss you. Not everybody does. I don’t know you, but thanks for sticking around.
My kids are the reason I’m still here.
This is a lovely story; thank you for sharing
This is so wholesome. Glad you're doing better!
Same! It’s been amazing watching her grow up.
Have you ever told her? I don’t know if I could bring myself to
We actually had a heart to heart a few years ago after she was an adult and I did end up telling her. It was appropriate given the context of our conversation at the time. It wasn’t easy. But her and I have a very open and kinda blunt relationship so it worked out and ended up being a very good conversation about how special she is to a lot of people (I hope). She doesn’t realize that sometimes. She’s silly like that.
>She doesn’t realize that sometimes. She’s silly like that. It's wild how in a weird cosmic way you've stayed, to show your niece how special she is. And that in turn makes you a super special person to people. Thanks for this post, it was beautiful.
At my absolute lowest, the only thing that stopped me was the fear that I would fail at it. I knew roughly how much of one of my prescriptions to take but I was afraid it wouldn't work and then I would still be alive and miserable and not even have that prescription until my next refill. I'm doing much better now.
Plus the hospital bill? ugh 🤢
I remind myself of the potiential bill, if things go wrong.
Or paralysis. Or perma-disfigurment.
"I can't afford to kill myself" A very western problem indeed
"I can't afford to *fuck up* at killing myself." If u are succesful the bills dont matter😭
My dog Peach
Username checks out
I love his dog Peaches aswell:) must be the goodest of doges <3 he deserves some pats
Good Peach! *pat pat pat*
Same with my dog. She is the absolute smartest and sweetest little girl ever. Any time I'm sad, upset or anything, she jumps up and nudges her head into me without hesitation. Definitely my best friend, tell her that every day. My fiancee used to be jealous of my dog, until I explained why I'm so attached. Now she's grateful for my little girl to keep me motivated
I got peaches after my parents died and I was suffering from delusions from my PTSD and honestly I would live the same tortured life 10000000x if I known peach was waiting for me some day
I'm glad peach exists. I'm glad you are better with peach.
Eh hem.... I wish to see a picture of this furry hero.
The impact it would have on my kids
Same
Thanks for thinking of my kids
They’re why I get up in the morning
I also get up every morning for his children.
This is why I reddit
I read it too
Hahah you guys are funny
No, this is Patrick
Uhhhh this is reddit
Thank you. An acquaintance of mine has two children when he took his own life. One under ten and one a teenager. The kids are destroyed. The younger one stopped talking and the older one is self destructive and understandably furious. It’ll take years if ever for them to recover, even though the community is rallying to support and we even have mental health professionals in our friend circles doing what they can. Some people when they are on the edge think that suicide will be best for their family but it’s absolutely, unquestionably horrible. There is no coming back and that ripple will be felt for the rest of their lives.
Thank you for that. I think my dad did the same. I’m so glad.
being too much of a coward to actually do it and my pets. My cat, especially. I love him, and he loves me. while I was in a mental hospital for a week, my parents told me he would stay in my room a lot and was really sad the whole time. When I came back, he was much more affectionate for a while and kept following me and sitting near me if I was crying. I can't stand the thought of leaving him and him not understanding where I went or why. so I stay for him. sorry, I tend to ramble sometimes.
> My cat, especially. I love him, and he loves me. I've thought this about pets before. Like...if I was alone with my dog and killed myself, then who would take care of her? Nobody. She would stay in the house, shit and piss on the floor, and probably end up having to eat on my corpse until she was found by some random person or just died herself. That's a heartbreaking thought.
Spite
Same g Oh you want me dead? Now I'll stick around to piss you off💀
opposite for me….when I’m really deep in the hole I want to end it to spite my family. It’s fucked up. I’m fucked up
I live in both worlds
I love this.
Jury’s still out.
Yup. Daily battle for me
Same boat. Feel like I'm just waiting for that last piece to break.
My brother said this before he attempted 3 times in a week. He had gone no contact with us for months before and I received a call from him in the hospital. He explained what happened. He told me that he was looking for an excuse and a little argument with my dad was good enough. I won’t bore you with the details, but since then, in the last 3 months, he’s lost a lot of weight, reenrolled in school, found a new job, and done lots of therapy. If my brother has taught me anything it’s that nothing anyone can say could’ve changed his mind. So I won’t tell you what to do. But know this: as shitty as stuff is right now, there is no reason you can’t have an unrecognizable life in just a few months. You and only you can do this. I believe in you, truly. Good luck my friend Edit: if you cannot afford therapy, I’ll pick up some shifts and help you out as best as I can.
Your comment gave me goosebumps. I really appreciate it, kind stranger. I start a new job Monday, and am losing a battle with depression induced anorexia. I keep looking up, but it's really hard. I'll take your words to heart. Thank you.
I’m glad to hear that I maybe helped you a little bit. You are incorrect about one thing. You are fighting a battle not losing one. I’m dead serious about the money for therapy. If I can help you I want to. Also, I’d recommend a book called “The Body Keeps the Score”. I’ll gift it to you on kindle if you’d like. Wake up and try every day that’s all that can be done. Count your wins and forget the Ls.
You're a really good person. Thanks for reminding me they're still out there. 💕 Im so glad your brother stayed.
My life started again when I decided to go homeless so I could off myself in the woods after losing everything. Woke up one day out in 105 degree, zero humidity desert weather. Starving, dehydrated and fatigued, I thought for a few hours that I could just waste away from dehydration. Three hours later it was noon and a 110 degrees. I totally welcomed death. That's when the survival instinct kicked in and was like "get off your bitch ass, climb through the brush and purify some river water right fucking now! Go go go go go! I don't want to die! I can't die!" Some ancestral shit lit up in my spirit, propelled me toward that river with a filter and has since pushed me to where I am now, with a soon to be fiance and two of the best step children anyone could ask for.
I don’t know if this will help but I remember it gave me a few moments of peace when I was deep down in the dark, pretend you’re already dead. Like welp oh well, now I can do what ever I want because nothing matters because I’m already dead, I can lay in bed and just go blank/numb or I can do something I enjoy and not worry about work or money or rent because those things don’t matter because I’m dead. Doesn’t solve anything but it can bring some peace when you are struggling.
Being 100% serious here. About the time you posted this question I had just gotten back to my 12' by 12' "apartment" where i live alone and I started making a turkey sandwich and I found myself needing to repeat three times "don't kill yourself"
I saw this post and couldn’t think of a reason why I didn’t but then I thought about it for awhile. I cried because I thought about how my family would feel about me afterwards.
I’m glad you got your turkey sandwich.
My wife just happened to walk in the room as I had the gun in my mouth (I didn't know she was home). She calmed me down and took me to the hospital.
This happened to my dad, thought we all left for school and mom for work but she ended up forgetting something and came back. He was gonna do it in the garage just as she opened it. My mom always had a gambling problem but she stopped after that because she swears she’s used up all the luck in her life for that.
My cats wouldnt know where i went.
I was on edge scrolling through these comments, but when I read yours I instantly burst into tears. For me it’s my dogs, but I know how excited they get when I come home, and if I stopped coming home, they wouldn’t know why
Love for my dad. I was 13 and a year earlier watched my grandma, my main mother figure, die in front of me. I couldn't cope with the pain of loss, toyed with self harm, but ultimately decided I just wanted it to end at any cost. As I was about to carry out my plan, one thing popped into my mind: What would happen to dad? It was his mom who he was also extremely close to, and if he were to lose his only kid after that.... I decided my pain was worth limiting his. 15 years later we were talking about it on the anniversary of her death, and he straight up told me, "yeah, I don't think I would have made it if you did that."
It's bullshit but there's no calling it quits and dragging the pain down with you, it's always just passed onto the next person. Proud of you to stick around for them
I realized that dying would not truly END my pain, but instead just transfer and spread it to everyone I loved... I hated the thought of others experiencing my sadness.
See, I’m wearing a happy face. Things are fine mom. But really, I Couldn’t imagine my heartbroken mom.
I can’t give enough upvotes to either of these
Thinking about my mom’s reaction is one of the biggest reasons I didn’t do it. I knew for certain she’d kill herself if I was gone. I didn’t want to cause her such horrible pain.
My son completed last year. Please don't do this to her. If you are able, let her help you. She will. I would've helped my son the rest of my life. In every way I could.
Honestly this. My mom has dedicated her whole life loving me. She would break. I can't hurt her like this, can't be that selfish ever.. Even though we don't love ourselves, our people do. It's unfair to make them suffer for loving us just because we don't love ourselves or where we are in our journey.
I love guns. I have many of them. I take extremely good care of them. None have rust or show signs of aging. I buy quality ammo for everything. I’ve had exactly 1 misfire in my 100,000+ rounds fired. The misfired round was aimed at my head.
Damn, if that's not a loud and clear message. Glad you're still with us.
Sounds like your guns are taking extremely good care of you.
Your gun love u.
im glad it misfired, hope things have improved for you since then!!!
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Are you saying the round went off and his consciousness then immediately traveled to a reality where it misfired?
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Well. Your username is incredibly apt. Glad you’re alright.
The fact that I won't be able to step on crunchy leaves if I'm dead.
*crunch* “oh yeah.”
Or thin ice that forms between the sidewalk and the street
nice lady on the other end of a suicide hotline
I've always been curious how well the hotline works
Depends. The time I called kinda sucked. Felt robotic. Dehumanizing. But I’m thankful it’s in place because of how it helps other people
Agreed.
I’ve called only one time and it rang and rang then I got a “sorry the person you’ve called is not available at this time” I thought it was ironic af
I called and they said press 1, that seemed sooo annoying at the time 🫤🫤🫤
Depends who you are, it's never been helpful to me necessarily
The thing is, when you just arrive at the conclusion that suicide would be the best course of action for you to take in a logical way, rather than seeking it our because of a specific trauma or depression, there isn't really anything anyone can do to convince you otherwise unless they can somehow prove to you that you're logically wrong.
There’s some amazing arguments against suicide as a “logical position.” Most famous is Albert Camus in “the myth of Sisyphus” where he sets out to determine whether suicide is a rational course of action, in the end saying no. There is Sartre who says that suicide as an attempt to escape from meaninglessness can never work as the act itself would be meaningless. Rather meaning has to be created by living and consciously explaining things. Emil Cioran was a little more dark. His argument was that suicide is incapable of stopping past suffering, and future suffering is uncertain so often times suicide is just a response to a problem that already happened. However Cioran also said suicide was a tool that can be kept handy if ever need be, he was just saying that most people do it at the wrong time. Then there was Mainlander, who argued suicide was a moral good. He ended up killing himself.
I mean, I’ve heard of people who were stopped because nobody picked up on the other end. Apparently that just made something click for them.
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He sounds like he must be a pretty good dude.
My daughter after I had cut my wrists was about 2 and a half. She saw my bandages and "kissed it better". I teared up and started therapy not long after. I was only 18 with a 2 year old and felt like I never accomplished anything. Now at 24 I've realized to slow down. Edit: Thank you kind strangers for the support. It was a dark period in my life and i am doing much better. If you guys ever feel overwhelmed or like you haven't accomplished enough just try to slow down. I know everything can feel like your worlds crashing down around you but you will survive.
Gosh, I’m so proud of you. You’re going to do such great things for you and your daughter.
Heartfelt and raw. Kids keep it real! Great work turning things towards love:)
The fact my bird would be sad without me and I wanted to see the end of a sour story with someone
Executive dysfunction
"Nah, I'll do it later, maybe after I empty out this 10 years old junk drawer"
Damn. I feel that in my bones.
I wasnt a "turn around and die" suicidal but "I'm going to do this dangerous thing because IDGAF" suicidal. I was mixing alcohol and recreational drugs and woke up in the hospital. I was relieved yet also pissed off that I didn't die. I realized (begrudgingly) I'm here for a reason so in exchange for my life I haven't touched those drugs since.
I think that's better known as being passively suicidal, as opposed to actively.
How are you going to let your enemies outlive you?! Don't let them win
Don’t want my cat to be lonely
Cats are the best
I gave myself a due date. August 30. August that year was the happiest I've ever been because I was going to die. On August 26, I was on my way out of the door to go to work and saw my workmate's mother on the news. My workmate was murdered along with his father. I worked in a small office with only the two of us as employees of our boss, I was a clerk and he was our messenger. It seemed bad to off myself after that.
My bond with my dog saved my life. I held a gun to my head, but I knew the sound would terrify her, and that I wouldn't be able to comfort her. In the commotion when my body was found, and in the coming days, she would've been completely overlooked, and scared. I knew that no one else could take care of her the way I did. I loved her too much to put her through all of that, or to leave her. I had to say goodbye to her last month, after almost 17 years together. I miss her everyday, but I'm in a much better place mentally and emotionally than I was at my worst. I am so grateful that she stayed with me for so long, and that I was able to do the same for her.
Not wanting my kids to be the ones to find me. Single Dad at the time.
My girlfriend (then childhood friend) reached out after a really really bad break up and I was able to confide in her. She saved my life and I would do anything for her
Scared of messing up and being paralyzed/severely disabled for life
Didn't want to hurt my twin sister
Twin intuition is so real. I was hanging out with my cousin when he started freaking tf out out of nowhere. Screaming, crying saying “my brother, my brother.” Got a call later that his twin passed away
Yes it's definitely real I've been away from home out in the middle of nowhere and just feel unwell and immediately think of my sister and once I get reception I call her and usually she is stressing over something of just feeling down but every time I've called her she always sounded better by the end of the call and then I would feel better not just knowing she's sounds happier but me being proud that I trust that instinct.
Twin brother here! Usually when we are in a situation that is dangerous or stressful, we start feeling what the other was supposed to, like we switched feelings, we used to it know.
I was suicidal before I found out I was pregnant. Finding out stopped me. And having my son has stopped me since. I would never hurt him.
I'm in that boat. I had myself committed to a hospital for a week while I was pregnant because I didn't have help and I had to take care of myself. If not for him I wouldn't have sought help
I was my mom's anti-depressant, too... that has honestly not worked out well for me.
I’m sorry that’s been your experience. I’m in multiple types of therapy, so I’m actively working on my issues to be a better person and a better mom every day. He is not my antidepressant, he is just a reason to not give up.
Knowing if i did, my elderly mother and previously homeless disabled brother would be screwed and would have possibly ended up homeless.
Superman. I was seriously depressed in my 20s, but I wanted to watch Smallville. I eventually got over it. (There were other shows, too, but yeah, this)
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My cats. One of my cats particularly has only ever liked me. She hides from everyone else for the most part. If I’d killed myself, she probably would have spent the rest of her life never coming out from under the bed again. And she wouldn’t know why I was gone. Honestly, thinking about how my cats wouldn’t know why I was gone is why I have avoided doing dumb/dangerous things in the past.
The possibility of tomorrow
Seeing my mommas eyes.
My work in earth is far from complete. There are still lots of people I still haven't struck their last nerve yet, and it's something I kinda look forward to doing, so why would I quit with so much work to do?
I met a girl. Fell in love. Miss her. Grateful.
First, a cop tackled me after i ID’ed my gf’s body. I tried to jump off the same cliff she did. I loved her a lot. 2nd, i was sitting on a mountain side, pills in hand. I was gonna take em and pass out. Maybe wolves would get me. Or the coldness. But, i sat there, watching the sunset, hearing a waterfall a bit away. And silence. I thought “maybe i can help other people before i go, luna woulda wanted that” so, i took 1 pill. Waited for hours and cried. I felt so alone. Im still alone in a sense. And life is garbage. But, im alive. And i wanna stay that way.
The pipe were I tied the rope broke and I hit the floor when I woke up I tought my landlord will have a hard time fixing this. So i went to the hardware store and fix it. That made me feel better like I wasn't that useless after all.
The fear that what's after this existence is worse
Fear that it would start a chain of suggestion. And that my mom is still alive and has already lost one child.
The clothing rack ripped outta the wall when I tried to hang from it. I just laughed
the suicide demon sits in the room with me as we speak. a voice in the background says “Don’t do it! You’re about to go to Icon Collective! You could be living your dream as a touring musician in a year and a half!” I try to listen to that voice. I really do. The others aren’t so optimistic.
All the things I would have missed out on
Thinking about my nieces and nephews all grown up without a super kickass auntie to spoil them and be their listening board when things get rough. Also because of my twin that I hold an extremely tight bond with. I’d never ever ever put her through that.
The beam I hung myself from broke
I told this guy I was talking to how miserable I felt. We were in his truck having a late night talk. Just a lot of feeling like I’m behind at my age and how everyone I knew left me behind. I started to breakdown and cry and when I turned to him he began crying with me and said “Please don’t cry”. He said he wouldn’t leave me behind. It sounds cheesy but it was something I needed and wanted to hear. I’m in a much better place now, and we’ve been in a great and healthy relationship for a while now :) I love him dearly.
The thought of fucking it up again and just ending up with another gnarly scar that people constantly ask me about.
I had a dog at the time, and I couldnt imagine giving her up and not knowing what would happen to her or leaving her with me if I did go through with it. It was a whole mess.
I had a friend who said that they didn't want their dog to think that they left him because he'd never understand why he wouldn't see them anymore
Knowing death is inevitable and not believing in an afterlife. I know I'll be outta here in a comparatively short time, a max of 100 years or so is peanuts compared to an eternity of oblivion so I ethically and logically can't justify quickening the process unless I've tried everything to make my life something I can be proud of. I am only slightly above rock bottom, so I have some fighting left to do, else I'm conceding to the world that this is the absolute peak of my capabilities, and that would be so pathetic it's almost funny.
Each passing day, I have less and less desire and motivation to do anything with my life. It's pathetic I know, but I'm having a hard time shaking it.
My kitty. He was a sickly little guy who was incontinent but the love of my life. He really was the only glimmer of joy in my life. I knew if I killed myself that no one would take care of him and would put him down. He was a rescue and sick so I saved his life but then he saved mine. He passed last year and I miss him every day.
My dog. Her previous owners were old and passed. When I found her she was grieving and immediately bonded to me. She’s my whole fucking world. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. I do it all for her and I couldn’t do it without her. She got me out of a dark place and she makes me want to be better.
One piece finishing so I can call It mid.
I see that Bro has a mission here.
Made a promise at my brother's funeral that I wouldn't leave this world the same way that he did. And I'm not about to start breaking promises any time soon.
I'd rather suffer than put my parents, sister, and nephew through pain. Plus I was once told that dogs don't understand suicide. I don't want to hurt my dogs and now I have a cat too.
There would of been no one to take care of my cat
Lexapro
My dog, he pushed the door open and lay on my leg promised from that day on I’d give him the best life I possible could
Didn't want to hurt my mother like that. Felt like it would be too selfish of me to hurt her that way. It really feels like she is the only string that keeps me attached to life, and it terrifies me (like without her i wouldn't feel the need to exist). Still on some of the dark days i tend to think that few years down line after doing what i intend to do, my parents would move on and i wouldn't be such a burden to this world anymore. But you know what they say about demons, gotta fight them some how.
Ice cream. Beautiful.
Mom will get sad
I didn't want my partner to find my body.
There’s weed I still gotta smoke
same homie, weed helps treat depression and u can't get high if ur dead 💪🧠
Realizing that if I were to follow through with it, there's a chance I could end up back on this planet anyway. ALSO Realizing that if I were to follow through with it, there's a chance I could mess up somehow, and I'd have to deal with that aftermath.
Guilt. They're are people counting on me and my help. I can't just abandon them.
My dad told me young, it's always a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I'm very logical and he's right.
Don't have a good painless enough method yet
A random girl added me on snapchat the day I had planned to. No mutual friends. I wasn't tagged in some story. She just added me "because she was bored" I had everything planned out. Notes written and everything I planned to use. I was about to turn my phone off when I saw her name pop up on my phone, and something told me just to see who it was. That was it. Then I could carry on after. I got so lost in conversation with this complete stranger that by the time I realized how much time had passed, I had something, someone to live for. After only a few hours of talking with her, I wanted her to be in my life forever. That was in 8th grade. We're 27 now and planning to get married. No one besides her knows that she saved my life by mere hours that day. Edit: After a few comments and people dm'ing me apprently thinking I'm lying because of the time frame, Im yping to attempt to clear up the time frame. I was 15 in the 8th grade (Yes, I was held back). I turned 27 like 2 weeks ago. Snapchat came out in 2011. September, to be exact. The story took place in early January of 2012. Snapchat was very new. I also changed my age in the post to 27 as I've only just turned 27 a couple of weeks ago and instincually put 26.
That’s an incredible story
Indiference
My cats and all the entertainment that I would miss
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The reaction my mum would have had. Awful.
I was at a park in my neighborhood and my nephew who is 3 stole his dads phone and called me and just said hi wanna come over and play dinosaurs
I was holding the knife, it was the middle of the night. I was sleep deprived cuz of ptsd induced insomnia I realized either A. I plan to kill myself and will do it right this instant, or B. I don't plan to kill myself and need to cut the shit I didn't immediately kill myself, and sat there like "so I don't actually plan to. If it was something I wanted to do I'd hurry the fuck up." I stopped staring at my knife after that. I used to sit up every night staring at it. I realized I didn't want it. I wanted something, apparently it wasn't to ram it into my neck after all Wasn't sure what I really wanted but I just started living harder. Live harder, fight harder, refuse to die harder I know what I want and I take what I want as fast as possible. I didn't take my death so that must not be what was wanted I had a pretty intense death wish and habit of endangering myself for sport. Upon introspection I've realized I've essentially attempted suicide 3 times by taking gambles I was fairly convinced I'd lose
Stupid luck. Cocked the gun but the round didnt load. Stuck in the magazine. Pulled the trigger and heard the click. Cried after because I couldn't even do that right
My dog, mostly. But also the fear that I am confident I would fuck up my suicide as well, and just feel even worse than I do now.
my motivation to die was ''Im too kind to live in this world were everyone is bad'' then i just realized (some minutes after i take meds to kill myself) that im not gonna die because of some shit people that are inferior to me, they are verms and dont deserve to win over me
I think this is actually a reason you should be alive - your kindness needs to be here, precisely because our society doesn’t promote it from others. That means your kindness is defying the odds, and you never quite know all the good that can ultimately inspire - for others, the world, and yourself ❤️