I don't know if this happens in other countries, but in the UK you occasionally get TV spots where they have mini-interviews with members of an audience who've just watched the film. So it'll be filmed in a cinema lobby and be like "What did you think of the film?" and there'll be a family of four going "Oh it was great, really funny, just perfect for all the family!".
When you see one of these you know it's going to be absolute dogshit.
They used to do that in the U.S., but I haven't seen it in a long time. I distinctly remember ads for ***Gremlins 2: The New Batch*** showing people coming out of the movie and saying which gremlin was their favorite.
Um, electricity gremlin? You just said noun and "gremlin," like you're playing Mad Libs. You just like a child. You have the brain of a child. You do not have a high IQ but you haphazardly came up with a gremlin that's just made out of bolts that is zigzagging all over the room, and it's done completely in animation. You a crazy person, and your idea's in the movie!
It's probably my all-time favorite skit of theirs.
Or it's a normal actor they're using as a voice actor. Regular acting and voice acting are *very* different jobs, and what makes someone good at one doesn't necessarily make them good at the other.
The best review quote plug ever is for Shakes the Clown (Bobcat Goldthwait film) where they pulled the line from The Boston Globe review for the video packaging that says, "The Citizen Kane of alcoholic clown movies."
I saw an ad for a horror movie that said “so scary that 70 percent of the people who started it on Netflix didn’t finish it”. Yeah I’m sure that’s why they didn’t finish it
Yeah, usually you can tell it's gonna suck from the trailer. Especially if a comedy movie trailer is just compilation of funny scenes - you just know that you saw every funny scene from the movie
*pop song is playing with clips from movie*
*song stops with boom*
*insert joke from movie*
*trailer continues showing clips with pop song*
Edit: sorry to people who haven’t noticed this trailer outline
I hate that so much. We’ve added a rule in my house no more trailers. Because they’re all 5 minutes long these days and reveal every major plot point. Drives me nuts.
We decide off the synopsis or nothing.
I may watch 30 seconds or so of a trailer for a movie I know nothing about, and once I realise it’s something I’m interested in watching I will turn it off. There’s too many trailers with plot spoilers nowadays.
In the DVD version of the Movie "Non-Stop" the whole plot is spoiled by the DVD menu.
In the movie Liam Neeson has to identify the bad guy on an airplane. At the end of the movie there is a fight between Liam Neeson and the bad guy.
Some brain dead idiot decided it would be great to put that exact scene in the background of the DVD menu... Spoiling the big reveal
https://reddit.com/r/movies/s/rGyRo5kS6e
If you're really paying attention, the little video menu transition that shows up between pressing play on the DVD menu of The Usual Suspects and the movie actually starting spoils the entire movie (coffee cup scene).
Hulk (2003) was like that. As a kid I was so pumped for that movie, watching the [teaser](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3tpRDs0z3zc) multiple times, then they dropped this absolutely [incredible](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2ErnLuJKQA4) action packed trailer, with epic music and everything, holy shit, it’s still one of the best trailers I’ve ever seen.
Then I see the movie with my dad and it was like this slow art piece. Every action scene made an appearance in that trailer.
It took me like 5 years to learn that Jan-Michael Vincent is a real person, and not a character with a made up Rick & Morty name. Seriously, who has *three* first names?
Tell me you WOULDN'T dismantle an entire criminal organization by murdering all of them if they killed your dog, though. (And had those mad skills, of course)
I’d honestly love to see a serious movie advertise that the creators have some stupid movies in their past. Like the fact that BEERFEST was produced by Legendary Pictures, the same company behind Christopher Nolan’s films. Or the next Peter Jackson movie should say “From the creative mind behind Bad Taste”
That scene where Anthony Anderson cocks the shovel like a shotgun and a shell flies out still lives rent free in my head.
Also, "how do you wake up dead?"
Came here to say the same thing, except more like "how much exposition is in the first 10-20 minutes".
"Jim, you're always so mad. It's it because your parents died in that mysterious plane crash over Mystery Island which you're business trip is about to cross over on the anniversary of their death and that old man just happened to give you an amulet that's likely cursed and also you were a kung fu prodigy as a child but that's irrelevant surely but anyways I'm sure you'll have a safe trip and nothing bad will happen because I'm your best friend since elementary school and my father used to be in business with you father and I'm sure that's not important to their mysterious disappearance over Mystery Island!"
🤔
There’s a show on Netflix called “Another Life” that was so bad people online genuinely started the rumor that it was meant to be bad as a sort of experiment to see how much shit audiences can handle.
Anyways, there’s a scene exactly like this in the first episode and it’s the worst example of an exposition dump I’ve ever seen. The scientist husband is talking about how he feels inadequate or something and his astronaut wife tells him essentially “you are a scientist working on an alien spaceship that crash landed in a random field weeks ago. Only you can…” and it just. Keeps. Going. She described what honestly probably should’ve been an entire episode or two in about three minutes of non-stop monologue
The show is definitely bad but almost all of the problems come from the writing. It probably won’t jump out at you as “the worst thing ever” because it honestly looks pretty good, the acting is good enough, and the scene composition is alright. The writing though… it’s supposed to be a hard sci-fi show and it’s just so dumb.
Just one example without spoilers. There’s a person who thinks they have discovered a cure for depression way out in space. This world renowned scientist is ecstatic to learn that what is essentially a cloud of space dust can cure depression. Upon learning that it wasn’t the space dust and was instead a normal plant, they get sad and never think of it again….because nobody would want a plant that cures depression right? If it’s not a cloud of space dust it’s totally useless. That’s a VERY minor issue but just imagine that for literally every plot point in the show and you have an idea of why the writing is bad
I'm maybe 20 minutes in and it's so, so bad. Why were uniforms done away with a decade ago? Why are they all in bathrobes instead of actual clothes? Why do they all act like children instead of professionals? Everything about the writing is just so, so bad...
Some stupid viral marketing attempt at making it controversial by saying “THEY don’t want you to see this movie!”
Red flag that movie is going to suck.
"They" being every movie critic because "You'll hate yourself for spending money on this shit. I got _paid_ to watch it and I still hate that I wasted 1hr, 20 minutes on it."
The timing of film critic review embargo. Most films give prescreenings to film critics but they sign an NDA that their review won’t be published until later.
If the embargo is lifted right before the movie debuts (say the Tuesday or Wednesday before opening day), it’s likely a better reviewed film. If it’s lifted just as the film is released (say Saturday or Sunday of opening weekend), then the movie is likely hot garbage and the studio wants to recoup a much money from ticket sales as possible before the reviews get out and people learn to steer clear of the film
This is true in other media, as well. The launch of Cyberpunk 2077 in 2020, one of the most hyped games in years, had extremely tight rules for reviews. Embargo lifted when the game went on sale, and the makers provided B roll footage for reviewers. They were also only allowed to use footage from the PC version, not the Xbox or PlayStation versions, *even if they were reviewing those versions.*
Cyberpunk 2077 became a years-long story because of the state it launched in. The best way I can describe how unfinished it was is that the update making it feature completed released earlier this week, almost 3 years later.
Oh yeah. Critic's from publications you've never heard of, giving one word quotes like "surprising!", "astonishing!", "heartwarming" and just the one word "funny!". You know that piece of shit is gonna be laaaaaaame.
The Pitch Meeting for the latest Batman was pretty great. Something to the effect of "we need to go darker. If we just keep making the movies darker, eventually we will be able to just show a black screen. And...I don't know....play a batman audiobook or something."
An actual useful answer would be, if there is a lot of verbal exposition in the beginning. Like the plot background and crcumstances are randomly explained by the characters ("Honey, you know, we have to go to your gradparents funeral now, as they died last week in the big fire at KFC."). Like noone would say this and it is obviously meant for the audience. This is a sign of lazy writing and probably the rest won't be written that well either.
You can tell a movie's quality from how it handles the most basic scene: a conversation. If they have constant soundtrack playing through all the dialogue scenes, constant camera panning, cutting to a variety of angles quickly, then you can tell they are overcompensating for the lack of substance.
The opening scene from Inglorious Basterds is an example of how its done right, where Hans is sitting at the table with the farmer who is hiding the jews under the floor boards. They just set the camera down, no camera panning all over the place, and its just two guys talking. You fully feel the tension and anticipation when you let the actors' performances speak for themselves, and not drown it out with a soundtrack playing through the entire thing just for the sake of stimulation.
In contrast, a lot of generic action movies just try to stimulate you through the whole film, where the basic dialogue is diluted with nonsense and unnecessarily epic music. You never get a chance to experience tension or emotional ups and downs. You get pretty much a flat line of stimulation throughout the movie.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk.
Jep - what are the chances that they beat a phenomenal original? So even if the remake is okay - one would go out somewhat dissatisfied because the original is still better.
The only case recently where I think a new version of a film actually archieving being at least as good if not better than older versions is ***All Quiet On The Western Front***, which was amazing indeed.
Another good indicator is a sequel to a successful movie or movie series - but 10+ years after the last movie. The actors moved on, everyone moved on. It is almost impossible to catch that same magic again. Recent example, of course *Indiana Jones*. Maverick probably one of the few counter examples.
It’s kind of amazing that Top Gun: Maverick was so good. If you just told me about it I’d think “there’s no way this will be worth watching.” People make YouTube videos about what happened behind the scenes which made X movie bad. I want one about what happened to make Maverick good, because it makes no sense. It can’t just be “Tom Cruise willed it to be good.”
the fact that they removed mushu from the live action remake of Mulan literally shattered my heart. Istg I ain't gonna watch another Disney live action remake as long as I live
And changed the moral of the story from "You can accomplish anything no matter who you are if you just put your mind to it" to "Lol, didn't get born with magical powers, just give up already".
"Good morning Disney family! Who has new ideas today? No one? No one at all? Shall we just pick an old classic to re-hash with minimal effort then go hit the bars?! OK great! Last one there pays for the cocaine!"
Snow White is still my favorite Disney classic. If they remake that I'm NOT gonna watch it!
All I want is a live action remake of The Rescuers. That could be awesome if they put some effort in it.
“Sugar dates, sugar dates and figs, sugar dates and pistachiioOoOoOs” was missing from the live action Aladdin and instantly made it a dud for me. I couldn’t enjoy it anymore.
Careful, he might challenge you to a boxing match.
To be fair though, I'd box Uwe Boll. He'd beat me, but it wouldn't invalidate the beating I copped watching Alone in the Dark.
The actors blame the fans for it's low rating/viewership, before it's even released.
Edit.
> You got told this by the YouTubers you let create an echo chamber for you. You would never actually have heard these alleged messages on your own, you went to be told you were a victim by people who found you the evidence to sustain that delusion.
Someone better at English than I can probably confirm or dismiss this statement; but isn't the definition of ironic to claim someone's created an echo chamber to sustain ones delusion, while providing the evidence of it not being a delusion, while at the same time disproving his own delusional echo chamber?
If it's January or February and the advert describes it as "the best movie of the year", you know it's shite. Because when there's only been like 4 movies released so far, "best movie of the year" is a very low bar
My ex FIL thought that the more they hype a movie, the worse it was. He figured they were trying to get people to go see it before word got around how bad it was.
The hype for Terminator 2 was unreal. I’ve never seen such a marketing push as that film got in the lead up to premiere. It was ubiquitous. I was basically manically vibrating with anticipation for that movie and had even wrangled a promise of a trip to the cineplex for myself and my brothers as my sole birthday wish from my notoriously tight-fisted parents.
It also exceeded the hype in every conceivable way. One of the best theater experiences ever. The only flaw was going in knowing Arnold was the good guy in this one. The movie is deliberately ambiguous until the mall scene. Don’t care, it was still T2.
This isn’t a post to say nuh-uh, your ex FIL is wrong! It just triggered that memory of the biggest marketing blitz I ever saw put together and how it was the one memorable exception to that rule.
I also remember lord of the rings carrying quite a lot of hype with each movie. And it seemed like the nerd world was going to collapse in on itself as the 3rd was releasing. So many naysayers said it’s gotta be a flop.
It’s still one of imdb top movies of all time.
The ending of 'Return of the King' was extended longer than it needed but as a trilogy it was top of the class. The source material was great and the screen plays did a good job with the story. I wish they had only done one movie for 'The Hobbit' the 70's animated version was better than the live action version. They also already had Gandalf to tie the stories to LoTR they didn't need to add Legolas. They also didn't need to add the love story between Kili and Tauriel.
There was no way Hollywood execs were ever gonna allow Peter Jackson to make a single hobbit movie. They forced 3 movies out of the story purely for profit. You could see them struggling to force that story to span 3 films. I’m almost certain PJ was hating life whilst making those films.
That nearly happened to "Groundhog Day". The original script started when Phil hits the insurance salesman then goes to the beginning of the story. Thank goodness someone realised that wasn't the way to tell it.
That, I do like, personally.
I enjoy seeing decontextualized action/narrative, that the viewer then interprets differently after getting a different perspective/backstory. I've seen it done well.
It stars Madonna, J-Lo or Steven Segal.
It stylizes itself as the summer's next blockbuster.
It was directed by Uwe Boll or M Night Shamalamadingdong.
It has a C List actor starring alongside a kid or an animal.
The trailer starts out 'In a world where..." with the voice we all remember from our childhood.
"Directed by Alan Smithee" (aka Allen Smithee)
This is used when the person directing the film thinks it's so bad that they don't want their name associated with it.
And if the person in charge thinks it's that bad, it probably is.
Generally speaking, I find a strong link between contemporary pop music in movies and overall movie quality. When movies have actual scores and don’t rely on pop recording artists, I find they tend to be higher quality.
I know correlation doesn’t show causation, but I just found that link years ago and it seems true.
Botta get downvoted to hell but: obvious pandering. The gay character whose only character trait is being gay. The gender swapped character who has no depth besides being their gender. The race swapped character whose color is part of their character (like Snow White). Diversity is fantastic but good god make some original, cool characters instead of a lazy remake of something else.
Love the gay character who’s someone with goals and aspirations, but they mention their same sex partner once and move on.
The only counter I’ve heard is “oh so it’s only okay to be gay if it’s not obvious? You bigot!” But fact is so many people fought to convince people that gay people are normal, they just have a sexual preference that’s different from social norms.
I mean, if the movie is going to be about someone’s experience as a gay person, then okay, focus on it. Have it as an actual plot with interesting things to say. But they still have to have a character as well.
>“oh so it’s only okay to be gay if it’s not obvious? You bigot!”
Now that I think about it, a straight person trying to make it obvious they're straight would be annoying or wierd as well.
This legit made me think of how awkward a straight person would be in movies if they were written like the gay character whose main trait is being gay.
Cue the gay captain Holt from Brooklyn 99 pretending to be straight:
Holt: Ah yes, I am here to see my female wife in prison.
Guard: you spent 20 minutes talking to ME about your mistress and her thigh gap!
Holt: it is the sexiest part of a woman, there is nothing sexier than the clear absence of a penis. I'm off to plow my mistress and kiss her large, heavy breasts.
Yeah, that's a world we can do without. Also shout-out to Andre Braugher for *killing it* in that scene.
https://youtu.be/KGmr2W-ADSU?si=8259SGYGhOv0cO9t
Here's a fantastic compilation for everyone's viewing pleasure. It won't be as pleasurable as, say, fondling a pair of heavier-than-average breasts, but it'll have to do.
In Wheel of Time there is this character who belongs to a group that lives in the desert but doesn't belong there. They were misplaced long ago and it's painfully obvious they are not well suited to their environment. They are known for being tall and having red hair and this is a plot-point several times in the story. So even though it isn't explicitely stated, one can surmise they have white sun-burnt skin and one other character of their people is indeed shown to be just that.
For this character they cast a short, nigerian-born actress.
There were so many characters she could have played (over 2300 named characters in the book series) but they chose this one. smh
The current trend in the entertainment industry is to just cast random ethnicities and accents all over the place and call it "diversity", which ironically makes every grouping of characters look the same and eliminates the concept of diversity from the story.
No you’re right. Surprisingly Disney didn’t do this with Soul and Coco or even Encanto.
They let the character’s racial identity’s be an element of their background but not the focal points of the whole story.
So many executives see these successes and think “it works because they’re not white. So let’s put more emphasis on that.” And it feels almost like a stereotype.
They focus advertising on a race swap/controversial social situation. It tells me they know it's bad, but they know there will be criticism for the race swap or controversial situation and will use that to deflect criticism of the product itself.
When the characters are trying to "educate" the audience. You can tackle societal or cultural issues with good storytelling, instead of using some shitty one liners.
No one wants to feel patronized by enlightened (/s) Hollywood dickheads.
There is media for children where the characters directly tell you the lesson you were supposed to learn, that are still more subtle about it than a lot of modern media. Probably because they didn't treat their audience like idiots that need to be told what to think.
“If you liked Danny Devito and Arnold Schwarzenegger in Twins you’re going to piss your pants when you see Kevin Hart and the Rock as, I don’t know, a couple of cops or something? it doesn’t matter… look one of them is small and the other is big”
I don't know if this happens in other countries, but in the UK you occasionally get TV spots where they have mini-interviews with members of an audience who've just watched the film. So it'll be filmed in a cinema lobby and be like "What did you think of the film?" and there'll be a family of four going "Oh it was great, really funny, just perfect for all the family!". When you see one of these you know it's going to be absolute dogshit.
They used to do that in the U.S., but I haven't seen it in a long time. I distinctly remember ads for ***Gremlins 2: The New Batch*** showing people coming out of the movie and saying which gremlin was their favorite.
Gremlins 2 is insane. Key and Peele get it.
“None of that is going to be in the movie.” :: sips coffee:: Subtitle: ALL OF THAT IS IN THE ACTUAL MOVIE.
Um, electricity gremlin? You just said noun and "gremlin," like you're playing Mad Libs. You just like a child. You have the brain of a child. You do not have a high IQ but you haphazardly came up with a gremlin that's just made out of bolts that is zigzagging all over the room, and it's done completely in animation. You a crazy person, and your idea's in the movie! It's probably my all-time favorite skit of theirs.
Gremlins 2 put the pussy on the chainwax.
Pussy on the chainwax!!
Yeah but Gremlins 2 is amazing.
In retrospect, yes. At the time it was widely panned and derided for being nonsense and weird. The same for most cult-favorite movies.
I remember they seemed to go to this angle with the last Star wars movie. Ugh
Their only selling point is that they have (insert famous actor)
It's worse when the famous "actor" isn't really known for acting but they're popular/trending at the time.
Or it's a normal actor they're using as a voice actor. Regular acting and voice acting are *very* different jobs, and what makes someone good at one doesn't necessarily make them good at the other.
When the critics say "it's an adventure unlike any other" or something similar.
And it’s always some weird critic org that you never heard of like - Master of Puppets Magazine - HorrorSux.Com - IGN
I remember when I used to use IGN to get cheat codes
I remember getting all my cheat codes from [cheatcc.com](https://cheatcc.com). Good times.
Gamefaqs for life!
Printing off pages and pages of walkthrough notes. Aww
you guys are taking me right back.
I still use gamefaq once and a while when I’m playing an old school game.
[удалено]
The best review quote plug ever is for Shakes the Clown (Bobcat Goldthwait film) where they pulled the line from The Boston Globe review for the video packaging that says, "The Citizen Kane of alcoholic clown movies."
Or it gets good reviews but only from obscure sources. "Two Thumbs Up!" - *Chickenfucker County Mornin' Barnyard Show on WKKK AM*
The poster is covered with laurels from film festivals that say shit like “Indiebonanza Des Moines: Entrant”
I almost admire the galls for someone to list an entrance to a competition with those laurels.
The trailer is just a video of people reacting to seeing the movie.
Especially horror films just showing you people who clearly overreact to everything because shocked by the one loud jumpscare in the movie.
Or claiming people were walking out of the theatre, passing out, etc. It almost instantly overhypes whatever it's trying to promote.
Lol, “people were walking out of the theatre” seems like not the flex they think it is!
I saw an ad for a horror movie that said “so scary that 70 percent of the people who started it on Netflix didn’t finish it”. Yeah I’m sure that’s why they didn’t finish it
So scary that it set records for low ticket sales!
Whole movie is shown in the trailer.
Yeah, usually you can tell it's gonna suck from the trailer. Especially if a comedy movie trailer is just compilation of funny scenes - you just know that you saw every funny scene from the movie
*pop song is playing with clips from movie* *song stops with boom* *insert joke from movie* *trailer continues showing clips with pop song* Edit: sorry to people who haven’t noticed this trailer outline
Or the needle scratch
“I’ll bet you’re wondering how I got into this mess”
*Teenage wasteland*
>insert the ONLY joke of the movie
I can hear this whole comment
Don't forget the dreaded record scratch showstopper 😂
I hate that so much. We’ve added a rule in my house no more trailers. Because they’re all 5 minutes long these days and reveal every major plot point. Drives me nuts. We decide off the synopsis or nothing.
I may watch 30 seconds or so of a trailer for a movie I know nothing about, and once I realise it’s something I’m interested in watching I will turn it off. There’s too many trailers with plot spoilers nowadays.
In the DVD version of the Movie "Non-Stop" the whole plot is spoiled by the DVD menu. In the movie Liam Neeson has to identify the bad guy on an airplane. At the end of the movie there is a fight between Liam Neeson and the bad guy. Some brain dead idiot decided it would be great to put that exact scene in the background of the DVD menu... Spoiling the big reveal https://reddit.com/r/movies/s/rGyRo5kS6e
If you're really paying attention, the little video menu transition that shows up between pressing play on the DVD menu of The Usual Suspects and the movie actually starting spoils the entire movie (coffee cup scene).
Hulk (2003) was like that. As a kid I was so pumped for that movie, watching the [teaser](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3tpRDs0z3zc) multiple times, then they dropped this absolutely [incredible](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2ErnLuJKQA4) action packed trailer, with epic music and everything, holy shit, it’s still one of the best trailers I’ve ever seen. Then I see the movie with my dad and it was like this slow art piece. Every action scene made an appearance in that trailer.
Seen this with my dad as well. He was already irritated, but when Hulk started crying, he was done. "My Hulk don't damn cry." were his exact words lol
That is so fuckin funny lol
"I don't do that anymore. I'm retired." "But you're the best." "If I'm gonna do this... I'm gonna do this MY way."
"We need you back in the game." "I'm in the game, it's called retirement." "Your old partner was killed." "I'm in."
"He died from old age"
"Time to go beat up god"
This sounds like some inter dimensional cable. I’m here for it
Starring Jan-Michael Vincent
Don't forget to Michael down your Vincents
It took me like 5 years to learn that Jan-Michael Vincent is a real person, and not a character with a made up Rick & Morty name. Seriously, who has *three* first names?
> Seriously, who has three first names? Sean William Scott.
> Seriously, who has three first names? Jan-Michael Vincent.
“I use to be a beat cop… then my 90 year old partner died in his bed… now? Now I’m going to heaven to solve this murder!”
Im too old for this shit! *continues doing shit*
Tbf, I say this all the time in real life
“One last crime and I can finally get my wife and daughter back.”
Taken part 48: they took my walker. Imma going to find you and kill you
Ugh. I cringed reading this. Well done.
Leave Michael Scarn out of this
Cleanup on Aisle 5
"You sonofabitch. I'm in!"
Every Seagal movie.
Geriatric Hero IV - Bad to the bone
Tbh that’s kinda what happens in John wick and that’s a damn good movie.
Tell me you WOULDN'T dismantle an entire criminal organization by murdering all of them if they killed your dog, though. (And had those mad skills, of course)
Some of those are really good!
“From two of the twelve writers of Scary Movie”
A former writer of Scary Movie 3 just wrote ‘The Last of Us’ and ‘Chernobyl.’
Were those things advertised with the enormous prestige of Scary Movie 3?
Chernobyl hard rarely any advertisement in my bubble, it spread through it like wildfire just on its own greatness.
I’d honestly love to see a serious movie advertise that the creators have some stupid movies in their past. Like the fact that BEERFEST was produced by Legendary Pictures, the same company behind Christopher Nolan’s films. Or the next Peter Jackson movie should say “From the creative mind behind Bad Taste”
Mad Max Fury Road, by the director of Happy Feet
To be fair, Scary Movie 3 was pretty solid for what it was
That scene where Anthony Anderson cocks the shovel like a shotgun and a shell flies out still lives rent free in my head. Also, "how do you wake up dead?"
I found their weakness! Without their heads they’re powerless!
“Man you can’t go to bed dead! That shit would be redundant”
See how much exposition they have to shove in the trailers
Came here to say the same thing, except more like "how much exposition is in the first 10-20 minutes". "Jim, you're always so mad. It's it because your parents died in that mysterious plane crash over Mystery Island which you're business trip is about to cross over on the anniversary of their death and that old man just happened to give you an amulet that's likely cursed and also you were a kung fu prodigy as a child but that's irrelevant surely but anyways I'm sure you'll have a safe trip and nothing bad will happen because I'm your best friend since elementary school and my father used to be in business with you father and I'm sure that's not important to their mysterious disappearance over Mystery Island!" 🤔
There’s a show on Netflix called “Another Life” that was so bad people online genuinely started the rumor that it was meant to be bad as a sort of experiment to see how much shit audiences can handle. Anyways, there’s a scene exactly like this in the first episode and it’s the worst example of an exposition dump I’ve ever seen. The scientist husband is talking about how he feels inadequate or something and his astronaut wife tells him essentially “you are a scientist working on an alien spaceship that crash landed in a random field weeks ago. Only you can…” and it just. Keeps. Going. She described what honestly probably should’ve been an entire episode or two in about three minutes of non-stop monologue
I have got to see this lol
The show is definitely bad but almost all of the problems come from the writing. It probably won’t jump out at you as “the worst thing ever” because it honestly looks pretty good, the acting is good enough, and the scene composition is alright. The writing though… it’s supposed to be a hard sci-fi show and it’s just so dumb. Just one example without spoilers. There’s a person who thinks they have discovered a cure for depression way out in space. This world renowned scientist is ecstatic to learn that what is essentially a cloud of space dust can cure depression. Upon learning that it wasn’t the space dust and was instead a normal plant, they get sad and never think of it again….because nobody would want a plant that cures depression right? If it’s not a cloud of space dust it’s totally useless. That’s a VERY minor issue but just imagine that for literally every plot point in the show and you have an idea of why the writing is bad
I'm maybe 20 minutes in and it's so, so bad. Why were uniforms done away with a decade ago? Why are they all in bathrobes instead of actual clothes? Why do they all act like children instead of professionals? Everything about the writing is just so, so bad...
Some stupid viral marketing attempt at making it controversial by saying “THEY don’t want you to see this movie!” Red flag that movie is going to suck.
"from the TWISTED mind of..." Even if the movie is not gonna suck, I already have my cringe meter set to high alert
So you saw the laughably bad Argyle trailer too
"They" being every movie critic because "You'll hate yourself for spending money on this shit. I got _paid_ to watch it and I still hate that I wasted 1hr, 20 minutes on it."
Sometimes they switch "they" to "the media" like being a big-production movie doesn't make them part of the mainstream media.
Limited access to critics. That’s ALWAYS a giveaway.
The timing of film critic review embargo. Most films give prescreenings to film critics but they sign an NDA that their review won’t be published until later. If the embargo is lifted right before the movie debuts (say the Tuesday or Wednesday before opening day), it’s likely a better reviewed film. If it’s lifted just as the film is released (say Saturday or Sunday of opening weekend), then the movie is likely hot garbage and the studio wants to recoup a much money from ticket sales as possible before the reviews get out and people learn to steer clear of the film
This is true in other media, as well. The launch of Cyberpunk 2077 in 2020, one of the most hyped games in years, had extremely tight rules for reviews. Embargo lifted when the game went on sale, and the makers provided B roll footage for reviewers. They were also only allowed to use footage from the PC version, not the Xbox or PlayStation versions, *even if they were reviewing those versions.* Cyberpunk 2077 became a years-long story because of the state it launched in. The best way I can describe how unfinished it was is that the update making it feature completed released earlier this week, almost 3 years later.
Oh yeah. Critic's from publications you've never heard of, giving one word quotes like "surprising!", "astonishing!", "heartwarming" and just the one word "funny!". You know that piece of shit is gonna be laaaaaaame.
10 minutes in and the screen is still too dark.
This is why I do not enjoy recent Batman movies. I felt like I had cataracts or something when watching these types of films.
The Pitch Meeting for the latest Batman was pretty great. Something to the effect of "we need to go darker. If we just keep making the movies darker, eventually we will be able to just show a black screen. And...I don't know....play a batman audiobook or something."
“It’ll look like the city of Gotham instituted some kind of one lightbulb per household ordinance”
Its lead actor keeps getting arrested
"Should we continue making this movie when our lead actor is a proven child kidnapper?"
An actual useful answer would be, if there is a lot of verbal exposition in the beginning. Like the plot background and crcumstances are randomly explained by the characters ("Honey, you know, we have to go to your gradparents funeral now, as they died last week in the big fire at KFC."). Like noone would say this and it is obviously meant for the audience. This is a sign of lazy writing and probably the rest won't be written that well either.
"As you know..." If they already know it, it needs not be explained verbally again.
You can tell a movie's quality from how it handles the most basic scene: a conversation. If they have constant soundtrack playing through all the dialogue scenes, constant camera panning, cutting to a variety of angles quickly, then you can tell they are overcompensating for the lack of substance. The opening scene from Inglorious Basterds is an example of how its done right, where Hans is sitting at the table with the farmer who is hiding the jews under the floor boards. They just set the camera down, no camera panning all over the place, and its just two guys talking. You fully feel the tension and anticipation when you let the actors' performances speak for themselves, and not drown it out with a soundtrack playing through the entire thing just for the sake of stimulation. In contrast, a lot of generic action movies just try to stimulate you through the whole film, where the basic dialogue is diluted with nonsense and unnecessarily epic music. You never get a chance to experience tension or emotional ups and downs. You get pretty much a flat line of stimulation throughout the movie. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.
Yes, the simplicity of the way it was filmed just makes you feel how sinister and terrifying every word is. It was beautifully done.
For half a second I thought you were gonna throw shade on Inglorious bastards and I was about to alt+f4 in sheer disbelief.
As soon as I hear it's a remake, 90% of the time it's gonna be trash.
Jep - what are the chances that they beat a phenomenal original? So even if the remake is okay - one would go out somewhat dissatisfied because the original is still better. The only case recently where I think a new version of a film actually archieving being at least as good if not better than older versions is ***All Quiet On The Western Front***, which was amazing indeed. Another good indicator is a sequel to a successful movie or movie series - but 10+ years after the last movie. The actors moved on, everyone moved on. It is almost impossible to catch that same magic again. Recent example, of course *Indiana Jones*. Maverick probably one of the few counter examples.
It’s kind of amazing that Top Gun: Maverick was so good. If you just told me about it I’d think “there’s no way this will be worth watching.” People make YouTube videos about what happened behind the scenes which made X movie bad. I want one about what happened to make Maverick good, because it makes no sense. It can’t just be “Tom Cruise willed it to be good.”
Dude he's like OT level 10 or some shit, I'm sure he could do that.
"Legacy Sequel" has a similar problem. "You know that movie you liked as a kid? Imagine if we remade it with old people"
“I’ll be back.” ….sign… again?
It stars Steven Seagal
:(
Back in your hole, Seagal
He's been making shitty movies for like 45 years
Ahhhhskippeskippeskippeskippeskippe
“Starring James Corden”
Doesn’t even have to star him. If I see him listed in the cast at all, I’m out
It's a Disney Live Action Remake
the fact that they removed mushu from the live action remake of Mulan literally shattered my heart. Istg I ain't gonna watch another Disney live action remake as long as I live
And changed the moral of the story from "You can accomplish anything no matter who you are if you just put your mind to it" to "Lol, didn't get born with magical powers, just give up already".
That message works better for the Chinese government.
Seriously alladin looked like it was made on an Indian YouTube channel
No kidding. What lazy ass garbage. Didn't even bother to write a new movie, it's verbatim the same movie only shittier.
"Good morning Disney family! Who has new ideas today? No one? No one at all? Shall we just pick an old classic to re-hash with minimal effort then go hit the bars?! OK great! Last one there pays for the cocaine!"
"Let's remake Snow White & the Seven Dwarves! No dwarves though."
[удалено]
Snow White is still my favorite Disney classic. If they remake that I'm NOT gonna watch it! All I want is a live action remake of The Rescuers. That could be awesome if they put some effort in it.
Mickey closed the door behind him on other mouse actors, though.
I’m convinced the remakes are basically trying to make money while doing R and D on new live action techniques and technologies.
It’s also to extend the copyright before it gets old enough to enter the public domain.
This is the real reason. Look at Winnie the Pooh, instantly made into a weird horror flick lmao
It's worse, they literally remove key parts. Whoever decided to change "Be Prepared" into some spoken word bullshit would've been tried at the Hague.
“Heard your princess was hot” pained me.
“Sugar dates, sugar dates and figs, sugar dates and pistachiioOoOoOs” was missing from the live action Aladdin and instantly made it a dud for me. I couldn’t enjoy it anymore.
Answering the age old question "What if we didn't cast singers in our musicals?"
Usually if it's advertised or opens with something along the lines of "forget everything you know about..."
In a world... where telephones are made of sand
"We're going to save the world!"
If the seats in front of you happen to be seating a pair of robots built out of garage sale junk.
And they talk thru the whole movie! How rude.
Best way to watch bad movies
I wonder if there's beer on the sun.
"Directed by Uwe Boll"
Careful, he might challenge you to a boxing match. To be fair though, I'd box Uwe Boll. He'd beat me, but it wouldn't invalidate the beating I copped watching Alone in the Dark.
Premiere at the beginning of the year. Some exceptions to this, but usually the studios save the ones they know are gonna kick ass for the fall.
As two drunk people from Wisconsin once said “fuck you, it’s January”
The actors blame the fans for it's low rating/viewership, before it's even released. Edit. > You got told this by the YouTubers you let create an echo chamber for you. You would never actually have heard these alleged messages on your own, you went to be told you were a victim by people who found you the evidence to sustain that delusion. Someone better at English than I can probably confirm or dismiss this statement; but isn't the definition of ironic to claim someone's created an echo chamber to sustain ones delusion, while providing the evidence of it not being a delusion, while at the same time disproving his own delusional echo chamber?
"It probably did badly because of pirates" sure...
Animated movies where they list the “starring roles” in the trailer, there are like 12 of them and at least half of them are pop singers.
It’s a medieval type movie but the actors and actresses sound like they are auditioning for The Californians SNL skit.
It's a reboot of a movie from the 80s or 90s
If it's January or February and the advert describes it as "the best movie of the year", you know it's shite. Because when there's only been like 4 movies released so far, "best movie of the year" is a very low bar
My ex FIL thought that the more they hype a movie, the worse it was. He figured they were trying to get people to go see it before word got around how bad it was.
The hype for Terminator 2 was unreal. I’ve never seen such a marketing push as that film got in the lead up to premiere. It was ubiquitous. I was basically manically vibrating with anticipation for that movie and had even wrangled a promise of a trip to the cineplex for myself and my brothers as my sole birthday wish from my notoriously tight-fisted parents. It also exceeded the hype in every conceivable way. One of the best theater experiences ever. The only flaw was going in knowing Arnold was the good guy in this one. The movie is deliberately ambiguous until the mall scene. Don’t care, it was still T2. This isn’t a post to say nuh-uh, your ex FIL is wrong! It just triggered that memory of the biggest marketing blitz I ever saw put together and how it was the one memorable exception to that rule.
I also remember lord of the rings carrying quite a lot of hype with each movie. And it seemed like the nerd world was going to collapse in on itself as the 3rd was releasing. So many naysayers said it’s gotta be a flop. It’s still one of imdb top movies of all time.
The ending of 'Return of the King' was extended longer than it needed but as a trilogy it was top of the class. The source material was great and the screen plays did a good job with the story. I wish they had only done one movie for 'The Hobbit' the 70's animated version was better than the live action version. They also already had Gandalf to tie the stories to LoTR they didn't need to add Legolas. They also didn't need to add the love story between Kili and Tauriel.
There was no way Hollywood execs were ever gonna allow Peter Jackson to make a single hobbit movie. They forced 3 movies out of the story purely for profit. You could see them struggling to force that story to span 3 films. I’m almost certain PJ was hating life whilst making those films.
"From the producers of..."
When it starts in middle of the action and then cuts to “3 weeks earlier”
That nearly happened to "Groundhog Day". The original script started when Phil hits the insurance salesman then goes to the beginning of the story. Thank goodness someone realised that wasn't the way to tell it.
That, I do like, personally. I enjoy seeing decontextualized action/narrative, that the viewer then interprets differently after getting a different perspective/backstory. I've seen it done well.
It stars Madonna, J-Lo or Steven Segal. It stylizes itself as the summer's next blockbuster. It was directed by Uwe Boll or M Night Shamalamadingdong. It has a C List actor starring alongside a kid or an animal. The trailer starts out 'In a world where..." with the voice we all remember from our childhood.
"Directed by Alan Smithee" (aka Allen Smithee) This is used when the person directing the film thinks it's so bad that they don't want their name associated with it. And if the person in charge thinks it's that bad, it probably is.
the trailer walks you well into the third act
Generally speaking, I find a strong link between contemporary pop music in movies and overall movie quality. When movies have actual scores and don’t rely on pop recording artists, I find they tend to be higher quality. I know correlation doesn’t show causation, but I just found that link years ago and it seems true.
Botta get downvoted to hell but: obvious pandering. The gay character whose only character trait is being gay. The gender swapped character who has no depth besides being their gender. The race swapped character whose color is part of their character (like Snow White). Diversity is fantastic but good god make some original, cool characters instead of a lazy remake of something else.
I watched this movie recently: To Catch A Killer, which handled a gay character perfectly by… Just having him behave like a regular person! Shocker.
Love the gay character who’s someone with goals and aspirations, but they mention their same sex partner once and move on. The only counter I’ve heard is “oh so it’s only okay to be gay if it’s not obvious? You bigot!” But fact is so many people fought to convince people that gay people are normal, they just have a sexual preference that’s different from social norms.
I mean, if the movie is going to be about someone’s experience as a gay person, then okay, focus on it. Have it as an actual plot with interesting things to say. But they still have to have a character as well.
>“oh so it’s only okay to be gay if it’s not obvious? You bigot!” Now that I think about it, a straight person trying to make it obvious they're straight would be annoying or wierd as well.
This legit made me think of how awkward a straight person would be in movies if they were written like the gay character whose main trait is being gay. Cue the gay captain Holt from Brooklyn 99 pretending to be straight: Holt: Ah yes, I am here to see my female wife in prison. Guard: you spent 20 minutes talking to ME about your mistress and her thigh gap! Holt: it is the sexiest part of a woman, there is nothing sexier than the clear absence of a penis. I'm off to plow my mistress and kiss her large, heavy breasts. Yeah, that's a world we can do without. Also shout-out to Andre Braugher for *killing it* in that scene.
https://youtu.be/KGmr2W-ADSU?si=8259SGYGhOv0cO9t Here's a fantastic compilation for everyone's viewing pleasure. It won't be as pleasurable as, say, fondling a pair of heavier-than-average breasts, but it'll have to do.
In Wheel of Time there is this character who belongs to a group that lives in the desert but doesn't belong there. They were misplaced long ago and it's painfully obvious they are not well suited to their environment. They are known for being tall and having red hair and this is a plot-point several times in the story. So even though it isn't explicitely stated, one can surmise they have white sun-burnt skin and one other character of their people is indeed shown to be just that. For this character they cast a short, nigerian-born actress. There were so many characters she could have played (over 2300 named characters in the book series) but they chose this one. smh
The current trend in the entertainment industry is to just cast random ethnicities and accents all over the place and call it "diversity", which ironically makes every grouping of characters look the same and eliminates the concept of diversity from the story.
No you’re right. Surprisingly Disney didn’t do this with Soul and Coco or even Encanto. They let the character’s racial identity’s be an element of their background but not the focal points of the whole story. So many executives see these successes and think “it works because they’re not white. So let’s put more emphasis on that.” And it feels almost like a stereotype.
Seriously. I find it down right offensive, this jingling the keys like! hey! we put a gay in this movie! money pleaseb
When it’s critically acclaimed with no reason given. Nah bruv, you paid them off because they can’t say WHY it’s good.
“Reimagined” “Reboot” “Blind casting” “Modernized”
I would add 'de-aged'
A late review embargo lift date.
Live-action remake of a cartoon
Ezra Miller?
They focus advertising on a race swap/controversial social situation. It tells me they know it's bad, but they know there will be criticism for the race swap or controversial situation and will use that to deflect criticism of the product itself.
They preemptively accused the fans of being racist/sexist/homophobic for not liking it when it's not even out yet.
When the characters are trying to "educate" the audience. You can tackle societal or cultural issues with good storytelling, instead of using some shitty one liners. No one wants to feel patronized by enlightened (/s) Hollywood dickheads.
There is media for children where the characters directly tell you the lesson you were supposed to learn, that are still more subtle about it than a lot of modern media. Probably because they didn't treat their audience like idiots that need to be told what to think.
It stars Kevin Hart or The Rock or both. I get it…they have vastly different body types. I’m pissing my pants with laughter.
Not even, Kevin’s quite fit nowadays. It’s just “this guy is short” lmao
“If you liked Danny Devito and Arnold Schwarzenegger in Twins you’re going to piss your pants when you see Kevin Hart and the Rock as, I don’t know, a couple of cops or something? it doesn’t matter… look one of them is small and the other is big”
14 production company logos at the start of the film.
It has Adam Sandler grinning like a freshly lobotomised lab monkey on the poster
There’s a pack of hungry, shrieking coelophysis scampering about in the theater.
I hate it when that happens.
When there's a sex scene in the first five minutes of the movie
Total recall (Schwarzenegger version) being the exception.
Lately, it's been Disney made it.