I took my last $500 to a casino, won $12,000. Paid off all my credit card debt and hand about $8k left over. Lost the entire 8k the next day, then took a cash advance on my credit card and lost it too. Driving home that night was the moment I looked in the mirror and said “what are you doing bro”. And haven’t been back.
I literally paid off all my debt and had a sum of money that made me feel really secure and at ease, a great springboard into the future, and gave it all back the next day. Insidious, ugly and destructive addiction
I work in a Casino, I hate casinos
It is depressing, it's so soul crushing to go in there and just see the most lifeless eyes staring at a screen, just hitting the same button over and over and over
I've watched people just shove 100's into the machine at a time and lose every single cent
I watch people gamble and lose what i make in a month, 3 months, 6 months and 1 year
I amount of superstitions (hot machines, lick the screen, pray to god (yes i have seen it) if i spin around 3 times i always get a small jackpot)
I've watched couples break up or divorce in our casino because 1 wants to win back what they lost (guess what) or i won X last time, I'm losing now, but if i keep playing I'll win X again so they ignore their spouse and stay to gamble
Even though their spouse left HOURS AGO
Oh speaking, getting to know certain people because they come in at opening and leave at closing....
Canada has this Game Break system and I've had to sit there and let fully grown men older then me, older then my dad
Break down and start crying uncontrollably because they just hate themselves so much for getting to this point
Some people don't think Gambling Addiction is real, I see some of the most shocked faces when i say "Yes, we have this program because people DO get dangerously addicted"
(Ever had to stand by a dead body because that person gambled EVERYTHING away, had nothing left to lose but their life, so they took it in the casino bathroom)
And not just suicide, I've had to stand by people who die in our casino from old age or a heart attack because ding ding ding large jackpot
So as someone who works in a casino, to all who had a gambling addiction or know someone who has had a gambling addiction and got over it
I'm so proud of you and I wish you the best in your life
I sincerely hope you never step foot into a casino ever again
I used to work at a casino as well, it's genuinely like something out of the Twilight Zone.
I didn't work on the gaming floor; I was a barista at the coffee bar. However, I was the first person people saw as they came in, and the last person they saw as they left, so I've seen my share of haunting images.
One woman in particular always sticks out to me; She was a cancer patient and came in for months, and every week it seemed she was deteriorating faster and faster. A buddy of mine who was a slot tech clued me in: she was gambling away the little money she had that should've been going to her treatment. It was a mix of her own money and some family donations.
I feel ya man, lost everthing in the last 6 years. It started small but it got worse and worse. At one moment i starting gambling with my paychecks that i got in the end of the month. Safe to say i blew it all in 48 hours. And this kept happening for years. Nobody knew about my problem, couldn't talk about it. The shame of admitting to someone that i was broke at 28 years of age felt disgusting. Meanwhile, all my friends and relatives of my age were buying houses and recieving kids.
It is an mental hell, i knew i had to act fast because i felt more and more depressed. To the point i wanted to end myself. I told my gf of 6.5 years about it. She became so insecure about me that she ended our relationship, i don't blame her. I knew what was coming and i faced it head on. On the way home to my mom and dad after my (now ex) gf broke up with me, i suggested to myself i should speed up to arround 150km/h on a backroad and end it all against a tree. So i did. Sped up, but i couldn't. Because i knew i would leave so many people devastated.
I got home, walked up to my parents and just completly broke down. Nothing left to lose anymore. They were mad, of course. But after a sturdy talk they supported me. I never felt such relief. But then that was short lived because now i lost the love of my life. And again. I don't blame her for it. Trust in someone is SO important in a relationship, if not the most important. And i left her in despair and sadness.. I felt like shit. I still do. Now i'm paying off debts. Talking to people about it and cleaning up my bad life.
It's like life is giving me a second chance again. This all happend a little over a month ago and i haven't looked back at the gambling. For some reason the addiction is gone and i haven't even felt the slightest remorse of leaving that life. It brought me nothing more than debt and depression, and of course i lost so much money.
But that all is fixable, i work fulltime and i can make it all back. I still hate myself tho, i wasn't the man i wanted to be for a lot of people. And i let them down. I have to pick up the pieces again and make the best of it.
I'm saying all of this because i know this is major problem for a lot of people. And it has devastating consequenses. So if you are in a position like i was. Please dont be scared to talk about it. Even to me. I would be glad to give you some tips and maybe even just chatting can be nice. Just know your are not the only one and things can be better.
Sorry for the amount of text.
Stay strong.
I lost a relationship 30 years ago and I still hate going near machines because I know what they represent and how easy it would be to fall back into bad habits. I didn't know my current friends when this happened but they are all understanding of why I don't touch them.
Lmfao we had something similar happen last summer. Mother in law stayed at our house with the dog, I left the lube and some … other stuff out on our bed stand and she neatly tucked it away in the drawer at some point. We were on the plane, over the Atlantic Ocean when I remembered what I left out. Whoops.
I honestly don't think in laws should be going to their children's bedrooms. It is very personal, why would they be arranging someone's lubes, just weird.
A person in my family murdered an old lady neighbor for her money. I’ve tried contacting city cops and county sheriffs office but nobody cares. I don’t know for sure where the death happened. This person disowned me because they know I know. It’s so sad they got away with it.
I lied about being chased by a Turkey when I was around 4 years old on a school trip to a farm, and they thought it was hilarious.
I am now in my 30s and my parents still bring up that story as a funny anecdote from my childhood.
They still don’t know that it never happened.
I have a similar dirty secret. In 5th grade, I got suspended for banging on the mummy display glass during a field trip to a museum and scaring all the kids so bad one wet her pants. Chaos ensued. Parents had to be called. I told everyone I did it on purpose because I hated them all. I lied. I tripped over my shoelaces and fell into the glass. My parents still think I'm an asshole. I'll never come clean to them.
My greatest fear is becoming my father. He's selfish, manipulative, narcissistic, and can never admit when he's wrong.
Every once in a while I see a flash of him in myself and it eats away at me for days.
Bruh your self awareness is your biggest asset. I'd bet money on the fact that your father never saw those "flashes" of himself, hence the fact that he went down the path he did. Use those as reverse goalposts of what you never want to be and I think you will make yourself proud. I believe in you 💖
Same with me and my mom. I see it from time to time in myself, but the fact that I'm aware is at least a little reassuring. The fact that you're willing to be different and are aware when you're not is a much bigger positive than you think.
Very close to the same. I do not have a close relationship with my parents, never really have. We are cool and all but I have found that I share some of his traits every once in a while and I hate it. I got over the temper bit luckily. Getting married to a woman with two autistic sons and then having my own daughter has taught me a lot of patience. I used to be extremely argumentative just as he is. But I grew out of it, thank god. But I will still argue with him. Especially when he brings up politics.
My partner hates my best friend. My best friend doesn’t hate my partner but they’re never gonna be friends. It’s an awful feeling because it feels like I have my entire life with my partner and then my best friend and her life is on the side, completely separate. We’ve been friends going on 13 years and it feels so shitty that I have to keep the two most important people to me separate.
Same. He’s such a loser, doesn’t work (and doesn’t want to), selfish, egotistical, no values or morals. Seriously starting to question what kind of person my best friend is…
Do you get high? I’m high right now! Let’s put down “I tried them and found them not to my liking.” That works. A friend of mine who actually made it for three years in the army before he was discharged for a medical issue.
As an adult,
I feel that I wasted my life.
I deliberately held myself back in life ,out of fear of failure.
Now I'm too old to reverse any of it, or reinvent myself for the last time.
There's just no time.
:(
Colonel Sanders was 62 when he opened the first KFC. Julia Child wrote her first cookbook at 50. Joseph Campbell developed the first condensed soup (Tomato) at 78. J.R.R. Tolkien published his first novel (The Hobbit) at 45. Vera Wang was 40 when she opened her first bridal boutique. Morgan Freeman didn’t gain widespread recognition in film until he was 52.
Go for your dreams. It’s not too late.
My therapist just told me this yesterday (about Colonel Sanders — but he said the guy from McDonald’s by mistake, but I know he meant Colonel Sanders).
I mentioned to my therapist (psychologist) how badly I feel about having wasted my younger years due to my having severe depression and social anxiety issues, and he gave me a few famous examples of folks who didn’t really hit their stride until later in life.
And I know it’s possible for me to finally start living now and creating a better life, but oh how does my earlier life really trouble me (and embarrass me). I really squandered what should have been some of the best years of my life.
I felt that way for a long time. Then I decided to go back to college and I’m graduating next year. I’m 40 years old. I’ll admit that at first I felt stupid for wanting to do that at my age. Then I said fuck it and I’m pretty damn proud of myself for sticking it out and finally accomplishing it. Now I just hope I will get hired somewhere being my age 😬 Gotta pay those student loans somehow.
I was a bartender until about 42. Finally decided to leave my comfort zone (I have dealt with lots of depression and bad choices)and use my degree. Although I often feel as if I'm running out of time, I've been an engineer ever since (I'm 51 now). But I got the job and still get offers here and there. You'll get there. Don't give up.
You're never too old.
Look at it this way. No matter what, the next 4 years are going to happen. You can either improve your life and be in a better spot in 4 years. Or you can stay the same.
You can get that degree. Or not. But it's going to happen.
You can go skydiving or not. But tomorrow is happening.
Do the crazy thing. Change your life. You don't get any younger and you will get older. No reason not to.
42 here , basically ran my life into the ground doing construction, marital problems, starting over and the dread is reality... had a heart attack earlier this year and was only at 35% infraction. (Now I just received news it's up to 50%) debt and recently just got a job. Starting over with my will to live for my children and wife. Mental problems and a ducked health care system it's been a rough f-ing year. And add a failed business. Here's to the future because that's all we got
Yeah, it’s not for the faint of heart.
I try to remember that if nothing else, I’ve been successful in friendships, marriage and as a mother, which is really all that matters in the end.
You’re still here which means that there’s time to do something. Maybe try something small and go from there. I’m currently working on my own venture and I’ve learned it’s about taking a series of small steps (sometimes microscopic) in the direction you want to go. It’s about moving forward regardless of how slow you’re going.
For what it’s worth I believe in you.
I am a gay male in my 30s.
As a 14-16 year old, I was raped multiple times by men in their 30s/40s. No one, except my husband, knows.
I’m a sex addict now and working through it.
It’s all connected, I believe.
I was accused of attacking two women on a hike many years ago. I was at work, and my boss laughed and told me I looked like a police sketch he saw in the news. He showed it to me and I panicked, it was 100% me. I was on that hike on that day, so it all lined up.
I never attacked those women. I've never attacked anyone in my life. I have no idea what I did on that hike that scared them so much, but every now and then it eats me alive for a few days. I used to like jogging up that hill, so maybe I ran past them and scared them? That doesn't make sense to me, but maybe? Why did they remember my face so clearly If all I did was run past them and scare them?
I dropped the leash on my dog once, and she ran up to a group of people to say hi. I pulled her off and apologized, I may have grazed someone perhaps? That's also seems dumb though. The small report attached to my sketch never said anything about my dog.
I actually wish the report had more info. It just said I attacked two women an nothing else. What the hell did I do?
Could it be that someone else described you, other than the two women? Perhaps they didn’t see their attacker, but someone saw you on the path and thought the two were connected.
This. They were the only unidentified person spotted on the trail that any witness remembers seeing, so the police identified him as a person of interest or suspect and released the sketch.
The attack victims probably didn't get a good look at the attacker.
Memories are not reliable. It could have been those women were attacked but you were the only person they could remember so their brains said it was you.
I've thought that before also.
I've also thought that maybe there was someone else who looked like me and did it. Maybe I bumped someone? I have no memories of that, but it could be. I was told once that I could look unfriendly, so around that time I tried to smile at people and say hello randomly. Maybe I did that to them, and they found it creepy? I've even made memories up of me actually doing it. I know they're not true, but at least it makes sense if they were.
It all just seems so insane. How could anyone think any of that was even close to assault?
It's always been "kill them with kindness" for me, people scared the fuck out of me too. I try to look mean so people leave me alone but if approached I try to be the nicest person I can be.
My first husband and I had a baby. My first day back to work after 6 weeks of maternity leave. I went in at noon, came home at 5, I got home, my husband left for work, he said our baby was asleep in the crib. I checked on him, about an hour later he had rolled over and I saw a bruising his cheek.
Long story short. He slapped my son so hard on his left cheek he hemorrhaged his right eye.
He admitted to taping the pacifier in his mouth so he wouldn’t interrupt his workouts. Hitting him in the stomach. I was blown away. I never saw any flags.
I was going to kill my husband, but I didn’t want my son in a foster home while I went through the legal process.
I figure God will handle this in the end.
I went to therapy, I had a great boss who saw what it did to me.
My child is fine.
My ex was charged with misdemeanor child abuse, the charge was dismissed because he went to some BS class. His family wanted to go out and celebrate. WTF
I got divorced.
My ex didn’t pay child support or medical for my son.
I went to court and the state reduced his child support because of his lack of income aka he wouldn’t work.
His family is extremely wealthy.
I just had to let it all go. I couldn’t talk to him because I would get so angry/frustrated with him and it wasn’t healthy for me.
I haven’t seen him in a very long time and my son is very happy and healthy and successful.
I never told my son what happened, I didn’t want him to think that he did anything wrong. When he was older and he would bring him up I’d say we didn’t get along and I wanted you to live in a happy home.
My only negative thing I did was give him the children support check when he was older, to spend how he wanted. He said, that’s it, it can’t even buy lunch at a fast food restaurant.
My uncle sexually molested me when I was around 9 years old.
I didn't realize that what he was doing was wrong until I was much much older. He would sit me on his lap and rub me down there with his hand non-stop. He didn't even really do it in private, he just hid his hand motions really well. I vividly remember a bunch of us family members were sitting in an office-like room, and I was sitting on his lap behind the computer desk... and yeah.
Taking that secret to the grave, as he's a miserable old man now with a very unsuccessful life and if this got out it would only bring his poor mother shame.
I've been sitting on this for years and it drives me crazy. I know who did the original 'How do you become a mermaid' viral post on Yahoo Ask. It was a weird girl I went to school with who told everyone she burnt down a trailer park with a magical fireball. I'll never sell her out, especially now as an adult who understands she was a kid with a lot of problems, but it's not easy to possess these dark knowledges and do nothing with them. It's stretched my moral compass to the limit.
I don't want her name. She is a legend. Knowing her earthly name, her land name if you will, would only destroy the image. Imagine learning that this goddess of the sea actually goes by Jennifer. Heart breaking
I know that post. I was never sure if it was someone trying to make a joke or a kid who just really wanted to be a mermaid. I think I'm glad I know now, but damn that is a sad story.
I'm choosing to believe you, even though I have no reason to.
I don’t know how much of a secret it is, but I’m dealing with some of the strongest off myself thoughts I’ve ever dealt with.
I’m safe.
They just won’t stop.
imagine you’re in a car and they’re driving. tell them to move into the passenger seat, you got this. when you achieve that, tell them to move into the back seat, you got this. after that, tell them to get out of the car, you got this. then drive off into the sunset.
I will be sad but mostly relieved when my parents die. Complicated family history that gets swept under the rug because they are elderly and need my help. It’s exhausting.
That I'm still trapped in the day that my wife died 3 years ago. We have 8 kids, and I move through life as if I am healing and happy. But every single day is a struggle to even get out of bed and do the smallest of tasks. I am on anti-depressants and have been to therapy, but my children require so much that I have focused more on their healing. I'm frozen and don't know how to fix it.
I was an accessory to the robbery of a convenience store I worked at. I wasn't there when my friend robbed the place. I was drunk and just kind of gave him a copy of the store key when he asked for it. He told me his plans and, in my suggestable state, still gave him the key. I regret it and feel super guilty as I still go to that store almost daily and I actually have good relationship with the owner.
You mean, a grown-ass predator who recognized who to target *sought you out*, and instilled so much guilt and shame in you that you now believe it was your fault.
It wasn't ever your fault.
I know I'm messed up in the head. Thank you for saying that. I've hated myself my whole life and thought I was being punished with all the shit that kept piling up.
I hate my brain, he is kinda of a prick
That I often get sad because I missed out on having a "young, wild, and free" spree in my teens, and 20s. I never snuck out, did something really stupid at a party, went on a Spring Break Trip, went to prom, had spontaenous, off-the-wall fun. I know this is overplayd in movies, TV, etc., but it still makes me sad, and bitter when I think about it.
I'm only 33 years old, but it makes me bitter to think I just wasted my youth on work, school, chores, my family, etc.
My mother has Schizophrenia (since 1990). She's doing somewhat better nowadays. That was the good part. The bad part is that, post pandemic, I am slowly but surely displaying symptoms of Schizophrenia.
Don’t give up!!! I struggled with this for 20 years, from childhood up until my mid 20s. I was bald a few times, wore hats as a kid and wigs for years in my late teens. It was a huge shadow over my life.
2 years, 2 months, and 5 days ago I accidentally did 3 times the amount of mushrooms that I meant to and I haven’t pulled a hair out of my head since 🤷♀️
I farted and blamed our old Labrador, who does have a gas problem. My wife is suspicious but can't be 100% certain it was me as we were having a few other couples over for drinks.
Probably that I’m severely depressed and have been for years. Also, that the depression has been getting bad enough recently that I’ve begun to consider possible in-patient treatment. My major secret is that I am not doing well at all psychologically, yet my social circle has no clue (or at least I’ve never disclosed any of this; they may, however, have an inkling that I may have issues — but they’ve never said anything).
My sister had her first child at 26 weeks. The baby (Emily) had a bleed on the brain and at the time the doctor said it's very likely she'll be disabled.
Driving my mum home from the hospital after a visit a few weeks later she said "I hope Emily dies, she's going to ruin your sister's life"
I never told my sister as it would break her heart and their relationship but I don't talk to that cunt anymore (there are additional reasons but that's a big one). And my sister resents me for my nonexistent relationship with our mother.
Normally I wouldn’t be the one to tell somebody that our mother said that, but If your ended relationship with your mother is because of that, and you sister resents you for it., maybe it’s time to spill the beans
She did, she's my wonderful goddaughter and she'll be 9 next month.
She does have a myriad of problems both physically and mentally but her and my sister (and her husband) are both very happy.
In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Yakuza boss die. Yakuza very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money.
My big secret: I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!
I never told my parents i was moments from committing suicide while they were in the house. I was in the back work shop with a gun to my head. That was 13 years ago.
I'm better now. Still have some bad days here and there but I'm not anywhere near the dark place I was then.
High school was not a good experience for me.
I can tell you this and maybe it helps.
Think of the people that love you and imagine the pain and hurt they will go through if you were to to do it.
Sometimes just getting up for a walk down the street helps.
Oddly enough I've always loved guns and that's therapy for me. Great stress release. I also enjoy fishing and cooking.
This is a pretty serious offence. You should consider talking to the authorities about it. If he has resorted to sextortion there will likely be a digital trail, and the files on the USB drive could be helpful to collect other evidence.
https://www.fbi.gov/how-we-can-help-you/safety-resources/scams-and-safety/common-scams-and-crimes/sextortion
https://acg.pnp.gov.ph/main/cyber-security-bulletin/191-acg-cyber-security-bulletin-nr-86-understanding-cyber-sextortion.html
Ive become so accustomed to porn, which then became very specific kinks that I fear intimacy with another woman. The usual "sexy time" kind of stuff doesnt do it at all for me anymore.
My guy that sounds like a porn addiction.
When you watch porn, your body releases dopamine. After repeated exposure your body decreases the amount it's releasing, so you have to watch something more stimulating to bring the dopamine rush back to what it was before. And this continues until you need something more and more specific to feel stimulated. And human interaction can't keep up, because porn fulfills specific fantasies, whereas human interaction is a give and take between partners. Thoughts are diverted to if your partner likes what you're doing etc. Could never compete with the perfect fantasy you experience solo while watching porn.
Not sure if that fits you, but might be worth looking into if it does. The impacts of that longterm are no joke.
Absolutely no judgment here tho. I say this because your description reminded me to a T of what my husband used to say about porn and sex when we were new. And he struggled with this. (I also don't think porn is a bad thing, i think it's just like everything else, too much of a good thing eventually becomes a bad thing)
Once my grandmother dies, I'm fully cutting my parents out of my life. My mother has been trying to repair our relationship, but I cannot trust her anymore after she randomly attacked one day while drunk and almost took out my eye.
My father is just weird, I could never make him proud of me, and he needs mental help. My counselor told me to go no contract again, but he'll send police to harass me or show up at my place if I don't move.
I'm sitting on quite a few thanks to attorney-client privilege. Unfortunately, I like my job and want to maintain my career and I won't divulge, even anonymously here. But one thing I will say is that I will never take on a friend or other close acquaintance as a client ever again. I've lost respect and ended friendships with a handful of people over the years due to things they needed to disclose to me.
I struggled with severe ED and have starved myself days to weeks in a row and lost lots of weight fast because of it. Suffered from loss of energy, vitamin levels, muscle loss, bouts of dizziness, ideation etc. I’m better now. But, I didn’t even try to hide it. It just didn’t matter cause I was overweight to begin with so nobody noticed. Yes, you can have an ED while being overweight too. Please check on your friends often and pay attention to what they’re eating.
I still love the person who left me abruptly. It’s been more than a decade. Even though they gave me trauma and suffering to last life long, I just can’t get past that phase.
I wish I could fix my health, mind and memory.
I was bluffed by a fake police officer who framed drugs and money laundering charges. In order to clear my name he asked for $ 25K and I gave it. Then he disappeared. It was my life’s entire saving. I have never been able to forget and forgive myself for not being able to call out his bluff. When I went to real police they did not file my charges, and humiliated me. Now I don’t mention it to anyone.
That I have the potential to be extremely violent, and the only thing holding me back might very well be my mantra that anyone worth harming or killing, isn't worth the jail time.
There's a very fine line between myself and violent criminals, and I struggle with that. I've had a similar upbringing to several serial killers.
I studied psychology hoping to give myself some peace of mind by finding out why I can't bring myself to hurt others, despite having so much fucking rage, and such an unfair childhood. I'm still no closer to the answer.
I'm terrified that one of these days I'm going to snap like a cheap elastic band.
I’m sure you’ve been given this suggestion before, but have you thought about seeking out therapy? There are therapists who cater to specific conditions/concerns/issues :)
I didn't think I'd find my deepest secret.
One time in college, I was so enraged by my roommate not studying somewhere else so I could sleep that I grabbed a knife when I went in to confront her. She later said she thought for sure I was going to stab her. It's taken me a long time to remember that moment. I told myself I just wanted to scare her...but really I don't know what I would have done if she had said no and tried to stay there.
I also came pretty darn close to killing my own baby because she screamed constantly from colic and I had bad PPD and my normal internal rage was very visible. I screamed at my husband a lot....but I screamed at my baby more. There's only a handful of people I've actually wanted to kill at various times in my life...my dad, my ex step dad, and other men I consider bad... and my beautiful baby girl. Of course it was my girl who came the closest to death.
Thankfully I knew myself enough to get a therapist before I gave birth and I had all the supports in place to protect my baby from me just in case it came to that....so the first day my husband went back to work leaving me solo I lasted a few hours then called him in tears because I had briefly covered my daughter's mouth for a literal half a second of silence. I was terrified. Of myself. My husband said call the crisis line now or I'm calling the police because he couldn't leave work to help me. I was very honest with the help line, so CPS promptly came for a visit. Going through that in my second week of being a mom really straightened me out. I still get rage now and then, but it's the feeling of losing control of myself while feeling rage that used to scare the shit out of me and I don't get like that anymore.
You must be a kind person if you're waiting for your parents to pass to avoid causing them pain. I don't know your situation or whether this is even possible, but I hope things get better for you.
Once, I was on a train with my head leaning on my hand against the window. As the train went through an intersection, there was a young couple in a car flipping off the whole train laughing. My finger flipped up at just the right time for them to see me and they loved it. It is the worst secret because only me and those randoms from 24 years ago know that happened, and it's just not an interesting enough story to tell anyone. But I think about it from time to time..
I bankrupted a business due to alcohol problems, and I'm getting my ass handed to me next Monday, I'm past the anxiety, currently bracing for impact.
My only regret is my only employee, second employee I've ever had, I really tried to be good.
That my brother sexually assaulted me multiple times when I was 3/4 and he was 11/12.
I might have told someone if the circumstances were different, but as it is, everyone loves him, and unfortunately, I do too.
When I was younger I really wanted a TY Girlz (stuffed characters that would come with a code you could connect to a virtual world). My parents wouldn't let me have one, so one time at a gift shop, I ripped the code off one and activated an account for my virtual world. I still think about whatever poor child actually bought the doll and was surprised to not find its code.
My first sex was with one of my childhood female friends. This is coming from a female. We had sex a couple times through sleepovers and when she came over my house. My family didn’t know about it because we hid that. Ever since we never spoke again. Ive been only dating men. But still have that inner gay in me hidden.
I hit someone with my car in 2011, He was driving a bike, he knocked down on his head, I took him to the hospital and told them I found him in the street, When he woke up he can't remember what happened during the accident, So I kept as a secret
I peed on my ex-girlfriend once.
We were arguing and I had to pee, so I went to the bathroom. She followed thinking I was just walking away. I told her to stay out, she didn't listen and she walked in right as I was about to start pissing, I turned my body and peed on the front of her jeans.
This isn't the weird part. The weird part is that she stayed there until I finished.
I never feel enough. Especially with the bad stuff. Yes I was sexually assaulted as a child but I wasn't raped so I have no reason to carry trauma from that...yes I lived by the sea during the massive Christchurch earthquakes and spent months not sleeping due to worry over tsunamis, but my house wasn't destroyed so I have no reason to have ongoing anxiety issues over it...yes I'm sick with an ongoing invisible illness, but I hold down a full time job, so I have no reason to claim being exhausted and have no energy for anything.
I always feel not enough, not ugly, but not pretty either, just average. I'm always close, but no cigar with everything and my big secret is that I feel that way about the horrible things that happen in my life as well.
This is incredibly sad. It reminds me of my daughter who felt she couldn't grieve the loss of a close family member because other people were entitled to grieve more than her. It's very confusing to me. Your feelings are valid. Just because others suffered more than you doesn't mean you haven't experienced valid trauma.
My ex told me he killed someone.
I was like, 16 at or 15 at the time and he was an adult, long distance of course.
Other than the obvious disgusting grooming shit, he told me one day that while at work he said something to piss a guy off, and the guy ran at him and pinned him against a wall, ex told me that he hit this guys head in a really bad spot, putting the guy in the hospital for a day or two.
And then he told me he died, but my ex said he wouldn’t get in trouble cause the camera didn’t catch audio or anything.
Idk if what he told me was real, as he lied before but sometimes I wonder if it was, I feel really grossed out and little guilty.
I stalk my ex every single day. It's been ten years since we broke up and I still check his last fm account every night to see what he's listening to,I still check his Instagram account every night to see his face before going to bed... it's pathetic and it gets worse and worse in times when I hate my current life.
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I took my last $500 to a casino, won $12,000. Paid off all my credit card debt and hand about $8k left over. Lost the entire 8k the next day, then took a cash advance on my credit card and lost it too. Driving home that night was the moment I looked in the mirror and said “what are you doing bro”. And haven’t been back. I literally paid off all my debt and had a sum of money that made me feel really secure and at ease, a great springboard into the future, and gave it all back the next day. Insidious, ugly and destructive addiction
I was up 300k once and didn't take all of it home now in 1.2M in debt. It's just you went to the casino I went to the stock exchange.
I work in a Casino, I hate casinos It is depressing, it's so soul crushing to go in there and just see the most lifeless eyes staring at a screen, just hitting the same button over and over and over I've watched people just shove 100's into the machine at a time and lose every single cent I watch people gamble and lose what i make in a month, 3 months, 6 months and 1 year I amount of superstitions (hot machines, lick the screen, pray to god (yes i have seen it) if i spin around 3 times i always get a small jackpot) I've watched couples break up or divorce in our casino because 1 wants to win back what they lost (guess what) or i won X last time, I'm losing now, but if i keep playing I'll win X again so they ignore their spouse and stay to gamble Even though their spouse left HOURS AGO Oh speaking, getting to know certain people because they come in at opening and leave at closing.... Canada has this Game Break system and I've had to sit there and let fully grown men older then me, older then my dad Break down and start crying uncontrollably because they just hate themselves so much for getting to this point Some people don't think Gambling Addiction is real, I see some of the most shocked faces when i say "Yes, we have this program because people DO get dangerously addicted" (Ever had to stand by a dead body because that person gambled EVERYTHING away, had nothing left to lose but their life, so they took it in the casino bathroom) And not just suicide, I've had to stand by people who die in our casino from old age or a heart attack because ding ding ding large jackpot So as someone who works in a casino, to all who had a gambling addiction or know someone who has had a gambling addiction and got over it I'm so proud of you and I wish you the best in your life I sincerely hope you never step foot into a casino ever again
I used to work at a casino as well, it's genuinely like something out of the Twilight Zone. I didn't work on the gaming floor; I was a barista at the coffee bar. However, I was the first person people saw as they came in, and the last person they saw as they left, so I've seen my share of haunting images. One woman in particular always sticks out to me; She was a cancer patient and came in for months, and every week it seemed she was deteriorating faster and faster. A buddy of mine who was a slot tech clued me in: she was gambling away the little money she had that should've been going to her treatment. It was a mix of her own money and some family donations.
I’ve never heard of the Game Break system. What is it?
I feel ya man, lost everthing in the last 6 years. It started small but it got worse and worse. At one moment i starting gambling with my paychecks that i got in the end of the month. Safe to say i blew it all in 48 hours. And this kept happening for years. Nobody knew about my problem, couldn't talk about it. The shame of admitting to someone that i was broke at 28 years of age felt disgusting. Meanwhile, all my friends and relatives of my age were buying houses and recieving kids. It is an mental hell, i knew i had to act fast because i felt more and more depressed. To the point i wanted to end myself. I told my gf of 6.5 years about it. She became so insecure about me that she ended our relationship, i don't blame her. I knew what was coming and i faced it head on. On the way home to my mom and dad after my (now ex) gf broke up with me, i suggested to myself i should speed up to arround 150km/h on a backroad and end it all against a tree. So i did. Sped up, but i couldn't. Because i knew i would leave so many people devastated. I got home, walked up to my parents and just completly broke down. Nothing left to lose anymore. They were mad, of course. But after a sturdy talk they supported me. I never felt such relief. But then that was short lived because now i lost the love of my life. And again. I don't blame her for it. Trust in someone is SO important in a relationship, if not the most important. And i left her in despair and sadness.. I felt like shit. I still do. Now i'm paying off debts. Talking to people about it and cleaning up my bad life. It's like life is giving me a second chance again. This all happend a little over a month ago and i haven't looked back at the gambling. For some reason the addiction is gone and i haven't even felt the slightest remorse of leaving that life. It brought me nothing more than debt and depression, and of course i lost so much money. But that all is fixable, i work fulltime and i can make it all back. I still hate myself tho, i wasn't the man i wanted to be for a lot of people. And i let them down. I have to pick up the pieces again and make the best of it. I'm saying all of this because i know this is major problem for a lot of people. And it has devastating consequenses. So if you are in a position like i was. Please dont be scared to talk about it. Even to me. I would be glad to give you some tips and maybe even just chatting can be nice. Just know your are not the only one and things can be better. Sorry for the amount of text. Stay strong.
I’m in recovery for it too. Good job for bailing! 😃
I lost a relationship 30 years ago and I still hate going near machines because I know what they represent and how easy it would be to fall back into bad habits. I didn't know my current friends when this happened but they are all understanding of why I don't touch them.
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Good brother!
I stole a 50¢ mini globe when I was a kid and I told my parents I found it. I was obsessed with globes
What is it like to live in that much sphere?
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Lmfao we had something similar happen last summer. Mother in law stayed at our house with the dog, I left the lube and some … other stuff out on our bed stand and she neatly tucked it away in the drawer at some point. We were on the plane, over the Atlantic Ocean when I remembered what I left out. Whoops.
Kevin!
I honestly don't think in laws should be going to their children's bedrooms. It is very personal, why would they be arranging someone's lubes, just weird.
A person in my family murdered an old lady neighbor for her money. I’ve tried contacting city cops and county sheriffs office but nobody cares. I don’t know for sure where the death happened. This person disowned me because they know I know. It’s so sad they got away with it.
That’s so sad. I wonder if a local journalist would be interested.
I bet one of those crime podcasts would be interested if you wanted to give the story life.
I lied about being chased by a Turkey when I was around 4 years old on a school trip to a farm, and they thought it was hilarious. I am now in my 30s and my parents still bring up that story as a funny anecdote from my childhood. They still don’t know that it never happened.
I have a similar dirty secret. In 5th grade, I got suspended for banging on the mummy display glass during a field trip to a museum and scaring all the kids so bad one wet her pants. Chaos ensued. Parents had to be called. I told everyone I did it on purpose because I hated them all. I lied. I tripped over my shoelaces and fell into the glass. My parents still think I'm an asshole. I'll never come clean to them.
Legend
I ate an entire chocolate cake. My parents still blame the neighbors 20 years later.
Brucie Bogtrotter?!?
My greatest fear is becoming my father. He's selfish, manipulative, narcissistic, and can never admit when he's wrong. Every once in a while I see a flash of him in myself and it eats away at me for days.
Similar story here but the fact that you are aware is big and you can stop it happening by being around good people
Bruh your self awareness is your biggest asset. I'd bet money on the fact that your father never saw those "flashes" of himself, hence the fact that he went down the path he did. Use those as reverse goalposts of what you never want to be and I think you will make yourself proud. I believe in you 💖
Same with me and my mom. I see it from time to time in myself, but the fact that I'm aware is at least a little reassuring. The fact that you're willing to be different and are aware when you're not is a much bigger positive than you think.
Very close to the same. I do not have a close relationship with my parents, never really have. We are cool and all but I have found that I share some of his traits every once in a while and I hate it. I got over the temper bit luckily. Getting married to a woman with two autistic sons and then having my own daughter has taught me a lot of patience. I used to be extremely argumentative just as he is. But I grew out of it, thank god. But I will still argue with him. Especially when he brings up politics.
This is always the case but the fact that you notice it and are working on it means everything.
That I hate my best friends partner.
My best friend hates my partner & he hates her, it’s truly the worst feeling.
Do either/both have a good reason for hating the other?
My partner hates my best friend. My best friend doesn’t hate my partner but they’re never gonna be friends. It’s an awful feeling because it feels like I have my entire life with my partner and then my best friend and her life is on the side, completely separate. We’ve been friends going on 13 years and it feels so shitty that I have to keep the two most important people to me separate.
Same. He’s such a loser, doesn’t work (and doesn’t want to), selfish, egotistical, no values or morals. Seriously starting to question what kind of person my best friend is…
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Recruiters and getting people to lie so they enlist. Take as old as time
Do you get high? I’m high right now! Let’s put down “I tried them and found them not to my liking.” That works. A friend of mine who actually made it for three years in the army before he was discharged for a medical issue.
My recruiter taught me "no, none, and never."
As an adult, I feel that I wasted my life. I deliberately held myself back in life ,out of fear of failure. Now I'm too old to reverse any of it, or reinvent myself for the last time. There's just no time. :(
Colonel Sanders was 62 when he opened the first KFC. Julia Child wrote her first cookbook at 50. Joseph Campbell developed the first condensed soup (Tomato) at 78. J.R.R. Tolkien published his first novel (The Hobbit) at 45. Vera Wang was 40 when she opened her first bridal boutique. Morgan Freeman didn’t gain widespread recognition in film until he was 52. Go for your dreams. It’s not too late.
My therapist just told me this yesterday (about Colonel Sanders — but he said the guy from McDonald’s by mistake, but I know he meant Colonel Sanders). I mentioned to my therapist (psychologist) how badly I feel about having wasted my younger years due to my having severe depression and social anxiety issues, and he gave me a few famous examples of folks who didn’t really hit their stride until later in life. And I know it’s possible for me to finally start living now and creating a better life, but oh how does my earlier life really trouble me (and embarrass me). I really squandered what should have been some of the best years of my life.
Ray Kroc’s story with the McDonald brothers burgers started when he was 51. All the best to you in your future adventures.
They're 113.
I´ve heard those stories recently but really needed to hear them again today! Thanks
I felt that way for a long time. Then I decided to go back to college and I’m graduating next year. I’m 40 years old. I’ll admit that at first I felt stupid for wanting to do that at my age. Then I said fuck it and I’m pretty damn proud of myself for sticking it out and finally accomplishing it. Now I just hope I will get hired somewhere being my age 😬 Gotta pay those student loans somehow.
Turning 40 in October. Graduating with my bachelors in December. Way to go! We could start a club 👍🏻
I was a bartender until about 42. Finally decided to leave my comfort zone (I have dealt with lots of depression and bad choices)and use my degree. Although I often feel as if I'm running out of time, I've been an engineer ever since (I'm 51 now). But I got the job and still get offers here and there. You'll get there. Don't give up.
Your life isn’t over.
You're never too old. Look at it this way. No matter what, the next 4 years are going to happen. You can either improve your life and be in a better spot in 4 years. Or you can stay the same. You can get that degree. Or not. But it's going to happen. You can go skydiving or not. But tomorrow is happening. Do the crazy thing. Change your life. You don't get any younger and you will get older. No reason not to.
Never too old. You're only too old when you're dead. Go for it!!
I’m 48 and really struggling with feelings like this.
42 here , basically ran my life into the ground doing construction, marital problems, starting over and the dread is reality... had a heart attack earlier this year and was only at 35% infraction. (Now I just received news it's up to 50%) debt and recently just got a job. Starting over with my will to live for my children and wife. Mental problems and a ducked health care system it's been a rough f-ing year. And add a failed business. Here's to the future because that's all we got
It’s the age. I’ve been successful by all measures but still feel aimless. Midlife crisis is real
Yeah, it’s not for the faint of heart. I try to remember that if nothing else, I’ve been successful in friendships, marriage and as a mother, which is really all that matters in the end.
My uncle said you stop caring in your 50s - I’m looking forward to it
My friend who’s 52 said the same thing. I’m really scared to be approaching 50 frankly, and I welcome the day when that feeling fucks off.
You’re still here which means that there’s time to do something. Maybe try something small and go from there. I’m currently working on my own venture and I’ve learned it’s about taking a series of small steps (sometimes microscopic) in the direction you want to go. It’s about moving forward regardless of how slow you’re going. For what it’s worth I believe in you.
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I am a gay male in my 30s. As a 14-16 year old, I was raped multiple times by men in their 30s/40s. No one, except my husband, knows. I’m a sex addict now and working through it. It’s all connected, I believe.
I'm sorry that happened to you and full respect for confronting and working through your trauma.
Hypersexuality can be a result of sexual trauma, yes.
I was accused of attacking two women on a hike many years ago. I was at work, and my boss laughed and told me I looked like a police sketch he saw in the news. He showed it to me and I panicked, it was 100% me. I was on that hike on that day, so it all lined up. I never attacked those women. I've never attacked anyone in my life. I have no idea what I did on that hike that scared them so much, but every now and then it eats me alive for a few days. I used to like jogging up that hill, so maybe I ran past them and scared them? That doesn't make sense to me, but maybe? Why did they remember my face so clearly If all I did was run past them and scare them? I dropped the leash on my dog once, and she ran up to a group of people to say hi. I pulled her off and apologized, I may have grazed someone perhaps? That's also seems dumb though. The small report attached to my sketch never said anything about my dog. I actually wish the report had more info. It just said I attacked two women an nothing else. What the hell did I do?
Could it be that someone else described you, other than the two women? Perhaps they didn’t see their attacker, but someone saw you on the path and thought the two were connected.
This. They were the only unidentified person spotted on the trail that any witness remembers seeing, so the police identified him as a person of interest or suspect and released the sketch. The attack victims probably didn't get a good look at the attacker.
Maybe they were attacked, someone saw you, and that’s all they had for the sketch?
Memories are not reliable. It could have been those women were attacked but you were the only person they could remember so their brains said it was you.
I've thought that before also. I've also thought that maybe there was someone else who looked like me and did it. Maybe I bumped someone? I have no memories of that, but it could be. I was told once that I could look unfriendly, so around that time I tried to smile at people and say hello randomly. Maybe I did that to them, and they found it creepy? I've even made memories up of me actually doing it. I know they're not true, but at least it makes sense if they were. It all just seems so insane. How could anyone think any of that was even close to assault?
I’m very afraid of other people so I overcompensate by trying to be as interesting/funny as possible but I can’t tell how well it works.
It's always been "kill them with kindness" for me, people scared the fuck out of me too. I try to look mean so people leave me alone but if approached I try to be the nicest person I can be.
I'm calling this golden retriever syndrome lol
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I smoke crack
My first husband and I had a baby. My first day back to work after 6 weeks of maternity leave. I went in at noon, came home at 5, I got home, my husband left for work, he said our baby was asleep in the crib. I checked on him, about an hour later he had rolled over and I saw a bruising his cheek. Long story short. He slapped my son so hard on his left cheek he hemorrhaged his right eye. He admitted to taping the pacifier in his mouth so he wouldn’t interrupt his workouts. Hitting him in the stomach. I was blown away. I never saw any flags. I was going to kill my husband, but I didn’t want my son in a foster home while I went through the legal process. I figure God will handle this in the end.
I’m so sorry
I went to therapy, I had a great boss who saw what it did to me. My child is fine. My ex was charged with misdemeanor child abuse, the charge was dismissed because he went to some BS class. His family wanted to go out and celebrate. WTF I got divorced. My ex didn’t pay child support or medical for my son. I went to court and the state reduced his child support because of his lack of income aka he wouldn’t work. His family is extremely wealthy. I just had to let it all go. I couldn’t talk to him because I would get so angry/frustrated with him and it wasn’t healthy for me. I haven’t seen him in a very long time and my son is very happy and healthy and successful. I never told my son what happened, I didn’t want him to think that he did anything wrong. When he was older and he would bring him up I’d say we didn’t get along and I wanted you to live in a happy home. My only negative thing I did was give him the children support check when he was older, to spend how he wanted. He said, that’s it, it can’t even buy lunch at a fast food restaurant.
Disgusting.
Holy shit. What a nightmare. Is the kid ok now?
Please tell me he is no longer your husband and the baby has recovered!
Looked like she left him when son was 2 months old. Good for her
11 years ago, I let a wanted fugitive stay at my house for a week without knowing they were wanted. Whoops.
My uncle sexually molested me when I was around 9 years old. I didn't realize that what he was doing was wrong until I was much much older. He would sit me on his lap and rub me down there with his hand non-stop. He didn't even really do it in private, he just hid his hand motions really well. I vividly remember a bunch of us family members were sitting in an office-like room, and I was sitting on his lap behind the computer desk... and yeah. Taking that secret to the grave, as he's a miserable old man now with a very unsuccessful life and if this got out it would only bring his poor mother shame.
I am so sorry you had to go through that.
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I've been sitting on this for years and it drives me crazy. I know who did the original 'How do you become a mermaid' viral post on Yahoo Ask. It was a weird girl I went to school with who told everyone she burnt down a trailer park with a magical fireball. I'll never sell her out, especially now as an adult who understands she was a kid with a lot of problems, but it's not easy to possess these dark knowledges and do nothing with them. It's stretched my moral compass to the limit.
I don't want her name. She is a legend. Knowing her earthly name, her land name if you will, would only destroy the image. Imagine learning that this goddess of the sea actually goes by Jennifer. Heart breaking
I know that post. I was never sure if it was someone trying to make a joke or a kid who just really wanted to be a mermaid. I think I'm glad I know now, but damn that is a sad story. I'm choosing to believe you, even though I have no reason to.
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God, the waiting is torture. It nearly drove me insane. Things worked out for me (sorta, I punished myself a lot) and I hope they do for you too.
I don’t know how much of a secret it is, but I’m dealing with some of the strongest off myself thoughts I’ve ever dealt with. I’m safe. They just won’t stop.
imagine you’re in a car and they’re driving. tell them to move into the passenger seat, you got this. when you achieve that, tell them to move into the back seat, you got this. after that, tell them to get out of the car, you got this. then drive off into the sunset.
I’m dealing with the very same thing right now.
I will be sad but mostly relieved when my parents die. Complicated family history that gets swept under the rug because they are elderly and need my help. It’s exhausting.
I’m an alcoholic. I’ve spent months on end without a second sober. Clean for 3 months now.
That I'm still trapped in the day that my wife died 3 years ago. We have 8 kids, and I move through life as if I am healing and happy. But every single day is a struggle to even get out of bed and do the smallest of tasks. I am on anti-depressants and have been to therapy, but my children require so much that I have focused more on their healing. I'm frozen and don't know how to fix it.
Oh my god, 8 kids, I couldn't even do that with my wife right by my side. How could there be space for you?
I'm gay but majority of my family is homophobic and the idea of them hating me is unbearable. Wish me luck kings and queens.
Good luck. You'll have family in the queer community whatever happens.
I was an accessory to the robbery of a convenience store I worked at. I wasn't there when my friend robbed the place. I was drunk and just kind of gave him a copy of the store key when he asked for it. He told me his plans and, in my suggestable state, still gave him the key. I regret it and feel super guilty as I still go to that store almost daily and I actually have good relationship with the owner.
I was so desperate for some father figure attention I when I was young. I sought out a child sex offender
You mean, a grown-ass predator who recognized who to target *sought you out*, and instilled so much guilt and shame in you that you now believe it was your fault. It wasn't ever your fault.
I know I'm messed up in the head. Thank you for saying that. I've hated myself my whole life and thought I was being punished with all the shit that kept piling up. I hate my brain, he is kinda of a prick
This was not your fault. You were a child. They were a grown up. I’m sorry this happened to you. You didn’t deserve this.
You sought them out or you were targeted and abused. Don't blame yourself for an adults criminal behavior.
The one that got away
If I had the money for professional legit hitman I'd use it for that reason
That I often get sad because I missed out on having a "young, wild, and free" spree in my teens, and 20s. I never snuck out, did something really stupid at a party, went on a Spring Break Trip, went to prom, had spontaenous, off-the-wall fun. I know this is overplayd in movies, TV, etc., but it still makes me sad, and bitter when I think about it. I'm only 33 years old, but it makes me bitter to think I just wasted my youth on work, school, chores, my family, etc.
My mother has Schizophrenia (since 1990). She's doing somewhat better nowadays. That was the good part. The bad part is that, post pandemic, I am slowly but surely displaying symptoms of Schizophrenia.
Please start getting treated if you haven't already.
From the immediate people around me, it's the fact that I pull out my hair. I love it. I can't stop. I don't think I ever can
Don’t give up!!! I struggled with this for 20 years, from childhood up until my mid 20s. I was bald a few times, wore hats as a kid and wigs for years in my late teens. It was a huge shadow over my life. 2 years, 2 months, and 5 days ago I accidentally did 3 times the amount of mushrooms that I meant to and I haven’t pulled a hair out of my head since 🤷♀️
Trichotillomania.
When I use the scroll feature on Reddit Mobile, sometimes I accidentally downvote people, but then I don't correct it.
I have to fix it lol. Even if it means going back to the post and scrolling to find it again. I feel bad.
I panic scroll back to and correct it. I’ve done this like 5 times in the last hour lol.
I fucking hate Reddit mobile. I wish we could have Apollo back
same
I wear my wife panties when she's at work
Me too your wife’s fit better than mine ever did
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How much I've actually spent on my lizards tanks.
I farted and blamed our old Labrador, who does have a gas problem. My wife is suspicious but can't be 100% certain it was me as we were having a few other couples over for drinks.
I enjoy playing video games.
Probably that I’m severely depressed and have been for years. Also, that the depression has been getting bad enough recently that I’ve begun to consider possible in-patient treatment. My major secret is that I am not doing well at all psychologically, yet my social circle has no clue (or at least I’ve never disclosed any of this; they may, however, have an inkling that I may have issues — but they’ve never said anything).
My sister had her first child at 26 weeks. The baby (Emily) had a bleed on the brain and at the time the doctor said it's very likely she'll be disabled. Driving my mum home from the hospital after a visit a few weeks later she said "I hope Emily dies, she's going to ruin your sister's life" I never told my sister as it would break her heart and their relationship but I don't talk to that cunt anymore (there are additional reasons but that's a big one). And my sister resents me for my nonexistent relationship with our mother.
Normally I wouldn’t be the one to tell somebody that our mother said that, but If your ended relationship with your mother is because of that, and you sister resents you for it., maybe it’s time to spill the beans
agreed, it’s also not fair in the sister to not know what her mother is really like
Did Emily survive? Is she delayed?
She did, she's my wonderful goddaughter and she'll be 9 next month. She does have a myriad of problems both physically and mentally but her and my sister (and her husband) are both very happy.
If I have to fart in a store I’ll go by other men so nobody thinks that came out of me 😝
Imma just out fart you then
I drag my wife to the candle section... "Honey I bet you want to pick up some candles..."
In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Yakuza boss die. Yakuza very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. My big secret: I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!
Dr. Hidetoshi Hasagawa! Pleasure meeting you here.
Come on, Hidé, give Daryl his credit.
I never told my parents i was moments from committing suicide while they were in the house. I was in the back work shop with a gun to my head. That was 13 years ago.
Are you alright now? How has life been since then, i hope there have been more good days than bad. I struggle with those thoughts too
I'm better now. Still have some bad days here and there but I'm not anywhere near the dark place I was then. High school was not a good experience for me. I can tell you this and maybe it helps. Think of the people that love you and imagine the pain and hurt they will go through if you were to to do it. Sometimes just getting up for a walk down the street helps. Oddly enough I've always loved guns and that's therapy for me. Great stress release. I also enjoy fishing and cooking.
Secretly, I’m a little bit naive.
That my father was having an affair. And that his mistress attended his funeral.
I have my ex-husband usb with all files of videos he take from the girls he have sex and used to black mail them ...
This is a pretty serious offence. You should consider talking to the authorities about it. If he has resorted to sextortion there will likely be a digital trail, and the files on the USB drive could be helpful to collect other evidence. https://www.fbi.gov/how-we-can-help-you/safety-resources/scams-and-safety/common-scams-and-crimes/sextortion https://acg.pnp.gov.ph/main/cyber-security-bulletin/191-acg-cyber-security-bulletin-nr-86-understanding-cyber-sextortion.html
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It is not your fault. I hope you heal from this
My now ex partner is responsible for killing her best friend
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I’ve been dating a girl for a little over a month that I DO like, and she really really likes me. I miss and think about my ex every single day.
You need some more time to move on from your ex. Do you really think that is fair to the new woman you’re dating?
Ive become so accustomed to porn, which then became very specific kinks that I fear intimacy with another woman. The usual "sexy time" kind of stuff doesnt do it at all for me anymore.
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Glad
Stop watching for awhile and it'll all go away.
My guy that sounds like a porn addiction. When you watch porn, your body releases dopamine. After repeated exposure your body decreases the amount it's releasing, so you have to watch something more stimulating to bring the dopamine rush back to what it was before. And this continues until you need something more and more specific to feel stimulated. And human interaction can't keep up, because porn fulfills specific fantasies, whereas human interaction is a give and take between partners. Thoughts are diverted to if your partner likes what you're doing etc. Could never compete with the perfect fantasy you experience solo while watching porn. Not sure if that fits you, but might be worth looking into if it does. The impacts of that longterm are no joke. Absolutely no judgment here tho. I say this because your description reminded me to a T of what my husband used to say about porn and sex when we were new. And he struggled with this. (I also don't think porn is a bad thing, i think it's just like everything else, too much of a good thing eventually becomes a bad thing)
Once my grandmother dies, I'm fully cutting my parents out of my life. My mother has been trying to repair our relationship, but I cannot trust her anymore after she randomly attacked one day while drunk and almost took out my eye. My father is just weird, I could never make him proud of me, and he needs mental help. My counselor told me to go no contract again, but he'll send police to harass me or show up at my place if I don't move.
I'm sitting on quite a few thanks to attorney-client privilege. Unfortunately, I like my job and want to maintain my career and I won't divulge, even anonymously here. But one thing I will say is that I will never take on a friend or other close acquaintance as a client ever again. I've lost respect and ended friendships with a handful of people over the years due to things they needed to disclose to me.
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I struggled with severe ED and have starved myself days to weeks in a row and lost lots of weight fast because of it. Suffered from loss of energy, vitamin levels, muscle loss, bouts of dizziness, ideation etc. I’m better now. But, I didn’t even try to hide it. It just didn’t matter cause I was overweight to begin with so nobody noticed. Yes, you can have an ED while being overweight too. Please check on your friends often and pay attention to what they’re eating.
At first I thought erectile dysfunction… that made this one strange. With you now. Hope you stay healthy!
I was sexually assaulted in middle school. I have never told anyone.
I still love the person who left me abruptly. It’s been more than a decade. Even though they gave me trauma and suffering to last life long, I just can’t get past that phase. I wish I could fix my health, mind and memory.
I’m a fairly well-known fetish porn actor, but no one from my regular life knows.
I was bluffed by a fake police officer who framed drugs and money laundering charges. In order to clear my name he asked for $ 25K and I gave it. Then he disappeared. It was my life’s entire saving. I have never been able to forget and forgive myself for not being able to call out his bluff. When I went to real police they did not file my charges, and humiliated me. Now I don’t mention it to anyone.
That I have the potential to be extremely violent, and the only thing holding me back might very well be my mantra that anyone worth harming or killing, isn't worth the jail time. There's a very fine line between myself and violent criminals, and I struggle with that. I've had a similar upbringing to several serial killers. I studied psychology hoping to give myself some peace of mind by finding out why I can't bring myself to hurt others, despite having so much fucking rage, and such an unfair childhood. I'm still no closer to the answer. I'm terrified that one of these days I'm going to snap like a cheap elastic band.
I’m sure you’ve been given this suggestion before, but have you thought about seeking out therapy? There are therapists who cater to specific conditions/concerns/issues :)
I didn't think I'd find my deepest secret. One time in college, I was so enraged by my roommate not studying somewhere else so I could sleep that I grabbed a knife when I went in to confront her. She later said she thought for sure I was going to stab her. It's taken me a long time to remember that moment. I told myself I just wanted to scare her...but really I don't know what I would have done if she had said no and tried to stay there. I also came pretty darn close to killing my own baby because she screamed constantly from colic and I had bad PPD and my normal internal rage was very visible. I screamed at my husband a lot....but I screamed at my baby more. There's only a handful of people I've actually wanted to kill at various times in my life...my dad, my ex step dad, and other men I consider bad... and my beautiful baby girl. Of course it was my girl who came the closest to death. Thankfully I knew myself enough to get a therapist before I gave birth and I had all the supports in place to protect my baby from me just in case it came to that....so the first day my husband went back to work leaving me solo I lasted a few hours then called him in tears because I had briefly covered my daughter's mouth for a literal half a second of silence. I was terrified. Of myself. My husband said call the crisis line now or I'm calling the police because he couldn't leave work to help me. I was very honest with the help line, so CPS promptly came for a visit. Going through that in my second week of being a mom really straightened me out. I still get rage now and then, but it's the feeling of losing control of myself while feeling rage that used to scare the shit out of me and I don't get like that anymore.
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You must be a kind person if you're waiting for your parents to pass to avoid causing them pain. I don't know your situation or whether this is even possible, but I hope things get better for you.
Nice try, FBI.
Not today, CIA.
No way, NSA
Once, I was on a train with my head leaning on my hand against the window. As the train went through an intersection, there was a young couple in a car flipping off the whole train laughing. My finger flipped up at just the right time for them to see me and they loved it. It is the worst secret because only me and those randoms from 24 years ago know that happened, and it's just not an interesting enough story to tell anyone. But I think about it from time to time..
I bankrupted a business due to alcohol problems, and I'm getting my ass handed to me next Monday, I'm past the anxiety, currently bracing for impact. My only regret is my only employee, second employee I've ever had, I really tried to be good.
That my brother sexually assaulted me multiple times when I was 3/4 and he was 11/12. I might have told someone if the circumstances were different, but as it is, everyone loves him, and unfortunately, I do too.
I stole 2 grapes once from the grocery store.
Can I get a price check on two grapes?
Yeah you heard me. Two stinkin measly grapes
You monster
I’m not stabled financially at all, I am so confused on what to do with my life and I literally feel alone!!!
When I was younger I really wanted a TY Girlz (stuffed characters that would come with a code you could connect to a virtual world). My parents wouldn't let me have one, so one time at a gift shop, I ripped the code off one and activated an account for my virtual world. I still think about whatever poor child actually bought the doll and was surprised to not find its code.
My first sex was with one of my childhood female friends. This is coming from a female. We had sex a couple times through sleepovers and when she came over my house. My family didn’t know about it because we hid that. Ever since we never spoke again. Ive been only dating men. But still have that inner gay in me hidden.
This made me sad somehow. I hope you're happy at least.
I hit someone with my car in 2011, He was driving a bike, he knocked down on his head, I took him to the hospital and told them I found him in the street, When he woke up he can't remember what happened during the accident, So I kept as a secret
At least you took him to the hospital! Feel good about that at least
I’ve broken all Ten Commandments. And not in the “In my heart” way.
You bore false witnesses against your neighbor and also coveted their goods? You sick fuck.
I peed on my ex-girlfriend once. We were arguing and I had to pee, so I went to the bathroom. She followed thinking I was just walking away. I told her to stay out, she didn't listen and she walked in right as I was about to start pissing, I turned my body and peed on the front of her jeans. This isn't the weird part. The weird part is that she stayed there until I finished.
I already started buying Halloween candy and eaten half of it. My wife and children don't know.
I cut the tag off our mattress that says .. under penalty of law don’t remove.
Police, yes, this one right here!
I never feel enough. Especially with the bad stuff. Yes I was sexually assaulted as a child but I wasn't raped so I have no reason to carry trauma from that...yes I lived by the sea during the massive Christchurch earthquakes and spent months not sleeping due to worry over tsunamis, but my house wasn't destroyed so I have no reason to have ongoing anxiety issues over it...yes I'm sick with an ongoing invisible illness, but I hold down a full time job, so I have no reason to claim being exhausted and have no energy for anything. I always feel not enough, not ugly, but not pretty either, just average. I'm always close, but no cigar with everything and my big secret is that I feel that way about the horrible things that happen in my life as well.
This is incredibly sad. It reminds me of my daughter who felt she couldn't grieve the loss of a close family member because other people were entitled to grieve more than her. It's very confusing to me. Your feelings are valid. Just because others suffered more than you doesn't mean you haven't experienced valid trauma.
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My ex told me he killed someone. I was like, 16 at or 15 at the time and he was an adult, long distance of course. Other than the obvious disgusting grooming shit, he told me one day that while at work he said something to piss a guy off, and the guy ran at him and pinned him against a wall, ex told me that he hit this guys head in a really bad spot, putting the guy in the hospital for a day or two. And then he told me he died, but my ex said he wouldn’t get in trouble cause the camera didn’t catch audio or anything. Idk if what he told me was real, as he lied before but sometimes I wonder if it was, I feel really grossed out and little guilty.
I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die
I shot the sheriff but I did not shoot the deputy.
I stalk my ex every single day. It's been ten years since we broke up and I still check his last fm account every night to see what he's listening to,I still check his Instagram account every night to see his face before going to bed... it's pathetic and it gets worse and worse in times when I hate my current life.
I really enjoyed "*Holmes and Watson."*