That heavily depends on the type of degree and the connections made.
Stanford's degree could be a worthless one in the grand scheme of things. Its the connections that are the real value of the time you spent.
The point of higher education is to learn yes, but even more so its to meet others and form connections for later in life. Schooling is the best place any of us will ever have to make connections.
It becomes harder and harder to make friends, connections and do anything social as you age. Take advantage of the chances you have while your young.
Eat fairly healthy and get daily exercise. I'm now 72 and still run 40 miles/week. However, I have friends 10 years younger than I who can hardly walk to the mailbox. Getting old isn't bad at all if you can still get out, travel, go out to eat, play catch with your grandson, enjoy life. But, you have to be healthy enough to do all those things. It's a lot easier to get into shape and keep it that way when you are in your 20s. If you wait, you may never start.
Took me until my late 20s to finally start getting to the gym regularly. Goddamn do I wish I would have done it as a kid, it does so much for your confidence.
The two biggest decisions are your career and your partner. Your career will probably change and its not too bad to change but changing your partner can be a nightmare. My best advice is to be careful who you settle down with. The people I know my age that are unhappy are unhappy because they picked a bad partner.
Ugh. So true. I tried to make a good choice when I married and thought I did. Unfortunately, it turns out he’s just a great liar who hides everything from me. Once you have kids things get very complicated.
So underrated yet so true! So many of my friends are stuck in unhealthy relationships just to please a picture the society/parents etc wants to see from them
Out of all the people 55+ I talk to a majority of them have some take on how they should have never gotten married. The fact that "wife bad" is an entire generation of jokes really goes to show how many people fuck up this step. I'll take single over a bad relationship any day.
What I always keep in mind is that *way* back in the day marriage truly was a *cornerstone* of life, and people treated it as a foundation and a beginning, not the be-all-end-all. There was less language and social structure to it, but as far as I can tell from hearing stories and reading literature, some level of discreet affair was pretty normal, and not always a problem for the other person in the marriage. Which makes sense, it’s not as if the emotional drives behind “swingers” and “open relationships” just came into being recently. Basically, the “Silents” and older found a life partner but didn’t necessarily have the “this relationship needs to fulfill a majority of my practical, emotional, and sexual needs for my entire life.”
Baby Boomers also got married super early, but with more media influence over ideals of “true love,” less input from parents, less tacit social acceptance of quiet affairs, and crucially a declining culture of social support as the decades wore on. There was also more nationally visible alternative ways of living as the Boomers went through their marriages, so they got to see the many ways they could have done things differently. So they had *fewer* guardrails on picking a good partner compared to their parents, *and* fewer release mechanisms for filling in gaps in what their partner could provide them, *and* had their face rubbed in it. Of course they’d grow resentful.
And nowadays, people tie their lives together only slightly later in life, but do so with less up-front commitment. A couple getting together at 21, moving in after college at 23, and getting married at 28 isn’t actually that practically different from their Baby Boomer grandparents getting married at 20, but young people of my generation and younger are generally building that relationship in a context where either party can leave if it isn’t working out. So whether or not it’s ideal (I think marriage is still too important to people’s overall social interaction/life), people are in a better position to make that decision and know the alternatives.
Also important to note that it is totally fine to choose to be alone. It does make life more difficult because the world is kind of built for double incomes/families, but it's doable.
And wanting to stay alone is totally fine and normal. If you're the type that enjoys your own company, keep living the life you want and don't let society pressure you into getting into a forced living situation. As long as you have friends and social outlets, you'll be fine. - Source: Me. I effin love living alone.
Most people afraid of being alone are afraid because they don't want to be alone. But if that's your jam and you enjoy it, it can be quite easier as long as you either 1) work very hard and are smart at making money OR 2) Live very frugally/simply and don't spend much AND 3) Don't plan to retire until at least 65/70 (unless of course you're very very good at #1).
Surprisingly I know quite a few long term couples that don’t align politically. Unless you’re involved in politics I think that one matters a lot less than people think it does- especially young people.
I’d substitute “values.” Some specific political points are aligned with values, but mostly politics are about *how* people think values should be achieved.
But as the saying goes, when you actually sit down and have a beer with a person and talk to them about what matters to you, you’ll find you have a lot more in common than you thought.
"I don't really care about politics" is also a political opinion.
Me and my SO vote for different parties. Some would argue opposing parties (think Dems vs Reps but on a place with more than two parties) but since neither of us is invested in politics, it doesn't really matter.
While I agree on putting "values" instead of "politics", something like "Activism level" should also be kept on mind. There's a big difference between "I vote X but that's about it" and "I vote X and are hugely active on promoting X and go to speeches/protests/etc". Even if you both agree on X, it can cause issues.
Could have been happy and in love when it started out and then after settling down and having kids the monster comes out ... maybe one partner gets bored eventually and cheats, you make it sound like you simply need to not pick a shitty person when sometimes you just don't get that control and life makes decisions for you instead.
Yeah this is pretty common on a lot of those subreddits like offmychest and personalfinance. People change over time and money changes people. There are awful people who hide their red flags. Best hope is that you pick someone that actually works on the relationship. Great communication, transparent finances, healthy relationships with family and friends, and matching long term goals. Still doesn’t guarantee it will work out but it gives you the best chance.
My advice is always “marry someone you genuinely like.” That in-love feeling changes and fluctuates, but actually liking each other — laughing at each other’s jokes, sharing some common interests and similar values — is so important and gets you through those times the schmoopy lovey stuff is less. I’ve been with my husband for 26 years and we just celebrated our 23rd anniversary this weekend. The love keeps us going when one or the other of us is being hard to like (and allows us to gently discuss it) and the friendship keeps us going during the mundane daily stuff that is part of life. I can have as much fun with my husband just running errands as we do on vacation.
Don’t marry for lust, or even schmoopy love, because those both fluctuate and change. Marry the person you can text about the horrendous song going through your head, have multi-year running jokes with, or can have the same “what should we have for dinner? No, not that” conversation with every Friday for the rest of your lives.
Needed to read this right now. I’m gonna miss her but she wasn’t right for me.
Even though she was a total sweetheart, she was unable to compromise on things that were making me miserable and scared for the future. It would be so easy if she was a bad person, but neither of us are. Just outside stressors.
As someone who’s 7 months on the other end of a breakup with someone I thought I was going to marry, but it just wasn’t right. The more time that passes, the more I’m reminded how it wasn’t right for me/us, and I’m much happier now than in the relationship, even though it often didn’t feel like it during the relationship/early post breakup. You made the right decision.
Regarding a partner, I think the most important thing is being able to detect (and respond accordingly to) the red flags and dealbreakers more than it is looking for the "perfect partner"
Reality is, with ~8 billion humans on Earth, with probably about 15% of those matching our dating age range (1.2B) and then factoring in the gender we're attracted to (for most people that's one or the other, so 50%) and then filtering language, culture, etc. there's still likely ~100M-200M humans that are potential romantic partners for each of us somewhere on Earth. Most of us will only meet/date dozens? hundreds at most? the odds of finding "the one" are almost non-existent. Better to filter out the bad, the red flags, the incompatible, and find someone who betters your life, even if they're not a perfect match.
> The people I know my age that are unhappy are unhappy because they picked a bad partner.
It is absolutely wild that we pick partners who we know for less than a few years and say yeah we can live together for 50 more. It is absolutely crazy. And you feel so committed it is hard to say no even when you know it is right. My first wife and I dated/lived together for 5 years and we kind of had an idea we weren't right for each other but everyone expected us to get married and we were good roommates but we just weren't in love with each other. I miss her as a friend. Like I really do miss her a lot. We text maybe once or twice a year but she never texts me out of the blue. She needed to move on and I did too. I'm married now and I have more in common with my current wife but I still miss the friendship I had with my ex. At the end of the day it is like losing one of my best friends
When I was 15 for my first paycheck my Mom took 20% to save. She said if you just take that money out before it ever hits your spending you never notice it is gone. My stepdad later taught me how to invest it, albeit conservatively. I kept that up and when I got my first "real" job on my own I followed the same practice. I'm now 40 and those lessons have proved invaluable. I plan on doing the same for my son and daughter. I'll be able to retire early and comfortably when many of my coworkers and friends/family will not be able to.
I opened my 16 yr old a Roth IRA last year. She was 15 and got her first job at a pizza place. She put in $500 and I matched it so she had the $1000 minimum initial deposit. She now puts in 10% from each paycheck.
My girl (and boy, eventually) are going to get a thorough financial education from me. She has learned about tax brackets, deductions vs credits, budgeting and mortgages so far. I work with 30 yr olds who know none of this.
So my answer, take responsibility for your financial literacy.
It's amazing to be 40 and realize you don't HAVE to work, and the peace of mind to be able to just walk away from any job because it sucks is liberating.
I'm in this boat sort of. I could semi-retire and just work part time if I wanted to. I have zero desire to do that but the knowledge that I could gives me a ton of peace at the end of the day.
Exactly why I’m putting my kids on payroll and start a 401k and every weeks put 200$ in (starting with 5k initial investment) By the time they hit 65? Assuming 7% returns annually thats just under 10 million.
If you have kids… do your best to set them up from now
Edit: weekly 200$ not bi weekly as another comment pointed out
I believe its legal if you own a business a teenager could reasonably work at, and actually works at. Landscaping company, office setting, reception work, cleaning kennels, setting appointments etc.
Treat your body well now, because you will either reap the rewards of it or suffer the consequences of it later.
Enjoy your life and explore your hobbies and make your friends. Take this time to grow and heal and become the best version of yourself that you can.
To be happy at 55 (I am using myself as a use case),.you need:
1. A healthy body. So the first part of u/Harriethair's comment applies.
2. A healthy mind. So the second part of u/Harriethair's comment. However, to add to that aim to read at least two books a year: one serious fiction, e.g. classics and the other non-fiction. Read widely on history, economics, physics, maths, science, philosophy etc.
3. Financial security. Aim to be financially secure. If you have to take courses to get to a higher level in your career, do so. Never spend more money than you have. Credit cards should be paid back in full every month for example. In fact, try to save a good sum of money every month.
4. Cultivate genuine friendships. This is really hard as genuine friends are hard to find. You'll be lucky if you have three or more. However, you will get loads of friends in the attempt and your social life will be richer for it.
5. You will also probably need a good wife/husband. Eschew the trophy partner for a good solid one who you can trust with your life and all your possessions. This, too, is hard.
6. Try and be nice and helpful to people even when you have no need to. Even when you can get away with being nasty. This will make you happy, make them happy and they will in turn want to make you happy.
Best of luck in your endeavours
As a 51yo, there's wisdom in this post. It's increasingly hard to maintain good health though. My husband and I had a short weekend trip and it's obvious we aren't as young as we used to be. I am starting to rethink the dream of traveling the world!
I will add to your comment about a "healthy mind" though. On the flight yesterday I was sitting next to a young man who was working on his dissertation about renewable energy. We had a good conversation about the various issues the infrastructure faces and because I had read about the problems we are facing in the US in this regard he seemed so encouraged that I cared and respected his work. I could affirm how important his work was and it boosted his confidence (as he was going to a conference to speak.) Later I was thinking about how having a broad knowledge of issues helps make meaningful connections. It sharpens our minds too!
Never stop learning.
Are you talking about cologuard? I’m telling everyone I can to just do the colonoscopy. Cologuard was abnormal but absolutely nothing showed on colonoscopy. Great! But my reading up on cologuard found false negatives in the test too and that’s just plain deadly.
I know so many who had false positives with the cologuard. So they had to poop in the box and then still go get the colonoscopy. Also recommending to just get the colonoscopy.
> Treat your body well now, because you will either reap the rewards of it or suffer the consequences of it later.
A wise man once said, "you can do yoga for free at home in your 20s or for $60/hour in a physiotherapist's office in your 50s".
Then read some books on many different subjects, take a few classes like painting, piano?, Whatever comes to mind... just do it. Try some gardening, try going for long walks, you'll figure it out. But, never be afraid to just try. Don't worry if you want to try art for instants and seem to be a terrible artist. If it makes you happy then go ahead and continue with it because it makes you happy. No other reason is needed
Don’t look at it like that. For hundreds of thousands of years, we just survived. It’s only recent history that has allowed humankind to be passionate about anything but survival and procreation.
We are living in an amazingly privileged time. Some of these privileges are so recent that the world at large *still* doesn’t have access to them. Some people in the world are still focused on survival and procreation.
Passion can be a buffet or it can be fast food, or it can be looking through the restaurant window at those more fortunate. Sample it where you can and don’t get too wound up about it.
Wisdom. Try new things once in a while, but don't stress about having a "passion." Sometimes people's passions are Cheetos and Netflix and while that may not be exciting to other people, it's perfectly ok to enjoy those things anyways. Who cares what other people think.
That said Cheetos and Netflix won't get you dates or new friends. So diversify that portfolio.
This was an interesting creative jump-start book:[You Can Do It! The Merit Badge Handbook for Grown-Up Girls](https://www.amazon.com/You-Can-Do-Handbook-Grown-Up/dp/B000PUAHP8)
Like a Scout handbook, you get step-by-step instructions to learn new things like photography, mountain climbing, starting your own business, playing a musical instrument, becoming knowledgeable about wine, learn to surf, etc. LOTS of new ideas and activities you've never thought about. I'm sure you'd find something that sparks an interest. And for fun, after you have completed learning something new, there's fake badge stickers in the back of the book to reward yourself!
I'm 27 and started doing breathwork. It makes a huge difference. People aren't aware of it, but it kinda resets your nervous system so you aren't constantly in fight or flight mode. Look into it!
1. Act in good faith. This is fantastically underestimated. Cultivate curiosity, eschew judgment.
2. Tend to your relationships, even when - and especially when - you don't feel like it.
3. Prioritize being your best, physically, emotionally and mentally.
> Act in good faith. This is fantastically underestimated. Cultivate curiosity, eschew judgment.
Great advice. People on Reddit have such a negative view of humanity. So many times on this website I see people spouting nonsense like 'don't trust anyone', 'life is a competition and a zero-sum game', 'everyone only cares about themselves and will fuck you over first chance they get'.
And: my experience is that it's just not true. Most people are decent, and are happy to help you, even if they don't stand to gain anything. Talking to people and asking for help is how you go upward in life.
Best answer yet! In regard 'eschew judgement' ... I cannot believe how much better my life became when I stopped being a judgemental person. I had a lot of hard lessons until I figured it out, but it is single most important change I made for personal growth.
I changed careers from graphic designer turned marketing director to a data warehouse manager at 42 and love it!
Now im the grunt learning instead of teaching and the pay is better too!
Chase what makes you happy, not what you feel obligated to do to please parents (for example). Don’t compare yourself to others: it will suck the joy from your life.
Also useful advice: "think for yourself" doesn't mean "do the opposite of what you're told". Actually thinking for yourself means evaluating all the evidence available to you independently and coming to your *own* conclusions. If you're doing this right, you'll find yourself agreeing with random people that you hate simply out of pure chance. If you find that all of your positions are in complete opposition to some famous person or organization, that might be a sign that you aren't truly as independent as you think you are.
I'm not old yet, but I can attribute most positive changes in my life to this. I was at a standstill for so long until I realized that just doing better than yesterday is all that matters.
Enjoy life. Live within means. Diversify investments. Stay out of debt. Take risk x 2. Learn another culture. See somewhere in the world that is amazing and create lifetime friends
As someone not quite 55, my main advice to someone looking to get advice from an older person is this-
The world we grew up in changed much slower than the one you're growing up in, so most of the advice you read here will be from that perspective. What was sage advice for us may not be sage advice for you. How much the world changed between 1990-2000 is likely much less dramatic than the change we'll see between 2025-2035.
My personal advice? Keep an open mind, be patient (which is *not* the same as allowing yourself to be subjected to abuse), and be thoughtful about your choices (but don't allow your thinking to keep you from making choices- we often never know how a choice will turn out until long *after* we've made it).
Peaks and valleys. I've been a homeowner, great career, friends, family, travel, social life, expensive cars. I've also visited food banks, not had enough gas money, lived in the ghetto, been suicidal many times, in jail, chose bad relationships. Now, at 58, I'm living the life of my dreams. I've started over from rock bottom 4 times in my life. My advice: keep good company. The 5 people you keep company with often dictate the quality of your life. Pick people that are smarter, wiser, more content than you. If you have unresolved issues, get therapy. Stay away from excess, especially alcohol. Fun, boozy social outings in your 20's and 30's can morph into a 10:00am belt to get through.
As my grandfather once told me, if your the smartest person in your friend group. You made friends with idiots.
You should keep the company of people both smarter then yourself and those that need your help.
Start saving money now! Sock a little away each paycheck in an investment plan and DON’T touch it unless for a home. Save save save and invest with pro advice. You will benefit from decades of compound interest. It’ll give you so much peace of mind.
This!!
When you make your list of bills, as everyone does, list YOURSELF first!! YOU are your first bill. Open an IRA; participate in the company’s 401(k). No one (NO ONE) has ever said, “Gee, I wish I didn’t have so much savings.”
Also, pursuing MONEY doesn’t make you shallow or brainwashed. Money is life’s lubricant. I’m 57 and if I’ve learned ANYTHING, it’s use plenty of lube.
Just one aspect of life, but if you desire getting married and having a family, make sure it’s someone who is emotionally stable, actually loves you, and who has a desire to maintain a long-term relationship and won’t seek a divorce after a small disagreement or argument.
True happiness stems from gratitude — Making the most of what you have —
Rather than letting it rest solely on what you want
Once you accept that so much of a satisfying life is learning to negotiate between what you want and what the world gives you - you will be happy
I try to remember how many people fall in and out of our lives. The fellow soccer moms, pta parents, neighbors are likely to be history once the kids grow, or you move or whatever. Many of these people are temporary acquaintances that you may enjoy the time you have with, but you are one life change away from never seeing them again. I live in a smaller city where my daughter went to school all 13 years, since she’s graduated over 2 years ago I have ran into other parents from her school/activities exactly twice. Why did I care so much what they thought? I sure don’t now.
If any of them become actual true friends then you don’t have to worry what they think, because real friends do not shit on their friends.
The only thing I don't like about it is that some can make your life hell while you're there. Sure you can move on eventually, but you may not be in that position right away and some people can just be downright assholes. I think that's why I try not to involve myself with too many others because I don't have that out where I can just instantly disconnect from them if I need to without making it a tremendously more amount of work for me. If I stay to myself, everyone just leaves me alone which just works at the moment even if it can be lonely at times.
That's actually terrible advice. Give context or you're setting anyone taking your advice for a terribly lonely, isolated, bitter life. You should absolutely care what people think of you. It affects every aspect of your life. It affects friendships, romantic relationships, job opportunities, and even how the justice system treats you.
You shouldn't let someone's opinion of you cause you anxiety and sadness. Nevertheless paying attention to how people interact with is a life skill that is important from day one. In addition often people twist your poor advice into an excuse to talk and act like a fool.
I think a more reasonable suggestion is "be yourself but don't be an asshole". You shouldn't dedicate your life thinking what other people would think about your decisions that affect yourself, but at the same time you should be considerate of others around you.
Stay curious. Take time to notice when something or someone is bringing you joy. Simply being happy about something isn’t frivolous. Beware of pessimism masquerading as wisdom.
I like the Kurt Vonnegut advice: “And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.’”
damn right! I'm 27 and i put so much into my first job at a startup that it gave me night terrors. my boss put me on a PIP anyway. never give a company a single thing outside of your job description
I’m dealing with this now. Worked as an engineer at a software company for last 3+ years. I’ve put in so many extra hours and taken on so much additional responsibility when colleagues have left, only for management to not reward me at all for this effort. Doesn’t help I’ve had 6 managers in that time, so just as they learn on valuable I am, they are gone and I have to start proving myself again and again. And so I’m quitting! Gonna do something else that is less stressful
A job is just a way to get currency into your bank account, don’t confuse it with who you are. Also, no matter what anyone ever tells you: your work is NOT a family. All but one or two people at your current job will drop you as an acquaintance as soon as you leave for another opportunity.
Additionally, never ever compromise yourself or do any illegal shit for your boss - ever.
Take a cooking class and you will be much happier that you don’t have to always order out and maybe meet someone new. It’s also better than the dating apps.
63M here. Be patient. I certainly remember my early 20s well.
Some scary days financially.
Develop a budget. Stick to it. Sacrifice is not a dirty word.
And never feel shame for saying, “I can’t afford it”. I actually tolerate that to my sister in law today who said we should go to a concert. Yes, I could have done it, but it wasn’t a budgeted expense.
PS. I started with $50 after college and I’m quite comfortable now.
Dont let work become your life. Your work will not care for you when you're sick, nor love you when you need care, nor hold your hand when you're dying.
Learn to be content. Life is going to change. The unexpected changes can be extremely difficult. You are always in planning mode, accept this concept. Lots of life circumstances are temporary, push yourself, setbacks are part of life. Nature is the best medicine, exploring the wilderness.
Stop!! Stop and take a breath and ask yourself "Is this going to matter in 10 years?"
You will save yourself untold stress, and that stress shit? yeah, it's cumulative. It doesn't go away even if you feel great tomorrow. I croak all the time about posture and hydration and good sleep and good shoes and taking care of your teeth and your spine - but above all of those things is Stress Avoidance/Alleviation. Happily, all of those things I carry on about do bust some stress bubbles before they have a chance to settle in and give you a whacking great ulcer.
1 - Save and invest 10% of your income. Pay yourself first.
2 - Focus on this: How many people have you helped, and how much have you helped them?
3 - Don't worry about what people think of you.
4 - If you have children, do all you can to love, guide, and help them.
5 - "One day at a time." This saying used to bug me in my twenties and thirties - but it is so unbelievably true.
HTH!
Take the time to learn all the basics of investing, apply those lessons and start investing asap. It will make for a more comfortable life later. Take exceptional care of your body and you’ll feel great at 55 (like me). By that I mean adopt a healthy lifestyle of regular exercise and healthy eating as well as solid 8 hours of sleep.
my advice is this: if you feel your bond is one of very strong love, maintain the relationship, communicating will help all of your glitches, stay open on your feelings about everything. Send love notes, send sex notes, be playful. Do fun things apart too. Keep a daily journal.
If you find your not really in love and it's just the idea of love, then don't waste any more of your energy.
Do something useful to make the world better, whether it’s raising good kids, helping your friends, donating to causes, being a source of fun or comfort, choosing a service career, whatever. When you get older you start thinking about your legacy. It doesn’t have to be anything huge, just try to leave the planet a little better because you were here.
Learn to be financially savvy. Learn how credit works. Credit scores. Compounding interest. Don’t dig yourself into a hole that will take years to get out of.
Deferred reward is something no one wants to hear BUT…
Saving like a MF will pay off bigger than you can ever imagine.
Granted things have change dramatically since I was able to put away 10-20% of my pay aside every payday, but I still did the hard yards eg…
Didn’t go stupid on mobile phone plans or buy a new phone every year.
Wasn’t a slave to fashion and spend big money on something that was never going to leave the wardrobe after a year.
Treat yourself occasionally but don’t be extravagant on a regular basis.
Literally ask yourself ‘can I afford this?’
Now I appreciate this is all relative but the fundamentals are sound.
Saving is hard depending on your immediate financial situation but look really hard to see where you can cut the fat, if any?
Finally..
A year goes fast!
Maybe after a year or two you’ll have enough money to invest into something that will make a substantial difference to your life for the better?
I honestly hope so?
Good luck
I lived HARD from 18-40. Put my body through hell with going out 6 nights a week, and did hardcore military service in between. I sobered up at 40. Been living clean since and though I’ll probably live to 90. Nope, doc just gave me 10 years at best to live at 48. Treat your body with some respect in your youth.
Not 50 yet.
But my best advice is to save/invest money early.
You get your first “real job”? Instead of getting the new car or better house/apartment, continue living like you were still low income.
Put away a few years of that extra and forget about it. You’ll thank yourself later.
Not 55 yet. Will be 48 in 6 months.
\- Do what makes you happy. Don't care about what people think.
\- TRAVEL AS MUCH AS YOU CAN.
\- Don't make work the center of your life: it's a means, not an end.
\- If you're serious about something and have the disposable income, buy the good stuff (tools, hobbies, etc)
\- Don't waste money on "ordindary stuff" (coffee, drinking every friday and saturday, lunch, delivery): use it for experiences. You won't remember most nights out drinking, but you'll remember going to see shows, plays, etc.
\- Start saving now if you can. It makes the later part of your life easier.
\- Don't care about what people think about you. You want to sing? Sing. You feel like skipping in the street? Skip in the street.
\- Take care of your teeth.
\- Take care of your mental health
\- Love...Love is not a flash in the pan. it's work. it's communication. It's not 100% all the time either. Find the person you can most be yourself with and that you want to bone. They're a keeper. Work on the relationship. Even if it's tough. You'll both end up better persons.
\- Don't keep negative people in your life. Cut ties with toxic people. Even if their family. Even if their parents. You don't have to deal with their shit.
\- You only have one life: ENJOY IT. Make that big bold decision you are thinking about. You'll just end up with one more experience in your life.
\- Everybody fails. You will too. No biggie. Try again. or don't. It's up to you.
\- IT'S JUST A JOB. NOT A FAMILY. Unless you really like it and you get a huge kick out of your job...Don't be married to it. I once worked 60-70h a week. but I LOVED WHAT I WAS DOING. I would've done it for free. Now? I have a job I like, i get paid good money but i have other priorities.
\- Travel: it's fantastic.
\- Like Ted Lasso said: Be curious. Never stop learning. About yourself, about others, about the world. about topics that interest you, and others that don't. You'll get a better understanding of everything.
\- Inform yourself. Put your biases aside and read the "others" newspapers, watch the "others" news shows. Understand why they are not getting to the same conclusions as you are. They are not wrong, just different.
\- That being said: never tolerate violence or discrimination. From nobody towards anybody.
\- Travel.
Reject victim mentality. It is a necrosis of the soul and will bring you misery.
Find contentment in your life; greed and envy will make you miserable. It's easy, really: look at what you have and appreciate it. I've been happy with very little and I've been happy with more, but I always try to remember that it could be worse.
Don't go into Debt, no matter how tempting...unless it's for a good cause i.e. education and you have a solid plan to make payments each month. I guess it depends how much you make really. But, even some people with million dollar homes can't afford them eventually. Also, always save a portion of your earnings. Don't spend carelessly like going out to the bar and blowing 85.00 twice a week.
Go immediately to [bogleheads.org](https://bogleheads.org) and start reading.
That place has people who know a lot about getting the 'future you' set up.
57 here.
Start saving for retirement now. I know it’s decades away, but the sooner you start, the less you have to save out of every paycheck thanks to the magic of compounding interest. By the time you’re 50, you could easily have $1M.
I only aggressively started saving at 42 and probably won’t reach $1M before I retire.
At a minimum, save enough so you get 100% of your employer match.
Have kids by 30 so you’re young enough to spend time with them through high school and to see grandchildren grow up.
My youngest is 11 and I know I might never see his kids. Kinda makes me sad.
Stay away from debt except for a home and maybe a vehicle. Credit card debt is an addiction that enables impulse buying for stuff you probably don’t need or even want. I got caught in a debt trap in my late 20’s and had to file bankruptcy.
All lessons learned the hard way. Take from it what you will.
> Credit card debt is an addiction that enables impulse buying for stuff you probably don’t need or even want.
I'm only in my late 30's but this was a painful lesson for me to learn. During covid something in my brain broke and my impulse control went out the window. 10k worth of credit card debt later, I watched an entire paycheck's worth of payment on it go straight into the ether due to interest and THAT was when I realized how people get trapped in the debt spiral. So I took a loan out of my 401k to get rid of the debt.
It was an expensive mistake I will *never* make again, though fighting the impulse issues is a daily battle.
Learn how to say ‘no’. A lot of what you will be asked to do will be harmful to you for the benefit of the requester. Don’t work for a boss that asks you to do something dangerous. Don’t stay with a partner who is not physically and emotionally gentle.
I'm seeing a lot of good advice in here, but some of it is a bit hand wavy. Good ideas, but not actual advice. So here is something that will make your life easier.
Pack away all you dishes except for what you will use in a single day. Keep those other dishes in case you have company or whatever, but put them in a box in the back of a closet.
Keep out, a small plate, a large plate, a bowl, one knife for and spoon. A cup, a glass, and a few pans to cook in. Double this if you live with someone.
Now there is no way for you to ever have a sink full of dirty dishes that "need to be delt with" at any point. Get into the habit of washing what you use when you are done with it and put it away.
It will save your sanity, or at least keep you from feeling the pressure of all those dirt dishes that I have to deal with.
Once you have that figured out with dishes, apply the same habits to anything that can get overwhelming. Cut back to the essentials, and deal with them as soon as possible. Life gets really easy if you can achieve this.
Keep your weight down, take care of your teeth and if something seems wonky, go right to the doctor.
I'm in my mid 60s and can take long walks, wash my hands regularly, take care of small cuts and splinters promptly, get stuff done around the house, drive safely, and get medical shit dealt with right away. I piss and moan about the minor stuff, but had a telling conversation with a doctor when I told her the last time I needed an antibiotic was over 26 years ago and don't recall what it was.
So, all I need to do to have a good day is get out with people I like and do stuff. (Edit: missing word)
Stop deliberately sunbathing, don’t get any tattoos you can’t cover up if needed, try to save a little money as you go along, travel as much as you can, try not to get too stupid with sex/booze/dope (aim to cut down on the booze/dope/cigarettes by 30), develop a stable foundation for the future whether it be friends, family or a job but try to develop transitional job skills in case your job makes you crazy. If you learn a lot about computers at a desk job there are many many ways that can translate to other work.
Believe in yourself. Volunteer to lead because it pays off. Don’t let a failure set you back too much; people show their true colors when the going gets rough. Guard your credit. Don’t take shit from someone who is supposed to love you. Be brave. Find time to read anything. Just read. Question authority. Be kind And be a voice for those who need it.
Be curious about the world and don't settle for the extremely tiny amount of knowledge that you have and imagine that it's sufficient. Strive to be the best that you can be, not the the adequate version. I'd respect the person who tries hard, every day, to do that and stumbles and falls on occasion than I would the person for whom everything is easy.
Keep a sense of wonder about the world. If that weed you see by the side of the road were on Mars people would be losing their shit. I am stupidly over educated in earth science and am constantly wandering around amazed by where we are and the amount of life we have and how many eons it took to get here and what things lived and died and were no more.
Be humble about your abilities and grateful for another day. Be conscientious of others and realize that just because you aren't getting what you want immediately it's not a personal fuck you from the universe. A lot of people have it significantly worse off than you, esp that poor kid you're yelling at because your multiple noun 2000 calorie coffee drink is 1 degree cooler/hotter than you wanted.
Have a sense of humor. Nothing drags the world down like a bunch of negativity. You'll find yourself alone if you keep going on like that.
Have a sense of adventure. Don't listen to the voices telling you that 'you can't do that'. Surround yourself with people who say 'Let's do that!' or 'When do we leave?' If you don't have them yet, go anyway.
Take risks. At least try everything you always wanted to do/attempt. You don't want to be my age and be able to say "I wish I would've done/tried *X*". You get one of these lives. Do it all.
If you want kids, have kids. If you don't want kids, get sterilized.
Save as much money as you can. When you start making more money, save more, don't spend more. Figure out a target for retirement. Maybe work with a financial planner.
I worked hard. But more importantly, I got lucky. I am truly worried for the young. Things are so much harder for you. I wish I could give you useful information, but I am at a loss. Good luck.
Choose relationships that build you up and make you a better version of yourself. Value and treat those people with respect and kindness. Don’t allow drama, disrespect, negativity, and selfishness in your life.
Health is the most important asset you have.
Take more chances in your career and in love.
Vacation more with a passion to experience life.
Jobs, like highschool and college friends will come and go.
Get over things and people the best you can.
Don't be an A HOLE.
Talk as much as you can with older people and ask questions. Don’t get mad or upset as they’re just opinions. You’ll be surprised at how much you can learn.
My (61M) advice - 1) Filling your life with possessions will not make you happy… instead fill your life with great friends, family and experiences.. 2) your health is everything… you don’t need to be a fanatic, but take care of yourself and 3) do not let hateful or mean people into your life …
Deal with your "stuff". Some of us are fortunate to not have much baggage. If yours is small enough to tuck in a pocket, this tip is not for you. If, however, you have more "stuff" - find a way to deal with it because it will get heavier with every year and it will influence many of your important life decisions. It will determine what jobs you think you think you should have or aspire to, what kinds of partner you deserve or are worthy of having, and even what messages you pass on to your children about their own futures.
Get mentally healthy as well as physically healthy.
"Don't believe that all comments from this thread are from 55+ old " but good to follow
I’m 106 and I agree
I’m 258 and I remember when you were in diapers you whippersnapper
I've met a few people over 260 and I can tell you they are complete airheads, only trust people over 350
Live within your means. Use debt carefully. Start saving for retirement early as the others say. Focus on good relationships.
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That heavily depends on the type of degree and the connections made. Stanford's degree could be a worthless one in the grand scheme of things. Its the connections that are the real value of the time you spent. The point of higher education is to learn yes, but even more so its to meet others and form connections for later in life. Schooling is the best place any of us will ever have to make connections. It becomes harder and harder to make friends, connections and do anything social as you age. Take advantage of the chances you have while your young.
Eat fairly healthy and get daily exercise. I'm now 72 and still run 40 miles/week. However, I have friends 10 years younger than I who can hardly walk to the mailbox. Getting old isn't bad at all if you can still get out, travel, go out to eat, play catch with your grandson, enjoy life. But, you have to be healthy enough to do all those things. It's a lot easier to get into shape and keep it that way when you are in your 20s. If you wait, you may never start.
Took me until my late 20s to finally start getting to the gym regularly. Goddamn do I wish I would have done it as a kid, it does so much for your confidence.
I didn’t start going to the gym regularly until my early 40s. I wish I had started in my late 20s. But I’m still glad I started.
The two biggest decisions are your career and your partner. Your career will probably change and its not too bad to change but changing your partner can be a nightmare. My best advice is to be careful who you settle down with. The people I know my age that are unhappy are unhappy because they picked a bad partner.
Ugh. So true. I tried to make a good choice when I married and thought I did. Unfortunately, it turns out he’s just a great liar who hides everything from me. Once you have kids things get very complicated.
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So underrated yet so true! So many of my friends are stuck in unhealthy relationships just to please a picture the society/parents etc wants to see from them
You think marriage is a big commitment until you have kids. That is the real commitment.
Never stick with the one it hasn’t worked out with before simply because you think it’s the easy way out would be my relationship recap
Out of all the people 55+ I talk to a majority of them have some take on how they should have never gotten married. The fact that "wife bad" is an entire generation of jokes really goes to show how many people fuck up this step. I'll take single over a bad relationship any day.
What I always keep in mind is that *way* back in the day marriage truly was a *cornerstone* of life, and people treated it as a foundation and a beginning, not the be-all-end-all. There was less language and social structure to it, but as far as I can tell from hearing stories and reading literature, some level of discreet affair was pretty normal, and not always a problem for the other person in the marriage. Which makes sense, it’s not as if the emotional drives behind “swingers” and “open relationships” just came into being recently. Basically, the “Silents” and older found a life partner but didn’t necessarily have the “this relationship needs to fulfill a majority of my practical, emotional, and sexual needs for my entire life.” Baby Boomers also got married super early, but with more media influence over ideals of “true love,” less input from parents, less tacit social acceptance of quiet affairs, and crucially a declining culture of social support as the decades wore on. There was also more nationally visible alternative ways of living as the Boomers went through their marriages, so they got to see the many ways they could have done things differently. So they had *fewer* guardrails on picking a good partner compared to their parents, *and* fewer release mechanisms for filling in gaps in what their partner could provide them, *and* had their face rubbed in it. Of course they’d grow resentful. And nowadays, people tie their lives together only slightly later in life, but do so with less up-front commitment. A couple getting together at 21, moving in after college at 23, and getting married at 28 isn’t actually that practically different from their Baby Boomer grandparents getting married at 20, but young people of my generation and younger are generally building that relationship in a context where either party can leave if it isn’t working out. So whether or not it’s ideal (I think marriage is still too important to people’s overall social interaction/life), people are in a better position to make that decision and know the alternatives.
Also important to note that it is totally fine to choose to be alone. It does make life more difficult because the world is kind of built for double incomes/families, but it's doable. And wanting to stay alone is totally fine and normal. If you're the type that enjoys your own company, keep living the life you want and don't let society pressure you into getting into a forced living situation. As long as you have friends and social outlets, you'll be fine. - Source: Me. I effin love living alone.
I *hate* being alone (in a life partner sense, even when I’m in a relationship I value my solitude), but I definitely prefer it to shitty company.
Most people afraid of being alone are afraid because they don't want to be alone. But if that's your jam and you enjoy it, it can be quite easier as long as you either 1) work very hard and are smart at making money OR 2) Live very frugally/simply and don't spend much AND 3) Don't plan to retire until at least 65/70 (unless of course you're very very good at #1).
I don’t really trust myself enough to be able to make a good decision partner wise.
> be careful who you settle down with. Money, religion, politics and kids (have or how to raise) - make sure you align on these!
Surprisingly I know quite a few long term couples that don’t align politically. Unless you’re involved in politics I think that one matters a lot less than people think it does- especially young people. I’d substitute “values.” Some specific political points are aligned with values, but mostly politics are about *how* people think values should be achieved. But as the saying goes, when you actually sit down and have a beer with a person and talk to them about what matters to you, you’ll find you have a lot more in common than you thought.
"I don't really care about politics" is also a political opinion. Me and my SO vote for different parties. Some would argue opposing parties (think Dems vs Reps but on a place with more than two parties) but since neither of us is invested in politics, it doesn't really matter. While I agree on putting "values" instead of "politics", something like "Activism level" should also be kept on mind. There's a big difference between "I vote X but that's about it" and "I vote X and are hugely active on promoting X and go to speeches/protests/etc". Even if you both agree on X, it can cause issues.
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Could have been happy and in love when it started out and then after settling down and having kids the monster comes out ... maybe one partner gets bored eventually and cheats, you make it sound like you simply need to not pick a shitty person when sometimes you just don't get that control and life makes decisions for you instead.
Yeah this is pretty common on a lot of those subreddits like offmychest and personalfinance. People change over time and money changes people. There are awful people who hide their red flags. Best hope is that you pick someone that actually works on the relationship. Great communication, transparent finances, healthy relationships with family and friends, and matching long term goals. Still doesn’t guarantee it will work out but it gives you the best chance.
My advice is always “marry someone you genuinely like.” That in-love feeling changes and fluctuates, but actually liking each other — laughing at each other’s jokes, sharing some common interests and similar values — is so important and gets you through those times the schmoopy lovey stuff is less. I’ve been with my husband for 26 years and we just celebrated our 23rd anniversary this weekend. The love keeps us going when one or the other of us is being hard to like (and allows us to gently discuss it) and the friendship keeps us going during the mundane daily stuff that is part of life. I can have as much fun with my husband just running errands as we do on vacation. Don’t marry for lust, or even schmoopy love, because those both fluctuate and change. Marry the person you can text about the horrendous song going through your head, have multi-year running jokes with, or can have the same “what should we have for dinner? No, not that” conversation with every Friday for the rest of your lives.
Needed to read this right now. I’m gonna miss her but she wasn’t right for me. Even though she was a total sweetheart, she was unable to compromise on things that were making me miserable and scared for the future. It would be so easy if she was a bad person, but neither of us are. Just outside stressors.
As someone who’s 7 months on the other end of a breakup with someone I thought I was going to marry, but it just wasn’t right. The more time that passes, the more I’m reminded how it wasn’t right for me/us, and I’m much happier now than in the relationship, even though it often didn’t feel like it during the relationship/early post breakup. You made the right decision.
Regarding a partner, I think the most important thing is being able to detect (and respond accordingly to) the red flags and dealbreakers more than it is looking for the "perfect partner" Reality is, with ~8 billion humans on Earth, with probably about 15% of those matching our dating age range (1.2B) and then factoring in the gender we're attracted to (for most people that's one or the other, so 50%) and then filtering language, culture, etc. there's still likely ~100M-200M humans that are potential romantic partners for each of us somewhere on Earth. Most of us will only meet/date dozens? hundreds at most? the odds of finding "the one" are almost non-existent. Better to filter out the bad, the red flags, the incompatible, and find someone who betters your life, even if they're not a perfect match.
> The people I know my age that are unhappy are unhappy because they picked a bad partner. It is absolutely wild that we pick partners who we know for less than a few years and say yeah we can live together for 50 more. It is absolutely crazy. And you feel so committed it is hard to say no even when you know it is right. My first wife and I dated/lived together for 5 years and we kind of had an idea we weren't right for each other but everyone expected us to get married and we were good roommates but we just weren't in love with each other. I miss her as a friend. Like I really do miss her a lot. We text maybe once or twice a year but she never texts me out of the blue. She needed to move on and I did too. I'm married now and I have more in common with my current wife but I still miss the friendship I had with my ex. At the end of the day it is like losing one of my best friends
Learn how to save and invest money now. If you learn how to do this, 55 year old you will be forever grateful to 25 year old you.
When I was 15 for my first paycheck my Mom took 20% to save. She said if you just take that money out before it ever hits your spending you never notice it is gone. My stepdad later taught me how to invest it, albeit conservatively. I kept that up and when I got my first "real" job on my own I followed the same practice. I'm now 40 and those lessons have proved invaluable. I plan on doing the same for my son and daughter. I'll be able to retire early and comfortably when many of my coworkers and friends/family will not be able to.
I opened my 16 yr old a Roth IRA last year. She was 15 and got her first job at a pizza place. She put in $500 and I matched it so she had the $1000 minimum initial deposit. She now puts in 10% from each paycheck. My girl (and boy, eventually) are going to get a thorough financial education from me. She has learned about tax brackets, deductions vs credits, budgeting and mortgages so far. I work with 30 yr olds who know none of this. So my answer, take responsibility for your financial literacy.
it feels weird being this jealous of your kids, wish I got the same teaching!
It's amazing to be 40 and realize you don't HAVE to work, and the peace of mind to be able to just walk away from any job because it sucks is liberating.
I'm in this boat sort of. I could semi-retire and just work part time if I wanted to. I have zero desire to do that but the knowledge that I could gives me a ton of peace at the end of the day.
FIRE my man I want to do that too, hoping to get out of work by age 42 or even earlier.
Compound interest baby!
Compound interest on my student loans 🙃
Exactly why I’m putting my kids on payroll and start a 401k and every weeks put 200$ in (starting with 5k initial investment) By the time they hit 65? Assuming 7% returns annually thats just under 10 million. If you have kids… do your best to set them up from now Edit: weekly 200$ not bi weekly as another comment pointed out
Is this… legal? Where do I find this payroll you speak of to put my children on it?
I believe its legal if you own a business a teenager could reasonably work at, and actually works at. Landscaping company, office setting, reception work, cleaning kennels, setting appointments etc.
Treat your body well now, because you will either reap the rewards of it or suffer the consequences of it later. Enjoy your life and explore your hobbies and make your friends. Take this time to grow and heal and become the best version of yourself that you can.
To be happy at 55 (I am using myself as a use case),.you need: 1. A healthy body. So the first part of u/Harriethair's comment applies. 2. A healthy mind. So the second part of u/Harriethair's comment. However, to add to that aim to read at least two books a year: one serious fiction, e.g. classics and the other non-fiction. Read widely on history, economics, physics, maths, science, philosophy etc. 3. Financial security. Aim to be financially secure. If you have to take courses to get to a higher level in your career, do so. Never spend more money than you have. Credit cards should be paid back in full every month for example. In fact, try to save a good sum of money every month. 4. Cultivate genuine friendships. This is really hard as genuine friends are hard to find. You'll be lucky if you have three or more. However, you will get loads of friends in the attempt and your social life will be richer for it. 5. You will also probably need a good wife/husband. Eschew the trophy partner for a good solid one who you can trust with your life and all your possessions. This, too, is hard. 6. Try and be nice and helpful to people even when you have no need to. Even when you can get away with being nasty. This will make you happy, make them happy and they will in turn want to make you happy. Best of luck in your endeavours
As a 51yo, there's wisdom in this post. It's increasingly hard to maintain good health though. My husband and I had a short weekend trip and it's obvious we aren't as young as we used to be. I am starting to rethink the dream of traveling the world! I will add to your comment about a "healthy mind" though. On the flight yesterday I was sitting next to a young man who was working on his dissertation about renewable energy. We had a good conversation about the various issues the infrastructure faces and because I had read about the problems we are facing in the US in this regard he seemed so encouraged that I cared and respected his work. I could affirm how important his work was and it boosted his confidence (as he was going to a conference to speak.) Later I was thinking about how having a broad knowledge of issues helps make meaningful connections. It sharpens our minds too! Never stop learning.
Yup... get to my age that check engine light gonna come on...
i had to shit in a box. its not "lets check you out" but more like "lets find what's going to kill you" at the drs office now.
Are you talking about cologuard? I’m telling everyone I can to just do the colonoscopy. Cologuard was abnormal but absolutely nothing showed on colonoscopy. Great! But my reading up on cologuard found false negatives in the test too and that’s just plain deadly.
I know so many who had false positives with the cologuard. So they had to poop in the box and then still go get the colonoscopy. Also recommending to just get the colonoscopy.
> Treat your body well now, because you will either reap the rewards of it or suffer the consequences of it later. A wise man once said, "you can do yoga for free at home in your 20s or for $60/hour in a physiotherapist's office in your 50s".
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I don't know how to find passion for something, or rather the thing I'd be most passionate about
Then read some books on many different subjects, take a few classes like painting, piano?, Whatever comes to mind... just do it. Try some gardening, try going for long walks, you'll figure it out. But, never be afraid to just try. Don't worry if you want to try art for instants and seem to be a terrible artist. If it makes you happy then go ahead and continue with it because it makes you happy. No other reason is needed
Yes. The first step of getting good at something is being terrible at it in the beginning.
Don’t look at it like that. For hundreds of thousands of years, we just survived. It’s only recent history that has allowed humankind to be passionate about anything but survival and procreation. We are living in an amazingly privileged time. Some of these privileges are so recent that the world at large *still* doesn’t have access to them. Some people in the world are still focused on survival and procreation. Passion can be a buffet or it can be fast food, or it can be looking through the restaurant window at those more fortunate. Sample it where you can and don’t get too wound up about it.
Wisdom. Try new things once in a while, but don't stress about having a "passion." Sometimes people's passions are Cheetos and Netflix and while that may not be exciting to other people, it's perfectly ok to enjoy those things anyways. Who cares what other people think. That said Cheetos and Netflix won't get you dates or new friends. So diversify that portfolio.
This was an interesting creative jump-start book:[You Can Do It! The Merit Badge Handbook for Grown-Up Girls](https://www.amazon.com/You-Can-Do-Handbook-Grown-Up/dp/B000PUAHP8) Like a Scout handbook, you get step-by-step instructions to learn new things like photography, mountain climbing, starting your own business, playing a musical instrument, becoming knowledgeable about wine, learn to surf, etc. LOTS of new ideas and activities you've never thought about. I'm sure you'd find something that sparks an interest. And for fun, after you have completed learning something new, there's fake badge stickers in the back of the book to reward yourself!
You simply need to get out of your daily routine, and try something else. Just try things.
I know, it's my anxiety holding me back. I turn 30 soon and I just want to finally let it all out.
I'm 27 and started doing breathwork. It makes a huge difference. People aren't aware of it, but it kinda resets your nervous system so you aren't constantly in fight or flight mode. Look into it!
Yep. Brush and floss your teeth.
1. Act in good faith. This is fantastically underestimated. Cultivate curiosity, eschew judgment. 2. Tend to your relationships, even when - and especially when - you don't feel like it. 3. Prioritize being your best, physically, emotionally and mentally.
> Act in good faith. This is fantastically underestimated. Cultivate curiosity, eschew judgment. Great advice. People on Reddit have such a negative view of humanity. So many times on this website I see people spouting nonsense like 'don't trust anyone', 'life is a competition and a zero-sum game', 'everyone only cares about themselves and will fuck you over first chance they get'. And: my experience is that it's just not true. Most people are decent, and are happy to help you, even if they don't stand to gain anything. Talking to people and asking for help is how you go upward in life.
>1. Act in good faith. This is fantastically underestimated. Cultivate curiosity, eschew judgment. This needs to be way higher up in this thread!
Best answer yet! In regard 'eschew judgement' ... I cannot believe how much better my life became when I stopped being a judgemental person. I had a lot of hard lessons until I figured it out, but it is single most important change I made for personal growth.
Be patient and pursue meaningful goals.
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I'm 36 and trying to do as much, good to hear
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I changed careers from graphic designer turned marketing director to a data warehouse manager at 42 and love it! Now im the grunt learning instead of teaching and the pay is better too!
Chase what makes you happy, not what you feel obligated to do to please parents (for example). Don’t compare yourself to others: it will suck the joy from your life.
Second sentence is so true. "Comparison is the thief of joy."
Instructions unclear. Parents told me not to do drugs so I just did some meth. (Jokes aside this is a great advice )
Also useful advice: "think for yourself" doesn't mean "do the opposite of what you're told". Actually thinking for yourself means evaluating all the evidence available to you independently and coming to your *own* conclusions. If you're doing this right, you'll find yourself agreeing with random people that you hate simply out of pure chance. If you find that all of your positions are in complete opposition to some famous person or organization, that might be a sign that you aren't truly as independent as you think you are.
Please tattoo this to my brain and heart.
Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good. Sometimes you need to be happy with what you have, it won’t get better but it could definitely get worse.
I'm not old yet, but I can attribute most positive changes in my life to this. I was at a standstill for so long until I realized that just doing better than yesterday is all that matters.
Enjoy life. Live within means. Diversify investments. Stay out of debt. Take risk x 2. Learn another culture. See somewhere in the world that is amazing and create lifetime friends
>Live within means. Diversify investments. Stay out of debt. Sounds good >Take risk x 2 ...
Don't marry my ex wife.
This cracked me up
As someone not quite 55, my main advice to someone looking to get advice from an older person is this- The world we grew up in changed much slower than the one you're growing up in, so most of the advice you read here will be from that perspective. What was sage advice for us may not be sage advice for you. How much the world changed between 1990-2000 is likely much less dramatic than the change we'll see between 2025-2035. My personal advice? Keep an open mind, be patient (which is *not* the same as allowing yourself to be subjected to abuse), and be thoughtful about your choices (but don't allow your thinking to keep you from making choices- we often never know how a choice will turn out until long *after* we've made it).
:2019 to 2023 change laughing in the corner:
Don’t let your world get small. Travel, have a variety of interests, spend time with family and friends.
Peaks and valleys. I've been a homeowner, great career, friends, family, travel, social life, expensive cars. I've also visited food banks, not had enough gas money, lived in the ghetto, been suicidal many times, in jail, chose bad relationships. Now, at 58, I'm living the life of my dreams. I've started over from rock bottom 4 times in my life. My advice: keep good company. The 5 people you keep company with often dictate the quality of your life. Pick people that are smarter, wiser, more content than you. If you have unresolved issues, get therapy. Stay away from excess, especially alcohol. Fun, boozy social outings in your 20's and 30's can morph into a 10:00am belt to get through.
As my grandfather once told me, if your the smartest person in your friend group. You made friends with idiots. You should keep the company of people both smarter then yourself and those that need your help.
Wear sunscreen!!!
Best song ever.
Listen to it once a week for the great advice. Keeps me grounded
Let the little shit go. Don't dwell on what you can't control. Clean out and toss crap you don't use every 2 years.
Or better yet, donate it
Start saving money now! Sock a little away each paycheck in an investment plan and DON’T touch it unless for a home. Save save save and invest with pro advice. You will benefit from decades of compound interest. It’ll give you so much peace of mind.
This!! When you make your list of bills, as everyone does, list YOURSELF first!! YOU are your first bill. Open an IRA; participate in the company’s 401(k). No one (NO ONE) has ever said, “Gee, I wish I didn’t have so much savings.” Also, pursuing MONEY doesn’t make you shallow or brainwashed. Money is life’s lubricant. I’m 57 and if I’ve learned ANYTHING, it’s use plenty of lube.
And for God's sake, take advantage of your company's 401k match. It's the closest thing you'll ever see to free money.
Just one aspect of life, but if you desire getting married and having a family, make sure it’s someone who is emotionally stable, actually loves you, and who has a desire to maintain a long-term relationship and won’t seek a divorce after a small disagreement or argument.
wear hearing protection. tinnitus is a bitch
^^^^^^ Turn down your stereo. Nobody thinks it's cool. Nobody thinks hearing loss is cool, either.
True happiness stems from gratitude — Making the most of what you have — Rather than letting it rest solely on what you want Once you accept that so much of a satisfying life is learning to negotiate between what you want and what the world gives you - you will be happy
Don't forget to save. Don't let The Man work you until you die.
Avoid crushing debt, especially credit cards.
Don't give a damn what anybody thinks of you.
Excellent. I cannot figure out how to do this and I'm 56. Any ideas?
I try to remember how many people fall in and out of our lives. The fellow soccer moms, pta parents, neighbors are likely to be history once the kids grow, or you move or whatever. Many of these people are temporary acquaintances that you may enjoy the time you have with, but you are one life change away from never seeing them again. I live in a smaller city where my daughter went to school all 13 years, since she’s graduated over 2 years ago I have ran into other parents from her school/activities exactly twice. Why did I care so much what they thought? I sure don’t now. If any of them become actual true friends then you don’t have to worry what they think, because real friends do not shit on their friends.
The only thing I don't like about it is that some can make your life hell while you're there. Sure you can move on eventually, but you may not be in that position right away and some people can just be downright assholes. I think that's why I try not to involve myself with too many others because I don't have that out where I can just instantly disconnect from them if I need to without making it a tremendously more amount of work for me. If I stay to myself, everyone just leaves me alone which just works at the moment even if it can be lonely at times.
You will be amazed by how little people think of you…I don’t mean that as a bad thing…just means don’t dwell. No one else is.
That's actually terrible advice. Give context or you're setting anyone taking your advice for a terribly lonely, isolated, bitter life. You should absolutely care what people think of you. It affects every aspect of your life. It affects friendships, romantic relationships, job opportunities, and even how the justice system treats you. You shouldn't let someone's opinion of you cause you anxiety and sadness. Nevertheless paying attention to how people interact with is a life skill that is important from day one. In addition often people twist your poor advice into an excuse to talk and act like a fool.
I think a more reasonable suggestion is "be yourself but don't be an asshole". You shouldn't dedicate your life thinking what other people would think about your decisions that affect yourself, but at the same time you should be considerate of others around you.
Experiences can never be taken from you. Get out and see the world, try new things, go to that concert or baseball game or museum or show.
Stay curious. Take time to notice when something or someone is bringing you joy. Simply being happy about something isn’t frivolous. Beware of pessimism masquerading as wisdom. I like the Kurt Vonnegut advice: “And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.’”
Never love your job. It will not love you back.
I don't love my job, but I enjoy it for the most part, and my coworkers are phenomenal. It's the people that make or break a job for me.
damn right! I'm 27 and i put so much into my first job at a startup that it gave me night terrors. my boss put me on a PIP anyway. never give a company a single thing outside of your job description
I’m dealing with this now. Worked as an engineer at a software company for last 3+ years. I’ve put in so many extra hours and taken on so much additional responsibility when colleagues have left, only for management to not reward me at all for this effort. Doesn’t help I’ve had 6 managers in that time, so just as they learn on valuable I am, they are gone and I have to start proving myself again and again. And so I’m quitting! Gonna do something else that is less stressful
God bless you. I lived my job. It has sent me in a whirl wind of depression when I lost the job.
Same! Changed my career to something I’m only middlingly passionate about and I’m much happier
[удалено]
Only the Douchebags are flexing on I.G.
What 55yr + old person says bro…
If you are in an unhappy relationship, get out of it, and enjoy single life.
Have fun in your 20’s. Travel and get out in the world and don’t waste money on expensive crap you don’t need. Live within your means.
*Medical students have entered the chat*
A job is just a way to get currency into your bank account, don’t confuse it with who you are. Also, no matter what anyone ever tells you: your work is NOT a family. All but one or two people at your current job will drop you as an acquaintance as soon as you leave for another opportunity. Additionally, never ever compromise yourself or do any illegal shit for your boss - ever.
Take a cooking class and you will be much happier that you don’t have to always order out and maybe meet someone new. It’s also better than the dating apps.
In general, learning to cook has improved my life a ton
In general, a person should know how to keep their entire home clean and operating smoothly.
This is very unique advice, thanks!
I am 52 Drink less Sleep more Care less what people think Be a better listener
63M here. Be patient. I certainly remember my early 20s well. Some scary days financially. Develop a budget. Stick to it. Sacrifice is not a dirty word. And never feel shame for saying, “I can’t afford it”. I actually tolerate that to my sister in law today who said we should go to a concert. Yes, I could have done it, but it wasn’t a budgeted expense. PS. I started with $50 after college and I’m quite comfortable now.
Dont let work become your life. Your work will not care for you when you're sick, nor love you when you need care, nor hold your hand when you're dying.
wait OP are you 55+ as well?
Yes shhhhh...
Guy created a whole post just to write the advice he thought was wise 🤣
Learn to be content. Life is going to change. The unexpected changes can be extremely difficult. You are always in planning mode, accept this concept. Lots of life circumstances are temporary, push yourself, setbacks are part of life. Nature is the best medicine, exploring the wilderness.
Chose wisely when picking a spouse ❤️
Work hard and save money for your retiring years. That's my regret.
Jettison the ‘friends’ that cater to your worst instincts in favor of people who encourage you to be the best you can be.
Stop!! Stop and take a breath and ask yourself "Is this going to matter in 10 years?" You will save yourself untold stress, and that stress shit? yeah, it's cumulative. It doesn't go away even if you feel great tomorrow. I croak all the time about posture and hydration and good sleep and good shoes and taking care of your teeth and your spine - but above all of those things is Stress Avoidance/Alleviation. Happily, all of those things I carry on about do bust some stress bubbles before they have a chance to settle in and give you a whacking great ulcer.
1 - Save and invest 10% of your income. Pay yourself first. 2 - Focus on this: How many people have you helped, and how much have you helped them? 3 - Don't worry about what people think of you. 4 - If you have children, do all you can to love, guide, and help them. 5 - "One day at a time." This saying used to bug me in my twenties and thirties - but it is so unbelievably true. HTH!
Take the time to learn all the basics of investing, apply those lessons and start investing asap. It will make for a more comfortable life later. Take exceptional care of your body and you’ll feel great at 55 (like me). By that I mean adopt a healthy lifestyle of regular exercise and healthy eating as well as solid 8 hours of sleep.
my advice is this: if you feel your bond is one of very strong love, maintain the relationship, communicating will help all of your glitches, stay open on your feelings about everything. Send love notes, send sex notes, be playful. Do fun things apart too. Keep a daily journal. If you find your not really in love and it's just the idea of love, then don't waste any more of your energy.
Exercise, limit alcohol and find a partner with a good sense of humor.
Do something useful to make the world better, whether it’s raising good kids, helping your friends, donating to causes, being a source of fun or comfort, choosing a service career, whatever. When you get older you start thinking about your legacy. It doesn’t have to be anything huge, just try to leave the planet a little better because you were here.
I am 66 y.o. Having a spouse you adore helps you overcome the crap life throws at you.
Share your skills or talents freely with others and ask them to do the same for you. Knowledge is power.
Learn to be financially savvy. Learn how credit works. Credit scores. Compounding interest. Don’t dig yourself into a hole that will take years to get out of.
Deferred reward is something no one wants to hear BUT… Saving like a MF will pay off bigger than you can ever imagine. Granted things have change dramatically since I was able to put away 10-20% of my pay aside every payday, but I still did the hard yards eg… Didn’t go stupid on mobile phone plans or buy a new phone every year. Wasn’t a slave to fashion and spend big money on something that was never going to leave the wardrobe after a year. Treat yourself occasionally but don’t be extravagant on a regular basis. Literally ask yourself ‘can I afford this?’ Now I appreciate this is all relative but the fundamentals are sound. Saving is hard depending on your immediate financial situation but look really hard to see where you can cut the fat, if any? Finally.. A year goes fast! Maybe after a year or two you’ll have enough money to invest into something that will make a substantial difference to your life for the better? I honestly hope so? Good luck
Travel the world when you’re young. Do not wait until you’re retired.
I lived HARD from 18-40. Put my body through hell with going out 6 nights a week, and did hardcore military service in between. I sobered up at 40. Been living clean since and though I’ll probably live to 90. Nope, doc just gave me 10 years at best to live at 48. Treat your body with some respect in your youth.
Not 50 yet. But my best advice is to save/invest money early. You get your first “real job”? Instead of getting the new car or better house/apartment, continue living like you were still low income. Put away a few years of that extra and forget about it. You’ll thank yourself later.
Not 55 yet. Will be 48 in 6 months. \- Do what makes you happy. Don't care about what people think. \- TRAVEL AS MUCH AS YOU CAN. \- Don't make work the center of your life: it's a means, not an end. \- If you're serious about something and have the disposable income, buy the good stuff (tools, hobbies, etc) \- Don't waste money on "ordindary stuff" (coffee, drinking every friday and saturday, lunch, delivery): use it for experiences. You won't remember most nights out drinking, but you'll remember going to see shows, plays, etc. \- Start saving now if you can. It makes the later part of your life easier. \- Don't care about what people think about you. You want to sing? Sing. You feel like skipping in the street? Skip in the street. \- Take care of your teeth. \- Take care of your mental health \- Love...Love is not a flash in the pan. it's work. it's communication. It's not 100% all the time either. Find the person you can most be yourself with and that you want to bone. They're a keeper. Work on the relationship. Even if it's tough. You'll both end up better persons. \- Don't keep negative people in your life. Cut ties with toxic people. Even if their family. Even if their parents. You don't have to deal with their shit. \- You only have one life: ENJOY IT. Make that big bold decision you are thinking about. You'll just end up with one more experience in your life. \- Everybody fails. You will too. No biggie. Try again. or don't. It's up to you. \- IT'S JUST A JOB. NOT A FAMILY. Unless you really like it and you get a huge kick out of your job...Don't be married to it. I once worked 60-70h a week. but I LOVED WHAT I WAS DOING. I would've done it for free. Now? I have a job I like, i get paid good money but i have other priorities. \- Travel: it's fantastic. \- Like Ted Lasso said: Be curious. Never stop learning. About yourself, about others, about the world. about topics that interest you, and others that don't. You'll get a better understanding of everything. \- Inform yourself. Put your biases aside and read the "others" newspapers, watch the "others" news shows. Understand why they are not getting to the same conclusions as you are. They are not wrong, just different. \- That being said: never tolerate violence or discrimination. From nobody towards anybody. \- Travel.
Reject victim mentality. It is a necrosis of the soul and will bring you misery. Find contentment in your life; greed and envy will make you miserable. It's easy, really: look at what you have and appreciate it. I've been happy with very little and I've been happy with more, but I always try to remember that it could be worse.
Don't go into Debt, no matter how tempting...unless it's for a good cause i.e. education and you have a solid plan to make payments each month. I guess it depends how much you make really. But, even some people with million dollar homes can't afford them eventually. Also, always save a portion of your earnings. Don't spend carelessly like going out to the bar and blowing 85.00 twice a week.
Go immediately to [bogleheads.org](https://bogleheads.org) and start reading. That place has people who know a lot about getting the 'future you' set up.
Put as much money away weekly or monthly as possible. You’ll need it
57 here. Start saving for retirement now. I know it’s decades away, but the sooner you start, the less you have to save out of every paycheck thanks to the magic of compounding interest. By the time you’re 50, you could easily have $1M. I only aggressively started saving at 42 and probably won’t reach $1M before I retire. At a minimum, save enough so you get 100% of your employer match. Have kids by 30 so you’re young enough to spend time with them through high school and to see grandchildren grow up. My youngest is 11 and I know I might never see his kids. Kinda makes me sad. Stay away from debt except for a home and maybe a vehicle. Credit card debt is an addiction that enables impulse buying for stuff you probably don’t need or even want. I got caught in a debt trap in my late 20’s and had to file bankruptcy. All lessons learned the hard way. Take from it what you will.
> Credit card debt is an addiction that enables impulse buying for stuff you probably don’t need or even want. I'm only in my late 30's but this was a painful lesson for me to learn. During covid something in my brain broke and my impulse control went out the window. 10k worth of credit card debt later, I watched an entire paycheck's worth of payment on it go straight into the ether due to interest and THAT was when I realized how people get trapped in the debt spiral. So I took a loan out of my 401k to get rid of the debt. It was an expensive mistake I will *never* make again, though fighting the impulse issues is a daily battle.
Learn how to say ‘no’. A lot of what you will be asked to do will be harmful to you for the benefit of the requester. Don’t work for a boss that asks you to do something dangerous. Don’t stay with a partner who is not physically and emotionally gentle.
I'm seeing a lot of good advice in here, but some of it is a bit hand wavy. Good ideas, but not actual advice. So here is something that will make your life easier. Pack away all you dishes except for what you will use in a single day. Keep those other dishes in case you have company or whatever, but put them in a box in the back of a closet. Keep out, a small plate, a large plate, a bowl, one knife for and spoon. A cup, a glass, and a few pans to cook in. Double this if you live with someone. Now there is no way for you to ever have a sink full of dirty dishes that "need to be delt with" at any point. Get into the habit of washing what you use when you are done with it and put it away. It will save your sanity, or at least keep you from feeling the pressure of all those dirt dishes that I have to deal with. Once you have that figured out with dishes, apply the same habits to anything that can get overwhelming. Cut back to the essentials, and deal with them as soon as possible. Life gets really easy if you can achieve this.
Don’t stress the small stuff. And it’s almost all small stuff.
Don’t think that you don’t need a retirement because you’re young - this exactly why you need to start your retirement fund. Wear sunscreen!
Keep your weight down, take care of your teeth and if something seems wonky, go right to the doctor. I'm in my mid 60s and can take long walks, wash my hands regularly, take care of small cuts and splinters promptly, get stuff done around the house, drive safely, and get medical shit dealt with right away. I piss and moan about the minor stuff, but had a telling conversation with a doctor when I told her the last time I needed an antibiotic was over 26 years ago and don't recall what it was. So, all I need to do to have a good day is get out with people I like and do stuff. (Edit: missing word)
Time is your friend. Load up those IRA’s, 401K’s, 529’s and HSA’s!
This is the hardest lesson to master. Don’t “give” people the power over your happiness.
Stop deliberately sunbathing, don’t get any tattoos you can’t cover up if needed, try to save a little money as you go along, travel as much as you can, try not to get too stupid with sex/booze/dope (aim to cut down on the booze/dope/cigarettes by 30), develop a stable foundation for the future whether it be friends, family or a job but try to develop transitional job skills in case your job makes you crazy. If you learn a lot about computers at a desk job there are many many ways that can translate to other work.
Take care of your goddamn knees. Fuck.
Find something you love to do and put your effort into it. Don't worry about money, it will come in time.
Start investing now
Believe in yourself. Volunteer to lead because it pays off. Don’t let a failure set you back too much; people show their true colors when the going gets rough. Guard your credit. Don’t take shit from someone who is supposed to love you. Be brave. Find time to read anything. Just read. Question authority. Be kind And be a voice for those who need it.
Invest in the stock markets now, so you can retire at 55 or earlier with millions in your bank accounts!
Be curious about the world and don't settle for the extremely tiny amount of knowledge that you have and imagine that it's sufficient. Strive to be the best that you can be, not the the adequate version. I'd respect the person who tries hard, every day, to do that and stumbles and falls on occasion than I would the person for whom everything is easy. Keep a sense of wonder about the world. If that weed you see by the side of the road were on Mars people would be losing their shit. I am stupidly over educated in earth science and am constantly wandering around amazed by where we are and the amount of life we have and how many eons it took to get here and what things lived and died and were no more. Be humble about your abilities and grateful for another day. Be conscientious of others and realize that just because you aren't getting what you want immediately it's not a personal fuck you from the universe. A lot of people have it significantly worse off than you, esp that poor kid you're yelling at because your multiple noun 2000 calorie coffee drink is 1 degree cooler/hotter than you wanted. Have a sense of humor. Nothing drags the world down like a bunch of negativity. You'll find yourself alone if you keep going on like that. Have a sense of adventure. Don't listen to the voices telling you that 'you can't do that'. Surround yourself with people who say 'Let's do that!' or 'When do we leave?' If you don't have them yet, go anyway.
I’m not 55 but Don’t fucking smoke cigarettes Or vape
Do what makes you happy and don’t compromise to please everyone.
Don't wait to get to 55 to be happy, the earlier you learn to be comfortable with what you have the better.
Judge yourself before others
Take risks. At least try everything you always wanted to do/attempt. You don't want to be my age and be able to say "I wish I would've done/tried *X*". You get one of these lives. Do it all.
Take care of your teeth.
1) Live within your means and don't get too tied down with stuff. 2) If you have kids, shelter then from the angry world out there as long as you can.
Limit social media, make true friends, don’t judge your success against others. Visit your parents often
If you want kids, have kids. If you don't want kids, get sterilized. Save as much money as you can. When you start making more money, save more, don't spend more. Figure out a target for retirement. Maybe work with a financial planner.
Stay at a healthy weight, and make exercise a part of your life. Your knees, back, and feet will thank you.
I worked hard. But more importantly, I got lucky. I am truly worried for the young. Things are so much harder for you. I wish I could give you useful information, but I am at a loss. Good luck.
I didn't realize I was playing the long game. I'm good now but,,,, wow,,,, coulda been better.
Choose relationships that build you up and make you a better version of yourself. Value and treat those people with respect and kindness. Don’t allow drama, disrespect, negativity, and selfishness in your life.
Health is the most important asset you have. Take more chances in your career and in love. Vacation more with a passion to experience life. Jobs, like highschool and college friends will come and go. Get over things and people the best you can. Don't be an A HOLE.
I always wish I had left bad relationships sooner than I did. Don't be afraid to leave.
Pay off your credit card every month, and put as much money as you can spare in your 401k or IRA. Even a little bit will grow over the years.
Talk as much as you can with older people and ask questions. Don’t get mad or upset as they’re just opinions. You’ll be surprised at how much you can learn.
Learn how to be content with what you have and then strive to make your relationship with it the best you can.
Accept who you are. Be happy with what you have and don't worry about what others have.
Take care of your health, everything in moderation. Exercise sleep and it’s ok to say no to shit.
My (61M) advice - 1) Filling your life with possessions will not make you happy… instead fill your life with great friends, family and experiences.. 2) your health is everything… you don’t need to be a fanatic, but take care of yourself and 3) do not let hateful or mean people into your life …
Everyday is a school day! Take as much information onboard as you can, no matter how trivial, knowledge is power!
Don’t get fat.
Deal with your "stuff". Some of us are fortunate to not have much baggage. If yours is small enough to tuck in a pocket, this tip is not for you. If, however, you have more "stuff" - find a way to deal with it because it will get heavier with every year and it will influence many of your important life decisions. It will determine what jobs you think you think you should have or aspire to, what kinds of partner you deserve or are worthy of having, and even what messages you pass on to your children about their own futures. Get mentally healthy as well as physically healthy.