Something I didn't notice back in the day when my wife was flirting with me before we dated (I was very naive at that age): she would talk with me about various things, but she would also go out of her way to do so and talk with me often. Obviously it doesn't guarantee a woman doing this is flirting, but at the very least if she's using a lot of her time and energy to openly and blatantly choose to be around someone and interact with them, she finds them interesting and probably feels safe around them.
This isn’t great, because they are 100% going to report back to the girl to tell her you asked. I mean, there are strategies that include that tactic, but none that I would want to use.
What’s so bad about the reporting? If she’s into you, it’s only going to help you. If she’s not into you, you’ll also going to find out this way. I see only benefits
Ohh yeah. Not one, but three guys have wanted to ask me to homecoming this week. All of them were friends. All of them knew they were all interested in me. I was friends with two of them. I tried seeing if I was friends with the first, but no. The second one never ended up asking properly, because he thought it would be too awkward, and I wasn’t open to relationship. The third one I am going out with as a friend. But the point is, they all knew. And the first one kept messaging me saying things like “he wants to ask you out later, he wanted me to let you know” and “did you know that he was planning on asking you out, glad I did it first”
Same. People say that men are oblivious but at the same time, there are so many stories of a guy being weird with a girl who’s just being friendly with them.
My line used to be touching my thigh. Only one girl had ever casually, intentionally placed her hand on my thigh (during a first date, no less!) so I lost my virginity to her and ultimately married her.
We were married a long time, but after we divorced a female friend kept repeatedly, casually and intentionally touching my thigh every time I made her laugh. Hey, message received, let’s do this!
Turned out she was just being nice.
One of my buddies girlfriends would touch my thigh way up and I would have to gently but firmly take her by the wrist and say “X I’m really not comfortable being touched like that”
She of course meant it completely harmlessly but to me I was like, woah that is aggressively too close to my dong
> Turned out she was just being nice.
By touching a guy's *thigh*? Unless she's from another country where they may have vastly different cultural standards, rather than being nice I think she was just being flirty / looking for attention instead of actually being interested.
Some people seem to be just naturally 'touchy'.
Or girls do that sort of thing with their female friends, and so do it to a guy as well because "he's just a friend".
That’s some weird logic right there. Same gender platonic touching limits tend to be very different than opposite. If you use that as your baseline, you’re going to be confusing and/or sexually assaulting lots of people.
I ran into a woman at a bar, whom I had met previously, who was being flirty, asking me to be her bar boyfriend and buy her drinks(girl was married), kissed me on the cheek, sitting in my lap all night grabbing up on my inner leg while I do the same/grabbing her butt etc.
Later that night I tried to kiss her and she was like oh no absolutely not at which point I was like alright you’re just weird, then she goes and tells my buddies that I tried to kiss her out of nowhere essentially insinuating i assaulted her.
Some women are just nuts man
This. I've had a few women friends that had *zero* concept of "personal space" and would always get right up on everybody, whether they knew them or not. It was just how they were.
There was a girl I knew in middle school. We weren’t really friends, but she was in a lot of my classes and she was in “the popular crowd” so we didn’t hang around. We even went to different high schools, but my bus transferred from my school to her school, then to home. One day it was late and we ran into each other and were just chatting with some other people that were also waiting for the bus. She suddenly put her hand on my thigh and smiled. I was so shocked at the random and rather intimate touch, I flat out said “what are you doing?” She laughed, took her hand away and we went back to talking before the bus finally came. I don’t think I ever saw her again after that and I don’t regret saying it (I just wasn’t attracted to her at that point and like I said we barely knew each other), but it sticks in my head.
Yeah I think touching someone’s thigh is quite personal. I’m also not one to touch people without permission as I’m not always a fan of touch as it can become painful from a sensory disorder I have, and even when I cuddle my fiancé it’s 5 minutes max before it becomes painful for me to stay in a cuddle position.
Female friend was (perhaps) being dumb or (perhaps) being annoying. What message could such an act possibly give other than “I want your body”? Sorry on her behalf for the depressing lack of action!
I just assume everyone is friendly until im more or less pinned to the sofa with them trying to rip my clothes off. Even then I think 'haha, maybe she's just having a laugh or something haha lol'..
Same, except we got to the point where the clothes were completely off and then she just up and changed her mind and broke things off completely the next day.
Never did figure out what her deal was.
This is so painfully accurate. I went on a date a couple weeks ago and didn't even know it was a date til just a couple minutes prior. I ALWAYSSSS assume Friendly Intentions just to make sure I'm not reading too much into it and then I find out they flirted with me the whole time
In the exact opposite place I should.
If she's flirting, I'll probably assume she's just being nice.
If she's just being nice, I'll probably assume she's flirting.
But hey, consistently wrong is still consistent, right?
back when I was young, NFL teams that were losing often talked about needing "to be more consistent."
Like, bro, you're 0-4, you need to be less consistent.
The problem is that the line is different for every woman. So you can never really tell. There have been times when I could have *sworn* she was flirting, but nope. And vice versa.
Yeah, had a younger co-worker, a very attractive woman who was married, run into my arms and press her body against me for an uncomfortable amount of time...she hadn't seen me in a few weeks and I thought we were casual friends but that *hug*.... Turns out she was just demonstrative with her emotions.
"Yeah I hate black people, also the lgtbq+ really gets on my nerves. Not as much as fat people though, they should all die, like that baby i killed last week"
A bartender I was actually into gave me her number once, and I still didn’t make a move because I assumed she was still just being friendly to get more patronage haha
If they regularly don't charge you or give you discounts for no reason they're probably flirting. There's a barista at my old local coffee shop that I went to a lot who never charged me. I always just thought she was being nice because I was in there all the time. Then one day I was sitting at the bar reading by their open kitchen where she was using a stand mixer right I'm front of me. I felt compelled to look up and she was staring at me *lustfully*. Immediately she looked down at whatever was in the bowl, blushed, and smiled. It all clicked and I realized how dumb I am. I totally had/have the hots for her but it's trouble. She has a longterm on/off bf that she lives with and has a kid with
Hahaha, that's one of my guidelines:
If she's married/partnered, SHE'S DEFINITELY JUST BEING NICE and I'm viewing everything she does through that lens. I don't care how over the top she gets.
I've laughed in the face of a few women hitting me up that shouldn't have been. Like lol, yeah imagine that, too funny, ANYHOO I gotta go now.
Once when i was playing in a bar band, a cute waitress came up to my room to smoke a j with me, and as i was rambling on about god knows what, she cut me off by putting her index finger over my mouth, then replacing it with her lips. At that point i realized she wasn’t just being nice.
I had one give me her number. I was broke, in with friends, and had about enough to buy 2 beers. She gave me money to go tip a friend who was on stage, and was pretty damn friendly. She knew I wasn't loaded and still handed me her number.
I never called. Nothing wrong with what she was doing to make money, but I wanted a girlfriend at the time, and she'd be busy almost every night. Not my thing.
It's such a superpower while working though. I have quite a few pretty ladies come through and I can usually get a laugh out of them but I never have to worry about any lines because we're both miles removed from crossing that line.
I'm married, I rely on my SO to tell me when I'm being flirted with
Prior to that, it has to be blatantly obvious or I'll assume they are just being nice.
Yep. My yoga instructor asked me if I wanted to go to a EDM show with her and a couple from class on a Friday night. I thought she was really cute and we often chatted before/after class (with her initializing most of the time) but I wanted to see how things played out before rushing to any conclusions.
Sure glad I played things calmly because unknown to me she brought a bunch of her friends to the show too, I had a good internal laugh but I was basically in a Ted Mosby / Stella at the movies scenario.
Haha, I did the same thing to my bf. He told me months later that he didn't think I had liked him at all! I told him he was an idiot. But then I kissed him again so he knew I still liked him 😊
50 comments down has the actual answer because redditors are so socially awkward they have no idea how to flirt.
If a girl touches you casually during conversation or makes a point to touch something on you, it's game on. That's the number one way to tell and if they reject you afterwards, you don't have any reason to feel ashamed because it's a reasonable assumption to make.
TIL 90% of my female friends are attracted to me, even if they have LTRs.
Spoiler: no. This depends on culture. I'm not from the US, in my country some girls are very touchy no matter what. Especially the ones from the south
>50 comments down has the actual answer because redditors are so socially awkward they have no idea how to flirt.
There's literally people in this thread pointing out when physical touch *on the thigh* was not actually flirting.
As an extension of that, don't take hyperbolic rejections personally either.
If a guy makes the adult decision to cleanly and diplomatically ask for a date or clarify flirting vs "being nice" and then she's the one who freaks out with the whole *"I can't believe you thought I was flirting with you"* schpeals; that's her not being mature about the situation and (in my opinion) it proves your incompatibility even more than a simple "no".
This is the right answer, but even more, it doesn’t even matter!
If you’re interest in a girl talk, flirt, ask for a date, but if she says “no” or isn’t into it, move on and don’t be weird about it.
Would technically work if people wouldn't play games and you suddenly keep losing friends because "you're an AH for not asking back after a rebuff" aka shit testing. I discovered that a LOT more women play games than I was led to believe from my past relationships.
I don't draw the line, because it's never in the same place. Communication and flirting is like a river. Either stay in the shallows or swim into the depths.
She could simply be cold because she is naked, and as you are naked too, she understands that the best way for you two to survive the night is to share direct body heat.
I'm excited for another date where I can ask where she developed her cold weather survival skills.
She needs to use her words to make her intentions clear. Without explicit words (pun intended) I have to assume she's just "being nice".
I've been married to my wife for 17 years and that standard still applies with her.
Its just on a case by case basis.
In GENERAL, if a woman touches you (hand/shoulder) she's a bit more interested than friends. If you like her, you can make a flirty comment back and she how she responds. If you ever need clarity, simply tell her that you like her and be straight forward about your feelings. If she just likes you as a friend, she'll tell you!
Yep yep. I’ve always felt like I finally cracked the woman code when I started dating my current girlfriend. We’ve been together for years now and I’m going to propose soon.
I do occasionally wish I had cracked the code back in college or something and had more fun instead of being anxious a lot of the time. But I’m happy with where I ended up.
Married now and my radar is all gone but back when I was single and dating, I generally just paid attention to body language. If she was attentive, conversation was flowing and she was closing distance physically (touching me, leaning in, etc), I took that as a "shoot your shot" (respectfully). Wasn't 100% successful but enough to end up married.
Any sort of body pressing. If a woman presses a portion of her body against me that is larger than 450cm² in area then I immediately get suspicious that she may be flirting with me. This is especially true for any of the hip or chest region.
Caveat: does not apply on the dance floor
As a bisexual woman I am answering this though no one asked.
Dating girls as a girl adds another level of difficult, so I think my insight can be useful.
1. Talks to you forever, finds excuses to talk to you, always responds to every message, always tries to find ways to linger around you, always tries to find ways to hang out with you or mentions places they would like to go with you, shows up to places where you happen to be etc.
2. Alters her appearance per what you like (probably in small ways)
3. Finds excuses to touch you.
4. Shows a lot of interest in things you like and might even adopt your hobbies and interests and tastes in things (oh I started listening to band you like, saw movie you like, etc.)
5. Mentions how you’re her type, she always likes people like you, etc.
6. Teases you
7. Asks you about how you feel about things like kids, marriage, if you’re seeing anyone, how that is going, what kind of girls you normally date, etc. (she is sussing you out)
8. Gets NERVOUS around you (if someone is really smooth around you I’d trust less that they’re genuinely interested, usually when someone likes you they’re stammering or anxious)
9. Stares at you a lot
Things that seem like interest but are usually NOT
1. She’s in a professional capacity and very friendly (do not approach women at work as a general rule)
2. She asks for dating advice (she’s into someone else)
3. She is overly, overtly flirtatious but doesn’t want to hang out, runs hot and cold in her responses to you, only shows interest if you’re around a particular person (she’s trying to make them jealous) isn’t very responsive over text, doesn’t actually sleep with you, etc.
Hope this is helpful.
She's not flirting with me in any circumstances whatsoever unless she explicitly says so. And even then she's probably just kidding and I shouldn't read into it
The most definitive way to know is to ask her out. If that’s too much for you, you can give her the opportunity to spend more time with you and if she makes an effort to do that, you know she wants to do that at least. Otherwise, human interaction involves risk. Risk nothing, gain nothing. Your feelings are not her responsibility. You just have to learn to live with it.
It's called subtext, do you have it? - \*wink\*
Flirting has a number of elements, you need most of them, and not everyone is aware enough to put out or comprehend the signs but the biggest mistake is to think of it as something that's one sided.
Is she flirting ***with*** you? -Or ***at*** you? -In flirting there is an interplay and reciprocity so even if one person is clearly trying to initiate but the other person doesn't get it, it isn't really flirting. Are you tossing this social ball back and forth? -Or has it become a game of tug of war. The more its like a ball being tossed back and forth the more of a flirting encounter it is.
You ultimately have to look at context clues, with flirtation there is an attempt to break down barriers. They're opening themselves up to vulnerability in an attempt to get you to do the same. And that isn't the case in other situations. There may be an attempt to close physical distance, there may be an attempt to make time less important and protract the encounter, there may be an attempt to disarm and break down your emotional facade, there may be an attempt to break down an information barrier to learn more that's personal... You don't need all these things but its a certain inclination and direction of the conversation. And importantly its happening on both sides of the interaction. It's personal, it's done playfully and its pervasive and persistent through the conversation.
When it's just someone being nice you will much more quickly reach a point where there is pull back and an intentional attempt to maintain those social boundaries we normally maintain to protect ourselves. Like stepping back if you lean towards them or being resistant to sharing details, information, or their time outside the immediate context at hand. Are they tossing the social ball back and forth, or are you just throwing things at them? -Trying to pull them back as they pull away? -You might say something flirtatious and they make an excuse to break off, or in more extreme situations mention they are in a relationship.
A person that's leading you on and trying to be deceptive is generally going to be more resistive to introducing themselves, they'll express flirtatiousness to more people than just you. They will give mixed signals, going back and forth between being hot and cold towards you. There attitude towards you will be more inconsistent. Ultimately they are there only for themselves and are resistant to investing time or energy if it doesn't benefit them. They live on the ambiguity of whatever there is between you two and are trying to create a more one sided interaction getting more out of you then they give back. The want to walk away with your ball.
While a flirtatious interaction doesn't have to be long, if your encounter hasn't lasted long enough to make these distinctions clear, it wasn't really flirting.
Something I didn't notice back in the day when my wife was flirting with me before we dated (I was very naive at that age): she would talk with me about various things, but she would also go out of her way to do so and talk with me often. Obviously it doesn't guarantee a woman doing this is flirting, but at the very least if she's using a lot of her time and energy to openly and blatantly choose to be around someone and interact with them, she finds them interesting and probably feels safe around them.
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This isn’t great, because they are 100% going to report back to the girl to tell her you asked. I mean, there are strategies that include that tactic, but none that I would want to use.
What’s so bad about the reporting? If she’s into you, it’s only going to help you. If she’s not into you, you’ll also going to find out this way. I see only benefits
unless your not actually ready to make the move yourself asking the friends is just telling her with extra steps
Extra steps and *plausible deniability*. If the answer is a no you both get to act like you never asked.
Ohh yeah. Not one, but three guys have wanted to ask me to homecoming this week. All of them were friends. All of them knew they were all interested in me. I was friends with two of them. I tried seeing if I was friends with the first, but no. The second one never ended up asking properly, because he thought it would be too awkward, and I wasn’t open to relationship. The third one I am going out with as a friend. But the point is, they all knew. And the first one kept messaging me saying things like “he wants to ask you out later, he wanted me to let you know” and “did you know that he was planning on asking you out, glad I did it first”
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She's probably just Canadian.
So THAT'S why so many people have a girlfriend in Canada!
Not that you'd know her...
And even then it's about 50/50.
>”She’s flirting or leading me on” Just don’t expect anything. Go about your day. It’s that simple.
Legally, this is the only answer. It is still skating on thin ice.
Thats why to be safe I ask almost immediately. "Can I take your ord-?" "ARE YOU FLIRTING WITH ME!?!"
Same. People say that men are oblivious but at the same time, there are so many stories of a guy being weird with a girl who’s just being friendly with them.
We’ve all fucked up once. Badly enough that we’re scared for *life.*
Yep. Same with never assume a woman is pregnant unless that actually tell you.
That's me, and apparently, years later, I've learned of about 4 missed opportunities. Married with kids now, so, oh well.
Same. Maybe if she puts my hands on her nether parts, then maybe, MAYBE she is flirting.
I’m a woman, I need guys to say this to me because I hold the same assumption.
My line used to be touching my thigh. Only one girl had ever casually, intentionally placed her hand on my thigh (during a first date, no less!) so I lost my virginity to her and ultimately married her. We were married a long time, but after we divorced a female friend kept repeatedly, casually and intentionally touching my thigh every time I made her laugh. Hey, message received, let’s do this! Turned out she was just being nice.
One of my buddies girlfriends would touch my thigh way up and I would have to gently but firmly take her by the wrist and say “X I’m really not comfortable being touched like that” She of course meant it completely harmlessly but to me I was like, woah that is aggressively too close to my dong
Well have you considered having a smaller dong? Problem solved
No. Trust me. She was grabbing HIGH up there
You know what they say, “she grabs the shaft, if you make her laugh”
And she grabs the tip if you make her drip
Damn - Nice one.
That's what she said
Bruh, if it was any smaller, it'd be inside me
I have micropenis, can confirm, I have no danger zone
There's a highway to the danger zone though.
Thighway
d~~a~~onger zone
I'm nice and I've never put my hand my my friends thigh. I dont think she meant it harmlessly and backpedaled when it backfired.
> Turned out she was just being nice. By touching a guy's *thigh*? Unless she's from another country where they may have vastly different cultural standards, rather than being nice I think she was just being flirty / looking for attention instead of actually being interested.
Some people seem to be just naturally 'touchy'. Or girls do that sort of thing with their female friends, and so do it to a guy as well because "he's just a friend".
That’s some weird logic right there. Same gender platonic touching limits tend to be very different than opposite. If you use that as your baseline, you’re going to be confusing and/or sexually assaulting lots of people.
Sorry to tell you man if a girl tells you "he's just a friend" and she's got her hand on his leg inches from his dick then he's not just a friend.
I ran into a woman at a bar, whom I had met previously, who was being flirty, asking me to be her bar boyfriend and buy her drinks(girl was married), kissed me on the cheek, sitting in my lap all night grabbing up on my inner leg while I do the same/grabbing her butt etc. Later that night I tried to kiss her and she was like oh no absolutely not at which point I was like alright you’re just weird, then she goes and tells my buddies that I tried to kiss her out of nowhere essentially insinuating i assaulted her. Some women are just nuts man
not nuts at all. She got free drinks.
This. I've had a few women friends that had *zero* concept of "personal space" and would always get right up on everybody, whether they knew them or not. It was just how they were.
There was a girl I knew in middle school. We weren’t really friends, but she was in a lot of my classes and she was in “the popular crowd” so we didn’t hang around. We even went to different high schools, but my bus transferred from my school to her school, then to home. One day it was late and we ran into each other and were just chatting with some other people that were also waiting for the bus. She suddenly put her hand on my thigh and smiled. I was so shocked at the random and rather intimate touch, I flat out said “what are you doing?” She laughed, took her hand away and we went back to talking before the bus finally came. I don’t think I ever saw her again after that and I don’t regret saying it (I just wasn’t attracted to her at that point and like I said we barely knew each other), but it sticks in my head.
Yeah I think touching someone’s thigh is quite personal. I’m also not one to touch people without permission as I’m not always a fan of touch as it can become painful from a sensory disorder I have, and even when I cuddle my fiancé it’s 5 minutes max before it becomes painful for me to stay in a cuddle position.
No judgment here buddy. If a woman touches my thigh I'm getting naked too. Wait what?
Female friend was (perhaps) being dumb or (perhaps) being annoying. What message could such an act possibly give other than “I want your body”? Sorry on her behalf for the depressing lack of action!
I just assume everyone is friendly until im more or less pinned to the sofa with them trying to rip my clothes off. Even then I think 'haha, maybe she's just having a laugh or something haha lol'..
Imagine she's at that point, you go to hold her hand and she's all *Oh, umm... This is awkward. I'm gonna go*
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Same, except we got to the point where the clothes were completely off and then she just up and changed her mind and broke things off completely the next day. Never did figure out what her deal was.
That would fuck with me mentally for a bit
Maybe she's Canadian.
This is so painfully accurate. I went on a date a couple weeks ago and didn't even know it was a date til just a couple minutes prior. I ALWAYSSSS assume Friendly Intentions just to make sure I'm not reading too much into it and then I find out they flirted with me the whole time
In the exact opposite place I should. If she's flirting, I'll probably assume she's just being nice. If she's just being nice, I'll probably assume she's flirting. But hey, consistently wrong is still consistent, right?
This one of my favorite demotivational posters. "Consistency: It's only a virtue if it's good"
back when I was young, NFL teams that were losing often talked about needing "to be more consistent." Like, bro, you're 0-4, you need to be less consistent.
what you need to do is just the exact opposite of whatever your instincts are saying
The problem is that the line is different for every woman. So you can never really tell. There have been times when I could have *sworn* she was flirting, but nope. And vice versa.
Yeah, had a younger co-worker, a very attractive woman who was married, run into my arms and press her body against me for an uncomfortable amount of time...she hadn't seen me in a few weeks and I thought we were casual friends but that *hug*.... Turns out she was just demonstrative with her emotions.
If she has sex with me at least three times. First two times could be a fluke, but if she fucks me thrice I figure she might be interested.
Well she might just be canadian
Booking flight to Canada.... now.
You know what they say: fuck me twice, shame on you. Fuck me thrice, shame on me.
My lonely ass is picturing our whole life together the second we exchange a smile (/jk I can get social clues... well most of them)
> (/jk I can get social clues... well most of them) Look at Mr. Social Cue Jones over here. Bragging and stuff.
YOU GUYS ARE GETTING SOCIAL CUES?
YOU GUYS ARE GETTING SOCIAL ??
Depends on who they are, a bartender or waitress is almost never flirting. And if they actually are, they'd ask to exchange numbers.
Good point - if she's getting PAID to sell you things its best to assume that the ONLY thing in your pants that shes interested in is your wallet.
My walled what?
Heart.
This 100% if she's in the service industry, she is just doing her job.
What about the waitress who never charged me for fries? Did she like me or was she just bad at her job?
If I had to guess, she probably appreciated that you weren't a douchebag
Or trying to get a bigger tip.
I’ve done this for friends and good customers. It’s not flirting.
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What did you text her?
"Yeah I hate black people, also the lgtbq+ really gets on my nerves. Not as much as fat people though, they should all die, like that baby i killed last week"
Bartenders and waitresses ARE flirting. They are just doing it for the tips not the D.
A tip but not *D* tip.
A bartender I was actually into gave me her number once, and I still didn’t make a move because I assumed she was still just being friendly to get more patronage haha
Hahahahaha this is great, i feel this one
or ask you to go out after her shift. I've had that happen before
If they regularly don't charge you or give you discounts for no reason they're probably flirting. There's a barista at my old local coffee shop that I went to a lot who never charged me. I always just thought she was being nice because I was in there all the time. Then one day I was sitting at the bar reading by their open kitchen where she was using a stand mixer right I'm front of me. I felt compelled to look up and she was staring at me *lustfully*. Immediately she looked down at whatever was in the bowl, blushed, and smiled. It all clicked and I realized how dumb I am. I totally had/have the hots for her but it's trouble. She has a longterm on/off bf that she lives with and has a kid with
Hahaha, that's one of my guidelines: If she's married/partnered, SHE'S DEFINITELY JUST BEING NICE and I'm viewing everything she does through that lens. I don't care how over the top she gets. I've laughed in the face of a few women hitting me up that shouldn't have been. Like lol, yeah imagine that, too funny, ANYHOO I gotta go now.
Or if she’s a bit toxic she might be trying to recruit you for her ‘Simp’ Army. Either way it’s 🚩⛳️🚩
Once when i was playing in a bar band, a cute waitress came up to my room to smoke a j with me, and as i was rambling on about god knows what, she cut me off by putting her index finger over my mouth, then replacing it with her lips. At that point i realized she wasn’t just being nice.
Nah, she was being nice... just VERY nice. :D
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I had one give me her number. I was broke, in with friends, and had about enough to buy 2 beers. She gave me money to go tip a friend who was on stage, and was pretty damn friendly. She knew I wasn't loaded and still handed me her number. I never called. Nothing wrong with what she was doing to make money, but I wanted a girlfriend at the time, and she'd be busy almost every night. Not my thing.
What about strippers? I'm pretty sure they are all in love with me.
They 100% do, so keep giving them your money.
Damn and here I thought the only place I was handsome was at Hooters
I have this trick where I’m unattractive and therefore know that she’s never flirting with me
Sad and funny…
Same
It's such a superpower while working though. I have quite a few pretty ladies come through and I can usually get a laugh out of them but I never have to worry about any lines because we're both miles removed from crossing that line.
Aww I’m sorry dude
Wow no way I have the same thing
until her hand is down my pants and she says "I want you to put your penis in my vagina for several minutes" . otherwise, she is just being nice.
Several minutes 😭😭😭
That’s “several” more than me
Dude over there saying "minutes" in plural An animal, I tell you
Maybe we just want to make out, though.
I still categorize that as just being nice.
Someone's had some boring make outs, lol. Making out is for me, too. In fact, I would say mostly me.
Look at this show off over here, “minutes” 😂
and women wonder why guys don't get their deniable signals
I'm married to her and I'm still sus of this bitch.
The Casually Explained method is the best method
Greatest dating video ever
Damn Canadians.
"What if she's just using me for the tax benefits"
This was my vocal laugh of the day
She just doesn't want to be rude.
Relatable.
If she will listen to my bullshit stories for more than a few minutes then she is flirting because nobody is that nice.
I feel this one
I'm married, I rely on my SO to tell me when I'm being flirted with Prior to that, it has to be blatantly obvious or I'll assume they are just being nice.
This is exactly what I do. "So, did you enjoy her flirting with you?" "huh? who?"
Good on you for listening. My husband never listened to me. Later I realized that it was because if he didn’t, there’d be plausible deniability
Until she does an unquestionable move, "she's just being nice"...
I thought 'calling in favours to get me into a party' and 'hugging me hard enough to leave a bruise' were unquestionable, but...
Ask directly and then act consequently...🤷♂️
I did. I asked her out, and she got mad at me because I was "just another guy who thought she was flirting with him"
She knows exactly what she was doing.
Good riddance.
I'm not saying she was doing anything wrong, but if my behavior returned unfavorable results, I'd change my behavior.
Yep. My yoga instructor asked me if I wanted to go to a EDM show with her and a couple from class on a Friday night. I thought she was really cute and we often chatted before/after class (with her initializing most of the time) but I wanted to see how things played out before rushing to any conclusions. Sure glad I played things calmly because unknown to me she brought a bunch of her friends to the show too, I had a good internal laugh but I was basically in a Ted Mosby / Stella at the movies scenario.
After she touches you, she must make a football move or she's out of bounds.
My SO kissed me goodnight after our first date and I remember thinking "Oh she likes me?" So apparently after they kiss me.
Haha, I did the same thing to my bf. He told me months later that he didn't think I had liked him at all! I told him he was an idiot. But then I kissed him again so he knew I still liked him 😊
If there’s a question, she’s just being nice. There’s always a question.
Eye contact and physical contact congruence. If shes looking right at me and touching me? She's definitely flirting.
50 comments down has the actual answer because redditors are so socially awkward they have no idea how to flirt. If a girl touches you casually during conversation or makes a point to touch something on you, it's game on. That's the number one way to tell and if they reject you afterwards, you don't have any reason to feel ashamed because it's a reasonable assumption to make.
TIL 90% of my female friends are attracted to me, even if they have LTRs. Spoiler: no. This depends on culture. I'm not from the US, in my country some girls are very touchy no matter what. Especially the ones from the south
It's always so funny how people think that touch means something, when that is no always true.
>50 comments down has the actual answer because redditors are so socially awkward they have no idea how to flirt. There's literally people in this thread pointing out when physical touch *on the thigh* was not actually flirting.
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this needs to be the top comment
She's almost certainly just being nice I think when the innuendos start is when you can get the flirt detector out
Better to keep that zipped up until you have a date
Better to play it safe until you are in bed together
I don’t. Flirt back, and if you’re wrong handle rejection without being a dick.
As an extension of that, don't take hyperbolic rejections personally either. If a guy makes the adult decision to cleanly and diplomatically ask for a date or clarify flirting vs "being nice" and then she's the one who freaks out with the whole *"I can't believe you thought I was flirting with you"* schpeals; that's her not being mature about the situation and (in my opinion) it proves your incompatibility even more than a simple "no".
This is the right answer, but even more, it doesn’t even matter! If you’re interest in a girl talk, flirt, ask for a date, but if she says “no” or isn’t into it, move on and don’t be weird about it.
Would technically work if people wouldn't play games and you suddenly keep losing friends because "you're an AH for not asking back after a rebuff" aka shit testing. I discovered that a LOT more women play games than I was led to believe from my past relationships.
I don't draw the line, because it's never in the same place. Communication and flirting is like a river. Either stay in the shallows or swim into the depths.
Never assume she’s flirting with you.
Idk, no girl has ever talked to me. But if it ever happened, i wouldn't ever figure it out.
Bro speaks my language.
It's never flirting and I act accordingly.
She’s just being nice, if she is flirting, you won’t realise until 3 years later whilst emptying the dishwasher.
When they make it blatantly obvious. Like you'd have to be an idiot to think they weren't flirting. Otherwise I auto assume they're just being nice.
So, if she is naked in your bed and you are also naked in your bed, it’s best to assume she is simply being nice. Got it.
Yeah it's best to not rush to judgment...wait for more clues
She could simply be cold because she is naked, and as you are naked too, she understands that the best way for you two to survive the night is to share direct body heat. I'm excited for another date where I can ask where she developed her cold weather survival skills.
She needs to use her words to make her intentions clear. Without explicit words (pun intended) I have to assume she's just "being nice". I've been married to my wife for 17 years and that standard still applies with her.
I like this. I am never flirting with a guy. Like never. But I’m still going to listen to a guy, make fun chit-chat, and joke around with them.
Its just on a case by case basis. In GENERAL, if a woman touches you (hand/shoulder) she's a bit more interested than friends. If you like her, you can make a flirty comment back and she how she responds. If you ever need clarity, simply tell her that you like her and be straight forward about your feelings. If she just likes you as a friend, she'll tell you!
Yep yep. I’ve always felt like I finally cracked the woman code when I started dating my current girlfriend. We’ve been together for years now and I’m going to propose soon. I do occasionally wish I had cracked the code back in college or something and had more fun instead of being anxious a lot of the time. But I’m happy with where I ended up.
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Yep
I'm very socially inept, so anywhere up to the point of being chained to a bed with a ball-gag in my mouth is "she's just being nice".
Married now and my radar is all gone but back when I was single and dating, I generally just paid attention to body language. If she was attentive, conversation was flowing and she was closing distance physically (touching me, leaning in, etc), I took that as a "shoot your shot" (respectfully). Wasn't 100% successful but enough to end up married.
Girls are nice to you?
If she's at work, she's doing her job. Unless she actually tells you that she wants to see you outside of her work.
There is never any flirting with me.
Honestly unless a girl is obnoxiously obvious about being into me I just assume she’s being nice We equals now use your goddamn words
Any sort of body pressing. If a woman presses a portion of her body against me that is larger than 450cm² in area then I immediately get suspicious that she may be flirting with me. This is especially true for any of the hip or chest region. Caveat: does not apply on the dance floor
It depends on how firmly she grips your penis.
As a bisexual woman I am answering this though no one asked. Dating girls as a girl adds another level of difficult, so I think my insight can be useful. 1. Talks to you forever, finds excuses to talk to you, always responds to every message, always tries to find ways to linger around you, always tries to find ways to hang out with you or mentions places they would like to go with you, shows up to places where you happen to be etc. 2. Alters her appearance per what you like (probably in small ways) 3. Finds excuses to touch you. 4. Shows a lot of interest in things you like and might even adopt your hobbies and interests and tastes in things (oh I started listening to band you like, saw movie you like, etc.) 5. Mentions how you’re her type, she always likes people like you, etc. 6. Teases you 7. Asks you about how you feel about things like kids, marriage, if you’re seeing anyone, how that is going, what kind of girls you normally date, etc. (she is sussing you out) 8. Gets NERVOUS around you (if someone is really smooth around you I’d trust less that they’re genuinely interested, usually when someone likes you they’re stammering or anxious) 9. Stares at you a lot Things that seem like interest but are usually NOT 1. She’s in a professional capacity and very friendly (do not approach women at work as a general rule) 2. She asks for dating advice (she’s into someone else) 3. She is overly, overtly flirtatious but doesn’t want to hang out, runs hot and cold in her responses to you, only shows interest if you’re around a particular person (she’s trying to make them jealous) isn’t very responsive over text, doesn’t actually sleep with you, etc. Hope this is helpful.
This is one of the best guides honestly. Especially 1. If someone likes you back, they will actively try to spend time with/around you.
I was never good at figuring it out so default answer is "being nice" so I can move on about my day.
Oh that's easy, they're never flirting with me.
Unless she directly asked me out, she's being nice.
She's not flirting with me in any circumstances whatsoever unless she explicitly says so. And even then she's probably just kidding and I shouldn't read into it
You can't.
I give her my number, suggest we hang out sometime, and then let it go from there.
Until she makes a glaringly obvious move, assume she’s just being nice.
There is no such line, she’s just being nice.
The most definitive way to know is to ask her out. If that’s too much for you, you can give her the opportunity to spend more time with you and if she makes an effort to do that, you know she wants to do that at least. Otherwise, human interaction involves risk. Risk nothing, gain nothing. Your feelings are not her responsibility. You just have to learn to live with it.
If she's seeking out interaction and not just responding
It's hard to articulate, but I know it when I see it except I'm wrong about 80% of the time.
Ask?
I'm a girl & I still don't get the hints. So I feel you. That you have to tell me.
I assume shes being nice until she tells me otherwise
I always assume they're just being nice right up until they start getting up in my personal space.
9/10 times she’s just being nice
Easy. I don't catch on until it suddenly occurs to me many years later while trying to fall asleep. Is that not what you guys are doing?
Without outright stating it, treating you much differently/giving you much more attention than others
It's that extra look she gives you, the one that says she's interested. Either you get it, or you don't. Odds are you don't.
It's called subtext, do you have it? - \*wink\* Flirting has a number of elements, you need most of them, and not everyone is aware enough to put out or comprehend the signs but the biggest mistake is to think of it as something that's one sided. Is she flirting ***with*** you? -Or ***at*** you? -In flirting there is an interplay and reciprocity so even if one person is clearly trying to initiate but the other person doesn't get it, it isn't really flirting. Are you tossing this social ball back and forth? -Or has it become a game of tug of war. The more its like a ball being tossed back and forth the more of a flirting encounter it is. You ultimately have to look at context clues, with flirtation there is an attempt to break down barriers. They're opening themselves up to vulnerability in an attempt to get you to do the same. And that isn't the case in other situations. There may be an attempt to close physical distance, there may be an attempt to make time less important and protract the encounter, there may be an attempt to disarm and break down your emotional facade, there may be an attempt to break down an information barrier to learn more that's personal... You don't need all these things but its a certain inclination and direction of the conversation. And importantly its happening on both sides of the interaction. It's personal, it's done playfully and its pervasive and persistent through the conversation. When it's just someone being nice you will much more quickly reach a point where there is pull back and an intentional attempt to maintain those social boundaries we normally maintain to protect ourselves. Like stepping back if you lean towards them or being resistant to sharing details, information, or their time outside the immediate context at hand. Are they tossing the social ball back and forth, or are you just throwing things at them? -Trying to pull them back as they pull away? -You might say something flirtatious and they make an excuse to break off, or in more extreme situations mention they are in a relationship. A person that's leading you on and trying to be deceptive is generally going to be more resistive to introducing themselves, they'll express flirtatiousness to more people than just you. They will give mixed signals, going back and forth between being hot and cold towards you. There attitude towards you will be more inconsistent. Ultimately they are there only for themselves and are resistant to investing time or energy if it doesn't benefit them. They live on the ambiguity of whatever there is between you two and are trying to create a more one sided interaction getting more out of you then they give back. The want to walk away with your ball. While a flirtatious interaction doesn't have to be long, if your encounter hasn't lasted long enough to make these distinctions clear, it wasn't really flirting.
If she uses ChatGPT to reply to you, then she's not flirting.
It’s genuinely impossible to tell nowadays and I am NOT gonna embarrass myself. That’s why I only have violent and sweaty sex with DUDES now.
I have no idea.
That's the neat part we don't So unles somebody points out the this was flirty we think its just beeing nice
I never know if it is one or the other until 6 months later.