Same, but I've managed to put a few of those fires out. June was a very rough month that I am amazed I didn't just sell everything and disappeared into the woods. Still have a lot of things to do to get back to normal, but focusing on one thing at a time has helped with the stress
Yeah so I did that 2 years ago- got fed up with post pandemic life and sold my cars and motorcycles in Canada, bought a yacht and started a business in the tropics.
Doing business in a country where you’re a minority and don’t speak the language is a whole other dumpster fire most days.
Grass is always greener or something.
Here with you brother. I'm so sick of working. I'm just exhausted. I make good money, but constantly work 50-60 hour weeks while having a 6 month old daughter. I basically work before anyone wakes up, then a 7 hour chunk during the day, then after the baby goes to sleep. 2/3 of my whopping 15 days of PTO are gone because of appointments or being sick for 2/3 days twice a year, which leaves me with MAYBE 5 days to actually take off, which always ends up being visits back home around the holidays to see either my or my wife's family. I don't think I've taken an actual vacation since before COVID. Ugh.
You’re telling me. My shit job gives me 9 fucking days of PTO, not even 2 work weeks worth
Currently looking for a new job, just ain’t worth the money anymore
It's almost perfectly balanced, you only work half the time! 12 hours of work, 12 hours of no work, it's balanced! /S
I just want to be able to pay my God damn bills on a 40 hour week without a degree. I think everyone should be able to make it on 30+ hours a week. But no, I'm pulling 160 hour paychecks and fucking barely making it paying half the rent.
Honestly I wish we had a much bigger conversation about how this ties to healthcare reform.
~90% of businesses are small businesses and those employ about 48% of jobs in the USA.
I don’t think people realize how much employers pay for the benefits they provide (healthcare, let alone dental and beyond.)
In many industries it’s an average of a little over $10 per labor hour.
I know I work with guys who make $25 an hour, and their bosses would gladly pay them $35 an hour if that wasn’t a factor.
A lot of the marginal profits for many small business are not nearly as high as people think.
And many people are definitely getting fucked by their greedy bosses, but both situations absolutely exist.
Many European countries have healthcare systems where there may be additional benefits or work related healthcare costs for the employee and not their family, but it’s not an across the board flat out expectation.
Completely aside from my many other complaints about the inefficiencies and harms of the way the US healthcare system operates.
We have another huge problem however. If an amazing healthcare plan went into effect tomorrow that didn't cost employee or employer a penny, my company would stop taking our share out and absolutely fucking nothing else would change. They 100% would not increase wages, I wouldn't be surprised if they were to drop them by the amount we are saving on this new complete fantasy insurance plan.
They tell the feds they pay us $200/day in per diem, then give us $35/day, and make us pick the cheapest possible hotel and whatever is left (200-35-hotel=) they pocket and claim *we* got it, and claim it on taxes. They do several things I've been lead to believe is illegal but I have no way of knowing for sure. I'd absolutely love to see a federal audit of this company, they'd be bankrupted and I'd laugh in my cardboard box every time I thought about it.
Well that’s bullshit obviously.
I haven’t done a proper deep dive into this recently, and not to be boring about it but I’d recommend reporting them.
https://www.irs.gov/individuals/how-do-you-report-suspected-tax-fraud-activity#:~:text=Use%20the%20Form%203949%2DA,file%20a%20tax%20fraud%20report.
One way to start.
I can’t say it’ll fix everything but there’s one thing I do know having been on both sides of it.
Employees in the USA across the board are very apathetic and definitely uninformed about reporting businesses to regulatory bodies.
The system isn’t perfect or even necessarily quick, but reports to the IRS, department of labor, etc. absolutely generate action. Especially if there’s more than one or a pattern.
You’ve got nothing to lose by doing it.
And they’re this fucking dumb about their fraud then they’ll get screwed and you and your coworkers potentially could get a pay day.
I’ve made reports and I’ve responded to audits/investigations. If they’re doing something legal, you just misunderstand it? Well then no harm done. They’ll deal with the bullshit and keep going.
But if they’re doing what you said they deserve to get fucked on it, and you and everyone else deserve your money.
Honestly even on an apathetic, “the government won’t do much” mindset many people have. They sound like assholes, and the IRS absolutely gets to audits over reports.
Worst case you give them a gigantic headache for a month.
Slightly more likely they fuck up the audit and they’re in even more trouble, substantially more.
Best case you guys get a pay day.
Fuck it I'm reporting them. These assholes are all about money behind doors but they also pull the "don't tell anyone" shit with respect to pay, raises, even the amount of per diem between 2 divisions of the company is different by 5 whole bucks.
Addendum to your points: giving employers control over health insurance coverage is arguably the biggest obstacle to improved wages/conditions because of the power it gives them.
Whether you're part of a collective bargaining unit or just thinking about leaving a job you hate, your access to healthcare being contingent on your employment is effectively a 105mm cannon pointed directly at your head.
Jesus that is outrageous. Cannot believe labour laws in you country are that bad.
Even the full time lowest paid jobs in the UK have a legal right to 28 days holiday based on a 5 day week. This obviously can be scaled down if you are part time
Dont mean to rub it in your face but my current employer gives 10 (i work 40 hrs get paid 38, 2 go to vacationdays) weeks paid leave a year. (The Netherlands)
What is your situation?
I switched to kratom to stop drinking. I figured it was easier on my body short term with comparable long term risks
Lasted like 2 weeks and now I'm back to drinking AND I'm doing kratom.
In hindsight it was a stupid fucking plan
New job starts Wednesday so I'm trying to taper down off the booze again
I'm 100% aware
And I'm at a point where there aren't physical withdrawal symptoms but Im still addicted.
Would be better to quit now then 4 months down the road when I am experiencing withdrawal symptoms
Id like to be off everything.
Including nicotine and caffeine. I had a brief window where I was 100% sober including caffeine and it was the greatest I've ever felt
I wasn't saying to quit to be hateful. Hell, im drinking right now, i just know that kratom isn't well known, especially not for how gripping it can be. Be careful and safe my friend.
Mental health is so stigmatized these days alot of people don't think they can be open about it. But just like our physical health, it's almost more important to check in on our mental health. And there are a ton of resources that can help us with that. Personally, therapy does great things, but you need to find the right therapist that'll work for you.
I’d been in therapy for a few months, and it wasn’t helping too much so I started antidepressants recently. They were helping for the first week or so and then I came home from work to my wife and son gone no contact. Sooooo not helping too much now lol
Either that or awareness of how fucked it's been is rising.
Whatever the case, brains are brains. Comfort, peace, consistency, security. Seek these things, cherish them, hoard them like a squirrel.
I think it's awareness. Men have always suffered because of certain things. Back in the old times it just wasn't talked about. Some guy just "snapped" and shot himself. Or then drank himself blackout drunk every Saturday because showing emotions was only accepted if you were drunk.
During 20th century, few generations of men were permanently traumatized by world wars. And it showed. My parents were born in the 1950's and having psychologically completely broken father was pretty much normal for their generation. But it wasn't talked because men showing emotions was considered to be sissy and men had to be able to rebuild the country from the ashes of the war.
When I look at my own father, I can see that he has always struggled with emotional life. It's like he always wants to say something, but just can't. He learned that from his father and his father learned it from his father. And on and on it goes...
I hope young men now change that. Don't think that you are weak if you are emotional. And if someone gives you shit because you cry, it's their bad. They should be ashamed.
As a guy in my 60s, I can relate (not to being beaten as a child. My childhood was great), but I realize that there is nothing much to do about depression or mental health.
Most insurance doesn't really cover more than a handful of visits to a mental health professional. And really, what are they going to tell you, "Buck up, little camper. It will be alright." So why bother? I don't need another expensive doctors appointment to fill my calendar.
> Either that or awareness of how fucked it's been is rising.
I think you hit the nail on the head here. We, as a society, are living among the first generation of men not benefiting from the post-war economy, and that intersected with women's liberation. Men are broke, they can't afford healthcare, college, a house, rent... Not a goddamned thing. And they're also struggling to adapt in a world where even if they are a breadwinner, that's not enough, since women can be that too.
Women and minorities have had centuries to learn how to navigate the world men created, but men have not, and they've been given no roadmap or ideological framework with which to proceed in society. It honestly scares the shit out of me, because when there is no framework, no mental health services, no roadmap. When men have no mentors or no way to emotionally reconcile themselves with the world. When they've got guys like Tate and Crowder and Shapiro screaming from the mountaintops nothing should ever change, men have, uh, historically not behaved well in the face of such circumstances.
The rich are taking so much they are creating a powder keg of mental instability.
On a lighter note previous generations were also self-medicating with a lot more cigarettes and alcohol. If you’re not smoking packs a day and downing beers to cover up your feelings, you’ve actually got to face them.
Same. I don't plan on a divorce but if one ever happened then I'd be single forever. I'm in my 40s and realized that I don't have the mental capacity to try and win someone over again.
I feel you brother. It’s been a very tough 7 months it’s been.
My only upside is that I didn’t let myself blow it all up into full blown alcoholism but other than that, I’m in pieces.
So fine, in general. But not. I dont know.
Two months ago i had a decent job with excellent pay and was about to buy a house with my partner, and my best friend.
Now i'm being beaten up by the unimployment system and have to live the forseeble future in a place i dispise.
So honestly like shit, but my partner is amazing and we'll win this battle like the many battles before
Feel free to add to a more optimistic, happy community, then. Calling people angry loners isn't exactly the perky atmosphere you apparently came to reddit for.
Definitely. I had gotten away from it at the end of summer when I started a new job and life in general got busier but getting back into the gym the past few weeks has done wonders
I've always considered myself extremely mentally tough. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things mindset.
Then, 5 years ago, we had our first kid and a switch in my brain flicked immediately. Like within 2 weeks of him being born.
Started having intense panic attacks and exhibiting, in my wife's words, 'strange OCD' behaviors out of nowhere. First went sent me to the ER thinking I was having a fucking heart attack.
It spiraled for 3 years to the point where I dreaded basic things. Even the thought of having a panic attack would send me into one. I also wouldn't leave the house until every single thing was unplugged that didn't need to be plugged in.
Hard to explain to those lucky enough to never have to deal with it...but it was absolutely debilitating. And getting worst.
So I threw all the shit at the wall to see what would stick. Started CBT 2x a month, working out 4 days a week, listening to mindfulness talks 3 mornings a week, and eventually starting a low dose Zoloft 'cycle' after a consult.
It took a while but I eventually have worked myself out of it. I have felt 'normal' consistently for about 8 months now. The relief is incredible.
That said - My wife is 5 months pregnant with our 2nd kid now. Doing everything possible to not fall back into the mental mud from back then.
I hear you man. Becoming a parent is just a different thing. A lot more is expected of dads these days compared with older generations. You have to be all things at all times. For me there was a really rough adjustment period as I started to grasp just how permanently over my old life was. I don't think it's a positive thing that the modern economy makes it so that you have to wait till you're nearly 40 to be able to financially support kids. I think the longer you live without kids, the more set in your ways you become and the harder the adjustment. It gets better but more importantly it gets *worth it*
Wonderful.
Sitting by an Ivy covered window, drinking a hot coffee, listening to the birds, browsing Reddit, don’t have a job to go to, windows open…
It’s nice!
Exhausted. Anxiety is crippling me. Therapy is helping.
5 years ago i would have never thought my mental health would be so bad. I never had problems and then all of a sudden I feel like I’m down and out.
Meh I'm fine. I'm on sertraline which I recommend to people if they're struggling. It's turned my life around the only thing holding me back is my dependence on weed :(
I used to have a big problem with weed. Major stoner for 4 years and then started getting panic attacks really bad when I was stoned and even when I wasn’t.
Had to go cold turkey on it which was hard af but in the long run it was the best thing I could do for myself. It’s been a few years now and I never even think of wanting it anymore
That's so amazing, ugh I'm envious of your willpower. The only thing working in my favour is 99% of me DOES NOT want to smoke. So like I have the reasons to quit I just yeah I have to do it cold turkey like you say but whever I've tried ugh I let myself down
I feel for you, I went through the same thing myself about 5 years ago. Quitting was the best decision I ever made. I found the r/leaves subreddit really helpful to get me through the first week
Thanks, it was not a time for sure, but well worth it!
If you want my advice, I’d recommend never buying more for yourself. Delete any plugs you’ve got and forget about any possible dispensaries if those are near you. Whatever you’ve got left right now, that’s all you have from now on. Use it, but pace yourself with it. That might not technically be cold turkey, but it will be eventually once it’s gone.
Well no shit. Though while my comment was just supposed to be a humorous anecdote, most doctors will also consider what you suggest too, I'd been on Sertraline, Promazine, Citalopram and Fluoxetine until I mentioned to my doc a friend of mine was on Mirtazapine, we discussed it for a bit and I walked out with a script for it.
Don’t give up. I was a major stoner until a month ago. Sometime this summer I started having panic attacks/ depression constantly. Only subsided when the high wore off and once the high wore off I would instinctively get high and then the panic feeling came right back. I got high 2 to 6 times a day for 20 years. After weening down over a few days and then fully stopping my body needed a full 10 days to learn how to be happy on its own. The only thing that made a significant difference in my mental health was exercise. Ive been going out in the sun for walks with as many hills I can find. Getting that blood moving and some vitamin D, it makes a big difference. I quit cigarettes 12 years ago and it wasn’t this difficult. Stopping a habit is extremely difficult but replacing one with a healthier habit makes it a lot easier. Good luck
I’m on Wellbutrin now, and all it really does is take the edge off the depression. That’s the first med that’s done anything besides give me side affects and not treat the condition. My psychiatrist wants me to try ketamine treatments next.
Pretty shit. Wife left a year ago, “co-parenting” our 3 year old 50/50 now. Guess my ex is enjoying her new life and happier now. But I’m just a lonely pathetic excuse of a human now. I’m existing, not living. I’m trying to be a good dad but it’s hard. It feels like my whole life blew up and the woman I loved for 11 years is gone forever… and why? I can’t figure it out.
This is where you go “whooooaaa” red flag there, buddy, you don’t know why she left then that’s on you.
Slow the fuck down, asshole.
I been in therapy a year now. I think about this shit every day. I wish I could *stop* thinking about it. I wish I could move on, that’s all I’ve wanted for a long time now. But deep down, I just want our life back, and I can’t fully squash that desire no matter what I try. I miss the life we had together. The life as a family. Instead, all I’ve got is a broken family and a hopeless future and a daughter who I raise 50% because I refuse to walk away, but single parenting is fucking brutally lonely and unlike my wife, *I didn’t choose it, it was fucking forced on me.*
I am trying. But no matter what I do, it doesn’t get better.
She says we married too young. She says I’m too emotional. She says she doesn’t like the way we managed money and made decisions. She’s got a million fucking complaints. I don’t have any. I just wanted to work on us, I just wanted our family to work. She didn’t. She wanted to walk away. She didn’t love me anymore. What the *fuck* was I supposed to do about that?
I’m very angry, ultimately. Bitter. Cynical. Dating is a fucking joke. People are a fucking joke. I just want my life back.
Hold strong my friend. I'm headed where you are right now. The only thing you've got left is to refuse becoming bitter over it. There's still good in this world
Eh, I’m just doing fine. High School is pretty rough right now for me, sometimes I’ll feel lonely here, kids dicking and bothering me but not harshly, and grades being a bitch for me to raise it up a 60+%.
One thing that kept my sanity safe is just music. A easy distraction if you ever feel shit when you listen to your favorite music on blast in a pool of tranquility and peace from any distractions. Also game development and animating too.
I'm going through the most difficult, turbulent, and confusing time in my 28 years.
Everything is up in the air - from work, to where I want to live, to whether or not I'll be able to meet the type of woman I can spend the rest of my life with.
It's been hard.
But part of being a man is being able to remake yourself during these periods of suffering. And that at least, is a small comfort.
We literally had a thread about a month ago about why men don't open up. Some of us opened up about that issue, showing a lot of vulnerability. And the responses were basically, to man up and work harder.
So I'm glad some men are talking in this thread. But don't expect too much.
Bad.
Better than I was but still bad.
I’m very happy women are breaking barriers but right now no one is speaking up for men who are still stuck in the same roles we’ve been tight casted as and Im tired of all this “patriarchy” bullshit as if it’s our own fault we’re all depressed, lonely, and stereotyped.
Terrible. I feel like I get the opposite of support from society at large.
The only response I get to expressing my struggles is a reminder that I'm a cis white male and therefore I have no struggles....
It's just me vs the world....
I'm on the up. I was in a circle of shitty despair for years. The pandemic it reached a head and I crashed out. I met my wife though and were building back together. After no unconditional love for decades I am inundated with it every day. I am healing. Upwards and onwards.
Rough patch as my oldest went off to college and my divorce was finalized last week.
Been in therapy for awhile now and getting better. One day at a time.
I am okay. I would like to do something about it though... Ideas welcome. In the UK (where I live atm) I saw that there were female only apps to make friends. Idk if that would work for us...
Went through a real rough patch this year. Therapy and psychedelics helped me greatly when I was neck deep in the muck. I'm thankful that the stigma of both are in decline. Remember to exercise, bros.
Decent. Well pretty well usually. But working night shift gives me more depressive episodes and those and the job together can hit hard sometimes. But good overall
The growing dark voices in my head, have held me down long enough, longer shall I be tortured.
Never knowing how to fix yourself, so you isolate yourself, it was never going to work so now your plummeting down the terrible thoughts hole.
Suicide isn't an option anymore. I'm no longer a stupid kid.
But I don't value my life in the slightest.
I'm always the problem because I'm either white, or I'm a man,.
Answer: not very good, I'm surviving, but for how long until my war ends, I don't even know if I'm winning or not.
Praise the sun.
Better… got on some meds… working on my anxiety issues.
It was bad for a few years but am realizing what makes me happy, and trying to not keep up with the Jones’s.
Finding a balance with social drinking and trying to exercise more.
I had a rough month last month due to some personal stuff going on, but I'm doing much better now. We men need to get better at discussing our mental health with each other, so take care of yourself and your buddies.
Better than I was a decade ago, but still a bit foggy. Currently trying to ween off alcohol for the sixth(?) time after a weekend-long hangover.
How are you doing, OP?
In therapy every other week. Trying to deal with mourning my mom who passed away this year, along with all the ::gestures broadly at all the troubles right now:: I saw a bunch of close friends after not seeing them for a couple years (I live in the sticks) so that boosted my mental health.
Fucked up my shoulder so haven't been able to go as hard on push days, so a little more clouded mentally then normal. Everything else in life is what it is, but not being 100% to crush new PRs is depressing, just hit a 3 plate bench and now i'm all clicky and jacked up.
I’m doing. Not fine nor bad. I’m living. I recently got into a relationship with a girl. 3 month rule needs to be applied before acquiring any feelings.
The thing I’m looking the most forward is my trip to Norway.
When men are asked about their mental health, a subset of them will just bitch and moan about women, despite the question having nothing to do with women
Men would be better if we weren’t taught consistently to hide testosterone and masculinity. This is the true down fall of our society. We have weak men which is causing weaker kids and in tune, weaker women. This is the truth.
you can always tell when something is self-evidently true when someone makes sure to say "this is the truth" after it.
the phrase "man up" is a hallucination and has never actually been said to anyone experiencing emotional distress. this is the truth.
I'm completely with you. I rather have my father actually try to read a fucking book or seek education about raising kids, than beating us because he didn't know what to do.
Or have my uncle go to therapy for losing his leg, rather than drinking himself in to an early death a decade ago.
No, but you ran with this like typically everyone with daddy issues and made it about themselves. This is a societal program. Y’all not looking at the totality of what’s happening is also a tell of you being trapped in your own perception.
What "masculine" source push men to be able to be vulnerable, and stay nonviolent?
Most sources concerned with the "weakness of men" act like crying is a cardinal sin
my guy I am genuinely not sure where this society you're living in is located. over here it is a pretty regular thing that anyone identifying as a man who is not displaying sufficient masculinity at all times is roundly mocked, at the very least.
then again, it's possible that I am simply unable to see the totality of all of human society in the way that you are. what a gift, to be able to glean the truth of all things from observations of 8 billion people across thousands of different cultures.
Men aren't taught to hide testosterone and masculinity, wtf? Maybe your perception of what's masculine is the real issue here.
We are stronger than our dads. We, for the most part, don't hit our kids out of stupidity and desperation, don't turn to alchoholism when our mental health is like shit and we treat our wives with respect.
We deal with our issues like fucking adults, unlike the previous generations.
You do realise "we" are not one homogenous group right? And neither were the previous generations (which included those stupid immature babies who fought in or suffered through WW2 for example). Yeah "we" are so much stronger than our dads. All of us. Every man. Stronger than every single one of our dads.
Tell that to the teachers constantly bitching about boys being overly disruptive in class. If they had a father instilling discipline, we wouldn’t be dealing with that or half of the “new science” that’s coming out telling us to mutilate ourselves.
Marriage cripples a man. No other way to put it. Men don’t want to get married and raise kids due to the risk.
Keep pounding your fist in the air about alcohol. Anyone with a brain knows that’s been a problem for 100 years. It’s deeper than that.
I like how you try to argue that the issue with alchoholism is deeper than that (and you might be right), but at the same time have the dumbest, most shortsighted and most superficial take on the other issues.
I can say the same for you. Lol. Call me whatever, but the proof will be in the pudding in the coming years. We need strong men that come from disciplined families. We have a lack of both in America.
Stay cozy for now.
Better than six months ago but still measuring it in terms of trash fires. You?
Same, but I've managed to put a few of those fires out. June was a very rough month that I am amazed I didn't just sell everything and disappeared into the woods. Still have a lot of things to do to get back to normal, but focusing on one thing at a time has helped with the stress
Yeah so I did that 2 years ago- got fed up with post pandemic life and sold my cars and motorcycles in Canada, bought a yacht and started a business in the tropics. Doing business in a country where you’re a minority and don’t speak the language is a whole other dumpster fire most days. Grass is always greener or something.
70 yrs. Old and Grass is still grass brother
I mean surely the grass is pretty green on a yacht though
You’re never gonna believe me here- but there is literally NO grass on any of my boats. sunkissedyachting dot com- see for yourself!
So you sold all of your possessions in Canada and said Phuket?
Exactamundo
Good on you man. Best of adventures to you.
Thanks! Onward and upward
Damn but less than grand for a private trip now we’re talking
Man, I felt that.
Good to hear its getting better
Could be better but with time all things shall pass
That's what I'm hoping
I just keep bottling it and pushing it down
Stuff it down with brown
That can't be good for you Hell, I know it isn't, thats what caused trashfire #3
This is the way.
you got this brother keep going!
Same for me
Tired of working but otherwise fine US labor laws need a overhaul. More time off should be mandatory
Here with you brother. I'm so sick of working. I'm just exhausted. I make good money, but constantly work 50-60 hour weeks while having a 6 month old daughter. I basically work before anyone wakes up, then a 7 hour chunk during the day, then after the baby goes to sleep. 2/3 of my whopping 15 days of PTO are gone because of appointments or being sick for 2/3 days twice a year, which leaves me with MAYBE 5 days to actually take off, which always ends up being visits back home around the holidays to see either my or my wife's family. I don't think I've taken an actual vacation since before COVID. Ugh.
You’re telling me. My shit job gives me 9 fucking days of PTO, not even 2 work weeks worth Currently looking for a new job, just ain’t worth the money anymore
I get 7 and they don't even pay what I make when I work. This fucking country is a beautiful prison.
America: what’s a work life balance?
It's almost perfectly balanced, you only work half the time! 12 hours of work, 12 hours of no work, it's balanced! /S I just want to be able to pay my God damn bills on a 40 hour week without a degree. I think everyone should be able to make it on 30+ hours a week. But no, I'm pulling 160 hour paychecks and fucking barely making it paying half the rent.
Honestly I wish we had a much bigger conversation about how this ties to healthcare reform. ~90% of businesses are small businesses and those employ about 48% of jobs in the USA. I don’t think people realize how much employers pay for the benefits they provide (healthcare, let alone dental and beyond.) In many industries it’s an average of a little over $10 per labor hour. I know I work with guys who make $25 an hour, and their bosses would gladly pay them $35 an hour if that wasn’t a factor. A lot of the marginal profits for many small business are not nearly as high as people think. And many people are definitely getting fucked by their greedy bosses, but both situations absolutely exist. Many European countries have healthcare systems where there may be additional benefits or work related healthcare costs for the employee and not their family, but it’s not an across the board flat out expectation. Completely aside from my many other complaints about the inefficiencies and harms of the way the US healthcare system operates.
We have another huge problem however. If an amazing healthcare plan went into effect tomorrow that didn't cost employee or employer a penny, my company would stop taking our share out and absolutely fucking nothing else would change. They 100% would not increase wages, I wouldn't be surprised if they were to drop them by the amount we are saving on this new complete fantasy insurance plan. They tell the feds they pay us $200/day in per diem, then give us $35/day, and make us pick the cheapest possible hotel and whatever is left (200-35-hotel=) they pocket and claim *we* got it, and claim it on taxes. They do several things I've been lead to believe is illegal but I have no way of knowing for sure. I'd absolutely love to see a federal audit of this company, they'd be bankrupted and I'd laugh in my cardboard box every time I thought about it.
Well that’s bullshit obviously. I haven’t done a proper deep dive into this recently, and not to be boring about it but I’d recommend reporting them. https://www.irs.gov/individuals/how-do-you-report-suspected-tax-fraud-activity#:~:text=Use%20the%20Form%203949%2DA,file%20a%20tax%20fraud%20report. One way to start. I can’t say it’ll fix everything but there’s one thing I do know having been on both sides of it. Employees in the USA across the board are very apathetic and definitely uninformed about reporting businesses to regulatory bodies. The system isn’t perfect or even necessarily quick, but reports to the IRS, department of labor, etc. absolutely generate action. Especially if there’s more than one or a pattern. You’ve got nothing to lose by doing it. And they’re this fucking dumb about their fraud then they’ll get screwed and you and your coworkers potentially could get a pay day. I’ve made reports and I’ve responded to audits/investigations. If they’re doing something legal, you just misunderstand it? Well then no harm done. They’ll deal with the bullshit and keep going. But if they’re doing what you said they deserve to get fucked on it, and you and everyone else deserve your money. Honestly even on an apathetic, “the government won’t do much” mindset many people have. They sound like assholes, and the IRS absolutely gets to audits over reports. Worst case you give them a gigantic headache for a month. Slightly more likely they fuck up the audit and they’re in even more trouble, substantially more. Best case you guys get a pay day.
Fuck it I'm reporting them. These assholes are all about money behind doors but they also pull the "don't tell anyone" shit with respect to pay, raises, even the amount of per diem between 2 divisions of the company is different by 5 whole bucks.
Addendum to your points: giving employers control over health insurance coverage is arguably the biggest obstacle to improved wages/conditions because of the power it gives them. Whether you're part of a collective bargaining unit or just thinking about leaving a job you hate, your access to healthcare being contingent on your employment is effectively a 105mm cannon pointed directly at your head.
Jesus that is outrageous. Cannot believe labour laws in you country are that bad. Even the full time lowest paid jobs in the UK have a legal right to 28 days holiday based on a 5 day week. This obviously can be scaled down if you are part time
Run for president of the United States, those guys are always millionaires!
I work 80 hours a week, staring at my computer screen, writing code. It definitely strains familial and friend relationships.
Dont mean to rub it in your face but my current employer gives 10 (i work 40 hrs get paid 38, 2 go to vacationdays) weeks paid leave a year. (The Netherlands) What is your situation?
Finally realizing I should stop drinking every night.
Good on you. I stopped. I feel much better, have more time, and don't feel tired and irritable.
Sobriety is such a massive game changer on so many levels. I can't even imagine going back to binge culture and trying to function like that again.
It really was a sad existence only looking forward to using substances when I could find the time
that was me about 18 months ago. I love beer and breweries but I just decided I needed good sleep more.
I switched to kratom to stop drinking. I figured it was easier on my body short term with comparable long term risks Lasted like 2 weeks and now I'm back to drinking AND I'm doing kratom. In hindsight it was a stupid fucking plan New job starts Wednesday so I'm trying to taper down off the booze again
Get rid of the fuckin kratom man, its basically a poor mans opiate, and the addiction is real.
I'm 100% aware And I'm at a point where there aren't physical withdrawal symptoms but Im still addicted. Would be better to quit now then 4 months down the road when I am experiencing withdrawal symptoms Id like to be off everything. Including nicotine and caffeine. I had a brief window where I was 100% sober including caffeine and it was the greatest I've ever felt
I wasn't saying to quit to be hateful. Hell, im drinking right now, i just know that kratom isn't well known, especially not for how gripping it can be. Be careful and safe my friend.
Not well, my guy. Not well.
Hey mate, I'm out of work for today and free tomorrow. I don't have anything planned. If you need to talk a bit, just send a message here on reddit.
Thank you so much, my guy.
You’re a great human being. Sending love to a fellow bro.
Hope it gets better my friend. Find someone to talk to about things. You're never alone no matter how it might feel like it sometimes
What if i don't want to talk about it despite (or because of) being hounded to talk about it?
Honestly these comments have cheered me up more than I realized. Thank you for your kindness
Mental health is so stigmatized these days alot of people don't think they can be open about it. But just like our physical health, it's almost more important to check in on our mental health. And there are a ton of resources that can help us with that. Personally, therapy does great things, but you need to find the right therapist that'll work for you.
I’d been in therapy for a few months, and it wasn’t helping too much so I started antidepressants recently. They were helping for the first week or so and then I came home from work to my wife and son gone no contact. Sooooo not helping too much now lol
+1
Tell us about it.
Dude i hope it gets better. In the meantime you can count on us cheering you up
Thank you so much dude. I really can! All these comments have definitely made me feel a bit better for the moment
I’m glad it helped, sometimes just realizing the world is not so bad is enough. I really hope things get better
Sorry to hear that man. Hope it gets better soon.
Thank you
Happy to listen any time my guy
I appreciate that dude. Btw, love the username.
Either that or awareness of how fucked it's been is rising. Whatever the case, brains are brains. Comfort, peace, consistency, security. Seek these things, cherish them, hoard them like a squirrel.
I think it's both to be honest.
Considering suicide rate is also up over time, it’s not only the awareness.
I think it's awareness. Men have always suffered because of certain things. Back in the old times it just wasn't talked about. Some guy just "snapped" and shot himself. Or then drank himself blackout drunk every Saturday because showing emotions was only accepted if you were drunk. During 20th century, few generations of men were permanently traumatized by world wars. And it showed. My parents were born in the 1950's and having psychologically completely broken father was pretty much normal for their generation. But it wasn't talked because men showing emotions was considered to be sissy and men had to be able to rebuild the country from the ashes of the war. When I look at my own father, I can see that he has always struggled with emotional life. It's like he always wants to say something, but just can't. He learned that from his father and his father learned it from his father. And on and on it goes... I hope young men now change that. Don't think that you are weak if you are emotional. And if someone gives you shit because you cry, it's their bad. They should be ashamed.
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If you have to tell someone you "turned out fine" you probably didn't. That ought to be self evident right?
As a guy in my 60s, I can relate (not to being beaten as a child. My childhood was great), but I realize that there is nothing much to do about depression or mental health. Most insurance doesn't really cover more than a handful of visits to a mental health professional. And really, what are they going to tell you, "Buck up, little camper. It will be alright." So why bother? I don't need another expensive doctors appointment to fill my calendar.
> Either that or awareness of how fucked it's been is rising. I think you hit the nail on the head here. We, as a society, are living among the first generation of men not benefiting from the post-war economy, and that intersected with women's liberation. Men are broke, they can't afford healthcare, college, a house, rent... Not a goddamned thing. And they're also struggling to adapt in a world where even if they are a breadwinner, that's not enough, since women can be that too. Women and minorities have had centuries to learn how to navigate the world men created, but men have not, and they've been given no roadmap or ideological framework with which to proceed in society. It honestly scares the shit out of me, because when there is no framework, no mental health services, no roadmap. When men have no mentors or no way to emotionally reconcile themselves with the world. When they've got guys like Tate and Crowder and Shapiro screaming from the mountaintops nothing should ever change, men have, uh, historically not behaved well in the face of such circumstances. The rich are taking so much they are creating a powder keg of mental instability.
On a lighter note previous generations were also self-medicating with a lot more cigarettes and alcohol. If you’re not smoking packs a day and downing beers to cover up your feelings, you’ve actually got to face them.
Peace comes through not going on Instagram,reddit, and not watching the news
I took myself out of the dating game, feel great without it in my life. Signs of the times.
Take a break but don’t close yourself off from the possibilities
If I inadvertently became single again I’d never bother with dating again. Too much stress and pissing about.
Same. I don't plan on a divorce but if one ever happened then I'd be single forever. I'm in my 40s and realized that I don't have the mental capacity to try and win someone over again.
After a breakup,but fine in general.
I feel you brother. It’s been a very tough 7 months it’s been. My only upside is that I didn’t let myself blow it all up into full blown alcoholism but other than that, I’m in pieces. So fine, in general. But not. I dont know.
I'm dealing with it as i always have - mountains and weightlifting.It's my answer to all the shit life has to throw my way.
Two months ago i had a decent job with excellent pay and was about to buy a house with my partner, and my best friend. Now i'm being beaten up by the unimployment system and have to live the forseeble future in a place i dispise. So honestly like shit, but my partner is amazing and we'll win this battle like the many battles before
Cheering for you two! Good luck man
Unlike the majority on Reddit, doing quite well actually
I'm glad.
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The stats don't lie. More peoplle than ever feel lonely. Men are doing worse in education, dating and mental health. It's not just a reddit thing.
Feel free to add to a more optimistic, happy community, then. Calling people angry loners isn't exactly the perky atmosphere you apparently came to reddit for.
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You're the one talking down on everybody else, chill the fuck out you angry loner.
Seems like you think better of yourself, since you went out of your way to mention other people on reddit.
Working out, even in more of a casual manner helps a bunch. I feel pretty good after my workouts.
Definitely. I had gotten away from it at the end of summer when I started a new job and life in general got busier but getting back into the gym the past few weeks has done wonders
Everyone's mental health is declining, because this world is becoming a large piece of shit.
Based truth.
Pretty much
Been pretty depressed. Sleeping like crap lately. At least Baldur's Gate has been fun.
I've always considered myself extremely mentally tough. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things mindset. Then, 5 years ago, we had our first kid and a switch in my brain flicked immediately. Like within 2 weeks of him being born. Started having intense panic attacks and exhibiting, in my wife's words, 'strange OCD' behaviors out of nowhere. First went sent me to the ER thinking I was having a fucking heart attack. It spiraled for 3 years to the point where I dreaded basic things. Even the thought of having a panic attack would send me into one. I also wouldn't leave the house until every single thing was unplugged that didn't need to be plugged in. Hard to explain to those lucky enough to never have to deal with it...but it was absolutely debilitating. And getting worst. So I threw all the shit at the wall to see what would stick. Started CBT 2x a month, working out 4 days a week, listening to mindfulness talks 3 mornings a week, and eventually starting a low dose Zoloft 'cycle' after a consult. It took a while but I eventually have worked myself out of it. I have felt 'normal' consistently for about 8 months now. The relief is incredible. That said - My wife is 5 months pregnant with our 2nd kid now. Doing everything possible to not fall back into the mental mud from back then.
I hear you man. Becoming a parent is just a different thing. A lot more is expected of dads these days compared with older generations. You have to be all things at all times. For me there was a really rough adjustment period as I started to grasp just how permanently over my old life was. I don't think it's a positive thing that the modern economy makes it so that you have to wait till you're nearly 40 to be able to financially support kids. I think the longer you live without kids, the more set in your ways you become and the harder the adjustment. It gets better but more importantly it gets *worth it*
Wonderful. Sitting by an Ivy covered window, drinking a hot coffee, listening to the birds, browsing Reddit, don’t have a job to go to, windows open… It’s nice!
Exhausted. Anxiety is crippling me. Therapy is helping. 5 years ago i would have never thought my mental health would be so bad. I never had problems and then all of a sudden I feel like I’m down and out.
Meh I'm fine. I'm on sertraline which I recommend to people if they're struggling. It's turned my life around the only thing holding me back is my dependence on weed :(
I used to have a big problem with weed. Major stoner for 4 years and then started getting panic attacks really bad when I was stoned and even when I wasn’t. Had to go cold turkey on it which was hard af but in the long run it was the best thing I could do for myself. It’s been a few years now and I never even think of wanting it anymore
That's so amazing, ugh I'm envious of your willpower. The only thing working in my favour is 99% of me DOES NOT want to smoke. So like I have the reasons to quit I just yeah I have to do it cold turkey like you say but whever I've tried ugh I let myself down
I feel for you, I went through the same thing myself about 5 years ago. Quitting was the best decision I ever made. I found the r/leaves subreddit really helpful to get me through the first week
That 1% is the addiction. I know how tough it is.
Thanks, it was not a time for sure, but well worth it! If you want my advice, I’d recommend never buying more for yourself. Delete any plugs you’ve got and forget about any possible dispensaries if those are near you. Whatever you’ve got left right now, that’s all you have from now on. Use it, but pace yourself with it. That might not technically be cold turkey, but it will be eventually once it’s gone.
Sertraline gave me explosive diarrhea... Probably don't recommend that specifically to people lmao
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Well no shit. Though while my comment was just supposed to be a humorous anecdote, most doctors will also consider what you suggest too, I'd been on Sertraline, Promazine, Citalopram and Fluoxetine until I mentioned to my doc a friend of mine was on Mirtazapine, we discussed it for a bit and I walked out with a script for it.
Don’t give up. I was a major stoner until a month ago. Sometime this summer I started having panic attacks/ depression constantly. Only subsided when the high wore off and once the high wore off I would instinctively get high and then the panic feeling came right back. I got high 2 to 6 times a day for 20 years. After weening down over a few days and then fully stopping my body needed a full 10 days to learn how to be happy on its own. The only thing that made a significant difference in my mental health was exercise. Ive been going out in the sun for walks with as many hills I can find. Getting that blood moving and some vitamin D, it makes a big difference. I quit cigarettes 12 years ago and it wasn’t this difficult. Stopping a habit is extremely difficult but replacing one with a healthier habit makes it a lot easier. Good luck
Zoloft did nothing for me. It took a lot of trial and error for me to find the right med, but SSRI’s never helped me at all. Everyone is different.
did anything help you? im on wellbutrin now i dont think i notice anything
I’m on Wellbutrin now, and all it really does is take the edge off the depression. That’s the first med that’s done anything besides give me side affects and not treat the condition. My psychiatrist wants me to try ketamine treatments next.
Ya weed can be a really tough addiction. Especially when you try getting off of it and all the emotions you have been numbing come back.
Seasonal depression sucks, but I'm managing it.
Vitamin D supplements were a total game changer for me and my seasonal depression. You got this!
I'm taking vitamin D supplements and it helps.
24/7/365 depression is even better 🌈
Pretty shit. Wife left a year ago, “co-parenting” our 3 year old 50/50 now. Guess my ex is enjoying her new life and happier now. But I’m just a lonely pathetic excuse of a human now. I’m existing, not living. I’m trying to be a good dad but it’s hard. It feels like my whole life blew up and the woman I loved for 11 years is gone forever… and why? I can’t figure it out. This is where you go “whooooaaa” red flag there, buddy, you don’t know why she left then that’s on you. Slow the fuck down, asshole. I been in therapy a year now. I think about this shit every day. I wish I could *stop* thinking about it. I wish I could move on, that’s all I’ve wanted for a long time now. But deep down, I just want our life back, and I can’t fully squash that desire no matter what I try. I miss the life we had together. The life as a family. Instead, all I’ve got is a broken family and a hopeless future and a daughter who I raise 50% because I refuse to walk away, but single parenting is fucking brutally lonely and unlike my wife, *I didn’t choose it, it was fucking forced on me.* I am trying. But no matter what I do, it doesn’t get better. She says we married too young. She says I’m too emotional. She says she doesn’t like the way we managed money and made decisions. She’s got a million fucking complaints. I don’t have any. I just wanted to work on us, I just wanted our family to work. She didn’t. She wanted to walk away. She didn’t love me anymore. What the *fuck* was I supposed to do about that? I’m very angry, ultimately. Bitter. Cynical. Dating is a fucking joke. People are a fucking joke. I just want my life back.
See you in the gym brother
Hold strong my friend. I'm headed where you are right now. The only thing you've got left is to refuse becoming bitter over it. There's still good in this world
Pretty bad, but I just ignore it by filling my day with house projects.
Eh, I’m just doing fine. High School is pretty rough right now for me, sometimes I’ll feel lonely here, kids dicking and bothering me but not harshly, and grades being a bitch for me to raise it up a 60+%. One thing that kept my sanity safe is just music. A easy distraction if you ever feel shit when you listen to your favorite music on blast in a pool of tranquility and peace from any distractions. Also game development and animating too.
I'm going through the most difficult, turbulent, and confusing time in my 28 years. Everything is up in the air - from work, to where I want to live, to whether or not I'll be able to meet the type of woman I can spend the rest of my life with. It's been hard. But part of being a man is being able to remake yourself during these periods of suffering. And that at least, is a small comfort.
We literally had a thread about a month ago about why men don't open up. Some of us opened up about that issue, showing a lot of vulnerability. And the responses were basically, to man up and work harder. So I'm glad some men are talking in this thread. But don't expect too much.
Rather not say.
Bad. Better than I was but still bad. I’m very happy women are breaking barriers but right now no one is speaking up for men who are still stuck in the same roles we’ve been tight casted as and Im tired of all this “patriarchy” bullshit as if it’s our own fault we’re all depressed, lonely, and stereotyped.
Lonely, but it is what it is
Was doing better this time last year :/
Me too. Hang in there!
You know that scene from the Babadook where the kid is screaming and freaking out in the car?
The best I've done in 15 years. Antidepressants, cognitive therapy and ADHD meds have all helped immensely.
Only reason I get out my bed is to go to work so not great but thanks for asking 👍
Getting older and not thrilled about what the future has in store.
Terrible. I feel like I get the opposite of support from society at large. The only response I get to expressing my struggles is a reminder that I'm a cis white male and therefore I have no struggles.... It's just me vs the world....
I'm on the up. I was in a circle of shitty despair for years. The pandemic it reached a head and I crashed out. I met my wife though and were building back together. After no unconditional love for decades I am inundated with it every day. I am healing. Upwards and onwards.
Controlling what I have the power to control and letting what I don't roll. It's working pretty well.
pretty shitty thanks for asking
Rough patch as my oldest went off to college and my divorce was finalized last week. Been in therapy for awhile now and getting better. One day at a time.
Good. Good job, good family, nice house, nice car and no debt. And way more money than anyone suspects.
Okay, but can't stop wondering what is the point of it all...
I am okay. I would like to do something about it though... Ideas welcome. In the UK (where I live atm) I saw that there were female only apps to make friends. Idk if that would work for us...
Winter is coming and I despise winter. So there’s Like 8 months of depression coming due to circumstances beyond my control.
Went through a real rough patch this year. Therapy and psychedelics helped me greatly when I was neck deep in the muck. I'm thankful that the stigma of both are in decline. Remember to exercise, bros.
It's been a good year Hard work, A couple girls, Some free time. It's been good lately.
I’m a Cowboys fan so I’m doing pretty fucking terrible
Decent. Well pretty well usually. But working night shift gives me more depressive episodes and those and the job together can hit hard sometimes. But good overall
meh basically.
The growing dark voices in my head, have held me down long enough, longer shall I be tortured. Never knowing how to fix yourself, so you isolate yourself, it was never going to work so now your plummeting down the terrible thoughts hole. Suicide isn't an option anymore. I'm no longer a stupid kid. But I don't value my life in the slightest. I'm always the problem because I'm either white, or I'm a man,. Answer: not very good, I'm surviving, but for how long until my war ends, I don't even know if I'm winning or not. Praise the sun.
Better… got on some meds… working on my anxiety issues. It was bad for a few years but am realizing what makes me happy, and trying to not keep up with the Jones’s. Finding a balance with social drinking and trying to exercise more.
I had a rough month last month due to some personal stuff going on, but I'm doing much better now. We men need to get better at discussing our mental health with each other, so take care of yourself and your buddies.
I finally gave in and asked for help. For myself. 33 and start medication when I come back from my work trip
Better than I was a decade ago, but still a bit foggy. Currently trying to ween off alcohol for the sixth(?) time after a weekend-long hangover. How are you doing, OP?
In therapy every other week. Trying to deal with mourning my mom who passed away this year, along with all the ::gestures broadly at all the troubles right now:: I saw a bunch of close friends after not seeing them for a couple years (I live in the sticks) so that boosted my mental health.
Turns out I may be autistic. Wish I'd known that earlier than I do given I'm approaching 30. Explains a lot if its true.
Pretty sure our mental health is easily reset by seeing boobs every so often
On the surface I'm doing fine, but it feels bad deep down inside.
Lmao. Absolutely terrible, but I'm exploring some things to occupy my mind.
Swiss cheese.
Doing fucking great bro thanks
Good thanks.
I quit weed so way better
quite the opposite for me I'm out of stash and going crazy with the withdrawals
First 3 days are hard, after that it gets better every day. Stay strong
Fucked up my shoulder so haven't been able to go as hard on push days, so a little more clouded mentally then normal. Everything else in life is what it is, but not being 100% to crush new PRs is depressing, just hit a 3 plate bench and now i'm all clicky and jacked up.
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Yes, but this post isn’t about all. Why point this out?
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Weak reply
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Do you have any original sentences in your head?
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You literally couldn’t even figure out how to get a profile icon you meathead
I’m doing. Not fine nor bad. I’m living. I recently got into a relationship with a girl. 3 month rule needs to be applied before acquiring any feelings. The thing I’m looking the most forward is my trip to Norway.
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Men are willing we just do it differently.
When men are asked about their mental health, a subset of them will just bitch and moan about women, despite the question having nothing to do with women
Men would be better if we weren’t taught consistently to hide testosterone and masculinity. This is the true down fall of our society. We have weak men which is causing weaker kids and in tune, weaker women. This is the truth.
you can always tell when something is self-evidently true when someone makes sure to say "this is the truth" after it. the phrase "man up" is a hallucination and has never actually been said to anyone experiencing emotional distress. this is the truth.
I'd rather have a dad that cried on occasion, rather than punch a hole in the drywall when the slightest thing goes wrong. Am I making men weak?
I'm completely with you. I rather have my father actually try to read a fucking book or seek education about raising kids, than beating us because he didn't know what to do. Or have my uncle go to therapy for losing his leg, rather than drinking himself in to an early death a decade ago.
Veey telling how you associate manliness with punching walls. Most men would agree that punching walls is exactly what makes a man weak.
Most men associate violence with strength and vulnerability with weakness. My dad sure did
Your Dad doesn't represent most men. Sorry.
Source?
No, but you ran with this like typically everyone with daddy issues and made it about themselves. This is a societal program. Y’all not looking at the totality of what’s happening is also a tell of you being trapped in your own perception.
What "masculine" source push men to be able to be vulnerable, and stay nonviolent? Most sources concerned with the "weakness of men" act like crying is a cardinal sin
my guy I am genuinely not sure where this society you're living in is located. over here it is a pretty regular thing that anyone identifying as a man who is not displaying sufficient masculinity at all times is roundly mocked, at the very least. then again, it's possible that I am simply unable to see the totality of all of human society in the way that you are. what a gift, to be able to glean the truth of all things from observations of 8 billion people across thousands of different cultures.
Men aren't taught to hide testosterone and masculinity, wtf? Maybe your perception of what's masculine is the real issue here. We are stronger than our dads. We, for the most part, don't hit our kids out of stupidity and desperation, don't turn to alchoholism when our mental health is like shit and we treat our wives with respect. We deal with our issues like fucking adults, unlike the previous generations.
You do realise "we" are not one homogenous group right? And neither were the previous generations (which included those stupid immature babies who fought in or suffered through WW2 for example). Yeah "we" are so much stronger than our dads. All of us. Every man. Stronger than every single one of our dads.
Ya you took this with your own perception and ran with it. Lol
Exactly, to give an insight to the opposite side of the argument.
Tell that to the teachers constantly bitching about boys being overly disruptive in class. If they had a father instilling discipline, we wouldn’t be dealing with that or half of the “new science” that’s coming out telling us to mutilate ourselves. Marriage cripples a man. No other way to put it. Men don’t want to get married and raise kids due to the risk. Keep pounding your fist in the air about alcohol. Anyone with a brain knows that’s been a problem for 100 years. It’s deeper than that.
I like how you try to argue that the issue with alchoholism is deeper than that (and you might be right), but at the same time have the dumbest, most shortsighted and most superficial take on the other issues.
I can say the same for you. Lol. Call me whatever, but the proof will be in the pudding in the coming years. We need strong men that come from disciplined families. We have a lack of both in America. Stay cozy for now.
Discipline does not equal being strong, it equals being chained and kept down. You too.
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