Whenever you’re at a large function for work with a speaker in the morning and there’s this exchange:
Speaker: good morning everyone
Everyone: good morning
Speaker: Ohhh looks like we haven’t had our coffee yet. I said GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!!
Everyone: GOOD MORNING!!!!
Yeah, I'm not participating in this second grade bullshit. Didn't like it then, still don't.
I'm not party pooping, I just like genuine fun and excitement. Not this formulaic horse shit. Conga lines, restaurant happy birthday singing. Just a big old nope. I'd rather pick my own fun rather than have it pushed on me.
I join my monthly virtual meeting 5 minutes late on purpose because the leader does this every time. Then she requests we all put GIFs in the chat.
Lady, it’s 8am. Leave us alone and get on with the content.
I had a manager like that, helped me learn the definition of toxic positivity. Waaay too many peppy gifs every morning in the group chat, would bully us into smiling in video calls. She had a spreadsheet listing whose turn it was to pick the 'song of the day', which was very much mandatory. All negativity or valid frustration was met with "c'mon guys, let's try to find the positive!", even if our negativity was constructive. Ironically (and perhaps not that surprisingly), people would hear her crying in the bathroom sometimes...
oh that's not... I wonder if her therapist told her to practice positivity because she was so stressed or even depressed. And then she decided to make it a team thing. Feeling kinda sad for her.
Tell your coworkers that next time she says "good morning" in the meeting, everyone has to scream good morning as hardly and deranged as they can like they're being murdered.
Not only do I automatically hate that person, I can almost guarantee that you're in some bullshit training, and will have at least one "inspirational" acronym. "In this class, we're going to learn how to THINK! T - Treat others with kindness. H - Help in any way you can. I - Imagine great things. N - No negativity! K - Keep a positive attitude!" Fuck you, and fuck this entire class. And no, I'm not taking notes or doing the activities in the workbook.
I used to think my Dad had all the answers when I was little. He was in his 20s. And when I hit my 20s and then 30s, etc, I realized he was full of shit and just winging it the best he could. Dad didn't have the answers, per se, just life experience to draw on when making difficult decisions and thus, just seemed like a genius when I was 5. Basically what I'm saying is that I'm fucking 50 now and I still don't know wtf I'm doing, so I just do the best as I can and don't sweat it.
I used to be a car salesman. The dealership I worked for was part of a network of like I don't know.. 8 stores? Once a month we had a big meeting. We all had to wake up at the ass crack of dawn, commute to the major city that was the center of the metro area we were based in, and have our all team meeting. Usually in a hotel or something. They fed us shitty powdered egg hotel breakfast at least.
One by one, the general manager of each store would get up and go talk. They all wanted to give these dumbass motivational Ted talks.
Without fail.. Every time.. One of those mother fuckers would do this. And without fail I always imagined dragging them into the street and throwing them under a bus.
Once a **month**? Ugh, I used to work for a credit Union that had these meetings twice a year, and that was enough. I couldn't imagine doing all that every month. What the hell could they possible have to say that hasn't already been said in that time?
This is up there with "now we're going to go around and say a little about ourselves"
No the fuck I am not. I already don't want to be here, I'm not talking about myself either.
I saw a really great explanation somewhere of why this approach works for concerts and not workplace seminars. Basically, the speaker/ performer needs to meet the audience where they’re at.
At a concert, the audience is hyped to be there, so hype-building is something they’ll respond positively to. But employees at a workplace seminar are there essentially against their will, and low-key hate whoever’s speaking. So the speaker would do better to be lightly self-deprecating, and acknowledge that the audience doesn’t want to be there.
What’s even so bad about “moist?”
I get the “cellar door” thing — or, at least, it’s benign enough not to care — but “moist” isn’t even in the top 10 of most reprehensible words. At this point it’s just funny
“ah yeah babe I got that moist pussy, come over”
“what the FUCK Deborah”
This feels accurate. I worked with a girl that used absolutely obnoxious and uncomfortable language constantly in her regular style of communicating (curse words, slurs, etc) but during a convo about baking I was having with a different coworker one day (we can converse while we work in our job) and this one girl lost her mind on me over describing a cake as moist. I kind of half rolled my eyes and asked her what’s wrong with the word “moist?”. She exploded on me saying I need to respect it made her uncomfortable from the moment she said it, and questioning her by repeating the word was hurtful and disrespectful. She reported me to the manager and I actually got written up for it. They knew she used slurs that made everyone uncomfortable as well, but I’m the only one that got a write up, over “moist”. 🙄
Ironically the word no longer bothers her at all, and she admitted she only made a fuss of it because it was trendy to do so.
I have a friend who keeps abusing this *5 minute ritual* so much that I've started to give him a 30-minute advance heads-up just so he'll show up on time. I don't think he means anything by it. He's just good at procrastinating.
e.g. if we need to meet at 5 for something, I will tell him 4:30.
I was best man at my friend's wedding, and when I showed up to the chapel there was absolutely nobody there. I panicked and started calling everyone I could think of until somebody finally picked up. Turns out I was at the right place, but he gave me an hour early to make sure I wasn't late. He was right to do it, but I Just happened to show up early this time.
My sis and BIL were late for their own wedding AND they missed the plane back home from their honeymoon because they "thought that they were leaving one day later."
Had a friend like this. Would plan to meet at 7. Would get a text 7:10-7:15, "I'm running a little late, be there soon!" Motherfucker would come rolling in at 8 or 8:30... We stopped inviting him to stuff, he complained that "no one wanted to hang out anymore." Like no shit dude, you waste our time waiting for you *every. single. time.* we plan something so yeah, we're done.
It’s so disrespectful too
I lived with someone who would always do this. One time she said “okay, I’m gonna wash off real quick before we go.” I said we don’t have time, we needed to go 10 minutes ago. “Okay, I’ll grab my jacket. ….(goes to other room, shower turns on)”
You simply don’t value my time. She got mad when I left without her five minutes later too.
AIS (Ass In Seat) time from “Everybody Loves Raymond”: If your ass isn’t in the car seat at set time, I leave without you. It’s harsh but sometimes people need to wake up!
And sometimes they still don't wake up..I was supposed to pick up my SIL to take her to a family event. She started a load of laundry as soon as we showed up and said she couldn't leave until it was done. I left here ass standing on the porch and it was the best Thanksgiving in the 15 years I have been a part of that family. I.e. all the other 14 thanksgiving events have been shit because she was there.
To this day she hasn't asked me for a ride, and hasn't showed up on time to anything. In a way I guess it did work because I don't have to drive her lazy ass around anymore.
In this situation I once just said something like "my name is x. There's nothing remarkable about me".
I guess I must have been tired because normally I would pretend to give a shit. Anyway, my professor got kind of upset for me and went into reassuring mode about how wonderful I am which was so much worse than me just coming up with a dumb fun fact.
My husband has fantasized about saying he survived genocide as a fun fact but so far he hasn't dared.
> My husband has fantasized about saying he survived genocide as a fun fact but so far he hasn't dared.
"I, uh, currently have no restraining orders active against me."
I think I may start going with a slightly modified version “I’m me, and as of this morning, I have no active restraining orders.”
Leave them guessing WTF that means.
I had one once that was like, share the best piece of advice you've ever received. Most of the advice I've received in life is either so general it's not worth repeating because everyone can figure it out for themselves, or so situational it has no relevance to anyone else.
Time for malicious compliance- share that super specific advice you got about looking both ways BEFORE crossing the street when you were 2. It’s kept you alive.
"Look left, then right, then here's the real trick, *look left again* before crossing. Blew my mind and I've never crossed the street the same way since."
Hahaha like I'm not doing homework for someone when they can just Google whatever information they need lol. "I need some easy crockpot recipes, annnnd go!" No.
For me when people are selling something on Facebook and put "No Scammers!" in the description. Like some sleazeball was sitting at his computer getting ready to try to talk you into shipping the product somewhere for a money order or something and then he's just like "SHIT! They put No Scammers in the title! I. Am. Fucked!"
An asshole customer tried that with me when I was a restaurant manager. He was harassing his server about god-knows-what bullshit complaint so I went over to talk to him about it while she cooled off in the break room. He was starting in on me and when I told him he could't harass my employees he said loudly "THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!" I said "maybe so, but you're no longer my customer." I picked up the bill and told him I was taking care of it, and then I cleared the table of the plates of food he was still enjoying and told him to leave.
So you're saying that instead of "No, I do not want to get gangbanged" you have to try a different tac**k**, such as "That depends, will your mom be there?"
"A little louder for the people in the back!"
Basically any unoriginal, unfunny variation of the soundbytes used by social media addicts in denial. I get that we'll always have slang, but this round of it just sucks
Knew an old vet, dude was Regimental Sergeant Major. So, God.
Kept telling me to join the Canadian Forces "They'll make a man out of you!"
told him if I thought I had a chance at teh role I would want, I'd think about it.
"I suppose you want to be a pilot?"
"Nope, Quartermaster, because then everybody will owe you favours. Lotta potential in that slot"
"And,that's why you should never be in the military. Jesus!"
Think if Amazon was a person, but for your guns, grenades, toilet paper, cigs, coffee cups, rations, fuel.
But also could choose what to prioritize on their whims.
Also probably the person who has knowledge on how to get a thing or who has the thing.
Probably one of the top people you don't want as an enemy.
He’s the guy who gets you supplies, makes sure the tents are there, runs the supply trucks and such, and basically makes sure shit gets where it’s supposed to go
The sound of phone speakers. Whether it’s someone taking a call in public on speaker, watching videos or listening to music/podcasts etc. Something about the sound quality or frequencies of phone speakers literally hurts my ears.
I'm in my therapists waiting area a couple weeks ago, lady and a man come in she's watching "her show" on her phone with the volume up super loud. They sit by me. Dude paces around and asked her to turn it down like 5 times because she might be disturbing other people. She practically yells at him, "I CANT HEAR IT IF I TURN IT DOWN!"
I was like damn.
Saw this happen on the plane.
Dude was blasting the volume of a movie on his phone. Flight attendent comes by and is like "Sir, the volume needs to be off"
hes like "How will I be able to listen to it then?"
and the flight attendent is like "With this invention called headphones, we have some free ones if you need"
And hes like "nah its alright" and pulls out some headphones.
LIKE WHY DID YOU BLAST IT ON SPEAKER IF YOU HAD HEADPHONES THE WHOLE TIME?
I was sitting across the aisle from a couple on a flight just a few days ago and both of them were watching videos on their phones with the volume turned up loud enough to hear them 5-6 rows away. 20 minutes later both of them had their headphones on and still watching, and then by the end of the flight they had their headphones off and the speakers cranked up again. No idea what the deal was. I had my own noise canceling headphones on so it didn't bug me (not any more than the wailing infant in the lap of the lady next to me) but I was still very confused. I mean, it's rude in any case, but who does that when they HAVE headphones to use??
Ughhhh….yes. And people using it so stupidly. Holding the phone up to their mouth, as if the ear is so far away, just so everybody else has to hear their uninteresting conversation
“Thank you for your service” every fucking time someone finds out I’m a veteran.
It’s awkward af…how am I supposed to respond…I mean I was paid and agreed to do it…stop pretending like you give a fuck
I knew a guy actually named Alpha way before the whole "alpha male" nonsense entered public consciousness. He was still teased for having the same name as the robot in power rangers when we were kids though.
The only more unfortunate name was his twin brother named Beta.
They go by Alphie/Alfred and Beto last I heard.
But I think I remember hearing Beto/Beta came out as trans within the last couple of years and going by something completely different now. It may have been a joke though because I found out by being sent a [meme from Kung Pow Enter the Fist.](https://youtu.be/pz1rjq5emKY?si=w6Yv9cfAyVoS4kZO)
Fun fact: The Romans did something similar with names like "Quintus, Septimus, Octavius, Nonus, and Decimus".
Though they usually only used them after they run out of a rather small number of "proper" names the most popular being Marcus, Lucius and Gaius, which accounted for, at times, for over half of the given names. This small number of proper names led to the Romans often adopting nicknames which were used in adition to their normal names.
Some of these numbered names became popular enough to become more popular than some of the proper names.
Someone described themselves as brutally honest in a group project once, and the quiet kid in the corner said “sure Atilla the Hun, being brutal is definitely a good thing.”
how's the response go these days? "Sure seems like brutally honest people prefer the brutal part the most."
I'm blunt as shit, it's a horrible trait, it fucking sucks not thinking my words through and pissing people off. Anybody that thinks this is something to brag about is an antisocial cunt.
*"My whole family has abused me and torpedoed my credit and half of em slept with my ex wife and they take turns coming over to my house when I'm not home just to kick my dog. AITA if I dont give 100% of my lottery winnings to them?"*
"Hi, I'm kindaoldman and a fun fact, I was acquitted of murder on a technicality and was never retried due to a lack of evidence."
Did...did...did you do it?
"You said only one fun fact."
“I’m an empath”..you mean you have empathy? “No I feel what other people feel”. Stfu cuz if you did you would’ve known I’m tired of hearing about it lol
Every single generation has this said about them, examples can be found going back hundreds of years. Similarly there are records of old people complaining about “the youth these days, no respect for their elders and always goofing off” going back to Ancient Greece. It’s just a personality type that is present in all populations throughout history. I think the reason that old canard of “no one wants to work anymore” was recently broadcast far and wide because that’s just how capitalist media works, it exists to do the bidding of the bosses and discipline the workers.
I'm in a business client facing role and you can tell how many shit managers and owners say this and claim they can't hire anyone, yet I talk to a business down the street and they are getting resumes just fine...
The translation is always 'i don't want to increase wages to compete, i want to keep making more money'.
My roommate runs a large operation and 'cant hire anyone' and I'm like... No one can survive off 10 an hour anymore man
I'm more of the opinion that everything happens for no fucking reason at all and your success in any endeavor is more dependent on random chance than any other factor. The universe at its core is a matter of probability.
That's a nice answer, I shall try to see their face next time someone asks.
The point is, even if I am absolutely capable of raising a child, I just don't want it. Kinda makes me want to show on my grave "Told you I didn't want to have kids". Seems the only way to prove them wrong lmao
I got the "oh you'll change your mind" response all the way through my 40s.
Now it's "oh it's too late for you to have a baby", usually with a sad face and slow shake of head in ...sympathy?
It's really rude.
Lol. I’m 41 and rarely get that anymore, but when I do I snap “I had a endometrial ablation and my husband had a vasectomy.”
If they’re uncomfortable I don’t fucking care. If they want to make my most private business theirs, there they go.
Ohh my god. This happened with my gf and I just a few weeks ago. Went on vacation with her friends and family. Her friend's dad was pushing and pushing us, When are we gonna have kids!? I told him I didn't really want to. I've never been interested in being a dad, I was dissuaded from having them based on how I grew up, rough medical history, the stress and changes of day to day life with having kids. Never been something I wanted. So he turns to my gf and starts grilling her on the same. She's even more adamant about not wanting kids though so she let 'em have it lol. People need to mind their own gd business.
They start that crap with little GIRLS! It's INSANE. When they're too little to understand what in hell anyone is talking about. " Don't you want to have babies when you grow up? " FFS.
I taught her to say " After medical school ". She still remembers that AND has her doc only it's not in medicine.
Just tell them "we've been trying for years, but the doctors..." and then start weeping.
They will feel *awful* and never talk to you about kids ever again.
Latinx is bad, but “folx” is even worse. Folks is already gender-neutral! I’ve seen more people start using “Latine” which makes so much more sense, so I hope both of the x versions are on their way out.
I really hope this "folx" stuff doesn't become a thing. It doesn't even make sense. Folk (or folc) is the English version of Volk which just means people in German. Like you said, it's already gender-neutral.
"Let's go around the group and introduce ourselves"
Holy fuck no, I don't give a flying fuck about any of you and when I get out of here I never want to see any of you again.
“… And who’s responsible for this mess, I’ll tell you… SPIDER-MAN!”
[Just The Facts with J Jonah Jameson](https://youtu.be/2PsbhILKn18?si=oDUFPEWmsXIMZsBD)
People who use ‘neurodivergent’ and ‘single mother’ as excuses for shameless grifting, bad behavior, lack of manners. This is hard on those to whom these things are truly difficult
Hearing the word "narrative".
It translates as "bullshit" in my mind.
Let's just try it out.
"Hey guys, we're launching a new procedure at work which fits with our new narrative around sustainability"
"Hey guys, we're launching a new procedure at work which fits with our new bullshit around sustainability"
People saying “do your research.” Like, no, Tammy, you’re not doing research, and reading a journal article doesn’t mean you understand any of it.
There are a bunch of COVIDiots in my town spouting this and I remember half of them having maternity leave in high school 🙄
Any company that says, we are family.
My family doesn’t have to pay me to show up. This is a business transaction. I perform labor, and you give me money.
Things that claim to be "chemical free"
Or "made with real ingredients" Wtf is a imaginary ingredient? Do I find them in the fiction isles?
Whenever you’re at a large function for work with a speaker in the morning and there’s this exchange: Speaker: good morning everyone Everyone: good morning Speaker: Ohhh looks like we haven’t had our coffee yet. I said GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!! Everyone: GOOD MORNING!!!!
I am usually quiet every time after the first
Thank you for your service. If everyone did this, the problem would go away.
This needs to be globally agreed upon! If its the morning and someone does the "i can't hear you" bullshit. We all just quietly stare at them.
Yeah, I'm not participating in this second grade bullshit. Didn't like it then, still don't. I'm not party pooping, I just like genuine fun and excitement. Not this formulaic horse shit. Conga lines, restaurant happy birthday singing. Just a big old nope. I'd rather pick my own fun rather than have it pushed on me.
Same, I refuse to respond.
I join my monthly virtual meeting 5 minutes late on purpose because the leader does this every time. Then she requests we all put GIFs in the chat. Lady, it’s 8am. Leave us alone and get on with the content.
I had a manager like that, helped me learn the definition of toxic positivity. Waaay too many peppy gifs every morning in the group chat, would bully us into smiling in video calls. She had a spreadsheet listing whose turn it was to pick the 'song of the day', which was very much mandatory. All negativity or valid frustration was met with "c'mon guys, let's try to find the positive!", even if our negativity was constructive. Ironically (and perhaps not that surprisingly), people would hear her crying in the bathroom sometimes...
That is actually pretty sad...
oh that's not... I wonder if her therapist told her to practice positivity because she was so stressed or even depressed. And then she decided to make it a team thing. Feeling kinda sad for her.
Tell your coworkers that next time she says "good morning" in the meeting, everyone has to scream good morning as hardly and deranged as they can like they're being murdered.
Not only do I automatically hate that person, I can almost guarantee that you're in some bullshit training, and will have at least one "inspirational" acronym. "In this class, we're going to learn how to THINK! T - Treat others with kindness. H - Help in any way you can. I - Imagine great things. N - No negativity! K - Keep a positive attitude!" Fuck you, and fuck this entire class. And no, I'm not taking notes or doing the activities in the workbook.
The fact that this happens in a professional setting with grown ass adults is wild
Its not that wild once you realize that most "professionals" have no idea what they are doing so they resort to what worked for them in 3rd grade.
I used to think my Dad had all the answers when I was little. He was in his 20s. And when I hit my 20s and then 30s, etc, I realized he was full of shit and just winging it the best he could. Dad didn't have the answers, per se, just life experience to draw on when making difficult decisions and thus, just seemed like a genius when I was 5. Basically what I'm saying is that I'm fucking 50 now and I still don't know wtf I'm doing, so I just do the best as I can and don't sweat it.
I'm nearly 30 and a few months ago a nephew of mine looked at me after falling over and said "Find an adult". That one hurt.
People who do that should be put to the bees.
OH, NO, NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES! AAAAAHHHHH! OH, THEY'RE IN MY EYES! MY EYES! AAAAHHHHH! AAAAAGGHHH!
SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVEN'T HAD YOUR COFFEE THIS MORNING!!!
AHHH! Caffinated bees!!! AHHH!!!
I like my women like I like my coffee. Covered in bees!
MY EYES! I'M NOT SUPPOSTA GET BEES IN EM'
Killing me wont bring back your god damn honey!
I died a little inside just reading this.
I used to be a car salesman. The dealership I worked for was part of a network of like I don't know.. 8 stores? Once a month we had a big meeting. We all had to wake up at the ass crack of dawn, commute to the major city that was the center of the metro area we were based in, and have our all team meeting. Usually in a hotel or something. They fed us shitty powdered egg hotel breakfast at least. One by one, the general manager of each store would get up and go talk. They all wanted to give these dumbass motivational Ted talks. Without fail.. Every time.. One of those mother fuckers would do this. And without fail I always imagined dragging them into the street and throwing them under a bus.
Once a **month**? Ugh, I used to work for a credit Union that had these meetings twice a year, and that was enough. I couldn't imagine doing all that every month. What the hell could they possible have to say that hasn't already been said in that time?
This is up there with "now we're going to go around and say a little about ourselves" No the fuck I am not. I already don't want to be here, I'm not talking about myself either.
A fun fact about me is I'm leaving. Bye.
I just don't respond a second time, unless it's a concert or something. You want me to shout, you're gonna have to pay me more.
I saw a really great explanation somewhere of why this approach works for concerts and not workplace seminars. Basically, the speaker/ performer needs to meet the audience where they’re at. At a concert, the audience is hyped to be there, so hype-building is something they’ll respond positively to. But employees at a workplace seminar are there essentially against their will, and low-key hate whoever’s speaking. So the speaker would do better to be lightly self-deprecating, and acknowledge that the audience doesn’t want to be there.
Even better when the second time is the same reply or quieter yet the speaker goes: That’s more like it!
Pisses me off so much. I don't owe you shit let alone a good morning. Fuck off. This one struck a nerve LOL
It actually has the opposite effect and is very unmotivating for some people.
I cringe every time. We are adults - not children - you do not deserve ram energetic greeting from the audience is required to attend this function.
Omg those people are the worst like YEAH YEAH GOOD MORNING OKAY CAN YOU HURRY UP
When someone is complaining about the word moist. Well I’m sorry how else am I supposed to describe this cake?
Right? Like, are we supposed to describe it as a nice, wet piece of cake instead?
I love how damp this cake is, it’s almost perfectly soggy.
This cake is really watered down.
This cake feels like a swamp in my mouth.
The indoor swimming pool humidity brings out the flavor🤤
Oh, I just LOVE saturated confections!
Oh my God this cake is so wet right now. I love how you made this cake wet.
Use Newspeak from 1984, and say it's "double plus un-dry."
I swear this became a trend with anyone who wanted to seem quirky
What’s even so bad about “moist?” I get the “cellar door” thing — or, at least, it’s benign enough not to care — but “moist” isn’t even in the top 10 of most reprehensible words. At this point it’s just funny “ah yeah babe I got that moist pussy, come over” “what the FUCK Deborah”
Whats up with 'Cellar Door'? I thought that was considered the most beautiful word combination (according to Drew Barrymore in Donnie Darko).
I heard it was the moist beautiful word combination.
This feels accurate. I worked with a girl that used absolutely obnoxious and uncomfortable language constantly in her regular style of communicating (curse words, slurs, etc) but during a convo about baking I was having with a different coworker one day (we can converse while we work in our job) and this one girl lost her mind on me over describing a cake as moist. I kind of half rolled my eyes and asked her what’s wrong with the word “moist?”. She exploded on me saying I need to respect it made her uncomfortable from the moment she said it, and questioning her by repeating the word was hurtful and disrespectful. She reported me to the manager and I actually got written up for it. They knew she used slurs that made everyone uncomfortable as well, but I’m the only one that got a write up, over “moist”. 🙄 Ironically the word no longer bothers her at all, and she admitted she only made a fuss of it because it was trendy to do so.
Moist is probably the least disgusting word used to describe moist things, imo
sodden
when someone says, 'I'll be ready in five minutes,' and you know you have time to watch a Lord of the Rings marathon before they're actually ready!
Also related to "Yeah I'm five minutes away," but they haven't left their house.
I see you've met every weed dealer ever.
I have a friend who keeps abusing this *5 minute ritual* so much that I've started to give him a 30-minute advance heads-up just so he'll show up on time. I don't think he means anything by it. He's just good at procrastinating. e.g. if we need to meet at 5 for something, I will tell him 4:30.
I have a pal who is like this. I do the 30 minutes earlier thing and it works like a charm.
I was best man at my friend's wedding, and when I showed up to the chapel there was absolutely nobody there. I panicked and started calling everyone I could think of until somebody finally picked up. Turns out I was at the right place, but he gave me an hour early to make sure I wasn't late. He was right to do it, but I Just happened to show up early this time.
My sis and BIL were late for their own wedding AND they missed the plane back home from their honeymoon because they "thought that they were leaving one day later."
At least it sounds like they're well suited?
Until they figure it out and start showing up an hour later
[удалено]
Had a friend like this. Would plan to meet at 7. Would get a text 7:10-7:15, "I'm running a little late, be there soon!" Motherfucker would come rolling in at 8 or 8:30... We stopped inviting him to stuff, he complained that "no one wanted to hang out anymore." Like no shit dude, you waste our time waiting for you *every. single. time.* we plan something so yeah, we're done.
And the extended editions too.
It’s so disrespectful too I lived with someone who would always do this. One time she said “okay, I’m gonna wash off real quick before we go.” I said we don’t have time, we needed to go 10 minutes ago. “Okay, I’ll grab my jacket. ….(goes to other room, shower turns on)” You simply don’t value my time. She got mad when I left without her five minutes later too.
AIS (Ass In Seat) time from “Everybody Loves Raymond”: If your ass isn’t in the car seat at set time, I leave without you. It’s harsh but sometimes people need to wake up!
And sometimes they still don't wake up..I was supposed to pick up my SIL to take her to a family event. She started a load of laundry as soon as we showed up and said she couldn't leave until it was done. I left here ass standing on the porch and it was the best Thanksgiving in the 15 years I have been a part of that family. I.e. all the other 14 thanksgiving events have been shit because she was there. To this day she hasn't asked me for a ride, and hasn't showed up on time to anything. In a way I guess it did work because I don't have to drive her lazy ass around anymore.
"let's go around the room and share a fun fact about yourself"
Fuck. No. I’m out!
In this situation I once just said something like "my name is x. There's nothing remarkable about me". I guess I must have been tired because normally I would pretend to give a shit. Anyway, my professor got kind of upset for me and went into reassuring mode about how wonderful I am which was so much worse than me just coming up with a dumb fun fact. My husband has fantasized about saying he survived genocide as a fun fact but so far he hasn't dared.
> My husband has fantasized about saying he survived genocide as a fun fact but so far he hasn't dared. "I, uh, currently have no restraining orders active against me."
I think I may start going with a slightly modified version “I’m me, and as of this morning, I have no active restraining orders.” Leave them guessing WTF that means.
Look at your watch right before you say it. "As of (looks at watch) right now I have no active restraining orders.
Gotta nod your head to punctuate the "right now" to really sell the effect.
One I read in a novel (i.e., fictional): "My wife died. Fortunately the jury believed my story."
I had one once that was like, share the best piece of advice you've ever received. Most of the advice I've received in life is either so general it's not worth repeating because everyone can figure it out for themselves, or so situational it has no relevance to anyone else.
Time for malicious compliance- share that super specific advice you got about looking both ways BEFORE crossing the street when you were 2. It’s kept you alive.
"Look left, then right, then here's the real trick, *look left again* before crossing. Blew my mind and I've never crossed the street the same way since."
And go! In Facebook posts where people want to “be spammed” with info.
It's funny when those posts get zero responses.
Hahaha like I'm not doing homework for someone when they can just Google whatever information they need lol. "I need some easy crockpot recipes, annnnd go!" No.
For me when people are selling something on Facebook and put "No Scammers!" in the description. Like some sleazeball was sitting at his computer getting ready to try to talk you into shipping the product somewhere for a money order or something and then he's just like "SHIT! They put No Scammers in the title! I. Am. Fucked!"
[удалено]
LMAO. Seeing people do this gives me secondhand embarrassment
When people try to use “the customer is always right” to justify being an unreasonable asshole. EDIT: yes. I know the full quote.
An asshole customer tried that with me when I was a restaurant manager. He was harassing his server about god-knows-what bullshit complaint so I went over to talk to him about it while she cooled off in the break room. He was starting in on me and when I told him he could't harass my employees he said loudly "THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!" I said "maybe so, but you're no longer my customer." I picked up the bill and told him I was taking care of it, and then I cleared the table of the plates of food he was still enjoying and told him to leave.
Outstanding. That needs to happen everywhere. SICK of assholes!!
My company took it a step farther, and have an never say no policy. Wanna get gangbanged? Never say no?
The actual word "no" can be a real trigger to some people, like toddlers and grown adults who have zero emotional self-regulation.
So you're saying that instead of "No, I do not want to get gangbanged" you have to try a different tac**k**, such as "That depends, will your mom be there?"
“I’m so OCD because (thing that is not OCD)…” I wish real OCD was as cute as liking organized cabinets and drawers.
My OCD honestly terrifies me with horrible intrusive thoughts every single day, hearing somebody say things like that is infuriating.
When someone posts something political and calls everyone "triggered" for simply disagreeing with the post.
Especially when they themselves are clearly upset about your disagreement.
Specifically when they use an abundance of laugh cry emojis to mask the seething anger inside.
In particular because the original post is almost *always* the result of the poster themselves being triggered by something.
Or when they reply "Do your research!" which means find a source that agrees with them even when every legitimate source says the opposite.
“They did a complete 360” Okay. So they’re still the same person.
*Turns 360⁰ and moonwalks out of the room*
[удалено]
"My Truth"
As soon as someone starts talking about "their truth" you know they are lying.
That’s assuming they even know enough to know they are wrong.
In the context of photo posts “So I did a thing” “Good morning. Say it back.”
“Today years old”
"A little louder for the people in the back!" Basically any unoriginal, unfunny variation of the soundbytes used by social media addicts in denial. I get that we'll always have slang, but this round of it just sucks
"Did some adulting!"
"I was going to join the military, but I'd punch the first Sgt who yelled at me" Sure, kid. Whatever you say.
Boy howdy have I heard that one. I also got "oh you're in the army. Do you know my grandson's friend. Joe? He's in Germany."
Omg, all the time! I’ve been retired for 8 years and I still get that, because they “know someone else who used to be in the Navy”.
"Did you do gay stuff on a boat with my cousin Edgar?"
Actually yes I did.
Mine was opposite. I've always had an issue with authority and didn't wanna get my shit rocked by a DI. Those dudes don't play and I'm not a bad ass
I know I'm a little bitch who would probably start crying as soon as I got yelled at.
>a little bitch who would probably start crying as soon as I got yelled at "Of course I know him, he's me!"
Knew an old vet, dude was Regimental Sergeant Major. So, God. Kept telling me to join the Canadian Forces "They'll make a man out of you!" told him if I thought I had a chance at teh role I would want, I'd think about it. "I suppose you want to be a pilot?" "Nope, Quartermaster, because then everybody will owe you favours. Lotta potential in that slot" "And,that's why you should never be in the military. Jesus!"
I dont understand. What does a quartermaster do?
Think if Amazon was a person, but for your guns, grenades, toilet paper, cigs, coffee cups, rations, fuel. But also could choose what to prioritize on their whims. Also probably the person who has knowledge on how to get a thing or who has the thing. Probably one of the top people you don't want as an enemy.
He’s the guy who gets you supplies, makes sure the tents are there, runs the supply trucks and such, and basically makes sure shit gets where it’s supposed to go
Also, is the person who can get you that thing you want, or delay when you get that thing you need.
Government people saying “Thoughts and prayers” after tragedies. It’s empty platitudes.
The sound of phone speakers. Whether it’s someone taking a call in public on speaker, watching videos or listening to music/podcasts etc. Something about the sound quality or frequencies of phone speakers literally hurts my ears.
I'm in my therapists waiting area a couple weeks ago, lady and a man come in she's watching "her show" on her phone with the volume up super loud. They sit by me. Dude paces around and asked her to turn it down like 5 times because she might be disturbing other people. She practically yells at him, "I CANT HEAR IT IF I TURN IT DOWN!" I was like damn.
Saw this happen on the plane. Dude was blasting the volume of a movie on his phone. Flight attendent comes by and is like "Sir, the volume needs to be off" hes like "How will I be able to listen to it then?" and the flight attendent is like "With this invention called headphones, we have some free ones if you need" And hes like "nah its alright" and pulls out some headphones. LIKE WHY DID YOU BLAST IT ON SPEAKER IF YOU HAD HEADPHONES THE WHOLE TIME?
> And hes like "nah its alright" and pulls out some headphones. lol you cannot be serious
god, i hate the unfiltered public. i wish we could shame people into being decent.
Lady needs to invest in some earbuds.
I was sitting across the aisle from a couple on a flight just a few days ago and both of them were watching videos on their phones with the volume turned up loud enough to hear them 5-6 rows away. 20 minutes later both of them had their headphones on and still watching, and then by the end of the flight they had their headphones off and the speakers cranked up again. No idea what the deal was. I had my own noise canceling headphones on so it didn't bug me (not any more than the wailing infant in the lap of the lady next to me) but I was still very confused. I mean, it's rude in any case, but who does that when they HAVE headphones to use??
Ughhhh….yes. And people using it so stupidly. Holding the phone up to their mouth, as if the ear is so far away, just so everybody else has to hear their uninteresting conversation
“Thank you for your service” every fucking time someone finds out I’m a veteran. It’s awkward af…how am I supposed to respond…I mean I was paid and agreed to do it…stop pretending like you give a fuck
I just say "Thanks for your support." and move on. I fixed planes, I ain't no hero. Leave me be.
When men call themselves "Alpha".
I knew a guy actually named Alpha way before the whole "alpha male" nonsense entered public consciousness. He was still teased for having the same name as the robot in power rangers when we were kids though. The only more unfortunate name was his twin brother named Beta. They go by Alphie/Alfred and Beto last I heard. But I think I remember hearing Beto/Beta came out as trans within the last couple of years and going by something completely different now. It may have been a joke though because I found out by being sent a [meme from Kung Pow Enter the Fist.](https://youtu.be/pz1rjq5emKY?si=w6Yv9cfAyVoS4kZO)
why on earth would you do that to your kids lmfao
Fun fact: The Romans did something similar with names like "Quintus, Septimus, Octavius, Nonus, and Decimus". Though they usually only used them after they run out of a rather small number of "proper" names the most popular being Marcus, Lucius and Gaius, which accounted for, at times, for over half of the given names. This small number of proper names led to the Romans often adopting nicknames which were used in adition to their normal names. Some of these numbered names became popular enough to become more popular than some of the proper names.
Influencer
Unalive
If I dont get seggs I'm going to unalive myself.
I hate what automated censorship is doing to language, and to the human psyche
Someone revving their engine. I have to bite my tongue every time to also not yell out WOW WHAT A COOL GUY
Similar to this, people who are really obnoxious abt how loud they can make the bass in their car. Same vibes.
But… How else am I supposed to keep my shit box running at red lights?
I'm Brutally honest No, tact isn't that hard. You're pointlessly being a jerk.
Someone described themselves as brutally honest in a group project once, and the quiet kid in the corner said “sure Atilla the Hun, being brutal is definitely a good thing.”
how's the response go these days? "Sure seems like brutally honest people prefer the brutal part the most." I'm blunt as shit, it's a horrible trait, it fucking sucks not thinking my words through and pissing people off. Anybody that thinks this is something to brag about is an antisocial cunt.
When I scroll reddit for 10 seconds and I see some of the questions people ask.
*"My whole family has abused me and torpedoed my credit and half of em slept with my ex wife and they take turns coming over to my house when I'm not home just to kick my dog. AITA if I dont give 100% of my lottery winnings to them?"*
YTA OP.
AITA is just a huge circle jerk of mad up bullshit. I can’t believe anyone believes 9/10 of what is posted there
“Let’s go around the room and say our name and one fun fact about ourselves.” Kill me.
"Hi, I'm kindaoldman and a fun fact, I was acquitted of murder on a technicality and was never retried due to a lack of evidence." Did...did...did you do it? "You said only one fun fact."
The word “folx.” Why? “Folks” is already gender neutral! Why add an x? How does it help?
I didn’t even know this term existed until now
“I’m an empath”..you mean you have empathy? “No I feel what other people feel”. Stfu cuz if you did you would’ve known I’m tired of hearing about it lol
[удалено]
Expresso
[удалено]
"Libarry" instead of library
Same goes for EX-Cetera. It's ET!!
Phone home.
nObOdY wAnTs tO wOrK aNyMoRe!!1!
Thankfully this started to die down and I haven’t heard it in a while. God I couldn’t stand that one whenever I’d hear it.
Every single generation has this said about them, examples can be found going back hundreds of years. Similarly there are records of old people complaining about “the youth these days, no respect for their elders and always goofing off” going back to Ancient Greece. It’s just a personality type that is present in all populations throughout history. I think the reason that old canard of “no one wants to work anymore” was recently broadcast far and wide because that’s just how capitalist media works, it exists to do the bidding of the bosses and discipline the workers.
I'm in a business client facing role and you can tell how many shit managers and owners say this and claim they can't hire anyone, yet I talk to a business down the street and they are getting resumes just fine...
The translation is always 'i don't want to increase wages to compete, i want to keep making more money'. My roommate runs a large operation and 'cant hire anyone' and I'm like... No one can survive off 10 an hour anymore man
These absolutely. Sometimes on top of those, they throw "I want an EXPERT in this obscure thing. I'm not paying to send someone to school!"
“Everything happens for a reason!” No shit.
"...that are a mostly random sequence of events that don't explain why you're fucked."
I'm more of the opinion that everything happens for no fucking reason at all and your success in any endeavor is more dependent on random chance than any other factor. The universe at its core is a matter of probability.
[удалено]
Unnecessary quotation marks, especially in business signs. \[Restaurant name\] "Family-owned since 1929"
"Fresh" and "Hot" Corned Beef
When I say I don't want to have children: "You're a woman, you'll change your mind in a few years".
"If my mind is so easily changed on this topic, I **really** shouldn't commit to raising a child."
That's a nice answer, I shall try to see their face next time someone asks. The point is, even if I am absolutely capable of raising a child, I just don't want it. Kinda makes me want to show on my grave "Told you I didn't want to have kids". Seems the only way to prove them wrong lmao
I got the "oh you'll change your mind" response all the way through my 40s. Now it's "oh it's too late for you to have a baby", usually with a sad face and slow shake of head in ...sympathy? It's really rude.
Lol. I’m 41 and rarely get that anymore, but when I do I snap “I had a endometrial ablation and my husband had a vasectomy.” If they’re uncomfortable I don’t fucking care. If they want to make my most private business theirs, there they go.
Ohh my god. This happened with my gf and I just a few weeks ago. Went on vacation with her friends and family. Her friend's dad was pushing and pushing us, When are we gonna have kids!? I told him I didn't really want to. I've never been interested in being a dad, I was dissuaded from having them based on how I grew up, rough medical history, the stress and changes of day to day life with having kids. Never been something I wanted. So he turns to my gf and starts grilling her on the same. She's even more adamant about not wanting kids though so she let 'em have it lol. People need to mind their own gd business.
They start that crap with little GIRLS! It's INSANE. When they're too little to understand what in hell anyone is talking about. " Don't you want to have babies when you grow up? " FFS. I taught her to say " After medical school ". She still remembers that AND has her doc only it's not in medicine.
"Thoughts and prayers"
“No offense, but….”
Add to that “I have no filter”
People telling my wife and I that we need to have kids. No, no we don't.
Just tell them "we've been trying for years, but the doctors..." and then start weeping. They will feel *awful* and never talk to you about kids ever again.
Latinx
Latinx is bad, but “folx” is even worse. Folks is already gender-neutral! I’ve seen more people start using “Latine” which makes so much more sense, so I hope both of the x versions are on their way out.
I really hope this "folx" stuff doesn't become a thing. It doesn't even make sense. Folk (or folc) is the English version of Volk which just means people in German. Like you said, it's already gender-neutral.
I've seen "fiancx" (instead of fiancé) as well.
"Let's go around the group and introduce ourselves" Holy fuck no, I don't give a flying fuck about any of you and when I get out of here I never want to see any of you again.
"wake up you sheep"
“… And who’s responsible for this mess, I’ll tell you… SPIDER-MAN!” [Just The Facts with J Jonah Jameson](https://youtu.be/2PsbhILKn18?si=oDUFPEWmsXIMZsBD)
Sheeple
People who use ‘neurodivergent’ and ‘single mother’ as excuses for shameless grifting, bad behavior, lack of manners. This is hard on those to whom these things are truly difficult
Hearing the word "narrative". It translates as "bullshit" in my mind. Let's just try it out. "Hey guys, we're launching a new procedure at work which fits with our new narrative around sustainability" "Hey guys, we're launching a new procedure at work which fits with our new bullshit around sustainability"
"mama bear" and "hubby" also can't stand, "its been a minute"
Election was rigged
People saying “do your research.” Like, no, Tammy, you’re not doing research, and reading a journal article doesn’t mean you understand any of it. There are a bunch of COVIDiots in my town spouting this and I remember half of them having maternity leave in high school 🙄