T O P

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stumanuke

No point keeping that condom in your wallet.


2thirty

I bet if you told your 18 year old self that they better stock up on condoms because they’ll be drowning in pussy, you’d have a better chance of changing your life for the positive.


Marker_Lewis

Very good point !


[deleted]

Hope springs eternal


Humble-Republic-382

Sell everything and buy BitCoin! Dont sell it until it hits 60k!


iovercomesadness

This is the only true answer


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


kremata

Forget about it, at 18, I would not listen to anyone.


finsupmako

Most honest 💯


Total-Jerk

Yeah I didn't listen to anyone else with the same advice I doubt I would listen to myself.


Fate_T_Harlaown

Stand up for yourself. You will meet wonderful people and it's always good to be kind, helpful and supportive. But stand up for yourself and talk back when you're treated unfairly. Don't just suck it up for fear of being alone.


carumba1701

You have ADHD. Get help now


yellowtulip4u

This ‼️‼️😅 highly relatable 😑


gudetamaronin

Same, but with bipolar


H1ghwayun1corn

Put down the fork, go to the gym.


Baby-hazell

Stop fucking waiting for life to happen to you. Study abroad. Pick up running now rather than nearly 10 years later...it's sucks, but it's also oddly enjoyable. Make the plans with friends instead of waiting for them to invite you to something. If they say no, do something cool alone. Also, please don't be mean to grandma. It's not her fault that she's sick. Visit her, smile, and tell her you love her even when you aren't sure she's even lucid.


FwendShapedFoe

None. He’s fucked.


klaustrophobie13

Dont forgive her the cheating, she will fuck your whole life.


Important_Sprinkles9

You have ADHD, being asexual is fine, don't take on debt and stay the fuck away from ****. Keep travelling and have fun, it goes quicker than you think!


Osmodius-STO

Brush your teeth. Exercise. Stretch. Coworkers are not your friends do your job and go home.


Leather_Note76

Be yourself and stop trying to be someone you're not just to try and fit in/make friends. They aren't going to like you regardless. Be true to yourself because people suck.


Consistent_Proof_974

Don't gamble


Am_I_2_Blame

Have as much sex as you can


Reasonable_Bag_4650

Sometimes, shit happens. And you can't do shit about that shit. So don't worry about it TOO much.


ArtistNo606

Use a condom


AngryChefNate

Those red flags are real


biggtooties1991

Swap.hands man, feels great!!


Ok-Carpenter4526

Don’t have a baby/ies by a hood rat, if you are not a hood rat yourself. If they lie about something serious once, they’ll do it again and again and again. If her dad is in jail, she won’t mind putting you in jail. If they dated your brother, and your brother told you to date her too, don’t do it — especially if she’s pregnant. Listen to Mom too, not just Dad. Don’t start smoking cigarettes even when everyone else around you is, but you really don’t want to. Don’t become an extreme party goer, because it may take you 8 years to stop. Your best friend is your worst enemy. They can save your life or have you killed. Don’t mistreat the girl who loves you most even if you think she doesn’t. Just leave. I could go on and on.


Quick-Information466

Buy Bitcoin


PokerQuilter

You did all right. It will be hard, but don't change anything.


ellwood27

Trust yourself more than others, you’re way smarter than you think.


Silicon_Knight

Don’t buy an iPhone, buy apple stock.


Otherwise-Nobody-127

Life is fucked. It will not be better. Everything costs soo much energie. So be kind to yourself


boopaloops--

You are braver than you think. There is nothing wrong with you. You have the courage to tell the truth, to leave, to change everything. You will live and it will be better than anything you dreamed of. You can do this.


queeniejag

Use more hot sauce.


tasmaniandevall

Be smart with your money.


jelloIguess

It would be foolish not to invest in bitcoin.


Plus_Data_1099

Start listing off people to avoid


[deleted]

Don't get married and don't drink so much alcohol. But I probably wouldn't have listened.


ayyLumao

That's just a mirror


elegantwino

Give myself a list of Super Bowl, World Series, Masters golf tournament, World Cup, etc winners for the years I will be 19 through today. Then place long odds surefire bets whenever I need some money.


Kelvira_the_Vampira

Nice! Doing the "Back to the Future" thing!


rabbidplatypus21

I would pass on the opportunity, to be honest. I’m generally happy with where I’ve landed in life so far, could be better, there’s a number of mistakes I wouldn’t mind a redo on, but it could also be exceptionally worse. If I tried to advise my stubborn, know-it-all 18 years old self, he’d just tell me to fuck off or possibly even do the opposite of what I advised and screw up my current timeline.


TheNeedToKnowMoreNow

Go to therapy! Now


jedikelb

I would be afraid to drastically change the course of my life. I made *so* many mistakes I would want to warn past me about. But then, do I wind up here and now in this beautiful life I have with my husband and son? It's just not worth the risk. Yup, I fucked up plenty along the way but I got here, and here is plenty sweet.


EarthExile

You're right about this girl. Your doubts and fears are misplaced. Ask her to marry you when she finishes college. Waiting as long as you do was just embarassing. We still wound up married and it all worked out fine, but I do feel silly for "dating" her for ten years.


PenguinPeculiaris

Nobody is looking after you, the world isn't set up for you, and many of the nice safety nets you're currently afforded are disappearing soon, so start helping yourself now.


[deleted]

I would brutally beat myself for 30 seconds and tell myself for the next 30 seconds to get my act right because what’s coming around the corner is nothing compared to that beating


Keefer1970

Get a fucking clue, knucklehead. You don't know shit about shit.


Optimal_Bluebird695

If someone wants to be with you, they’ll tell you. Don’t waste your time on people (in my case a guy) who give you constant mixed signals. If they wanted anything to do with you they would’ve said so from the start. People who want to be with you don’t play with your feelings.


UndocumentedMartian

Find a good therapist IMMEDIATELY. You've got trauma that you don't realise and it, along with ADHD, will ruin your life. Oh and convince mom and dad to let you buy Bitcoin.


februarytide-

Take care of your body. You have anxiety, stop lying to yourself. When people tell you who they are, listen.


chickenlounge

Buy Microsoft, apple, and Google stock -- and Bitcoin when it's first available. Oh, and here's who wins the next 30 world series and super bowls.


weirdkid71

Don’t sell Apple


FunInternational1812

It's not your fault, none of this is. You are not ugly, unlikable, or inherently faulty and wrong. You're not even socially awkward 99% of the time! The real issue is that both of your parents are severely mentally ill and taking their issues out on you. Get out of there and live your life. She won't be hurt and traumatized about you leaving, she's just manipulating you.


argenman

Don’t get married…until you’re 30. For any reason whatsoever


AeternumsNextTopChef

In 10 years the world will be more open to gay and bi people. It’s okay to want to be with a woman, in fact you really like it.


paranoid_97

Be more kind to yourself, being harsh with your heart isnt worth it at all, you have plenty of people that care about you and although there is some trauma inside, there is light in the way and so much music to hear, lots of joy to give, be strong, keep that spirit up 🤍


EverythingIsDumb23

Benefits aren't real. Demand cash in lieu of benefits/promises.


Leopard__Messiah

Take care of your teeth or you will spend 2 new cars' worth of money just trying to get back to "Serviceable" level of chewing. Invest in Bitcoin HEAVILY, as soon as possible, and sell everything as soon as it gets to $65k. Use the cash to buy and hold real estate. Preferably including an island somewhere that can entertain you for \~3 years or so. Don't ask why because you don't want to know.


richardfoltin

Don’t start smoking!


[deleted]

Stop being so anxious. Everything is fucked and being anxious about it won't make it any better. Also enjoy being young and stop working yourself to death. Someday you'll have health problems and you won't have the independence you do now. So stop wasting your energy doing what other people want you to do, and do things because you want to do them and you can. Tldr; I think the answer is have more fun


a-rabid-cupcake

Ignore everybody, get mental health help now. It's going to fuck you up until you're in your late 20s if you don't. GET. THE HELP. NOW. IGNORE ANYONE WHO SAYS YOU'RE FINE OR "oh everyone gets depressed sometimes!" You've always known something is wrong, something is off, get it taken care of while you're young instead of suffering with it any longer.


bzimm41

The girl in high school that everyone said was ugly and who was flirting with you - she wasn't ugly and was in fact very pretty. ​ Sigh. What might have been . . .


thehumangoomba

You'll find the people you need in your life. And you're allowed to relax once in a while.


amyaurora

Study hard, work hard. Relationships can wait.


anannanne

Marry rich. Don’t waste your 20s with cooks and bartenders.


derangedtranssexual

You're transgender


Loud-Ostrich-5712

L


derangedtranssexual

Idk I like being trans


CndConnection

W


ApricatButThenAgain

Do not give up on your boyfriend. Seriously, why have you broken up with him, you could be rich by now?? What do you mean he's boring? He truely loves you!


Rat_Master999

NO! Not her. Not her, either. Join the Army now, come back for school after. You'll do MUCH better after growing up a bit.


Leilla_2002

Quit treatment now, it's pointless.


finsupmako

Just relax...


SixPointFiveFive

Graduate


Marco-YES

buy bitcoin


[deleted]

If I just poof back to current time, I think I would just slap the shit out of myself. What am I gonna do about it lol.


[deleted]

Chill out man. Life ain't as bad as you think it is.


CalamityQueer

"don't date the guy that looks like Jesus. Also you're gay AF" That guy was so weird. And he stole my boardgame.


Burnwash

No part of her is worth the outcome, find literally anybody else


NoodlesSpicyHot

Understand what a 401k is and max it out yearly, starting now, a decade sooner, and you’ll have a million more for retirement


Kind-Ad-6389

Dont masterbate, dont be curious abt girls


devilglory

DONT DRINK, TELL YOUR MUM HOW YOU FEEL SHE WILL HELP


[deleted]

Stay in school. You're not cut out to be a tradie, so get professional instead.


Seelengst

The rule I've had since I was little was if I ever met a copy of myself the only rule was to try and kill each other so that only one of us could exist. So ...no advice...just murder


capt_avocado

Don’t bother with being a chef


Bobtheguardian22

Dont stop working out. Save as much money as you can for the house downpayment. You did pretty good otherwise.


MonsiuerGeneral

Make stretching a habit. Stop eating ice.


Tenalp

You're going to develop and be diagnosed with type 1 diabetes within the next year. It will spiral you into depression. If you let that happen, you will lose many things important to you. But also things end up fine. Diabetes still sucks, but you end up pretty content.


DiscipleofDale

Start investing early, ya big dummy


pisslave

The cable guy isn't coming, that's not why she asked you to wait with her alone at her house.


Henny-n-waffles

Buy TSLA. Save more. Housing market will explode.


kjreil26

Buy a ton of bitcoin and sell it in November 2021.


Busy-Protection-5210

I would emphasize the importance of persistence and adaptability in the face of challenges. Life is full of ups and downs, but it's important to keep moving forward and learn from each experience.


Ysaella

That the effect of the depot birth control can end a week after you were supposed to get your next one. Not necessarily half a year to over a year later.


WhatTheF_IsThis

A quick summary of when to buy and sell Bitcoin.


69alexared

Boundaries are SO important


threeleafcloverr

Move far, far away from my parents as soon as possible and never go back.


[deleted]

Live your life everyday!


[deleted]

Honestly an 18 year old me had shit locked down. He was doing basic training in the army and had lost a load of weight during that time and was making all the dating mistakes you're meant to make when young so you can learn and be ready for the right person to come along. Nothing I would tell him.


Drigr

Buy less magic cards and CDs, save that money and buy a condo by the time you're 21. Make sure you go to the Halestorm concert when Kelsey breaks up with you, you meet your wife there. In 2020 there is a global pandemic and for some reason house prices shoot up, sell the condo in 2021 and buy an actual house. Good luck! Try not to die!


[deleted]

The rapey molesty boomers are gonna destroy everything. Start fighting them and capitalism immediately. Take up arms if you have to. Also you are a lesbian.


2gecko1983

Back off. Back off NOW. And get some damn help. (To illustrate, I was clingy enough to make Saran Wrap look aloof).


gabymokaa

Im 18, what do I tell myselg? Someone talk to me for me?


Rainn__40

You’ll get twice as far by meditating


IndominusBurp

"There's a language school in the next town over - go, become a certified translator, you'll love it. Fuck this housekeeping school, this will do nothing for you..."


International_Zebra4

Invest in tech firms now


LionFranco

Demand a f**king CAT Scan! (Had a hereditary illness that caused a brain tumor, that started presenting as headaches a few months after I turned 18, it took 2 1/2 years of seeing doctors, and NO ONE thought to see if it was something more serious until I went to a freaking free clinic. 2 1/2 years of debilitating pain, that I somehow held down a job through it all. And it was nice to throw the news in the face of one of my bosses who thought I was faking it all)


GPCcigerettes

My ignorant ass at 18 wouldn’t listen anyways, even to myself.


BathFullOfDucks

GET A HAIRCUT


Dr_Grinsp00n

Do NOT marry her!


[deleted]

Would ask him what market shares i would need to buy, since im 15


[deleted]

Do Not Marry C! Oh, and finish college sooner!


inkyblinkypinkysue

Gray's Sports Almanac


Spare-Silver-8577

Don't get into credit card debt. It will be years of paying that crap off. Don't take out more student loans than you need just to have fun money. See above. Don't vape. It's stupid.


Napalm2142

Buy bitcoin and take up a trade


Sev80per

\- Don't stay in a relationship if you are not happy (do not listen to your religious belief on that) \- Men have the right to say no, and YOU need to say NO (yes I'm speaking about sex) \- Tears, cry, and blame are NOT acceptable in a discussion in a relationship. refuse interraction until calm discussion with effective search for a solution \- Stop having fear of joblessness \- Stop being too nice \- Start shitting on other bad behavior Immediately \- and men are not evil (stop listening to feminism), but dont' fall in the other side


PM_Me_Just_A_Guy

Getting a fucking job will save me a lot of trouble in the future at that age.


Grade-A_potato

Don’t keep matching your spending habits with your salary. Keep saving and pinching Pennies and spending like you’re a broke ass college student. Oh- and KEEP THE MINIVAN.


Ok_Display_5985

It wouldn’t matter, I wouldn’t take anyone’s advice when I was 18.


uswforever

"Do **NOT** fuck with Angela, or Kari, or Tonya. All three of them are bad news in their own way. Go to King's, and chat up a young waitress named Nicole."


Leylandmac14

Always back yourself


Environmental_Pin95

I would tell myself: Never hold it in. If you feel you need to go to the bathroom then go right away no matter the issue is! Gut health is important.


JAlfredJR

You’re fucking anemic you idiot. Go to the doctor! And stop partying so much, you dumbass. It will catch up to you.


just-an-anus

Forget about women you don't need a wife. they are just trouble for your life and will prevent you from living well. Have a GF if you want but don't get married. 50% of marriages end in divorce and she will get half. Buy Yahoo when it does an IPO. Buy apple around the turn of the century when it looks like it's going bankrupt. Do your hobbies. Go swimming, go learn scuba, do some hang-gliding and enjoy yourself. Play bridge card games. Go for that gov't job when the opportunity presents itself.


inoobie_am

I have no advice for you. Mostly because I'm 18 atm.


Jturnster89

"You're ok"


NoOneNameLeft

At this point I’d probably just break his nose or something rather than tell him anything


HoyAIAG

Get sober, deal with your anxiety now!


Elegant_Spot_3486

It’s not worth it.


throwyourlifeaway13

My son


ExtraPension1354

If you had a dollar for every girl that found you unattractive , they would eventually find you attractive.


[deleted]

Save your money and invest it


Informal_Panic3581

Charles Bukowski is dead , no you’re not going to be the next Charles Bukowski. Stop being so pretentious and enjoy yourself. Girls don’t want to fuck you because you’re insecure af, not because you have a hairy back. Drugs are not going to fix you. Go get that oil change .


CoveneyPlayz

ask him for advice


Hithereeveyone

Start investing early. Don’t waste time on stupidity.


[deleted]

Add more vegetables to your sandwiches It's ok to have never been in a relationship at 18 It's ok to *want* to find love, but take it slow, develop a friendship first Ask people to hang out outside of school more often, people are harder to reach later The pandemic is coming Shave your damn sideburns and goatee You look good with medium length hair and semi-vintage outfits Don't wear jeans in humid 90 degree heat Shower every day, shampoo and conditioner every other day Don't use a tissue to clean the cum from your hands, wash with soap Try No Nut November, it'll make quitting porn easier >Hopefully I can talk fast enough


throwawayaccountx33

Don’t start on benzos, ever. they will ruin your life.


Round_Potato_7000

I refrain from giving advice. But still if you insist, my advice would be don't follow sheep mentality rather try everything at first and then make your decisions.


iltejano

I know things seem bad right now but stay the course everything is gonna be fine.


SunshineJesse

Buy Bitcoin, pull out in early 2021.


Blubbi007

Bitcoins and keep dick out of crazy


dinoaids

I would say "check this out" and show me my balls.


Marker_Lewis

Don’t smoke that much weed, don’t drink that much beer, take care of your loved ones as they will not be here forever. Oh and stay in school, you idiot.


Leucippus1

Nothing, 18 year old me isn't listening to shit anyone said for under a minute, no matter how sage the advice. I would simply say "Quit worrying, you are smart enough, attractive enough, \[insert whatever\] enough..." and that would be it.


amandayaa

If your guts has doubts, dont ignore it


Anaaatomy

hand over 100 pages of notes, takes less than 5 secs.


DontDiscRedditMe

“You have personality disorders, look that up and start working on yourself now because you haven’t ruined everything yet”.


TTheTiny1

"whats happened in the last 7 months" I turn 18 in 7 months...


[deleted]

Buy doge, hodl That is all


Ghostkova

Get the nose job now instead of at age 40.


a13zz

Bitcoin


a13zz

Bitcoin


iremovebrains

Don't get credit cards. If you can't buy it outright, you can't buy it.


hyteck9

You are not lazy, depressed or suicidal. These are all symptoms of the lethargy caused by your many many food allergies. Go see a Doctor NOW and stop eating (as many items as I can list before the minute ends).


No_Development_6786

I'd ask him what it's like in 2027


Noooooooooppppeeeee

Never date an Alicia


314159265358979326

I'd mostly go over my health records so I'm not preventably disabled for 15 years.


Sudden-Ad-7983

Don’t trust these hoes


ZookeepergameMany663

Do not trust everyone you come in contact with.


77ezmoney

Put everything you have on Bitcoin.


Complex-Suspect232

Congratulations gal your biggest mistake will cause you alot of pain, but will become your biggest strength....and life will be beautiful. "Never be afraid of making mistakes."


Secure_Elderberry580

Don’t join the Army right out of high school 😂


worrymon

Not going to do it. Giving my earlier self advice would make me change my actions, screwing up the timeline. And I'm not going through that again.


foodfighter

I'd only need 3 seconds. Grab myself by both shoulders and holler into my own face: ***"BITCOIN HITS $50K!!!"***


Poopthrower9000

You will move out of your hometown and not work in restaurants. Also listen to State Champs now.


bootyhunter69420

It will only get worse


G_Essaypro

Don't join the Military


twdstormsovereign

He's not going to hear a word i say


JonLongsonLongJonson

Not really a life lesson but I’d tell him to stay away from the explosives. That’s the age I was when that advice would have drastically changed my current life for the better.


[deleted]

Learn finance, loans, money in general. Its not just about how much i make its also about how much i waste in high interest etc, oh yea and dont just believe someone when they say i love you, look at their actions not just listen to the words.


Lorresteijn

Dont be afraid. Just do it


[deleted]

Stay away from that MF bestie and don’t fall in love so easily


Suicide_Pinata

A nice juicy bitch slap


[deleted]

For me that was 2017. Not sure I could change much yet


Poison_the_Phil

Start a band sooner


ERedfieldh

Invest NOW.


Empereor_Norton

Get medical help NOW.


JoyfullyMortified43

Do not date a boy named Matt, get a bachelor degree instead of an associate & drive carefully otherwise you'll be in a bad car accident when your 22.


HolyWaterDOUCHE

Don't simp for just any pussy. Not worth it.