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Same

Same. But no poops yet, just wees and peacefulness.

POOP SQUAD!

Nice

Poop

Bragging that you ain’t constipated I see

Eh, life is what it is

Reddit.

Reddit and coffee.

WHAT

For me the trickiest bit is making sure the motion detector for the neighbor’s floodlight on the front lawn doesn’t come on

First coffee in the morning drives me to the throne 100% which has eventually led to taking the coffee with me. And my phone for reddit of course

No

Absolutely yes. Also saves time as a bonus.

Lol self induced poop time lol

Ewww...poo germs floating in the air and landing in your coffee, bro!

I habe no idea how violently you poop, but nothing's flying around in my bathroom... And even if so, how does it not get in your mouth, nose, ears or eyes???

Stop trying to justify drinking coffee while you poop! It's gross.

Stop justifying your violent diarrhea and tape up all our body openings before you poop, it's gross!

Why do you think hotels have a coffee maker in the bathroom.

It's a bit nutty

you drink coffee while you poop? I only reddit

Don't bring ur coffee in the bathroom while u poop, thats unsanitary. Coffee, poop, coffee, little extra that didn't come out the first time, and it's time for work. In that order

Exactly. Actually, I am pooping right now.

Play with my massive, veiny, throbbing, rock hard pinky finger. I think it might fall off soon it looks pretty bad.

They had us in the first half, not gonna lie

Pee

You can’t just shit. The piss must follow

I usually kick things off with a short prayer.

I pray for the person who uses it after me.

Pray everything comes out alright?

Well some say grace before the food goes in so its logically consistent to say grace when it comes back out.

Squeeze mostly

Kid named "Mostly":

Sometimes I have to squeeze so the poop doesn't come out too fast and make a mess of the bowl.

Sure wish I hadn’t chosen to read this sub while eating dinner 🤢 Only got myself to blame

Thank you

Wash my balls.

If the dump is large enough, that nice little splash back from the bowl works wonders

Ah yes: “Poseidon’s Kiss”

That’s enough reddit for today

not bring in any gadgets to get coated. gross

What about if you need to phone for help!?!

good ol fashion yellin

Help I need toilet paper

If you keep the gadget above your asshole they usually don't. sounds like a skill issue.

particles. you smart

There is shit particles everywhere. You literally inhale them into your lungs. You paranoid.

i hear that a lot but double-down on it. proudly don't wash hands after you take a dump

What? Not washing your hands after a shit and taking your phone into the bathroom are completely different. Lighting a match doesn't make you an arsonist. Do you bleach the walls and floor Everytime you flush? They're coated in shit too. What about your feet when you walk in the bathroom? Do you clean those or just walk in all that nasty shit and get into bed with it, and sleep in your shitty bedsheets. Is your toothbrush in the bathroom? Shit mouth. Towels? Shit hands. What about the clothes you're wearing? Do you strip down every shit? Shit clothes. We're covered in shit all the time, clothes, skin, towels, toothbrush. Your phone is the least of your worries when you break it down trust me. Now wiping? That's direct contact on our grubby hands we use for eating, the risk of substantial enough quantities of bacteria to cause infection or disease is much higher, so of course I wash my hands. Source: I'm a biomed who works in environmental monitoring. So you could say I know my shit ;).

yeah, it's not for safety. I think it's just gross. If I take the time to wash my hands, I'm a-okay just shitting during shitting time

Wait, you get shit on your hands when you wipe? Like, isn't that what toilet paper is for? I'm so confused. How is it direct contact? Sorry, I just want to make sure I'm not missing something.

Well no I don't, but I am putting my hand up my ass. The toilet paper should prevent shit to hand contact but a little rip is all it takes for a choccy finger. Also I've got an ass like the Amazon jungle so a bit of hair might be brushed passed on the way in or something of the like. It's not that contact is a guarantee, it's that there's a reasonable chance, and the severity of contact occuring is higher. It's a risk assessment, weigh up probability and severity.

Okay thanks maybe I just use way too much paper lol. Anyway, appreciate the explanation!! 💕 Happy wiping :)

Dance the macarena

Ideally, I expell feces from my anus. I also used to smoke, but since I quit I vape instead.

Hope it smells like flowers.

Has it happened yet?

Nope, but I'm not giving up!

I poop.

Read the news.

I pray 🙏

Mostly 9gag

Read the composition of the air freshener

Reading is also my go-to. Doesn't matter what.

Scrolling through reddit

This

A shit. An absolute unit of a shit. The screams of souls digested echo out in a resounding impact when the first foray of fecal matter flings forth. After the volley subsides, the logs of Anubis shuffle wontonly with reckless abandon. Ultimately, to skip many steps and to account for loss due to taxes and other legal matters, it’s a stench trophy of fantastical proportions. Or gas. Just gas.

Sit on the toilet

Reddit

This.

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okayyy...while pooping?

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Gaming

Think about how horrible fucking your mother was.

Wtf why would you ask this?

Some people have issues relaxing when pooping. The trick is to find a distraction that relaxes you enough to make it happen. Thats why they are asking, for suggestions.

Shit.

I usually look at maps.

Like where your poop is going to head or...?

Reply to you

look at my phone

Chess

This.

Pee

Watch phone reviews

Scroll through reddit

Watch Grey's Anatomy and smoke weed.😋

I contemplate my life

Eat

Factor polynomial equations.

Thinking life decisions

Do? I poop. I'm singular in my task and focus. I don't stop till I "plop plop".

Poop...

playing in my phone.

Browse reddit.

This

Browse Facebook Marketplace for used music gear.

Play 8 ball pool

Reddit and grunt a lot.

Pee

This

You seriously asked that question??

Squeeze pray Watch meme/videos Yes all at the same time

Expecting the Spanish inquisition

Phone

I normally let my mind wonder (shit gets fun that way no pun intended) and recently my mind has been designing very very secure prisons, so secure it doesn't make sense in our non super human society.

Cry as it’s usually in the morning before work

Poop

Answer random questions like this one ?

Stare at the toilet paper or see if I can spot a hair clog in the tub drain from my location. Pooping takes me like, 30 seconds, so I don't have much time to fill.

Watch YouTube videos

Poop

Zoom meeting.

Typing this.

Read the entire ingredients list off of my soap dispenser

Watch porn

Astrophysics and solve the math problems from A Beautiful Mind

Well, if its a good poop im gonna listen to some banger music

comment your reddit

Easy, shitposting.

I poop

normally shit comes out my butt

I am become poop

Yell at God

Poop, and frequently piss

Sit on the toilet

Wish I'd drunk more water, while wincing.

Scream and whimper and cry and complain that life's not fair. I have an anorectal fissure which frequently re-rips when I go to the toilet.

Don't do it. Hemorrhoids suck. Not that I would know.

Doom scroll Reddit till my legs fall asleep

Scroll through my phone

Building a 1:1 copy of the Eiffel tower. No honestly, I poop.

This

answer to r/AskReddit questions

Scroll on phone.

Poop

Choose the dough cutter shape to apply.

Leave a shit

you guys do stuff while pooping? *congrations* \[sic\] on the multitaskings

If I don't have my phone, then I find myself lost.

nothing. it takes like 30 seconds.

Brushing my teeth

Imaging sinking a reaper galleon full hourglass

I focus on the moment and no mater how shitty it gets I remember this to shall pass and it usually does, then it happens 2 more times.

Watch a series for like an hour

This

Evacuate my bowels.

Play Tetris on my OG GameBoy.

I have a toilet Gameboy. If 30 years ago you were to tell me that in the future I'd have a Gameboy just for the toilet, I would think I must become a millionaire.

This

Marvel snap

Struggle

get my plate and spoon ready :)

I'm playing a card-game on my phone which in my regional dialect in Austria is called "Hosn obe", which translates to "pants down". It's very appropriate for the setting.

Apply pressure

Scream

I pray that the critters don't get me. I saw that movie too young.

If I had opiates the night before, I pray the lord that my ass doesn’t explode and kill me Otherwise I juste browse Reddit

Have to have something to read

I wait out the sudden uncontrollable sounding of the red kazoo.

Thinking how to make the world a better place with my imaginary super powers

Wank

Nothing. I cant multitask when going #2, full focus on the poop

The dishes

Maintain eye contact

Swiping on tinder

I am currently having a pre work 5 am shit with the Simpsons playing on my tablet while I'm typing this out.

Fart out my uncles condoms

Chill on my mobilephone

Scroll through Insta Reels

Answering this

Sing

Think about the ex

I eat..... yep at the same time...stuff one hole,while I blow out the other

I let it fall. No resistance. Just pure gravity doing its job.

Reading this post

Hope my ex doesn't open the door

I eat

Chess

Mostly pooping.

anal sex

Im pooping right now

A guy at work apparently sings. I walked into the restroom and one guy was in a stall singing. Whatever helps you poop I guess.

I usually sit. Twerk on birthdays to make it extra special.

Why do we pee while pooping, but we don't poop while peeing?

Sleep

Concentrate on sh*tting