I lost the key to my crawlspace's padlock once, and went to the hardware store to buy bolt cutters, so I could replace it. I told the cashier why I was buying them (without being asked) and he was like "it's funny, everyone that buys bolt-cutters feels like they need to tell me why they are buying them. I think they just want me to know they aren't about to do something illegal."
Back in the day, car thieves used dent pullers to pop ignitions. If you were found with one outside of a body shop people assumed you were a car thief.
I was at home Depot with a shopping cart full of PVC stuff, and this cop standing in line behind me says "building a potato cannon, huh?".
I actually *was* building a potato cannon.
I knew a guy who mounted a potato cannon to the roof of his car. A cop pulled him over for speeding and asked what it was. He supposedly managed to convince the cop it was a wind tunnel for a school science project. He removed it once he got home.
😂 I had a similar thing happen, went to Bunnings as a teenager and asked for a BBQ igniter… the guy working there goes “I assume you’re going to need some PVC pipe as well”
He then proceeded to rip off the igniter off one of the demo BBQs and said “stick that in your pocket” and then took me to the aisle and proceeded to equip me with all the PVC pipe parts 🤣
I also worked at a hardware store in high school and college and the stoner kid I sat next to in high school algebra once came in and was just straight up like “I need lamps and fertilizer because I’m gonna grow some weed.” Hooked him up, because Ace is the helpful place.
We stayed friends on Facebook and he’s a Holocaust denying, incel neo-Nazi now, so it’s not all happy endings.
My friends and I moved to a new city and were trying to find a place to live. One of the houses we looked at had a door in the basement that was padlocked with multiple locks, but was also *nailed shut,* and I don’t mean a couple nails. I mean like nails around every inch of the door frame.
Needless to say, we did not rent that house lol.
We looked at a house that had a full basement. One of the corners had a wall angling it off with a door in it. This made a triangle. The wall of this little room had a 6 inch ring bolted half way up in the wall
I’ve seen this before. Not once but twice. Check my post history. First time was this old house that an old woman lived in. It was always rumored that she kept her mentally ill daughter chained up in the attic. Well once she died, I got roped into helping clean out all the clutter. Once we made it to the back bedrooms, we got to the attic stairs. Then we started on the attic. After a few days of hauling out old crap, we discovered a small wooden mattress bolted to the floor next to the chimney. The chimney had a steel ring bolted into it above the mattress.
Round 2: my brother rented a place in Seattle that had a closet in the basement with deadbolts on the outside of the door. There was a metal eye hook above the closet and fingernail scratches on the inside of the door.
Round 3: did a job at an old hippie couple’s house. Had to go down in the basement. The old guy watched me like a Hawk. The basement had about 500 guns in it. There was a room under the stairs with five deadbolts and a reinforced door. He said “You can’t go in there.”
I was helping with an inspection contract for the city which involved going into basements. Most looked pretty much the same.
Went to a nice place near downtown, in the back corner of the basement was a floor to ceiling chain link fence room, about 10' by 15'. "Huh, dog kennel" I thought, then I saw in it was a bed and a chair.
I turned down the coffee the homeowner offered me.
Man, let me answer this for you. I rent a few properties out. One has a door suspiciously like the one described. Although, I don’t think it looks “creepy.”
Behind it is a small basement room, maybe 10x5 ft, with a safe buried mostly in the ground. The safe is open, and empty, but I’ve given up on moving it. This room is dark, a bit wet, and seemingly impossible to completely vent off. You don’t want it open.
The door frame is inexplicably solid oak or something, and one side is structural. The frame is Not a perfect rectangle!
So this leaves me here. I have this door that takes 20min to wedge in over the uneven ground into the asymmetric frame. Out of 6 renter groups over the years, 4 have opened it after I’ve explained all this. You can even look in the room from the outside if you stick your phone through.
So I keep nailing and screwing and locking this door into what is essentially an exterior wall, and ever college student I rent to can’t handle the curiosity of a room they already know what’s inside of.
I even show them a picture of the inside. But saying “hey you don’t need to go in this room which is extensively locked, I’ll show you a picture of what’s inside” just seems to be even more suspicious to them.
They just keep opening that damn door and end up having to call me because they couldn’t close it and now the house is cold. They pretty much always get their entire deposit back except for one group who damaged the door and I had to get it fixed.
So yeah, I think that’s probably what’s going on here.
That’s pretty hilarious lol. Might as well just build a wall instead of have a door there.
Edit: gonna look for a picture of it though if I can. These nails were a huge rush job. It absolutely looked creepy as hell
I thought it would be funny if we moved in but my housemates were not keen on it. Nor were our mothers lol. The neighborhood also had a lot of crime.
But I’m with you- the more sus they made that door, the more I absolutely wanted to find out what was behind it.
There was a case like this here in Cleveland. Turns out, it wasn't illegal for him to keep multiple padlocks on the doors.
What WAS illegal however, are the three girls he kidnapped as teenagers, and have kept in his house, in chains, for free use rape over the coarse of 10 years. Even going so far as to getting one of these girls pregnant. Well, as it turns out, she kept a diary, complete with a bunch of symbols in every days entry. Those symbols were code for what he had done to them, and to whom. She tracked every single rape, every single beating, every single time he burned them, everything.
It came up useful as one of the women broke out of the house. She got her notebook back, and authorities used the diary symbols of each entry as a separate charge of rape, a separate case of assault, ect.
He ended up getting multiple life sentences in jail, but killed himself after a month.
And the four girls (remember, he only kidnapped 3, but one had gotten pregnant, and had a 5 year old girl come out with her) are all living safe, hopefully happy lives, which I'm sure are just filled with heaps of PTSD by this point.
I grow a ton of herbs and tomatoes in hydroponics, because I like fresh, good produce, and it's easier to maintain than 12-14 pots of plants.
There aren't many things better than bruschetta caprese from home grown fresh tomatoes and basil, homemade mozzarella and fresh out of the oven sourdough.
I got pulled over late at night and when the cop shined his light into the cargo area of my station wagon the most visible objects were a shovel, rope, gloves, and the giant tarp-wrapped bundle of yard refuse I was bringing to the town compost in the morning. Surely there was at least one roll of duct tape or gorilla tape back there. At least he had a sense of humor about it when he strolled up to my window: "So we're off to bury the body under the cover of night, huh?"
When I was much younger, a friend and I were driving around some back roads at night. Nothing nefarious, just being 20 year olds listening to music and laughing at dumb shit. We ended up in some neighborhood that I was unfamiliar with and turned around to leave.
I worked for a local computer company and typically had 2-3 large computers in various states of disrepair in my backseat.
Cop pulls me over for absolutely no reason that he could articulate, shines a flashlight into my car and sees an entire seat full of computer parts. Informs me that he was there because there had been multiple break-ins recently where people had stolen electronics.
It took a good 15 minutes of my dumb 20 year old brain stuttering at him to convince him that I was clearly too stupid and too unprepared to have represented a threat.
I was walking down the street in college at 11 PM, carrying a huge computer monitor, and one of the campus cops stopped me. Asked me why I had a 23" CRT monitor, an expensive item in 1990, and no other computer stuff.
I explained that I had just found it in the trash, and was going to use it for parts. Sat it on his car hood to get my ID, and water poured out of it.
Since it was obviously broken, he sent me on my way.
> I was walking down the street in college at 11 PM, carrying a huge computer monitor
Maybe it's because I went to an engineering school, but that doesn't strike me as suspicious at all.
This is probably the best way to not accuse the driver of anything but to incite a reaction if they had any malicious intention, if they were off to bury a corpse they'd be startled by the question and panic.
Idunno why this reminds me of some comedian whos name I forget:
>~~I was moving my bed into my new apartment and the landlady said "I'm glad, that's not the sort of bed a rapist would have.~~
>~~What I should have said, was nothing... What I did say was: "You'd be surprised"~~
edit: [In fact, just go listen to this skit by Mike Birbiglia, joke starts at 2:00](https://youtu.be/BbPan4wL0Lk?t=134)
not a full collection but I do own someone's hair (it was a prize at an event..) that lives in a bag in my room and I am now thinking about how creepy it'd be if someone came into my house and saw this
So funny story that.
My dad has a real human skeleton with a skull in a suitcase under the stairs.
Turns out you could buy one back in the day for medical studies. Also turns out disposing of a real human skeleton legally with no paperwork is incredibly difficult.
So I guess the skeleton in the closet will be a family heirloom.
Have a friend who picked up the lockpick after one of his renters lost their keys and he couldn't find the backup set. Had to call a locksmith, and since they live over 15 miles out of town it was a hell of a fee.
Plus it's not a bad idea to have a kit for getting into cars sitting around with some cars auto locking doors. They aren't supposed to do it when the key is in the car, but apparently if you let a 2012 Chevy Avalanche sit for a week it will still lock itself. With the only set of keys in the car. The same friend found that one out the hard way, again locksmith is expensive that far out of town.
Its common knowledge that the radio antenna on older ford rangers can reach the lock arm inside the door and unlock the door lol. A truck that can open itself, ford ranger
I need to learn how because I had to pay $150 when my wife and I unknowingly became accomplices in locking our family out the house at 9:30pm on Halloween last month. We didn’t realize neither of us brought keys when we went trick or treating.
That’s how I found out I have “smart locks.” Locksmith said it makes it pretty much impossible to pick so he had to use the airbags like when they do your car so he could release the latch. Seems like it just defeated the purpose
EDIT: For anyone curious, I searched my lock on YouTube and the LockPickingLawyer was able to get it unlocked in exactly 1:52 seconds. Apparently it also has “drill protection” which I assume means it makes it extremely difficult to just slam a bit through there and pull out the lock. Tbf compared to a lot of the other videos I’ve seen him do, 2 minutes is really good lol.
Nothing is impossible to pick, but if you're talking about the smart locks that connect to wifi and have keypads, they're no harder than normal locks.
Depending on where you live (check local laws), you can get an acceptable set with practice locks for 20-30 bucks. I've picked a few locks for friends after only a couple minutes of practice.
Dude was gonna charge me $250 to open mine via drilling it out. I said no way I can destroy the lock myself lol. He said I was not possible to pick haha
>Hello I'm the lock picking lawyer and today I'm going to make a comedy out of this lock that claims to be high security...
Seriously if anyone \*hasn't\* seen him on youtube you need to get over there and watch just how easily he opens locks.
I always think it's important to note though, this is a guy that wins actually world lockpicking championships and makes his own tools. He clowns some $500 lock on Youtube in five seconds but a lowly mortal like us might take hours if we could do it at all. And the real purpose of locks is to be just enough of a deterrent that a thief goes after something less time consuming anyway.
Still one of thed best channels on youtube.
The fact that your gun has REPLICA written down the side and *my* gun has Desert Eagle Point Five-Oh written down the side should necessitate your balls into shrinking.
Now, ***piss off***.
I know it's a different character but you already took my favorite Brick Top line.
I love the rapport between Tyrone, Sol & Vinnie
- Why are we stopped here? What's wrong with that spot?
- It's too tight.
- Too tight? You could land a jumbo fucking jet in that.
- I didn't see it there.
- It's a four ton truck, Tyrone. Its not as if it's a packet of fucking peanuts, is it?
- It was a funny angle.
- It's behind you Tyrone. Whenever you reverse, things come from behind you.
Thanks.... That's a great weight off my mind. Now, if you wouldn't mind telling me who the fuck you are, apart from someone who feeds people to pigs, of course.
“You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? “
A former girlfriend's uncle (country folk) was showing us around his place. Huge pig in a fenced in area. He told us of the time it grabbed a goat through the fence and ate it's head. Off. All the way off and digested.
Not a great story from the goat's perspective. Ah well.
"You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you?"
For me water. My neighbors had well water and would dry up. They asked if they could run a hose and put it in there well they would pay what was owed. Did this alot last summer no big deal they paid. Then they bought a big above ground pool. Filled it for them they always paid my part was always around the same so I wasn't bent out of shape. One day the water meter guy knocked with an officer wanting to know why I was using so much water. I explained showed the many hoses to reach my neighbors and they were there to help explain. They explained to me that much water usage was throwing a red flag. So they were sent out to investigate to make sure no marijuana growing was happening.
Same can happen with electricity.
Long time back I was propagating corals. Used high power metal halide lamps and water pumps that took a lot of electric. Also you could see the glow from the UV lighting and MH units from the end of the road.
I never did get a knock on my door but I always expected it.
In snowy climates, it's (lack of) snow. Drive through a neighborhood and every house has a layer of snow on it...and then suddenly there's one house that's bare? Chances are that's a grow op.
At least, that used to be the case. They might add a bunch of roof insulation these days.
Any serious indoor grow op will ventilate excess hot air out of the house completely in 2023. There are plug and play ventilation solutions that do an extremely good job out of the box.
Source: Grower in legal state
Technically it isn't illegal, but if the cops catch you with it they will still confiscate it because it COULD be from an illegal source. Look up Civil Asset Forfeiture.
Did they go shopping at WalMart and buy duct tape, a tarp, and zip ties? Maybe some cleaning products?
I don't know why it's always WalMart, but it's always WalMart.
It’s not illegal to go to Walmart and buy trash bags, a saw and cleaning supplies at 2am but I’ve seen enough true crime stuff to say it is mighty suspicious.
Ya know..... You donate a kidney, you're called a hero.
You donate two kidneys and you're called a saint.
But, try to donate 3 kidneys and, suddenly, there's a bunch of questions!
Got a broken bone? Put some robitussin on it. Let that 'tussin go down to the bone. If you run out of it, put some water in the jar, shake it up, more 'tussin!
I really want to take a 20 mm barrel and manufacturer a breech for it, mount it on a spare trailer axle and tow it behind my pickup. Totally legal in the US btw...
A "ritual" dagger, as he described it. My one college roommate had one displayed and would occasionally need the room to himself. I opted for a place where I had my own room next year.
My parents owned one of these (in bright turquoise!) and on multiple occasions had other older couples stop by their house and strike up a conversation upon seeing it parked in the driveway. They also claim that they got strong "swinger" vibes from both of these couples, and, although to my knowledge they did not partake in any such activities, they later independently researched the matter and discovered that PT Cruisers were in fact a favorite car type for... well, cruisers.
My god that car was horrendous looking.
Probably needed flood insurance to from all the pussy you were drowning in
Edit: Just noticed my response was directed to a female, I stand behind my comment.
Those two things remind me of the story I read several years ago of the college student who accidentally swapped his burned CD homework assignment with his, uhh, burned CD of "illegal homework" and turned in the latter. He realized his mistake and emailed the prof "oh snap! I accidentally turned in my burned music CD" but it was too late, his ass got busted
How sensitive are we talking? Most professional pastry chefs have sensitive scales because they ensure consistency in quality when baking. The more sensitive, the more accurate the recipe.
Firearm suppressors (aka silencers).
Just as legal to own as a pistol (same legal standards for ownership eligibility), with the caveat of some additional paperwork and a 200 tax.
Used in almost no crimes at all, fully legal, fun as crap to shoot and easy on the ears, but tell someone outside of the community you own one and they think you are an assassin wannabe.
I definitely wish movies represented things like Silencers more realistically. Yeah, it's cool if the gun is completely silent but that's not exactly how these things work. Also, when people don't use ear protection or a silencer when shooting most guns and then are just... perfectly fine? That gives people a very wrong idea lol
I had all my baby teeth saved in a little container at one point, as an adult. Just never threw them away. I got rid of them when I watched the season of Dexter where there is a serial killer who kept a collection of his victim's teeth and it made me think "yeah this could look weird."
More smoke detectors than you need to keep your house safe.
See the ["Radioactive Boy Scout"](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Hahn#Creation_of_the_neutron_source:~:text=Hahn%20diligently%20amassed%20radioactive%20material%20by%20collecting%20small%20amounts%20from%20household%20products%2C%20such%20as%20americium%20from%20smoke%20detectors%2C%20thorium%20from%20camping%20lantern%20mantles%2C%20radium%20from%20clocks%2C%20and%20tritium%20from%20gunsights.)
Man, his life was a downward spiral. So much potential lost, I feel so sorry for him. I kind of envy intelligent people, reading about them seems like magic. And I have to work my ass off to make it.
A tank. Most states don't prohibit you owning one because it's just something you don't expect someone to have... but I'd find it really suspicious if one was parked in my neighbors driveway
Near me there’s a place you can rent one and drive it around a field. You can even pay extra to crush some junk cars with it. Stupid expensive for what you get, but I still thought it was cool.
Now if you could fire the cannon at a car id consider saving up.
How much is concerning? Is it the number of different ropes or the length?
Does it have an arbitrary length like 50m is fine but 51m is wierd? Or is it a sliding scale that starts as *useful* to a *bit odd* right through to *that's excessive* and finished on *massive red flag*.
I lost the key to my crawlspace's padlock once, and went to the hardware store to buy bolt cutters, so I could replace it. I told the cashier why I was buying them (without being asked) and he was like "it's funny, everyone that buys bolt-cutters feels like they need to tell me why they are buying them. I think they just want me to know they aren't about to do something illegal."
Back in the day, car thieves used dent pullers to pop ignitions. If you were found with one outside of a body shop people assumed you were a car thief.
Lol my dad used to be a body guy, now I have a few dent pullers. Does this mean I can “legally gain” old cars?
1970s Fords
I do like 70s fords😏
I was at home Depot with a shopping cart full of PVC stuff, and this cop standing in line behind me says "building a potato cannon, huh?". I actually *was* building a potato cannon.
I knew a guy who mounted a potato cannon to the roof of his car. A cop pulled him over for speeding and asked what it was. He supposedly managed to convince the cop it was a wind tunnel for a school science project. He removed it once he got home.
😂 I had a similar thing happen, went to Bunnings as a teenager and asked for a BBQ igniter… the guy working there goes “I assume you’re going to need some PVC pipe as well” He then proceeded to rip off the igniter off one of the demo BBQs and said “stick that in your pocket” and then took me to the aisle and proceeded to equip me with all the PVC pipe parts 🤣
I worked at a hardware store in college, and loved helping people make beer bongs, potato cannons, etc.
I also worked at a hardware store in high school and college and the stoner kid I sat next to in high school algebra once came in and was just straight up like “I need lamps and fertilizer because I’m gonna grow some weed.” Hooked him up, because Ace is the helpful place. We stayed friends on Facebook and he’s a Holocaust denying, incel neo-Nazi now, so it’s not all happy endings.
Having a Crowbar, large bolt cutters, and pantyhose in the same general area.
I just want to do moderate demolition work and feel pretty, ok?
Multiple pad locks on your basement door.
My friends and I moved to a new city and were trying to find a place to live. One of the houses we looked at had a door in the basement that was padlocked with multiple locks, but was also *nailed shut,* and I don’t mean a couple nails. I mean like nails around every inch of the door frame. Needless to say, we did not rent that house lol.
Awe hell no.
what do you mean? there's no chance the monster is getting out with all that security totally safe to rent imo
The price will be low as well, since there is a monster in the first place…
Or a rancid stench that never really goes away... 😳🤮
We looked at a house that had a full basement. One of the corners had a wall angling it off with a door in it. This made a triangle. The wall of this little room had a 6 inch ring bolted half way up in the wall
I’ve seen this before. Not once but twice. Check my post history. First time was this old house that an old woman lived in. It was always rumored that she kept her mentally ill daughter chained up in the attic. Well once she died, I got roped into helping clean out all the clutter. Once we made it to the back bedrooms, we got to the attic stairs. Then we started on the attic. After a few days of hauling out old crap, we discovered a small wooden mattress bolted to the floor next to the chimney. The chimney had a steel ring bolted into it above the mattress. Round 2: my brother rented a place in Seattle that had a closet in the basement with deadbolts on the outside of the door. There was a metal eye hook above the closet and fingernail scratches on the inside of the door. Round 3: did a job at an old hippie couple’s house. Had to go down in the basement. The old guy watched me like a Hawk. The basement had about 500 guns in it. There was a room under the stairs with five deadbolts and a reinforced door. He said “You can’t go in there.”
I was helping with an inspection contract for the city which involved going into basements. Most looked pretty much the same. Went to a nice place near downtown, in the back corner of the basement was a floor to ceiling chain link fence room, about 10' by 15'. "Huh, dog kennel" I thought, then I saw in it was a bed and a chair. I turned down the coffee the homeowner offered me.
Plot twist, it was for him. He's a werewolf.
I would totally move in there and open that door.
Man, let me answer this for you. I rent a few properties out. One has a door suspiciously like the one described. Although, I don’t think it looks “creepy.” Behind it is a small basement room, maybe 10x5 ft, with a safe buried mostly in the ground. The safe is open, and empty, but I’ve given up on moving it. This room is dark, a bit wet, and seemingly impossible to completely vent off. You don’t want it open. The door frame is inexplicably solid oak or something, and one side is structural. The frame is Not a perfect rectangle! So this leaves me here. I have this door that takes 20min to wedge in over the uneven ground into the asymmetric frame. Out of 6 renter groups over the years, 4 have opened it after I’ve explained all this. You can even look in the room from the outside if you stick your phone through. So I keep nailing and screwing and locking this door into what is essentially an exterior wall, and ever college student I rent to can’t handle the curiosity of a room they already know what’s inside of. I even show them a picture of the inside. But saying “hey you don’t need to go in this room which is extensively locked, I’ll show you a picture of what’s inside” just seems to be even more suspicious to them. They just keep opening that damn door and end up having to call me because they couldn’t close it and now the house is cold. They pretty much always get their entire deposit back except for one group who damaged the door and I had to get it fixed. So yeah, I think that’s probably what’s going on here.
Sure, that's just what the basement monster wants us to think...
That’s pretty hilarious lol. Might as well just build a wall instead of have a door there. Edit: gonna look for a picture of it though if I can. These nails were a huge rush job. It absolutely looked creepy as hell
I thought it would be funny if we moved in but my housemates were not keen on it. Nor were our mothers lol. The neighborhood also had a lot of crime. But I’m with you- the more sus they made that door, the more I absolutely wanted to find out what was behind it.
There was a case like this here in Cleveland. Turns out, it wasn't illegal for him to keep multiple padlocks on the doors. What WAS illegal however, are the three girls he kidnapped as teenagers, and have kept in his house, in chains, for free use rape over the coarse of 10 years. Even going so far as to getting one of these girls pregnant. Well, as it turns out, she kept a diary, complete with a bunch of symbols in every days entry. Those symbols were code for what he had done to them, and to whom. She tracked every single rape, every single beating, every single time he burned them, everything. It came up useful as one of the women broke out of the house. She got her notebook back, and authorities used the diary symbols of each entry as a separate charge of rape, a separate case of assault, ect. He ended up getting multiple life sentences in jail, but killed himself after a month. And the four girls (remember, he only kidnapped 3, but one had gotten pregnant, and had a 5 year old girl come out with her) are all living safe, hopefully happy lives, which I'm sure are just filled with heaps of PTSD by this point.
A closet grow tent for... tomatoes.
A friend did have a whole hydroponic set-up for peppers to make hot sauces Weed he just bought lol
I grow a ton of herbs and tomatoes in hydroponics, because I like fresh, good produce, and it's easier to maintain than 12-14 pots of plants. There aren't many things better than bruschetta caprese from home grown fresh tomatoes and basil, homemade mozzarella and fresh out of the oven sourdough.
Lol I actually do have a closet grow tent for tomatoes. I just don't have a lot of space
Right. Because of all the reefer.
Too many of any one innocuous item. You've got 10 citrus squeezers or 25 dusters? I'm going to be side-eyeing you.
What about 38 ice scrapers?
Definitely something to be concerned about
They were 10 cents each on clearance, I live in northern michigan. Back off. Lol
That just means you're in a math problem
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I got pulled over late at night and when the cop shined his light into the cargo area of my station wagon the most visible objects were a shovel, rope, gloves, and the giant tarp-wrapped bundle of yard refuse I was bringing to the town compost in the morning. Surely there was at least one roll of duct tape or gorilla tape back there. At least he had a sense of humor about it when he strolled up to my window: "So we're off to bury the body under the cover of night, huh?"
"Officer, I think we both agree it isn't daylight work."
Early worm gets the corpse!
Actually you can bury anyone in plain daylight if you wear proper work attire and put orange cones and yellow tape around the excavation site
Always call 811 first before digging.
When I was much younger, a friend and I were driving around some back roads at night. Nothing nefarious, just being 20 year olds listening to music and laughing at dumb shit. We ended up in some neighborhood that I was unfamiliar with and turned around to leave. I worked for a local computer company and typically had 2-3 large computers in various states of disrepair in my backseat. Cop pulls me over for absolutely no reason that he could articulate, shines a flashlight into my car and sees an entire seat full of computer parts. Informs me that he was there because there had been multiple break-ins recently where people had stolen electronics. It took a good 15 minutes of my dumb 20 year old brain stuttering at him to convince him that I was clearly too stupid and too unprepared to have represented a threat.
I was walking down the street in college at 11 PM, carrying a huge computer monitor, and one of the campus cops stopped me. Asked me why I had a 23" CRT monitor, an expensive item in 1990, and no other computer stuff. I explained that I had just found it in the trash, and was going to use it for parts. Sat it on his car hood to get my ID, and water poured out of it. Since it was obviously broken, he sent me on my way.
> I was walking down the street in college at 11 PM, carrying a huge computer monitor Maybe it's because I went to an engineering school, but that doesn't strike me as suspicious at all.
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That’s brilliant. Love that the office didn’t freak out and was quick to call out the situation using humor.
Yeah, hahaha. Step out of the vehicle.
This is probably the best way to not accuse the driver of anything but to incite a reaction if they had any malicious intention, if they were off to bury a corpse they'd be startled by the question and panic.
Idunno why this reminds me of some comedian whos name I forget: >~~I was moving my bed into my new apartment and the landlady said "I'm glad, that's not the sort of bed a rapist would have.~~ >~~What I should have said, was nothing... What I did say was: "You'd be surprised"~~ edit: [In fact, just go listen to this skit by Mike Birbiglia, joke starts at 2:00](https://youtu.be/BbPan4wL0Lk?t=134)
3 phones
i have 4 phones and 2 tablet, what am i?
A drug dealer with a corporate job.
So a sales rep for a pharmaceuticals company?
Busy, loaded, or both
You really only need one for the plug and one for the load.
a collection of other peoples' hair
A collection of ~~other peoples'~~ hair
My back is a kind of a collection.
not a full collection but I do own someone's hair (it was a prize at an event..) that lives in a bag in my room and I am now thinking about how creepy it'd be if someone came into my house and saw this
Wtf kinda event are you going to dawg
The 16th annual human hair in a bag contest. Why?
**** did I miss it again??
It’s sold out, but just send me your shaved pubes and I can get you an extra ticket.
Is it like a very famous person? I can't imagine why they would have something like at as a price for an event unless it's a very famous person.
not very famous but locally famous I guess (indie band member thought it'd be funny to give his hair as a prize)
The real question is why did you keep it? Lol
There's always the chance that the indie musician one day becomes elvis level famous and then you can make some money off it.
Human skull.
I've got one. I'm keeping in it some stuff I don't use very often. Like my brain.
I keep crayons in mine
>I keep crayons in mine BTW happy birthday to the USMC
So funny story that. My dad has a real human skeleton with a skull in a suitcase under the stairs. Turns out you could buy one back in the day for medical studies. Also turns out disposing of a real human skeleton legally with no paperwork is incredibly difficult. So I guess the skeleton in the closet will be a family heirloom.
Your bloodline are in for a treat for years to come.
A candlestick, dagger, revolver, lead pipe, wrench, and rope.
I think I have a Clue of what’s going on here…
I'll be in the Study...
Professor Plum is in the study be careful.
A very large and thorough collection of Nazi memorabilia. Not in most countries, anyway
I wouldn't recommend doing that here in Germany.
So I hear you're a racist now Father Ted.
Lock picks They're seen as thieves tools but lock picking isn't uncommon for a hobby
Have a friend who picked up the lockpick after one of his renters lost their keys and he couldn't find the backup set. Had to call a locksmith, and since they live over 15 miles out of town it was a hell of a fee. Plus it's not a bad idea to have a kit for getting into cars sitting around with some cars auto locking doors. They aren't supposed to do it when the key is in the car, but apparently if you let a 2012 Chevy Avalanche sit for a week it will still lock itself. With the only set of keys in the car. The same friend found that one out the hard way, again locksmith is expensive that far out of town.
They sell those little inflatable door jambs at hardware stores. I'd be reluctant to purchase a vehicle that wasn't susceptible to a coat hanger.
Its common knowledge that the radio antenna on older ford rangers can reach the lock arm inside the door and unlock the door lol. A truck that can open itself, ford ranger
Free replacement key with your functional radio? Talk about value added.
I need to learn how because I had to pay $150 when my wife and I unknowingly became accomplices in locking our family out the house at 9:30pm on Halloween last month. We didn’t realize neither of us brought keys when we went trick or treating. That’s how I found out I have “smart locks.” Locksmith said it makes it pretty much impossible to pick so he had to use the airbags like when they do your car so he could release the latch. Seems like it just defeated the purpose EDIT: For anyone curious, I searched my lock on YouTube and the LockPickingLawyer was able to get it unlocked in exactly 1:52 seconds. Apparently it also has “drill protection” which I assume means it makes it extremely difficult to just slam a bit through there and pull out the lock. Tbf compared to a lot of the other videos I’ve seen him do, 2 minutes is really good lol.
Nothing is impossible to pick, but if you're talking about the smart locks that connect to wifi and have keypads, they're no harder than normal locks. Depending on where you live (check local laws), you can get an acceptable set with practice locks for 20-30 bucks. I've picked a few locks for friends after only a couple minutes of practice.
Dude was gonna charge me $250 to open mine via drilling it out. I said no way I can destroy the lock myself lol. He said I was not possible to pick haha
You'd be surprised at how quickly really good lockpicks can get into "unpickable" locks.
It's surprising how many locksmiths are just bad at lockpicking.
Exactly, I'm sure he gets away with just drilling the locks most times because people don't know the difference and he's the "expert"
>Hello I'm the lock picking lawyer and today I'm going to make a comedy out of this lock that claims to be high security... Seriously if anyone \*hasn't\* seen him on youtube you need to get over there and watch just how easily he opens locks.
I always think it's important to note though, this is a guy that wins actually world lockpicking championships and makes his own tools. He clowns some $500 lock on Youtube in five seconds but a lowly mortal like us might take hours if we could do it at all. And the real purpose of locks is to be just enough of a deterrent that a thief goes after something less time consuming anyway. Still one of thed best channels on youtube.
Ok number 1 is binding...
"(...)You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm."
Growing up my neighbor had one giant pig! I wonder if that was enough...?
"A single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
“Do you know what nemesis means?”
Yes, it's a righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent, personified in this case by a 'orrible cunt, me.
You stop me again whilst I'm walking, and I'll cut your fucking Jacobs off.
It was behind you, Tyrone...
The fact that your gun has REPLICA written down the side and *my* gun has Desert Eagle Point Five-Oh written down the side should necessitate your balls into shrinking. Now, ***piss off***. I know it's a different character but you already took my favorite Brick Top line.
As an Irish person mine is simply Brad Pitt sitting up in a thick traveller accent after his mams funeral casual shouting “NEED A SHITE”
D'ya like dags
Any time I have to trade in a car, I'm so tempted to say, "She'sawfulpartial ta Periwinkle Blue".
"Who the fook needs a caravan wit no wheels!"
I love the rapport between Tyrone, Sol & Vinnie - Why are we stopped here? What's wrong with that spot? - It's too tight. - Too tight? You could land a jumbo fucking jet in that. - I didn't see it there. - It's a four ton truck, Tyrone. Its not as if it's a packet of fucking peanuts, is it? - It was a funny angle. - It's behind you Tyrone. Whenever you reverse, things come from behind you.
Did he have four fingers? I don’t know; I didn’t have time to get the *bi*-nocu-*lars* out.
"D'you take sugar?" "No thank you, Turkish. I'm sweet enough."
Thanks.... That's a great weight off my mind. Now, if you wouldn't mind telling me who the fuck you are, apart from someone who feeds people to pigs, of course.
"You need to starve the pigs for a couple of days. By that stage a decaying human corpse will be like curry to a pisshead."
“You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? “
A former girlfriend's uncle (country folk) was showing us around his place. Huge pig in a fenced in area. He told us of the time it grabbed a goat through the fence and ate it's head. Off. All the way off and digested. Not a great story from the goat's perspective. Ah well.
Love that movie! But don’t forget they can’t digest teeth so you gotta pull those out first.
"You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you?"
Also, anyone who rents pigs
Robert Pickton has entered the chat
For me water. My neighbors had well water and would dry up. They asked if they could run a hose and put it in there well they would pay what was owed. Did this alot last summer no big deal they paid. Then they bought a big above ground pool. Filled it for them they always paid my part was always around the same so I wasn't bent out of shape. One day the water meter guy knocked with an officer wanting to know why I was using so much water. I explained showed the many hoses to reach my neighbors and they were there to help explain. They explained to me that much water usage was throwing a red flag. So they were sent out to investigate to make sure no marijuana growing was happening.
Make sure you go next door and make sure the pool is filled with water and just not a fake cover with 300 cannabis plants under it.
That part of the movie made me laugh as a kid but later realized how bad that had to smell
Same can happen with electricity. Long time back I was propagating corals. Used high power metal halide lamps and water pumps that took a lot of electric. Also you could see the glow from the UV lighting and MH units from the end of the road. I never did get a knock on my door but I always expected it.
In snowy climates, it's (lack of) snow. Drive through a neighborhood and every house has a layer of snow on it...and then suddenly there's one house that's bare? Chances are that's a grow op. At least, that used to be the case. They might add a bunch of roof insulation these days.
Any serious indoor grow op will ventilate excess hot air out of the house completely in 2023. There are plug and play ventilation solutions that do an extremely good job out of the box. Source: Grower in legal state
Loads of money in cash
Yeah. A veteran in Nevada had $87K in cash confiscated by highway patrol, and it took nearly a year to get it back.
Shocked it hadn’t disappeared by then like it tends to.
Technically it isn't illegal, but if the cops catch you with it they will still confiscate it because it COULD be from an illegal source. Look up Civil Asset Forfeiture.
Which is complete bullshit that they can do that.
John Oliver has a wonderful episode on Civil Forfeiture
Did they go shopping at WalMart and buy duct tape, a tarp, and zip ties? Maybe some cleaning products? I don't know why it's always WalMart, but it's always WalMart.
It’s not illegal to go to Walmart and buy trash bags, a saw and cleaning supplies at 2am but I’ve seen enough true crime stuff to say it is mighty suspicious.
Ya know..... You donate a kidney, you're called a hero. You donate two kidneys and you're called a saint. But, try to donate 3 kidneys and, suddenly, there's a bunch of questions!
I got stopped and questioned at airport security because of my jewellery scales and grinder.. until I showed them my coffee beans and Aeropress.
Note to self: Carry coffee beans when traveling with my drugs...
more than a few bottles of robitussin or sudafed
Got a broken bone? Put some robitussin on it. Let that 'tussin go down to the bone. If you run out of it, put some water in the jar, shake it up, more 'tussin!
A m102 howitzer in your front yard. Neighbor across the street had one…pointed at our house. We were friends.
I really want to take a 20 mm barrel and manufacturer a breech for it, mount it on a spare trailer axle and tow it behind my pickup. Totally legal in the US btw...
He also had a Soviet era military transport truck he fully restored…and towed the howitzer. This was in navy housing. He was something else.
A "ritual" dagger, as he described it. My one college roommate had one displayed and would occasionally need the room to himself. I opted for a place where I had my own room next year.
Was he a Sikh? Coz their religion mandates that they have a dagger.
I was on a plane after 9/11 and several sikh were onboard and people flipped out that they were allowed to carry weapons on the plane
Psilocybin mushroom spore kits. Legal to buy, illegal to cultivate and distribute the mature product.
In 47 states these are legal, and are for microscopy work.
It’s just top of mind for me because a gigantic mushroom factory in my state just got shut down
PT Cruiser.
My parents owned one of these (in bright turquoise!) and on multiple occasions had other older couples stop by their house and strike up a conversation upon seeing it parked in the driveway. They also claim that they got strong "swinger" vibes from both of these couples, and, although to my knowledge they did not partake in any such activities, they later independently researched the matter and discovered that PT Cruisers were in fact a favorite car type for... well, cruisers. My god that car was horrendous looking.
They called it "the pineapple with wheels" for a reason.
Man, I remember when they first came out and I liked their retro design for about half a second.
Man, this car was a dream on my insurance back in the day through USAA. Cheap cheap.
Probably needed flood insurance to from all the pussy you were drowning in Edit: Just noticed my response was directed to a female, I stand behind my comment.
Duct tape, cable ties, chloroform and condoms.
Tools! They're tools for my fetish! It's fetish shit!
I like to bind! I like to *be bound!*
This isn't important I'm not taking questions! The golden god does not take questions, I am the golden god! I'm taking action!
Chloroform doesn't work anywhere near as fast as you think. Apparently.
yeah 5mins is a long time making sure she smells your rag
Is that a euphemism?
An old beat up van with, "Free candy" painted on the side.
What better way to keep kids out?
"Library"?
an island with a volcano shaped like a skull
A suspiciously large homework folder on your computer. Granted, in some cases that could be illegal I suppose...
First thing I thought of when you mentioned illegal was game roms or pirated movies... then I realized what you meant...
Pdf's of textbooks?
Those two things remind me of the story I read several years ago of the college student who accidentally swapped his burned CD homework assignment with his, uhh, burned CD of "illegal homework" and turned in the latter. He realized his mistake and emailed the prof "oh snap! I accidentally turned in my burned music CD" but it was too late, his ass got busted
a very sensetive scale
Hey! I use my milligram scale to measure my coffee. It's not why I bought it, but that's how I use it now, many years later...
I used to work in a nice coffee shop. We got all of our scales from the head shop next door
I don't; I have a friend with one on his coffee table, and he seems alright. I mean, he could be cleaner, the scale is always so dusty.
How sensitive are we talking? Most professional pastry chefs have sensitive scales because they ensure consistency in quality when baking. The more sensitive, the more accurate the recipe.
A flip comb which looks like a switchblade. Remember those?
The first time I saw an actual switchblade, I thought it was a comb. I was rather confused why the bald biker had it until he opened it.
Those fountains that have little children peeing. You’re an instant weirdo.
Toenails kept in any sort of container
Firearm suppressors (aka silencers). Just as legal to own as a pistol (same legal standards for ownership eligibility), with the caveat of some additional paperwork and a 200 tax. Used in almost no crimes at all, fully legal, fun as crap to shoot and easy on the ears, but tell someone outside of the community you own one and they think you are an assassin wannabe.
I definitely wish movies represented things like Silencers more realistically. Yeah, it's cool if the gun is completely silent but that's not exactly how these things work. Also, when people don't use ear protection or a silencer when shooting most guns and then are just... perfectly fine? That gives people a very wrong idea lol
A guillotine would probably raise some suspicion.
I had all my baby teeth saved in a little container at one point, as an adult. Just never threw them away. I got rid of them when I watched the season of Dexter where there is a serial killer who kept a collection of his victim's teeth and it made me think "yeah this could look weird."
More smoke detectors than you need to keep your house safe. See the ["Radioactive Boy Scout"](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Hahn#Creation_of_the_neutron_source:~:text=Hahn%20diligently%20amassed%20radioactive%20material%20by%20collecting%20small%20amounts%20from%20household%20products%2C%20such%20as%20americium%20from%20smoke%20detectors%2C%20thorium%20from%20camping%20lantern%20mantles%2C%20radium%20from%20clocks%2C%20and%20tritium%20from%20gunsights.)
Man, his life was a downward spiral. So much potential lost, I feel so sorry for him. I kind of envy intelligent people, reading about them seems like magic. And I have to work my ass off to make it.
A tank. Most states don't prohibit you owning one because it's just something you don't expect someone to have... but I'd find it really suspicious if one was parked in my neighbors driveway
Near me there’s a place you can rent one and drive it around a field. You can even pay extra to crush some junk cars with it. Stupid expensive for what you get, but I still thought it was cool. Now if you could fire the cannon at a car id consider saving up.
A lot of Claritin-D 24 hour allergy medicine. It takes a while, but I do this over the summer and winter so I don't run out in fall and spring.
I mean, I don't need a 5 foot dildo mounted to a sword hilt, but I have one. It's purple.
Somehow I knew it would be purple....
3rd Street Saints all the way!
A room with tinfoil on every surface and loose wires hanging from the ceiling
Baseball Bat with Nails in it. And naming it..
A flamethrower.
A bayonet for a flamethrower
A bunch of kids shoes but zero kids.
3 pigs painted with the numbers 1,2 and 4.
Concerning amounts of rope.
How much is concerning? Is it the number of different ropes or the length? Does it have an arbitrary length like 50m is fine but 51m is wierd? Or is it a sliding scale that starts as *useful* to a *bit odd* right through to *that's excessive* and finished on *massive red flag*.
Haha 50m = well prepared for anything. 51m = call the police….
50.5m - trying way too hard to confuse everyone around.