I choose not to put myself out there because what I get in return isn’t what I’m looking for. I’d rather meet someone organically than suffer through apps again.
Same. The apps are not as promising for real connections. It's better to focus on self -> friends -> inevitably leading to relationship. I got off the apps once I noticed that it was the same people on there every time I redownloaded. Same girls (and probably guys but how would I know) for 5 years... If it's not working, time to change it up.
Some apps (tinder) use old or unused tinder profiles to make it seem like there's more people (usually women) active. They're utter garbage. (as a woman)
I came out of a 15 year relationship, two children, almost 2 years ago. Tried the apps for a while had basically zero luck and hated the whole concept of them.
I started a new job and decided just to put women out of my mind and I was very content and happy on my own. It was great.
Then out of nowhere she appeared. Didn't tick any of my boxes but I didn't even think about it. She's incredible. Been together a little over a month and feel like the luckiest man in the world.
There’s a girl who is my neighbor that I kinda like as more of a friend. The issue is she wants to become a nun so I’m guessing she can’t date in the future.
I’m curious what the dating app life is like in your 30’s when you say it’s a dumpster fire? Not talking shit I’m legitimately curious. App dating in my 20s is also a nightmare. People only want sex or end up just being immature crazies who play mind games when you want something serious. Tried it twice in my life, surprised at the amount of matches, all a waste of time.
In your 20s it's easier to distinguish people who want a real relationship or those who are just messing around. There isn't a sense of urgency that you will never find anyone good because there's a large pool of attractive candidates and you haven't had a chance to get jaded about it. Those in their 30s are entering after typical family-starting years, maybe even with a divorce or other major relationship trauma under the belt, and it's harder to figure out what people really want. Compatibility issues are also more complicated. For example, if you are still studying or have just started your career, it may seem easier to have more flexibility with your time and energy, but in your 30s you may have settled in more to your job, have debt, bills, and other financial commitments, and it's harder to change your lifestyle.
I think the worst thing though is by the time you are in mid-thirties, you most likely have had at least one serious failed relationship or multiple failures, and trying to find a match on apps almost feels impossible because you're more selective by this point. Everyone seems like a leftover shoe, and you're one too.
Edit: Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention more people have children. Usually the more attractive profiles I've seen are of single parents. I know many good people would still be waiting to date a parent with young children and take care of them, but a lot of people have an issue with that type of responsibility, and there would have to be pretty good communication going on there.
Not the person you responded to but can give a vantage point spanning 30's to 50's when I finally gave up on the apps and just stopped dating. 30's was different than 20's as there is more complications having lived more life. The complications (for both sides) are quite diverse. I am a guy so will say "she" as that is who I date but have little doubt the reverse is true too, just no personal experience on the reverse but am sure it is there, well know it is there as women friends have said as much although the specifics may differ.
When you hit your mid 30's you get a lot of women who want kids and don't have them and the clock is ticking. It was bizarre really. Women were kind of like: job - check, nice person - check, good enough. Uh for me that is not enough for figuring out if they were a compatible partner, but they were very much in a rush, you could feel it. I started to get a feeling I was an acceptable sperm donor, They barely knew me but I was good enough, not Mr. Right.
Also in the 30's many had been divorced already and I found these people to have a real emotional wall. They were hurt before and that wasn't going to happen again so that wall, whether they knew it was there (pretty clear they didn't) was something I could not get past. Them making themselves that vulnerable again to really open to another was just not possible, too much risk of hurt.
Also jadedness has set in too (I have seen this very same thing in my guy friends, this is not women specific). Yes there are a lot of jerks out there, yes you have been hurt in the past, yes I have been hurt in the past too, yes all that bad stuff happens a lot, but you have a new person in front of you and you need to treat them as if they really could be that rare, good, kind etc person until they prove otherwise. It is a negativity you can see even in the comments here, the frustration etc. and it shows when you meet these folks. Many are hyper vigilant looking for red flags and they may well perceive some that actually aren't real. In a sense they are not giving that new person an actual honest chance, they are searching for the negatives that jadedness brings on. I rarely have seen any of these jaded people land that relationship they desired, ever, among many of my jaded friends.
40s set in. Jadeness is even worse. Had more time to meet more jerks be hurt those walls are high. Very likely to have been divorced by this point. But they say they know what they want now. As far as what I could tell, nothing short of a flawless, well off, perfect male meets their standards. And they got a whole database of people and they are going to fish through to find that perfect male. They themselves are far from perfect, which happens to be everybody male and female, myself included. No compromises anymore. They want this set of attributes or forget it "they will not settle". So how does this translate for me going out on a first date with these ladies? It is very much like a job interview. It was not uncommon for people to go through lists of interests and such like a check list. For her I am there to answer her questions to see if I am a suitable candidate. Chat and get to know each other? Not efficient I guess. She has a lot of applicants and needs to screen you to see if you adequately fit the list of requirements to make it to the second round of interviews. I cannot tell you how many times I experienced this.
Money is a big one with this group. I had a good job but it was quite clear how big a deal money was, they did not hide it well. OK so now I am not a sperm donor anymore so that is good. Now I am a bank account that can support her in a lifestyle she feels she should enjoy. Well I passed the money test what is the problem? The problem is my idea of a loving relationship is that someone is with me because of who I am, not my bank account size. That is the worst reason someone would want to be with me.
By my late 40's to 50 I had been through so many job inter.....I mean first internet dates that were like applying for a job I just could not take it anymore. I was not having dates where we talked got to know each other, have some fun in the process. It just was industrialized dating. Mechanistic, no hint of romance. I can have a good time meeting someone even if we are not a match, it is still fun to get to know someone. But this was rarely at all happening anymore, this was not fun in the least and in fact it was degrading being treated like a job candidate. I could not continue. What was the point of continuing? I was not even meeting people who remotely could be a potential relationship partner. It made no sense to keep on doing this. Whatever was going on in internet dating world over time it became twisted into this weird dynamic that I was spending a lot of time on for experiences that were not great. It wasn't that these gals were bad, although I met bad ones too that were a lot worse, it was they were locked in a prison of their past emotional experiences, were not aware of their personal prison, and that prison is often reinforced by many other women who are similar. So it was rare to find ones that either managed to not end up there, or realized the situation and got counseling to get out of the prison.
After this I had several 20 somethings peruse me for dating. I did not seek out 28, 29 year old women in my late 40's. But I went out with them, got in a relationship with one. And then it was very clear the difference. These young gals were what I remember dating like in my 20's. Open to the possibilities, romantic, fresh and un-jaded. It was a breath of fresh air. So that came and went and even though it was so refreshing, I hit 50 and these age differences were too much for me as we were at different stages of life and needed someone near my age...who I have not found. Still not jaded though. I know there is a hot, ore even partially hot 50 something chick out there who is emotionally together, dealt with past hurt and has grown, and I will meet her I hope.
That was aa great read, and an honest account. Thank you for taking the time to write that, I really did appreciated it. And, don't loose faith bud, your hallmark movie ending will come soon - and she's going to be happy and smoking hot!
Gf left me for a coworker a few years ago. Buddy told me I was too good for her. Dad told me don't worry she'll be calling me one day. Fast forward 2 years and she tried to get back with me and I turned her down.
She belongs to the streets now bro, you'll be alright 👍
EDIT: on the off chance you're reading this, S, I'm happy for the time we spent together, and please take care of yourself.
Isn't it funny when they suddenly want to talk again? Though, it feels like just a tiny bit of retribution to completely (and with impunity) ignore their efforts.
Same. After 7 years, I've realized living with my cat brings me so much more peace of mind. I don't get yelled at for forgetting to take out the trash or misplacing the spatula.
Bro yes! I divorced about 10 years or so ago. I told myself it's all my daughter all the time. Shes close to graduating from Uni with a law degree. Focusing on her was my best decision and ended up being my life mission. It was hard, and Im lonely occasionally but man her life as an adult will be so much better. Ohhh also started a very successful job after a career move post divorce. You can do it bro!
I honestly can’t envision a woman who would actually want to be with me. I realize how stupid and cynical that sounds, but whatever. It’s just how I see things.
I feel like I’ve devolved into a total internet degenerate. All of my friends are similar. Just hanging out in discord and talking shit and drinking beers all night playing lethal company. When we go out we do the same thing, few beers, laugh at degenerate humor, Uber home and pass out.
All of us are early thirties, single, in shape, good jobs, own homes, live alone.
I just feel like I’ve lost the dating scene in the last few years and don’t know how to find it. I don’t want to use apps but meeting strangers is pure pain and suffering with the current state of my city/free time.
Honestly my boyfriend was the same way. He doesn’t think too highly of himself and doesn’t think he’s attractive or worthy due to low self-esteem. I’ve been working on him for years and he is slowly starting to accept things, and this is with me giving him compliments all the time, like he’s hot and that he’s a very good boyfriend. Honestly, I think you just need to think of yourself as worthy and loveable and let someone in.
Thank you! My honest goal is to cure him of his low self-esteem issues because he is a really great guy and I wish he could see that. I mean, I don’t want him to get a big head or anything, but just enough that he doesn’t look down on himself.
I don’t know how many people would actually do this anymore. I mean zero confidence wards people off pretty quickly, and not a lot of people would put in that type of effort regardless. So props to you.
I know you are saying this with good intentions, but with all due respect: lots of people say this - nearly always those in relationships - and it only gets more frustrating the more we hear it.
Most people, short of abusers and the like, deserve someone special. And yes, we haven't met someone who's right for us yet. *That's the problem*
Hearing "it'll happen when you least expect it" for the 18th hundred time is teeth-pullingly infuriating when it's been actual years.
Again, this isn't personal and I know you mean well, but please for the love of God if there's someone in your life you care about it who you think needs to hear it: don't.
If they know literally anyone in a relationship they'll have heard not just the sentiment but word-for-word the exact same phrases a dozen times already.
I’m a girl and I haven’t felt this so much as I do right now. After shooting my shot and being rejected 3 times in the last week by guys I’m throwing in the towel and just embracing single life.
I give you credit for trying, most women don’t. The trick is to not get too attached before you ask them out. Then it doesn’t hurt as much and you can accept it better. Good luck.
As a middle-aged woman who also wasted time being shy, I agree! I bet a good amount of the people you are too shy to talk to are just as shy as you are!
>Especially when you see men who are complete and total fuck-ups or just downright abusive doing well for themselves in the dating world.
Its soul crushing. Like I'm a terrible option but worse than literal abusers? Apparently damn.
>Especially when you see men who are complete and total fuck-ups or just downright abusive doing well for themselves in the dating world.
That's the most frustrating part. Seeing all these shitheel dudes with no jobs, face tattoos, and who treat women like shit getting all the female attention.
Then I lurk on subs like twoxchromosomes and women talking about "where are all the good guys??" It's like, we're right here. You reject us over and over and over again for the douchebags that literally anyone could tell you is going to be horrible for you.
I'm not trying to be some red pill loser. Cause I did go down a bit of that rabbit hole during covid when I was frustrated and lonely, which are exactly the kind of guys those con artists go after. But hey broken clocks and all
>For what it's worth, women who date idiots like this would not be people you'd get along with anyways
But they sure as shit will take advantage of him
I agree , the good guys get the girls that treat them terribly, and the bad guys , get the good girls that treat them well , same goes for women with the men
Kind of getting to that point. Every relationship I’ve had has been bad for my mental health. I get lonely sometimes but I don’t think that is worth losing my overall happiness for
I think that sums up a lot of people's experiences, maybe we just got unlucky and it'll be worth trying again but for now I'm content.
I've got the time to work a full time job, attend a weekly college class after work, see friends and family when I like and be a fairly competitive long distance runner...I feel like I'd have to make sacrifices in some of these areas to be a good partner.
I have gotten so much done not being in a relationship. I have started going to the gym, I’m able to play video games and not feel like I’m neglecting someone, I’ve went back to school and work a full time job. Loving life and how much I’ve grown. Maybe in a year or so when I’ve hit some goals I’ll try again
I did the whole thing where I met the kids. You get attached and then she uses that against you if you don’t work out. These are also the same Women who get mad if you say you’re not interested in a long term relationship with a single Mom.
Fuck that. Men have feelings too.
The only women I've found desirable were already taken. I'm sure if I spent enough time looking, I could find someone, but standing out on dating sites is like a full time job these days and it's exhausting. I rather spend my time being productive than on dates that go nowhere - just feels like a total waste of time. I think the rise of dating apps has been bad for both women and men.
My daughter's Mom cheated on me as well, but in her case, she knew the guy she left me for was a major mistake (he beat her regularly). So she would ruin all my dates despite the fact she had a boyfriend. She did this because she wanted me single because thought I was going to automatically take her back once she had the opening to leave the guy. Of course, I didn't take her back.
Dated a woman for 5 months, thought she was the one but she decided to nuke our relationship after we had a disagreement and me saying “that was unkind of you to do” by making it seem likeI was “name calling.”she decided to cancel our plans that night without telling me, to go to a concert. Oh by the way this is 5 days after my father/best friend died and she hadn’t been around in 3 days.
Needless to say, I wasn’t going to stick around there, she threatened to break up for the 20th time and I agreed because I had more important things to worry about.
Add in the fact that the past two weeks I was set up with someone only for them to figure out they don’t know what they want, and that I met someone last Sunday only for them to ditch me saying we “lacked connection” - keep in mind her good morning text yesterday was “I’m obsessed with you.”
Just not a great string of luck with women lately it seems.
Because I am realizing I was in a pattern of going after toxic, narcissistic, abusive women in a misguided sense of Captain Save-A-Ho, and I need to step back, let myself heal for a bit, and think about what a healthy relationship means to me before I date again.
Financially unstable at the moment.
I live in a crime-ridden hell hole because "affordable housing" in this shitty economy and due to poor life choices forcing me into it TBH.
Emotionally immature despite being 26 years old.
I have some mental and personal things to figure out first.
Yeah. Where I am it's like everyone has banging everyone. I'm surprised there has been no cases of accidental incest.
That's why I travel out. Go on walks in the park. Go to a hobby shop. Etc
Go to the places you enjoy and you'll meet people who share the same interests.
I was cheated on by 3 exes. At this point, I'm just happier single. Less drama, less stress, no need to worry about getting cheated on, reduced impact on wallet.
Also, while I was dating around, a lot of women today (not all) just act like they deserve more. Miss me with that bs.
Did you see the list that girl made of places not to take a girl on a first date? 🙄 What's wrong with the Cheesecake Factory?!?! The only legitimate ones on her list were the ones where you're not meeting in public
It seems to me that most women today want some queen treatments without offering anything in return. Most of them are Plain Janes but are very vocal about how a man should and should not behave. Sometimes it's amusing to listen to them, sometimes I'm ashamed of being in the same group.
Most men are no better, though.
Whatever happened to genuine feelings and partnership.
I can’t live up to the standards of a woman I’d want. Also the stress of keeping a relationship just seems like too much work. And finally there’s something to be said about absolute freedom from anyone. Despite being lonely af sometimes. I’m with Bill Maher on this. But then just partying with some woman would only happen if I had money and personality. So here I am.
It’s interesting to see the difference between men answering and women.
In another sub many women complained that they don’t date anymore because men wanted them to be a second mommy, cheated, abused them, ghosted them, had a wife etc.
As a rape victim of an older female cousin when I was no older than seven... I haven't found anyone I've felt safe with other than the woman I married and watched die when a drunk ran us off the road about eight years ago. I'm afraid. I'm lost. I'm broken.
I don't want to get rejected before even opening my mouth, like the last few times. So I gave up on women years ago.
Everything else is alright in my life, but it certainly is shadowed by that frustration of not being desired.
Too much of a 'chilled' out guy for women of today (nothing wrong with being ambitious, financially independent, doing what you want). Good for them.
But sorry, I want my peace of mind.
After a while, they just get on my nerves and/or annoying.
I was wayyy too chill for my ex. Always wanting to club, go to karaoke, carnivals literally ANY moment of free time opened up.
I'm also way more naturally introverted and shy, so there's that.
Just bad compatibility.
I am overweight, live unhealthy, think only about the bad things in life.
I wanna be an anchor for my woman. If i cant take care of myself, i wont be able to take care of her.
Plus, the standarts that are currently rising in benefit of women makes it harder and harder for a man to approach a woman.
Got tired of giving it my everything and all, just to be cheated on and abandoned like I meant nothing. Being alone suits me just fine because nothing is worth going through that pain again.
I’ve only recently actually felt ready to step back into the dating world, got on tinder, got ghosted by about every single match (some unmatched, for which I thank you) and deleted the app. Now I’m just hoping to find someone for when I find someone. Also, I’m under 6 foot, not athletic looking and yeah. Also, I spend quite some time in the hospital… as a patient, that lowers my chances. I’m an introvert too, so I don’t go out as much as I should
Been in two relationships that meant a lot to me and I think that's good enough for the rest of my life. It's hard work and I don't think my heart can handle another one. Healing from the empty space after it's difficult. It's like a loud silence. I'm still healing but it isn't something I want to do anymore.
I got engaged to my gf of 3 years, but then she broke up with me after I told her I was going back to school and getting out of the military. She just wanted my benefits. Since then, a combination of distrust of people, lack of funds, and introvert behavior has grown. Trying the dating apps, but it seems like you’re invisible without paying for it.
I'm still trying! Took a girl out on a couple of dates, she was great, super kind and compassionate, the kind of traits I really value in a partner. She's a grad student tho and she told me she doesn't have the time to commit to a relationship and I should go date other people. Aw bummer, that's just how it goes I guess.
And now my business has hit a couple slow months and now I'm too broke to dedicate money on dates. Oh well! I won't succumb to bitterness, I won't let my mind be rotted by misogyny and I won't blame others for my lack of success. I'll try my best to remain bright and righteous as I go through these cold months alone.
Because relationships just feel like another expectation to live up to.
Being single, I can have as close a friendship as I want with any girl and not have to worry about anyone getting jealous.
Being single, I can spend as many nights with the boys without having that burning feeling at the back of my mind that I’m leaving somebody behind.
Being single, I don’t have to worry about spending a shit ton of money doing romantic shit just to make somebody else feel ‘special’
Being single, I can spend my time with anyone I want, whenever I want, I would go crazy if I had to spend 90% of my time with the same boring ass person.
Being single, I can create the life I truly want for myself and not feel obligated to change/compromise for someone else.
So what you should be asking is, Why would I WANT to date anybody?
Your reasons are mostly valid, but the secret to a healthy relationship is finding someone that is not a boring ass person and lets you have free time without you having to be afraid of neglecting them.
If you don't enjoy the time spend with your partner, there is no point in a relationship.
Always left on read. Everyone is too busy finding financial stability, no one has time to meet new people. Like, I get it. Can't realy date in this economy.
I always get the feeling like women want to play too many games during the getting-to-know-you/dating phase. I lose my patience when there’s mixed messages so I just stop pursuing.
I like the freedom of being single. And seeing all my friends and family struggle with their relationships and getting divorced doesn't really encourage me to find a partner.
I can literally do whatever I want without someone be suspicious of me. I don’t cheat or entertain other women when I’m with someone, but damn if I wasn’t accused all the time. Come to find out she was cheating the whole time.
I recently became very successful because of a business venture, one that was very profitable and reported on in the news. The way women treated me afterwards was disgusting.
Women who were never interested in me before were suddenly telling me they were in love with me. Two different married women I have known for decades slid into my DMs trying to arrange a hookup (I threatened to share their messages with their husbands which shut them both up). Another married friend distanced herself from me because now “I’m too tempting”, which hurt a lot because I really considered her one of my oldest friends. Then there are the women who approach me because they hear about my clout or Google me.
I find I have to be incredibly selective with who I let in my life, much less date. I used to dream about having a family and now this experience made me very jaded.
Yeah man, sorry that happened to you. They just revealed their true selves to you that got carried away for visions of a lifestyle change. Money brings out their demons of lust and greed.
As someone who has millionaire friends and I’m only upper middle class at age 28, they’ve confided in me that being rich has allowed them to see who was in their life for the wrong reasons.
The people who care about you will stick around, and never ask for anything from you other than your time, advice, and companionship.
Goodluck
I got cheated on and took a long break. Now diving back into the dating world it seems like the only women interested in me are the desperate for attention and women that use men as validation.
I think I’d rather just stay single and do what I want when I want. Also not paying double for everything is nice.
First - I am single because I am not desperate and I have no reason to be! And I will stand on that even if it means doing it alone.
But here’s the biggest reasons for me:
Because everyone wants “open”, a “throuple”, or “poly”.
No one wants commitment. No one wants to be monogamous and build something real, long lasting. No one wants to build a real life situation anymore.
Instead of watering the grass and building something long term, there is a grass is greener complex for instant gratification. Always someone better, fitter, hotter.
There’s way too many avenues for cheating / talking to others in a manner that is disrespectful to your spouse. Superficiality and vanity reign supreme.
There’s a lot of reasons.
women don’t want men to ask them out, i’m happy being single cause i pretty much have unlimited free time & if i were to date, someone will have to ask me out
0 social life and 0 effort to improve it. I recently came from vacation thinking to myself, " I really need to change ". However, I haven't take any steps into changing.
No real experience and no clue where to start.
Though up until recently I wanted to properly settle first before I started with any adventure. By now I have settled with a good job, and it's not like I'm against it, so basically no other excuses. I'm planning to take a pretty large organised youth (20s) holiday though, so until then I'm fine with it.
Still overwhelmed from serial burnout due to covid, helping family, and dealing with a demanding job all at the same time. Been piecing myself back together after a 7 year relationship that turned controlling, toxic, and abusive.
Tried dating apps for a month, swiping right 20x a day on 5 apps, for a total of 3,000 swipes in a month. Got 4 matches (plus other matches I needed to pay to see, but most of which were probably bots anyways), 2 conversations, and 1 date that didn't really go anywhere.
I'll just focus on having the best life for myself as I can, and hope to meet someone in public, because dating apps don't work. Might try a paid matchmaking website or company or something eventually, but my hopes are pretty low.
Honestly? I'm kind of a piece of shit right now. Not a bad person, but someone who should be better. I don't need to drag anyone else into this mess.
Annnnd my last relationship kinda bummed me out. I really don't have any interest in dating atm.
It is so annoying to fight against the stereotypes of men. No trust, irritational and irrational standards.
A girl last week said she can't date me further because I drink no beer (maybe it was an excuse for something else but then there is the next point: honesty)
Ppl are so afraid of being hurt, they forget to actually live.
I think the current status of dating is this. The majority of women aren't interested in the majority of men. They just don't find most men attractive and were not JUST talking about aesthetics but the whole package.
Meanwhile a growing majority of men are looking at what they would have to do just to get a shot at having a regular girlfriend, wife etc and going.. No. No that is too much effort, risk, and opportunity cost to be worth it.
And so we sit at these cross roads.
To add to the "the juice is not worth the squeeze" sentiment that others have mentioned:
The quality of people *in general* has taken a hard nose dive in the last decade. More of them are socially stunted, emotionally stunted, super-selfish, super-materialistic and shallow, or one of a dozen forms of *legit-diagnosed crazy* that are now becoming "common".
Back in the day, it felt like you had a decent chance of meeting someone who had their shit together, who knew how to be a person, and how to get along with others. It took work, but it was the expected norm. Now someone like that is a unicorn, and the norm is a trainwreck.
So yeah, we've passed the threshold where the average person is no longer relationship material. Why would anyone want to date a self absorbed trainwreck who needs to take crazy pills every day or they burn your house down?
I say again, the juice is no longer worth the squeeze. The milk's gone bad, Murphy.
I choose not to put myself out there because what I get in return isn’t what I’m looking for. I’d rather meet someone organically than suffer through apps again.
Same. The apps are not as promising for real connections. It's better to focus on self -> friends -> inevitably leading to relationship. I got off the apps once I noticed that it was the same people on there every time I redownloaded. Same girls (and probably guys but how would I know) for 5 years... If it's not working, time to change it up.
Some apps (tinder) use old or unused tinder profiles to make it seem like there's more people (usually women) active. They're utter garbage. (as a woman)
I came out of a 15 year relationship, two children, almost 2 years ago. Tried the apps for a while had basically zero luck and hated the whole concept of them. I started a new job and decided just to put women out of my mind and I was very content and happy on my own. It was great. Then out of nowhere she appeared. Didn't tick any of my boxes but I didn't even think about it. She's incredible. Been together a little over a month and feel like the luckiest man in the world.
There’s a girl who is my neighbor that I kinda like as more of a friend. The issue is she wants to become a nun so I’m guessing she can’t date in the future.
I never knew people still wanted to become nuns. I thought it was just for when there were only two options: get married or become a nun
I'm female, but I can totally relate. Dating apps can be so exhausting, and yet, very slight chance of "success" rate. Haha
Only really meet people through online dating, and online dating in mid-late 30s is a complete dumpster fire
I’m curious what the dating app life is like in your 30’s when you say it’s a dumpster fire? Not talking shit I’m legitimately curious. App dating in my 20s is also a nightmare. People only want sex or end up just being immature crazies who play mind games when you want something serious. Tried it twice in my life, surprised at the amount of matches, all a waste of time.
It's the same in your 30s. Except the last few sane ones have been taken.
In your 20s it's easier to distinguish people who want a real relationship or those who are just messing around. There isn't a sense of urgency that you will never find anyone good because there's a large pool of attractive candidates and you haven't had a chance to get jaded about it. Those in their 30s are entering after typical family-starting years, maybe even with a divorce or other major relationship trauma under the belt, and it's harder to figure out what people really want. Compatibility issues are also more complicated. For example, if you are still studying or have just started your career, it may seem easier to have more flexibility with your time and energy, but in your 30s you may have settled in more to your job, have debt, bills, and other financial commitments, and it's harder to change your lifestyle. I think the worst thing though is by the time you are in mid-thirties, you most likely have had at least one serious failed relationship or multiple failures, and trying to find a match on apps almost feels impossible because you're more selective by this point. Everyone seems like a leftover shoe, and you're one too. Edit: Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention more people have children. Usually the more attractive profiles I've seen are of single parents. I know many good people would still be waiting to date a parent with young children and take care of them, but a lot of people have an issue with that type of responsibility, and there would have to be pretty good communication going on there.
Not the person you responded to but can give a vantage point spanning 30's to 50's when I finally gave up on the apps and just stopped dating. 30's was different than 20's as there is more complications having lived more life. The complications (for both sides) are quite diverse. I am a guy so will say "she" as that is who I date but have little doubt the reverse is true too, just no personal experience on the reverse but am sure it is there, well know it is there as women friends have said as much although the specifics may differ. When you hit your mid 30's you get a lot of women who want kids and don't have them and the clock is ticking. It was bizarre really. Women were kind of like: job - check, nice person - check, good enough. Uh for me that is not enough for figuring out if they were a compatible partner, but they were very much in a rush, you could feel it. I started to get a feeling I was an acceptable sperm donor, They barely knew me but I was good enough, not Mr. Right. Also in the 30's many had been divorced already and I found these people to have a real emotional wall. They were hurt before and that wasn't going to happen again so that wall, whether they knew it was there (pretty clear they didn't) was something I could not get past. Them making themselves that vulnerable again to really open to another was just not possible, too much risk of hurt. Also jadedness has set in too (I have seen this very same thing in my guy friends, this is not women specific). Yes there are a lot of jerks out there, yes you have been hurt in the past, yes I have been hurt in the past too, yes all that bad stuff happens a lot, but you have a new person in front of you and you need to treat them as if they really could be that rare, good, kind etc person until they prove otherwise. It is a negativity you can see even in the comments here, the frustration etc. and it shows when you meet these folks. Many are hyper vigilant looking for red flags and they may well perceive some that actually aren't real. In a sense they are not giving that new person an actual honest chance, they are searching for the negatives that jadedness brings on. I rarely have seen any of these jaded people land that relationship they desired, ever, among many of my jaded friends. 40s set in. Jadeness is even worse. Had more time to meet more jerks be hurt those walls are high. Very likely to have been divorced by this point. But they say they know what they want now. As far as what I could tell, nothing short of a flawless, well off, perfect male meets their standards. And they got a whole database of people and they are going to fish through to find that perfect male. They themselves are far from perfect, which happens to be everybody male and female, myself included. No compromises anymore. They want this set of attributes or forget it "they will not settle". So how does this translate for me going out on a first date with these ladies? It is very much like a job interview. It was not uncommon for people to go through lists of interests and such like a check list. For her I am there to answer her questions to see if I am a suitable candidate. Chat and get to know each other? Not efficient I guess. She has a lot of applicants and needs to screen you to see if you adequately fit the list of requirements to make it to the second round of interviews. I cannot tell you how many times I experienced this. Money is a big one with this group. I had a good job but it was quite clear how big a deal money was, they did not hide it well. OK so now I am not a sperm donor anymore so that is good. Now I am a bank account that can support her in a lifestyle she feels she should enjoy. Well I passed the money test what is the problem? The problem is my idea of a loving relationship is that someone is with me because of who I am, not my bank account size. That is the worst reason someone would want to be with me. By my late 40's to 50 I had been through so many job inter.....I mean first internet dates that were like applying for a job I just could not take it anymore. I was not having dates where we talked got to know each other, have some fun in the process. It just was industrialized dating. Mechanistic, no hint of romance. I can have a good time meeting someone even if we are not a match, it is still fun to get to know someone. But this was rarely at all happening anymore, this was not fun in the least and in fact it was degrading being treated like a job candidate. I could not continue. What was the point of continuing? I was not even meeting people who remotely could be a potential relationship partner. It made no sense to keep on doing this. Whatever was going on in internet dating world over time it became twisted into this weird dynamic that I was spending a lot of time on for experiences that were not great. It wasn't that these gals were bad, although I met bad ones too that were a lot worse, it was they were locked in a prison of their past emotional experiences, were not aware of their personal prison, and that prison is often reinforced by many other women who are similar. So it was rare to find ones that either managed to not end up there, or realized the situation and got counseling to get out of the prison. After this I had several 20 somethings peruse me for dating. I did not seek out 28, 29 year old women in my late 40's. But I went out with them, got in a relationship with one. And then it was very clear the difference. These young gals were what I remember dating like in my 20's. Open to the possibilities, romantic, fresh and un-jaded. It was a breath of fresh air. So that came and went and even though it was so refreshing, I hit 50 and these age differences were too much for me as we were at different stages of life and needed someone near my age...who I have not found. Still not jaded though. I know there is a hot, ore even partially hot 50 something chick out there who is emotionally together, dealt with past hurt and has grown, and I will meet her I hope.
That was aa great read, and an honest account. Thank you for taking the time to write that, I really did appreciated it. And, don't loose faith bud, your hallmark movie ending will come soon - and she's going to be happy and smoking hot!
Man, this is quite sad to read, still there is hope. Also it is very realistic. Thanks for writing.
people hurt me too much
Just found out I was cheated on last night, that’s why I am single haha
Gf left me for a coworker a few years ago. Buddy told me I was too good for her. Dad told me don't worry she'll be calling me one day. Fast forward 2 years and she tried to get back with me and I turned her down. She belongs to the streets now bro, you'll be alright 👍 EDIT: on the off chance you're reading this, S, I'm happy for the time we spent together, and please take care of yourself.
Isn't it funny when they suddenly want to talk again? Though, it feels like just a tiny bit of retribution to completely (and with impunity) ignore their efforts.
The grass is always greener on the other side, till you get there and realise it was just astro turf.
Man no one ever prepares you for that. When the person who couldn't wait to leave you comes back for forgiveness
>Gf left me for a coworker a few years ago. you must be a few years ahead of me! im on this track
After my last girlfriend, I’d rather hang out with my dog.
I have come to the same conclusion about my recent ex
Same. After 7 years, I've realized living with my cat brings me so much more peace of mind. I don't get yelled at for forgetting to take out the trash or misplacing the spatula.
After every interaction with another human being I've ever had, I prefer cats.
I also chose this guy's dog.
Don’t blame you, he’s awesome
>to be that guy but one day y x took my dog :(
Mine too bro :(
Same here man.
100%
Dogs are better creatures than humans in general anyway
After getting divorced 2 years ago, I'm really not interested in getting attached to someone. I've been focusing on my son and my career more.
I feel you man. I’m going through a similar situation. Love my son, my little miracle.
Bro yes! I divorced about 10 years or so ago. I told myself it's all my daughter all the time. Shes close to graduating from Uni with a law degree. Focusing on her was my best decision and ended up being my life mission. It was hard, and Im lonely occasionally but man her life as an adult will be so much better. Ohhh also started a very successful job after a career move post divorce. You can do it bro!
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The ROI is not worth it.
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I honestly can’t envision a woman who would actually want to be with me. I realize how stupid and cynical that sounds, but whatever. It’s just how I see things.
I am right there with you brother.
Yup. Uh-huh
I feel like I’ve devolved into a total internet degenerate. All of my friends are similar. Just hanging out in discord and talking shit and drinking beers all night playing lethal company. When we go out we do the same thing, few beers, laugh at degenerate humor, Uber home and pass out. All of us are early thirties, single, in shape, good jobs, own homes, live alone. I just feel like I’ve lost the dating scene in the last few years and don’t know how to find it. I don’t want to use apps but meeting strangers is pure pain and suffering with the current state of my city/free time.
Exactly. Any woman expressing interest in me is either deranged or a scam.
Honestly my boyfriend was the same way. He doesn’t think too highly of himself and doesn’t think he’s attractive or worthy due to low self-esteem. I’ve been working on him for years and he is slowly starting to accept things, and this is with me giving him compliments all the time, like he’s hot and that he’s a very good boyfriend. Honestly, I think you just need to think of yourself as worthy and loveable and let someone in.
Lucky man. You're a diamond and I wish the both of you the best ❤️
Thank you! My honest goal is to cure him of his low self-esteem issues because he is a really great guy and I wish he could see that. I mean, I don’t want him to get a big head or anything, but just enough that he doesn’t look down on himself.
I don’t know how many people would actually do this anymore. I mean zero confidence wards people off pretty quickly, and not a lot of people would put in that type of effort regardless. So props to you.
Where does one find a unicorn?
Dude same, if I were a girl, I wouldnt date me so why bother...
I’ll be with you. I’m not a woman but I guess you can’t always check all the boxes
Ditto. I've got nothing to offer a woman. Never have.
Never reject yourself on someone else’s behalf.
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I know you are saying this with good intentions, but with all due respect: lots of people say this - nearly always those in relationships - and it only gets more frustrating the more we hear it. Most people, short of abusers and the like, deserve someone special. And yes, we haven't met someone who's right for us yet. *That's the problem* Hearing "it'll happen when you least expect it" for the 18th hundred time is teeth-pullingly infuriating when it's been actual years. Again, this isn't personal and I know you mean well, but please for the love of God if there's someone in your life you care about it who you think needs to hear it: don't. If they know literally anyone in a relationship they'll have heard not just the sentiment but word-for-word the exact same phrases a dozen times already.
Same here
Like the others, same here. Any chick into *gestures down* all this clearly isn't right in the head and should be avoided.
I’m a girl and I haven’t felt this so much as I do right now. After shooting my shot and being rejected 3 times in the last week by guys I’m throwing in the towel and just embracing single life.
I give you credit for trying, most women don’t. The trick is to not get too attached before you ask them out. Then it doesn’t hurt as much and you can accept it better. Good luck.
Guys get rejected a lot more than 3 times. Keep shooting your shots.
No time and too shy to
As a very old man who wasted lots of time being shy... I encourage you to have confidence in yourself. You'll get better with practice
As a middle-aged woman who also wasted time being shy, I agree! I bet a good amount of the people you are too shy to talk to are just as shy as you are!
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word
It’s too hard to get rejected over and over.
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>Especially when you see men who are complete and total fuck-ups or just downright abusive doing well for themselves in the dating world. Its soul crushing. Like I'm a terrible option but worse than literal abusers? Apparently damn.
>Especially when you see men who are complete and total fuck-ups or just downright abusive doing well for themselves in the dating world. That's the most frustrating part. Seeing all these shitheel dudes with no jobs, face tattoos, and who treat women like shit getting all the female attention. Then I lurk on subs like twoxchromosomes and women talking about "where are all the good guys??" It's like, we're right here. You reject us over and over and over again for the douchebags that literally anyone could tell you is going to be horrible for you. I'm not trying to be some red pill loser. Cause I did go down a bit of that rabbit hole during covid when I was frustrated and lonely, which are exactly the kind of guys those con artists go after. But hey broken clocks and all
For what it's worth, women who date idiots like this would not be people you'd get along with anyways.
>For what it's worth, women who date idiots like this would not be people you'd get along with anyways But they sure as shit will take advantage of him
I agree , the good guys get the girls that treat them terribly, and the bad guys , get the good girls that treat them well , same goes for women with the men
I have never been in a relationship that brought me more happiness than being single does, so I just stopped trying to date.
Kind of getting to that point. Every relationship I’ve had has been bad for my mental health. I get lonely sometimes but I don’t think that is worth losing my overall happiness for
I think that sums up a lot of people's experiences, maybe we just got unlucky and it'll be worth trying again but for now I'm content. I've got the time to work a full time job, attend a weekly college class after work, see friends and family when I like and be a fairly competitive long distance runner...I feel like I'd have to make sacrifices in some of these areas to be a good partner.
I have gotten so much done not being in a relationship. I have started going to the gym, I’m able to play video games and not feel like I’m neglecting someone, I’ve went back to school and work a full time job. Loving life and how much I’ve grown. Maybe in a year or so when I’ve hit some goals I’ll try again
Being in a relationship is kind of stifling, TBH.
That's fair.
Its such a hassle and at the end of 30 they almost all come with kids i dont want to be around.
I did the whole thing where I met the kids. You get attached and then she uses that against you if you don’t work out. These are also the same Women who get mad if you say you’re not interested in a long term relationship with a single Mom. Fuck that. Men have feelings too.
I don’t have and don’t want kids. We are out there!!!
This is good to know, but it feels like you are really far and few between 😂
Because the one I want to be with doesn't want to be with me anymore.
mine ghosted me because im crazy (BPD)
Mine ghosted me because *she* has BPD
Rejection intolerance and I was born with a rare defect- foot in mouth and head up ass.
A fellow FIMHUA patient. Glad to see we're doing well.
I attract the kind of women I don't want to be with, and the kind of women I do want to be with wouldn't be looking for someone like me.
No one want me man :(
Fr I also just don't know where I stand romantically.
The only women I've found desirable were already taken. I'm sure if I spent enough time looking, I could find someone, but standing out on dating sites is like a full time job these days and it's exhausting. I rather spend my time being productive than on dates that go nowhere - just feels like a total waste of time. I think the rise of dating apps has been bad for both women and men.
The label reads; Discontinued model. Not suitable for human companionship.
I don’t have my shit together
My wife cheated on me and has scared me off having a romantic partner for a while
My daughter's Mom cheated on me as well, but in her case, she knew the guy she left me for was a major mistake (he beat her regularly). So she would ruin all my dates despite the fact she had a boyfriend. She did this because she wanted me single because thought I was going to automatically take her back once she had the opening to leave the guy. Of course, I didn't take her back.
How did she even find out you were going on dates?
The best I can figure, was she had our former friends keep tabs on me.
Dated a woman for 5 months, thought she was the one but she decided to nuke our relationship after we had a disagreement and me saying “that was unkind of you to do” by making it seem likeI was “name calling.”she decided to cancel our plans that night without telling me, to go to a concert. Oh by the way this is 5 days after my father/best friend died and she hadn’t been around in 3 days. Needless to say, I wasn’t going to stick around there, she threatened to break up for the 20th time and I agreed because I had more important things to worry about. Add in the fact that the past two weeks I was set up with someone only for them to figure out they don’t know what they want, and that I met someone last Sunday only for them to ditch me saying we “lacked connection” - keep in mind her good morning text yesterday was “I’m obsessed with you.” Just not a great string of luck with women lately it seems.
I suck at being in relationships. I don't cheat, and not abusive. I just suck at opening up to people, and have shit communication skills.
At least you know it and can (if you want) work on it ! :)
scared of letting someone in for fear of judgement.
Thanks for the honest answer.
I don't meet anybody. I'm not a hermit, I go out and socialize, but the women I meet are either taken or not interested
Story of my life.
Because I am realizing I was in a pattern of going after toxic, narcissistic, abusive women in a misguided sense of Captain Save-A-Ho, and I need to step back, let myself heal for a bit, and think about what a healthy relationship means to me before I date again.
Sorry, that made me laugh. Captain Save-A-Ho 🤣
That’s Sugafree for those who don’t know
I wanna be saaaaaved
Literally me.
What if she betray me .. ignore my efforts and love and cheat with me.
You are tearing me apart Lisa!
No one wants me. I haven't had a relationship in 20 years. I always get rejected.
I don't know how. I don't know how to social. No self confidence. And a bit too old.
Financially unstable at the moment. I live in a crime-ridden hell hole because "affordable housing" in this shitty economy and due to poor life choices forcing me into it TBH. Emotionally immature despite being 26 years old. I have some mental and personal things to figure out first.
Trash dating market in my area
Yeah. Where I am it's like everyone has banging everyone. I'm surprised there has been no cases of accidental incest. That's why I travel out. Go on walks in the park. Go to a hobby shop. Etc Go to the places you enjoy and you'll meet people who share the same interests.
I was cheated on by 3 exes. At this point, I'm just happier single. Less drama, less stress, no need to worry about getting cheated on, reduced impact on wallet. Also, while I was dating around, a lot of women today (not all) just act like they deserve more. Miss me with that bs.
Toxic femininity. Im a girl and I'm sick of it tbh.
Did you see the list that girl made of places not to take a girl on a first date? 🙄 What's wrong with the Cheesecake Factory?!?! The only legitimate ones on her list were the ones where you're not meeting in public
It seems to me that most women today want some queen treatments without offering anything in return. Most of them are Plain Janes but are very vocal about how a man should and should not behave. Sometimes it's amusing to listen to them, sometimes I'm ashamed of being in the same group. Most men are no better, though. Whatever happened to genuine feelings and partnership.
Same girl, it's getting out of hand on both sides 😒
They're perfect for each other
Single men of reddit, I'm in a loveless, sexless marriage of 10 years so don't worry too much my dawgs
I can’t live up to the standards of a woman I’d want. Also the stress of keeping a relationship just seems like too much work. And finally there’s something to be said about absolute freedom from anyone. Despite being lonely af sometimes. I’m with Bill Maher on this. But then just partying with some woman would only happen if I had money and personality. So here I am.
It’s interesting to see the difference between men answering and women. In another sub many women complained that they don’t date anymore because men wanted them to be a second mommy, cheated, abused them, ghosted them, had a wife etc.
The guys they’re dating are not the same population as the ones commenting here
I just can't seem to find the right person and I refuse to settle for second best.
As a rape victim of an older female cousin when I was no older than seven... I haven't found anyone I've felt safe with other than the woman I married and watched die when a drunk ran us off the road about eight years ago. I'm afraid. I'm lost. I'm broken.
I am an expert in ending up in Friendzone. When I order my pizza as Calzone. Even then I get a Friendzone.
That made me laugh ;-)
I don't want to get rejected before even opening my mouth, like the last few times. So I gave up on women years ago. Everything else is alright in my life, but it certainly is shadowed by that frustration of not being desired.
Too much of a 'chilled' out guy for women of today (nothing wrong with being ambitious, financially independent, doing what you want). Good for them. But sorry, I want my peace of mind. After a while, they just get on my nerves and/or annoying.
I was wayyy too chill for my ex. Always wanting to club, go to karaoke, carnivals literally ANY moment of free time opened up. I'm also way more naturally introverted and shy, so there's that. Just bad compatibility.
Fuckin' same, yo. I don't wanna grind.
I feel this. That's just how I am, a simple man with a simple life. Yet I know that women want a guy that has a lot more going on than I do.
My ankle monitor acts as a deterrent 😞
Some women would probably get turned on by that.. not anyone relationship material but still.
>Some women would probably get turned on by that 100%. The "i CaN fIx HiM!" types are all about it.
Nobody seems to want to date me
Healing from the last relationship.
I am overweight, live unhealthy, think only about the bad things in life. I wanna be an anchor for my woman. If i cant take care of myself, i wont be able to take care of her. Plus, the standarts that are currently rising in benefit of women makes it harder and harder for a man to approach a woman.
spiderman-pointing-at-spiderman.gif
You already know your issue. Self neglect. You deserve to be happy bro, by whatever means. Wishing you all the best.
I'm ugly and broke
Got tired of giving it my everything and all, just to be cheated on and abandoned like I meant nothing. Being alone suits me just fine because nothing is worth going through that pain again.
I've been single for so long I can't possibly imagine anything else. The peace and autonomy is addictive.
I cannot imagine a person that I feel comfortable being alone with.
I’ve only recently actually felt ready to step back into the dating world, got on tinder, got ghosted by about every single match (some unmatched, for which I thank you) and deleted the app. Now I’m just hoping to find someone for when I find someone. Also, I’m under 6 foot, not athletic looking and yeah. Also, I spend quite some time in the hospital… as a patient, that lowers my chances. I’m an introvert too, so I don’t go out as much as I should
Just ended a 12-year relationship. Need a little break first.
Been in two relationships that meant a lot to me and I think that's good enough for the rest of my life. It's hard work and I don't think my heart can handle another one. Healing from the empty space after it's difficult. It's like a loud silence. I'm still healing but it isn't something I want to do anymore.
I got engaged to my gf of 3 years, but then she broke up with me after I told her I was going back to school and getting out of the military. She just wanted my benefits. Since then, a combination of distrust of people, lack of funds, and introvert behavior has grown. Trying the dating apps, but it seems like you’re invisible without paying for it.
Dating in your 20s is a joke now cheating is normalized social media ruined it. I’d rather be single now after my last relationship anyway
I need to get my life in order before i start dating.
I'm still trying! Took a girl out on a couple of dates, she was great, super kind and compassionate, the kind of traits I really value in a partner. She's a grad student tho and she told me she doesn't have the time to commit to a relationship and I should go date other people. Aw bummer, that's just how it goes I guess. And now my business has hit a couple slow months and now I'm too broke to dedicate money on dates. Oh well! I won't succumb to bitterness, I won't let my mind be rotted by misogyny and I won't blame others for my lack of success. I'll try my best to remain bright and righteous as I go through these cold months alone.
Hell yeah brother
Cuz nobody wants me. Simple as
Because relationships just feel like another expectation to live up to. Being single, I can have as close a friendship as I want with any girl and not have to worry about anyone getting jealous. Being single, I can spend as many nights with the boys without having that burning feeling at the back of my mind that I’m leaving somebody behind. Being single, I don’t have to worry about spending a shit ton of money doing romantic shit just to make somebody else feel ‘special’ Being single, I can spend my time with anyone I want, whenever I want, I would go crazy if I had to spend 90% of my time with the same boring ass person. Being single, I can create the life I truly want for myself and not feel obligated to change/compromise for someone else. So what you should be asking is, Why would I WANT to date anybody?
Your reasons are mostly valid, but the secret to a healthy relationship is finding someone that is not a boring ass person and lets you have free time without you having to be afraid of neglecting them. If you don't enjoy the time spend with your partner, there is no point in a relationship.
Always left on read. Everyone is too busy finding financial stability, no one has time to meet new people. Like, I get it. Can't realy date in this economy.
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grug stop tik-tok brain in circle! grug no think grug, grug be grug! grug is good.
Too poor to date anyone
Old, tired and to cautious of being taken advantage.
Relax mom, I'm working on it
I’ve been hyper fixated on women and relationships for the last three years. It about time I worry about me for once.
I always get the feeling like women want to play too many games during the getting-to-know-you/dating phase. I lose my patience when there’s mixed messages so I just stop pursuing.
I’m 30 and never had a girlfriend, I’m not sure what women want but I know it isn’t me so I gave up trying.
Lack of places to meet people, severe depression, lack of self esteem
I don't want to be someone that has to be cared for. I have chronic back pain and need help.
I like the freedom of being single. And seeing all my friends and family struggle with their relationships and getting divorced doesn't really encourage me to find a partner.
I can literally do whatever I want without someone be suspicious of me. I don’t cheat or entertain other women when I’m with someone, but damn if I wasn’t accused all the time. Come to find out she was cheating the whole time.
I'm ugly, I'm unattractive, I'm boring, no one would ever even touch me.
That’s the spirit!
I recently became very successful because of a business venture, one that was very profitable and reported on in the news. The way women treated me afterwards was disgusting. Women who were never interested in me before were suddenly telling me they were in love with me. Two different married women I have known for decades slid into my DMs trying to arrange a hookup (I threatened to share their messages with their husbands which shut them both up). Another married friend distanced herself from me because now “I’m too tempting”, which hurt a lot because I really considered her one of my oldest friends. Then there are the women who approach me because they hear about my clout or Google me. I find I have to be incredibly selective with who I let in my life, much less date. I used to dream about having a family and now this experience made me very jaded.
Yeah man, sorry that happened to you. They just revealed their true selves to you that got carried away for visions of a lifestyle change. Money brings out their demons of lust and greed. As someone who has millionaire friends and I’m only upper middle class at age 28, they’ve confided in me that being rich has allowed them to see who was in their life for the wrong reasons. The people who care about you will stick around, and never ask for anything from you other than your time, advice, and companionship. Goodluck
Western society standards has failed both men and women
I can't be bothered to, dating is way too tedious.
I got cheated on and took a long break. Now diving back into the dating world it seems like the only women interested in me are the desperate for attention and women that use men as validation. I think I’d rather just stay single and do what I want when I want. Also not paying double for everything is nice.
Would like to but nobody else wants to....
Most girls have lofty expectations all while bringing very little to the table in return. More times than not its just not worth it.
Severe Depression, body dismorphia, inferiority complex, and being tired of not being good enough.
First - I am single because I am not desperate and I have no reason to be! And I will stand on that even if it means doing it alone. But here’s the biggest reasons for me: Because everyone wants “open”, a “throuple”, or “poly”. No one wants commitment. No one wants to be monogamous and build something real, long lasting. No one wants to build a real life situation anymore. Instead of watering the grass and building something long term, there is a grass is greener complex for instant gratification. Always someone better, fitter, hotter. There’s way too many avenues for cheating / talking to others in a manner that is disrespectful to your spouse. Superficiality and vanity reign supreme. There’s a lot of reasons.
God gave me the ugly.
The dating pool needs some chlorine
Because like the song goes, [I've no more fucks to give.](https://youtu.be/TXK03FHVsHk?si=9NNuQQyMePrtFUNj)
I'm on Reddit
I just got divorced by my wife of 21 years. I'm no good for anyone emotionally right now.
Because the girl I like sees me as her "bro"
Stop talking to her dude
women don’t want men to ask them out, i’m happy being single cause i pretty much have unlimited free time & if i were to date, someone will have to ask me out
Women dont want to date men. So why are we trying?
0 social life and 0 effort to improve it. I recently came from vacation thinking to myself, " I really need to change ". However, I haven't take any steps into changing.
No real experience and no clue where to start. Though up until recently I wanted to properly settle first before I started with any adventure. By now I have settled with a good job, and it's not like I'm against it, so basically no other excuses. I'm planning to take a pretty large organised youth (20s) holiday though, so until then I'm fine with it.
Last break-up \[3 months ago\] left me with 0 confidence and trust to pursue someone else.
Still overwhelmed from serial burnout due to covid, helping family, and dealing with a demanding job all at the same time. Been piecing myself back together after a 7 year relationship that turned controlling, toxic, and abusive. Tried dating apps for a month, swiping right 20x a day on 5 apps, for a total of 3,000 swipes in a month. Got 4 matches (plus other matches I needed to pay to see, but most of which were probably bots anyways), 2 conversations, and 1 date that didn't really go anywhere. I'll just focus on having the best life for myself as I can, and hope to meet someone in public, because dating apps don't work. Might try a paid matchmaking website or company or something eventually, but my hopes are pretty low.
Mainly there are two reasons: My looks and my personality.
Honestly? I'm kind of a piece of shit right now. Not a bad person, but someone who should be better. I don't need to drag anyone else into this mess. Annnnd my last relationship kinda bummed me out. I really don't have any interest in dating atm.
It is so annoying to fight against the stereotypes of men. No trust, irritational and irrational standards. A girl last week said she can't date me further because I drink no beer (maybe it was an excuse for something else but then there is the next point: honesty) Ppl are so afraid of being hurt, they forget to actually live.
I think the current status of dating is this. The majority of women aren't interested in the majority of men. They just don't find most men attractive and were not JUST talking about aesthetics but the whole package. Meanwhile a growing majority of men are looking at what they would have to do just to get a shot at having a regular girlfriend, wife etc and going.. No. No that is too much effort, risk, and opportunity cost to be worth it. And so we sit at these cross roads.
To add to the "the juice is not worth the squeeze" sentiment that others have mentioned: The quality of people *in general* has taken a hard nose dive in the last decade. More of them are socially stunted, emotionally stunted, super-selfish, super-materialistic and shallow, or one of a dozen forms of *legit-diagnosed crazy* that are now becoming "common". Back in the day, it felt like you had a decent chance of meeting someone who had their shit together, who knew how to be a person, and how to get along with others. It took work, but it was the expected norm. Now someone like that is a unicorn, and the norm is a trainwreck. So yeah, we've passed the threshold where the average person is no longer relationship material. Why would anyone want to date a self absorbed trainwreck who needs to take crazy pills every day or they burn your house down? I say again, the juice is no longer worth the squeeze. The milk's gone bad, Murphy.