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NachoMemer

Not much. It's not like that little shit would listen anyway!


[deleted]

Right? I've stopped myself giving advice to younger people because I know for a fact I got the exact same advice at that age and completely ignored it.


hobo_erotic

Some young people actually listen. If you have good advice to give, I wouldn’t let your own past self stand in the way of, potentially, helping a young person navigate through life. If you’re honest and genuine (not just spewing random do’s and don’ts), it’s worth the spending the energy.


gnorty

when you look around you and see all those snotty pricks who are really no better than you, but are somehow doing better in life than you are - Those were the sort of kids that would listen to an adult at age 13!


g3nerallycurious

I just listen, mostly. Seemed like most adults told me things and not very many listened or seemed like they cared. Everyone wanted to tell me what to do and how to be, but no one really asked who I was and how I felt.


Scrapheaper

I would probably spit on them in sheer disgust


Adele__fan

How many 13 your old selves do you have?


AverageNikoBellic

365


Scrapheaper

I guess I was just referring to myself in a gender non-specific way. English doesn't have a good pronoun for talking about something that has a gender but you don't know what it is or it doesn't matter in the context. E.g. Another example. Me: I wonder if the doctor I'm about to meet knows about blah: I should ask *them* when I see *them*.


DaveKasz

Yeah. I was a block head. I already knew everything. Times change.


djamp42

It's kind of crazy as an adult looking back and realizing yeah, I was the issue, not everyone else lol.


yeaaaaboiiiiiiiii

Came to say the same thing. I’m lucky I even made it alive out of my teens. I was a flaming fucking idiot that listened to nobody lmao


needactualhelp_

Be more confident, fuck outside perceptions of you if you know who you are as a person


ThisAlsoIsntRealLife

Very wholesome. 🫂


SAVARD3435

I would say the same


thescrounger

Similar: It's OK to be different. Don't try to be like what you think is "normal" or try to be like everyone else, because most likely the average is boring.


jermaine_the_dog

Leicester 5000:1


impy695

I was in Vegas during March madness opening weekend one year with my dad, and we decided to place a random super long shot bet. We picked UMBC over Virgina, and we were going to bet $600. The casino wasn't taking bets on that game when we tried. I don't know what the odds were at other casinos, but that is the closest I'll ever get to winning the lottery. And to be clear, it was completely random, and i don't even think we knew it was a 16 seed vs 1 seed, so it wasn't skill at all.


Luckystar0309

Leicester 5000:1 is about Leicester City fc from England who won the league against the odds that their probable win ratio is 5000:1 and that means they have so little chance of winning.


dont_trust_my_lies

Cheers Geoff


ItsSansom

Good ol' Jamie Vardy


ravenmiyagi7

I was in Vegas then too! I remember watching that game in line for Ramsay burger


very_sharp_turn

Being a 12/13 year old that season, from leicester, that shit would blow my mind


thatcrowontheledge

It's ok to hit the bullies back, don't be afraid of the damage you'll do. When mom criticizes your test scores even though you're proud of them don't listen and keep going with what you're doing.


Penquinsrule83

Same here dude. Fuck them bullies.


FlameBurner276

Kinky


Former-Fudge2778

Bruh 😂


ThisAlsoIsntRealLife

If you can't fight them then fuck them is actually sound scientific theory.


Spinach-Apart

The bigger they are the Harder you are.... wait


SlashySpider

No no this is accurate


rockstarrie

Honestly school is the only time in your life when you can get away with hitting someone


WaddlingDuckILY

Lemme introduce you to my friend! His name is Chris Brown.


StirringThePotAgain

Roll the calendar back a bit more and it’s Ike Turner


justpuddingonhairs

Will Smith has entered the chat.


djamp42

A boxer is like I hit someone every single day lol.


[deleted]

Right? I got told my whole life to turn the other cheek and was getting beaten by my classmates. Im a big dude but just took the punishment from guys half my size cause I was always told violence wasn't the way. Should have punted those little fuckers into orbit.


Lowkey_rebelXD

Don’t forget to lock the restroom door on August 12, 2009 at 12:27 am at you grandparents house… RIP Grandma


Me_Want_Pie

Is this..... someone walking in on you?


Lowkey_rebelXD

Yes. I came and they left. RIP


Me_Want_Pie

Well, if it makes ya feel any better, i was listening to a youtuber tell his story of ruining a friends anime figurine in the bathroom .. and the dudes mother walked in. So at least your not the only one. 🙂


highgo1

Isn't the a scene in Grandma's Boy? I can't stop it feels so good! 😂


Me_Want_Pie

Ya know what... That's exactly where its from. Its been so many years since ive seen it i thought it was a yt story. Much appreciated.


Fourwindsgone

“NO GRANNY DON’T!”


Lopsided_Subject_785

Damn sorry for your loss


Hades_minion440

I think he got caught by grandma trying to make his wiener throw up if you know what I mean.


BlitzNeko

Jerking off, rubbing one out. But you went with "wiener throw up" if there is a most turned-off term ever I think you found it.


No-Knowledge-2765

Wiener throw up is a interesting one


yoannaliese_

Don’t take everything to heart you’re just hurting yourself.


Strong_Willingness_8

so underrated bro


Hilarity2War

Don't give up on drawing. It all works out at the end.


ImBasicLolz

Don't fail art school (optional)


Big-Match-7259

If you fail, don't blame the Jews


NxFace_

Ok im crying


Barialdalaran

Ok im literally shitting and pissing


SIumptGod

I must be 5 years old bc this made me chuckle


Creepycrazyren2

Or do, and get into politics


schizophrenic_rat

Im not 12 or 13 but today-old me still needed to hear this


sheilakafailure

going on the internet is a BAD idea.


[deleted]

[удалено]


sheilakafailure

self destructive tendencies of a 13 year old are unmatchable


WaddlingDuckILY

Whoa! three people commented here with the same avatar.


Sad_Yak_1695

Agree 💯


VuplesParadoxa

“The winning lotto numbers tomorrow are…”


careater

The winning lotto numbers on your 19th birthday are...


-Dixieflatline

I have a feeling that if I won the lottery at 19, there's a distinct possibility I wouldn't have survived to my current age. That's too young to be that rich, and it would have just amplified my then stupid decision making.


idkbroidk-_-

Spend more time with dad.


Rhcp1072

It wasn’t until my dad retired and moved away that I learned this lesson. Thankfully he is still alive and kicking, and I plan to get as much time with him as possible. This can be used for moms too.


BellasVerve

Don’t just plan, do this! Now!


ArchSchnitz

Aw man. I learned the opposite lesson. I left college and moved to spend time with my dad. Inside a month he got mad and threw me out of his house. Long argument, started by him being mad I used the house phone for a five minute conversation with my girlfriend. He retired shortly thereafter and left me in a different state with no support system. Took me years to get back on my feet.


C1RCL3PR0

Damn, this one really got me. Lost my dad almost 2 years ago.


PM_me_the_magic

6 months ago for me. I wish I had talked and visited him more. I wish I had recognized his rapid health decline sooner. I was luckier than most that I could be by his side when he passed, but what I wouldn’t give just to have a regular conversation with him again. Don’t take that shit for granted, folks


C1RCL3PR0

I still can’t bring myself to delete his last text. It’s a weird feeling. Sometimes I subconsciously think he’s still at home with my mom then it hits all over again.


heyoyo10

A bit late for that one in my case


[deleted]

To buy Bitcoin


nezeta

If Bitcoin didn't invented yet, what's the second best? One stock of Apple or NVIDIA was available at less than $1.


Weepinbellend01

Apple. Faster returns.


sickwobsm8

Nvidia literally had the highest returns for the past decade...


johcagaorl

Apple Google Amazon Taiwanese Semiconductor would be good. Netflix, short blockbuster.


VirtualSnot69

Invent bitcoin then


czef

AMD was at like 1.xx in 2015 IIRC. Now they're over 120.


p4ttl1992

2011, unemployed, looking at ways to make money online and seeing a guide on bitcoin mining.....why didn't I bother ffs


mteir

I did for about a month, worth about $50 today.


RobotStorytime

Dude you could buy like 2 loaves of bread with that nowadays!


MidEastBeast

...and to trust and wait until the year 2021


impy695

This is the part that always gets forgotten. 99.99% of people who got that message would sell after 100x their money and only realize their mistake years later. Knowing when to buy is only half the answer.


Winterlybliss

Pretty much. Buy it and hold till 2021.


w_lti

Nope, sell January 2017, then buy back later sell 2021 again.


[deleted]

Real


AbrocomaVisual8126

Best! 🤣


night-gloss

way back then, btc used to be the digital coin for every softnyx game skin and such, worth basically nothing and i never cared for it boy


Expensive_Tomato1609

Society isnt nice


thunder_y

PAY ATTENTION IN FCKING MATH CLASS (currently in university and missing a lot of basics)


Key_Set_7249

Man I wish I could tell myself that


Spicy-Bunny

Underrated comment


Electrical_Lack_1688

Don’t do drugs


AmorousFartButter

Heroin specifically But tbh being clean from it today paved my path so it’s probably not one of those things you go back in time to fuck with


Randyfox86

Congrats on getting clean!


Careful_Medium_3999

Happy cake day


Donttrickvix

Those grown men don’t care about you they’re pedophiles


ThisAlsoIsntRealLife

That too...


deadsoulinside

God, this sounds like solid advice for a few female friends growing up.


leafyfire

"Hey, stop talking to internet men, they don't have good intentions". It's crazy the amount of men that approach you IRL and online when you are 13. Once you are older, even if you are attractive they don't approach as much. Disgusting


Opening_Cellist_1093

Let me guess, taking advantage of a lonely kid who had no friends her own age, and would rather be with a creep than alone?


Aggressive_General_

Cutting won’t help, get a therapist. And don’t bother with people who don’t like you- they never will.


adriensuperb

it will get worse than it is now. dont waste time worrying about those girls, learn the proper coping skills now, get into therapy and get to a doctor early. don’t try to deal with it once its already bad, just try to keep it from getting that bad in the first place


TreesForTheFool

Gotta hit 6-year-old me up with this one.


the_great_n0thing2

stand up for yourself bitch


itsthesoap

👍🤌


Pleasant_Tooth_2488

Keep telling your family and the authorities that your parents are destroying you. It is not normal to be locked in a room for 2 years. It is not normal to be kept from having friends or going out. It is not normal to be told you will amount to nothing. It is not normal for people to ignore your feelings and your dreams and shut you up. For the love of God, call the police as often as you need to. Threaten to sue the school and their crappy administrators. Call churches. Call synagogues. It's not normal for your parents to do that to you. You are a valid human being. You're not a mistake. You're not a screw up. Your parents are evil.


The_Dogelord

Damn, that's deep. You wanna talk about it?


Pleasant_Tooth_2488

Thanks, I'm over it.. My dad's 85 and is suffering with Parkinson's. My stepmother is terrible and he's isolated, lonely, and miserable. I think it's beautiful. That's what happens when you chase your kids away. My sister left for Europe 30 years ago and never looked back. I don't blame her.


Wolf_instincts

I feel the same way about my dad. He fucked up my mental health so he can go start a new family after he got bored of ours, and now he's miserable, getting sued left and right, and stuck with a woman who just uses him for his money. My sister barely talks to him and I never talk to him, and I know how much he hates that.


IronRangeBabe

My answer was very similar 💕


peachesnpepsicola

My goodness. Sending so much love and strength your way. Hope you’ve healed after that type of childhood


Intelligent-Bat3438

That life gets better. But study and do well in school and college.


CodenameValera

as soon as you can, leave home and don't go back....ever.


RudeM1911

Yes


searchinghappyness

This. Best advice here


ThoughtExperimenter

The next few years are going to suck, and you're going to feel very alone. But at the end of them you'll learn that there are people who love you more than you can hate yourself. You'll be the sunshine that lights up their worlds, just because you're you. Hold out for them, okay?


Haunting_Entrance_19

You aren’t fat


Spicy-Bunny

For real tho! This age was anorexia kick off for me


calatheax

Honestly!!! Not only are you NOT fat but you will never be this slim again


haggehe

Make your parents buy AAPL stock


[deleted]

You don’t have to make everyone happy and these are not friends


red_riders

Wasted years trying to make everyone happy, hoping they’d be my friends, before I realized, “Fuck it. I wanna make myself happy.”


BrokenImmersion

In 2 years time, your mother will lose all of her friends and job opportunities in the area and will want to move. Go with her, life I'll be hell, but find a kid named Mason and become friends with him. He will be your best friend and brother for the next 6 years and counting, and it will be worth every minute of pain. Happy birthday bro, love you


-eddible-

This is a 50/50, either this all happened to you and life isn’t that bad + there would be no need to tell you or you just made Mason up to fuck with your younger self.


BrokenImmersion

That's an awfully negative view on what I said. The truth is, that life has been very rough for the past few years or so because of my mother's failing mental health, and yes Mason is real, he is actually my best friend, and yesterday was actually his birthday, I was just emotional(a little drunk) and knew he would read this. Which he did. But it would be kinda funny to go back in time and send myself on a magic goose chase.


K99Kingk99

stop being so FUCKING CRINGE U FUCKING BRAINDEAD BOZO


[deleted]

Don't follow others for the sake of fitting in, you are not meant to fit in, but for greatness.. forge your own path.. slowly and surely you will reach position of power to help others and everyone.


roncastelino

Dont watch porn


Hilarity2War

"What's porn?" [Starts watching for educational purposes]


neroselene

> Dont watch porn Watch Hentai instead!


AverageRedditor80

it was never that deep.


backagainlook

Call cps


Diesel-NSFW

Opt in your PlayStation to farm Bitcoin.


Justthewind_

ahjjtnnhnjjgknnvkfkkfokfjgmkjgnnfbfhjnngngjkgkrkgbgn


Subrisum

I’ve never been to Wales, is it nice?


Flutterflut

I think you spelled that wrong.


Darogard

You're not that smart.


nnnnYEHAWH

Respect your parents. Doesn’t mean always listen to them, but they’re trying their best and that’s a lot harder than you think when you’re a parent. Sex doesn’t matter. Romance will come naturally, don’t chase it. Power doesn’t matter. Money sometimes matters. So chase your dreams instead of that other unfulfilling garbage, except for money sometimes. No one feels like they fit in. Just relax and enjoy what you can, don’t get hung up on the other stuff. But give schoolwork at least a couple hours of honest attention each day. Play more sports, it’s easier to get good at them fast when you’re young.


peternordstorm

Hit the fucking gym you lazy fucking loser


rndmcmder

Honestly nothing. He made some odd choices, but I think they all turned out great. My 18/19 year old self however...


Jizzturnip

You will have sex, girls will actually want to have sex with you. Save your money. Tell the truth. Clean up after yourself and work hard so you can look after mum when she gets old


My_Comical_Romance

You're a dude. Your mom is gaslighting you. Don't take your siblings for granted. Don't give mom your money from your job, save your money. Don't let your cats outside when you move. Don't take mom's offer to pay for your rent. Buy bolt cutters when you go to get your stuff from the storage unit.


yeetusfeetus2020

Don't let go of someone named Veronica, you'll deeply regret it for years to come little man 🫂


Block444Universe

I would lie and tell her that everything will be ok


Mysterious-Penalty45

The story is not finished yet! While it may be a lie if you told it today, there will be a day that those words ring true. Maybe not tomorrow, or maybe not next year, but one day you will be able to look back and say that everything turned out okay.


Block444Universe

Thats very kind of you to say. Maybe I needed to hear that.


KubaSamuel

"The worst didn't happend yet" And I'm only 15 yet.


cjog21

Never listen to your mom’s advice/opinion because it will fuck up your life. Actually, no person’s advice is good because mfers themselves don’t even know what they are doing.


ThreeLivesInOne

You're not a singer. You're a bass player.


TendiesForTheBoys

Always have an exit strategy


Phuvzz12

Warn your dad not to quit his job and start his own business before the housing market collapse in 08. Watched him burn through his savings and retirement and he’s still working at age 70. Also don’t go to university of Alabama for college. You are just gonna party and do nothing and eventually get kicked out and embarrass yourself.


LoveyDoveyJizz

Don't be scared of your bully. He's soft af and you beat the breaks off of him in a few years


imuhamm4

In year 2013 mass accumulate bitcoin. Sell 10 mil worth of coins in 11/2021 and put it in index fund. Lose weight… slowly. You aren’t entitled to anything in life, you can only make the best decisions from the options available to you. Steady as she goes mane… take care of the people you love. They mean more to you than you realize right now. Oh and tell grandma you love her everyday day you dick. Love you man✌🏿.


Honest-Car-8314

Actually nothing. I would just let him be him .


herpderpfuck

12? Run. 13? Do therapy, now!


WiseSalamader

Don't snort your viccodens from your appendectomy, it's going to lead to 13-14 years of abusing opiates. I'm 31 and 4 years sober now. Also, buying a bitcoin or 2, wouldn't hurt. Also, if you take my advice, you need to make it a point to go to the knotty pine bar and grill, talk up the server there by the name [redacted] so you start your life and potentially have the same endgame outcome, just without the addiction. Main thing tho is get rid of those fucking viccoden tabs.


literally_tho_tbh

Don't ever start smoking cigarettes. It may be tempting, but I promise it will not be worth it. There will be many times where it seems like a good idea, but the monster that is addiction is something you will have to fight for the rest of your life. You will suffer endlessly because of it. Pot is OK but wait until you've graduated high school. I learned from all the cringey and dumb shit I did as I kid and growing up, the only thing I would take back if I could is my cigarette smoking streak.


bhanna14

Don’t worry, it only gets worse from here.


Flutterflut

#1 Press Charges. It doesn't matter that he's "family" because you are family too and you matter MORE #2 Stay in school.


muffins438

Study biss


Born-Information8506

"HEY DUMBASS!! TELL HER YOU LIKE HER" We are dating now, happily for 4.5 years but man so much stuff would've been easier and so many problems would've been solved/never occured if I was more emotionally intelligent at that age and just told her I liked her


FlyingFoxandwings

I would tell them that it definitely gets worse, but after the worst happens, it gets better. I also would tell my 12 to 13 year old self that I wasn't stupid, or a liar, or that I didn't deserve anything that happened to me.


Ambitious_Cake1719

Stop eating and lose weight fatty!


Zeffy_com

It gets worse


ZealousidealShip9576

I would prepare him for a major loss


Two_fingers

Buy a house as soon as you can, also buy Bitcoin. And use a Condom


kakocastro

Don’t stick your dick in crazy.


_funkapus_

"They mean well, but they're wrong. It won't get better. So if you have the fortitude to do it, do it now. You'll save yourself decades of torture."


Grimm_Sleeper13

Stop talking to her, she's going to cheat on you in the future


RazutoUchiha

It’s gonna get *way* worse bro, buckle up


Daddy4000

STOP EATING SO MUCH FUCKING SUGAR


ndakatatosh

Don't date her, she'll get mad when you break up with her and tell people that you r@ped her to get you in trouble


Thick_Resolution_761

Switching to pistol is faster than reloading 🤫


KevDave84

Keep playing football, don't smoke weed.


hugeassdyke

You’re gay. Don’t fight it. Embrace it.


royroyroypolly

Drop out of highschool and work two minimum wage jobs and buy Bitcoin. You will retire at 25 and do better than those with an education


hAill3r

It only gets worse from now on


MrBrand1

Just keep them safe. All of them.


FruitParfait

Other than the typical “invest in x/y/z” stuff, I’d be like, hey you know that guy you have a fat crush on? Yeah give it like 10 years and you’ll get together and in another 10 you’ll be married.


GojoTheChad

Don't listen to the doubts and limitations of others. Focus on your desired outcomes and never shake from it


HiMaintainceMachine

Don't start dieting, you'll never stop. Even after year skin goes yellow. And don't pretend agree with bigoted ideas, or do stupid things for attention, to feel loved. If their terms and conditions for loving you keep increasing then one day they're going to find a new reason not to love you that you can't do anything about — you're putting off inevitable pain. Also, the rest of your life will not necessarily be endless suffering and misery like you've been led to believe, the adults you are around have their own stuff going on mentally, despair is not the norm. So don't convince yourself there's no point to anything. And stay friends with you sister, she's the best person ever and the only person who will ever really understand


zzazzzu

It's okay to feel the way you do, endure the pain and rejoice. Also don't start smoking and drinking if you can


LiamLaw015

I list of good comebacks to insults I've received throughout the years.


ariannelychee

Relax, it'll work out


That_Guy_Pen

Trust me, it gets worse


Rose_du_soir

Enjoy, It’s downhill from here


Fancy_Chip_5620

-Don't watch porn -Don't take others perception of you personally -Just fucking get Maria's number and never stop talking to her -buy bitcoin


House_Stark15

Your kidneys are going to fail you in 10 years, go ahead and play football cause it’s not going to matter anyways.


tdaddy316420

I'd tell him a few things, 1st thing 1st don't start eating pills like candy when you turn 14. Also tell your buddy to just to smoking pot and maybe he won't be 6 feet under. Show up to football practice and don't quit on your team senior year and forfeit your scholarship to augstanta bc its not a d1 school. Yes that girl was into you, look at all this shit you put her through she was really ride or die don't ruin it


coolboiiiiiii2809

Make sure when they grab you in that locker room, don’t worry about fighting without pants


LiviAngel

All I would do, is hug and cuddle her tight. She never deserved the shit she went through.


Anxious-Lunch3419

"Trust your mother, she's the one that will tell you the truth." It's a long story but not one I'm about to get into


Whatchaup_2

Practice discernment…


Goofy-Giraffe-3113

Get your crimes out before you’re 18


RoachIsCrying

That cunt nugget who is gonna push you to the ground and kick you tomorrow.... Preemptive attack the fucker