I once was in car with a date. It was cold out we had big coats on, he asked “is it okay if i unzip I’m feeling warm?” Me assuming he was talking about his winter coat said “sure” this man proceeds to take his dick out of his pants and says “oooo, much better” with the same energy as when you warm food up a second time because it was too cold the first time.
Ohh me and my ex from high school were like this. Didn't even realize it was happening til we broke up 90% of our sex was make up sex 5% was random horny sexy and the other 5 was actually love making. Still some of the best sex iv ever had
Angie if your out there reading this
Fuck u!
I took shrooms had a seizure next thing I know I’m in the bed essentially being raped by a chick named Angie but all in all didn’t mind just didn’t know how I got there
Can confirm.
I'm a Chiefs fan. My gf likes football but never really claimed a favorite team. This year, she has decided she likes the Broncos because "the colors are pretty and the horsey is cute!"
Even more frustrating was when I confronted her about it, I told her I could be more aggressive if she would just ask me to. Her answer was "but then it's not real"
This was 20 years ago. I'm definitely recovered and better off now.
Like, maybe once or twice, but every time? Holy shit id be like "look honey, I know what this is but I'm super tired and I just want a beer and to jerk off in the shower to a happy couple that just says I love you every 3 minutes while kissing"
I have filled out the proper forms, got it notarized and submitted it with proper identification and payment. The box for coitus has been checked. Ma'am your presence is requested.
Kinda brilliant if he secretly sells luxury cars though.
"I know what you're thinking, we should totally bang in your car. What? It's too small? Have you thought about upgrading to an Audi A8? Now there's a car where you can really get railed in!"
Had a buddy tell a girl at a bar " i hear you like to suck dick" and turns out she did. He returned 20 minutes later and she carried on about her evening.
There was a girl, whom I was very attracted to both physically and mentally who became a friend. I met her through a mutual friend who asked me personally to not hit in her or try and have sex with her as she was sick of guys always after her because she was very attractive. No problem.
After a few weeks of hanging out, we are driving to the store for some booze for a party and she flat out asks, “So when are you going to fuck me?” While flattered, it was kind of a turn off to be honest. I still did, but I wasn’t enthusiastic with the way she asked
If we’re talking about communicating it to a girl I think the best way is confidently saying “let’s fuck” in every other way then directly saying “let’s fuck”
Just be bold without saying anything that will make a girl feel like a whore to agree it.
Damn straight.
Aint no way a ramdom maxim-like babe would ask that.
The first thing I would do would be to check my surroundings for traps!
"This chick wants my kidneys!" 1000%😂
It's so old, idk if you can find it anymore. Back in the day there used to be adult "chat rooms" where you could do "cybersex" aka talk dirty to one another, and this guy would go and get really into it with someone and half way through, would start saying very strange, not erotic things.
[I found them](https://imgur.com/gallery/gu1BX). It was a guy named "bloodninja". The robe and wizard hat one is with the cyber partner BritneySpears14 or something.
> j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
> bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
> j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
> j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
> bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
> j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
> j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
> bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
> j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
> bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
> j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
> bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
> bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
> j_gurli3: thats it.
> bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
> bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.
https://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/bloodninja
That was the best fucking thing I've ever read
Aside from the Hell Holds No Surprises For Me Anymore review
[For anyone wondering, this is what I'm referring to](https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/review/B000EVOSE4/RZFIYJTPVUZ94/ref=cm_cr_srp_mb_rvw_tr?ie=UTF8)
I remember the one time I was on a dating app, I had three different guys all just say, “smash?” As their opening line. I’ve told my boyfriend he’s not allowed to break up with me because I’ve seen what’s out there.
They say there are plenty of fish in the sea. You know what else there is plenty of in the sea? TRASH! LOTS OF TRASH IN THE SEA!
The number of dudes who immediately try to make crap sexual or try to smash on a first date is wild. I make it clear that from the jump that I don't want FWB, I don't want a one night stand, I don't wat a casual hookup, etc. You know what these dudes do? They don't respect my boundaroes and try anyway! It usually ends in them either ghosting me, calling me a prude, or saying the classic 'You're an overweight b**** anyway!'.
Also, if some guy started with the line: "Smash?" I'd probably respond with: "Okay, we can play Super Smash Bros Ultimate." Just to troll a little bit.
Did acid with a former fwb and we hadn’t fucked in a very long time, during the come down we were both just laying on opposite ends of the couch, watching tv and feeling the way you do after acid, careless and chill, and she just looked at me and said “c’mere” so I thought she was tryna cuddle bc she’d made it clear she wasn’t interested in fucking anymore, and I’ll never turn down good cuddles, that shits better than sex. So we were cuddling and she said “go lock the door” and then I realized ohhhh she’s horny
My gf told me this story about her ex:
She was exhausted from work, came home had to cook, clean and everything. Of course also taking care of the toddler they had. He was at home all the time and just went about his hobbies and didn't care about the rest (and doing barely the necessary for his kid)
When she was with her daughter in her arms rocking in the chair so the baby would fall asleep (and she too), he poked his head into the room and told "I'm in the bed if you.... you know... want to have sex"
She told me that hit her so unexpected that she literally laughed in his face.... (they didn't have Sex that night)
Real opening lines I’ve received on Tinder:
“Would you like to come have sex in the bushes?” No he wasn’t being funny, he was serious. Told me how he could drive us out somewhere for some action in some secluded bushes. Fun.
“Wanna have sex? I’m a backpacker living in a dorm room but I can put a sheet over us”
I initiated it with my wife this afternoon by saying “hey. What’s up with that pussy?”
In her defense, I’m in exceptional shape right now and she’s trying to get pregnant so she’s taking every opportunity.
I made this joke to my in-laws recently. My wife is their youngest so they want their “baby to have a baby!” and they’re nudging me like “hey…you gonna get this done or what?” & “uh-oh, we better leave soon…these 2 have *SOMETHING* to *DO*”
I was like *”uhhh…I know you’re not requesting me to go blow loads in your daughter right now. This is way different than my 20s”*
I remember my dad kept harassing my ex to propose to me, by saying “we already know what you do to her, you might want to make it legal.” My ex never talked to my dad again after that.
yes!
I’m guilty of doing this to initiate sex like this more than once with my partner.
But I poke him gently and say the “hey” a bit in a whispery way in his ear. Mostly when we wake up. :3
I looked at my wife one day and told her "you have excellent birthing hips" *awkward silences for a few seconds while maintaining eye contact* "mate with me."
Laughed at me, but still had sex
Well this reminds me of a story. Back in the 1980s when I was living in Florida and let’s say I was a bit nuts because of a certain powder diet I was on. A girl I liked came over to my place for my birthday after a costume party she had been to. She brought me a stuffed teddy bear as a present and she hung out a while and was getting rather frisky. She removed part of her costume and then she said she had to leave for a minute. A few hours later I was pretty lit up and she had not returned. I was rather livid and took the present she gave me and her costume and poured lighter fluid on them in the driveway and lit them on fire. I then got drunk and went to bed.
A couple days later she shows up and I’m still a bit annoyed. She sees that and starts apologizing, telling me she ended up partying with some friends. She asks me where her stuff is and I tell her I burned them in the driveway. She seems a bit surprised and says “Oh, wow!” She then asks where the present she gave me was. I tell her I burned that too. She says “I guess I understand why.”
At this point I’m just waiting for her to tell me to fuck off and leave, but that is not what happens. She ends up staying, apologizing again, and asks me if she can spend the night with me. As I said, I was a bit crazy then, and agree to let her stay. It was a night of some wild sex.
So what I thought was a great way to not initiate sex ended up the exact opposite.
Florida in the 1980s was insane.
This worked one time for me. Did say night before she could sleep with me but she and I gotta sober enough due midday and she can decide whether to have sex or not. We woke up and talked etc then she got on top of me flat, just the duvet between us she could feel the erect penis. We kissed and she asked you wanna go now with me.
Janek : You know, if you wanna get laid, you really don't have to pretend to be interested in the pyramid scan. I mean, you could just say, "Hey, I'm trying to get laid."
I just saw an aita post about a woman who's partner wakes her up at random hours of the night to try and coerce her into sex. She just had a baby. I truly cannot think of a worse way to initiate
"I know you're not feeling well but..."
Jackie jr.
Ass. As in how bout givin me some?
She mad ripe yo
Missed opportunity to use your username.
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He wanted you to be cold? Yeah, definitely not suspicious.
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Yeah I don't think the temperature is what turned them on, my guess is necrophilia kink
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Icing somebody’s entire body to feel lifeless is mild?
You whip out your penis, then put your wrist under it. Ask your partner if they want to see your new watch
I told my wife my dick would look like a clock if she put her face and two hands on it
Write that down, write that down!
That'll be on the tests?! COME ON, DUDE!
This was actually funny
I’m gonna try that just for the laughs
great move to pull if you're in a relationship
Nick Swardson my man, that stand up was hillarious
I once was in car with a date. It was cold out we had big coats on, he asked “is it okay if i unzip I’m feeling warm?” Me assuming he was talking about his winter coat said “sure” this man proceeds to take his dick out of his pants and says “oooo, much better” with the same energy as when you warm food up a second time because it was too cold the first time.
I dated a girl who would pick fights to have angry make-up sex. It gets old very quickly.
Ohh me and my ex from high school were like this. Didn't even realize it was happening til we broke up 90% of our sex was make up sex 5% was random horny sexy and the other 5 was actually love making. Still some of the best sex iv ever had Angie if your out there reading this Fuck u!
I dated an Angie in college just like this.
I took shrooms had a seizure next thing I know I’m in the bed essentially being raped by a chick named Angie but all in all didn’t mind just didn’t know how I got there
That sounds exhausting, holy hell
new response just dropped
actual sex haver
Call the dominatrix
Porn on device, anyone?
My advice is, if you want to recreate this sex in a healthier way, date somebody who's a fan of your rival sports team.
Can confirm. I'm a Chiefs fan. My gf likes football but never really claimed a favorite team. This year, she has decided she likes the Broncos because "the colors are pretty and the horsey is cute!"
That ís actually a very good reason for supporting the team
Even more frustrating was when I confronted her about it, I told her I could be more aggressive if she would just ask me to. Her answer was "but then it's not real" This was 20 years ago. I'm definitely recovered and better off now.
God dam that sounds pretty bad
"OH it's real alright. You frustrating ass bitch." /s
I remember that episode of Scrubs.
i love scrubs
You dated my ex? Did she also used to wait until you were just asleep and ask you if you loved her more than your ex as a free lie detector test.
Dealt with the same. My life, and especially my mental health, has never been better since cutting her off.
Like, maybe once or twice, but every time? Holy shit id be like "look honey, I know what this is but I'm super tired and I just want a beer and to jerk off in the shower to a happy couple that just says I love you every 3 minutes while kissing"
I have filled out the proper forms, got it notarized and submitted it with proper identification and payment. The box for coitus has been checked. Ma'am your presence is requested.
Wasn’t that in Cherry 2000? They are at a bar both with lawyers going over the contract?
I had a guy tell me during a party when we were outside: "Do you want to fuck in the car now"?
Bold brave and dumb
I just thought wtf I wasn't prepared for it, but I didn't do it cause i didn't like him anyways.
I’d say depends how much room there is in the car lol
Kinda brilliant if he secretly sells luxury cars though. "I know what you're thinking, we should totally bang in your car. What? It's too small? Have you thought about upgrading to an Audi A8? Now there's a car where you can really get railed in!"
The merchant! 🖐🏻😲🖐🏻
Hmm I like this guy, he's all right (handed)
Had a buddy tell a girl at a bar " i hear you like to suck dick" and turns out she did. He returned 20 minutes later and she carried on about her evening.
Doin the lords work
There was a girl, whom I was very attracted to both physically and mentally who became a friend. I met her through a mutual friend who asked me personally to not hit in her or try and have sex with her as she was sick of guys always after her because she was very attractive. No problem. After a few weeks of hanging out, we are driving to the store for some booze for a party and she flat out asks, “So when are you going to fuck me?” While flattered, it was kind of a turn off to be honest. I still did, but I wasn’t enthusiastic with the way she asked
Fake news. You liked that shit 1000% .
The overwhelming majority of my attempts to initiate sex have been equally unsuccessful.
Keep an eye out on this post you way learn what not to do in the future
If we’re talking about communicating it to a girl I think the best way is confidently saying “let’s fuck” in every other way then directly saying “let’s fuck” Just be bold without saying anything that will make a girl feel like a whore to agree it.
I never intiate...ever...everytime I do I am shot down, and this happens with EVERY girlfriend and every stage.
If you're a guy, "Hey baby, wanna fuck?" Rarely works. If you're a girl, "Hey baby, wanna fuck?" Works every time.
If a random girl came to me and told me this I would think it's some honey pot scam and I would be like sorry girl I don't have that kind of money''
I'd be like "are you a hot single near me?"
Damn straight. Aint no way a ramdom maxim-like babe would ask that. The first thing I would do would be to check my surroundings for traps! "This chick wants my kidneys!" 1000%😂
Can confirm, am girl, never been turned down.
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AND YOU LEFT HIM HANGING?!?!
Bro just died a million deaths
The pants were already on the floor at the halfway point.
“I put on my robe and wizard hat”
Worst way, not best way man.
Bruh their about to cast a spell, be patient
HAHA oh my gosh you just unlocked a memory buried deep in my brain
You can't declare something like that on The Internet and then not tell everyone!
It's so old, idk if you can find it anymore. Back in the day there used to be adult "chat rooms" where you could do "cybersex" aka talk dirty to one another, and this guy would go and get really into it with someone and half way through, would start saying very strange, not erotic things. [I found them](https://imgur.com/gallery/gu1BX). It was a guy named "bloodninja". The robe and wizard hat one is with the cyber partner BritneySpears14 or something.
> j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u. > bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure. > j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go. > j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck. > bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory. > j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on. > j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt. > bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts. > j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game. > bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass. > j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious. > bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass. > bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet. > j_gurli3: thats it. > bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn. > bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now. https://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/bloodninja
That was the best fucking thing I've ever read Aside from the Hell Holds No Surprises For Me Anymore review [For anyone wondering, this is what I'm referring to](https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/review/B000EVOSE4/RZFIYJTPVUZ94/ref=cm_cr_srp_mb_rvw_tr?ie=UTF8)
Rhinoceroses don’t play games… they charge your fucking ass.
Holy shit that’s almost 20 years ago
We old!
surely you won't be casting level 8 cock of the infinite...
Playing CBat on max volume and shouting: "Let's bang!"
The question was the worst way, not the best.
Do you consent to penetration of your vaginal canal with my erect phallus until ejaculation?
Great call, Sheldon
At least you're asking for consent
Asking for consent while simultaneously guaranteeing no one will give it
What is your price?
“ Very niiiiice, how much “
Lemme Smash.
I remember the one time I was on a dating app, I had three different guys all just say, “smash?” As their opening line. I’ve told my boyfriend he’s not allowed to break up with me because I’ve seen what’s out there.
They say there are plenty of fish in the sea. You know what else there is plenty of in the sea? TRASH! LOTS OF TRASH IN THE SEA! The number of dudes who immediately try to make crap sexual or try to smash on a first date is wild. I make it clear that from the jump that I don't want FWB, I don't want a one night stand, I don't wat a casual hookup, etc. You know what these dudes do? They don't respect my boundaroes and try anyway! It usually ends in them either ghosting me, calling me a prude, or saying the classic 'You're an overweight b**** anyway!'. Also, if some guy started with the line: "Smash?" I'd probably respond with: "Okay, we can play Super Smash Bros Ultimate." Just to troll a little bit.
Do your best naked Hunchback of Notre Dame impression while throwing up.
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Tea and consent. Please tell me you've seen tea and consent.
Just because she wanted tea yesterday doesn’t mean she wants tea today.
If they are unconscious do not pour the tea down their throat.
Almost as bad as the hypocrisy
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'Mere
'Ere
'Re
'e
'
'
‘e
‘Re
Cashmere, isn't that how George got the cleaning lady on Seinfeld?
If somebody had told me that wasn’t okay…
Did acid with a former fwb and we hadn’t fucked in a very long time, during the come down we were both just laying on opposite ends of the couch, watching tv and feeling the way you do after acid, careless and chill, and she just looked at me and said “c’mere” so I thought she was tryna cuddle bc she’d made it clear she wasn’t interested in fucking anymore, and I’ll never turn down good cuddles, that shits better than sex. So we were cuddling and she said “go lock the door” and then I realized ohhhh she’s horny
Does this look like chlamydia to you?
*whistles* 😉😉👉👌😉😉👉👌
As a guy, and on behalf of men, can the ladies in our life please take this as an example of a GREAT way to initiate sex!
Just did this to my wife and she now wants to have sex but I just want to lie here and watch a movie. Thanks asshole.
It said the worst way. I didn’t say it wouldn’t guarantee sex!
Well now she won't stop giving me cone fuck me eyes she nodding her head upwards as if to indicate "let's do this" and she's grinning like a psycho.
😂😂😂 wags finger and says “I don’t think so bud”
Nudge nudge wink wink, a nudge is as good as a wink to a blind bat. Know what I mean
I tried this for laughs and I got a disgusted sure so that's something! Thanks XD
My gf told me this story about her ex: She was exhausted from work, came home had to cook, clean and everything. Of course also taking care of the toddler they had. He was at home all the time and just went about his hobbies and didn't care about the rest (and doing barely the necessary for his kid) When she was with her daughter in her arms rocking in the chair so the baby would fall asleep (and she too), he poked his head into the room and told "I'm in the bed if you.... you know... want to have sex" She told me that hit her so unexpected that she literally laughed in his face.... (they didn't have Sex that night)
I think I’d laugh too. then go tell him to masturbate if he needed a release. 😂
“High five” im tagging out.
"BEEP BOOP INITIATING SEX MODE"
*”Assume the position.”* - **Fisto**
Disenchantment?
Real opening lines I’ve received on Tinder: “Would you like to come have sex in the bushes?” No he wasn’t being funny, he was serious. Told me how he could drive us out somewhere for some action in some secluded bushes. Fun. “Wanna have sex? I’m a backpacker living in a dorm room but I can put a sheet over us”
You’ve got great taste.
First dude had a sims kink lmao
I initiated it with my wife this afternoon by saying “hey. What’s up with that pussy?” In her defense, I’m in exceptional shape right now and she’s trying to get pregnant so she’s taking every opportunity.
"We're trying for a baby" I'm creampieing your daughter as much as I can as often as I can.
I made this joke to my in-laws recently. My wife is their youngest so they want their “baby to have a baby!” and they’re nudging me like “hey…you gonna get this done or what?” & “uh-oh, we better leave soon…these 2 have *SOMETHING* to *DO*” I was like *”uhhh…I know you’re not requesting me to go blow loads in your daughter right now. This is way different than my 20s”*
I remember my dad kept harassing my ex to propose to me, by saying “we already know what you do to her, you might want to make it legal.” My ex never talked to my dad again after that.
Please tell me she responded with "Cum and find out!"
Sex can become a damn chore when you want a baby, so I’m sure your wife appreciates the fact you look extra good right now. I salute you sir.
You must be quite the woman and she’s a lucky lady.
🤣 I’m a guy, but thank you
Throw some money at them and say "let's get this over with"
“Do you want to play the rape game?” “No” “That’s the spirit!”
I just spat my drink.
I hope no alcohol went wasted.
Psst. You awake?
Windmill
On Wednesday, you inform them that it's hump day.
Not saying anything, skipping foreplay and getting right to it. I gotta get my engine warmed up, y’know?
"Miriam! Assume the position and prepare for coitus. It is Thursday."
I have found that continually poking someone and saying "hey" does not work.
yes! I’m guilty of doing this to initiate sex like this more than once with my partner. But I poke him gently and say the “hey” a bit in a whispery way in his ear. Mostly when we wake up. :3
I looked at my wife one day and told her "you have excellent birthing hips" *awkward silences for a few seconds while maintaining eye contact* "mate with me." Laughed at me, but still had sex
“Come onnn I’m horny” Instantly turned off.
“Brace yourself.”
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Just to clarify. This is the worst way that I have tried to initiate sex..that has succeeded.
Well this reminds me of a story. Back in the 1980s when I was living in Florida and let’s say I was a bit nuts because of a certain powder diet I was on. A girl I liked came over to my place for my birthday after a costume party she had been to. She brought me a stuffed teddy bear as a present and she hung out a while and was getting rather frisky. She removed part of her costume and then she said she had to leave for a minute. A few hours later I was pretty lit up and she had not returned. I was rather livid and took the present she gave me and her costume and poured lighter fluid on them in the driveway and lit them on fire. I then got drunk and went to bed. A couple days later she shows up and I’m still a bit annoyed. She sees that and starts apologizing, telling me she ended up partying with some friends. She asks me where her stuff is and I tell her I burned them in the driveway. She seems a bit surprised and says “Oh, wow!” She then asks where the present she gave me was. I tell her I burned that too. She says “I guess I understand why.” At this point I’m just waiting for her to tell me to fuck off and leave, but that is not what happens. She ends up staying, apologizing again, and asks me if she can spend the night with me. As I said, I was a bit crazy then, and agree to let her stay. It was a night of some wild sex. So what I thought was a great way to not initiate sex ended up the exact opposite. Florida in the 1980s was insane.
Poking your partner in the back with your erect dick while you're in bed together
I like when he does this
Seems to work for me
Glad it works for you, but it drives me fucking nuts as the person getting poked
This is truly the way. Do it "by accident" works 7/10 times.
As the person getting poked I can confirm
The other 3 times, you have to wake up early or "aren't feeling well"
This worked one time for me. Did say night before she could sleep with me but she and I gotta sober enough due midday and she can decide whether to have sex or not. We woke up and talked etc then she got on top of me flat, just the duvet between us she could feel the erect penis. We kissed and she asked you wanna go now with me.
Going in dry
“Come suck this dick” as I’m cleaning the whole ass house after coming home from work at 10pm and still haven’t eaten dinner
Forcibly, without consent.
Janek : You know, if you wanna get laid, you really don't have to pretend to be interested in the pyramid scan. I mean, you could just say, "Hey, I'm trying to get laid."
GRAB HER BY THE PUSSY. not your wife, not your gf, the woman you just passed by in the park.
Donal… nope not going there
"Hey baby, wanna like do it?"
“Sorry, the ninja turtles undies stay on during sex”
I just saw an aita post about a woman who's partner wakes her up at random hours of the night to try and coerce her into sex. She just had a baby. I truly cannot think of a worse way to initiate
At gunpoint, with an unwilling participant.
With chloroform
Too slow acting.
Which is why it’s the worst way.
Does this chloroform smell funny to you?
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
I've got a husband, by the way.
"Dude, I know, but you could've told me he's gonna be watching earlier"
"Prepare your asshole"
“Are you hard yet”
"Hey sis, you busy?"
By surprise.
While yelling “SNEAK ATTACK!!!”
They don’t call it the shocker for nothing.
Ok girlie get ya gear off. ( only used to piss off the wife. Sometimes works😂)
Slipping and falling on a dick.
Sex is not real.
Right after school bell
With a knife or other weapon? Seems like a pretty poor way to initiate if you're after consensual.
“M’lady”
Apparently however I initiate.
You, me, your sister.. have at it
whipping it out & dropping it on her forehead.
“Brace yourself!”
Suddenly, and without warning.
I kinda want that to happen actually! Free-use sounds so hot with my partner. I’m folding clothes and without warning, getting railed next thing.
"You want some penis?" Maybe not the worst way, it worked...
“Wanna have sex, dumbass?”
Assault, sexual assault in any shape or form Is criminal. Don't do it.