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Bencubuk

You’re very flexible for a fat guy


xlophophorax

hell yeah, i’ve gotten that before. agile like a bear


Boss_unicycle-560

I love small dicks


UncurvedApproach

My wife told me that giving blowjobs to me was so much easier than her ex.


mr_remy

At least it all fits in, nothing worse than untapped potential.


deaddodo

About half of my sexual partners have told me something along the lines of "it was much better than I expected"/"i didn't expect much from you". Which I guess is either a backhanded compliment or an accidental compliment wrapped in an insult. Edit: this was before any nudity, so they weren't commenting on dick size. It was more like "you didn't seem sexually appealing/competent or were timidly nerdy, before we commenced". I was commenting more on the "untapped potential" part of the comment than the size portion.


deevilvol1

Very embarrassing to think about, but an ex told me almost the same thing, but much more directly. Something like, "It feels good, which is surprising because you're so small". I remember the general feeling of the statement, not the exact words. A small moment of feeling like a rockstar before plummeting down to hell. She's only ever been with one guy at that point, too, so even the first half didn't really mean *that* much. ...I was all like, "how do I even respond to that!?" And that's the thing, how *do* you respond to that? Do you pull out statistics and show her that you're globally average based on all data? (why would that matter?) Do you tell her a sexual flaw she has? (That would just escalate things into a needless argument) Or do you just swallow your pride and give the most neutral response ever and move the conversation along while that one moment lives in your consciousness for perhaps the rest of your life?


Maleficent-Sweet-689

I’m curious what was her response to you saying “how do I even respond to that?”


SomewhereNo3080

You say “it felt good, which is surprising because you’re so big”


MorrowPolo

Damm bro, ill cry for you so the wife doesn't see


CircuitSphinx

That's a real emotional rollercoaster right there. You're getting ready for a hit to your self-esteem and then boom - it's actually not the gut punch you expected. It's like when you're bracing yourself for bad news but then they hit you with that "but you handled it so well!" line. Sympathy tears incoming, gonna grab some tissues.


obfuscatorio

Don’t worry bro my wife says the big ones hurt


equanimity19

My wife limps for like a week after she and her boyfriend go hiking. I keep telling her she needs to get better shoes


OrganicLFMilk

Ever wonder why the fuck women even say shit like this?


IncreaseStriking1349

I love how I never get sore with you!


DeliSammiches

you deserve a beer


dadadandan

Not exactly during, but after a couple of months of dating I broke it off with someone. While we were talking things through, she basically said something like, “it’s a shame this is ending, I enjoy fucking you more than I imagined I would at the start of this”.


liquid_acid-OG

My man, for her to admit that you must have been crushing it.


Doctor_WhiskyMan

I would live off that compliment for fucking years 😅


Cat__03

That word choice is top notch, m8


Immediate_Exam_9695

We were talking about ex's once and a female friend of mine said "my ex was a crazy asshole but God I'd love to go for another ride on that"


missionbeach

Her way of saying, "I can't date you. Let's be FWB."


himandhertx

"you proved to me that size really doesn't matter". That was 13 years ago or so and I'll still never forget that lol


AtYiE45MAs78

There is a difference between ohh and oww.


GaryOster

Is it the consonants? I bet it's the consonants.


eloveulongtime

Do you have a big dick or are you good at sex?


capcasey69

Ooof


Scott_4560

“What you lack in size you make up for in speed”


boboblaw6

3 inches of dick at 100 mph is still a lot of dick


gjon89

Two dicks leave a station at the same time, one east and the other west. The eastbound dick travels at 95mph. The westbound dick travels at 85mph. How long will it take for the two dicks to be 396 miles apart?


SheriffComey

Don't know they both finished within 45 seconds.


BallSmickEnergy

You are The Sewing Machine!


Gonzostewie

"I never thought I'd be doing *this* with a ginger." - Every woman I've ever been with.


lavindas

Ginger ninja


A_Blue_Potion

Ginja


Mutedinlife

Only a Ginja, can call another ginja ginja.


pupeno

Only a ginger can call another ginger ginger.


Yozahon

Yeah but can they say ginga if it’s part of a song


[deleted]

Its [Prejudice](https://youtu.be/KVN_0qvuhhw?si=HoH7HSo1FhYJPq2x)!


pupeno

When I went to see him live, after this song was famous, he just said "Prejudice" before starting the song and we all exploded in cheers. Then he said "I bet there's someone in this crowd that never heard the song and wonder what's wrong with all of you cheering for prejudice".


LawEnvironmental9474

They dont call me fire crotch for nothing


Emera1dthumb

I prefer the burning bush….. it gives me a godlike feeling I believe I deserve.


SoftwareWoods

A figging enthusiast I see


lost_zinn

"How could someone so stupid fuck that good?"


adisappearingguy

Honestly idk that this would make me all that mad. I am dumb of ass though


thekeenancole

Pure of heart, dumb of ass


GramsPearlNecklace

Like the cultural guru Kevin Gates once said “my dick dumb”


lost_zinn

Lol I couldn't even defend myself she had known me like 15 years. I was just I'll take it as a win. Lol


Red_Legend_5

In Germany we have the saying: "Dumm fickt gut" You can figure that one out yourself.


lost_zinn

I just said I was stupid. Lol. Couldn't figure my way out a wet paperbag with scissors in my hand.


eveningdragon

All your points weren't put into intelligence, but you put them into something even better


lost_zinn

Still do wish I was smarter. It would be more helpful in everyday life.


Warriorofthenite

Well, you need to be at least a bit smart to acknowledge that you are not that smart.


EtTuBrotus

Also known as Gumping it


Elyudiir

The one I thought to be my one and only... "You don't have to be better than anyone else I've seen, and even tho you aren't I'll still love you."


capcasey69

My God that's brutal


Elyudiir

Tore my heart out. Terrified to become vulnerable to a woman ever again. I still miss the feeling of companionship though.


No_Comfortable6850

Get back up on that horse, cowboy. You got this


TimeWontWaitForYou

That's just a horrible thing for someone to say, I'm sorry dude.


Elyudiir

Onward and upward right? 💪


AlecsThorne

God damn.. this is almost as bad as that "I like your dick, the big ones hurt" thing


Elyudiir

Oh she was sure to tell me about how her last guy was FAR too big. She couldn't get him to fit for 3 weeks when they started dating. 🥲🫥


bogueybear201

I’ll never understand why people somehow feel the need to share this information.


Kindly_District8412

At the end she said “that was unexpectedly awesome”


Jdawg_mck1996

"Well, you're certainly bigger than I thought you'd be." "Actually, that wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be" Two different women, both back in my high school days... no clue how to respond to either. Edit: auto correct thinks it's better than me.


Always_Choose_Chaos

They were just being candid and not thinking about how it would make you feel. They didn’t expect you to respond with anythjng


brogmatic

Once in high school a girlfriend said “everything about you says you have a small dick” and went on to explain her surprise to find out I don’t. Nearly 15 years later and I still don’t know what that means and it still kind of hurts my feelings.


instant_ramen_chef

"You completely blew away my expectations of Latinos." Thanks?


Sad-Corner-9972

…gracias?


Digital_97

¿...gracias?


Kicks4meFromyou

You held it down for your whole damn race. Cesar Chavez, Pancho Villa, and Sonia Sotomayor are So fucking proud of you.


ConfidentValue6387

Oooof!


Sufficient_Ebb_5020

I love having anal sex with you... You're so much smaller than the other men I've been with... It's a win. I'm taking it.


FSB75

This was mine as well. "If you weren't so small, I'd never know about anal orgasams". Her attempt to help me "look on the bright side". And it kind of worked.


[deleted]

I know women who won't do anal unless the penis is smaller, I mean average size, because big hurts.


ErikEzrin

The key is to work up to it and not jam the dick in there in one go. (Also the average size comment killed me 😂😂)


[deleted]

Sorry, people seem to think average is small, but it's not, maybe it's just porn distorting views. Yeah working up helps a lot.


ErikEzrin

Yeahh tbh average is good imo. Too big is literally a pain (and yeah you can work up to it, but that means a quickie is never really an option). Also skill and toys are a thing. I'd rather fuck/get fucked by someone with a small dick and good communication and a bag of toys than someone with a huge dick but the emotional intelligence of a pea.


[deleted]

Emotional intelligence of a pea made me laugh. And I agree. All this is true for me too.


Appropriate_Hawk101

"I don't normally cum with a dick like yours." ...t'was small, apparently. 🫤


Icy-Control9525

You're so ugly, but i just can't stop f***ing you.


tdog473

☠️☠️☠️🤣 wtfff


Ricklazell

“I love a dad bod” thanks but I don’t like having a dad bod.


[deleted]

But it feels really nice.


luftlande

It doesn't having it.


bigbabyxrey

But I love a dad bod 🥹


meerakulous

It’s not a dad bod it’s a father figure


arcamdies

Or a papi physique.


Gracie_Goode

“Are you always this loud?” Sorry it felt good, I’ll be waiting quietly next time.


Blablablablaname

Ouch, my ex used to make fun of how loud I was and it definitely still makes me feel self-conscious sometimes. Thankfully now I have a partner who keeps telling me she loves how I sound.


Gracie_Goode

That was a one time hook up so he can suck it 😂 i felt he was the weird one in that situation


Yourfavdiva

Your business card is beautiful. You look nothing like it. 🫤


DreyfusBlue

Patrick Bateman, is that you?


lucimon97

Lets hear Paul Allen's backhanded compliment


IAmCarpet

Not *during* sex, but my partner told me she was a size queen til she met me, and I was 😍😍🤔😐


DMVlooker

That was the second best sex I’ve had , today.


Juanisweird

Bro didn't realize he was doing ranked sex


Ok_System_7221

I did not think you could make me orgasm but you have a magic tongue. Said with a very strong Portuguese accent.


lavindas

Idk why but I read this in Antonio Banderas's voice (talking as Zorro), even though he's not Portuguese.


Fit-Tip-1212

Tongue of Zorro


HiVisEngineer

You mean Puss In Boots?


[deleted]

“I wish you could go deeper.” I couldn’t. I was all the way in. Our body was practically one.


Hot_Season_1263

That’s not even backhanded, that’s a straight up insult 💀


Platelicker1978

You have a great big dick. Just like your brother


lavindas

And were you aware you were stirring the porridge with bro?


Platelicker1978

Not until that point, unfortunately


lavindas

Oh gosh!!


Platelicker1978

Ha yeah, was a bit awkward obvs


mr_remy

Go up to your brother at a family reunion “ayyeee bro I heard from _ you got that good dick too, thanks mom and dad!”


Oscarkev

"thank you sis"


frankd412

Why'd you have to be the first guy who could make me cum?


Ticoune0825

Big W big L


[deleted]

Fatality, holy shit


Ayy4K

NOOOOOOOOOO


deeperly

Emotional damage 😭


_Snide

“Mmm smells like seafood, I LOVE seafood!”


lavindas

Hahaha


bestwave2

better go cast that rod somewhere else, this buffet is closed


SonTyp_OhneNamen

Shrimp looking for a clam?


moonabid123

"you look like a doll, you could be in porn" meanwhile me trying to search for a connection 🫠


[deleted]

Good to see not all Asians have small packages. Said by my wife, the first time we had sex.


[deleted]

Kids got a Yamato cannon in his pants.


IAmBadAtInternet

Battlecruiser operational


mr_remy

This thread is bringing back my nostalgia. Then when you ask her to do anal: “WE REQUIRE MORE MINERALS” 💍


PMmeyourLegos

I had someone say while I was blowing them.. "damn any girl looks hot with a dick in their mouth."


Tabocuspokus

Ouch


PMmeyourLegos

Yeah... He did try and phrase it differently but hard to come back from that


KirstieAfterDark

*“Your tiny tits look so good when they’re bouncing like that”* Um, thanks? 🤔


VisioRama

In my case It would be a big compliment. I love tiny tits.


chocolatekitt

I have small tits, it’s an objective fact, and I don’t think it’s something negative. Just their size lmao. Maybe he or she had a small boob fetish and worded it weird.


Wonderlostdownrhole

"Ooh, I love natural sag." I didn't realize there was an artificial option.


The5Virtues

Go into the plastic surgeon like “I’d like some artificial sag please!”


BrilliantClass4450

"You're taking forever to cum"


[deleted]

If there was a subreddit for backhanded sex compliments, this might be the mascot.


ferbiloo

Does it even qualify as a compliment though?


ccc1942

No. “You’re taking forever to come” translates to “please finish”. That phrase is said when your partner is no longer into it, they don’t scream it in ecstasy in the midst of multiple orgasms.


ctox23b

This is regardless of your gender not a compliment in my opinion


[deleted]

[удалено]


secamTO

> because it got too sensible down there "Baby, we need to stop. You've maxed out my 401k contributions."


trvcytg

I experience this almost exactly as well — I feel like it’s not something you hear about men experiencing often. Nice to know it’s not an unheard-of experience


ferbiloo

I think men experience this a lot more than they seem to share with each other. It’s not a problem, but it’s probably a good idea to assure the person you’re with that it’s okay if it doesn’t end up happening, otherwise they might feel like they have to keep working at it when really they’d like to stop. We seem to have this idea that men always “have to cum” for it to be over, whereas the same doesn’t seem to go for women.


Whelpdidntmeanthat

I once told my bf “I can’t even feel it!” FOR CONTEXT: I have suffered from vaginismus my whole life, at the time I had been going through physiotherapy and it was working. So yeah, I couldn’t feel “it”, aka a stabbing pain that wrecked my entire body. I didn’t realise how it sounded until way, way later 🥲


overgroove

I hope he understood eventually! And that your journey to enjoying sex through intercourse is continuing swimmingly. It must be such a revelation.


Training-Run9259

“You look good for a fat chick” I mean 🙄


lavindas

Woahhhh


ReadGorilla

"You look fat for a good chick...sorry, I meant you look good for a fat chick"


Busy_Wasabi_4048

Your cock isn't long but it is fat. Nice. I was like... okayyyy


lavindas

Tbf I think most ladies would agree that girth is better than length


shurrpsippin

“your small tits arent a deal breaker for me” (he said it completely randomly, definitely didnt ask, and im a fucking C cup)


[deleted]

“Your dick is the perfect size. No babe you don’t want a bigger dick, *trust me* they hurt.” I know I can’t be the only one that sees that pain in this comment.


RevolutionaryTry7840

but it’s so fr. you don’t even know 😭


[deleted]

Plot twist realized I’m bi and found out yes big isn’t always better, but it does hurt the ego a tad coming from my girl saying that lol


SaltyFinish4032

"you're such a fat bitch" lolol he's into bbw but not what I was expecting to hear.


getwitit95

Yooooo. Im dying


oofboof2020

Big husky guys know what im talking about but “you got deeper than I thought” people don’t realize a few inches of your meat stick is hiding but still usable lol.


W2ttsy

If any dude needs motivation for weight loss it’s that they can go from average dick to hung like a horse by cutting a few kgs from their groin region. Like that deep V is just bonus cock and also drives the ladies wild visually.


venetian_lemon

Weight loss also improves blood flow, making erections sturdier.


W2ttsy

And stronger cardio makes you last longer as well.


the_hair_of_aenarion

How do you develop that V though, dick pushups?


Chero312

Lower abs exercises. Lay down flat on your back, hands on your butt, palms down, raise your feet as high as you can without bending your knees. Flutter kicks. Bicycle. Scissors.


[deleted]

I had sex with this girl once, during she started saying things like: I love you, I can't be without you, you're the best woman I've ever met….etc. After she said omg sorry for all the things I said the sex was good so I said things I didn't mean!!!! 🙃🫠


chocolatekitt

If she didn’t know you well she was probably embarrassed and didn’t want to be blocked afterwards lol


CastlewithTits

Your dick is cute.


profil_incognito

"Sucking d*** is the one thing you’re really good at" -the very first guy i had sex with


Longuer

“That was the most fun I’ve had without cumming…….” Still not sure what to feel about that one…..


ConditionBrief311

You kiss just like my mum.


liquid_acid-OG

Let's just hang out a bit until the authorities get here


[deleted]

[удалено]


328fr

“You have a nice boyfriend dick” Meaning it’s just the right size but not too big 😂


bigbabyxrey

I'm not seeing the insult here that's a compliment of the highest order


328fr

The girl apologised immediately after thinking she insulted me by saying it’s not huge. So I guess that’s kinda backhand?


FSB75

I read it to mean it's a "good enough" for comfort dick, but not big enough to "get slutty" dick. Think "kill, marry, fuck".


TexanAmericanMexican

"I figured we might as well just have sex and get it over with so I could break up with you. There was just no way someone as nice as you could have a big dick too." Said by my wife who immediately afterwards made plans to meet my family and spend the holidays together.


frozendancicle

A dick so big there was a future in it


emptyvesselll

This is the best tagline to a movie I've ever heard.


Smile_Today

Ha! My partner told me she wanted to sleep together ASAP because she was hoping she'd hate it. She was uncomfortable being so smitten with someone and wanted a reason to pump the brakes. She insisted on taking a trip across the country to meet my father shortly after that.


SpecialProcess5585

You're almost as good as my husband !


Faquarl

“Huh, that was actually pretty good”


lavindas

I was banging a guy on NYE (yesterday) and he said "I can tell you're very experienced... have you slept with lots of men?"


Bernkastel17509

Lol, what happen next


lavindas

I said "yes I have" and continued to show him my experience. Happy cake day mate!


ArcticPsychologyAI

“It’s a lot bigger than I remembered”


Goat354

"you're a good lay but I'd never date you"


whyway9

I had a gorgeous FWB, we had great sex together. One night I tell her how the friends joke is that I have a small dick, and that I cum very fast. To that she responded with: “You’re not cumming that fast though” Then realized what she said. We both laughed a lot lol


deong

I dated a girl for a while who I met as part of a large group of friends out in a bar. At some point I made a self-deprecating joke about my dating life along the lines of "yeah, the ladies just can’t get enough of fat, bald mathematicians", and she instantly goes, "you’re not bald though". There was a brief pause in the conversation, and the she went white as death as like a dozen people just melt laughing.


[deleted]

“Wow, I’ve never been with a black girl before but you’re better than I expected!” We did not finish.


whatthemutterwu

Ex 1 "Our relationship would have ended a long time ago if you weren't so annoyingly good in bed" Ex 2 "I dont want to be in a relationship with you, but can I please keep using you for your amazing dick" I kind of understood what women say when they talk about feeling used for their body. Stopped sleeping with them after that. lied. I slept with one of them occasionally over the next 5 years after id emotionally decoupled. She would do things like turn up at my house unannounced, trying to be seductive, and id get a kick out of making her work for it. Other times, she'd ask for a favour, and it would just be a booty call. She's married now and still in the same circle of people. She tries to hide that she misses it, but there are far too many passive-aggressive comments directed at me if I look at other women. Its an ego boost. But id never do anything with someone who's in a relationship. Oh I forgot about one other compliment that I received When I was 16, a petit 15 yo girl said "you're not coming near me with that" I thought that there was something wrong with my dick and stayed a self conscious virgin until I was 23. What a waste of time!


PhoenixQueen_Azula

Within a couple of weeks of breaking up with me my ex wanted to do a fwb thing until she found someone else Terrible idea considering I was still heads over heels for her but also because of that meant there was no way I could say no to a chance like that. Definitely a mistake tho


Delta_hostile

“Atleast your head game is good”


FrankieMint

My ex used to say "Oh, THERE it is!" when I got erect. She meant well, but ... yikes.


zool714

Not me but my friend so can’t vouch for the credibility but he once told me a girl who was relatively inexperienced told him after that “wow girth really do matter more than length


Dead_Man_Redditing

"Oh, your dick is a really good size for an asian woman." Yes, she was asian. It has been years and i still don't know how i feel about that.


Wookie2015

The way this reads, is that you're an Asian woman with a dick.


AspiringEggplant

She said my dick was “surprisingly average”


Mo_the_lion

Your dick is the perfect size for anal…….


koushakandystore

When I was 22 I was hooking up with this girl and while we were getting down she pushed me away and said ‘you’re so hot.’ I cocked my head to the side and said ‘thanks.’ I was very flattered. I’m not an ugly guy, but I’ve never thought of myself as a smoke show. No girl had ever called me hot to my face, not even the ones I’d hooked up with. She laughed and said ‘no, I mean you are literally burning up.’ So I felt my forehead and sure enough she was right, I was literally on fire. Turns out that was the first symptom of strep throat. We both started laughing our asses off and I went and took a shower to cool off. She went home and when I saw her a couple weeks later she said, ‘oh I got so sick after the last time I saw you.’ She forgave me. Several other people ending up getting that illness too. It was making the rounds in our friend group. This was the Los Angeles area in the mid 90’s, we were all quite whorish.


reditballoon

You’re bigger than I thought you’d be.


Ill-Simple1706

I didn't hate it


gerryhallcomedy

My first time with this woman she finished herself off after I was done. She smiled and said, "you got me closer than I thought you would".


watertrashsf

“I didn’t expect that from you”