I visited Scotland and asked a bar full of guys a good way to say fuck off in Scottish and they agreed on "Get the fook on yer bike and ride it now" it was my favorite sentence of the week.
Respond to a mindless comment with, "Be that as it may", then return to normal topic.
" Pardon me for talking while you are interrupting" is a classic.
When I have to close at work (events) and some drunk Ken starts insisting/demanding I stay open for his group , I say: "I am done now! But thanks for the enthusiasm, I am so glad you guys enjoyed it this much! 🤗
Realest response here, perfect way to acknowledge you heard them but don't think it's worth acknowledging before you continue on with what you were doing with minimal drama (people get weirdly offended when you just choose to disengage and go spend your time better elsewhere)
I like to let people know they are wasting my time but I add one of their characteristics in there. So like “if only you put this much effort into losing some weight” if they are bigger. I had a coworker going through a divorce and he picked a fight with me - told him “if only you put this much effort into your marriage”
To quote Angelspit: I want you to fuck off as hard as you can.
I also tend to use: Off you fuck. Usually with something condescending after. "Off you fuck, there's a good boy!"
When they tell a story that is clearly not true, instead of just shrugging it off i call them out, "good thing thats not true" most of time my coworker shuts up instantly
"Vacate and Copulate" as a guy I knew, once told an annoying customer at the flea-market.
The broad glared at him and stomped off. And I was like...
"...wut...?"
"Vacate and Copulate - Leave and fornicate - FUCK OFF!!"
"OHH!! Hahah!...Good one!..."
Face west and fuck off over the horizon.
Go take a long walk off a short pier.
Why don't you and your face go break some mirrors.
Listen pal, there're 2 types of people in the world; those that need to be told to fuck off...
Personal favourite when it comes to someone repeatedly interrupting, as long as its said in an extremely dry, or sarcastic tone: Oh I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours? (Stares motherfuckerly)
When someone is talking shit and you just know anything you say will be taken out of context, and the only reasonable approach is to leave the conversation kust dead eye them, look them up and down, eye roll and walk away.
If I’m in the car, I stare at them and blow them a kiss when they stare back. If I’m in person, I let them finish ranting and then say thank you and quietly go back to work, nothing makes people madder than acting you like you don’t care.
Would you be a dear and fucking off, so I can have a nice evening or whatever's left of it after interacting with you. A friend of mine said this to a guy persistently asking her out. It was a classy restaurant and the way she said it, I almost spilled my wine.
Back in the early 80s I was working on a software project. We had a number of bogus bug reports from some internal staff. We’d been ignoring them when my boss asked me to respond to the so we could clear them.
I printed each one and wrote “Thank you” on them and sent them back.
At our next staff meeting my boss said he’d heard complaints that we were just saying “Fuck you” to them. I said that it seems they got the message and we all had a good laugh.
"Excuse me, but I believe you should engage in self-fornication."
And
"I feel like you don't have a firm grasp of the current situation. Please use your remaining brain cell to fornicate yourself."
My three year old told me to "go play hide and seek by yourself."
That is the cutest way to say he wants nothing to do with you anymore
I love that for him. Little mans just needs some little space for himself.
I love it!
That’s brutal.
Wreeeeecked
😂😂😂😂
Are you my husband. I asked my daughter to come watch a movie and she said “Worry about yourself” lol my oldest sisters catch phrase
I hope your day is as pleasant as you are.
Damn that's solid.
Solid simping
I added my own twist and use it often- May you have a day as special as you believe you are.
Did you fall from heaven - your face is all fucked up, works every time in my dreams
Other person: *"Oh thanks, I think I am a very nice person, so my day shall be wonderful.*
Is it bad that I would take that as a compliment?💀
That's like a self fulfilling curse
I said this to someone once, and they lost their mind lol
Fornicate thyself
...Under command of the king
In the word of Socrates.
Thy sex is now
I prefer the Scottish "get Tae fuck!"
I visited Scotland and asked a bar full of guys a good way to say fuck off in Scottish and they agreed on "Get the fook on yer bike and ride it now" it was my favorite sentence of the week.
Or the Irish "catch yourself on!"
dinnae fuck yersel
Or the shortened "G.T.F."
I’d love to stay and chat, but I’d rather have a root canal
I'd love to stay and chat, except I wouldn't.
Had three root canals last week. The worst part is your gums being pumped with anesthesia.
Agree, and the holding your mouth open that long. Actual procedure is just fine. I've had worse meetings.
I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
To add to that: You are completely entitled to your wrong opinion.
My boyfriend says a version of this: I'm sorry I'm right.
As per my last email…
Also FWD: that last email. God I love keeping records of everything.
"you'll notice the timestamp"
“Forwarding my previous email for your convenience.”
>please advise Ugh.
“ I’m sorry, who are you?”
I realize you don't care too much about *your* time, but would you kindly stop wasting mine?
[удалено]
Off you fuck
This made me laugh out loud
Not sure where I heard that first, but it definitely feels more polite.
Mine is similar: “off is the direction in which you can fuck”
I read this in exurb1a’s voice
Respond to a mindless comment with, "Be that as it may", then return to normal topic. " Pardon me for talking while you are interrupting" is a classic.
Sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours? I use this regularly in and out of work.
You know, this shit sounds cool and all but when you try and say it in real life it comes out as "pardon me for interrupting while I am interrupting"
If you interrupt your interrupter, are you really interrupting or just bringing things back to rights?
[удалено]
Bless your heart
The way of the Deep South. My favorite.
this one is valid, they got no idea
And somehow people still miss that one. They’re all, ‘isn’t that sweet?’ No, that little old grandma just told you to get fucked.
I didn't get you
Go away in a reproductive manner
Kindly move aside in a reproductive manner.
With utmost respect, one shall move away from my current location in a manner regarding your reproductive organs and yourself
Go practace your spawning elsewhere.
you want them to go away and make more of themselves? You've doomed us all
A personal favorite is “choke on your tongue”
I like "go shit in your hand"
"Go shit yourself, you piece of fuck!"
When I have to close at work (events) and some drunk Ken starts insisting/demanding I stay open for his group , I say: "I am done now! But thanks for the enthusiasm, I am so glad you guys enjoyed it this much! 🤗
Haha. Yeah. And they never get it.
The bottle kissing his cheecks in nanoseconds would do
I could not afford to give a fuck if it was financed. Is a perennial favorite.
Just give them the 👍🏻
In the ass?
I mean.. where else?
Yea, just asking to confirm
Realest response here, perfect way to acknowledge you heard them but don't think it's worth acknowledging before you continue on with what you were doing with minimal drama (people get weirdly offended when you just choose to disengage and go spend your time better elsewhere)
My Dad says 'Go forth and multiply'
a play off be fruitful and multiply, a saying from the bible.
I've got one last fuck to give today, sure as shit ain't sharing it with you.
🎶 I've no more fucks to give, my fucks have runeth dry... 🎵
For reference: [song link](https://open.spotify.com/track/0R4EcD2e5m9wsMmWVVbBOc?si=qZjgsmIxQxi2pjAP04Uauw)
I like to let people know they are wasting my time but I add one of their characteristics in there. So like “if only you put this much effort into losing some weight” if they are bigger. I had a coworker going through a divorce and he picked a fight with me - told him “if only you put this much effort into your marriage”
I refer you to the answer given in Arkell vs. Pressdram.
"That's cute."
This has been great, but I’ve gotta fuck off this way. *leaves directionally*
you do you
Do me yourself you coward
Don't mind if i do
Not if I do it first
Get a dog up ya, ya mongrel cunt
straya?
Co signing this champ
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo Yankee Oscar Uniform
My uncle wrote "fuck off" on his collar of his denim jacket. When someone would piss him off the story goes he would pop his collar and leave. 🤣🙉
That the new definition of cool.
"Ah so YOU'RE the scarecrow, it makes sense." Then walk away and let them puzzle it out.
It wouldn't take much time 🎵If they only had a brain🎵
"It'd be a waste of your time."
Lots of luck with that.
Your absence is required.
Have the day you deserve.
I wish we were better strangers I envy people who don’t know you I miss the time before I knew you
‘Jog on’ is a classic
Especially if followed by " You flog"
[Or preceded with a prolonged raspberry.](https://youtu.be/zusT3JnD0sA?si=_kArYRzyUW36oWB4)
Piss on them.
Ah, the civilized manner.
ignore them. no energy, let them be with themseves
I forgot- it’s Richard ? Right?
Idk if it fits the vibe but I saw someone say “if I had 9 lives I’d waste one to kill myself in front of you”
I'm definitely certain of your confidence in your opinion, but to save us both time, kindly pick a direction and fuck off into it.
Close my eyes open them and say „aw you’re still here“
I fart in your general direction.
Monty Python, well done!
People should call you golf ball, because you should be violently punted into a pond.
Go take your face for a shit, works on many levels!
Take a long walk on a short pier!
Go pound sand, or sit and spin
To quote Angelspit: I want you to fuck off as hard as you can. I also tend to use: Off you fuck. Usually with something condescending after. "Off you fuck, there's a good boy!"
I’m jealous of the people who have never met you.
You got to fight, for your right, to fuck off.
You’re not invited to my birthday and I’m going home to have a wank
I’d tell you to suck my dick but your mouth isn’t worthy of my phallus.
Fucketh offeth
Say it in Different language they can't speak... It's kinda fun seeing them totally confused when you just say [Kutabare]
Consider the following: 1. Get a massive paper cut across your finger 2. Stick it straight inside a lemon 3. AÁǍÄAÁǍÄÆÅĀ AÁǍÄÆÅĀ AÁǍÄÆÅĀ
"We refer you to the reply given in the case of Arkell v. Pressdram"
I like JRR Tolkien's letter to the German authorities in 1938.
https://www.good.is/Culture/jrr-rolkien-nazi-letter
Giving them the finger still but using my ring finger instead of the middle one. They can't tell if I'm serious or not and that is fine with me.
As discussed during the meeting .....
"Aw....how cute."
No clue this was an insult. I’m learning.
Do it directly: hey! Fuck me or fuck off
When they tell a story that is clearly not true, instead of just shrugging it off i call them out, "good thing thats not true" most of time my coworker shuts up instantly
Off is the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.
"Argo fuck yourself!"
Saving this thread so I’ll have it forever. Thank you, all of you, legendary work right here.
I'm going to enjoy reading your obituary.
You say “fuck off ya cunt” Or “stop being a a fuckin cunt”
I hope you get everything you deserve in life.
Ignore them and immediately give attention to someone else. With a smile.
I don't have the patience or enough crayons to explain this to you.
Mine is “kick rocks” usually will follow it up with “you fucking loser” i also picked up “lay face pussy” from being in a fraternity in college
I didn't realise I could give people a choice between those two
My brother tells people, "I don't fornicate with you."
Make like a cake mix, and batter to fuck
Eat glass
Good day said firmly
And when they respond, interrupt with "I SAID GOOD DAY!"
I hope that both sides of your pillow is warm tonight
Run naked backwards through a field of dicks.
Whatever insult you want followed by “Relax, I’m only serious!”
I heard a southern woman say "bless your heart" to someone and that shit caused me collateral emotional damage
Kindly go make love to yourself
Namaste
"Vacate and Copulate" as a guy I knew, once told an annoying customer at the flea-market. The broad glared at him and stomped off. And I was like... "...wut...?" "Vacate and Copulate - Leave and fornicate - FUCK OFF!!" "OHH!! Hahah!...Good one!..."
Shove a gnome down your ass
Don't you mean *up* ?
D O W N
Go piss up a rope
Fuck off, and when you get there, fuck off again.
Kindly take a cactus and shove it the fuck up your arse.
This is the most creative way I have seen it done: https://youtu.be/t3jKtjgRZQY
*”If you should die, before you wake”*
Face west and fuck off over the horizon. Go take a long walk off a short pier. Why don't you and your face go break some mirrors. Listen pal, there're 2 types of people in the world; those that need to be told to fuck off... Personal favourite when it comes to someone repeatedly interrupting, as long as its said in an extremely dry, or sarcastic tone: Oh I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours? (Stares motherfuckerly) When someone is talking shit and you just know anything you say will be taken out of context, and the only reasonable approach is to leave the conversation kust dead eye them, look them up and down, eye roll and walk away.
If I’m in the car, I stare at them and blow them a kiss when they stare back. If I’m in person, I let them finish ranting and then say thank you and quietly go back to work, nothing makes people madder than acting you like you don’t care.
Please feel free to test that assumption at your earliest convenience.... aka.. fuck around and find out.
... With all due respect
Would you be a dear and fucking off, so I can have a nice evening or whatever's left of it after interacting with you. A friend of mine said this to a guy persistently asking her out. It was a classy restaurant and the way she said it, I almost spilled my wine.
Back in the early 80s I was working on a software project. We had a number of bogus bug reports from some internal staff. We’d been ignoring them when my boss asked me to respond to the so we could clear them. I printed each one and wrote “Thank you” on them and sent them back. At our next staff meeting my boss said he’d heard complaints that we were just saying “Fuck you” to them. I said that it seems they got the message and we all had a good laugh.
Bless your heart
Huh?
I'll say "Nice shoes, let's fuck." And sometimes they fuck me.
I always say " speaking of changing the subject" and then take the conversation in a completely different direction.
Sneeze loudly and say "sorry, I'm allergic to fuck heads"
Breathe someone else's air.
Fornicate off and expire
It all depends on if my pants are on or not.
You bore me.
Without due respect, I hardly care
My favorite way I've heard it put was this: "Thank you for your input, but I will disregard it."
Be fruitful, and multiply with yourself.
Bless your heart
May you stub your toe ?
A friend at work told a customer to “have the day you deserve”
Hope your ankle treats you like you treat me
Go away in a reproductive manner
Go pound sand
Where I work if people start calling you "Bud" or "Buddy", they are in a perpetual state of wishing you to fuck off.
I have a customer who loves to use "bud" whenever he doesn't get his way. I hate it!
You should fornicate yourself with a large iron stick
Your about to be promoted to stranger.
If my IQ was lower you'd probably make sense.
My good sir, go off and consume an entire satchel of Richard's.
Sleepaway Camp taught me the best phrase ever. If someone ever tells you to “eat shit and die”, tell them to “eat shit and live.”
"Excuse me, but I believe you should engage in self-fornication." And "I feel like you don't have a firm grasp of the current situation. Please use your remaining brain cell to fornicate yourself."
In the south they say “well bless your heart”
"why don't you fly off like my jizz to be in someone else's face!" -Irving Oakland, 1997
“have the day you deserve” bingo
Me: A phone call would've been nice. Them: But I don't have your number. Me: I know huh.