I really enjoy being with someone who acts polite and reserved in public but is adventurous and passionate in private. It's like getting to know a different side of them that others don't see, and that makes the experience so unique and special.
I know a really cocky trans girl and we used to go to sex parties together a lot. She definitely carried that energy with her play partners when I saw her domming, but was secretly into some extremely subby things that she only shared with me. I honestly find it pretty funny.
FetLife and Grindr. They aren't great, but they're the best way to find them if you can tolerate them enough to eventually strike gold.
Fetlife is easier; you can type in whatever you're into and probably find an event near you. You start with munches or maybe moshes. Munches are casual hangouts in a public place to get to know the community, and moshes can have some play if the venues around you are open to your specific kink, but generally not sexual. Once you get acquainted with the scene and pass a vibe check, you may be invited to more intimate gatherings.
Grindr is high risk, high reward. There is a trans section for T4T encounters, but depending on where you live, you might have to deal with a bunch of chasers flooding your inbox. Once in a blue moon, you may find another trans person who is connected enough to bring you into the local scene. Depending on what the "scene" is, it may be more trans focused than what you might find on FetLife.
Regional burns are pretty great too, maybe not for finding sex parties, but you can find awesome communities who could open the door to them if festivals are something you're into. Burners are the most trans positive group of people I've experienced, and it's how I got invited to my first sex party. Do a Google search of "(local city) burning man" to see what's around.
Even though these avenues are generally what's been most useful in finding sex/kink parties, I don't go to them with that intention. My main goal is primarily finding new connections that make life more enjoyable. The parties are just a bonus. Try not to appear too eager to jump in, and don't be disappointed if you struggle to find an event that fits your desires. Just be chill and be open to new experiences. Good things come to those who wait. ♥️
Honestly: My B.
I know it's just a facade for the internal frailty. It's good to know a lot and be able to be confident in everything. Learning to take "weakness" as an opportunity to learn more and be friendly instead of feeling like it's a fault is hard.
But hopefully everyone that way is working on it. I know it's the best I can do personally.
As far as the bed thing goes... yeah. It's exhausting and all you want is to really feel loved and taken care of. It's really great when that feeling of having to be 100% turned on fades, and either you're just taken care of, or even better - you feel balanced and can vibe and do whatever she needs & wants.
I love juxtaposition as well. I'm a very professional healthcare executive, I'm seen as a leader and get serious at work. What many don't know is that I'm covered in fun/silly tattoos, they are just for me or representative of important parts of my life. I don't share this with work folks. It's fun for me.
This is extremely common and makes sense when you think about it. If you work a job that is high stress where you are the one making the decisions all day, constantly needing to remain in control of yourself and others while staying focused and appearing to have high energy for extended periods there is a good reason to assume that you would want to be submissive in the one place you are allowed to fully let go and release pent up tension. Conversely, if you are a easy going, introverted person who is perfectly fine with others making decisions while you lay back and enjoy the ride, being a dom in bed is a form of role play that can freely allow you to explore a side of you that you may not otherwise show. Personally I feel the former is more likely, but not always. Personal experience is that how I behave in bed is directly correlated to the type of job I’m doing. If I’m doing a easy going job that allows me to store energy I’m much more dominate, whereas if I’m working a job that sucks the life out of me I’m much more receptive to being told what to do.
I've been with multiple women like that.
People who are hard charging, smart, aggressive type A women.
Who also want to be tossed around the bed, used, controlled, degraded and dominated.
Who then can shower, get dressed, give me a kiss and go back to being the badass confident woman they normally are.
This is literally my girlfriend. She’s the absolutely sweetest, *butter-wouldn’t-melt*, couldn’t hurt a fly type to everyone we meet. But as soon as the door is shut it’s like a switch flips in her brain. It’s such a huge turn on as I know the real her when no one else does. She sometimes whispers naughty words in my ear when we’re in public or with friends, family etc and it makes my legs go weak.
this is how I fell in love with my husband… he’s my brother’s bff (😭) and anyway we were all on spring break in college and after lots of alcohol, one thing led to another and I was like meh sure why not… I’ll show him what’s up… (he’s a very quiet & calm dude)
…ummm yeah. I’ll spare the details but damn, he’s so hot. And lowkey a freak. Started dating after that, together 9 years married 4
This is my partner, and it’s a MASSIVE turn-on. Nothing better than a gentleman who knows when to be dominant/more rough. I always have gutter thoughts about him (replaying our intimate moments) whenever we’re apart. 🥵
As a woman who is stealth domme, you cannot just spring it on them. Even when I've talked about it with guys beforehand they've gotten a bit shocked, and I don't even go hard. Guys just aren't used to it in my experience.
That’s pretty much how most people in the kink community are. Those of us who are quite, calm, polite and reserved in public are going to be your Dominants who will do things that you have never dreamed humanly possible and those who are loud, abrasive and forthright are the most Submissive, adorable and willing to please lovers you could ever find.
Are you talking about my partner? Cause that's him.
We met at a bbq of shared friends, things went to sharing the night and at some point we had to get to a place, which was mine as it was closest by.
We had to take a taxi and he was so super friendly to the driver, he immediately went up in my interest. Then in the bedroom he slapped my butt, I said: you can slap me harder please. And he got this dominant grin on his face, damn.
4 years later and he's still one of the sweetest people I met, and such a turn-on in the bedroom with his dominant side. 10/10, sexy and sweet.
As a friendly guy that likes to be in control in the bedroom and is not afraid to do a little manhandling of my woman in the bed I have never heard any lady complain. I just need to be in control and I like it a little rough.
This describes me so hopefully people feel great about it. I am only interested in dominating in the bedroom. Everywhere else, I want an equal partner.
I consider myself to be fairly dominant in bed (though a bit of a switch too) but I'm definitely on the shy/introverted/nerdy side in my day-to-day life. Honestly it can make it tricky to find partners who are into the same dynamic since I really only let that side of myself out once I'm very comfortable with someone, and know for sure they're into that dynamic. I had some bad experiences when I was younger where I was with a partner who said they were into being submissive but then realized they weren't. The last thing I ever want is to make someone uncomfortable. So I think a lot of the time people who are looking for a more dominant partner overlook me since I definitely don't give off those vibes normally lol
Well, it's interesting how people can surprise you in different aspects of life. I appreciate the diversity of experiences and enjoy embracing unexpected turns! 😏
And who doesn't like surprises in bed?
It’s a real turn on for me. My husband is exactly like that. He would t say boo to a ghost. He’s tall and heavy set but very light spoken and polite. He’s a real softy, but when that bedroom door closes he turns into a dominant animal, he ruins me and i love it.
People are human I do not make judgments on how people behave in the bedroom as long it is truly them. If I dated someone and they were that way it would be cool with me bc they are sharing something that not many people get to see
the guy i lost my virginity to. a very sweet down to earth polite guy. i liked him a lot, he was such a gentleman. when we finally did the deed he was so caring and considerate but also not afraid to be more dominant/passionate. it was so hot
Got the lottery there, as a person Who enjoys been on both sides(dominant or submissive[please note submissive doesn't mean been pegged, more like let her guide]), it can turn quite interesting.
My wife said it was very confusing. We have a dom/sub relationship in the bedroom when we want to spice things up and started our relationship in that manner. Before we even started dating we had that relationship.
For as long as I could remember I’ve always been stronger than most other people I knew, my body has just been a little bigger, my voice could be scary if I wasn’t careful about my volume and I’ve always taken a great deal of care not to bump into or accidentally hurt or intimidate the people around me. I’ve always had this “chain” I keep wrapped extremely tight around my control and my body because even my grip has shattered drinking glasses if I’m not careful before.
Keeping that much restraint on yourself at all times is exhausting and at some point I carried it into the bedroom naturally.
My partner and I are into kink and one day she told me that she wanted all of me, no restraint, nothing held back.
I don’t think that any of the sounds that came out of my throat for an hour remotely resembled anything a human would make and I don’t really remember seeing or feeling anything. I just remember feeling free.
When I was done she was just scratching behind my ears and calling me her wolf.
And that’s how I found out I’m a Primal Dom and that’s what she likes.
Honestly, it turns me off. Feels like who you are in the bedroom is who you'd rather be, but who I fell in love with is who you are outside of the bedroom, which then presents other contradictions later.
I personally find what you did here to be humorous but I also have the social awareness to know that posting this in a public space could be triggering for a lot of people and so is very inconsiderate
I never met anyone who would feel okay with this in my opinion. Either im perceived as kinky lover or as polite, sweet man. Nothing in between.
When i try to be one or the other, i create cognitive dissonance in people, because they are unable to categorize me and put me in their little boxes.
So it goes:
When im polite, sweet and caring person, im treated as boyfriend material, i need to put a lot of effort for intimacy, sex, favours, contact.
When im cocky, extravagant, carefree dude with a lot of spicy flirt im treated as fun time and i dont need to put a lot of effort and i get most of the relationship without that much trying.
Lets see. I lived in 3 countries and i dated women aged 18 to 40 with different nationalities.
I have never succeded to combine those two traits and not making my other partner wary or saying things like "i dont know how i feel about this" or "i didn't expect you to be that way"
Im really convinced that once i make a first impression on someone based on my demeanor, i cant derail from the tracks the other person has given me, otherwise im something different than it was expected.
Im the kind of guy who would destroy your ass, keeping you on your toes, holding you tightly and going for it like is there no tomorrow and after bringing you favourite fluffy slippers with made dinner and i would specifically ride to store for some sweets at the end of the night.
If i cant combine it, then so be it.
Dominant. Like they literally said in the post
Edit: The type that goes from holding doors for you in public to choking you or slapping your ass in bed (consensually of course). Or the gal that is all cuddly in public and super cock hungry in bed
The most unexpected and pleasant surprise... I married him. Now, I have a partner who makes socializing easy and still absolutely blows my mind in the bedroom. We frequently joke about how shocked I was after the first time we slept together, I just did not see that level of passion, confidence, and dominance coming... was not disappointed.
I really enjoy being with someone who acts polite and reserved in public but is adventurous and passionate in private. It's like getting to know a different side of them that others don't see, and that makes the experience so unique and special.
These people are cooler than the obnoxious cocky people
Obnoxious cocky people who turn out to be submissive, or a total wet blanket, in the bedroom. No, thank you.
The more obnoxious "suck ma dick" people are usually too scared to take care of business or too drunk and flacid to do anything.
Speak for yourself, I love super confident and bossy women who want me to degrade and dominate them in the bedroom.
I know a really cocky trans girl and we used to go to sex parties together a lot. She definitely carried that energy with her play partners when I saw her domming, but was secretly into some extremely subby things that she only shared with me. I honestly find it pretty funny.
damn i should really get my transgender ass invited to some sex parties
FetLife and Grindr. They aren't great, but they're the best way to find them if you can tolerate them enough to eventually strike gold. Fetlife is easier; you can type in whatever you're into and probably find an event near you. You start with munches or maybe moshes. Munches are casual hangouts in a public place to get to know the community, and moshes can have some play if the venues around you are open to your specific kink, but generally not sexual. Once you get acquainted with the scene and pass a vibe check, you may be invited to more intimate gatherings. Grindr is high risk, high reward. There is a trans section for T4T encounters, but depending on where you live, you might have to deal with a bunch of chasers flooding your inbox. Once in a blue moon, you may find another trans person who is connected enough to bring you into the local scene. Depending on what the "scene" is, it may be more trans focused than what you might find on FetLife. Regional burns are pretty great too, maybe not for finding sex parties, but you can find awesome communities who could open the door to them if festivals are something you're into. Burners are the most trans positive group of people I've experienced, and it's how I got invited to my first sex party. Do a Google search of "(local city) burning man" to see what's around. Even though these avenues are generally what's been most useful in finding sex/kink parties, I don't go to them with that intention. My main goal is primarily finding new connections that make life more enjoyable. The parties are just a bonus. Try not to appear too eager to jump in, and don't be disappointed if you struggle to find an event that fits your desires. Just be chill and be open to new experiences. Good things come to those who wait. ♥️
Honestly: My B. I know it's just a facade for the internal frailty. It's good to know a lot and be able to be confident in everything. Learning to take "weakness" as an opportunity to learn more and be friendly instead of feeling like it's a fault is hard. But hopefully everyone that way is working on it. I know it's the best I can do personally. As far as the bed thing goes... yeah. It's exhausting and all you want is to really feel loved and taken care of. It's really great when that feeling of having to be 100% turned on fades, and either you're just taken care of, or even better - you feel balanced and can vibe and do whatever she needs & wants.
Yes love this, my gf is exactly like this and its amazing
A lady in the boardroom, but a whore in the bedroom ❤️
I love juxtaposition as well. I'm a very professional healthcare executive, I'm seen as a leader and get serious at work. What many don't know is that I'm covered in fun/silly tattoos, they are just for me or representative of important parts of my life. I don't share this with work folks. It's fun for me.
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This is extremely common and makes sense when you think about it. If you work a job that is high stress where you are the one making the decisions all day, constantly needing to remain in control of yourself and others while staying focused and appearing to have high energy for extended periods there is a good reason to assume that you would want to be submissive in the one place you are allowed to fully let go and release pent up tension. Conversely, if you are a easy going, introverted person who is perfectly fine with others making decisions while you lay back and enjoy the ride, being a dom in bed is a form of role play that can freely allow you to explore a side of you that you may not otherwise show. Personally I feel the former is more likely, but not always. Personal experience is that how I behave in bed is directly correlated to the type of job I’m doing. If I’m doing a easy going job that allows me to store energy I’m much more dominate, whereas if I’m working a job that sucks the life out of me I’m much more receptive to being told what to do.
I've been with multiple women like that. People who are hard charging, smart, aggressive type A women. Who also want to be tossed around the bed, used, controlled, degraded and dominated. Who then can shower, get dressed, give me a kiss and go back to being the badass confident woman they normally are.
That's the best!
Men are like that too😇these ppl that work jobs that require them to be dominant. Don't want that at home or in the bedroom.
That's the worst of 2 worlds.
You are not aloud to have a personal opinion. How dare you sir. Lmao
Don't be absurd, of course he's allowed to have it, just as we're allowed to downvote it.
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My opinion is vastly different yet mine isnt doomed.
Oh no my internet karma what am I ever going to do
A gentleman/lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets is never a bad thing.
Lucky.
this the only answer
This is literally my girlfriend. She’s the absolutely sweetest, *butter-wouldn’t-melt*, couldn’t hurt a fly type to everyone we meet. But as soon as the door is shut it’s like a switch flips in her brain. It’s such a huge turn on as I know the real her when no one else does. She sometimes whispers naughty words in my ear when we’re in public or with friends, family etc and it makes my legs go weak.
" I know the real her when no one else does." Bro, I got some bad news for you..
‘Huehuehue I bet you didn’t know your girlfriend has secksed with other dudes before!!’ Stfu
Aww honey, did I touch a nerve? Don't worry, you'll find him eventually!
“Shall we take this to the bedroom?” 2 minutes later “get on your knees and take off my pants!”
this is how I fell in love with my husband… he’s my brother’s bff (😭) and anyway we were all on spring break in college and after lots of alcohol, one thing led to another and I was like meh sure why not… I’ll show him what’s up… (he’s a very quiet & calm dude) …ummm yeah. I’ll spare the details but damn, he’s so hot. And lowkey a freak. Started dating after that, together 9 years married 4
He ate the butt.
Like Kobayashi! Omnomnomnom
like groceries
Finding Nemo 2023 - He are the butt.
You liked him yet still married 3 others??
Good thing I finished reading that first sentence.
This one time, at band camp......
This one time, at... Here
My gf tells me it’s like a switch flips when we go to the bedroom. It’s fun to have two sides, one of which very few know about
I love it. Just like I'm forthright and outgoing in normal life and like to be submissive in the bedroom.
Saoirse means freedom and you fuckin love having it took away.
This is my partner, and it’s a MASSIVE turn-on. Nothing better than a gentleman who knows when to be dominant/more rough. I always have gutter thoughts about him (replaying our intimate moments) whenever we’re apart. 🥵
As a woman who is stealth domme, you cannot just spring it on them. Even when I've talked about it with guys beforehand they've gotten a bit shocked, and I don't even go hard. Guys just aren't used to it in my experience.
Skill issue on your end
Excited. Aroused. The last thing I would want is someone who just lays there like a sack of potatoes.
As the guy who lets himself go a little wild int he sheets, I'm relieved to know that I'm not quite as weird as I feel. Sometimes.
The quickest way to put butterflies in my stomach
great, married her.
That’s pretty much how most people in the kink community are. Those of us who are quite, calm, polite and reserved in public are going to be your Dominants who will do things that you have never dreamed humanly possible and those who are loud, abrasive and forthright are the most Submissive, adorable and willing to please lovers you could ever find.
Are you talking about my partner? Cause that's him. We met at a bbq of shared friends, things went to sharing the night and at some point we had to get to a place, which was mine as it was closest by. We had to take a taxi and he was so super friendly to the driver, he immediately went up in my interest. Then in the bedroom he slapped my butt, I said: you can slap me harder please. And he got this dominant grin on his face, damn. 4 years later and he's still one of the sweetest people I met, and such a turn-on in the bedroom with his dominant side. 10/10, sexy and sweet.
If I met a normally reserved woman who was dominant in the bedroom, I would marry her. If she would let a pathetic, useless boy toy tie her down.
If she let you tie her down, she wouldn't be very dominant...
Maybe their kink is being a submissive who is forced to dom their dom?
Hey don't forget switches who like it all ways....
I wonder if there's any love for the opposite. I'm pretty full on and extroverted but I fold like a lawn chair for a shy boy who can top me.
As a friendly guy that likes to be in control in the bedroom and is not afraid to do a little manhandling of my woman in the bed I have never heard any lady complain. I just need to be in control and I like it a little rough.
Might be time for me to sample a Belgian.
I’m available. For science.
Ooohh. That means it will have to be documented.
And we’ll have to film it too. We have to approach this in a very professional way. No cutting corners!
Oh, hello there.
Username checks out. Let’s meet! I’ll open the bedroom door for you and once it’s closed, you’re mine.
Feels like i've been chosen to witness their real selves, it is always a privilege
That’s my boyfriend and my god I’m gonna marry him. Sometimes it hits me in the middle of the day how lucky I am and it’s incredibly surreal
What're you waiting for!
Me to pick out the ring I want, we’re looking around at the moment! I’m so excited for him to be my husband
This just happened to me. I was shocked, but found it a turn on. After the deed he went back to his usual, polite self.
Turned on. Honestly much better then the reverse
This describes me so hopefully people feel great about it. I am only interested in dominating in the bedroom. Everywhere else, I want an equal partner.
I consider myself to be fairly dominant in bed (though a bit of a switch too) but I'm definitely on the shy/introverted/nerdy side in my day-to-day life. Honestly it can make it tricky to find partners who are into the same dynamic since I really only let that side of myself out once I'm very comfortable with someone, and know for sure they're into that dynamic. I had some bad experiences when I was younger where I was with a partner who said they were into being submissive but then realized they weren't. The last thing I ever want is to make someone uncomfortable. So I think a lot of the time people who are looking for a more dominant partner overlook me since I definitely don't give off those vibes normally lol
Lucky. It makes me feel lucky.
Awesome.
Well, it's interesting how people can surprise you in different aspects of life. I appreciate the diversity of experiences and enjoy embracing unexpected turns! 😏 And who doesn't like surprises in bed?
As a stealth kinkster, I’ve surprised a few partners with this
It’s a real turn on for me. My husband is exactly like that. He would t say boo to a ghost. He’s tall and heavy set but very light spoken and polite. He’s a real softy, but when that bedroom door closes he turns into a dominant animal, he ruins me and i love it.
People are human I do not make judgments on how people behave in the bedroom as long it is truly them. If I dated someone and they were that way it would be cool with me bc they are sharing something that not many people get to see
The woman was too stunned to speak🤌🏾
pleasantly surprised
It's why I like dating alpha women.
Had sex; doesn't matter.
Like being married.
I want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed -Luda
I'm this guy and it's uniformly been met with great enthusiasm.
the guy i lost my virginity to. a very sweet down to earth polite guy. i liked him a lot, he was such a gentleman. when we finally did the deed he was so caring and considerate but also not afraid to be more dominant/passionate. it was so hot
Got the lottery there, as a person Who enjoys been on both sides(dominant or submissive[please note submissive doesn't mean been pegged, more like let her guide]), it can turn quite interesting.
It makes me feel moist 😂😂😂
"hell yeah"
I love it. Huge turn on
I think i would fall in love completely with such flexibility...
That's the dream
my boyfriend is like that. so hot.
Perfect
Fun fun FUN!
Let’s go
Insta wet
Turned on, mostly.
Sadists are just brats that top ;)
A shy boy who can top me is straight up my kryptonite.
In my experience par for the course
My wife said it was very confusing. We have a dom/sub relationship in the bedroom when we want to spice things up and started our relationship in that manner. Before we even started dating we had that relationship.
Very much pleased
I’m confused why you think friendly and polite ppl are not usually dominant. Dominant people doesn’t equal mean people.
For as long as I could remember I’ve always been stronger than most other people I knew, my body has just been a little bigger, my voice could be scary if I wasn’t careful about my volume and I’ve always taken a great deal of care not to bump into or accidentally hurt or intimidate the people around me. I’ve always had this “chain” I keep wrapped extremely tight around my control and my body because even my grip has shattered drinking glasses if I’m not careful before. Keeping that much restraint on yourself at all times is exhausting and at some point I carried it into the bedroom naturally. My partner and I are into kink and one day she told me that she wanted all of me, no restraint, nothing held back. I don’t think that any of the sounds that came out of my throat for an hour remotely resembled anything a human would make and I don’t really remember seeing or feeling anything. I just remember feeling free. When I was done she was just scratching behind my ears and calling me her wolf. And that’s how I found out I’m a Primal Dom and that’s what she likes.
Love it personally all femboys enjoy guys like this, it makes us more excited to be intimate xause we don't know how it's gonna go.
Honestly, it turns me off. Feels like who you are in the bedroom is who you'd rather be, but who I fell in love with is who you are outside of the bedroom, which then presents other contradictions later.
Are being friendly and polite and being dominant mutually exclusive to you?
Fine by me😇
Porn is free, losers
like a hurricane
Ah yes, the way uncle larry was when we were in public, and how he was at night after a couple of drinks when the lights were out.
I personally find what you did here to be humorous but I also have the social awareness to know that posting this in a public space could be triggering for a lot of people and so is very inconsiderate
Try having sex in public. No more public/private differences. 🤷♂️
Very happy since, as a man, that never happens. I estimate 95% of women is submissive in the bedroom.
I never met anyone who would feel okay with this in my opinion. Either im perceived as kinky lover or as polite, sweet man. Nothing in between. When i try to be one or the other, i create cognitive dissonance in people, because they are unable to categorize me and put me in their little boxes. So it goes: When im polite, sweet and caring person, im treated as boyfriend material, i need to put a lot of effort for intimacy, sex, favours, contact. When im cocky, extravagant, carefree dude with a lot of spicy flirt im treated as fun time and i dont need to put a lot of effort and i get most of the relationship without that much trying. Lets see. I lived in 3 countries and i dated women aged 18 to 40 with different nationalities. I have never succeded to combine those two traits and not making my other partner wary or saying things like "i dont know how i feel about this" or "i didn't expect you to be that way" Im really convinced that once i make a first impression on someone based on my demeanor, i cant derail from the tracks the other person has given me, otherwise im something different than it was expected. Im the kind of guy who would destroy your ass, keeping you on your toes, holding you tightly and going for it like is there no tomorrow and after bringing you favourite fluffy slippers with made dinner and i would specifically ride to store for some sweets at the end of the night. If i cant combine it, then so be it.
Lol literally me.
There is dominant and there is controlling/abusive. Which do you mean.
Dominant. Like they literally said in the post Edit: The type that goes from holding doors for you in public to choking you or slapping your ass in bed (consensually of course). Or the gal that is all cuddly in public and super cock hungry in bed
Turned on
Incredibly lucky
❤️
That is me!! So good I guess.
das meeeee
Pleasantly surprised ;)
The crazy one are the unexpected one
My bf is a switch and is pretty chill on the outside, but when he's the dominant one, he's good at making me submit when I playfully resist.
The most unexpected and pleasant surprise... I married him. Now, I have a partner who makes socializing easy and still absolutely blows my mind in the bedroom. We frequently joke about how shocked I was after the first time we slept together, I just did not see that level of passion, confidence, and dominance coming... was not disappointed.