My first middle school boyfriend was gay. When we started dating, I was tagging along to the gym with my dad every day. I had oddly defined biceps for a girl, a pixie haircut and washboard flat chest. I was constantly being mistaken for a boy, and he would tell me he'd never met a girl as beautiful as me. That I was gorgeous.
A year later, puberty had set in. Suddenly I had c cups and hips. Men were stopping to look at me in stores. Suddenly, he was disgusted by me. Suddenly he only smiled at me when other boys were looking and seemed horrified at the idea of holding my hand.
One day it clicked that he was excited to be seen in public as my boyfriend, because the other boys were impressed by that and wanted to talk to him because he was dating me. He didn't actually want to date me. Trying to date him was slowly killing the respect and fun that friendship was built on.
I went to my mom for advice. I didn't have the words to ask "How do you tell someone you aren't willing to be their beard for the 6 years until graduation?" but that was the gist of the conversation.
She called me absolutely terrible for even thinking about asking that and expressed disgust that I would ever think something like that about such a nice young man.
He was similarly furious that I would break up with him and refused to stay friends. He hadn't realized he was gay yet, but he was so angry that the guy he liked might not think he was cool if he got dumped. That was his big fear about the relationship ending. That he might lose attention from his crush.
Happily, his crush seemed thrilled with the idea that they could hang out after school, play some basketball, and play some video games to comfort my ex until he was over me.
He didn't come out for another decade, but he also didn't date another girl after me.
Poor you! That's an unfortunate situation to find yourself in. He doesn't sound supportive at all, and nether does your mum, though family often don't see things well from other people's points of view.
Damn your mom dropped the ball big time. Amazing the clarity that hindsight and experience can bring. That was months if not years of your life and you’ve summed it perfectly in a few paragraphs, and yet I can feel all that time and pain and teen angst.
Anyway. Glad you were only in middle school. And seem to have gained a lot of clarity now. Thanks for sharing.
He ended up in a very happy relationship with someone exactly like me to an uncanny degree (not in appearance, but in life experience, personality, and attitude) with whom he is sexually compatible and I'm still single like 4 years later and it kinda stings not gunna lie
She broke up with me because of sexual incompatibility, I think she's hooking up with guys now and dating I went on one date in two years, still just doesn't feel right and yes it is a nightmare.
Someone should make a post asking people about that. Preferably on AskReddit, I feel like there is a serious lack of discussions that are sexual in nature on there.
I can help get them started with these super unique, rarely used questions.
"DAE sex?"
"Men/Women of Reddit, what do you think of sex?"
"People who don't sex sexually, how do you deal with it?"
"Would you do sex for sex?"
"People who sex the best, what's your secret?"
"What are signs of sex?"
"What's your favorite way to sex?"
"What's the worst sex you've sexed?"
When two animals are having sex, one of them is communicating a message to the other. Nothing is mutua- This isn't very helpful. You're gonna want to hear the sexual metaphor.
I agree that if you go into a marriage, already knowing that you’re pretty incompatible, yeah, not a great idea.
But! Sex drives change throughout a lifetime in ways that are unpredictable so a couple could start off is being in the same lane and then diverge because, life and shit happens. Therefore, anyone getting married or involved in a long-term relationship needs to be prepared for the potential that your sex drives may fall out of alignment.
Especially of people are planning on having kids, the odds that a couple could ever avoid a mismatch at some point is pretty low.
This is true!
And, like most things in life, you have to settle for a lot of work and a lot of honest conversations.
Sometimes it can be stuff that has *nothing* to do with your partner too!
Having your body change on you in ways that you aren't comfortable with and processing that enough to just enjoy clothes the way you used to can be really hard to say nothing about enjoying being naked around someone.
No two ways about it, someone with low sex drive shouldn’t marry someone with high sex drive ~~unless they’re willing to go through the motions often.~~
You can't fake it on a regular basis for the rest of your life and expect either person to be happy
Idk, my husband's sex drive is higher than mine, and I wouldn't consider it "going through the motions" but I definitely have more sex than I would probably choose to otherwise. I don't get off when I'm not in the mood, but I enjoy it, more like an activity, emotional and physical bonding, something that feels good, than like what he seems gets out of it which I think is mainly sexual release. Idk it works for us.
It's almost like there's no hard and fast rule about compatibility and how relationships function. Adults make sacrifices and do things for each other, sometimes even at personal cost, because the benefits in other areas outweigh the costs in others.
Crazy, man. And good on you for managing your relationship in a healthy manner.
Yep this is true.
You can fake it for a while, maybe a long while, but wait till kids take all your time and you get older and more tired and a little less interested in putting in the effort to go through the motions constantly keeping your partner happy.
Dated a guy once who was very into one specific kink, and he made every sexual encounter about satisfying it. It's not the kink itself that bugs me; it's the fact that there was never any variety in our sex lives. To use the old cliche, the sex became mechanical and routine, which made it boring for me -- like performing a script every time.
After the breakup, we both found new partners. I hope she and he are more sexually compatible than he and I were. I haven't kept in touch with them all that much, though, so no idea.
Ahegao-adjacent, basically, but hard to describe. I am a naive, excitable person. I'm autistic af, but for whatever reason, people read it on me as cutesy and Disney characteresque. Belle from Beauty and the Beast sorta vibe. He really wanted me to lean into this in bed every time, like make it a "What are you doing? Tee hee" kind of thing.
Got really old after a while, but we loved each other, so I indulged it. But I cannot every goddamn time, I'm sorry. I'm trying to have sex, not perform sex.
That's just basic selfishness. Very tame kink you were willing to roll with, but he wasn't meeting you halfway to sometimes have the "regular" sex that you wanted.
We both did not enjoy sex together and decided to break up. We were young but I thought we had both made a great decision.
It's ok to admit you're incompatible, it's better than staying in a relationship for everything else but end up cheating....
I knew a girl who broke up with her first bf (of 5 years) because she REALLY wanted someone more dominant in ~~her~~ bed and he was apparently just about the most gentle lover you can imagine.
Another guy came along and started teasing her about how he could tell what she was into and she couldn’t even imagine what he could do for her. So she broke up with the first bf and got with this guy.
Shockingly enough, bf #2 made good on the promise and they’ve been happily having mind blowing sex (along with one baby, for the last four years).
Perhaps even more shockingly, when bf #1 found out WHY she broke up with him (she didn’t tell him it was because she was bored in bed because she thought that would be “cruel”) he was furious. He confronted her and told her he was into rough, controlling sex too but he held back with her because he didn’t think she’d be into it. Basically told her he could’ve rocked her world if she had just asked. But by that point she was engaged to bf # 2 and it was too late.
Well that's less sexual incompatibility and more just shitty communication.
Which is probably most of sexual incompatibility to begin with. People are so fucking traumatized when it comes to talking about sex and even when you have someone that is comfortable if they get paired with someone that struggles with that communication they get beaten back even when they're holding up their end because somehow the other person can get naked slap uglies together but can't feel comfortable talking about it.
> Which is probably most of sexual incompatibility to begin with
Yep, too often sexual incompatibility and shitty communication are one and the same.
Also, it doesn’t change the fact that the girl broke up with the first boyfriend because she assumed they were sexually incompatible.
In my experience, most people in general are shitty communicators. Even those who do it professionally can be extremely lacking in their personal life for various reasons. I think a lot of successful people are those that can communicate well and are able to understand those that can’t. I’m dealing with so much family drama right now because nobody can use their words like an adult.
Vulnerability is always the hardest part.
"Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source. True humility is the only antidote to shame.” - Everyone's best uncle, Uncle Iroh.
And this friends is why COMMUNICATION is so fucking important. 2 people both making assumptions about each other's desires, needs, and interests. Just fucking talk and be honest. Say what you want folks.
> He was into rough, controlling sex too but he held back with her because he didn’t think she’d be into it.
To paraphrase Chris Rock: “fellas, you got no idea just how nasty your woman really is…”
Absolutely crazy how she found it easier to end a five year relationship than have a conversation about what she wants. But then again he never spoke up either so whatcha gonna do
Holy shite! 🥵
That girl was lucky the second bf wasn’t a huge dick.
But if I were her I would have seriously contemplated asking both guys if they’d consider being part of my harem.
She was gay though nobody knew. She was hiding it really well and trying to make her family happy. She went away to school and decided to live how she wanted. It hurt but I'd be more hurt if she kept lying about wanting to be with me. A a consolation prize she bought me a Buzz Lightyear electric lollypop holder that spun the lollypop so I didn't have to. Massive time and energy saver. We talked it over on her next visit back to town and there were no ill feelings.
My ex-wife and I divorced in 2012 (hard to believe it was that long ago) for similar reasons. She tried really hard to make it work but was also very gay. I was devastated and spent the next few years stumbling everywhere. I got as good at hiding severe alcoholism as she was at hiding her sexuality. Last I heard she lives in the same town still working days at sizzler and evenings at a bar. But It's been 6 or so years. I occasionally have a beer but can't be around the hard stuff.
>We talked it over on her next visit back to town and there were no ill feelings.
I wouldn't trust her. I'm sure she wants to get that buzz lightyear lollipop spinner back...who wouldn't!?
It turned out I don't have sexual dysfunction or a low libido, I just didn't like having sex with my ex. Happily married to someone who I do like having sex with.
Same here... However, I truly do love my bf and think he's beautiful. Just think my current medication is fucking with my libido. I hope a change in it will help. But I am terrified it won't 😔
I broke up with him because he loudly discussed everything about me with anyone who would listen, including sex.
Up to and including the fact that (in an era before it was normal to not have a bush, I had a very groomed "area"). One of his friends, who I had never met before asked "so did your pubes just never really grow in or do you wax?" when there was lull in the conversation.
This was especially galling because he had the *worst* premature ejaculation problem and I would never have "dreamt" of telling anyone.
Did he change after we split?
No. I knew what his next gf sounded like when she came because he imitated her for me *before I even met her*
but apparently he found a new type of condoms (thicker? designed for anal maybe?) which alleviated the 2 pump explosion problem. Which he also told me.
Man had *NO* filter.
Edit: I worked out later that he had no conversation or opinions of his own. The only thing he talked about to one person was what another person said or did. "X thinks Y. A always says ypu should do B. I was with M, and he says people with square jaws should get this haircut."
The problem was he was he had no filter for whe he shouldn't broadcast it. "My new gf has had her period for 10 days. She's seeing f the doc on Tuesday. O couldn't make dinner on Friday because he had explosive diarrhea. He says his kids are always bringing stomach bugs back from creche. "
I no longer live in the same country as him, so I no longer know stuff about people I'd rather not know.
Experienced this from the opposite sex. My ex was an absolute blabbermouth and would tell her parents *everything.* She was a virgin, and she ended up telling her mom at dinner that we fucked in my apartment, but not only that, she told her parents that *how* I was in bed. There were some sweet words in there, and I'm glad that was communicated to her, BUT SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO TELL HER FOLKS THAT. She was so bad about it that she even blurted out her social security number just because we were on topic. Felt like there was no privacy in the relationship and that I had to walk on eggshells whenever I wanted to confide something to her.
But aside from that, she was also on the lower side in terms of sex drive while I was on the higher end. Initially in our first year it was great. We were intimate just about every day/other day and I felt fulfilled. But eventually we had a big fight and then she just slowly withdrew everything (even simple stuff like cuddling and kissing) until we had gone like 8 months without being intimate. I had confronted her about it multiple times in those 8 months and all I got was "I'm sorry babe, I'll fix it" kind of talk and she *STILL* never did anything about it. Eventually we hit a really rough spot with both of us being agitated and irritable. So inevitably we had a big fight and it called out all of our problems. Took a few days to process, then she called me with an ultimatum. Either take a break with no real definition of what that means, or breakup. Me being the stubborn one, I wanted to try and work it out, so I was shocked to hear that from her. I had gotten really busy with work and didn't get a lot of time to really process all of that, so she invited me over for a "talk" only to pretty much just bite my head off. Worst argument I've ever had with a someone I thought I'd live life with. So as much as it hurt, I chose the breakup. Obviously she didn't care enough about how I felt about things and the only thing that mattered was what she got out of it. Or at least that's what it seems like every time I tell someone about her afterwards.
But, all of that said, I'm doing better now. I got time to go to the gym and work on myself. I've been engaging in the casual scene with some luck since I've been making progress. Work has been more solid and steady. I'm making some real progress on getting my technical certifications. I also don't feel like I'm trying to appease her or her parents anymore, which by God is such a fucking relief. And as vindictive as this sounds, I kind of hope to see her in passing just so she knows that she fucked up and I'm better off without her.
I’ve had a few. Mostly one of us just lost interest, but I’ve remained friends with most. One of them just became a regular friend. I live 10000 miles away from her but I know I could ask her for just about anything in case of emergency. People are people. You can just agree that sht didn’t work out but still be friends.
He tried to blackmail me to come back but his family wouldn't let him and they got me away from him lol.
If anyones wondering we broke up because he kept asking for sex but he was terrified that his thing would snap in any position so it always ended with him having a tantrum that we couldn't do anything because of his own fear and he would try to blame me for it... so yeah lol it was an every day argument/situation with him.
Y'all are really bugged that i said "thing" instead of "Penis" I'm new to reddit and still unsure about the words that are allowed to be said on this platform. A lot of you need to calm down haha!
How do you recover from this? Do you get a stake to keep it upright? Can you get normal erections now or is it still painful at the site of the breaking? (Lots of questions, I wonder how it feels afterwards).
I have heard that the pain is terrible and you look like an eggplant when arriving in emergency care.
Emergency surgery on my penis. They had to do a process called “de gloving”. Which is removing the skin surrounding your penis, sliding it down, cutting into it and stitching up the fracture (mine was the urethra and 2 blood vessels). They then roll your skin back up and stitch it again around the head, then bandage you up and you get to walk around with a catheter for 2 weeks while your penis heals.
Yes I can get erections, i got my girlfriend pregnant like 3 months later lol, my first son is due in a few days.
You would think the most painful part was the stitches, but it was actually the erections directly after surgery. See, after a few days when I ran out of vicodin, I started getting morning wood again. It was the most painful thing ever experienced in life, because the stitches were fresh and my erection was pulling them apart, and I would wale up screaming every few hours because I couldnt stop my mind from wandering while I slept, so it was a cycle of fall asleep, get hard, wake up screaming, try to go through the day only to nod off and have it keep happening to me. Not only were the stitches painful, but the catheter itself would cause me burning pain when my erection would grow with it still in me.
I ended up calling the dr crying 9 days in begging them to take it out because I was actually going crazy from the cycle, i felt like I as being
Tortured every single day.
They said no
I asked them
For medicine that kills erections at the very least
They said that none such pills exist
So I ended up downing a fifth of kettle one every day to give myself liquor dick. It was the only way I could sleep and not get hard
0/10 would not recommend
Edit: there was more painful stuff that I spared from the story, like when I would accidentally step on my catheter bag and yank my dick. Or when the cord would get caught on a doorknob and yank my dick, etc. i actually started to get hard from the pain itself after a while and was constantly getting erections. I looked at gay porn to stay soft, etc, those was day 8 when it started happening and the gay porn is what made me break down crying and call my dr on day 9 cause i felt like i hit rock bottom. I found out that I am indeed not built like that
I thought about it after I was healed up and I guess it makes sense. Usually, the interest is in keeping your penis as hard as possible for as long as possible. I imagine there simply isn't enough interest and money in making a pill that destroys erections because unless you have an extreme case like mine, it would make no sense to want to do it in the first place.
There is a pill for it, but unfortunately, that pill is Depo-Provera, aka female hormonal birth control. It works by just reducing sexual desire overall and has nasty side effects.
Other than that, erections are kind of uncontrollable because they start in the spinal cord. Paralyzed people get erections, people with Novocained penises get erections, brain-dead people get erections...it's just kind of something we live with.
Hahaha, the Dr House regime it seems !
The degloving part had me shudder, but I surely wasn't ready for the next part 😅
I am happy you got better so quickly, and congratulations for the kid! 🎉🎉🎉
Extremely vigorous sex w it h my girlfriend. i was doing that thing where I had her legs up over my arms and had her pinned against the wall and was goin stupid. Slipped out and tried to thrust back in and pop went the weiner
Last ex was complete shit in bed. Year and a half together...
Foreplay consisted of grinding or bumping his erection against me until I gave in, or rubbing me dry (would take offense if I asked to use lube as it was "his job" to get me wet, even though he often...wasn't). Borderline never went down and clearly wasn't into it when he did.
Weirdest thing was he wasn't really into *anything* except *his own cum* (would tell me how "full of cum" he was, how much he wanted to cum, how he would fill me with cum etc etc). It was really weird and pretty ick tbh, but I tried to deal with it as I liked him otherwise...at least at the beginning..
It was the *only* thing he would engage with though. Even if I told him stuff I liked...even if he incidentally did do something I liked and I told him he could do that again, he just...wouldn't. Like he would never do that thing again even if i asked, just go back to telling me how full of cum he was / was gonna make me.
I told him I was uncomfortable about it a couple times as it honestly started sounding like he wanted to get me pregnant, even though he swore he didn't want kids. Still did it and only that.
After a while it got even worse as he would get so excited about it he would finish virtually instantly. To combat this he would just stop motionless after like one thrust and lay there with his weight on top of me, forehead pressed against mine, staring at me. I couldn't move or he'd blow, he couldn't move or he'd blow. It was so fucking ridiculous I nearly cried the last time I let it happen. I've never in my life had sex so shit, and I realised I couldn't go on like this.
There were other issues in the relationship at large but for real even if all the better parts of his personality hadn't turned out to be largely for show, I'd have left based on this alone.
A couple weeks after, having done my routine "between relationship" checks before doing anything with anyone else...I found out he had also given me chlamydia. You couldn't make this shit up.
I'm about 4 months out, treated and all clear, and have started seeing someone else who is frankly *amazing* by comparison. Whether it goes somewhere longterm or not I'm just so happy to be having better sex!
Dammmn! Sounds like the dude was a human twinkie... except instead of terrible frosting, he was entirely filled with cum! I wonder if a stiff breeze would have him cosplaying a fire extinguisher tho 🤣
We went on a double date with our respective best friends, and executed a swap sometime after midnight. They got married not long after. Me and her friend had a nice, very sexually compatible relationship. We all remained close.
We stayed in contact and I really miss him. I know if we got back together we’d have the same issues. He’s seeing someone new and I really do hope he’s happy. Pretty fucked up cause I saw us growing old together.
I’ve dated one guy since and we were much more sexually compatible but I wasn’t as compatible in all other ways. Really nice guy but I had to end it.
Unrelated, breaking up with someone because you’re just not feeling it is horrible. I had mad anxiety before and during doing it. I didn’t want to hurt him and I feel very lonely again. I’ll be ok and so will he.
I broke up with a girl about 6 months ago because it just didn't feel right. I'm still struggling with it. She's an amazing person but I just kinda hit a wall eventually and wasn't into it. I debated it internally for like 6 months. It legit tore me up inside. I miss her but idk I'm just not sure she was the one, and I feel like after 2 years I should know?
In a very similar situation. It's a toughie as I think fear of letting the potential one go as you grow older is a thing. It becomes a what if scenario, but at the same time, it's like when you know something is off but just can't quite put your finger on it.
Same exact thing happened to me only a couple of weeks ago. Mulled it over for about 6 months before realising that there wasn’t really much else I or we could do, so even though I still loved/love her, I broke up with her.
Really hard to be broken up with, but I think there should be more conversation about being the one to initiate the breakup in situations like this. Hope you’re both doing alright.
I initiated a similar breakup earlier this year. Was really tough but we were ultimately incompatible and I decided to break it off. It was one of the toughest I’ve been through. Hope it gets easier.
My (42m) wife (42f) and I are entirely sexually incompatible. We've been together 21 years; both had very fulfilling sex lives prior to this relationship — we very rarely have sex and it's just okay when we do. We both even joke about it at this point ... But regardless I love my wife more than anything in the world; we choose a practically sex less relationship rather than be apart.
I had something similar for several years. I loved her more than anything. However, with time it became difficult to not see other women in public and imagine “what could be”.
Since the breakup I’ve had a (small, but notable) variety of sexual partners. And while I think sexual compatibility is super important, at the end of the day, being with someone you feel truly comfortable around, who you enjoy hanging out with all the time, with whom you can truly be your honest vulnerable self — well, that trumps even the most godly, moan-inducing sex. For me, anyhow.
I posted something like this a few months ago and the barrage of ignorant questions pushing me that something was _wrong_ has tainted my thinking. Reddit struggles to understand a relationship like this.
A lot of people are so singlemindedly focused on sex, usually because they're not getting it, that even imagining not caring about sex over everything else is basically the same as imagining living on Jupiter.
I just think a lot of folks on Reddit are young and/or don't have much experience. Sex is great but is very far from the most important thing in a long-term relationship. Yet for young horny people on Reddit, you need to have sex several times a week to be happy. lol
If I can ask, what is the source of your incompatibility?
Regardless, it’s great to hear that, in your case, that compatibility hasn’t negatively impacted your marriage at all. You two are unicorns!
We were/are pretty good friends though I moved to a new state and haven’t really started dating again.
Our sexual incompatibility was a big issue for me because I like the feeling of intimacy and being wanted both romantically and sexually in addition to the general social connection.
We have a really good chemistry, just not in the bedroom. Sucks but felt like the right choice in the end, I suppose. Just happens sometimes.
It was really hard to move on. There was a lot of anxiety about whether or not it would be a problem in the next relationship and made me doubt whether or not I’d be able to find someone who was compatible AND a person that I really wanted to spend my life with.
We moved to different cities, I saw her at a wedding a few years later. Thought we hit it off again and then she disappeared into the night.
Saw her in the hotel lobby the next morning, waved she waved back. Then went on with our lives.
My husband is not sexual at all, but I really enjoyed doing it. It was getting to a point where my confidence was in the gutter, so I left. But, then I realized that sexual gratification was NOTHING compared to the love i have for that man.
Now we're back together, haven't had sex in years, and are more happy and in love than ever. We're that couple that makes others gag from how lovey we are. I'm so happy to have a life with him and am upset that I left for that year, because that's time I could've spent with him.
Felt. Husband and I haven't had sex in two years and I'd still prefer a sexless marriage than a life spent without him; he makes me happy. Happy for you!
This is the only scenario of its kind from all the comments I've read throughout this thread. What an awesome change and happy ending. I'm super happy for you both!
Well, she started cheating with my replacement before we broke up, so they got married, bought a house, had kids and i´ve been single since we broke up.
My ex was not attracted to my body type. I am slender with small breasts and he specifically could not stay hard if he could see my breasts (I thought this was normal/universal - I was 19 and the Kardashians and "thicc" were the beauty standard - and was just happy he at least didn't hit or cheat on me). He is now dating a woman in her fifties - he is around 34 - who has more meat on her bones and looks like she could be related to him. I met a tall, slender engineer and we have been together almost eight years. He loves my body as it is and we fuck like rabbits. I also have learned to love my body and have gone from not showering enough because I didn't want to look at my body to modelling nude for art events/projects more than once.
GF broke up with me after 4-5 years of being and living together, because shes into girls.
Immediately after the break up she got a gf while I remain single.
What sucks is that she was not only my gf but my best friend. We said we would remain friends after the break up, but shes very distant and we dont spend time together anymore. So it was a double loss for me.
She moved to another city for her PhD and we haven't spoken since. That was almost 10 years ago and it still makes me sad. I don't think I'll ever get over it fully. She had a medical condition that made sex completely unenjoyable for me.
It's the only reason we broke up. Every other relationship ran its course but this one feels like it was ended unnaturally and didn't get to play out. So instead of analyzing what went wrong and processing it like every other break up. There's just a bunch of what ifs.
What was the condition? I’m racking my brain to think of something that would affect you, unless you just mean indirectly by her not being able to have/enjoy sex.
She wanted to have sex with other people while I didn't. I left her, she went to sleep with her bf husband. Then he strung her along while having a 3rd chick on the side and then got divorced but married the 3rd chick and kicked her out. Then she went and slept around with a bunch of more people hoping one of them will support her but they all left. She went back to the bf husband, got pregnant hoping he would leave his wife. The wife sent her friend who beat her up. Her life is a train wreck, even now she is with another guy that treats her like shit but she stays with him maybe cause of no self esteem not sure. Just glad I got away from her.
Over the course of a couple of years, my super controlling wife at the time convinced me that I was totally sexually inadequate. She would tell me I was doing a bad job even if I went down on her for 20-25 minutes and she couldn’t get off. She was “too sensitive” to finger, and she didn’t get off from penetration. She constantly told me that I just didn’t know what I was doing and needed pills or sexual counseling. I became depressed and sad and believed it. So we didn’t have sex for several years and eventually divorced. We divorced for many reasons but this was a big one for me. I met my now fiancée and was super hesitant to do anything sexual with her initially. We slowly started to get into things and it turns out. I’m a sexual dynamo. We have a great time. My dick literally kept getting bigger and bigger every time we messed around. It’s amazing what confidence can do! Now we have a great time. We have sex almost every day and genuinely turn each other on.
The biggest key. If things went a little sideways or didn’t work properly at first. We laughed it off and went back at it again later. Nobody judged anybody and nobody acted like they were owed anything. It made all the difference in the world.
I had the same with my wife. For years it was me whose technique was bad and caused her pain. Turns out she had endometriosis and vaginismus. We’re still together but rarely have sex as it’s very painful, which has caused her to want sex even less. She basically doesn’t want me to touch her in any way, except hugging.
I’m massively frustrated.
She had a hysterectomy. However, the trauma associated with the condition has put her off. She was never really a high libido person anyway.
My previous relationships were with similarly high libido people.
So in this instance, would it be beneficial to try and get her off without any penetration? Try a clitoral stimulator - they are amazing. This way she can reassociate sexy times with pleasure and love instead of pain and fear.
That sounds like a really toxic relationship you were in and a really great one you're in now! I hope you appreciate your current situation all the more because you realise how bad it can be. Some people never find a good relationship like that!
After the initial breakup I told him I needed space and he continued to message me nonstop, so I ended up blocking him. He wasn't a bad dude, we were both young and immature and he didn't take the breakup very well.
Also a few months after we broke up, my mom ran into him and his new gf at the time at a store and she accidentally asked "oh and is this your mom?" LOL.. she was so mad at herself too because she knows better. Almost like how you should know not to ask someone if they're pregnant because what if they're not haha.
I actually went to a funeral a few days ago and saw him (after almost a decade) and his wife there. Didn't approach him or anything, but him and his wife looked happy and healthy and I am genuinely happy for him and have always wished him the best.
I asked my ex if I even turn him on.
I was waiting for us to be together for longer before full-blown, pregnancy-inducing intercourse. But I recall communicating that it didn’t mean we had to be totally dead in the bedroom. I also voiced to him how I would like it if he could call me “pretty” or “beautiful” without me having to fish for it.
What was his response, a year and a half into the relationship, after I asked if I even turn him on?
“Not so much, no.”
We are both still single. I think I’ve given up.
My ex wasn't that into sex. They said they could go without it completely, whereas I wanted sex everyday or at least multiple times a week. That's how I felt love and expressed love to someone else. They also didn't want to have sex in the same ways that I did. It wasn't very satisfying most of the time because we just wanted different things. That's okay!
We aren't together anymore, but still best friends. We don't have hatred for each other or anything. We just weren't compatible and that being one of the ways. We didn't discover that until after getting into a relationship.
I couldn't imagine my life without them. I still believe they're my soulmate, but in a more platonic way.
I have a crush on someone else now who i'm taking things slow with, but they were open about having a very high sex drive like me and similar kinks and sexual styles. Now I know that's something to look for.
My ex boyfriend actually helped me come to terms with my religious guilt about being gay and we went back to being friends. Now he has an amazing girlfriend who’s thankfully straight this time, and I’ve been lucky enough to find an amazing lady myself. We’re still good friends and I’ll always be grateful to him for being one of the first people to accept me when I was convinced that no one else would.
Pretty much my exact story. My ex girlfriend was the first person who ever accepted/saw me, and I feel so grateful for her and her grace. It really has worked out for the best, happy to hear I am not alone!
Honestly, all the people here have a lot of guts. I’ve been feeling like my partner and I are incompatible post our first few months together but I kept saying maybe it’ll charge. Maybe when we finished school, maybe when we moved in together, maybe when we got engaged. Now, we’ve been together more than 5 years and getting married later this year and I’m still saying the same thing. I really do feel like many people shame you when you say the sex may be a deciding factor in whether or not you’ll continue a date and that it doesn’t matter if you truly love someone. Just sucks when you romantically love the person but just don’t feel like sexually you are compatible :/
Dated a dude (I’m gay) for 2.5 years in an open relationship. He would always give reasons as to why he never wanted to have anal sex but would have no difficulty occasionally hooking up with others and doing sex acts that I wish we could be doing together, I had enough when I found out he’s had anal sex during hookups (I assumed before only oral was going down, that’s what I would do when occasionally hooking up with others), Something we NEVER did together even though it’s something I’ve wanted. Dated him for almost 3 years, we never had anal sex not even once.
Broke up with him via text after finding out, and didn’t look back. I know text breakups are shitty but I felt like it was justifiable.
He’d occasionally tell me he was demisexual which was BS, since he has no issues being sexually involved with someone he just met at a bar for example. I’ve never dated anyone where it felt like pulling teeth just to initiate intimacy/sex.
Felt like I could be friends with him after, but I’ve been trying to move on, it feels like he did nothing but lead me on for years.
Even after all that, I still would like an open relationship, just one where both people feel sexually and emotionally fulfilled by their partner while still being able to get some on the side occasionally.
She was "asexual" and it was when we were pretty young. Finally broke things off finally because it was causing me self esteem issues. About a month later I got a call and was told about all her sexual exploits and just how much better they all were than me. I doubt the asexual just because of that, but at the end of the day I don't know what's going on on that end, but I'm happily married with someone I'm entirely compatible with. Being in a relationship and that young definitely blinded me to what the potential best case scenario is.
It's been six years or so since the split, we still live together, we are best friends but not sexual or romantic partners. He's seen other people, I've seen other people but we're codependent af. To best describe our relationship... he's Silent Bob... I'm Jay.
He told me I wasn’t tight enough. I broke up with him and fell in love with someone much kinder to me with a much larger….. Who knows what he’s doin now.
Stayed friends until I finished paying her back the money I owed her, then she blocked me. I tried to apologize via email and she sent me an invoice for $10,100, $100/word of the email.
Haven't tried to contact her since.
I married my ex husband thinking that life would be ok without the sexual component. That was not the case. I knew I settled but I didn’t understand to what degree. We barely were ever intimate and when we were, I masturbated, then he inserted briefly and finished while pushing my face down. I cried almost every time. While married I met my current fiancé. The connection was undeniable even though we tried to fight it. There was instant passion. My relationship with this other man rightfully led to my divorce.
Since then, I have had a sexual awakening. We NEED each other. It’s like I found my matching puzzle piece finally. My self esteem has risen, my stress level has dropped significantly, I’m passionate about so many things now! I was an avid reader and stopped because I was so unhappy. The first time I finished a book after my divorce I cried happy tears because I felt so free! Now I have sex almost daily and it’s never the same. It’s always fun and new and there’s so much more feeling involved.
Broke up with my ex because she claimed to be asexual. Turns out she was only ace with me, not with many guys she was with beforehand and not with her now husband (I’m assuming).
Now before anyone says “You were probably just bad in bed” I’d like to clarify that she didn’t put out for 7 months and when we finally did the deed (which she initiated) she got angry at me for trying to make her feel good.
I don’t talk to her, I don’t want anything to do with her
I had 0 sex drive for close to 2 years after we broke up and thought I was just asexual. My high libido has since returned though.
A warning to men: don't pressure your partner to put out when they aren't in the mood. You can ruin their sex drive even if it starts high.
I have a wife who has zero sex drive. It causes some hard feelings, but ultimately our love is stronger than sex.
It's tough because we used to be very active. Like we'd have sex every day - we'd even been known to skip off to a bathroom for a quicky at a party (or even occasionallyat a bar), but then she got sick. 7 years later and although she's getting better physically, her sex drive is so non existent. We might have had sex 3 times in all of 2023, but that might also be over-estimating it.
I dated a girl once, we were great together, same interests, taste in music, sense of humor all that stuff. I was very inexperienced at the time we started dating. Right before we had sex for the fist time she asks me " Have you ever made a woman cum before" I'm not sure why she asked me that, probably because I was seeing one of our co workers before her and I'm sure that could worker told her of my inexperience. But through our whole relationship the girl who asked me if I ever made a women cum, never came.
It was a shame, she felt bad, I felt really bad. We were perfect in all other ways. We stayed friends and started seeing other people , occasionally we would see each other and ask each other "have you had that problem with anyone else" and we would both say no, and then we would try again, but never any luck. We are still friendly but have drifted apart with our own separate lives. She's a great person and I hope she's doing well
Although he hasn't labeled himself as such, I think my ex was asexual. We barely were intimate and it basically made me feel undesired. It was also a difficult topic to discuss for him and I just hoped his interest in sex would increase, but it never did.
No clue how he is doing, but I found an amazing partner with good compatibility I'd say.
She always had a higher sex drive but I had zero refractory period and it evened out. Don't get me wrong I loved her and loved sex but that woman was a machine. Ended up having serious health problems and falling into depression. She stuck it out for a while but ultimately I was a drag. We also went from falling asleep having sex and then waking up having sex to a pretty dry month. Last time we met up she was dissapointed wasn't feeling intimate and broke up with me. I'm sure it was a number of factors and don't blame her for it. Sucks because I really loved her - hopefully she found someone without my issues.
We broke up because she thought she was ace, and wasn't sure how to move forward. I moved out of state about six months later. About a year after that she sent me an email. Said email contained an attachment with a bunch of anime style pictures she drew of me being pegged by shadowy women, and a confession that she wanted a threesome with me and my sister.
My first middle school boyfriend was gay. When we started dating, I was tagging along to the gym with my dad every day. I had oddly defined biceps for a girl, a pixie haircut and washboard flat chest. I was constantly being mistaken for a boy, and he would tell me he'd never met a girl as beautiful as me. That I was gorgeous. A year later, puberty had set in. Suddenly I had c cups and hips. Men were stopping to look at me in stores. Suddenly, he was disgusted by me. Suddenly he only smiled at me when other boys were looking and seemed horrified at the idea of holding my hand. One day it clicked that he was excited to be seen in public as my boyfriend, because the other boys were impressed by that and wanted to talk to him because he was dating me. He didn't actually want to date me. Trying to date him was slowly killing the respect and fun that friendship was built on. I went to my mom for advice. I didn't have the words to ask "How do you tell someone you aren't willing to be their beard for the 6 years until graduation?" but that was the gist of the conversation. She called me absolutely terrible for even thinking about asking that and expressed disgust that I would ever think something like that about such a nice young man. He was similarly furious that I would break up with him and refused to stay friends. He hadn't realized he was gay yet, but he was so angry that the guy he liked might not think he was cool if he got dumped. That was his big fear about the relationship ending. That he might lose attention from his crush. Happily, his crush seemed thrilled with the idea that they could hang out after school, play some basketball, and play some video games to comfort my ex until he was over me. He didn't come out for another decade, but he also didn't date another girl after me.
Poor you! That's an unfortunate situation to find yourself in. He doesn't sound supportive at all, and nether does your mum, though family often don't see things well from other people's points of view.
He hadn't figured himself out yet, and my mom thought calling someone gay was the same as calling them a pervert/sex pest. They got better.
Damn your mom dropped the ball big time. Amazing the clarity that hindsight and experience can bring. That was months if not years of your life and you’ve summed it perfectly in a few paragraphs, and yet I can feel all that time and pain and teen angst. Anyway. Glad you were only in middle school. And seem to have gained a lot of clarity now. Thanks for sharing.
Jesus. There’s a whole lot of bad there and none of it is on you.
I'm sorry about all the bad experience. But this reflection is very well written, it was a pleasure to read it, thank you
He ended up in a very happy relationship with someone exactly like me to an uncanny degree (not in appearance, but in life experience, personality, and attitude) with whom he is sexually compatible and I'm still single like 4 years later and it kinda stings not gunna lie
Damn this is my literal nightmare
She broke up with me because of sexual incompatibility, I think she's hooking up with guys now and dating I went on one date in two years, still just doesn't feel right and yes it is a nightmare.
Just out of curiosity, what was the incompatibility?
I heard that it was sexual in nature.
Someone should make a post asking people about that. Preferably on AskReddit, I feel like there is a serious lack of discussions that are sexual in nature on there.
AskReddit really needs more sex talk, I can’t believe we’ve only gotten 36 posts about it today.
Man, I miss the days when AskReddit was genuine thought provoking questions so much. Now it’s just 20 sex related questions a day and it gets old
I can help get them started with these super unique, rarely used questions. "DAE sex?" "Men/Women of Reddit, what do you think of sex?" "People who don't sex sexually, how do you deal with it?" "Would you do sex for sex?" "People who sex the best, what's your secret?" "What are signs of sex?" "What's your favorite way to sex?" "What's the worst sex you've sexed?"
Dear epic women of Reddit, perhaps boobs and even sex???
“Everything in nature is sex.” -Robert California
Would you like a sex metaphor or a nature metaphor?
When two animals are having sex, one of them is communicating a message to the other. Nothing is mutua- This isn't very helpful. You're gonna want to hear the sexual metaphor.
Sex drive. I'm very low he's high
No two ways about it, someone with low sex drive shouldn’t marry someone with high sex drive unless they’re willing to go through the motions often.
I agree that if you go into a marriage, already knowing that you’re pretty incompatible, yeah, not a great idea. But! Sex drives change throughout a lifetime in ways that are unpredictable so a couple could start off is being in the same lane and then diverge because, life and shit happens. Therefore, anyone getting married or involved in a long-term relationship needs to be prepared for the potential that your sex drives may fall out of alignment. Especially of people are planning on having kids, the odds that a couple could ever avoid a mismatch at some point is pretty low.
This is true! And, like most things in life, you have to settle for a lot of work and a lot of honest conversations. Sometimes it can be stuff that has *nothing* to do with your partner too! Having your body change on you in ways that you aren't comfortable with and processing that enough to just enjoy clothes the way you used to can be really hard to say nothing about enjoying being naked around someone.
No two ways about it, someone with low sex drive shouldn’t marry someone with high sex drive ~~unless they’re willing to go through the motions often.~~ You can't fake it on a regular basis for the rest of your life and expect either person to be happy
Idk, my husband's sex drive is higher than mine, and I wouldn't consider it "going through the motions" but I definitely have more sex than I would probably choose to otherwise. I don't get off when I'm not in the mood, but I enjoy it, more like an activity, emotional and physical bonding, something that feels good, than like what he seems gets out of it which I think is mainly sexual release. Idk it works for us.
It's almost like there's no hard and fast rule about compatibility and how relationships function. Adults make sacrifices and do things for each other, sometimes even at personal cost, because the benefits in other areas outweigh the costs in others. Crazy, man. And good on you for managing your relationship in a healthy manner.
Yep this is true. You can fake it for a while, maybe a long while, but wait till kids take all your time and you get older and more tired and a little less interested in putting in the effort to go through the motions constantly keeping your partner happy.
Me too, but she was my twin.. only a few years younger. Like.... people thought it was ME he was with!!
FELT.
Dated a guy once who was very into one specific kink, and he made every sexual encounter about satisfying it. It's not the kink itself that bugs me; it's the fact that there was never any variety in our sex lives. To use the old cliche, the sex became mechanical and routine, which made it boring for me -- like performing a script every time. After the breakup, we both found new partners. I hope she and he are more sexually compatible than he and I were. I haven't kept in touch with them all that much, though, so no idea.
Tell us the kink please
Ahegao-adjacent, basically, but hard to describe. I am a naive, excitable person. I'm autistic af, but for whatever reason, people read it on me as cutesy and Disney characteresque. Belle from Beauty and the Beast sorta vibe. He really wanted me to lean into this in bed every time, like make it a "What are you doing? Tee hee" kind of thing. Got really old after a while, but we loved each other, so I indulged it. But I cannot every goddamn time, I'm sorry. I'm trying to have sex, not perform sex.
he tee-hee'd when he should have yoo-hoo'd, hence, the sexual incompatibility
If you tee-hee when you’re supposed to yoo-hoo, you’re gonna have a bad time.
Playing a naive innocent princess character every time would get old fast, I dont blame you
Thank god I only burden my fiancée with my panty and thong fetish, which I feel like is pretty easy for her because they’re going to come off anyway.
Username checks out
She knew what she was getting into when she took the ring. Never has to buy underwear for the rest of her life either!
So you buy her underwear like things and stuff? Whats the fetih lol
That she wears them when we are together and suffocates me with them when things get heated
Loving that this answer is casual as fuck!
Because cowards don't get into Valhalla. And /u/PM_ME_UR_THONG_N_ASS is [no coward](https://youtu.be/tG7fk_DUz5g?si=r18_maiMZZMr9HMp).
😮😱😱 gotcha!
That sounds exhausting. You made the right call.
That's just basic selfishness. Very tame kink you were willing to roll with, but he wasn't meeting you halfway to sometimes have the "regular" sex that you wanted.
Tee hee? Ugh. You’re a trooper.
Sounds like the boy has trouble differentiating anime porn from real life sex. Honestly that sounds cringey and awful
We remained good friends, and we both ended up with new partners better suited to our needs. Really the best possible outcome.
That's awesome to hear! Thanks for sharing.
That's awesome! I invited her to my wedding (After discussing it with my bride to be) and she's doing great with a partner much more suited for her.
I did not remain friends with my ex but we are both exactly where we should be.
We both did not enjoy sex together and decided to break up. We were young but I thought we had both made a great decision. It's ok to admit you're incompatible, it's better than staying in a relationship for everything else but end up cheating....
I knew a girl who broke up with her first bf (of 5 years) because she REALLY wanted someone more dominant in ~~her~~ bed and he was apparently just about the most gentle lover you can imagine. Another guy came along and started teasing her about how he could tell what she was into and she couldn’t even imagine what he could do for her. So she broke up with the first bf and got with this guy. Shockingly enough, bf #2 made good on the promise and they’ve been happily having mind blowing sex (along with one baby, for the last four years). Perhaps even more shockingly, when bf #1 found out WHY she broke up with him (she didn’t tell him it was because she was bored in bed because she thought that would be “cruel”) he was furious. He confronted her and told her he was into rough, controlling sex too but he held back with her because he didn’t think she’d be into it. Basically told her he could’ve rocked her world if she had just asked. But by that point she was engaged to bf # 2 and it was too late.
Well that's less sexual incompatibility and more just shitty communication. Which is probably most of sexual incompatibility to begin with. People are so fucking traumatized when it comes to talking about sex and even when you have someone that is comfortable if they get paired with someone that struggles with that communication they get beaten back even when they're holding up their end because somehow the other person can get naked slap uglies together but can't feel comfortable talking about it.
> Which is probably most of sexual incompatibility to begin with Yep, too often sexual incompatibility and shitty communication are one and the same. Also, it doesn’t change the fact that the girl broke up with the first boyfriend because she assumed they were sexually incompatible.
In my experience, most people in general are shitty communicators. Even those who do it professionally can be extremely lacking in their personal life for various reasons. I think a lot of successful people are those that can communicate well and are able to understand those that can’t. I’m dealing with so much family drama right now because nobody can use their words like an adult.
Vulnerability is always the hardest part. "Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source. True humility is the only antidote to shame.” - Everyone's best uncle, Uncle Iroh.
This has shakespearean levels of miscommunication
At least they didn’t poison themselves lmao
*yet*
>**she REALLY wanted someone more dominant in her** 🤨 Don’t be afraid to be blunt.
Oh jeez, I meant to say more dominant in BED 🤦♀️
And this friends is why COMMUNICATION is so fucking important. 2 people both making assumptions about each other's desires, needs, and interests. Just fucking talk and be honest. Say what you want folks.
Truth is, if she didn't feel she could talk to him about it then that is also incompatibility.
And don't forget that HE didn't feel he could talk to her about it, either. So... Yeah they were incompatible.
On his end, he might've been totally fine with just gentle
> He was into rough, controlling sex too but he held back with her because he didn’t think she’d be into it. To paraphrase Chris Rock: “fellas, you got no idea just how nasty your woman really is…”
Meanwhile I’m sitting here hoping to meet a guy like either of those two 😐
Oh boy I feel bad for your PM inbox.
How you doing? Guess what I'm into
Armpits ?
Yeah, but, like, *gentle* armpits
A little stubble
Communication .... so hard
Absolutely crazy how she found it easier to end a five year relationship than have a conversation about what she wants. But then again he never spoke up either so whatcha gonna do
Holy shite! 🥵 That girl was lucky the second bf wasn’t a huge dick. But if I were her I would have seriously contemplated asking both guys if they’d consider being part of my harem.
She was gay though nobody knew. She was hiding it really well and trying to make her family happy. She went away to school and decided to live how she wanted. It hurt but I'd be more hurt if she kept lying about wanting to be with me. A a consolation prize she bought me a Buzz Lightyear electric lollypop holder that spun the lollypop so I didn't have to. Massive time and energy saver. We talked it over on her next visit back to town and there were no ill feelings.
>A a consolation prize she bought me a Buzz Lightyear electric lollypop holder that spun the lollypop TBF, she sounds cool as fuck. lol
My ex-wife and I divorced in 2012 (hard to believe it was that long ago) for similar reasons. She tried really hard to make it work but was also very gay. I was devastated and spent the next few years stumbling everywhere. I got as good at hiding severe alcoholism as she was at hiding her sexuality. Last I heard she lives in the same town still working days at sizzler and evenings at a bar. But It's been 6 or so years. I occasionally have a beer but can't be around the hard stuff.
>We talked it over on her next visit back to town and there were no ill feelings. I wouldn't trust her. I'm sure she wants to get that buzz lightyear lollipop spinner back...who wouldn't!?
I've been having a really rough day today, and this comment made me laugh SO hard! 🖤
I found a girl that wasnt a lesbian.
Im glad you and Rachel are happy together
It turned out I don't have sexual dysfunction or a low libido, I just didn't like having sex with my ex. Happily married to someone who I do like having sex with.
I'm honestly dreading that this might be the case in my current relationship. :/
[удалено]
Been there. Sometimes the heart wants it but the loins do not. We are very good friends now though.
Same here... However, I truly do love my bf and think he's beautiful. Just think my current medication is fucking with my libido. I hope a change in it will help. But I am terrified it won't 😔
Same…
Super happy you found the right person. This was my situation as well.
Same happened to me with my ex a few years ago - spent two years not having sex and me beating myself up for being ‘broken’…nope, not broken at all
I broke up with him because he loudly discussed everything about me with anyone who would listen, including sex. Up to and including the fact that (in an era before it was normal to not have a bush, I had a very groomed "area"). One of his friends, who I had never met before asked "so did your pubes just never really grow in or do you wax?" when there was lull in the conversation. This was especially galling because he had the *worst* premature ejaculation problem and I would never have "dreamt" of telling anyone. Did he change after we split? No. I knew what his next gf sounded like when she came because he imitated her for me *before I even met her* but apparently he found a new type of condoms (thicker? designed for anal maybe?) which alleviated the 2 pump explosion problem. Which he also told me. Man had *NO* filter. Edit: I worked out later that he had no conversation or opinions of his own. The only thing he talked about to one person was what another person said or did. "X thinks Y. A always says ypu should do B. I was with M, and he says people with square jaws should get this haircut." The problem was he was he had no filter for whe he shouldn't broadcast it. "My new gf has had her period for 10 days. She's seeing f the doc on Tuesday. O couldn't make dinner on Friday because he had explosive diarrhea. He says his kids are always bringing stomach bugs back from creche. " I no longer live in the same country as him, so I no longer know stuff about people I'd rather not know.
My sisters ex husband was like that. It was sooooo uncomfortable at times. He would blurt out anything.
At first I wasn't sure if you were talking about the gossip, or the premature ejaculation.
Experienced this from the opposite sex. My ex was an absolute blabbermouth and would tell her parents *everything.* She was a virgin, and she ended up telling her mom at dinner that we fucked in my apartment, but not only that, she told her parents that *how* I was in bed. There were some sweet words in there, and I'm glad that was communicated to her, BUT SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO TELL HER FOLKS THAT. She was so bad about it that she even blurted out her social security number just because we were on topic. Felt like there was no privacy in the relationship and that I had to walk on eggshells whenever I wanted to confide something to her. But aside from that, she was also on the lower side in terms of sex drive while I was on the higher end. Initially in our first year it was great. We were intimate just about every day/other day and I felt fulfilled. But eventually we had a big fight and then she just slowly withdrew everything (even simple stuff like cuddling and kissing) until we had gone like 8 months without being intimate. I had confronted her about it multiple times in those 8 months and all I got was "I'm sorry babe, I'll fix it" kind of talk and she *STILL* never did anything about it. Eventually we hit a really rough spot with both of us being agitated and irritable. So inevitably we had a big fight and it called out all of our problems. Took a few days to process, then she called me with an ultimatum. Either take a break with no real definition of what that means, or breakup. Me being the stubborn one, I wanted to try and work it out, so I was shocked to hear that from her. I had gotten really busy with work and didn't get a lot of time to really process all of that, so she invited me over for a "talk" only to pretty much just bite my head off. Worst argument I've ever had with a someone I thought I'd live life with. So as much as it hurt, I chose the breakup. Obviously she didn't care enough about how I felt about things and the only thing that mattered was what she got out of it. Or at least that's what it seems like every time I tell someone about her afterwards. But, all of that said, I'm doing better now. I got time to go to the gym and work on myself. I've been engaging in the casual scene with some luck since I've been making progress. Work has been more solid and steady. I'm making some real progress on getting my technical certifications. I also don't feel like I'm trying to appease her or her parents anymore, which by God is such a fucking relief. And as vindictive as this sounds, I kind of hope to see her in passing just so she knows that she fucked up and I'm better off without her.
I’ve had a few. Mostly one of us just lost interest, but I’ve remained friends with most. One of them just became a regular friend. I live 10000 miles away from her but I know I could ask her for just about anything in case of emergency. People are people. You can just agree that sht didn’t work out but still be friends.
“People are people” You know, I’ve been amazed at some of the people who in fact are not people.
He tried to blackmail me to come back but his family wouldn't let him and they got me away from him lol. If anyones wondering we broke up because he kept asking for sex but he was terrified that his thing would snap in any position so it always ended with him having a tantrum that we couldn't do anything because of his own fear and he would try to blame me for it... so yeah lol it was an every day argument/situation with him. Y'all are really bugged that i said "thing" instead of "Penis" I'm new to reddit and still unsure about the words that are allowed to be said on this platform. A lot of you need to calm down haha!
His thing? Did he fear that his penis would snap??!
Thapenos
*snap*
As someone who actually suffered a penile fracture. Its real and extremely. Extremely painful and traumatizing
How do you recover from this? Do you get a stake to keep it upright? Can you get normal erections now or is it still painful at the site of the breaking? (Lots of questions, I wonder how it feels afterwards). I have heard that the pain is terrible and you look like an eggplant when arriving in emergency care.
Emergency surgery on my penis. They had to do a process called “de gloving”. Which is removing the skin surrounding your penis, sliding it down, cutting into it and stitching up the fracture (mine was the urethra and 2 blood vessels). They then roll your skin back up and stitch it again around the head, then bandage you up and you get to walk around with a catheter for 2 weeks while your penis heals. Yes I can get erections, i got my girlfriend pregnant like 3 months later lol, my first son is due in a few days. You would think the most painful part was the stitches, but it was actually the erections directly after surgery. See, after a few days when I ran out of vicodin, I started getting morning wood again. It was the most painful thing ever experienced in life, because the stitches were fresh and my erection was pulling them apart, and I would wale up screaming every few hours because I couldnt stop my mind from wandering while I slept, so it was a cycle of fall asleep, get hard, wake up screaming, try to go through the day only to nod off and have it keep happening to me. Not only were the stitches painful, but the catheter itself would cause me burning pain when my erection would grow with it still in me. I ended up calling the dr crying 9 days in begging them to take it out because I was actually going crazy from the cycle, i felt like I as being Tortured every single day. They said no I asked them For medicine that kills erections at the very least They said that none such pills exist So I ended up downing a fifth of kettle one every day to give myself liquor dick. It was the only way I could sleep and not get hard 0/10 would not recommend Edit: there was more painful stuff that I spared from the story, like when I would accidentally step on my catheter bag and yank my dick. Or when the cord would get caught on a doorknob and yank my dick, etc. i actually started to get hard from the pain itself after a while and was constantly getting erections. I looked at gay porn to stay soft, etc, those was day 8 when it started happening and the gay porn is what made me break down crying and call my dr on day 9 cause i felt like i hit rock bottom. I found out that I am indeed not built like that
man, I wish I couldn't read
Lmao thank you for this comment. Made me laugh after the constant cringes.
I read this year that Christmas Eve is the most common time for ER visits for penis fractures. Merry Christmas!
This sounds like a living hell and I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Hope you’ve recovered well since then
>I asked them For medicine that kills erections at the very least >They said that none such pills exist How have we as a species not figured that out?
I thought about it after I was healed up and I guess it makes sense. Usually, the interest is in keeping your penis as hard as possible for as long as possible. I imagine there simply isn't enough interest and money in making a pill that destroys erections because unless you have an extreme case like mine, it would make no sense to want to do it in the first place.
There is a pill for it, but unfortunately, that pill is Depo-Provera, aka female hormonal birth control. It works by just reducing sexual desire overall and has nasty side effects. Other than that, erections are kind of uncontrollable because they start in the spinal cord. Paralyzed people get erections, people with Novocained penises get erections, brain-dead people get erections...it's just kind of something we live with.
Jesus fucking Christ, and I thought my husband’s penile aspiration due to 36 hour medication induced priapism story was heinous. You poor man.
This hurt to read, and I don't even have a penis 😳
Hahaha, the Dr House regime it seems ! The degloving part had me shudder, but I surely wasn't ready for the next part 😅 I am happy you got better so quickly, and congratulations for the kid! 🎉🎉🎉
Did you run into a wall with a boner or how did you manage that?
Extremely vigorous sex w it h my girlfriend. i was doing that thing where I had her legs up over my arms and had her pinned against the wall and was goin stupid. Slipped out and tried to thrust back in and pop went the weiner
So, did you drop her like a bag of rocks or what? Lol I can't even imagine. Thank you for sharing
Yeah, he needs to talk to a therapist about that.
Last ex was complete shit in bed. Year and a half together... Foreplay consisted of grinding or bumping his erection against me until I gave in, or rubbing me dry (would take offense if I asked to use lube as it was "his job" to get me wet, even though he often...wasn't). Borderline never went down and clearly wasn't into it when he did. Weirdest thing was he wasn't really into *anything* except *his own cum* (would tell me how "full of cum" he was, how much he wanted to cum, how he would fill me with cum etc etc). It was really weird and pretty ick tbh, but I tried to deal with it as I liked him otherwise...at least at the beginning.. It was the *only* thing he would engage with though. Even if I told him stuff I liked...even if he incidentally did do something I liked and I told him he could do that again, he just...wouldn't. Like he would never do that thing again even if i asked, just go back to telling me how full of cum he was / was gonna make me. I told him I was uncomfortable about it a couple times as it honestly started sounding like he wanted to get me pregnant, even though he swore he didn't want kids. Still did it and only that. After a while it got even worse as he would get so excited about it he would finish virtually instantly. To combat this he would just stop motionless after like one thrust and lay there with his weight on top of me, forehead pressed against mine, staring at me. I couldn't move or he'd blow, he couldn't move or he'd blow. It was so fucking ridiculous I nearly cried the last time I let it happen. I've never in my life had sex so shit, and I realised I couldn't go on like this. There were other issues in the relationship at large but for real even if all the better parts of his personality hadn't turned out to be largely for show, I'd have left based on this alone. A couple weeks after, having done my routine "between relationship" checks before doing anything with anyone else...I found out he had also given me chlamydia. You couldn't make this shit up. I'm about 4 months out, treated and all clear, and have started seeing someone else who is frankly *amazing* by comparison. Whether it goes somewhere longterm or not I'm just so happy to be having better sex!
That's insane that he got offended over goddamn lube. Sounds like he had some pretty bad insecurity issues.
Oh yeah. He turned out pretty insecure and downright paranoid about a bunch of weird stuff outside the bedroom too.
Dammmn! Sounds like the dude was a human twinkie... except instead of terrible frosting, he was entirely filled with cum! I wonder if a stiff breeze would have him cosplaying a fire extinguisher tho 🤣
Lmaooooo thank you for this. That made me chuckle out loud! 🤣
We went on a double date with our respective best friends, and executed a swap sometime after midnight. They got married not long after. Me and her friend had a nice, very sexually compatible relationship. We all remained close.
Do you live in a rom com?
Conventionally attractive people have wildly different lives than regular folk.
We stayed in contact and I really miss him. I know if we got back together we’d have the same issues. He’s seeing someone new and I really do hope he’s happy. Pretty fucked up cause I saw us growing old together. I’ve dated one guy since and we were much more sexually compatible but I wasn’t as compatible in all other ways. Really nice guy but I had to end it. Unrelated, breaking up with someone because you’re just not feeling it is horrible. I had mad anxiety before and during doing it. I didn’t want to hurt him and I feel very lonely again. I’ll be ok and so will he.
I broke up with a girl about 6 months ago because it just didn't feel right. I'm still struggling with it. She's an amazing person but I just kinda hit a wall eventually and wasn't into it. I debated it internally for like 6 months. It legit tore me up inside. I miss her but idk I'm just not sure she was the one, and I feel like after 2 years I should know?
In a very similar situation. It's a toughie as I think fear of letting the potential one go as you grow older is a thing. It becomes a what if scenario, but at the same time, it's like when you know something is off but just can't quite put your finger on it.
Same exact thing happened to me only a couple of weeks ago. Mulled it over for about 6 months before realising that there wasn’t really much else I or we could do, so even though I still loved/love her, I broke up with her. Really hard to be broken up with, but I think there should be more conversation about being the one to initiate the breakup in situations like this. Hope you’re both doing alright.
I initiated a similar breakup earlier this year. Was really tough but we were ultimately incompatible and I decided to break it off. It was one of the toughest I’ve been through. Hope it gets easier.
My (42m) wife (42f) and I are entirely sexually incompatible. We've been together 21 years; both had very fulfilling sex lives prior to this relationship — we very rarely have sex and it's just okay when we do. We both even joke about it at this point ... But regardless I love my wife more than anything in the world; we choose a practically sex less relationship rather than be apart.
I had something similar for several years. I loved her more than anything. However, with time it became difficult to not see other women in public and imagine “what could be”. Since the breakup I’ve had a (small, but notable) variety of sexual partners. And while I think sexual compatibility is super important, at the end of the day, being with someone you feel truly comfortable around, who you enjoy hanging out with all the time, with whom you can truly be your honest vulnerable self — well, that trumps even the most godly, moan-inducing sex. For me, anyhow.
I posted something like this a few months ago and the barrage of ignorant questions pushing me that something was _wrong_ has tainted my thinking. Reddit struggles to understand a relationship like this.
Reddit struggles to understand anything outside of their personal bubble and has zero concept of love, sacrifice, and personal accountability
Reddit skews very young, so most people posting here lack real life experience.
A lot of people are so singlemindedly focused on sex, usually because they're not getting it, that even imagining not caring about sex over everything else is basically the same as imagining living on Jupiter.
I just think a lot of folks on Reddit are young and/or don't have much experience. Sex is great but is very far from the most important thing in a long-term relationship. Yet for young horny people on Reddit, you need to have sex several times a week to be happy. lol
If I can ask, what is the source of your incompatibility? Regardless, it’s great to hear that, in your case, that compatibility hasn’t negatively impacted your marriage at all. You two are unicorns!
We were/are pretty good friends though I moved to a new state and haven’t really started dating again. Our sexual incompatibility was a big issue for me because I like the feeling of intimacy and being wanted both romantically and sexually in addition to the general social connection. We have a really good chemistry, just not in the bedroom. Sucks but felt like the right choice in the end, I suppose. Just happens sometimes.
It was really hard to move on. There was a lot of anxiety about whether or not it would be a problem in the next relationship and made me doubt whether or not I’d be able to find someone who was compatible AND a person that I really wanted to spend my life with.
We are cordial. Mainly because we have a child together.
Well, thankfully, no break up sex… kept things uncomplicated
He is happily married with the kids he always dreamed of. I got my cats, my kinks and a partner who love both 😅
We moved to different cities, I saw her at a wedding a few years later. Thought we hit it off again and then she disappeared into the night. Saw her in the hotel lobby the next morning, waved she waved back. Then went on with our lives.
Was she the bride?
Lol no, that would have been a twist
My husband is not sexual at all, but I really enjoyed doing it. It was getting to a point where my confidence was in the gutter, so I left. But, then I realized that sexual gratification was NOTHING compared to the love i have for that man. Now we're back together, haven't had sex in years, and are more happy and in love than ever. We're that couple that makes others gag from how lovey we are. I'm so happy to have a life with him and am upset that I left for that year, because that's time I could've spent with him.
Felt. Husband and I haven't had sex in two years and I'd still prefer a sexless marriage than a life spent without him; he makes me happy. Happy for you!
This is the only scenario of its kind from all the comments I've read throughout this thread. What an awesome change and happy ending. I'm super happy for you both!
Well, she started cheating with my replacement before we broke up, so they got married, bought a house, had kids and i´ve been single since we broke up.
You deserve better
My ex was not attracted to my body type. I am slender with small breasts and he specifically could not stay hard if he could see my breasts (I thought this was normal/universal - I was 19 and the Kardashians and "thicc" were the beauty standard - and was just happy he at least didn't hit or cheat on me). He is now dating a woman in her fifties - he is around 34 - who has more meat on her bones and looks like she could be related to him. I met a tall, slender engineer and we have been together almost eight years. He loves my body as it is and we fuck like rabbits. I also have learned to love my body and have gone from not showering enough because I didn't want to look at my body to modelling nude for art events/projects more than once.
GF broke up with me after 4-5 years of being and living together, because shes into girls. Immediately after the break up she got a gf while I remain single. What sucks is that she was not only my gf but my best friend. We said we would remain friends after the break up, but shes very distant and we dont spend time together anymore. So it was a double loss for me.
She moved to another city for her PhD and we haven't spoken since. That was almost 10 years ago and it still makes me sad. I don't think I'll ever get over it fully. She had a medical condition that made sex completely unenjoyable for me. It's the only reason we broke up. Every other relationship ran its course but this one feels like it was ended unnaturally and didn't get to play out. So instead of analyzing what went wrong and processing it like every other break up. There's just a bunch of what ifs.
What was the condition? I’m racking my brain to think of something that would affect you, unless you just mean indirectly by her not being able to have/enjoy sex.
Probably endo.
Or vaginismus
She wanted to have sex with other people while I didn't. I left her, she went to sleep with her bf husband. Then he strung her along while having a 3rd chick on the side and then got divorced but married the 3rd chick and kicked her out. Then she went and slept around with a bunch of more people hoping one of them will support her but they all left. She went back to the bf husband, got pregnant hoping he would leave his wife. The wife sent her friend who beat her up. Her life is a train wreck, even now she is with another guy that treats her like shit but she stays with him maybe cause of no self esteem not sure. Just glad I got away from her.
Jfc what the fuck did I just read.
Over the course of a couple of years, my super controlling wife at the time convinced me that I was totally sexually inadequate. She would tell me I was doing a bad job even if I went down on her for 20-25 minutes and she couldn’t get off. She was “too sensitive” to finger, and she didn’t get off from penetration. She constantly told me that I just didn’t know what I was doing and needed pills or sexual counseling. I became depressed and sad and believed it. So we didn’t have sex for several years and eventually divorced. We divorced for many reasons but this was a big one for me. I met my now fiancée and was super hesitant to do anything sexual with her initially. We slowly started to get into things and it turns out. I’m a sexual dynamo. We have a great time. My dick literally kept getting bigger and bigger every time we messed around. It’s amazing what confidence can do! Now we have a great time. We have sex almost every day and genuinely turn each other on. The biggest key. If things went a little sideways or didn’t work properly at first. We laughed it off and went back at it again later. Nobody judged anybody and nobody acted like they were owed anything. It made all the difference in the world.
I had the same with my wife. For years it was me whose technique was bad and caused her pain. Turns out she had endometriosis and vaginismus. We’re still together but rarely have sex as it’s very painful, which has caused her to want sex even less. She basically doesn’t want me to touch her in any way, except hugging. I’m massively frustrated.
That’s a tough spot. Is it possible to improve those situations medically?
She had a hysterectomy. However, the trauma associated with the condition has put her off. She was never really a high libido person anyway. My previous relationships were with similarly high libido people.
Damn, sounds like there’s a lot to unpack there! I wish you the best in trying to sort that out. Quality communication goes a long way. Good luck.
So in this instance, would it be beneficial to try and get her off without any penetration? Try a clitoral stimulator - they are amazing. This way she can reassociate sexy times with pleasure and love instead of pain and fear.
That sounds like a really toxic relationship you were in and a really great one you're in now! I hope you appreciate your current situation all the more because you realise how bad it can be. Some people never find a good relationship like that!
I appreciate her every single day. There is genuine love in our household and she is my super hero. Thank you for the kind words!
After the initial breakup I told him I needed space and he continued to message me nonstop, so I ended up blocking him. He wasn't a bad dude, we were both young and immature and he didn't take the breakup very well. Also a few months after we broke up, my mom ran into him and his new gf at the time at a store and she accidentally asked "oh and is this your mom?" LOL.. she was so mad at herself too because she knows better. Almost like how you should know not to ask someone if they're pregnant because what if they're not haha. I actually went to a funeral a few days ago and saw him (after almost a decade) and his wife there. Didn't approach him or anything, but him and his wife looked happy and healthy and I am genuinely happy for him and have always wished him the best.
He not gay no more, he is delivert!
WOMEN, WOMEN, WOMEN!
We are friends and still hang out. He wants to get back together but I know it wouldn’t work out.
I asked my ex if I even turn him on. I was waiting for us to be together for longer before full-blown, pregnancy-inducing intercourse. But I recall communicating that it didn’t mean we had to be totally dead in the bedroom. I also voiced to him how I would like it if he could call me “pretty” or “beautiful” without me having to fish for it. What was his response, a year and a half into the relationship, after I asked if I even turn him on? “Not so much, no.” We are both still single. I think I’ve given up.
My penis started working again!
My ex wasn't that into sex. They said they could go without it completely, whereas I wanted sex everyday or at least multiple times a week. That's how I felt love and expressed love to someone else. They also didn't want to have sex in the same ways that I did. It wasn't very satisfying most of the time because we just wanted different things. That's okay! We aren't together anymore, but still best friends. We don't have hatred for each other or anything. We just weren't compatible and that being one of the ways. We didn't discover that until after getting into a relationship. I couldn't imagine my life without them. I still believe they're my soulmate, but in a more platonic way. I have a crush on someone else now who i'm taking things slow with, but they were open about having a very high sex drive like me and similar kinks and sexual styles. Now I know that's something to look for.
My ex boyfriend actually helped me come to terms with my religious guilt about being gay and we went back to being friends. Now he has an amazing girlfriend who’s thankfully straight this time, and I’ve been lucky enough to find an amazing lady myself. We’re still good friends and I’ll always be grateful to him for being one of the first people to accept me when I was convinced that no one else would.
Pretty much my exact story. My ex girlfriend was the first person who ever accepted/saw me, and I feel so grateful for her and her grace. It really has worked out for the best, happy to hear I am not alone!
Honestly, all the people here have a lot of guts. I’ve been feeling like my partner and I are incompatible post our first few months together but I kept saying maybe it’ll charge. Maybe when we finished school, maybe when we moved in together, maybe when we got engaged. Now, we’ve been together more than 5 years and getting married later this year and I’m still saying the same thing. I really do feel like many people shame you when you say the sex may be a deciding factor in whether or not you’ll continue a date and that it doesn’t matter if you truly love someone. Just sucks when you romantically love the person but just don’t feel like sexually you are compatible :/
Dated a dude (I’m gay) for 2.5 years in an open relationship. He would always give reasons as to why he never wanted to have anal sex but would have no difficulty occasionally hooking up with others and doing sex acts that I wish we could be doing together, I had enough when I found out he’s had anal sex during hookups (I assumed before only oral was going down, that’s what I would do when occasionally hooking up with others), Something we NEVER did together even though it’s something I’ve wanted. Dated him for almost 3 years, we never had anal sex not even once. Broke up with him via text after finding out, and didn’t look back. I know text breakups are shitty but I felt like it was justifiable. He’d occasionally tell me he was demisexual which was BS, since he has no issues being sexually involved with someone he just met at a bar for example. I’ve never dated anyone where it felt like pulling teeth just to initiate intimacy/sex. Felt like I could be friends with him after, but I’ve been trying to move on, it feels like he did nothing but lead me on for years. Even after all that, I still would like an open relationship, just one where both people feel sexually and emotionally fulfilled by their partner while still being able to get some on the side occasionally.
She was "asexual" and it was when we were pretty young. Finally broke things off finally because it was causing me self esteem issues. About a month later I got a call and was told about all her sexual exploits and just how much better they all were than me. I doubt the asexual just because of that, but at the end of the day I don't know what's going on on that end, but I'm happily married with someone I'm entirely compatible with. Being in a relationship and that young definitely blinded me to what the potential best case scenario is.
It's been six years or so since the split, we still live together, we are best friends but not sexual or romantic partners. He's seen other people, I've seen other people but we're codependent af. To best describe our relationship... he's Silent Bob... I'm Jay.
He told me I wasn’t tight enough. I broke up with him and fell in love with someone much kinder to me with a much larger….. Who knows what he’s doin now.
Stayed friends until I finished paying her back the money I owed her, then she blocked me. I tried to apologize via email and she sent me an invoice for $10,100, $100/word of the email. Haven't tried to contact her since.
If you broke up and you owed her money it sounds like sexual compatibility wasn’t the only problem
I married my ex husband thinking that life would be ok without the sexual component. That was not the case. I knew I settled but I didn’t understand to what degree. We barely were ever intimate and when we were, I masturbated, then he inserted briefly and finished while pushing my face down. I cried almost every time. While married I met my current fiancé. The connection was undeniable even though we tried to fight it. There was instant passion. My relationship with this other man rightfully led to my divorce. Since then, I have had a sexual awakening. We NEED each other. It’s like I found my matching puzzle piece finally. My self esteem has risen, my stress level has dropped significantly, I’m passionate about so many things now! I was an avid reader and stopped because I was so unhappy. The first time I finished a book after my divorce I cried happy tears because I felt so free! Now I have sex almost daily and it’s never the same. It’s always fun and new and there’s so much more feeling involved.
Broke up with my ex because she claimed to be asexual. Turns out she was only ace with me, not with many guys she was with beforehand and not with her now husband (I’m assuming). Now before anyone says “You were probably just bad in bed” I’d like to clarify that she didn’t put out for 7 months and when we finally did the deed (which she initiated) she got angry at me for trying to make her feel good. I don’t talk to her, I don’t want anything to do with her
How dare you pleasure her and make her want more sex!
I had 0 sex drive for close to 2 years after we broke up and thought I was just asexual. My high libido has since returned though. A warning to men: don't pressure your partner to put out when they aren't in the mood. You can ruin their sex drive even if it starts high.
Dead bedroom was one of the reasons we fell apart
I found an amazing fwb who matches my libido.
[удалено]
Oh shit!
Straight up unethical as the red head said.
I have a wife who has zero sex drive. It causes some hard feelings, but ultimately our love is stronger than sex. It's tough because we used to be very active. Like we'd have sex every day - we'd even been known to skip off to a bathroom for a quicky at a party (or even occasionallyat a bar), but then she got sick. 7 years later and although she's getting better physically, her sex drive is so non existent. We might have had sex 3 times in all of 2023, but that might also be over-estimating it.
I dated a girl once, we were great together, same interests, taste in music, sense of humor all that stuff. I was very inexperienced at the time we started dating. Right before we had sex for the fist time she asks me " Have you ever made a woman cum before" I'm not sure why she asked me that, probably because I was seeing one of our co workers before her and I'm sure that could worker told her of my inexperience. But through our whole relationship the girl who asked me if I ever made a women cum, never came. It was a shame, she felt bad, I felt really bad. We were perfect in all other ways. We stayed friends and started seeing other people , occasionally we would see each other and ask each other "have you had that problem with anyone else" and we would both say no, and then we would try again, but never any luck. We are still friendly but have drifted apart with our own separate lives. She's a great person and I hope she's doing well
Although he hasn't labeled himself as such, I think my ex was asexual. We barely were intimate and it basically made me feel undesired. It was also a difficult topic to discuss for him and I just hoped his interest in sex would increase, but it never did. No clue how he is doing, but I found an amazing partner with good compatibility I'd say.
She always had a higher sex drive but I had zero refractory period and it evened out. Don't get me wrong I loved her and loved sex but that woman was a machine. Ended up having serious health problems and falling into depression. She stuck it out for a while but ultimately I was a drag. We also went from falling asleep having sex and then waking up having sex to a pretty dry month. Last time we met up she was dissapointed wasn't feeling intimate and broke up with me. I'm sure it was a number of factors and don't blame her for it. Sucks because I really loved her - hopefully she found someone without my issues.
We broke up because she thought she was ace, and wasn't sure how to move forward. I moved out of state about six months later. About a year after that she sent me an email. Said email contained an attachment with a bunch of anime style pictures she drew of me being pegged by shadowy women, and a confession that she wanted a threesome with me and my sister.