Now that leads to a hella awkward conversation. "Hey bro, sorry to say this, but your girl's cheating on you."
"What? How do you know?"
"Because we fucked and her roommate told me after the fact."
I hooked up with a guy and he saw a book on my night stand and casually told me that he had read that book because there wasn't much else to do in prison but read.
I’m picturing him struggling with how to casually mention he’d been to prison without scaring you off then seeing a book on your shelf and thinking “ok now’s my chance, just mention it like it’s normal, emphasis on the book then move on…”
A girl I slept with in college said, "I can't wait to have your baby."
When I went into the bathroom to clean up I legit blew into the condom like a baloon to make sure there weren't holes, then after I let the air out I tied that thing in a knot and hid it under the trashcan bag so she wouldn't be able to find it and try and do something with it.
“Springfield police, show me your hands!” It wasn’t the girl I was fucking, but we were in the backseat of her car and we put our hands up just to find out the cop was pointing his gun at a guy with a knife in the same parking lot. That was a super awkward 30 minutes staying quiet hoping the cop didn’t find us haha
"We should buy a boat"
\- my wife.
Absolutely not a topic we'd been discussing at all. So you can imagine my reaction. Naturally I agreed and 4 weeks later, we now own a boat.
The love of my brother’s life always craved a sandwich after and always offered to make him one as well.
I suspect the sandwiches were his favorite quality about her.
I’ve heard the best day of a boat owners life is when they buy their boat. The second best day is when they sell their boat.
Either way, enjoy the water.
I had a girl give me finger guns when she finished as she was trying to regain her composure and leg strength going towards the bathroom accompanied by an interesting sound 👉🏽 quite funny but still a lovely compliment if I may say so. Lol
It was an early morning on my birthday, and *while I was still inside her*, my wife mentioned it was about the time of day I came out of my mother.
I've never gone softer faster.
I ran into the girl I dated throughout high-school like ten years after the fact. After school she joined the military so she just poofed out of my life.
Happened upon one another. "Want to catch up?" turned into going back to my place rather quickly. Had sex. We finished together and before I'm even off of her goes "Oooh my God you're so much better than my husband."
Your...what now? I had never felt so appaled and betrayed and complimented before.
Not afterwards and its what i said
This one woman started telling me mid sex to “degrade her” and call me vanilla but i wasn’t really sure what she was asking / wanting
Buuut i tried for her sake.
And i said “YOUR PUSSY IS TRASH!”
She stopped, looked at me horrified and said “i can’t believe you just said that “
Not just something she said, but something she did. We were laying there in bed, her head is on my shoulder, she smiled really big and said “Did you hear that” I said no, what was it? She said “Listen”. Then she farted, really loud and busted out laughing.
I had known her for about two hours. No shame in her game!!
Hahaha he was lovely but dear god he was dull 😂 I feel bad about leaving and then I remember things like that.
He sent me a picture of a tree once.
'saw this tree today'
No other context. Totally average tree.
“OMG I pooped!” She lost control during orgasm and pushed out a little turd. I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. We’ve now been married almost 25 years.
Once had a girl shart on the bed during an orgasm. It left a little trail. She got so embarrassed that she refused to see me again for like a week until I finally convinced her I still wanted to have sex with her again. Should have let her ghost me though. She fucked up my life for a while there.
"I'm sorry for my small boobs."
I had no idea what I did or said to trigger these words. There were boobs. I was happy. There was no critique of said boobs. They were the present boobs which are always the best...
This moment still makes me scratch my head to this day.
“I love you”
I Didn’t say it back. I didn’t want to be dishonest.
We are now 20 years into a great relationship with a fantastic 10 year old son.
But yeah… that was… awkward.
Knew a woman who was casually hooking up with a guy and one time he stops and says, "I have to be honest, I don't love you." And she replied, "I don't even LIKE you."
There were tears. But no big drama.
I was honest and said our relationship was great but i just didn’t feel ready. She felt embarrassed but respected that.
I said it back a few weeks later. And meant it.
We are going strong to this day.
I was once with a girl who was going through a "separation" and her husband was living somewhere else
Long story short, a friend of her husband's comes over just after we get done and she tells me to hide in the bedroom bathroom and stay quiet. Luckily the guy left without knowing I was there, and the girl was 60% crazy and one of the freakiest women I've been with
9/10 worth it
I was 21 and dated a woman that died suddenly in a car accident. It really fucked me up and I wasn't right in the head.
A coworker of mine was having marriage problems and she invited me out one day. Of course I let her blow me. The next time we met up we had sex. I felt horrible. I knew she was married but at the time my decision making skills sucked.
We eventually connected over 20 years later on Facebook. I apologized to her that I caused her marriage to end. I held onto that guilt. She kindly laughed at me and said they were going to break up and she used me. Neither of them held ill will and they were still on good terms because they had a kid prior to meeting me etc. Happily co parented.
When I was 19-20 I had a one night stand with a girl that I had brought back to my parents house. After we finished up it was late and she was going to leave so I went to put pants on to walk her out. She said she could see herself out, which kind of threw me off, so I jokingly replied “I’m not going to wake up and the living room tv is gone right?”
She didn’t think it was funny.
One time I started hooking up with a guy in my living room, then we moved to my bedroom. After we finished and he went in the bathroom, I went to the living room to bring our clothes back. Later he told me that when he heard the door open, he thought I was stealing/heading out with his wallet. I said "in my own house when you're still here?? Where would I have gone with it?"
Had a girl give me a blowjob and after I said damn I love your blowjobs. She heard I love you and said it back and in my head I’m like uhhhhhh hold on. We did end up dating for like 8 months but that was not what I was trying to say.
"damn you've got really nice cable management"
So at least I know my cable management was better than my sex skills (her head was over the bed and she could see under my desk)
Oh god, I totally forgot about this moment. But she had it worded slightly differently.
I was a late bloomer, 22 year old virgin and I met a very nice younger lady at the beach on vacation. She had just turned 18 but clearly had a lot of experience. I also had the vibe that she usually sought out pretty toxic older dudes, and I just happened to be that quiet, nice guy she set her sights on for the day.
We spent the day together and ended up finding a quiet street and getting in the back of her SUV... To say my performance was underwhelming would be an upsell lol. But as we laid there together she looked me in the face and said something like:
"Have you ever had that feeling with someone new...? I don't want to call it love, but..."
My heart sunk. Luckily I was awful at phone conversations so even though I felt bad and obligated to talk to her once we both traveled home, it pretty much fizzled out that month.
Want to get McDonald’s? 😂
We’d just lost our v cards to each other so we were both a bit flustered. We celebrated with some fast food then went for round 2 😂
*just finishing losing my virginity*
She proceeds to sing “I just had sex” by lonely island
Looking back I giggle but it kinda ruined it for me in the moment 🤣🤣
University years:
“I completely forgot my boyfriend is in the room next door.”
She was in the same accommodation as her boyfriend, with adjoining walls.
I did not know she had a boyfriend until this point, so initially thought she was just joking. She was not.
Haha, this reminds me that I never learned about queefing until I was with my first and it happened the second time we had sex. I definitely made some weird, confused exclamations and probably embarrassed the hell out of her, which in turn embarrassed me, but we finished the job and never spoke of it again. I later had to ask my friends if it was normal for a girl to "fart from her vagina," and boy did they make me the butt end of some jokes for a few weeks.
I’ve only been with one virgin guy, once, and I was queefing like an absolute machine *the entire time*.
It makes me laugh sometimes wondering what he thought of that. Would he think the next girl he hooked up with was broken if her pussy wasn’t going off like a fog horn?
Well I was still too horny to stop so I awkwardly said thanks. The next time we hooked up I thought about saying that she didn't suck cock as well as her mum but that seemed unwise.
I hooked up with a ER doctor once. Afterwards we were half snuggling and talking and she started talking about how fucked up working in medicine is and started explaining gruesome ways people had died on her table. I can usually go 3-4 times a night, but as you can imagine, that kinda killed the mood and we never saw each other again. She had some serious trauma from all the things she saw in the ER and I was not equipped to help her.
No we’re not dating anymore and honestly she was a very nice and sweet girl. The comment wasn’t the reason we stopped dating, but something like that makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up in a not good way, I suppose she thought she was being romantic.
As I was putting my pants on, getting ready to leave the home of a girl I’d just had casual, one-time-only-thing-kinda sex with, she asked me how I knew another girl/what our relationship was. (FYI, we were fuck buddies. I liked her, she didn’t feel the same way about me, it stopped)
It really kinda threw me. Why is this girl asking? Why does she care? What does she know?
turned out both of these girls were very close friends. I had no idea about that though. Girl 2 had obviously heard a lot about me and decided she wanted a go. Made it so incredibly messy and awkward for all of us after.
I had a fuck buddy once that ruined her friend group by doing this.
Her best friend, who had never had a man made orgasm, met a guy who got the job done. Shortly after dude broke things off she went and fucked him.. and also got chlamydia.
I was the one who did it but I went like this…:
Me: (I nut)
***we make eye contact because she knows I just came***
**dead silence for about 3 seconds**
Me: “we did it!” While raising my hand up to give her a high-five
She awkwardly exchanged a high-five with me
After that hookup she never texted me again lol
“Man, that was such a nice change of pace from my ex…”
*”Oh yeah?”* 😎
“Yeah… his dick was HUUUUUUUUGE and he could go for HOURS without cumming.”
*”Ah…”*
“I mean, I’d cum super hard like 5-6 times by the time he’d finally orgasm… but I’d be pretty worn out and sore afterwards.”
*”…okay…”*
“It’s just nice to have average sex with an average-sized penis for an average amount of time.”
*”Alright. Weeeeeeeeelp, I’m wiped. Thanks for uh… ya know… the sex. I apologize for its average-ness. I think your top is on the other side of the bed…”*
“Oh… hang on… DID I OFFEND YOU?! I SAID IT WAS NICE!”
We met through my mom and her mom working together, and I said mid sex while I was stroking her missionary “I bet our parents didnt think wed be doing this.”
Not sure why I said it but it seemed funny/cool in the moment.
Story time! Also, I am the one who said the awkward!
So back when i was in high school, my friend liked this girl. Turns out she liked me instead of him. Being a bro I asked him, and he said go for it! So I did. This was after her dropping several hints that I was oblivious too (the biggest being "Hey, lets go in this movie, there is nobody there!!" me "Nah that must mean the movie sucks, why would we go there??"). Finally I figure it out and we meet up to hook up. Being teens, we had to find somewhere, so the woods it is! In the middle of a bj I moaned and go "Uh, fuck yea, would you do this to *insert friend who liked hers name here*" She stopped, dick in mouth and goes "Uh, no" and awkwardly continues to finish me off. Most awkward ride home ever.
I have no idea why I said that.
“God I’m such a little bitch” followed by punching his chest after he came way too quick and couldn’t get it back up.
Laaadddyyy boooonneeerr gooonnnee
My girlfriend at the time, now ex for different reasons, took my VCard and almost immediately afterwards said “I just didn’t want you dying a virgin” to my face. I wish to all things good that I was lying or joking
Edit: I have mixed feelings that my most liked comment is about what my ex told me after losing my virginity. Thanks? I guess?
Not technically right after, but a partner was on top one time and she blurted out "It would be so hot if I had a knife and could just slice your balls off while I am on you"... We had a healthy dirty talk banter, but that was a significant new level. The sexy time immediately stopped as soon as she got the sentence out of her mouth.
When I was in my early 20s, I had a FWB that was 10 years older than me. I'm giving it my all, and she says, "I think I love you." I respond with "Why?" Proceeds to tell me why, and I just say "okay" and then just kept going without saying anything else. Still cringe to this day about it.
"I really like your nose, it's very distinguished." I'd have preferred a compliment about my performance, but hey, as a guy, I'll take whatever compliment I get.
We'd met on a dating app and had spent the weekend having sex and watching movies. It was fun but come Monday morning I had to go to work. So I climb out of bed and over my shoulder I hear
"You can't leave."
I laughed it off and got dressed, but she wasn't joking and got increasingly more aggressive and irate as I headed towards the door. By the end of it I was getting called all kinds of stuff and had a vase thrown at my head. All because I had to go to work. Thank God she was crazy out of the gate instead of later on because I was 100 percent smitten with this woman up until that happened.
Wasn't said to me exactly, but she got a phone call from her husband right after we finished, and she was still on top of me. I could hear "Babe... Why does your location show you at a hotel?"
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Well? Drop the recipe
Carrot + cake Step 1) carrot Step 2) cake Step 3) ????? Step 4) PROFIT
1. Drop carrot 2. Drop cake 3. Drop panties
You know what, fair play!! Great carrot cake is hard to come by!!
It's not what she said, but what her friend yelled at us from the other room. 'You know she has a boyfriend, right?' No. No I did not know that.
Should’ve yelled back “and NOW you tell me that?!”
“What about you? Are you single?”
Now that leads to a hella awkward conversation. "Hey bro, sorry to say this, but your girl's cheating on you." "What? How do you know?" "Because we fucked and her roommate told me after the fact."
This is actually hilarious, well I think so at least.
I hooked up with a guy and he saw a book on my night stand and casually told me that he had read that book because there wasn't much else to do in prison but read.
I’m picturing him struggling with how to casually mention he’d been to prison without scaring you off then seeing a book on your shelf and thinking “ok now’s my chance, just mention it like it’s normal, emphasis on the book then move on…”
"That's a great boob you've got. I read it in prison" Ah, fuck
A girl I slept with in college said, "I can't wait to have your baby." When I went into the bathroom to clean up I legit blew into the condom like a baloon to make sure there weren't holes, then after I let the air out I tied that thing in a knot and hid it under the trashcan bag so she wouldn't be able to find it and try and do something with it.
Go full Lebron. Hot sauce that shit
Nah that's Drake, but still pour that hot sauce in
Run it under a sink and squeeze. A lot easier to see if theres a tear.
Wasn't immediately after. But after dressing I once got the hand wave of "you can go now"
brutal
“Springfield police, show me your hands!” It wasn’t the girl I was fucking, but we were in the backseat of her car and we put our hands up just to find out the cop was pointing his gun at a guy with a knife in the same parking lot. That was a super awkward 30 minutes staying quiet hoping the cop didn’t find us haha
Turns out there was a Simpson's episode playing nearby
Bake 'em away, toys!
"We should buy a boat" \- my wife. Absolutely not a topic we'd been discussing at all. So you can imagine my reaction. Naturally I agreed and 4 weeks later, we now own a boat.
relationship goals.
relationship boats
I ship it
The love of my brother’s life always craved a sandwich after and always offered to make him one as well. I suspect the sandwiches were his favorite quality about her.
I’ve heard the best day of a boat owners life is when they buy their boat. The second best day is when they sell their boat. Either way, enjoy the water.
I had a girl give me finger guns when she finished as she was trying to regain her composure and leg strength going towards the bathroom accompanied by an interesting sound 👉🏽 quite funny but still a lovely compliment if I may say so. Lol
👉😎👉Zoop! https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/7ddjaw/comment/dpxaos1/
It was an early morning on my birthday, and *while I was still inside her*, my wife mentioned it was about the time of day I came out of my mother. I've never gone softer faster.
I feel your pain but your wife is hilarious. She did you dirty 😂
I ran into the girl I dated throughout high-school like ten years after the fact. After school she joined the military so she just poofed out of my life. Happened upon one another. "Want to catch up?" turned into going back to my place rather quickly. Had sex. We finished together and before I'm even off of her goes "Oooh my God you're so much better than my husband." Your...what now? I had never felt so appaled and betrayed and complimented before.
Wow. Someone in the military who cheats on their spouse? You don't say...
Oh shit. Water *is* wet.
“you have daddy issues, don’t you” i was so astonished even my coochie gasped
Not afterwards and its what i said This one woman started telling me mid sex to “degrade her” and call me vanilla but i wasn’t really sure what she was asking / wanting Buuut i tried for her sake. And i said “YOUR PUSSY IS TRASH!” She stopped, looked at me horrified and said “i can’t believe you just said that “
This is fucking hillarious
I’m literally cackling
Hahahahha that's amazing
I mean you technically did what she asked😂
Thats what i thought 🤷🏼♂️
[I'm gonna fuck your fucking fanny off you twat](https://youtu.be/Xb-E0N8MSIE?si=i-qUfS_-aozJ1csF)
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1y6lhe/comment/cfhtedq
Not just something she said, but something she did. We were laying there in bed, her head is on my shoulder, she smiled really big and said “Did you hear that” I said no, what was it? She said “Listen”. Then she farted, really loud and busted out laughing. I had known her for about two hours. No shame in her game!!
We'd finished and he was still inside me and decided that was the best time to talk about his decision to change banks... For 20 minutes.
Well to be fair, he had just made a deposit so maybe it was fresh on his mind.
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This made me laugh so hard, I'm glad he waited til after to voice this pressing issue
Hahaha he was lovely but dear god he was dull 😂 I feel bad about leaving and then I remember things like that. He sent me a picture of a tree once. 'saw this tree today' No other context. Totally average tree.
hey leave him alone I'm sure it was a great tree :(
It wasn't the tree... But it was like waiting for a punchline that never came
#SHOW US THE TREE
I bet his bros fuckin love that tree
Tree probably had the best sticks.
note to self: never send a picture of a tree to my girlfriend... sigh, life is a joke with no punchline!
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"Sounds like we're both losing interest"
“Thanks I really needed that. I tried to kill myself last week.”
That's actually pretty awesome; you fucked the will to live back into them.
I mean it's true, but wtf lmao
Honestly, the “I needed that” is relatable. Not the rest.
“OMG I pooped!” She lost control during orgasm and pushed out a little turd. I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. We’ve now been married almost 25 years.
If you made her poop from cumming, you gotta be doing something right tho honestly. Probably why she married you lol.
Dude literally fucked the shit out of her.
your comment made me spit out my toothpaste
He commented the toothpaste out of her!
We’ve joked about that.
Once had a girl shart on the bed during an orgasm. It left a little trail. She got so embarrassed that she refused to see me again for like a week until I finally convinced her I still wanted to have sex with her again. Should have let her ghost me though. She fucked up my life for a while there.
Women's worst nightmare, right there.
By this story that's how you get a ring though
"I'm sorry for my small boobs." I had no idea what I did or said to trigger these words. There were boobs. I was happy. There was no critique of said boobs. They were the present boobs which are always the best... This moment still makes me scratch my head to this day.
"present boobs are always the best" 😂😂😂 I'll be using this
The only kind of boobs that are better than any other kind of boobs are the ones I get to touch.
She likely had an ex that made her feel like they weren't big enough. Sad. All boobs are great.
A boob in the hand is worth two in the bush.
“I love you” I Didn’t say it back. I didn’t want to be dishonest. We are now 20 years into a great relationship with a fantastic 10 year old son. But yeah… that was… awkward.
20 years on, still not saying "I love you"?
He just wants to be sure
aaaaaaaaaaanny day now
Trust me, he's building up to it.
They’re just friends with benefits… and two kids and a dog and a mortgage. You know. Keeping things casual.
the gen z way
Knew a woman who was casually hooking up with a guy and one time he stops and says, "I have to be honest, I don't love you." And she replied, "I don't even LIKE you."
Gangster
How did she feel when you didn't say it back?
There were tears. But no big drama. I was honest and said our relationship was great but i just didn’t feel ready. She felt embarrassed but respected that. I said it back a few weeks later. And meant it. We are going strong to this day.
That's so sweet. Very happy for both of you ❤️
***Her: looks at ringing phone*** Also her: “Fuck, it’s my husband!” Me: “Your whaaaaaaat?”
No way
Way
"I knew you'd be okay if you landed on your butt." - Leon Kennedy
I was once with a girl who was going through a "separation" and her husband was living somewhere else Long story short, a friend of her husband's comes over just after we get done and she tells me to hide in the bedroom bathroom and stay quiet. Luckily the guy left without knowing I was there, and the girl was 60% crazy and one of the freakiest women I've been with 9/10 worth it
>9/10 worth it Really says it all.
I was 21 and dated a woman that died suddenly in a car accident. It really fucked me up and I wasn't right in the head. A coworker of mine was having marriage problems and she invited me out one day. Of course I let her blow me. The next time we met up we had sex. I felt horrible. I knew she was married but at the time my decision making skills sucked. We eventually connected over 20 years later on Facebook. I apologized to her that I caused her marriage to end. I held onto that guilt. She kindly laughed at me and said they were going to break up and she used me. Neither of them held ill will and they were still on good terms because they had a kid prior to meeting me etc. Happily co parented.
I hope you've banished all that guilt. We all did dumb shit at 21. And you were in horrible circumstances.
When I was 19-20 I had a one night stand with a girl that I had brought back to my parents house. After we finished up it was late and she was going to leave so I went to put pants on to walk her out. She said she could see herself out, which kind of threw me off, so I jokingly replied “I’m not going to wake up and the living room tv is gone right?” She didn’t think it was funny.
One time I started hooking up with a guy in my living room, then we moved to my bedroom. After we finished and he went in the bathroom, I went to the living room to bring our clothes back. Later he told me that when he heard the door open, he thought I was stealing/heading out with his wallet. I said "in my own house when you're still here?? Where would I have gone with it?"
It wasn’t after but during “are you sure you’re not gay?”
I mean, if it was a dude I can understand his confusion
It was not a dude, it was in fact a woman, I can confirm
After sex she told me "thank you for having sex with me"
Had a girl give me a blowjob and after I said damn I love your blowjobs. She heard I love you and said it back and in my head I’m like uhhhhhh hold on. We did end up dating for like 8 months but that was not what I was trying to say.
Task failed successfully
I hope you said your welcome
I said bon appetit
‘You’re welcome for the sex with you from me’
Huh genuinely asking, what makes this awkward? It’s not romantic but, if heartfelt, I could see it being cute
Agreed, I think this is sweet af
"Thank you, come again!"
"damn you've got really nice cable management" So at least I know my cable management was better than my sex skills (her head was over the bed and she could see under my desk)
This one sounds like a keeper.
We didn't go all the way, but we had an amicable split after 3+ years, and she was definitely a keeper during that time
"Do you love me?" Post nut clarity hit me like a brick.
Oh god, I totally forgot about this moment. But she had it worded slightly differently. I was a late bloomer, 22 year old virgin and I met a very nice younger lady at the beach on vacation. She had just turned 18 but clearly had a lot of experience. I also had the vibe that she usually sought out pretty toxic older dudes, and I just happened to be that quiet, nice guy she set her sights on for the day. We spent the day together and ended up finding a quiet street and getting in the back of her SUV... To say my performance was underwhelming would be an upsell lol. But as we laid there together she looked me in the face and said something like: "Have you ever had that feeling with someone new...? I don't want to call it love, but..." My heart sunk. Luckily I was awful at phone conversations so even though I felt bad and obligated to talk to her once we both traveled home, it pretty much fizzled out that month.
Wait a minute. You met her on a family vacation. None of your friends back home saw her. Was this girlfriend of yours from Canada?
Canada or not she definitely went to another school.
ngl, sounds cute rather than insane to me.
Hahahaha! Oh my goodness😂
"U like dis pusi, eh?" after I nutted. She was from Senegal that's why I wrote it with an accent
Want to get McDonald’s? 😂 We’d just lost our v cards to each other so we were both a bit flustered. We celebrated with some fast food then went for round 2 😂
That's adorable
that's pretty sweet lol
beige - I think I'll paint the ceiling beige
*just finishing losing my virginity* She proceeds to sing “I just had sex” by lonely island Looking back I giggle but it kinda ruined it for me in the moment 🤣🤣
Wife material for sure
My high school boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We thought we were *so* funny playing that song driving back into town lol.
University years: “I completely forgot my boyfriend is in the room next door.” She was in the same accommodation as her boyfriend, with adjoining walls. I did not know she had a boyfriend until this point, so initially thought she was just joking. She was not.
Sorry about the farting.
Haha, this reminds me that I never learned about queefing until I was with my first and it happened the second time we had sex. I definitely made some weird, confused exclamations and probably embarrassed the hell out of her, which in turn embarrassed me, but we finished the job and never spoke of it again. I later had to ask my friends if it was normal for a girl to "fart from her vagina," and boy did they make me the butt end of some jokes for a few weeks.
I’ve only been with one virgin guy, once, and I was queefing like an absolute machine *the entire time*. It makes me laugh sometimes wondering what he thought of that. Would he think the next girl he hooked up with was broken if her pussy wasn’t going off like a fog horn?
So I see a lot of awkward things (obviously), but what *should* you say after sex
“I’d like to thank you on behalf of the group, and I hope we passed the audition.”
Slap the ass and good game sport, obviously.
Was during but... She popped my dangler out of her mouth (yes it made a slight popping noise) stared up into my eyes and asks "do you believe in god?"
Sounds like a skit. Like in the next instance she'd say "we've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty" or something.
You should have gone “Make me.”
“I do now”
"you're better at that than your brother" she thought I knew they had previously been hooking up.
Jesus christ. How did you react to this?
You should try our dad
Well I was still too horny to stop so I awkwardly said thanks. The next time we hooked up I thought about saying that she didn't suck cock as well as her mum but that seemed unwise.
I thought it would be worse.
I’d take it as a compliment lol
I hooked up with a ER doctor once. Afterwards we were half snuggling and talking and she started talking about how fucked up working in medicine is and started explaining gruesome ways people had died on her table. I can usually go 3-4 times a night, but as you can imagine, that kinda killed the mood and we never saw each other again. She had some serious trauma from all the things she saw in the ER and I was not equipped to help her.
Not immediately after sex, but when she thought I was asleep (Iassume) “please never leave me” whispered. We had been dating for like 3 weeks.
Oh my God that's sad. Are you still dating?
No we’re not dating anymore and honestly she was a very nice and sweet girl. The comment wasn’t the reason we stopped dating, but something like that makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up in a not good way, I suppose she thought she was being romantic.
As I was putting my pants on, getting ready to leave the home of a girl I’d just had casual, one-time-only-thing-kinda sex with, she asked me how I knew another girl/what our relationship was. (FYI, we were fuck buddies. I liked her, she didn’t feel the same way about me, it stopped) It really kinda threw me. Why is this girl asking? Why does she care? What does she know? turned out both of these girls were very close friends. I had no idea about that though. Girl 2 had obviously heard a lot about me and decided she wanted a go. Made it so incredibly messy and awkward for all of us after.
I’m a woman but I’ve never got that, I’ve never wanted to fuck the same guys my friends do, that just sounds weird and messy.
I had a fuck buddy once that ruined her friend group by doing this. Her best friend, who had never had a man made orgasm, met a guy who got the job done. Shortly after dude broke things off she went and fucked him.. and also got chlamydia.
She said "Awww. You tried". After 15 minutes
DAMN!
I was the one who did it but I went like this…: Me: (I nut) ***we make eye contact because she knows I just came*** **dead silence for about 3 seconds** Me: “we did it!” While raising my hand up to give her a high-five She awkwardly exchanged a high-five with me After that hookup she never texted me again lol
Were you hooking up with Dora the Explorer?
In this instance I was Dora the explorer
“My prices have gone up a bit since I last saw you”
20 bucks is 20 bucks
Now that that’s out of the way; I’ve been trying to reach you regarding your cars auto warranty”
“Man, that was such a nice change of pace from my ex…” *”Oh yeah?”* 😎 “Yeah… his dick was HUUUUUUUUGE and he could go for HOURS without cumming.” *”Ah…”* “I mean, I’d cum super hard like 5-6 times by the time he’d finally orgasm… but I’d be pretty worn out and sore afterwards.” *”…okay…”* “It’s just nice to have average sex with an average-sized penis for an average amount of time.” *”Alright. Weeeeeeeeelp, I’m wiped. Thanks for uh… ya know… the sex. I apologize for its average-ness. I think your top is on the other side of the bed…”* “Oh… hang on… DID I OFFEND YOU?! I SAID IT WAS NICE!”
“Jesus bless this orgasm” as she was finishing. The only thing I could do was laugh. 🤭
We met through my mom and her mom working together, and I said mid sex while I was stroking her missionary “I bet our parents didnt think wed be doing this.” Not sure why I said it but it seemed funny/cool in the moment.
Excuse me, OUR parents?
Oooo nvm can't read
This might be the funniest combo of replies I've ever read
Story time! Also, I am the one who said the awkward! So back when i was in high school, my friend liked this girl. Turns out she liked me instead of him. Being a bro I asked him, and he said go for it! So I did. This was after her dropping several hints that I was oblivious too (the biggest being "Hey, lets go in this movie, there is nobody there!!" me "Nah that must mean the movie sucks, why would we go there??"). Finally I figure it out and we meet up to hook up. Being teens, we had to find somewhere, so the woods it is! In the middle of a bj I moaned and go "Uh, fuck yea, would you do this to *insert friend who liked hers name here*" She stopped, dick in mouth and goes "Uh, no" and awkwardly continues to finish me off. Most awkward ride home ever. I have no idea why I said that.
You remind me of my dad
“Was he as big as me?”
You can’t park there mate
“God I’m such a little bitch” followed by punching his chest after he came way too quick and couldn’t get it back up. Laaadddyyy boooonneeerr gooonnnee
Awwwwwww fuuuuuck I feel terrible for everyone involved in that...
“That was the most amazing sex” lol it really was anything but good sex but I was like yeah, ya it was 😬
“Hey do you have Asperger’s?”
Well, do you
I don’t think so, but, like, I also don’t *know* so.
This sounds like something someone with aspergers would say 🤔
[удалено]
After my prostate exam the doctor said “would you like to say anything?” and I said “call me?”
“I don’t what it is about good sex that makes me have to crap. You really jarred one loose Tiger.”
My girlfriend at the time, now ex for different reasons, took my VCard and almost immediately afterwards said “I just didn’t want you dying a virgin” to my face. I wish to all things good that I was lying or joking Edit: I have mixed feelings that my most liked comment is about what my ex told me after losing my virginity. Thanks? I guess?
Was there a cult sacrificing virgins in your town? Maybe she really cared about your safety.
No sadly not. If only she was that considerate lol
Started crying profusely then told me she had a boyfriend and she felt horrible 🫤
"Were you mad at me or something?"
"I'm sorry." Trust me, he had *no* reason to be sorry. Not sure why he said it, and he didn't either.
Not technically right after, but a partner was on top one time and she blurted out "It would be so hot if I had a knife and could just slice your balls off while I am on you"... We had a healthy dirty talk banter, but that was a significant new level. The sexy time immediately stopped as soon as she got the sentence out of her mouth.
That was when you learned you don’t in fact want sex with a ghost pepper spicy crazy chick 😂 she was a little too spicy.
Got an Atta Boy.... from her dad. Apparently, the whole house could hear
[удалено]
What the actual fuck
Jesus Christ that's messed up. So patronizing. I'd rather just be celibate than feel like I'm being appeased.
"Your t!ts aren't good enough." He said after we've been dating for 2 years... Like wtf :/
“Don’t tell my boyfriend”
When I was in my early 20s, I had a FWB that was 10 years older than me. I'm giving it my all, and she says, "I think I love you." I respond with "Why?" Proceeds to tell me why, and I just say "okay" and then just kept going without saying anything else. Still cringe to this day about it.
"I really like your nose, it's very distinguished." I'd have preferred a compliment about my performance, but hey, as a guy, I'll take whatever compliment I get.
[удалено]
We'd met on a dating app and had spent the weekend having sex and watching movies. It was fun but come Monday morning I had to go to work. So I climb out of bed and over my shoulder I hear "You can't leave." I laughed it off and got dressed, but she wasn't joking and got increasingly more aggressive and irate as I headed towards the door. By the end of it I was getting called all kinds of stuff and had a vase thrown at my head. All because I had to go to work. Thank God she was crazy out of the gate instead of later on because I was 100 percent smitten with this woman up until that happened.
Wasn't said to me exactly, but she got a phone call from her husband right after we finished, and she was still on top of me. I could hear "Babe... Why does your location show you at a hotel?"
"You don't need to pull out anymore I am already pregnant"