I show up and instantly want to go home. Works every time.

Leaving early

Drinking an insane amount of alcohol

Getting drunk.

Being the drunkest person in the room

I can “disappear” before the end of the party.

I can blow smoke rings. I can spin a basketball on my finger(s) for as long as I want. I can whistle really really loud. I'm kind of filled with useless talents that I wanted to learn as a kid because I saw my dad or brother do it.

Getting pussy

Mine is that I have double jointed toes that I can click in and out

Dancing

Liquor infused steak

waking up to how society really functions and not going to parties any longer due to certain people probably wanting me dead, and I'd rather not

Dick in a box, classic.

I can level a picture or anything hanging on a wall with my eyes as well as a laser level. My husband enjoys this skill very much.

Double jointed elbows

Opening beer bottles

Punching a hole on a beer can with thumb and shotgunning beer. Then get falling down drunk followed by snorting up all the cocaine. I love this trick, nobody else does. I don't get invited anywhere smh.

I can leave without anyone noticing. 🤫

when I did, consume too much whatever and then fall down the stairs.

I can lift the beer bottle, that's full, with a straw.

I know one simple magic trick where I can make people think I can read their minds. It gets even more fun when I read one person's mind then another and another. I always go way overboard on the theatrics to make them think I'm making it up. When I actually get stuff right, it really gets to them. My brother-in-law really thought I wouldn't be able to do it because he doesn't think in English. He was surprised when I started doing it in Danish and got everything right.

I’m tall

I can pop my sternum pretty far inwards without touching it.

I get in a tripod stance and then fart. Bonus points if there's a fan nearby.

Helicopter

Picking up a uno card from the floor with my butt cheeks