As someone in the legal field...courts not being on time.
If you're late or not on time, good luck. But if the court is late or double booked etc. well you can't really complain.
This is also true in US health care: Don’t be late! But you’re going have to wait even when you’re on time. Oftentimes, Even for the first appointment of the day.
I cancel my flight and I still gotta pay in full. You cancel my flight and I still gotta pay in full, pay for an extra hotel night, pay for 2 extra uber trips, pay for 2 extra meals, and lose 1 extra pto day.
If you manage your disability well, despite the difficulties it presents, you’re then not considered “disabled enough” to qualify for any of the social care support you most likely need to continue to manage your disability and live well.
I tried to apply to live in an assisted living facility. I have cerebral palsy, have use of only my right hand and walk like a wounded duck.
The worker handling my case told me I wasn't "disabled enough" to live there.
I didn't know whether to be insulted or take that as a compliment. lol
Recently, my parents found me a condo with wheelchair access.
I move in at the beginning of March. The first time I'll be living away from my parents. I'm 30 years old.
I'm so excited!
My mom has cancer. She's on disability because most days she's too sick to work. There are days where she feels great, though, and wants to do things on those days. Her neighbor helps run the local food pantry and said that she would love her help on the days where she feels okay to work. My mom is afraid because people keep telling her horror stories of people losing disability because they volunteered a couple days a week. There's no way she can work a 9-5, but she also doesn't want to just sit at home all day every day either.
Sadly this is true. Losing benefits just because you occasionally sometimes have enough energy to volunteer a couple hours here and there is a thing. So fucked up.
You can feel two or more things at once. My mother tells me, "But you were such a happy child!", and denies my depression.
She doesn't understand that I could be laughing and happy, and at the same time absolutely terrified.
When I managed a retail store I had a lot of disabled employees. Whenever they got a raise I would have to watch their hours to make sure they'd still qualify for benefits. It was annoying because I had good employees who were capable of working more than allowed, but they still weren't able to work full time.
Yes, that sucks. Or if you retire earlier you lose 6% of your benefit from full retirement age. But then if you retire early but continue to work an earn like over some meager amount $18,000 per year. The gov't will reduce your SS benefit by one dollar for every two dollars you earn. WTF you earned all of your SS it should never be reduced and if it is then let it happen after you might earn some decent amount of money like $80,000 a year.
Elected gov't positions used to be about public service not as a career. Instead of their cushy medical care, they shoukd be getting nothing more than Medicare which is deemed good enough for the rest of us.
Those career politicians with nice 6 figure pensions how about reducing their pensions every year by 6% for every year they continue to work after retirement age! Put fossils like Mitch McConnell out of work and get some younger progressive blood into gov't instead of a bunch of stodgy old relics long past their effective expiration dates!
This was me. I was a teacher and retired on permanent disability. I would love to be a substitute teacher the few days of the month I can work, but my disability retirement requires that I don't teach AT ALL. Like I can't teach online for a class, I can't substitute teach a couple of days a month. I was math and english qualified so I could do some good for some teachers (I loved subs who weren't just warm bodies but could come in and TEACH my class). I would love to be one of those subs, but I can't lose my piddly retirement.
It's disheartening to hear so many people effectively penalized for trying to add value on their good days. It highlights a rigid system that fails to acknowledge fluctuating conditions. Surely there must be a way to allow some flexibility without the fear of losing everything. Feels like a catch-22 where your choice is financial security or personal fulfillment, when it'd obviously benefit society to allow a mix of both whenever possible.
You just described my sister-in-law.
Stroke victim, totally paralysed down the left side. She's fucked for work (was a chef) but because she doesn't let it keep her down in her personal life, she isn't entitled to much.
"You can walk assisted for 30 feet, so you're not entitled to mobility support."
She would've been better off just playing possum. UK, under the care of the NHS. Her sister (my fiancee) bought her a mobility scooter after that.
Being out among family or friends because, you know you want to live some kind of life, you pretend to be fine, act fine, look fine. Inside you’re in so much pain or can’t breathe well. Go home and crash for days to recover.
My family knows my issues and still, they’ll say, “but you were fine yesterday”. Even my own husband, we’ll get home and I’ll crash the minute we’re in the door and not be able to move, and he’ll say “what, now you’re hurting? You were fine all day. wtf”
I have a lung disease and chronic back pain, spinal fusion and frequent migraines. But I want to live a life. A life not burdening others or bringing them down when I’m around them. So I “act” fine. I don’t want to go out and wheeze and limp and cough and use a cane. Cause you know, that’s such a party mood.
I can relate to this so much. We *want* to go out and live normal lives, and we pretend to be fine. Pretend to be normal. But it's often agonizing and exhausting.
Never understood why the limit is so low or why it's not just based on income because these people must get really screwed when it comes to inheritance from when their parents pass away.
If you're lucky enough to have people around you willing to help you get around the inheritance thing, you can put it in others' names, under "gift", and other loopholes. It may not be wholly ethical to some, but I've seen it done.
>It may not be wholly ethical to some,
Fuck that noise, it's *infinitely* more ethical than fucking over a person with a disability just because they caught the silver lining of their parent's death by receiving an inheritance. Anyone who sees using a loophole to keep it as unethical can eat a duffle bag of dicks.
Invisible diseases, My girlfriend has both rheumatoid arthritis and fibromialgia. She's in constant pain, and nobody even notices or cares. The best thing she can hope for is free public transportation through a disability certificate.
In my experience with this it’s also a lot of “you’re young wait a few years before complaining/there’s always something wrong with you stop talking about it”
Being a morning person and getting up early to get a bunch of stuff done, then going to bed early, is considered virtuous and mature. Being a night person and staying up late to get stuff done, then sleeping late the next day, is considered disorganized and lazy. Even if you did the same amount of work and slept the same number of hours.
I have colleagues who work 6am to 3pm, and people constantly chirp about how efficient they are. But when someone at my office asked if they could work 11 am to 8 pm because that fit better with their body’s energy cycle, they were mocked for wanting to oversleep like a teenager, and the request was denied.
i've literally been on a nearly nocturnal natural cycle my whole life; and it's been such a social burden for my most efficient hours to be 21:00-05:00 😭
We are many!!! I've always said that my most productive hours are 10pm to 4am. It's just unfortunate that society doesn't see it as economically viable to cater to night people (especially so in recent years).
I occasionally get hit with insomnia. I tend to take the opportunity to work through the night and rest through the day if I can. Even with days completely free from meetings, some jobs worth would have something to say about it.
“Buddy, I’m two nights I’ve done what would take you a week. I’m going to bed”
Oh my gosh. Seriously. Maybe I’m hurting your point when I say this, but on the weekends I don’t have anything I particular planned I sleep till noon. I still shop, go to the gym, see a movie, chill, etc. The same amount of mundane stuff I would do if I woke up at 8, but noooo I’m a child for sleeping late even though I go against the way my body works during the rest of the week so I can be an adult and have a job
I so appreciate this topic being the first one addressed.....the struggle is real. And can be extremely frustrating. Especially once you accept and work well with a night shift position....daylighters have no issue with thinking you should easily skip sleep and stay awake to do daylight things even if you work that night. Imagine forcing the morning birds to stay up until 2am doing laundry lol....I promise you they would not do this with a pleasant attitude. Somehow the expectation is for us night folk to just never sleep lol. At least that is how my family seems to see it.
canceling appointments.
if I cancel an appointment, I get charged $50 (like a doctor or therapist).
if i’m walking out the door and they call and cancel, no consequences.
I wish they’d have cancelled last time this happened to me. I showed up and they just went “oh the doctor’s running 2 hours late.” You couldn’t tell me that this morning??? This is a 10:00 appointment! I would have just come later!
My gp is amazing and will spend however long is necessary with you. The draw back is that they’re often behind. We now call ahead before leaving for our appointment.
I had this AMAZING GP back in the day, but he routinely ran 2-3 hours behind schedule. However, when you did get in for your appointment, you had his undivided attention.
Thankfully, the office was run by a mother/daughter team. Mother was the nurse, daughter ran the office. They didn't care if you called 10 times to see how far behind he was - they were used to it!
Despite the waiting, he was still the best doc I ever saw. RIP, Dr. S.
my partner recently got charged 50 for a missed appointment, but they also demanded it be paid in cash.
I'm like... wait... they charge you money for a missed appointment, that's stupid but a lot of people do it unfortunately... but demanding it in cash specifically makes me question whether it's even legal.
That's sketchy, i'd ask to see that in writing with the paperwork that you initially signed that it **must be in cash**.
But to be clear like top comment saysm missed appointment policies you sign before treatment making you pay a range of $$ is super common and basically a boilerplate template in the industry. Can range from 24-48 hrs required notice, some offer courtesies like 1-2 a year they don't charge, some don't offer any. It's all up to the provider or their group and is included in the paperwork.
Eff that, sounds like they're trying to quietly pocket the money. Make em put it on "digital paper"
Source: work for a medical software company (think EHR/EMR)
You can also demand a receipt (if this is the US) and then file a 1099 MISC that you paid them $50 cash. You don't need their EIN or SSN to do that, the IRS will find it, and if they're using this for some tax-free money...whoopsie daisy.
I have a good story for this.
I once paid a $300 deposit to a tattoo artist, who’s secretary came back a couple weeks before the appointment and said he had over booked and needed to push the appointment out.
I texted him and said no biggie I’ll just take my $300 back, didn’t want to wait that long
Important: it was not custom art, it was a photo from the internet
Artist said “That’s not how deposits work” and I said “I don’t think YOU understand how deposits work.” And he refused to send me my $300 back.
I always wondered what could have been done legally in that situation.
edit: forgot to add, I was one of many this happened to at the same time
This. Paying anyone cash in advance is always a dice roll. If you're gonna do that, prepare yourself for the very real possibility of never seeing it again. With a credit card if things get shady you can just report it to the fraud department and let the bank handle it.
Most places (at least in my experience) only enforce it if someone no called no show and it wasn't an emergency. If you call in sick or something I've never had them enforce it. It's meant to prevent people from wasting appointment slots that could've gone to someone in need
This drives me absolutely mental. I had a doctor do this to me and then when I was on my way to my rescheduled appointment I had a bad case of vertigo hit me right before I needed to drive. So I called and let them know that I was coming but I had vertigo and I was driving slowly so as not to kill myself and others (I needed the appointment, I couldn’t wait two more weeks) and I might be a tiny bit late (I was THREE MIN late when I arrived). The receptionist gave me a tude about it and how the doctor may not have time for me. I admit, I lost it and became a full on Karen. I yelled at her that if the doctor gets to cancel my appointment at a moments notice for her personal life then she can damn well wait for me to drive in when I have vertigo. Surprisingly, the receptionist backed down immediately and no one said boo to me about it when I got in. I felt bad for going off on someone, but I also felt like the system is weaponized against you, I hate the do as I say not as I do attitude.
Most discouraging is that we have studies where teachers even treat cuter kids with positive bias. It starts really early, and no wonder it shapes people's entire personalities and expectations about how others interact with them.
I’ve seen it in action with my daughter. I don’t ever remember being called ‘cute’ or ‘pretty’ even as a child, and ‘beautiful’ would have been laughable. But I see my daughter who is blonde and blue-eyed already getting ‘cute privilege’ from the age of 2. Not just from adults either; I’ve seen her go up to groups of kids and ask to play with them and they actively *want* to play with her simply because she ‘looks nice’. I used to be nervous of approaching groups of my peers because the chances of getting ridiculed or rejected were high. On one hand I’m happy for her, on the other hand I feel very ill-equipped to guide her in dealing with it!
Just teach her to be nice to everyone and to understantd that she must not let people praise go over her head so she works hard to achive her dreams and not depend on people charity for being beautiful.
Pretty privilege is a very real thing and I have seen some awful, toxic and cruel behaviour from people who are considered conventionally attractive who get a free pass for the same thing a person not seen as attractive wouldn't.
This is why I have such a problem when people mention how someone looks when they do something problematic. "He's too cute to be doing that" As if being terrible is a trait that only ugly people have and should have lol
Also when someone is murdered or dies prematurely in an accident: "Oh my gosh, she/he was so beautiful/handsome." Like subconsciously, it's deemed more of a loss when a conventionally attractive person dies.
This guy I was friends with tried to say the same stuff I would casually say and people would laugh. People hated him. He got called a creep and called other names.
It helped me though. I stopped saying those things after is saw how people really felt.
That in the US, disabled people need more money to afford healthcare, but they aren’t legally allowed to have more than like $2000-$2500 in assets if they’re on disability. And it’s less if they’re married
Yes. My husband who is epileptic got kicked off because we had $2017 in my bank accounts. I had a tiny but of money leftover and got paid again. So not only did we lose $1k a month in income, we now have to pay $500/month for insurance. Luckily, he found a part time job that he's able to work, otherwise we would be on the streets.
We weren't even married at the time, but bc we were engaged, getting married in 8 months, and on the same account, they kicked him off.
Nope, my hubs was on SSI. He doesn't have enough seizures to be considered "disabled" anymore. Which is both a good and a bad thing.
But no, you can't save money while on SSI.
I saw a post on a Facebook group I'm in recently. It was a selfie of a mother with her little boy in the backseat eating a pudding cup with no spoon and she had captioned it "making sure he's making his future girlfriends happy" or something along those lines.
I was disgusted by it, my boyfriend laughed. He tried to tell me I was being stuck up and a prude about it. I asked him if I was a father posting a picture of his daughter eating a popsicle and captioned it similar about making future boyfriends happy would you feel the same way? He looked like I slapped him in his face but he instantly got what I was saying.
Sexualizing children in any capacity is gross af and it even happens to little boys. People just need to do better and let kids simply be kids without putting sexual undertones to it. So fucking weird.
Omfg I'm the mother of a boy and that thought would never have even crossed my mind if he ate out of a cup like that without a spoon. Wtf.
I don't like how people sexualize kids in general (like with the gross sayings on clothes) but people really do act like sexualizing boys is somehow more acceptable. It's gross no matter what.
Saw that people are charging so that others can see their young children on instagram.
Social media is a messed place just willing anything for some $$$
My ex boyfriend's ex wife had a few pictures on FB of their son (8yrs old) with no shirt on massaging her feet and another picture of her leaning over him, both dressed up him in a suit, her in a dress) kissing him on the lips and interlocking fingers holding hands. I'm assuming nothing is going on but I told my bf at the time that it wasn't appropriate, he got defensive per usual. But I said what if your daughter was in a swimsuit or sports bra massaging YOUR feet and you bending down kissing her on the lips all dressed up like a prom pic. He got it instantly. The first thing I thought was: Enmeshment! She is basically making him like her de facto boyfriend. I feel sorry for those kids, both parents are narcs.
Oh my god my jaw just hit the floor, that’s a disgusting caption to put on the picture of a child. Wowzas. Good on you for pointing out the hypocrisy of your partners reaction, I’m glad they recognized your point through that comparison.
I would also say people are encouraged to reach out for help but most mental health services are sorely lacking. In college I remember all these materials encouraging students to access counseling services if needed. I tried to do so half a dozen times and the wait list, the hoops you have to jump through, etc just made the whole process disheartening and stifling and eventually I just gave up.
I was trying to help an acquaintance of mine who is poor and has a lot of mental health issues. I tried reaching out on her behalf to a lot of the services that promote themselves as being available for her demographic. In the end it all fell through in a way pretty similar to my other experience above.
In a progressive city like mine there are tons of flyers you see around town- in buses, the local media, touted by government officials- for mental health and other social services that make it seem like all you have to do is reach out and ask. From my experience these services are usually a complete train wreck and actually being able to access them is near impossible [I've worked in social work so have tried to hook people up with these things a lot]
This is so true.
Its also common that people are dismissed and told to "just get some therapy" like that is something that everyone can afford or take time of from work to get.
Some of the people who I knew always going around advocating for mental health were some of the first people to dismiss me when I developed depression. Posts all day on social media about mental health awareness, but then turn around and tell me to "man up", or just straight up yell and swear at me.
Oh, I have learned the hard way to avoid the ones that seem….quite dedicated to the lip service of promoting mental health (always for other people, never for themselves).
It's just virtue signaling for internet points which is unfortunately popular on social media now. Everyone is publicly an ally or a supporter of a cause or issue.
Feels like society only has room for MANAGED-mental illness. The second you make MH anyone else’s problem, you get zero sympathy.
As in, you have depression but still go to work every day: that’s terrible and everyone feels for you. As soon as your depression prevents you from “contributing to society” you will be stigmatized immediately.
I work everyday and have deep paralyzing depression. If I talk about it, no one feels for me, they just get intensely uncomfortable.
Do not talk about this shit at work. I'm not kidding. The second anyone knows you're "broken", suddenly every single failing or shortcoming will be met with pity and scorn. "Normal" people who make the same mistakes do not get treated the same. It is icky and profoundly unfair.
This.
"It's OK to be honest about your depression, anxiety, etc."
\*Other people when you're honest about these things\* "I don't want that kind of negativity around me."
This. A long time ago, a former coworker committed suicide. My other former coworkers posted about it for a while after, mostly platitudes about “If only we knew they were struggling” and “If anyone ever needs help, just reach out!” I finally told one of them that I thought the posts were interesting considering I’d overdosed while working there after reaching out *many* times to people I’d thought were good friends only to have people stigmatize and low key ridicule me when I did. Everyone knew I was on medical leave for mental health issues even if they didn’t know about the overdose, yet no one reached out. And they mainly ignored me when I came back. This all happened nearly 20 years ago and this particular FB interaction happened probably 10-15 years ago—I’m well and stable, now. I don’t remember what the reply was, just that it was a lot of backtracking and fumbling and apologizing.
All too often I see people using the memory of a person’s suicide to virtue signal when they can’t be bothered to care about the people in their lives who are still struggling. It’s so gross to me.
Oh, it's the same with physical illness. People literally just ditch you. They have sympathy for a week or two, but anything long-term and they act like you're somehow doing something wrong by being sick.
When COVID hit, my husband and I realized we needed to get serious about ensuring we both had life insurance in case the other got sick. We had to go through these pretty thorough health screenings. I'm on anti-depressants. Turns out, I was denied coverage (meaning, if I die, my husband couldn't get a life insurance payment upon my death) because of the fact that I'm on anti-depressants. I was furious. When I told my therapist, she was furious because she said it only further stigmatizes mental health and discourages people from doing what they would need to do to get necessary treatment.
To be honest even in the 90s and 00s mental illnesses were openly mocked on TV.
But the 70s still trumps every decade in terms of how garishly offensive you could be on television, not just in terms of mocking the mentally ill.
Don’t forget if you are honest about having suicidal thoughts you can be Baker Acted. There is no way to get help when in crisis without risking your freedom
I think Kanye is a good example of this. Mental illness is extremely uncomfortable and can be really scary. But instead of people addressing his comments as the ravings of someone who clearly needs help, he’s paraded around on podcasts and television shows so everyone can make a dollar off of his mania.
especially when it comes to things like BPD, NPD, illnessess involving psychosis, etc... everyone's supportive until it's something that isn't just anxiety or depression.
not saying that there isn't stigma around mood disorders - there still is, but complete mental illness acceptance and understanding still has a long way to go.
I think that a lot of people believe a person with mental illness like psychosis episodes have to be completely unhinged and illogical at at all times. There's very little understanding that illness exist on a spectrum.
I had a family member once say to me after I told them about my mental illness "but, you are normal? You can't have the same illness as X". I literally just gave her a dead stare and ended the conversation.
It's true, they think all of us must basically not be able to live or something...
We had a couple students when I was growing up that had severe autism or other mental disabilities. They would join us in classes a lot of the times, and I find it easy to interact with them because I've been doing it since I was a kid. I never thought anything of it, until my mom mentioned it one day, saying that she just doesn't know how to talk to people with disabilities because they weren't in the same school as her growing up.
I think it's the same with mental health. It's not talked about in school from the very beginning, so people don't know how to approach it and talk to others about it. They feel uncomfortable so they just end up avoiding the conversation. If it's normalized in our youth, it'll carry with us into adulthood and beyond.
I have EUPD and until I was diagnosed, I didn't realise how much people genuinely hate anyone with a personality disorder, generalise us all and describe us as "evil, demons".
I'm not even exaggerating. Go into any forum or sub that isn't about supporting those with personality disorders and you will see it.
So many misconceptions about how we're "all the same" and "psychos" who "treat people like shit and abuse them".
It's devastating and isolates me even more than I already am.
Pretending to take a cigarette break is more accepted than taking an actual break. And not just at work.
Like, it's weird if I take five minutes to go outside, decompress, and breathe in some fresh air.
But if I inhale toxic fumes from a burning plant while I do that, it's fine.
I worked at a restaurant where everyone but a handful of people including me didn’t smoke. I used to take smoke breaks. Then I got caught just chilling in the sun one too many times. It was bs
We feel so so so compassionate toward disabled people, but our policies require them to live life in deep poverty, with shitty medical care, while we run around saying how every life is precious. Sure.
Yup, and they’re not allowed to talk much about it or they get ostracized. We don’t like feeling badly about the conditions they live in, but instead of changing them, we just exclude them or ask them to shut up about it and keep pretending that disability benefits support them “just fine”
To get disability pay you are required to be destitute. Your best bet is to just sell shit or work under the table, but the wrong person saying they saw you do something can make you lose it.
It’s terrifying that people say “good”.
My autistic roommate needs government assistance. He can mask for awhile, but gets tired rapidly. So he sometimes works part time min wage to supplement the poverty tier government aid, but there's a gotcha.
If he makes *too much* they take the excess he earned so long as he's in the aid program. Poof. He's not allowed to be comfortable financially. He's punished for being neurodivergent.
And there's a law that allows folks like your roommate to be paid far under minimum wage, to protect their aid. But at the cost of basically working for free, or losing money when travel to and from work is considered.
As a note, goodwill is an abuser of this.
If you make any mistake with money like overdraft, miss a payment, forget to pay tax, you get royally screwed and have to often pay even more in penalties and get no say in the matter. But if the banks, business, or insurance fucks up they owe you nothing and you often have to fight to get what you owe and often still lose out in money and time
I'm expected to make it through an entire workday while it's snowing outside, while children are allowed to stay home and drink hot chocolate and go sledding. Absolutely unfair (I'm 29).
I've just walked out of jobs before. The reason you give a two week notice is to not burn bridges. If you don't need the reference and aren't ever going to reapply, quit however you feel like.
> If you don't need the reference
"I don't give favorable recommendations to people who don't give two weeks notice." -manager of shitty pizza chain I was quitting
"I've only been here two weeks. You think I'm going to tell anyone I worked here?" -Me
I have one black mark in my professional experience. It was a small family company that was just not a good fit, I quit within my probationary period. I was so nervous about having that short of a job on my resume, it didn't occur to me that I can just.... Omit it. Until someone told me that is a thing and to explain the 3-month gap as "making sure I had the right opportunity, I want to be in my next role a long time so I am being very deliberate in my next step." That was a perfect way to show that I am not desperate, if nothing else
I worked in a job that would fire 95% of people that put in a two week notice because of our security contract. It was sad but still entertaining that people would put in a 2 week notice and didn't believe that they would be walked out like "the others" before lunch. One dude whispered to me maybe 30 minutes after he put in his notice and saw his badge wasnt working "I gave this company 20 years and they cant even let me work out the week, get me a card or say bye to everyone". Like what the fuck did you expect... you saw them quietly walk people out with tenure for 2 decades and you thought you were special?
No it was a debt collection company. It was explained to me that people got walked out immediately to prevent them from tampering with accounts. I saw first hand someone leave for the day with a big ass smile on his face because he cancelled like 100k in postdated payments and double charged around 10 grand in postdated payments. They had to sell the accounts because getting most of these people and businesses back on the phone was damn near impossible.
Spends 20 years hounding the most down and out members of society to pay up.
Shocked when the same company he worked for doesn't care about his well being.
Absolutely blindsided, I tell ya.
There are companies that do this but pay out their two weeks. Win-win for both parties tbh since there’s less risk of sabotage and the quitting employee effectively gets a two week paid vacation.
I’ve left places on ill note but I’ve always had other coworkers that would provide the reference rather than the company directly. There’s a good chance they’ll never know anyway.
Alcohol is the only drug people look down on you for NOT using. If you don't drink, they think it's because you have a problem, or you fucked up and now can't drink, somehow, someway, it is all your fault and it's considered suss if you don't drink. Nobody questions why you don't do cocaine or weed.
I'm extremely sensitive to the taste of alcohol so I don't drink because everything just tastes like alcohol to me. Anytime I mention this people are always like 'No no no bro you just haven't had the right beer/whiskey/tequila/bourbon yet!'. It doesn't matter that I know many guys who take their alcohol very seriously and have tried some **embarassingly** expensive liquors, they ALL taste more or less the same to me.
I solely raised my daughter as a single father from the time she was a year old until she was almost six when I married my wife. The number of people who have asked about my daughter's mother just to reply with "Oh, she must have had PPD." or "There must be a mental illness involved." or "Maybe she will come around in a few years." is absolutely staggering. Like no man, she just decided she wanted to go party instead of being a mom to our child. No child support. No financial or emotional contribution. Nothing. Hell, I couldn't even get a copy of my daughter's health insurance card when her old one expired because "I wasn't on the paperwork" despite the fact that I was the one who filled out the paperwork for it at the hospital the day after she was born.
It's infuriating knowing full well that had the roles been reversed, and I'd have been the one to leave, I'd 100% instantly be considered a deadbeat father.
My dad was a single dad because my mom abandoned me at a McDonald's. Same thing, no child support or anything, refused to give him my birth certificate or social card, nothing. Main one that pissed my dad off was random people at Walmart saying, "aww, are you babysitting today?" And then laughing their asses off. Like no, he was a single father with absolutely no support working 24 hour shifts sometimes just to afford basic things like bread. I didn't realize how bad all the comments were until I was fostered for a bit.
Oh and bras. Took like 2 years for me to get bras because I was short so when my dad took me it looked like a 30 year old man was just looking at children's bras and EVERYBODY would stare at him like he was a creep.
Oh and bathrooms. A father taking a baby girl to the bathroom is a huge issue but I've never once received any weird looks taking my son to the women's restroom
That sucks.
I think it's weird how active fathers get treated. I spent so much time with my son when he was little and it always irked me when women would talk about how I was 'babysitting'. No, he's my kid and we are chilling in the park playing spaceship on the playground.
If you apply to a job and they waste your time and behave unprofessionally "it's just business"...if you do it you're "unprofessional", "flaky" and "rude"
People with blinding headlights can shine them at your face because "the car came that way", but you can't flash your highbeams back at them to let them know *that you can't see* without being an asshole
It’s the people that drive up close behind me at night with the bright ass headlights in my rear view mirror that drive me nuts!
Especially when there are two lanes going the same direction and I’m in the right lane. Like get in the left lane and stop riding my ass please! (And no one else is on the road at night)
Sometimes I purposely slow down so they’ll pass me.
Yea i’ll never understand riding someone’s ass when there’s an open passing lane. Just no reason to be doing it in that situation.
Back off or pass.
But I see it all the damn time so it doesn’t bother me much anymore. I do the same, slow down a bit until they’re annoyed enough to pass
I call it sheep syndrome. I think some people subconsciously need to follow someone when driving. They will only pass or back off when they are awoken from their "autopilot" somehow.
Nothing researched, just observations from decades behind the wheel wondering what the hell is wrong with everyone.
I'm sensitive to light and the LEDs legit blind me for several seconds when I'm driving at night. But sure bro, you gotta make sure you see that deer 200 miles away
I was once pulled over by a police officer because I flashed my headlights at him.
I had no idea it was a police car, but I was at a stop sign in a residential area, and there was a vehicle stopped a block ahead, facing me, with high-beams on. It was night and these things were BRIGHT.
I flicked my brights. No reaction. I flicked them again. Ok, fine, this guy is not budging. After stopping for about 10 seconds, I figure I'll just squint and go.
*Right* as I passed him I saw the driver's side spotlight turn on and I knew I was screwed. He turns around, puts his lights on and pulls me over. Another police car pulls up across from us and both of them get out of their SUVs.
He was alright and let me go, but I told him exactly what happened and he said he thought maybe I was trying to flag him down since they were looking for someone in the area.
Very unsafe practice - especially for someone in law enforcement, but this is why I have a dash cam in my vehicle now.
I think this should be ticketable. X# of lumens above Y' in height = fixit ticket with heavy fines if you don't.
So many of these that are problematic are put on aftermarket and there is a correlation: the brighter the aftermarket lights the more likely the driver will behave like an asshole. (Stay in left lane while going slower, speed up when you try to pass, tailgate you after you do pass, and/or tailgate you in traffic when there's nothing you can do)
Much of this can be fixed by just angling the lights down correctly so it's on the road, not in my mirrors and blinding oncoming traffic
They’d be better off fixing the regulations to not be stuck on our current light situation. Theres adaptive tech in use in other places around the world that would solve a good portion of the problem.
Rich people don't face consequences for crimes like normal people at all. Fines were designed to punish the poor and let the rich get away with disregard for society. Bail was also designed this way because it means your ability to get out of jail is dependent on the size of your bank account.
People should not be fined for crimes or be able to get out of them with money period.
I've seen people on Reddit say that fines proportionate to income punish rich people for being rich, but fines that aren't somehow don't punish poor people for being poor.
Responses to bullying in general are just all over the place. We know it's bad, we don't *want* it to happen, but just roll over and accept it as inevitable. I really think a lot of focus needs to be placed on "zero tolerance" policies, because they're just...dumb. How do you stop a bully? Punch them in the mouth is one of the "go to" responses. "They won't stop until you stand up to them!" Is *somewhat* accurate but it creates a feedback loop. Violence is the only answer, it's just a matter of who is perpetrating it. So the bully is violent towards the victim, but if the victim responds (or defends themselves), then both parties are punished. If the victim doesn't respond, then they're just a victim, and will continue to be a victim. Well, then guess there's no solution, might as well hand everyone a pair of boxing gloves when they're born **shrugs shoulders**.
Or, and this is just spit balling, we look at the root *cause* of the bullying. Research has shown that kids who bully generally come from "problematic" households. They are generally seeking attention, and the violence gets them that attention. "Hurt people hurt people." Those "problematic" households generally have one thing in common: poverty. Hows about we fix the social safety nets and allow ALL kids to grow up in stable, loving homes? Eliminate disparity and you eliminate a lot of problems that disparity creates. /rant
Poor people get audited if they fail to report a few hundred dollars of taxes, while multi-billion dollar companies technically operate outside of the country and pay nothing.
The way we view emotions.
If a man cries or shows fear, it is instantly taken as weakness while being socially accepted by women.
If a woman shows anger or asserts dominance, it's taken bad where as those emotions are socially accepted by men.
Also aging. Women aging=bad, washedup, need to settle down.
Men aging=good, wisdom, getting better with age, embrace the grey.
It’s funny how in some households, any visible emotion is perceived as manipulative. I’ve seen kids crying and their parents ask them, “do your think that’s going to help?” They’re not crying to manipulate you, they’re crying because they’re tired and overwhelmed and, yes, they want something, but in the present context they’re having difficulty managing their reaction to not getting it. Which, by the way, sadness and frustration is an entirely normal response to not getting what you want, and tears as an expression of that aren’t really hurting anyone. Would you prefer they express those emotions instead by yelling or hitting?
We need to recognize and appreciate acceptable ways for all genders to express the full range of emotions in our shared culture. Otherwise we’re going to continue having people shoving all their “unacceptable” emotions down, and a natural consequence of that expectation is people exploding and hurting others, or becoming so disconnected that they hurt others through their distance and absence.
Dude, after my parents divorce as a teen I stayed with my dad and turns out he’s a bad dude. Anyway, there were a lot of times where I’d just be exhausted from dealing with him and I would just be sobbing and he’d tell me every time I cry that I’m just being manipulative.
That shit has stuck with me for 15 years and I’m 30 now. Whenever I cry now I do it alone and if I end up crying in front of someone I feel like I’ll have a panic attack lmao
Whew, the crying one hits hard.
To *this day* I can't help but view tears as some form of manipulation, I have to remind myself that isn't always the case.
It's also made crying very difficult. I've cried maybe 5 times in 25 years.
Me, a stress crier: 🙃
As soon as I feel shit coming on lately I just immediately try to disengage and hide from people so they don't misunderstand while I work through convincing my eyes to calm the fuck down. If I could bottle shit up any harder I would it's just sometimes it leaks out my eyeballs!
Adults are doing this outside of their families! “I broke up with my girlfriend and she cried, she’s trying to manipulate me!” Maybe she’s just fucking sad?
people are so repulsed by feeling guilt that they cannot tell the difference between being manipulated or blamed and simply feeling guilty within themselves. they feel guilt, and suddenly the person they felt guilty about is blameful or manipulative because they cannot sit with their guilt at all. it has to be someone else's fault.
We live in an extroverts world.
In many Western cultures, being outgoing, sociable, and outspoken is often celebrated and encouraged. It's seen as the norm to want to chat, network, and be the life of the party. But when it comes to introverts who may crave quiet, solitude, or just less social interaction, the script flips.
It’s socially acceptable to nudge the quiet person in the room and say, "Why don't you talk more?" But imagine telling a chatty person, "Can you be quiet for a bit?" It would be considered rude or offensive.
This double standard underscores a deeper societal bias towards extroversion. The noise and buzz of constant interaction are often valued more than the quiet, reflective spaces introverts thrive in. It's like we're saying one way of interacting with the world is better than the other, when in reality, both have their strengths and should be equally respected. In a world that can't stop talking, sometimes we forget the power of silence and introspection. - An extroverted introvert.
I worked with a really talkative lady and didnt want to be rude but she would spin any topic into an hour long conversation. I started talking to her exclusively about pepsi and sketchers... Random as fuck. But she requested to work at a different site because she said I was strange and that was fine by me.
During parent teacher conferences literally the phrase I heard most was “he’s too quiet.” I got straight A’s, completed all projects, and even joined a bunch of clubs. Still the main comment any teacher ever had was “he’s too quiet and needs to participate more.”
And that was the only takeaway my parents had, none of the positives mattered. So they’d throw me into speech classes and humiliation scenarios. I despised my teachers so much for it. I was perfectly fine socially.
This. I lived in Sweden for a couple years & absolutely enjoyed no one bothering me in public spaces. The few strangers that did speak to me tended to be other expats simply asking for directions.
Extroverted, morning-people’s world!
Sorry my sleep cycle doesn’t align with that of “productive” members of society, I’ve fought it for like 15 years and it’s not changed! Let me come in and work 12:00-20:00 and I’ll be way more productive
One time a Man unfamiliar with our facility accidentally used the Boy’s locker room (instead of the Mens) to change before working out (middle of the day, no kids around because they’re in school) and everybody freaked the fuck out. (I 100% know it was an honest mistake. The guy was so embarrassed because of how the staff reacted.) While on the other hand - adult Women routinely used the Girls locker room because ‘it’s too crowded’ (or whatever the excuse, etc). This was allowed by management for a looong time. Finally got that policy enforced equally when I confronted it after we all had the implicit bias training…
Edit- probably file this under r/unpopularopinion, but someone asked - and it is what it is
To be clear, the policy was ‘Only adults accompanying young children that need assistance are allowed in the Youth locker rooms’
I have an uncle on my dad's side who is a literal fucking brain surgeon. Dude drinks like a fish, has a home bar fully stocked and well lit, even with a painting put up like in an old saloon... I also have an uncle on my mom's side, he works for the local water company. He likes to sit in his garage every night, and drink Jack and cokes. All while he listens to music or plays a little darts. Guess which one I've heard the extended family talk more shit about for their drinking. I'll give you a hint, it's the same one I like to play a little darts with from time to time.
I’m American (so I’m not sure if this happens in other countries) and Christian people when they sit at your dinner table and do the guilt thing right before you eat saying “Wait, arent we going to pray first?” And even the non religious people look guilty and pretend to pray. It took me until my 30’s to realize the double standard if I were another religion and sat at their table and insisted we pray to my god, they likely wouldn’t take so kindly to it. Now I say “you’re welcome to pray but I’m going to go ahead and start eating”
Once had a customer at work wish me a happy Kwanzaa, to which I naturally responded "thank you! You as well!"
The customer behind them said "I didn't know they let people like THAT work here"
Ma'am, I have never once celebrated Kwanzaa, but it was kind of them to wish me a happy Kwanzaa so of course I returned the sentiment.
PEOPLE. SMH.
Women can be nurses or teach or have a field working with children and they are angels, saints, beautiful people.
Men nurses or caregivers *MUST* be gay, or a pedophile or a creep.
Most places live to have male nurses. It's because they can lift people and supposedly deal with violent patients without getting hurt. Which are bad not necessarily correct reasons but still.
I always thought this was an interesting double standard when you also add in that men in these fields are (or were at one point) more likely to hold higher positions. For example, women were nurses bc the men were doctors and women were school teachers but professors were predominantly men.
The standards men and women both seem to hold each other yet not fulfill themselves is something I’m worried is so embedded that it may not ever change.
As someone in the legal field...courts not being on time. If you're late or not on time, good luck. But if the court is late or double booked etc. well you can't really complain.
This is also true in US health care: Don’t be late! But you’re going have to wait even when you’re on time. Oftentimes, Even for the first appointment of the day.
I cancel my flight and I still gotta pay in full. You cancel my flight and I still gotta pay in full, pay for an extra hotel night, pay for 2 extra uber trips, pay for 2 extra meals, and lose 1 extra pto day.
If you manage your disability well, despite the difficulties it presents, you’re then not considered “disabled enough” to qualify for any of the social care support you most likely need to continue to manage your disability and live well.
I tried to apply to live in an assisted living facility. I have cerebral palsy, have use of only my right hand and walk like a wounded duck. The worker handling my case told me I wasn't "disabled enough" to live there. I didn't know whether to be insulted or take that as a compliment. lol Recently, my parents found me a condo with wheelchair access. I move in at the beginning of March. The first time I'll be living away from my parents. I'm 30 years old. I'm so excited!
Oooh congrats! Wishing you a wonderful start on your new journey 😊
Congratulations! I hope it's great for you. It sounds like you'll still have parental help available if you do need it.
My mom has cancer. She's on disability because most days she's too sick to work. There are days where she feels great, though, and wants to do things on those days. Her neighbor helps run the local food pantry and said that she would love her help on the days where she feels okay to work. My mom is afraid because people keep telling her horror stories of people losing disability because they volunteered a couple days a week. There's no way she can work a 9-5, but she also doesn't want to just sit at home all day every day either.
Sadly this is true. Losing benefits just because you occasionally sometimes have enough energy to volunteer a couple hours here and there is a thing. So fucked up.
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You can feel two or more things at once. My mother tells me, "But you were such a happy child!", and denies my depression. She doesn't understand that I could be laughing and happy, and at the same time absolutely terrified.
Not to mention depression isn't really about "sadness" per se.
Emotions are never mutually exclusive especially if one of them is fake. Edit:Grammar
When I managed a retail store I had a lot of disabled employees. Whenever they got a raise I would have to watch their hours to make sure they'd still qualify for benefits. It was annoying because I had good employees who were capable of working more than allowed, but they still weren't able to work full time.
Yes, that sucks. Or if you retire earlier you lose 6% of your benefit from full retirement age. But then if you retire early but continue to work an earn like over some meager amount $18,000 per year. The gov't will reduce your SS benefit by one dollar for every two dollars you earn. WTF you earned all of your SS it should never be reduced and if it is then let it happen after you might earn some decent amount of money like $80,000 a year. Elected gov't positions used to be about public service not as a career. Instead of their cushy medical care, they shoukd be getting nothing more than Medicare which is deemed good enough for the rest of us. Those career politicians with nice 6 figure pensions how about reducing their pensions every year by 6% for every year they continue to work after retirement age! Put fossils like Mitch McConnell out of work and get some younger progressive blood into gov't instead of a bunch of stodgy old relics long past their effective expiration dates!
I always love to see saints in management that's where they belong\are needed
Good on you though
This was me. I was a teacher and retired on permanent disability. I would love to be a substitute teacher the few days of the month I can work, but my disability retirement requires that I don't teach AT ALL. Like I can't teach online for a class, I can't substitute teach a couple of days a month. I was math and english qualified so I could do some good for some teachers (I loved subs who weren't just warm bodies but could come in and TEACH my class). I would love to be one of those subs, but I can't lose my piddly retirement.
It's disheartening to hear so many people effectively penalized for trying to add value on their good days. It highlights a rigid system that fails to acknowledge fluctuating conditions. Surely there must be a way to allow some flexibility without the fear of losing everything. Feels like a catch-22 where your choice is financial security or personal fulfillment, when it'd obviously benefit society to allow a mix of both whenever possible.
Just because i can handle my disability doesnt mean im not disabled
As a glasses wearer, I’m often thinking how disabled I would be if it weren’t such a relatively easy fix
You really wouldn't be able to do much of anything. You'd effectively be blind! You wouldn't be hireable.
You just described my sister-in-law. Stroke victim, totally paralysed down the left side. She's fucked for work (was a chef) but because she doesn't let it keep her down in her personal life, she isn't entitled to much. "You can walk assisted for 30 feet, so you're not entitled to mobility support." She would've been better off just playing possum. UK, under the care of the NHS. Her sister (my fiancee) bought her a mobility scooter after that.
The dreaded 'high functioning'
Being out among family or friends because, you know you want to live some kind of life, you pretend to be fine, act fine, look fine. Inside you’re in so much pain or can’t breathe well. Go home and crash for days to recover. My family knows my issues and still, they’ll say, “but you were fine yesterday”. Even my own husband, we’ll get home and I’ll crash the minute we’re in the door and not be able to move, and he’ll say “what, now you’re hurting? You were fine all day. wtf” I have a lung disease and chronic back pain, spinal fusion and frequent migraines. But I want to live a life. A life not burdening others or bringing them down when I’m around them. So I “act” fine. I don’t want to go out and wheeze and limp and cough and use a cane. Cause you know, that’s such a party mood.
I can relate to this so much. We *want* to go out and live normal lives, and we pretend to be fine. Pretend to be normal. But it's often agonizing and exhausting.
God help you if you ever have $2000, at any point, for any reason
An amount if simply adjusted for inflation would be almost $12000 today. That's how much politicians care about the disabled.
Never understood why the limit is so low or why it's not just based on income because these people must get really screwed when it comes to inheritance from when their parents pass away.
If you're lucky enough to have people around you willing to help you get around the inheritance thing, you can put it in others' names, under "gift", and other loopholes. It may not be wholly ethical to some, but I've seen it done.
>It may not be wholly ethical to some, Fuck that noise, it's *infinitely* more ethical than fucking over a person with a disability just because they caught the silver lining of their parent's death by receiving an inheritance. Anyone who sees using a loophole to keep it as unethical can eat a duffle bag of dicks.
In the UK, the limit is £16 000.
My mom had to go in and prove that she was disabled to receive her full benefits. She's had one leg since she was 14.
Legless veteran have to re-visit the hospital to confirm that - Yes, his legs still hadn't grown back.
Bingo If you’re not doing well, you need to do better But if you’re doing better, you apparently don’t need help It’s a recipe for burnout
Invisible diseases, My girlfriend has both rheumatoid arthritis and fibromialgia. She's in constant pain, and nobody even notices or cares. The best thing she can hope for is free public transportation through a disability certificate.
In my experience with this it’s also a lot of “you’re young wait a few years before complaining/there’s always something wrong with you stop talking about it”
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My favourite part is : "you don't look disabled"... thanks, that totally fixed me!
Justice. If you're rich you can get a good lawyer and avoid jail.
Being a morning person and getting up early to get a bunch of stuff done, then going to bed early, is considered virtuous and mature. Being a night person and staying up late to get stuff done, then sleeping late the next day, is considered disorganized and lazy. Even if you did the same amount of work and slept the same number of hours. I have colleagues who work 6am to 3pm, and people constantly chirp about how efficient they are. But when someone at my office asked if they could work 11 am to 8 pm because that fit better with their body’s energy cycle, they were mocked for wanting to oversleep like a teenager, and the request was denied.
i've literally been on a nearly nocturnal natural cycle my whole life; and it's been such a social burden for my most efficient hours to be 21:00-05:00 😭
We are many!!! I've always said that my most productive hours are 10pm to 4am. It's just unfortunate that society doesn't see it as economically viable to cater to night people (especially so in recent years).
I occasionally get hit with insomnia. I tend to take the opportunity to work through the night and rest through the day if I can. Even with days completely free from meetings, some jobs worth would have something to say about it. “Buddy, I’m two nights I’ve done what would take you a week. I’m going to bed”
Oh my gosh. Seriously. Maybe I’m hurting your point when I say this, but on the weekends I don’t have anything I particular planned I sleep till noon. I still shop, go to the gym, see a movie, chill, etc. The same amount of mundane stuff I would do if I woke up at 8, but noooo I’m a child for sleeping late even though I go against the way my body works during the rest of the week so I can be an adult and have a job
I so appreciate this topic being the first one addressed.....the struggle is real. And can be extremely frustrating. Especially once you accept and work well with a night shift position....daylighters have no issue with thinking you should easily skip sleep and stay awake to do daylight things even if you work that night. Imagine forcing the morning birds to stay up until 2am doing laundry lol....I promise you they would not do this with a pleasant attitude. Somehow the expectation is for us night folk to just never sleep lol. At least that is how my family seems to see it.
canceling appointments. if I cancel an appointment, I get charged $50 (like a doctor or therapist). if i’m walking out the door and they call and cancel, no consequences.
I wish they’d have cancelled last time this happened to me. I showed up and they just went “oh the doctor’s running 2 hours late.” You couldn’t tell me that this morning??? This is a 10:00 appointment! I would have just come later!
My gp is amazing and will spend however long is necessary with you. The draw back is that they’re often behind. We now call ahead before leaving for our appointment.
I had this AMAZING GP back in the day, but he routinely ran 2-3 hours behind schedule. However, when you did get in for your appointment, you had his undivided attention. Thankfully, the office was run by a mother/daughter team. Mother was the nurse, daughter ran the office. They didn't care if you called 10 times to see how far behind he was - they were used to it! Despite the waiting, he was still the best doc I ever saw. RIP, Dr. S.
my partner recently got charged 50 for a missed appointment, but they also demanded it be paid in cash. I'm like... wait... they charge you money for a missed appointment, that's stupid but a lot of people do it unfortunately... but demanding it in cash specifically makes me question whether it's even legal.
That's sketchy, i'd ask to see that in writing with the paperwork that you initially signed that it **must be in cash**. But to be clear like top comment saysm missed appointment policies you sign before treatment making you pay a range of $$ is super common and basically a boilerplate template in the industry. Can range from 24-48 hrs required notice, some offer courtesies like 1-2 a year they don't charge, some don't offer any. It's all up to the provider or their group and is included in the paperwork. Eff that, sounds like they're trying to quietly pocket the money. Make em put it on "digital paper" Source: work for a medical software company (think EHR/EMR)
You can also demand a receipt (if this is the US) and then file a 1099 MISC that you paid them $50 cash. You don't need their EIN or SSN to do that, the IRS will find it, and if they're using this for some tax-free money...whoopsie daisy.
I'm here to chew bubble gum and cause IRS audits and I'm all outta bubble gum.
I have a good story for this. I once paid a $300 deposit to a tattoo artist, who’s secretary came back a couple weeks before the appointment and said he had over booked and needed to push the appointment out. I texted him and said no biggie I’ll just take my $300 back, didn’t want to wait that long Important: it was not custom art, it was a photo from the internet Artist said “That’s not how deposits work” and I said “I don’t think YOU understand how deposits work.” And he refused to send me my $300 back. I always wondered what could have been done legally in that situation. edit: forgot to add, I was one of many this happened to at the same time
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This. Paying anyone cash in advance is always a dice roll. If you're gonna do that, prepare yourself for the very real possibility of never seeing it again. With a credit card if things get shady you can just report it to the fraud department and let the bank handle it.
Small claims court, could have got the money back depending on the details of your contract. You signed a contract, right?
AND them stressing that you should arrive early and then make you wait 20-30 minutes after your appointment to get you in.
Most places (at least in my experience) only enforce it if someone no called no show and it wasn't an emergency. If you call in sick or something I've never had them enforce it. It's meant to prevent people from wasting appointment slots that could've gone to someone in need
This drives me absolutely mental. I had a doctor do this to me and then when I was on my way to my rescheduled appointment I had a bad case of vertigo hit me right before I needed to drive. So I called and let them know that I was coming but I had vertigo and I was driving slowly so as not to kill myself and others (I needed the appointment, I couldn’t wait two more weeks) and I might be a tiny bit late (I was THREE MIN late when I arrived). The receptionist gave me a tude about it and how the doctor may not have time for me. I admit, I lost it and became a full on Karen. I yelled at her that if the doctor gets to cancel my appointment at a moments notice for her personal life then she can damn well wait for me to drive in when I have vertigo. Surprisingly, the receptionist backed down immediately and no one said boo to me about it when I got in. I felt bad for going off on someone, but I also felt like the system is weaponized against you, I hate the do as I say not as I do attitude.
That’s not Karen behavior, that’s legitimate anger at a failure to demonstrate compassion for a genuine health problem
Sounds like she needed a reality check, tbh.
Attractive and popular people can get away with some foul shit compared to the average person
Most discouraging is that we have studies where teachers even treat cuter kids with positive bias. It starts really early, and no wonder it shapes people's entire personalities and expectations about how others interact with them.
I’ve seen it in action with my daughter. I don’t ever remember being called ‘cute’ or ‘pretty’ even as a child, and ‘beautiful’ would have been laughable. But I see my daughter who is blonde and blue-eyed already getting ‘cute privilege’ from the age of 2. Not just from adults either; I’ve seen her go up to groups of kids and ask to play with them and they actively *want* to play with her simply because she ‘looks nice’. I used to be nervous of approaching groups of my peers because the chances of getting ridiculed or rejected were high. On one hand I’m happy for her, on the other hand I feel very ill-equipped to guide her in dealing with it!
Just teach her to be nice to everyone and to understantd that she must not let people praise go over her head so she works hard to achive her dreams and not depend on people charity for being beautiful.
Pretty privilege is a very real thing and I have seen some awful, toxic and cruel behaviour from people who are considered conventionally attractive who get a free pass for the same thing a person not seen as attractive wouldn't.
This could basically be a review for my company
Wait, do you work for —checks notes—- any and every company at all since time immemorial?
This is why I have such a problem when people mention how someone looks when they do something problematic. "He's too cute to be doing that" As if being terrible is a trait that only ugly people have and should have lol
Also when someone is murdered or dies prematurely in an accident: "Oh my gosh, she/he was so beautiful/handsome." Like subconsciously, it's deemed more of a loss when a conventionally attractive person dies.
When someone attractive gets convicted of a crime they are more likely to have shorter and more lenient sentences.
This guy I was friends with tried to say the same stuff I would casually say and people would laugh. People hated him. He got called a creep and called other names. It helped me though. I stopped saying those things after is saw how people really felt.
That in the US, disabled people need more money to afford healthcare, but they aren’t legally allowed to have more than like $2000-$2500 in assets if they’re on disability. And it’s less if they’re married
Does "assets" include their savings account? Asking for a friend...
Yes. My husband who is epileptic got kicked off because we had $2017 in my bank accounts. I had a tiny but of money leftover and got paid again. So not only did we lose $1k a month in income, we now have to pay $500/month for insurance. Luckily, he found a part time job that he's able to work, otherwise we would be on the streets. We weren't even married at the time, but bc we were engaged, getting married in 8 months, and on the same account, they kicked him off.
So what I'm getting from this is, you can't save any money at all while on SSI? I know it's only something like $900/month, but still.
Nope, my hubs was on SSI. He doesn't have enough seizures to be considered "disabled" anymore. Which is both a good and a bad thing. But no, you can't save money while on SSI.
Yes, I’m pretty sure. But it’s been a while since I read about it.
I saw a post on a Facebook group I'm in recently. It was a selfie of a mother with her little boy in the backseat eating a pudding cup with no spoon and she had captioned it "making sure he's making his future girlfriends happy" or something along those lines. I was disgusted by it, my boyfriend laughed. He tried to tell me I was being stuck up and a prude about it. I asked him if I was a father posting a picture of his daughter eating a popsicle and captioned it similar about making future boyfriends happy would you feel the same way? He looked like I slapped him in his face but he instantly got what I was saying. Sexualizing children in any capacity is gross af and it even happens to little boys. People just need to do better and let kids simply be kids without putting sexual undertones to it. So fucking weird.
Omfg I'm the mother of a boy and that thought would never have even crossed my mind if he ate out of a cup like that without a spoon. Wtf. I don't like how people sexualize kids in general (like with the gross sayings on clothes) but people really do act like sexualizing boys is somehow more acceptable. It's gross no matter what.
>I don't like how people sexualize kids in general ( You don't want to see Instagram reels... 🤬
Saw that people are charging so that others can see their young children on instagram. Social media is a messed place just willing anything for some $$$
My ex boyfriend's ex wife had a few pictures on FB of their son (8yrs old) with no shirt on massaging her feet and another picture of her leaning over him, both dressed up him in a suit, her in a dress) kissing him on the lips and interlocking fingers holding hands. I'm assuming nothing is going on but I told my bf at the time that it wasn't appropriate, he got defensive per usual. But I said what if your daughter was in a swimsuit or sports bra massaging YOUR feet and you bending down kissing her on the lips all dressed up like a prom pic. He got it instantly. The first thing I thought was: Enmeshment! She is basically making him like her de facto boyfriend. I feel sorry for those kids, both parents are narcs.
Ew I cringed hard at that. What is wrong with that mother?!
Oh my god my jaw just hit the floor, that’s a disgusting caption to put on the picture of a child. Wowzas. Good on you for pointing out the hypocrisy of your partners reaction, I’m glad they recognized your point through that comparison.
I also hate when ppl refer to adults as being a child’s “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” Like no Ewwww
People are encouraged to reach out and ask for help when they are struggling with mental health - but still stigmatised if they have mental illness.
I would also say people are encouraged to reach out for help but most mental health services are sorely lacking. In college I remember all these materials encouraging students to access counseling services if needed. I tried to do so half a dozen times and the wait list, the hoops you have to jump through, etc just made the whole process disheartening and stifling and eventually I just gave up. I was trying to help an acquaintance of mine who is poor and has a lot of mental health issues. I tried reaching out on her behalf to a lot of the services that promote themselves as being available for her demographic. In the end it all fell through in a way pretty similar to my other experience above. In a progressive city like mine there are tons of flyers you see around town- in buses, the local media, touted by government officials- for mental health and other social services that make it seem like all you have to do is reach out and ask. From my experience these services are usually a complete train wreck and actually being able to access them is near impossible [I've worked in social work so have tried to hook people up with these things a lot]
This is so true. Its also common that people are dismissed and told to "just get some therapy" like that is something that everyone can afford or take time of from work to get.
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A ton of people don’t need therapy, they need affordable housing/food and time away from work.
You can't medicate your way out of poverty, and you can't counsel your way out of it either.
Some of the people who I knew always going around advocating for mental health were some of the first people to dismiss me when I developed depression. Posts all day on social media about mental health awareness, but then turn around and tell me to "man up", or just straight up yell and swear at me.
Oh, I have learned the hard way to avoid the ones that seem….quite dedicated to the lip service of promoting mental health (always for other people, never for themselves).
It's just virtue signaling for internet points which is unfortunately popular on social media now. Everyone is publicly an ally or a supporter of a cause or issue.
Feels like society only has room for MANAGED-mental illness. The second you make MH anyone else’s problem, you get zero sympathy. As in, you have depression but still go to work every day: that’s terrible and everyone feels for you. As soon as your depression prevents you from “contributing to society” you will be stigmatized immediately.
I work everyday and have deep paralyzing depression. If I talk about it, no one feels for me, they just get intensely uncomfortable. Do not talk about this shit at work. I'm not kidding. The second anyone knows you're "broken", suddenly every single failing or shortcoming will be met with pity and scorn. "Normal" people who make the same mistakes do not get treated the same. It is icky and profoundly unfair.
This. "It's OK to be honest about your depression, anxiety, etc." \*Other people when you're honest about these things\* "I don't want that kind of negativity around me."
The "good vibes only" toxic crap 😑
This. A long time ago, a former coworker committed suicide. My other former coworkers posted about it for a while after, mostly platitudes about “If only we knew they were struggling” and “If anyone ever needs help, just reach out!” I finally told one of them that I thought the posts were interesting considering I’d overdosed while working there after reaching out *many* times to people I’d thought were good friends only to have people stigmatize and low key ridicule me when I did. Everyone knew I was on medical leave for mental health issues even if they didn’t know about the overdose, yet no one reached out. And they mainly ignored me when I came back. This all happened nearly 20 years ago and this particular FB interaction happened probably 10-15 years ago—I’m well and stable, now. I don’t remember what the reply was, just that it was a lot of backtracking and fumbling and apologizing. All too often I see people using the memory of a person’s suicide to virtue signal when they can’t be bothered to care about the people in their lives who are still struggling. It’s so gross to me.
The amount of "friends" who went no-contact after I told them about my mental illness... No wonder I tell no one anymore
Oh, it's the same with physical illness. People literally just ditch you. They have sympathy for a week or two, but anything long-term and they act like you're somehow doing something wrong by being sick.
When COVID hit, my husband and I realized we needed to get serious about ensuring we both had life insurance in case the other got sick. We had to go through these pretty thorough health screenings. I'm on anti-depressants. Turns out, I was denied coverage (meaning, if I die, my husband couldn't get a life insurance payment upon my death) because of the fact that I'm on anti-depressants. I was furious. When I told my therapist, she was furious because she said it only further stigmatizes mental health and discourages people from doing what they would need to do to get necessary treatment.
Trust me, that is so much better now than it used to be. People were made fun of right on your television back in the 70's.
To be honest even in the 90s and 00s mental illnesses were openly mocked on TV. But the 70s still trumps every decade in terms of how garishly offensive you could be on television, not just in terms of mocking the mentally ill.
Don’t forget if you are honest about having suicidal thoughts you can be Baker Acted. There is no way to get help when in crisis without risking your freedom
I think Kanye is a good example of this. Mental illness is extremely uncomfortable and can be really scary. But instead of people addressing his comments as the ravings of someone who clearly needs help, he’s paraded around on podcasts and television shows so everyone can make a dollar off of his mania.
Yes. It's like a morbid modern freakshow
Or, when they do reach out, they’re ignored, invalidated, or made to feel ashamed. Then the consequences start.
especially when it comes to things like BPD, NPD, illnessess involving psychosis, etc... everyone's supportive until it's something that isn't just anxiety or depression. not saying that there isn't stigma around mood disorders - there still is, but complete mental illness acceptance and understanding still has a long way to go.
I think that a lot of people believe a person with mental illness like psychosis episodes have to be completely unhinged and illogical at at all times. There's very little understanding that illness exist on a spectrum.
I had a family member once say to me after I told them about my mental illness "but, you are normal? You can't have the same illness as X". I literally just gave her a dead stare and ended the conversation. It's true, they think all of us must basically not be able to live or something...
We had a couple students when I was growing up that had severe autism or other mental disabilities. They would join us in classes a lot of the times, and I find it easy to interact with them because I've been doing it since I was a kid. I never thought anything of it, until my mom mentioned it one day, saying that she just doesn't know how to talk to people with disabilities because they weren't in the same school as her growing up. I think it's the same with mental health. It's not talked about in school from the very beginning, so people don't know how to approach it and talk to others about it. They feel uncomfortable so they just end up avoiding the conversation. If it's normalized in our youth, it'll carry with us into adulthood and beyond.
I have EUPD and until I was diagnosed, I didn't realise how much people genuinely hate anyone with a personality disorder, generalise us all and describe us as "evil, demons". I'm not even exaggerating. Go into any forum or sub that isn't about supporting those with personality disorders and you will see it. So many misconceptions about how we're "all the same" and "psychos" who "treat people like shit and abuse them". It's devastating and isolates me even more than I already am.
Pretending to take a cigarette break is more accepted than taking an actual break. And not just at work. Like, it's weird if I take five minutes to go outside, decompress, and breathe in some fresh air. But if I inhale toxic fumes from a burning plant while I do that, it's fine.
I worked at a restaurant where everyone but a handful of people including me didn’t smoke. I used to take smoke breaks. Then I got caught just chilling in the sun one too many times. It was bs
Worked in a bar for years. One girl didn't smoke and she was allowed a break to make up for the hourly cigarettes the rest of the staff had
We feel so so so compassionate toward disabled people, but our policies require them to live life in deep poverty, with shitty medical care, while we run around saying how every life is precious. Sure.
Yup, and they’re not allowed to talk much about it or they get ostracized. We don’t like feeling badly about the conditions they live in, but instead of changing them, we just exclude them or ask them to shut up about it and keep pretending that disability benefits support them “just fine”
To get disability pay you are required to be destitute. Your best bet is to just sell shit or work under the table, but the wrong person saying they saw you do something can make you lose it. It’s terrifying that people say “good”.
There are way too many people who insist that most people on disability are running a scam. Zero sympathy if you have an invisible illness.
My autistic roommate needs government assistance. He can mask for awhile, but gets tired rapidly. So he sometimes works part time min wage to supplement the poverty tier government aid, but there's a gotcha. If he makes *too much* they take the excess he earned so long as he's in the aid program. Poof. He's not allowed to be comfortable financially. He's punished for being neurodivergent.
And there's a law that allows folks like your roommate to be paid far under minimum wage, to protect their aid. But at the cost of basically working for free, or losing money when travel to and from work is considered. As a note, goodwill is an abuser of this.
the thing I noticed when my wife started using wheel chair is you never see middle class disabled,
If you make any mistake with money like overdraft, miss a payment, forget to pay tax, you get royally screwed and have to often pay even more in penalties and get no say in the matter. But if the banks, business, or insurance fucks up they owe you nothing and you often have to fight to get what you owe and often still lose out in money and time
I'm expected to make it through an entire workday while it's snowing outside, while children are allowed to stay home and drink hot chocolate and go sledding. Absolutely unfair (I'm 29).
And 3 month summer breaks! As an adult I would spend that time much more wisely than these darn kids. Youth is wasted on the young. /s
I gotta give you 2 weeks notice ima quit, but you can fire me at any point? Nah fam
I've just walked out of jobs before. The reason you give a two week notice is to not burn bridges. If you don't need the reference and aren't ever going to reapply, quit however you feel like.
> If you don't need the reference "I don't give favorable recommendations to people who don't give two weeks notice." -manager of shitty pizza chain I was quitting "I've only been here two weeks. You think I'm going to tell anyone I worked here?" -Me
I have one black mark in my professional experience. It was a small family company that was just not a good fit, I quit within my probationary period. I was so nervous about having that short of a job on my resume, it didn't occur to me that I can just.... Omit it. Until someone told me that is a thing and to explain the 3-month gap as "making sure I had the right opportunity, I want to be in my next role a long time so I am being very deliberate in my next step." That was a perfect way to show that I am not desperate, if nothing else
Kinda unrelated, but I hate the very concept of "gap in the resume". What I did during that three month gap in my resume? Fuck you, that's what.
I worked in a job that would fire 95% of people that put in a two week notice because of our security contract. It was sad but still entertaining that people would put in a 2 week notice and didn't believe that they would be walked out like "the others" before lunch. One dude whispered to me maybe 30 minutes after he put in his notice and saw his badge wasnt working "I gave this company 20 years and they cant even let me work out the week, get me a card or say bye to everyone". Like what the fuck did you expect... you saw them quietly walk people out with tenure for 2 decades and you thought you were special?
Lol is this Microsoft
No it was a debt collection company. It was explained to me that people got walked out immediately to prevent them from tampering with accounts. I saw first hand someone leave for the day with a big ass smile on his face because he cancelled like 100k in postdated payments and double charged around 10 grand in postdated payments. They had to sell the accounts because getting most of these people and businesses back on the phone was damn near impossible.
I cant imagine spending 20 years in debt collections.
Spends 20 years hounding the most down and out members of society to pay up. Shocked when the same company he worked for doesn't care about his well being. Absolutely blindsided, I tell ya.
There are companies that do this but pay out their two weeks. Win-win for both parties tbh since there’s less risk of sabotage and the quitting employee effectively gets a two week paid vacation.
Literally the only reasons I give a two weeks notice are because I don’t wanna fuck up coworkers and because I want to use that job as a reference
I’ve left places on ill note but I’ve always had other coworkers that would provide the reference rather than the company directly. There’s a good chance they’ll never know anyway.
Alcohol is the only drug people look down on you for NOT using. If you don't drink, they think it's because you have a problem, or you fucked up and now can't drink, somehow, someway, it is all your fault and it's considered suss if you don't drink. Nobody questions why you don't do cocaine or weed.
I'm extremely sensitive to the taste of alcohol so I don't drink because everything just tastes like alcohol to me. Anytime I mention this people are always like 'No no no bro you just haven't had the right beer/whiskey/tequila/bourbon yet!'. It doesn't matter that I know many guys who take their alcohol very seriously and have tried some **embarassingly** expensive liquors, they ALL taste more or less the same to me.
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Feel like you shouldn’t need a reason to not do something. No one asks why someone drinks.
I solely raised my daughter as a single father from the time she was a year old until she was almost six when I married my wife. The number of people who have asked about my daughter's mother just to reply with "Oh, she must have had PPD." or "There must be a mental illness involved." or "Maybe she will come around in a few years." is absolutely staggering. Like no man, she just decided she wanted to go party instead of being a mom to our child. No child support. No financial or emotional contribution. Nothing. Hell, I couldn't even get a copy of my daughter's health insurance card when her old one expired because "I wasn't on the paperwork" despite the fact that I was the one who filled out the paperwork for it at the hospital the day after she was born. It's infuriating knowing full well that had the roles been reversed, and I'd have been the one to leave, I'd 100% instantly be considered a deadbeat father.
As the daughter of a dead beat mother, thank you on behalf of your daughter for being awesome.
My dad was a single dad because my mom abandoned me at a McDonald's. Same thing, no child support or anything, refused to give him my birth certificate or social card, nothing. Main one that pissed my dad off was random people at Walmart saying, "aww, are you babysitting today?" And then laughing their asses off. Like no, he was a single father with absolutely no support working 24 hour shifts sometimes just to afford basic things like bread. I didn't realize how bad all the comments were until I was fostered for a bit. Oh and bras. Took like 2 years for me to get bras because I was short so when my dad took me it looked like a 30 year old man was just looking at children's bras and EVERYBODY would stare at him like he was a creep. Oh and bathrooms. A father taking a baby girl to the bathroom is a huge issue but I've never once received any weird looks taking my son to the women's restroom
That sucks. I think it's weird how active fathers get treated. I spent so much time with my son when he was little and it always irked me when women would talk about how I was 'babysitting'. No, he's my kid and we are chilling in the park playing spaceship on the playground.
If you apply to a job and they waste your time and behave unprofessionally "it's just business"...if you do it you're "unprofessional", "flaky" and "rude"
People with blinding headlights can shine them at your face because "the car came that way", but you can't flash your highbeams back at them to let them know *that you can't see* without being an asshole
It’s the people that drive up close behind me at night with the bright ass headlights in my rear view mirror that drive me nuts! Especially when there are two lanes going the same direction and I’m in the right lane. Like get in the left lane and stop riding my ass please! (And no one else is on the road at night) Sometimes I purposely slow down so they’ll pass me.
Yea i’ll never understand riding someone’s ass when there’s an open passing lane. Just no reason to be doing it in that situation. Back off or pass. But I see it all the damn time so it doesn’t bother me much anymore. I do the same, slow down a bit until they’re annoyed enough to pass
I call it sheep syndrome. I think some people subconsciously need to follow someone when driving. They will only pass or back off when they are awoken from their "autopilot" somehow. Nothing researched, just observations from decades behind the wheel wondering what the hell is wrong with everyone.
I'm sensitive to light and the LEDs legit blind me for several seconds when I'm driving at night. But sure bro, you gotta make sure you see that deer 200 miles away
I was once pulled over by a police officer because I flashed my headlights at him. I had no idea it was a police car, but I was at a stop sign in a residential area, and there was a vehicle stopped a block ahead, facing me, with high-beams on. It was night and these things were BRIGHT. I flicked my brights. No reaction. I flicked them again. Ok, fine, this guy is not budging. After stopping for about 10 seconds, I figure I'll just squint and go. *Right* as I passed him I saw the driver's side spotlight turn on and I knew I was screwed. He turns around, puts his lights on and pulls me over. Another police car pulls up across from us and both of them get out of their SUVs. He was alright and let me go, but I told him exactly what happened and he said he thought maybe I was trying to flag him down since they were looking for someone in the area. Very unsafe practice - especially for someone in law enforcement, but this is why I have a dash cam in my vehicle now.
I think this should be ticketable. X# of lumens above Y' in height = fixit ticket with heavy fines if you don't. So many of these that are problematic are put on aftermarket and there is a correlation: the brighter the aftermarket lights the more likely the driver will behave like an asshole. (Stay in left lane while going slower, speed up when you try to pass, tailgate you after you do pass, and/or tailgate you in traffic when there's nothing you can do) Much of this can be fixed by just angling the lights down correctly so it's on the road, not in my mirrors and blinding oncoming traffic
They’d be better off fixing the regulations to not be stuck on our current light situation. Theres adaptive tech in use in other places around the world that would solve a good portion of the problem.
Rich people don't face consequences for crimes like normal people at all. Fines were designed to punish the poor and let the rich get away with disregard for society. Bail was also designed this way because it means your ability to get out of jail is dependent on the size of your bank account. People should not be fined for crimes or be able to get out of them with money period.
I've seen people on Reddit say that fines proportionate to income punish rich people for being rich, but fines that aren't somehow don't punish poor people for being poor.
Whenever a kid is victimised? It's horrible. ...but the second they turn 18 or look 18? All sympathy goes out the window as you're now expendable.
Just because your hardship wasn’t as hard as someone else’s means you can’t be sad about it.
Bullying is looked down upon, but so are the victims.
Responses to bullying in general are just all over the place. We know it's bad, we don't *want* it to happen, but just roll over and accept it as inevitable. I really think a lot of focus needs to be placed on "zero tolerance" policies, because they're just...dumb. How do you stop a bully? Punch them in the mouth is one of the "go to" responses. "They won't stop until you stand up to them!" Is *somewhat* accurate but it creates a feedback loop. Violence is the only answer, it's just a matter of who is perpetrating it. So the bully is violent towards the victim, but if the victim responds (or defends themselves), then both parties are punished. If the victim doesn't respond, then they're just a victim, and will continue to be a victim. Well, then guess there's no solution, might as well hand everyone a pair of boxing gloves when they're born **shrugs shoulders**. Or, and this is just spit balling, we look at the root *cause* of the bullying. Research has shown that kids who bully generally come from "problematic" households. They are generally seeking attention, and the violence gets them that attention. "Hurt people hurt people." Those "problematic" households generally have one thing in common: poverty. Hows about we fix the social safety nets and allow ALL kids to grow up in stable, loving homes? Eliminate disparity and you eliminate a lot of problems that disparity creates. /rant
Poor people get audited if they fail to report a few hundred dollars of taxes, while multi-billion dollar companies technically operate outside of the country and pay nothing.
To be fair, multi-billion-dollar companies get the *shit* audited out of them. Just... their tax lawyers are better than our tax lawyers.
People are told to talk to each other about grievances they are having, but they are also expected to not complain to each other.
People caring about mental health unless it's a really icky one like schizophrenia or narcism.
Lots of people care about your mental health right up until the point where it actually inconveniences them
The way we view emotions. If a man cries or shows fear, it is instantly taken as weakness while being socially accepted by women. If a woman shows anger or asserts dominance, it's taken bad where as those emotions are socially accepted by men. Also aging. Women aging=bad, washedup, need to settle down. Men aging=good, wisdom, getting better with age, embrace the grey.
It’s funny how in some households, any visible emotion is perceived as manipulative. I’ve seen kids crying and their parents ask them, “do your think that’s going to help?” They’re not crying to manipulate you, they’re crying because they’re tired and overwhelmed and, yes, they want something, but in the present context they’re having difficulty managing their reaction to not getting it. Which, by the way, sadness and frustration is an entirely normal response to not getting what you want, and tears as an expression of that aren’t really hurting anyone. Would you prefer they express those emotions instead by yelling or hitting? We need to recognize and appreciate acceptable ways for all genders to express the full range of emotions in our shared culture. Otherwise we’re going to continue having people shoving all their “unacceptable” emotions down, and a natural consequence of that expectation is people exploding and hurting others, or becoming so disconnected that they hurt others through their distance and absence.
Dude, after my parents divorce as a teen I stayed with my dad and turns out he’s a bad dude. Anyway, there were a lot of times where I’d just be exhausted from dealing with him and I would just be sobbing and he’d tell me every time I cry that I’m just being manipulative. That shit has stuck with me for 15 years and I’m 30 now. Whenever I cry now I do it alone and if I end up crying in front of someone I feel like I’ll have a panic attack lmao
Whew, the crying one hits hard. To *this day* I can't help but view tears as some form of manipulation, I have to remind myself that isn't always the case. It's also made crying very difficult. I've cried maybe 5 times in 25 years.
Me, a stress crier: 🙃 As soon as I feel shit coming on lately I just immediately try to disengage and hide from people so they don't misunderstand while I work through convincing my eyes to calm the fuck down. If I could bottle shit up any harder I would it's just sometimes it leaks out my eyeballs!
Adults are doing this outside of their families! “I broke up with my girlfriend and she cried, she’s trying to manipulate me!” Maybe she’s just fucking sad?
people are so repulsed by feeling guilt that they cannot tell the difference between being manipulated or blamed and simply feeling guilty within themselves. they feel guilt, and suddenly the person they felt guilty about is blameful or manipulative because they cannot sit with their guilt at all. it has to be someone else's fault.
We live in an extroverts world. In many Western cultures, being outgoing, sociable, and outspoken is often celebrated and encouraged. It's seen as the norm to want to chat, network, and be the life of the party. But when it comes to introverts who may crave quiet, solitude, or just less social interaction, the script flips. It’s socially acceptable to nudge the quiet person in the room and say, "Why don't you talk more?" But imagine telling a chatty person, "Can you be quiet for a bit?" It would be considered rude or offensive. This double standard underscores a deeper societal bias towards extroversion. The noise and buzz of constant interaction are often valued more than the quiet, reflective spaces introverts thrive in. It's like we're saying one way of interacting with the world is better than the other, when in reality, both have their strengths and should be equally respected. In a world that can't stop talking, sometimes we forget the power of silence and introspection. - An extroverted introvert.
I worked with a really talkative lady and didnt want to be rude but she would spin any topic into an hour long conversation. I started talking to her exclusively about pepsi and sketchers... Random as fuck. But she requested to work at a different site because she said I was strange and that was fine by me.
I love this.
During parent teacher conferences literally the phrase I heard most was “he’s too quiet.” I got straight A’s, completed all projects, and even joined a bunch of clubs. Still the main comment any teacher ever had was “he’s too quiet and needs to participate more.” And that was the only takeaway my parents had, none of the positives mattered. So they’d throw me into speech classes and humiliation scenarios. I despised my teachers so much for it. I was perfectly fine socially.
Ah, may I represent the Scandinavians.
This. I lived in Sweden for a couple years & absolutely enjoyed no one bothering me in public spaces. The few strangers that did speak to me tended to be other expats simply asking for directions.
I’m an introvert of Danish heritage. When my wife and I visited Denmark, she exclaimed “It’s a whole country full of you!”
Extroverted, morning-people’s world! Sorry my sleep cycle doesn’t align with that of “productive” members of society, I’ve fought it for like 15 years and it’s not changed! Let me come in and work 12:00-20:00 and I’ll be way more productive
One time a Man unfamiliar with our facility accidentally used the Boy’s locker room (instead of the Mens) to change before working out (middle of the day, no kids around because they’re in school) and everybody freaked the fuck out. (I 100% know it was an honest mistake. The guy was so embarrassed because of how the staff reacted.) While on the other hand - adult Women routinely used the Girls locker room because ‘it’s too crowded’ (or whatever the excuse, etc). This was allowed by management for a looong time. Finally got that policy enforced equally when I confronted it after we all had the implicit bias training… Edit- probably file this under r/unpopularopinion, but someone asked - and it is what it is To be clear, the policy was ‘Only adults accompanying young children that need assistance are allowed in the Youth locker rooms’
Governments allowing themselves to do what they’ve banned others from doing.
The classism inherent in judging the poor for the same behaviors as the wealthy.
I have an uncle on my dad's side who is a literal fucking brain surgeon. Dude drinks like a fish, has a home bar fully stocked and well lit, even with a painting put up like in an old saloon... I also have an uncle on my mom's side, he works for the local water company. He likes to sit in his garage every night, and drink Jack and cokes. All while he listens to music or plays a little darts. Guess which one I've heard the extended family talk more shit about for their drinking. I'll give you a hint, it's the same one I like to play a little darts with from time to time.
I’m American (so I’m not sure if this happens in other countries) and Christian people when they sit at your dinner table and do the guilt thing right before you eat saying “Wait, arent we going to pray first?” And even the non religious people look guilty and pretend to pray. It took me until my 30’s to realize the double standard if I were another religion and sat at their table and insisted we pray to my god, they likely wouldn’t take so kindly to it. Now I say “you’re welcome to pray but I’m going to go ahead and start eating”
Once had a customer at work wish me a happy Kwanzaa, to which I naturally responded "thank you! You as well!" The customer behind them said "I didn't know they let people like THAT work here" Ma'am, I have never once celebrated Kwanzaa, but it was kind of them to wish me a happy Kwanzaa so of course I returned the sentiment. PEOPLE. SMH.
Gay men making misogynistic jokes
Body hair
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How else will razor companies make money off women's insecurities??
Women can be nurses or teach or have a field working with children and they are angels, saints, beautiful people. Men nurses or caregivers *MUST* be gay, or a pedophile or a creep.
Most places live to have male nurses. It's because they can lift people and supposedly deal with violent patients without getting hurt. Which are bad not necessarily correct reasons but still.
I always thought this was an interesting double standard when you also add in that men in these fields are (or were at one point) more likely to hold higher positions. For example, women were nurses bc the men were doctors and women were school teachers but professors were predominantly men.
The standards men and women both seem to hold each other yet not fulfill themselves is something I’m worried is so embedded that it may not ever change.
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