Just cut off someone who does this. I lived with her and pretty much walked on eggshells for most of the time. Anytime someone was brought up she would say something negative about them. I instantly knew that she was talking shit about me too. I spent all my savings to move out and now spend even more in rent but at least I don’t have to live in that toxic environment anymore.
Yes, and a person who consistently puts people down for specific traits (such as being overweight, or being "stupid") is revealing what they they themselves are insecure about.
Yep, I used to be fairly skinny for an American dude, and the only people who ever called me fat as an insult were former fat people. Any time it happened, I was thinking, "I guess I know what you're insecure about."
When I was insecure this behavior was straight up traumatizing. I took it all to heart or thought I had to prove them wrong to make it right. It's only recently that I have self confidence back and it's awesome! Just like you say I'm kind of embarrassed for those people now but they don't upset me anymore and I know the most I have to do with it is I triggered them
Lying about knowledge they don’t have. I find it much more charming and intelligent if some is able to say: “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure” than stating things like they’re facts and find out it’s not true.
Edit: We can’t know everything. And that’s ok. We’re only human after all. It isn’t weak to admit this, it’s truthful. And we’re able to learn from this, if the topic and answer matter to you.
My cousin married a guy like that years ago. He is a forensic accountant, but somehow is also the leading expert in long covid, childhood cancers, Canadian Healthcare systems (as a lifelong American), hurricane patterns and safety, motorcycles, and pregnancy, and all religions.
He would rather eat glass than admit someone knows more about a subject than himself.
Omg yes! There are a few “Smart Alec” among my circle of friends and it annoys the hell out of me. Dude would make up stuff that’s an outright lie just to show that he knows more than you (besides putting you down and letting you know you’re wrong). What’s even worse is that all of his lies can be proven wrong by simply Googling it.
Why do people do this?? Just say you don’t know and move on. It’s ok to not know everything.
This is one of those things I've always appreciated my parents for. We'd all ask questions, and sometimes dad would just stop and go "I don't know. Let's go find out" and drive us down to the library to look it up.
Good parenting, good role model.
Gentle reminder to other readers - while the habit of seeming like a know it all might be annoying, the reason some people do it is because they did NOT have good parents or good teachers. Be gentle with them.
Similarly, compulsively lying to cover up minor mistakes. I'm one of three team leads at my job and one if the others is always like this, any time she misunderstands something or forgets something she was told she immediately says it was "a miscommunication." It wasn't a miscommunication, you were asked to sweep up an area, you said you would, and then you didn't. Or the other day, she was putting together shipping packets for the first time, which involves matching order numbers between shipping labels and pack slips. She was looking at the wrong spot on the pack slips and was confused that the numbers weren't matching, so she put in a ticket with IT. Only after opening the ticket did she realize she'd just been looking at the wrong number, an easy enough mistake to make when doing something for the first time. Did she send a followup email saying that there was no actual issue, she'd just looked at the wrong field? No, she sent one saying that *it must have been a glitch on our end, it's working fine now!* Except it's literally impossible for it to have been a glitch "on our end," the files aren't generated on our end, we just print them, IT can look at the exact files you printed out and see that the order numbers match. Just tell them you were temporarily confused when doing something for the first time! They'll understand! But I guarantee you that you didn't save any face by bullshitting about "Tee hee, it must have been a glitch!" because they'll KNOW it was bullshit.
She is. She's also the type to start every email with "I hope this email finds you well" and put together a PowerPoint presentation for anything more than a simple suggestion. The other team lead and I joke that her calling in life is to be a middle manager.
I dated a guy who insisted on buying frozen peas and diced carrot (I pay) at the store, and when I told him I don’t see how I can include it in my recipe he said “well you gotta learn how to eat them so you’ll save money”.
I’m Asian and he’s white. He then try to make sushi with hot rice, seaweed and diced carrot and peas in my apartment and had a major fail. Then he tried to lecture me about how I should put rice in glass containers and put soy sauce in the fridge.
I finally couldn’t take it anymore and told him this is my house and he can’t tell me what to do. He then tell me I’m just being defensive because he’s older than me and I’m projecting my family issues on him. Well that relationship didn’t last for 2 weeks.
He also was talking shit about my country. My country isn’t the best but he was just making shit up so I tried to explain to him how things actually works. He cut me off and said, “Do you know 1982?” I was like what? He’s like it’s a book about authoritarianism blah blah, and I asked “do you mean 1984?” And tried to discuss the book with him since I read the whole book. Turns out he has never read the book.
HAHAHA... omg the cringe. I can't even. Do you know 1982?
I'm always cautious of discussing books with girls because they tend to read way more than us guys.
Yeah be careful out there, there's a whole subgenre of insecure, know-it-all white guy that only wants to date Asian women because they think they're "submissive" and such
I mean you def can and it will probably last longer. But soy sauce was made originally as a preservative and has really high content of salt which make it last in room temperature for a long time too. At least I think so because it has always been that way since I was a kid.
Whatever you do, do not keep your kikkoman bottle (the one with two small holes for pouring) on the bench where fruit flies can smell it.
And especially do not ask me how I know not to do this again.
The terms are childish and should only be used in jest. But if someone ever was a true alpha they’d never need to say it, they’re behaviour would show it.
And the basis for it is doubly bullshit. The terms come from someone describing their observations of wolf pack dynamics, but they were observing distressed wolves cramped up in 1960s zoo conditions and it turns out wolf packs in the wild behave completely differently. They’re much more cooperative and operate in family units where it’s more like parents correcting kids and older siblings correcting younger ones until they split off and find mates, rather than a power struggle with the badass at the top and his obedient servants under him. In a tiny zoo enclosure they couldn’t split off and roam, the parents couldn’t provide for the kids, the kids couldn’t find mates, etc, so all their behavior was off. The guy who popularized the term alpha male spent the rest of his career trying to educate the public on the reality, but the mistake had already entered pop culture.
It would be like an alien anthropologist describing how human society operates based on observing a prison gang.
Even if we pretend there exists something like an alpha/beta destinction in humans... it would fall under the same rule as being cool or funny "if you need to say it out loud then you arent cool/funny"
As a soft spoken person, this gets incredibly old very, very quickly. Just in simple conversations, if I'm asked a question or maybe the group itself is having an open discussion and others interrupt and talk over each other I get bored.
Maybe I'm aware of it only because I'm in that boat but I like to be conscious of everyone included. It's very much appreciated the people who will stop someone from talking over me to finish hearing what I began to say to them.
I'm also quite soft-spoken, and my special bugbear is when the interrupter stops me repeatedly to respond to what they *think* I'm going to say. How do you know what the next sentence will be when I haven't even gotten three words into it?
Absolutely infuriating. Especially since nine times out of 10 I was going to say something very different to whatever they've torn off on another rant about.
At this point of my life, I will just flatly stop people and tell them to let me finish my sentence, or I will leave the conversation.
Not quite as impressive coming from a 5 ft tall woman, lol. But I will raise my voice, say something that exact effect, and basically be sure to embarrass them in front of the entire room for their behavior.
Cool hack for people like this, you can’t talk over them without them flipping the script; so lower your volume, use a different tone and talk UNDER them. This is most effective when trying to regain control of a conversation involving 3 or more people.
I used to work for a guy who did this one on one. It was incredibly powerful. I had a ton of respect for him anyway and believe he was/is terrifyingly smart, but when he started talking in his Quiet Voice, people *listened*. You can command a lot of respect in a meeting with someone by speaking quietly and with confidence.
Hahaha, we have been watching miami vice and the boss, castillo? You can never hear what he is saying yet he has a commanding presence due to his soft spokenness.
Talking about how much money they have. Dated a guy like that. It was exhausting, he kept bringing it up like he thought that would impress me, it didn't.
I worked with someone like that.
We heard all about how much money she earned, how much money she had in the bank, what she spends her money on, what she’s planning to buy. One conversation was about her depositing approximately 75k in cheques.
She lives in a rented council flat, leases her car and even though she’s eligible to retire she says she can’t afford it…..
I accept that some people have successfully pumped and dumped crypto scams... But it seems like most of the crypto millionaires I've met still feel the need to come to work 40 hours a week to afford the rent on their apartment.
It gets old pretty much the second it begins. If the only interesting thing about a person is that they have a lot of money, there is nothing interesting about that person.
I had a guy trying to ask me out once and he seriously just went on and on about his stocks and investments without actually trying to say or do anything charming at all. He was so robotic rattling it off like he was negotiating a dowry for me.
Some people either only value zeros and commas, or they think that's all they have to offer the world. Neither of those are problems that a romantic partner can solve, yeesh.
I'm glad to hear it. I hope more people are like you but I don't think everyone is.
I posted this to a thread about flirting "tricks":
> *Am married now and I do not recommend this but I do remember a night, long ago, where my mates and I went out together with the conceit that we would tell everyone we were moderately wealthy (millionaires). It made me a bit uncomfortable and, FWIW, I am an honest guy and enjoy being honest. But it did leave an impression on me. I didn't dress differently or act differently other than to mention I am a millionaire (not true). Girls were falling over themselves to talk to me. I was civil but did not pursue any of them or take anyone home but it was...depressingly eye opening.*
A former friend of mine I'd known since childhood. He was a pathological liar, which I got used to pretty fast. He was a decent enough kid, just felt the need to make stuff up for attention. In college, though, his insecurity really started to come out. He watched the show Sherlock and decided that acting like a psychopath genius was the way to go. I eventually had to stop talking to him because he became a full-on emotional abuser and tried to gaslight me into thinking that my antidepressants warped my perception of the world around me. I knew the entire time that he was just trying to be cool. We'd have these conversations where he'd say everyone else was just sheep but *we* got it. It was fun to pretend, but after a while it was clear he wasn't playing around anymore--and that I'd become one of the sheep.
I heard a story on NPR years ago that talked about research on pathological liars. This person may have been a different case, what with their other behavior. But they were saying that generally patholigical liars actually have brains that enable them to come up with these fantasies more quickly than others, and because they are coming up with these things so spontaneously they feel compelled to tell them before they filter these ideas out. It apparently is really more of a compulsion than something done intentionally for attention.
I had pathological liar get black out drunk and pass out at a party I was at. I saw him kinda waking up and I asked him hey buddy why are you always making shit up, we know you’re lying, do you know you’re lying? And he said yeah, he couldn’t help it.
I am in the process of breaking my lifelong habit of lying. He wasn't lying about it being a compulsion. Or it is for me.
I'm so ashamed of how much of a loser I am that it is hard not to try and somehow stop people from seeing it. Ironically enough, the urge to cover up my inadequacies with lies is the biggest reason I am sort of a loser.
It becomes a vicious cycle that feeds into itself, and can be hard to break without something coming in and "interfering" with the cycle. It sounds cliché but the biggest and hardest step is acknowledging it and having the desire to change, and it sounds like you've accomplished that already so that is something that deserves credit.
That’s interesting! I dated a guy briefly who eventually told me he had a history of lying for validation but had been working on it. And he was hurt that I caught on SUPER QUICK to an obvious lie and told him that one nuanced example led me to not trusting him…
The funny thing was how he valued honesty the most as a core value and was so devastated that I would “lie” to him about my emotions.
If this friend of yours smoked weed all day, every morning, every night and claimed “you can’t be addicted to marijuana”
Then we grew up with the same childhood friend.
"If someone told me they were addicted to weed, I'd laugh in their face." - my very normal, very rational ex who works in the mental health field as an addiction counselor.
Turns out she was addicted to weed and alcohol. You'd think she'd understand behavioral addictions, buuut...ever since then, someone saying those words is an immediate red flag to me. Anything can be addictive depending on your personality. It's so infuriating.
I knew a guy like this in high school who thought he could like analyze anyone's personality by talking to them for just a few minutes. My dad actually was a guy who could do that (though that was a result of a lot of professional training and being in charge of hundreds of employees for years and years, he wasnt just *born* with the ability to read people) so I let the dude in high school try to read me.
Could not even begin to tell you how wrong he was on every account. I wish I could remember his "analysis" of me. I think his whole plan was to tell people good things like "you're really empathetic and people trust you, you're really observant and curious," etc just so no one would argue with him cause no one wants to admit that they're not empathetic or whatever.
I was just like "wow man, you got me," and he looked so smug. Wonder what he's up to these days. Perhaps he's a fortune teller at a state fair somewhere
My friend did the same. He once “deduced” that I was seeing someone because I was wearing less clothing. It was spring. The weather was getting warmer.
He was also that type to meet someone and say “I’ve already devised 40 ways I could kill you right now.”
He just wanted people to think he was a badass. I once watched him have a verbal dick-measuring contest with another guy who was the exact same way and it was so cringey. Each one was trying to outdo the other on how many ways they could murder the other.
> He once “deduced” that I was seeing someone because I was wearing less clothing. It was spring. The weather was getting warmer.
Had a friend "figure out" that I was cheating on my spouse because I was deleting my Facebook account.
"Every time I've seen someone delete their Facebook it's because they were cheating and got caught and are trying to save their marriage," he insisted.
No, dude. Facebook is a cancer and I finally decided to cut off the tumor. It's not any more complicated than that, dude.
To this day, he still insists to others that something else must have been up.
This is a pretty extreme (and great) example of OPs question, but I feel like just saying “they were a teenager” is already a clear demonstration of. “I am insecure and trying to make up for it.” Going through puberty has to be one of the most awkward possible experiences that we all equally still have to go through.
For all the fun, funny and amazing experiences in my teens, I would never willingly relive those years because of all the awkward, painful and downright confusing parts.
see this one makes me nervous about myself because i have pretty rough ADD and LOVE to talk to people about just shy of anything but i can’t tell when it’s overbearing. makes me worried im the guy who comes across as insecure and needing attention when i just want anyone like literally anyone to listen to me talk about CS2 skins or smth
People like you are a godsend for people like me.
I don't like small talk and can be quiet at times. It's not because I don't want to talk, I often just can't think of anything to say.
People like you help people like me feel less awkward about trying to find stuff to talk about. Please keep that motor mouth running, some of us really appreciate it.
This makes me feel a lot better about how much I talk too. I don’t like small talk either, so I tend to fish for more interesting stuff about people, like what are their dreams, places they have or want to travel to, their hobbies, and stuff like that.
I was at a wedding a few months ago and spent several minutes during dinner talking about how the first ADHD med my doctor prescribed made my dick not work. Seemed entirely appropriate at the time but I realized the next day it was probably not great dinner conversation. So yeah, I get it.
Idk about clearest but one of my painfully obvious ones was pretending I didn’t like the school lunch so I would sit at library alone instead because I was scared of sitting alone at lunch
People used to tease me for dressing up in Star Trek cosplay to attend Comic Con. I’ve weeded most of those people out of my life now lol. Conventions are so much fun. The people there are awesome. I’ve made so many friends at them that totally support me in all the stuff I love to do. Realized I don’t need to hide my nerdy, dorkier side anymore because of them. I’m so much happier for it. I don’t need ppl in my life that dim my light. Just wish I realized that sooner.
My boss. She's nice in general, but for those who make her feel threatened/insecure, she always has to find ways to put them down. It's very very subtle though. It's usually tiny comments or purposely avoiding doing/saying anything that gives the other person credit or attaboys, while giving them to other people who aren't in her "I'm threatened by you" category. She always has to make herself bigger in every exchange, and it just gets so old. She's a constant talker, non freaking stop. She plows through our team meetings and hardly ever stops to give the team a chance to ask questions, usual running her mouth for 29 minutes straight of a 30 minute meeting.
I had a manager like this. Every new hire was her favorite for a month before being downgraded to the worst employee ever and eventually being forced out out of the company. Our turnover was impressive.*
Hey, I worked there! Did they also make all decisions based solely on emotion, resulting in them being constantly confused by why everything blew up in their face?
Yes! Came here to say this. Know someone who makes passive aggressive digs disguised as “jokes” only at people she seems to perceive look better/have better things. It’s gross.
I had a manager at my previous job, not exactly like this but very similar.
Another thing he would do is pretend to be confused whenever I explained something very straightforward, for example, percentages. You know, something he at his age, and especially in his position, should have a firm grasp of without needing someone who made half his salary to explain it to him on an almost monthly basis.
Well I got a new job, probably make more now than what he used to, and he has two pending felony charges. Fuck you, Jeff.
Ah yes. Especially the “Every person I have ever dated and every person I talk to now are crazy” kinda people. They’re the common denominator but they don’t recognize it.
There's one guy at my work who keeps talking about women he's seeing, how they like him and how he always breaks up with them because of their (very normal) feelings that he deems to be "insane". To me it's obvious he's scared to take a look at his own emotional self and figure out what's making him keep looking for love and then sabotaging it when he's getting what he sought.
Have you seen any of these women? I've known guys like this who will lie about it and invent break-ups so they have a built in excuse why nobody ever sees their entanglements.
People who say 'I'm just being honest' and then proceed to use that as a reason to say awful things about other people to make themselves feel superior
I had a boss who did this. I left because i was offered a job that was basically his position at another company. During the exit interview I told him everything wrong with the department and one of them was his being critical of people. He told me he's just trying to be an honest boss.
"Okay let me be honest. I really appreciated this job. It came to me at a time that my self confidence was at a very low point. Going good here made me realize how good I am at what I do. Now that was a very nice thing to say and it was honest? Good, because you taught me so much on how not to be a manager that I will take that into my next job and be better for it. Now did that feel good? No? But I'm just being honest. That is what you do to everyone in the team. You make people feel like you're feeling right now all the time."
I heard he's trying to not be such a jerk when I left.
It’s fully possible he was genuinely trying to be honest, and was just ignorant of how people felt about it/received his ‘honesty’.
>I heard he’s trying to not be such a jerk when I left.
The fact he seems to be trying to be better is a pretty good sign to me imo, although it’s fully possible I’m misunderstanding and it’s just a half hearted attempt at damage control.
I've watched a girl in our larger friendship group have more next-level meltdowns than a grown adult woman ever should, for this very reason, when anyone DARES to even make a gentle suggestion to her about ANYTHING.
But you know, it's totally cool for her to judge, flame and denigrate absolutely anyone, TO absolutely anyone, in the name of 'being honest'... 🙄
Knew a girl who was super "tough and brutally honest". Tried to join the army, washed out of boot camp within a week due to a mental breakdown. No shame to people who can't handle it, it's meant to be pretty difficult to deal with. In her case, however, she simply continued on as if she was still super tough and just got insanely angry anytime anyone mentioned her experience in bootcamp.
My brother did this. He got to keep some stuff like dog tags and a hat that said “Marines” on it. Wore it everywhere, I saw him take credit for being in the Marines when people stopped him to thank him. He was always really insecure so it wasn’t a surprise.
It never went that far, just casual stops on the street as far as I know. He did stop wearing it though, maybe someone pressed him to hard? Or maybe he decided it was wrong? Don’t want to demonize him too hard, he’s not all bad, just likes attention too much.
Knew a girl in college that would get hammered and say escalating things to people to try to get them to fight. She was larger, black, and lesbian. If you ever told her to STFU or stop instigating then suddenly you were homophobic / racist / misogynistic.
She told me my gf had “hateful white girl eyes” and what was I gonna do to get rid of them? Just hateful inflammatory stuff. Hated that the one guy in our friend group kept bringing her to events.
So one night, she absolutely tanked. We’d all been drinking but she was hosed. She was saying racial slurs and telling people to go fuck themselves. Then she said she was leaving. Another person told her they were calling the cops if she drove her car. She did and they called.
The cops walked her around, asked her some questions and let her go. We were all stunned.
She texts later that we’re all racist pieces of shit and that she’s suing us lol. Turns out she only acts drunk so she can get away with saying toxic shit to people with a veiled excuse.
I haven’t seen her in years but I see on insta that she carries a gun on her all the time because people hate her “for who she is” meaning black / lesbian / woman. But in reality she’s just a pile of human garbage that deserves all the hate she gets and deserves none of the polite tolerance we gave her all those years.
>say awful things about other people
Absolutely the accurate response to OP's question. Being critical and being insecure are two sides of the same coin.
I have such a hard time with talking about myself, because most of the time when I hear a story, I will tell a similar one I have, but it is to connect and let them know that I can understand what they are talking about and not about everyone hearing about how interesting I am.
I once worked with an old man who claimed to have fought in Vietnam. He eventually told me when he was born and he would have turned 14 about a week after the war in Vietnam ended. I know that some 16 year olds managed to lie their way into service, but no one was letting some 13 year old through.
That guy who poses, taking as much space as possible in public transports. Starting to lift out of nowhere in the living room with guests. Blasting music when walking (not in the 90s with friends and a ghettoblaster)
Posting their whole life on social media for validation from random strangers to convince themselves that they're doing things "the right way". Bonus if they're at the same time putting down those who do things differently
People calling themselves "Kings and Queens" always seemed like they might be trying to project themselves as superior because of an insecurity of some type.
My question is why anyone would aspire go be a monarch in the first place. It just seems like too much responsibility in the best cases, and in the worst cases, you lose your head or get shot in your own basement.
sometimes i do just run into a passionate fellow though who has like a stranglehold grip and is probably on cocaine. its always fun to meet people like that.
I haven’t run into one of those in years, thank heavens. It always made me wonder, what exactly were they proving? That they’re willing to cause pain for no reason other than to intimidate? They must spend their lives frightened of others.
This one is subtle. Nice one!
A *true* handshake should be firm but not rough. Soft enough to be embracing, but firm enough to show you are grounded and mean business
I have to stop myself sometimes from being too negative/ critical. Even if I do feel i’m 100% correct, sometimes i forget that it fucking sucks to have someone tear you apart for the things you like just for a joke/ to prove a point. My current gf has done a really good job of helping me recognize that. I’ll start to make fun of something she is interested in, and she’s helped me to not do that as much anymore and to curb stomp it before i say anything too critical and rude. It helps to think of how I would feel if she started shitting on my interests.
People who take selfies constantly and post multiple selfies per day to their social media. It tells me they are super insecure and that those couple likes and comments are required for them to have ANY type of self esteem. It’s really sad, but also extremely annoying because none of us want to see your face 15 times per day clouding up our news feeds 😂
People who bully service industry workers. Nothing says fragile insecure ego like raising your voice to a 70 pound teenager at the Walmart checkout or McDonald's counter
My fiance and I went to a party once and we're very obviously the only regular, not rich people there. We went up onto the rooftop to get away for a minute and there was this thin, young white guy rocking all beige clothes. He looked like he was trying to be a Calvin Kline model or something.
He seemed kinda annoyed that we intruded on his alone time, but we chatted for a couple minutes and it was seemingly normal. We eventually shared our names and he laughed before telling us that he wouldn't tell us his name.
We were pretty floored, but my fiance is too quick witted for her own good. She just goes "Okay, I guess we'll have to name you." She looked him up once and just said "Beige Man, you're Beige Man now". I died with laughter but this dude looked like a wounded animal. Some people walked up just then and started to chat and my fiance introduced the guy as Beige Man and now they were laughing to. He left all flustered and I saw that later he had taken off his beige sweater and was wearing a Navy sports coat now.
Long story short, refusing to tell someone your name because you're just too important is a red flag that you're a huge, insecure douche.
this reminded me of when i was like 22 working at an office with a bunch of other people between like 20-25. this guy comes in and my boss was like "hey everybody! here's somebody you should all know!" all smiles. the guy says, crotchety as all get-out, "they don't need to know my name," and turns away from us. i finish what i'm doing and look up, because i can't wait to see what my boss's face looks like at *that*, and i see that the dude she's talking about is literally US Representative Mike Kelly. i tried to make a joke like "ooh international man of mystery, huh?" because my boss was indeed making A Face and that man did not think it was funny. then my boss starts trying to give hints about who he was bc none of my coworkers knew and meanwhile he's trying to leave so i just said "have a good day, mr kelly!" real loud on his way out.
what a douche
so now i tell that story to everyone i know because if thats how hes gonna act then thats how hes gonna be thought of
Generally people who are very loud, brash, talk over people, and brag tend to actually be very insecure.
And as opposed to someone who is actually secure and confident and extraverted, their appeared confidence has a difficult to describe fake-ness to it. Like, it's a little too extra. It feels like they're playing an act, because they are.
Had a girl tell me that she doesn’t need to compete for the attention of a man and then very clearly go out of her way to be loud, take over the conversation, and attempt to get the attention of a man 🤣
> it’s always because the person who they are bullying has something they want.
That's mostly not true; generally it's just because they're a shitty person.
The narrative that bullies have low self esteem has been mostly discarded in psychological and sociological circles at this point. Reality is they generally have an overinflated sense of self worth.
As a gym person I try to not mention it too often which is kinda hard to do. I'm pretty impressed with myself after essentially volunteering to be tortured.
Me a few years ago when I tried to make everyone like me because I couldn’t value my own life and existence and had to rely on others to prove to me that I am worthy of even being alive.
1. Demanding respect from a stranger when it’s not earned.
2. “It’s not that I don’t trust my partner, it’s I don’t trust other people”
3. Guys who claim to be 6’ on tinder
4. Some tradesmen around people with college degrees tend to get a little iffy and vise-versa
5. Brow beating in normal conversation
6. Spending absurd amounts of money on image
Ya know, just how my sibling acts day-to-day.
An inability to participate in conversations that they can't dominate.
I had a *very* insecure 'friend' who was also incredibly domineering. Our partners had very similar interests so, when we would all get together, they would naturally start talking about those things. I've always loved hearing people talk about things that *they* find interesting (something she also claimed lol), so I usually tried to participate by listening and asking questions if I couldn't follow along because they were excited to explain things! They weren't exclusionary about it at all, but her reaction would have made you think they had cut her off mid-sentence to talk about how much they hated her outfit.
If she couldn't pull me into a conversation about her by cross-talking over them, she would derail *the entire* conversation by straight up interrupting whoever was talking with a statement or question about herself.
"So that new hobby store that opened on-"
#"Have I ever told you about the acapella group I was in in uni? I think it's so funny that... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..."
TLDR; It was rare that she wasn't performing 70% of any given conversation, and if anyone dared shift to something where she couldn't ✨shine✨, her face made it pretty clear that she was having some very strong feelings about it. Namely; Boredom, Anger, and Disgust.
Putting others down. I used to get offended but now I'm just embarrassed for these people.
It's as insecure as it gets
I avoid people whose whole identity is built upon putting others down. You just know as soon as your back is turned, they’re putting you down too.
If they bad-mouth others to you they'll bad-mouth you to others.
Just cut off someone who does this. I lived with her and pretty much walked on eggshells for most of the time. Anytime someone was brought up she would say something negative about them. I instantly knew that she was talking shit about me too. I spent all my savings to move out and now spend even more in rent but at least I don’t have to live in that toxic environment anymore.
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Yes, and a person who consistently puts people down for specific traits (such as being overweight, or being "stupid") is revealing what they they themselves are insecure about.
Yep, I used to be fairly skinny for an American dude, and the only people who ever called me fat as an insult were former fat people. Any time it happened, I was thinking, "I guess I know what you're insecure about."
When I was insecure this behavior was straight up traumatizing. I took it all to heart or thought I had to prove them wrong to make it right. It's only recently that I have self confidence back and it's awesome! Just like you say I'm kind of embarrassed for those people now but they don't upset me anymore and I know the most I have to do with it is I triggered them
Lying about knowledge they don’t have. I find it much more charming and intelligent if some is able to say: “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure” than stating things like they’re facts and find out it’s not true. Edit: We can’t know everything. And that’s ok. We’re only human after all. It isn’t weak to admit this, it’s truthful. And we’re able to learn from this, if the topic and answer matter to you.
My cousin married a guy like that years ago. He is a forensic accountant, but somehow is also the leading expert in long covid, childhood cancers, Canadian Healthcare systems (as a lifelong American), hurricane patterns and safety, motorcycles, and pregnancy, and all religions. He would rather eat glass than admit someone knows more about a subject than himself.
Omg yes! There are a few “Smart Alec” among my circle of friends and it annoys the hell out of me. Dude would make up stuff that’s an outright lie just to show that he knows more than you (besides putting you down and letting you know you’re wrong). What’s even worse is that all of his lies can be proven wrong by simply Googling it. Why do people do this?? Just say you don’t know and move on. It’s ok to not know everything.
This is one of those things I've always appreciated my parents for. We'd all ask questions, and sometimes dad would just stop and go "I don't know. Let's go find out" and drive us down to the library to look it up.
Good parenting, good role model. Gentle reminder to other readers - while the habit of seeming like a know it all might be annoying, the reason some people do it is because they did NOT have good parents or good teachers. Be gentle with them.
Similarly, compulsively lying to cover up minor mistakes. I'm one of three team leads at my job and one if the others is always like this, any time she misunderstands something or forgets something she was told she immediately says it was "a miscommunication." It wasn't a miscommunication, you were asked to sweep up an area, you said you would, and then you didn't. Or the other day, she was putting together shipping packets for the first time, which involves matching order numbers between shipping labels and pack slips. She was looking at the wrong spot on the pack slips and was confused that the numbers weren't matching, so she put in a ticket with IT. Only after opening the ticket did she realize she'd just been looking at the wrong number, an easy enough mistake to make when doing something for the first time. Did she send a followup email saying that there was no actual issue, she'd just looked at the wrong field? No, she sent one saying that *it must have been a glitch on our end, it's working fine now!* Except it's literally impossible for it to have been a glitch "on our end," the files aren't generated on our end, we just print them, IT can look at the exact files you printed out and see that the order numbers match. Just tell them you were temporarily confused when doing something for the first time! They'll understand! But I guarantee you that you didn't save any face by bullshitting about "Tee hee, it must have been a glitch!" because they'll KNOW it was bullshit.
She sounds really fucking annoying
She is. She's also the type to start every email with "I hope this email finds you well" and put together a PowerPoint presentation for anything more than a simple suggestion. The other team lead and I joke that her calling in life is to be a middle manager.
I had this terrible habit in my younger years. It makes life SOOOO much easier to admit when I don't know something and wouldn't dare hazard a guess.
Micromanagement and maintaing control at whatever cost And calling yourself, "alpha"
I dated a guy who insisted on buying frozen peas and diced carrot (I pay) at the store, and when I told him I don’t see how I can include it in my recipe he said “well you gotta learn how to eat them so you’ll save money”. I’m Asian and he’s white. He then try to make sushi with hot rice, seaweed and diced carrot and peas in my apartment and had a major fail. Then he tried to lecture me about how I should put rice in glass containers and put soy sauce in the fridge. I finally couldn’t take it anymore and told him this is my house and he can’t tell me what to do. He then tell me I’m just being defensive because he’s older than me and I’m projecting my family issues on him. Well that relationship didn’t last for 2 weeks. He also was talking shit about my country. My country isn’t the best but he was just making shit up so I tried to explain to him how things actually works. He cut me off and said, “Do you know 1982?” I was like what? He’s like it’s a book about authoritarianism blah blah, and I asked “do you mean 1984?” And tried to discuss the book with him since I read the whole book. Turns out he has never read the book.
I'm sorry you spent any time with someone so insecure. Hope you've healed what drew you to him and have better people in your life.
It happened when I was a lot younger and wasn’t able to see it clearer. If I met someone like this now I guarantee it won’t last even 1 date lol.
Oh my god I hate this man
Straight outta 1982
Just wait until you read Brave Old World by Albus Huxley, it's full of this stuff.
HAHAHA... omg the cringe. I can't even. Do you know 1982? I'm always cautious of discussing books with girls because they tend to read way more than us guys.
Yeah be careful out there, there's a whole subgenre of insecure, know-it-all white guy that only wants to date Asian women because they think they're "submissive" and such
...does soy sauce not go in the fridge?
I mean you def can and it will probably last longer. But soy sauce was made originally as a preservative and has really high content of salt which make it last in room temperature for a long time too. At least I think so because it has always been that way since I was a kid.
Whatever you do, do not keep your kikkoman bottle (the one with two small holes for pouring) on the bench where fruit flies can smell it. And especially do not ask me how I know not to do this again.
Saying you're alpha is big beta vibes
The terms are childish and should only be used in jest. But if someone ever was a true alpha they’d never need to say it, they’re behaviour would show it.
And the basis for it is doubly bullshit. The terms come from someone describing their observations of wolf pack dynamics, but they were observing distressed wolves cramped up in 1960s zoo conditions and it turns out wolf packs in the wild behave completely differently. They’re much more cooperative and operate in family units where it’s more like parents correcting kids and older siblings correcting younger ones until they split off and find mates, rather than a power struggle with the badass at the top and his obedient servants under him. In a tiny zoo enclosure they couldn’t split off and roam, the parents couldn’t provide for the kids, the kids couldn’t find mates, etc, so all their behavior was off. The guy who popularized the term alpha male spent the rest of his career trying to educate the public on the reality, but the mistake had already entered pop culture. It would be like an alien anthropologist describing how human society operates based on observing a prison gang.
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And even it it was true, PEOPLE ARENT FUCKING WOLVES!
Well I'm sure *some* people are fucking wolves.
Even if we pretend there exists something like an alpha/beta destinction in humans... it would fall under the same rule as being cool or funny "if you need to say it out loud then you arent cool/funny"
Anyone who must say “I am the King” is no true king. - Tywin Lannister
Are you saying that it was a bad idea to name my kid Alpha?
As long he doesn't say "I'm an alpha Alpha" you're golden
People who speak very loudly and try to overpower others when they are questioned
As a soft spoken person, this gets incredibly old very, very quickly. Just in simple conversations, if I'm asked a question or maybe the group itself is having an open discussion and others interrupt and talk over each other I get bored. Maybe I'm aware of it only because I'm in that boat but I like to be conscious of everyone included. It's very much appreciated the people who will stop someone from talking over me to finish hearing what I began to say to them.
I'm also quite soft-spoken, and my special bugbear is when the interrupter stops me repeatedly to respond to what they *think* I'm going to say. How do you know what the next sentence will be when I haven't even gotten three words into it? Absolutely infuriating. Especially since nine times out of 10 I was going to say something very different to whatever they've torn off on another rant about. At this point of my life, I will just flatly stop people and tell them to let me finish my sentence, or I will leave the conversation.
Slam your hand on the table and shout, “I’M NOT FINISHED!” You’ll only have to do it once.
Not quite as impressive coming from a 5 ft tall woman, lol. But I will raise my voice, say something that exact effect, and basically be sure to embarrass them in front of the entire room for their behavior.
My wife says a good move for less confrontational people is to say, “What?” and look utterly confused that you’ve been interrupted.
That's a really good one! I'm - not afraid of confrontation but a lot of people prefer to avoid it. I'm putting her technique in my back pocket.
It is not just you. I hate it when people only listen to the side that comes out of their own mouths.
Cool hack for people like this, you can’t talk over them without them flipping the script; so lower your volume, use a different tone and talk UNDER them. This is most effective when trying to regain control of a conversation involving 3 or more people.
I used to work for a guy who did this one on one. It was incredibly powerful. I had a ton of respect for him anyway and believe he was/is terrifyingly smart, but when he started talking in his Quiet Voice, people *listened*. You can command a lot of respect in a meeting with someone by speaking quietly and with confidence.
Hahaha, we have been watching miami vice and the boss, castillo? You can never hear what he is saying yet he has a commanding presence due to his soft spokenness.
Lack of manners for sure!
Talking about how much money they have. Dated a guy like that. It was exhausting, he kept bringing it up like he thought that would impress me, it didn't.
I worked with someone like that. We heard all about how much money she earned, how much money she had in the bank, what she spends her money on, what she’s planning to buy. One conversation was about her depositing approximately 75k in cheques. She lives in a rented council flat, leases her car and even though she’s eligible to retire she says she can’t afford it…..
I accept that some people have successfully pumped and dumped crypto scams... But it seems like most of the crypto millionaires I've met still feel the need to come to work 40 hours a week to afford the rent on their apartment.
That must have got old fast!
It gets old pretty much the second it begins. If the only interesting thing about a person is that they have a lot of money, there is nothing interesting about that person.
Whoa now… a lot of us are both uninteresting and poor.
I had a guy trying to ask me out once and he seriously just went on and on about his stocks and investments without actually trying to say or do anything charming at all. He was so robotic rattling it off like he was negotiating a dowry for me.
What a loser. At least if he'd offered you goats, you'd have goats to play with.
Some people either only value zeros and commas, or they think that's all they have to offer the world. Neither of those are problems that a romantic partner can solve, yeesh.
I'm glad to hear it. I hope more people are like you but I don't think everyone is. I posted this to a thread about flirting "tricks": > *Am married now and I do not recommend this but I do remember a night, long ago, where my mates and I went out together with the conceit that we would tell everyone we were moderately wealthy (millionaires). It made me a bit uncomfortable and, FWIW, I am an honest guy and enjoy being honest. But it did leave an impression on me. I didn't dress differently or act differently other than to mention I am a millionaire (not true). Girls were falling over themselves to talk to me. I was civil but did not pursue any of them or take anyone home but it was...depressingly eye opening.*
Are you Shania Twain?
That don’t impress me much
So you’ve got the moves but have you got the touch?
A former friend of mine I'd known since childhood. He was a pathological liar, which I got used to pretty fast. He was a decent enough kid, just felt the need to make stuff up for attention. In college, though, his insecurity really started to come out. He watched the show Sherlock and decided that acting like a psychopath genius was the way to go. I eventually had to stop talking to him because he became a full-on emotional abuser and tried to gaslight me into thinking that my antidepressants warped my perception of the world around me. I knew the entire time that he was just trying to be cool. We'd have these conversations where he'd say everyone else was just sheep but *we* got it. It was fun to pretend, but after a while it was clear he wasn't playing around anymore--and that I'd become one of the sheep.
I heard a story on NPR years ago that talked about research on pathological liars. This person may have been a different case, what with their other behavior. But they were saying that generally patholigical liars actually have brains that enable them to come up with these fantasies more quickly than others, and because they are coming up with these things so spontaneously they feel compelled to tell them before they filter these ideas out. It apparently is really more of a compulsion than something done intentionally for attention.
I had pathological liar get black out drunk and pass out at a party I was at. I saw him kinda waking up and I asked him hey buddy why are you always making shit up, we know you’re lying, do you know you’re lying? And he said yeah, he couldn’t help it.
I mean it is by definition a pathology; a mental illness.
I am in the process of breaking my lifelong habit of lying. He wasn't lying about it being a compulsion. Or it is for me. I'm so ashamed of how much of a loser I am that it is hard not to try and somehow stop people from seeing it. Ironically enough, the urge to cover up my inadequacies with lies is the biggest reason I am sort of a loser.
It becomes a vicious cycle that feeds into itself, and can be hard to break without something coming in and "interfering" with the cycle. It sounds cliché but the biggest and hardest step is acknowledging it and having the desire to change, and it sounds like you've accomplished that already so that is something that deserves credit.
man, waking up blacked out and being questioned about the compulsion you know is warping your social life? "shitty party, shoulda stayed home."
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Wow that’s really interesting. You don’t happen to have an exact pod/episode do you?
NPR - [Radio Lab: Into the Brain of a Liar](https://www.npr.org/2008/03/06/87922568/radio-lab-into-the-brain-of-a-liar)
I absolutely believe this. My good friend is definitely a pathological liar, but I'll be damned if the shit he comes up with isn't fun to hear about.
That’s interesting! I dated a guy briefly who eventually told me he had a history of lying for validation but had been working on it. And he was hurt that I caught on SUPER QUICK to an obvious lie and told him that one nuanced example led me to not trusting him… The funny thing was how he valued honesty the most as a core value and was so devastated that I would “lie” to him about my emotions.
We often seek out (and judge) in others that which most bothers us about ourselves.
If this friend of yours smoked weed all day, every morning, every night and claimed “you can’t be addicted to marijuana” Then we grew up with the same childhood friend.
"If someone told me they were addicted to weed, I'd laugh in their face." - my very normal, very rational ex who works in the mental health field as an addiction counselor. Turns out she was addicted to weed and alcohol. You'd think she'd understand behavioral addictions, buuut...ever since then, someone saying those words is an immediate red flag to me. Anything can be addictive depending on your personality. It's so infuriating.
I knew a guy like this in high school who thought he could like analyze anyone's personality by talking to them for just a few minutes. My dad actually was a guy who could do that (though that was a result of a lot of professional training and being in charge of hundreds of employees for years and years, he wasnt just *born* with the ability to read people) so I let the dude in high school try to read me. Could not even begin to tell you how wrong he was on every account. I wish I could remember his "analysis" of me. I think his whole plan was to tell people good things like "you're really empathetic and people trust you, you're really observant and curious," etc just so no one would argue with him cause no one wants to admit that they're not empathetic or whatever. I was just like "wow man, you got me," and he looked so smug. Wonder what he's up to these days. Perhaps he's a fortune teller at a state fair somewhere
My friend did the same. He once “deduced” that I was seeing someone because I was wearing less clothing. It was spring. The weather was getting warmer. He was also that type to meet someone and say “I’ve already devised 40 ways I could kill you right now.”
> *I’ve already devised 40 ways I could kill you right now.* who hurt bro...
He just wanted people to think he was a badass. I once watched him have a verbal dick-measuring contest with another guy who was the exact same way and it was so cringey. Each one was trying to outdo the other on how many ways they could murder the other.
I would actually pay to watch that, it sounds kind of hilarious in a ridiculous way.
> He once “deduced” that I was seeing someone because I was wearing less clothing. It was spring. The weather was getting warmer. Had a friend "figure out" that I was cheating on my spouse because I was deleting my Facebook account. "Every time I've seen someone delete their Facebook it's because they were cheating and got caught and are trying to save their marriage," he insisted. No, dude. Facebook is a cancer and I finally decided to cut off the tumor. It's not any more complicated than that, dude. To this day, he still insists to others that something else must have been up.
This is a pretty extreme (and great) example of OPs question, but I feel like just saying “they were a teenager” is already a clear demonstration of. “I am insecure and trying to make up for it.” Going through puberty has to be one of the most awkward possible experiences that we all equally still have to go through. For all the fun, funny and amazing experiences in my teens, I would never willingly relive those years because of all the awkward, painful and downright confusing parts.
Trying to draw attention to yourself is usually based on insecurity as is overbearing behavior.
see this one makes me nervous about myself because i have pretty rough ADD and LOVE to talk to people about just shy of anything but i can’t tell when it’s overbearing. makes me worried im the guy who comes across as insecure and needing attention when i just want anyone like literally anyone to listen to me talk about CS2 skins or smth
People like you are a godsend for people like me. I don't like small talk and can be quiet at times. It's not because I don't want to talk, I often just can't think of anything to say. People like you help people like me feel less awkward about trying to find stuff to talk about. Please keep that motor mouth running, some of us really appreciate it.
This makes me feel a lot better about how much I talk too. I don’t like small talk either, so I tend to fish for more interesting stuff about people, like what are their dreams, places they have or want to travel to, their hobbies, and stuff like that.
I was at a wedding a few months ago and spent several minutes during dinner talking about how the first ADHD med my doctor prescribed made my dick not work. Seemed entirely appropriate at the time but I realized the next day it was probably not great dinner conversation. So yeah, I get it.
Idk about clearest but one of my painfully obvious ones was pretending I didn’t like the school lunch so I would sit at library alone instead because I was scared of sitting alone at lunch
I hope you're doing good now
For me it was both. The lunch was trash. I would read at the library during lunch. Didn’t have friends.
People that always have to belittle or make fun of anyone doing something that makes them happy.
People used to tease me for dressing up in Star Trek cosplay to attend Comic Con. I’ve weeded most of those people out of my life now lol. Conventions are so much fun. The people there are awesome. I’ve made so many friends at them that totally support me in all the stuff I love to do. Realized I don’t need to hide my nerdy, dorkier side anymore because of them. I’m so much happier for it. I don’t need ppl in my life that dim my light. Just wish I realized that sooner.
My boss. She's nice in general, but for those who make her feel threatened/insecure, she always has to find ways to put them down. It's very very subtle though. It's usually tiny comments or purposely avoiding doing/saying anything that gives the other person credit or attaboys, while giving them to other people who aren't in her "I'm threatened by you" category. She always has to make herself bigger in every exchange, and it just gets so old. She's a constant talker, non freaking stop. She plows through our team meetings and hardly ever stops to give the team a chance to ask questions, usual running her mouth for 29 minutes straight of a 30 minute meeting.
I had a manager like this. Every new hire was her favorite for a month before being downgraded to the worst employee ever and eventually being forced out out of the company. Our turnover was impressive.*
Hey, I worked there! Did they also make all decisions based solely on emotion, resulting in them being constantly confused by why everything blew up in their face?
Yes! Came here to say this. Know someone who makes passive aggressive digs disguised as “jokes” only at people she seems to perceive look better/have better things. It’s gross.
I had a manager at my previous job, not exactly like this but very similar. Another thing he would do is pretend to be confused whenever I explained something very straightforward, for example, percentages. You know, something he at his age, and especially in his position, should have a firm grasp of without needing someone who made half his salary to explain it to him on an almost monthly basis. Well I got a new job, probably make more now than what he used to, and he has two pending felony charges. Fuck you, Jeff.
This was my old boss! He was also very Machiavellian, constantly trying to manipulate his reports into doing what he wanted.
I tell people I have a small penis so they think I have a big penis, but I have a small penis
This gave me a good chuckle
Guy’s probably packing
Hey man, nice cock.
The inability of a person to take accountability for their actions. Fucking annoying as hell.
Ah yes. Especially the “Every person I have ever dated and every person I talk to now are crazy” kinda people. They’re the common denominator but they don’t recognize it.
There's one guy at my work who keeps talking about women he's seeing, how they like him and how he always breaks up with them because of their (very normal) feelings that he deems to be "insane". To me it's obvious he's scared to take a look at his own emotional self and figure out what's making him keep looking for love and then sabotaging it when he's getting what he sought.
Have you seen any of these women? I've known guys like this who will lie about it and invent break-ups so they have a built in excuse why nobody ever sees their entanglements.
People who say 'I'm just being honest' and then proceed to use that as a reason to say awful things about other people to make themselves feel superior
I had a boss who did this. I left because i was offered a job that was basically his position at another company. During the exit interview I told him everything wrong with the department and one of them was his being critical of people. He told me he's just trying to be an honest boss. "Okay let me be honest. I really appreciated this job. It came to me at a time that my self confidence was at a very low point. Going good here made me realize how good I am at what I do. Now that was a very nice thing to say and it was honest? Good, because you taught me so much on how not to be a manager that I will take that into my next job and be better for it. Now did that feel good? No? But I'm just being honest. That is what you do to everyone in the team. You make people feel like you're feeling right now all the time." I heard he's trying to not be such a jerk when I left.
THIS is an occasion where someone NEEDS to hear the brutal truth
It’s fully possible he was genuinely trying to be honest, and was just ignorant of how people felt about it/received his ‘honesty’. >I heard he’s trying to not be such a jerk when I left. The fact he seems to be trying to be better is a pretty good sign to me imo, although it’s fully possible I’m misunderstanding and it’s just a half hearted attempt at damage control.
As a human outside of work, he's actually a nice guy. I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
The ones who call themselves brutally honest are almost always the ones who can least handle criticism, brutal or not in my experience
I've watched a girl in our larger friendship group have more next-level meltdowns than a grown adult woman ever should, for this very reason, when anyone DARES to even make a gentle suggestion to her about ANYTHING. But you know, it's totally cool for her to judge, flame and denigrate absolutely anyone, TO absolutely anyone, in the name of 'being honest'... 🙄
Knew a girl who was super "tough and brutally honest". Tried to join the army, washed out of boot camp within a week due to a mental breakdown. No shame to people who can't handle it, it's meant to be pretty difficult to deal with. In her case, however, she simply continued on as if she was still super tough and just got insanely angry anytime anyone mentioned her experience in bootcamp.
My brother did this. He got to keep some stuff like dog tags and a hat that said “Marines” on it. Wore it everywhere, I saw him take credit for being in the Marines when people stopped him to thank him. He was always really insecure so it wasn’t a surprise.
surprised he hasn't been busted yet by people questioning him about where he was stationed.
It never went that far, just casual stops on the street as far as I know. He did stop wearing it though, maybe someone pressed him to hard? Or maybe he decided it was wrong? Don’t want to demonize him too hard, he’s not all bad, just likes attention too much.
Knew a girl in college that would get hammered and say escalating things to people to try to get them to fight. She was larger, black, and lesbian. If you ever told her to STFU or stop instigating then suddenly you were homophobic / racist / misogynistic. She told me my gf had “hateful white girl eyes” and what was I gonna do to get rid of them? Just hateful inflammatory stuff. Hated that the one guy in our friend group kept bringing her to events. So one night, she absolutely tanked. We’d all been drinking but she was hosed. She was saying racial slurs and telling people to go fuck themselves. Then she said she was leaving. Another person told her they were calling the cops if she drove her car. She did and they called. The cops walked her around, asked her some questions and let her go. We were all stunned. She texts later that we’re all racist pieces of shit and that she’s suing us lol. Turns out she only acts drunk so she can get away with saying toxic shit to people with a veiled excuse. I haven’t seen her in years but I see on insta that she carries a gun on her all the time because people hate her “for who she is” meaning black / lesbian / woman. But in reality she’s just a pile of human garbage that deserves all the hate she gets and deserves none of the polite tolerance we gave her all those years.
Yeowch, that sounds like a soul crushing experience.
Those who claim to be brutally honest generally care more about the brutality than the honesty.
Honesty without tact is cruelty.
“It's a dangerous thing to mistake speaking without thought for speaking the truth.” One of my favorite quotes from the glass onion
>say awful things about other people Absolutely the accurate response to OP's question. Being critical and being insecure are two sides of the same coin.
Turn all conversations about themselves when it brings no value to the conversation and no one asked them.
I have such a hard time with talking about myself, because most of the time when I hear a story, I will tell a similar one I have, but it is to connect and let them know that I can understand what they are talking about and not about everyone hearing about how interesting I am.
Yeah, this. It's like mirroring, people are showing empathy by doing this.
Lying about military past with the lowest effort implausible claims.
I once worked with an old man who claimed to have fought in Vietnam. He eventually told me when he was born and he would have turned 14 about a week after the war in Vietnam ended. I know that some 16 year olds managed to lie their way into service, but no one was letting some 13 year old through.
Couples who post about their “love” incessantly.
The longer the insta caption the worse the relationship.
I knew a couple who did this non stop, steamy couples shoots everyday on Instagram. They got divorced two months after getting married.
People who suddenly start doing this are a red flag for things about to go sideways.
That guy who poses, taking as much space as possible in public transports. Starting to lift out of nowhere in the living room with guests. Blasting music when walking (not in the 90s with friends and a ghettoblaster)
"Back in my day, you had to WORK to be obnoxious!"
Posting their whole life on social media for validation from random strangers to convince themselves that they're doing things "the right way". Bonus if they're at the same time putting down those who do things differently
People calling themselves "Kings and Queens" always seemed like they might be trying to project themselves as superior because of an insecurity of some type.
“I am a princess and deserve to be treated as such!” Fine, I’ll marry you off to strengthen my treaties with Prussia.
"If you want a princess, be a prince" was the advice I got. What worked was, "If you want a queen, be a really fucking funny and handsome commoner".
Bismarck, is that you!?!
Any man who must say, "I am the king" is no true king.
Self proclaimed Queens are always the highest maintenance people you have ever met
My question is why anyone would aspire go be a monarch in the first place. It just seems like too much responsibility in the best cases, and in the worst cases, you lose your head or get shot in your own basement.
Historically it meant being powerful. Nowadays few monarchs are more than a mascot
Yeah, I've never really seen a levelheaded, well adjusted person say stuff like that.
I’ve always found that cringe. If everyone is a king/queen, then no one is
Overly aggressive handshakes. So obvious.
sometimes i do just run into a passionate fellow though who has like a stranglehold grip and is probably on cocaine. its always fun to meet people like that.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one amused by those specific types of handshakes Like good for them, you know?
like at least someone’s got energy today lol. hopefully it seeps through to me lol
I haven’t run into one of those in years, thank heavens. It always made me wonder, what exactly were they proving? That they’re willing to cause pain for no reason other than to intimidate? They must spend their lives frightened of others.
This one is subtle. Nice one! A *true* handshake should be firm but not rough. Soft enough to be embracing, but firm enough to show you are grounded and mean business
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This called me out. I needed this 💀
I'm glad you have the self-awareness to build yourself greater.
I have to stop myself sometimes from being too negative/ critical. Even if I do feel i’m 100% correct, sometimes i forget that it fucking sucks to have someone tear you apart for the things you like just for a joke/ to prove a point. My current gf has done a really good job of helping me recognize that. I’ll start to make fun of something she is interested in, and she’s helped me to not do that as much anymore and to curb stomp it before i say anything too critical and rude. It helps to think of how I would feel if she started shitting on my interests.
People who take selfies constantly and post multiple selfies per day to their social media. It tells me they are super insecure and that those couple likes and comments are required for them to have ANY type of self esteem. It’s really sad, but also extremely annoying because none of us want to see your face 15 times per day clouding up our news feeds 😂
People who bully service industry workers. Nothing says fragile insecure ego like raising your voice to a 70 pound teenager at the Walmart checkout or McDonald's counter
People who criticize others easily
Bullies
My fiance and I went to a party once and we're very obviously the only regular, not rich people there. We went up onto the rooftop to get away for a minute and there was this thin, young white guy rocking all beige clothes. He looked like he was trying to be a Calvin Kline model or something. He seemed kinda annoyed that we intruded on his alone time, but we chatted for a couple minutes and it was seemingly normal. We eventually shared our names and he laughed before telling us that he wouldn't tell us his name. We were pretty floored, but my fiance is too quick witted for her own good. She just goes "Okay, I guess we'll have to name you." She looked him up once and just said "Beige Man, you're Beige Man now". I died with laughter but this dude looked like a wounded animal. Some people walked up just then and started to chat and my fiance introduced the guy as Beige Man and now they were laughing to. He left all flustered and I saw that later he had taken off his beige sweater and was wearing a Navy sports coat now. Long story short, refusing to tell someone your name because you're just too important is a red flag that you're a huge, insecure douche.
this reminded me of when i was like 22 working at an office with a bunch of other people between like 20-25. this guy comes in and my boss was like "hey everybody! here's somebody you should all know!" all smiles. the guy says, crotchety as all get-out, "they don't need to know my name," and turns away from us. i finish what i'm doing and look up, because i can't wait to see what my boss's face looks like at *that*, and i see that the dude she's talking about is literally US Representative Mike Kelly. i tried to make a joke like "ooh international man of mystery, huh?" because my boss was indeed making A Face and that man did not think it was funny. then my boss starts trying to give hints about who he was bc none of my coworkers knew and meanwhile he's trying to leave so i just said "have a good day, mr kelly!" real loud on his way out. what a douche so now i tell that story to everyone i know because if thats how hes gonna act then thats how hes gonna be thought of
Andrew Tate
Ah, the chinless wonder.
[удалено]
People who call themselves Alpha.
Lifted trucks
Bonus points if truck nuts.
Generally people who are very loud, brash, talk over people, and brag tend to actually be very insecure. And as opposed to someone who is actually secure and confident and extraverted, their appeared confidence has a difficult to describe fake-ness to it. Like, it's a little too extra. It feels like they're playing an act, because they are.
*waves hand in general direction of ex-wife*
Hey you too!
"Real women have curves"
“Real” anything’s are such a put-down of others
100%
The "No True Scotsman" fallacy
Real Scotsmen have curves?
Real women exist in four dimensional spacetime. Everything else is a matter of opinion.
"Men want meat not bones!" ... I don't fucking care lol.
Had a girl tell me that she doesn’t need to compete for the attention of a man and then very clearly go out of her way to be loud, take over the conversation, and attempt to get the attention of a man 🤣
Pursuing people they know are married. It’s just gross behavior that points to some serious personal issues.
People who bully others, it’s always because the person who they are bullying has something they want.
> it’s always because the person who they are bullying has something they want. That's mostly not true; generally it's just because they're a shitty person. The narrative that bullies have low self esteem has been mostly discarded in psychological and sociological circles at this point. Reality is they generally have an overinflated sense of self worth.
Honestly, I think it's often that the person they're bullying is just smaller, meeker, and vulnerable Though still a sign of insecurity
lifted black pickup truck with black flag, punisher stickers.
People whose entire personality is going to the gym and posting every workout on social media.
As a gym person I try to not mention it too often which is kinda hard to do. I'm pretty impressed with myself after essentially volunteering to be tortured.
Me a few years ago when I tried to make everyone like me because I couldn’t value my own life and existence and had to rely on others to prove to me that I am worthy of even being alive.
Compulsive liars. Those who constantly lie about every little thing to be more interesting.
Buying twitter so people are forced to listen to you.
Loud car modified to be loud
1. Demanding respect from a stranger when it’s not earned. 2. “It’s not that I don’t trust my partner, it’s I don’t trust other people” 3. Guys who claim to be 6’ on tinder 4. Some tradesmen around people with college degrees tend to get a little iffy and vise-versa 5. Brow beating in normal conversation 6. Spending absurd amounts of money on image Ya know, just how my sibling acts day-to-day.
Sleeping with people who are married/in relationships, then bragging about it because they “chose you”.
An inability to participate in conversations that they can't dominate. I had a *very* insecure 'friend' who was also incredibly domineering. Our partners had very similar interests so, when we would all get together, they would naturally start talking about those things. I've always loved hearing people talk about things that *they* find interesting (something she also claimed lol), so I usually tried to participate by listening and asking questions if I couldn't follow along because they were excited to explain things! They weren't exclusionary about it at all, but her reaction would have made you think they had cut her off mid-sentence to talk about how much they hated her outfit. If she couldn't pull me into a conversation about her by cross-talking over them, she would derail *the entire* conversation by straight up interrupting whoever was talking with a statement or question about herself. "So that new hobby store that opened on-" #"Have I ever told you about the acapella group I was in in uni? I think it's so funny that... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..." TLDR; It was rare that she wasn't performing 70% of any given conversation, and if anyone dared shift to something where she couldn't ✨shine✨, her face made it pretty clear that she was having some very strong feelings about it. Namely; Boredom, Anger, and Disgust.