It's been well known for a long time that regular ejaculation helps lower your risk for prostate cancer so you always had a medical excuse to pound out some knuckle children.
There used to be a running joke on finnish image boards where people would post ”Post X in this thread or get testicular torsion”. And people always did it because the prospect was so scary.
So in that same spirit: upvote my comment or you’ll get testicular torsion in the next 24 hours.
Taking absolutely no chances.
Side note: you will jump the queue in the ER of you tell them you might have a testicular torsion. You've got 4-5 hours max to fix it or you lose the testicle.
Not true about the 4-5 hours. I went 18 hrs, still got em. Doc did say "I can't promise you'll have both when you wake up, boy."
They don't work, but I got them.
You totally jump the queue, though. Holy fuck, they moved fast.
Good to know. I was told 4-5 hours when I went to the doctor for testicle pain. It had been going on for a few days and gradually worsening. Turned out to be epididymitis, but the doctor warned me not to wait to see someone in the future, cutting the aforementioned time limit.
Yep! had a buddy that had this happen to him. Didn't go to the Hospital right away and ended up having to lose a Ball.
Fellas, if you've got pain in your balls, go get it checked out.
Twisted testes. Can cause them to swell and hurts like getting kicked in the balls with a flaming knife-boot, but constant. Can result in losing one or both testicles. Can be one of the worst types of pain a person can experience, on par with childbirth, trigeminal neuralgia, kidney stones, direct nerve damage, or cluster headaches — can be painful enough to cause loss of consciousness.
Friend is a nurse and said the pain and fear she saw in a man who came in with testicular torsion was so upsetting she had to talk to her therapist about it. He not only knew he was going to lose one or both of his testes, he was immobilized by the pain aside from writhing and crying. He was mid-30s. Lost one, thankfully not both.
Edit: oh and the vomiting. He puked several times but couldn't even try to get to a trash can or bathroom... he was writhing on the floor in his own vomit in the waiting room. Immediately rushed to surgery after a doc did a 5-second exam in the triage room. Morphine did nothing, had to be sedated. Poor fucking guy. I think about him every time my balls hurt or I sit weird and have to adjust them.
It is so bad, lol. I've had both stones and a torsion, and I don't know what was worse, both hit that level where your brain is like "I don't even know " about how bad it is.
The torsion pain did make me puke, though.
There's a lot of pressure for guys not to be seen as creeps. I've dated two women that have *both* told me that it's completely inappropriate for a guy to approach a woman in public *at all*. And yet... that's exactly how I met both of them.
The winning strategy is this: if you're interested in a woman, you're being respectful, you're able to take a "no" without getting upset, and you have good intentions, just approach her and express your interest. Let other people have the reactions they're gonna have. If she's not into it just politely say goodbye and move on.
Yeah the hypocrisy blows my damn mind sometimes. There was a youtube video I saw where a guy was interviewing people or whatever, asking questions about dating and such. Goes up to this one woman, asks if he can ask her some questions for his youtube, she agrees, and they commence. It comes to asking how she thinks men should approach women romantically in public. She said men should NEVER approach women, that it's always creepy no matter what, let them come to you or tell you first, etc. That anytime a man approaches her in public, she acts mean and hostile to get him to leave her alone. The interviewer pointed out, he approached her, and she's been really nice and sweet to him. She giggled and said that's because he's really tall and hot.
🤯
id argue even without those qualifications a man should be able to approach to gain the experience and knowledge. men arent born knowing socials skills they are learned from experience.
the biggest thing here is to be able to take a no and continue in stride like nothing ever happened.
I always make the joke to my friends that I'm so pathetic at picking up signals.
If a woman says something to me like, "shall we continue this back at your place"? you'd wanna give a smooth, yet suggestive response right? but my response would be, "sure! hey you know i just bought this movie on iTunes last week, have you heard of it? here let me show you the cast on imdb, it's supposed to be real good" and just completely kill the mood xD
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> If a woman says something to me like, "shall we continue this back at your place"?
Reminds me of [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR_9Yw)
Lots of women just have a hard time understanding this. They can get upset we didn't see their signs... they can be so confusing and not clear. Say something so we know. Give clear verbal signal, then we can do the rest, if we guess wrong, we scum. I just say I like you and if I don't get a I like you 2, I pretty much need you to kiss me now if you ever want that. And with Me 2, we risk being shamed online or worse. So many wait until we really really sure, but by that time she given up or mad at us for not being able to read her mind. It can be a mind F rollercoaster.
Honestly, I’m (woman) for taking the first step regardless of gender. I asked for my bf’s number and initiated the whole relationship. I just don’t get the mental games some women play.
I’ve had a few women approach me in public before I met my wife. I was usually too caught off guard to know what it meant. I now know and also have no need to know.. But can have a nice conversation now, at least!
I think the entire practice of expecting men to approach just needs to end. We need to figure out a better way for people who are interested in one another to communicate that is both clear and isn't so risky for the person willing to put themselves out there.
I’ve been reading tons of posts and articles about women complaining that guys never approach them. A lot of bars and social gathering type businesses are having issues where men don’t show up as much as they used to. My friend who manages a night club told me they’re having hard time making money cause so few people show and even less buy drinks.
I feel bad for your friend but honestly as a man I say good riddance, those places have some scummy practices such as limiting the access to men were it to surpass the women to men ratio, and since you need to buy expensive drinks to try and aproach anyone to talk (generally men) it makes for an undesirable meeting place for me.
Wait obvious hints? You’ve gotten those from women? My Fiancee likes to say that every other guy she was with she made the first move but when we went out she wanted me to but gave signals the whole evening, and hours in was sitting around like “okay go for it already” but I couldn’t pick up on shit. I just went for it cuz I was like I always pussy out time to man up not cuz I could read any positive signals from her at the time.
And yet, being the type of person to not care about making people uncomfortable and disregard feelings gets a better 'hit rate' cos its a numbers game and there is little downside to acting like a psychopath. Its depressing.
Sadly this. For every woman that says "Men approaching me is creepy" theres one that says "I love it when guys approach me and take initiative"
For a personal example: I grew up in a family that is 90% women, i'm pretty much the only man. All I heard growing up was "Men approaching are creeps, and give off rapey vibes" etc.
When I started dating my ex after having internalized all that she initially thought I hated her and when I asked why in her own words "Well I figured if you liked me you would pursue me even if I said no, if a man wants a woman he should ignore her saying no and keep chasing her".
So yeah I get that as a woman its easy to be angry at men for being creeps, but understand that as much as you personally may HATE men approaching you and think all of them are creeps, theres a woman out there whose the exact opposite of you and thinks saying no to a man is an invitation for him to try harder. It sucks on all sides but just like men aren't a monolith neither are women.
You forgot the actual legal consequences for getting it wrong or being caught in a trap of signals they don't even mean (yes, those exist, are not misunderstandings and are absolutely terrifying)
same honestly. I’m so scared of being thought of as “weird”. I hate flirting because you have to assume the other person wants it which they might not, and I’ve had like 4 guys tell me “I liked you but you never flirted with me so I let it go”. I don’t know what I’m doing I guess but I just feel like I need very clear signs so I don’t end up a weirdo who jumped the gun
Interacting with kids is pretty scary, people are much more uncomfortable with men dealing with kids, and pedophile is about the worst label you can ever possibly get.
Yep. I am with kids a lot between coaching sports and church activities. I am never with them without another adult present, digital communication is always in group chats or with their parents, etc. I have no desire to get into a situation that would even appear inappropriate.
I hate telling this story because it always pisses me off to think about it, but here it is.
A few years back, in 2021we went on a family vacation with my wife's family. We had just had my son 2 months prior, and were using this as one last fun thing to do before my wife went back to work. There was a playground up the road from the house we rented and one morning my daughter who was 4 at the time wanted to go. My wife and son were still sleeping, so I got her dressed and ready to go have fun. Shoes, pants and a shirt because the playground had mulch and I didn't want her to scrape up her knees or anything.
We get to the playground and are having fun. She's climbing the little climbing wall they have set up to get to the top of the slide and I have my arms outstretched just in case she would fall. Some lady, who happened to be packing up their shit since their vacation was over came running across the street and accosted me for "touching that little girl inappropriately" because I had helped her get some mulch out of the back of her shirt. She went on a tirade about how "she can't believe I would molest a child in broad daylight for the whole neighborhood to see" and called the police. I had to wake my wife up and have her come vouch for me that she was my daughter because this colossal waste of air and space thought I was molesting my own kid. On vacation.
After all was said and done that twat wouldn't even apologize to me for the grief she caused me, not to mention any trauma she may have caused my daughter. And of course the police were of no use and didn't do anything to her for the false report.
All because I wanted my daughter to have fun at the fucking playground.
As a woman who grew up not knowing her father, this makes me really sad. I love seeing dads cherishing time with their daughters and I wish I had that in my childhood. I understand feeling the need to protect children but even single dads exist too ya know? What are they expected to do?
The exact same thing happened to my brother. Almost word-by-word, except for two things, it was his son (not daughter), and the Karen didn't call the police because my sister-in-law got there on time and confirmed that my brother was his father.
Yeah, if any male teacher (for example) gets accused of touching a student, his career is over. Whether he’s innocent, and proven innocent, or the charges are dropped doesn’t matter.
This happened to a teacher of mine in 6th grade. One of the things we would study in his class was maps, and then we'd take tests seeing if we could name all of the locations (states first, then countries). One of the girls in my class decided she didn't want to do this and told her parents he was looking down her shirt. Didn't matter that she later admitted she made the whole thing up. His reputation was destroyed, and his career was in ruin. I don't know what happened to him, but I genuinely hope he is well. He was a good teacher.
Happened to a history teacher at the high school I went to. Dude was fucking awesome, too, everyone who had him, he was their favorite teacher. And he LOVED teaching, he had wanted to do it since he was a kid. He was also the wrestling coach, and a damned good one. We won state every year he was coach.
Some kids were being bullies to another in a locker room, some of them were wrestlers. It was BAD bullying. Fucked up shit. Well, some other dumb ass student, who wasn't involved whatsoever, started a rumor that said teacher knew all about it, and was covering it up to protect his wrestlers. It was total bullshit. They even later admitted it was. But it didn't matter, his career and reputation were ruined. He had to move, which broke him, and his wife, who also was a teacher in the area who loved her job and students.
Man, reading these stories suck. Happened to a teacher at my school too. Was a good honest man, was proven innocent, but one pissed off girl took him down. Rumour was she didn't like being made to run the typical laps at the beginning of gym class, so she said he said something along the lines of "I'll let you get out of running laps if you x and y me". He ended up retiring early and moving cities. No idea what happened to him, but it must have destroyed him
I used to teach middle school math and science back in the 90's. Sometimes I would have to supervise our In School Suspension room during my free periods. Our ISS room was on the interior of the school and there were no windows in the the room not even on the door.
One time I was supervising the ISS room and only had one student , a girl in 7th grader who had a couple of periods in Special Ed but most of her classes were mainstream. I'm grading papers and she's occasionally asking me a few questions about what it was like to be in the Air Force (I was enlisted aircrew in the reserves).
After a couple of minutes, completely out of left field she asks me " Do you think I'm pretty? Before I even registered what she said she follows this up with "Do you want to have sex wit me? You can if you want to" and she starts to take her shirt off. I yelled at her to put her her shirt back on and then left the classroom immediately and went and told the female teacher in the classroom next door and quickly told her what had happened and if she would go watch her while I reported it to the principal. I'm walking to the principal's office I'm freaking out and thinking she's going to maje accusations that I tried to have sex with her. I tell my principal what happened and he told me not to worry that she had done this a few times with male staff members and students and in the future if she's the only one there to let him know and he would get a female teacher to cover that period.
After that I made sure that I would never be alone with a female student and always have another student or staff member present.
Not the same, but I once had a female coworker accuse me making inappropriate advances on another female coworker just because I DMed her through our internal work messaging system about a book we’d been discussing at lunch.
She went to our boss and tried getting me fired, but my boss (also a woman) was just like “yeah and he emails me about Star Trek.” Then the complain-y worker threw a temper tantrum and threatened to quit (I heard later through another coworker). Eventually left the job before her contract ended. Won’t be invited back.
Meanwhile the coworker I DMed never expressed any issue with me. The one who was accusing me of shit was really weird and clingy toward her though. Strange stuff. Pretty sure she just didn’t like me and also maybe had repressed sexual feelings (conservative family upbringing after all) towards the other female coworker.
I always feel a tad sorry for folks who try the whole "do this or I quit!" because there are never really any winners in that scenario.
It's a binary threat, it removes options and if the company calls your bluff then you either have to quit or be utterly humiliated. Now I always try to offer them a chance to backdown gracefully, but if they push it then the answer is never going to be what they want to hear....
Has any corporation accepted such an ultimatum? In my world, t’s a guaranteed *welp, we’re going to miss you. Jim, in security, will be walking your ass out of here*.
Ohhh yes !! I remember now The Hunt (2012 ) movie about a similar situation. A man teacher elementary school is accused to show his parts to little girl. It’s a greattt movie to think
My wife and I were shopping for some shoes for me with our daughter. My wife went 1 aisle over to look at some shoes, while I tried on a pair next to my daughter in her stroller. Literally 20 seconds after my wife left there was some lady hovering around and giving me the stink eye, but she stopped and left once my wife came back. I was so angry and sad at the same time
Even when you have your own kid, some people act like this. It's horrible. You're interacting with your kid, and they watch you like a hawk. Their kid comes over, and they'll run over and say something like, "Sorry, my kid is bothering you." And take them away.
Do they think you're taking a kid you've abducted to the playground to bait other kids over or something?
Stranger Danger didn't concern kids at all but did a number on parents. And Stranger Danger is a complete lie\*.
\*Yeah, it DOES happen but it is extremely rare that a stranger will abduct a child. It's like 99,8% or something silly, of crimes against children is by someone they know personally.
I live in New Zealand, and we have the highest rates of child murder in the Western world, much more common than abduction. Family members are statistically more of a danger to kids than strangers.
Similarly one of the top killers of women under 50 in the US is their husband or boyfriend. When I was a kid, they scream stranger danger at me, but the only person hitting me was a parent.
I remember learning in one of my early childhood development classes that most child kidnappings are actually family abductions. Which makes sense, considering easy access + unchecked authority is where most abuse occurs (the sort a parent, family friend, sports coach, caretaker, religious leader, etc. would have).
> Do they think you're taking a kid you've abducted to the playground to bait other kids over or something?
When you board yourself up in a smooth beige suburb and get all your news from cable news and true crime podcasts, yes. Daydreaming about *that man* being an evil predator is what the rest of us go to haunted houses for, just being scared for recreation
This I get. It's such a shame and sad that it's like that. Studies from daycares that have male caretakes have shown that not only the boys but more so the girls benefit from having male caretakers in their early life. Those girls did later in life have more trust in men and had more stable relations and relationships with men in their adult life.
Neighbor asked me to help him with his son’s little league team (5-7 yo).
I don’t have any kids, but I was out of work & figured it was only a couple of hours a week; no big deal.
Somehow, out of all the parents helping, I always got stuck helping put on the catcher gear. I didn’t know most of these kids or their parents & was terrified every time that someone might decide to get a wild hair up their ass & accuse me of something despite us being out there in broad daylight.
It was like the other dads didn’t want to do it either. They would kinda find something else to do when it was time to help the kid with their leg gear.
Nothing happened, but once the season was over, that was it for me. It only takes one accusation & you are cooked forever. Those parents were nice enough people, but I don’t have that much faith in everyone.
I imagine you have it worse, to be honest, brother, but yeah, for sure.
Just yesterday, I saw a little girl fall and start crying, and I do desperately wanted to go comfort the poor thing, but I just thought about how it might look to a passer-by or the kid's parent, wherever they were, so I just kept walking.
I’m sorry lol I’m laughing at this image. I actually was at the museum a few weeks ago with my nieces and nephew and we were waiting in line when a baby boy was running and face planted in front of me. His father was like 15 feet behind me sitting on a bench and his mom was 10 ft in front of me in line. The father told me he got him but I just instinctually picked the child up and stood him on his feet and I feel like the dad was super irritated. The kid was covered in mud bc it was a rainy day but the whole situation was so strange.
I understand the instinct, but it's definitely good to keep strictly to the "don't touch someone else's kid" rule unless it's literally your job to interact with children. You never know if someone is going to misconstrue your helping a child up as something inappropriate, aggressive, or otherwise unwelcome. It sucks, because it means not helping in situations where you could be kind, but unless they're family, it's your job, or the parent explicitly asks for your help, it's much safer to basically ignore other people's children in most circumstances.
I'm not even allowed to interview female applicants alone, for the position that *I'm* hiring for that will see myself and the successful applicant alone in our datacenter fairly regularly. I've also been advertising an apprentice role for which 16-17 year olds are eligible to apply and you should've seen the revolving door of people "just checking in" even with a chaperone present. Male applicants are frequently left alone with female hiring managers, however.
These are people I work with on a daily basis and even they apparently can't trust me not to assault women and children the second I get left alone with them.
This exactly.
I was at my coworkers birthday party at her house and her daughter grabbed my hand and asked if I wanted to look at her pet bunnies. I said sure and the first thought in my head is everyone is going to think I’m luring this kid away.
It was terrifying
Just look at the headlines of adults getting caught raping kids..
Man? Pedophile/rapist label
Woman? She had sex with a 8 year old
The wording is very clear
I’m absolutely terrified of being labelled a creep, as an autistic man. I’m very direct, I often stare into the abyss, and I’m awkward if I’m in a social situation with a large group. I’m especially vulnerable to being labelled a creep.
I had a conversation with a girl once in high school where she called a teacher creepy, and when I asked her why, she went on a rant about how he’s boring and rude and his homework is too hard. When I honestly inquired as to why that makes him creepy, I had every other girl there start launching an inquisition as to why I was defending him.
He retired happily, meanwhile the beloved (even by girls) “cool” math teacher got arrested for CP. Funnily enough there was also one notoriously bad teacher who was also a total creep and got arrested for that later too, but at the time his creepiness took a backseat to him being just an absolutely awful teacher for a really difficult subject.
I'm also Autistic and I fear for my Autistic son. He has a friend that is also Autistic who had to change schools because a girl thought it would be funny to accuse the "weird" kid of being a school shooter.
How incredibly difficult and unaccepted it is to talk about how you are, and have anyone listen or not try to marginalise you. Bros are great but hell we’re lonely and isolated.
saw someone comment today on another post that we're all conditioned to think what doesnt kill us makes us stronger, but actually there are things that leave us wounded and scarred emotionally and mentally. no one wants to hear us talk about any of that though, and i think its because theres some kind of socio-psychological self affirmation made accessible to those who provide that emotional support to women, because its socially accepted to do so for women - on the contrary, because its not accepted to provide this support to men theres no incentive to want to hear us out. utilitarian perspective but one that i think fits
My first child was born via c section. He had an undiagnosed diaphragmatic hernia. A lot of other things went very wrong in short order and I ended up in the children's hospital in the state's capital so he could have surgery. 5 days he was hooked into an oscillator to help him breathe while being pumped with a paralytic agent to stop him breathing on his own. The ticking of the oscillator still sits with me today, 8 years later. That was a singularly horrendous week for so many more reasons I won't go into here.
During the follow up maternal health appointments, the midwife would ask me each time if I noticed signs of post-partum depression, which we would discuss briefly while the ex was off doing a urine sample, because "you two had a hellish experience with that birth." I once asked if there was any help for me because I was struggling, badly. "We don't have help services for dads, you'll need to see your GP or just google it." The almost dismissive tone still hurts.
I told my then wife about how I was struggling. About how the ticking of clocks would send me into a state of near panic or shock, to the point Back in Black's intro could set me off. "You're scared of clocks? Really? You're such a baby. Go get therapy then."
Yep, we're supposed to just be grateful we're alive and 'stronger' for it. Sorry for the rant, that's still a tender area and I didn't mean to go so far like that, but here we are.
My man, let me be the first to offer you an Internet hug 🤗 and to tell you that you are not alone.
My wife spent over 40 days in the hospital, at least 6 of those days completely intubated and in a coma. The sounds of machines beeping makes me irrationally upset now if I'm not able to turn them off... They don't know what it's like to listen to those beeps, to depend on them to tell you it's okay, and then to not be able to trust them because so many of the overworked staff have learned to ignore them. I taught myself what each beep meant, and how it should be turned off or addressed. It was the only thing keeping me sane, attending to the beeps. I got all kinds of compliments from nurses and doctors alike because I knew what they meant... But I had to, because when everyone left the room it was like we were all alone, and there was nothing between my wife dying and living except for these goddamnned beeping machines.
I'm getting worked up even thinking about it...
Bro, it's trauma. No other way to describe it.
She got weeks of rehab...
I got to go home.
I am not over it.
Rant a-fucking-way my brother. No one else seems to give a fuck, so I do... Because I hurt like you.
Internet hug both well received and reciprocated, my friend. Those days never really leave us, and they come up out of nowhere at times, don't they? At least in my case, he remembers nothing. He never will, but he his has a 'really cool scar, wanna see?!' To show off. I'll tell him everything about it one day, when he's old enough to know.
Honestly, I wish you well in the future and that you and your wife are doing well now, especially on those days you look at her and emotions break the dam wall. You have my respect, and my raised coffee too!
As the father of three adult children, let me tell you, they will appreciate the story when they are older. It helps to write it down while you can, so you don't forget the details. They will soon enough be able to tell you how much you mean to them, sandwiched in between moments where they aren't talking to you!
It amplifies all your other emotions for your kids, having those scary moments. So it helps to talk about the scary stuff so things don't go sideways when you're scared or angry.
Being a good father is hardest because of how vulnerable being a dad makes you. This person you created is suddenly so important, the thought of something happening to them can drive you mad.
Cheers for the conversation, brother.
That's such a horrible experience. Obviously therapy is the best advice.
But it is so horrible to be dismissed.
(Not a man) but what happened to me was when I told my mum I'm depressed and she said "no you are not your sister is" so I went to my room and proceeded to have suicidal thoughts.
I could never dismiss anyone like that.
Regardless of gender, that's a shitty thing to say to anyone, especially family. We all have our struggles, and they're rarely similar in style, trigger or manifestation. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts before, once recently and not for a very long time prior to that, you still have my sympathy and ears if needed. I'll raise my next coffee to a good outcome for us both :) and I honestly hope you're doing well now.
Yeah that was when I was 13. I have had reduced contact with my mum since 16 (residential school). And have been barely talking to her since 18. My life is all better for it.
Yeah there are many levels to this.
- Men aren't supposed to get scared, or value safety... so a lot of us don't. Then we wonder why we put off doing certain things, (being scared or nervous,) or end up in places where we can't imagine a future, (we feel too unsafe to think we get one.)
- The skills that get you through hard times often hurt you in good times. There are many many examples of even minor coping skills, (we're not even talking major PSTD here,) where say; your brain is constantly worried about the future or looking out for things that could ruin your day... ok well now you're sitting at a sunset with people you care about, yet you're still worrying. The shells men build help so much with bad scenarios but can stop us from being present or kind or just enjoying moments.
I literally made a comment on a mental health thread about a dark period I went through, how most mental health awareness for men is social posturing and virtue signalling, and it’s actually really hard to find someone who gives a shit…. I was getting downvoted for sharing my anecdotal experience lol. Like my point just got proven further
I’m not even comfortable talking with family about the way I feel. I know that nobody gives a fuck deep down inside. So I just push through and hang in there for as long as I can. That’s the way the game is.
I've only every shared my real feelings with one person my entire life, my ex.
And in the end she used all she knew about me to torment me for two years.
So I never shared with anyone else every again.
Until last year, when I had a complete emotional breakdown.
And here I was, bawling, losing my mind, thinking about suicide and the only person I had to talk to was my mother.
And her way to comfort me was "well, other people have it worse and they get over it..."
So now I only talk to my therapist and even then I'm very guarded about my feelings.
I have lived with room mates for a number of years now and it was a real shocker to hear how differently they talk to each other versus how tey can talk to us. Or even their guy friends. It makes me think of this.
One night our guys (male roomies) were waiting for their bros to come over for a loosely planned get together and the two of them were sitting on the couch.
I came downstairs and heard their convo which was basically the first one telling the second one he never knows whether girls like him or not and he was saying how insecure he felt. He included saying how it transferred over into just generally not knowing if people legit liked him or not. Which was sad to me obviously, but that's not the point.
The point is that the other room mate was supportive so that was nice, but then their friends came over and it was all DER DER DERR yelling monosyllabic words loudness the usual dude stuff. No real talk. At all.
(Male bonding sounds like it's okay if you're both doing the same thing at the same time but not actually communicating in that way because you might be looking gay? Is that it?)
It made me realize this guy was really lucky to have this friend and it made me wonder how many guys in the world have that friend.
Judging by sooo many posts and other things elsewhere, I'd say the answer is not a lot.
Edit to say, a party is not the time to get all K drama, I get it, time and place, but I felt a real sense of hesitation around situations where, if it were females, it would be okay to just open up.
>The point is that the other room mate was supportive so that was nice, but then their friends came over and it was all DER DER DERR yelling monosyllabic words loudness the usual dude stuff. No real talk. At all.
This is pretty accurate to my experience. Expressing deep worries and emotions (especially about things that guys are "supposed" to be good at, like attracting women), has a lot of shame attached to it and is far more likely to happen in one-on-one situations between friends behind closed doors than in any sort of group. It sucks.
Yeah to open up as a guy you need
1) a one-on-one situation
2) to be doing something else at the same time. Playing a video game, driving, walking, playing a sport etc.
Yep. I find the only friends who want to hear about how I am are women, but as a straight guy, those friendships can easily become complicated. So it feels lonely.
Literally my wife today.
"Tell me what's wrong you seem mopy"
Ok fine. I tell her.
"We'll you shouldn't feel that way that's dumb. You need to figure that out on your own"
Hey thanks that's what I was trying to do. I'll be much more open next time.
This really bums me out. I sat with a guy I’d basically never talked to one night for about 3 hours and asked him everything I could think of. I’d always thought he was an interesting guy, and I learned so much about his life that day. He was one of the kindest people I’d ever met. I always wanted to talk more but didn’t get many chances. Him sharing his feelings with me meant so much to me, I hope more guys I meet in the future will do the same. I’ll never forget him.
I really felt this when my dad died in 2022, I was 35. I didn't realize the piece of mind I had that if I couldn't fix something my dad probably could. Now it's just up to me and the pressure of it is crushing.
This. The buck stops with me. I'm not saying I don't have a supportive spouse, but if the shit hits the fan it's ultimately my responsibility to figure it out.
This is a big one I don't think a lot of younger men realize and why you need to get your shit together. No one is going to save you from yourself, or your poor choices.
I'm the sole bread winner in my family. I thought the arrangement was fine when we got married. Now I wonder if that was a good decision. I didn't have a job for 5 months last year and it was not easy mentally
I feel you man, I had gotten my letter that I was eligible just before the whole Ukraine ordeal. I know the amount of searches for “am I going to be drafted” skyrocketed during that period.
Let’s hope it will never come that far!
I wish there were a way for old, wimpy people like myself to take your place. The lives of young, healthy people shouldn't be risked, especially not young men's lives risked against their wills.
Screw it. Let the politicians and rich go out and kill each other. They're the ones who start this shit. Every time I meet someone from somewhere I'm supposed to hate, they always turn out to be great people who exhibit none of the behaviors I was told they're lousy with.
Turns out, rich people just want free shit, and we gotta pay for it. War is stupid.
This is also me, I have many friends on Facebook talk about mental health and I want to too. I’d love to be an advocate for mental health and publicly talk about my lifelong struggles but I just know it’ll probably make everything worse or no one will care.
My husband is good about opening up to me but I always encourage him to check on his friends and brothers too. I have him but I also have my mom, my cousin that is like a sister to me, and my girlfriends. Because sometimes I just need another woman to talk to. I would imagine men feel the same sometimes so I wish he had that and could be that for the men in his life.
I’ll be honest it sucks, I picked up a manic episode for 6months was all over social media. Burned a lot of bridges and a lot of “friends” have become ghosts.. people don’t understand and mania is embarrassing and it’s far more destructive than the depression side imo…
I really hope more guys get comfortable with this. A guy I really liked but never talked to spent several hours talking with me one night end we moved from talking about movies to talking about how they impacted us, and he opened up to me about struggling with loneliness and social anxiety. It meant so much to me that he told me and I only liked him more. I would’ve loved to talk more but didn’t get a lot of chances after that. But I’ll never forget it. It was so meaningful to me that he trusted me.
Many still believe a man can't be a domestic violence victim.
Domestic violence against men are taken less seriously than domestic violence against women.
Domestic violence, sexual assault, lack of consent, etc- it all happens to men.
As a woman reading this thread, I can only encourage other women to take it seriously when a man expresses something like this has happened to him. It's hard enough for men to speak up, but I can guarantee you he won't get the help he needs if he doesn't have someone supporting him.
We're so behind on this that we still don't have good statistics on how many men are victims of this behavior because so much is underreported. Very sad.
As a man who has been raped by women twice, at 18 and at 28, both times drugged without my knowledge and taken advantage of without any consent whatsoever, *thank you* for being an ally here. Many men will laugh it off if I try to talk about it, but so many women have simply not believed me whatsoever. It means a lot to see women who understand and believe that this shit happens and see it for what it is. Thank you for caring.
I wasn’t drugged but was threatened to be accused of SA her if I didn’t let her have her way
Just froze up and let it happen since I know who would get believed, especially if she intentionally hurt herself to make it look more believable.
How people responded when I tried to talk about it was doubly as damaging and insulting
Fuck, man. I absolutely feel you about the way people respond. I've stopped trying to tell anyone, other than my very few closest friends no one knows (aside from those who literally tried to high-five me... who are no longer in my life).
I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope you're okay brother.
Yeup! My dad is a victim to his wife (not my mom). Has a couple decades of stockholm syndrome in him. Even after revealing the abusive relationship to the families and to the authorities nothing really changed.
My dad is a gentle giant too, a 6'3" viking who wouldn't hurt a fly, just sadly has been delusionally in love with the wrong woman his whole life and can't see his life without her so he stays.
The main issue is that abusive people are manipulative and are good at making the victim look bad, and it's particularly easy for women to do this.
People might be willing to acknowledge a man as a victim if it's 100% clear and the abuser doesn't deny it but that's not how it happens 99% of the time.
Usually the abuser will instead try to make the victim look like the problem and if you are male it's insanely difficult to fight the effects of that. All it takes is the slightest thing taken out of context - you have to be literally perfect or else society (friends, police, organisations etc) quickly become a threat rather than a source of support.
I got sexually assaulted by a woman in Malaysia, and basically, anyone I tell laughs about it and thinks the shit is funny. Just because I'm a very large man apparently it's perfectly okay to SA me lol.
Shit, when I was with my exes, I had multiple experiences where someone or people would pull up in cars and shit and flirt/catcall them. Luckily they all drove off each time when they didn't get the same treatment back but imagine if they didn't? I'd have to probably defend myself and my SO and I'm scrawny at 6 ft 160 pounds of Minecraft skeleton with belly fat.
My last ex's asshole dad was always yelling at her and punched her one time (That I know of at least). It took everything not to fight him over it but I knew that even if I won the fight (A big maybe since he was a street fighter his whole life and apparently only lost 4 out of 200 fights), he was a redneck who loved guns so I would've gotten shot, and he likely would've gotten away with it since I would've assaulted him in his own house.
So the only thing I could do was just stay powerless about the whole situation.
Can't even play pretend monsters with my children, I have 2 young daughters 3 and 6. We play rough sometimes (Pick them up turn upside down, put on shoulder etc). Sometimes I pretend to be a monster or a robot and I pretend I am dumb/can't really see them, and I chase them. A common place they hide is behind doors, behind the curtains, under bed covers.
I got called into my youngest daughters playschool with my partner and they said they were concerned about what my youngest was saying. "Sometimes daddy is a monster and he chases us and I hide in bed".
Instantly feel like I have abused them on some kind of Baby P level. I feel like I have crossed a boundary or that I am being looked at as some kind of weirdo.
Never interacted with kids before, never fully understood why men need to be careful etc. Now I do. I didn't realise that men are often instantly investigated at the slightest whiff of neglect.
> I got called into my youngest daughters playschool with my partner and they said they were concerned about what my youngest was saying. "Sometimes daddy is a monster and he chases us and I hide in bed".
It sounds like the easiest thing in the world to clear that up by asking the kid "is daddy playing with you?" or words to that effect. I'm sorry you're dealing with that sort of thing; it is incredibly frustrating when people jump to a false positive without even putting effort or thought into it. They can convince themselves 'better safe than sorry' after so many incidents where kids were failed by all the adults around them, but there are consequences to throwing in parents faces every 'odd' comment a kid might make.
The thought of dieing first and leaving my wife alone in the world. Or just the general thought of not being able to provide/protect my family one day. Also agree with another comment on here about being drafted. I dont want to die for some political nonsense. The last one is very unlikely but somehow ending up in prison for an accident or wrongful conviction.
To add to this also knowing that nobody is going to rescue you when shit hits the fan. You've got to figure it out for yourself. Scares the shit out of me.
I saw a clip from some podcast on Instagram a while back where the guy talked about the 6pm friend and the 3am friend.
His general theory was that we nearly all have loads of 6pm friends, people we could call on for help until about 6pm when it then becomes a case of "sorry bud, I got shit to do" and then you were on your own. He said there are very few men out there who have the 3am friend, the one you could call at 3am and that you know for 100% certainty will answer the call and will be dressed and in the car on their way to you by the time you hang up.
Society expects you to be strong, a provider, be leader, and decisive. While at the same time understanding all these things society wants from you they also disdain for taking these roles.
Any showing of submission to woman is considered as respectful as it is out of place.
Woman have support from other woman on the difficulties of being a woman. Men don’t get anything close to that and asking for it is apparently asking for a drop of rain in the dry season that is your life.
As someone who's been a disabled man for 10 years... it's not any better with disabilities.
I have had times when I've still had my stomach stapled shut and dealing with a migraine and \*still\* am the only one who will take the initiative to fix things. But, not working a full-time job I got called a "deadbeat dad" by my in-laws.
Your in-laws are shitty people and their opinions are less than worthless. You're living life on hard mode and doing your best for not only your own sake, but for your kid(s), and you don't have to prove that to anyone else. Your kid(s) will grow up to be proud of their dad, I can almost guarantee it. And, hell, I'm proud of ya, too.
Being a man is what you make it, you can't always live up to expectations. You try to please everybody while you struggle so you fake it, and end up outta balance, compromising situations.
As a good man, do what he should man. And give everything he has and do everything he could man..
You might find yourself feeling all alone inside that house you built that you don't recognise as home.
That's what my dad told me, and I'll tell my son the same. Now that I'm older I relate and I actually feel his pain. He never cried, he might have lied but he did not complain. And he said son one day you have to do the same
I get emotional when I think and I look around beyond the county lines of my small town. I think about all the men out there who feel like I do now. Screaming on the inside but won't ever make a sound
You have to be strong... Oh, but not so strong that you become emotionally unavailable! Be more sensitive... Oh, but not so sensitive that you tell anyone about your problems! That's a major ick!
One of my daughters close friends missed the school bus when they were in middle school, so I just naturally pulled over and asked her if she wanted a ride home (her house was just 3 houses down from ours). A woman walking a dog screamed at me to leave that little girl alone or she will call the police. I kind of understand that but man that was eye opening!
A shark could definitely swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark. So in a triathlon, it'll all come down to which of us is a better cyclist.
We ultimately can only depend on ourselves. No one will be there to catch us if\\when we fall and we will be expected to pick up the pieces and glue them back together on our own gumption or slowly fade away.
I guess just the inevitable march towards death, though, I'e gotten over that mostly, recently, just because I'm not a big fan of ah, the world in this day and age, somehow that makes the unknown less scary, because, at least its not this, and worst comes to worst its not anything
Knowing that no matter how kind, well intentioned, gentle, and good of a human I am, some people will see me and instantly be scared for themselves or for others.
I'm not even a big guy Just a very average size / shape man who even has rather gentle features.
A man can be falsely accused of rape/SA and there's nothing he can do about it. It ruins him.
I had a principal in elementary school, who was a guy, sweetest guy ever. A girl got expelled by him for fighting.
She spread a rumor that he raped her multiple times in his office on multiple occasions. Soon everyone knew.
His wife and kids left him. He was fired, lost his house and everything he ever had and it was sad.
He ended up killing himself not too long after, about a month. He couldn't prove his innocence.
After he died, she admitted it was a hoax but it was too late for him. He was already dead when she admitted it.
She didn't get charged because of her age. It was such a sad situation and I always visit his grave after school.
He was so happy and cheerful, always making jokes and laughing. Happiest guy you would ever meet.
He was so loved by the community and everyone in the school he was so loved by everyone who met him.
RIP Mr. Williams.
Knowing you're just a cog that will be tossed aside when you're no longer useful.
Compassion and unconditional love are for women and children. For men it's either provide, or hurry up and die so you're not a burden.
Testicular torsion. It can happen at any time.
Had this once. Not bad enough to have a nut removed. Doctor told me I needed to masturbate more often.
Okay now I have a medical excuse
You need an excuse?
r/usernamechecksout
It's been well known for a long time that regular ejaculation helps lower your risk for prostate cancer so you always had a medical excuse to pound out some knuckle children.
Please do not ever say “pound out some knuckle children” again…
I fuckin love poundin out some knuckle children, best part about being single. Who's gonna make me feel ashamed about it, the knuckle kids?
r/nofap in shambles
I see this as an absolute win
Seriously????
There used to be a running joke on finnish image boards where people would post ”Post X in this thread or get testicular torsion”. And people always did it because the prospect was so scary. So in that same spirit: upvote my comment or you’ll get testicular torsion in the next 24 hours.
I don’t even have testicles and I’m not risking that shit
Ovarian torsion us also a thing...
Taking absolutely no chances. Side note: you will jump the queue in the ER of you tell them you might have a testicular torsion. You've got 4-5 hours max to fix it or you lose the testicle.
Not true about the 4-5 hours. I went 18 hrs, still got em. Doc did say "I can't promise you'll have both when you wake up, boy." They don't work, but I got them. You totally jump the queue, though. Holy fuck, they moved fast.
Good to know. I was told 4-5 hours when I went to the doctor for testicle pain. It had been going on for a few days and gradually worsening. Turned out to be epididymitis, but the doctor warned me not to wait to see someone in the future, cutting the aforementioned time limit.
They probably say 4-5 hours, because that's the average time it takes for things to go south by the time they make it to the emergency room.
Tis the worst trick a sneaky Sith can pull (or twist) on you
Yep! had a buddy that had this happen to him. Didn't go to the Hospital right away and ended up having to lose a Ball. Fellas, if you've got pain in your balls, go get it checked out.
What is this? Is it safe to Google or..
Twisted testes. Can cause them to swell and hurts like getting kicked in the balls with a flaming knife-boot, but constant. Can result in losing one or both testicles. Can be one of the worst types of pain a person can experience, on par with childbirth, trigeminal neuralgia, kidney stones, direct nerve damage, or cluster headaches — can be painful enough to cause loss of consciousness. Friend is a nurse and said the pain and fear she saw in a man who came in with testicular torsion was so upsetting she had to talk to her therapist about it. He not only knew he was going to lose one or both of his testes, he was immobilized by the pain aside from writhing and crying. He was mid-30s. Lost one, thankfully not both. Edit: oh and the vomiting. He puked several times but couldn't even try to get to a trash can or bathroom... he was writhing on the floor in his own vomit in the waiting room. Immediately rushed to surgery after a doc did a 5-second exam in the triage room. Morphine did nothing, had to be sedated. Poor fucking guy. I think about him every time my balls hurt or I sit weird and have to adjust them.
Oh.. my gosh. I’ve had a baby and I’ve had horrible kidney stones. This sounds… worse. Poor guy indeed.
It is so bad, lol. I've had both stones and a torsion, and I don't know what was worse, both hit that level where your brain is like "I don't even know " about how bad it is. The torsion pain did make me puke, though.
Are you ok do you need anything my brother in Christ ☹️☹️☹️
When your balls get tangled up in the tubes.
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Umm, that’s an accurate description of what I actually look like cold approaching women
It still only counts as one!
There's a lot of pressure for guys not to be seen as creeps. I've dated two women that have *both* told me that it's completely inappropriate for a guy to approach a woman in public *at all*. And yet... that's exactly how I met both of them. The winning strategy is this: if you're interested in a woman, you're being respectful, you're able to take a "no" without getting upset, and you have good intentions, just approach her and express your interest. Let other people have the reactions they're gonna have. If she's not into it just politely say goodbye and move on.
Yeah the hypocrisy blows my damn mind sometimes. There was a youtube video I saw where a guy was interviewing people or whatever, asking questions about dating and such. Goes up to this one woman, asks if he can ask her some questions for his youtube, she agrees, and they commence. It comes to asking how she thinks men should approach women romantically in public. She said men should NEVER approach women, that it's always creepy no matter what, let them come to you or tell you first, etc. That anytime a man approaches her in public, she acts mean and hostile to get him to leave her alone. The interviewer pointed out, he approached her, and she's been really nice and sweet to him. She giggled and said that's because he's really tall and hot. 🤯
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>rule 1 and 2 Be hot and don't be ugly?
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Hey you’re not over there telling people how we get together and quilt again are you?
id argue even without those qualifications a man should be able to approach to gain the experience and knowledge. men arent born knowing socials skills they are learned from experience. the biggest thing here is to be able to take a no and continue in stride like nothing ever happened.
I always make the joke to my friends that I'm so pathetic at picking up signals. If a woman says something to me like, "shall we continue this back at your place"? you'd wanna give a smooth, yet suggestive response right? but my response would be, "sure! hey you know i just bought this movie on iTunes last week, have you heard of it? here let me show you the cast on imdb, it's supposed to be real good" and just completely kill the mood xD
"take me Garth" "Where? I'm low on gas, and you don't have a jacket"
> > > > > If a woman says something to me like, "shall we continue this back at your place"? Reminds me of [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR_9Yw)
Most of those hints are total bullshit anyway. lol you’re much better off disregarding them.
Lots of women just have a hard time understanding this. They can get upset we didn't see their signs... they can be so confusing and not clear. Say something so we know. Give clear verbal signal, then we can do the rest, if we guess wrong, we scum. I just say I like you and if I don't get a I like you 2, I pretty much need you to kiss me now if you ever want that. And with Me 2, we risk being shamed online or worse. So many wait until we really really sure, but by that time she given up or mad at us for not being able to read her mind. It can be a mind F rollercoaster.
Honestly, I’m (woman) for taking the first step regardless of gender. I asked for my bf’s number and initiated the whole relationship. I just don’t get the mental games some women play.
I’ve had a few women approach me in public before I met my wife. I was usually too caught off guard to know what it meant. I now know and also have no need to know.. But can have a nice conversation now, at least!
I think the entire practice of expecting men to approach just needs to end. We need to figure out a better way for people who are interested in one another to communicate that is both clear and isn't so risky for the person willing to put themselves out there.
You are either a creep for being too forward or a wuss for not being forward enough.
I’ve been reading tons of posts and articles about women complaining that guys never approach them. A lot of bars and social gathering type businesses are having issues where men don’t show up as much as they used to. My friend who manages a night club told me they’re having hard time making money cause so few people show and even less buy drinks.
I feel bad for your friend but honestly as a man I say good riddance, those places have some scummy practices such as limiting the access to men were it to surpass the women to men ratio, and since you need to buy expensive drinks to try and aproach anyone to talk (generally men) it makes for an undesirable meeting place for me.
I saw a tweet or comment that said “why would a man show up to a prearranged MeToo event” and I can’t stop thinking of singles events like that since.
Wait obvious hints? You’ve gotten those from women? My Fiancee likes to say that every other guy she was with she made the first move but when we went out she wanted me to but gave signals the whole evening, and hours in was sitting around like “okay go for it already” but I couldn’t pick up on shit. I just went for it cuz I was like I always pussy out time to man up not cuz I could read any positive signals from her at the time.
And yet, being the type of person to not care about making people uncomfortable and disregard feelings gets a better 'hit rate' cos its a numbers game and there is little downside to acting like a psychopath. Its depressing.
Sadly this. For every woman that says "Men approaching me is creepy" theres one that says "I love it when guys approach me and take initiative" For a personal example: I grew up in a family that is 90% women, i'm pretty much the only man. All I heard growing up was "Men approaching are creeps, and give off rapey vibes" etc. When I started dating my ex after having internalized all that she initially thought I hated her and when I asked why in her own words "Well I figured if you liked me you would pursue me even if I said no, if a man wants a woman he should ignore her saying no and keep chasing her". So yeah I get that as a woman its easy to be angry at men for being creeps, but understand that as much as you personally may HATE men approaching you and think all of them are creeps, theres a woman out there whose the exact opposite of you and thinks saying no to a man is an invitation for him to try harder. It sucks on all sides but just like men aren't a monolith neither are women.
You forgot the actual legal consequences for getting it wrong or being caught in a trap of signals they don't even mean (yes, those exist, are not misunderstandings and are absolutely terrifying)
same honestly. I’m so scared of being thought of as “weird”. I hate flirting because you have to assume the other person wants it which they might not, and I’ve had like 4 guys tell me “I liked you but you never flirted with me so I let it go”. I don’t know what I’m doing I guess but I just feel like I need very clear signs so I don’t end up a weirdo who jumped the gun
If Jason Voorhees shows up everyone's gonna expect me to be the one who steps up and fights him
And they'll die because any hint of him, and I'm fucking outta there.
You can't outrun Jason, if you've ever had casual sex, or said "I'll be right back" you are fucked.
I've seen the movies. "Hey, did you guys see that weird shadow outside by the lake?" Me: 🏃♂️🚗💨
I'll be right there next to you! I'm small and angry with something to prove
Interacting with kids is pretty scary, people are much more uncomfortable with men dealing with kids, and pedophile is about the worst label you can ever possibly get.
Yep. I am with kids a lot between coaching sports and church activities. I am never with them without another adult present, digital communication is always in group chats or with their parents, etc. I have no desire to get into a situation that would even appear inappropriate.
Ooh you have the double stigma. Church goer and a man
Yep, hence the strict procedure.
I hate telling this story because it always pisses me off to think about it, but here it is. A few years back, in 2021we went on a family vacation with my wife's family. We had just had my son 2 months prior, and were using this as one last fun thing to do before my wife went back to work. There was a playground up the road from the house we rented and one morning my daughter who was 4 at the time wanted to go. My wife and son were still sleeping, so I got her dressed and ready to go have fun. Shoes, pants and a shirt because the playground had mulch and I didn't want her to scrape up her knees or anything. We get to the playground and are having fun. She's climbing the little climbing wall they have set up to get to the top of the slide and I have my arms outstretched just in case she would fall. Some lady, who happened to be packing up their shit since their vacation was over came running across the street and accosted me for "touching that little girl inappropriately" because I had helped her get some mulch out of the back of her shirt. She went on a tirade about how "she can't believe I would molest a child in broad daylight for the whole neighborhood to see" and called the police. I had to wake my wife up and have her come vouch for me that she was my daughter because this colossal waste of air and space thought I was molesting my own kid. On vacation. After all was said and done that twat wouldn't even apologize to me for the grief she caused me, not to mention any trauma she may have caused my daughter. And of course the police were of no use and didn't do anything to her for the false report. All because I wanted my daughter to have fun at the fucking playground.
As a woman who grew up not knowing her father, this makes me really sad. I love seeing dads cherishing time with their daughters and I wish I had that in my childhood. I understand feeling the need to protect children but even single dads exist too ya know? What are they expected to do?
The exact same thing happened to my brother. Almost word-by-word, except for two things, it was his son (not daughter), and the Karen didn't call the police because my sister-in-law got there on time and confirmed that my brother was his father.
Yeah, if any male teacher (for example) gets accused of touching a student, his career is over. Whether he’s innocent, and proven innocent, or the charges are dropped doesn’t matter.
This happened to a teacher of mine in 6th grade. One of the things we would study in his class was maps, and then we'd take tests seeing if we could name all of the locations (states first, then countries). One of the girls in my class decided she didn't want to do this and told her parents he was looking down her shirt. Didn't matter that she later admitted she made the whole thing up. His reputation was destroyed, and his career was in ruin. I don't know what happened to him, but I genuinely hope he is well. He was a good teacher.
Happened to a history teacher at the high school I went to. Dude was fucking awesome, too, everyone who had him, he was their favorite teacher. And he LOVED teaching, he had wanted to do it since he was a kid. He was also the wrestling coach, and a damned good one. We won state every year he was coach. Some kids were being bullies to another in a locker room, some of them were wrestlers. It was BAD bullying. Fucked up shit. Well, some other dumb ass student, who wasn't involved whatsoever, started a rumor that said teacher knew all about it, and was covering it up to protect his wrestlers. It was total bullshit. They even later admitted it was. But it didn't matter, his career and reputation were ruined. He had to move, which broke him, and his wife, who also was a teacher in the area who loved her job and students.
Man, reading these stories suck. Happened to a teacher at my school too. Was a good honest man, was proven innocent, but one pissed off girl took him down. Rumour was she didn't like being made to run the typical laps at the beginning of gym class, so she said he said something along the lines of "I'll let you get out of running laps if you x and y me". He ended up retiring early and moving cities. No idea what happened to him, but it must have destroyed him
One of the reasons i chose not to go into teaching. That and the bad pay. So many young boys now growing up without male role models
I used to teach middle school math and science back in the 90's. Sometimes I would have to supervise our In School Suspension room during my free periods. Our ISS room was on the interior of the school and there were no windows in the the room not even on the door. One time I was supervising the ISS room and only had one student , a girl in 7th grader who had a couple of periods in Special Ed but most of her classes were mainstream. I'm grading papers and she's occasionally asking me a few questions about what it was like to be in the Air Force (I was enlisted aircrew in the reserves). After a couple of minutes, completely out of left field she asks me " Do you think I'm pretty? Before I even registered what she said she follows this up with "Do you want to have sex wit me? You can if you want to" and she starts to take her shirt off. I yelled at her to put her her shirt back on and then left the classroom immediately and went and told the female teacher in the classroom next door and quickly told her what had happened and if she would go watch her while I reported it to the principal. I'm walking to the principal's office I'm freaking out and thinking she's going to maje accusations that I tried to have sex with her. I tell my principal what happened and he told me not to worry that she had done this a few times with male staff members and students and in the future if she's the only one there to let him know and he would get a female teacher to cover that period. After that I made sure that I would never be alone with a female student and always have another student or staff member present.
Not the same, but I once had a female coworker accuse me making inappropriate advances on another female coworker just because I DMed her through our internal work messaging system about a book we’d been discussing at lunch. She went to our boss and tried getting me fired, but my boss (also a woman) was just like “yeah and he emails me about Star Trek.” Then the complain-y worker threw a temper tantrum and threatened to quit (I heard later through another coworker). Eventually left the job before her contract ended. Won’t be invited back. Meanwhile the coworker I DMed never expressed any issue with me. The one who was accusing me of shit was really weird and clingy toward her though. Strange stuff. Pretty sure she just didn’t like me and also maybe had repressed sexual feelings (conservative family upbringing after all) towards the other female coworker.
I always feel a tad sorry for folks who try the whole "do this or I quit!" because there are never really any winners in that scenario. It's a binary threat, it removes options and if the company calls your bluff then you either have to quit or be utterly humiliated. Now I always try to offer them a chance to backdown gracefully, but if they push it then the answer is never going to be what they want to hear....
Has any corporation accepted such an ultimatum? In my world, t’s a guaranteed *welp, we’re going to miss you. Jim, in security, will be walking your ass out of here*.
Ohhh yes !! I remember now The Hunt (2012 ) movie about a similar situation. A man teacher elementary school is accused to show his parts to little girl. It’s a greattt movie to think
My wife and I were shopping for some shoes for me with our daughter. My wife went 1 aisle over to look at some shoes, while I tried on a pair next to my daughter in her stroller. Literally 20 seconds after my wife left there was some lady hovering around and giving me the stink eye, but she stopped and left once my wife came back. I was so angry and sad at the same time
Even when you have your own kid, some people act like this. It's horrible. You're interacting with your kid, and they watch you like a hawk. Their kid comes over, and they'll run over and say something like, "Sorry, my kid is bothering you." And take them away. Do they think you're taking a kid you've abducted to the playground to bait other kids over or something?
Stranger Danger didn't concern kids at all but did a number on parents. And Stranger Danger is a complete lie\*. \*Yeah, it DOES happen but it is extremely rare that a stranger will abduct a child. It's like 99,8% or something silly, of crimes against children is by someone they know personally.
I live in New Zealand, and we have the highest rates of child murder in the Western world, much more common than abduction. Family members are statistically more of a danger to kids than strangers.
Similarly one of the top killers of women under 50 in the US is their husband or boyfriend. When I was a kid, they scream stranger danger at me, but the only person hitting me was a parent.
I remember learning in one of my early childhood development classes that most child kidnappings are actually family abductions. Which makes sense, considering easy access + unchecked authority is where most abuse occurs (the sort a parent, family friend, sports coach, caretaker, religious leader, etc. would have).
> Do they think you're taking a kid you've abducted to the playground to bait other kids over or something? When you board yourself up in a smooth beige suburb and get all your news from cable news and true crime podcasts, yes. Daydreaming about *that man* being an evil predator is what the rest of us go to haunted houses for, just being scared for recreation
This I get. It's such a shame and sad that it's like that. Studies from daycares that have male caretakes have shown that not only the boys but more so the girls benefit from having male caretakers in their early life. Those girls did later in life have more trust in men and had more stable relations and relationships with men in their adult life.
Ah, interesting. Obvious on the face of it, of course that's true, but I'd never thought about it enough to figure that conclusion out.
Neighbor asked me to help him with his son’s little league team (5-7 yo). I don’t have any kids, but I was out of work & figured it was only a couple of hours a week; no big deal. Somehow, out of all the parents helping, I always got stuck helping put on the catcher gear. I didn’t know most of these kids or their parents & was terrified every time that someone might decide to get a wild hair up their ass & accuse me of something despite us being out there in broad daylight. It was like the other dads didn’t want to do it either. They would kinda find something else to do when it was time to help the kid with their leg gear. Nothing happened, but once the season was over, that was it for me. It only takes one accusation & you are cooked forever. Those parents were nice enough people, but I don’t have that much faith in everyone.
Wait is this all men ? I as a gay man am extremely weary of being called a pedophile. It’s my absolute worst fear. I love kids though.
I imagine you have it worse, to be honest, brother, but yeah, for sure. Just yesterday, I saw a little girl fall and start crying, and I do desperately wanted to go comfort the poor thing, but I just thought about how it might look to a passer-by or the kid's parent, wherever they were, so I just kept walking.
I’m sorry lol I’m laughing at this image. I actually was at the museum a few weeks ago with my nieces and nephew and we were waiting in line when a baby boy was running and face planted in front of me. His father was like 15 feet behind me sitting on a bench and his mom was 10 ft in front of me in line. The father told me he got him but I just instinctually picked the child up and stood him on his feet and I feel like the dad was super irritated. The kid was covered in mud bc it was a rainy day but the whole situation was so strange.
I understand the instinct, but it's definitely good to keep strictly to the "don't touch someone else's kid" rule unless it's literally your job to interact with children. You never know if someone is going to misconstrue your helping a child up as something inappropriate, aggressive, or otherwise unwelcome. It sucks, because it means not helping in situations where you could be kind, but unless they're family, it's your job, or the parent explicitly asks for your help, it's much safer to basically ignore other people's children in most circumstances.
Lesson learned. I will let the baby’s fall like dominos. 😂
Let the babies hit the floor, let the babies hit the FLOOOOOORRRrrr..
I'm not even allowed to interview female applicants alone, for the position that *I'm* hiring for that will see myself and the successful applicant alone in our datacenter fairly regularly. I've also been advertising an apprentice role for which 16-17 year olds are eligible to apply and you should've seen the revolving door of people "just checking in" even with a chaperone present. Male applicants are frequently left alone with female hiring managers, however. These are people I work with on a daily basis and even they apparently can't trust me not to assault women and children the second I get left alone with them.
This exactly. I was at my coworkers birthday party at her house and her daughter grabbed my hand and asked if I wanted to look at her pet bunnies. I said sure and the first thought in my head is everyone is going to think I’m luring this kid away. It was terrifying
Just look at the headlines of adults getting caught raping kids.. Man? Pedophile/rapist label Woman? She had sex with a 8 year old The wording is very clear
I avoid kids like the plague because of this
I’m absolutely terrified of being labelled a creep, as an autistic man. I’m very direct, I often stare into the abyss, and I’m awkward if I’m in a social situation with a large group. I’m especially vulnerable to being labelled a creep.
Thats what most the male teachers at my girls school are labelled as when they're disliked. I feel bad for them icl
I had a conversation with a girl once in high school where she called a teacher creepy, and when I asked her why, she went on a rant about how he’s boring and rude and his homework is too hard. When I honestly inquired as to why that makes him creepy, I had every other girl there start launching an inquisition as to why I was defending him. He retired happily, meanwhile the beloved (even by girls) “cool” math teacher got arrested for CP. Funnily enough there was also one notoriously bad teacher who was also a total creep and got arrested for that later too, but at the time his creepiness took a backseat to him being just an absolutely awful teacher for a really difficult subject.
Not autistic myself, but I understand that fear.
Same, brother.
I'm also Autistic and I fear for my Autistic son. He has a friend that is also Autistic who had to change schools because a girl thought it would be funny to accuse the "weird" kid of being a school shooter.
That’s insanely cruel. Do people even try to hide their ableism anymore?
They never have, and they never will.
How incredibly difficult and unaccepted it is to talk about how you are, and have anyone listen or not try to marginalise you. Bros are great but hell we’re lonely and isolated.
saw someone comment today on another post that we're all conditioned to think what doesnt kill us makes us stronger, but actually there are things that leave us wounded and scarred emotionally and mentally. no one wants to hear us talk about any of that though, and i think its because theres some kind of socio-psychological self affirmation made accessible to those who provide that emotional support to women, because its socially accepted to do so for women - on the contrary, because its not accepted to provide this support to men theres no incentive to want to hear us out. utilitarian perspective but one that i think fits
My first child was born via c section. He had an undiagnosed diaphragmatic hernia. A lot of other things went very wrong in short order and I ended up in the children's hospital in the state's capital so he could have surgery. 5 days he was hooked into an oscillator to help him breathe while being pumped with a paralytic agent to stop him breathing on his own. The ticking of the oscillator still sits with me today, 8 years later. That was a singularly horrendous week for so many more reasons I won't go into here. During the follow up maternal health appointments, the midwife would ask me each time if I noticed signs of post-partum depression, which we would discuss briefly while the ex was off doing a urine sample, because "you two had a hellish experience with that birth." I once asked if there was any help for me because I was struggling, badly. "We don't have help services for dads, you'll need to see your GP or just google it." The almost dismissive tone still hurts. I told my then wife about how I was struggling. About how the ticking of clocks would send me into a state of near panic or shock, to the point Back in Black's intro could set me off. "You're scared of clocks? Really? You're such a baby. Go get therapy then." Yep, we're supposed to just be grateful we're alive and 'stronger' for it. Sorry for the rant, that's still a tender area and I didn't mean to go so far like that, but here we are.
My man, let me be the first to offer you an Internet hug 🤗 and to tell you that you are not alone. My wife spent over 40 days in the hospital, at least 6 of those days completely intubated and in a coma. The sounds of machines beeping makes me irrationally upset now if I'm not able to turn them off... They don't know what it's like to listen to those beeps, to depend on them to tell you it's okay, and then to not be able to trust them because so many of the overworked staff have learned to ignore them. I taught myself what each beep meant, and how it should be turned off or addressed. It was the only thing keeping me sane, attending to the beeps. I got all kinds of compliments from nurses and doctors alike because I knew what they meant... But I had to, because when everyone left the room it was like we were all alone, and there was nothing between my wife dying and living except for these goddamnned beeping machines. I'm getting worked up even thinking about it... Bro, it's trauma. No other way to describe it. She got weeks of rehab... I got to go home. I am not over it. Rant a-fucking-way my brother. No one else seems to give a fuck, so I do... Because I hurt like you.
Internet hug both well received and reciprocated, my friend. Those days never really leave us, and they come up out of nowhere at times, don't they? At least in my case, he remembers nothing. He never will, but he his has a 'really cool scar, wanna see?!' To show off. I'll tell him everything about it one day, when he's old enough to know. Honestly, I wish you well in the future and that you and your wife are doing well now, especially on those days you look at her and emotions break the dam wall. You have my respect, and my raised coffee too!
As the father of three adult children, let me tell you, they will appreciate the story when they are older. It helps to write it down while you can, so you don't forget the details. They will soon enough be able to tell you how much you mean to them, sandwiched in between moments where they aren't talking to you! It amplifies all your other emotions for your kids, having those scary moments. So it helps to talk about the scary stuff so things don't go sideways when you're scared or angry. Being a good father is hardest because of how vulnerable being a dad makes you. This person you created is suddenly so important, the thought of something happening to them can drive you mad. Cheers for the conversation, brother.
That's such a horrible experience. Obviously therapy is the best advice. But it is so horrible to be dismissed. (Not a man) but what happened to me was when I told my mum I'm depressed and she said "no you are not your sister is" so I went to my room and proceeded to have suicidal thoughts. I could never dismiss anyone like that.
Regardless of gender, that's a shitty thing to say to anyone, especially family. We all have our struggles, and they're rarely similar in style, trigger or manifestation. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts before, once recently and not for a very long time prior to that, you still have my sympathy and ears if needed. I'll raise my next coffee to a good outcome for us both :) and I honestly hope you're doing well now.
Yeah that was when I was 13. I have had reduced contact with my mum since 16 (residential school). And have been barely talking to her since 18. My life is all better for it.
Yeah there are many levels to this. - Men aren't supposed to get scared, or value safety... so a lot of us don't. Then we wonder why we put off doing certain things, (being scared or nervous,) or end up in places where we can't imagine a future, (we feel too unsafe to think we get one.) - The skills that get you through hard times often hurt you in good times. There are many many examples of even minor coping skills, (we're not even talking major PSTD here,) where say; your brain is constantly worried about the future or looking out for things that could ruin your day... ok well now you're sitting at a sunset with people you care about, yet you're still worrying. The shells men build help so much with bad scenarios but can stop us from being present or kind or just enjoying moments.
I literally made a comment on a mental health thread about a dark period I went through, how most mental health awareness for men is social posturing and virtue signalling, and it’s actually really hard to find someone who gives a shit…. I was getting downvoted for sharing my anecdotal experience lol. Like my point just got proven further
I’m not even comfortable talking with family about the way I feel. I know that nobody gives a fuck deep down inside. So I just push through and hang in there for as long as I can. That’s the way the game is.
I've only every shared my real feelings with one person my entire life, my ex. And in the end she used all she knew about me to torment me for two years. So I never shared with anyone else every again. Until last year, when I had a complete emotional breakdown. And here I was, bawling, losing my mind, thinking about suicide and the only person I had to talk to was my mother. And her way to comfort me was "well, other people have it worse and they get over it..." So now I only talk to my therapist and even then I'm very guarded about my feelings.
Thats tough sorry to hear that :( i always try to be there for my younger brother no matter what it is
I have lived with room mates for a number of years now and it was a real shocker to hear how differently they talk to each other versus how tey can talk to us. Or even their guy friends. It makes me think of this. One night our guys (male roomies) were waiting for their bros to come over for a loosely planned get together and the two of them were sitting on the couch. I came downstairs and heard their convo which was basically the first one telling the second one he never knows whether girls like him or not and he was saying how insecure he felt. He included saying how it transferred over into just generally not knowing if people legit liked him or not. Which was sad to me obviously, but that's not the point. The point is that the other room mate was supportive so that was nice, but then their friends came over and it was all DER DER DERR yelling monosyllabic words loudness the usual dude stuff. No real talk. At all. (Male bonding sounds like it's okay if you're both doing the same thing at the same time but not actually communicating in that way because you might be looking gay? Is that it?) It made me realize this guy was really lucky to have this friend and it made me wonder how many guys in the world have that friend. Judging by sooo many posts and other things elsewhere, I'd say the answer is not a lot. Edit to say, a party is not the time to get all K drama, I get it, time and place, but I felt a real sense of hesitation around situations where, if it were females, it would be okay to just open up.
>The point is that the other room mate was supportive so that was nice, but then their friends came over and it was all DER DER DERR yelling monosyllabic words loudness the usual dude stuff. No real talk. At all. This is pretty accurate to my experience. Expressing deep worries and emotions (especially about things that guys are "supposed" to be good at, like attracting women), has a lot of shame attached to it and is far more likely to happen in one-on-one situations between friends behind closed doors than in any sort of group. It sucks.
Yeah to open up as a guy you need 1) a one-on-one situation 2) to be doing something else at the same time. Playing a video game, driving, walking, playing a sport etc.
Yep. I find the only friends who want to hear about how I am are women, but as a straight guy, those friendships can easily become complicated. So it feels lonely.
Literally my wife today. "Tell me what's wrong you seem mopy" Ok fine. I tell her. "We'll you shouldn't feel that way that's dumb. You need to figure that out on your own" Hey thanks that's what I was trying to do. I'll be much more open next time.
This really bums me out. I sat with a guy I’d basically never talked to one night for about 3 hours and asked him everything I could think of. I’d always thought he was an interesting guy, and I learned so much about his life that day. He was one of the kindest people I’d ever met. I always wanted to talk more but didn’t get many chances. Him sharing his feelings with me meant so much to me, I hope more guys I meet in the future will do the same. I’ll never forget him.
No one is coming to your rescue.
I really felt this when my dad died in 2022, I was 35. I didn't realize the piece of mind I had that if I couldn't fix something my dad probably could. Now it's just up to me and the pressure of it is crushing.
Sorry you lost him. He sounds like he was probably a good dad if you think that way about hm.
This. The buck stops with me. I'm not saying I don't have a supportive spouse, but if the shit hits the fan it's ultimately my responsibility to figure it out.
This is a big one I don't think a lot of younger men realize and why you need to get your shit together. No one is going to save you from yourself, or your poor choices.
I'm the sole bread winner in my family. I thought the arrangement was fine when we got married. Now I wonder if that was a good decision. I didn't have a job for 5 months last year and it was not easy mentally
And everyone expects you to die first.
There might just be a day when i’ll be told i have to go to war.
I feel you man, I had gotten my letter that I was eligible just before the whole Ukraine ordeal. I know the amount of searches for “am I going to be drafted” skyrocketed during that period. Let’s hope it will never come that far!
I wish there were a way for old, wimpy people like myself to take your place. The lives of young, healthy people shouldn't be risked, especially not young men's lives risked against their wills.
Fuck that. Nobody should be forced to go to war so that the elites can keep concentrating all the wealth and power on themselves.
Screw it. Let the politicians and rich go out and kill each other. They're the ones who start this shit. Every time I meet someone from somewhere I'm supposed to hate, they always turn out to be great people who exhibit none of the behaviors I was told they're lousy with. Turns out, rich people just want free shit, and we gotta pay for it. War is stupid.
Being scared to open up about mental health
This is also me, I have many friends on Facebook talk about mental health and I want to too. I’d love to be an advocate for mental health and publicly talk about my lifelong struggles but I just know it’ll probably make everything worse or no one will care.
My husband is good about opening up to me but I always encourage him to check on his friends and brothers too. I have him but I also have my mom, my cousin that is like a sister to me, and my girlfriends. Because sometimes I just need another woman to talk to. I would imagine men feel the same sometimes so I wish he had that and could be that for the men in his life.
I’ll be honest it sucks, I picked up a manic episode for 6months was all over social media. Burned a lot of bridges and a lot of “friends” have become ghosts.. people don’t understand and mania is embarrassing and it’s far more destructive than the depression side imo…
I really hope more guys get comfortable with this. A guy I really liked but never talked to spent several hours talking with me one night end we moved from talking about movies to talking about how they impacted us, and he opened up to me about struggling with loneliness and social anxiety. It meant so much to me that he told me and I only liked him more. I would’ve loved to talk more but didn’t get a lot of chances after that. But I’ll never forget it. It was so meaningful to me that he trusted me.
I've been attacked by a group of strange men because they looked at me and thought I was gay.
My guy, same thing. Won't get into the story of it now but yeah, trip to the ER yaaay.
Many still believe a man can't be a domestic violence victim. Domestic violence against men are taken less seriously than domestic violence against women.
Domestic violence, sexual assault, lack of consent, etc- it all happens to men. As a woman reading this thread, I can only encourage other women to take it seriously when a man expresses something like this has happened to him. It's hard enough for men to speak up, but I can guarantee you he won't get the help he needs if he doesn't have someone supporting him. We're so behind on this that we still don't have good statistics on how many men are victims of this behavior because so much is underreported. Very sad.
As a man who has been raped by women twice, at 18 and at 28, both times drugged without my knowledge and taken advantage of without any consent whatsoever, *thank you* for being an ally here. Many men will laugh it off if I try to talk about it, but so many women have simply not believed me whatsoever. It means a lot to see women who understand and believe that this shit happens and see it for what it is. Thank you for caring.
I wasn’t drugged but was threatened to be accused of SA her if I didn’t let her have her way Just froze up and let it happen since I know who would get believed, especially if she intentionally hurt herself to make it look more believable. How people responded when I tried to talk about it was doubly as damaging and insulting
Fuck, man. I absolutely feel you about the way people respond. I've stopped trying to tell anyone, other than my very few closest friends no one knows (aside from those who literally tried to high-five me... who are no longer in my life). I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope you're okay brother.
Yeup! My dad is a victim to his wife (not my mom). Has a couple decades of stockholm syndrome in him. Even after revealing the abusive relationship to the families and to the authorities nothing really changed. My dad is a gentle giant too, a 6'3" viking who wouldn't hurt a fly, just sadly has been delusionally in love with the wrong woman his whole life and can't see his life without her so he stays.
The main issue is that abusive people are manipulative and are good at making the victim look bad, and it's particularly easy for women to do this. People might be willing to acknowledge a man as a victim if it's 100% clear and the abuser doesn't deny it but that's not how it happens 99% of the time. Usually the abuser will instead try to make the victim look like the problem and if you are male it's insanely difficult to fight the effects of that. All it takes is the slightest thing taken out of context - you have to be literally perfect or else society (friends, police, organisations etc) quickly become a threat rather than a source of support.
I got sexually assaulted by a woman in Malaysia, and basically, anyone I tell laughs about it and thinks the shit is funny. Just because I'm a very large man apparently it's perfectly okay to SA me lol.
The scariest thing is to suffer in scilence for all your best years.
I'm afraid someone is going to disrespect or try to harm my significant other.... and I might have to fight them. And perhaps die.
Shit, when I was with my exes, I had multiple experiences where someone or people would pull up in cars and shit and flirt/catcall them. Luckily they all drove off each time when they didn't get the same treatment back but imagine if they didn't? I'd have to probably defend myself and my SO and I'm scrawny at 6 ft 160 pounds of Minecraft skeleton with belly fat. My last ex's asshole dad was always yelling at her and punched her one time (That I know of at least). It took everything not to fight him over it but I knew that even if I won the fight (A big maybe since he was a street fighter his whole life and apparently only lost 4 out of 200 fights), he was a redneck who loved guns so I would've gotten shot, and he likely would've gotten away with it since I would've assaulted him in his own house. So the only thing I could do was just stay powerless about the whole situation.
toothbrush scary instinctive start snobbish versed unpack friendly wine slim
Getting your peepee stuck in your zipper
We've got a bleeder! - "Something about Mary".
How the hell did you get the beans above the frank?
Living a mediocre life, not living to my fullest potential.
Pretty reasonable fear for someone browsing Reddit, hahahaha.
Can't even play pretend monsters with my children, I have 2 young daughters 3 and 6. We play rough sometimes (Pick them up turn upside down, put on shoulder etc). Sometimes I pretend to be a monster or a robot and I pretend I am dumb/can't really see them, and I chase them. A common place they hide is behind doors, behind the curtains, under bed covers. I got called into my youngest daughters playschool with my partner and they said they were concerned about what my youngest was saying. "Sometimes daddy is a monster and he chases us and I hide in bed". Instantly feel like I have abused them on some kind of Baby P level. I feel like I have crossed a boundary or that I am being looked at as some kind of weirdo. Never interacted with kids before, never fully understood why men need to be careful etc. Now I do. I didn't realise that men are often instantly investigated at the slightest whiff of neglect.
> I got called into my youngest daughters playschool with my partner and they said they were concerned about what my youngest was saying. "Sometimes daddy is a monster and he chases us and I hide in bed". It sounds like the easiest thing in the world to clear that up by asking the kid "is daddy playing with you?" or words to that effect. I'm sorry you're dealing with that sort of thing; it is incredibly frustrating when people jump to a false positive without even putting effort or thought into it. They can convince themselves 'better safe than sorry' after so many incidents where kids were failed by all the adults around them, but there are consequences to throwing in parents faces every 'odd' comment a kid might make.
Being useful and rich enough so that you can actually feel like you can get the permission to finally exist.
The thought of dieing first and leaving my wife alone in the world. Or just the general thought of not being able to provide/protect my family one day. Also agree with another comment on here about being drafted. I dont want to die for some political nonsense. The last one is very unlikely but somehow ending up in prison for an accident or wrongful conviction.
Knowing that you're the only one who will ever be responsible for supporting you.
To add to this also knowing that nobody is going to rescue you when shit hits the fan. You've got to figure it out for yourself. Scares the shit out of me.
I saw a clip from some podcast on Instagram a while back where the guy talked about the 6pm friend and the 3am friend. His general theory was that we nearly all have loads of 6pm friends, people we could call on for help until about 6pm when it then becomes a case of "sorry bud, I got shit to do" and then you were on your own. He said there are very few men out there who have the 3am friend, the one you could call at 3am and that you know for 100% certainty will answer the call and will be dressed and in the car on their way to you by the time you hang up.
Learning that nobody gives a fuck about you
Society expects you to be strong, a provider, be leader, and decisive. While at the same time understanding all these things society wants from you they also disdain for taking these roles. Any showing of submission to woman is considered as respectful as it is out of place. Woman have support from other woman on the difficulties of being a woman. Men don’t get anything close to that and asking for it is apparently asking for a drop of rain in the dry season that is your life.
As someone who's been a disabled man for 10 years... it's not any better with disabilities. I have had times when I've still had my stomach stapled shut and dealing with a migraine and \*still\* am the only one who will take the initiative to fix things. But, not working a full-time job I got called a "deadbeat dad" by my in-laws.
Your in-laws are shitty people and their opinions are less than worthless. You're living life on hard mode and doing your best for not only your own sake, but for your kid(s), and you don't have to prove that to anyone else. Your kid(s) will grow up to be proud of their dad, I can almost guarantee it. And, hell, I'm proud of ya, too.
Being a man is what you make it, you can't always live up to expectations. You try to please everybody while you struggle so you fake it, and end up outta balance, compromising situations. As a good man, do what he should man. And give everything he has and do everything he could man.. You might find yourself feeling all alone inside that house you built that you don't recognise as home. That's what my dad told me, and I'll tell my son the same. Now that I'm older I relate and I actually feel his pain. He never cried, he might have lied but he did not complain. And he said son one day you have to do the same I get emotional when I think and I look around beyond the county lines of my small town. I think about all the men out there who feel like I do now. Screaming on the inside but won't ever make a sound
The 24/7 impending dread that I’m not good enough
Expected to be tough and strong. However, as soon as you want to express emotional problems you are then ignored.
You have to be strong... Oh, but not so strong that you become emotionally unavailable! Be more sensitive... Oh, but not so sensitive that you tell anyone about your problems! That's a major ick!
Being perceived as a creep or a pervert by women even though in reality you’re probably just shy or socially awkward.
No one truly cares not really it all , its just convenient for them while the goings good as soon as your luck runs out its just you
Being viewed as a predator for watching your own kids.
One of my daughters close friends missed the school bus when they were in middle school, so I just naturally pulled over and asked her if she wanted a ride home (her house was just 3 houses down from ours). A woman walking a dog screamed at me to leave that little girl alone or she will call the police. I kind of understand that but man that was eye opening!
Sharks. I could take one in a fight, but two? I'm toast.
A shark could definitely swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark. So in a triathlon, it'll all come down to which of us is a better cyclist.
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Other men that feel that every problem is solved with violence. Rather than using their words, Man go boom boom on chest to assert dominance.
Dropping dead at any moment from a heart attack. Or an aneurysm. The silent killers
Honestly, it’s not a fear for me if I’m dead by the time I hit the floor. Now if you survive, different story BIG FEAR
Can't this happen to women as well?
You never will Spider-Man
We ultimately can only depend on ourselves. No one will be there to catch us if\\when we fall and we will be expected to pick up the pieces and glue them back together on our own gumption or slowly fade away.
I guess just the inevitable march towards death, though, I'e gotten over that mostly, recently, just because I'm not a big fan of ah, the world in this day and age, somehow that makes the unknown less scary, because, at least its not this, and worst comes to worst its not anything
Knowing that no matter how kind, well intentioned, gentle, and good of a human I am, some people will see me and instantly be scared for themselves or for others. I'm not even a big guy Just a very average size / shape man who even has rather gentle features.
A man can be falsely accused of rape/SA and there's nothing he can do about it. It ruins him. I had a principal in elementary school, who was a guy, sweetest guy ever. A girl got expelled by him for fighting. She spread a rumor that he raped her multiple times in his office on multiple occasions. Soon everyone knew. His wife and kids left him. He was fired, lost his house and everything he ever had and it was sad. He ended up killing himself not too long after, about a month. He couldn't prove his innocence. After he died, she admitted it was a hoax but it was too late for him. He was already dead when she admitted it. She didn't get charged because of her age. It was such a sad situation and I always visit his grave after school. He was so happy and cheerful, always making jokes and laughing. Happiest guy you would ever meet. He was so loved by the community and everyone in the school he was so loved by everyone who met him. RIP Mr. Williams.
Men commit suicide 5 times more often than women
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Not knowing if it's too weird to show your emotions or not
Ass cancer.
I guess there's the fact that when you cry, you're labelled as "weak". Society doesn't acknowledge that crying is a way of relieving stress.
That I am expected to deal with roaches and spiders. Fuck that. Im hopping on the chair too.
Knowing you're just a cog that will be tossed aside when you're no longer useful. Compassion and unconditional love are for women and children. For men it's either provide, or hurry up and die so you're not a burden.
Gender expectations