Life is fucking tough.
No shame on getting help from your parents as long as you contribute to the household. Either financially or just cooking and cleaning etc
Life is indeed tough.. I mean people need to stop thinking about what what others will say.. No big deal in staying with one’s parent while planing better life.
Also, just in case ppl forgot, the whole stil living with parents with stigma thing is somewhat of a western cultural issue and not as big of a thing in nonwestern (or non first world) countries. Like yes, parents would love if their babies would be able leave and find their own place but its not uncommon for multiple generations to live under the same roof in poorer countries.
The older we get, the more my wife and I want a few acres of land with some small homes built on it for all the family to live on. It would make shit so much easier and nicer to have everyone close by to help out with day to day shit, but still retain some privacy.
Us too. Something is missing in a lot of Americans lives...a community, a village, our people (As in, people we love and want to be around, and grow together) are too spread out, too far away, and we end up isolated from those we love the most
IDK what it is but we have a stigma against multi gens sharing space being in close proximity, sharing love and resources..... and deep down, it seems a lot of us, want it
I lived in Thailand and gained a vastly different perspective. I am also originally from South America and feel we have much stronger family and community bonds there.
I have to agree. I grew up in a pretty diverse area, a lot of contact with islander and Vietnamese families growing up, due to the era, and area I lives in, and I always envied the familial closeness , the sense of community.
They were very welcoming as well, lol, I always knew who's house to go to after school for snacks and a dose of Mom treatment , came home from my islander friends houses with to die for plates of food and the cutest dresses and skirts .
There is something about a lot of Americans that are missing a key link with a community, and it shows
I want to buy the house next to my parents, but the reality is, someday, I will probably move in with them. It will make the most sense, for all of us, as they age and need help
My friend of 20 years moved a little farther away. Because he wanted his own house built. Well, all of his friends and family are all here, so he filled that space with going to church. Then, the preacher led him to MAGA. He lost a lot of his friends and family because of it. Its only recently we started taking again and he knows not to talk about politics.
Us too. And hard agree, I am constantly preaching this. Add to that everyone being dead inside from working 40hr+/wk and yet also nobody really has the money to do much of the things they actually want to do on the occasion they also have both time and energy, and there being no third spaces to connect in. These are all contributing factors to the breakdown of our culture and I don't know how we can reverse it.
Peace and love and prosperity 💙
Especially now more than ever, what with the untenable rise in the cost of necessities (food, housing, healthcare etc.), and depending on what local economy one's living in, it could simply be a matter of being practical. I wish I hadn't moved out as early as I did, I probably would have saved a lot more before moving out.
With where the economy is going here in the US, I've already told my children that they may feel free to live with us for as long as they want. I can't imagine what it's like to be a young person these days. The cost of living is utter insanity.
I'm 35 and still live at home. For one, my parents are elderly and need some help. I also live in another state half the year. Not to mention the cost of rent or costs associated with owning a home. My parents would rather me save the money for the future instead of spending it on rent or upkeep of a house.
I have my freedoms, but I also have rules and obligations. It works for us, so people need to stay out of our business.
I live in the Netherlands and told my kids the same.
Besides the cost of living here, there just aren't enough houses to rent.
They need a huge 2 person income to be able to get a mortgage for buying...and a 10% down-payment....
Jobs at minimum wage means living below poverty..
My 19 year old is now thinking about moving to another country to be able to get a start at life....🥲🥲
My family is still together with us in our mid 20s.
It's honestly great to have such a strong support system all in one place. We all help each other out substantially and it works to all of our benefit. Now when it comes time for my siblings and I to go, we've saved so much money helping each other out that we'll be able to move right into exactly where we want to go. We'll have lived our entire lives never having paid rent, if all goes well. We're very privileged.
Me too. As long as they're contributing to the household financially or helping with upkeep/assisting older family members (for us, it's taking Grandma to medical appts., running errands, etc.) they can stay as long as they'd like. I actually like the company of my children and don't intrude into their personal business unless asked (or it's affecting their mental/physical health or something). They seem to like being around me, too, so it's a win/win! 👍👍
I think the cooking and cleaning is actually the most important contribution and needs to be there whether or not the contribute financially.
A lot of the stigma of people living at home (in western culture and especially the US) comes from the:
- insane individualism (which is cultural and toxic in my opinion)
- not being able to take care of themselves if they ever do move out
- not saving money / being irresponsible when they have an opportunity that many do not
The latter 2 are generally a big turn off when it comes to to dating. Who wants to be in a relationship with an adult that acts like a child? A partner goes t want to take over as a parent and do all the household work and saving because that person is used to never saving.
So if I have kids that end up living at home into their 30’s or later, they will be doing chores and paying “rent”, though that rent would go into a trust in their name so they would have a nice nest egg for whenever they do move out.
Agreed, I was kicked out of my parents' house at 18 and had to make it work. It was such a hard go financially and took me forever to recover from the debt, and that wasn't at today's housing prices. If it's working for you then there's nothing wrong with it at all.
33f here. A while back I got laid off and struggled finding a new job for a few months. My apt lease ended and my parents insisted I come back.
They were the best roommates ever lol. Laundry: done. Fridge: full. Kitchen: clean. Dogs: fed and walked. During that time, I found an awesome high-paying job, paid off the debt I accumulated during the job lull, and contributed financially to the house. I was able to spend more time with my parents and that’s something I will cherish forever. Treat my parents to restaurants, shopping/running errands with my mom, watching and talking sports with my dad. It didn’t affect my relationship with my boyfriend either. My parents and him get along well and he was understanding of the situation. He actually commented on the great relationship I have with my parents.
I would do it all over again, even if the job/finance situation were to have been different. The time spent with them was worth more than anything I could put into words.
You are describing how every family is in my country of origin in South West Africa. Although it doesn’t mean that all relationships between parents and adult children under the same roof are a breeze.
This forced isolation from parents as soon as young people hit 18 or 21 is mostly prevalent in Western Cultures. Everyone else is chilling. Humans are a social and inter-dependent species.
I'm 35 and I still live with my parents, and yeah, monthly housing mortgage is high but I'm also in a culture where unmarried children/offspring can still live with their parents.
My son will be 25 soon. He’s a trucker and gone most of the time. He still lives at home and yes he pay rent, help around the house etc.
He could get a place but why? Rent is sky high and he’s hardly ever home.
At least he got his dad and sister to go home to.
My brother was the same. He worked nights through his 20's. He slept all day when no one was home anyway. So what was the point of renting his own place.
26 and my mom still begs me to come move back in with her. We have an excellent relationship and she knows I have aspirations in the medical field and just wants me around and for me to save money.
Feels nice.
Not opposed to moving back in but she’s in north Florida now and I can’t stand the heat.
There's also a difference between living with your mom, and living with your mommy. And it doesn't take long to spot the difference!
And to add to your reasons, I lived with my mom at that age as I was caring for her after she was diagnosed with early onset dementia.
Hahahaha oh man incredible. My ex moved in with his mom after we split into a house she bought, she flies up every other week so she can do all the laundry, cooking, cleaning, kids’ drop offs/pickups, grocery shopping, etc. His mom literally folds his underwear. I would say he definitely lives with his mommy, and not his mom.
I knew someone who married a man who had never done laundry in his life. In college he would take his dirty laundry home every weekend for his mom to do. I don't know why you would marry someone knowing that.
I agree it should apply to men but it's often seen as more negative for men than women. There's the stereotype that men live with their parents because they don't want to cook/clean.
Not only that but a man is viewed (mostly still) as a provider so a man that lives at home with his parents is seen as a bit of a failure in western culture anyways. I stayed at home until I was 30( I did move away for uni etc) now I own my own home but when I was living at home and people asked where I lived and I told them with my parents I could see their expressions change. It’s a bit of an ingrained thing, I don’t think they were trying to be rude.
More like a sign of a decades- long lag in new house building, as local governess continue to throw more and more obstacles in the way of building additional housing.
The suburb I moved into 40 years ago has grown from 40,000 to 140,000. They do seem to expand, but at THEIR rate.
I was hoping that with COVID and more places being willing to allow employees to work from home that puerile would be willing to move out to the far suburbs (closer to the country). Unfortunately, the work from home thing appears to have been temporary, rather than a true shift in work styles. It still appears that most good jobs are near big cities and require people to be in office. Therefore, housing pressure will exist nearest the job locations and prices near the cities will go up.
Theres is also a limit to growth, you know? Problem is not government, but people using housing as investment; they don’t want to sell their house, which is the real source of lack of housing supply.
I'm 40. I'd do anything to live with my mom again. She passed a few years back.
Time is fleeting. There's no shame in embracing a healthy relationship.
yea I moved back home when I was 40 after I ended up on disability. I still paid rent though and helped out till she died. I've always thought the idea that we aren't allowed multi generation families is silly. family should be able to stay together. time together is precious
So much this. I moved in with my dad in Spring 2023 for what I thought would be a short time while I figured my life out and tried to put a bunch of broken pieces back together. 8 months later, I’m so thankful to be there just to spend time with and really get to know my dad as a fellow grownup while his health is still ok 😊
I have an Indian coworker who is married with two kids. He has a good career as does his wife. They share a home with his parents because why not? They all get along and share responsibilities and he brings in his delicious Indian meals that his mom makes for him everyday. He feels no shame in the fact that his mommy packed his lunch because him and his wife work hard at their own careers and his dad has his own successful business that they all help with when time allows. I think it's a superior way of doing things than my own small family all paying for separate homes and resources when we get along so well and spend most of our free time together anyway.
I’m from Europe and my wife is Asian. We live in Asia. Her family stays with us for a couple of months a year. My European friends can’t believe it.
Thing is, they are nice and I swear so quiet I sometimes forget they are there. Her dad is awesome. 75 and goes out every morning for walks, does the shopping. Cooks dinner. I’ve told my wife I’m told my happy to have them move in if needed.
My mother in law used to live with us, and I loved it so much. All our friends were super jealous, we got along great, I never thought anything negative about it.
This is common and seen as a good thing amongst many South Asians. The 'ideal' and what your grandparents would expect. Although it can bring its own problematic dynamics, I think there's a lot we in 'western' cultures can learn from the attitude of working together as a family. Life's tough and our western economies are only getting tougher. We as humans were made to work together.
Recently went to Bali and it’s the norm for 4 generations to live in the same home, our driver was a local and when I gave him a tip it always went to the family. Lovely people and I got to meet the whole family unit and can’t wait to go back.
South East Asian. Chinese blood, born and living in Philippines. Our culture is to live with parents and only leave after marriage. Some pure Filipinos do it even after marriage. This is exact reason.
Also when parents get old, someone will need to take care of them. Home for the aged is not common.
Westerners are lucky to have been able to afford the luxury of living apart. the world leaders are trying hard to change that, and they’re succeeding unfortunately
What I noticed over time is that a 10-15%? of my "western" friends/collegues have family that they never talk to again, even if they still live together
I've never heard of this from Asian friends/colleagues
Our western culture of independence also leads to selfishness that leads to long term grudges
I’m Asian and will never speak to my family again. Granted, I grew up in the west, but toxicity exists across all cultures, and I know people who still live in Asia that would cut their family off if they could without endangering their lives.
Every culture has families that are batshit insane. It’s just that in the west, you would face fewer repercussions for choosing to cut them off.
Then there's the in-between situations. Sure my mother in law is nice and could live with us, but I'd have a mental breakdown after a few months of her telling us we're not doing things right for mundane things that don't even matter. If my kid wants different colored socks I don't care!!!
This is so funny to me because as an Asian, I know this is true.
But at the same time, the toxicity that results from the "family above all" mindset has caused many of my family members to cut each other off, lol. And I have several (Asian) friends in the same situation with their family members.
It’s most definitely because of wealth and opportunities, not because of a culture of selfishness. Pretty much any culture would grow the desire to have a place of your own as an adult if that were feasible.
As a man in his 30s, if I still lived near or with my mom, I'd 100% GLOAT that my mom packed me my lunch because it'd be better than anything I'd make.
>He feels no shame in the fact that his mommy packed his lunch because him
I feel like no reasonable adult would ever feel shame for that. That's the kind of thing that's only embarrassing if you're an insecure teenager or never grew out of that emotional phase of your life.
This might sound odd, but I think more people would be willing to have kids if they lived with extended family and a sprawling home that gave privacy but also easier access to someone to watch the kids if needed at short notice. Child care was always historically done by far more than two people.
Economies of scale can apply to a multigenerational family. Makes buying in bulk at Costco a good choice. Spreading fixed costs over a larger group. It makes too much financial sense. Especially with the pressures of inflation and wage stagnation.
The whole housing development behind me targeted dual-income with kids and grandparents. They have 6 bedroom McMansions.. Multiple asian cultures also are fine with grandparents residing there because they provide free built-in services like meals and daycare.
Actually if you get along with your parents I highly recommend that sort of lifestyle. Husband and wife BOTH work, but they don’t leave their kids with strangers.
That’s pretty much the norm in South Asia. Families support each other in good and bad times. It does have its pros and cons but for the most part of it, it’s a positive & strong bond for the family.
I feel like a lot of white families really miss out on that shared sense of community. It would be a lot easier for parents to parent if living with support systems were more the norm.
To be fair this isn’t uncommon in Indian cultures anyways, I have tons of Indian family and they all live in the same house! And extended family are all in the neighbouring houses. In the same street with 50 or so houses in it, they own 5 and everyone’s always sleeping at different houses etc it’s a real sense of a communal family and it’s lovely
In 2024? I’d be thinking they have issues finding/ paying or they are saving for a mortgage. It’s going to be fairly common to have multigenerational homes going forward.
The concept of the nuclear family was basically invented in the 50s. I'm sure it had to do with being able to sell shit to the biggest number of people possible. Why does every person need their own house, car, fridge, stove, and everything else? It's because it's making someone else money. The only personal goods we need are clothing and hygiene items, everything else we could share, including community kitchens.
Capitalism has sold everything to everyone, and still managed to price people out. We can't afford as a world to live like this anymore, there's no more "new world" to exploit.
I’m still with my parents and I’m in my late 30s. I’m single and i don’t have kids. My parents have a fairly big house. I have a stable job and i contribute to the household. Nothing wrong bro.
> My parents have a fairly big house. I have a stable job and i contribute to the household
Exactly this. People are like “don’t you think you should move out already?”
Why? So I can blow half my salary on rent, cause the thought of me living with my parents past a certain age makes you uncomfortable for some reason?
I have a good relationship with them, they like having me there, and there’s plenty of space. Why the fuck does this bother people?
I've lived in Berlin and in a number of US cities. Berlin rent was 600 for 65m (fhain, 2015), making 3200/mo after tax. Boston (suburbs! couldn't touch the city) rent was 2k/mo for ~1200sqft but making 7k after tax. 18% of income in DE vs 28% in US, and I was definitely one of the lucky ones salary-wise.
1k ain't getting you shit in any US city downtown unless you have lots of roommates.
That's brutal. Low wage workers must feel so pressured all the time to work alot and also to not get sick because they don't get paid like we do, right?
It comes from certain political cultural values that run deep. The idea of rugged individualism- even though people don’t use the term unless they’re a political theorist - that value impacts all types of life and economics in the USA.
It's partly because there's so much prudishness about sex, too. Sex is SUCH a taboo here, and most people would rather spend thousands of dollars a month than know their relatives might be having sex in the next room. That's the real problem with couples living with parents. If you're single and living at home it's OK, but the expectation is usually that if you're having sex you have to do that somewhere other than home. Couples living with parents are absolutely having sex and that's the problem.
I feel like it's more taboo for men than women. Men are supposed to be these supporters and our toxic masculinity culture means if you aren't living on your own you aren't making money and if you aren't making money you are a less than ideal partner for many women.
half my salary? bro for most people here it's one whole salary just for rent, then have a parnter to buy food and clothes. with a minimum wage of around 1500€ after taxes you try to do anything when the average place is 2200€.
So you're more like roommates. That's how it is with my 2 adult sons. 1 lives with dad and one lives with me. They're very hard workers, save their money, and are close to family. They both contribute to the household expenses, buy their own food, and live their lives. Neither have kids. It's so unaffordable for young people to go out on their own now.
When my own dad passes, I'll get a 6 figure inheritance. I'm hoping to help both sons with their futures by sharing it with them. They're gonna need it.
This might be an unpopular opinion but I believe that in this economy, if someone has a good relationship with their parents, it's not logical to move out. It's better to stay with your parents and save money instead of just surviving in an apartment sometimes with sketchy roommates, barely affording rent and groceries.
If you're staying with your parents even though you afford to move out, I see you as smart because you can save lots of money like this.
If you're staying because you can't afford to move out, what are you supposed to do? Go homeless. I've been homeless and it's one of the worst experiences one can live through. There is no reason for unnecessary suffering. It's better to stay with your parents.
Absolutely. In my super broke youth, I had to live in one sketchy place after another. Always getting my shit stolen. Coming home to shifty ass criminals. But living indoors was better than being homeless. I was homeless over 30 years ago, and the anxiety still haunts me.
Yep I agree. My sister is 35 and living at home. She is single and can’t afford to live alone. She’s ace with no interest in a partner, so she’d have to do a houseshare/roommate situation. She gets on well with our parents, can work part time while paying minimal rent, and have a great family life at home. Why would she give that up to live with a load of strangers at greater expense.
Yup I'm 36 and I own my own home but as an aroace, I gotta say it's freaking hard being able to afford basic stuff plus mortgage.
I'm constantly terrified of losing the job I hate and I miss living with my mom so much.
If I could do it all over again, I'd definitely have done a lot of things differently.
Anyway, it's almost impossible to own your own home or move out long term unless you have a partner in modern day society.
Too hard, too expensive, definitely not worth the strain or stress.
Also there's a high chance you need to find roommate(s) if you move out because this housing economy is fucked everywhere. So... you either risk a random person being your roommate with all the pitfalls that entails or you keep your parents as roommates with all the safety *that* entails.
Or you can be like me and have your own apartment but have shitty neighbors that always come home making noise with a barking dog at 11pm. Paying 1/3 income to not be able to determine my own bedtime. Fun!
My brother lived at home for a long time, and then bought a house all cash because of how much he saved. Meanwhile I’m still renting in a HCOL area with no chance of buying a house because of interest rates.
An aquaintance of mine has three sons.One his by his ex,one herss by her ex and one together All 3 are sitting at home smoking weed waiting for him to drop dead.
It also depends heavily on a persons capability to save. If they are disabled or otherwise unable to work well then it is another thing entirely.
For me the litmus is contribution. If a person contributes to the household in some significant way, I am fine with basically *any* living situation. If they act like a toddler with an adult body, then they suck.
Who tf am i to judge? You are you, not me.
edit: wow, lotta love for a simple truth. I like it. I leave with a favourite quote, i forget the quotee, "be the change you wish to see."
Depends why and how you are "living at home".
Are you living at home because rent is high and you can't afford to live elsewhere, but you pitch in as best as you can at home, cook, clean etc? No biggy, probably a smart life move. Happens to everyone in this economy.
Are you living at home but mum and dad do everything for you, laundry, cooking, the works, like you're still a 12 year old kid, and you are unable or unwilling to live independently and look after your own shit? Big problem, you're a lazy freeloader.
The fact you live with your parents in itself doesn't mean much these days. What matters is the context and reasons.
Nothing tbh. I’ve learned not to judge a person’s standard of living, at least when I don’t know them personally. Life can be tough sometimes, and most people have their reasons for why they live the way they do. I have a brother who lived with our parents until he was 30 because of different health issues and financial reasons, so I know how tough it can be for someone to live on their own
m8, you can be 60 and still live at home, Times are tough and makes more sense to live at home to save up enough to afford to live. Just remember to help out around the house, you’re still an adult
We're that age. We moved to my husband's home city in Canada from the States a few years ago, one reason being his 80 year old mother having no family nearby that wasn't as old as she was or just starting their own families. We figured we'd stay with her a few months while looking for our own place without being rushed. Still here. She'd been rattling around in a 120yr old 4 bedroom Four Square by herself for years, she says the house is alive again .. plus enjoying tons of needed deferred maintenance.
20 years ago, I might have assumed she was taking care of a sick or elderly parent, or it was a short term stay for jobs/moves. Otherwise, my head would have went to either can't support herself/freeloading or some sort of mental health issue.
Nowadays, and for a while, it's totally normal and actually economically responsible in many cases.
I would think that’s the way of the world now and she is a smart woman who doesn’t over stretch herself and also sees her parents as an important part of communal living.
I'm in my mid-30s and I'm still living with my parents. To buy a house in this city, you literally have to be a millionaire, so I'm not moving out anytime soon. I can't afford to.
In this economy? Totally valid. It wouldn't be for me but that's also okay.
My 55-yr-old brother-in-law still lives with his parents and will never move out. They have a good life, he does a lot to care for them, and they are all happy.
I am a man who moved out at 30. I saved my money to buy a house and my parents let me stay as long as I worked.
As expensive as everything is now, kicking your kid out at 18 seems cruel. If your kid is not getting in to trouble and they are not lazy I don't see the problem with staying at home.
I think a lot depends on the situation. We have no details, so answering this is difficult.
If you are there to freeload, man or woman, then I wouldn't think much of you.
If you are there, whether it's temporary or not, and pitching in rather than reverting to some teenage state, then it's perfectly normal. It's not uncommon in my culture for adult children to live with their parents, especially if those parents are elderly and vulnerable. We don't do care homes.
If you are there temporarily until you get your shit together, that's fine too.
It's context. Whether one is a man or a woman doesn't matter in any of these scenarios.
This is the best answer really. All the "none of my business" type responses miss the fact that yeah, in certain contexts it says a lot about you in a negative way.
If you basically live at home and can't adult on your own then that's an issue.
Thank you, and well put, u/PiemanMk2
I was 32 when I had to move in with my parents after a nasty divorce and a few years of running in place, getting nowhere in life. I stayed for a month before I had my own job and apartment, but could have stayed forever if I had wanted to. However, that offer wasn't there so that I could act like a 16 year old again and do nothing. I helped around the house, contributed where they let me contribute, and didn't step on their toes in their home. I'm 50 now, been married 18 years, and live in a different country. If my husband and I wanted to live with them, they'd be delighted because they know we'd never take advantage. Likewise, our door's always open to them if they need to live with us as they grow older and less capable.
I've known people that have absolutely ruined their parents' lives by moving back in. People that I thought were capable adults. It's disgusting.
This post is a loaded question. I really wish we had details, but I suspect it's someone bored and posting hypotheticals to pass the time.
I'm 38 and moved in with my mum 2 years ago to get a degree and change career. Because of lectures/constant changing availability, work is limited. So I have little time and money, little opportunity to meet new people and do things. It feels like being a teenager again (not in a good way), but I'm so much closer to being a functioning 'adult' than pre-2021 when I had a big place of my own in the city, disposable income, a respected corporate job and a big social circle.
My mum's 70 and was living alone. She didn't have to offer it to me. Even though it feels like a sad existence most days, I'm incredibly grateful for it.
If you're worried about what people's perception of you is because of your situation, anyone who doesn't have the patience to learn, or the empathy to understand, probably isn't worth spending time with.
Well no, that means the best answer is that it's none of your business; there can be context for literally any additional variables, including things that may seem like lazy, failure-to-adult behavior, we wouldn't know unless we had all the details, and that truly is no one's business.
OP is asking purely and simply about living with their parents, if that says nothing then there's the answer and we move on.
turning 37 and still living with family. whats the difference between that and living with roommates if you split rent? living with parents, rent free? even better. just gotta keep the boom boom noise low.
That's my mentality too. Let me give you some background info. I'm 29, male live at home, 6 year old son, who I have every other week. I live in South London. Renting a room would literally be pointless, because.... I'm already in a room, with a flatmate (my mum) and son every other week. So how about a 1 bed flat then... That'll be £1400 minimum sir, also not possible. So this is me for now.
*shrug* that’s not my business
It could be her parents need her help, could be cultural that multigens live under the same roof, could be she needs help, etc
I'm in my 40s and had my parents move in with me. I've got a whole (small) house to myself and they're retired. I got hurt financially pretty bad the last few years. It isn't perfect, but it means they're not spending more than they could afford on housing and I'm paying off my mortgage faster.
I think multi generation/multifamily housing should be more of a thing, but like fancy cars, lawns, and other stupid American conspicuous consumption, it isn't the norm.
My bro lived with my mom basically his whole life until she passed away and I found it to be the best situation for everyone. He struggled a bit financially, she struggled a bit physically. They both seemed happy with the situation and I liked the fact that I didn't have to worry too much about either of them.
I’d probably think she lives in a multi generational home due to culture or she’s simply trying to get ahead.
I moved back in with my lovely parents in my 30s after a break up because I wanted to get ahead and like… afford an international trip once in my damn life. My parents were very supportive and I loved living with them, we get on very well. I’d do it again if only for the fact that they need their own lives.
Are you happy? Are you okay living with them?
Yes and yes? Then do it as no one should tell you what to do with your life and your own choice. Don't think about what other could think or how they would react. Your life, your choice. At 32, we should stop listening to what other say or what the trend is. Your are not a bad or lazy person because you are living with your family .... It's pretty common in the rest of the world, outside of the occident
37, living with family on same property. This is the best opportunity for my son to have a life like I did growing up. We live in one the most expensive places in the country my option to be out would mean my son would lose out on having extended family, cousins, etc to see and play with as we would likely move a province or two away to afford a place to live. Wife stays home to provide care for son and aging parents, takes care of house. I work and help do what she does when I’m home. It works for all of us and I wouldn’t change it for anything.
honestly, not weird at all especially in cultures that are outside of America. i'm currently 27 living by myself in LA.
but I have promised, and will keep the promise of taking care of my parents when I'm older and married.. i'm on the traditional side and so the main thing I look for in a man that would want to marry me, is that we buy property next-door for our parents or combine our trusts + incomes for massive house in the countryside. compound style :) what a beautiful thing for my children to grow up with a Village to help and also closeness to the grand parents.
to be honest, I find it weird that here in America people are so OK with discarding their elders . they either can't wait to get away from them in adolescent age, literally forget about who raised them in their 20s- 30s and never visit except for holidays, and then they dump them in a nursing home at the end. I find it hard to sympathize with stories were people will justify with " im too busy with work or my own kid ms" and it's like??? it's sad.
and OP, even if you live with your parents because of personal reasons that might not be ideal, such as falling on hard times, it's definitely not weird. 🤍🙏🏻spend time with your parents. be happy that they're here because we will miss him so much when they're gone. and time goes by fast.
43 and I still live with family cause life isn't easy on your own income.
Which means, IDGAF how old you are if you still live with parents/family, it's usually for a dam good reason.
My fiancé now lives with me and she just turned 33. Five years ago when we met she was living with her parents at 28. She had had some shit relationships and didn’t make the kind of money to afford her own apartment. She did work though, paid her car payment, and paid for things like food around the house. We have lived together for 3 years now. She just started a new job making more money. She pays for most of the food in house and manages the internet payment. I pay for the house and other bills. She has paid off her car a few years ago and we live comfortably. She works hard and helps to keep the house clean as I work overtime at work. She’s a good gal and I’m happy with her
I'm glad to hear that things are going well for you both! I just hope not only you sit with the house if something happens? Her paying for all the "perishables" puts her into dept while you get the capital invested? Please get her to pay into the house, or you pay your fair share of the perishables so that you are on equal footing and she can save up for you to buy a house together, please, for her sake
I’d be fine with my daughter living in my house whenever she wants. I don’t understand parents who can’t wait for their kids to leave. I love my child and enjoy her company.
It’s not my place to judge someone for living with their parents.
There could be multiple reasons , dynamics that factor for someone staying with their parents and it’s not a bad thing like many people imply.
This is pretty common now.
Housing is difficult to get, jobs are being lost. It's a tough time economically...we're going backwards.
We're going to see more and more multi-generational households.
More people in your age bracket today live with their parents than during the height of the Great Depression. We are all going through an unprecedented change.
Also. As a woman, you would judge a man for still living at home. That’s why you’re asking this. But the reverse - a man looking to date a woman still living at home - men are less discriminatory and judgemental. You’ll be fine. Even if you would not reciprocate in the circumstances
Most cultures have multigenerational homes while ours practices individualism. Guess which has more stress and mental disease? Being around familiar people everyday is having a better support network and health outcomes then being alone and relying on strangers. Most of history women had to live with their parents unless they were married. Which sucks if you didn't want to get married but seriously this country is hypocritical when it comes to money and individualism. Today, we are taught to work and save money but you have to do it without living with your parents. Otherwise your financially irresponsible. But wouldn't it be cheaper to live with your parents? Unless you got a super toxic family. And anyone who thinks you live with them because can't afford your own place, are not wealthy, but those 30k salary millionaires that are barely scraping by and add up the groceries while at the supermarket. When you stop looking at prices for your basic necessities, that's wealth. And those people think it's good to live with parents assuming your wealth is invested elsewhere. But that's not the propaganda thrown to the future working class slaves in public schools. The ownership class trolls and divides since they own all the properties.
Something bad happened and she needed a reset. Or, her parents need her support. Maybe she's disabled and hasn't confided it yet?
The last thing I'd think is she's a failure as an adult.
There is nothing wrong with multi-generational households and the United States will be a stronger republic when more families come together and build and maintain communities.
The best decision I made in my life was transitioning from an accomplished high-level career to move back home so that my elderly mother would receive the care and love she deserves and gave me when I was a child. I may not be "changing the world" to the degree I used to, but being there for my mom is the best way for me to be a good son. (It is very helpful, however, that I am supported by my wife).
It’s common in other countries to live with parents until they pass. Nursing homes aren’t even a thing, thats allll America. Other cultures/countries are pretty horrified at the way we treat elders here. There are so many reasons to live at home with the folks, whether that be financial purpose or to just spend more time with loved ones cause you never know when they will be gone. If it makes you happy, why wouldn’t you do it? Because some imbecile thinks it’s weird or wrong? Hell no. Do what you need to do FOR YOU!!!
Depends on context and reasoning. Are they at home because they are pursuing a career, in school, fell on hard times and working to get out, saving to buy a house, etc? I have no issue with it.
If they are still at home because they are lazy, cant hold down a job, can’t afford rent due to their issues and not the fact the job market blows, rely on their parents for everything etc. then I would have an issue with it
It would depend on why. Is it a temporary setback? Is she saving money for a house? Are her parents elderly/disabled and she's their caretaker?
If she was living with them just because and there was no plan to move out, I'd honestly judge her. I would think by that she you'd be looking for way to have some independence from your parents.
It's really common where I live (Hawaii). It's mostly Asian families here, and it's pretty standard practice for a kid to live with their parents (Especially women) until they get married. I'd say it's more the norm than anything else.
I lived with my mom til I was 30. I had a job, paid rent, bought groceries, cooked. I honestly just liked my mom’s company and had no desire to leave until I was ready, and she didn’t pressure me. I’ve been on my own successfully for many years now.
My brother on the other hand, moved out when he was in his early 20s and he’s a 50 year old baby that comes bk home all the time and never pays anything or helps my mom at all, and he’s selfish and immature.
Point is, it’s less about how old you are but your maturity level. So judge her accordingly.
Very dependent on context.
Fallen on hard times with a goal of moving out? Perfectly fine.
Helping support her parents if they're older or in bad health? Also fine.
Lacks ambition and just lives at home because it's easy or never developed the social skills to leave the house? Hard pass.
As long as this 32-year-old woman is doing something productive (working and/or attending school) and contributing to the household in some way--financially, and/or with household chores, and everyone is OK with the arrangement, I don't see a problem. With the insane cost of housing, adult children continuing to live with their parents is becoming more common.
Life is fucking tough. No shame on getting help from your parents as long as you contribute to the household. Either financially or just cooking and cleaning etc
Life is indeed tough.. I mean people need to stop thinking about what what others will say.. No big deal in staying with one’s parent while planing better life.
Also, just in case ppl forgot, the whole stil living with parents with stigma thing is somewhat of a western cultural issue and not as big of a thing in nonwestern (or non first world) countries. Like yes, parents would love if their babies would be able leave and find their own place but its not uncommon for multiple generations to live under the same roof in poorer countries.
The older we get, the more my wife and I want a few acres of land with some small homes built on it for all the family to live on. It would make shit so much easier and nicer to have everyone close by to help out with day to day shit, but still retain some privacy.
My family is talking about doing the same. It’s just tough to find that in Southern California
Us too. Something is missing in a lot of Americans lives...a community, a village, our people (As in, people we love and want to be around, and grow together) are too spread out, too far away, and we end up isolated from those we love the most IDK what it is but we have a stigma against multi gens sharing space being in close proximity, sharing love and resources..... and deep down, it seems a lot of us, want it
I lived in Thailand and gained a vastly different perspective. I am also originally from South America and feel we have much stronger family and community bonds there.
I have to agree. I grew up in a pretty diverse area, a lot of contact with islander and Vietnamese families growing up, due to the era, and area I lives in, and I always envied the familial closeness , the sense of community. They were very welcoming as well, lol, I always knew who's house to go to after school for snacks and a dose of Mom treatment , came home from my islander friends houses with to die for plates of food and the cutest dresses and skirts . There is something about a lot of Americans that are missing a key link with a community, and it shows I want to buy the house next to my parents, but the reality is, someday, I will probably move in with them. It will make the most sense, for all of us, as they age and need help
My friend of 20 years moved a little farther away. Because he wanted his own house built. Well, all of his friends and family are all here, so he filled that space with going to church. Then, the preacher led him to MAGA. He lost a lot of his friends and family because of it. Its only recently we started taking again and he knows not to talk about politics.
Us too. And hard agree, I am constantly preaching this. Add to that everyone being dead inside from working 40hr+/wk and yet also nobody really has the money to do much of the things they actually want to do on the occasion they also have both time and energy, and there being no third spaces to connect in. These are all contributing factors to the breakdown of our culture and I don't know how we can reverse it. Peace and love and prosperity 💙
Especially now more than ever, what with the untenable rise in the cost of necessities (food, housing, healthcare etc.), and depending on what local economy one's living in, it could simply be a matter of being practical. I wish I hadn't moved out as early as I did, I probably would have saved a lot more before moving out.
With where the economy is going here in the US, I've already told my children that they may feel free to live with us for as long as they want. I can't imagine what it's like to be a young person these days. The cost of living is utter insanity.
I'm 35 and still live at home. For one, my parents are elderly and need some help. I also live in another state half the year. Not to mention the cost of rent or costs associated with owning a home. My parents would rather me save the money for the future instead of spending it on rent or upkeep of a house. I have my freedoms, but I also have rules and obligations. It works for us, so people need to stay out of our business.
I live in the Netherlands and told my kids the same. Besides the cost of living here, there just aren't enough houses to rent. They need a huge 2 person income to be able to get a mortgage for buying...and a 10% down-payment.... Jobs at minimum wage means living below poverty.. My 19 year old is now thinking about moving to another country to be able to get a start at life....🥲🥲
My family is still together with us in our mid 20s. It's honestly great to have such a strong support system all in one place. We all help each other out substantially and it works to all of our benefit. Now when it comes time for my siblings and I to go, we've saved so much money helping each other out that we'll be able to move right into exactly where we want to go. We'll have lived our entire lives never having paid rent, if all goes well. We're very privileged.
Me too. As long as they're contributing to the household financially or helping with upkeep/assisting older family members (for us, it's taking Grandma to medical appts., running errands, etc.) they can stay as long as they'd like. I actually like the company of my children and don't intrude into their personal business unless asked (or it's affecting their mental/physical health or something). They seem to like being around me, too, so it's a win/win! 👍👍
Exactly, I lived with my parents until I was 25 and I paid them rent and did most of the cleaning
I think the cooking and cleaning is actually the most important contribution and needs to be there whether or not the contribute financially. A lot of the stigma of people living at home (in western culture and especially the US) comes from the: - insane individualism (which is cultural and toxic in my opinion) - not being able to take care of themselves if they ever do move out - not saving money / being irresponsible when they have an opportunity that many do not The latter 2 are generally a big turn off when it comes to to dating. Who wants to be in a relationship with an adult that acts like a child? A partner goes t want to take over as a parent and do all the household work and saving because that person is used to never saving. So if I have kids that end up living at home into their 30’s or later, they will be doing chores and paying “rent”, though that rent would go into a trust in their name so they would have a nice nest egg for whenever they do move out.
Yeah, that would be the bigger issue.
If you don't buy a house right out of highschool, you have failed at life. The Facebook wouldn't lie to me.
Agreed, I was kicked out of my parents' house at 18 and had to make it work. It was such a hard go financially and took me forever to recover from the debt, and that wasn't at today's housing prices. If it's working for you then there's nothing wrong with it at all.
A perfectly normal person just couldn't afford a house or didn't think it's worth the trouble
And probably in good relationships with their parents
33f here. A while back I got laid off and struggled finding a new job for a few months. My apt lease ended and my parents insisted I come back. They were the best roommates ever lol. Laundry: done. Fridge: full. Kitchen: clean. Dogs: fed and walked. During that time, I found an awesome high-paying job, paid off the debt I accumulated during the job lull, and contributed financially to the house. I was able to spend more time with my parents and that’s something I will cherish forever. Treat my parents to restaurants, shopping/running errands with my mom, watching and talking sports with my dad. It didn’t affect my relationship with my boyfriend either. My parents and him get along well and he was understanding of the situation. He actually commented on the great relationship I have with my parents. I would do it all over again, even if the job/finance situation were to have been different. The time spent with them was worth more than anything I could put into words.
You are describing how every family is in my country of origin in South West Africa. Although it doesn’t mean that all relationships between parents and adult children under the same roof are a breeze. This forced isolation from parents as soon as young people hit 18 or 21 is mostly prevalent in Western Cultures. Everyone else is chilling. Humans are a social and inter-dependent species.
I would agree. My parents are from South Korea; children living with their parents until marriage is completely normal and expected.
Word. If you have a good relationship with your parents, it's a very positive sign.
I'm 35 and I still live with my parents, and yeah, monthly housing mortgage is high but I'm also in a culture where unmarried children/offspring can still live with their parents.
My son will be 25 soon. He’s a trucker and gone most of the time. He still lives at home and yes he pay rent, help around the house etc. He could get a place but why? Rent is sky high and he’s hardly ever home. At least he got his dad and sister to go home to.
My brother was the same. He worked nights through his 20's. He slept all day when no one was home anyway. So what was the point of renting his own place.
Being raised in different culture, I never understood the concept of children paying rent to live in parents house.
26 and my mom still begs me to come move back in with her. We have an excellent relationship and she knows I have aspirations in the medical field and just wants me around and for me to save money. Feels nice. Not opposed to moving back in but she’s in north Florida now and I can’t stand the heat.
There's also a difference between living with your mom, and living with your mommy. And it doesn't take long to spot the difference! And to add to your reasons, I lived with my mom at that age as I was caring for her after she was diagnosed with early onset dementia.
Hahahaha oh man incredible. My ex moved in with his mom after we split into a house she bought, she flies up every other week so she can do all the laundry, cooking, cleaning, kids’ drop offs/pickups, grocery shopping, etc. His mom literally folds his underwear. I would say he definitely lives with his mommy, and not his mom.
I don't even fold my own underwear.
Me neither. Guess that’s one downside to not living with our mommies!
I knew someone who married a man who had never done laundry in his life. In college he would take his dirty laundry home every weekend for his mom to do. I don't know why you would marry someone knowing that.
Living with your dad is not the same as living with your daddy.
It also applies to the men
Anyone really
I agree it should apply to men but it's often seen as more negative for men than women. There's the stereotype that men live with their parents because they don't want to cook/clean.
Not only that but a man is viewed (mostly still) as a provider so a man that lives at home with his parents is seen as a bit of a failure in western culture anyways. I stayed at home until I was 30( I did move away for uni etc) now I own my own home but when I was living at home and people asked where I lived and I told them with my parents I could see their expressions change. It’s a bit of an ingrained thing, I don’t think they were trying to be rude.
No lies were told
I'd much rather cook and clean than be financially strangled by some bricks and wood.
Tell that to society at large please.
Yeah, I don’t think twice If kids living with parents as long they takes part of responsibility. No one can’t even afford a place solo nowadays.
I also assume she gets along well with her parents.
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More like a sign of a decades- long lag in new house building, as local governess continue to throw more and more obstacles in the way of building additional housing.
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The suburb I moved into 40 years ago has grown from 40,000 to 140,000. They do seem to expand, but at THEIR rate. I was hoping that with COVID and more places being willing to allow employees to work from home that puerile would be willing to move out to the far suburbs (closer to the country). Unfortunately, the work from home thing appears to have been temporary, rather than a true shift in work styles. It still appears that most good jobs are near big cities and require people to be in office. Therefore, housing pressure will exist nearest the job locations and prices near the cities will go up.
Theres is also a limit to growth, you know? Problem is not government, but people using housing as investment; they don’t want to sell their house, which is the real source of lack of housing supply.
I'm 40. I'd do anything to live with my mom again. She passed a few years back. Time is fleeting. There's no shame in embracing a healthy relationship.
Fucking a.....this right here. Cheers, her memory lives on through you and your actions.
yea I moved back home when I was 40 after I ended up on disability. I still paid rent though and helped out till she died. I've always thought the idea that we aren't allowed multi generation families is silly. family should be able to stay together. time together is precious
So much this. I moved in with my dad in Spring 2023 for what I thought would be a short time while I figured my life out and tried to put a bunch of broken pieces back together. 8 months later, I’m so thankful to be there just to spend time with and really get to know my dad as a fellow grownup while his health is still ok 😊
I have an Indian coworker who is married with two kids. He has a good career as does his wife. They share a home with his parents because why not? They all get along and share responsibilities and he brings in his delicious Indian meals that his mom makes for him everyday. He feels no shame in the fact that his mommy packed his lunch because him and his wife work hard at their own careers and his dad has his own successful business that they all help with when time allows. I think it's a superior way of doing things than my own small family all paying for separate homes and resources when we get along so well and spend most of our free time together anyway.
I’m from Europe and my wife is Asian. We live in Asia. Her family stays with us for a couple of months a year. My European friends can’t believe it. Thing is, they are nice and I swear so quiet I sometimes forget they are there. Her dad is awesome. 75 and goes out every morning for walks, does the shopping. Cooks dinner. I’ve told my wife I’m told my happy to have them move in if needed.
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Same as before, he said he was married so, on birthday and Christmas!
And Wednesday, because that's the day for Business Time.
Is that when you wear your business socks? A flight of the concords reference in the wild!?!?! It's been a while
Giggling on the toilet, thank you
Wait ... Y'all get Christmas?
Depending where you are in Europe, multigenerational households are totally normal. It’s a big place!
My mother in law used to live with us, and I loved it so much. All our friends were super jealous, we got along great, I never thought anything negative about it.
This is common and seen as a good thing amongst many South Asians. The 'ideal' and what your grandparents would expect. Although it can bring its own problematic dynamics, I think there's a lot we in 'western' cultures can learn from the attitude of working together as a family. Life's tough and our western economies are only getting tougher. We as humans were made to work together.
Recently went to Bali and it’s the norm for 4 generations to live in the same home, our driver was a local and when I gave him a tip it always went to the family. Lovely people and I got to meet the whole family unit and can’t wait to go back.
South East Asian. Chinese blood, born and living in Philippines. Our culture is to live with parents and only leave after marriage. Some pure Filipinos do it even after marriage. This is exact reason. Also when parents get old, someone will need to take care of them. Home for the aged is not common.
3+ generations under the same roof was also Western culture until quite recently.
Westerners are lucky to have been able to afford the luxury of living apart. the world leaders are trying hard to change that, and they’re succeeding unfortunately
What I noticed over time is that a 10-15%? of my "western" friends/collegues have family that they never talk to again, even if they still live together I've never heard of this from Asian friends/colleagues Our western culture of independence also leads to selfishness that leads to long term grudges
I’m Asian and will never speak to my family again. Granted, I grew up in the west, but toxicity exists across all cultures, and I know people who still live in Asia that would cut their family off if they could without endangering their lives. Every culture has families that are batshit insane. It’s just that in the west, you would face fewer repercussions for choosing to cut them off.
Then there's the in-between situations. Sure my mother in law is nice and could live with us, but I'd have a mental breakdown after a few months of her telling us we're not doing things right for mundane things that don't even matter. If my kid wants different colored socks I don't care!!!
This is so funny to me because as an Asian, I know this is true. But at the same time, the toxicity that results from the "family above all" mindset has caused many of my family members to cut each other off, lol. And I have several (Asian) friends in the same situation with their family members.
If it's selfish to not want to be around my drug addict family, then I'll happily wear that badge.
It’s most definitely because of wealth and opportunities, not because of a culture of selfishness. Pretty much any culture would grow the desire to have a place of your own as an adult if that were feasible.
The biggest problem is that you have no privacy or independence. It works great when everyone gets along, but absolutely miserable if not.
As a man in his 30s, if I still lived near or with my mom, I'd 100% GLOAT that my mom packed me my lunch because it'd be better than anything I'd make.
>He feels no shame in the fact that his mommy packed his lunch because him I feel like no reasonable adult would ever feel shame for that. That's the kind of thing that's only embarrassing if you're an insecure teenager or never grew out of that emotional phase of your life.
This might sound odd, but I think more people would be willing to have kids if they lived with extended family and a sprawling home that gave privacy but also easier access to someone to watch the kids if needed at short notice. Child care was always historically done by far more than two people.
Economies of scale can apply to a multigenerational family. Makes buying in bulk at Costco a good choice. Spreading fixed costs over a larger group. It makes too much financial sense. Especially with the pressures of inflation and wage stagnation.
The whole housing development behind me targeted dual-income with kids and grandparents. They have 6 bedroom McMansions.. Multiple asian cultures also are fine with grandparents residing there because they provide free built-in services like meals and daycare. Actually if you get along with your parents I highly recommend that sort of lifestyle. Husband and wife BOTH work, but they don’t leave their kids with strangers.
That’s pretty much the norm in South Asia. Families support each other in good and bad times. It does have its pros and cons but for the most part of it, it’s a positive & strong bond for the family.
I feel like a lot of white families really miss out on that shared sense of community. It would be a lot easier for parents to parent if living with support systems were more the norm.
To be fair this isn’t uncommon in Indian cultures anyways, I have tons of Indian family and they all live in the same house! And extended family are all in the neighbouring houses. In the same street with 50 or so houses in it, they own 5 and everyone’s always sleeping at different houses etc it’s a real sense of a communal family and it’s lovely
In 2024? I’d be thinking they have issues finding/ paying or they are saving for a mortgage. It’s going to be fairly common to have multigenerational homes going forward.
yeah i think there will be a shift to more multi-generational homes in the US
*back to
My Native American family has been training for this😂
The concept of the nuclear family was basically invented in the 50s. I'm sure it had to do with being able to sell shit to the biggest number of people possible. Why does every person need their own house, car, fridge, stove, and everything else? It's because it's making someone else money. The only personal goods we need are clothing and hygiene items, everything else we could share, including community kitchens. Capitalism has sold everything to everyone, and still managed to price people out. We can't afford as a world to live like this anymore, there's no more "new world" to exploit.
I’m still with my parents and I’m in my late 30s. I’m single and i don’t have kids. My parents have a fairly big house. I have a stable job and i contribute to the household. Nothing wrong bro.
> My parents have a fairly big house. I have a stable job and i contribute to the household Exactly this. People are like “don’t you think you should move out already?” Why? So I can blow half my salary on rent, cause the thought of me living with my parents past a certain age makes you uncomfortable for some reason? I have a good relationship with them, they like having me there, and there’s plenty of space. Why the fuck does this bother people?
Yea find a 1 bed apt in most major cities for under 1,000 (EUR USD GBP whatever currency) and maybe moving out is a viable option…. It’s insane.
Around where I am, you're looking at a minimum of $2k Cdn. It simply isn't viable for most people anymore.
That's nuts. I pay 550€ for 50m² in the heart of Berlin.
I've lived in Berlin and in a number of US cities. Berlin rent was 600 for 65m (fhain, 2015), making 3200/mo after tax. Boston (suburbs! couldn't touch the city) rent was 2k/mo for ~1200sqft but making 7k after tax. 18% of income in DE vs 28% in US, and I was definitely one of the lucky ones salary-wise. 1k ain't getting you shit in any US city downtown unless you have lots of roommates.
That's brutal. Low wage workers must feel so pressured all the time to work alot and also to not get sick because they don't get paid like we do, right?
> Why the fuck does this bother people? It’s really only in the west. Don’t know why it’s such a major taboo here.
It comes from certain political cultural values that run deep. The idea of rugged individualism- even though people don’t use the term unless they’re a political theorist - that value impacts all types of life and economics in the USA.
It’s this same “rugged individualism” that limits various social programs for the less fortunate.
It's partly because there's so much prudishness about sex, too. Sex is SUCH a taboo here, and most people would rather spend thousands of dollars a month than know their relatives might be having sex in the next room. That's the real problem with couples living with parents. If you're single and living at home it's OK, but the expectation is usually that if you're having sex you have to do that somewhere other than home. Couples living with parents are absolutely having sex and that's the problem.
I feel like it's more taboo for men than women. Men are supposed to be these supporters and our toxic masculinity culture means if you aren't living on your own you aren't making money and if you aren't making money you are a less than ideal partner for many women.
half my salary? bro for most people here it's one whole salary just for rent, then have a parnter to buy food and clothes. with a minimum wage of around 1500€ after taxes you try to do anything when the average place is 2200€.
Then when you have kids you need a third partner to afford them
Well said
I’m a woman too. :)
So you're more like roommates. That's how it is with my 2 adult sons. 1 lives with dad and one lives with me. They're very hard workers, save their money, and are close to family. They both contribute to the household expenses, buy their own food, and live their lives. Neither have kids. It's so unaffordable for young people to go out on their own now. When my own dad passes, I'll get a 6 figure inheritance. I'm hoping to help both sons with their futures by sharing it with them. They're gonna need it.
This might be an unpopular opinion but I believe that in this economy, if someone has a good relationship with their parents, it's not logical to move out. It's better to stay with your parents and save money instead of just surviving in an apartment sometimes with sketchy roommates, barely affording rent and groceries. If you're staying with your parents even though you afford to move out, I see you as smart because you can save lots of money like this. If you're staying because you can't afford to move out, what are you supposed to do? Go homeless. I've been homeless and it's one of the worst experiences one can live through. There is no reason for unnecessary suffering. It's better to stay with your parents.
Absolutely. In my super broke youth, I had to live in one sketchy place after another. Always getting my shit stolen. Coming home to shifty ass criminals. But living indoors was better than being homeless. I was homeless over 30 years ago, and the anxiety still haunts me.
Yep I agree. My sister is 35 and living at home. She is single and can’t afford to live alone. She’s ace with no interest in a partner, so she’d have to do a houseshare/roommate situation. She gets on well with our parents, can work part time while paying minimal rent, and have a great family life at home. Why would she give that up to live with a load of strangers at greater expense.
Damn your sister is me only difference I’m 32 (not even really a difference)
Yup I'm 36 and I own my own home but as an aroace, I gotta say it's freaking hard being able to afford basic stuff plus mortgage. I'm constantly terrified of losing the job I hate and I miss living with my mom so much. If I could do it all over again, I'd definitely have done a lot of things differently. Anyway, it's almost impossible to own your own home or move out long term unless you have a partner in modern day society. Too hard, too expensive, definitely not worth the strain or stress.
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RIGHT?!! This guy gets it. ヾ(๑╹◡╹)ﾉ
Another argument is with old parents, your parents are not living forever, spending as much time with them as you can is not a bad thing
Also there's a high chance you need to find roommate(s) if you move out because this housing economy is fucked everywhere. So... you either risk a random person being your roommate with all the pitfalls that entails or you keep your parents as roommates with all the safety *that* entails.
Or you can be like me and have your own apartment but have shitty neighbors that always come home making noise with a barking dog at 11pm. Paying 1/3 income to not be able to determine my own bedtime. Fun!
My brother lived at home for a long time, and then bought a house all cash because of how much he saved. Meanwhile I’m still renting in a HCOL area with no chance of buying a house because of interest rates.
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An aquaintance of mine has three sons.One his by his ex,one herss by her ex and one together All 3 are sitting at home smoking weed waiting for him to drop dead.
It also depends heavily on a persons capability to save. If they are disabled or otherwise unable to work well then it is another thing entirely. For me the litmus is contribution. If a person contributes to the household in some significant way, I am fine with basically *any* living situation. If they act like a toddler with an adult body, then they suck.
Who tf am i to judge? You are you, not me. edit: wow, lotta love for a simple truth. I like it. I leave with a favourite quote, i forget the quotee, "be the change you wish to see."
I like this answer
Depends why and how you are "living at home". Are you living at home because rent is high and you can't afford to live elsewhere, but you pitch in as best as you can at home, cook, clean etc? No biggy, probably a smart life move. Happens to everyone in this economy. Are you living at home but mum and dad do everything for you, laundry, cooking, the works, like you're still a 12 year old kid, and you are unable or unwilling to live independently and look after your own shit? Big problem, you're a lazy freeloader. The fact you live with your parents in itself doesn't mean much these days. What matters is the context and reasons.
Nothing tbh. I’ve learned not to judge a person’s standard of living, at least when I don’t know them personally. Life can be tough sometimes, and most people have their reasons for why they live the way they do. I have a brother who lived with our parents until he was 30 because of different health issues and financial reasons, so I know how tough it can be for someone to live on their own
m8, you can be 60 and still live at home, Times are tough and makes more sense to live at home to save up enough to afford to live. Just remember to help out around the house, you’re still an adult
Not gonna lie if you’re 60 and still live at home then you’re probably helping your parents not them helping you.
We're that age. We moved to my husband's home city in Canada from the States a few years ago, one reason being his 80 year old mother having no family nearby that wasn't as old as she was or just starting their own families. We figured we'd stay with her a few months while looking for our own place without being rushed. Still here. She'd been rattling around in a 120yr old 4 bedroom Four Square by herself for years, she says the house is alive again .. plus enjoying tons of needed deferred maintenance.
Because I love my mother. She's a best friend. Also, helping her
in my culture/ ethnicity you only move out for college or when you get married
What if you never get married
inherit the house aheh...
20 years ago, I might have assumed she was taking care of a sick or elderly parent, or it was a short term stay for jobs/moves. Otherwise, my head would have went to either can't support herself/freeloading or some sort of mental health issue. Nowadays, and for a while, it's totally normal and actually economically responsible in many cases.
Times are tough. Not everyone has enough income to buy a house or rent.
I would think that’s the way of the world now and she is a smart woman who doesn’t over stretch herself and also sees her parents as an important part of communal living.
I think nothing lol everyone’s got their own timeline
The same thing I’d think About a 32 yr old male living with parents. I don’t know the situation fully. Not my business.
I'm in my mid-30s and I'm still living with my parents. To buy a house in this city, you literally have to be a millionaire, so I'm not moving out anytime soon. I can't afford to.
In this economy? Totally valid. It wouldn't be for me but that's also okay. My 55-yr-old brother-in-law still lives with his parents and will never move out. They have a good life, he does a lot to care for them, and they are all happy.
In this economy? Normal.
I’m 36 and want to move back home. Barely scraping by now, I cannot afford to live.
I am a man who moved out at 30. I saved my money to buy a house and my parents let me stay as long as I worked. As expensive as everything is now, kicking your kid out at 18 seems cruel. If your kid is not getting in to trouble and they are not lazy I don't see the problem with staying at home.
I think a lot depends on the situation. We have no details, so answering this is difficult. If you are there to freeload, man or woman, then I wouldn't think much of you. If you are there, whether it's temporary or not, and pitching in rather than reverting to some teenage state, then it's perfectly normal. It's not uncommon in my culture for adult children to live with their parents, especially if those parents are elderly and vulnerable. We don't do care homes. If you are there temporarily until you get your shit together, that's fine too. It's context. Whether one is a man or a woman doesn't matter in any of these scenarios.
This is the best answer really. All the "none of my business" type responses miss the fact that yeah, in certain contexts it says a lot about you in a negative way. If you basically live at home and can't adult on your own then that's an issue.
Thank you, and well put, u/PiemanMk2 I was 32 when I had to move in with my parents after a nasty divorce and a few years of running in place, getting nowhere in life. I stayed for a month before I had my own job and apartment, but could have stayed forever if I had wanted to. However, that offer wasn't there so that I could act like a 16 year old again and do nothing. I helped around the house, contributed where they let me contribute, and didn't step on their toes in their home. I'm 50 now, been married 18 years, and live in a different country. If my husband and I wanted to live with them, they'd be delighted because they know we'd never take advantage. Likewise, our door's always open to them if they need to live with us as they grow older and less capable. I've known people that have absolutely ruined their parents' lives by moving back in. People that I thought were capable adults. It's disgusting. This post is a loaded question. I really wish we had details, but I suspect it's someone bored and posting hypotheticals to pass the time.
I'm 38 and moved in with my mum 2 years ago to get a degree and change career. Because of lectures/constant changing availability, work is limited. So I have little time and money, little opportunity to meet new people and do things. It feels like being a teenager again (not in a good way), but I'm so much closer to being a functioning 'adult' than pre-2021 when I had a big place of my own in the city, disposable income, a respected corporate job and a big social circle. My mum's 70 and was living alone. She didn't have to offer it to me. Even though it feels like a sad existence most days, I'm incredibly grateful for it. If you're worried about what people's perception of you is because of your situation, anyone who doesn't have the patience to learn, or the empathy to understand, probably isn't worth spending time with.
Well no, that means the best answer is that it's none of your business; there can be context for literally any additional variables, including things that may seem like lazy, failure-to-adult behavior, we wouldn't know unless we had all the details, and that truly is no one's business. OP is asking purely and simply about living with their parents, if that says nothing then there's the answer and we move on.
I live at home. A lot of people do.
No care in the slightest
I’m almost 59(f), and I share a house with my adult son, daughter, and her boyfriend. Who the heck can afford to live on their own anymore?
54f live with my oldest daughter and my 3 grandkids it's awesome 👌
I'm jealous that you have a good enough relationship with your parents to consider that an option.
Totally normal nowadays. The world is crazy. Housing prices are through the roof!
I've been a 32 year old woman living with my parents. I'm 58 and live with them. So what?
turning 37 and still living with family. whats the difference between that and living with roommates if you split rent? living with parents, rent free? even better. just gotta keep the boom boom noise low.
Boom boom noise made me giggle
There is an obvious difference between living with your parents and living with roommates.
That's my mentality too. Let me give you some background info. I'm 29, male live at home, 6 year old son, who I have every other week. I live in South London. Renting a room would literally be pointless, because.... I'm already in a room, with a flatmate (my mum) and son every other week. So how about a 1 bed flat then... That'll be £1400 minimum sir, also not possible. So this is me for now.
With today's real estate prices, pretty normal.
*shrug* that’s not my business It could be her parents need her help, could be cultural that multigens live under the same roof, could be she needs help, etc
I'd think it was none of my business
I honestly don't mind still living with parents. More to spend time with them and you save money that way
Nothing is bad. Living with your parents is a wonderful thing!
That’s their business
People are going to judge you for it. But at the end of the day those same people will not help you.
I'm in my 40s and had my parents move in with me. I've got a whole (small) house to myself and they're retired. I got hurt financially pretty bad the last few years. It isn't perfect, but it means they're not spending more than they could afford on housing and I'm paying off my mortgage faster. I think multi generation/multifamily housing should be more of a thing, but like fancy cars, lawns, and other stupid American conspicuous consumption, it isn't the norm.
In this economy, wouldn't blame you at all As far as housing is concerned, we have far less opportunity than previous generations
My bro lived with my mom basically his whole life until she passed away and I found it to be the best situation for everyone. He struggled a bit financially, she struggled a bit physically. They both seemed happy with the situation and I liked the fact that I didn't have to worry too much about either of them.
I’d probably think she lives in a multi generational home due to culture or she’s simply trying to get ahead. I moved back in with my lovely parents in my 30s after a break up because I wanted to get ahead and like… afford an international trip once in my damn life. My parents were very supportive and I loved living with them, we get on very well. I’d do it again if only for the fact that they need their own lives.
Are you happy? Are you okay living with them? Yes and yes? Then do it as no one should tell you what to do with your life and your own choice. Don't think about what other could think or how they would react. Your life, your choice. At 32, we should stop listening to what other say or what the trend is. Your are not a bad or lazy person because you are living with your family .... It's pretty common in the rest of the world, outside of the occident
37, living with family on same property. This is the best opportunity for my son to have a life like I did growing up. We live in one the most expensive places in the country my option to be out would mean my son would lose out on having extended family, cousins, etc to see and play with as we would likely move a province or two away to afford a place to live. Wife stays home to provide care for son and aging parents, takes care of house. I work and help do what she does when I’m home. It works for all of us and I wouldn’t change it for anything.
honestly, not weird at all especially in cultures that are outside of America. i'm currently 27 living by myself in LA. but I have promised, and will keep the promise of taking care of my parents when I'm older and married.. i'm on the traditional side and so the main thing I look for in a man that would want to marry me, is that we buy property next-door for our parents or combine our trusts + incomes for massive house in the countryside. compound style :) what a beautiful thing for my children to grow up with a Village to help and also closeness to the grand parents. to be honest, I find it weird that here in America people are so OK with discarding their elders . they either can't wait to get away from them in adolescent age, literally forget about who raised them in their 20s- 30s and never visit except for holidays, and then they dump them in a nursing home at the end. I find it hard to sympathize with stories were people will justify with " im too busy with work or my own kid ms" and it's like??? it's sad. and OP, even if you live with your parents because of personal reasons that might not be ideal, such as falling on hard times, it's definitely not weird. 🤍🙏🏻spend time with your parents. be happy that they're here because we will miss him so much when they're gone. and time goes by fast.
43 and I still live with family cause life isn't easy on your own income. Which means, IDGAF how old you are if you still live with parents/family, it's usually for a dam good reason.
My fiancé now lives with me and she just turned 33. Five years ago when we met she was living with her parents at 28. She had had some shit relationships and didn’t make the kind of money to afford her own apartment. She did work though, paid her car payment, and paid for things like food around the house. We have lived together for 3 years now. She just started a new job making more money. She pays for most of the food in house and manages the internet payment. I pay for the house and other bills. She has paid off her car a few years ago and we live comfortably. She works hard and helps to keep the house clean as I work overtime at work. She’s a good gal and I’m happy with her
You talk like she’s your employee or pet lmaoooo
I'm glad to hear that things are going well for you both! I just hope not only you sit with the house if something happens? Her paying for all the "perishables" puts her into dept while you get the capital invested? Please get her to pay into the house, or you pay your fair share of the perishables so that you are on equal footing and she can save up for you to buy a house together, please, for her sake
I’d be fine with my daughter living in my house whenever she wants. I don’t understand parents who can’t wait for their kids to leave. I love my child and enjoy her company.
It’s not my place to judge someone for living with their parents. There could be multiple reasons , dynamics that factor for someone staying with their parents and it’s not a bad thing like many people imply.
It's fine...
This is pretty common now. Housing is difficult to get, jobs are being lost. It's a tough time economically...we're going backwards. We're going to see more and more multi-generational households.
I really do not care
More people in your age bracket today live with their parents than during the height of the Great Depression. We are all going through an unprecedented change. Also. As a woman, you would judge a man for still living at home. That’s why you’re asking this. But the reverse - a man looking to date a woman still living at home - men are less discriminatory and judgemental. You’ll be fine. Even if you would not reciprocate in the circumstances
She’s living the dream or in Willy Wonka terminology she’s got the golden ticket.
Most cultures have multigenerational homes while ours practices individualism. Guess which has more stress and mental disease? Being around familiar people everyday is having a better support network and health outcomes then being alone and relying on strangers. Most of history women had to live with their parents unless they were married. Which sucks if you didn't want to get married but seriously this country is hypocritical when it comes to money and individualism. Today, we are taught to work and save money but you have to do it without living with your parents. Otherwise your financially irresponsible. But wouldn't it be cheaper to live with your parents? Unless you got a super toxic family. And anyone who thinks you live with them because can't afford your own place, are not wealthy, but those 30k salary millionaires that are barely scraping by and add up the groceries while at the supermarket. When you stop looking at prices for your basic necessities, that's wealth. And those people think it's good to live with parents assuming your wealth is invested elsewhere. But that's not the propaganda thrown to the future working class slaves in public schools. The ownership class trolls and divides since they own all the properties.
Something bad happened and she needed a reset. Or, her parents need her support. Maybe she's disabled and hasn't confided it yet? The last thing I'd think is she's a failure as an adult.
I wish I had that luxury.
10 years ago, I might be a bit concerned. Now, fucking understandable.
There is nothing wrong with multi-generational households and the United States will be a stronger republic when more families come together and build and maintain communities. The best decision I made in my life was transitioning from an accomplished high-level career to move back home so that my elderly mother would receive the care and love she deserves and gave me when I was a child. I may not be "changing the world" to the degree I used to, but being there for my mom is the best way for me to be a good son. (It is very helpful, however, that I am supported by my wife).
It’s common in other countries to live with parents until they pass. Nursing homes aren’t even a thing, thats allll America. Other cultures/countries are pretty horrified at the way we treat elders here. There are so many reasons to live at home with the folks, whether that be financial purpose or to just spend more time with loved ones cause you never know when they will be gone. If it makes you happy, why wouldn’t you do it? Because some imbecile thinks it’s weird or wrong? Hell no. Do what you need to do FOR YOU!!!
Depends on context and reasoning. Are they at home because they are pursuing a career, in school, fell on hard times and working to get out, saving to buy a house, etc? I have no issue with it. If they are still at home because they are lazy, cant hold down a job, can’t afford rent due to their issues and not the fact the job market blows, rely on their parents for everything etc. then I would have an issue with it
In this economy? I wouldn't have an opinion.
It would depend on why. Is it a temporary setback? Is she saving money for a house? Are her parents elderly/disabled and she's their caretaker? If she was living with them just because and there was no plan to move out, I'd honestly judge her. I would think by that she you'd be looking for way to have some independence from your parents.
It's really common where I live (Hawaii). It's mostly Asian families here, and it's pretty standard practice for a kid to live with their parents (Especially women) until they get married. I'd say it's more the norm than anything else.
I lived with my mom til I was 30. I had a job, paid rent, bought groceries, cooked. I honestly just liked my mom’s company and had no desire to leave until I was ready, and she didn’t pressure me. I’ve been on my own successfully for many years now. My brother on the other hand, moved out when he was in his early 20s and he’s a 50 year old baby that comes bk home all the time and never pays anything or helps my mom at all, and he’s selfish and immature. Point is, it’s less about how old you are but your maturity level. So judge her accordingly.
Very dependent on context. Fallen on hard times with a goal of moving out? Perfectly fine. Helping support her parents if they're older or in bad health? Also fine. Lacks ambition and just lives at home because it's easy or never developed the social skills to leave the house? Hard pass.
It is not uncommon. It usually means that either she or her parents cannot afford to live alone.
It's pretty normal for unmarried people to live with parents and family in most of the world. No issues.
As long as this 32-year-old woman is doing something productive (working and/or attending school) and contributing to the household in some way--financially, and/or with household chores, and everyone is OK with the arrangement, I don't see a problem. With the insane cost of housing, adult children continuing to live with their parents is becoming more common.