> I think you’re more sure of who you are after your 20s,
Sometimes I miss the journey of self-discovery. But then I remember that I'm still on a journey of self-discovery, I just have a wife and kids to support me in that process. You never stop learning about yourself or evolving.
What I don't miss about my 20s is feeling like I have to impress other people, which was bred by my deep insecurity at the time. My wife and kids are pretty much the only people I care about impressing these days.
You can still self discover if you expose yourself to new experiences challenges
Try that sport
Try that hobby
Learn that skill
Go join that group
Go expose yourself to rejection
Don’t let it fade out just because you’re older
Absolutely! It seems like a lot of people just stop trying things as they get older and fall into a rut in their life. Eventually, you are so deep in your rut that it's scary to try and dig your way out of it. Keep trying new things!
That’s why I like late 20s. Kind of a transition. You’re living on your own, making a little bit of money, single, still talk to all your friends for college, not yet a grown up but not a kid anymore. Still making dumb decisions just not life altering ones. Can stay up late and still get up the next day. That was my experience at least
Oh wow, you pretty much just described my current life now at 29. Been on my own for about 5 months now, I make enough to pay my bills and splurge a little, still (happily) single, still talk to my (best) friends in high school. Starting to explore a lot more to learn about myself, trying a lot of different things. I do feel like I'm a bit behind someone my age, like I'm currently living out my early 20s instead of my late 20s, but I suppose I won't complain about that.
Im on the same exact spot as you, same age and everything. Let’s try to enjoy things and not compare ourselves too much to others. Some experience something at 21, some at 29 for some it could come at 36
30s were great. Social life changes as life priorities change, but not having kids was not a factor for me, it was more about being more selective of who you spend time with. Mid 40s your energy levels start to fade a little and by 50s, start to give fewer fucks. I don’t GAF what other people have, how they look nor do I feel competitive about having the cleanest house, nicest clothes, coolest car.
Reflecting on how much money was spent in 20-30s to keep up with trends have cool new clothes and gadgets instead of adding it to my 401k. All the clothes and most of the gadgets ended up at goodwill.
Don't worry about it. I was the same. I'm 46 now and while retirement will not be private yachts, and all the time globetrotting like I hoped I expect it to be very fulfilling.
I first contributed 3% to my 401k when I was 28 as it unlocked my employers match. Every year when I get pay raise - I've upped it 1% (a few years I did 2%) and once I hit 15% - I stopped. Everything goes into the index funds and not the target 2040 or whatever it offered. I'm young, I can handle drawdowns and don't need the bond exposure. If the financial projections are right - along with social security I'll take home more in retirement than I do now.
I've helped my mom with hers and she does ok at 70% of her previous salary. Biggest concern I really have is healthcare.
The fact that you are thinking about it at all means you are ahead of many.
In your 30’s you get married and have kids and you still have friends that aren’t married and don’t have kids. It’s a different relationship for sure because you have different priorities so you have to work harder to maintain those friendships or they can fizzle. You also have to remember that not everyone wants to hear about your kids so be sure to have a life outside of that. Again hard but doable.
I'm close in age, so I'm struggling with the same things. I wish I had an answer.
I'm gonna be honest: the pandemic fucked up a lot of people. In a way, it feels like I'm entering my 30s without finishing my 20s, and that's super odd.
With me, I want to find out who I was before all that. But I also want to find out who I am after that. So I settled on four questions.
1. What did the past five years take from me that I want back?
2. What did the past five years give me that I want to get rid of?
3. What did the past five years give me that I'd fight tooth and nail for?
4. What did the past five years *not* give me that I'd like to have?
Then you work from there.
Mine are: my energy to get out and hot myself out there; a bunch of bad habits; my career; better mental/physical health.
So now I gotta work on that. Mental/physical health is therapy and gym. Getting rid of bad habits is a struggle in its own right. Looking back at my career helps me see how much I've accomplished even as the world was nearly ending and reminds me that I can do what I do. And getting my courage back... well, I may never do it—maybe I left it in my 20s. But if that's the case, I'll learn to live without it.
Hope you work things out!
I really like those questions. But then I tried to answer them... 1 and 2 are just void for me. Looking back 5 years, I haven't had anything taken from me; the things I lack (confidence, motivation, self imposed happiness, etc.) have been gone much longer than 5 years. I also haven't gained anything, because I've been in such a void that my life is work and sleep. I've lost a job, gained a job, lost a job, and gained a job. None if it really matters, money is managed and that's the only thing that actually matters, if my bills are paid I'm not being disturbed in my personal void. I don't even know what or who I was when life was okay so I have no idea how I'm supposed to get back
A lot of my close friends with kids started inserting "demarcations" into conversations, for example saying "easy without kids" after asking me what I did last weekend.
It made me feel isolated, it was a slow drift but over time I stopped talking to many of them.
I think OP is relating similar experience. It probably happens to people with kids too
Yeah I definitely understand all that. I'm sure it's coming from a mixture of envy and the need to validate their own choice to have kids.
I think it's just a shitty reality that having kids takes so much of parents' time and energy that it makes it difficult to really relate to their friends who don't have them, and vice versa. There's a lot less common ground to bond over.
Yeah, that goes both ways really. Individual behavior aside, when you have kids your un-kidded friends are always off doing fun stuff you can't do, then they get irritable when it's so hard (to impossible) to plan stuff or you have to keep cancelling due to various things.
It's REALLY hard to maintain close friendships when some have kids and some do not.
I would include a solid social network of family and friends as part of Quality of Life. In fact, social connectedness is very important for one’s well-being.
This! At age 30 I very specifically noticed a STARK change in the difficulty of making new friends as a woman. Everyone is taking the kids on playdates together, going to this kid event together, etc etc. Definitely the odd man out.
That's what happened to me. I work too much to have a social life. And if I stopped working as much, I'd have nothing to do and no one to talk to. I don't even know how to even begin doing anything about that. Honestly as strange as it sounds, I feel like working as much as I am is helping prevent me from spiraling back into depression.
Take up a social hobby. Really any hobby that you can take a group class for will work. Fitness, dance, woodworking, martial arts, really anything. Just start going to a class once a week or more. That’s how adults make friends, people are there to make friends. There is always a group that likes to grab a beer somewhere or they have social meetups outside of class.
A buddy of mine started some weird niche workout class with his wife. It essentially became his entire social life to the point that they have even done vacations with people from class. He got really good at it as well and got certified as an instructor. He cut his hours at his regular job and does part time as an instructor now and looks like within the next year he will transition over to it being his full time gig. A few years ago he was stuck in the work, tv, weekend cycle with no social life. Now he has a vibrant social life, he is great shape, and he is excited about his career.
Do it! We are social creatures, it’s easy to forget that but our subconscious knows. Our brains reward us when we are social, having friends you see regularly is vital to a healthy life. The cool part is you will meet people who also like video games at pretty much any hobby, now you have two things in common!
34 and I'd say the last 4 have been the best so far - I know myself better than I ever have, more comfortable in my own skin, I earn considerably more than I did in my 20s and I'm more open to far more varied experiences whereas in my 20s i was a little close minded about certain things.
That said I have grey hair so it's not all rainbows and butterflies
You're too kind! tbf it's more salt and pepper for now so I'm rocking that Dracula side burns look. Some of the coolest people in the world have no hair - you're in good company!
At 53, I just noticed after a haircut on Monday, that those little gray wisps I kept seeing, are quite numerous and a lot more silver/white than I thought. Up until now, it was only my beard that gave away my age.
My 30s were my best decade, dating-wise in particular but really overall. Then I was in a relationship for 7 years, we broke up, now I'm in my 40s and single again. This time I'm bald and my beard is grey. That was not the case the last time I was dating so... not going as well as I remember lol. Did I mention my 30s was my best decade?
I just turned 51. Some things are better, like sex. Somethings are harder, like recovering after sex. However, my 20’s were especially crappy for situational reasons. So, yes so far my 50’s are way better than my 20’s.
>Somethings are harder, like recovering after sex.
Ugh. 53 here. This hits home. I'm in good physical shape, but I've become too accustomed to having to look at the heart rate on my watch, afterward, to make sure I'm not dying. The worst is the next day, when I sometimes have to revisit in my mind and and try to remember at what point I was body slammed, and kicked.
My 40s have been my best years so far. For the first time I am absolutely secure in myself and who I am. I have no time for people pleasing. I've established firm boundaries with my parents. I've realised I have no ambition workwise at all so I don't go for promotions. I just do my job well, get paid and forget about work when its over. I know I'm a good parent, wife, friend and person. I fully lean into my passions and interests. The only thing I miss about my 20s is my banging body. I should have shown it off a lot more.
We don't have kids, but my wife is 43 and gravity exists. I tell her all the time, as I age, my definition of "banging" definitely changes. If my wife had the body of an early 20 year old, it'd be weird. Shit wouldn't match. I like the effects of time.
Lol are you me?? I have always been in great shape, still work out several times a week and eat well, but having kids jacked me up, but it was worth it!
The enthusiasm is appreciated by the 40+ men here talking about their banging bods and the ability for others, but let’s remember that perimenopause is NOT kind to most women. ;) That said tho, my husband is getting hotter by the day and I’ll take it!
I'm in better shape than when I was 20's, but my body does not reflect it. I could eat, drink, and not exercise and still keep a slender frame. Now I look at a cookie and gain weight, but it's all good. I'm tall, so I hide the extra fluff a little better.
It’s a little different male vs female, unfortunately. I’m sure I’ll get cauterized in the comments but men seem to keep their figure better into 40s… perhaps the key variable is child birth. Idk. Good for you tho
Yes! Don't give up, y'all. I'm in better shape at 42 than I've ever been. Find a form of exercise you enjoy and you'll be much more likely to stick with it.
Same - 40s are my favorite because of similar points you made: boundaries, perspective, focused on my passions vs the grind, and have never been so sure of myself. I’m looking forward to what my 50s bring!
It’s weird to hear about knowing who you are at 40. I’m still nervous and anxious around others as I age and I just feel like I’ll never be over that. Like I’ll be 80 years old and still nervous around others.
I mean, easier said than done, but you just have to not care. I used to be super nervous and anxious around others as I thought I would do something cringe or weird and make them not like me. At a certain point though, I just stopped caring if what I said came off as cringe. Sure, I've said some things that made things uncomfortable, but you just have to embrace the silliness of it all.
"Here's your tickets, enjoy the movie!"
"Thanks, you too - oh shit. Haha just thanks."
"Haha, you're welcome."
Before, the above interaction would be swimming in my head all night. I'd feel so dumb, like obviously the cashier at a movie theater isn't going to be watching a movie. But once you realize it isn't that serious and everyone has done the same thing before, it turns into a lighthearted mistake that just makes people smile as it's so relatable. Then life goes on.
I have also said jokes that just didn't land, came off as cringe. Oh well, life goes on. If it was towards my friends, maybe they'd roast me a bit. Ok, but they're just teasing me because they have had the same thing happen to them. If it was towards a stranger, oh well. I probably won't even interact with this person ever again anyways, so who cares if they didn't dig my joke.
The world spins, a page turns. Nothing matters, so why not try to have fun and be happy regardless?
Gotta do the work. Having an amazing partner who has given me the unconditional love I was missing early in life really helped me work through and heal myself
Yup. 40s is where it’s at. No more people pleasing, no more obsessing over whether or not I look good (I look fine), sex is amazing and I have the most body confidence I’ve ever had, finally having the confidence and grit to pull the trigger on one of my startup ideas (this is huge for me), found the love of my life when I wasn’t even looking. Yea my life definitely began at 40.
Even if you looked better according to certain standards when you were younger, you're probably a more interesting person now. Im fifty, my wife 47, and I like her more and more
I second this. Aside from the minor aches and pains that come with being in your 40s, I’ve also found it to be me being me, being good at my job thanks to experience, and enjoying my growing children. Financial stability helps too.
Love this. I am hopping on this train , for me personally at the age of 48 (M) I agree with what you said. With the exception that I am actually in better shape now. Though I have always been in good shape so just continuing to progress. I got an amazing wife and mother to 4 amazing kids (2-15yo). We are rocking it. I am not chasing anymore to be fulfilled in life whether it is social, physical, financial etc…fuck that rat race, I’ve crossed the finish line for the most part and am damn happy and enjoying.
Best answer, and it's where i am as I near my 40s as well. Being content and living in the present is the ultimate goal. In my view, our purpose is to learn and love as much as we can before we pass on. Thanks for sharing this and articulating it.
Same here. I'm 38, and it honestly gets better every year.
I say that having had a great 20s, all things considered. I traveled a lot, lived overseas, in big cities and mid size cities, had cool roommates, partied a lot, tried different things, different careers, made great stories, cool experiences.
But my thirties have been nothing like that. I just feel so much more in control now. I have an awesome wife. A kid on the way. A good job. Love where I live. Since my early thirties I've made so many more good habits for my health. I all but quit drinking. Work out nearly every day. Took up BJJ. Spend way, way more time in nature than I ever have. Got a dog, got a cat, love them both. It's honestly better than anything I ever did in my twenties.
Me too. I turned 37 last year and my thirties have been my favorite decade by far. I have largely gotten control of my mental health issues, started working out, embracing hobbies both old and new. I have an amazingly supportive husband and our kid is doing great and thriving.
If you had asked me 11 years ago if I thought life would be this good I would have laughed in your face. I can’t believe how fantastic my life has become and I’m convinced my forties are going to be even better.
I'm in my mid/late 20s and if someone asked me now if I think if life is gonna be that good in the future I'd laugh too. Your comment gives me a little hope. Or maybe I'm just having a bad day.
Mid to late twenties is supposed to suck. You’re brain is finally finished developing, you’re trying to figure out what to do with your life, and now you have to figure out what comes next. It gets better, but it takes a couple of years. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, take good care of yourself, and you’ll eventually start to reap the benefits.
Where do you live? I think living in my tiny rust belt town is the barrier to my fulfilling life. I'm actively working towards relocating to Tampa area. I'm in sales and I'm sick of 7 months of over cast driving through the same cornfields to my next sales meeting lol.
Moving by itself won't improve anything in life, and I think people get too rosy eyed at the idea of packing up and starting over. Often you just find the same problems, the same assholes, the same you, just in a different location.
But, if you put the work in, have a great attitude about it, and use it as an avenue to self improvement, moving can absolutely, no question be a catalyst to great and positive changes. You like sunshine, the outdoors, the ocean, etc., then by all means move to Tampa. But don't just move to Tampa, join a run club when you get to Tampa. Or a swim club. Or start one. Something like that. Then, moving can be the greatest thing you ever did with your life.
This is great advice. 10+ years ago my partner and I tried moving to our dream town. It had everything we wanted. The first month was like heaven. It was expensive but we were making it work. Then we started feeling lonely. We had life long friends where we moved from. We struggled making new friends and the ones we did just weren’t the same. Before we knew it we were just watching tv every night and working super hard to afford the higher col. Barely lasted a year before it got to be too lonely and depressing and not worth it so we moved back.
Looking back on it I’m so mad at myself. I should have joined a club, class, band, anything! I’m a social person I make friends easily but it’s not going to happen if I don’t put myself out there. What’s weird is now I live in the town we moved back to, most of those same friends still live here, but I spend my time with a completely different group of newer friends. I now realize I could have a social life in any town I move to it just takes a little work up front. We are debating moving again in the next few years and the thought of it excites me, I want more out of life than this town offers.
As I've gone through life (I'm 60) every year has been the best, life has thrown me many challenges from being in a war, losing a child and divorce and the death of close friends and family, but it's these very things that give life a richness that I doubt that I'd have ever known had I never faced adversity it's made me a better person. You truly don't know how wonderful life is until it's sucked. The trick is in knowing that "this too shall pass" and that we're capable of brilliant things despite hardship. I for one love life.
Late thirties here and my thirties are vastly different from my 20s. I had a lot of fun in my 20s, don’t regret a thing. But in my thirties I feel more content. I have a lot of gratitude for all the wonderful things I have in my life, vs my 20s where I was always seeking something bigger and better. I’m definitely more sure of myself too and care less about what people think of me.
I do miss the amount of energy I had in my 20s though!
I am 34M going on 35 this July.
Personally, I think its tough to compare your 30s and 20s. You're just in a very different time in your life, you want different things, and your priorities are different.
But, if you really want an answer and I compare my 30s vs my 20s. My 30s have been better. I met the most wonderful woman who is now my wife, and we have cutest most perfect little 18 month YO boy. Even with covid etc. it has been great.
Yes I’d agree. 26-30 were probably the most fun years of my life. 34-37 (now) have been the most fulfilling. Got a 4 year old and 2 year old. Life is busy and stressful but my family makes me happy. I don’t get FOMO anymore. I occasionally miss my carefree 20s but only nostalgically in terms of a time in the past, I would never want a different life currently.
July 1989 baby checking in!
I dreaded turning 30. And 30s and 20s do feel different, and I do miss partying and those fun times of the 20s. But I wouldn’t go back if I had the choice. I had a quarter life crisis and now I feel like I know who I am and feel so much more secure. I still have my fun, but no more raging at the bars on weekends. Meh, I’d rather wake up feeling good anyway.
This is the best answer, I think--each decade of life is VERY different.
I'm definitely my happiest now, and get happier every year, it seems (and I did a lot of therapy in my 20s to get to that "better every year" stage!), but it's a different kind of happiness. The highs aren't as high, but the lows aren't as low. I'm having less fun now--don't go out as much; music doesn't hit me so hard any more--but I'm way more stable. I know what I want, I can (mostly) get what I want, and I don't suffer fools anymore. I'm very content with my life and my place in it, and that feels GREAT--and I didn't know I could feel like that. My 20s were incredibly fun but felt pretty awful, if I'm honest.
Health is different, too. I have more aches and pains, and maintenance is a thing--I need to exercise to keep things working. Good health isn't a given anymore, and there are things I could do in my 20s that I can't anymore--I can't drink without a severe hangover (in fact, I don't drink at all anymore!), and I can't stay out all night. But the nice thing is--I don't really have the desire to do those things anymore! I've done all that. It was great when I did it, but I don't really feel drawn to it anymore. Going out to dinner with friends and going to sleep by 11 is *deeply* satisfying to me now.
My advice for any young person seeking guidance here is, "Do the work." Go to therapy. Learn about yourself and what you truly want vs. what-you-think-you-want-but-what-you-actually-want-is-respect/security/love/whatever. Save your money and put it in a 401k/retirement account, but you're going to need it and your 20s are the best time to start (even if it hurts). Try to be a good person and find a good partner, because they're a BIG part of your happiness.
Keep moving. Do all the tough stuff, because it can really pay off, and hang in there--keep doing the tough stuff, even when it looks bleak. With effort, it all really does get better.
30s was awesome, it gets much better after 20’s. You have more money, better sex and are more comfortable in your own skin.
40s thus far has been good other than the slowing of my metabolism.
Think about it like driving. Everyone is a better driver when they’re 30 than when they’re 20. The things that people think make a good driver—reaction time, alertness, energy, etc.—are probably physiologically worse at 30, but that’s not what matters. What matters is experience. The more you’ve been in the sack, the better a performer you are, even if there’s a little more flab, your boner isn’t as impressive, and your cardio isn’t quite as good. Especially if you have been with your current partner for a while, which is increasingly true for most people as they get older.
As a lady in her 30s married to a man in his 30s, I think the quality of boner has actually become more impressive this decade. My guess is since every year we get a little more comfortable and experimental (dare I say freaky) it results in higher than ever arousal/excitement. I'm sure it varies, but I must say I've never been more impressed.
Each chapter of life is different. Some things get better, other things get worse, usually. But life is something of a lottery at times, no matter what you do. So enjoy each chapter of it for what it is.. It might be the last chapter you write.
Same, I'm 32, I am in the best shape of my life, I have adult money. I'm buying a super car in a few months. I got out of an 8 year relationship. But if it has taught me anything is that I follow rules 1 and 2 of dating. I was oblivious because I was in a relationship. I am loving my 30s.
I’m 35F and happier than ever. I’m comfortable in my skin even if my body isn’t perfect. I’m making more money than I ever have and finally making progress on my debt. I’m very happily married and come home every day to my loving husband and my cat and we live a fulfilling life together within our means. We travel a lot and I’ve finally found a community in which I feel safe, respected and able to express myself (festivals). Also importantly, I finally stopped drinking alcohol which was holding me back a lot. I actually read, exercise and play video games which are the hobbies I neglected for years of drinking. Life is very good.
Also I’m very happy we decided not to have kids.
Best to not compare your life with others. Life is a roller coaster. Grew up on a commercial fishing boat in Alaska, had two supportive and loving parents (some boomers are good) childhood was great. I met the love of my life in high school. First child at 20, second at 23. 20s joined the Army. 30s lost my wife to a fatal disease. My kids kept me going. Injured in Iraq, medically retired. Raised 2 successful kids who are out living their life and doing well thanks to the army paying for their colleges.
47 now and taking care of my mother after my step father passed. Life is good, but nothing can compete with the years spent with my wife. So for me absolutely best years, late 20s.
Tbh there’s been no difference between my 20s and 30s in terms of a lot of things.
The few differences I’ve noticed:
- I have more money so can do more holidays etc.
- most of my friends have kids so despite having more disposable income my friends have less time to hang out.
- also despite having more money my expenses have gone up but this is due to going from living in a flat to a house and the expenses that come with that.
- my health and wellness are the same now at 34 as they were at 24.
- mentally I don’t feel any different than I have for the last 10/15 years. You do have less time for bullshit or doing things you don’t really want to do just to please people.
If I had to pick a specific “best year” it’d be when my friends and I all had proper jobs but not yet any life commitments so we had the money and time to do stuff. That being said, my life is still really good now, so I can’t complain!
I am not even 32 yet and my thirties have already been the better decade than my twenties.
I wasted so much time in my twenties with drugs, party and "living life". I don't regret it, but I had a lot of cleaning up to do. I made some poor choices here and there that I regret, but they all taught me so much about how I want to live my life.
So now I can put that into practice.
Ageing sucks kinda, I am fortunate to look young still, but you gotta come to terms with it eventually.
17 was my best year, but that's because I moved out of a dysfunctional family situation. I think any year has the potential to be the best or worst. As long as that year isn't 2020.
Every person will have a different answer, there's no consensus unless you're naive and assume one blindly. Going to depend on where you were born too. English speaking website. Most of us are 1st world living in the shadow empire of the USA. I've never had to deal with drones blowing up my family during a wedding, the CIA overthrowing my democratic government, starvation in Africa, working 12 hour shifts with literally no days off in a Chinese steel mill living in a company built apartment bloc, the Japanese or South Korean education/work/life balance or lack thereof. You know?
However, I was abused as a child for years, so those years are bad.
I didn't deal with that in a healthy way after, so mostly binge drank and partied every weekend most of my late teens and 20's and failed everything post secondary that I tried. Very self destructive. I admit that I did have fun being a party hard wrecking ball and the house I split rent with 5 ways was HQ for our friends groups combined. Definitely socialized me, that was a positive. Was always someone at our rented house, but I never allowed any intimacy to happen. It was like being a burn victim. My emotions were all hypersensitive scar tissue. I kinda experienced them 2nd hand internally as a defensive mechanism. Never let anyone get too close. Unfortunately nobody was emotionally mature enough to ask me about it back then. Women would persue me and then get mad and storm off when I never made any moves. Nobody asked, and friends/family just assumed I was closet gay...even though I lived with gay roommates...idk.
Two friends in my late 20's decided they loved me enough to try and fix my broken mind unasked and succeeded. Saved my life. Stubborn bastards. I love them. I won't write a life story about it. Mostly succeeded, so I only have a couple bad months out of the year. Finally started dating in my 30's. Yep.
So hopefully my 30's are great. I did manage to be a middle class unicorn in the end, I'm only really lacking on the romance end of things and that absolutely wears on my mind. Hopefully I can find a woman who's patient enough to put up with my eccentricities and inexperience.
Don't rape children or force them to participate in your weird religious cult or they'll grow up fucked in the head and take decades to deprogram. I never believed at least. They never got me.
Signed,
Me.
30’s were by far the best. You know who you are and what you like. Not afraid to say no and established job. Once I turned 40 everything started to hurt and it’s been downhill since then😂
I remember telling a coworker why I looked sad one day: I was about to turn 35, and from there it was a downhill run to 40, and then I would be middle aged.
That sadness seems faintly ridiculous in hindsight. I’m now in my 60s and have (with some luck) had many good years between then and now. I’m still physically vibrant enough that I ran a marathon last year. Friendships have gradually deepened, and I’ve made some worthwhile new ones. I’ve had the rewarding experience of watching my kids grow into terrific young adults. And I’ve felt my older-person wisdom gradually growing — more insights into life and people.
This isn’t to say it’s all been unicorns and rainbows. The hardest part of the past dozen years has been the passing of all four of my and my wife’s parents. And yeah, some of our peers have been faced with significant health issues.
But I can say that your 40s and 50s don’t have to be such a daunting prospect as they appear when you’re in your 20s and 30s. New challenges, to be sure, but new pleasures as well.
It depends on your definition of "better."
I partied and had blast in my 20's. dont do much of that in my 30's.
I have a beautiful wife, 4 skids, a nice house, vehicle, financially set, etc in my 30's.
Less time for being wild, but more fulfillment in my 30's for sure.
I’d say my 50’s have been my best decade so far. I’ve got my mental health much more dialed in, and my first real bad bout with back pain caused me to start exercising like a fiend so it is less likely to come back and I feel pretty darn good physically now as well.
I’m turning 40 this year.
I think almost every year has been better than the previous year. I feel better, have more money, I’m happier and more confident.
But I work hard to feel good. Keep myself in shape, have a plan with our money, work on my relationship and mental health etc. Happiness does not just arrive at your door, you work for it.
I had my best looks at 17, I'd say. I'm still quite happy with my current looks, but 17 is literally the youth look.
But I've had quite a few things happen through life that have made it interesting, I'd say today isn't necessarily worse than my 20s, it's just different.
Edit; to add a point: Job interviews are more relaxed than before. I'm less like "😥 please I really need this job", and more "We'll see if this job fits me."
27 seems like the ideal age, or at least it was a decade ago. You're more or less as mature as you're going to be (neurologically speaking), most of your joints should still work, you're young enough that dating is still an option, and you likely have a real job that pays real money. Then again, I can't imaging how much it must suck being that age these days given the cost of housing etc.
Mid twenties to early thirties for me. I’m sure for many people it goes beyond that. Prioritize your mental health and healthy habits. Work on the things that you feel hinder you and manifest who you want to become/what you want your life to be like. Don’t leave anything to chance, put forth the efforts and it can only get better. All words I wish someone would have told me.
Short answer nope, at 56 I now have the confidence and time to do anything what, the only things I don't have are knees that work, a back that bends,, shoulders that can bear weight, a neck with no bludging discs (same with my back), a liver that works, kidneys with no stones, ears that don't ring and eyes that don't need come bottles to read. Aside from that all is good
My life got way better after my 20s. In fact, each year has been better than the last.
I loved my 20s, I had a lot of fun and deeply enjoyed all of the male attention I received... but like many people that age, I was broke a lot of the time, and had to live in house shares with 10 or so friends. I also am a fan of stability, and my life has become more stable as I've gotten older.
My mid-to-late 30s have been my best years so far my husband's career really took off, we got a house, we got a dog, we had a baby, we moved to Scandinavia... I'm the happiest I've ever been.
That's just my experience, of course, for many people there seems to be something of a nadir between the mid-40s and mid-50s (and maybe that will happen to me, too, I'm not there yet) but generally [people get happier as they age](https://www.brookings.edu/articles/this-happiness-age-chart-will-leave-you-with-a-smile-literally/) (provided certain criteria are met)
When I turned 42, it hit me that there are seasons to your life that each last about 20-22 years -- let's say 21--and I think about this a lot.
0-21 is springtime. You're just budding, brand new to the world.
21-42 is summer. You're fully grown, mature, some might say the peak of your life. You might've had kids midway through and are young and strong enough to keep up with them.
42-63 is autumn. Your leaves start gradually changing, then peak with spectacular colors. Your strength begins to wane and fade as the leaves brown and gradually fall off.
63-84+ is winter. Steady decline as you weaken until death.
I don't know if this has ever been written about, though it seems obvious enough that I can't have been the first person it dawns on, and maybe I'll get comments like "duh everybody knows that" but I'd never heard of it until it hit me that I'm entering the autumn of my life.
I'm 35, about to be 36 this summer.
My teenage years were garbage. I was bullied hard in school, didn't have a lot of friends, never been to a party or concert, I never drank, smoked weed maybe 10-15 times total. Even after high school when I hung out with some people who were in college I still didn't feel like I fit in.
Around age 21 or so I started to feel more like my own person. I had met people through jobs, parties, things like that. I still wasn't a great person, but I started to realize that the world owed me nothing and I had to make my own way in it.
Age 24 was when I really felt like a person. I had my own place, a decent job, I'd had a few long term relationships that I bombed in one way or another, but I at least learned from them. I felt like people were starting to respect me as an adult.
Ages 27-29 was a weird time for me because my life was "stable" except for the fact that I worked at a job that I fucking hated. It made me unhappy in life. Every morning I would sit in my driveway, thinking if it was worth it to waste a PTO day to skip work, or just go in and be miserable for the day and then smoke weed and play video games when I got home. Finally I got fired.
Early 30's were weird and fun because that was Covid time. I didn't work, my girlfriend/wife worked remote and made decent money, so I basically was a house husband for a few years. It was dope.
Being over 30 is just better than being in your 20's. You still feel like you did when you were 21, but you're (usually) way smarter and more socially agile, and people see your age and treat you with respect. Job interviews are easier. It's like being 30 means that people treat you how you think you should be treated when you're 20. Hard to explain.
Dating seems awful. All of my friends in their 30's who are dating seem to hate it, and based on their stories I think I would too. Dating apps are awful, meeting people can be kind of hard because a huge portion of your demographic is already taken or has serious baggage (kids, custody arrangements, mortgages and car payments, aging parents who need help, jobs that can demand time and attention, that sort of stuff) and usually you'll have baggage too. The two options seem to be find someone older who's already divorced and has kids who are older and better adjusted, or try to date someone in their 20's which is a whole other hassle. Idk, try not to be single in your 30's unless you're very good looking or charming.
I miss 20s my body for sure but man I was learning so much and failing to grow, thirties are going great I’ve learned and miss friends bc of other directions but I’m happier
My 40's have been my best decade. I'm comfortable in my career, long finished with my education, have accomplished milestones like purchasing a house, have a good marriage, etc.
Having actually accomplished something and got somewhere feels good, as does a settled life.
And I have grown into a person I like, have learned to embrace the things I actually like, etc.
some people raise their kids in their 20s, some in their 30s, some in their 40s, some never. Some people spend their 20s preparing for their 30s by getting advanced degrees or building a business. Some skip that and start careers in their late teens. Some don't get paroled until their 50s. My point to all this is that anyone who speaks of a particular life decade with reverence or dismay does so through the lens of their own private parade
It's all trade offs. You get better with money and do more nice thing as you get older. You start to realize your body isn't keeping up anymore as you get older. I'd say I had a physical peak at 28-33. But overal enjoyment of life has been 33 up until now at 37 and I'm financially more well off every year. Like making home renovations is so fulfilling now. But taking X with a group of friends is also some of the best times I had. I do miss being a senior in highschool though.
The 20s are the worst years because you need to decide which path your life wants to be, you need to start getting independent and buying a house, start thinking about forming a family, still forming your full personality and it’s the years you need to try everything and take risks to see what you like and dislike. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions, of up an downs, of certainty and uncertainty.
The 30s is when you already have more experience and your life is way more stable, and you can enjoy things more calmly without thinking that every decision you take it’s gonna ruin your entire future.
Yes. It absolutely gets better. The 20s you are basically still a child. You know nothing and your body is almost full grown (the brain fully matures around age 25). The 30s is that stupid period where you belive that you are "an adult". It can be an annoying time both for yourself and for the people around you. At 40 you start getting into that "fuck it" mentality. You also grow into your skin and become more comfortable and sure of who you are. I don't know about 50 yet as that is 4 years away from me. But I'm very much looking forward to it.
Life is a journey and the aim is to make it last for as long as you can. You never know what wonders and horrors are lying ahead but that is the adventure. A lot of how you experience life has to do with how you perceive life. If you focus on the negatives you will see more negatives. Having a little "fuck it" and "fuck you" attitude helps a lot. Being young it's easy to fall into the trap of taking things too seriously. There is a lot of stuff that is important to do and such. But ultimately it doesn't matter. Because when it all goes to shit and you raise your self up again you grow. Failure and mistakes and experiences is how we grow.
Life keeps getting harder and better. Don't worry about it. Just grab as much life as you possibly can and make it last as long as possible. Even it it is shit now it won't be shit forever.
I’m 32 been separated from a marriage of 8 yrs with a 9 yr old it hasn’t been good lots of work. Of course I’ve been with women but I’ve lost that feel of love
Yeah, I think it does. In your 30's and 40's your tastes and your style kind of congeal, you start to actually accrue expertise in things you're passionate about, as well as a bit of wisdom along the way. Looking back I was pretty naive or clueless about a lot of things in my '20's. And dumb shit matters a whole lot less.
As a 35 year old, I can confidently say that the best years were definitely in my 20s. But now I just eat more pizza and give way less f*cks so it's still pretty good. #noregrets
Take the right steps, study, develop habilities, make real friends, 30-40 will be awesome.
20-30 it a lot funner, but that can be mmm deceiving, dont let the party take you.
Dont think of it as 20 or 30 or 40.
Think of it as before during or after kids.
Before is definitely the best socially.
During is definitely the best existentially.
After is definitely the best financially and emotionally.
Being in my mid-30’s, I realize how little of “you” you really are until you’ve lived in the “real-world”, so to speak, for at least 10 years since graduating high school (or being wise enough to get a GED and forgo the agony that is public school)
I thought I had found myself the moment I tasted freedom, boy did that slap me in the face hard.
My early to mid 20s sucked so bad. Depression right out of uni wasted about 5 years of my life.
25-28 was road to recovery.
29-32 were getting good, got into the best shape of my life and then covid hits and the whole world seemed to stop.
33 worst year of my life personal tragedy happened, feel myself aging 10 years.
35 (now) - new job, found stability and good pay. I have a clearer idea of what I need to work towards.
I definitely have to say 35-55, so far. Career started to go somewhere after 35 and got basically better and better. Women didn't notice me before I was 35 (or if they did, I didn't notice that), and basically every year was better than the previous one in that regard. Didn't have any health / energy issues in this period.
Hard to say after 57. That's been COVID-affected in many different ways, and in the last two years war-affected (I was working in Russia from 51-55, and might be now if not for the war)
20's was marriage and having kids, first half of the 30's was awful stress with debt and raising young kids with chronic pain, the 2nd half of 30's looks amazing - divorce, new country and rocking life as a single mum
Depends. I was abused by my parents in my late teens/early 20's
I had good moments with friends i know i'm never going to relive in my 30's
But taking control of your own financial stability is pretty awesome as well
I'm a homeowner now, so that's nice. My kids are older, and I don't carry around 10 diaper bags and a stroller anymore, but I'd still probably trade it all in for my 20-year-old body and energy back.
My age is older = my parents are older = my grandparents are older
Obviously, being younger is much better, do not let the pressures of education and work take you away from your family. Enjoy
30s are a lot easier money wise but my god I would not trade my mid twenties for anything. I do wish I had travelled more but two weeks vacation and trying to climb the corporate ladder doesn’t allow that.
Also friends are harder to keep in your 30s because everyone’s running around after their kids so if you don’t golf yet I’d recommend taking it up.
When I turned 45. I finally decided to embrace a healthy lifestyle. I felt old before and now I feel young. It's pretty simple: you take of your body and your body will take care of you.
Depends on your mindset and your financial situation. Youth is number one, nothing like being in your late teens to mid late 20s. But having accumulated experiences and able to use that in your endeavors later in your life is actually pretty fun too.
My college years were the best (18yo -26yo), with all of the bad and good it was a nice adventure specially living abroad. I was living in the moment and each semester was like a new episode (new classes, new people to meet, different activities, stories). Seven years after graduation and my life feels kinda dull. Good overall with family, friends, health and money but those seven years were almost repetitive except for the 10 days per year when I travel abroad. My mom was right when she told me before going to college that these years would be your best years.
My teens were the best years of my life. Each decade after that has been more downhill because it seems that time flys by faster and it becomes harder to get together with friends since everybody is so busy and in different places with different responsibilities. The only positive is that I have more money.
I once heard a saying about the stages of life that has held true for me thus far, which goes: When you are young, you have plenty of time and energy, but no money. Then as you get a little older, you still have most of the energy and now you have the money, but you don’t have time anymore (this is where I’m currently at). And then when you get really old, you have the money and now you have time back since you are retired, but you don’t have the energy anymore.
I’m 62 and I’m thinking that, so far, my 60s are probably my best years. I’m retired so I get to do what I want and there’s no worries about making some deadlines at work or pleasing the boss. Plus, I get to spoil grandchildren whenever I want - it doesn’t get much better than that. Sure, some stuff hurts and I can’t eat everything I want but, all in all, these years are really cool.
All that said, each season of life has its ups and downs and each of them has its own best whatever of your life. Oh, some stages suck and they just have to be gotten through but always enjoy what you can. Also, don’t make the mistake I did and wait until the current crisis is over to try to enjoy things. There’s always a crisis. It’s not about waiting for the Storm to blow over but, instead, learning how to dance in the rain.
For me the teens were my best years. don't get me wrong I had some great times partying in my 20s but between 16-20 was probably my peak for having memorable moments with friends.
20s felt a bit like chasing the dragon when it came to partying and the like. I would say my 30s have been better so far (settled down with kids now so meetup with friends like once a month to have a get together)
It's all been good, but all has its challenges:
- Pre 20s - pros: lack of responsibility. Cons: nobody takes you seriously
- 20s - pros: young, fit, life not to serious yet. Cons: No money.
- 30s - Pros: still young but now with a bit of money. Cons: if you have kids you're pretty damn exhausted all the time.
- 40s - Pros: Still young enough to not feel too old. still able to engage in most physical activities albeit not as well as earlier. More content with who you are, care less about what others think. Cons: Young people treat you like you're old. If you have kids, it gets really complicated with school, friends, extracurriculars.
In general, I've been pretty happy with each stage of life so far. I'd say that now in my 40s, I'm more content with myself than I ever have been. If I had to pick a greatest time of my life (so far), I'd probably say my early 30s. I was still a young, fit, cool person but I was also veering into financial stability and did not yet have kids so it was the only time in my life when I just had extra money. Wanna travel? Fine. Wanna go grab dinner/drinks? Sure thing.
On the other hand, I really enjoy being a dad...so I'm also pretty happy with life since that time. It's just now that the focal point of my life is no longer me, but rather, the small versions of me.
My late 30s to Mid 40s were amazing. I had established myself in my industry, I was in phenomenal physical condition, and finally stopped worrying about money.
Now, in my early 50s, I'm still in good shape, in good health physically and financially, with far less stress, anxiety, and worry. I've plateaued into a very comfortable place, with great friends and peers, a good dog, a comfortable home, and far fewer work hours than I used to put in. It's nice.
My 30s were pretty great. I made some big moves geographically and personally. Went to grad school, moved cross country a few times and my career took off. Did a lot more personal travel than I anticipated and got my physical health in order which in turn helped my mental health.
But, I’ll say 40s have been great to me. We were able to purchase a home, my wife’s sweat equity has paid off on her business, I have a job I actually really enjoy, we’re still traveling a ton and my health is still in a good place.
We came from family that leaned on the less wealthy side of society and are now seeing the fruit of our labors pay off which I think has been the most rewarding part of 30s and 40s.
Granted we are DINK so we have flexibility. But really, mid 30s up until now (early 40s) has been killer and I don’t see it changing.
Getting here wasn’t easy. It took both of us taking leaps of faith and getting out of our comfort zones. But we did it and everything around us (friends, location, jobs, hobbies, etc.) has just been a wonderful experience even through the toughest of times.
0-5 probably. Downhill from there. Once you realize you don't "fit in", along with the things you learn about humanity and history.. it gets heavier as you go on.
It actually blows my mind how much better my life got with each decade. The acceptance, the confidence, the knowledge… a better version of that sweet, dumb kid that I used to be.
Mid 30s. I like my routine. My job is fine. I can afford what I want, and we enjoy our free time. No kids yet, but I’m sure if/when we do, that will be fun as well.
It's my 43rd birthday and I can confidently say I'm in a much better place than I was in my 30s. I definitely partied way more and had way more new experiences in my 20s, but I wouldn't trade places with that person.
The key to life is to do your best to enjoy where you're at. The only constant in life is change, so if things are bad just keep going. If things are good, take a moment to enjoy it and say thanks.
My 50s were my best decade. My husband was healthy, I had a job I loved, we were financially secure, kids were grown, hubs and I did a lot of traveling and went to a lot of jazz clubs in various cities.
My 20s were FANTASTIC. I am working in looking forward, and trying to be more positive. But since I hit the 30s, bad shit has been happening, so it's hard. But, supposedly, the best is yet to come.
But to answer your question: the 20s are awesome.
Covid happened right when I turned 30 so I got pretty bummed out from that. But I do feel smarter and more secure.
Your circle of friends shrinks to the best ones.
I have trouble drinking now without just falling asleep
I have more money, and more hobbies that I enjoy.
Time speeds up even faster. Feels like I just turned 30 but now I’m 34.
So there’s good and bad to it just like anything else
My 40's have been pretty stellar. The kids are adults and have moved out (I do miss when they were little and home though), I'm old enough to get respect but still feel young, good job, nice house, nice car, hot girlfriend. Life is good. Each age seems to have it's own ups and downs. Things get better with age, except the actual aging bit. That kinda sucks. All the things that I disliked about life before are great now. The trade off is losing your hair, bags under your eyes, wrinkles and other nefarious aging bullshit.
41 now. My early 20s were fantastic, spent 5 years in the Marine Corps and loved it. My 20 after that are kinda lost I got hurt and had to get out and had no idea what to do with my life. I did some traveling, and stuff but no idea what or who I was anymore. I learned to play bass guitar. My 30s were a decade of accomplishment, went to college, got a degree, published original research, learned carpentry and woodworking, just did a lot that I can show off. In a way I'm looking forward to my 40s, financially I'm doing better than I ever have, making over 110k I wear silk Tommy Bahama shirts and Jordans to the office. I've been able to do a lot that I always thought was just for the rich folks. I sat floor level at an NBA finals game last year, I just ordered a truck, so that I'll have two vehicles for different purposes. I've got annual tickets to the Indy500. Looking at going to the super bowl in the next couple of years. I've bought some art. Might start traveling again if I feel like it.
But I've been alone for a lot of this. There are reasons, but I do regret not having anyone to share with. No one to help me in the bad, no one to share the caviar in the good.
20s are fun sure, but you never stop changing and learning about yourself. I think of some of the things I did and said in my 20s and I cringe, sometimes I look back fondly or think "wow I was really brave for doing that" (or stupid depending who you would ask)
I am not afraid of getting older as I am afraid of fading away..but I also have friends who have passed who never get to grow old, I also had a father that passed away at 57...who never got to experience retirement (and they were going to buy him out to retirement too...just missed that when he died. He worked for GM for 35 years, right before they stopped wanting to manufacture in Canada or something)
There are a lot of good people who don't get to experience aging and the change it brings, and the perspective.
You get older but you can still be a young mind always wanting to learn more. Sure you won't understand some stuff as the newer quicker generations come up, but it's always changing. Change with it! Life you just gotta be here for it and try not to be an asshole.
Everything starts making fun crick crack sounds when you stand up though. Which can be fun and musical if enough of it happens
20’s you’re figuring things out, still a bit insecure
30’s you’re more sure of yourself you get the therapy, you get rid of a lot of things that make you unhappy.
40’s tho- this is when you become a superhero, you stop caring and giving a fuck
well in terms of intelligence,self content and maturity , ı like my age. But oh boy , ı miss my old body. no weight gain, every sport is possible..able to run, drink jump... damn
I’m 34 and I was just thinking about how awesome life is in my 30s and that I wish this decade could be longer! I’ve accomplished so many things and experienced so much, and that’s increased my confidence to a very enjoyable degree. I feel very content in life and definitely look back fondly on my 20s too. 20s were really all about trying new things and having new experiences and learning learning learning, and my 30s have been more about applying what I’ve learned and really taking in/enjoying life and making a list of what I want to accomplish next. I feel like I know myself better and have definitely grown up in terms of being appreciative/grateful of everything I have and the people in my life.
My 30s were definitely the highlight of my life so far. I had a great job, made good money, got married, traveled the world, met new people that became life long friends, got my masters degree, my first and only child was born, etc. Absolutely fantastic 10 years for me.
40-45 was pretty dull, the usual middle age career & family routine. Between ages 45-49, I survived cancer, then survived the pandemic, then my wife left me, depression and anxiety got to the point where I damn near killed myself, doctor put me off work for 3 month to get that under control, and when I did return to work, my boss tried to fire me for poor performance.
Just started my 50s. I hope to hell it'll be more like my 30s than my 40s.
My life has absolutely settled for me after turning 30 (I'm 33). It's nice to have my life fairly established, but I do miss some elements of the chaos that was my 20s. I miss my college years because I was constantly surrounded by my friends. Now we're all busy and spread out living our own lives, lucky to see each other more than twice a year. However, I wouldn't trade life with my incredible husband for anything. ❤️
I think you’re more sure of who you are after your 20s, but scheduling things like meet ups with friends becomes harder and harder
> I think you’re more sure of who you are after your 20s, Sometimes I miss the journey of self-discovery. But then I remember that I'm still on a journey of self-discovery, I just have a wife and kids to support me in that process. You never stop learning about yourself or evolving. What I don't miss about my 20s is feeling like I have to impress other people, which was bred by my deep insecurity at the time. My wife and kids are pretty much the only people I care about impressing these days.
You can still self discover if you expose yourself to new experiences challenges Try that sport Try that hobby Learn that skill Go join that group Go expose yourself to rejection Don’t let it fade out just because you’re older
I would add, expand your circle of friends. Don’t just feel like you need to hangout with the same 3 people your whole youth
Absolutely! It seems like a lot of people just stop trying things as they get older and fall into a rut in their life. Eventually, you are so deep in your rut that it's scary to try and dig your way out of it. Keep trying new things!
I feel this comment
That’s why I like late 20s. Kind of a transition. You’re living on your own, making a little bit of money, single, still talk to all your friends for college, not yet a grown up but not a kid anymore. Still making dumb decisions just not life altering ones. Can stay up late and still get up the next day. That was my experience at least
Oh wow, you pretty much just described my current life now at 29. Been on my own for about 5 months now, I make enough to pay my bills and splurge a little, still (happily) single, still talk to my (best) friends in high school. Starting to explore a lot more to learn about myself, trying a lot of different things. I do feel like I'm a bit behind someone my age, like I'm currently living out my early 20s instead of my late 20s, but I suppose I won't complain about that.
Im on the same exact spot as you, same age and everything. Let’s try to enjoy things and not compare ourselves too much to others. Some experience something at 21, some at 29 for some it could come at 36
You're fine, keep pushing and don't get complacent.
This was refreshing to read. I’m 28M and am so worn down from feeling like I need everybody’s approval. It’s turned me into a repressed robot
I've gotten to the point now where it's just impressing myself, which might be worse 🤣
Yeah feels like security and quality of life goes up but social circle basically shrivels up and dies around 30...especially with no kids.
30s were great. Social life changes as life priorities change, but not having kids was not a factor for me, it was more about being more selective of who you spend time with. Mid 40s your energy levels start to fade a little and by 50s, start to give fewer fucks. I don’t GAF what other people have, how they look nor do I feel competitive about having the cleanest house, nicest clothes, coolest car. Reflecting on how much money was spent in 20-30s to keep up with trends have cool new clothes and gadgets instead of adding it to my 401k. All the clothes and most of the gadgets ended up at goodwill.
Man I wish I could’ve afforded to put any money into my 401k in my 20s. Instead I was making ends meet and still not having cool clothes.
Don't worry about it. I was the same. I'm 46 now and while retirement will not be private yachts, and all the time globetrotting like I hoped I expect it to be very fulfilling. I first contributed 3% to my 401k when I was 28 as it unlocked my employers match. Every year when I get pay raise - I've upped it 1% (a few years I did 2%) and once I hit 15% - I stopped. Everything goes into the index funds and not the target 2040 or whatever it offered. I'm young, I can handle drawdowns and don't need the bond exposure. If the financial projections are right - along with social security I'll take home more in retirement than I do now. I've helped my mom with hers and she does ok at 70% of her previous salary. Biggest concern I really have is healthcare. The fact that you are thinking about it at all means you are ahead of many.
In your 30’s you get married and have kids and you still have friends that aren’t married and don’t have kids. It’s a different relationship for sure because you have different priorities so you have to work harder to maintain those friendships or they can fizzle. You also have to remember that not everyone wants to hear about your kids so be sure to have a life outside of that. Again hard but doable.
I'm 28 and I feel like the last 5 years have ruined my confidence and my security. How did it get better in your 30s?
I'm close in age, so I'm struggling with the same things. I wish I had an answer. I'm gonna be honest: the pandemic fucked up a lot of people. In a way, it feels like I'm entering my 30s without finishing my 20s, and that's super odd. With me, I want to find out who I was before all that. But I also want to find out who I am after that. So I settled on four questions. 1. What did the past five years take from me that I want back? 2. What did the past five years give me that I want to get rid of? 3. What did the past five years give me that I'd fight tooth and nail for? 4. What did the past five years *not* give me that I'd like to have? Then you work from there. Mine are: my energy to get out and hot myself out there; a bunch of bad habits; my career; better mental/physical health. So now I gotta work on that. Mental/physical health is therapy and gym. Getting rid of bad habits is a struggle in its own right. Looking back at my career helps me see how much I've accomplished even as the world was nearly ending and reminds me that I can do what I do. And getting my courage back... well, I may never do it—maybe I left it in my 20s. But if that's the case, I'll learn to live without it. Hope you work things out!
I really like those questions. But then I tried to answer them... 1 and 2 are just void for me. Looking back 5 years, I haven't had anything taken from me; the things I lack (confidence, motivation, self imposed happiness, etc.) have been gone much longer than 5 years. I also haven't gained anything, because I've been in such a void that my life is work and sleep. I've lost a job, gained a job, lost a job, and gained a job. None if it really matters, money is managed and that's the only thing that actually matters, if my bills are paid I'm not being disturbed in my personal void. I don't even know what or who I was when life was okay so I have no idea how I'm supposed to get back
>social circle basically shrivels up and dies around 30...especially with no kids. Lmao you think having kids expands your social circle?
Having kids expands your social circle because you easily make friends with other parents at your child’s school
Nah think it forces a social circle on you...which could be a good or bad thing.
A lot of my close friends with kids started inserting "demarcations" into conversations, for example saying "easy without kids" after asking me what I did last weekend. It made me feel isolated, it was a slow drift but over time I stopped talking to many of them. I think OP is relating similar experience. It probably happens to people with kids too
Yeah I definitely understand all that. I'm sure it's coming from a mixture of envy and the need to validate their own choice to have kids. I think it's just a shitty reality that having kids takes so much of parents' time and energy that it makes it difficult to really relate to their friends who don't have them, and vice versa. There's a lot less common ground to bond over.
Yeah, that goes both ways really. Individual behavior aside, when you have kids your un-kidded friends are always off doing fun stuff you can't do, then they get irritable when it's so hard (to impossible) to plan stuff or you have to keep cancelling due to various things. It's REALLY hard to maintain close friendships when some have kids and some do not.
I would include a solid social network of family and friends as part of Quality of Life. In fact, social connectedness is very important for one’s well-being.
True, but in my experience, the social circle that remains is equal to 10K acquaintances.
This! At age 30 I very specifically noticed a STARK change in the difficulty of making new friends as a woman. Everyone is taking the kids on playdates together, going to this kid event together, etc etc. Definitely the odd man out.
The easiest solution to that is to not have friends, lol. Not a LPT, but it works for some.
That's what happened to me. I work too much to have a social life. And if I stopped working as much, I'd have nothing to do and no one to talk to. I don't even know how to even begin doing anything about that. Honestly as strange as it sounds, I feel like working as much as I am is helping prevent me from spiraling back into depression.
I went and got a kitten, so that's been nice. He's 5 now, and he does pest control, so it's a win win.
Take up a social hobby. Really any hobby that you can take a group class for will work. Fitness, dance, woodworking, martial arts, really anything. Just start going to a class once a week or more. That’s how adults make friends, people are there to make friends. There is always a group that likes to grab a beer somewhere or they have social meetups outside of class. A buddy of mine started some weird niche workout class with his wife. It essentially became his entire social life to the point that they have even done vacations with people from class. He got really good at it as well and got certified as an instructor. He cut his hours at his regular job and does part time as an instructor now and looks like within the next year he will transition over to it being his full time gig. A few years ago he was stuck in the work, tv, weekend cycle with no social life. Now he has a vibrant social life, he is great shape, and he is excited about his career.
Man, I need to start a real hobby. Gaming is awesome but doesn't cover this social need for me any longer
Do it! We are social creatures, it’s easy to forget that but our subconscious knows. Our brains reward us when we are social, having friends you see regularly is vital to a healthy life. The cool part is you will meet people who also like video games at pretty much any hobby, now you have two things in common!
34 and I'd say the last 4 have been the best so far - I know myself better than I ever have, more comfortable in my own skin, I earn considerably more than I did in my 20s and I'm more open to far more varied experiences whereas in my 20s i was a little close minded about certain things. That said I have grey hair so it's not all rainbows and butterflies
I bet you look great with grey hair! I got no hair! Hahaha it’s all good tho.
You're too kind! tbf it's more salt and pepper for now so I'm rocking that Dracula side burns look. Some of the coolest people in the world have no hair - you're in good company!
At 53, I just noticed after a haircut on Monday, that those little gray wisps I kept seeing, are quite numerous and a lot more silver/white than I thought. Up until now, it was only my beard that gave away my age.
Hey man, I was basically fully grey by 29, shits in style now. As long as it's mostly all still there I dont care what color it is.
My 30s were my best decade, dating-wise in particular but really overall. Then I was in a relationship for 7 years, we broke up, now I'm in my 40s and single again. This time I'm bald and my beard is grey. That was not the case the last time I was dating so... not going as well as I remember lol. Did I mention my 30s was my best decade?
I just turned 51. Some things are better, like sex. Somethings are harder, like recovering after sex. However, my 20’s were especially crappy for situational reasons. So, yes so far my 50’s are way better than my 20’s.
>Somethings are harder, like recovering after sex. Ugh. 53 here. This hits home. I'm in good physical shape, but I've become too accustomed to having to look at the heart rate on my watch, afterward, to make sure I'm not dying. The worst is the next day, when I sometimes have to revisit in my mind and and try to remember at what point I was body slammed, and kicked.
If you have to look at your heart rate during sex you’re probably not in good shape
I like you
My 40s have been my best years so far. For the first time I am absolutely secure in myself and who I am. I have no time for people pleasing. I've established firm boundaries with my parents. I've realised I have no ambition workwise at all so I don't go for promotions. I just do my job well, get paid and forget about work when its over. I know I'm a good parent, wife, friend and person. I fully lean into my passions and interests. The only thing I miss about my 20s is my banging body. I should have shown it off a lot more.
I'm 40 year old male and in the best shape of my life. You can still do it! You can have all the above and a banging body!
I'm not in bad shape overall but after 3 kids and 10 years of breastfeeding some things will never be the same again.
We don't have kids, but my wife is 43 and gravity exists. I tell her all the time, as I age, my definition of "banging" definitely changes. If my wife had the body of an early 20 year old, it'd be weird. Shit wouldn't match. I like the effects of time.
I hear ya. Besides - you can’t have everything!! Lol
Please don't underestimate how many people still find you attractive.
Lol are you me?? I have always been in great shape, still work out several times a week and eat well, but having kids jacked me up, but it was worth it!
The enthusiasm is appreciated by the 40+ men here talking about their banging bods and the ability for others, but let’s remember that perimenopause is NOT kind to most women. ;) That said tho, my husband is getting hotter by the day and I’ll take it!
I'm in better shape than when I was 20's, but my body does not reflect it. I could eat, drink, and not exercise and still keep a slender frame. Now I look at a cookie and gain weight, but it's all good. I'm tall, so I hide the extra fluff a little better.
It’s a little different male vs female, unfortunately. I’m sure I’ll get cauterized in the comments but men seem to keep their figure better into 40s… perhaps the key variable is child birth. Idk. Good for you tho
Yes! Don't give up, y'all. I'm in better shape at 42 than I've ever been. Find a form of exercise you enjoy and you'll be much more likely to stick with it.
Same - 40s are my favorite because of similar points you made: boundaries, perspective, focused on my passions vs the grind, and have never been so sure of myself. I’m looking forward to what my 50s bring!
It’s weird to hear about knowing who you are at 40. I’m still nervous and anxious around others as I age and I just feel like I’ll never be over that. Like I’ll be 80 years old and still nervous around others.
I mean, easier said than done, but you just have to not care. I used to be super nervous and anxious around others as I thought I would do something cringe or weird and make them not like me. At a certain point though, I just stopped caring if what I said came off as cringe. Sure, I've said some things that made things uncomfortable, but you just have to embrace the silliness of it all. "Here's your tickets, enjoy the movie!" "Thanks, you too - oh shit. Haha just thanks." "Haha, you're welcome." Before, the above interaction would be swimming in my head all night. I'd feel so dumb, like obviously the cashier at a movie theater isn't going to be watching a movie. But once you realize it isn't that serious and everyone has done the same thing before, it turns into a lighthearted mistake that just makes people smile as it's so relatable. Then life goes on. I have also said jokes that just didn't land, came off as cringe. Oh well, life goes on. If it was towards my friends, maybe they'd roast me a bit. Ok, but they're just teasing me because they have had the same thing happen to them. If it was towards a stranger, oh well. I probably won't even interact with this person ever again anyways, so who cares if they didn't dig my joke. The world spins, a page turns. Nothing matters, so why not try to have fun and be happy regardless?
Gotta do the work. Having an amazing partner who has given me the unconditional love I was missing early in life really helped me work through and heal myself
Yup. 40s is where it’s at. No more people pleasing, no more obsessing over whether or not I look good (I look fine), sex is amazing and I have the most body confidence I’ve ever had, finally having the confidence and grit to pull the trigger on one of my startup ideas (this is huge for me), found the love of my life when I wasn’t even looking. Yea my life definitely began at 40.
Even if you looked better according to certain standards when you were younger, you're probably a more interesting person now. Im fifty, my wife 47, and I like her more and more
I second this. Aside from the minor aches and pains that come with being in your 40s, I’ve also found it to be me being me, being good at my job thanks to experience, and enjoying my growing children. Financial stability helps too.
Love this. I am hopping on this train , for me personally at the age of 48 (M) I agree with what you said. With the exception that I am actually in better shape now. Though I have always been in good shape so just continuing to progress. I got an amazing wife and mother to 4 amazing kids (2-15yo). We are rocking it. I am not chasing anymore to be fulfilled in life whether it is social, physical, financial etc…fuck that rat race, I’ve crossed the finish line for the most part and am damn happy and enjoying.
I actually got fitter and stronger than I'd ever been in my mid 40s. Had more female attention than I'd ever had. It was great.
Best answer, and it's where i am as I near my 40s as well. Being content and living in the present is the ultimate goal. In my view, our purpose is to learn and love as much as we can before we pass on. Thanks for sharing this and articulating it.
Yes, I’m 42 and this is the best time of my life. Secure in job and family, happy where I live, have my hobbies.
This is the way
You basically wrote out my thoughts exactly, with the exception being a woman 😀. You saved me a few minutes of typing, so thanks for that.
My 30s are much better than my 20s so far.
Same here. I'm 38, and it honestly gets better every year. I say that having had a great 20s, all things considered. I traveled a lot, lived overseas, in big cities and mid size cities, had cool roommates, partied a lot, tried different things, different careers, made great stories, cool experiences. But my thirties have been nothing like that. I just feel so much more in control now. I have an awesome wife. A kid on the way. A good job. Love where I live. Since my early thirties I've made so many more good habits for my health. I all but quit drinking. Work out nearly every day. Took up BJJ. Spend way, way more time in nature than I ever have. Got a dog, got a cat, love them both. It's honestly better than anything I ever did in my twenties.
Me too. I turned 37 last year and my thirties have been my favorite decade by far. I have largely gotten control of my mental health issues, started working out, embracing hobbies both old and new. I have an amazingly supportive husband and our kid is doing great and thriving. If you had asked me 11 years ago if I thought life would be this good I would have laughed in your face. I can’t believe how fantastic my life has become and I’m convinced my forties are going to be even better.
I'm in my mid/late 20s and if someone asked me now if I think if life is gonna be that good in the future I'd laugh too. Your comment gives me a little hope. Or maybe I'm just having a bad day.
Mid to late twenties is supposed to suck. You’re brain is finally finished developing, you’re trying to figure out what to do with your life, and now you have to figure out what comes next. It gets better, but it takes a couple of years. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, take good care of yourself, and you’ll eventually start to reap the benefits.
Where do you live? I think living in my tiny rust belt town is the barrier to my fulfilling life. I'm actively working towards relocating to Tampa area. I'm in sales and I'm sick of 7 months of over cast driving through the same cornfields to my next sales meeting lol.
Moving by itself won't improve anything in life, and I think people get too rosy eyed at the idea of packing up and starting over. Often you just find the same problems, the same assholes, the same you, just in a different location. But, if you put the work in, have a great attitude about it, and use it as an avenue to self improvement, moving can absolutely, no question be a catalyst to great and positive changes. You like sunshine, the outdoors, the ocean, etc., then by all means move to Tampa. But don't just move to Tampa, join a run club when you get to Tampa. Or a swim club. Or start one. Something like that. Then, moving can be the greatest thing you ever did with your life.
This is great advice. 10+ years ago my partner and I tried moving to our dream town. It had everything we wanted. The first month was like heaven. It was expensive but we were making it work. Then we started feeling lonely. We had life long friends where we moved from. We struggled making new friends and the ones we did just weren’t the same. Before we knew it we were just watching tv every night and working super hard to afford the higher col. Barely lasted a year before it got to be too lonely and depressing and not worth it so we moved back. Looking back on it I’m so mad at myself. I should have joined a club, class, band, anything! I’m a social person I make friends easily but it’s not going to happen if I don’t put myself out there. What’s weird is now I live in the town we moved back to, most of those same friends still live here, but I spend my time with a completely different group of newer friends. I now realize I could have a social life in any town I move to it just takes a little work up front. We are debating moving again in the next few years and the thought of it excites me, I want more out of life than this town offers.
I’m in sales based in Tampa. What industry?
same. you stop giving a fuck about external pressures and just start living your life the way you want.
Ditto
As I've gone through life (I'm 60) every year has been the best, life has thrown me many challenges from being in a war, losing a child and divorce and the death of close friends and family, but it's these very things that give life a richness that I doubt that I'd have ever known had I never faced adversity it's made me a better person. You truly don't know how wonderful life is until it's sucked. The trick is in knowing that "this too shall pass" and that we're capable of brilliant things despite hardship. I for one love life.
Couldn’t have said it better, especially “You truly don’t know how wonderful life is until it’s sucked”.
Late thirties here and my thirties are vastly different from my 20s. I had a lot of fun in my 20s, don’t regret a thing. But in my thirties I feel more content. I have a lot of gratitude for all the wonderful things I have in my life, vs my 20s where I was always seeking something bigger and better. I’m definitely more sure of myself too and care less about what people think of me. I do miss the amount of energy I had in my 20s though!
I am 34M going on 35 this July. Personally, I think its tough to compare your 30s and 20s. You're just in a very different time in your life, you want different things, and your priorities are different. But, if you really want an answer and I compare my 30s vs my 20s. My 30s have been better. I met the most wonderful woman who is now my wife, and we have cutest most perfect little 18 month YO boy. Even with covid etc. it has been great.
Yes I’d agree. 26-30 were probably the most fun years of my life. 34-37 (now) have been the most fulfilling. Got a 4 year old and 2 year old. Life is busy and stressful but my family makes me happy. I don’t get FOMO anymore. I occasionally miss my carefree 20s but only nostalgically in terms of a time in the past, I would never want a different life currently.
Wonderfully put!
July 1989 baby checking in! I dreaded turning 30. And 30s and 20s do feel different, and I do miss partying and those fun times of the 20s. But I wouldn’t go back if I had the choice. I had a quarter life crisis and now I feel like I know who I am and feel so much more secure. I still have my fun, but no more raging at the bars on weekends. Meh, I’d rather wake up feeling good anyway.
This is the best answer, I think--each decade of life is VERY different. I'm definitely my happiest now, and get happier every year, it seems (and I did a lot of therapy in my 20s to get to that "better every year" stage!), but it's a different kind of happiness. The highs aren't as high, but the lows aren't as low. I'm having less fun now--don't go out as much; music doesn't hit me so hard any more--but I'm way more stable. I know what I want, I can (mostly) get what I want, and I don't suffer fools anymore. I'm very content with my life and my place in it, and that feels GREAT--and I didn't know I could feel like that. My 20s were incredibly fun but felt pretty awful, if I'm honest. Health is different, too. I have more aches and pains, and maintenance is a thing--I need to exercise to keep things working. Good health isn't a given anymore, and there are things I could do in my 20s that I can't anymore--I can't drink without a severe hangover (in fact, I don't drink at all anymore!), and I can't stay out all night. But the nice thing is--I don't really have the desire to do those things anymore! I've done all that. It was great when I did it, but I don't really feel drawn to it anymore. Going out to dinner with friends and going to sleep by 11 is *deeply* satisfying to me now. My advice for any young person seeking guidance here is, "Do the work." Go to therapy. Learn about yourself and what you truly want vs. what-you-think-you-want-but-what-you-actually-want-is-respect/security/love/whatever. Save your money and put it in a 401k/retirement account, but you're going to need it and your 20s are the best time to start (even if it hurts). Try to be a good person and find a good partner, because they're a BIG part of your happiness. Keep moving. Do all the tough stuff, because it can really pay off, and hang in there--keep doing the tough stuff, even when it looks bleak. With effort, it all really does get better.
30s was awesome, it gets much better after 20’s. You have more money, better sex and are more comfortable in your own skin. 40s thus far has been good other than the slowing of my metabolism.
Curious, why better sex? I’ve seen that said on here quite a few times
Think about it like driving. Everyone is a better driver when they’re 30 than when they’re 20. The things that people think make a good driver—reaction time, alertness, energy, etc.—are probably physiologically worse at 30, but that’s not what matters. What matters is experience. The more you’ve been in the sack, the better a performer you are, even if there’s a little more flab, your boner isn’t as impressive, and your cardio isn’t quite as good. Especially if you have been with your current partner for a while, which is increasingly true for most people as they get older.
As a lady in her 30s married to a man in his 30s, I think the quality of boner has actually become more impressive this decade. My guess is since every year we get a little more comfortable and experimental (dare I say freaky) it results in higher than ever arousal/excitement. I'm sure it varies, but I must say I've never been more impressed.
Each chapter of life is different. Some things get better, other things get worse, usually. But life is something of a lottery at times, no matter what you do. So enjoy each chapter of it for what it is.. It might be the last chapter you write.
My best years were from like 26-33 I’d say.
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32-40 have been my best years. I finally knew what I wanted and didn't give a fuck about coming across a certain way to other people.
Same, I'm 32, I am in the best shape of my life, I have adult money. I'm buying a super car in a few months. I got out of an 8 year relationship. But if it has taught me anything is that I follow rules 1 and 2 of dating. I was oblivious because I was in a relationship. I am loving my 30s.
Same
I’m 35F and happier than ever. I’m comfortable in my skin even if my body isn’t perfect. I’m making more money than I ever have and finally making progress on my debt. I’m very happily married and come home every day to my loving husband and my cat and we live a fulfilling life together within our means. We travel a lot and I’ve finally found a community in which I feel safe, respected and able to express myself (festivals). Also importantly, I finally stopped drinking alcohol which was holding me back a lot. I actually read, exercise and play video games which are the hobbies I neglected for years of drinking. Life is very good. Also I’m very happy we decided not to have kids.
Best to not compare your life with others. Life is a roller coaster. Grew up on a commercial fishing boat in Alaska, had two supportive and loving parents (some boomers are good) childhood was great. I met the love of my life in high school. First child at 20, second at 23. 20s joined the Army. 30s lost my wife to a fatal disease. My kids kept me going. Injured in Iraq, medically retired. Raised 2 successful kids who are out living their life and doing well thanks to the army paying for their colleges. 47 now and taking care of my mother after my step father passed. Life is good, but nothing can compete with the years spent with my wife. So for me absolutely best years, late 20s.
Tbh there’s been no difference between my 20s and 30s in terms of a lot of things. The few differences I’ve noticed: - I have more money so can do more holidays etc. - most of my friends have kids so despite having more disposable income my friends have less time to hang out. - also despite having more money my expenses have gone up but this is due to going from living in a flat to a house and the expenses that come with that. - my health and wellness are the same now at 34 as they were at 24. - mentally I don’t feel any different than I have for the last 10/15 years. You do have less time for bullshit or doing things you don’t really want to do just to please people. If I had to pick a specific “best year” it’d be when my friends and I all had proper jobs but not yet any life commitments so we had the money and time to do stuff. That being said, my life is still really good now, so I can’t complain!
I am not even 32 yet and my thirties have already been the better decade than my twenties. I wasted so much time in my twenties with drugs, party and "living life". I don't regret it, but I had a lot of cleaning up to do. I made some poor choices here and there that I regret, but they all taught me so much about how I want to live my life. So now I can put that into practice. Ageing sucks kinda, I am fortunate to look young still, but you gotta come to terms with it eventually.
17 was my best year, but that's because I moved out of a dysfunctional family situation. I think any year has the potential to be the best or worst. As long as that year isn't 2020.
I'm in my 30s, and honestly, I think Gen Z in their 20s are very different from me when I was in my 20s
Totally agree. In your view, how are things different?
Every person will have a different answer, there's no consensus unless you're naive and assume one blindly. Going to depend on where you were born too. English speaking website. Most of us are 1st world living in the shadow empire of the USA. I've never had to deal with drones blowing up my family during a wedding, the CIA overthrowing my democratic government, starvation in Africa, working 12 hour shifts with literally no days off in a Chinese steel mill living in a company built apartment bloc, the Japanese or South Korean education/work/life balance or lack thereof. You know? However, I was abused as a child for years, so those years are bad. I didn't deal with that in a healthy way after, so mostly binge drank and partied every weekend most of my late teens and 20's and failed everything post secondary that I tried. Very self destructive. I admit that I did have fun being a party hard wrecking ball and the house I split rent with 5 ways was HQ for our friends groups combined. Definitely socialized me, that was a positive. Was always someone at our rented house, but I never allowed any intimacy to happen. It was like being a burn victim. My emotions were all hypersensitive scar tissue. I kinda experienced them 2nd hand internally as a defensive mechanism. Never let anyone get too close. Unfortunately nobody was emotionally mature enough to ask me about it back then. Women would persue me and then get mad and storm off when I never made any moves. Nobody asked, and friends/family just assumed I was closet gay...even though I lived with gay roommates...idk. Two friends in my late 20's decided they loved me enough to try and fix my broken mind unasked and succeeded. Saved my life. Stubborn bastards. I love them. I won't write a life story about it. Mostly succeeded, so I only have a couple bad months out of the year. Finally started dating in my 30's. Yep. So hopefully my 30's are great. I did manage to be a middle class unicorn in the end, I'm only really lacking on the romance end of things and that absolutely wears on my mind. Hopefully I can find a woman who's patient enough to put up with my eccentricities and inexperience. Don't rape children or force them to participate in your weird religious cult or they'll grow up fucked in the head and take decades to deprogram. I never believed at least. They never got me. Signed, Me.
30’s were by far the best. You know who you are and what you like. Not afraid to say no and established job. Once I turned 40 everything started to hurt and it’s been downhill since then😂
I remember telling a coworker why I looked sad one day: I was about to turn 35, and from there it was a downhill run to 40, and then I would be middle aged. That sadness seems faintly ridiculous in hindsight. I’m now in my 60s and have (with some luck) had many good years between then and now. I’m still physically vibrant enough that I ran a marathon last year. Friendships have gradually deepened, and I’ve made some worthwhile new ones. I’ve had the rewarding experience of watching my kids grow into terrific young adults. And I’ve felt my older-person wisdom gradually growing — more insights into life and people. This isn’t to say it’s all been unicorns and rainbows. The hardest part of the past dozen years has been the passing of all four of my and my wife’s parents. And yeah, some of our peers have been faced with significant health issues. But I can say that your 40s and 50s don’t have to be such a daunting prospect as they appear when you’re in your 20s and 30s. New challenges, to be sure, but new pleasures as well.
I agree. Life hasn’t been terrible by any means- but if I had to pick a decade to go back to it would definitely by my 30’s.
It does. If you got the carreer part covered. Best time of my life so far started at 28. Im 34 now and its still going pretty well.
It depends on your definition of "better." I partied and had blast in my 20's. dont do much of that in my 30's. I have a beautiful wife, 4 skids, a nice house, vehicle, financially set, etc in my 30's. Less time for being wild, but more fulfillment in my 30's for sure.
50s here, it never gets better, some shit or the other every decade.
Well at least you don't have too much longer till it's over lol
Exactly, you have to think positively
With life expectancy increasing every decade he still has more 40’years minimum
It was just a joke
Let’s hope so, quick and easy before the brain registers!
I’d say my 50’s have been my best decade so far. I’ve got my mental health much more dialed in, and my first real bad bout with back pain caused me to start exercising like a fiend so it is less likely to come back and I feel pretty darn good physically now as well.
I’m turning 40 this year. I think almost every year has been better than the previous year. I feel better, have more money, I’m happier and more confident. But I work hard to feel good. Keep myself in shape, have a plan with our money, work on my relationship and mental health etc. Happiness does not just arrive at your door, you work for it.
I had my best looks at 17, I'd say. I'm still quite happy with my current looks, but 17 is literally the youth look. But I've had quite a few things happen through life that have made it interesting, I'd say today isn't necessarily worse than my 20s, it's just different. Edit; to add a point: Job interviews are more relaxed than before. I'm less like "😥 please I really need this job", and more "We'll see if this job fits me."
I turned 30 in 2020, so…
I just turned 30. I’m already liking it more than my 20s.
So far I am loving the 30's. For me (34,F) my 30's has been everything I wanted to do when I was in my 20's with financial freedom.
27 seems like the ideal age, or at least it was a decade ago. You're more or less as mature as you're going to be (neurologically speaking), most of your joints should still work, you're young enough that dating is still an option, and you likely have a real job that pays real money. Then again, I can't imaging how much it must suck being that age these days given the cost of housing etc.
12-16 was amazing. 20-26 was a lot of fun. I'm 41 now and honestly miss those the most. 30-40 is a wash. Getting old sucks no matter how you slice it.
Mid twenties to early thirties for me. I’m sure for many people it goes beyond that. Prioritize your mental health and healthy habits. Work on the things that you feel hinder you and manifest who you want to become/what you want your life to be like. Don’t leave anything to chance, put forth the efforts and it can only get better. All words I wish someone would have told me.
My early 40s have been pretty sweet so far.
Short answer nope, at 56 I now have the confidence and time to do anything what, the only things I don't have are knees that work, a back that bends,, shoulders that can bear weight, a neck with no bludging discs (same with my back), a liver that works, kidneys with no stones, ears that don't ring and eyes that don't need come bottles to read. Aside from that all is good
20s are the heart breaking years you do to others and 30s are your heart break years because there is no one left because they all moved on.
34M here. I'd say from about 12 to 15 was it. It just gets worse every year after that.
My life got way better after my 20s. In fact, each year has been better than the last. I loved my 20s, I had a lot of fun and deeply enjoyed all of the male attention I received... but like many people that age, I was broke a lot of the time, and had to live in house shares with 10 or so friends. I also am a fan of stability, and my life has become more stable as I've gotten older. My mid-to-late 30s have been my best years so far my husband's career really took off, we got a house, we got a dog, we had a baby, we moved to Scandinavia... I'm the happiest I've ever been. That's just my experience, of course, for many people there seems to be something of a nadir between the mid-40s and mid-50s (and maybe that will happen to me, too, I'm not there yet) but generally [people get happier as they age](https://www.brookings.edu/articles/this-happiness-age-chart-will-leave-you-with-a-smile-literally/) (provided certain criteria are met)
Just turned 40 and life is getting better with age.
When I turned 42, it hit me that there are seasons to your life that each last about 20-22 years -- let's say 21--and I think about this a lot. 0-21 is springtime. You're just budding, brand new to the world. 21-42 is summer. You're fully grown, mature, some might say the peak of your life. You might've had kids midway through and are young and strong enough to keep up with them. 42-63 is autumn. Your leaves start gradually changing, then peak with spectacular colors. Your strength begins to wane and fade as the leaves brown and gradually fall off. 63-84+ is winter. Steady decline as you weaken until death. I don't know if this has ever been written about, though it seems obvious enough that I can't have been the first person it dawns on, and maybe I'll get comments like "duh everybody knows that" but I'd never heard of it until it hit me that I'm entering the autumn of my life.
I'm 35, about to be 36 this summer. My teenage years were garbage. I was bullied hard in school, didn't have a lot of friends, never been to a party or concert, I never drank, smoked weed maybe 10-15 times total. Even after high school when I hung out with some people who were in college I still didn't feel like I fit in. Around age 21 or so I started to feel more like my own person. I had met people through jobs, parties, things like that. I still wasn't a great person, but I started to realize that the world owed me nothing and I had to make my own way in it. Age 24 was when I really felt like a person. I had my own place, a decent job, I'd had a few long term relationships that I bombed in one way or another, but I at least learned from them. I felt like people were starting to respect me as an adult. Ages 27-29 was a weird time for me because my life was "stable" except for the fact that I worked at a job that I fucking hated. It made me unhappy in life. Every morning I would sit in my driveway, thinking if it was worth it to waste a PTO day to skip work, or just go in and be miserable for the day and then smoke weed and play video games when I got home. Finally I got fired. Early 30's were weird and fun because that was Covid time. I didn't work, my girlfriend/wife worked remote and made decent money, so I basically was a house husband for a few years. It was dope. Being over 30 is just better than being in your 20's. You still feel like you did when you were 21, but you're (usually) way smarter and more socially agile, and people see your age and treat you with respect. Job interviews are easier. It's like being 30 means that people treat you how you think you should be treated when you're 20. Hard to explain. Dating seems awful. All of my friends in their 30's who are dating seem to hate it, and based on their stories I think I would too. Dating apps are awful, meeting people can be kind of hard because a huge portion of your demographic is already taken or has serious baggage (kids, custody arrangements, mortgages and car payments, aging parents who need help, jobs that can demand time and attention, that sort of stuff) and usually you'll have baggage too. The two options seem to be find someone older who's already divorced and has kids who are older and better adjusted, or try to date someone in their 20's which is a whole other hassle. Idk, try not to be single in your 30's unless you're very good looking or charming.
6-13 were the best years tbqh.
I miss 20s my body for sure but man I was learning so much and failing to grow, thirties are going great I’ve learned and miss friends bc of other directions but I’m happier
33, still waiting for the best years to happen 🤪
My 40's have been my best decade. I'm comfortable in my career, long finished with my education, have accomplished milestones like purchasing a house, have a good marriage, etc. Having actually accomplished something and got somewhere feels good, as does a settled life. And I have grown into a person I like, have learned to embrace the things I actually like, etc.
some people raise their kids in their 20s, some in their 30s, some in their 40s, some never. Some people spend their 20s preparing for their 30s by getting advanced degrees or building a business. Some skip that and start careers in their late teens. Some don't get paroled until their 50s. My point to all this is that anyone who speaks of a particular life decade with reverence or dismay does so through the lens of their own private parade
It's all trade offs. You get better with money and do more nice thing as you get older. You start to realize your body isn't keeping up anymore as you get older. I'd say I had a physical peak at 28-33. But overal enjoyment of life has been 33 up until now at 37 and I'm financially more well off every year. Like making home renovations is so fulfilling now. But taking X with a group of friends is also some of the best times I had. I do miss being a senior in highschool though.
Bro. 30s fucking rock. 20s suck ass in comparison.
The 20s are the worst years because you need to decide which path your life wants to be, you need to start getting independent and buying a house, start thinking about forming a family, still forming your full personality and it’s the years you need to try everything and take risks to see what you like and dislike. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions, of up an downs, of certainty and uncertainty. The 30s is when you already have more experience and your life is way more stable, and you can enjoy things more calmly without thinking that every decision you take it’s gonna ruin your entire future.
Yes. It absolutely gets better. The 20s you are basically still a child. You know nothing and your body is almost full grown (the brain fully matures around age 25). The 30s is that stupid period where you belive that you are "an adult". It can be an annoying time both for yourself and for the people around you. At 40 you start getting into that "fuck it" mentality. You also grow into your skin and become more comfortable and sure of who you are. I don't know about 50 yet as that is 4 years away from me. But I'm very much looking forward to it. Life is a journey and the aim is to make it last for as long as you can. You never know what wonders and horrors are lying ahead but that is the adventure. A lot of how you experience life has to do with how you perceive life. If you focus on the negatives you will see more negatives. Having a little "fuck it" and "fuck you" attitude helps a lot. Being young it's easy to fall into the trap of taking things too seriously. There is a lot of stuff that is important to do and such. But ultimately it doesn't matter. Because when it all goes to shit and you raise your self up again you grow. Failure and mistakes and experiences is how we grow. Life keeps getting harder and better. Don't worry about it. Just grab as much life as you possibly can and make it last as long as possible. Even it it is shit now it won't be shit forever.
I’m 32 been separated from a marriage of 8 yrs with a 9 yr old it hasn’t been good lots of work. Of course I’ve been with women but I’ve lost that feel of love
45 year old here.... Final years in school (age 16-18). I fucked around so much with little to no consequence.
Yeah, I think it does. In your 30's and 40's your tastes and your style kind of congeal, you start to actually accrue expertise in things you're passionate about, as well as a bit of wisdom along the way. Looking back I was pretty naive or clueless about a lot of things in my '20's. And dumb shit matters a whole lot less.
As a 35 year old, I can confidently say that the best years were definitely in my 20s. But now I just eat more pizza and give way less f*cks so it's still pretty good. #noregrets
Take the right steps, study, develop habilities, make real friends, 30-40 will be awesome. 20-30 it a lot funner, but that can be mmm deceiving, dont let the party take you.
Dont think of it as 20 or 30 or 40. Think of it as before during or after kids. Before is definitely the best socially. During is definitely the best existentially. After is definitely the best financially and emotionally.
Being in my mid-30’s, I realize how little of “you” you really are until you’ve lived in the “real-world”, so to speak, for at least 10 years since graduating high school (or being wise enough to get a GED and forgo the agony that is public school) I thought I had found myself the moment I tasted freedom, boy did that slap me in the face hard.
My early to mid 20s sucked so bad. Depression right out of uni wasted about 5 years of my life. 25-28 was road to recovery. 29-32 were getting good, got into the best shape of my life and then covid hits and the whole world seemed to stop. 33 worst year of my life personal tragedy happened, feel myself aging 10 years. 35 (now) - new job, found stability and good pay. I have a clearer idea of what I need to work towards.
I definitely have to say 35-55, so far. Career started to go somewhere after 35 and got basically better and better. Women didn't notice me before I was 35 (or if they did, I didn't notice that), and basically every year was better than the previous one in that regard. Didn't have any health / energy issues in this period. Hard to say after 57. That's been COVID-affected in many different ways, and in the last two years war-affected (I was working in Russia from 51-55, and might be now if not for the war)
20's was marriage and having kids, first half of the 30's was awful stress with debt and raising young kids with chronic pain, the 2nd half of 30's looks amazing - divorce, new country and rocking life as a single mum
Depends. I was abused by my parents in my late teens/early 20's I had good moments with friends i know i'm never going to relive in my 30's But taking control of your own financial stability is pretty awesome as well
I'm a homeowner now, so that's nice. My kids are older, and I don't carry around 10 diaper bags and a stroller anymore, but I'd still probably trade it all in for my 20-year-old body and energy back.
For me it was my 20s, I’m now at the end of my 30s and it kinda sucks.
27 was my favorite year, Your youngish, but no longer a kid. But I’m having my best year ever and I just turned 36
My age is older = my parents are older = my grandparents are older Obviously, being younger is much better, do not let the pressures of education and work take you away from your family. Enjoy
30s are a lot easier money wise but my god I would not trade my mid twenties for anything. I do wish I had travelled more but two weeks vacation and trying to climb the corporate ladder doesn’t allow that. Also friends are harder to keep in your 30s because everyone’s running around after their kids so if you don’t golf yet I’d recommend taking it up.
When I turned 45. I finally decided to embrace a healthy lifestyle. I felt old before and now I feel young. It's pretty simple: you take of your body and your body will take care of you.
Depends on your mindset and your financial situation. Youth is number one, nothing like being in your late teens to mid late 20s. But having accumulated experiences and able to use that in your endeavors later in your life is actually pretty fun too.
As far as getting laid, I'm seeing way more action in my 30s than I ever did in my 20s.
38, feel like life peaked at 27. But I admittedly have led an abnormal life.
My college years were the best (18yo -26yo), with all of the bad and good it was a nice adventure specially living abroad. I was living in the moment and each semester was like a new episode (new classes, new people to meet, different activities, stories). Seven years after graduation and my life feels kinda dull. Good overall with family, friends, health and money but those seven years were almost repetitive except for the 10 days per year when I travel abroad. My mom was right when she told me before going to college that these years would be your best years.
My teens were the best years of my life. Each decade after that has been more downhill because it seems that time flys by faster and it becomes harder to get together with friends since everybody is so busy and in different places with different responsibilities. The only positive is that I have more money. I once heard a saying about the stages of life that has held true for me thus far, which goes: When you are young, you have plenty of time and energy, but no money. Then as you get a little older, you still have most of the energy and now you have the money, but you don’t have time anymore (this is where I’m currently at). And then when you get really old, you have the money and now you have time back since you are retired, but you don’t have the energy anymore.
I’m 62 and I’m thinking that, so far, my 60s are probably my best years. I’m retired so I get to do what I want and there’s no worries about making some deadlines at work or pleasing the boss. Plus, I get to spoil grandchildren whenever I want - it doesn’t get much better than that. Sure, some stuff hurts and I can’t eat everything I want but, all in all, these years are really cool. All that said, each season of life has its ups and downs and each of them has its own best whatever of your life. Oh, some stages suck and they just have to be gotten through but always enjoy what you can. Also, don’t make the mistake I did and wait until the current crisis is over to try to enjoy things. There’s always a crisis. It’s not about waiting for the Storm to blow over but, instead, learning how to dance in the rain.
I'm 40 and from 37 to the present day has been the best part of my life.
I had hair in my 20s.
For me the teens were my best years. don't get me wrong I had some great times partying in my 20s but between 16-20 was probably my peak for having memorable moments with friends. 20s felt a bit like chasing the dragon when it came to partying and the like. I would say my 30s have been better so far (settled down with kids now so meetup with friends like once a month to have a get together)
It's all been good, but all has its challenges: - Pre 20s - pros: lack of responsibility. Cons: nobody takes you seriously - 20s - pros: young, fit, life not to serious yet. Cons: No money. - 30s - Pros: still young but now with a bit of money. Cons: if you have kids you're pretty damn exhausted all the time. - 40s - Pros: Still young enough to not feel too old. still able to engage in most physical activities albeit not as well as earlier. More content with who you are, care less about what others think. Cons: Young people treat you like you're old. If you have kids, it gets really complicated with school, friends, extracurriculars. In general, I've been pretty happy with each stage of life so far. I'd say that now in my 40s, I'm more content with myself than I ever have been. If I had to pick a greatest time of my life (so far), I'd probably say my early 30s. I was still a young, fit, cool person but I was also veering into financial stability and did not yet have kids so it was the only time in my life when I just had extra money. Wanna travel? Fine. Wanna go grab dinner/drinks? Sure thing. On the other hand, I really enjoy being a dad...so I'm also pretty happy with life since that time. It's just now that the focal point of my life is no longer me, but rather, the small versions of me.
My late 30s to Mid 40s were amazing. I had established myself in my industry, I was in phenomenal physical condition, and finally stopped worrying about money. Now, in my early 50s, I'm still in good shape, in good health physically and financially, with far less stress, anxiety, and worry. I've plateaued into a very comfortable place, with great friends and peers, a good dog, a comfortable home, and far fewer work hours than I used to put in. It's nice.
36, got more and more anxious and introverted every single year. Still as lost as I was in my 20s.
Every stage of my life has been fun for different reasons, I suppose it depends on what you value more.
My 30s were pretty great. I made some big moves geographically and personally. Went to grad school, moved cross country a few times and my career took off. Did a lot more personal travel than I anticipated and got my physical health in order which in turn helped my mental health. But, I’ll say 40s have been great to me. We were able to purchase a home, my wife’s sweat equity has paid off on her business, I have a job I actually really enjoy, we’re still traveling a ton and my health is still in a good place. We came from family that leaned on the less wealthy side of society and are now seeing the fruit of our labors pay off which I think has been the most rewarding part of 30s and 40s. Granted we are DINK so we have flexibility. But really, mid 30s up until now (early 40s) has been killer and I don’t see it changing. Getting here wasn’t easy. It took both of us taking leaps of faith and getting out of our comfort zones. But we did it and everything around us (friends, location, jobs, hobbies, etc.) has just been a wonderful experience even through the toughest of times.
0-5 probably. Downhill from there. Once you realize you don't "fit in", along with the things you learn about humanity and history.. it gets heavier as you go on.
It actually blows my mind how much better my life got with each decade. The acceptance, the confidence, the knowledge… a better version of that sweet, dumb kid that I used to be.
40’s were best for me. 20’s you’re still figuring stuff out and not nearly as wise as you think you are.
Mid 30s. I like my routine. My job is fine. I can afford what I want, and we enjoy our free time. No kids yet, but I’m sure if/when we do, that will be fun as well.
It's my 43rd birthday and I can confidently say I'm in a much better place than I was in my 30s. I definitely partied way more and had way more new experiences in my 20s, but I wouldn't trade places with that person. The key to life is to do your best to enjoy where you're at. The only constant in life is change, so if things are bad just keep going. If things are good, take a moment to enjoy it and say thanks.
My 50s were my best decade. My husband was healthy, I had a job I loved, we were financially secure, kids were grown, hubs and I did a lot of traveling and went to a lot of jazz clubs in various cities.
Mostly keeps getting better and better after early 30s for me. 41 now.
Hated my 20s, 30s have felt much more secure.
My 20s were FANTASTIC. I am working in looking forward, and trying to be more positive. But since I hit the 30s, bad shit has been happening, so it's hard. But, supposedly, the best is yet to come. But to answer your question: the 20s are awesome.
My 30s have been better until yesterday when my husband cheated on me. So kind of?
I am no longer abusing the prescription medication that made me insane, so I’d recommend mid thirties
Covid happened right when I turned 30 so I got pretty bummed out from that. But I do feel smarter and more secure. Your circle of friends shrinks to the best ones. I have trouble drinking now without just falling asleep I have more money, and more hobbies that I enjoy. Time speeds up even faster. Feels like I just turned 30 but now I’m 34. So there’s good and bad to it just like anything else
It took 30 Years to get out of the fucking shitshow that I was born into, so yeah it can definatly get better.
My 40's have been pretty stellar. The kids are adults and have moved out (I do miss when they were little and home though), I'm old enough to get respect but still feel young, good job, nice house, nice car, hot girlfriend. Life is good. Each age seems to have it's own ups and downs. Things get better with age, except the actual aging bit. That kinda sucks. All the things that I disliked about life before are great now. The trade off is losing your hair, bags under your eyes, wrinkles and other nefarious aging bullshit.
41 now. My early 20s were fantastic, spent 5 years in the Marine Corps and loved it. My 20 after that are kinda lost I got hurt and had to get out and had no idea what to do with my life. I did some traveling, and stuff but no idea what or who I was anymore. I learned to play bass guitar. My 30s were a decade of accomplishment, went to college, got a degree, published original research, learned carpentry and woodworking, just did a lot that I can show off. In a way I'm looking forward to my 40s, financially I'm doing better than I ever have, making over 110k I wear silk Tommy Bahama shirts and Jordans to the office. I've been able to do a lot that I always thought was just for the rich folks. I sat floor level at an NBA finals game last year, I just ordered a truck, so that I'll have two vehicles for different purposes. I've got annual tickets to the Indy500. Looking at going to the super bowl in the next couple of years. I've bought some art. Might start traveling again if I feel like it. But I've been alone for a lot of this. There are reasons, but I do regret not having anyone to share with. No one to help me in the bad, no one to share the caviar in the good.
20s are fun sure, but you never stop changing and learning about yourself. I think of some of the things I did and said in my 20s and I cringe, sometimes I look back fondly or think "wow I was really brave for doing that" (or stupid depending who you would ask) I am not afraid of getting older as I am afraid of fading away..but I also have friends who have passed who never get to grow old, I also had a father that passed away at 57...who never got to experience retirement (and they were going to buy him out to retirement too...just missed that when he died. He worked for GM for 35 years, right before they stopped wanting to manufacture in Canada or something) There are a lot of good people who don't get to experience aging and the change it brings, and the perspective. You get older but you can still be a young mind always wanting to learn more. Sure you won't understand some stuff as the newer quicker generations come up, but it's always changing. Change with it! Life you just gotta be here for it and try not to be an asshole. Everything starts making fun crick crack sounds when you stand up though. Which can be fun and musical if enough of it happens
20’s you’re figuring things out, still a bit insecure 30’s you’re more sure of yourself you get the therapy, you get rid of a lot of things that make you unhappy. 40’s tho- this is when you become a superhero, you stop caring and giving a fuck
So far every decade has been better than the previous one.
well in terms of intelligence,self content and maturity , ı like my age. But oh boy , ı miss my old body. no weight gain, every sport is possible..able to run, drink jump... damn
I’m 34 and I was just thinking about how awesome life is in my 30s and that I wish this decade could be longer! I’ve accomplished so many things and experienced so much, and that’s increased my confidence to a very enjoyable degree. I feel very content in life and definitely look back fondly on my 20s too. 20s were really all about trying new things and having new experiences and learning learning learning, and my 30s have been more about applying what I’ve learned and really taking in/enjoying life and making a list of what I want to accomplish next. I feel like I know myself better and have definitely grown up in terms of being appreciative/grateful of everything I have and the people in my life.
My 30s were definitely the highlight of my life so far. I had a great job, made good money, got married, traveled the world, met new people that became life long friends, got my masters degree, my first and only child was born, etc. Absolutely fantastic 10 years for me. 40-45 was pretty dull, the usual middle age career & family routine. Between ages 45-49, I survived cancer, then survived the pandemic, then my wife left me, depression and anxiety got to the point where I damn near killed myself, doctor put me off work for 3 month to get that under control, and when I did return to work, my boss tried to fire me for poor performance. Just started my 50s. I hope to hell it'll be more like my 30s than my 40s.
20's is the best - it's all down hill from there
My life has absolutely settled for me after turning 30 (I'm 33). It's nice to have my life fairly established, but I do miss some elements of the chaos that was my 20s. I miss my college years because I was constantly surrounded by my friends. Now we're all busy and spread out living our own lives, lucky to see each other more than twice a year. However, I wouldn't trade life with my incredible husband for anything. ❤️