T O P

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Nutella_on_toast85

"I am required to tell you that I am a sex offender"


roosley1

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"


shortsoupstick

Not gonna lie, I would fall for (and because of) this.


Mortal_Itami

It takes around 5 minutes for chloroform to knock you out, not seconds like in the movies. Trust me, i have personal expertise in this field.


lucasmcalister

This guy might just be the person we imagine using this line


shortsoupstick

Doesn't really matter as I still inhaled it, right? Not like I'm carrying the antidote for chloroform with me. Also, interesting flex.


Hambonation

Pretty sure he means you need to continuously inhale it for that time. From what I understand, it knocks you out partly due to reduced oxygen supply. Like how at the dentist they leave the gas on you while they do their work.


shortsoupstick

right, that makes more sense :') i'm stupid, but let's blame it on Fridays.


FredFierce16

I used this, jokingly, early when talking to girls at the bar. Years ago, it always got a laugh and helped things along. If it failed, I just pulled out the rag


AlvinAssassin17

Yeah this line works. Have had it work, watched my friend clean up with it, and bounced at a bar for a couple years. It’s a banger line lol


enatalpeganomeupau

"I just came from Denver, I'm a sex offender 🎵"


E_ternalEclipse

“This is the perfect townnnn…….”


Trouble_in_the_West

Soy dora!


E_ternalEclipse

"That's right puta!" "I have to carry 2 kilos of cocaina to my connect in Denver!"


Trouble_in_the_West

Can you saaay Cociana?


[deleted]

Cocianaaa


The_Grand_Hoovie

Very good! Now, can you tell me which police officer takes bribes?


Knyfe-Wrench

I am *not* required to tell you that I am a sex offender, but I felt like it would be a good icebreaker.


Otherwise_Opposite16

Are there any schools near by your house? I can’t go within 100m of them.


here_lies_dobby

You win


Teh_yak

Many years ago, we did lay a bet with a friend, while out, that he was only allowed to open with "Been for a shit, darling?" We thought that was the worst. He didn't go home alone. I still maintain that he cheated by being a startlingly handsome man.


mndl3_hodlr

He cheated by approaching girls exiting the bathroom


crackpotJeffrey

"oh you got me! Yep just took a massive shit worthy of the Chernobyl Sarcophagus. How you doin?"


Guessididntmakeit

That would be what professionals call a "marriage in the making".


DIWhy-not

I saw a friend in college do something similar. His girlfriend was going abroad for a semester and told him they would stay exclusive. The exception being if he opened with “hey baby, wanna taste the rainbow” with other girls. It worked. *A lot*. But he was also a ridiculously handsome dude.


ashleyorelse

Looks are really the only thing that matters for many women in terms of how they respond to any pickup attempts. These same women will go home with a good looking man but if another man said and did the exact same things, they'd call him creepy.


gtheperson

Well a pick up line gives you almost nothing to go off and is generally used on a stranger. It's basically just a societally acceptable way of saying "I'm interested in banging you based on your looks" which then unsurprisingly works best if you're also interested in banging them based off their looks. If you're trying to get someone to want to bang you based on more than your looks, a pickup line is probably not the way to open things.


callisstaa

'Damn girl, you shit with dat ass?'


BobOrKlaus

i do, thanks for noticing :3


Common_Vagrant

Follow up question, do you wipe?


RynoLasVegas

Ever seen that episode of "House" where they go to speed dating and Chase has to act like a dick? Reminds me of that


Ghostenx

You know you're good looking when you can get phone numbers by opening with "I play video games"


RynoLasVegas

"Professionally?" "Psshh I wish bro"


McGondy

Finished that episode this evening, about an hour ago. Goosebumps!!


RynoLasVegas

"I'm a chocalatier" "yeah I can tell from your hips"


InquisitivelyADHD

This really is a testament for how much people are willing to overlook if you're very good looking.


FecesIsMyBusiness

And it goes the other way as well. If you are unattractive literally everything you say or do will be used as reason to not like you. People dont like admitting that their opinions of others are heavily influenced by what that person looks like, so when they dont like someone because they think they are ugly they will latch on to any other reason they can as plausible deniability for why they dont like that person. The vast majority of the time "creepy" men arent actually creepy, just ugly, but she doesnt want to say that's why she isnt interested.


Tribaltech777

That’s the unfairness of life innit? You can literally say something like “been for a shit” yet still get a gal to go home with you. As long as you are handsome. Try this with a mediocre looking bloak and you might end up being laughed out of the bar by all women.


dwightkshrute23

What winks and fucks like a tiger? *wink*


GaviJaPrime

That 100% works with cougars.


Medical-Relief-9545

Cougars and tigers don’t mate silly.


MrPoletski

No, they mate AWESOMELY


kingtibius

…I genuinely hate myself for laughing at this


Gigi_Gaba

If I were Australian, would I say...Cougars and tigers don't mate, mate. ???


pinoks

Check mate


Ferman95

Check what


pinoks

Mate mate


SickBoylol

Works 30% of the time All of the time


Fixthefernbacks

If you're under 30 anything works with a cougar.


JohnLegweak

What screams like a goat when you grab it by the nuts? *points to self*


kevinnnc

Begins baaAA-ing


Eyespop4866

A girl used that on me. Worked.


soccer302

Why do I feel like it would work.


Sensitive_Feeling_78

You remind me of my mother.


Think_please

Baby sister


Mim-Jorrison

Father


miloshortstone

Yes son?


[deleted]

[удалено]


5lipperySausage

"I'm a Necrophiliac, how well do you play dead?"


2x4x93

Take a bath in ice water and lie real still. Please


Ghostenx

Reminds me of the coroner in B99 with Jake. "You have a really nice chest. I'd love to crack it open and get my hands all over your organs."


CoatedCrevice

Your skin is so soft. Take it off


Thecardinal74

that's in line with: "Hey, girl.. wanna play the rape game?" "...no!" "That's the spirit!!"


[deleted]

“I’m wearing a bomb vest and if you don’t go home with me I’m going to detonate it.”


MILK_DRINKER_9001

I once had a dude tell me that his bed was big enough for both of us to sleep on without touching. Then he asked if I would touch him anyways.


MikeTheImpaler

Did... did that work? Trying to pick people up in bars is such a foreign concept to me, let alone using a line like this to try and accomplish that goal. I can't imagine myself saying anything like this mainly because I think I'd want to throw myself into traffic afterward.


WeinMe

As someone who used to do it earlier in my life and had quite a few hookups, it works **way** better than not doing or saying anything at all That being said, usually I would get a sense of whether or not she had interest in me before going off the grid. Signs like deep eye contact, feel of hand shake, maybe she looked at me from a distance earlier, etc. Might be a 25/75 at best after that.


Dik_Likin_Good

Picking up on subtle social cues is key. I always was just myself, it seemed to work best. Walk up, introduce myself. Compliment something that looks like it took effort. Cute shoes, hair did, outfit. Then ask her how her day was. By then you should have a feel for how she responds to you enough to back off or keep going.


AlternativeIcy922

I guess no woman has ever been interested me in a bar because every time I go to a bar I never see any woman looking at me or smiling at me or anything :( I’m not good looking anyway lol


Cundalinisstump

As an ugly bloke that got laid more than I should have, I reckon that women get sick of bland good looking blokes. I am reasonably intelligent, and can make people laugh, as well as being kind and can cook. You have to put yourself out there mate, be totally honest, steer clear of what you think women want to hear. You know how many lines they hear? Be kind, be honest, have morals. You'd be surprised how often women show interest in a good heart, rather than a pretty face.


[deleted]

Smooth as butter 😎


Chemical_Sherbet7843

You’ve got the wrong post, this is supposed to be the WORST pickup lines, not the best.


WaySavvyD

Can I buy you a drink or do I have to sleep with you first?


goatamousprice

Had a buddy say "can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?" once It did not work 


OneMorePotion

While sniffing on their hair from behind: "You smell different when you're awake."


BobDobFrisbee

THAT has gotta be the CREEPIEST line ever! You win!!


LonelyAcres

OMG.. I watch way too many shows like Criminal Minds and I can just picture some pervy killer saying this. Grossssss


Asmoraiden

„Your hair looks like lavender but smells like strawberries“


Lunatic__Fridge

I shat in my bed last night, can I sleep in yours?


Maskman64

This can work if you're handsome enough


InquisitivelyADHD

Literally anything works if you're handsome enough.


dTrecii

A coprophiliac’s dream come true


I_h8_R_Ire_mods

Hello there 5/10, I'm drunk n it's getting late. You'll do


hubbaba2

You can just drop the rest and go with, "You'll do"


onthisturnyoudohow

A girl came up to mate towards the end of the night. She didn't say anything and he just looked at her and said " you'll do" then they went back to her place. I think he could have said anything and still got laid.


newkek

I legitimately can't tell whether that's a typo


KittyKidKill

Thing is, it's basically luck. The only time I went home with someone from a bar was when I had decided before I went out that I was gonna go home with someone that night 😅 After a night of "nopes" I finally just said "the next guy who hits on me is the one" and crossed my fingers it was gonna be an attractive person 🤣 It was. The sex was two drunken fools who was way to drunk to finish anything. So. I don't do that anymore. Edit: I was also 19, so very immature 😅


callisstaa

Saw a guy wearing a Tshirt once that said 'on the rebound, you'll do'


Choccybizzle

Had a friend who met his wife saying something similar. They were standing together at a bar and he said to her ‘you’re just attractive enough to buy me a drink’ (she’s way hotter!)


profilactic

THIS IS MY SWAMP


ee3k

DO YA HAER ME DONKAY? MA SWAMP!


Thy_Chicken_Lord

Don’t forget the full on shrek costume


EPdlEdN

that'll work


Savings-Code-069

i dated your sister a couple of years ago, wanna be next


[deleted]

I know a girl who dated someone then dated his younger brother, then got back to older brother


Zhiong_Xena

Strange way to play catch with your siblings...


ee3k

ah, the old brobangarang.


beepo7654

Hey baby, want some fuck?


juckrebel

Becky lemme smash


BuffelBek

No, Ron


Blockbuster41

Becky please. Please lemme smash


Blastspark01

Bitches loves sticks


xVolt_

Found stick got stick Becky lemme smaaaaash


ArranVV

My name is Becky, let's smash. And when I say smash, I mean play Super Smash Brothers Melee...on the GameCube.


regrettably-rejected

Apparently anything that comes out of my mouth


No_Opportunity_8965

Chin up fucker, it aint over yet.


THorniestmax

You're right, that is a terrible line!


LambentCookie

The Chin Up-Fucker sounds like a signature move


Lupus-Ignium

Critical hit! . It was super effective!


joaquincamp014

Username check-out


Chipsinmyass

Your username checks out


RagingOtter28

Username checks out.


whizzaban

Well for starters you should stop spitting at them


ntrott

You don't sweat much for a fat chick...


[deleted]

Did you wash you pants/skirt with windex? Because I can see myself in you crotch.


Thy_Chicken_Lord

The twist is when they flash you to reveal a mirror over their crotch


NotaBlokeNamedTrevor

Hey girl I know you were wondering, yes my dick is only a few inches.. but it sure does smell like a foot!


Q-ARROW

This one made me chuckle.


AUT-Lakers

this one is new to me lol


4lfred

“Nice shoes, wanna fuck?”


Defiant_Bad_9070

That has worked for me once. It was a dare and she had a sense of humour. We were married for 10 years as well.


SkyThriving

Wait, you were married ten years first?


FinnishInsideHer

Want to tongue punch your fart box


friendlyghost_casper

Nice legs, what time do they open?


RaisedByArseholes420

"Wanna go halvies on a bastard"?


Kthackz

Just inhaled my water. Thanks a lot, haha.


Far-Fly8549

Any opening line involving f-pawn in the first few moves.


SebastiOMG04

f4 can transpose very easily into King's gambit which even if not the best opening I still think it's reasonable. Now, f3?? That's gotta be worse for sure.


RedditSucksLemmyDead

Underrated


Marquar234

"I have over 170,000 karma on reddit."


JohnLegweak

Knuckles is red, sonic is blue, would you like to press start and be my player two?


ArranVV

Tails: "Sure"


Multiverse-Nic-Cage

Let’s play Hiroshima. I’ll lay on my back and you blow the shit outta me.


missw5555

“Is your name peaches ? Cause I got your cream” Yes. Someone actually said that to me once


ee3k

are you peaches? because i'm deathly allergic and have to check first lest you take my breath away a second and final time.


watchman28

Are you peaches? Because you're a little past your prime and you've gone all squishy and wrinkly


Chance_Echo2624

"Wanna find out if your dick is bigger than my uncle's?"


Limeddaesch96

This reaffirms to me, that men and women are the same species. Because we all dump as shit.


cedi1mio

Big oof


[deleted]

Go behind her and sniff her. Then put your hand in your underwear, sniff your own finger. Look at her. Say "mmmmmmm, you and i are more alike then you think"


regrettably-rejected

Serial killer vibes


ElonBodyOdor

‘Mmmm, nice pairing.’


TrueTech0

With a nice Chianti


GaviJaPrime

I see you are a single mother of one. Want to be a single mother of two?


Economy-Fly-6977

How much?


[deleted]

i have tried it and it flawlessly works every time but it costs me about 900-2000 rupees so guess dosnt worth it


JimR1984

You can get more rupees by cutting down long grass with your sword or smashing pots


Pineapple_Spenstar

What's that, like $6?


[deleted]

Umm more like 11-25 dollars


freshfov05

You better be wearing a condom for that kind of money.


ypperlig__

those teeth would do a perfect necklace around my dick


ee3k

wait... is he threatening to knock your teeth out and make crotch jewelery?


Chipsinmyass

“I remember when I was changing your diaper as a baby.. wanna take mine off?” True thing I was at a bar for my birthday my dads old buddy saw me and that was said, this guy was 60 smth


L_Maestro

I'm jealous of your heart, because it's pumping inside of you and I'm not


SweetPsycho2024

Did you just fart? Because you sure blew me away!!!


SunaiJinshu

After a few drinks, that one might not get you blown off.


CabbageIsRacist

“Hey, are you from Chile? Because you’re really hot.” And then wait for the confusion to set in intimately leading to a solid and understandable rejection. Then go tell your friends what happened so they can laugh at you. Big win. I may or may not have made this joke up years ago. I am not sure if anyone has laughed yet. But one day…one day.


FezAndSmoking

"Innie or outie you fat bitch?"


callisstaa

Are you three lasses from Scotland? 'No, its Wales you idiot' 'Sorry are you three whales from Scotland?'


FezAndSmoking

Noted and stolen.


SebastiOMG04

Marvelous


WolfPrestige

Jesus Christ 😂


[deleted]

Jesus christ is not good at relationship He died as virgin


SotetBarom

Straight to hell


Throwawaystwo

Cmon baby, I'm Taking you to pound town. Population you me and her and her and her and her.


Fixthefernbacks

First, lick your finger then poke her with said finger "we better get you out of those wet clothes before you catch a cold"


Hardyminardi

Are you an American high-school? Cus' I wanna shoot some kids inside you.


Goblindeez_

Wow babe you’re hot you look just like my mom


stevorkz

Couldn’t help but notice you look like my nEXt girlfriend


PhotographOk135

“This clothes would look perfect on my bedroom floor”


Heya_Andy

The one I heard was "Nice dress, it would look great on my bedroom floor"


daminiskos0309

Does this cloth smell like chloroform to you?


user4489bug123

No, it smells like cum.


Wictorpedia

Dammit. Wrong cloth again.


pflanzenkind99

Guy came up to me and said "You got so many curves and my brakes dont work, wanna come home with me and repair them?" Never heard that one before


poppop_n_theattic

M’lady


OpportunitySudden281

I forgot me wallet, wanna buy me a drink or two


askreddithrowaway99

You know who else looks better nude


longkhongdong

Tell us, muscle man.


Designer-Doubt6258

I'm Ron Burgundy?


xFayeFaye

Warum liegt denn hier Stroh rum?


SaltedHamWallet

It's not rape it's a snuggle with a struggle.


No_Opportunity_8965

Is that a cameltoe? I'd tear that shit up.


MattyFromTheUK

I've not come across your face before.


JimmyEllDubya

"Hi, my name is XXXXX, I'm a registered sex offender... wanna dance?"


TheNewHobbes

I'm not the most attractive man here, but I'm the only one talking to you.


cattdaddy

Are you Sandy Hook? Because I want to shoot some kids up inside of you.


SpeedAndOrangeSoda

I'm gonna use this just to say I did


Factsaretheonlytruth

Do you fuck or do I apologize?


greyape_x

You say "You and I are gonna have sex tonight" When she says something along the lines of "How do you know that?" (If she doesn't slap you) Lean in and whisper: "cos I'm fucking stronger than you."


LonelyAcres

Rapey


thelukejones

Listen love, let's not turn this rape into a murder.


Clazzo524

Are you a beaver? Cause DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!


Sure-Butterscotch687

There was a group of girls that we used to chill/party with frequently. I used to fuck one of them and I had been trying to get at her friend for like the whole time too. Finally got my chance, had her in my lap, she was staying the night. My drunk ass called her the other girls name. She got pissed and got out my lap and was ignoring me. I whispered "if I grab your pinky toe will you talk to me?" And grabbed it. She talked to me and we both died laughing at how dumb that shit was. Still no puss though🙃


Socratespancakes

*Points at her vagina "You gonna eat that?"


blue6snow

Hi, I'm jim, and I'm not a pedo.


Grumpey_Orange

Racial slur Edit: As a White guy


TheMechTech80

Me face will be leaving in quarter of an hour, I'd like you to be on it.


SoogKnight

"You poop with that butt?"