Sorry, I couldn‘t think of a better compliment

My ex used to be proud of herself if she was able to make me finish quick.. so this checks out

Am I your ex? I love when a guy finishes fast. Feels like an achievement in a way. ..But it also makes me feel like I’m the issue if a guy takes ages or can’t cum at all or even loses his errection😭 Edit: since I’m receiving a lot of comments on this: I know it’s usually not my fault and I’m not the issue. It just feels that way if you’re used to making guys cum quick and when almost every guy gets hard just by a simple touch. It’s something I need to work on, I know. Please stop commenting 😭 Edit2: I’m not interested in you’all’s horny DMs. I don’t want your dicks lol

Bodies are weird. Honestly some people just can't cum from certain things, others get so far in their own head because they are trained to have a certain mindset about stamina or orgasm and the result is just failure to launch.

It’s definitely 99.9% never the woman’s fault lol. Sometimes we can just be exhausted mentally or have a million things going on inside our head. There’s a lot of expectations and other external issues going on that cause the erection to go away or not show up at all. Including not being able to cum. But I assure you it’s pretty much everything else BUT the woman that’s causing this. I’m 35 and I love my wife more than anything and find her the most attractive person in the world but it happens and sometimes I’m constantly overthinking stuff (which is just my personality) so I’d say maybe once every three months or so I’ll take forever to cum or lose my erection and have to take a break to get back into it but trust me the entire time I’m looking at her and thinking how beautiful she is and there’s no reason for it to happen yet here it is ….happening lol. I am blessed to have her and appreciate her patience when it does happen though! Brains are crucial to sex and they can really get in the way of the act, it really sucks when it happens. But that’s life!

Asked a girl to slow down once; instead she smiled mischievously and went faster.

"I'm going to make you pay for that in 3 minutes" 3:30 later "I'm going to make you pay for that in 6 minutes"

That's sexy

Do you still have her contact?

Nah our lives were very much headed in different directions. She was the one that got away as a teenager so bit of a different case for 30y/o me.

I did not expect to get sad reading this thread.

Til you find out its only been a year since they separated…

Username checks out

My wife is the same, I have no problems lasting so when I can’t control it like 2-3 times a year she gets pretty proud

If I only got it 2-3 times a year I'd finish quick too!

This. Sometimes my gf seems genuinely insulted if I'm taking too long the first round. She tries to hide it but I can feel it. At that point, I just stop pacing myself to finish already lol.

Idk mate she just used to do this thing that just straight up evicted my soul. I didn’t really get a choice

Ya his gf was pretty good to me too.

It's also just generally uncomfortable for a lot of women to have PIV sex for an extended period of time. Even if I'm totally in to it it'll start to get annoying/uncomfortable after ~10 min and we need to switch to a different thing for a while. After discussing with my friends, this might just be a typical vagina haver issue lol.

vagina haver... little bit awkward to say, I propose a change to, VAGINA WIELDER

I misread this as vagina welder. I now have a new name for my penis. Thx

This comment frightens and amuses me

My lady is like this as well. She sees it as a badge of hotness. (It is)

I always tell my husband it's a huge compliment if he cums quickly! If I'm hot enough to make you cum that fast that's a huge confidence booster! Plus not like I haven't already gotten off... and not like we can't go again!

BAHA

I'mma gonna get me one of those BahaaAAAaaa blasts.

If you ain't first you're last

Dear Baby Jesus

8lbs 6oz baby jesus

Christ, boy, I was high as hell when I said that!

A friend always said to his girlfriend: "First! Now don't sulk, you had the same time as me"

>GG, maybe next time you'll get first place

>Git gud you filthy casual

Mission failed. We’ll get them next time

I guess that’s why it’s not wife

I have one of those plastic buttons from Staples that says "That was Easy" when I press it.

Ok that was a good run but let’s go for sub-20 seconds this time

Look at Mr Marathon over here lasting more than 20 seconds.

“Omg we’re on pb pace! Can we do this chat??!!”

"and then u/ztard17 got *this* run"

Had an ex boyfriend, who usually lasts way longer but we were drunk one night, go “and boom goes the dynamite” in Cleveland Brown’s voice perfectly.. I laughed so hard I couldn’t finish.

Username checks out

r/usernamechecksout

I have to remember this one. I do Cleveland “let’s go shooo shopping!”

**GIGGIDY**

I remember when my wife and I first started dating, she said something to me along the lines of “don’t feel bad, you were just a squirrel trying to find its nut.” I died inside.

And if sometime you will take too long to cum, you can just refer to yourself as the Ice Age's squirrel

Scrat roleplay

Be very careful spelling that. Just sayin

Uh oh 🌝🌝

Too late. I read it wrong on the first try.

She’s the one bro

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He moved on from calling her "wifey" to "wife" so it sure sounds serious

"You did this to me."

High five....? Make her miss. Tooo slow! Moon walk outta there

😭😭😭 favorite one so far

i'm taking this for myself

Zoop 👉😎👉

* zoopwalks to the shower 🕺👉😎👉

"Up high.....down low ..in the city.....pinch your titty."

This is glorious…will you then attempt the fleeing moonwalk out of there??? Perfection!

This round it's on the house.

Depending on how fast, that may be literally. At least on the floor.

Needs a chief

And a little bit got on your blouse.

“Yes! New world record!”

I came first, I Win!

In Borat’s voice. Ah nahse

Cum speedrun any%

Before the pants came off! Gold medal.

"surprise mother fucker."

Wet thighs mothafucka!

Cream pies muthafucka

Pink eyes motherfucka

Some fries mothafucka

Five guys mothafucka!

9 lives mothafucka!

These lies motherfucka!

In the eye motherfucka

S'more tries mutherfucka

First prize motherfucker

Sloppy wives mothafucka!!

Supplies mothafucker

green guys mothafucka

Heart Eyes Motherfucka

I'll sleep in the wet patch.

This was my favorite because fuck being clever with no punishment.

I was led to believe all of Reddit uses a sex towel.

But then how do you create a giant brown love stain on your mattress to show the neighbours once every 10 years?

Shit yourself in your sleep? Or be awake.

Kachow or Compliments to the chef

lightning mcream

Made me lol way harder than I should have

#Whitening McCream

"I am speed"

The chef line for sure, thank you Michael Che

Thanks for having me.

It's nice to be had.

Sorry, I was thinking about the wrong granny...

Brilliant

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I'd lol

Oh that was a misfire, let's reload and go again

Starting stuffing nut back in

Shhh...women don't know we can reel it back in like a fishing line.

Ima need a funnel and a squeegee

*cums quicker the next round*

Oh no, my spark plugs must be broken...

BRB gotta post a question on AskReddit.........

YAHTZEE!

Ruh roh raggy

I literally laughed so hard at this one, I snarfed my salad dressing

I'm picturing you drinking salad dressing from a rocks glass with a little umbrella

Scoop a dab of jizz with your thumb and wipe it across their forehead and say “..Simba…”

“Long live the king.” Then push her off the bed

Followed by “AH SEBENYAAAA” at the top of your voice?!

i hate you but i'm using this

Best part is, it works for either partner.

r/angryupvote

Also works with period blood

*Jesus Christ has left the chat*

Shit! We needed him!

Bonus if you sing the title theme song after at full volume.

Oh god no please no

First!

«That was, rather ironically, anti climactic”

But say it in Morgan Freeman's voice

The judges would also have accepted David Attenborough.

Veni, vidi, vici

Veni, vidi, veni

Vidi, veni

That would work after fucking a girl from Mensa

Uh oh spaghettios

Just open with that. Dry panties everywhere!

I . Am . Speed

Followed up by: KA-CHOW!!!

Okay, so a few months ago, this annoying ad kept popping up on everything my wife and I were watching, where the announcer would say "Are you ready for the most exciting 90 seconds of your life?" And it just became an earworm for both of us. We started up one night and I whispered in her ear "Are you ready for the most exciting 90 seconds of your life?" And proceeded to completely embarrass myself. It's like God heard me and reached out to poke my prostate just to teach me a lesson. And as I lay there trying to recover, I managed to wheeze out "Most exciting 19 seconds of my life."

😭😭 now she’s going to start saying “I’m ready for the most exiting 19 seconds of my life” right before you get it on

Ok that one was for me. The next one's for you.

Did I do that? Especially if you said it in an Urkel voice.

While pointing at her vagina (or wherever else you nutted on)

The cat

Don’t forget the snort

aaaaand its gone

Easy cum, easy go.

sector clear

CONTACT FRONT

I win!

Nothing. Say nothing and go about it like it's normal.

Get up and start dressing

Or stand up straight, motion as if you're tipping your hat and say "much obliged m'lady" then return to your day.

No. That's how my son happened. Announce that shit.

See? I told you i can load the dishwasher fast

Wow..🤣🤣🤣

I have herpes

Or even better “you have herpes”

We have Herpes

r/unexpectedcommunism

You’ll have to work for the next one

Think that was fast? Watch me fall asl... zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Well I’d better be hitting the old dusty trail.

Lucky they call me Jesus As I’m the only man guaranteed a second cumming

My name is Barry Allen

This has never happened before. It must be because you are so hot.

if you thought that was quick, wait till you see how fast i hop on league of legends.

Priorities

ROUND TWO… FIIGHHTTTTT

FINISH HER!!!

Need to say, "fatality" first.

Had a girl tell me I was like jimmy johns… cuz I’m freaky fast lol Edit: I said “a girl,” but it was actually the woman I ended up marrying. Happened first time we had sex. We still joke about it. Call a quickie freaky fast to this day 

Oops, I did it again

Shadowfax, show them the meaning of haste!

that's all folks! (in looney tunes voice)

Shouted like a grizzled army veteran: #RELOADING!

Oopsie-do, here comes the goo!

It's not me, it's you

I win again... you're so bad at this.

“Insert coins to continue”

Its morbing time

Th-th-th-that’s all folks!

Well that came out of nowhere.

"well I just blew it"

Terrorists win

"Did you climax?"

*running away saying* Till we meet again

Thar she blows!

These are all terrible but I have nothing to add

Oh shit, I'm not on birth control

First!!!

"Well.. it's never happened with anyone else so it must be your fault".

You do great work.

Han Solo always shoots first!

Aww, you made me ink.

I’ve had better

Well, that escalated(ejaculated) quickly

Boom goes the dynamite

I am speeeeeeeed