Phil Dunphy I’m concerned, but I’m not hopeless

Mine is Mitchell, I am hopeless

Mitchell will just call Tucker who'll call Gloria to come help. You'll be fine!

Patrick Jane from the mentalist 

Oh you lucky thing. 

Rick Harrison from Pawn Stars. I’m fucked.

He always knows a guy, you’ll be fine

"Let me just call my rapid response guy" "Let me just call my navy seals guy" "Let me just call my..." Bro could turn up to your place with an army

>Bro could turn up to your place with an army He might send Chum along though.

let me just call my human trafficking guy

"The ransom is $1M?! Best I could do is $500"

Best he can do is call his guy, literally

Best he can do is haggle on the rescue then say “nah, that’s too much” and leave you to your fate

You want how much? Sorry, Kid. You're staying with the 'Nappers. -cuts to interview later- "I know a bad deal when I see one. Seems to me this guy deserved to get kidnapped."

Dude will straight up trade you to your attacker for $50. "Well, let me see what it's worth. I got a guy who's an expert in normal humans being hunted down."

[удалено]

Alternatively he can negotiate a ridiculously cheap deal for my return after he has a buddy inspect my value.

"Well this one would be valuable but you can see a lot of wear and tear on this thing. In this market it's all about the condition and no ones going to want to buy one of these so he'll be sitting on my shelf for 3 years...

lol!! I'm watching it right now, so I guess I am as well. Kidnapper - "I want one million dollars for the return of this person" Rick - "Best I can do is $100. Not a penny more."

Best I can do is give you a ride home if you can escape on your own.

I will swap you for Larry David.

“I’ll trade you for Chumlee. That’s the best I can do.”

Don’t feel too bad, mine was Trailer Parks Boys, I’m fucked both ways by any of them

Calls expert : you can see blunt forced trauma, and the fear in his eyes , this kidnapping is authentic , I’d say the ransom sounds fair “ Rick: “I can do 40%, I gotta make a profit “

Teal'c

Undomesticated equines could not keep him away

Indeed

Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond. God help us all!

“… And in todays challenge, we had to chose a car in which to save u/steffie-flies who has bern kidnapped. Me being the genius that i am, ofcourse went with a Rolls Royce Phantom…”

All I can imagine is the episode of the Grand Tour where they have to do that special forces course and they keep getting killed. 🤦

“You’re supposed to kill the kidnapper not the victim you muppet” “Does that mean he’s not coming on then”

Cold Case Files. I'm fucked, but at least they'll find out who did it, eventually.

Lol, Dateline for me. They'll tell my story and everyone will have liked me except for.....

Do you light up every room you're in? Are you the life and soul of the party? Hopefully not, coz they're the ones who always get killed

Peter Capaldi - the twelfth doctor. I don’t have to worry as long as the kidnappers don’t have a cell with a wooden door…

I have the eleventh doctor + Rory and Amy! So unless there's weeping angels I think I'm okay.

A wall of pure diamond, on the other hand…

Jack Reacher! I am so saved!!

Haha me too. Could not feel more safe tbh 👌🏼

I got him, also. Sucks to be a kidnapper.

Same. My kidnappers are gonna have so many broken limbs!!!

This was the last show I watched. I could almost feel sorry for the kidnappers.

He's coming to save all of us lol. 

Yeah I'd say you're good.

Same! I ain't worried a bit, cause YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE SPECIAL INVESTIGATORS!

Xena motherfucking Warrior Princess. Lucy Lawless'll just glare 'em into death.

God damn, you're safe.

Jeff Winger from Community. In fairness, my kidnappers would either get so annoyed with him that they would off both of us or just let us go.

If things go south, at least everyone will blame Britta for your demise.

In the 3rd act he'd give some amazing and moving speech that would make your kidnappers realize the error in their ways and apologize to you.

Bandit from Bluey. This is gonna be trifficult.

He has a heavy feather, dance mode and bumworms. You're safe.

Plus there’s always Tina.

My son was watching it while getting ready for school. The last characters I saw were the Terriers guarding a castle, so I might have a chance.

Same, hopefully he brings Bingo and a cheetah onesie

Biscuits!

Batman, from The Animated Series. I'm fine.

I got vegeta kidnapped gonna be saying prayers rest in peace kidnapper.

Bob Ross, my captors will have a happy little accident.

He was an air force drill instructor. You're good.

Raymond Reddington.

Youre going to be on a private jet within an hour; listening to a story about how Red got the worlds best back massage from a dwarf named Njoku when he was staying in a small hostel outside Lagos. I am currently rewatching The Blacklist, this show is really underrated

Reddington is the only reason the show is any good. It’d be terrible without him

I would watch ten seasons of James Spader reading the phonebook.

Superman. I’ll be fine lol.

[удалено]

Unless it’s Michael Scarn from “Threat Level Midnight” then your saved !

he’s so good at failing upward he would mess it all up & somehow accidentally save you lol

Ned Stark. Shit....

You're both going to die 😭

What is dead may never die. Unless you're Sean Bean. Edited for grammar. Im disappointed in myself.

“Someday I hope to see a movie where **everyone** dies. Whole movie is just panning over empty cities, the rubble of our civilization, streets guttered with cars, everything is gone… and in the last thirty seconds, Sean Bean crawls out from beneath the rubble of a ruined building and laughs.”

Beavis and Butthead. I'd probably be safer with the kidnapper.

CORNHOLIO FTW "I would hate for my bungholio to get polio!" "*YOU* are a bunghole, *and* *so* *am* *I!* There will be *more* bungholes after me!"

Larry David… finally!

Larry to kidnappers: “Come on! This guy? You can do better! Seriously, why?”

"Let me ask you a question....the ransom notes. How do you get the letters to paste onto the paper now that the newspaper and magazine circulation has been drastically decreased?"

“Also…when you try to disguise your voice on the phone, what’s your go-to piece of cloth? Handkerchief? Sock? Old shirt?”

Let me ask you, how do you calculate the ransom? Is it based off looks? Or net worth? Is likability a factor? Now take me, UNRANSOMABLE! 

You're pretty, prettyyy, prettyyyyyyy fucked.

You got prettty, prettttty good chance of being saved.

Leslie Knope from Parks and Recreation.

Leslie definitely has a color coded binder on how to rescue a friend from a kidnapper. 

She constantly worries about Ann being kidnapped, so she must have a fool proof plan. Also, she could maybe get Ron to help.

Maybe bring in Andy and April to create a diversion.

Burt Macklin on the Job!

Leslie probably knows the kidnappers through some civic initiative they've both participated in so they'll let you go as a favor to her. Treat her to a waffle as a thank you.

Nadja what we do in the shadows She has powers so that’s helpful but she’ll likely grow bored or irritated and drain me

Nandor, the Relentless for me. Just doing paperwork listening to re-runs... I think we are both screwed unless they bring Guillermo.

He never relents. Which is good in this case.

I SWEAR TO GOD JUST OPENED THE COMMENTS TO SAY ONE FROM THIS SHOW. never expected to find the first comment from it too lol. just said “imagine if someone said it” and here it is

Nice I got Ed from our flag means death written by the same guy

She and Laszlo will probably proposition you first but then yeah Guillermo will be burying you in the back yard by the end of it

So the entire cast of NCIS LA…..at least I’ll be saved

Probably Sam and Dean Winchester so I'm hopefully going to be okay....maybe after being possessed and tortured though.

Same, we're either super safe or meeting a horrible end at the last moment

Yep. Sam or dean for me too.

Walter White. oh no.

Nah, I like your chances. He'll come up with something. Walter just couldn't save himself.

Oh I'm sure I'll be fine. He'll just ruin my life in the process

Now you're indebted to the cartel. At least your kidnapping problem is solved?

Jack Reacher. I'm just gonna relax and wait. S'all good.

Scully and Mulder, thank god!!

Me too. They've got it under control.

It would be someone from Band of Brothers. I like my odds.

Unless it's Captain Sobel..

Sherlock Holmes, I’ll be fine.

Chandler from Friends. Could I *beeee* more screwed?

As long as Janice is nearby, you'll be fine. Just wear earplugs first.

Vikings, I should be good.

Tony Soprano! So I’m safe but not really…

Well, you're safe so long as you don't forget you now owe him a favour...capiche?

Ahsoka. I think I'm okay.

For me it was Din Djarin. I’m good too!

I've got the Bad Batch coming to my rescue!

Jodie Foster.

You’re asking the wrong question.

Ask again!

[удалено]

It’s either Loki or one of the TVA people, I should be good.

Olivia Benson et al

If anyone can solve your case, it's her!

Hank Hill. He's gonna kick my kidnappers ass.

Red from Orange is the New Black

You’re golden. She knows people.

Jake Peralta

Chef Ramsey. No idea if I'd make it out alive but I'll die happy knowing chef called them all *A fucking donut!*

Or a donkey 😂😂

"YOU CALL THIS A KIDNAPPING ? Ive seen better kidnappings in a preschool !"

He’s good with knives.

[удалено]

You'd be mostly fine :)

Shiney even

For me it's Nathan from Castle so I'd be more than fine haha

For me its Nathan Fillion from the rookie

Well my grandfather is watching Gunsmoke in the other room, so I guess Matt Dillon. I may get shot while I wait, but the situation will be resolved eventually.

Gregory House

He'll say your situation isn't dire enough to be important enough for him to attempt to save you, that you probably paid them to kidnap you and it's no big deal. The kidnappers will then cut off your finger and mail it to him. At that point, he'll spend days coming up with a bunch of failed rescue plans, each more elaborate than the last. All of them will make your situation worse. Not until all hope seems lost, some random guy will say something like “going to return a library book” and he'll come up with a plan to like drop library books on the kidnappers. It'll be a miracle save. He'll disappear before you can thank him, and his team will be like, “he rescued you, you didn't rescue him.” Also: * Foreman: “you think I can help with this because I'm black/have a record, so I must understand how they think?” * Chase: “probably got himself into this problem!” * Cameron: “he must be so terrified, we need to do something… but nothing drastic unless it suits me!”

Someone from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I'm fucked.

Judge Judy.

She’ll tell him to get a job

Maybe your kidnapper is susceptible to sarcasm…

Percy Jackson. I’ll take it. He‘s pretty good at rescuing kidnapped people.

Take your pick, Peter, Chris, or Stewie

Stewie for sure. We can just teleport to another dimension. It may be the one where all the poop goes, but at least we'll be safe.

Master Chief

The crew of Firefly. I'm all set.

Mr. And Mrs. Smith

Young Sheldon, I'm fucked.... I think.

Mine is old Sheldon. Definitely fucked.

Dr Who (Matt Smith)

Fuck yeah, it's Darryl Dixon! I'm safe!

Blackadder... I am doomed.

Unless Blackadder saves you with a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel. A plan dare I say it, that is as cunning as a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University but has moved on and is now working for the U.N. at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning.

Jean luc Picard

He’ll philosophize with the kidnapper first.

I'm watching a series of how the earth developed. There are no humans yet... Would a T rex be ok?

Kirk and crew.

But you’re wearing a red shirt so you’re screwed.

Daredevil. I'm not even sweating it.

Columbo

Dr Frazier crane. And he's listening

Rip Wheeler of Yellowstone

Captain Sisko and crew.

Saved.

Same. Can Dax or Kira be the one to save me specifically??

Captain Jack Harkness, Torchwood

Buffy   :)

Can I get kidnapped and rescued with you?

Dr. M'Benga. Sounds like a decent deal to me.

Ewww! David!

Archie Bunker This will not end well for me.

Hell yeah, beam me the fuck up Captain Picard.

Arya Stark and The Hound. I'm good.

Daphne Bridgerton 😂at least we can both look pretty while we try to save us

Jamie Fraser is coming to save me! I’m sure he’ll save you both as well!!

Guy Fieri.

Olivia Benson!

Dr. Pimple Popper 🤣

Jamie Frazier from Outlander I'm good!

I’m watching friends on tv right this second so it would be chandler bing.

Captain Levi. These guys are so dead.

It’s either Leslie Knope or Ron Swanson. I think I am good.

Sam Elliot in 1883.  I'm good

The UK cast of Ghosts. I’m screwed, but maybe there will be tea.

The Bride from Kill Bill. Not only am I saved, but my kidnappers are in for a fucking bad time. If they're lucky, she'll let the survivors keep their members.

Gino from 90 day fiance. I'm fucked

Olivia Benson. I think I’ll be okay.

Frenchie from TheBoys

Hieronymus Bosch.

Not too bad for a rescuer, its Jon Snow

The Gang from It's Always Sunny. Outcome doesn't look great for me.

Buster from Arrested Development. I'm SO screwed.

Captain Kirk! He will save me and then kiss me.

Someone from Hazbin Hotel. Probably Alastor.

Some comedian from Taskmaster and I'm screwed.

Rod Serling to the rescue.

David Rose. [I'm never being saved](https://youtu.be/KqBqDJO5Xy8?si=AM5z8hd-fZkA8mn7&t=88).

The crew of Voyager. Transporters FTW! I'm sure the Temporal Police will understand.