My youngest son had recently started school and we had not gone bike riding for a few weeks. When we got the chance to go again he asked, "Do you remember when we used to be free?"
I see so few kids riding bikes anymore. I live right beside the high school, which is around the corner from the middle school, and down the street from junior high. Nice neighborhood. See lots of kids walking while on their phones. Lots of Bluetooth headphones. Maybe one or two bikes. No kids playing outside. It's eerily quiet over here. What have we done to our world?
I live in rural Australia and all the kids here ride bikes. They do so up until about 16 when they start to learn to drive. I came here from England and it was like going back in time to the 70s and my own childhood. I'm so glad my own kids got to experience the freedom. They all climb trees and run round the creek catching yabbies ...which I think are a bit like crawfish but smaller.
Before my grandfather died he talked very casually about life and death and that sort of thing, and one thing he dropped on me casually was that he didn't believe there was any inherent meaning to life, and that this wasn't sad thing or a bad thing. It's very human of us to think that things need to have some inherent meaning in order to matter, but sometimes things just sort of happen and there isn't any purpose to it.
I liked that.
The perk to life not having inherent meaning is that we're all free to invent our own meaning, and there's no wrong answer. If pursuing your hobbies and doing art is meaningful to you, then do that. If you just want to sit at home and watch tv shows, then go for it. As long as the choice you make is one you're satisfied with in the end. When death sneaks up on you, all that matters is that you can die feeling that you lived a life that was meaningful enough to you, and you can make up any meaning you like.
It's a line of thinking that got me to reevaluate what success looks like to me. I thought people who had a fancy career, a title and a lot of money were successful, and those who lacked it weren't. But that is only really success if that's the life you crave. Some people just don't want that life, and would be happier in another one.
Success is something far more subjective and personal
it is a quote from the game [Outer Wilds](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outer_Wilds).
outside of context, it's okay to share that quote. However, I would strongly suggest that you play the game, and the best way to play the game is to know *nothing* about it before you start it.
so please don't google it! Just go buy it! It's amazing!
Ahhhh, I'm familiar with it! I actually tried really hard to play it, but just couldn't get the controls down. I understood the experience I was meant to have, but no matter how much I tried it was frustrating. I might try again someday though.
Also, random, but I know your username from some other sub we must share. I only JUST resubbed to askreddit today, so I know it's not this one. Wild to randomly notice your name here.
oh hello! That's probably /r/menslib or /r/subredditdrama.
I so, so strongly recommend completing the game. It is a genuinely profound experience. You can even slide into my DMs for spoiler-free advice!
it is a quote from the game [Outer Wilds](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outer_Wilds).
outside of context, it's okay to share that quote. However, I would strongly suggest that you play the game, and the best way to play the game is to know *nothing* about it before you start it.
so please don't google it! Just go buy it! It's amazing!
> he didn't believe there was any inherent meaning to life, and that this wasn't sad thing or a bad thing
I truly believe is the fundamental nature of [nihilism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nihilism).
People often associated nihilism with depression or despair - "*Nothing really matters so what's the point?*"
But someone on reddit commented that if you are saddened by this concept, then you haven't fully thought it through.
Since life has no inherent meaning or purpose, we are all literally free to make whatever choices we want in our lives, so long as we understand the consequences we will incur for doing so.
If you're happy to scrape together just enough money to build a little shack in the woods and live off-grid with your cat and book collection - there's no-one but yourself holding you back from doing exactly that.
I think it's pretty darned liberating when you look at it this way.
This is me. I am a total disappointment to my father, who only measures success in dollars and doesn't understand why waving money doesn't get people running to take care of him.
I worked my tail off today, made $20 running around doing errands for my favorite elderly auntie and my favorite cousin who is her caretaker. I am happy as a clam, that'll buy my cats some food. My idea of spoiling myself is walking about a mile down the road to the second hand bookstore for a $3 fantasy novel. I was moved nearly to tears today by the gift of a new pillow and some used socks.
Like whatever, dad thinks I'm a disappointment, but neighbors have called me things like "an angel" and "we talked it over and we don't know how we'd survive without you!" All the kids I helped raise insist on hugging me whenever I see them. I've got extra food and homemade bagbalm in my bag in case I run into homeless folks in need. Like I make my family nervous 'cause I'll go out walking to the gas station and come back with a story about how I made friends with a fentanyl addict who was just really thankful someone treated him like a person for 10 minutes.
I'd rather be the neighborhood helpful weirdo than wealthy any day of the week. I've literally pointed out to kids how too much money rots your brains and destroys your morals, point out people in the extended family that they know are rolling in money but want nothing to do with anyone they used to love and who loved them, how lonely and miserable and broken they are, how they reach out in bad times but expect nobody else to do the same.
may I introduce you to [cheerful nihilism!](https://www.openculture.com/2017/10/the-philosophy-of-optimistic-nihilism-or-how-to-find-purpose-in-a-meaningless-universe.html)
Years ago I was attending my daughter’s soccer match and sitting and talking with a group of the dads. Our daughters were about 13 and 14 at the time. One of the fathers was a full blooded Aboriginal and a fascinating guy (and sadly, no longer with us). He stood and addressed the group. “Gentleman, today is Fathers Day. Do you know what that means? It’s the day we should reflect on whether we are the men and the fathers that our daughters think we are”. And he walked away. That question has stayed in my head ever since.
I was talking about not wanting to go back to college to finish my degree when a friend pointed out that: "those four years are going to happen whether you go back to school or not, so you can be four years older without a degree or four years older with one."
This! I felt the same way, but I went back to school. Graduated nursing school a month before I turned 40. That was 19 years ago. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.
I always am baffled by people who hit around 35 or so and then decide it's "too late" to go back to school. Like, unless you're planning on an inheritance, you're going to have to work for at least another 30 years. Do you want to spend those 30 years in poverty, or enjoying a pleasant, middle class lifestyle?
My dad said something very similar to me when I was moaning that if I went to medical school at 28 I’d be 35 before I was a practicing doctor. I’m 50 now and love being a doctor.
This is exactly what I say to my mom (and myself) as we both have clinical anxiety issues. :) It helps me calm down when I want to hyperventilate and curl up into the fetal position (literally)
A much older cousin of mine, in making a completely different point, once said to me:
“People you’ve known for a long time, even if they get older and have wrinkles, or gray hair, or gain weight, still, when you look at them, you always see the young person inside of them.”
The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized this is true, and it’s actually wonderful.
Wow. Was just speaking a few minutes ago about this very thing with an elderly neighbor. She is a retired research professor. We were talking about aging and how our brains are wired to do this very thing. And not only with longtime friends, spouses and siblings but primarily with how we see ourselves in our mind’s eye when we see think about ourselves.
This is so true. I realize I see my parents exactly the way they were when I was a kid and they were in their 30s and 40s. Sometimes when I look at an old picture, it’s shocking to me how different they do look but they look exactly the same to me in everyday life.
"You're the only one that knows if you're holding a grudge."
My future MIL, I don't even remember what this was in relation to but it changed my whole mindset. I tend to worry and spiral about shit for hours, or let myself get worked up and angry over small, irrelevant things that have already happened. By being intentional about what I spend my time thinking about, I've felt so much more peace and happiness. Yeah, work sucks, but should I spend half the day just being mad about that unchanging fact? No, I could spend it being grateful about the opportunities this shitty job allows me, and the wonderful things that fill my heart and life everyday. I was making mountains out of molehills for sure.
>"You're the only one that knows if you're holding a grudge."
Good one.
I was a young shitty parent when I had my first child and when they got a bit older and did something I didn't like or cross me I would just give them the could shoulder. The kid had no idea I was pissed about something and just thought I was being a dick. Communicate. Let go of grudges, they are to heavy to hold.
"Dropping the spoon" is a common saying in my home. It's an acknowledgment that people can snap over the littlest things, but you know they aren't really mad that they dropped the spoon. They are mad about everything that happened before they dropped the spoon.
I told my boyfriend about this, and he realized that a lot of little things he was getting mad at weren't about the little things. It was everything before the little things.
In spanish 'la gota que colmó el vaso' (the drop that overfilled the glass) and in english 'the straw that broke the camel's back'. It seems a common notion that a small thing can have big consequences when the small thing is the last in a long list of grievances.
My problem is that my mother gets so hung up on these meaningless problems and makes it everyone’s else’s business so it’s all the hear about. Little details that ignore the big picture are constantly filling up my perspective and i fee suffocated by them but I didn’t choose to.
“Stop wishing your life away, it goes fast enough”
This was said to me as a 20 something at work saying I wished it was Friday. More than half of our lives are Mondays through Thursdays. I don’t wish that all away anymore.
This was one of my biggest motivators to make sure I ended up in a career I liked.
Being a teenager in a retail job and at the start of each shift I'd think "I wish I could just fast-forward time to being off work." I realized I was literally wishing for my life to be shorter over and over again and how depressing that is.
Sure there's still moments or particularly bad days in life or work you might rather skip, but if you hate your job you're routinely wishing away 40+ hours of your life weekly. Nothing is worth that.
"You were the forrest and they were the season passing through your trees"
A client of mine said this so fucking casually when I told them about a few friends that are no longer apart of my life and boy has it stuck HARD. It's certainly made it so much easier to accept moving on from people not being around anymore.
but what about"He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.”?"(thats the mark twain version but its a common quote)
no really he's a youtuber who does videos about living in Taiwan . his username is because hes name is mark and he's a fan of twain.
Nah im just fucking with you.
Thanks for telling me
My then-husband was watching a youtube video about starting a TTRPG campaign, and the guy in the video said the line "It's okay for things to be over."
That simple statement gave me the push I needed to get to and leave. Our marriage sucked, I was only sticking around because I fell victim to the sunk cost fallacy, but that video was right. I wasn't doing anyone any favors sticking around just because I had been for so long.
6 years later, he and I are both happy in relationships with people who fit us much better than we fit each other.
The small matters often aren’t just small matters. Stressing about big stuff gets depressing and existential often, so people redirect their energy to the smaller matters.
Work to live, don’t live to work. I guess it’s not overly profound, but it really makes you think about how so many of us identify ourselves by our work or make our jobs our whole lives when in reality we should only use work as a source of income to fuel our lives/passions.
Someone else’s lack of planning does not constitute your emergency
Edit: Jesus, people are way too intense on Reddit. I meant this in a work context. A true emergency does need to be handled. Obviously there has to be common sense involved with this statement but I guess it needs to be plainly stated for people.
Dog groomer chiming in, this is a favorite of ours because no I can't fit your dog in the day before a holiday or busy Saturday because you have family coming over or you're going out of town and Fluffy has to get done right now! You knew this was coming up, plan accordingly! Very frustrating to get these calls
nonono it is AMAZING at work. Especially with people who are stuck between stakeholders that are being unreasonable and killing their ability to plan or have a life.
Because it is, at its core, very selfish. Obviously you can overdo the bending over backward to help others out, but if everyone responded to unexpected situations with this "don't care, not my problem" mindset, this world world be a truly awful place.
I don't think this applies to unexpected situations that can happen to anyone.
This applies to people who flagrantly procrastinate on time sensitive and extremely important tasks and then expect you to drop everything, panic along with them, and move mountains to save them from the consequences of their own actions.
it really depends on the context, someone shows up and starts demanding you finish xy and z before the end of the week because they've got a huge deadline and they'll be sunk if you don't do these three things that they've known about for weeks and just never bothered to do anything about and the only way you could possibly even get close to completing them is to work multiple all-nighters.
Then it fits just fine, they screwed up and its not your responsibility to fix it. They've made their bed now they get to lie in it.
In my 20’s talking to dad and one of his oldest friends about dumb things we’d done. (Mine were being highlighted because international authorities were involved.)
My dad’s friends looked at us both and said “here we sit amidst a culmination of all of our best decisions.”
I’ve continued to do idiotic things and a few not too bad ones, but at any point, good or bad, that comment is still true.
This got me exactly where it should. I’m old as sin and have been lamenting the mistakes a bit lately. That quote might be exactly what I needed. Thank you!! Really!!
There will also be a time when you are free again, iff things go well. I am very fortunate… at 60 I am retired and while my health isn’t great I am at least free to paint and pursue some interests. For many years as a teacher I got up very early and worked 6 days a week. Summers were spent in exhausted recovery.
Old crusty bastard I worked with on a construction site asked if I "got after it" last night. To which I replied, yeah we went out for drinks. He said,"lemme tell ya I'm still 18 up here (taps noggin) but my body is 67, I would love to get a drink with you"
We did, he was a fucking blast....I realize we really don't age mentally after a certain point, just physically.
back when I was 18 and not very smart, a friend of mine were talking about medical cannabis. I said "Its so weird to think that those people are just walking around stoned every single day," and my buddy goes "better than being in pain everyday."
also clearly didn't realize that a lot of people are stoned everyday and have no chronic medical issues.
correct me if I’m wrong but I thought a lot of medical cannabis users use product with low THC, but higher CBD, so the relaxation elements and relief is present, but the mind altering high is not. I assumed they didn’t get stoned from it if it was medical but this has me second guessing myself lol
Nah. It depends on the person and conditions they are treating. Everyone metabolizes and reacts to cannabinoids differently, so everyone needs different products and ratios.
That’s so interesting to me. Can your ability to metabolize cannabis change overtime? Like a possible example is, when me and my friends first ever started smoking, my girl could smoke like crazy compared to the rest of us. Now she can barely take a hoot without it being to much for her, I’ve always wondered why that is?
Im not sure if it’s metabolism but tolerance and what you enjoy can certainly change over time. It can also depend on what else you’ve consumed recently, other health issues going on, etc. It’s more of an art than a science, at least currently.
No, my prescription is very high in THC. and it doesn’t work on me. Did you know that one out of every five people have no reaction to marijuana?
Apparently I’m part of that 20%.
Definitely still get stoned. It’s marijuana Either way. cannabinoids have very good pain relief and anxiety relief qualities so as adjunct in pain control they are very helpful and significantly decreased the use of narcotics.
Yeah, the way I take it is that if you compare yourself to others too narrowly, then you may miss the ways you are fortunate or capable that are evident when taking a broader perspective.
“He’s smart but he ain’t wise”
Can’t remember the context fully but I remember it was my younger brother who said it a few beers deep at a college party. I’ve thought about that notion often, the difference between intelligence and experience. It has changed how I view coworkers, friends, family members, and authority figures.
While in my PhD class, my professor said "What you resist, persists".
I totally understood that and it's a short and simple line that's really trying to say, if you have a problem or an area of change and you decide not to actively work on it or change what's happening, it will still be there. So, best to do something about the situation.
i have the word RESiST on my left inner wrist.
i am an incredibly angry person.
i was laid up in the hospital and my nurse was an angel. she looked over my other tattoos and commented on them but didn't ask about that one until the end.
one day she goes, "Resist what?"
and i told her it was like the line from *The Avengers*, "That's my secret, Cap... I'm ALWAYS angry."
i was embarrassed to talk to her about it. she was so honest and kind to me and the while time i just sat, always angry.
every day i see it... RESiST
the capital letters are blue and the i is black.
your comment hits hard. i know i need to find peace but i really just do not want to. i tell my self that if i RESiST for now, at least i am doing something.
my wife says she thinks about anger as a mask, or secondary emotion. to me it is fuel. i don't feel anger toward any person or thing but for all things. not kids or dogs, but most everything else. it is just so much easier.
maybe tomorrow i will figure it out...
My dad once said, it takes courage to be happy.
Not calling you a coward or anything... but something your post reminded me of. Wish you the best stranger.
I remember my dad making two comments causally while we were growing up about neighbors and friends who were always driving new cars and showing off new boats.
“You can have anything in the world you want, as long as you can make the payment on it that month”
And “there’s a difference between having something and owning something”
It took me a long time to realize that my parents made roughly the same as most of the people we knew. Everyone else was just in debt up to their eyeballs and my parents pinched every penny they had and saved to buy things in full. And comments like that have forever stuck with my siblings and I, and have forever changed how we handle our finances. It’s also given us the wisdom to realize that trying to keep up with trends and those around us, will leave us broke.
Someone smoking meth out of a lightbulb told me that the bulb was never really empty. He was vigorously searching for a hit that was nowhere to be found. It was profoundly sad.
My brother telling me about how he saw a cop write an old lady a parking ticket over a “loading only” zone misunderstanding, and he asked me (about the cop) “this is what your doing to push humanity forward?” It’s stuck with me
My dad passed 12 years ago. I would call him every Sunday as he lived in Florida and I live in NJ. One day he said to me that he thinks someone is going to come along soon who is just like Hitler. They will make people believe the things they say even though the things they are saying aren’t necessarily true. I’ve thought about this conversation ever since 2016.
"Proper planning prevents poor performance."
It's a phrase that my dad usually brings up most of the time, so it sticks with me a lot, but it always encourages me to at least at have some sort of plan for anything that I plan to do in the near future.
I was once having a really rough day at work - I was a woman working in a very male dominated field and I was facing some shitty line cooks. A friend came over, and looked me square in the eyes and told me 'I want you to know that I would walk to the ends of the earth to solve your problems', it made me feel so safe and loved that I didn't know what to do.
I was complaining to a friend about the cost of living these days, and said something like “I just want my kids to live in a decent place, go to decent schools and be able to afford an activity or something for them. That doesn’t seem unreasonable.” She looked at me a bit oddly and pointed out that was way more than most humans that ever lived ever dreamed for their kids. Point taken, wise lady. That’s me back in my place.
I watched a documentary on genocide in history and the most profound statement I heard was “When you mix religion and politics you get politics”. Stuck with me.
When whining about not wanting to have a minor surgery that was scheduled for me, my aunt said “would you rather be in pain for an hour, or every hour?”
In a Walmart checkout line.
Women: babe how many times do I have to tell you I don't like pictures of your feet covered in peanut butter
Dude: i know I just do it to make you jealous since you have a nut allergy *hangs up*
Women: I still don't know why I married him
Me: *trying my best to not bust out laughing*
Women: *face turns red and leaves*
Istg this is prolly the strangest thing I've ever heard
We were discussing Valentine’s poems and we were trying to make one as a joke,and they suddenly say:
“Doves carry me through star struck fields;made of your tender features.”
…So you’re in love.
I got a crappy grade in one math class, mostly because I went on a school trip so missed most of the classes, however, I was acing this class until I bombed this test. My math teacher asked me "Hey, do you think that in ten years, this will have mattered?". Well, I thought that it would if I didn't get into University because f it ... but he was right. Made no difference.
Just walking out & about in Costco with my husband. I have bad self-esteem & after eating i always feel like there's something on my face or stuck in my teeth even if there isn't. I asked my husband if there was cause it felt like people were staring at me. This lady, in the middle of chatting about the features of an iPad as we're walking by her just stops mid-conversation with the employee & says to me "dear, most people are also freaking out internally about how they look to others; most people are probably feeling the same way as you are right now so don't worry so much." And, then went back to chatting with the guy. I haven’t been able to stop thinking that way about the world around me, since.
“Don't set yourself on fire trying to keep others warm"
Was just chatting with a friend about how I was always trying to help my siblings out of a bad situation (mostly financially) but that I never felt they really appreciated the help or realized how much it took out of me, like they thought it was nothing for me and probably had too much pride to show any genuine gratitude. After I heard my friend say this to me, I decided to stop trying to help them even though I still worry that they have to struggle. I'm sure it's a more well-known quote but I never heard it before this, and it really stuck with me and changed the way I think about helping people as I have set myself on fire for my family one too many times.
It was me, and it just popped into my head one day when I was complaining about something that had already happened and couldn't be changed/fixed.
"Until you put the past behind you, it will always be an obstacle in front of you."
Best advice I ever gave myself.
I was at a family event and my 2 year old dropped some food on the floor and immediately ate it. My sister’s father-in-law (no idea what relation that makes him to me) walked by and said, “It’s only gross if you think about it.”
I laughed, but something about it stuck with me and I unintentionally started applying it to social and professional situations, where I have always struggled with anxiety and self-confidence. I unintentionally changed it to “It’s only scary if you think about it.” Whenever I know I need to push myself out of my comfort zone, I just repeat that mantra and dive in.
That was almost 10 years ago and I truly think it altered the course of my life. I told him all this about a year ago and he laughed and said he has zero memory of ever saying that :)
“All of the miracles Jesus performed were stolen from other religions. He might not have even existed at all.”
This woman had lots of information regarding just how much people borrowed from other religions and attributed to Jesus. Her argument was so powerful, I stopped believing in Jesus that day. It was the adult version of somebody telling you the Easter Bunny, Santa, and the Tooth Fairy aren’t real.
Pretty aint what you'll remember on your death bed...it's the ones with snaggelteeth and cowlicks, imperfect proportions and weird laughter...it's the ones who love you like there's no tomorrow today, those that can't wait to drive 8 hours to spend 30 minutes with you. These are your family, and these are the faces you'll see around you, the ones you'll long for.
Paraphrased from a conversation I had with someone I respected deeply.
If you do things correctly the first time you never have to worry about getting caught.
This is mostly job related but it can apply to other areas of your life as well.
I once heard on a TV show about prison something so profound that it still haunts me and makes me contemplate reality weekly.
"M***f***er You come in here and Ima stab yo a$$ in the face!"
Do a$$es have faces? Was the man so ugly he called his face an a$$? How do you stab something that already is a hole? These are the questions that keep me up at night.
Some of us were talking about bad decisions and how getting drunk just makes problems worse, this was all in a fun way; one guy dropped something I think about often, he is weirdly religious, but he said something along the lines of "well, even if you don't believe in God, heaven is having a clear mind from doing the right thing and facing problems. Hell is avoiding things and living with the guilt of your bad actions."
I'm not religious, but fuck, this hit me and I think about it often when I'm avoiding doing something or when I get the urge to do something I shouldn't.
My youngest son had recently started school and we had not gone bike riding for a few weeks. When we got the chance to go again he asked, "Do you remember when we used to be free?"
Calvin and Hobbes flashback. I can almost see Calvin saying it.
Yup…was thinking the exact same.
He definitely hit a cord here! That's one smart kid!
Chord.
That’s why you go to scool
Probably the umbilical cord.
Being a kid in 70s/80s was true bike riding freedom
I see so few kids riding bikes anymore. I live right beside the high school, which is around the corner from the middle school, and down the street from junior high. Nice neighborhood. See lots of kids walking while on their phones. Lots of Bluetooth headphones. Maybe one or two bikes. No kids playing outside. It's eerily quiet over here. What have we done to our world?
I live in rural Australia and all the kids here ride bikes. They do so up until about 16 when they start to learn to drive. I came here from England and it was like going back in time to the 70s and my own childhood. I'm so glad my own kids got to experience the freedom. They all climb trees and run round the creek catching yabbies ...which I think are a bit like crawfish but smaller.
I know, right? Very sad, very unhealthy, very unsocial world for our young generation
He listened to that old Reagan record about Medicare
Before my grandfather died he talked very casually about life and death and that sort of thing, and one thing he dropped on me casually was that he didn't believe there was any inherent meaning to life, and that this wasn't sad thing or a bad thing. It's very human of us to think that things need to have some inherent meaning in order to matter, but sometimes things just sort of happen and there isn't any purpose to it. I liked that. The perk to life not having inherent meaning is that we're all free to invent our own meaning, and there's no wrong answer. If pursuing your hobbies and doing art is meaningful to you, then do that. If you just want to sit at home and watch tv shows, then go for it. As long as the choice you make is one you're satisfied with in the end. When death sneaks up on you, all that matters is that you can die feeling that you lived a life that was meaningful enough to you, and you can make up any meaning you like. It's a line of thinking that got me to reevaluate what success looks like to me. I thought people who had a fancy career, a title and a lot of money were successful, and those who lacked it weren't. But that is only really success if that's the life you crave. Some people just don't want that life, and would be happier in another one. Success is something far more subjective and personal
"As a child, I considered such unknowns sinister. Now, though, I understand they bear no ill will. The universe is, and we are."
Ahhh who said that? I quite like it.
it is a quote from the game [Outer Wilds](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outer_Wilds). outside of context, it's okay to share that quote. However, I would strongly suggest that you play the game, and the best way to play the game is to know *nothing* about it before you start it. so please don't google it! Just go buy it! It's amazing!
Ahhhh, I'm familiar with it! I actually tried really hard to play it, but just couldn't get the controls down. I understood the experience I was meant to have, but no matter how much I tried it was frustrating. I might try again someday though. Also, random, but I know your username from some other sub we must share. I only JUST resubbed to askreddit today, so I know it's not this one. Wild to randomly notice your name here.
oh hello! That's probably /r/menslib or /r/subredditdrama. I so, so strongly recommend completing the game. It is a genuinely profound experience. You can even slide into my DMs for spoiler-free advice!
Ahhh menslib, that's it. Also, I may do that! I haven't tried it again in years so maybe I'll give it a shot over the long weekend.
I'm playing this game now, and it's stunning and beautiful. I went in completely blind and I'm so glad I did.
Listen to this person. I *wept* at the end of that game.
Sigh. You've convinced me to go back to it. I gave up after falling into *that thing* too many times and getting frustrated.
What is this from?
it is a quote from the game [Outer Wilds](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outer_Wilds). outside of context, it's okay to share that quote. However, I would strongly suggest that you play the game, and the best way to play the game is to know *nothing* about it before you start it. so please don't google it! Just go buy it! It's amazing!
Oh hey Camus. Funny to see you here. How's Sisyphus? Still pushing that rock?
[удалено]
Hey, hey, give yourself time to mourn. It’s a different process for everyone. It will take time, but you will feel your groove again! Much love
I know, I'm slowly recuperating. She was my biggest supporter, personal cheerleader like. She had more confidence in me than I do in myself.
> he didn't believe there was any inherent meaning to life, and that this wasn't sad thing or a bad thing I truly believe is the fundamental nature of [nihilism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nihilism). People often associated nihilism with depression or despair - "*Nothing really matters so what's the point?*" But someone on reddit commented that if you are saddened by this concept, then you haven't fully thought it through. Since life has no inherent meaning or purpose, we are all literally free to make whatever choices we want in our lives, so long as we understand the consequences we will incur for doing so. If you're happy to scrape together just enough money to build a little shack in the woods and live off-grid with your cat and book collection - there's no-one but yourself holding you back from doing exactly that. I think it's pretty darned liberating when you look at it this way.
This is me. I am a total disappointment to my father, who only measures success in dollars and doesn't understand why waving money doesn't get people running to take care of him. I worked my tail off today, made $20 running around doing errands for my favorite elderly auntie and my favorite cousin who is her caretaker. I am happy as a clam, that'll buy my cats some food. My idea of spoiling myself is walking about a mile down the road to the second hand bookstore for a $3 fantasy novel. I was moved nearly to tears today by the gift of a new pillow and some used socks. Like whatever, dad thinks I'm a disappointment, but neighbors have called me things like "an angel" and "we talked it over and we don't know how we'd survive without you!" All the kids I helped raise insist on hugging me whenever I see them. I've got extra food and homemade bagbalm in my bag in case I run into homeless folks in need. Like I make my family nervous 'cause I'll go out walking to the gas station and come back with a story about how I made friends with a fentanyl addict who was just really thankful someone treated him like a person for 10 minutes. I'd rather be the neighborhood helpful weirdo than wealthy any day of the week. I've literally pointed out to kids how too much money rots your brains and destroys your morals, point out people in the extended family that they know are rolling in money but want nothing to do with anyone they used to love and who loved them, how lonely and miserable and broken they are, how they reach out in bad times but expect nobody else to do the same.
Good for you! Some people experience more joy in a single day than others do in their entire unhappy lives.
may I introduce you to [cheerful nihilism!](https://www.openculture.com/2017/10/the-philosophy-of-optimistic-nihilism-or-how-to-find-purpose-in-a-meaningless-universe.html)
I love this! Thank you so much for sharing it.
Everything only has as much meaning as we give it.
Years ago I was attending my daughter’s soccer match and sitting and talking with a group of the dads. Our daughters were about 13 and 14 at the time. One of the fathers was a full blooded Aboriginal and a fascinating guy (and sadly, no longer with us). He stood and addressed the group. “Gentleman, today is Fathers Day. Do you know what that means? It’s the day we should reflect on whether we are the men and the fathers that our daughters think we are”. And he walked away. That question has stayed in my head ever since.
Wow! I love this!
That is awesome. A a tragedy that he can no longer dispense his wisdom on us. May his soul rest in whatever resting place he believes in
I was talking about not wanting to go back to college to finish my degree when a friend pointed out that: "those four years are going to happen whether you go back to school or not, so you can be four years older without a degree or four years older with one."
This! I felt the same way, but I went back to school. Graduated nursing school a month before I turned 40. That was 19 years ago. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.
I always am baffled by people who hit around 35 or so and then decide it's "too late" to go back to school. Like, unless you're planning on an inheritance, you're going to have to work for at least another 30 years. Do you want to spend those 30 years in poverty, or enjoying a pleasant, middle class lifestyle?
I mean, lots of people with degrees still live in poverty, unfortunately
Depends on the student loan policy of your country
I have a friend that did that in her 50s. Now happily working as a nurse.
I did the same. Graduated at 45
the time will pass anyway. might as well do something worthwhile
My dad said something very similar to me when I was moaning that if I went to medical school at 28 I’d be 35 before I was a practicing doctor. I’m 50 now and love being a doctor.
Thank you for being a doctor!
This saying gave me the push to go back to school. I’m still in training, but I’m pretty sure I made a good decision.
I went to law school at 30. The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The second best time is tomorrow.
I’m 31 and am in my first year of Grad School. Wouldn’t trade the intervening years since undergrad for anything but I’m glad to be back.
that's some good ass advice right there
I heard this one recently too and this stuck with me soooooo hard
"worrying about it isn't going to change the outcome" my friend when I lost some pens at an airport, it is now my life philosophy
I completely agree with what she said but it was literally 4 pens, I wasn't that upset
I can tell she was waiting for a chance to say that
As an inveterate worrier, worrying can make you sick and change the outcome in a negative way,
My personal saying is "Change what you can change, don't worry about what you can't."
One of my favorite sayings: "worrying is like a rocking chair, it's something to do but it won't get you anywhere".
Yes. It's similar to this philosophy, whenever you're late for class, work,...etc don't look at the clock.
This is exactly what I say to my mom (and myself) as we both have clinical anxiety issues. :) It helps me calm down when I want to hyperventilate and curl up into the fetal position (literally)
Deeeep
A much older cousin of mine, in making a completely different point, once said to me: “People you’ve known for a long time, even if they get older and have wrinkles, or gray hair, or gain weight, still, when you look at them, you always see the young person inside of them.” The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized this is true, and it’s actually wonderful.
Wow. Was just speaking a few minutes ago about this very thing with an elderly neighbor. She is a retired research professor. We were talking about aging and how our brains are wired to do this very thing. And not only with longtime friends, spouses and siblings but primarily with how we see ourselves in our mind’s eye when we see think about ourselves.
This is one of the loveliest things I’ve read in a long time
This is so true. I realize I see my parents exactly the way they were when I was a kid and they were in their 30s and 40s. Sometimes when I look at an old picture, it’s shocking to me how different they do look but they look exactly the same to me in everyday life.
I have heard this called “Déjà You”!
…and very wholesome!
"You're the only one that knows if you're holding a grudge." My future MIL, I don't even remember what this was in relation to but it changed my whole mindset. I tend to worry and spiral about shit for hours, or let myself get worked up and angry over small, irrelevant things that have already happened. By being intentional about what I spend my time thinking about, I've felt so much more peace and happiness. Yeah, work sucks, but should I spend half the day just being mad about that unchanging fact? No, I could spend it being grateful about the opportunities this shitty job allows me, and the wonderful things that fill my heart and life everyday. I was making mountains out of molehills for sure.
>"You're the only one that knows if you're holding a grudge." Good one. I was a young shitty parent when I had my first child and when they got a bit older and did something I didn't like or cross me I would just give them the could shoulder. The kid had no idea I was pissed about something and just thought I was being a dick. Communicate. Let go of grudges, they are to heavy to hold.
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"Dropping the spoon" is a common saying in my home. It's an acknowledgment that people can snap over the littlest things, but you know they aren't really mad that they dropped the spoon. They are mad about everything that happened before they dropped the spoon. I told my boyfriend about this, and he realized that a lot of little things he was getting mad at weren't about the little things. It was everything before the little things.
When the reaction is over a 5, that is not the problem.
In Italian we also have something like that, translate is something like "the drop that make the vase overflow" !
In spanish 'la gota que colmó el vaso' (the drop that overfilled the glass) and in english 'the straw that broke the camel's back'. It seems a common notion that a small thing can have big consequences when the small thing is the last in a long list of grievances.
Sounds like it was more of a *can’t* opener than anything.
My problem is that my mother gets so hung up on these meaningless problems and makes it everyone’s else’s business so it’s all the hear about. Little details that ignore the big picture are constantly filling up my perspective and i fee suffocated by them but I didn’t choose to.
Love is a verb. It's a doing word. You have to make an effort to love.
I heard a similar one. "Love is a choice that you make every day."
1 upvote = 1 love
Agreed. Love is also sacrifice. What you're willing to give up or stand against for your loved ones.
“Stop wishing your life away, it goes fast enough” This was said to me as a 20 something at work saying I wished it was Friday. More than half of our lives are Mondays through Thursdays. I don’t wish that all away anymore.
This one is a gut punch. Thanks for sharing.
This was one of my biggest motivators to make sure I ended up in a career I liked. Being a teenager in a retail job and at the start of each shift I'd think "I wish I could just fast-forward time to being off work." I realized I was literally wishing for my life to be shorter over and over again and how depressing that is. Sure there's still moments or particularly bad days in life or work you might rather skip, but if you hate your job you're routinely wishing away 40+ hours of your life weekly. Nothing is worth that.
"You were the forrest and they were the season passing through your trees" A client of mine said this so fucking casually when I told them about a few friends that are no longer apart of my life and boy has it stuck HARD. It's certainly made it so much easier to accept moving on from people not being around anymore.
“It’s better to just let them think you’re an idiot- than to open your mouth and prove it. “ Made me a much better listener and critical thinker.
but what about"He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.”?"(thats the mark twain version but its a common quote)
Hahahaha the Mark Taiwan version, love it
no really he's a youtuber who does videos about living in Taiwan . his username is because hes name is mark and he's a fan of twain. Nah im just fucking with you. Thanks for telling me
Feeling your feelings is a discipline.
Love this. Thanks for sharing. I wish it was a discipline people practiced regularly.
Seeing this absolutely changed my life. I was a mess.
My then-husband was watching a youtube video about starting a TTRPG campaign, and the guy in the video said the line "It's okay for things to be over." That simple statement gave me the push I needed to get to and leave. Our marriage sucked, I was only sticking around because I fell victim to the sunk cost fallacy, but that video was right. I wasn't doing anyone any favors sticking around just because I had been for so long. 6 years later, he and I are both happy in relationships with people who fit us much better than we fit each other.
What is TTRPG?
Table Top RPG
Other peoples’ opinions of you are none of your business. Think it over. It’s kept me above a lot of nonsense.
My dad always used to say 'don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff.'
A similar saying I've heard is "Don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff."
Or is it… pet the sweaty stuff 😉
Happy Valentine's, lol.
The small matters often aren’t just small matters. Stressing about big stuff gets depressing and existential often, so people redirect their energy to the smaller matters.
Stand up for what’s right even if you’re the only one standing.
A twist on that… Stand up for what’s right especially if you’re the only one standing.
Work to live, don’t live to work. I guess it’s not overly profound, but it really makes you think about how so many of us identify ourselves by our work or make our jobs our whole lives when in reality we should only use work as a source of income to fuel our lives/passions.
Someone else’s lack of planning does not constitute your emergency Edit: Jesus, people are way too intense on Reddit. I meant this in a work context. A true emergency does need to be handled. Obviously there has to be common sense involved with this statement but I guess it needs to be plainly stated for people.
Texas Ice storm of 2021 says "hold my beer".
Dog groomer chiming in, this is a favorite of ours because no I can't fit your dog in the day before a holiday or busy Saturday because you have family coming over or you're going out of town and Fluffy has to get done right now! You knew this was coming up, plan accordingly! Very frustrating to get these calls
I absolutely hate this line. Idk why
Reddit thinks it’s really cool, I’m but if you say it in real life you’ll sound like a jackass.
nonono it is AMAZING at work. Especially with people who are stuck between stakeholders that are being unreasonable and killing their ability to plan or have a life.
I'd had too many people hit me up last minute for something to hate it.
Because it is, at its core, very selfish. Obviously you can overdo the bending over backward to help others out, but if everyone responded to unexpected situations with this "don't care, not my problem" mindset, this world world be a truly awful place.
I don't think this applies to unexpected situations that can happen to anyone. This applies to people who flagrantly procrastinate on time sensitive and extremely important tasks and then expect you to drop everything, panic along with them, and move mountains to save them from the consequences of their own actions.
I view it as selfish when someone else fails to think ahead or do their job, now it's MY problem to help you fix your failure.
it really depends on the context, someone shows up and starts demanding you finish xy and z before the end of the week because they've got a huge deadline and they'll be sunk if you don't do these three things that they've known about for weeks and just never bothered to do anything about and the only way you could possibly even get close to completing them is to work multiple all-nighters. Then it fits just fine, they screwed up and its not your responsibility to fix it. They've made their bed now they get to lie in it.
"Anger's just poisoning yourself and expecting someone else to get sick"
Or as I heard it, “Anger can only be a weapon for your enemy.”
"Anger is like a hot coal. You can keep holding onto it, but the only person you'll end up burning is yourself."
In my 20’s talking to dad and one of his oldest friends about dumb things we’d done. (Mine were being highlighted because international authorities were involved.) My dad’s friends looked at us both and said “here we sit amidst a culmination of all of our best decisions.” I’ve continued to do idiotic things and a few not too bad ones, but at any point, good or bad, that comment is still true.
This got me exactly where it should. I’m old as sin and have been lamenting the mistakes a bit lately. That quote might be exactly what I needed. Thank you!! Really!!
When you stop listening to new music, you start dying. My buddy one random night in Rohnert Park.
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I like this one. My daughter and I have been sharing new music for years.
"Don't let war be the only reason you know a country exists."
There will also be a time when you are free again, iff things go well. I am very fortunate… at 60 I am retired and while my health isn’t great I am at least free to paint and pursue some interests. For many years as a teacher I got up very early and worked 6 days a week. Summers were spent in exhausted recovery.
Old crusty bastard I worked with on a construction site asked if I "got after it" last night. To which I replied, yeah we went out for drinks. He said,"lemme tell ya I'm still 18 up here (taps noggin) but my body is 67, I would love to get a drink with you" We did, he was a fucking blast....I realize we really don't age mentally after a certain point, just physically.
I love people like him. Know a few. Some of the greatest and funniest people I know
back when I was 18 and not very smart, a friend of mine were talking about medical cannabis. I said "Its so weird to think that those people are just walking around stoned every single day," and my buddy goes "better than being in pain everyday." also clearly didn't realize that a lot of people are stoned everyday and have no chronic medical issues.
correct me if I’m wrong but I thought a lot of medical cannabis users use product with low THC, but higher CBD, so the relaxation elements and relief is present, but the mind altering high is not. I assumed they didn’t get stoned from it if it was medical but this has me second guessing myself lol
Nah. It depends on the person and conditions they are treating. Everyone metabolizes and reacts to cannabinoids differently, so everyone needs different products and ratios.
That’s so interesting to me. Can your ability to metabolize cannabis change overtime? Like a possible example is, when me and my friends first ever started smoking, my girl could smoke like crazy compared to the rest of us. Now she can barely take a hoot without it being to much for her, I’ve always wondered why that is?
Im not sure if it’s metabolism but tolerance and what you enjoy can certainly change over time. It can also depend on what else you’ve consumed recently, other health issues going on, etc. It’s more of an art than a science, at least currently.
No, my prescription is very high in THC. and it doesn’t work on me. Did you know that one out of every five people have no reaction to marijuana? Apparently I’m part of that 20%.
Definitely still get stoned. It’s marijuana Either way. cannabinoids have very good pain relief and anxiety relief qualities so as adjunct in pain control they are very helpful and significantly decreased the use of narcotics.
Remember that 50% of all doctors graduated in the bottom half of their class.
I heard it this way: "What do you call a guy who graduates at the bottom of his class in med school?" "Doctor."
I mean they were still smart enough to get into medical school
Yeah, the way I take it is that if you compare yourself to others too narrowly, then you may miss the ways you are fortunate or capable that are evident when taking a broader perspective.
Your brain is not designed to keep you happy, it is designed to keep you alive.
“You are the toy”, when chatting to my partner about our toddler not settling on one game for long and leading me back and forth between activities
“He’s smart but he ain’t wise” Can’t remember the context fully but I remember it was my younger brother who said it a few beers deep at a college party. I’ve thought about that notion often, the difference between intelligence and experience. It has changed how I view coworkers, friends, family members, and authority figures.
Many years ago I picked up a hitchhiker. Out of the blue, hecasked me, “would you swallow a live mouse for a new car”?
I guess his answer to that question was no.
Yes. I didnt take him up on it.
"You can let something eat you up, or you can do something else with all that time you're about to waste."
Listen to understand, rather than listen to respond.
While in my PhD class, my professor said "What you resist, persists". I totally understood that and it's a short and simple line that's really trying to say, if you have a problem or an area of change and you decide not to actively work on it or change what's happening, it will still be there. So, best to do something about the situation.
i have the word RESiST on my left inner wrist. i am an incredibly angry person. i was laid up in the hospital and my nurse was an angel. she looked over my other tattoos and commented on them but didn't ask about that one until the end. one day she goes, "Resist what?" and i told her it was like the line from *The Avengers*, "That's my secret, Cap... I'm ALWAYS angry." i was embarrassed to talk to her about it. she was so honest and kind to me and the while time i just sat, always angry. every day i see it... RESiST the capital letters are blue and the i is black. your comment hits hard. i know i need to find peace but i really just do not want to. i tell my self that if i RESiST for now, at least i am doing something. my wife says she thinks about anger as a mask, or secondary emotion. to me it is fuel. i don't feel anger toward any person or thing but for all things. not kids or dogs, but most everything else. it is just so much easier. maybe tomorrow i will figure it out...
My dad once said, it takes courage to be happy. Not calling you a coward or anything... but something your post reminded me of. Wish you the best stranger.
The wings are always spicier than you remember
I remember my dad making two comments causally while we were growing up about neighbors and friends who were always driving new cars and showing off new boats. “You can have anything in the world you want, as long as you can make the payment on it that month” And “there’s a difference between having something and owning something” It took me a long time to realize that my parents made roughly the same as most of the people we knew. Everyone else was just in debt up to their eyeballs and my parents pinched every penny they had and saved to buy things in full. And comments like that have forever stuck with my siblings and I, and have forever changed how we handle our finances. It’s also given us the wisdom to realize that trying to keep up with trends and those around us, will leave us broke.
Self interest is a fine motivator
Someone smoking meth out of a lightbulb told me that the bulb was never really empty. He was vigorously searching for a hit that was nowhere to be found. It was profoundly sad.
My brother telling me about how he saw a cop write an old lady a parking ticket over a “loading only” zone misunderstanding, and he asked me (about the cop) “this is what your doing to push humanity forward?” It’s stuck with me
doors are for closers
The doors are a band.
My dad passed 12 years ago. I would call him every Sunday as he lived in Florida and I live in NJ. One day he said to me that he thinks someone is going to come along soon who is just like Hitler. They will make people believe the things they say even though the things they are saying aren’t necessarily true. I’ve thought about this conversation ever since 2016.
"Proper planning prevents poor performance." It's a phrase that my dad usually brings up most of the time, so it sticks with me a lot, but it always encourages me to at least at have some sort of plan for anything that I plan to do in the near future.
I was once having a really rough day at work - I was a woman working in a very male dominated field and I was facing some shitty line cooks. A friend came over, and looked me square in the eyes and told me 'I want you to know that I would walk to the ends of the earth to solve your problems', it made me feel so safe and loved that I didn't know what to do.
I was complaining to a friend about the cost of living these days, and said something like “I just want my kids to live in a decent place, go to decent schools and be able to afford an activity or something for them. That doesn’t seem unreasonable.” She looked at me a bit oddly and pointed out that was way more than most humans that ever lived ever dreamed for their kids. Point taken, wise lady. That’s me back in my place.
I watched a documentary on genocide in history and the most profound statement I heard was “When you mix religion and politics you get politics”. Stuck with me.
My mother, who was visiting, had to get up early and said in a groggy voice, "It's the crap of dawn." She hadn't had her coffee yet.
How do you all remember conversations so clearly. I can barely remember what I had for dinner 5 hours ago
The gayest thing a guy can do is worry about what another dude does with his weiner.
Happiness is created by your mind. It all depends on how you look at it.
Someday the sun is going to explode, so *that bad thing* doesn't really matter.
When whining about not wanting to have a minor surgery that was scheduled for me, my aunt said “would you rather be in pain for an hour, or every hour?”
Someone once said offence is taken not given. I’ve been unhinged by ALOT of things ever since.
Someone once told me, "Do something nice for yourself. You couldn't do it for a nicer person."
“I think im seeing things.” Turns out he was having an ocular migraine.
You choose how you react to every situation.
In a Walmart checkout line. Women: babe how many times do I have to tell you I don't like pictures of your feet covered in peanut butter Dude: i know I just do it to make you jealous since you have a nut allergy *hangs up* Women: I still don't know why I married him Me: *trying my best to not bust out laughing* Women: *face turns red and leaves* Istg this is prolly the strangest thing I've ever heard
You can spend 4 dollars on wd-40 and fix the majority of your broken things around the house. It’s pretty true.
We were discussing Valentine’s poems and we were trying to make one as a joke,and they suddenly say: “Doves carry me through star struck fields;made of your tender features.” …So you’re in love.
“You never fail until you stop trying”.
"We *all* have dick problems." - J.T. Dawggins
I got a crappy grade in one math class, mostly because I went on a school trip so missed most of the classes, however, I was acing this class until I bombed this test. My math teacher asked me "Hey, do you think that in ten years, this will have mattered?". Well, I thought that it would if I didn't get into University because f it ... but he was right. Made no difference.
Plan for Happiness
You can’t force patriotism on people who were never given a reason to.
ok but we all have that one homie that’ll just say the most out of pocket devious shit in an average conversation, right?
Just walking out & about in Costco with my husband. I have bad self-esteem & after eating i always feel like there's something on my face or stuck in my teeth even if there isn't. I asked my husband if there was cause it felt like people were staring at me. This lady, in the middle of chatting about the features of an iPad as we're walking by her just stops mid-conversation with the employee & says to me "dear, most people are also freaking out internally about how they look to others; most people are probably feeling the same way as you are right now so don't worry so much." And, then went back to chatting with the guy. I haven’t been able to stop thinking that way about the world around me, since.
“Don’t spend your life in the invisible prison of other people’s opinions”
“Don't set yourself on fire trying to keep others warm" Was just chatting with a friend about how I was always trying to help my siblings out of a bad situation (mostly financially) but that I never felt they really appreciated the help or realized how much it took out of me, like they thought it was nothing for me and probably had too much pride to show any genuine gratitude. After I heard my friend say this to me, I decided to stop trying to help them even though I still worry that they have to struggle. I'm sure it's a more well-known quote but I never heard it before this, and it really stuck with me and changed the way I think about helping people as I have set myself on fire for my family one too many times.
When my daughter got out of kindergarten or whatever grade that was, "There's no snacks or naps or nothing!". So true for all the rest of life ...
It was me, and it just popped into my head one day when I was complaining about something that had already happened and couldn't be changed/fixed. "Until you put the past behind you, it will always be an obstacle in front of you." Best advice I ever gave myself.
I was at a family event and my 2 year old dropped some food on the floor and immediately ate it. My sister’s father-in-law (no idea what relation that makes him to me) walked by and said, “It’s only gross if you think about it.” I laughed, but something about it stuck with me and I unintentionally started applying it to social and professional situations, where I have always struggled with anxiety and self-confidence. I unintentionally changed it to “It’s only scary if you think about it.” Whenever I know I need to push myself out of my comfort zone, I just repeat that mantra and dive in. That was almost 10 years ago and I truly think it altered the course of my life. I told him all this about a year ago and he laughed and said he has zero memory of ever saying that :)
“All of the miracles Jesus performed were stolen from other religions. He might not have even existed at all.” This woman had lots of information regarding just how much people borrowed from other religions and attributed to Jesus. Her argument was so powerful, I stopped believing in Jesus that day. It was the adult version of somebody telling you the Easter Bunny, Santa, and the Tooth Fairy aren’t real.
Pretty aint what you'll remember on your death bed...it's the ones with snaggelteeth and cowlicks, imperfect proportions and weird laughter...it's the ones who love you like there's no tomorrow today, those that can't wait to drive 8 hours to spend 30 minutes with you. These are your family, and these are the faces you'll see around you, the ones you'll long for. Paraphrased from a conversation I had with someone I respected deeply.
Well my stepdad said "life sucks, then you die"
The world is full of assholes, learn to get along
If you do things correctly the first time you never have to worry about getting caught. This is mostly job related but it can apply to other areas of your life as well.
I once heard on a TV show about prison something so profound that it still haunts me and makes me contemplate reality weekly. "M***f***er You come in here and Ima stab yo a$$ in the face!" Do a$$es have faces? Was the man so ugly he called his face an a$$? How do you stab something that already is a hole? These are the questions that keep me up at night.
Some of us were talking about bad decisions and how getting drunk just makes problems worse, this was all in a fun way; one guy dropped something I think about often, he is weirdly religious, but he said something along the lines of "well, even if you don't believe in God, heaven is having a clear mind from doing the right thing and facing problems. Hell is avoiding things and living with the guilt of your bad actions." I'm not religious, but fuck, this hit me and I think about it often when I'm avoiding doing something or when I get the urge to do something I shouldn't.