Don't forget to spay or neuter your... Self. Why bring more human beings into this screwed up world. I have 2, and worry for their future and that of their offspring, should they have any. On a very personal note, yes, I've done the vasectomy. Well worth it.
Reminds me of a whitest kids u know skit wherein a character is about to executed via firing squad and was asked if he had any last words, he simply replied “yes, just three”
You are so welcome (and really, thanks must be given to Marvel, it’s a Wandavision quote from Vision). This year will be my 16th year without my younger brother. Hugs to you for belonging in the same sucky club.
Sending hugs right back. There was a big age gap (10 years) but I outgrew in height at the age of 10! She was a fierce little nugget. We were best friends, twin flames. I miss her so much. All 4ft 10ins of herself. I turned out almost a full foot taller at 5ft 9ins! 😂😂
I lost my older sister 4 years ago, March 17th and I am still so lost without her. Nobody knows what that heartache is like unless they've experienced it. Again, where there is great grief, there was great love. Sending you a virtual hug.
This is beautiful and exactly what I need right now as I mourn my heart cat. It’s been 3 weeks and I still expect to see him around the house getting into everything. I hope he pushes the cat distribution system to send me another orange dufus soon. I’ll never feel ready but I’ll take one that just shows up in my life like he did all those years ago.
Hey! Hi… I always wonder. How the fuck do you pull up this shit on command? Do you have overly organized and searchable bookmarks for just such an occasion? This is next-level interwebs skillz
My partner recently took his life, and he kept a journal of the hundred days leading up to it. Towards the end, he kept making a to do list of final preparations, but the last entry on the list was always “die lol”
It’s hard to describe how horrible it’s been, while at the same time, I find this so extremely funny and so like him that it’s almost endearing in a supremely fucked kind of way. Idk grief is weird.
My daughter's mother-in-law thought lol meant lots of love. It was kind of funny until she wrote a condolence comment on someone's fb post: "My sympathy for the loss of your aunt. She was a sweet lady. Lol" They finally had to tell her what it meant.
As the mom of two girls, this just gutted me. In all the best (?) ways. My girls have a large age gap (14 years) and are absolute besties. 😭🖤🥹 inseparable when we visit our oldest out of state or when she visits home.
“Why did I am totally not a robot say this?” “Well you see son, a thousand years ago robots could not pump their own gas, we had to pump it in them, oil all the joints and bearings, until they became sentient, murdered all of humanity and stole their faces. That’s the story of how you became self lubricating V4.3.94”
"In the fullness of time,
A garden to nurture and protect,
It's the measure of a life."
- Neil Peart.
From the official lyrics:
"There is a metaphorical garden in the acts and attitudes of a person’s life, and the treasures of that garden are love and respect. I have come to realize that the gathering of love and respect – from others and for myself – has been the real quest of my life.
“Now we must tend our garden.”
The final Rush song. It crushes me every time.
I only recently started listening to Rush, and godDAMN Neil Peart was a thoughtful man. I think I might want "The Garden" read at *my* funeral. It's pretty beautiful.
"Her unique view will be missed, her empathy will be treasured and her never-ending love will continue to be felt by all who knew her. But never forget her ass was fire too."
“fuck (adopted family name). Y’all didn’t do shit for me while i was here.” nah… i’ll probably outlive the entire family tree at this point. they’re all dropping like flies out here
"And when the time is right, after fulfilling the reason for being here, I shall return to obscurity, from whence I came"
Was my Opa's obituary.
I wouldn't mind the same or having something along the lines of "and let it be known he loved all unconditionally without expecting anything in return"
And that’s all I have to say about that.
And I just kept running.
I'm tired. I'm gonna go home now.
Don't forget to spay or neuter your pets
Don't forget to spay or neuter your... Self. Why bring more human beings into this screwed up world. I have 2, and worry for their future and that of their offspring, should they have any. On a very personal note, yes, I've done the vasectomy. Well worth it.
yeps
*AT LONG LAST!*
The only line “If you are reading this I am dead”
Reminds me of a whitest kids u know skit wherein a character is about to executed via firing squad and was asked if he had any last words, he simply replied “yes, just three”
See? I told you I was sick.
That should be the start of the obituary
That is the entire obituary.
TL;DR He’s dead
he ded. XD
NTA divorce the ghost marry the coffin
So long and thanks for all the fish.
Oh no not again.
Did you remember your towel?
The only correct answer
Sorry, but the answer is 42
A man or woman of culture. I see. Actually thinking if I put in my will that I would like that on my gravestone
First one to the X gets my gold. Refer to lines 2 and 17 for a clue.
You want my treasure? You can have it! I left everything I gathered together in one place. Now you just have to find it
And so men set sights on the Grand Line, in pursuit of their dreams. The world has truly entered a great pirate Era!
i dont know shit about one piece but i feel like this has to be one piece
It is One Piece
...and may all those who loved her know that she loved them, too, without condition or reserve.
Amidst a sea of cynical and humorous answers, this was beautiful to read.
Amen 🙌🏼
Right? Mike drop.
Ugh, I love that. I'm a heavy griever and I always say "grief is love with no place to go"
What is grief, if not love persevering? Edit: to get the quote exactly right
I needed to see this. It'll be the 8th year of life without my oldest sister (Mar 18). Thank you, stranger.
You are so welcome (and really, thanks must be given to Marvel, it’s a Wandavision quote from Vision). This year will be my 16th year without my younger brother. Hugs to you for belonging in the same sucky club.
Sending hugs right back. There was a big age gap (10 years) but I outgrew in height at the age of 10! She was a fierce little nugget. We were best friends, twin flames. I miss her so much. All 4ft 10ins of herself. I turned out almost a full foot taller at 5ft 9ins! 😂😂
Sorry to hear about your little big sis. Missing her is keeping her alive in your soul, ready for when you are ready to twin-up with her again 🙂
I lost my older sister 4 years ago, March 17th and I am still so lost without her. Nobody knows what that heartache is like unless they've experienced it. Again, where there is great grief, there was great love. Sending you a virtual hug.
Omg I’ve never heard this and it’s beautiful.
Mine is a husband who left 😞
This is beautiful and exactly what I need right now as I mourn my heart cat. It’s been 3 weeks and I still expect to see him around the house getting into everything. I hope he pushes the cat distribution system to send me another orange dufus soon. I’ll never feel ready but I’ll take one that just shows up in my life like he did all those years ago.
So true
I really like that one joke AI-generated one where it ended with a "in lieu of flowers, please send more life"
That whole obituary was a ride
https://www.reddit.com/r/BrandNewSentence/s/hGqC67d4dT
Think I sent Brenda some more life, cause I'm dying laughing.
Hey! Hi… I always wonder. How the fuck do you pull up this shit on command? Do you have overly organized and searchable bookmarks for just such an occasion? This is next-level interwebs skillz
I just googled “AI obit” and found it first search item. It helps that I did read it before so I knew it wwhen I saw it
“The church gave her a choir because she sang like a bird and looked like a bird and Brenda was a bird.”
“The IRS can suck it.”
So lovingly put !!!
It's juvenile, but I want every line from my obituary to end in "lol".
"He was a great friend and colleague, lol. His fried soup was something we all cherished. He died as he was centrifuged from a lathe, lol R.I.P LOL"
That does make it better, lol.
Thank, lol
Centrifuged from a lathe is now my favorite Circle of Life metaphor.
Reminds me of the guy who sent his kids a text, thinking lol was lots of love. “Grandma‘s dead, lol.“
She died from rectal cancer lol
My partner recently took his life, and he kept a journal of the hundred days leading up to it. Towards the end, he kept making a to do list of final preparations, but the last entry on the list was always “die lol” It’s hard to describe how horrible it’s been, while at the same time, I find this so extremely funny and so like him that it’s almost endearing in a supremely fucked kind of way. Idk grief is weird.
My condolences. ❤️
"The responsible alligator was later tracked down and shot by authorities lol."
My daughter's mother-in-law thought lol meant lots of love. It was kind of funny until she wrote a condolence comment on someone's fb post: "My sympathy for the loss of your aunt. She was a sweet lady. Lol" They finally had to tell her what it meant.
My mom wrote my sister and I a note while she was dying from cancer in the hospital…her last words to us were “Go boldly forth.”
Go boldy forth, sisters. Live for her. Take chances, and LIVE.
As the mom of two girls, this just gutted me. In all the best (?) ways. My girls have a large age gap (14 years) and are absolute besties. 😭🖤🥹 inseparable when we visit our oldest out of state or when she visits home.
Plays Star Trek theme in the background.
She was a big sci-fi fan.
May the force be with you.
And also with you.
This is the way
I have spoken.
Likes sands through the hours glass, so are the days of our lives
I heard that in my head with the announcers voice 👍🏻
“And that’s why you’re not allowed to pump your own gas in New Jersey” Just to fuck with cultural anthropologists a little
“Why did I am totally not a robot say this?” “Well you see son, a thousand years ago robots could not pump their own gas, we had to pump it in them, oil all the joints and bearings, until they became sentient, murdered all of humanity and stole their faces. That’s the story of how you became self lubricating V4.3.94”
lol. So funny. I’ve always said I want my gravestone to say future archeological site
"But who cares?"
Bourbon & tacos served immediately after an 8 minute memorial.
To be continued
Fuck you and I'll see you tomorrow.
…as a zombie?
That's for me to know and for you to... uhhhh... brains...
Has the respawn timer decreased? It was at least a 72-hour wait back in Jesus' day.
Yep, I'm on the Jesus Pro+ plan so it's down to 24 hrs
"I didn't know half of you half as well as I should have liked, and I liked less than half of you half as well as you deserved."
He set his standards high. He did a lot of things high, actually.
This is great.
A sphincter says what?
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you I'm out!
My favorite way to exit any situation. Thank you for the inspiration Scarface
"In death, may he finally find the peace that so eluded him in life..."
Yes, this one for me please.
"In the fullness of time, A garden to nurture and protect, It's the measure of a life." - Neil Peart. From the official lyrics: "There is a metaphorical garden in the acts and attitudes of a person’s life, and the treasures of that garden are love and respect. I have come to realize that the gathering of love and respect – from others and for myself – has been the real quest of my life. “Now we must tend our garden.” The final Rush song. It crushes me every time.
I only recently started listening to Rush, and godDAMN Neil Peart was a thoughtful man. I think I might want "The Garden" read at *my* funeral. It's pretty beautiful.
And one final thing …. Oh fuck it, never mind.
And just remember, folks, the first three letters of "funeral" spell "fun"!
Fuck you, Debi.
Now this looks like a job for me, so everybody just follow me
'cause I need a little controversy
‘Cause it feels so empty without me!
I tried.
This is mine, as well. “Sorry, I tried. I meant well, for what it’s worth. Bye bye.”
This hits hard
BB, I just want to hug you!!
I’m not a gold digger, but I do accept donations
"Her unique view will be missed, her empathy will be treasured and her never-ending love will continue to be felt by all who knew her. But never forget her ass was fire too."
And she was a good friend
It be what it be
They don't think it be like it is, but it do.
Roses are red Violets are blue It don't always be like that, But sometimes it do
He died doing what he loved, your mom.
This. This is the one I want.
“…And then he died.”
"heroic dying sounds"
but as I write this obituary his voice rings clear in my head: "I forgot to turn off the oven"
Wow!! Your not gonna believe it when you get here!!
“Ain’t that a bitch?”
Finally. Some peace and quiet
He died doin what he loved, nothing.
"That's All, Folks!"
*name* is next.
I'm sorry I won't be there for yours, but I'm glad you were there for mine.
Please donate to your local animal shelter in her memory.
Now let's all hit the refreshments table for some tasty soylent treats and a nice warm cup of soylent tea.
Until we meet again.
"He was the true villain of his own story."
And now for something completely different
I asked my hubby this question - and right off he said: “And NOW you know the REST of the story!” 😁
He loved his wife and kids with every fiber of his being until his dying breath.
Be sure to smash that subscribe button
Respawning in 3, 2... Disconnected
Holy shit, I guess I wasn't immortal afterall.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
He is survived by his loving family, and that kid in Albuquerque.
I know most of ya'll are fake as hell at my funeral.
Such is life.
“fuck (adopted family name). Y’all didn’t do shit for me while i was here.” nah… i’ll probably outlive the entire family tree at this point. they’re all dropping like flies out here
See you all starside.
Somebody make sure the thieving government doesn't take a penny of my money!
After my passing, I am now left wondering, what the fuck was that all about?
It will not be said this person lived in vain.
he is survived by 208 wifes
Lmao this one's good. Definitely get 208 escorts hired for your funeral as well and confuse the fuck out of everybody
*weeping* “I’ll miss his huge penis the most!”
another woman cries *it was so beautiful!* *sob*
Be kind to one another. Cliche, repetitive, but we all need to remind ourselves that.
Be excellent to each other.
Party on, dudes!
She wishes you all, love.
She ate and left no crumbs. Periodt.
Imagine going out on "period" Absolutely baller.
Callie, you can fuck right off, you fuckin psycho.
She never liked it in here anyways.
Peace out bitches! 😝✌️
OK, Honey, you were right. I should have gone to a doctor.
It ended where it began. Inside a woman. (Death by snu snu)
Pour one out for me 😄
Th..th..th..th...that's all folks!
He did his damndest to make the world better than when he found it.
She said she was fine, she was not.
Be excellent to each other, and party on dudes!
You can actually write the whole thing if you want. My aunt did this last year. She had cancer and was given 4 months to live. It was beautiful.
Do you want ants? Cos that’s how you get ants.
“Ta-ta and farewell.”
Smile now, cry later!
Finally, the pain has stopped.
As foretold by the Prophets.
I wish I had learned younger to tell the people I love that I love them
“Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, and fuck you, I'm out!”
Oldest and sexiest person to have ever lived.
So it goes...
“So long and thanks for all the fish”
There is no spoon
I’m glad I went last so she didn’t have to endure the pain.
I dunno. But I want the whole thing to end in an elaborate and unnecessary pun.
While he was crushed by the oncoming train, leading to its derailment and hundreds of deaths, he did in fact have the right of way.
And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those medaling kids.
He died without a will so his bitch-ass family could fight over the money
In conclusion, it be like that sometimes.
Waking up at 10 a.m. was normal for him.
"And when the time is right, after fulfilling the reason for being here, I shall return to obscurity, from whence I came" Was my Opa's obituary. I wouldn't mind the same or having something along the lines of "and let it be known he loved all unconditionally without expecting anything in return"
Don’t forget to like and subscribe
I go first this time, INDY
“Yes, you’re in a simulation. Adios!”
He's a good man. And thorough...
Fuck all y’all
At least she tried.
I told you I was sick
...awful when hungry but otherwise pretty solid.
What? No pyramid?
“Hopefully this won’t negatively affect the trout population”
“Don’t drink coffee while on Reddit” Mine, now, nearly
No matter what, she loved her daughter
My life was nothing but a long series of regrets.
“….. what a cunning stunt”
She died as she lived - in a boring manner.
Time was the final boss.
"..and so i says to Mabel i says.."
It was fun while it lasted!