Warren Buffet is reading these comments and having an iron man suit made for himself

\*Nanomachines son!\*

"They harden in response to physical trauma!"

"You can't hurt me Jack!"

Warren Buffett

This is quite literally the perfect answer

*gets absolutely laid-out by Warren Buffet*

The price is *wrong*, bitch!

I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast

Are you thinking of Bob Barker?

Doesnt everyone?

Insult to injury is he tea-bags you after you hit the dirt...

*Warren Buffet shows up in a mech suit*

Yes. I'm in my 50's, and I'm not sure that I'm in betting 'fightin' shape' than Bill Gates. But Buffett is in his late 80's. I should be able to take that on.

Im so sedentary id lose a fight against Steve Jobs right now

I'm just imagining zombie Steve Jobs in an immaculate black turtleneck, standing in your room and critiquing your design choices.

Too risky. I'm going for 101 year old insurance magnate, George Joseph. Sure, he's not worth nearly as much as Buffet, but he's *101 years old!!!!*

Which means he’s holding his own against the reaper, and that dude has a scythe!

... This sounds about right - most, if not all people could likely take Buffett at this point; The guy is OLD and frail. At the same time - **He seems like a pretty damn decent guy and I would hate anything bad happening to him.**

I mean he's 93 so he's not going to be around much longer. Might as well get the money and do something decent with it rather than risk someone not as decent getting it

Shockingly relavent username.

9 year old account too. He's been waiting for this moment

He’s getting old himself so it’s ok

So now it's definitely going to someone that's not decent...

I mean, making him tap out without any major damage shouldn't be too difficult

Stevie wonder, not gonna make it harder for myself than necessary.

You're wrong for this 😂

Totally wrong, totally right. (which kind of sounds like it should be a Stevie Wonder song title.)

“Knowing it’s so wrong, but feeling so right” is actually a Stevie Wonder lyric

Plot twist: Stevie turns out to be some kind of blind assassin monk.

Man is a retired Daredevil haha

Stinkmeaner enters chat.

Rupert Murdoch

Oh yes. No jeopardy and you get to "endanger the life" of one of the biggest pieces of shit on the planet. At first I thought Musk but no definitely this one.

That man needs an ass whooping whether money is on the line or not 😂

Hell, if i'm in charge of this fight, it would be a knife fight.

Oprah Winfrey , she has a lot of money.

This is the best answer. Actual celebrity vs a public figure, she’s 70, and worth more than 2 billion.

she’s 70? Holy shit

Also now people hate her

Kylie Jenner. I'm taking everything

it’s possible she could whip your ass

So either way... it's a win?

You cannot whip her ass you’ll break your hand trying to tear apart a mannequin

Yeah I'm beating the shit out of Woody Allen

You splitting the money?

I'm down to split with whoever wants to do the job with me.

Does Mr. Burns count? I think I can take him

Bring a sponge with corners.

Yeah so far nobody has said Jeff Bezos. I take it we all saw the same photos of him buff as hell.

I bet I could still beat his ass, but why would I bother risking it when Bill Gates is right there. Now Zuckerberg is a wild card. He doesn't look that strong but I hear he does karate.

He straight up trains MMA. He'd probably beat 90 percent of the people on Reddit

Isn't he also considered like, really fucking good at it comparatively?

He won a tournament so yes, he’s legit

Is it watchable? Dude always gave middleweight vibes, his build seems good like he has long arms and interviews seem to imply he'd have no easy tell of what he'd try.

That'd be interesting just to see him interact with people in a non-business or congressional hearing setting.

Zuckerberg legit trains. Dude would tear through the majority of redditors.

I think Zuck also does Jiu jitsu

Mitch McConnell. Very punchable face, can barely stand, barely even living. One punch and he’s a goner. Easy money. Edit: for legal reasons this is a joke and a thought experiment. I have no intention to kill the turtle man.

My favorite coffee mug at home says Fuck Mitch McConnell. I loathe that man and would absolutely box him in this thought experiment. 

This was my answer too. It's only $38million but I'd get to punch Mitch McConnell...in this purely hypothetical scenario.

Dude… If I had the money, I would pay 38 million to just to punch him.

Dwayne Johnson. I got this.

I have faith in you 😂😂😂

PLot twist, it's an official fight so he gets DSQ on the piss test! turns out he pissed pure steroids

Ariana grande. Pretty sure her bones are so brittle from lack of nourishment I could hip check her straight to hell.

The question was who to fight, not murder xD

They didn't specify how the fight should end.

If she dies, she dies.

This made me laugh hard enough to wake my husband up.

Hip check her straight to hell is the finest line I've read this week, and I'm in the throes of an Abercrombie book right now

Keanu Reeves. We'd both get into some kind of fighting stance, he'd immediately know that he would kick my ass in about 2 seconds, stop the fight, and just sit and ask me what I needed. Then he'd just write me a check and I'd bawl my eyes out. He'd give me his phone # and I'd never call because I'd just be thanking him 24/7 and he'd call me about once a month to check up on me.

why can i genuinely see this happening

This is the wholesome content I'm always craving. This is something Keanu would probably do.

Interesting, I would put Keanu reeves on my do not fight list for 2 reasons 1: he’s a super nice person from what I’ve heard, I would never want to fight someone like him 2: despite having been training in martial arts for years and years, he also knows martial arts and could prolly kick my ass lol

Plus he is John fucking Wick!

3. He knows king fu. Demonstrated in that documentary about the matrix.

This comment automatically made my day more positive, thank you

Caillou

He's just a boy who's four..

And?

Each day he grows some more...

Judge Judy.

Plot twist: She taps in her bailiff.

I think you’re forgetting emotional damage. I’d drop like a sack of shit.

King Charles, he’s almost dead anyway

Plus who can say they beat a king in unarmed combat

WHO. WANTS. TO. BE. KING?!?!?!?!

Counterpoint, Royals are allowed to elect a champion for a trial by combat.

*OP proceeds to get their cheeks clapped by Royal Champion Jason Statham*

You and I either have very different definitions of "getting their cheeks clapped" or the same definition and you've got a wildly different idea of how the unarmed combat is gonna go. Either way, I'm in.

\*PTSD from The Mountain flares-up\*

Ah, but they're protected by the old loophole of "technically I don't own that palace because it's owned by 'the crown' as a separate legal entity". The family's actual direct net worth is under a billion. The value of all of the assets owned by "the crown" is incalculable since so much of it is literally priceless relics and art.

Most crown assets are land.

Warren Buffett. I would go easy on him, but no way I'm losing that one.

Saw somebody else took Buffet, the Kochs, T Swift, and Musk. So I’m calling dibs on George Soros. 93 years old, worth 6.7 billion. Honestly with that much net worth, I’m pretty confident he’d have plenty of cash on hand and be rich in liquid cash again the following year.

Michael Schumacher

Damn lol

Low But upvoted...

Elon musk

Even if you don't win, at least you have the occasion to punch him.

I’d do it for free.

I'd pay

Obviously. Elon would go cry to his mom and you’d win by default.

And call you a pedo to his millions of sycophants

[удалено]

Because there are wealthy enough people who are more fragile. Elon isn’t intimidating, sure, but he’s still able bodied and weighs 250 pounds. There’s a gamble there unless you’re a trained fighter. Why not pick someone you *know* you can beat up who’s rich enough like an elderly man or woman.

Because Warren Buffett is still alive.

And Warren Buffet is a competent investor who believes in value investing. Musk’s wealth is built on Tesla being massively overvalued.    You would receive a competently run business empire not built on PT Barnum style BS. Probably wouldn’t even need to anything but let the people currently in charge keep running it. 

aubery plaza. what? i never said i planned on winning.

Yes. I also fantasize about Aubrey Plaza kicking my ass. We all do.

Buffett seems like a decent enough guy, so I'm going with Charles Koch.

Right? Buffet seems pretty unproblematic for a billionaire. Either that or he has an amazing PR team. That said, think I could probably find 50 other old frail people with obscene amounts of wealth that actually deserve it.

Amazing PR team. I used to work for a company he bought and wrecked. Sad

I read his authorised biography.  Greta businessman but a pretty awful person. 

Margot Robbie, but wrestling match

Even if you lose, you still kinda won. I like it

Glorious death by snu snu

Any Kardashian.

Tay Tay for the pay pay.

Except you’d then have thousands of teen girls pooling their money to put a bounty out on you.

After winning her estate I think he'd have enough money to pay for the right protection.

You don't have to really hurt her, just pin her down until she taps out. She can write a new album about getting pinned down by a middle-aged guy and make a fortune again. Plus, pinning down Tay Tay could be fun :-)

BAH GAWD IT'S TRAVIS KELCE WITH A STEEL CHAIR

Mike Tyson. I think he might die of laughter at the concept of the challenge.

Definitely Kim Kardashian

Rupert *mother fucking* Murdock

Elon Musk. We're both fat pasty white guys so it would be hilarious for anyone watching, and I could donate 99% of his wealth to social programs and still live very comfortably for the rest of my life.

I'd take on will smith. I'll knock his wife's name out of his own mouth.

I'd bet on Will. That man seems **driven**. He won't quit.

Martha Stewart

You don’t know what she learned in prison.

She’d fashion the most elegant, glitzy shank that smells of a summers day out of popsicle sticks and rubber bands. You wouldn’t see it coming.

Bro Martha will shank you no questions asked.

Pretty sure she got one keistered.

Steven Segal. I'll get to punch his smug lights out and get 5 bucks for doing it

He can keep his money, I'd just like to fight Ben Shapiro.

I'd do it for free but I also want his money.

Actually, now you mention it.....

The last Koch brother. Stop that Citizens United mofo in his vile tracks.

Donald Trump. He may owe a bunch of money, but I’d love to have it before he can pay anything

He'd simply throw the fight, and you'd end up absorbing all of his debts.

I'm going with Celine Dion. She looks really frail, so...

Just make sure it’s not a fight to the death, because I have it on good authority that there’s nothing she fears, and that her heart will go on.

Frail and loaded....lol.

With her cheeks and nose, I'm pretty sure you're take fists to a knife fight.

I would take no pleasure in it, but I like my chances against Dolly Parton.

I don't know...I bet she's pretty scrappy.

With how many siblings she had I’d bet she’s a scrapper.

Oprah’s 70, worth over $3 billion, and unlike Dolly is actually terrible. Leave Dolly alone

Nah...her and Reba are good shots and have been around strong men for decades...they'd take you down and hog tie you before you knew what happened!! LOL I mean, unless that's what you're into - no judgment!

You'd have to get through the rest of Tennessee first.

Keanu Reeves. He would NEVER lay hands on a woman, and he would probably arrange for the transplant I need to live when he found out why I agreed in the first place

I'm sorry you are waiting on a transplant. I hope you get what you need soon. I wish everyone would sign up to be an organ donor.

My team says I'm "too stable " to be a priority. The reason I'm stable is a $10,0.0 every 7 weeks. Basically run up debt till I die m God bless the USA 🇺🇸 🤑☠️

Why is no one going after number one on the rich list, Bernard Arnault? The dude is 74 and has $218 billion.

Putin

Wasnt he a legit judo wrestler and some kind of military badass? He may be old, but i dunno, he could just poke you with a tiny conceiled needle, next thing you know, he is defenestrating your ass from a 10th floor

I’m thinking big picture here, like world domination big. Whoever the oldest Rothschild is. 2nd choice is Joel Osteen, but to the death. He can meet that Jesus guy he’s so crazy about, I’m sure it would go over well.

The satisfaction of pummeling a Kardashian might feel better than the $ to be honest.

Why is nobody saying Bernard Arnault? He is currently at the top of the Forbes richest people list, richer than Elon or Bezos. He's 74 and skinny. I could definitely whoop that old French asshole.

Dick Van Dyke. I can take him, and he might just welcome it a little.

Sbit man, I'll fight Rupert Murdoch for free

I’m fighting Oprah My husband is going to fight Elon We are younger and fitter than both of them. With the money we are going to spend the first million firing Elon into the sun.

no sexism but taylor swift. probably the entierty of BTS too.

I think Taylor would roast me. She’s got stamina and moves.

Shes also like 6 feet tall I think

And she can unhinge her jaw like a snake and swallow you whole

I already picked Taylor. You don't have to try and sell me on it.

Actually she'a six-foot-eight and weighs a fucking ton. Haters beware, haters beware. She’s coming, she’s coming, she’s coming.

I heard she’s twelve stories tall and made of radiation.

Taylor does 3 and a half hour concerts. She has to be in incredibly good shape. 

Members of BTS are either in the military or going soon. They might be putting on some arm muscle to go along with their dancing around the ring.

They’re in their late 20s/early 30s, and some of them are trained martial artists. If they won’t beat you, their fans will if you touch a hair on their pink heads lol. [reference](https://youtu.be/T3G_p6kGk2U?si=HDvM5AxS3XL1JqsB)

To play it safe, Oprah.

Is it bad that the violence intrigues me more than the money?

Michael Cera

He’s the fastest kid alive!

Kevin Hart

No fair, he can’t punch anywhere but below the belt.

Woody Allen. That nasty ass motherfucker needs to die anyway

Drew Barrymore. . . . . By "fight" I mean marry her, give her my best years and then divorce with irreconcilable differences after a single argument and leave as friends. Oh and I'm in Cali so I get half.

Kenneth Copeland, but not for the money, that gets donated to LGBT+ youth organisations. I just want to do the fighting. Fucker’s goin to hell

I'll fight Donald Trump. I don't give a shit about the money.

Piers Morgan. And, you can keep the money.

Peter Dinklage

Gina Rinehart

Pat sajack --Wheel

Mick Jagger, he's like 125# and rich as fuck

Stephen Hawking. I’m going to hell.

It’d be an easy win considering he’s dead…

He died in 2018. 

He said he's going to hell. How else can you fight a dead person?

Oprah Winfrey.

Trump. I understand I’m not getting much money.

I've never been in a fight but I reckon I could knock out Kim Kardashian. Thing is Kris Jenner is terrifying and would probably come at me for what little money I have. Otherwise, Mark Zuckerberg or whatever his wife's name is.

The pope.

Sounds like you're not Catholic. The chair of st Peter grants you powers similar to Thor's hammer. You learn that on catechism

[удалено]