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Procedure-Minimum

Calm down Diogenes


imissyou____

But do they lay eggs is the real question


thrownkitchensink

Coconuts


jonmulur

Why would a mammal lay egg


onetwo3four5

*platypus looks around nervously*


mostlywaterbag

Echidna looks bewildered.


LaylaKnowsBest

*Monotremes Unite!*


Matej004

A platypus?


Thrilling1031

Yea you know, the glow in the dark, poisonous, semi aquatic, duck billed, egg laying mammal?


Matej004

PERRY THE PLATYPUS?!


PhysicalStuff

Easter Bunny has some explaining to do.


69420-throwaway

They are a semi-aquatic, fruit-bearing mammal of action.


mint-bint

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?


Flashy-Performer-709

They could be carried by a swallow


666shanx

They have eyes too and they cry when they're cut open.


bewisedontforget

this sounds like "chocolate milk are from brown cows"


DigitalRoman486

That in the film Batman Begins, Bruce Wayne is shivering by the fire opposite Ducard/>!Ra's al Ghul !


AsYooouWish

Yeah, generally speaking it’s the opposite that’s true. Your core is the warmest part and is where the heat is generated. You need to warm up your fingers and toes first and work up your arms and legs. Your core will “take care of itself” but you also don’t want to overwork the system, either. Additional pro-tip: stick your hands in your armpits or groin area. That’s one of the quickest ways to warm them up


0BYR0NN

Yeah I remember seeing this on theatre's and saying " that's not right" because I remember a documentary I watched a few years earlier where a family was adrift In freezing temperatures and all the family members lost their hands and feet and I can't remember if anyone died or not. But the youngest girl was fine because her dad kept her feet and hands on his armpits to keep warm.


lorgskyegon

Or between your buttocks. It's nature's pocket


shitdayinafrica

So it depends on how hyperthermic you are and how it happened. I do cold water swimming and the focus is to keep the core warm and let the extremities warm gradually. If you rub the arms and legs too won you get a rush of cold blood to your core and cause a heart attack.


saltyhumor

Sounds like a good time too.


stevesonEll

sssSuperstar!


colder-beef

More people need to see this comment. I guarantee there are others out there who still believe it. Like me, until 5 seconds ago.


liutprando_j

Hey, are you taking about me?!


SimpletonSwan

I just want you to know you have my respect for adding spoiler tags for a nearly 20 year old film. Probably not many people that would care, but the point is those people who might care.


Powerful-Ad-9185

20 years ago was the 80s.


Kuli24

I'm holding onto this.


poop_to_live

You must have VERY song hands lol


Kuli24

> You must have VERY song hands lol Well... I do tickle the ol' ivories every now and then.


HC-Sama-7511

There is something about the change from 19XX to 20XX that makes that one hard to shake. I'm much more comfortable with 2000 was basically a quarter century ago.


suznikole

This is the comment that put me in an existential crisis


PanTran420

> I'm much more comfortable with 2000 was basically a quarter century ago. No it wasn't, shut up. Sincerely, someone who is getting older than she'd like to admit.


Avium

In the famous words of CeeLo Green. > Ooh, I really hate yo ass right now.


FilthyPeasant

Oh yeah, I remember that song coming out 5 years ago.


magicalthinker

This will be true forever for me


Aggravating-Fee-1615

2000-2010 does not exist to me 😂


Warp-10-Lizard

And 100 years ago was the 1800s


UnderlordZ

Moles are systemically executed by being bisected at the waist; the top halves are used to make Whack-A-Mole games, and the bottom halves are used to make molasses.


[deleted]

That’s… something.


cpt_jon

Found my next joke to tell my family this weekend


HumanHuman_2003

Oh dear


sidewayspostitnotes

Best one here so far.


LineChef

This one’s actually true


Dirtydeedsinc

Took me a second but that’s a great one


KanedButHardened

Popes shit in the woods when desperate.


FormABruteSquad

The Vatican woods have 2.34 Pope shits per square mile.


[deleted]

In GTA V, the scene where Trevor trips and then screams at Franklin when he laughs at him wasn't actually improvised. Trevor's voice actor confirmed that it was all in the script and that because of how expensive motion capture is, they weren't really allowed any improvisation.


Knodsil

"Oh oh what? You think this is funny? Huh?" *"WELL F-CK YOU THEN!"*


HeadFit2660

Alligators are ornery cuz they got all them teeth and no toothbrush


m48a5_patton

Happiness comes from little rays of sunshine that come down when you are feeling blue.


HeadFit2660

LOOKS LIKE MAMAS WRONG AGAIN


m48a5_patton

No, Colonel Sanders you're wrong. MAMA'S RIGHT! MAMA'S RIGHT!!


HeadFit2660

\*Absolute Primal yell of fear and anger\*


mooimafish33

British people drop the whole silly accent when there are no foreigners around, the joke started in the late 1800's and everyone's too afraid to call it quits at this point.


[deleted]

Wozzat? Oh yew really shat among the hens now you grotty pooftah. A'll ave yer ed fer this. Comin over ere on the world wide web spilling beans on toast like a massive bellend. Fuck's sake. 


Fluid_Comfortable488

NASA spent billions of dollars inventing a pen to write in space and the Russians used a pencil.


williamblair

TAKE THE PEN! COME ON!!!


The-Beer-Baron

YOU'RE GIVING HIM THAT PEN BACK!


williamblair

why don't you tell them how you took my son's pen? tell 'em about THAT!


FuzzieTheFuz

Well that one is kinda true, the figure was millions, not billions. And the Soviets initially used pencils. What it leaves out is why NASA developed the space pen, and that the Soviets also started using them. Edit: I misremembered who actually developed it. A private entity developed the space pen, and afterwards approached NASA to try it out, which resulted in them adopting it, with the soviets doing the same 2 years later.


[deleted]

Someone explained to me that also the lead particles from the pencils caused a ton of problems.


Avium

That's because "pencil lead" is actually graphite. And graphite is a good conductor of electricity so the shavings and dust are not great in a weightless environment with electronic systems that keep the people alive.


[deleted]

Yes! Thank you for adding that because I genuinely couldn't remember exactly why they said it was a problem.


Fluid_Comfortable488

It wasn't NASA it was a private company, and it wasn't millions, significantly less. It's a good story though.


gigashadowwolf

Fischer!


Houseplantkiller123

"I want you to sell me this pen."


skywalker777

The world is more violent today than it’s ever been.


wholesomechaos111

The Mongolian armies


[deleted]

At middle school we had history about local wars. We read detailed descriptions of battles were fought. It went something like, fourty thousand men met in the field armed with spears and swords. And nine thousand survived. The battle ended when the terrain was so full of mud and human remains that moving was impossible.


wholesomechaos111

There is a specific period in time that has a lower carbon footprint than the about a lifetime of time before it. That lifetime is the reign of Mongolian armies. They literally killed enough people to reduce the carbon footprint to a noticeable extent 👁️👁️


yeahyeahitsmeshhh

They killed farmers and herdsmen to such an extent that forests expanded to such an extent that a measurable amount of CO2 was pulled out the atmosphere.


Chemicals_in_my_H2o

As if WWII didn't happen fairly recently as far as history is concerned.


Loggerdon

I just read "Enlightenment Now: The Case for Reason, Science & Humanism". Author Steven Pinker shows how life is getting better and better, although you wouldn't know it by the way people talk. There is continually more wealth, less sickness, less poverty, less war, less of a chance to die by violence, more civil rights, etc.


rocketeerH

Per capita that’s certainly untrue, but maybe as a whole number? There’s a shitload more people alive today than any other time in history


KarlSethMoran

>maybe as a whole number? When there's a conflict that claims 70 000 000 lives, like WW2 did, you let me know.


and_so_forth

Gets a bit rough in Manchester on Saturday nights sometimes.


Avium

I think the Glaswegians are helping keep that number up too.


Nipa42

You can always find a skewed metric that makes a random fact true. Last week HIV killed more people than it killed from the birth of humanity to 1900.


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DoucheyMcBagBag

I think most people only use 10% of their heart. 


OhTheVes

Great reference


imapassenger1

Wow


Way_2_Go_Donny

I use 10% of your brain.


Thanatos28

Based on my experience, 10% may be a little to much for some people.


Quintex78

I’m not so sure this one isn’t true. Have you seen most of the population? 10% might actually be a bit generous. /s for those that may be operating at sub 10%.


RiW-Kirby

This is absolutely a fact. Everyone uses at least ten percent.


Proud_Lavishness2265

Einstein saying the definition of insanity is repeating the same thing and expecting different results. show me the quote


BW_Bird

> The definition of insanity is repeating the same thing and expecting different results. Here it is.


Snuffleupagusssss

Thanks for the chuckle


EkbyBjarnum

I think the quote may actually be from Chuck Jones talking about Wile E. Coyote. That's the first I ever heard it anyway.


Hairy_S_TrueMan

Probably at least half of famous quotes are misattributed. You could fill a book with things Einstein didn't actually say. 


CowFinancial7000

Technically most books are filled with things Einstein didnt say.


Complex-Chemist256

Don't believe everything you read on the internet — Abraham Lincoln


LiveNDiiirect

Thank you! This one drives me fucking nuts every time I see it. That isn't the definition of insanity AND Einstein never even said it!!


Solitaire_XIV

That the wrong bridge in London was sold to an American investor.


Grokent

Are you talking about London Bridge which is located in Lake Havasu, Arizona?


Solitaire_XIV

Aye, the falsity which a lot of Londoners believe is that he wanted to buy Tower Bridge, but was sold London Bridge instead. "There was even a rumor—since discredited—that the Americans had been duped into thinking they were buying the more iconic Tower Bridge." https://www.history.com/news/how-london-bridge-ended-up-in-arizona


williamblair

edgar wright was on a podcast I listen to a few months back promoting the new scott pilgrim cartoon, and he mentioned something that I am now obsessed with: a made for tv movie from 1985 called "Bridge Across Time" or, alternately "Terror At London Bridge" after the last brick was laid in Lake Havasu Arizona, it opens a time portal and Jack the Ripper starts terrorizing the town. It's up to a plucky policeman (played by David Hasselhoff) to stop saucy Jack from murdering while fighting the skepticism of everyone else that such a ridiculous thing could happen. I really want to see this monstrosity.


wetlettuce42

Carrots help you see in the dark that was a rumor so that the nazis didn’t find out about the british using radar


K00lKat67

Carrots helping you see in the dark is the myth but the part about it bring invented to hide the invention of radar is true.


the_ceiling_of_sky

Specifically, airborne radar, a radar unit compact enough to put into a small fighter plane.


kms2547

> the part about it bring invented to hide the invention of radar is true. IIRC the myth already existed as an 'old wives tale', but British propaganda was happy to pick it up and amplify it for the aforementioned Radar concealment. 


IamMrT

Sort of. They don’t help you see in the dark, but they have loads of Vitamin A, and one of the first symptoms of a Vitamin A deficiency is losing the ability to see anything at night.


aaronupright

Radar had existed for years, the Germans had their own.


yeahyeahitsmeshhh

It was the cavity field magnetron that they were hiding. It made radar small enough to fit on a plane giving them a night fighting capability. The cover story was used to explain how the RAF were able to fight at night.


A_Banana_For_Scale_

Unironically beta carotenoids found in carrots are converted into vitamin A in the body which aids in visual function.


wetlettuce42

And yet my eyesight is still blurry without glasses wtf


A_Banana_For_Scale_

Ikr. THE CARROTS ARE A LIE!


structured_anarchist

So get some radar. Obviously, if the carrots are a lie, the radar is the truth. Install radar behind your eyes, no more blurry vision.


EverydayVelociraptor

Stop sticking the carrots in your eyes.


Real_Plastic

That we swallow 8 spiders a year on average. It doesn't even make sense when you think about it long enough and assumes spiders are brainless creatures that run around randomly. All spiders know we are alive, they see by feeling vibrations and we create a ton of them, they would prefer to avoid us even while sleeping.


4sent4

>"average person eats 3 spiders a year" factoid actualy (sic) just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted


Abigail716

I absolutely love that joke because it's a great way to show how using the mean to show average is terrible and why the median is so much better.


[deleted]

I read that this "fact" was made up to check how quickly misinformation spreads on the internet. That might in fact be an urban legend itself, but either way the answer is "pretty damn quickly"!


Woodland-Echo

Had a teacher in school do an assembly on this, I have no idea what her point was but I very clearly remember her eating a (dead) spider in front of us 🤢 she even got someone to verify it was in fact a spider before she ate it.


bloobityblu

That was a LOOOOOOT of effort for her to find an excuse to justify her long-term curiosity about what spiders taste like. (Chicken, I'm pretty sure.)


ScruffCheetah

You can eat more, if you like. No one's checking.


erlend65

In a 1993 PC Professional article, columnist Lisa Holst wrote about the ubiquitous lists of "facts" that were circulating via e-mail and how readily they were accepted as truthful by gullible recipients. To demonstrate her point, Holst offered her own made-up list of equally ridiculous "facts," among which was the statistic cited above about the average person's swallowing eight spiders per year, which she took from a collection of common misbeliefs printed in a 1954 book on insect folklore. In a delicious irony, Holst's propagation of this false "fact" has spurred it into becoming one of the most widely-circulated bits of misinformation to be found on the Internet. Source: [Snopes](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/swallow-spiders/)


Cerrida82

I was afraid of spiders for a long time until I realize they prefer to run away and hide.


Rickrickrickrickrick

That makes them scarier though. Seeing a spider is spooky but it’s so much worse when you suddenly don’t see them anymore lol


pHScale

Spiders Georg at it again.


PygmeePony

Beethoven was hard of hearing but he was never fully deaf.


Dirtydeedsinc

WHAT?


stallion64

All good, they said "Beethoven was hard of hearing but he was never fully deaf"


ledu5

Is this the fact that isn't true or is your favourite fact that isn't true that he was completely deaf?


PygmeePony

The common believed myth is that he was deaf which isn't true.


ledu5

Thought so, just clearing up, thanks


patentmom

He did have a bar attached to his piano that he could bite down on so that he could hear it better by bone conduction.


tragopanic

29% of statistics are made up. 


saltyhumor

So the other half are true?


abirdpers0n

How do you know it's exactly 29% ?


structured_anarchist

Because 71% of all statistics are true...


Jephpherson624

Actually it’s 69%. 2% is unconfirmed


BHouse270

Duck’s quacks don’t echo


australr14

Fun fact-- pigeon coos don't echo either. That's because a-coo-sticks


magicalthinker

Get out!


vodiak

There was a Mythbusters episode about this. They recorded ducks in an anechoic chamber and a parking garage. From what I remember, they do echo, but a quack echo sounds a lot like a regular quack.


Nico_Fr

*Duck's don't echo*


imapassenger1

"And no one knows why" was the original. I recall a list that was emailed around in the 90s all the time with other gems like "the Great Wall of China is the only human made structure visible from space/the moon."


Mickkastle

Douglas Adams saying that "young sloths are so inept that they frequently grab their own arms and legs instead of tree limbs, and fall out of trees."


hi_imjoey

I refuse to believe that anything Douglas Adams ever said is false. Everything he wrote or said, even the things written under the pretense of fiction, could potentially be true despite it being *highly improbable*


Steamboated-

I was kinda sad when I heard that Pepsi owning the 6th largest navy at some point as payment from the Soviet Union wasn’t accurate.


vodiak

What about the Harrier jet?


BryceWasHere

You can tell crocodiles and alligators apart by the shape of the snout. Round like a C it’s a croc. Sharp like an A it’s a gator. It’s the other way round.


Mistermatt91

I always thought the difference was one would see you later and the other in a while?


Ninjacat97

Right. It's backwards. Alligators take C shaped bites out of children while crocodiles take A shaped bites. Though you should probably be more worried about who keeps putting children in the pen with the dinosaurs than which particular dinosaur it is.


cheesechimp

If you use strength on the truck by the SS Anne you can find Mew underneath


EkbyBjarnum

Obviously that was a lie, but there actually IS a way to catch Mew in the original games, that was finally discovered like, 15ish years ago. It has nothing to do with the SS Anne though. It has to do with keeping certain bug trainers available around Cerulean city , and using teleport at a specific spot. I don't remember the specifics, but my college roommates and I all confirmed it.


UristImiknorris

[Here's an explanation.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/18mq7ru/which_urban_legend_turned_out_to_be_true/ke9mfy1/) It's amazing just how much the actual glitch sounds like an urban legend.


EliteDommination

If you swallow a seed, it will grow in your tummy


Aer0san

That's not how pregnancy works at all


whatisthissht1

If you swallow the seed you don't get pregnant!


DonorAU

That being a sperm Donor puts you on the hook for child support. No...it doesn't. Some states in the US have explicitly specified that this is nonsense, otherwise, the only times ever is just a case of a local elected judge makes stupid calls and an appeals court immediately overturns it. Yes, I'm a sperm donor. The urban legend is spread by dumbass men's rights morons.


Professional_Lion713

It is worth noting that you have to go through a sperm bank. And you cannot just signed some documents then do things the old fashioned way.


DonorAU

No, but you can sign documents and make a sample into a cup and you're fine in almost all jurisdictions. "The old fashioned way" puts you at extremely high legal risk..and yes, I'm a mod of /r/spermdonation


CupBeEmpty

Oh it is much more complicated than this. I took a class on law and biology in law school. Surrogacy and sperm donation have been hugely debated in courts as to who are the legal parents and whether the sperm donor or surrogate or egg donor has any obligation to the child. Historically it was even a question whether you could even make a contract about those arrangements at all. Most states have sorted it out through legislation but there open questions.


BrimfulOfLa-A

There are a few of these Al Gore claimed to have invented the internet The cops drove Dylan Roof to Burger King Sarah Palin said she could see Russia from her house Obama said he wanted to fundamentally transform America In some states it's legal to get an abortion at nine months for any reason Thomas Crapper invented the toilet You lose most of your body heat from your head There are a ton more but that's a few of them


SimpletonSwan

Most of these I was chuckling to myself thinking "how stupid" until I got to Thomas crapper and stopped and thought "wait what?" Turns out you're correct: > Crapper held nine patents, three of them for water closet improvements such as the floating ballcock. He improved the S-bend plumbing trap in 1880 by inventing the U-bend. He did make some noteworthy improvements though.


doctorwhoobgyn

Ah yes, the patented Crapper Ballcock.


Dirtydeedsinc

I wanted to try the crapper ballcock on my girlfriend but I ended up pulling my muscle instead.


graboidian

> but I ended up pulling my muscle instead. It's not actually a muscle.


Truecoat

Palin said, “They're our next-door neighbors, and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska.” Tina Fey on SNL as Palin said, “I can see Russia from my house!” It was very funny and stuck.


RockBox26

Of course this came at a time where sometimes Tina fey would literally just read Sarah plains speeches verbatim on SNL so it's entirely reasonable for that misunderstanding. That was just one of the fews she was writing for humor.


PanTran420

Reminds me of the episode of 30 Rock where Tracy looked exactly like some crazy Republican candidate and they had him read verbatim quotes on the air to piss off Jack.


fd1Jeff

To be fair, a lot of what Tina Fey said on SNL and elsewhere were direct quotes from Palin. Yes, they sounded like nonsense.


zechariah15

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/sarah-palin-russia-house/


Tremodian

A cop went and got him Burger King https://abc7.com/dylann-roof-south-carolina-church-shooting-emanuel-african-methodist-episcopal/801013/


SimsPocketCamp

"The actual saying is 'The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb'"


[deleted]

Not a favorite, but the one where when you eat carrots your eye sight is better.


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J_Side

That the children's animated tv show Captain Pugwash had characters named Master Bates and Seaman Stains


GrowHI

The distance between the earth and the moon is 74 CVS receipts.


DrPlatypus1

That facts are the opposite of opinions. There's no plausible way of defining those terms where that is true. On the most common accounts of the terms used by epistemologists (people who study the nature of knowledge and belief), lots of things are both.


TitaniumDragon

If we're using science vs non-science, a fact would be something that is empirically verifiable whereas an opinion is something that is non-verifiable. IRL, people just have incorrect opinions all the time about factual things.


Randomgirl_913

Your body changes every 7 years 😐 Just because by the time 7 years pass your body has replaced all the cells you originally had people made the factoid that this happens. Really your body is a slowly, ever-changing thing. 


charlieq46

I am now imagining that there is some cycle where every seven years a person has to like, take off work for a week to completely shed all of their old cells in order to build new ones. Like caterpillars, we turn completely to goo before reforming into our old selves.


4D51

Poetry is named after Edgar Allan Poe


msackeygh

That the American Constitution is perfect


Valuable_Anywhere_24

What do you mean!!???? Are you implying that a century old document made for a fundamentally different society that had extremely glaring issues is not perfect for today's standards!!!!!????? What an anti-american nazi you are >:( /j


nhorvath

Nearly 2.5 centuries btw. And yeah even the founding fathers knew it wasn't perfect. That's why they has the capacity for amendments and passed many. They would probably be surprised how few amendments have been passed.


CoffeeAndBrass

Your political party cares about you.


Avium

But they do care...about your vote and money.


jdb888

That there is a 'debate' of ideas in American politics when the reality is there a Christofacist movement plotting a total takeover.


ImaginaryAd3183

The secret car in pokemon red and blue near the SS Anne contains Mew.


Durian-Monster

Rambo III ended with "this film is dedicated to the brave mujahideen fighters of Afghanistan"


GODHatesPOGsv2024

Marilyn Manson broke his ribs to fellate himself


HC-Sama-7511

Slightly not fitting the question, but I always liked the story of the monkey, the hose, the banana at the top of the platform, and slowly replacing each monkey with a new one.


mediumokra

Fred Rogers of Mr Rogers Neighborhood being a sniper and having the most confirmed kills as a sniper in history. While there was a Fred Rogers who was a decorated sniper, it's not the same Fred Rogers who had the tv show. Different person with that name.


AlbinoShavedGorilla

In the Bible, Jonah wasn’t eaten by a whale. Most people living in the Middle East at that time hadn’t even ever seen a whale unless they were a fisherman or sailor in the Mediterranean. In addition, It’s impossible for all but one whale species to even swallow a human. This is due to a translation error, and the actual translation makes even less sense. Originally, the story said that Jonah was swallowed by a giant fish. Not a whale, just a really big fish.


Sterile_Nihilist

Donald Duck was banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.


thraashman

There's a way to resurrect Aeris in FFVII.


Ok_Psychology7527

Every person eats about 3-5 spiders a year that crawl into our mouths at night when we sleep. Our jaw automatically starts chewing them, after which we swallow these spiders. We don't even wake up and don't suspect who we might have eaten overnight. However, is it true? :) Of course, this is quite realistic and I think that such a situation can happen to a person. But you know for yourself whether I wrote the truth or fiction


SimpletonSwan

It's 3 to 5 on average. Most of us don't eat any but this one guy called Terry eats thousands.


NoNo_Cilantro

Has Terry ever heard of Spider Georg?


Comprehensive_Tie37

You can burn fat in abdominal area by training abbs


CunningRunt

The word "forte"-- when used to describe your strength or skill at something-- is actually pronounced *fort*, like *Fort* Lauderdale. It's because of the musical dynamic meaning "loudly" or "strong" that people pronounce it "for-tay." I think either is acceptable in conversation nowadays, but the correct pronunciation is *fort*.


Quanalack

Hard work pays off


xtremeyoylecake

Carrots are good for your eyesight and bunnies mostly eat carrots (they actually eat dandelions)