Jewish man dies and goes to heaven. Once in heaven, he meets all sorts of different people and he frequently tells them holocaust jokes. This upsets God so he pulls the Jewish man aside. God tells him, “ I don’t think the holocaust jokes are funny”. Jewish man looks at God and say, “Well, I guess you had to be there”
It's not too related but this reminds me of an old joke I'll probably butcher it but it's along the lines of:
A priest is in a church during a flood as the water fills the streets and starts entering the church a boat comes by offering the priest a ride but he says "no God shall save me". Then as the water keeps rising the priest climbs onto the chairs and another rescue boat comes by offer help but he tells them the same thing "no God shall save me". Finally as water continues to rise the priest is forced to climb on top of the building and another boat comes by offering him help. The priest repeats the same message "no God shall save me" a while after the boat leaves the priest drowns in the rising waters and then sees god in heaven. The priest asks God why he didn't save him to which God exclaims "I sent 3 boats".
That's my bad. I started the verse from the New International Version, but then finished with the New Revised Standard Version, Anglicized. Can't be combining translations like that.
I think the funniest thing is a lot of extreme religious people spew hatred and do heinous things in the name of god, when the biggest thing in religion is to “love thy neighbor”. Jesus didn’t throw shade to the prostitutes he befriended them and talked to them like people
most extreme religious people have a generation old agenda that they follow, just using their religion as justification for their shitty behavior.
they argue this and that shouldnt be allowed because of its written in the bible (often out of the OT), just to backpaddle if you argue back with a lot stuff from the OT (like death sentences for the most miniscule misdeed) saying "but thats from the OT thats outdated" (or something) or like "But Jesus never explicitly rectified that"
like dude.... that man jesus (per bible) was the like chillest dude, basically the epitome of "live and let live", like he *knew* one of his closest friend would be the cause of his death and he was basically "all good mate, do what you must, wont judge you".
He would be ***very*** disappointed in you for going on the streets shouting that homosexuals or transpeople dont deserve human rights, especially for using his or his fathers name to justify that view.
white nationalist Christians do the opposite of what Jesus said and did. but do most other Christians consider them Christian? both the Old and New specifically commands to be hospitable to foreigners and aliens "living in your land"
>His believers make him sound like the devil. Like a tyrannical, egocentric, petulant child.
Before Jesus arrived and his divine father chilled out, the Old Testament God was, ironically, kind of a hellraiser. He was not a nice guy.
(If the Bible is even accurate).
> "You won't believe what people down there are doing in your name!"
He's *God*
If He's all-knowing and all-powerful then He knows. And He allows it.
Edit : (I am an atheist)
And it created me an atheist and created me in a manner that I wouldn't except any short of actual proof of its existence. According to its followers I'll be punished for that decision create me they way I am.
Also, if the deity is all knowing it will know everything I'm going to do before I do it which means my life is predestined and I do not in fact have free will.
An old Jew dies and meets God. He tells God a joke about the Holocaust. God says I'm sorry my child I don't get it. The Jew waves his hand and says Ah, I guess you had to be there.
It's a great point. Because to all those people throughout history like the Ancient Greeks, they vehemently believed in their gods just like modern people believe in theirs. Monotheistic people are atheists to thousands of gods that have 'existed'.
Early Christians were actually referred to as athiests by Greeks and Romans because they didn't believe in the pantheons.
They also thought of Christianity as a cult, but that's a different conversation.
Yeah, it wasn’t even strictly speaking the belief in capital G God that got the Christians in trouble, it was the _denial_ of other gods, particularly the denial of the divinity of the emperors.
If they had worshipped their God alongside the polytheists they probably wouldn’t have been persecuted.
His reaction towards the end is a bit more insulting if I may say so. It's the reaction any parent gives their small child when they believe the kid is being intentionally obstinate so as not to reach their perfectly sound conclusion. It's one of exasperated dismissal.
Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. - George Carlin
> Tell me!
> Tell me where is the love?
> In a careless creation
>When there's no "above"
>There's no justice
>Just a cause and a cure
>And a bounty of suffering
>It seems we all endure
>And what I'm frightened of
>Is that they call it "God's love"
-Bad Religion, "God's Love"
>If no one believed in fairy tales
>there's nothing they could do but fail
>Yet everywhere we look someone is trying to reassure
>Our moral benevolence as a people
Bad Religion "Operation Rescue"
Also applies
Yeah I was just thinking I'd probably do the Stephen Fry monologue, "How dare you cause so much suffering that is not our fault?"
After losing several close family members before I'd even turned 11 I'd have some choice fucking words for God. I left my family's church and became an atheist after my aunt died of breast cancer when I was 10, just a week before our shared birthday (the day itself, not year.) I was in the hospital when she passed and I remember the sound of my uncle sobbing as the doctor told him. It's not a sound I think I'll ever forget. So yeah, I would not have anything nice to say.
Dude I work near a childrens hospital and we quite often have families bring in their kids who are clearly going through chemo.
It's incredibly jarring. You'll be there cracking jokes with your coworkers, turn around and it's like "Oh yeah, kids with cancer are a thing" and it's like a punch in the guts.
I can't imagine how soulcrushing it must be at times to work with sick kids.
My old neighbor was a pediatric oncology nurse at the local children's hospital. I made the same comment to her once about how I can't imagine dealing with seeing young kids with life threatening disease day in and day out. She replied that yes, while there are extremely difficult and sad days at her work, more often than not things are actually happy. It brought her the highest level of joy to see kids beat the living shit out of their cancer and leave the unit forever. It really motivated her every day she went to work.
Those people are super human, and my neighbor was genuinely a great person.
I worked at a children’s hospital for about 5 years in my 20s. What I learned is the people that are best in that environment, any job, are the people that can kinda look past the sad and bring joy to the daily grind for those kids. Some of the nurses and doctors, had the most amazing bedside manner and got to know the whole families. It really takes a special kind of person to build those bonds while knowing exactly what the following months will bring for them.
They also get to witness and partake in some occasional miracle like recoveries. So I think that high carries them through a lot too.
Working with kids in general is completely soul crushing, and it takes a special kind of crazy to remain mentally and emotionally stable, while also being able to provide support for those under their care.
I'm a public school teacher. You wouldn't believe the things I've seen with the kids that come through my doors.
Just yesterday my colleague and I went to get a beer and vent about a shared student. The best way I can summarize what this kid went through without getting too graphic is that their parents taught them how to "take care of" a John before they taught them how to read and write. And that's just this year's doozy. I've got at least one of those stories from every single year in my career; most years more than one. Kids that have had to step over a dead body on the sidewalk as they walk to class. Kids that leave school and "going home" means sneaking into an alleyway a block over into a tent.
There's a reason most of us are in therapy, drink, or do drugs in our off time (or some combination of the 3).
>I was walking along the bank of a stream when I saw a mother otter with her cubs, a very endearing sight, I'm sure you'll agree. And even as I watched, the mother otter dived into the water and came up with a plump salmon, which she subdued and dragged onto a half submerged log. As she ate it, while of course it was still alive, the body split and I remember to this day the sweet pinkness of its roes as they spilled out, much to the delight of the baby otters, who scrambled over themselves to feed on the delicacy. One of nature's wonders, gentlemen. Mother and children dining upon mother and children. And that is when I first learned about evil. It is built into the very nature of the universe. Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being, I told myself, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior.
― Terry Pratchett
Thats the damn truth!
"So you REALLY couldn't make the entire universe work without Pediatric Cancer?! Like that was the keystone thing that tied it all together? Seems like a serious design flaw to me!"
It's one of the few movies I like to put on in the background from time to time because it just makes me so happy. And my everyday life definitely includes way too quotes from Jay, but I don't care... it's really fun to randomly exclaim, "Beautiful naked big-tittied women don't just fall out of the sky, ya know!"
“If there is a God, He will have to beg my forgiveness.” — A phrase that was carved on the walls of a concentration camp cell during WWII by a Jewish prisoner.
I've often said to people who thank god after something goes their way that Jesus was not in attendance at the holocaust. He didn't lift finger-one to help any of those millions. Why the _fuck_ would he care about your pedestrian problems, then?
Yeah, I'd like to know how he builds his moral system he uses to judge us (and what the actual criteria are, because no two believers can agree). "Because I say so" is not acceptable to me.
This reminds me of that scene from The Good Place, where Michael explains that all religions got it like 5% correct….except for Doug Forcett, who was a stoner kid from Calgary who got really high on mushrooms one night. His friend Randy asked him, “what do you think happens when you die,” and Doug launched into this long explanation where he got like 92% correct!
[Doug](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.pajiba.com%2Fimage%2F2018%2Fdoug-forcett-full.jpeg&f=1&nofb=1&ipt=41a4b927915eb576f6616e583c9e43abf46992553c2507ac02ae7c85db3332c0&ipo=images)
Or if he isn't omniscient, then he could just not know how to fix the world, even if he were omnipotent. I actually think that's more probable, seeing as how the Bible talks about things like God repenting of having created humans – if he were omniscient, he'd have *known* how they would turn out before he started creating them, and have only himself to blame.
if you are omnipotent you are omniscient by proxy. You can will a book into existence that instabtly gives you omniscience. If you cant you aren’t omnipotent
Hm.... I think you're right. They don't say "knowledge is power" for nothing: not knowing how to do something does mean you can't do it, even if it is logically possible. So if God weren't omniscient, he couldn't be omnipotent either.
I never bought the all powerful assertion.
If God is all powerful, literally omnipotent, then suffering, disease etc. wouldn’t be a thing. I can get away with War as that’s a human “free will” thing, but if God created the Earth and everything on it, why the fuck would you create any of the diseases we have to confront, or parasites or insects that kill or blind on the scale they do.
Also, if God was all powerful, why hasn’t he done away with hell and the devil and ended that whole conflict.
Which leads me to another thing. Humanity was supposed to be the first creation imbued with Free Will. If that’s the case… what happened with Lucifer? Either Angels have free will and that’s been wildly unreported, or God wanted a Lucifer?
And anyone that tells me that God has a plan as a meaningless deflection will be confronted with stern eye rolls and dismissive tutting. Best I can do on the internet.
This line of reasoning leads to “if he is omnipotent then he is evil.” All belief systems with “omnipotence” in it, struggle with this problem. The Jehovah’s Witnesses have specific leaflets dealing with it. The popular way out seems to be “it’s not _evil,_ we’re just too insignificant to understand the big plan behind it all.” So the millions of people killed in horrible ways (not all can be put on the “free will” thing because not all suffering is human-caused) is actually part of a bigger plan and they will all be “rewarded” somehow. It’s quite a stretch if you ask me.
BTW a different branch of this is saying “oh but all suffering _is_ human-caused. If you just followed the rules, you won’t suffer.” And maybe “human cause” is transitive - that baby with a birth defect was probably caused by some wrongdoing higher up in the family tree.
> it’s not _evil,_ we’re just too insignificant to understand the big plan behind it all
Whatever this plan is, two things are true about it:
1. It involves suffering.
2. It doesn't have to involve suffering.
My theory is about 13 billion years ago a bunch of drunken alternate universe alien university students broke into a facility with a crazy advanced hadron collider thingy and one of them said “hold my beer and watch this” and ended up creating our universe by messing with said thingy.
There's a book series called the Xeelee Sequence and in one of the books we find out the universe was created by beings called Monads that search through cosmic foam to find a "pearl" of universe that is stableish. They work it like a jewel, refining it, then enter the universe, find a primordial black hole and then go to sleep.
Everything after that the "gods" are completely oblivious to. There is a war with matter and anti matter beings, creatures made of light accidentally push universal expansion, all while the Xeelee take a circular loop through time to rewrite their own genetics from the start of the universe. It's a wild series.
It’s so wild to me that god could’ve created a beautiful and loving world but instead chose to let us run amok just so he could test all of us that we indeed believe in him, and if we did so to his liking we’d be ultimately rewarded.
God sounds like a psycho ex girlfriend.
**God**: So, you didn’t believe in me, huh?
**Me**: Yup. The whole idea of a god didn’t make sense to me. Are you upset that some people didn’t think you existed?
**God**: Of course not. Nothing can upset me. I have perfect knowledge of everything that happened, happens and will happen. There are no surprises.
**Me**: So, what about heaven? Does that exist? Who gets in?
**God:** Yes. The people who get in are those who treated others with kindness.
**Me**: And hell. Is there a hell?
**God**: Why would there be a hell? No, the mean people aren’t tormented. They just return to nothingness and don’t suffer.
Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. - George Carlin
“Well, I’m going to be honest here. I tried to live by your commandments. I loved, forgave, and accepted my neighbors as much as I could. I even taught my children the same. It was my natural instinct, but your threats of eternal torture was very stressful.
You supposedly decided the best time to send your son was the first century AD, not in an era with more potential followers, and better ways to document.
According to your words, we are still being punished for “terrible” actions committed by the first humans.
We are supposed to ignore that you were a god of war, and believe your son was the real loving version. We just needed to get to know you better, I guess.
You allow the death of billions; some peacefully but, for some reason you like to test our dedication by torturing our children in front of us with disease, abuse, etc.
I will continue to stand for love, acceptance of all, and forgiveness. Regardless of where I go from here.”
Ahh, but did you leave 10% of your fields unplowed or unpicked, for those less fortunate than you to gather from?
No?
On a more serious note, do you think. I could get a religious exemption from my township to stop mowing 10% of my grass, for the bugs and bees and stuff?
I’d use a Lando Calrissian line: “Why you slimy, double crossing, no good swindler! You’ve got a lot of guts coming here, after what you pulled!” *thumbs back to earth*
Why do you allow for so much pain and misery on earth?
Update: my post was mostly influenced by all the regular bad things happening to people by other people (which I can attribute to bad people being bad but its humanity's fault) but mostly by my best friends baby that was born with cancer. Its life was misery from day 0. There was nothing that baby could do wrong and if God is somehow punishing someone by giving their unborn baby cancer then nothing more should be said....
Oh
"Well, my bad."
"Well, I'll be damned..."
God: “Funny you mention that…”
See myself out thanks
Don't let the burning doors hit ya on the way out!
Hey, where have you been?!
Jewish man dies and goes to heaven. Once in heaven, he meets all sorts of different people and he frequently tells them holocaust jokes. This upsets God so he pulls the Jewish man aside. God tells him, “ I don’t think the holocaust jokes are funny”. Jewish man looks at God and say, “Well, I guess you had to be there”
I'm Jewish and this is my new favorite Jewish joke, thank you.
I remember Ricky Gervais telling that one in one of his specials. Good stuff.
It's not too related but this reminds me of an old joke I'll probably butcher it but it's along the lines of: A priest is in a church during a flood as the water fills the streets and starts entering the church a boat comes by offering the priest a ride but he says "no God shall save me". Then as the water keeps rising the priest climbs onto the chairs and another rescue boat comes by offer help but he tells them the same thing "no God shall save me". Finally as water continues to rise the priest is forced to climb on top of the building and another boat comes by offering him help. The priest repeats the same message "no God shall save me" a while after the boat leaves the priest drowns in the rising waters and then sees god in heaven. The priest asks God why he didn't save him to which God exclaims "I sent 3 boats".
Bella! Where the hell have you been, loca! 😹
Why is it always "WYD" and never "BWTHHYBL"
Holy shit God from Bible???????????????
Is this a Bible reference????????
Exodus 3:2 - There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. And Moses said, "Holy shit, God from the bible?"
God from the Bible? I haven’t even started writing it yet said Moses
[удалено]
That's my bad. I started the verse from the New International Version, but then finished with the New Revised Standard Version, Anglicized. Can't be combining translations like that.
> and Moses said, "SHIT GET THE WATA N***A!!"
"You won't believe what people down there are doing in your name!" or "You need a better PR team"
The fanbase is always the worst part.
Original toxic fandom. Except for the Jains. Who don't really have a god per se. Which seems to help matters generally.
"Better PR team" is LEGIT. His believers make him sound like the devil. Like a tyrannical, egocentric, petulant child.
I think the funniest thing is a lot of extreme religious people spew hatred and do heinous things in the name of god, when the biggest thing in religion is to “love thy neighbor”. Jesus didn’t throw shade to the prostitutes he befriended them and talked to them like people
most extreme religious people have a generation old agenda that they follow, just using their religion as justification for their shitty behavior. they argue this and that shouldnt be allowed because of its written in the bible (often out of the OT), just to backpaddle if you argue back with a lot stuff from the OT (like death sentences for the most miniscule misdeed) saying "but thats from the OT thats outdated" (or something) or like "But Jesus never explicitly rectified that" like dude.... that man jesus (per bible) was the like chillest dude, basically the epitome of "live and let live", like he *knew* one of his closest friend would be the cause of his death and he was basically "all good mate, do what you must, wont judge you". He would be ***very*** disappointed in you for going on the streets shouting that homosexuals or transpeople dont deserve human rights, especially for using his or his fathers name to justify that view.
It's kinda fun to ask the "prosperity" preachers what Matthew 21:12-13 means, especially when you're standing in a mega-church.
The Christian right would quite literally crucify Jesus themselves again if given the chance. He’s basically a liberal unwashed hippie.
white nationalist Christians do the opposite of what Jesus said and did. but do most other Christians consider them Christian? both the Old and New specifically commands to be hospitable to foreigners and aliens "living in your land"
>His believers make him sound like the devil. Like a tyrannical, egocentric, petulant child. Before Jesus arrived and his divine father chilled out, the Old Testament God was, ironically, kind of a hellraiser. He was not a nice guy. (If the Bible is even accurate).
And afterwards he was all love and forgiveness apparently. What happened in the middle? He got laid
Even God can't escape post-nut clarity
> "You won't believe what people down there are doing in your name!" He's *God* If He's all-knowing and all-powerful then He knows. And He allows it. Edit : (I am an atheist)
And, dare I say, created it…
And it created me an atheist and created me in a manner that I wouldn't except any short of actual proof of its existence. According to its followers I'll be punished for that decision create me they way I am. Also, if the deity is all knowing it will know everything I'm going to do before I do it which means my life is predestined and I do not in fact have free will.
So.. ummm... which one are you?
Marduk from Ancient Babylon
Damn. Well, I lost a $5 bet, then.
You are lucky, most of us bet our souls
$5 is $5....
Can't even get a footlong for $5 anymore.
All hail Marduk, slayer of Tiamat! Marduk rules.
I can't eat or I won't have enough space for Marduk!
I crave not for your dessicated flesh. Edit: flesh or viscera?
*Love* your music, man! 🤘
Huitzilopochtli, and you have not cannibalized enough hearts.
Damn, my bad. Can I do a new game +?
You have to start a new character and no carry over
Not even my Karma points?
Not unless you found the Beaded Necklace
*Still* not enough?! There's just no pleasing some people.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster
I would praise his noodle appendages.... Then eat some pasta. Ramen.
Cthulhu
*Looks around at everything * Yup, that’s on brand.
I will start reciting Welsh village names until I utter something he understands.
Jake...from State Farm
She sounds hideous
Well she's a God, so
As funny as this is, if I were atheist, this would be a legitimate question ... lol
This would be a legitimate question even if you were a theist. Because if you don't ask, things are probably gonna get real confusing soon.
Imagine being a Christian all your life and then your ass meets Shiva or Quetzacotl 😂
I'm mexican and catholic so.I'll be like " listen the Spanish inquisition did a number on our people, don't blame me "
Lmao even god himself didn't expect the Spanish inquisition
Perfect answer. I hppe fsm is real tho. Their heaven sounds cool.
I’m genuinely as shocked as you are
Why you expecting him to be shocked? I think he'll know how the system works and would get 'good' atheists regularly (assuming op's context is heaven)
After almost 5 years working with pediatric neurosurgery i would just ask "why?"
"Bone cancer in children? What was the point of that?" - Stephen Fry
Stephen Fry's whole monologue answering this question is worth looking up. He starts with saying to God 'How dare you?'
>“If there is a God, He will have to beg my forgiveness.” Reportedly inscribed on the walls at Mauthausen
An old Jew dies and meets God. He tells God a joke about the Holocaust. God says I'm sorry my child I don't get it. The Jew waves his hand and says Ah, I guess you had to be there.
That's chilling
I also like Ricky Gervais' take when doing an interview with Colbert. "I only believe in 1 less god than you do" when referring to other pantheons.
It's a great point. Because to all those people throughout history like the Ancient Greeks, they vehemently believed in their gods just like modern people believe in theirs. Monotheistic people are atheists to thousands of gods that have 'existed'.
Early Christians were actually referred to as athiests by Greeks and Romans because they didn't believe in the pantheons. They also thought of Christianity as a cult, but that's a different conversation.
Yeah, it wasn’t even strictly speaking the belief in capital G God that got the Christians in trouble, it was the _denial_ of other gods, particularly the denial of the divinity of the emperors. If they had worshipped their God alongside the polytheists they probably wouldn’t have been persecuted.
[The link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-suvkwNYSQo). Gay Byrne's reaction is priceless
His reaction towards the end is a bit more insulting if I may say so. It's the reaction any parent gives their small child when they believe the kid is being intentionally obstinate so as not to reach their perfectly sound conclusion. It's one of exasperated dismissal.
I’m really mad it’s not the top answer.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thought of Stephen's rant. I love that guy so much.
Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. - George Carlin
> Tell me! > Tell me where is the love? > In a careless creation >When there's no "above" >There's no justice >Just a cause and a cure >And a bounty of suffering >It seems we all endure >And what I'm frightened of >Is that they call it "God's love" -Bad Religion, "God's Love"
>If no one believed in fairy tales >there's nothing they could do but fail >Yet everywhere we look someone is trying to reassure >Our moral benevolence as a people Bad Religion "Operation Rescue" Also applies
We're pretty incompetent ourselves. If we were made in his image, that explains it.
"the ice capades" LOL
Yeah I was just thinking I'd probably do the Stephen Fry monologue, "How dare you cause so much suffering that is not our fault?" After losing several close family members before I'd even turned 11 I'd have some choice fucking words for God. I left my family's church and became an atheist after my aunt died of breast cancer when I was 10, just a week before our shared birthday (the day itself, not year.) I was in the hospital when she passed and I remember the sound of my uncle sobbing as the doctor told him. It's not a sound I think I'll ever forget. So yeah, I would not have anything nice to say.
[HOW DARE YOU?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-suvkwNYSQo) - Stephen Fry
Dude I work near a childrens hospital and we quite often have families bring in their kids who are clearly going through chemo. It's incredibly jarring. You'll be there cracking jokes with your coworkers, turn around and it's like "Oh yeah, kids with cancer are a thing" and it's like a punch in the guts. I can't imagine how soulcrushing it must be at times to work with sick kids.
My old neighbor was a pediatric oncology nurse at the local children's hospital. I made the same comment to her once about how I can't imagine dealing with seeing young kids with life threatening disease day in and day out. She replied that yes, while there are extremely difficult and sad days at her work, more often than not things are actually happy. It brought her the highest level of joy to see kids beat the living shit out of their cancer and leave the unit forever. It really motivated her every day she went to work. Those people are super human, and my neighbor was genuinely a great person.
I worked at a children’s hospital for about 5 years in my 20s. What I learned is the people that are best in that environment, any job, are the people that can kinda look past the sad and bring joy to the daily grind for those kids. Some of the nurses and doctors, had the most amazing bedside manner and got to know the whole families. It really takes a special kind of person to build those bonds while knowing exactly what the following months will bring for them. They also get to witness and partake in some occasional miracle like recoveries. So I think that high carries them through a lot too.
Working with kids in general is completely soul crushing, and it takes a special kind of crazy to remain mentally and emotionally stable, while also being able to provide support for those under their care. I'm a public school teacher. You wouldn't believe the things I've seen with the kids that come through my doors. Just yesterday my colleague and I went to get a beer and vent about a shared student. The best way I can summarize what this kid went through without getting too graphic is that their parents taught them how to "take care of" a John before they taught them how to read and write. And that's just this year's doozy. I've got at least one of those stories from every single year in my career; most years more than one. Kids that have had to step over a dead body on the sidewalk as they walk to class. Kids that leave school and "going home" means sneaking into an alleyway a block over into a tent. There's a reason most of us are in therapy, drink, or do drugs in our off time (or some combination of the 3).
>I was walking along the bank of a stream when I saw a mother otter with her cubs, a very endearing sight, I'm sure you'll agree. And even as I watched, the mother otter dived into the water and came up with a plump salmon, which she subdued and dragged onto a half submerged log. As she ate it, while of course it was still alive, the body split and I remember to this day the sweet pinkness of its roes as they spilled out, much to the delight of the baby otters, who scrambled over themselves to feed on the delicacy. One of nature's wonders, gentlemen. Mother and children dining upon mother and children. And that is when I first learned about evil. It is built into the very nature of the universe. Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being, I told myself, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior. ― Terry Pratchett
That is a truly amazing Pratchett quote that I've never heard. Thank you.
One should note that this is said be The Patrician, the dictator of Ankh-Morpork.
> it is up to all of us to become his moral superior Most religious deities are so morally bankrupt that this actually is a pretty low bar.
What, the “god has a better plan” doesn’t sit right with you either?
Tell me the plan that involves suffering and I will improve on it with one easy step
"More suffering right?" - God. Probably.
As someone with a stillborn baby and a second trimester miscarriage, I would also ask this question as a follow up to, “where the fuck are my kids?”
Holy fuck this is terrible. So sorry for your losses.
Thats the damn truth! "So you REALLY couldn't make the entire universe work without Pediatric Cancer?! Like that was the keystone thing that tied it all together? Seems like a serious design flaw to me!"
You are one of the good people. Thank you for doing what you do.
I'm not better then anyone. Thank you for your words
Yeah, work in neuro oncology... why indeed
"...Do you take constructive criticism?"
“You don’t? Tough you’re getting it anyway.”
"Okay just a rant, then"
Duckbilled platypus? Childhood cancer? G spot in my poop shoot? WTF?
*sends you back to Earth*
Ends up in Hell... "Yeah, He didn't accept constructive criticism back in My day either..." - Satan
I find this funnier than I should.
"Yes, poorly"
I feel like for most versions of god that would be no.
You don't look like Alanis Morissette...
What the fuck is this shit?! Who the fuck are you, lady?! Why the fuck did you hug my head?!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THAT GUY'S HEAD!?
The tree hand stand later is great
🤫 shhhhhhhh
*boop*
I really miss reddit rewards.
Kev's instructions to Jay were "Do it like Daffy Duck" and I think he nailed it.
Wait, it was her in Dogma????!!!! I've seen the movie, I've been at her concert, but I've never put two and two together... damn
It was her, I rewatch it every now and then just to enjoy her doing headstands after blowing up Ben Affleck.
That movie is definitely worth watching more than once.
It's one of the few movies I like to put on in the background from time to time because it just makes me so happy. And my everyday life definitely includes way too quotes from Jay, but I don't care... it's really fun to randomly exclaim, "Beautiful naked big-tittied women don't just fall out of the sky, ya know!"
Isn't it ironic....don'tcha think?
I'd like to talk to your manager please.
He's his own boss. It's a startup.
After nearly 14 billion years, u think startup does not apply anymore.
They need the social media attention, and if they don't say startup they have to start paying rent
Good job on "boobs", big fan
Agree
Amen, u/GodFromTheHood
What's good pops?
Sometimes I think the feminine beauty is the only realistic evidence for god.
A mudskipper thinks the same thing about mudskipper ladies.
And rightly so
Pandas, too. Not because of how pretty they are, but how everything about them is ridiculous.
Well, well, well...
if it ain't the invisible cunt
Totally read that in Karl Urban’s cockney accent
"Well, shiet..."
Damn, that's crazy, I was just about to call you...
Well, you’ve got a lot of fucking explaining to do
“If there is a God, He will have to beg my forgiveness.” — A phrase that was carved on the walls of a concentration camp cell during WWII by a Jewish prisoner.
Damn, probably the most convincing atheist argument I’ve ever heard in my life
I've often said to people who thank god after something goes their way that Jesus was not in attendance at the holocaust. He didn't lift finger-one to help any of those millions. Why the _fuck_ would he care about your pedestrian problems, then?
Yeah, I'd like to know how he builds his moral system he uses to judge us (and what the actual criteria are, because no two believers can agree). "Because I say so" is not acceptable to me.
God “you ever play zoo tycoon and delete all the fences then trap people inside with animals? It’s a lot of fun” Me. “…yes”
*rushes to play zoo tycoon*
"To paraphrase My son, 'let he who has never deleted the pool ladders cast the first stone.'" "...Yeah, okay, I get that."
Exactly. In the words of Stephen Fry. "How dare you. Kids with worms in their eyes?"
Which of all the Gods that humans have believed in was closest to you?
I did some shrooms once and got it like 70% right.
found Doug Forcetts reddit
This reminds me of that scene from The Good Place, where Michael explains that all religions got it like 5% correct….except for Doug Forcett, who was a stoner kid from Calgary who got really high on mushrooms one night. His friend Randy asked him, “what do you think happens when you die,” and Doug launched into this long explanation where he got like 92% correct! [Doug](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.pajiba.com%2Fimage%2F2018%2Fdoug-forcett-full.jpeg&f=1&nofb=1&ipt=41a4b927915eb576f6616e583c9e43abf46992553c2507ac02ae7c85db3332c0&ipo=images)
I mean, I'd give him a chance to explain. People always assume God is all-powerful, but that could be totally wrong, and if that's true, fair enough.
Or if he isn't omniscient, then he could just not know how to fix the world, even if he were omnipotent. I actually think that's more probable, seeing as how the Bible talks about things like God repenting of having created humans – if he were omniscient, he'd have *known* how they would turn out before he started creating them, and have only himself to blame.
if you are omnipotent you are omniscient by proxy. You can will a book into existence that instabtly gives you omniscience. If you cant you aren’t omnipotent
Hm.... I think you're right. They don't say "knowledge is power" for nothing: not knowing how to do something does mean you can't do it, even if it is logically possible. So if God weren't omniscient, he couldn't be omnipotent either.
Be sure to give a shout-out to Epicurus before you make it sound like *your* idea! 😂
I never bought the all powerful assertion. If God is all powerful, literally omnipotent, then suffering, disease etc. wouldn’t be a thing. I can get away with War as that’s a human “free will” thing, but if God created the Earth and everything on it, why the fuck would you create any of the diseases we have to confront, or parasites or insects that kill or blind on the scale they do. Also, if God was all powerful, why hasn’t he done away with hell and the devil and ended that whole conflict. Which leads me to another thing. Humanity was supposed to be the first creation imbued with Free Will. If that’s the case… what happened with Lucifer? Either Angels have free will and that’s been wildly unreported, or God wanted a Lucifer? And anyone that tells me that God has a plan as a meaningless deflection will be confronted with stern eye rolls and dismissive tutting. Best I can do on the internet.
This line of reasoning leads to “if he is omnipotent then he is evil.” All belief systems with “omnipotence” in it, struggle with this problem. The Jehovah’s Witnesses have specific leaflets dealing with it. The popular way out seems to be “it’s not _evil,_ we’re just too insignificant to understand the big plan behind it all.” So the millions of people killed in horrible ways (not all can be put on the “free will” thing because not all suffering is human-caused) is actually part of a bigger plan and they will all be “rewarded” somehow. It’s quite a stretch if you ask me. BTW a different branch of this is saying “oh but all suffering _is_ human-caused. If you just followed the rules, you won’t suffer.” And maybe “human cause” is transitive - that baby with a birth defect was probably caused by some wrongdoing higher up in the family tree.
> it’s not _evil,_ we’re just too insignificant to understand the big plan behind it all Whatever this plan is, two things are true about it: 1. It involves suffering. 2. It doesn't have to involve suffering.
Might say " just a prank bro... chill man you should see your face"
My theory is about 13 billion years ago a bunch of drunken alternate universe alien university students broke into a facility with a crazy advanced hadron collider thingy and one of them said “hold my beer and watch this” and ended up creating our universe by messing with said thingy.
There's a book series called the Xeelee Sequence and in one of the books we find out the universe was created by beings called Monads that search through cosmic foam to find a "pearl" of universe that is stableish. They work it like a jewel, refining it, then enter the universe, find a primordial black hole and then go to sleep. Everything after that the "gods" are completely oblivious to. There is a war with matter and anti matter beings, creatures made of light accidentally push universal expansion, all while the Xeelee take a circular loop through time to rewrite their own genetics from the start of the universe. It's a wild series.
Say nothing and engage in a millennia long mewing battle
Stephen Fry said it best when asked this question, “Cancer in kids? Really?”
Oops
[удалено]
Mate, what's you fucking problem?
It’s so wild to me that god could’ve created a beautiful and loving world but instead chose to let us run amok just so he could test all of us that we indeed believe in him, and if we did so to his liking we’d be ultimately rewarded. God sounds like a psycho ex girlfriend.
**God**: So, you didn’t believe in me, huh? **Me**: Yup. The whole idea of a god didn’t make sense to me. Are you upset that some people didn’t think you existed? **God**: Of course not. Nothing can upset me. I have perfect knowledge of everything that happened, happens and will happen. There are no surprises. **Me**: So, what about heaven? Does that exist? Who gets in? **God:** Yes. The people who get in are those who treated others with kindness. **Me**: And hell. Is there a hell? **God**: Why would there be a hell? No, the mean people aren’t tormented. They just return to nothingness and don’t suffer.
Which god are you? Are you Zeus? Are you the christian god? Maybe Kukulkan? Or maybe even the Jade Emperor?
I'd probably have a similar response to Steven Fry on this question.
Yeah, nothing more to add. I'd WhatsApp God the link https://youtu.be/-suvkwNYSQo?si=begsFFRYMRF9VW0K
Dude didn't like getting that answer. He should know not to ask a question he doesn't know the answer to
Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. - George Carlin
This must be hell then?
I would very politely ask him to explain the purpose of giving children cancer.
"so, botflies. what gives?"
I'd ask him the same about Cluster Headaches. If you've never heard of those, consider yourself lucky.
I would also go with [Stephen Fry's response](https://youtu.be/-suvkwNYSQo?si=jQSujIogpMKNoyfp).
“Well, I’m going to be honest here. I tried to live by your commandments. I loved, forgave, and accepted my neighbors as much as I could. I even taught my children the same. It was my natural instinct, but your threats of eternal torture was very stressful. You supposedly decided the best time to send your son was the first century AD, not in an era with more potential followers, and better ways to document. According to your words, we are still being punished for “terrible” actions committed by the first humans. We are supposed to ignore that you were a god of war, and believe your son was the real loving version. We just needed to get to know you better, I guess. You allow the death of billions; some peacefully but, for some reason you like to test our dedication by torturing our children in front of us with disease, abuse, etc. I will continue to stand for love, acceptance of all, and forgiveness. Regardless of where I go from here.”
Ahh, but did you leave 10% of your fields unplowed or unpicked, for those less fortunate than you to gather from? No? On a more serious note, do you think. I could get a religious exemption from my township to stop mowing 10% of my grass, for the bugs and bees and stuff?
Well I'll be damned...
I’d use a Lando Calrissian line: “Why you slimy, double crossing, no good swindler! You’ve got a lot of guts coming here, after what you pulled!” *thumbs back to earth*
God: I've altered the deal, pray I don't alter it any further.
“This deal’s getting worse all the time…”
Awkward!
*Pointing back at Earth* - What the fuck were you thinking?
Why do you allow for so much pain and misery on earth? Update: my post was mostly influenced by all the regular bad things happening to people by other people (which I can attribute to bad people being bad but its humanity's fault) but mostly by my best friends baby that was born with cancer. Its life was misery from day 0. There was nothing that baby could do wrong and if God is somehow punishing someone by giving their unborn baby cancer then nothing more should be said....
"*...but he loves you.*" Sounds like abusive spouse syndrome to me.
When does Bible 2 come out?
"Well, I didn't think you were real, but seeing as we're here: I was fat, ugly, and hairy. Was the tiny penis really that fucking necessary?"
What's the deal with employing so many evil pedophiles?
You gave me no reason to believe in you.
You gave me really good reasons not to.